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suan-suan · 4 years
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許章潤 〈憤怒的人民已不再恐懼〉 全文:
豕鼠交替之際,九衢首疫,舉國大疫,一時間神州肅殺,人心惶惶。公權進退失據,致使小民遭殃,疫癘散布全球,中國漸成世界孤島。此前三十多年「改革開放」辛苦積攢的開放性狀態,至此幾乎毀於一旦,一巴掌把中國尤其是它的國家治理打回前現代狀態。而斷路封門,夾雜着不斷發生的野蠻人道災難,跡近中世紀。原因則在於當軸上下,起則鉗口而瞞騙,繼則諉責卻邀功,眼睜睜錯過防治窗口。壟斷一切、定於一尊的「組織性失序」和只對上負責的「制度性無能」,特別是孜孜於「保江山」的一己之私而置億萬國民於水火的政體「道德性敗壞」,致使人禍大於天災,在將政體的德性窳敗暴露無遺之際,抖露了前所未有的體制性虛弱。至此,人禍之災,於當今中國倫理、政治、社會與經濟,甚於一場全面戰爭。再說一遍,甚於一場全面戰爭。此可謂外寇未逞其志,而家賊先禍其國。老美或有打擊中國經濟之思,不料當軸急先鋒也。尤其是疫癘猖獗當口,所謂「親自」云云,心口不一,無恥之尤,更令國人憤慨,民心喪盡。
是的,國民的憤怒已如火山噴發,而憤怒的人民將不再恐懼。至此,放眼世界體系,揆諸全球政治周期,綜理戊戌以來的國情進展,概略下述九項,茲此敬呈國人。
首先,政治敗壞,政體德性罄盡。保家業、坐江山,構成了這一政體及其層峰思維的核心,開口閉口的「人民群眾」不過是搜刮的稅收單位,數目字管理下的維穩對象和「必要代價」,供養着維續這個極權政體的大小無數蝗蟲。公權上下隱瞞疫情,一再延宕,只為了那個圍繞着「核心」的燈紅酒綠、歌舞升平,說明心中根本就無生民無辜、而人命關天之理念,亦無全球體系中休戚相關之概念。待到事發,既丟人現眼,更天良喪盡,遭殃的是小民百姓。權力核心仍在,而低效與亂象並生,尤其是網警效命惡政,動如鷹犬,加班加點封鎖信息,而信息不脛而走,說明特務政治臨朝,國安委變成最具強力部門,雖無以覆加,卻已然前現代,有用覆無用矣。其實,老祖宗早已明言,防民之口甚於防川,哪怕網信辦再有能耐,也對付不了十四萬萬張嘴,古人豈余欺哉!蓋因一切圍繞江山打轉,自以為權力無所不能,沈迷於所謂「領袖」之自欺,而終究欺瞞不住。大疫當前,卻又毫無領袖德識,捉襟見肘,累死前方將士,禍殃億萬民眾,卻還在那裏空喊政治口號,這個那個,煞有介事,令國人齒冷,讓萬方見笑。此亦非他,乃政體之「道德性敗壞」也。若說七十年裏連綿災難早已曉瑜萬眾極權之惡,則此番大疫,更將此昭顯無遺。惟盼吾族億萬同胞,老少爺們,長記性,少奴性,在一切公共事務上運用自己的理性,不要再為極權殉葬。否則,韭菜們,永難得救。
