succubusphan

[succubusphan]

Sweet Juliet

Summary: Dan is a baker in his thirties, feeling the weight of the passage of time on his shoulders, living a content yet uneventful life until a mysterious man takes it upon himself to whisk him away.

Rating: G

Tags/warnings: Strangers to lovers, meet cute, non youtuber au.

Author's Note: Written for the @phandomgiftexchange as a gift to @husbants. Thank you for being amazing Nikki and for continuing this lovely tradition. I hope you enjoy it! thank you @effingmeteors for reading this over.

Total Word Count: 2.5k

Read on Ao3

Dan pulled out a massive cake from the oven and set it on the counter before he dropped it by accident - again. He shut the oven door and straightened up with a groan, hearing his back pop. “Jesus fuck,” he mumbled. No matter what his nNan said, sometimes Dan couldn’t help but feel age catching up to him. Maybe thirty years old was too old to be working this much, as Adrian said, but he just loved baking and running his little coffee shop, meeting new people and learning about their lives when they were up to talking or just observing them and coming up with his own stories for them. 

You see, Dan was proud of the crowd his shop attracted with its various plants and speciality baking, the Colombian coffee and the books readily available for those who wished to immerse themselves in an alternate universe. His patrons were usually bohemian university students, established couples on a quiet date out, and artists who wished to spend hours enjoying the place and eating his various creations as they sketched a new piece. Sadly, the piano he had available hadn’t been touched in the three years since the grand opening, but he could dream. 

The bell on the door dinged welcoming the first clients of the day and pulling him from his thoughts. He fixed his posture and smiled widely. “Good morning, Adeleine, how is Richard fairing?” Dan asked his older neighbour and frequent visitor.

“Oh, you know how he is! He says he will be fine but I told him to get some proper rest until Monday. His back is not what it used to and he needs to accept that. We are all ageing as it is,” Adeleine said, swishing her little coin purse as she looked at the pastry display.

“You are quite right,” Dan nodded, hating the fact that he had so much in common with the elderly couple. “What would you like this time?”

“I’ll take 4 pain au chocolates for Richard, and for me… Ugh, I shouldn’t but I can’t resist your eclairs. You are simply too talented for your own good.”

“You flatter me,” Dan said, waving her off as he picked the pastries one by one and put them in a small golden tray with an intricate flower design on the edges. “You get one extra just for being my favourite patron.” He winked.

Adeleine laughed loudly but cleared her throat when she saw a man walk in. Dan hadn’t seen him around before but the guy was breathtakingly gorgeous and if the look she was giving Dan was anything to go by, Adeleine agreed. Dan took a calming breath, trying to keep his nerves in check but he almost burst out laughing when she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

“Anything else?” Dan asked her with an awkward cough.

“No, that’ll be all, sweety,” she said, grabbing the now packaged pastries and handing him the money. “Thank you, see you on Monday!”

“Of course! Send Richard my well wishes,” Dan smiled.

She nodded and made her way to the exit way too slowly for her usual pace. Dan rolled his eyes and snorted, knowing that Adelaine was just trying to have more time to ogle the newcomer. 

“Welcome to Sweet Juliet,” Dan said with what he hoped was a warm smile instead of the painful expression he was picturing in his mind. “What would you like to enjoy?”

The man lifted a carefully manicured eyebrow and gave him a sly smile. Dan had never been ashamed of the little phrases he had crafted to make his store special, but he did feel the heat rising to his cheeks at the expression the guy made.

“Hi,” he said, leaning on the pastry display. “I’m new in the area but I’ve heard good reviews. What would you recommend for me?”

Dan felt all moisture leaving his throat as he followed the line of the guy’s neck past the two open buttons of his shirt, briefly catching a glimpse of a rosy nipple. Not that Dan was being a creep or anything, but he was just too beautiful and the way he was standing and his inky black hair and blue eyes and -”

“Dan?” he asked.

“Oh,” Dan blinked repeatedly. He had spaced out for a bit. “How do you know my name?”

“It’s in your tag,” the guy laughed. He actually laughed, as if he hadn’t already thought Dan was a fucking dork for his stupid little greeting.

Dan sputtered at his own stupidity and decided that the safest option was to pretend nothing happened. “Right, anyway… I recommend the mocha latte with the Sweet Juliet Tray. If you like sweets, that will give you a taste of everything. 

“Sounds perfect,” he smiled. “When do you get off?”

Dan gasped, his eyes wide as saucers. “What?!”

“From work! Sorry, I’m just -” he laughed, looking a little shy for the first time. “I’m so sorry! Let’s start over, I’m Phil.” 

“Alright,” Dan smiled. Realising he was actually the culprit of the misunderstanding, of course, Phil hadn’t been asking about that, but since he took the fault for it, Dan was not going to argue on the matter. He needed to at least pretend to have a brain to impress this guy. “Hi, Phil…”

“Hi, Dan! I’ll take that mocha with the Juliet tray. And if you’d be so kind, I would like your number, Dan.” Phil gave him a half smile, turning the charm on once again but Dan was not going to make it that easy for him.

“Hmm… How do I know you’re not a serial killer?” Dan asked, only half joking. The guy was too fucking handsome to be chasing little old Dan, on the other hand, people die every day and who was Dan to refuse such an opportunity. Was there really a better way to go?

“I think people would find me easily,” Phil said, his smile dropping slightly.

Dan wondered about the change in his demeanour but tried to keep the joke rolling. “Are you bad at hiding?”

“Most of the time, yeah,” Phil shrugged, his smile entirely vanished now. 

“Well, I’ll think about it while you enjoy your mocha, Phil.” Dan said, trying not to sound too bummed about his terrible fail at flirting. How did he even manage to fuck up when he had already been invited to go out on a date?

Phil shook his head, his expression softening. “I should have brought flowers, but how could I’ve ever known I would be meeting you?”

“Wow, you’re really good at this,” Dan commented as he started to prepare the order. Maybe it was best to just let things be. “But I’m afraid you’re coming a bit too strong.”

“Alright, alright,” Phil said, raising his hands. “I’ll just find myself a table for now.”

“Ok, make sure to check our book selection,” he said, but Phil was already scanning the bookcase in search of a title until he gasped, and hurried back to his table with a thick tome in his hands. 

Dan cocked his head as he read the title of the book in Phil���s hands: “The Lord of the Rings.” Who hasn’t read the Lord of the Rings and why read it at a coffee shop? He put the mug and plate with pastries on a tray and brought them over to Phil’s table, which was surprisingly tucked away in the darkest corner of the shop. After setting everything down, he turned on the lamp closest to the table to make sure Phil didn’t strain his eyes too much. “Enjoy!”

“Thank you!” Phil said and looked back down to the book, but when Dan stood there awkwardly, he just let out a little sigh and looked into Dan’s eyes. “Yes?” His smile was polite, yet small. It wasn’t as bright as when he’d walked into the store and flirted with him.

“Um… may I ask why did you pick that book?”

“I just never got around to read it and I thought it would be a good idea since I’ve… since I’m around at the moment.”

“How are you planning to finish it?”

Phil shrugged. “Why? Do you burn the books that have been read or something?”

Dan snorted. “No, not at all.”

“Then I will just have to keep coming over to eat sweets and read here… unless that would be a problem for you.”

“That’s why the books are there!” Dan waved him off. “It’s just that other people are also reading the same book so bookmarks tend to be moved and such, it’s a bit annoying unless you remember exactly where you left off.”

“Ah, I see. I guess I’ll have to write it down somewhere.”

“Not in the book, please!” Dan gave him a horrified look.

“What do you take me for? An animal?” Phil asked, with an amused smile.

“You’d be surprised at what people are capable of,” Dan said, sheepishly. “Now I have to watch everyone like a hawk just in case.”

“Will you be watching me then?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good. Think about that date, will you?”

“I’ll think about it,” Dan said as he rolled his eyes and smiled.

And so their little dance began. Phil came to have coffee and eat sweets with the excuse of catching up on his reading but spent at least half of the time watching Dan and giving him little smiles or holding his gaze until Dan began to squirm and blush. He tried his best not to humour Phil, but he couldn’t help the way his smile grew little by little each time Phil came over and asked him out once again. 

One fateful Monday afternoon, Dan couldn’t keep his eyes off the door, silently telling himself how pathetic it was that he was desperate to see Phil again, but it seemed that he would not be coming. Two, his usual arrival time, came and went, then three and four, and by five Dan had already lost hope. Maybe Phil had finally had enough of him.

The sound of the bell startled Dan, bringing him back to reality but his expression rapidly morphed into a smile when he saw Phil walking in. The frown on his usually happy and composed face worried Dan but he tried to lighten the mood, joking with Phil, but this time it was like talking to a wall. There was no reciprocity, Phil looked almost on the verge of crying as he got his usual order and lost himself in the Lord of the Rings universe, not even bothering to look up from the book or say goodbye before leaving.

Having decided that maybe rejecting Phil had been a mistake, Dan promised himself that he would give Phil his number next time, or even ask him out himself if it came to it, but after two months since Phil’s last visit, he realised that the opportunity had slipped through his fingers and he had only himself to blame.

---

Dan looked out the window as he mopped the floors, silently hating the raging storm bending the trees over, dragging trash bins across the road… causing his clients to have muddled the floors inside the shop and stayed over for the heater alone. 

The door announced someone’s arrival. At first, Dan couldn’t tell who it was but he was also upset that the person walked in with their umbrella still open and dripping everywhere. He was about to make a snarky remark when the umbrella was finally set aside and Phil looked him in the eye with a loaded expression.

“Can I stay here until it stops raining?” he asked, water droplets running down his face, his hair sticking to his forehead just as if he hadn’t even tried to use an umbrella.

“Yeah, of course!” Dan said, feeling a bit awkward but still happy to see Phil after so long.

Phil’s leg bounced way more than necessary as he waited for his order, then Dan handed him a towel, which Phil took with little reluctance. The book, however, he never made any move to grab it back.

“Have you abandoned Riverdale?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I thought it was for the best,” Phil said, understanding the real meaning behind the question. 

“I see,” Dan replied, pressing his lips into a line. “I thought we could speak next time.”

“Why? What changed?” Phil asked, giving him an odd look.

“Nothing! We just got to know each other a bit better.”

“Are you sure that’s it?” Phil asked.

“Yes, why would I lie?” Dan said, taken aback by whatever accusation Phil was throwing his way.

Phil stood from his seat and came to stand in front of Dan. They were so close Dan could smell his expensive perfume; he inhaled deeply without meaning to and let his eyes fall shut. “Do you know who I am?” Phil pressed. 

Dan’s eyes snapped open. “No…? Should I?”

Shaking his head, Phil walked over to the piano and started playing a song that sounded strangely familiar. It was, in fact, one of Dan’s new favourite songs. If he was remembering correctly, the original piece had come out as an instrumental but two weeks after, another version with lyrics was released, it was said to be a collaboration between the pianist and his sister-in-law in honour of the newest member of their family. The pianist in question had teleported to the top of the charts overnight, gotten a record deal, launched an international tour and - apparently - gotten a bunch of stalkerish fans who wouldn’t leave him alone. “Are you… Phil Lester? The guy who made this song? THE Phil Lester?”

“Yes,” said Phil shyly. “I stopped going out much since the song blew up, but this coffee shop served me well to hide from fans several times since I moved to the area, that’s why I kept coming, but my address was leaked a while ago and I had to move away again. Since you had rejected me so many times, I just took it as a sign that we should stop playing games if things are not going anywhere, you know? We’re a bit too old for games anyway.”

“That is true. I should have considered things more carefully,” Dan admitted. “For some reason, I thought we would have more time and things would just flow between us.”

“We ran out of time two months ago, but still, when the storm almost knocked me over, all I could think about was you, how you were doing… and I had to see you, one last time,” Phil said, biting his lip. 

Dan’s eyes and heart dropped to the fucking floor, he wanted to kick himself for missing his chance with Phil.

“I had to see if you still made the best sweets around.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Dan laughed and swatted at Phil’s chest. “Is that really the reason or did you just have to show me your “Mr Darcy in the rain” look?” Dan joked. 

Phil looked at his reflection in the window and laughed. “I do look kind of hot.”

“Kind of?” Dan scoffed. He walked over to the door and locked it before walking back to Phil and pressing their lips together in a sweet yet brief kiss. “Why don’t you go dry yourself in the bathroom? I’ll make us something nice for dinner.”

“What about dessert?” Phil asked.

“We’ll have plenty of that,” Dan said.

Phil smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Yum!”

“I meant the cakes!” Dan laughed, but before he could continue to defend himself Phil pulled him into a heated kiss, though the heat lasted very shortly since Phil was very wet and got Dan entirely soaked as well, resulting in Dan chasing him around the shop with his favourite spatula in search of revenge. It was a good start for the rest of their lives.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 13

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

This is basically the epilogue, thank you for joining me in this journey and I hope you enjoyed the ride.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 13: Two Man Team

January of 2019

Having spent the holidays with his family without telling them about Dan was harder than Phil had expected, but he needed to discuss the situation with Dan first. They of course knew that Dan had returned to YouTube and that they had rekindled their friendship, but Phil had avoided any further questions on the topic. 

After a bit of back and forth, he and Dan decided that keeping appearances for Phil’s birthday at the end of the month was not really an option, so they sat down on the sofa fumbling with Phil’s phone, opening his mum’s contact and finally hitting the facetime button on accident when he almost dropped his phone to the floor. 

“Child!” Phil’s mother said. 

Phil scrambled to set the camera to his face without showing Dan. “Hi, Mum!” he replied, his voice cracking from the nerves as if he was 15 all over again. “How are you?”

“Doing well, you know, tending to the garden,” she smiled. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing?” he said, sounding like it was definitely something.

“Phil, I am your mother. Don’t try to lie, you are terrible at it.”

“I just - wanted to tell you something,” he said, biting his lip.

“Are you ill?” She asked, sounding quite concerned, her face falling.

“No! Not at all. I’m seeing someone,” he said and almost slapped himself. Dan gave him a reproachful look. They were a bit past the “seeing each other” stage.

“Oh!” She said, her smile returning. “You have a partner?”

“Yes! I actually misspoke. I do have a partner,” he clarified.

“Well, that’s quite nice. How long have you been together?”

Phil looked at Dan with wide eyes, there were so many possible answers to that question. Dan shrugged and mouthed an “October?” at him.

“Uh, October - ish,” Phil said, looking back at her. “We were seeing where things were going but we - made it official in October.”

“Why didn’t you bring them over for Christmas?” She asked.

She was trying not to push, Phil could tell, but after he posted his coming out, there was no need to keep beating around the bush. “He, Mum, we can say it. It’s a man.”

She laughed, letting out a happy sigh. “Oh, I’m glad, Child. I didn’t want to assume or offend you. You know how much your father and I love you, we just want you to be happy.”

Phil did know, but he smiled nonetheless. “Yeah…”

“What can you tell me about your partner - boyfriend?”

“It’s D-Dan!” he said, with a nervous laugh. “And… well, you know Dan.”

“Oh, dear! I love Dan! What a sweet boy! Oh, Phil, that is just wonderful,” she said, sounding genuinely happy. “Since October?” she prodded, narrowing her eyes.

Phil laughed and looked at Dan’s beaming face, gesturing for him to speak up, but Dan only made a silly face at him.

“Yes!” Phil said. “I swear, since October. We took things slowly because of… the time we were apart.”

“Hiiii!” said Dan as Phil turned the phone towards him.

“Oh, hi love! How have you been?” She asked, “Can you hear me?”

“Yes, he can hear you,” Phil said.

“I’m doing well, very happy,” Dan said, with that tone he’d always used with Phil’s mum. He had always been a sweet talker.

“That’s all that matters then! Phil, you have to bring him over for your birthday!”

“Yes!” Dan said before Phil could reply. “I accept the invitation!” 

Phil poked his side as they both laughed. “We’ll be there for the weekend.”

“Martyn and Cornelia are coming as well!” She said. 

“Who is that?” Asked Phil’s dad in the background.

“It’s Phil! Do you want to talk to him?”

His father didn’t reply to her and just grabbed the phone. “Hello, son,” he said merrily. “Are you coming to us for your birthday?”

“Yeah,” he said and hesitated for only a second but that was enough.

“He has a boyfriend!” His mum said, sounding almost more excited about it than Phil.

“Oh! A boyfriend! That’s nice. Is he treating you well?”

“No, he’s horrible to me!” Phil said, theatrically.

“Shut up!” said Dan, blushing and slapping his arm.

“I know that voice! Don’t I know that voice?” Phil’s dad asked away from the phone.

“It’s Dan!” said his mum.

“Yeah, It’s Dan,” said Phil, still giggling about his little joke and the effect it had on Dan.

“Hi, Dan!” His dad said. “You found yourself a nice boyfriend there?”

Dan squished his face to Phil’s to be in frame “Sometimes I’m inclined to believe that no,” he laughed.

“I’ll have you know I’m a wonderful boyfriend,” Phil said.

Dan gave him a look and a cheeky smile. “He leaves every cupboard open after making coffees he doesn’t actually drink until they are cold.”

“Spend a lot of time with him?” Phil’s dad asked, reading between the lines.

“He stayed over one day and never left,” Phil said, with a laugh.

“Don’t say that, they will think I’m just leeching here,” Dan said, swatting at him. “I moved in recently, when my lease was up.”

“You could have come for Christmas then,” commented Phil’s mum.

“His family wanted him with them as well, Mum. Don’t worry, I will drag him over soon.”

“Good, you do that,” Phil’s father said. “Dan, take care of him for me.”

“I will,” Dan said with a small smile.

“See you then,” Phil’s dad said. “Bye!”

“Bye!” Dan and Phil said in unison, making his mum laugh.

“Bye, boys!” She said and disconnected the call.

“That went better than expected,” Dan said, pressing a small kiss to his lips.

“It was good,” Phil agreed and wrapped his arms around Dan’s frame. “I’m glad that they were so calm about it.”

“It’s because they knew, or they suspected. Your dad definitely knew.”

“He has been onto us since the beginning.”

Dan tsked. “I don’t think we were as slick as we thought we were.”

“Probably not,” Phil snorted.

---

When the weekend of Phil’s birthday finally rolled around, he and Dan were in a bit of a panic.

Even though the phone call with the announcement had gone fairly well, it was a bit nerve wracking for Phil because he had never officially introduced anyone as a boyfriend. His family knew that he was gay but it wasn’t something that he really talked about. They had sort of figured it out on their own and were kind enough not to bother him about it. And Dan was nervous to see Phil’s parents again as Phil’s boyfriend, this was also a new experience for him and he was still getting used to being out of the closet.

As soon as they set foot in his parents’ house, Phil’s mum pulled Dan into a hug and pinched his cheek, which was quite hard because of the height difference. Still, Dan bent down and let her enjoy herself. He beamed as Phil’s parents welcomed him in without a hint of awkwardness. 

“Go take your bags upstairs and come back down to sit by the fire, we’ll be right over with some tea,” his mum said, gesturing to the sofas by the fireplace on her way to the kitchen with her husband in tow. 

Phil didn’t need to be told twice. With the wind raging outside and snow threatening to fall, by the fire was exactly where he wanted to be. He took Dan’s coat and put it away before leading his boyfriend to one of the two guest bedrooms. It was decorated in muted colours and consisted of a double bed, two bedside tables and a few decorative items. Phil looked around and sighed, wishing that they were still at his old family home; this one didn’t hold the same memories.

Dan wrapped his arms around him, hugging him from behind. “Everything ok?” He asked, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“What about?” Dan said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I wish we could go back to the old house.”

“Hmm, the place where we first got together,” Dan mused. “That would be nice, but we can make new memories here.”

“Yeah,” Phil said and turned around, resting his arms on Dan’s shoulder and leaning in for a kiss.

Dan shoved his cold hands under Phil’s hoodie making him squirm and jump back with a laugh. 

“You beast!” Phil said.

“Better?” Dan smirked.

“Yeah, but I’ll get you later!”

“Can’t wait,” Dan said, wiggling his eyebrows and walking out the door.

Phil shook his head and followed after him, catching up to Dan who was already on the sofa and sitting at his side, leaving the two armchairs across the coffee table for his parents.

Dan stretched his arms towards the fire and rubbed them together. “I am finally starting to feel my fingers again.”

“I wish I could climb inside the fire,” Phil added and Dan gave him a warning look. “It was just an expression.” 

He knew that Phil was not being serious but with how prone to accidents he was, they could never be too safe. “I miss having a fireplace,” lamented Dan and Phil made a mental note of that.

“At least we have an aircon,” Phil commented, rubbing Dan’s back.

“True, but it’s hard to appreciate it during the winter months.”

“Here we are!” Phil’s mum said, walking over and narrowly avoiding dropping the tray before setting it down on the coffee table. “Milk, Dan?” She gave them a little smile when she saw Phil’s hands on Dan’s back.

“Yes, please,” Dan said, clearing his throat.

His dad sat down and reached for his own cup, adding sugar and stirring before taking a sip and smiling happily.

“You look so handsome,” his mum said, handing the cup to Dan. “Is this your natural hair?”

“No, I got a perm,” Dan laughed and Phil saw him relaxing a bit into his spot on the sofa. He took a sip of his tea and hummed. “Yes, it is my natural hair. I just didn’t like it before.”

“I think it’s an improvement from your previous look,” she smiled, blowing into her cup as she stirred her tea.

“Oh, absolutely,” he said, pausing. “So, how are you two doing? Do you enjoy living on the Island?”

Phil’s dad nodded. “Yes, I think this is one of the best decisions we ever made. We loved our house, but this is the perfect place to retire to.”

“We like to go on walks around the cliffs on most days,” she added. “I find the sea breeze refreshing and calming.”

“Sounds like paradise,” Dan said.

Phil could tell what his parents were hinting at so he decided to stir the conversation away from that topic. “When are Mar and Corn getting here?” He said, finally reaching for his own cup and taking a tentative sip, humming gleefully when he tasted the honey.

“Tomorrow, sometime after 3, I believe,” his dad said.

“Good!” Phil replied. “I think he will be happy to see Dan again.”

“Does Martyn know?” His mother asked.

“No. I mean, he probably did, but no, nobody knew for certain. Just Mark and his boyfriend and we told Anja recently.”

Dan nodded. “We were not trying to be super secretive about it, but we wanted to make sure that things were working properly before we told anyone else, if that makes sense?”

“Can I ask something?” She asked.

“Of course, anything,” Dan said, and Phil was tempted to say that maybe not anything but kept quiet.

“You know, Phil never said anything to us, but I thought you were dating back in the day. Then it made sense to me that Phil didn’t bring any girls over, just you. And Anja.”

“It was not like that with Dan - or with Anja.”

Dan made a noncommittal face. “It was kind of like that, but not really. We liked each other, definitely, but we weren’t officially dating, I would say.”

“We weren’t,” Phil said. “And Anja is a lesbian; she has had a girlfriend since… 2011 I believe. I introduced them.”

“You didn’t date Anja then?” She asked.

Phil shook his head. “No, she stayed because I was her gay friend and she knew it was safe.”

“Oh, and then she came over with a girl… and you slept on the sofa.” She pressed her hand to her forehead. “I thought you were just embarrassed to send her friend to the sofa to have some privacy,” she said in wonder.

“Mum!” Phil said, feeling the heat rising to his face. “I would have never done that with you in the house.” 

Dan laughed.

“Are all of your friends gay?” His dad asked.

Phil hummed. “Not every single friend, but I would say that most friends I’ve made in the last few years are gay. We just understand each other better.”

Dan nodded. “I grew up and found out that not only were some of my bullies gay but most of my friends too, even though none of us were out at the time, and some of us didn’t even know yet.”

“I suppose that you find people that you can relate to and have things in common, if that’s being gay, or knitting, or having a book club, right?” His mum asked.

“That’s a good point,” Dan said.

Then his dad looked at Phil and caught him off guard. “Dan stayed over quite often when travelled,” he commented with an amused smile, apparently realising what Phil hadn’t meant to imply before.

Phil coughed but his mum was thankfully ready to save him.

