stuffedjuicebox

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Having fluttery romantic feelings so I knew something was wrong

Lo and behold, I am hemorrhaging

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I love that being too cheap has kind of saved me from having formed any meaningful addictions, bc having fun or feeling “normal” by giving into peer pressure doesn’t interest me as much as just having money in my bank account. I’m too anxious to not having savings.

I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I go to the library, I have my Nintendo ds, I don’t value buying things enough to justify any wants that aren’t on sale. I’m boring as fuck but I’m content 😌

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“And it’s natural too!”

Yeah girl, my body just looks like this. I’m a traditionalist and more importantly I’m cheap. You think I’m spending money on surgery??? When there’s a chance I’d still hate my body?? Are you fucking crazy

I will have my issues and work through them like a normal person and remember that every time I feel lesser or give into diet culture and vulnerability it’s a man whispering shit in my ear. It’s a company rubbing their greedy filthy villainous hands together and expecting to profit off of selling me something, anything, to make the yucky feeling - THAT THEY PAID FOR ME TO GET VIA ADVERTISING - to go away. And that immediately makes me want to hit someone. You don’t get to tell me to hate myself. I will kill you before I kill myself bitch

You think I’m going to let someone else tell me what I’m insecure about?? What are you my fucking mom? Kys you dumb motherfucker.

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I’m going to cry. One of my besties made plans to come visit the city and is changing them majorly last minute just so we can hangout one on one 😭

I love this woman so much

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I know my body is not the enemy. I know I am my body. I know my friends love me unconditionally even when saying things like “if I wasn’t your friend I’d hate you” to my face in reference to me wearing something form fitting

But sometimes I lie awake at night and I am a consciousness occupying a foreign object. And I do Not Like it.

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Currently ovulating (aka one of like six times in a year that I actually have a libido) when will the suffering end? Can I donate my ovaries to a nice trans girl? Please I’m in asexual hell

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The way I took a nerdy tap dancer to sinners not knowing anything about the movie lmao

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Medication? Call that a sick-tac

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Wow I sure do love the taste of my own foot

Accidentally told one of my long time friends that she drains my social battery when we hangout (bc she does) in the context of talking about how much I love my online bestie (who is one of like three people that I can hangout with for hours and consistently have fun and not be zonked and how I keep a list of everything she and I want to do together bc we both have terrible memories and it makes her happy to know that I keep track even if we’ll never actually do anything on the list) and now my friend is passive aggressively sending me memes bc I didn’t want to keep a list of stuff to do with her 🥲

Like yeah, I was being rude 1000% bc I did back to back hangouts with friends and was already exhausted (which is on me for not setting boundaries when I knew I would be grouchy) but she gets too intense about plans and tries to monopolize friend time bc she’s really rejection sensitive and it’s exhausting to be alone around her for more than like 3-4 hours

Bleehhhh like girl I’m sorry but you’re not giving me an opening to apologize bc you won’t say you’re upset and if I say something you’ll get angrier 😭

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Thrilled to report that I have the reverse of the AO3 author’s curse in which I write my slutty little fanfictions (read: fluff about napping together) and never post it which has somehow manifested into me actually getting to snuggle and nap together with people I love

The sheer power of my brain could barely mentally lift a two lb dumbbell and yet I stay winning 😌

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So are we talking about the fact that the new Pope’s Wikipedia page has been updated in the past couple of hours to add a “views” section and remove the “controversies” section (alleging that he neglected to investigate rumors of an abusive priest at one of his old churches?)

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Horny but only in the way that UV light exists on the visible light spectrum

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I’ve realized that “horny for…” has come to mean “just liking something” in my online vernacular and has completely been desexualized for me lmao love this for me

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How do you deal with the duality of understanding why someone is prioritizing their well-being while being told that you aren’t a part of that well-being?

Like I understand and I don’t fault you for doing what’s best for you but fuck.

It’s just eye opening and I’m angry and frustrated and confused. We had so many plans for so long and I just feel numb and now I have to regroup with two months to spare bc you didn’t tell me sooner

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It’s funny to look back on my teenage self and realize how lonely and isolated I was. And it’s not funny haha but it’s like oh I was so in my head and stressed with no outlet for it and I had a lot of people I was friendly with but I was just so unable to reach out to people and make genuine lasting connections.

And as an adult with friends that reach out and check in on me, it’s an incredible fulfilling experience and privilege to know that people love and care about me. I don’t take it lightly.

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There’s something incredibly sweet about friends sending you the same posts over and over again.

Like I know your memory is awful and you might have forgotten that you sent it already but it’s adorable that you saw it again and thought of me. How sweet to be considered and thought of 🫠💖

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Uh oh! Time to acknowledge that I actually am part of the problem :)