其次,僭主政治下,政制潰敗,三十多年的技術官僚體系終結。曾幾何時,在道德動機和利益動機雙重驅動下,一大批技術官僚型幹才上陣,而終究形成了一種雖不理想、弊端重重、但卻於特定時段頂事兒的技術官僚體系。其間一大原因,就在於掛鉤於職位升遷的政績追求,激發了貧寒子弟入第後的獻身衝動。至於乘勢而上的紅二們,從來尸位素餐,酒囊飯袋,成事不足敗事有餘,在此不論。可惜,隨着最近幾年的不斷整肅,紅色江山老調重彈,只用聽話的,自家的,其結果,技術官僚體系的德性與幹才,其基於政績升遷的那點兒衝動,不知不覺,乃消失殆盡。尤其是所謂「紅色基因」的自家人判準及其圈定,讓天下寒心而灰心,進而,離德離心。於是,這便出現了官場上普遍平庸而萎頓委瑣之態。鄂省亂象,群魔亂舞,不過一隅,其實省省如此,舉朝如此矣。其間原因,就在於這個後領袖時代,領袖制本身就在摧毀治理結構,口言現代治理卻使整個國家治理陷入無結構性之窘境。此間癥狀,正為「組織性失序」和「制度性無能」。君不見,惟一人馬首是瞻,而一人暝朦,治國無道,為政無方,卻弄權有術,遂舉國遭罪。百官無所適從,善者只堪支應,想做事而不敢做事,惡者混水摸魚,不做事卻還攪事,甚而火中取栗,遂劣勝優汰,一團亂象矣。
再次,內政治理全面隳頹。由此急轉直下,遂表現為下述兩方面。一方面,經濟下滑已成定勢,今年勢必雪上加霜,為「風波」以來所未有,將「組織性失序」和「制度性無能」推展至極。至於舉國信心下跌、產權恐懼、政學憤懣、社會萎縮、文化出版蕭條,惟剩狗屁紅歌紅劇,以及無恥文痞歌功頌德之肉麻兮兮,早成事實。而最為扼腕之處,則為對於港台形勢之誤判,尤其是拒不兌現基本法的普選承諾,着着臭棋,致使政治公信力跌至谷底,導致中國最為富庶文明之地的民眾之離心離德,令世界看清這一政體的無賴嘴臉。那邊廂,中美關係失序,而基於超級大國沒有純粹內政的定律,這是關乎國運之犖犖大端。恰恰在此,當軸顢頇,再加上碰到個大洋國的特沒譜,遂一塌糊塗。網議「帝國主義亡我之心不死」,想做而沒做成的事,卻讓他做成了,豈只調侃,而實錐心疼痛也哉。另一方面,幾年來公權加緊限制與摧毀社會發育,鉗口日甚,導致社會預警機制疲弱乃至於喪失,遇有大疫,便從封口而封城,死心覆死人矣。因而,不難理解的是,與此相伴而來的,便是政治市儈主義與庸俗實用主義蔓延政治,無以覆加,表明作為特殊時段的特殊現象登場的「知青政治」,早已德識俱亡。可以說,上上下下,他們是四十年來最為不堪的一屆領導。因而,此時此刻,兌現《憲法》第35條,解除報禁,解除對於網絡的特務式管控,實現公民言論自由和良心自由,坐實公民遊行示威和包括結社在內的各項自組織權利,尊重全體國民的普遍人權,特別是政治普選的權利,而且,對於病毒的來源、隱瞞疫情的責任人及其體制性根源,啟動獨立追責機制,才是「戰後重建」之大道,也是當務之急也。
復次,內廷政治登場。幾年來的集權行動,黨政一體之加劇,特別是以黨代政,如前所述,幾乎將官僚體制癱瘓。動機既靡,尾大不掉,遂以紀檢監察為鞭,抽打這個機體賣命,維續其等因奉此,逶迤着拖下去。而因言論自由和現代文官體制闕如,更無所謂「國王忠誠的反對者」在場,鞭子本身亦且不受督約,覆以國安委一統轄制下更為嚴厲之鐵腕統領,最後層層歸屬,上統於一人。而一人肉身凡胎,不敷其用,黨國體制下又無分權制衡體制來分責合力,遂聚親信合議。於是,內廷生焉。說句大白話,就是 「集體領導」分解為「九龍治水」式寡頭政制失效、相權衰落之際,領袖之小圈子成為「國中之國」,一個類似於老美感喟的隱形結構。揆諸既往,「1949政體」常態之下,官僚體系負責行政,縱便毛時代亦且容忍周相一畝三分地。「革委會」與「人保組」之出現,打散這一結構,終至不可維持。