“It’s so wonderful that you are back together now,” She said. 

Dan nodded. “It took some time, but he thankfully listened to me when I apologised and explained myself.”

“Phil can be a little stubborn,” she conceded.

“He was more than a little stubborn, but I deserved it,” Dan said. “It was not easy, but I’m glad he had it in him to forgive me,” he reached towards Phil and laced their fingers together. 

The butterflies in Phil’s stomach were still there and he could feel himself blushing, but when he looked at his parents he saw nothing but acceptance and perhaps a little relief that he wasn’t going to die alone after all.

“You seem like a good match,” his dad said with a gentle smile. 

Phil’s heart burst with happiness. He could hear the pride in his father’s voice, the pride he had wanted to hear his entire life. “Thank you,” he said, clearing his throat as he tried to not get overly emotional.

“So how is… work?” His dad asked.

“Quite good,” Phil said, feeling thankful to have something else to focus on. “I have exciting projects going and Dan too.”

“Anything you can share?” He asked.

“Not yet, but you will know soon enough,” Phil said.

“Please give us a warning if it’s something important so we don’t hear about it from the neighbours,” his mum said.

Phil winced and mumbled an “Alright.” He took a long sip from his cup. “I didn’t tell them before posting my coming out,” he mumbled in Dan’s general direction.

“You didn’t tell them before posting?” Dan asked, looking at Phil out of the corner of his eye.

“No, he doesn’t tell us much these days,” She said, a bit too dramatically.

“Don’t say that, I just figured you knew already,” Phil said, snorting. “And I forgot.”

“We knew but we didn’t know!” She said. “And then we watched Dan’s video - which was so wonderful by the way - and we finally got some idea of what went on in your life.”

Phil huffed, starting to get a bit annoyed.

“Thank you,” Dan said. “It was a lot of work but I’m glad that you liked it.” He squeezed Phil’s hand in support.

Phil was grateful that his boyfriend knew how to suck up to his mum and stir the conversation away from him and how bad of a son he was.

“It was very emotional,” she said. “I quite enjoyed it, even though it had some sad parts. I wish you didn’t have to go through that.” She looked at Dan with deep sadness in her eyes.

“Well, it all turned me into a person I’m proud to be today,” Dan said. 

“We are proud of you too, Dan,” his dad said and before Dan could react, he continued. “Actually, if you could come with me, I want to show you something.” He got up to his feet.

“Of course,” Dan said and followed him to his office, throwing Phil a confused look over his shoulder.

“Come,” Phil’s mum whispered then. She grabbed their coats and took his hand, pulling him through the sliding door and out to the garden.      

“It’s way too cold to be out,” Phil said, sipping his jacket on and pulling his gloves out of his pocket.

“Oh, it will boost your immune system,” she said, holding onto his arm as they walked slowly in circles around the garden. “I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I told you, I am happy with Dan.” He interlaced his fingers to make sure his gloves were properly fitted.

“I know, I know. You do look happy, but I worry sometimes,” she said. “After Dan left - you weren’t the same for a long time. I don’t think you are the same, even now.”

“Neither is he. We both went through quite a bit of pain together and on our own,” Phil admitted. “And nobody is the same at 31 than at twenty-something.”

“That’s fair. I am just a bit scared for you too, even though I know Dan is a good boy.”

“We will be alright this time, Mum,” he reassured her. “The thing you don’t understand is that with him in the closet and me being only partially out, things were never going to work. At the time Dan wasn’t even able to accept himself, so dealing with that publicly on top of our feelings was too much.” 

“My heart breaks for him,” she said. “I’m sure the relationship will work this time.” She patted Phil’s arm

“You can never be 100% sure of anything, but it took almost a year to get back to a place where we were comfortable enough to start dating again and we haven’t had any major issues,” Phil said. 

She let out a deep sigh of relief and smiled widely. “I’m glad to hear that, Child. You two deserve to be happy and it seems that you are determined to be together.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, it’s nothing bad. You fought through any sort of problem that came your way to make it to the other side and I think that’s what matters. No relationship comes without obstacles, the important thing is that you work to sort through them.”

He nodded. “Do you and Dad argue a lot now that you are retired?”

“Not much anymore,” she said, patting his hand. “We know who we are and what to do to avoid creating arguments. And we still love each other.”

Phil smiled. “What’s your secret?” He asked.

Humming, she paused for a moment before replying. “Don’t hang on to silly tiffs and never go to sleep angry. Solve your arguments before bed. That’s what your grandma told me and It worked well.”

“I will,” Phil said, getting lost in thought when he realised that the two year anniversary of his grandma’s death was coming. He missed her so much.

His mum caught up to the reason for his silence. “She was very proud of you, you know?” She said, “A few years ago, she asked if you were dating anyone and I told her that I believed so. That made her happy, even when I told her that it might be a boy.”

Phil’s eyes welled up with tears briefly. He wished he’d had that conversation with her but she had gotten ill and passed before Phil could make his way back. He shouldn’t have waited so long to talk to her about it. At least now he knew that she supported him. “Do you think she would have liked Dan?” he asked.

“She would have loved to meet Dan, but she knew of him from YouTube,” she said.

Phil’s eyebrows burrowed into a frown. “How?”

“You have to remember that Dan was the only person you brought home so I showed her a few of the videos you made together.”

“Oh my god! What videos?” Phil asked, half amused, half horrified. A single tear slid down his cheek but he rubbed it away quickly. Sniffling through the laugh.

“Only the more innocent ones,” she said, raising one eyebrow at him.

“I can’t believe you showed her that. You like to gossip way too much,” Phil said.

She booped the tip of his nose. “And you took after me, so I don’t want to hear it, dear.”

“Alright,” Phil said. “Thank you for the advice and for showing grandma a part of me I didn’t have the chance to share with her. It means more to me than you know.” He turned towards her and pulled her into a hug.

“You’re welcome, dear,” she smiled. “Let’s go back inside, you are shaking like a leaf.”

They made their way back into the house and Phil could still hear his dad’s voice faintly mid-conversation.

“...You make him happy. We were so worried about him these past few years,” he said. “I wanted you to know that you will always be welcome in this house.”

“Thank you, Mr Lester,” Dan said.

“Nigel,” his dad said. “In your video, you said that your father didn’t take your … email very well. Right?”

“No,” Dan mumbled. 

Phil followed their voices and stood in the hallway, shamelessly listening in.

“Sometimes the people we love are the ones that hurt us the most, but the good thing is that we can find other people to love. We are your family, Dan.”

“I -” Dan paused. “Thank you, you don’t know how much this means…”

Phil turned around the corner and saw Dan hugging his dad tightly. He stood there for a moment, staring at the scene with a shocked smile and retreated to the downstairs bathroom to give them some privacy and compose himself. He looked in the mirror and smiled, still a little moved by his parents’ reaction, he hadn’t expected this much support from them, and now he felt guilty for ever doubting them.

After a few minutes, he joined his mother in setting the table.

Dinner went without a hitch and it came with a much lighter tone. They shared a bottle of wine over pasta and played Scrabble past midnight when his mum finally deemed the night over.

They said their goodbyes and climbed up the stairs to the guest bedroom. The bed looked so soft and comfortable it was basically screaming Phil’s name. He slipped into his pyjamas quickly to avoid the biting cold and slid under the covers.

Dan snorted a laugh. “Cold?”

“Uh-huh. Aren’t you?” Phil mumbled, only his eyes peeking from under his burrow.

“Not that much. I think the wine got to me.” He took off his jeans and pulled on a different hoodie before getting under the covers and scooching closer to Phil. “Come here,” Dan said, pulling him into a hug and dropping a kiss to the tip of his nose.

Phil sighed happily, slipping his fingers into the curls on the back of Dan’s hair that was beginning to grow just a bit too long for Dan’s taste. “Love you,” he said, leaning in for a slow kiss.

Dan’s hold on him tightened, his hand sliding under Phil’s pyjama top and resting on his lower back. 

There was no urgency, no heat, just comfort and familiarity. Phil knew that if he chose to push Dan in the slightest way, he would probably jump at the opportunity to have sex, but they would have their fun at home. Home. The flat they shared for the time being before -

He smiled and broke the kiss, staring into Dan’s eyes in the moonlight.

“Winter is my favourite. I love the cold because I can hold you like this and sleep without us drowning in a pool of sweat,” Dan laughed.

“We can do this all year, you just have to program the aircon fairly low. You are like a tiny oven.”

“I’m not tiny,” Dan pouted.

“You will always be the tiniest of babies to me,” Phil teased.

“Shut up, old man,” Dan said, letting out a yawn. “Big spoon or little spoon?”

“Mmmm, big spoon,” Phil said, wrapping his arms around Dan’s torso when he turned around. He kissed Dan’s shoulders and threw one leg over Dan’s, tangling it between his feet and smiled.

“You’re a weird one, Lester.”

“Your mum is weird,” Phil mumbled and shut his eyes. 

“Happy birthday, Babe,” mumbled Dan.

“Mmm, thanks.” 

This was going to be his best year, he could already tell.

---

The following morning, Phil woke up to his mum shaking him by the shoulder. He threw a hand over his eyes to let them adjust to the brightness. “Mum!” Phil whines, stretching his hand in search of Dan.

“Happy birthday, love!” She said. “Dan is already dressed and sitting down for breakfast. Wouldn’t you like to join us?”

Phil groaned. Why did Dan have to suck up to his parents by getting up early too? It was his birthday, he could have slept in. “What time is it?”

“It’s eleven already, so up, up! Off you go to the bathroom,” she said. “I made pancakes!”

Phil’s eyes widened. The one thing his mum didn’t ruin or burn to a crisp. “Alright!” He said and got up, changing into a warmer hoodie and heading downstairs after a pit stop at the bathroom.

“A pit stop,” he mumbled to himself with a snort. He needed to stop watching Formula 1 with Dan.

“There he is!” his dad said as soon as Phil walked into the kitchen, making him smile. “Happy birthday, son.”

“Thank you,” Phil said.

Dan reached out to him and pulled him by the hand to sit at his side. He leaned in to kiss his cheek and whispered a “Happy birthday, Love,” into his ear.

Phil smiled so widely he thought his face might just split from the happiness and then he made eye contact with his mum, who had watched the interaction closely and blushed.

At least she looked happy for him but it was a bit embarrassing. On the other hand, Phil couldn’t help but notice that Dan didn’t completely avoid PDA, he just kept them at a minimum. It was not something that they had discussed, but Phil wouldn’t have expected Dan to be ok with something like this after being in the closet for so long. It was a good birthday surprise.

“Sleep well?” asked Dan.

Phil nodded, reaching across the table for his coffee mug.

“Well, wait a minute,” his mum said, squeezing lemon on top of his pancakes and sprinkling them with sugar before handing him the plate.

“Do you want to share?” He asked Dan.

“I already ate mine. These are all yours.”

“You didn’t wait for me?” Phil pouted.

“I was hungry, bitch. I woke up at 9!” Dan teased.

“Wow, you should have woken me up!”

“Please, I know how you get - and it’s your birthday.” Dan gave him a look.

“I don’t know what you mean. I am a perfect angel,” Phil said.

Dan rolled his eyes at him and snorted.

“Martyn will be here around 3 so that’s when I will serve the roast and we can cut the cake after. Is that ok?” his mum asked.

“Yes,” Phil said. “Our flight it’s not until 9 so we can leave around 7.”

“What a pitty that you couldn't stay a bit longer,” his dad said.

“I know, I’m sorry but we have work. We will visit again at some point,” Phil said.

“I hope that you can visit in a few months and stay over,” Dan said. “I am going on tour with a new project and I would love it if you could come.”

“Of course!” Phil’s mum said. “Will your mother be there?”

“Um, sure. We can get tickets for both families on the same date,” Dan said.

“Wonderful!” she said with a smile.

“When will it be?” Phil’s dad asked.

“Closer to the end of the year. I will let you know exactly when the producers tell me,” Dan said. 

Phil looked between Dan and his mum, smiling at how sweetly she was pushing him into a corner to make a family reunion happen as soon as possible even with them living on opposite ends of the country. Still, he decided to rescue his boyfriend.

“Do you need help with anything, Dad?” Phil asked.

“Yes, actually! You can start chopping the onions and peeling potatoes,” he said. “Dan, do you think you can run to the store and get some more wine?”

“Yes, absolutely!” said Dan, surely aching to escape Phil’s mum’s interrogation.

“I will walk with you, dear,” she said, already reaching for her coat before Dan could say no.

Phil snorted and went in search of the onions. When he got back into the kitchen, his dad was waiting for him with a small framed art piece. He had to pause for a moment. He placed his hand on his heart and grabbed it with shaky hands. It was a charcoal drawing of the last picture Phil had taken with his parents and his grandma, but his dad had added Dan in. His eyes welled up in tears and he set the picture on the counter before pulling his dad into a tight hug with a choked sob. “T-thank you!”

His dad rubbed his back and Phil couldn’t remember a single time they had hugged like this since he’d been a child. He made sure to account for every detail of the way his father was holding him, comforting him. 

“I’m proud of you, son,” he said.

“Thank you,” Phil mumbled. He didn’t want to have any regrets. One day his father would be gone and he wouldn’t have any other time to tell him. He remembered his vow to tell the people he loved the most just how much they meant to him, but his dad had somehow been skipped. Well, not somehow. They were men, they just didn’t do this type of thing, not since Phil had turned into an adult, but Phil didn’t want to continue on like that. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too,” his dad said with no hesitation.

They finished cooking side by side, swaying to the music playing in the radio in amicable silence.

By half past three, the roast was ready, Martyn and Cornelia were washing up, and Dan and Phil were setting the table. In one of Phil’s trips to the kitchen, Martyn caught him by the hand and asked him to follow him out to the garden. 

Phil immediately regretted not taking a moment to grab a coat, but at least Martyn didn’t seem to be doing any better. “Fuck, Mar. What is it?”

“Shh! I don’t want Mum to hear. I just wanted to check something with you.”

“Yeah, what happened?” asked Phil, feeling a bit worried already.

“So - Cornelia and I have something to announce and we were waiting to do it in person but it’s your birthday… and I don’t think we'll be coming back here for a while so I wanted to check with you.” Martyn bit his lip. “Would you mind?”

“Announcing what?” Phil asked.

Martyn looked into the house, checking that no one was snooping on them, and whispered: “We’re having a baby!”

Phil’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to let out a squeal of delight but Martyn knew him too well and covered his mouth and nose for good measure.

“Don’t!” he whispered. “I will let you go but don’t scream!”

Phil nodded and once Martyn released him, Phil grabbed him by his jumper and shook him slightly. “I am going to be an uncle?!” he whisper-shouted.

“Yeah!” Martyn laughed and nodded, looking just as excited as Phil was, maybe even a bit more.

“Alright, that has to be the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten. I am going to spoil your kid so badly, you’re going to hate me,” Phil said.

“I already hate you,” he said with a laugh and Phil punched his arm.

The sliding door opened and Dan peeked his head out. “Lester! Don’t leave me to set the table alone just because it’s your birthday.” Then he disappeared without waiting for a reply.

“He has you on a short leash,” Martyn said with an amused smile.

Phil nodded. “Yeah. Been thinking of running away…”

“Dork!” Martyn said and walked inside.

Phil followed after him, lost in thought at the notion that his brother was going to be a father. Dan gave him a weird look but Phil just shrugged and carried the Yorkshire puddings and black currant sauce to the table. Dan had already brought the meat and roasted potatoes.

His mum went around serving wine and Phil realised that she would soon notice Cornelia wasn’t drinking. “Oh, let me do that,” he said. “Dan, can you bring the Ribena from the fridge?”

“Sure,” he said with a frown but didn’t question Phil.

“You boys are not having wine?” His mum asked.

“I read that it can make you dizzy to drink before a flight when you are prone to migraines, so I’m not drinking today.”

“Oh, I’ll take Ribena as well,” said Cornelia.

“That sounds nice, actually. I feel a bit dehydrated myself so I’ll join you,” Martyn said.

Phil’s mum looked a bit upset that half of the table wouldn’t enjoy the wine she bought.

Dan returned with a pitcher of Ribena and placed it on the table. He took a seat next to Phil and eyed him suspiciously. 

Phil took a moment to check his messages while his mum served the roast because he knew she didn’t like them being on their phones while they ate and he got a notification from Dan immediately.

“What are you up to?”

“What?” Phil asked, playing coy.

“What’s going on? You’re being weird.”

“I am always weird according to most people.”

Dan sneaked a hand under the table and pinched Phil’s thigh, making him jump. “Fuck!”

“Philip!” his mum chided him.

“Sorry! I think I pulled a muscle on my leg.”

“Well don’t curse and take an ibuprofen,” she said and continued serving.

Phil grabbed his phone again. “I will get you for that. Just don’t say anything, Martyn will announce it soon. He asked me not to tell.”

“Alright,” Dan typed before they were told to put their phones down.

Dinner went by smoothly, although Phil was anxious for Martyn to drop the news so that they could all talk about it. The secret was burning him from the inside. When his mum went to the kitchen to make coffee, he went along and asked if they could cut the cake already. 

She was a bit shocked but accepted, so Phil got it from the fridge and set it on the table. It was all covered in candy with a small doll resembling Phil emerging from it. “Aww, that’s cute, Mum,” Phil called over his shoulder.

“I didn’t make it, I just bought it,” she replied.

Phil snorted. Once the coffee and the mugs were at the table, Dan lit the candle and led the happy birthday song for Phil. 

In that moment, Phil felt frozen in time, looking around, his loved ones smiling, supporting him and his relationship with Dan, who was easily slotting into the family and he looked at Cornelia, who would soon give him the best gift he could ever get.

Dan laid his hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Make a wish!”

Phil smiled at him and leaned down closer to the cake. “I don’t need anything else,” he thought and blew the candle out. He stood up and looked at Martyn, trying to signal him to speak up.

“Corn?” Martyn said.

“We wanted to take a moment to tell you something since we are all together here - the entire family,” she said, looking at them all. “We are having a baby.” She beamed. “I am four months pregnant!”

“Oh, Martyn!” his mum said, rubbing a few stray tears away and hugged his brother briefly before pulling Cornelia into a crushing hug. “This is wonderful!”

His dad shook Martyn’s hand before thinking about it for a moment and pulling him into a hug and Phil could have sworn he saw a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Then it was Dan’s turn to congratulate them and Cornelia asked if he was excited to become an uncle which almost made Phil cry. He just walked over to his brother and gave him a big hug, then he joined Dan in hugging Cornelia who merely laughed.

It was his favourite birthday so far.

---

The following months were a bit of a haze. Dan had stopped taking new patients the previous year to allow him to continue to work with Young Minds, continue acting occasionally and posting on YouTube. He also focused on his mental health book deal, which he’d gladly accepted at a minimum fee and promptly got to work. 

It took him almost six months to write and it stressed him out to no end, but he found that he enjoyed the process as well. Phil often read bits and pieces of the book, but Dan was a bit overzealous of his draft until it was completely edited. 

He also had a stand-up show written and its tour was in negotiations for the second half of the year. On the other hand, Phil had started his own secret project in the works; he allocated his free time for it fully but he wasn’t going to share it with Dan until he was sure it was what he wanted and had a direct plan of action. He took advantage of the fact that Dan was working his butt off to form a very concrete proposal to buy property together. It would be a huge step for them and he knew that Dan would probably drown in the what ifs if Phil didn’t have at least some ideas of how they could afford such a project and what they would be looking for. 

In May, Phil finally felt ready to broach the subject. He took his plans and sat Dan for a talk at the breakfast bar.

“What’s up?” Dan asked, looking nervous and quite pale.

“Everything is alright. I just wanted to ask you something,” Phil said, placing a cup of tea in front of Dan. He opened his mouth to speak but found no words. He let out a little frustrated sigh. “Well… I’m buying a house.”

“Oh?” Dan frowned.

Phil raised his eyebrows at his own stupidity. “For us. For both of us to live together there.”

Dan visibly relaxed. “Oh, ok,” he said with a little laugh.

“Yeah, the thing is… I want to completely remodel it, but I want you to see it and tell me if you like it, if you like the area and to help me design it.”

“Oh, wow,” Dan said, pausing. “I love the idea but, how much money are we talking about?”

Phil had considered paying for it himself, but he knew better than offering something like that to Dan, he would never accept it. “Here,” he said, getting the folder from one of the small drawers in the kitchen.

“You were hiding this in the kitchen?” Dan asked with an amused smile.

Phil shrugged. “Why would you even be looking in there? How often do you cook, Danny boy?”

“Fair,” Dan mumbled, skimming through the pages of the three financial options Phil had presented to him. “I like the 50-50 one if I can just transfer the money to you every month.”

“That was my favourite one too. Now look at the pictures,” Phil said, turning a few pages. Each picture came with handwritten notes of his plan and questions for Dan.

Dan’s face transformed, his smile growing as he turned each page. “It’s gorgeous. Ohhh, the garden, Phil!” Dan said in wonder. “The inside is very old-fashioned but I like the bare bones. Can we afford to remodel it? I think that it could be a bit much.”

“We have the merch store, ad revenue, sponsors, you have your book, we have savings. I know that construction can get out of hand but it will probably take at least a year to complete it so I think we can manage it,” Phil said and braced himself. “All you need to agree to is to let me pay rent completely, at least until your earnings are more similar to mine.”

Dan pursed his lips. Phil could tell that he didn’t like the idea at all but he was in no position to argue. He was still catching up on his metrics. “Alright, but I will pay it back.”

“Don’t,” Phil said. “Put it aside for a trip to Japan. We’ve always wanted to go.”

“I like the sound of that,” Dan said. “Thank you, love.” He leaned in and pressed three quick kisses to Phil’s lips. “I love you!”

“Love you too,” Phil said, letting out a small sigh and taking the first sip of his tepid tea.

 ---

June 2019 

Dan was a bit scared of how the so-called phannies would react to his stand-up so he did a few pre-shows - with unrelated material of course - at a small pub and it went amazingly well. They loved his style and the crude jokes. As it turned out, their viewers had grown with them and made it fairly evident that there had always been people of their own age and even older watching their content. As Dan had simply put it: “They’re old.” 

Phil had known that most of their viewers were queer for quite a while but seeing the army of -mostly- lesbians at Dan’s small shows was a delight. It was a freeing experience for both of them. Dan got to make as many gay sex jokes as he wanted and people often matched his energy which made him incredibly happy and Phil got to see Dan be himself fully, be confident in his own identity and sexuality which also turned into a bit of a surprising self-discovery journey. 

Phil had thought that he had been confident in his own skin for years and years but being semi-closeted in aspects of your life plays a weird game on your mind. The little offhand comments you’d get, or having to lie by omission to some weird intrusive questions, having to come up with made-up stories in interviews, it was all very tiring. Phil found that he also loved to make crude jokes in public, perhaps not as much in his videos but in his everyday life. It was just something that brought him a lot of joy.

It was a relief to be so secure in their relationship that when Dan joked about people sliding into his DMs and living his hot boy summer, Phil didn’t feel jealous at all. He knew that Dan was loyal to him and that what they had was a priority for both of them. 

Before things got too busy and with the excuse of Dan’s birthday, they took a weekend trip to visit his family. 

Phil stood before the same door he’d stood almost a decade prior and smiled at the bittersweet memories it brought. He knew that this time things would be different. With Dan’s homophobic father long gone from the family home, they weren’t as worried about things going awry, so his mind turned to the first few months after they met in person, when everything had changed. Sharing Dan’s bed, flirting, playing hours upon hours of video games and filming. Phil let out a sigh as he remembered Dan looking at him, the golden specks in his warm brown eyes dancing in the sunlight as he laughed, his hobbit hair wild and free. 

“Ready?” Dan asked, pulling him from his musings.

Phil simply smiled at him and nodded, but before he could ring the doorbell, Karen opened the door, welcoming them and wrapping them into a tight hug each. 

“Oh, Phil! It’s so good to see you again after so long! I’ve been asking Dan to bring you over forever,” she said.

“Thank you so much!” Phil said with a huge smile. A side eye Dan’s way revealed that he had been, in fact, asked to bring Phil over, if his beat red face and neck scratching was any indication. “He keeps me hidden, what can I say?”

She laughed and swatted Dan’s arm.

“I don’t!” Dan said. “We’ve just been busy, Mum.”

“Of course you have.” Karen rolled her eyes at her son and ushered them inside. 

She pointed Phil towards one of the armchairs and Dan to the closest spot to him on the bigger sofa, choosing the other end of it for herself. As soon as Phil had taken his place, he felt two soft paws scratching at his legs. “Awww, Hi Colin! Nice to meet you!” Phil said as he helped the pup climb onto his lap. He gave Colin a kiss and turned his attention back to Dan’s mum. “How have you been?” he finally asked.

“Oh, you know how it is,” she said. “Teaching is very difficult with this newer generation, they are quite unruly, but I still love my job. How are you guys? Any new projects?”

Dan reached his hand to pet Colin absentmindedly but kept his eyes on his mum. “My book is out already and it did very well. People are saying they enjoyed it and that it helped them manage their mental health a bit better, so I’m happy about that. The tour is about to start, I brought you tickets, as you requested,” he said, fishing them out of his pocket and handing them over to her. “You can go with Nana and Popsie; Adrian wants to go on a different date.”

“Your brother is such a loose cannonball sometimes,” she shook her head but smiled. “Will your parents be there, Phil?” Karen asked although it didn’t really sound like a question. Phil realised that this was not Dan’s mother talking to him, it was his “Mother in Law” letting him know that she expected him to make it work so that both families could finally meet after so many years. There were expectations.

Phil blinked but he didn’t let his smile falter. He was a bit nervous, but he had, gladly, made the arrangements to save everyone the pain of flying over another time. It was not quite a middle ground but it was the best option.“Yes, of course. They love Dan and they’re very excited to see the show. All of our friends are going on different dates as well.” He kept petting Colin, who was trying to take a nap on his lap but kept opening his eyes every time Dan or Phil touched him.

“Did you warn Nana that it’s rude?” Dan asked, picking at the fabric of the sofa cushion.

“Yes, but she has been watching your videos, so she knows what to expect,” Karen said. “You should have her on your channel, I think she would like that very much.”

Dan sputtered. “I don’t know about that.”

“Aw, that would be so cute!” Phil said. “Also the viewers loved her comment about the Ipad and the old home videos where she tried to scare you. I think she’d be a hit.”

Karen nodded. “See? Phil agrees with me!”

“He’s just sucking up to you,” Dan said.

Phil laughed. “I would never!”

“Don’t be like that, Phil is very sweet and polite!” Karen said, patting Phil’s knee.

Phil stuck his tongue out to Dan.

The doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of Dan’s grandparents and causing both Dan and Phil to stand and Colin to jump from his lap, throwing a reproachful look over his shoulder as he marched towards Dan.

“Hellooo,” Dan said, picking him up and going up to greet his grandparents.

Phil stood by his armchair and awkwardly waited for everyone to join him to shake Nana’s and Popsie’s hands as they sat on the big sofa with Karen, relegating Dan -and Colin- to the armchair across the room. Seeing Dan’s pout at being so far away from him made Phil regret not joining him on the big sofa when he got the chance.

Dan’s grandparents were extremely polite but a bit aloof at first. Dan had mentioned that they were open to the idea of him being gay but they hadn’t been in contact with any gay people per se, so they would have to try to act naturally to give them an idea of what they could expect. Basically, Dan had asked Phil to be himself and treat him as if they were alone at home, with as much pda or as little as he felt like doing.

“Phil, it is so nice to see you,” Dan’s grandma said, folding her hands on her lap.

Phil smiled. “Thank you,” he said and nodded at Popsie. “Nice to see you both again. I hope you remember me.”

“I do,” Dan’s grandma said, looking at Dan out of the corner of her eye. “Daniel couldn’t quite stop talking about you all the time so by the time I met you, I felt like I already knew you. That made it hard to forget you.”

Phil didn’t know what to say to that, so he smiled. It was a little bit funny, picturing Dan with his massive crush, going on and on about Phil.

“Nana, don’t make me sound so lame,” Dan said a bit too loudly, causing Colin to lift his head and huff. Dan looked at him apologetically and ruffled his fur.

“I am only telling the truth, if that makes you sound ‘lame’ as you put it…” she trailed off.

Phil burst out laughing and suddenly felt at ease with her. “You are delightful.”

“I’m going to be bullied the entire day, aren’t I?” Dan asked, pouting and flipping Colin’s ear inside out.

Popsie smiled at him and nodded before focusing on Phil. “So, what are your plans for the future?” he asked.

“For the future?” Phil asked, unsure of what to say, so he started speaking about work as per usual. “I have a lot of videos in the work, sponsors, my brother runs our merch company as well, but I do need to look things over. We are quite busy at the moment, especially with Dan going away on tour for a few months.” He looked at Dan across the room for any indication on how good of a reply that was but Dan merely shrugged.

“Well, that’s wonderful, but… we’ve been wondering if you two are going to get married, adopt children? I’m not sure how it’s done nowadays,” Popsie said with a small smile.

Dan sank further into his armchair, trying to make himself small and turned to talk to his mum, who completely ignored him in favour of listening to Phil’s answer.

Phil’s eyes widened, but he thought each and every single one of his movements carefully. He took account of how he was sitting, his posture, and his hands. He sat as a perfectly respectable human instead of a pile of goo; he squared his shoulders, laced his fingers on his lap and leaned forward trying to exude confidence. “Well, we haven’t discussed marriage quite yet, but we are buying property together this year.”

“You are?” Karen asked, beaming and looking between Dan and Phil.

Dan nodded but let Phil do the talking.

“Yes, it was my idea,” Phil said. “As you may know, Dan and I have quite a bit of history and it took us some time to repair our friendship and build a strong and loving relationship, so we are taking things slow to make sure that we are doing things the right way.”

“That is good! It’s important to take the time to consider things and not just jump into a wedding,” Karen said, looking pointedly at her mother. “A house sounds wonderful. May I ask if it will be under both of your names?”

Phil nodded. “Yes. We have already decided how we will split the cost, and since we are going to remodel it before moving in, it will probably be a long process.”

“Where are you buying?” Popsie asked, giving him what Phil assumed was an approving look. 

“Kensington,” Phil said. “It’s a three-story house with a huge back garden.” He pulled his phone out and showed them a few pictures.

“It looks like a good place for a family,” Dan’s grandma said.

“Please, no mention of children,” Dan whined, pulling Colin to lay on his chest and wrapping his arms around him.

“Don’t you want children, Daniel?” she asked.

“Not right now,” Dan said with a frown. “We have a lot of work ahead. If it happens it will happen.”

“But how?” Popsie asked, cocking his head. “I don’t mean to be rude, of course, but I don’t understand.”

Phil saw a mix of embarrassment and anger forming in Dan’s face, but he could see that Popsie was just trying to understand, so he took over the conversation. “Well, neither of us will be getting pregnant,” he laughed. “But gay couples have different options, or rather, we have the same options as most couples dealing with infertility, like adoption, or getting eggs from a donor and paying a surrogate to carry the child, or simply to remain child-free. Like I said, at the moment we are focusing on ourselves and our relationship, anything else will come in the future, when we have the proper time and money to make it happen.” Phil ventured a look at Dan and found nothing but gratitude and love in his eyes.

“Yes,” Dan said, the smile slowly returning to his face. “I may be just a little selfish here, but I don’t want to share Phil with anyone at the moment, and if we decided to have children, a wedding would probably happen first. For now, we have our house to focus on and our projects.”

Karen smiled and patted Dan’s hand. “It sounds like you have a wonderful life together.”

“We do,” Dan said, his smile widening. “And I am very happy.”

“That’s all that matters then,” Dan’s grandma said and clapped her hands once. “Congratulations to you both.”

Popsie smiled and nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this much, Daniel. It is a relief to still be alive to see you so happy.”

“Well, don’t take it as a sign to die,” Dan said, letting out an awkward laugh. “That would not make me very happy.”

“It’s not my time yet,” Popsie chuckled.

The doorbell rang once again and Karen walked over to the window, pulling the curtains back. “Looks like the pizza is here!” she said, giving Phil an apologetic look before walking over to the door.

“Karen! Pizza? While having company over? Why didn’t you cook something?” Dan’s grandma said, getting up and walking after her daughter.

“I’m not a great cook and I didn’t want to stress about it,” Karen said.

“But I am, I could have made something!” 

Karen waved her off. “It’s fine and Phil loves pizza, don’t you Phil?”

“I do!” Phil added and finally remembered that as a guest he should probably offer to carry the pizzas. “I can take that to the kitchen,” he said.

“You are such a darling, Phil. Always so polite!” Karen said, handing him the boxes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Phil saw Popsie sliding closer to Dan and whispering something as he placed a hand on his shoulder and watched Dan rub his cheek quickly to wipe a few tears as he nodded and smiled. 

Phil let out a sigh of relief. Everything was finally falling into place. Both families had accepted them with love and respect for them and the relationship they shared. It was all they had ever wanted.

---

October 2019

October brought many milestones. They celebrated their first anniversary as an official couple and the 10th anniversary of the day they first met. 

The celebration itself was more of an improvised dinner date at their new home, in which construction had just started, sitting on a blanket, basically having a picnic and wine. Maybe it would not be considered the most romantic set up by the majority of people, but to them it was. It symbolised so many achievements and the hard work that they had put on themselves, their friendship and their relationship, as well as being their first property. In a way, it was the most romantic celebration they could have put together. There were no aesthetic decorations, fancy restaurants or public displays, it was just them - together, sharing a moment.

Dan grabbed a slice of pizza and moaned dramatically as he bit into it.

Phil laughed at his antics. God, he loved how Dan made him laugh with the simplest gestures. He loved Dan, his curly hair, his warm brown eyes, that low voice he used when it was just the two of them. He loved Dan dressed to the nines or only in his joggers and a stained T-shirt, his eyes falling shut from how tired he was. He loved Dan naked too, when it was just him, no decoration, no masks, just Dan. He loved Dan so much that he sometimes felt his heart would burst out of his chest at any moment.

“What?” Dan asked mid chew.

Phil snorted. “You have stubble now,” he said, cupping Dan’s cheek and rubbing his thumb on his chin.

“I’ll get it tomorrow,” Dan said.

“Don’t,” Phil smiled. “I like it.”

“I thought you said it was too rough on your skin,” Dan said.

“Maybe I like it rough,” Phil said with an awkward wink.

Dan laughed and threw a piece of crust his way.

“Hey, be nice!” Phil said.

“I’m always nice,” Dan said, pointing at his bruised forehead. “Today I slammed my head into the cabinets again and I didn’t even yell at you about it.”

“Is that why you were cursing this morning?”

“Yes, but I let you have a lie in instead of going to you to complain.”

“You could have joined me,” Phil said, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a bite.

“I wanted to clean so that you don’t have to keep up with everything while I’m gone,” Dan said, his smile dropping a bit.

“That’s actually very sweet of you,” Phil said.

Dan pretended to retch. “Shut up,” he said, very fondly. It was the first time that they would be apart for an extended period of time since they got back together. Phil could hardly remember what life without Dan was like, but it was necessary. He would support every single solo project Dan had, and help him spread his wings, in the same way Dan supported him.

This was the time for Dan to spend some time with his followers without Phil’s presence, except in the occasional show.

“I’m going to miss you and go a bit crazy,” Phil admitted.

“You can always come to visit me on the road.”

“Maybe I will,” Phil said and leaned in to press a quick kiss to Dan’s lips.

“Please do,” Dan said, sounding a little smaller, perhaps like a lost child.

“Aww,” said Phil and gave him a quick succession of kisses on the lips. Three for good luck. “You will do amazingly, they will love you.”

“What if I fuck up on stage?” Dan frowned.

“Then they will laugh with you, which is the point of the show,” Phil said. “You know what to do already, just be yourself.”

“Sometimes I panic and consider cancelling.”

Phil nodded. “I know, I can see it in your eyes from time to time, but I also know that you were made to do this. You have to go out there and make little theatre kid Dan proud.”

“I know, but I could also just go live in the woods,” Dan said, only half joking.

“You are afraid of trees, and the show starts next week. It’s too late to back out now,” Phil laughed, patting his leg.

Dan snorted a laugh. “Yeah,” he said, shifting slightly and laying back onto Phil’s lap. “I love you, you know?” he asked, looking up at Phil.

“Yeah, I know,” Phil said, running his fingers through Dan’s curls. “I love you too.”

“Enough to keep my plants alive while I am away?” Dan smirked.

“I can’t promise that,” Phil laughed. “But I can promise that the house will still be standing when you come back - probably.”

Dan laughed, his eyes crinkling with happiness. “Probably.”

---

Dan’s stand-up show “We’re all doomed” opened to a full theatre of fans who had shown up to support him. Their excitement permeated the air and got into Phil. He was there to see his favourite person perform.

Phil danced in his seat while the pre show playlist boomed through the speakers. His smile widened when Dan came onto the stage. He felt a hand resting on his own, turned to his side and looked into his mother’s eyes, her smile matching his.

His heart sang as he watched Dan perform, giving it his all, working the stage and feeding off the audience’s energy.

He loved the show, he really did, but watching both of their families laugh along with Dan’s jokes and look at him proudly had to be one of Phil’s favourite memories from that night.

As the show came to a close, Dan came on stage one last time to thank the audience and looked up to the gallery where his people were. He made direct eye contact with Phil and placed his hand on his heart, smiling widely and mouthing a silent “I love you,” and Phil wanted to keep that image engraved in his mind forever.

It had taken such a long time to get to this point, but they were finally where they wanted to be, together, and even though Phil didn’t forget everything that had happened, all the heartache, all the hardships, he didn’t doubt for a second that it had all been worth it. God, he loved Dan so much, and he was going to spend the rest of his life making him happy - just as happy as Dan made him.  

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 12

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 12: When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter.

October 2018

With everything going on, his relationship with Dan blossoming, their friendship and their public branding being sort of related again, Phil debated on whether to look into posts he was not tagged in for mentions of the ship, to see what people thought of them now and it took him weeks to finally decide to go through with it. 

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that most viewers on Tumblr talked about the glass closet concept, respectful of them not wanting to discuss their current relationship status but having caught onto the clues that there was something there, just enough context clues to let the queer viewers into the secret and let the homophobic people pretend that they didn’t see anything. 

There was a moment, a sinking feeling in his stomach, when he came across another post saying that Dan and Phil had gone back to queer baiting to sell merch and get more views and condemning it, but not many people seemed to agree. It was dated a few months prior, before their coming out videos, but it still hurt Phil’s feelings. Only a blind person could accuse him of queer baiting. 

He shook his head and hopped into the shower, he needed to relax. He washed his body thoroughly, briefly considering getting off but he was too stressed about what he’d seen to give it a shot. Phil almost slipped and cracked his skull in the shower when he heard the door to this flat open. He wrapped a towel around his hips and carefully walked out of the bathroom, stopping by the kitchen to grab a cast iron pan.

“Hey!” 

Phil jumped and dropped the pan to the floor, narrowly avoiding his foot but cracking a tile in the process. “Dan!”.

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Dan said. “I used the spare key because you were not answering,” he mumbled as his eyes travelled down Phil’s naked torso hungrily. 

“Oh,” Phil said, trying to ignore Dan’s scolding stare. “What happened?”

“I just - wanted to tell you about a thing I was offered…” trailed off, still not looking into Phil’s eyes.

“Well, what is it?” Phil tried, but Dan ran his fingers on Phil’s chest softly, fiddling with the sparse patch of hair.

“You are so wet,” Dan said, clearly not paying attention.

“I was in the shower,” Phil said awkwardly. 

Dan finally looked up and pulled him closer by the hips. Then, he pressed their noses together, looking into Phil’s eyes. “God, I love you so much,” he whispered.

Phil’s eyes widened and before he could say anything, Dan was kissing him as he ran the tips of his fingers down Phil’s back adoringly, barely grazing the skin, the touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. Dan’s hands came to rest in the small of his back as he kissed Phil’s neck, he smirked when Phil gasped and held onto his shoulders. 

He paused and looked into Phil’s eyes for a moment before asking: “May I?” he said, running his fingers on the edge of the towel.

Phil considered it for a moment, trying to not jump into things because he was horny, but they had been working towards it for a few months now, slowly, really talking things through, paying attention to their feelings and where they were at mentally and emotionally, and - yes, Phil really wanted to. He was ready. “Yes,” he whispered and leaned in for another kiss, burying his fingers in the curls on the back of Dan’s head, playing with them softly. He let out a happy sigh when their hips met. He had missed this, he had missed having Dan like this.

Grabbing Phil’s butt through the towel, Dan took a few steps forward, trying to guide Phil to his bedroom, but snorted at how they stumbled awkwardly and opted for just pulling Phil along by the hand. Phil laughed along; it wouldn’t be them if it wasn’t at least a little bit ungraceful. 

Once they had arrived at their destination, Phil sat on the bed and watched Dan unceremoniously remove his shirt and unbuckle his belt, marvelling at all the changes in his body and how good he looked. “Come here,” he said, extending a hand towards Dan and helping him with his zipper and looking up at him, caressing his tummy. “Gorgeous,” he said under his breath.

Dan leaned down for a quick kiss and gently pushed at his chest.

“But-” Phil protested as he discarded the towel, trying to tempt Dan.

“Later,” Dan said. He removed his jeans and lay on top of Phil, resting his weight on his elbows and leaning down to kiss him.

Phil let Dan do as he wished and let his hands wander down Dan’s gorgeous back, grabbing his ass. The sudden movement startled Dan, causing his hips to twitch and finally press their cocks together. 

Phil smiled into the kiss when Dan began to grind on him. Their breaths came out in pants as Phil met Dan thrust for thrust, perhaps a bit too eagerly and Dan let out a high-pitched whine. He tried to angle away from the friction but Phil wrapped one leg around him, not ready to let go of the amazing sensation quickly building in his stomach. 

Beginning to tremble, Dan gave up on the kiss, unable to keep his focus, and pressed his forehead to Phil’s shoulder, letting out small puffs of air that tickled his neck.

“Phil!” Dan moaned as his thrust became more erratic, his entire body shaking. “Ah, fuck,” he said before coming all over Phil who was still thrusting up against him, still desperately chasing his own orgasm, letting out breathy moans.

“You’re so cute when you whine like that,” Dan mumbled into his ear and bit down on Phil’s neck finally pushing him over the edge.

They lay there panting for a little while before Dan got up and went to get a towel soaked in warm water, sitting at the edge of the bed to clean Phil up, which made him smile.

“Thank you,” Phil said, placing his hand on Dan’s arm.

“You’re welcome,” Dan said, dropping a kiss to his forehead and climbing into bed with him.

Phil wrapped one arm around Dan and pulled him close, sighing happily. He pressed a few kisses on Dan’s cheeks, lips, forehead and nose.

Dan snorted a laugh, blushing and trying to hide his face in the pillow.

“What?” Phil asked with what he knew was a goofy smile.

“Nothing!” Dan said. “I missed this. Us”

“Me too,” Phil admitted. “What did you want to tell me earlier?”

“Nothing, it was all a ploy to barge in and find you naked.”

“Oh, shut up,” Phil laughed. “Be serious now!”

Dan paused, his expression dropping for a moment. “I was offered a book deal. It would be a self-help book,” he said. “And I wanted to know what you thought about that.”

“What else am I going to think? I think it’s amazing! You’ve always wanted to help people through books. Who came to you? Publishing?”

“Young Minds, actually. I had mentioned to them before that it is something that interested me, they handled everything but left the door open for negotiations,” Dan said.

“I love that! Congratulations, you deserve it!” Phil gave Dan a quick kiss. “I’m so proud of you!”

Dan smiled. “Thank you,” he said and Phil could tell that he was holding off, trying to say something else.

“What?”

“Ready for another one?” Dan smirked.

“That was not what you were going to say!” Phil laughed.

“It was!” Dan kissed him, trying to distract him from the conversation, and it worked, of course, Phil had never been able to resist Dan and Dan knew that very well. 

Dan’s lips wandered down, dropping kisses on his neck and chest, teasing Phil with random bites on his tummy, his inner thighs and even his hips until he was fully hard. Only then did Dan settle between his legs. 

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s curls, pulling softly as he watched Dan wrap one hand around the base of his cock and ghost his breath over it, licking his lips as if he couldn’t wait to figuratively eat him. It was too much for Phil; he let his head drop back to the pillow. 

“Look at me,” Dan demanded and Phil complied, locking eyes with Dan just for a moment, watching him press his tongue flat against the shaft and give him a long lick from root to tip, taking him in and sucking lightly. Phil’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as Dan hollowed his cheeks and began bobbing his head before pulling away and swirling his tongue around the head. 

Phil felt his fringe sticking to his sweaty forehead, the heat already rising within him when Dan pressed the tip of his tongue to his slit and sucked harder before really getting into a nice rhythm, taking him a bit deeper each time and moaning so loudly, the vibrations sending tiny shocks of pleasure to Phil’s cock as he got into his throat.

High-pitched whines were falling from Phil’s lips ever so often, his legs starting to shake as he got closer and closer to the edge. He wasn’t usually this fast, fuck, but Dan had learned a trick or two in the time they’d been apart. That thought pulled him away from the edge. Who the fuck did Dan learn this from? He frowned.

Dan pulled back and gave him an unimpressed look. “What?” he panted. “You’re distracted, I can tell.”

“Nothing!” Phil rushed to say, trying not to completely ruin things.

“Don’t lie!” Dan huffed, squeezing his cock slightly, making Phil groan in discomfort.

“You’ve gotten good at this,” Phil said and it was only half a compliment, and Dan knew it, raising one eyebrow to call Phil out on his bullshit. “Since we’ve done it,” he finally finished the sentence.

Dan huffed, crawling up to speak to him properly, and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I did. And now I’m going to use everything I know on you. Only you,” he said. “You have nothing to be jealous of.”

Phil gasped when Dan wrapped one hand around his cock, his lips already attached to Phil’s neck as he pumped torturously slowly, twisting his hand on the upstroke and thumbing the head.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Dan said, biting his neck softly.

“I don’t want to think about anyone touching you,” Phil said.

“Then don’t. That was after I left. It was nobody important,” Dan mumbled, his hand still moving. “And I thought of you with each and every one of them.”

“You are mine,” Phil snarled, pulling Dan’s hair a bit too harshly to give himself space to bite his neck. He pushed Dan onto the mattress, crawling on top of him and pinning his arms down.

“Yes!” Dan moaned, his body responding to Phil’s change in demeanour.

Phil paused, a bit bewildered about Dan’s reaction. “What?”

“Fuck me,” Dan mumbled. 

Phil’s eyes widened, his resolution faltering. “What?”

Dan looked into his eyes and spoke up. “Please, fuck me.”

“Are you sure?”

Dan nodded, but when Phil didn’t move, he continued. “Phil, for fuck’s sake, I've been fingering myself in the shower thinking about you for years,” he said. “It's been years!”

Phil bit his lip as a memory crossed his mind. The first time they were together, Dan had asked Phil to ride him, it was only fair that he got to watch this time. “Alright,” he smirked. “Ride me.”

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. He nodded and straddled Phil, reaching for the bedside drawer, finding the lube and a condom in no time. Phil watched with rapt attention as Dan rubbed the lube between his fingers, his hand disappearing behind his back as he leaned down to kiss him and started stretching himself. 

Even though Phil had no way of seeing exactly what Dan was doing, he could feel every sigh into the kiss, the tremble of his legs, and the incredibly happy smile that graced his lips. He took this opportunity to get reacquainted with Dan’s body, gently gracing the tips of his fingers on his nipples, shoulders, and down his back, feeling the goosebumps the sensation brought Dan until he reached Dan’s lower back. Curiosity got the best of him as he traced Dan’s fingers down to his hole. “Do you need help?” he mumbled against Dan’s lips hoping he would say yes.