晚近四十年裏,多數時候「君相」大致平衡,黨政一體而借行政落實黨旨。只是到了這幾年,方始出現這一最為封閉無能、陰鷙森森之內廷政治,而徹底堵塞了重建常態政治之可能性也。一旦進路閉鎖,彼此皆無退路,則形勢緊繃,大家都做不了事,只能眼睜睜看着情形惡化,終至不可收拾之境。置此情形下,經濟社會早已遭受重創,風雨飄搖於世俗化進程中的倫理社會不堪托付,市民社會羸弱兮兮,公民社會根本就不存在,至於最高境界的政治社會連個影子都沒有,則一旦風吹草動,大災來臨,自救無力,他救受阻,必致禍殃。此番江夏之亂,現象在下,而根子在上,在於這個孜孜於「保江山,坐江山」,而非立定於人民主權、「以文明立國,以自由立國」的體制本身。結果,其情其形,恰如網議之「集中力量辦大事」,頓時變成了「集中力量惹大事」。江夏大疫,再次佐證而已矣。
第五,以「大數據極權主義」及其「微信恐怖主義」治國馭民。過往三十多年,在底色不變的前提下,官方意識形態口徑經歷了從「振興中華」的民族主義和「四化」的富強追求,到「三個代表」和「新三民主義」,再至「新時代」云云的第次轉折。就其品質而言,總體趨勢是先升後降,到達「三個代表」拋物線頂端後一路下走,直至走到此刻一意赤裸裸「保江山」的「大數據極權主義」。相應的,看似自毛式極權向威權過渡的趨勢,在「奧運」後亦且止住,而反轉向毛氏極權回歸,尤以晚近六年之加速為甚。因其動用奠立於無度財政汲取的科技手段,這便形成了「1984」式「大數據極權主義」。緣此而來,其「微信恐怖主義」直接針對億萬國民,用納稅人的血汗豢養着海量網警,監控國民的一言一行,堪為這個體制直接對付國民的毒瘤。而動輒停號封號,大面積封群,甚至動用治安武力,導致人人自危,在被迫自我審查之際,為可能降臨的莫名處罰擔憂。由此窒息了一切公共討論的思想生機,也扼殺了原本應當存在的社會傳播與預警機制。由此,「基於法日斯主義的軍功僭主政治」漸次成型,卻又日益表現出「組織性失序」和「制度性無能」,其非結構性與解結構性。職是之故,不難理解,面對大疫,無所不能的極權統治在赳赳君臨一切的同時,恰恰於國家治理方面居然捉襟見肘,製造大國一時間口罩難求。那江夏城內,鄂省全境,至今尚有無數未曾收治、求醫無門、輾轉哀嚎的患者,還不知有多少因此而命喪黃泉者,將此無所不能與一無所能,暴露得淋漓盡致。蓋因排除社會與民間,斬斷一切信息來源,只允許黨媒宣傳,這個國家永遠是跛腳巨人,如果確為巨人的話。
第六,底牌亮出,鎖閉一切改良的可能性。換言之,所謂的「改革開放」死翹翹了。從2018年底之「該改的」、「不該改的」與「堅決不改」云云,至去秋十九屆四中全會公報之諸般宣示,可得斷言者,中國近代史上的第三波「改革開放」,終於壽終正寢。其實,這一死亡過程至少起自六年前,只不過至此算是明示無誤而已。回頭一望,二十世紀全球史上,但凡右翼極權政治,迫於壓力,皆有自我轉型的可能性,而無需訴諸大規模流血。縱便���「蘇東波」,尤其是東歐共產諸國等紅色極權政體,居然亦且和平過渡,令人詫異而欣慰。但吾國刻下,當局既將路徑鎖閉,則和平過渡是否可能,頓成疑問。若果如此,則「興,百姓苦;亡,百姓苦」,夫覆何言!但願此番大疫過後,全民反省,舉國自覺,看看尚能重啟「第四波改革開放」否!?