Dan broke the kiss and he shook his head. “Just kiss me, I can do it,” he said, shutting his eyes with a focused frown.

Phil smirked and pulled Dan down for a deep kiss, letting out a happy sigh as his hands travelled south once again, settling on Dan’s ass and helping him move, causing him to grind gently on Phil as he fingered himself.

Turning his head towards Dan’s side, Phil managed to kiss his neck and suck lightly before the other pulled away.

“Don’t do that or this will be over before it starts,” Dan hissed, sitting up. He gave Phil a stern look and passed the condom and lube to him.

“Sorry,” Phil said with a smirk, not feeling sorry for a second. He tore the packet, uncapped the lube and did his usual method, making sure that the condom was rolled correctly and well lubed inside and out.

Dan pulled his fingers out and wiped his hands on his discarded T-shirt before settling them on Phil’s chest. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Phil asked, not wanting Dan to hurt himself.

“Yeah,” Dan said, reaching back to grab Phil’s cock. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and looked into Phil’s eyes as he sank down slowly, his brows burrowed into a frown. 

There was a little resistance but Phil let Dan handle it on his own time.

“Fuck!” Dan moaned.

Phil was in heaven, his hands on Dan’s hips, helping him settle down slowly, feeling him pulse around him. “So beautiful,” Phil whispered.

“You,” Dan replied. He rolled his hips and it was Phil’s time to moan. Despite the stretching, Dan was so tight. “Always wanted to do this with you.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked breathlessly.

“Mhmm. I knew you would feel amazing,” Dan said. He started rocking, slowly at first but gradually getting into it. Throwing his head back, he rolled his hips again and again, pulling out and sinking back harder down with each roll.

Dan had such a beautiful neck, Phil wanted to bite it again, but he settled for watching the gorgeous expanse of skin just out of his reach, Adam’s apple bobbing as Dan swallowed and the muscles flexing as he moaned. Phil dug his nails into Dan’s hips and helped him sink down harder as they picked up the pace.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Dan whined, louder and louder and Phil was starting to get distracted thinking of the neighbours. 

Then he did it. He spanked Dan’s ass, throwing him off his rhythm but watching his cock twitch at the pain. That kinky bastard. “Be quiet,” Phil snickered.

“Make me,” Dan pouted, slowing down to a stop.

“Really?” Phil asked.

The blush creeping up Dan’s chest and neck confirmed it, even before he nodded.

Phil tapped Dan’s side. “Up. I’ll take care of you,” he said and Dan looked way too happy about it. “On your knees and elbows.”

Dan bit his lip and gave him a sly smile before obliging. Just as he was settling comfortably on his elbows, Phil grabbed his ass, spreading him open and slowly pushed inside as deep as he could. Dan let out a low moan and arched his back, trying to push back against him. Phil paused, holding him still, giving Dan a moment to adjust to the feeling again before pulling one of his hands behind his back and then the other, leaving him trembling on his knees until he settled forward on his shoulders.

“I can’t really move like this,” Dan said.

“That’s the idea,” Phil replied and grasped both of Dan’s wrists with one hand, placing a pillow in front of his face. “If you want to scream, do it into the pillow. I trust you to turn your head to the side if you can’t breathe.” 

“What if I want to choke?” Dan snorted and tried to move his hips but Phil spanked him with his free hand. “Ngh!”

“Do you want me to fuck you hard or gently?” Phil asked.

“Hard,” Dan groaned.

“Good. Then keep your hands behind your back like this,” Phil commanded. “Got it?”

“Yeah!” Dan moaned.

Satisfied with that reply, Phil let go of Dan’s hands and placed his own on Dan’s gorgeous hips again. He pulled out just a bit before thrusting back in, experimenting with different angles until he found what he was looking for. Smirking, Phil thrust harder and harder, barely able to hear Dan screaming his moans into the pillow above the sound of his blood rushing to his ears and the slap of flesh against flesh.

Dan put his hands down and pushed himself back against his thrusts. “Harder,” he begged as he began to tremble. “Please! please! I’ll be quiet,” he babbled.

Phil obliged, pulling out and slamming back into Dan as hard as he could, effectively pushing Dan into the mattress shoulders first again. “Touch yourself,” he said and continued to slam into him at a punishing pace.

Dan shut his eyes and turned his head to the side. He bit his lip hard, stifling his moans as his hand flew over his cock until he came with a silent scream.

Phil slammed into Dan one more time as deep as he could and came into the condom, shivering as he felt Dan’s overstimulated body twitch. He pulled out and discarded the condom but when he saw Dan’s beautiful body covered in a thin layer of sweat, his hair stuck to his face, and the bruises already forming on his hips, Phil couldn’t help himself and pushed one finger inside of him, pressing it gently against his prostate. He leaned over Dan’s body and whispered: “Can I eat you out, Baby?”

“Fuck,” Dan laughed looking at him over his shoulder. “Right now?”

Phil raised one eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” Dan whispered. “Ok.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s ass and pried his cheeks open, exposing his hole and pressed the tip of his tongue against it, giving him teasing licks for a few minutes until he sneaked his hand around and confirmed his suspicions, Dan was getting hard again. 

“Bastard,” Dan said. “I’m too sensitive.” He pressed his face into the pillow.

“Do you want me to stop?” Phil teased.

Dan looked over his shoulder. “Shut up and eat me out,” he groaned.

“Bossy.” Phil laughed and shoved his tongue inside of Dan without further preamble. He alternated between thrusting his tongue inside and soft licks and kisses until Dan was ready to murder him. Only then did Phil properly fucked him with his tongue until his jaw was sore and even past that point, when Dan’s balls drew up and his hole clenched hard around Phil as he came for what felt like forever.

Dan lay down at his side, trembling with the aftershocks of his orgasm and turned his head to look at Phil, his brows burrowing into a frown. Phil could see Dan’s expression slowly begin to change into one of worry, or even panic, as time went on.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, bracing himself as his anxiety began to rise with every second Dan stayed silent. “Please, don’t leave. Let’s talk about it.”

“I’m not leaving,” Dan mumbled, his eyes wide. 

“Do you regret it?” Phil asked, his voice small, already cursing himself for pushing Dan’s boundaries.

“No!” Dan said and rolled onto his side to face Phil, lacing their fingers together. “No, I swear. I just -”

“What?” Phil squeaked.

“I meant to say it on a romantic date, not like that,” Dan pouted.

Phil’s brain was beginning to come back online and then it hit him, what Dan had said earlier. He actually meant what Phil had hoped he did. “You love me?”

“You’ve always known that. What I meant to say was… I am in love with you,” Dan said and held his gaze, waiting for an answer.

Phil smiled widely, letting out a sigh of relief. “Me too. I mean, I love you so much.” He rolled onto his side to face Dan and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, dropping a few more around his face for good measure.

Dan giggled as Phil kissed him all over but still asked: “But are you in love with me? That’s different.”

Phil rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, I am in love with you, dork.”

“Then you are my boyfriend now,” Dan said with a cheeky smile.

“Is that even a question?” Phil asked, amused.

Dan shook his head, a smile still on his lips. “No, Lester. You are mine now. No turning back.”

“Good.” Phil nodded. “Stay.”

“There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” Dan said, pressing a kiss to the back of Phil’s hand.

“Aww, that’s cheesy,” Phil teased.

“It’s supposed to be cheesy,” Dan laughed.

Phil tickled him until Dan was cry-laughing and begging him to stop. “God, I love you, I love you so much, you can’t imagine,” he said and pressed their lips together into a soft kiss, sighing happily. It was just a relief to be able to say it out loud; Phil hadn’t realised how much he’d needed to say it, to let Dan know. “I love you,” he said again and he felt butterflies in his stomach at the fond smile Dan gave him, his eyes full of love and almost adoration.

“I love you too,” Dan whispered.

In fact, Dan’s voice whispering sweet nothings into his ear was what lulled Phil to sleep peacefully. 

When Phil opened his eyes again, he felt inundated with a sense of happiness like he had never felt before, not in the early morning at least and not just for waking up, for being alive. 

His vision focused and he smiled as he saw Dan snoring softly at his side, the sunlight coming through the window making his skin glow, enhancing the little freckles on his shoulders and the warm brown in his hair. He grabbed his phone and snapped a picture of Dan before cuddling up to him and resting his face on his shoulder.

Dan stirred, his brows furrowed until he saw Phil and flashed him a smile. “Hi, love,” Dan said in his low and raspy morning voice.

Phil almost squealed at the pet name, but he controlled himself. “Hi,” he whispered. “Breakfast?”

“Mmm, yeah,” Dan said. “Later.” His head disappeared under the sheets as he made his way down Phil’s body laying kisses on his wake.

Phil’s shocked laugh soon turned into a string of moans and, for some reason, they didn’t make it to breakfast until much much later.

Dan was good on his promise. He stayed that day, and the next, and the one after that, until he had to return to work, and even then he came back in his spare time. Just like back in the day, there was barely a time when Dan wasn’t at Phil’s flat. He had, once again, “dumped all his shit” at Phil’s and made it his second home, and in December, when Dan’s lease was due, the decision was obvious: he officially moved in with Phil. 

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 11

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 11: Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Phil hesitated, not knowing how Dan would react to the news. Actually, he was fairly certain that Dan would have a breakdown and bolt out the door. Phil’s breathing got away from him and he started panicking.

“It’s alright. Look at me,” Dan said, holding his hands gently. “Look at me, I’m here, you’re safe. Everything will be ok.”

Phil tried to match Dan’s breathing, but it took him a few minutes to finally be able to take a deep breath and release it slowly. 

“Better?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded but pressed his forehead to Dan’s still trying to breathe normally. He wanted to cry. He couldn’t lose Dan again.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Dan tried.

Phil shook his head no, but Dan pulled away and cupped his cheeks, looking into his eyes with worry. 

The tears finally rolled down Phil’s cheeks and Dan looked horrified. He pulled Phil into a tight hug and rubbed circles on his back. “Please, please, tell me what’s wrong. Is your family alright?”

Phil nodded but still didn’t let Dan go. “S-sorry,” he said, for making Dan worry.

“It’s ok.”

“Please don’t leave,” Phil said, letting out a small sob and feeling pathetic about it - and about the begging.

Dan let go and looked at him in confusion. “I won’t leave, I promise!”

Still, Phil continued to cry but had the good grace of finally giving Dan his phone. He searched in Dan’s face for any signs of anger, regret or panic but Dan was just dumbfounded, his eyebrows raised.

“I shouldn’t have gone, I’m so sorry!” Phil mumbled shakily.

Dan looked up from the phone and into his eyes before staring into space for a few minutes. Perhaps it was only a few seconds but to Phil it felt like minutes. 

Phil wanted to shake him but instead, he grabbed fists full of his York hoodie and pulled gently as if Dan was going to slip away at any given moment. 

“Sorry,” Dan said, blinking repeatedly. “I just - I’m surprised they even remember me.”

“Of course they do, they have been asking about you for years. They still do!” Phil said with perhaps a bit of bitterness in his voice as he released the fabric.

Dan frowned sadly, lowering his head. He reached for his own phone and logged into Twitter quickly. “Can’t see it here,” he said, but before Phil could suggest anything, Dan slapped his forehead. “Right, I muted anything related to the ship.” He went into settings and deleted quite a few words to be able to read the tweet and responses. He took a deep breath, bracing himself, and let it out slowly as he began to read. “Fuck, this is why I thought they had forgotten me. I had hoped, but -”

The longer Dan stayed quiet, the more nervous Phil got, until he noticed his expression beginning to change.

In fact, the further Dan read, the bigger the smile on his face got. “It’s so hard to believe that they still care,” he said in wonder before liking one of the responses he’d been tagged in that read “Collab when?” He bit his lip and hesitated. “Should I reply?”

“If you want,” Phil said, with a small smile of his own as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“SOON!” Dan replied and all hell broke loose, but it was not a bad thing. Dan seemed to be taking it well.

“When can we see those theatre acting skills on YouTube? You should be in Phil’s skits!” someone suggested and Dan read it to him. 

Phil thought that was a wonderful idea, so he liked the tweet and looked at him expectantly. 

“Do you really want me to be on your channel again?” Dan asked, his tone soft, almost in awe.

Phil nodded and tried to downplay the importance of a potential Dan feature on his channel or a collab. “If you dare, dani snot-”

“Oh, fuck off!” Dan said, throwing a cushion in his direction.

“Fiyaaaa!” Phil screeched. He was so fucking relieved. 

“I’d love to. I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?” Phil smirked.

“Don’t do that,” Dan warned him. “You wanted to go slow.”

“I do! I do! Sorry,” Phil said with a laugh. Pausing, he looked into Dan’s eyes intently. “Are you alright?” he asked, even though what he really wanted to say was ‘Are we alright?’

“Yeah,” Dan replied softly. “I think I am. I am surprised, but I am not panicking at the moment.” 

He pressed a quick kiss to Phil’s lips and when he rested his back against the sofa once again, his lips moved for a few seconds, mouthing something silently. Dan bit his lip but swallowed nervously and asked: “Can you watch something?” he paused. “I was thinking… I should post something before my coming out. I don’t want it to be so sudden, it wouldn’t feel right. I have a few ideas, things I want to talk about.”

“Of course!” Phil said and brought his laptop over. 

Dan logged into his accounts and showed him the first few scenes of ‘Daniel and depression’. 

“I love it! What do you think about adding some skits? We could totally do that.”

“I’d like that.” Dan smiled and let out a little sigh of relief. He also showed Phil his set design for BIG, the codename of his June video.

“It’s beautiful,” Phil said. “But you should probably drop hints about the topic of the video beforehand, I don’t want to get sued for the death toll.”

“Hmm, maybe they deserve it,” Dan said, only half joking. “Alright. I think I know what to do.” He opened his notes up and started writing a script.

“Another video?” Phil said, raising his eyebrows at Dan.

“I’m on a roll, don’t judge,” Dan said and typed the words ‘Trying to live my truth.’

“I would never!” Phil laughed and rubbed Dan’s back reassuringly.

---

Phil gave the new YouTube feature a shot. His contact had basically told him that there could be good money in for him if he posted shorts consistently but Phil was honestly a bit burnt out and he was emotionally consumed by Dan. It was stupid, he knew, to let Dan back into his life and make everything about him so fast, but he couldn’t help it. At least it seemed that Dan was also focusing on him for the most part, that and work.

He sat in front of the blank wall that served as his new filming space, checking the lighting, that all of his trinkets were in order and that the brown bits of his plant were facing away from the camera. The doorbell rang just as he was reaching for the record button and he sighed in frustration until he realised that it was probably Dan.

A big goofy smile made its way into Phil’s lips when he looked through the cameras and buzzed Dan in. He leaned against the door, waiting for Dan to let him know he had made it up. He felt so many butterflies in his stomach, it was stupid, but he didn’t care.

There was a soft knock on the door and Phil pulled the door open, happy to see his smile reflected in Dan’s face.

“What were you up to?” Dan asked, inviting himself in and taking off his shoes.

“Just about to film some shorts,” Phil said dismissively. “It’s a bit boring, but I was promised some money for it, and who knows, maybe they will push my channel a bit more. They didn’t say that, but a guy can hope.”

Dan nodded. “Do you need help?”

“Yeah, I could use some company so I don’t fall asleep in front of the camera or something. Sit on the floor by the camera like you used to?”

“Sure. Always loved being your assistant.” Dan walked over to the “set” and waited for Phil to be ready. When he got the go-ahead, he hit record.

“Hey guys, did you know that my fmalee, female,” he laughed. “Family!”

“Great job, Phil!” Dan laughed but didn’t stop the recording.

“Be quiet, assistant!” Phil joked and completely forgot whatever silly story he was going to tell. He thought about it for a moment and decided that they should work on Dan’s projects rather than his very small ones. “Why don’t we do yours? I have skit ideas for the first video and I thought of some nice shots for the depression one as well.”

“Really? Don’t you need to do these first?” 

“Nah, I can do them later. I just want you to lay down so I can throw food at you.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that,” Dan snorted.

“I was thinking popcorn. That’s for the part when you talk about not wanting to eat. And we can also do a bit where I call you to watch the finale of Game of Thrones and you don’t want to.”

“I wish I could go back in time and not watch that, and that’s not the depression talking.”

“Maybe you have the sight in this bit and that’s why you don’t want to get up,” Phil said. 

“That will be the real story behind the skit in my heart forever.” Dan laughed. “Alright, I like that. What was the shot you wanted for DAD?”

“Dad?” Phil asked, almost choking in his own spit at the thought of Dan calling him that.

“No, D.A.D. Daniel and Depression.”

“Oh, right. You could be in bed with your eyes closed and open them to stare at the camera with empty, soulless eyes.”

“So my normal eyes. Got it. You would have to come by to film me in my bed.”

“I was thinking that you could use my bed.”

“The AmazingPhil room? Dan’s eyes widened. “Wouldn’t people be able to tell?”

“No, the bigger one I actually sleep in now. I only showed that room once and didn’t really point the camera at the bed, but we can go to your flat if you want.”

“If you think it will work well for the shot, we can do it here,” Dan said. “Do you have any decent non-green sheets?”

“Lol, shut up, rat. I’ll have you know I use manly blue and grey sheets now.”

“Ooh! So manly!” Dan laughed.

“Very!” Phil laughed. “So, where do you want to lay like a dying slug first, the bed or the sofa?”

“Hmmm, the sofa?”

“Great. Go to my closet and get some joggers or something comfy while I make the popcorn, don’t worry about it, you will have a blanket on you,” Phil said.

Dan gave him an amused smile and trotted along to the bedroom. Five minutes later he was back in grey joggers and a basic white T-shirt. 

Phil had to curse himself for suggesting grey joggers, they really brought the best out in Dan, so he tried to keep his eyes above the belly button and focus on filming. Once Dan had lay down, Phil threw a blanket on him and did a few shots throwing popcorn on his face while Dan remained motionless. They had to alternate with the ones where he was called and just rolled over or buried himself under the blanket because Dan kept eating the popcorn and Phil had to keep making more. 

Once they confirmed that they had what they needed, they went straight to the bed and stripped it bare, choosing different bedding for the take. A moody charcoal grey set was perfect for it and it matched Dan’s colours. If Phil angled it right, nobody would be able to tell it was his bed.

Dan decided to take his top off before getting into bed to be more accurate and Phil tried very hard not to stare, checking the exposure on the camera for a bit. When Dan told him that he was ready, it was time for Phil to basically walk over him and film him from above. It took them a few tries and Phil almost fell on Dan and probably cracked his ribs, but they got it. Dan seemed to really like the idea and promised to use it. 

“Ok, so that’s what I had planned,” Phil finally said.

“Wait, I have a few ideas to add. Do you have cereal and yoghurt? Like the thick Greek kind?”

“Yeah…” Phil answered.

“Ok, and birthday decorations?”

“That’s pushing it a bit but I have like a few party hats and candles.”

“Great, let’s do this,” Dan said. “By the way. I just saw a hilarious clip of you messing up on that gas leak video in your sd card. You should post it to shorts.”

Phil considered it briefly; that would save him a lot of work. “I have quite a few bloopers. It could be a lessamazingphil video.”

“Definitely.”

---

May 2017

As June got closer and closer without an end in sight for the BIG project, Phil suggested that Dan focus on his other videos, the ones that would serve as an introduction for his magnum opus. 

Dan was still very complicated about what month each video could be posted on, so his coming out was reserved for June of 2018. It was not an easy decision. He’d expressed how he feared giving himself more time to work on it would result in him freaking out about it and having to scrap the entire project, but Phil reminded him that he would be there to support him and that each person had their own time. There was no need to rush.

And so it began.

This obviously meant that Phil had to push his own coming out video to the following year, which made Dan feel very guilty, but Phil told him that it wasn’t a big deal to him, it hadn’t been for years since he was not in the closet exactly, not to those close to him at least. 

Dan continued to support Phil on his projects as he stressed on his own and even helped him move out of his iconic flat into one that would have less of a stalker problem and that would allow him to have a better work/life balance. They even snapped a few pictures but Phil decided to keep them to themselves. It was then that Phil finally felt confident enough to evict his fringe and change it into a quiff, which got him a lot of praise from the viewers, but most importantly, from Dan.

During the rest of the year, as Dan began to post videos and dared to be more vulnerable with his audience, the views and subscribers started to grow and grow fast. Dan was a bit nervous at first but also excited to be able to share his personal growth and use his platform to help people as much as possible. He knew how much representation mattered because he saw none growing up. He wanted to be there for people, discussing serious topics in his classic style, full of dark humour but toning the self-deprecation down. 

A part of this new era on Dan’s career included a very necessary rebranding, finally letting go of his danisnotonfire persona and being Daniel Howell, the person. Letting people see the real him and being loved for it did wonders for Dan’s self-esteem and helped him get even closer to Phil since his insecurities had been a big part of their problems in the past.

Dan posted a string of related videos and the mini (unofficial) series was a success. It was a trifecta; the perfect storm. The first one was about his self-discovery journey and him trying to learn what he wanted to do with life, the second one was about his depression and mental health in general and in June of 2018 came the big finale of the series: Basically I’m Gay.

June 2018

On the day BIG was set to be posted, Phil declined Dan’s invitation to watch it together. Not that he hadn’t watched parts of it before, but he knew how heavy the script was, and Dan hadn’t wanted to show him the full video before posting, so this would be the first time he would hear some parts of Dan’s story and he knew it would break his heart into a million pieces and potentially make him cry like a child.

As soon as he saw the tweet, he clicked on the link, his hands shaking, and hit play, letting Dan’s voice captivate him and let him into his mind. Dan looked so confident and beautiful with his black sequin jacket and the rainbow lighting switching during the entire video like a soft gay halo. Things started somewhat sad but as the story progressed into Dan’s teen years, Phil knew it was only going to get worse. He let out a choked sob when Dan spoke about that night so many years ago, when Phil had missed his calls, the time Dan had almost -

He didn’t want to think about a world without Dan. He had imagined that was what Dan had hinted at at the time, but a part of him hadn’t wanted to believe it; especially because Dan had tried to reach out and Phil had been out getting drunk and almost lost him entirely.

He felt incredibly guilty, but at the same time, he knew that he shouldn’t focus on that and make the video about himself. Instead, he clicked back a bit and really paid attention to what Dan had to say, to understand more of his pain and be able to support him.

The end of the video gave Phil a great inkling of where Dan’s journey was at the moment and what he wanted and needed to do. He would try his best to make that happen for him. He shot Mark a quick text asking him for tickets to Noah’s drag show and scrolled down to see the interactions.

Phil could only hope that the comments under the video specifically would be good and supportive; if this video tanked or got a bunch of negative comments, it could hurt Dan’s healing on the topic and probably ruin their new friendship - relationship? They still hadn’t addressed that and it was probably still too soon to do so.

Thankfully, the response was overwhelmingly positive and Dan was even featured on YouTube’s front page. The video was in every recommended box and other youtubers, past and present, supported him and listened to his story carefully.

Shortly after Dan started replying to people, Phil wrote very carefully a tweet of his own, mentioning how proud he was of Dan and letting the viewers know that he may have a video coming as well.

Opening Twitter was something else. He was so glad he hadn't seen the video before and was a part of everyone's experience now. There were tears and excitement and more gifs than you could count about having Dan back and getting to know him all over again and the person he was now. ‘Dan Howell’, ‘Phil’ and ‘Dan and Phil’ were trending worldwide. Yes, Dan and Phil were still Dan and Phil but they were also two separate entities with different goals and approaches to things. And people seemed to be aware of it already.

He was so proud of Dan and so proud of the little goblins that enjoyed their videos for trying to avoid hurting Dan’s feelings or being offensive. It hadn’t always been like that in the past, but it now seemed that the viewers had grown quite a bit as people as well; or perhaps the bad ones had gotten bored and left, it was hard to tell.

Phil grabbed his phone again to send Dan a text but before he could send it, his doorbell rang. Not his actual external doorbell, but the one right outside his flat. His heart crawled up to his throat as he walked to the door and looked out the peephole but it was entirely pitch black.

“Boo!” Dan said, almost killing him of a heart attack. He stepped away from the door snickering.

Phil opened the door and swatted at his arms before dragging him inside by his shirt. “Idiot. How did you even get up here?”

“A pretty girl asked me who I was looking for and I said you so she let me in. She was flirty,” Dan said with a smirk.

Frowning, Phil thought who the skank would be… “Blonde, fried ends with lips too big for her face?”

“I guess,” Dan shrugged.

“I guess she’s pretty, if you’re into that.”

“Awww, don’t be like that. She let me in to see you. Don’t be jealous.”

“What if you were a killer?” Phil asked, poking Dan’s chest with his finger.

“I don’t think I look like a killer,” Dan laughed.

“Exactly, so you would get away with it easier,” Phil said. “I have a spare key, you can have it.” He hadn’t really thought about it until then, but that was actually a big step. Dan had never had a key to his place. Was it the right time? He paused until he saw Dan’s smile widened and his hand extending, expecting the key to be placed on it. He grabbed it from the console table and gave it to Dan.

“Thank you,” Dan said. “That would be very helpful. And if someone kills you, I can find your body first.”

Phil narrowed his eyes at him. “Don’t get any ideas,” he said in mock offence and walked down the hallway, plopping himself down onto the grey sofa.

“This sofa needs a good crease to be more ergonomic,” Dan commented, as he sat down and shuffled in place to get more comfortable. 

“You’ll have to come by more often and create it yourself.”

Dan opened his mouth to answer but saw Phil’s laptop open on the coffee table, still on his video. He looked at Phil expectantly. “Well?”

“It was amazing. It’s my favourite video that you’ve ever made. Very raw and honest, sad at times and very funny.”

“Thank you,” Dan said. “Your tone changed, you were chirpier. Did the mention of our story bother you or…”

“No!” Phil said, sitting upright, his hands picking at the fluff balls on his pyjama pants. “Of course not, and you had shown me that part anyway.” He paused, considering his next words very carefully. “It just brought me back to that week when you wouldn’t answer my messages or calls after I went out and missed yours. I remembered the panic and the worry, and then when you half told me what had happened and I tried to make myself believe that it was not what you meant because I didn’t want to think about losing you. It was a scary week.” He cleared his throat to avoid getting choked up and tried to blink his unshed tears away.

“I’m sorry to have worried you like that.” Dan reached his hand towards Phil and Phil immediately took it. “I’m glad that my grandma was there for me and gave me a place to stay while I recovered from that ordeal,” he said. “I’m glad that I’m here now, with you. I couldn’t have done it without you, even back then when we were just internet friends. Most days talking to you was all I could look forward to. You were the only positive influence in my life.”

Phil didn’t know what to say, so he just pulled Dan into a hug and rubbed his back. “I’m so glad that you’re here,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, returning the hug. “And thank you for giving me a second chance. No matter what, you will always be my best friend.”

“That’s true. No matter what,” Phil said and pressed a small kiss to Dan’s cheek, feeling him smile and seeing his little dimple make an appearance.

---

That Saturday, Dan came over to get his outfit checked before they headed to the drag show. He was nervous as that would be his first outing to a gay establishment after his official coming out. 

Phil had no idea why Dan wanted his approval. His fashion sense was immaculate and he had worked hard on curating a very nice closet. In short, Dan looked fucking hot, stunning, divine, and Phil tried very hard not to say that, and just give him an appropriate amount of praise. On the other hand, Phil suspected that what was making Dan so nervous was meeting Mark again after what went down between them and the fact that Mark had it out for him. On that aspect, Phil didn’t know if Dan was terrified of being judged or just outright jealous of Mark. It was no accident that after over a year from the day Dan and Phil hit reset on their friendship, Dan and Mark had not shared space at all.

“Maybe I should change, I have another shirt in my backpack. I just need to iron it,” Dan said and reached for his bag.

Phil pulled him by the shirt and gave him a slow kiss, effectively shutting him up. “What’s going on in here?” he asked, tapping on Dan’s forehead.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked, playing coy.

Phil just raised his eyebrows at him. “Why are you so nervous?”

“I haven’t seen Mark in years, the last time he saw me I looked stupid, he hates me and he’s really hot and his partner too. Also, they are out and have been since like 2008 or something and I’m just here, I feel like I’m on my gay training wheels.”

Phil rubbed his arms gently. “I know why you say that, but you have come out to some people before, right? You had a boyfriend.”

Dan looked down in shame. “I never introduced him to anyone because I was too scared. We just hung out with his friends but I never actually took him anywhere.”

The silence that hung between them made Dan finally look back at him.

Phil must have given him a shocked look because Dan’s face fell immediately, his expression was very defensive.

“I wasn’t ready to be out,” Dan said, trying to justify his actions. “I know it was bad to get him into that situation, that’s why I apologised so much to him. He was right to break up with me.”

“I mean… It is a very complex situation but he did agree to date you under those circumstances,” Phil said, carefully considering the matter and wondering if he would have accepted those terms himself. “You did things in your own timeline and nobody can fault you, at least for that part of the story.”

“He said that I was a disaster and he doubted my ability to help LGBTQ+ people as a therapist given that I hadn’t worked through my own trauma or come out to anyone and I wasn’t really living the way I wanted,” Dan said. “That hurt me a lot, but I can’t say that he was wrong. Even if it’s easier to see other people’s mistakes and to know what they should do from the outside, I hadn’t gone through what I would probably advise them to do.”

“A valid point,” Phil conceded. “Expressed in quite a cruel way, but given that it was a breakup and that he knew you were trying to speak to me again… I understand.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course, I understand,” Dan said.

Phil gave him a quick peck on the lips and smiled reassuringly. “We should go,” Phil said, looking at the time on his phone. “I don’t want to get there after the show starts, it’s disrespectful.”

Dan grabbed his jacket and put it on, checking himself in the mirror by the front door. “Alright, I’m ready,” he said but paused. “Does Mark still kiss you randomly?”

“No, of course not. You know he has a boyfriend,” Phil said. “And we haven’t been involved like that since like 2013. It was a mutual decision and to help the change move faster he moved out of the flat that same year. We never looked back.”

“Do you miss it?” Dan asked, biting his lip. “Do you wish it was still like that?”

“No,” Phil said, trying not to lose his patience with Dan. He had his doubts and even if he had chosen a very inconvenient moment to ask them, he deserved full honesty. Phil looked into Dan’s eyes for a moment and thought that another question would be coming but Dan just smiled and let out a happy sigh.

“Alright,” Dan said. “Let’s go.”

By the time they made it to the club, the place was booming but Mark had saved them a table. He was sitting at their usual spot, waving them over and had the good grace of smiling at Dan, which was good since Phil didn’t want to have to murder his friend.

“Hey, Dan. I watched your video today, it was very powerful,” Mark said, patting Dan’s shoulder. “First time out?”

Dan looked at Mark with misty eyes, sneaking a glance at Phil and smiling. “Thank you so much,” he said, placing a hand on his chest. “Yeah, thank you for having me.”

Phil could tell how happy this was making Dan. He was being validated not only by Phil’s friend but by someone in the community that Dan had mentioned he feared would reject him. “Take this chair so you can see the stage better. Noah is so talented! He looks just like Lady Gaga in drag, which is hilarious.”

Dan sat where Phil had indicated, which left him with Phil at one side and Mark at the other. “What are we having?” he asked.

“Fries, obviously and some cocktails or beer,” Phil said. “What would you like?”

“Hmm, a margarita?” Dan smiled.

Phil smiled. Dan still liked his margaritas. “I’ll have one too, but we can let the bar know we want to reserve a bottle of Rosé for when Noah is done.”

“Oh, honey, he told them already. You know how he gets,” Mark said, using his actual unguarded voice.

Dan and Phil’s eyes widened. Dan because he had never heard Mark speak like that, and Phil because he knew that Mark only allowed a very small selection of people to hear him be openly flamboyant. He didn’t care for masculine stereotypes but he did care about giving people things they could mock him for.

“Please welcome Miss Kitty Tattletale!” said the announcer.

“There she is! Woooooo!” Mark yelled and threw a rose at his boyfriend.

“There he is, my husband!” Miss Kitty yelled, pointing at Mark. “Well,” she continued. “He’s not my husband yet, but I know damn well that a ring is coming, or he won’t be coming any time soon!” She said and the crowd laughed. “I’m joking, love. I love you. So how is everyone doing tonight with this shit weather? I almost didn’t have to tuck at all!”

Dan laughed and Mark joined him and patted his hand. Phil smiled. There were few ways faster to Mark’s heart than through praising Noah or enjoying his show.

“I know, I know that being our holy month, we have a lot of newcomers in the house, perhaps people that are fresh out of the closet,” Miss Kitty said. The crowd cheered. “I’m going to ask you to please, cheer, yell and toast to welcome our new siblings, the newest members of our community, to let them know that they are loved and accepted here, no matter what the outside world says. Give it up for the babies!”

The crowd went wild, a few people were patted on the back by their friends. Mark and Phil cheered as loud as they could while Dan smiled so big, Phil thought his face was going to get stuck like that. Dan even rushed to wipe a tear rolling down his cheek but Phil saw it, silently reaching for his hand under the table and lacing their fingers together. Dan leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

For the first lip sync Noah went for “Born this way” and gave it his all, ending in a full split that reminded Phil just how unfit he was.

By the time the show ended, the three of them were quite tipsy and Dan had gone to the face paint station to get some glitter around his eyes, which suited him beautifully, like most things in life. Noah joined them bare faced and introduced himself to Dan before pulling him into a tight hug, as if they had been great friends for years. “Oh, darling. It’s so good to finally meet you. Phil had you hidden away, but I knew the day would come.” He then walked around the table and took the only available seat, right across from Dan.

“Thank you. I just escaped his basement,” Dan joked.

“Did he have you all tied up?” Noah asked and without waiting for an answer he laughed. “How kinky! Tell me, Dan, how are you enjoying the attention your video is getting?”

Dan blinked, surprised by the change in topic. “It has been mostly good, so I am shocked. I expected some backlash, or to lose subscribers, that kind of thing, but it was quite the opposite. It has helped me view the world in a more positive light, I guess.”

“I am happy for you. I can tell that you worked hard on your video,” Noah said.

“I also told you that he worked hard on it,” Phil said.

“Some people work for something in a year and you can’t tell, in this case, I could tell because the video was very entertaining but also honest and the script was very eloquent. You know, if you ever want to try drag, I think you would be good at it. Just let me know.”

“I would love that, but I think if I tried to wear heels, I would probably fall to my death,” Dan laughed. “I’m really clumsy.”

“If Phil hasn’t fallen with how many times we got him into a dress, there’s probably hope for you,” Mark said.

Dan smiled and looked at Phil. “Really? How did you like it?”

“It was fun, but tight dresses and heels are not my thing, it makes me feel a bit constricted,” Phil said, but the image of Dan in drag popped into his head and brought out a smile on him. “You would look cute in a skirt though.”

Dan cocked his head, probably considering it, but shrugged. “Maybe.”

Noah tapped on Dan’s shoulder excitedly. “Hey, did Phil tell you we liked your play last year? I’m sorry we couldn’t stay, I was super tired.”

“He did, actually. Thank you so much for coming!”

“Oh, you’re welcome. Oh! Here comes the Rosé!” Noah said. “Let’s make a toast!” He poured Rosé for everyone and raised his own flute. “To living your truth!”

“To living your truth,” they all said. Phil snorted at Noah’s accidental admission to stalking Dan’s channel. He hadn’t expected anything else from his friends.

Dan smiled widely and mouthed a thank you to Phil before shuffling closer to him.

That night, Phil considered inviting Dan to sleep over but he knew how fast things could escalate, especially while they were both tipsy. He thought he was ready, but he wanted to see where Dan stood before things progressed, so they shared a taxi, each getting out at their respective flat.

---

On the last day of June, Phil finally posted his own coming out video. It was short and mostly positive, merely conveying part of his journey as a young gay teen and how that differentiated him from his friend group, and offering a bit of advice to his viewers. People reacted very positively to the video, as much as they did to Dan’s but what really put a smile on his face was cuddling up on the sofa with Dan and answering the array of texts flowing in from the northern gang.

Richie: Congrats Phil! I can’t believe you are out on the internet. I saw Dan’s video too btw.

Phil: Thanks. I’ll never get used to seeing your name as richie. I don’t know a richie.

Anja: Now that he knows lying has consequences he can’t keep the big dick display name. Congrats Phil! 

Sarah: I really loved how short and to the point the video was. And the closet thing too! That was super funny.

Anja: You should have really posted the closet bit only as a joke, but I understand that you care about your art xD.

Richie: Hey! I was just putting Christina to bed and I come back to pure slander. Shame on you Anja!

Ian: I mean… let’s not dwell on that for your sake. Congrats Phil! The wife and kid say hi. 

Phil: Tell them I said hi back. How is Angie?

Ian: Growing faster than I would like to. She made a unicorn with beads for you. It has flaming rainbow hair.

Phil: I want it. Save it for me.

Ian: Isn’t it time for us to get together? It has been way too long. 

Anja: Yes!!!

Richie: Bring Dan. He never bullied me like these roaches.

Ian: I won’t bully you if you bring Christina.

Richie: Deal.

Phil showed Dan his phone and saw his smile widened

“Did you tell them we are together?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head. “I guess they just assumed.”

Phil: Dan and I are not together.

Sarah: What?

Anja: Phil…

Phil: We are taking things slowly, seeing where we are now. Still working on it.

Anja sent an audio: “Phil I swear to fucking god, it has been years. Get on with it!”

Dan cackled and buried his face in Phil’s neck. “She does have a point.”

Phil: We’re waiting until marriage.

Ian: Can you also invite Mark or would he fight Dan to the death?

Phil: debatable. I’ll get back to you on that.

He laughed and let his phone slide between the couch cushions, choosing to kiss Dan instead of keeping the conversation going.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 10

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 10: Wild Horses

The following morning, Noah and Mark made him breakfast and hugged him before leaving for work. Phil smiled at the thought that Mark and Noah sometimes acted like his stand-in parents; he was glad that they never made him feel like a third wheel and that Noah was so wonderful, just accepting their friendship and joining instead of trying to break them apart.

Taking a deep breath, Phil thought about the day ahead. He was not going to check his phone for any sign of Dan because he knew that it would probably take a few days for him to reach out. If he put it into his head that today was the day Dan would text, he would only get anxious. Instead, he went for a morning walk after breakfast, bought lunch and came back home to work on his next video. He considered it for a moment. If Dan really wanted to go on with the project he’d mentioned, it would bring his own sexuality into question, so why not take the opportunity to make a coming out video of his own?

To be fair, Phil wasn’t really in the closet, everyone knew. Or most people knew anyway, he just didn’t announce it. Maybe it was time for a change. 

He grabbed a notebook and started the script titled “Coming Out To You.” It was a bit sassy but it was the truth; Phil wasn’t coming out in general, this was just for his viewers, for them to know a bit more about him, to feel loved and accepted, and to open the door to that conversation. This would come with the added bonus of finally being able to make gay jokes on his channel and it would also probably cost him some sponsors, but if he couldn’t afford to come out with so many subscribers and after 10 years on the platform, what was the point?

He made this script his lifeline, a mental escape from his reality and the imminent wrecking ball to his mental stability that Dan’s text could potentially be. He paused briefly to consider what he would do if Dan backed out of his own project or on wanting to name Phil. He decided that he had made himself to focus on the video so much that he was going to work on it anyway.

It took 3 more days for Dan to contact him. By Sunday, Phil was starting to worry, despite his attempt to avoid thinking about Dan. Maybe the problem was that the script was ready and he had even chosen an outfit to film in. Luckily, just as he was finishing his lunch, Dan texted through Messenger.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Alright,” Phil replied.

“Really? Just like that?”

“That’s what we agreed on when we last spoke and my friends think that I should talk to you.”

“Mark?” Dan asked and Phil could hear the jealous tone even in written form.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Partially. His boyfriend said that we should talk. Mark didn’t comment on it but said that he would break your legs if you hurt me.”

“I see,” Dan replied. “Where would you like to meet?”

“You can come to my flat.”

“Does Mark still live with you? I need my legs.”

“Planning on hurting me?”

“Technically I already have so I am looking out for myself.”

“I like how you used technically right there.”

“I feel like if we continue this conversation in writing it will not end well for me, so please give me your address and let me know when I can come over.”

Phil sent his address and paused for a moment. “You can come over today, any time that works for you.”

“Thank you. I will take a shower and take a taxi.” 

Phil reacted to the message with crazy eyes.

“Don’t react me,” Dan said, making him laugh.

An hour and a half later, the doorbell rang and Phil checked himself in the mirror before opening the door. “Hi,” he said, sounding almost shy.

Dan smiled at him, probably relieved to see that Phil was not immediately angry at him. “Hi,” he said and handed him a Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks. 

Phil looked at his cup and thought back to the endless hours they had shared at Starbucks back in Manchester. “Thank you.”

“I just figured this would make it so you don’t have to keep making us drinks that we forget to drink,” Dan said and stepped inside, looking around already. “This is nice.”

Phil resisted the urge to remind Dan that this was supposed to be their shared flat. He had never sent Dan the link to the ad because he was already distant towards him. “Yeah.”

“I’m glad that YouTube has been good to you.”

He smiled and didn’t comment.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Nothing.”

Dan raised one eyebrow at him. “Really, Lester?”

Phil sighed. “I moved into this apartment in 2013 to take the job at the BBC and paid one year of rent upfront in cash with my savings.”

“Oh, this is the one… I didn’t know. You don’t really show your flat a lot in videos.”

Phil’s lips formed a tiny O as he caught onto that tidbit of information. “So you still watch my videos.”

Dan blushed. “I’ve always been your fan,” he said, and for once, he wasn’t being sarcastic or trying to sound edgy. “Are we going to sit somewhere or are we just going to stand here by the door?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Come on. Let’s sit on the sofa and drink these before they go cold.” He took a few sips as they walked for good measure. Phil let Dan sit and joined him on the sofa, taking a spot near him, but leaning back against the armrest to avoid any awkward touching. Besides, from this spot, he could really look at Dan without it being so obvious. His eyes followed the outline of Dan’s nose, his dry lips, his rosy patch and all the way down to his black sequin jacket that was catching the afternoon sun and projecting rainbows around the room. 

“So…” Dan said.

Phil stayed silent and just gave him a look, indicating that he should start.

Dan swallowed and gave a small nod. “I gave your analysis of everything a lot of thought and I couldn’t untangle it alone, so I called my therapist and booked an emergency session, which turned into almost 3 and then I continued on my own,” he said. “I believe you were right. I thought that I had everything fairly processed so this caught me off guard. I was so mad at myself for not seeing it sooner.”

“I’m glad that you agree.”

“This whole situation, meeting you in a random street in London… it brought so many memories and, honestly, so many issues back.” He took a sip of his drink and continued, his eyes looking around the room, avoiding Phil’s eyes. “I thought that I had it together and I liked the life I was living, but then I saw you and - I’m not over you.” He finally looked into Phil’s eyes with an openness that made Phil shiver. “It was so easy to see when I was not focusing on helping other people, when you were no longer just part of my past, so I had a mental breakdown.”

Phil tried not to smile but failed miserably. Even if it amounted to nothing, and even though he might not have wanted to admit it to himself the first time he heard it, he was happy to know that Dan still had feelings for him. It almost sounded too good to be true.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Dan asked, frowning.

“I am saying many things - inside my head.” He sipped on his coffee and set it back on the coffee table.

“Care to share with the class?”

“Fine,” Phil huffed. “I thought that I was over you because I’ve tried my best to not even think about you, but Noah said that it’s obvious that I have not moved on and other things I am not going to repeat. And I realised that he’s right.” He paused, doubting on whether he should really say it but seeing Dan in front of him, nearly holding his breath, made him take that leap of faith. “I had managed to convince myself that everything was fine, but no. Happy?”

“Very,” Dan said with a gorgeous smile. “Do you think we can try again? I would like to see where this goes and if it doesn’t work out, I would still like to stay friends.” He reached out once again, just like he had a few days ago, waiting for Phil’s reaction.

Phil looked at him, hesitating briefly and nodded, taking Dan’s hand and lacing their fingers together before setting their joined hands on his leg. Then, a thought crossed his mind. “What about Sebastian?” he asked. “Isn’t he your boyfriend?” 

“Not anymore. I thought I was happy with him, but there was never a chance that I would choose him over you and he knew that even before me,” Dan said, chewing on his lip for a moment. “He actually broke up with me before I could even think about it.”

“Oh,” Phil said, trying to not sound happy about it.

“He was right to break up with me,” Dan said, downing the rest of his coffee and setting the cup down. “It’s ok. When I came home from the play and he had moved out I felt relief. That’s a horrible thing to say, Phil. But it’s the truth.”

“How long had you been together?”

“Almost a year.”

“Never made it that long with anyone,” Phil blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Really?” Dan frowned.

“They weren’t you,” Phil said, watching Dan’s gleeful smile appear at the comment. “I stopped going out, I stopped hooking up with random guys. At this point, I could almost qualify as a virgin again.”

Dan smirked and his eyes darkened. “I doubt that.”

Phil knew that look well. “Behave,” he said, squeezing Dan’s hand. “We can’t just pick up where we left off. Things don’t work that way. Last time we rushed into it and it got complicated.”

“That’s true but -” Dan pouted.

“No buts. Let’s just hang out and see how we feel about it. See where it goes, if it goes anywhere.”

“Alright,” Dan said, but the air around them was still charged. “Let’s play some games.”

Phil smiled and let out a sigh of relief, he was hanging onto the will to resist Dan’s lustful eyes from a thread. He wanted it too, but not just for a day. He wasn’t going to repeat that mistake. There was still a chance that Dan would freak out again. He reluctantly let go of Dan’s hand. “Mario Kart?”

“Always,” Dan smiled.

Phil turned the console on and reached for his coffee, downing the last third of it.

“You still haven’t finished it?”

“No, you know I forget I’m drinking something and I finish it when I remember it.” He grabbed a cup containing half of his morning coffee and finished it as well just to prove a point. “This was my breakfast.”

“Come on, man!” Dan said. “Get it together!”

Phil winked at him with both eyes, sending Dan into a fit of laughter. Fuck, Phil had missed that sound. The hyena laugh.

To the surprise of no one, Dan won most of the races until Phil decided to slide closer to him and lay partially against him. Slowly but surely, Dan started to shift his attention from the game towards Phil, giving him little touches, playing with his hair and eventually, just pulling him to sit on his lap. That was the moment they dropped the controllers and just put on a random Studio Ghibli movie. 

Dan was fully enjoying messing with Phil’s hair, giving him odd hairdos. He ran his fingers through it, pushing it into a quiff. “I like your hair pushed back.”

“Did you just quote Regina George to me?”

Dan barked out a laugh. “I think I did.”

“I know you did,” Phil said, poking Dan’s tummy. It was so soft. Phil wanted to lift his T-shirt and look at it.

“You look so gorgeous, Phil,” Dan mumbled. “I hope you don’t mind me saying it. You were always hot but right now you’re just stunning. I can’t cope with that.”

“Me?” Phil said and paused. If he told Dan what he was thinking about his body, things were going to get out of hand, so he reformulated. “Your curly hair suits you so well and your back looks so good too. You look so strong now.”

“Thanks, I think I finally hit puberty,” Dan laughed. “Do you really like my hair like this?”

Phil nodded. “It’s perfect. So pretty,” he said looking at Dan over his shoulder.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s frame and dropped a small kiss to the tip of his nose.

Phil pressed his back to Dan’s chest and dropped his head back just so, their breaths mixing together as they got lost in each other’s eyes, the moment held them captive. Phil swallowed and cleared his throat, giving him a wide smile before looking away. It was not time yet. “How is your video idea coming along?” he asked instead.

“I paused it until we could discuss it again.”

“I like it a lot. I started a script of my own.”

“Oh?”