第七,由此順流直下,中國再度孤立於世界體系,已成定局。百多年裏,對於這個起自近代地中海文明、盛極於大西洋文明的現代世界體系,中國上演了多場「抗拒」與「順從」的拉鋸戰,反反覆覆,跌跌撞撞。晚近三十多年裏,痛定思痛,「低頭致意」以及「迎頭趕上」,乃至於「別開生面」,蔚為主流。惜乎近年再度犯二,犯橫,表明「改開」走到頭了,左翼極權「退無可退」,無法於和平過渡中完成自我轉型,因而,也就怪異於現代世界體系。雖則如此,總體而言,幾番拉鋸下來,中國以其浩瀚體量與開放性態度,終於再度躋身現代世界體系,成為這個體系的重要博弈者,重新詮釋著所謂「中心—邊緣」的地緣敘事,也是事實。但是,與國力和時勢不相匹配、太過張揚的外向型國策,尤其是內政回頭,日益「法日斯化」,引發這個體系中的其他博弈者對於紅色帝國崛起的戒慎戒懼,導致在高喊「人類命運共同體」之際卻為共同體所實際拒斥的悲劇,而日呈孤立之勢,更是眼面前的事實。事情很複雜而道理卻很簡單,一個不能善待自己國民的政權,怎能善待世界;一個不肯融入現代政治文明體系中的國族,你讓人怎麽跟你共同體嘛!故爾,經濟層面的交通互存還將繼續存在,而文明共同體意義上的孤立卻已成事實。此非文化戰爭,亦非通常所謂「文明衝突」一詞所能打發,更非迄今一時間數十個國家對中國實施旅行禁限,以及世界範圍的厭華、拒華與貶華氛圍之悄悄潮漲這麽簡單。——在此可得提示者,隱蔽的「黃禍」意識勢必順勢冒頭,而買單承受歧視與隔離之痛的只會是我華族同胞,而非權貴——毋寧,關乎對於歷經磨難方始凝練而成的現代世界普世價值的順逆從違,而牽扯到置身列國體系的條約秩序之中,吾國吾族如何生存的生命意志及其國族哲學,其取舍,其從違。在此,順昌逆亡,則所謂孤立者,全球現代政治文明版圖上之形單影隻、孤家寡人也。扭轉這一局面,重建負責任大國形象,擔負起應擔之責,而首先自良善內政起始,必然且只能皈依人類普世文明大道,特別是要坐實「主權在民」這一立國之本。在此,內政,還是內政,一種「立憲民主,人民共和」的良善政體及其有效治理,才是擺脫孤立、自立於世界體系的大經大法,而為國族生存與昌盛之康莊大道也。那時節,順時應勢,中國加入G7 而成G8,亦且並非不可想像者也。
第八,人民已不再恐懼。而說一千道一萬,就在於生計多艱、歷經憂患的億萬民眾,多少年裏被折騰得一佛升天二佛出世的「我們人民」,早已不再相信權力的神話,更不會將好不容易獲得的那一絲絲市民自由與三餐溫飽的底線生計,俯首帖耳地交還給僭主政制,任憑他們生殺予奪。毋寧,尤其是經此大疫,人民怒了,不幹了。他們目睹了欺瞞疫情不顧生民安危的刻薄寡恩,他們身受着為了歌舞升平而視民眾為芻狗的深重代價,他們更親歷了無數生命在分分鐘倒下,卻還在封號鉗口、開發感動、歌功頌德的無恥荒唐。一句話,「我不相信」,老子不幹了。若說人心看不見摸不着,最最無用,似乎經驗世界早已對此佐證再三,也不無道理。這不,萬民皆曰可殺,他卻坐享天年,如那個人人唾罵之李大鳥者,令人感慨天不長眼,天道不公,可實際上,天是苦難本身,與我們一同受罪。但是,假如說人之為人,就在於人人胸腔裏跳動着一顆人心,而非狼心狗肺,其因生老病死而悲欣交集,其因禍福義利而恨愛交加,其因落花而落淚、流水而傷懷,則人心所向,披荊斬棘,摧枯拉朽矣!人心喪盡之際,便是末日到來之時!至於腦殘與歲月靜好婊們,一群烏合之眾,歷史從來不是他們抒寫的,更不因他們而改變奔流的航道,同樣證之於史,不予欺也。
第九,敗象已現,倒計時開始,立憲時刻將至。戊戌修憲,開啟邪惡之門,集權登頂之際,恰恰是情勢反轉之時。自此一路狂奔倒退,終至敗象連連。撇開人心已喪不論,則前文敘及之港台應對失策與中美關係失序,以及經濟下滑之不可遏止、全球孤立,表明治理失敗,違忤現代政治常識的強人政治事與願違。大家面對悶局而恐懼其已成僵局,苦思焦慮其開局與再布局,期期於內部生變式與自下而上式之破局猶如水中撈月之時,港台形勢發展實已自邊緣捅破鐵桶,而開辟出一線生機。此種自邊緣破局、而漸進於中心的和平過渡之道,或許,將成為中國式大轉型的收束進路。此時,吾友所說之「難城」,或為華夏舊邦新命之耶路撒冷。換言之,邊緣突破意味着現代中國的立憲時刻再度即將降臨。當此關口,天欲曉,將明未明,強權抱殘守缺,不肯服膺民意,則崇高之門既已打開,可得預言者,必有大量身影倒斃於黎明前矣。
以上九點,呈諸國民,均為常識。而一再申說,就在於國家治理未入常態政治軌道,國族政治文明有待現代轉型,而於積善前行中,期期以「立憲民主,人民共和」收束這波已然延續一個半世紀的文明大轉型。正是在此,我們,「我們人民」,豈能「豬一般的茍且,狗一樣的奴媚,蛆蟲似的卑汙」?!