Phil finally got up from Dan’s lap and went in search of his notebook. He found it laying on his bed, uncapped pen at its side and everything. No, there was not a blue dot on his sheets, thank you for asking. “Here,” he said, handing it over to Dan.

Dan’s eyes widened when he read the title but he kept going, laughing here and there until he reached the end and looked up at Phil. “I love it. It’s much more detailed than your usual draft. Or - more detailed than what you used to write long ago.”

“I still draft the same way, it’s just for this project. I want to say the right thing and keep it brief, you know?”

Dan nodded. “I was thinking about hiring an editor, some are not as expensive as I’d thought. And for visuals… Do you remember Hector from Shittywatercolour? The one who made illustrations of us back in the day? I contacted him and can you believe that he agreed to do some illustrations for it?” He let out a deep sigh and shook his head, twirling a paper napkin between his fingers. “There are almost no people following me anymore, I’m below a million, so this is just for me. I need this video, or a part of me will always feel inside the closet no matter what  I do.”

“ I understand,” Phil said. “Are you scared of your family’s reaction?”

Dan shook his head. “I emailed them last week.”

“What?”

“I kept backing out so one day I just sent them all an email. Everyone was cool except for my dad, so I cut him out of my life. No surprise there. Nana and Popsie said that it’s ok as long as I’m happy but I think they don’t get it. Hopefully they will soon so that I can flaunt you at family gatherings and vacations.”

“Really?” Phil asked. He could almost picture that, but Dan was getting a bit ahead of himself.

“Yeah,” Dan said. “For now, I would like to flaunt you in a few weeks, if you’d like to go see my play. It’s called ‘Family Disaster’ and it’s about a family crumbling as one of its members spirals. The narrator is the person spiralling so things get a bit crazy and abstract at times.”

“Sounds interesting,” Phil said. “Of course I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, Philly,” Dan said, kissing his cheek quickly.

Phil felt his heart grow twice its size inside his chest just from hearing Dan calling him Philly again.

----

Phil both loved and hated the fact that he and Dan were so compatible, now maybe even more so than before. Having grown as individuals had given them a sort of new perspective on life, yet their opinions, their humour and even their flirting had followed the same path. It was almost as if they were soulmates, just as Dan had said in the past, despite insisting that he didn't believe in any of that.

In the following weeks, proofreading and reworking Dan’s script for his “June Video” was easily overtaking his life. Dan’s passion was just that infectious and it seeped into Phil’s soul, making him even more excited over his own coming out video. At first, he didn’t want to show Dan his work because they were very different videos but Dan was so eager to see it that Phil just couldn’t deny him. 

“So you’re filming it literally inside the closet,” Dan snorted. 

“I thought the old-time viewers would appreciate the irony,” Phil said with a smirk. 

Dan leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek. “I do appreciate it, thank you for thinking about my preferences.”

“Dork.” Phil felt himself blush and couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. It was all so new yet so familiar. They were officially doing a take two on their friendship but after some debating, they decided that certain things were allowed, such as hugging, cuddling and oftentimes, hand-holding, although not in public. “I was thinking, do you think it’s still alright for me to go see your play? I mean, if we are trying to be low-key about it.”

“I doubt that anyone we know will go see it and actually notice you in the crowd,” Dan said. “But if you feel unsure about it you don’t have to go. We can totally skip that and I can come over after, if you let me have a shower though; I’ll be a sweaty boy.”

“No, it’s not that I’m unsure about it,” Phil rushed to reassure Dan. “It’s just that-” he stopped himself, not wanting to plant the seed in Dan’s mind.

“What? You can tell me,” Dan said softly.

Phil knew he would confess all his secrets to Dan if he asked in that tone. He sounded calm, open, honest, ready to discuss things maturely and willing to listen carefully. “I am a bit hesitant because… I fear that you will freak out if someone realises I’m there, and I don’t want that to happen. I want to avoid any setbacks.”

Dan nodded. “I understand, but I don’t think I will. I know that the chance always exists but I know the chance exists, but even if it were to happen, I’m ready.”

Phil pulled him into a tight hug and smiled widely, slowly swaying from side to side, taking his time to let Dan know how proud of him he was without a single word. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s shoulder. “Look for me in the audience.”

“I never stopped looking,” Dan whispered.

---

When the day for Dan’s last show came, and with the support of his friends, Phil was ready to watch the play. He, along with Mark and Noah, sneaked almost last to a decent sized theatre and took their seats in the gallery, waiting for Dan to make an appearance. 

Phil was in awe, his eyes fixated on Dan as he did such an amazing job of fleshing out his character's emotions, putting his entire body into it and not only relying on the dialogue. It was a sad play but it had a hopeful ending as ‘Tom’ underwent treatment for his mental disorder, which had gone unnamed the entire play and the family sat down to eat in a much calmer way, the lighting brighter, reminiscing of a summer afternoon in contrast to the dark and moody ambient from before.

The lights were on and the entire cast came out to bow for their audience. Phil stood and joined the crowd in the final applause. Only then did he tear his eyes away from Dan and saw Noah and Mark at his side, clapping and giving him a knowing look. 

Looking back to the stage, Phil made eye contact with Dan, who winked at him and made a head incline. Phil smiled, feeling as if the butterflies in his stomach were going to fly out of his mouth at any given moment.

Noah leaned closer. “I liked the idea of going out to dinner and finally meeting Dan but it looks like you might want some privacy.”

Phil raised one eyebrow at him and blushed but didn’t address the comment. “We can go out to dinner as we agreed.”

“Please, he has managed to sneak looks your way the entire time,” Mark said. “We can go out some other time, I’m sure he’ll stick around.”

“Really?” Phil asked. “I thought I was imagining it.”

“No, it was obvious if you knew what to look for. He was smart about it,” Noah said. “He’s a good actor.”

Phil nodded proudly. “He was a theatre kid.”

“That makes sense,” Noah said. “Well, we’ll see you another time. Keep us updated.”

Mark wrapped his arms around Noah, setting his chin on his shoulder happily. “Remind him what I said. He better be good to you.”

“Shush,” Phil said, rolling his eyes. He looked down at the stage and found Dan still staring at him with a huge smile.

----

Phil stayed in his seat until most people had left the theatre and only then went in search of  Dan at the back entrance. He whispered a brief hello and grabbed Phil’s hand, catching him by surprise, and led him to a taxi. Once they were sitting inside, Dan just blurted Phil’s address and turned to look at him with wide eyes. “Is that alright? Sorry, I’m just tired and since your friends left I figured we could stay in.”

“Of course. Pizza and Mario Kart sound good?”

Dan let out a breathy laugh. “You know me so well,” he said, wrapping one arm around Phil’s frame.

Letting his head rest on Dan’s shoulder, Phil relaxed and kept thinking about what he’d seen on stage. Dan was born to be in the spotlight, it’s where he looked more comfortable and at peace. 

“What did you think of it?” Dan asked.

“You were amazing and the play was very interesting. It was very creative.”

“Hmm, Is that a good thing?”

“It is. I could tell that you put some of your psych knowledge into it. It was a nice metaphor on mental health and the impact it has on the person and their family.”

Dan nodded happily and stared straight ahead. “Can I still take that shower?”

“Sure,” Phil said, begging his mind to stop in its tracks. He looked at a droplet of sweat, or perhaps it was water, that fell from Dan’s hair and ran down his neck, disappearing under his white shirt.

Dan pinched Phil’s leg when he tried to pay the taxi, paying it himself instead and helping Phil out of the car. Once they were in the flat, Dan pulled him into a tight hug and stared into his soul for a moment before pressing their lips together. The fireworks igniting in Phil’s body were threatening with setting him on fire. They moved slowly, tentatively, but Phil could feel Dan’s love for him in every touch of their lips, in every sigh, in the way Dan’s hand rested on his neck softly. 

Dan was relentless and it was starting to affect Phil, the heat rising within him by the second. It was too soon for that. Phil stepped away and smiled when he caught Dan’s lips chasing after him. “You can use anything from my closet, the shower is down the hall.”

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled, blushing slightly and running upstairs, presumably to Phil’s bedroom in search of clothes. 

Phil pulled his phone out and called Domino’s ordering what used to be their usual. He then went to the living room to set the console and the plates before sitting on the couch for a bit. He was startled by a hand on his shoulder but relaxed when he opened his eyes and saw Dan, his hair still dripping from the shower, wearing his cookie monster pyjama pants and his York hoodie. That pulled at his heartstrings; Dan had always loved to wear that hoodie. “Did I fall asleep?”

“You did,” Dan laughed and pointed at the pizza on the coffee table.

“Fuck, I missed the doorbell?” Phil mumbled.

“It’s fine, it was a funny interaction with the delivery guy. I came out in a towel.”

“You went all the way down in a towel?” Phil asked with wide eyes. 

“No! Oh my god!” Dan snorted. “I buzzed him in and got the door here. Still an unsettling view for the poor guy though.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Unsettling, right.” He paused. “Have you considered being a model?”

“Are you serious? I could never! I look like a potato.”

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous!”

“I don’t see it,” said Dan and Phil was sad to look into his eyes and realise that he still believed that. “Don’t give me that face,” he said.

“I just think you’re so beautiful and I wish you could see it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” Phil said, still trying to find the right words.

“I’m working on it... Baby steps,” Dan said and shoved him to the side unceremoniously to fit at his side. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, his brow furrowed with worry.

Phil poked his side and smiled at Dan’s childishness. As the night progressed, they melted deeper and deeper into the couch until Phil checked his phone and his stomach dropped at the amount of Twitter notifications. He hadn’t posted anything for a few days, this couldn’t be good news.

“Is this 2012? My 13 year old self is crying tears of joy! My ship is sailing! @amazingphil @danielhowell” Attached to the tweet were three pictures. One taken from Phil’s back as he watched Dan on stage, one zoomed in from across the street as Dan guided him to the taxi and another at the first stoplight where Dan had already settled his arm on Phil’s shoulder.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 9

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 9: Dear Love

The anxiety-induced stomach pain was so strong that Phil thought he would start crawling up the walls of his flat. On one hand, he didn’t want to cry, on the other, he felt that it would probably provide some sort of release to all the emotions he’d been bottling up for the past five years. He finally had answers, stupid answers, shitty answers even, but maybe this would help him move on. He walked into his flat and started stripping, leaving a trail of clothes all the way down to the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head at his heartbroken expression. He hopped into a scalding shower, washing himself before deciding to sit there and let the water melt his pain away.

“I never got over you, Phil. I still feel exactly the same,” he heard Dan’s voice saying over and over. 

He huffed.

Phil was still mad because he had been the one trying to remain friends but his attempts had been met with rejection. It was not up to him to keep trying forever and it was very hurtful that Dan had taken it that way. Even if he couldn’t handle the fact that Phil had feelings for him, they could have stayed friends, there was no need for Dan to leave him behind like a piece of trash.

His phone started ringing somewhere, his bedroom perhaps. It didn’t matter, he could ignore it and whoever it was would give up soon enough - or that’s what Phil had thought. It rang, and rang, and rang for a long time, until Phil got so annoyed that he towelled himself off and went in search of it. 

It was laying on his bed, ringing, mocking him as he read the name displayed on the screen. It was Dan. 

The fact that Dan had kept his phone number all this time and not texted him added salt to injury. This time he rejected the call and sent Dan to voicemail, smiling as he pictured Dan's dejected face on the other side of the line. It was out of sheer pettiness but he couldn't help himself; it was a small victory but a victory at last.

But it didn’t last long. It seemed that Dan had chosen not to leave a voicemail and opted for calling back again. Phil raised one eyebrow as he shot daggers at his phone screen. He felt the pain inside him turn into ice, hot ice. “What do you want?” he spat as soon as he picked up the phone.

“Please, Phil. Please, please let’s keep talking. I am willing to keep apologising to you.”

“Oh, you can keep apologising as many times as you want and however you want. I heard your apology, which is more than what you did for me, that doesn’t mean that you deserve to be forgiven.”

“I know that,” Dan said, his voice shaky, as if he was holding back tears. “I just - I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry that I was angry today. I had no right to be angry when I was the one to mess up everything,” he continued.

Hearing Dan so upset made Phil’s eyes well up, but he refused to let the tears fall. He wouldn’t give Dan that power over him. He took a deep breath and said his peace: “Let me ask you something: Have you considered that maybe I was never actually projecting and that by assuming that you not only treated me like an idiot but it was also clearly fueled by your unresolved low self-esteem? You just couldn’t believe that someone you were attracted to and was your match in literally everything could be attracted to you because you hated yourself and didn’t think that anyone else would truly love you so you made this theory up in your mind to justify running away?”

Dan sniffled but stayed silent for a little while, so much so that Phil would’ve thought the call was dropped if he didn’t hear Dan trying to calm himself through breathing techniques. 

“Sorry,” Dan said shakily.

“Stop apologising!” Phil snapped.

“Ok,” Dan mumbled. “I - I never thought about it like that.”

Phil wanted to question Dan on whether he truly got his degree because he felt that it was a fairly obvious analysis of the situation, but he decided that despite how hurt he felt, he was not going to insult Dan’s intelligence so harshly. “So you always doubted yourself, but in this particular matter, you decided to doubt me and my feelings and intentions, thinking that you were better at understanding me than myself. It couldn’t have possibly been that someone actually cared about you. It had to be some sort of mistake or something that you manipulated me into,” he said, his tone as even as he could make it while still being upset.

“I can’t- “ Dan said. “I want us to keep talking about this, if you are up for it, but this changes everything. I think I need to take a few days to think about everything again and speak to my therapist. I am… freaking out again, to be honest.”

Phil thought about it for a moment. When he left the bar, he was sure that he didn’t want to speak to Dan ever again but now he wasn’t so sure anymore. Now he felt like he needed to see this through, wherever the discussion would take them. “Alright,” he said simply.

Dan let out a choked sob. “Thank you, thank you,” he whispered. “I promise, I will call back soon, I just need to - yeah.”

Swallowing the urge to stay on the line and comfort Dan in spite of everything, Phil cleared his throat and spoke softly. “Take care.”

“You too,” Dan said and Phil immediately disconnected the call.

Phil let his arm fall and stared at his phone screen. It was just after 7 and he was ready for the day to be over already but he hadn’t eaten anything all day. He felt nauseous both because of his empty stomach and because of everything that happened. 

He got into bed and pulled the covers over his head, feeling the tears prickling in his eyes, his breath becoming more laboured with every passing second as he hesitated to make the call. It rang twice before the call connected. “Mark?” He said, trying to sound normal but failing.

“Babe, what happened?” he asked. 

“Love? Oh, is it Phil?” asked Noah in the background. 

“Yeah,” Mark whispered. “Sounds like he’s crying.” Then he addressed Phil. “You’re on speaker now.”

“Sorry,” Phil said. “I didn’t know what else to do. I met up with Dan.”

“Oh my god!” said Mark and Noah on the other side. “Babe, we’re coming,” added Noah.

Phil smiled, thankful that Noah had become such a good friend as well instead of being jealous of Phil and Mark’s past. “Thank you, guys.”

“Ask him if he needs food!” Noah yelled, now sounding further away from the call.

“Have you eaten?” Mark asked.

“No, can you bring some bread, maybe?”

“Oh, darling we’re bringing more than just bread,” Mark said.

“We’re sleeping over!” Noah announced.

Phil nodded even though they couldn’t see him. “Alright. Still have the key?”

“You know I do,” Mark said. “Try to sleep a little if you can. We’ll be right over.”

“Kay.”

For some reason, the call made his urge to cry ease away and replaced it with a pounding headache and dizziness. Phil shut his eyes and by the time he opened them Noah and Mark were in his bedroom with worried faces.

“Babe?” Mark tried, but Phil couldn’t utter a word, instead, the dam finally broke and he began to sob like he hadn’t sobbed in years, so much so that he could barely breathe. Mark pulled him into a tight hug and Noah sat at his side shushing him and rubbing circles on his back.

Eventually, Noah went to reheat the food for Phil and let them talk privately if they wanted to, loudly announcing when he was coming back into the room. “Do you want me to wait on the sofa?”

Phil reached a shaky hand out to him. “No, don’t leave.”

Noah nodded and sat at their side, his fingers still laced with Phil’s.

“What happened?” Mark asked. “Did you just run into him again?”

“Again?” Noah asked, raising one eyebrow.

Mark shot him a disapproving look which made Noah raise his hands. “Sorry.”

“I ran into him a few days ago, he acted a bit odd, like he was surprised to see me. He was with his partner, a guy called Sebastian that kept shooting daggers at me, especially when Dan spent a few minutes talking to me as if we were completely alone, ignoring him until I just said hi.”

“No!” said Noah, bewildered.

“Yeah,” Phil said. “It was weird. Then he wrote his phone number down on the palm of my hand and I left because that’s when Mark was waiting for me at the cinema, and when I grabbed a soda it had condensation on the outside and it erased the number, so that was that.”

“Right,” said Mark, trying to make Phil cut to the present. “So?”

Phil unlocked his phone and showed them the Facebook Messenger exchange.

“I thought you didn’t have him as a friend,” Mark said as he skimmed through the messages.

“I didn’t. He sent me the request after we ran into each other.”

“What happened today?” Noah pressed.

“We argued a lot,” Phil admitted, pressing his hand to his forehead, attempting to keep the impending headache away. “It was very messy. There were moments in which it was so easy to fall back into our old dynamic and I didn’t even feel angry at him, but then I kept remembering how much he hurt me. His reasoning for cutting me off was very… complex.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “He felt overwhelmed by a lot of things and he wanted to be with me, but he wasn’t sure if I wanted to be serious about him and he was jealous of Mark too. Sometimes his explanation was conflicting in itself, he was going a bit in circles, particularly about why he never reached out.” 

Mark frowned. “What did he say?”

“That he needed to stop being Dan from Dan and Phil to grow and accept himself, and he felt judged by people, so he stopped talking to me and he would do it again if he could go back in time, but he also said that he had hoped I would text him eventually. It didn’t make a lot of sense.” Phil shrugged. “Oh! And the best part was that he thought I was projecting because he was acting as my therapist at some point and it’s easy to fall for your safe person when you are unstable or something.” He tried not to get mad again, but just thinking about it all was not helping matters.

“I don’t think that supporting someone as a friend qualifies as being their therapist. Otherwise, I am going to need a few thousand pounds from you,” said Mark, trying to soothe Phil with humour.

Phil gave him a small smile. “Exactly. Then at one point we discussed him posting a video speaking about his entire issue with being online and his sexuality crisis and he wanted to mention that we were more than friends so he asked me if I was ok with it and if I would read the script.”

Noah’s eyes widened. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t agree or disagree, but for a second there I was fully on board for reading his script. Then I started questioning his whole… reasoning behind how he acted and he brought Mark and me up, and how Mark would be rude and compete with him, and he still sounded jealous. He managed to slut shame me for having sex with my friends but also said that he was not over me, even now and that he still had feelings for me.”

Mark raised his hand. “I have a question. I don’t want to think the worst of him, which is hard, because - well, you know how I feel about him.”

Phil nodded.

“But I feel like this could be a ploy because he wants to post this comeback video and bring up the ship and say it was real. Like, you have 4 million subscribers now and he only keeps losing ever since he stopped posting,” Mark said.

“If it was anyone else,” Phil said, shaking his head, “I think I would be suspicious of that, but I don’t think that’s it.” He still couldn’t bring himself to think the worst of Dan.

“But you said he has a boyfriend, right?” Noah asked.

“He does,” Phil said, biting his lip and pausing for a moment. “But after we agreed to meet, his relationship status changed to it’s complicated and the guy was no longer tagged in there.”

“I need your phone, like right now,” Noah said.

Phil gave him the phone and Noah gasped, covering his lips with his hand, his eyes full of glee. “He’s single!”

“No!” said Mark, trying to lean closer to see what his boyfriend was looking at. “Did he break up with his boyfriend for you?”

Phil shrugged. “I would have broken up with my boyfriend if they wanted to meet up with their former friend they used to fuck.”

Noah looked between them and shrugged. “It depends on how things play out, I guess.”

“I swear you are the most mature person I’ve ever met,” Phil said, feeling a bit better with his friends at his side.

“When he wants to,” Mark added. “We should eat before it gets cold.”

Noah rolled his eyes at the comment. “I’m fairly certain that it’s cold already but let’s move to the sofa and I’ll serve. If you guys want to put it in the microwave you can.”

“What’s for dinner?” Phil asked, feeling like a child. He got up and walked down the hallway with the guys in tow. 

“Pasta bolognese and roasted pears for dessert,” Noah said, as he walked into the kitchen.

“Thank you!” Phil said, watching Noah begin to assemble the plates until he felt Mark pulling him away.

“We’ll be in the living room, love,” Mark said, dragging Phil to the living room and sitting him down on the sofa before taking the place next to him. He observed Phil in silence for a moment, seemingly trying to read his face “Why were you so upset? Your timeline in this whole mess hasn’t been very straightforward.”

Phil let out a frustrated huff; he always got distracted while telling stories. “The conversation was confusing for me as well. We had nice moments, honest moments and we snapped at each other. So, we went out for a coffee and then he apologised and eventually said that he still had feelings for me and tried to grab my hand and I freaked out and left.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Mark said.

Noah walked in with their plates. “I was listening from the kitchen, I need my plate and I’ll be back.”

“Alright,” Phil said with a smile, speaking a bit louder so that Noah could hear better. “So, I came home, hopped in the shower and tried to cry but I couldn’t, and Dan was blowing up my phone. By the way, I never gave him my number back so he had it all this time and he didn’t call.”

“What?” Noah screamed from the kitchen. He rushed back, nearly falling over with his meal.

Mark rolled his eyes and got up to help Noah settle with them.

“Yeah, so I rejected his calls because I got angry about that, but he wouldn’t stop calling so I picked up and by then I’d had time to go over some of the things he said and the fact that his arguments were bullshit,” Phil said.

“Like what?” Asked Noah.

“Dan has always thought that he didn’t deserve love and that nobody liked him because he was bullied a lot growing up, it was a whole thing. So I told him that he made up this narrative in which I didn’t even know what my feelings for him were, or that he manipulated me into having feelings for him through therapy, instead of just thinking that the person that he was attracted to liked him back. And that took him by surprise. He started crying and asked that we speak in a few days and he sounded so broken that I said yes.”

“This is good, right?” Noah asked, looking into Phil’s eyes. “Because he said he still has feelings for you and you obviously still love him too!”

If looks could kill, Mark would have gone to jail for murdering his boyfriend right then and there. “Love, some things, you don’t say out loud.”

Noah winced. “I’m sorry!” he said.

Phil was frozen in shock, blinking repeatedly, unable to breathe. Was it so obvious to Noah? He didn’t love Dan, did he? He was just - trying to… get over the past.

“Phil?” Noah asked. “I’m so sorry,” he pleaded.

“I -” Phil mumbled.

“Breathe!” Mark said, “and for fuck’s sake, eat your pasta, it must be freezing cold now.”

Phil took a bite of his tepid pasta and chewed, lost in thought. It was good pasta at least. How could it be so obvious to everyone around him? He didn’t even know how he felt about Dan, he had simply avoided thinking about it because it was just too painful and… “Fuck,” he said.

“What are you going to do now?” Mark asked.

“I’m going to lose my shit until he calls me back and tells me what he discussed in therapy. Then I’m going to freak out about whatever he says and if he still wants a second chance with me I am probably going to lose my mind and not know what to say,” Phil said, realising he was blowing on his cold pasta and just taking the bite.

“You are so dramatic,” said Noah. “Just ask him over and see where it goes.”

Phil shrugged and held his finger up as he swallowed. “I just had to repress my feelings for him for so long that I thought I was over it.”

“Sounds like you both wanted to believe that,” Noah pointed out.

“If he hurts you again I’m going to break his fucking legs,” Mark said, surprising Phil into a laugh.

“He’s no longer a scrawny kid,” Phil said, putting his fork down and opening Dan’s Facebook profile on his phone and giving it to Mark. “Make sure you don’t like any pictures.”

“Who do you take me for? I know how to stalk people quietly,” Mark said. 