行文至此,回瞰身後,戊戌以來,在下因言獲罪,降級停職,留校察看,行止困限。此番作文,預感必有新罰降身,抑或竟為筆者此生最後一文,亦未可知。但大疫當前,前有溝壑,則言責在身,不可推諉,無所逃遁。否則,不如殺豬賣肉。是的,義憤,如西哲所言,正是義憤,惟義與憤所在,惟吾土先賢揭櫫之仁與義這一 「人心人路」之激蕩,令書齋學者成為知識分子,直至把性命搭進去。畢竟,自由,一種超驗存在和行動指歸,一種最具神性的世界現象,是人之為人的稟賦,華夏兒女不能例外。而世界精神,那個地上的神,不是別的,就是自由理念的絢爛展開。如此,朋友,我的億萬同胞,縱然火湖在前,何所懼哉!
腳下的這片大地啊,你深情而寡恩,少福卻多難。你一點點耗盡我們的耐心,你一寸寸斫喪我們的尊嚴。我不知道該詛咒你,還是必須禮讚你,但我知道,我分明痛切地知道,一提起你,我就止不住淚溢雙眼,心揪得痛。是啊,是啊,如詩人所詠,「我不要溫和地走進那個良夜,老年應當在日暮時燃燒咆哮;怒斥,怒斥那光明的消逝。」因而,書生無用,一聲長嘆,只能執筆為劍,討公道,求正義。置此大疫,睹此亂象,願我同胞,十四萬萬兄弟姐妹,我們這些永遠無法逃離這片大地的億萬生民,人人向不義咆哮,個個為正義將生命怒燃,刺破夜瘴迎接黎明,齊齊用力、用心、用命,擁抱那終將降臨這片大地的自由的太陽!
庚子正月初四初稿,初九定稿,窗外突降大雪
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suan-suan · 5 years
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Okay non-European tumblr, I’m gonna explain to you why ‘white’ isn’t as simple here as it is in the rest of the world
- Shades of white in Europe range from ‘freshly fallen snow’ to ‘I am frequently mistaken as being from the Middle East’
- White European is a thing. When you fill out a form, under ethnicity, there are several options for white; white British, white European, white other. Because people make that distinction
- There are Europeans who don’t class their ethnicity as their skin colour, but as their nationality. I have family who don’t think of themselves as white, they just think of themselves as Italian and don’t really give much thought to their skin colour
- People here in Britain always question if darker skinned white Europeans are ‘actually white’. I get it a lot myself. My response is always ‘well I’m not anything else, so obviously I must be’
- Despite being white, a lot of Europeans from Italy, Greece, Spain etc, don’t feel white in the traditional sense. We’re not white like white British people. We’re not white like white Americans. We’re our own white. White British is one thing. White Italian is another thing. White Greek is another, etc
- Which is why we have this notion here in Europe of ‘nationality over race’. Being white isn’t as important as where you’re from
- So this really only becomes an issue if you’re an immigrant
- So being white in Europe doesn’t save you from racial discrimination, because sure, you’re technically white, but you’re not white white. Not the right white
- Here in England, Europeans with really blatantly foreign names, such as myself, find it more difficult to get job interviews, because they take one look at our name and don’t bother reading the rest of the CV. A guy I know was actually told by his boss to reduce the pile of CVs he had by ‘chucking away any with a name you can’t fucking pronounce’
- And then even when you do get an interview, half the time you walk into the joint several shades darker than everyone else and feel like you’ve walked into the ‘Swedish supermodel’ clubhouse and you just know you’re not getting hired
This is all basic stuff and it’s very much taken for granted here. Race and ethnicity are not as clear cut, so it can be very confusing for non-Europeans to wrap their heads around. Which is fine. But I implore you to stay in your lane, because when you say things like ‘no white person anywhere in the world ever knows what it’s like to face racial discrimination’, it’s really fucking offensive to all of the European immigrants who are denied jobs, harassed by the police and beaten by racists, because foreign is foreign to these people, and they don’t give a shit if you’re technically white. So when you mean white American, say white American. 