Noah leaned over to look at Dan’s pictures as well. “Oh my god! Phil… I understand you completely. He is gorgeous!”

“Damn,” Mark said, not even arguing with Noah. “He’s hot now.”

“He has always been hot,” Phil said in a mix of defensiveness and jealousy. “But yeah, I noticed too. I have eyes.”

Mark gave him a look. “Is that why you agreed to meet up with him?”

“No, I noticed after,” Phil said defensively. “What do you take me for?”

“A horny fuck, especially when it comes to him,” Mark replied.

“I-” Phil sputtered. “Hey!”

“I thought that some things you shouldn’t say out loud,” said Noah, giggling.

“Depends,” said Mark. “Phil doesn’t mind being called a slut, but never accuse him of having feelings.”

Phil nodded with a satisfied smile.

“...Even if he does,” Mark added.

Noah snickered and Phil hit Mark with a cushion. 

After having debated things with his friends, Phil felt a lot better, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. That was probably also related to the emotional release that crying brought him. When Dan left him, Phil had cried himself silly, but after a while, he became numb to the topic. He’d avoided thinking of Dan like the plague and just tried to carry on. Their chance encounter broke those walls down and everything was crumbling around him once again.

To end the night on a higher note, Mark made some drinks and put on some Buffy episodes which they all watched while cuddling on the sofa until they fell asleep.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 8

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 8: Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

April 2017

Phil rushed through the streets of London, briefly considering if another “Why is Phil running?” situation was worth making it on time, or if he should just slow down and put up with the fucking drizzle. He cursed the weather and his fucking anxiety over being late to places and tried to block any negative anticipation, things that hadn’t happened yet - he was only wet. His therapist always tried to keep him rooted in the present, even if occasionally planning was required for his career, she wanted Phil to stop predicting the future in catastrophic ways and he felt like he was almost getting the hang of it, almost.

He was just five minutes away from his destination when he heard a voice that sounded too familiar.

“Phil!”

He froze on the spot, feeling like his heart was going to explode out of his chest and gave Dan a wide eyed look. He had only noticed a very tall figure totally obscured from view by their oversized coat and hood standing outside a bakery.

“Haven’t heard from you in a while…” Dan said pensively, “How are you?”

Phil resisted the urge to turn around right then and there. ‘Haven’t heard from you,’ Really? Was he serious? He almost said something, but he didn't want to appear so affected. So he answered as casually as he could. “Fine.” He paused, trying to come up with another word, but not knowing what else his life was about. Honestly, it was just work. Barely anything else, just work. “Filming, hosting… you know how it is.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah.”

“So, how are you? What are you up to?” Phil tried.

“I'm actually working in theatre, doing some plays. I graduated from uni and I have patients, so that’s cool as well. And I’m thinking of self-publishing a mental health book at some point, like a guide to keep people afloat. A small project, of course.”

Phil smiled proudly, despite everything. Then, he noticed the blonde guy standing close to Dan, very clearly shooting daggers at both of them but particularly Phil. “Sounds great,” Phil said. “Hi,” he addressed the man.

Dan blinked, as if he had forgotten that he was with someone already. “Oh, this is Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Phil, my friend.”

Both Phil and Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him and Dan was trying very hard not to blush but failing miserably. With the way Sebastian was looking at Phil, he could only guess that they were involved, potentially partners, and that Sebastian knew exactly who he was and about his past story with Dan. He had an accusatory gaze, a not so subtle ‘I know you two fucked.’ That’s right honey, I had him first and there’s nothing you can do to change it. “Nice to meet you, Sebastian,” Phil smiled, unbothered.

“Likewise,” said Sebastian tightly. His voice sounded as stupid and annoying as Phil had imagined, this only made his smile bigger.

“Oh, give me your phone, I’ll put in my new number,” Dan said after a pregnant pause.

Phil grabbed his phone from his pocket but it was at 0% and had shut down at some point.

Dan bit his lip but got a pen from his backpack and started to write the numbers down on the palm of Phil’s hand, the contact sending shivers up his entire arm. Phil wondered why Dan didn’t just ask him for his number and put it in his own phone, but the entire situation was so uncomfortable and weird with Dan being the only one pretending that it wasn’t, that Phil didn’t want to point out the obvious or seem eager to get back in touch with him. He did have some decency and self-respect still, so as soon as Dan was done with his little note, he pulled his hand away. “Well, this was nice, but Mark is waiting for me at the cinema and the movie is about to start.”

Dan’s smile finally fell and Phil took it as a small victory. “What are you guys going to watch?”

“Deadpool,” Phil said, now annoyed that Dan was still talking. 

“We should go to that one,” Dan said to Sebastian.

“Not today,” Sebastian snapped.

Dan opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Phil started walking away. “Bye!”

“Tell Mark I said Hi!” Dan yelled after him.

“I won’t, he doesn’t like you,” Phil said, only at half the required volume for Dan to hear. He left that one to chance.

As soon as Mark saw him, he knew that something had happened and pestered Phil until he confessed and showed him the note on his hand: Dan’s phone number with the words “call me please” under it. 

Mark was quiet during the entire retelling of the story and Phil was about to have a mental breakdown right in the line for the kiosk, but before he could question Mark, it was their turn. They bought 2 cokes and a huge bucket of salty popcorn to share and went up to the queue for their screen. Just as he shuffled everything around and handed Mark some things, Phil realised the moisture of the cup had smudged the ink on his hand away. He stood there in shock, not knowing how to feel about it. 

“Fuck,” said Mark when he saw why Phil was delaying the queue.

Phil looked into his eyes, his mouth agape.

“You were really going to call him, weren't you?”

“I - I don’t know,” Phil admitted, and for a moment, he felt his anxiety trying to rise and consume him but he rationalised things instead. He took a deep breath and stood off to the side with Mark trailing along. He shut his eyes and breathed deeply until he was able to force his body to relax. He looked into Mark’s worried eyes and smiled faintly. “I guess the choice has been taken off my hands. If it hadn’t been, I would have fretted over it for who knows how long. This was probably for the best.”

“You could still try to find him on social media if you really wanted to. Do you still have him on Facebook?”

“No, one of the last things I did on Facebook was unfriend him and that was years ago.” Not wanting to continue pondering about it, Phil just walked down the hallway to get his ticket checked. They entered the theatre and looked for their assigned seats, awkwardly sidestepping down their row since the lights had already been lowered for the ads to begin.

Once they were seated, Phil could feel Mark’s eyes boring holes into his face. 

Mark leaned closer and whispered: “It’s still an option to consider if you want closure.”

“The universe did me a favour; this is a sign to drop it and never think of Dan again,” Phil said, sounding confident despite the uneasiness brewing in the pit of his stomach.

“Don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about him all this time, I know for a fact that you have. Ignoring this will not make that go away.”

“Drop it,” Phil snapped, hearing people shush him. He lowered his voice again. “You’ve hated him for a while anyway, why do you care?”

“I don’t,” Mark shrugged. “I care about you and I don’t think you have moved on.”

“I’ve dated, Mark. What more do you want? He has a partner too, I told you. He was there with him.”

“Oh,” Mark said. “Well, give it a thought.”

“The movie is starting. Pass the popcorn.”

---

Phil spent the next few weeks trying his best to forget about the whole thing, but it popped up in his mind in the most inconvenient moments, like during his radio show or when he tried to film a new video. He couldn’t help but try to picture how his life would be now if Dan hadn’t given up on their friendship. Would they still be hosting together? Filming together? Sharing their London flat?

He briefly considered telling his therapist but he wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say about it. Instead, he remembered what Mark said and logged into Facebook after a million years of absence. He searched for Dan’s profile and gasped at how good he looked in his profile picture with his hobbit hair. He heard their voices in his mind: “Would you keep your hobbit hair for more than a day? Never!” Nature was wise, Dan looked better than ever with his curls.

Phil looked at his previous profile pictures and there were none with Sebastian. He was listed as Dan’s boyfriend though. It caught Phil by surprise, even after seeing them together in the streets of London, Phil didn’t think he would see the day Dan dated a man publicly. Then he noticed something: Dan had sent him a friend request.

He hesitated briefly but if he thought too much about it he was going to faint, so he did what he had become accustomed to do when in doubt: he accepted the request. Then he felt frozen in time not knowing what else to do. Should he be the one to reach out first? Well, technically, Dan had taken the first step with the friend request so maybe it was his turn.

He opened their conversation and his fingers hovered over the keyboard as he stared at the last pathetic attempt Phil made to reach out in 2012 which still had the read receipt. He was about to back out of the screen when Dan messaged him. 

“Can we talk?”

Phil started typing a no but deleted it. He paused for a moment. He started again but this time he pointed out the last message above that had been unanswered for years. He deleted it again.

“Phil, please.”

Phil heard the words just as if Dan was begging right in front of him and hated himself as he typed an “ok.”

“I don’t want things to get messy over text. We should meet at a park or a coffee shop and discuss it in person.”

“You’re pushing your luck.”

“I know I fucked up really badly. Please give me a chance to apologise properly and to explain.”

“I’ve moved on without any explanations. Why would I want them now?” That was a lie. Not only had he not moved on, but he still wondered what the fuck happened exactly. Many times he’d wished he could live inside Dan’s brain to better understand.

“I don’t remember you being so snappy when you were unbothered by something.”

Phil looked at the screen blankly. He had him there. Dan knew him too well, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “People change. I never thought you would do what you did but here we are.”

“If you don’t want to meet up I could call you right now.”

Phil panicked. Fucking Dan, he knew that Phil hated calls. Meeting up was less scary, especially if he had time to plan his replies. Not that anything ever went according to plan with Dan. “Fine. Piccadilly Circus at 5 this Thursday.” It was Tuesday so that gave him two days to prepare.

“I have a show at 7. Tomorrow at 5?”

“Alright.” It was not alright, that only gave him… he looked at the time, about twenty hours to prepare. Dan was not giving him a chance to back out, which was likely to happen if they planned for a later date. He took a deep breath. It would probably be better to rip the plaster off and move on.

“Text me when you get there, I’ll be in the area.”

Phil pursed his lips. “I don’t have your number, I had an accident with a soda at the cinema.”

“An accident with a soda?”

“My hands got wet, ok?”

“Oh, right. +44 20 7734 3124.”

“Right, see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you for doing this.” 

Phil was about to reply, but this time, he smiled and closed the conversation. This time he was the one leaving Dan on read.

---

The following day had Phil overthinking his outfit and wishing he could just ask his followers for advice but he knew that Dan would see the tweet, so he thought back to the poll he’d posted a few months ago and went with the top rated shirt.

He opened his laptop and the first thing he saw was Dan’s profile before Safari crashed and he had to open it again. Once again, he saw Dan’s profile and almost clicked away when something caught his eye. Dan’s relationship status was now “it’s complicated” and Sebastian was no longer tagged.

He smiled and grabbed his keys on the way out, his laptop left abandoned on the sofa.

---

Phil hated himself the moment he laid eyes on Dan. God, how did Dan look even better in person than in his pictures? His hair was perfectly curled at the top and seamlessly faded on the sides. He wore a grey flowery shirt over a pink T-shirt which made evident how much bigger his back was and his jeans were tight enough to display his thick thighs. Phil had to stop that line of thought immediately before it crossed the PG boundaries. Dan smelled so good too, not that Phil was smelling him, that would be creepy and stupid.

“Hey,” Dan smiled confidently. 

That was another thing, Dan was so fucking confident. Unlike in 2012, it was coming from him in waves. He looked like someone who was very sure of who he was. It made Phil feel inadequate and like he hadn’t made that kind of progress all the time they’d been apart. “Hey,” he said, sounding as lame as he felt.

“So, do you want to go somewhere?”

“Hard Rock?” Phil asked, trying to remember any good places around. It was too hot and he wasn’t in the mood for sweating in front of Dan so aircon was a must.

“Sure,” Dan smiled and pressed his hand to Phil’s back gently, guiding him there.

That hand was burning Phil through his shirt like hot iron, but he tried to seem unbothered. 

“So, how have you been?” Dan asked as they walked.

“Uh, just - taking a few days off at the moment. Mostly scripting new videos and relaxing,” Phil said. He’d thought he’d have the walk to compose himself but Dan clearly wanted to break the ice immediately.

“Relaxing is good.”

Fuck, it was his time to ask something. “Err, so you are still acting?”

“Yes, just small roles here and there but I got a bigger one in an indie production starting in September. Nothing too fancy, just ten shows.”

“Ten?” Phil asked, that actually sounded like a lot for an indie production. 

Dan waved him off. “It’s just a hobby. My main focus now is mental health advocacy. I’m working with Young Minds, the charity.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I want to help young people who don’t have access to resources. I think it’s very rewarding.”

“I bet it is,” Phil said, impressed. He knew that Dan was not trying to brag, but was perhaps seeking Phil’s approval. Some things never changed.

“I haven’t gotten to anything important like that,” Phil said,

“You hosted the fucking Brits!” Dan said, not letting him be humble. “I watched it, you were hilarious.”

Phil finally smiled at that. “Thank you,” he said, before he realised that he was being too nice and cleared his throat. They were finally at the door and before Phil could pull it open, Dan pushed it open for him, keeping him from making a fool of himself.

They got a booth by the windows and ordered. 

“Why did you message me?” Phil asked, cutting the pleasantries.

Dan looked a little taken aback but didn't hesitate. “I wanted to catch up and also give you an explanation of why I acted how I acted back then.”

“I don’t know if I want to know. What would it change?”

“Everything… I hope that it changes everything,” Dan said. “First of all, I should apologise for leaving you in the dark like that and for being so chaotic and irresponsible with our work and with us. I promise that it was not intentional, I just didn’t have the proper tools to process everything that was happening in my life and I had to take a step back.” He rushed to say, as if he was almost afraid that Phil would interrupt him or just up and leave. “I know you must have questions too.”

“I guess,” Phil admitted. “But I don’t know where to start.”

“Let’s start with the easiest and go from there. I stopped doing YouTube and collabing with you and dropped out of everything because it got too overwhelming. I didn’t start making videos with the intention of being famous, and having so many eyes on me and commenting on everything I did got to be too much for me. I could have handled it better if literally every other aspect of my life wasn’t falling apart at the same time.”

Phil nodded. “I did notice you getting overwhelmed but when were we not overwhelmed?”

“I know. But that was honestly the least of my issues. I would say the main one, if you want to jump to that, was my sexuality crisis. You know my previous history in that aspect,” Dan said, pausing to take a deep breath, “and it took me a lot of work in therapy to come to terms with the fact that I’m actually gay. Or, well, queer, but men are what I’m mostly interested in. I don’t know about anything else. You know I had a girlfriend and I was attracted to Sam who was afab but non-binary. I think the androgyny helped me in a weird way because they looked like what I liked but if someone questioned me, that was a person with a vagina and older people wouldn’t really think much of it. And yes, I know it’s a fucked up way to see it. It was unfair to think that way about Sam.”

“Did you guys end up together?” Phil asked, not knowing if he wanted to know or not. Phil had become so obviously jealous back then that Dan had stopped mentioning Sam at all.

Dan snickered. “You had your special vendetta with Sam. No, you’ll be happy to know that I realised that they were probably looking for attention or an ego boost, maybe even subconsciously. I don’t think they were interested in me, not really. I also realised that thinking of them as just someone safe to date to explore my sexuality wasn’t fair, so everything worked out in the end.”

“Right. I didn’t like them anyway, so I’m glad.”

“I know,” Dan said and his brow burrowed into a frown. “That’s what really pushed me to leave everything behind.”

“What?”

“Not Sam, but the fact that I felt like our friendship had crossed so many boundaries that neither of us knew where we stood at any given moment and it was too confusing. We were too jealous of everyone but we weren’t dating, and at times it seemed like you wanted to sleep around, and other times you wanted to be my boyfriend and I - I was the same. To be perfectly honest,” Dan said, pausing as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to say something, but he shook his head and continued. “I wanted to be your boyfriend but I wasn’t out of the closet. I am not out of the closet in half of the aspects of my life today, and - and I thought that with me providing therapy at times, it was so wrong,” he let out a humourless snort. “It is a huge no-no to date your patients and even though I wasn’t officially your therapist or had graduated, we had the rapport necessary for that. I felt that I was in part responsible for your feelings for me. When everything around you is so unstable, it’s easy to cling to someone you see as a safe space and project your feelings into something that it’s probably not real.”

Phil’s mouth was agape. “That’s -” he let out a puff of air and gestured vaguely.

“I know, It’s a lot,” Dan conceded. “It was too much for me.”

“You didn’t give me a choice to tell you if my feelings were real or not,” Phil said, feeling offended at the implication.

“You wouldn’t have known. If you ask someone if their feelings are true and they will say yes 100% of the time, even if they are projecting,” Dan explained. “I felt guilty for potentially causing the confusion and also for not taking things anywhere either. I know that from your end it must have felt like I led you on and bailed but I was just as confused as I thought you were, so that was no good.”

“And now?” Phil frowned. “Do you still think I was projecting?”

Dan let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know, but I wish I would have stayed and tried to work it out - with you. We always worked things out together.”

Phil was about to interject when Dan continued.

“On the other hand, I don’t think I would be who I am today if I hadn’t left the safety blanket that was our friendship. You kept saving me every single time and I needed to learn to save myself, to be my own person, not just Dan from Dan and Phil. And I think that you grew into such a beautiful person and into your brand. I feel like being Dan and Phil on camera and in life was stunting our growth. So while I wish I would have stayed and I apologise for the way I handled things, if I had to go back I think I would still leave. For a while at least. I didn’t think it would take me this long to figure it out.”

There was a pregnant pause. Dan kept looking into Phil’s eyes, as if searching for something, but Phil was in a turmoil so big that he could barely form a semi-coherent thought. “I don’t know what to say,” Phil admitted, feeling like his head was about to explode. None of the things he’d planned to say applied to the conversation anymore.

Dan inclined his head in understanding and continued. “I also needed to stay away from the public eye to resolve my identity crisis,” he said. “I am getting tired of having to come out in my day to day life though, so I’ve been writing a YouTube video, a massive one, explaining everything. I think that people deserv- well, no, they don’t deserve it, I know I don’t owe them an explanation - but I would like to let them know why I was so rude at times. Speaking of rude: Do you still speak to Charlie?”

Phil frowned, thinking for a moment. “Skies?”

“Yeah,” Dan confirmed in a sour tone.

“Ew, no. Of course not,” Phil said, taken aback. He hadn’t even thought about Charlie in years. “Outing people is not cool.”

“Good. I don’t like that guy,” Dan admitted. 

“I know.”

Dan leaned forward just a tiny bit, his voice low and almost secretive. “Would you please read the script and watch the video before it comes out? It will be very honest so you will be mentioned.”

“Oh, boy.” Phil’s eyes widened. “What do you plan to say? You haven’t posted in years.”

“Maybe I’ve finally lost it,” Dan laughed. “For now it says something around the lines of that we were friends and more than friends but when it comes to our current relationship we are both very private people so we won’t comment on it.”

Phil downed his already cold coffee but remained silent until he really processed what Dan was trying to say. “So it is a coming out video of sorts.” He said, trying to predict people’s reaction to that. 

Dan nodded. “Is there something I shouldn’t say? My thought process was that we never said it outright but people know we had sex. We constantly posted about it on Twitter and everywhere and you have hickeys in some videos. They were not stupid, they’ve always known.”

“Except for the ones that wanted us to be straight because they want to fuck us,” Phil reminded him.

Dan huffed. “I hope those ones cry.”

“That’s mean,” Phil said but smiled.

“Being homophobic is meaner.”

“True,” Phil said but he reminded himself that he had always tended to do this, just what he was doing now. He was putting Dan first, already helping him with a new project, bouncing a concept and hearing him out just like Dan wanted. It was time to put himself first, and that was something Phil did manage to make progress on over the last few years. “Alright do that,” he mumbled and tried to stir the conversation back to their past issues. “There are a few things I want to know for my peace of mind.”

“Ask away,” Dan said, sitting up.

“Why didn’t you text me? It’s been five years. It just doesn’t make sense with what you’re saying.”

Dan paused, considering it for a moment. “I didn’t understand myself and didn’t want to drag you or our friendship down but I did hope you’d text. Every birthday, and every holiday, I waited, but you never texted. It wasn’t a clean cut that I wanted either, but you stopped reaching out, so it happened naturally.”

Phil’s face morphed into one of pure rage, he knew this because Dan leaned back, almost bracing himself for impact. “I stopped reaching out? When I texted you, you seemed fucking bored and annoyed with me, so I figured you would text me if you really wanted to stay friends,” he hissed. “You know, that’s fucking rich coming from you. You gave me so many mixed signals and only reached out when you needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to solve your problems, and then just hoped that I would never take the hint that you wanted me fucking gone. How was any of it my fault?”

“I don’t think it was your fault,” Dan said, defensively, “but I think that you sent some mixed signals as well which didn’t help at all.”

“I wasn’t confused. I cried myself to sleep so many times because you acted like you wanted to be my boyfriend and then decided to pretend that it never happened and just asked me how to get into someone else’s pants. What the fuck was that about?” Phil snapped, trying to keep his voice down.

Dan winced. “Well - you were my only friend. I’m not defending my actions, I’m just explaining what my thought process was. And you were experienced with just sleeping with your friends.”

Phil narrowed his eyes at Dan. “Are you slut shaming me?” he said but continued without waiting for a reply. “I told you for years and years that all I wanted was a relationship, someone who treated me well, that didn’t cheat on me and that loved me. How did you take it as me not wanting to be with you? I was just doing what people offered, which was casual sex.”

“And there was Mark. He was not casual,” Dan snapped, raising one eyebrow at him, his eyes full of barely restrained rage.

“I told you a million times that Mark and I were not dating. It was not like that between us. We just had sex because we weren’t dating anyone else.”

Dan exhaled through his nose in disdain. “What about all the times Mark made it clear that I was not welcome in the flat? He was jealous.”

Phil scoffed. “He wasn’t jealous, he just started to hate you because he thought that you were playing games with me and sometimes he did things to test his theory, like kiss me in front of you or be hostile. You failed miserably every time by the way.”

“That drove me insane. I was so jealous of him being able to touch you like that whenever he wanted,” Dan’s face fell, now looking more sad than angry, his voice going lower. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I’m sorry that I messed up so badly, I really am. Now that I know myself better, I know that - I never got over you, Phil. I still feel exactly the same.” He reached to rest his hand on Phil’s. “If you still-”

Phil pulled his hands away. He felt a cold sensation running down his body and stood suddenly. “No,” he said and rushed out the door, hailing a taxi and going home.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 7

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 7: Somebody I used to know

2013 was like a fresh start for Phil, not that he had ever wanted one. Returning to his packed-up Manchester flat after spending New Year with his parents was nothing short of devastating. He looked around the sea of boxes and the happy memories and let out a choked sob, starting to hyperventilate as he thought about Dan. He was supposed to be there to help him, bring his things so they could move to London - together.

He walked around the flat and cried until his stomach hurt. He could see Dan everywhere. The sleepovers, the nights cooking together, the laundry crises. Finding Dan’s Manchester hoodie was the last straw; Phil’s world was falling apart around him like a house of cards and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He heard the keys turning at the door and covered his face with both hands, trying to calm himself down, but he felt faint. He slid to the floor slowly and felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around him.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked.

Phil tried to speak but only managed to sob loudly. At least that meant that he could breathe a bit better. 

“Is it Dan?” Mark asked and Phil nodded against his chest. “Don’t worry, love. I’m coming with you.”

Phil looked up at him in confusion. “What?” he said shakily. 

“Did you think I would let you go alone when you’re like this?” Mark smiled sadly.

Phil shook his head. “Your job-”

“I quit. I have a few interviews set up already,” Mark said. “You are more important.”

Pulling Mark into a tight hug, Phil continued to cry. He was fucking pathetic but at least he had good friends. “T-thank you.”

“It’s ok. Who wants to work retail anyway?” Mark laughed. “This will push me to find a job in my field.”