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suan-suan · 5 years
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not a dream, csa tw, sexual assault, rape, sexual violence, abuse tw
there is a really repulsive continuous gang rape of a minor case going on in Croatia right now and some time this week I might write a lengthy post about it and I will count on all of you to spread the information and share it because things are being covered up and the perps, sons of influential people, seem to be getting away with abusing a 15 year old child for over a year, there were tapes and evidence and all of it has disappeared now and their families are trying to frame it like the boys are the victims but the public isn’t having any of it
the court is though, the court is literally failing this young child
the victim’s ex boyfriend lured her into a house where a large number of his friends waited for them, she was then raped by a 19 year old and told that the whole thing was filmed and if she tried to tell anyone, the tape would be released and spread and everyone would know “what a sl*t she was”, then she was beaten, and over the course of a year she was beaten multiple times, raped repeatedly by at least 5, reportedly the number could be over 7 boys, some of them younger adults, some minors, she was threatened, filmed without her consent, psychologically abused, blackmailed, and finally a few weeks ago she opened up to a school counselor after she was sent there for what was cited as ‘deviant behavior’
some people are blaming her, saying she provoked them, or that she should have spoken up sooner, some people are saying the whole year only counts as one rape because she didn’t report it, some are saying she set the boys up in a trap, some are saying she is of loose morals, etc, but most people are horrified and most people want the boys and men to be held responsible for what they’ve done to her
not the judge in the case, he literally let them all go and said that he knows what he was doing
and then
and then, listen to this
when the whole thing got out because the police were fucking fed up and were trying to get the bastards but some more influential people were stopping the investigation from going further and evidence was starting to go missing and one of the police officers leaked it to a brave reporter (and now the two face bigger charges apparently than these rapists, and everyone who shared photos of the rapists could be jailed too), the judge got protection after he was threatened for setting the criminals free
not the girl, she didn’t get any kind of protection awarded to her despite living in a really small town with all of her abusers, just the judge
so
fuck them
fuck all of them
i want this story to blow up not just in croatia
i want foreign media to write about it
i want people to hear about it
i want the rapists’ faces plastered on every newspaper, every social media, i want them to be punished, i want their families who paid for the evidence to disappear to be punished, i want this judge punished, i want everyone who insulted and threatened and abused this girl to be punished
and i will do literally anything i can, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, to see this story spread everywhere
because so far, no one got any justice for the young  victim and she deserves to feel safe and protected and accepted and loved again
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suan-suan · 5 years
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suan-suan · 6 years
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Sometimes I wonder if native English speakers appreciate how much more comfortable the internet is for them than for the rest of the world
Like, you can go on tumblr and simply read stuff in your mother tongue? Amazing. Go on youtube and you don’t have to replay some sentences ten times to try to understand what they’re saying? Incredible. Look for practically anything on google and know that there will be a fuckton of results that you can read without having to spend half the time looking up words in a dictionary? Fascinating. Make a post or send an ask without panicking that you’ll make a silly mistake or that they won’t understand what you meant? Unbelievable.
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suan-suan · 6 years
Video
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Daaaaad! We’re gonna get me a magical pet! (Oh god…)
I need a magical pet because I’m a princess. (What!?)
All Disney Princesses have one. (A magical pet?)
Yes! All Disney Princesses have animals. In fact they only had pets, they never had friends. (Look, son, really.)
Cinderella had rats. Snow White had rabbits and birds. Belle had the beast that she let have sex with her.
(Those aren’t real.) You can’t prove that. (Don’t play that card.) It’s titty for tat. You can’t prove what’s real. (Hey!)
(Let’s take a second to define reality.) *Hiss!* (And maybe just have brunch and drink some booze.) Snooze!
(I’ve got to go to work and you’ve got…something else, so here’s some pocket cash, go get tattoos. Ok?)
Jasmine had a Tigger that she let have sex with her. Pocohontas? Coon skin hat. Mulan had dragons dude. He-Man had a Battle Cat. Ariel, Red Lobster fest. Now I need one too!
(You’re not gonna stop this?) What do you think?
(I think that you’re crazy.) No, not this week.
I need me a frog with a magical glow or just maybe a dog that’s so real, I need both. Or maybe a mouse with a wand or a rat with a sack full of sacks full of bags full of hags who cast all their magical magical spells from their bags. Oh my god, please oh please, come on dad.
(*sigh* Ok, we’re going to get you something magical) Yes! (But keep in mind that magic is all in your head.) Nope!
I’m finally gonna get my magical pet now! And if we fail, I promise I’ll be deaaaaaad. I will be deaaaaaaaad. I will diiiiiiiiiiiie. I’ll be deaaaa-.
(Alright, I get it! Jesus Christ!)
thesquishachu
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