Phil smiled through the tears despite everything and looked around the flat again. He had been so immersed in his pain that he hadn’t noticed Mark’s things packed as well. He couldn’t go on like this, he needed help.

---

The train ride to London was quiet, too quiet, but he knew that Mark understood, and apparently kept himself busy texting someone all the while. Even as they walked into their London flat, Phil just stood by the door and thought of what to say, but he had nothing at all. Mark pressed a kiss to his forehead and went exploring.

He stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do before going after Mark. “Which bedroom do you like?” Phil asked in a monotone voice and Mark gave him a sad look.

“I don’t know, which one do you want?” Mark tried.

Phil shrugged.

“Maybe the bigger one would be good for filming,” Mark said, trying to get a single emotion out of Phil.

That was true, but if he was honest with himself, he had pictured Dan filming in that bedroom. “I want the small one, it has better lighting,” he lied.

Mark smiled at him and rubbed Phil’s arm gently. “Deal,” he said. “Come on, I’ll make you a coffee before the movers get here.”

“We don’t have the kettle here yet.” 

“I brought it just for you, what do you take me for?” Mark said.

That finally stole a smile from Phil. 

He sat on the grey sofa that came with the flat and felt himself sink into it. It was almost too soft, but it would have to do. Mark joined him a little while later, or so Phil thought, but the worried look he gave him let him know that maybe it had been longer.

“I’m going to need you to keep living,” Mark said, handing him a cup of coffee.

“I am,” said Phil flatly. 

“You’re not,” Mark countered. “We’re going to order pizza, you’re going to eat at least half and then get a shower.”

Phil frowned. “Do I stink that badly?”

“No, of course not. You know I would tell you,” Mark snorted. “But it will help you to… I don’t know, get into your routine again and it’s self-care.”

“Hmm,” Phil said. “I was thinking of finding a therapist.” He paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I think I need help.”

“Admitting it is the first step. I’m glad that you decided to get help.” Mark took a sip from his mug and winced. “Too hot. What made you finally think of therapy? You have been very resistant.”

Phil considered telling Mark what he had been thinking about recently but pursed his lips.

“I can tell that you’re keeping something from me.”

“I don’t think we should have sex anymore,” he mumbled.

“We haven’t done it in ages, love. I assumed as much, but I understand the need to set a boundary. And don’t think that I’m buying that, that’s not what’s bothering you. Please, just…” He trailed off.

“I’m exhausted,” Phil finally said, nursing his drink. 

“Go on.”

Phil pulled on a loose thread sticking out of his T-shirt. “And… sometimes I just want to sleep.”

“I’m going to need you to finish that thought.”

“I want to just sleep and not wake up… sometimes,” he shut his eyes, not wanting to see Mark’s face when he said it. “Just sleep forever. Rest. I want to rest.” He dared look up into Mark’s eyes.

“Phil!” Mark said, his eyes filling with tears. He took their mugs and set them on the coffee table before pulling him into a tight hug. “Phil, shhhhhhh. Don’t say that!”

“I’m sorry,” Phil said, the only emotion coming to the surface being shame for making Mark cry. Mark never cried. “I’ll get help.”

“I’m here,” he said shakily, rubbing Phil’s back.

Phil remembered to hug Mark back. “I’ll eat. ¨Promise”

“Good,” Mark whispered.

That night, Phil did eat and shower and lay awake all night thinking. It was completely stupid but he still hoped that Dan would reach out, notice that Phil had stopped trying to communicate and suddenly remember that he’d had a friend, but that didn’t happen. 

Slowly, life got busy again. Mark took care of him for the entire first month of their London adventure, but as he started a trial period as an accountant at a Tesco, Phil had to get his shit together. Life was going to continue with or without him and it was time that he actually did something for himself. It took him two tries to find a therapist that he liked and that he felt comfortable enough to discuss Dan with.

She agreed that his diagnosis was anxiety, not depression, but the frown on her face when he mentioned the natural sedatives let him know that she didn’t approve of Dan’s suggestion. Each session left him depleted, causing him to take a taxi home and get into bed immediately. Still, Mark had no mercy for him and woke him up to eat dinner every single time. It took a few months to give her a full rundown of his life and what he was going through at the moment but she seemed optimistic about his future. Wednesdays soon became the days he looked forward to, and sometimes, it even seemed too long between sessions but he held on to his sanity as hard as he could and didn’t ask to go twice a week.

Coincidentally, as his mental health improved, so did his career. AmazingPhil hit 1 Million subscribers, and his monthly radio show got quite popular and usually went smoothly, except for the time he switched the show off the air and nearly got himself fired. He’d been charming enough that the producers decided to have a sit down with him and explain what every button did 20 times instead of giving him the boot. He was on the cover of many teen magazines, had to do photoshoots here and there, both of which he hated, and started to be able to actually save money. Well, eventually; at first he didn’t even have the money to get a haircut so his mane looked ridiculous and he ate ramen for quite a while, but then things got somewhere. 

Still, Dan’s absence was like a shadow cast over his life. Not a day went by when Phil didn’t wonder what he was up to, or where he was. It was inevitable since it was still affecting his life: when Dan had pulled from every project he hadn’t signed by December of the previous year, Phil had had to let go of some things that just didn’t make sense without him. They had book deals lined up among other things that he didn’t feel confident enough to do on his own. The idea of the book was a tribute to their joint content, their friendship and their fans. Project X, the gaming channel, was also dropped. Phil couldn’t even imagine playing MarioKart, Halo, or any of the other games they’d played together. 

By the end of the year, Mark had met Noah, his boyfriend and moved in with him. It had been a welcome change for both of them. Mark deserved to be happy and not be Phil’s carer and Phil needed to be an adult and take care of himself. It was ok, he felt ready to do it and he knew Mark would have never left if Phil wasn’t actually doing better. He’d even started to feel that he didn’t even need weekly therapy appointments anymore.

That is, until Christmas. Phil had gotten it into his head that he would be ok with spending Christmas home alone instead of going up North. Family gatherings had not been great on his anxiety, especially the previous holiday season with all the questions about Dan and what he would do now that he didn’t have a collab partner, but it turned out that being alone with no plans was also not good for his mental health either.

He had held off putting the tree up until the 24th because it reminded him of the time he and Dan had decorated his parents’ house for Christmas that week in December. At first, putting on music and singing along was keeping his mind on the right track, but when he got to the ornaments, he found a small brown bear with a red ribbon around its tiny neck. He could hear the memory of the first time he’d seen it even to this day.

“Do you like it?” Dan said.

“Aw, it’s so cute!”

“It’s for you. My family used to call me Bear when I was little so I wanted to give you something to remember me by when we’re not together.”

“I wish you could stay,” Phil regretted.

“Me too!” Dan said. “I better give you your New Year’s kiss now, since I won’t be here…”

Phil smiled widely, his stomach full of butterflies as Dan pressed their lips together for a sweet kiss.

He blinked, his mind returning to the present. He looked down at the tiny bear and saw a tear fall on its head. Pausing, he considered putting the ornament in the trash, but he didn’t have the heart to do it. He couldn’t display it either. 

He cleared his throat, reached for the star, put it at the top of the tree and closed the box. The tree looked a bit silly with lights and only the star but there was no one around to pester him about it. He put the box away and made himself a drink or five before going out to a club to find someone new to have sex with.

---

2014 and 2015 only brought Phil more success, more subscribers and more work. He got his own request show on Radio 1 and even hosted the Brit Awards. He was so proud of himself and the fact that he always managed to convince extremely famous people to play his silly games, wear masks and answer his random questions. Phil found that he had a talent to come up with things on the spot so he was never caught with his pants down, so to speak. His pants were often down though, but for very different reasons. He might not have been the hottest guy around but he was confident enough that he could pull nearly any guy he wanted and so he treated himself quite often, allowing himself to feed his ego in what he knew was the wrong way, but it kept him afloat.

Feeling better about himself, Phil finally decided to give mixed therapy a go to finish resolving what he had been carrying with him for so long and the new day to day things that added to his anxiety and random bouts of insomnia. At least, he’d capitalised on that with the Sleepless Night With Phil videos. His new therapist wasn’t amused by that.

It took him nearly a full year to feel like he was getting anywhere near to being stable but it was worth it. In 2016 he also continued experimenting with meditation after remembering how it had helped in the past, and found a method that suited him better than just clearing his mind. His mind was never empty, on the contrary, it was always chaotic and colourful, so he used that in his favour. 

He had officially dated 3 guys, all of them good people, but he didn’t feel for them like he had for Dan; they weren’t nearly as funny, or as compatible with him. He couldn’t help but compare them to Dan and, honestly, being closeted to his fans didn’t help matters either. Whatever relationship he wanted to embark on, it was doomed to fail because he didn’t want it out in the magazines and as a public person, he had nearly no privacy at all.

A curious yet helpful side effect of his lack of private life was that Phil got to address his hypersexuality in therapy because if he continued to hook up with random strangers, it was bound to come out and he didn’t feel like it was worth it. He did a complete 180 and decided that he didn’t want to do relationships or situationships anymore. Granted, his newfound lack of a sex life worried his therapist a bit, but she was supportive of him no longer channelling any failure or aspect in his life that he found lacking through sleeping around with anyone who caught his eye. It was partly due to her pointing out that Phil was using hypersexuality as a way of self-harm and as a way to boost his own self-esteem when he felt low. The first part was shocking, the other one not so much. It was hard to feel low when he felt wanted. She did call Phil out for his reticence to commit in relationships but he pretended that he didn’t hear her. That was a problem for future Phil.

At last, Phil found his self-worth within himself, his good heart and how he carried himself in his life, professionally and in his interpersonal relations. He prided himself in being a good son, brother, and friend. He made those special relationships a priority in his life and took great care of them, reaching out, having honest conversations and just saying I love you. In time, he’d realised that no matter how much you loved someone, sometimes it was necessary to say it out loud instead of letting people make an assumption.

What solidified the change had started to make on his own was his grandmother’s death. Phil wished he’d had the chance to say goodbye to her in person, that he had taken a trip up North, but she was gone in a blink. Instead, he tried to find comfort in the conversations they’d had in the last few months.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 6

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 6: The Winner Takes It All

2012

They didn’t speak or text until mid-January, when Dan just showed up at Phil’s flat one day, dark circles so deep that reminded him of Jack Skellington. He looked sick. 

Phil stood there in silence, not knowing what to do until Dan pulled him into a hug and started crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Dan.

“Everything,” Dan muttered, his voice cracking. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Uh, sure,” Phil said, feeling weird about it. Both because he didn’t know where they stood at the moment and because Dan had never asked that before, he’d always just stayed.

They walked inside and Phil started making tea, not because he wanted one but because he needed to collect himself. “So… what’s been going on with you?” He asked, his back still turned to Dan.

“I can’t do anything right,” Dan said, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “I can’t stick to my schedule, I’m drowning in the material and I feel like everyone hates me right now.”

Phil let out a little frustrated sigh and turned to look at Dan. “I don’t hate you, Dan. I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t,” he said. “Have you discussed it with your therapist?” Phil added before Dan could say anything.

“I haven’t been in over a month,” Dan said, avoiding his eyes and picking at his jeans. “I haven’t left my room either.”

Phil pressed his lips into a line but tried to be as gentle as possible, it was evident that Dan was still trying to calm himself down. “Why would you do that? Even therapists have therapists, you said it yourself years ago.”

“He said that I’m depressed and I don’t agree. I think this is just how I am. I’ve always struggled with the simplest of tasks, I’ve always been low. It’s just who I am.” Dan looked up, his eyes red and swollen; he’d been crying far longer than he’d been at Phil’s.

“What are the symptoms of depression?” Phil asked, knowing that he couldn’t argue on this, he needed to make Dan reach the conclusion on his own. 

“Sadness, hopelessness, anger or frustration, even over small things, loss of interest in normal things like sex or hobbies, insomnia or sleeping too much, lack of energy, loss of appetite, anxiety, brain fog… Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures - or self-blame,” he said, his face slowly transforming as he went over the symptoms. 

Phil hummed. “That does sound familiar, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” Dan admitted.

“So?” Phil pressed. “Why don’t you go to therapy?”

Dan frowned. “For the same reason that you haven’t gotten help for your anxiety disorder,” he said, a bit too harshly, but continuing in a calmer tone after a deep breath. “I guess I’m not ready yet.”

“That’s fair,” Phil said, ignoring the biting comment. “We need to come up with a plan of action then. I have always managed my anxiety with different methods, you were the one who came up with most of them. I’m meditating at the moment and it’s helping a bit - with the sleeping issues at least, have you tried it?”

Dan shook his head no. “I don’t think I can meditate myself out of depression, to be honest.”

“I know that, don’t be silly,” Phil waved him off. “I’m saying that you need a depression plan and that you can meditate when you feel anxious. You said they come together sometimes, right?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I do have some anxiety but it’s not my main issue.”

“Alright. What is your biggest problem right now?”

“Sleeping and getting to class.”

Phil added the tea bags into the mugs and poured the water over them, having the sugar and milk at the ready. He walked over to the coffee table and pulled a small notebook and a pen from the storage space under it. “So, you need to wake up at 8 to make it in time to Stats, you can study at Starbucks or the library for two hours and go to Personality. If you are too tired then, you can go back and take a nap before Intervention but I think you should drop Cognition and you can try again next semester.”

“But I’m doing well at Cognition. Cognitive Neuroscience is the hard one,” Dan said with a small smile, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, right,” Phil said, slapping his forehead. “I always get them mixed.”

Dan raised his eyebrows at Phil but didn’t say a word.

“What? What’s that face?”

“You remember what classes I’m taking and when,” Dan said in wonder.

“Of course I do,” Phil scoffed. “I helped you plan your schedule.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think you’d remember. Nobody remembers.”

“I remember,” Phil said with a small smile. He gave the notebook to Dan and went to get the mugs before the tea got too strong to drink. He added the sugar and milk, putting them back in their respective places and carried the mugs to the coffee table. “Here,” he said, handing the mug to Dan and sitting at his side.

“Thanks,” Dan said and took a sip and set the notebook on the sofa between them. “Just how I like it.”

Phil ignored the comment and grabbed the notebook, starting another page. They needed a more global approach. “So… you have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays off in the morning. Let’s set some ground rules in general. Weekdays bed before 2am and wake up no later than 10.30. Also, be productive until 5 on weekdays. Anything you didn’t do during the week, finish it during the weekend and that’s when you take a break. You can sleep in until 1 on the weekends at least. What do you think?”

“Sounds good. I have a huge pile of laundry though.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Do laundry here during the weekend and you can finish any homework while the washer runs. But you are doing the laundry, not me. And no mixing colours, I’m still wearing pink boxers.”

Dan snorted. “Ok, Dad.” He looked out the window for a moment and turned back to Phil. “What are we doing for your birth?”

“Are you coming?” Phil asked, raising one eyebrow at Dan.

“Of course I am!” Dan said, blushing just a little.

“Alright,” Phil smiled. “Small party here I guess but I have to go back home to celebrate with my family - and Richard and the others want to hang out the week after that.”

Dan laughed. “Why is your birthday always a month long affair?” 

“Because my birth is an important date to commemorate. I’m important.”

“You are,” said Dan.

The sound of jingling keys at the door announced Mark before his melodic voice came through the hall. “Hey, love. I finally found some decent oranges for break- oh. Hi, Dan!” Mark said. 

Phil rushed to help with the shop, grabbing the bags from Mark’s hands and setting them on the kitchen counter.

“It’s so nice to see you again, what brings you over?” Mark asked Dan, casually pressing a quick kiss to Phil’s lips and pulling him closer by the hips ever so slightly.

Phil mumbled a hello and gave Mark a wide-eyed look before peering at Dan out of the corner of his eye. He looked upset, perhaps even mad at the display. “Sorry,” Phil said, not really knowing why he was apologising or the reason Mark chose that particular moment to kiss him.

Dan shrugged and shook his head, his lips moving as he attempted to form words but no sound came out.

Dan was left speechless for the first time since Phil had met him.

Mark smiled widely, ignoring the others’ reactions. “Are you staying over for dinner, darling?” he asked Dan.

“Uh, sure,” Dan said.

“No laundry today?” Mark teased.

Phil shot him a look, Mark was going for something here, but he didn’t know what exactly or why. Dan had never mentioned doing his laundry at their flat in front of Mark so this made it evident that Phil had relayed this information to him. “No, we were just catching up. Why? Did you want to help out?” He ended the sentence with a tight smile, trying to silently tell Mark to quit it already.

“A tempting offer, but I think I’ll stick to cooking, you are the laundry specialist after all.”

“Ok. You do that, Dan and I will continue our conversation in my bedroom,” Phil said, and guided Dan away from the conflict. Once in his room, he shut the door and let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t want to intrude,” Dan said without even taking a seat. “I’m so sorry for showing up unannounced. Obviously you want to enjoy your night with your boyfriend - I should go.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Phil rushed to say when Dan took a step towards the door.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dan bit back, his voice rising with every word. “He hasn’t been your boyfriend since like 2009, he’s just the person you sleep with, live with, cook with and basically do everything with.”

“It’s not like that,” Phil said defensively, as he started to pace around the room. He felt like he’d been caught cheating even though he didn’t even have a boyfriend. He had a fuck buddy and a buddy he wanted to fuck but who didn’t reciprocate, none of which wanted to actually date him.

“What is it like then?” Dan snapped.

Phil froze and turned on the spot, feeling the fire coming out of his eyes. Dan had some nerve to be upset by a kiss when he hadn’t made any attempts to be exclusive with Phil or even to continue with any sort of intimacy, or even their friendship for that matter. He had become a ghost in Phil’s life and now he was upset that Phil had a smidge of attention from someone else. “You’re right, maybe you should leave. Take the plans we wrote down and work on that, and if you need to call someone at 3 am try Sam. See if they care to take your calls.”

Dan took a step back, looking as if he’d been slapped. He wasn’t used to Phil saying no to him. Phil was always there for Dan, unlike Dan who liked to come and go out of his life as he pleased. “Phil, I’m sorry.”

“Ok,” Phil said in a robotic tone.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Dan admitted.

“Neither do I,” Phil conceded. “Just go, we’ll talk soon.”

“I still want to celebrate your birthday - if you still want to,” Dan mumbled. “Just us two.”

Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Text me when you’ve calmed down. And stick to the plan. Get your shit together.”

“I will. I promise,” Dan said, rushing out of the room, grabbing the lists they’d made and his backpack on the way out, barely mumbling a bye to Mark and Phil.

Phil let out a deep sigh and massaged his temples. Life was exhausting. He tried to calm down fully but he was still angry with Mark. He considered just sleeping it off, but the headache wouldn’t go away so he marched into the kitchen. “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Do what?” Mark asked and Phil resisted the urge to slap him.

“What do you think?” Phil snapped back.

Mark shrugged. “You’ve never been upset about me kissing you.”

“I need you to stop pretending that you did that innocently or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”

Mark dropped the spatula on the counter and turned around, leaning back against it. “Fine. I’m fucking tired of seeing you upset over Dan. He likes to play games with you. He strings you along and doesn’t want to commit to a relationship. It’s like he wants your attention but also Sam’s and when he doesn’t need you, he just disappears.”

“Huh, Well -” Phil sputtered. “That’s none of your business. And he’s not playing games, he’s just confused and depressed.”

“Who isn’t? We all have problems. I just wanted to see if he cared or not, and he did, but why? Is he jealous because he has feelings for you or is it some sort of ego boost for him?”

Phil paused for a moment. “He’s not a bad person, Mark,” he said. “And what ego? He barely has any self-esteem. He was bullied his entire childhood and - he had a lot more going on than you know, but I’m not going to betray his trust to justify him. You just don’t know the full story.”

“I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he’s neglecting your friendship and ruining any chances of getting with you, if that’s what he wants.” Mark reached towards Phil, pulling him into a soft hug and setting his chin on Phil’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“It’s fine. I can handle it myself,” Phil mumbled.

“I know, you are all grown up, but I’ve never seen you so… interested in someone.”

Phil silently thanked Mark for not calling it what it was. Phil had never been actually in love with anyone, not really, not until Dan. It was not supposed to be this way; he wasn’t supposed to catch feelings for his friend and he was supposed to find someone who valued him and wanted to be his boyfriend. Maybe… “Do you think it’s my fault?”

“What is?”

“Nobody has ever been in love with me. Or even had feelings. It’s like I’m unlovable. I’ve been out there for years, I’ve dated so many guys for three months at a time and all of them wouldn’t even spit on me if I was on fire.”

Mark snorted. “I would spit on you.”

Phil snorted. “Only because you’re a kinky bastard.”

“True but also because you are my friend,” Mark said. “I love you, even if it’s not the way you need to be loved and I’ll always care about your feelings. You’ve always known where I stood because I like to be upfront and honest which is something Dan is not doing.”

“Well, you’re older than me and very mature and he is four years younger and has a lot to work on.”

“Yeah, I forget that sometimes,” Mark admitted. “Tell him I apologised for making things awkward when you see him. We can celebrate your birthday when you come home.”

“Were you listening behind the door?” Phil asked, finally looking into Mark’s eyes.

“No, love. You were being loud and the walls are not that thick in this flat.”

---

Things started to pick up after that. Dan surprised him with tickets to a Muse concert and brought him a cake and a bouquet of stuffed piranha plants from the Super Mario games. He also dropped by on the weekends and stuck to the schedule they had thought of. 

The semester started to look up for him and they continued to post solo videos as well as a few collabs. In a way, filming a ‘Day In the Life’ brought them closer together than they had been in a while. They even had a sleepover the night before, shared breakfast and visited their favourite places, sparking memories of the day they met.

Phil wanted to promote a small play Dan would be doing as he slowly got back into theatre, but Dan was terrified that the crazy fans, who were starting to follow them around and just mysteriously pop into the places they frequented, would ruin everything or cause a scene. Theatre was a hobby for Dan but he took it fairly seriously and he didn’t want the other actors to resent him or think that he was making a mockery out of the play.

Even though Dan was not ready to start having regular therapy sessions yet, he still went ever so often when he felt like he needed to make adjustments in his life. It was recommended to him that he keep a journal to put his thoughts into order and also remember anything else he needed to bring up on the next appointment. That just turned into the spark that started a new fire: Dan’s newfound love for creative writing resulted in a variety of short stories that Phil was always happy to proofread and support. He was at Dan’s side every step of the way, in the same manner that he was always front and centre in the crowd of every play, even when the stories were not so interesting to him, he loved to see Dan thrive.

In June, just as summer was beginning, they went on their first free trip thanks to YouTube. The deal was that they would get a free trip to Jamaica and new digital cameras to take pictures and film vlogs as promotion. It sounded almost too good to be true, but thankfully it was a real contract. The vacation was a blast, they recorded a bunch of content, had every expense covered and hung out with a group of youtubers, most of which thought that they were a couple, but were cool about it. 

The only downside, if there was even one, was that it was a bit weird to be filmed at all times because everyone was vlogging and Dan and Phil were just a bit more popular than the rest of them so any footage they could sneak into their videos would drive traffic to their channel. The phandom was quite dedicated.

The Phandom. Dan had accidentally named their fandom after saying that their ship - which was apparently a thing already - should be called Phan. Dan was equally excited to be important enough to be shipped with Phil and a bit weirded out about it. Still, he often oscillated between casually encouraging the shipping with jokes and getting weirdly defensive about it, going as far as to tweet someone “FYI I like vagina.” To be fair, that was more in response to the allegations that he was gay. Dan had not figured out his sexuality yet, and sometimes Phil thought he didn’t want to anyway, it was easier to ignore it, but when constantly proved for an answer, he’d snapped.

Phil didn’t appreciate the speculations either but at least he didn’t make a Tumblr sideblog to argue with the fans. Phil’s approach to life was to mostly ignore people since giving them attention would only make it worse. People went a little too crazy on the internet and he didn’t want any part of it.

By the time September rolled around, things really started to come to a head. Charlie was still being a bitch, basically, constantly rounding other youtubers to bad mouth Dan, to speculate about his sexuality, and ended up threatening Dan. Unhappy about the lack of attention Dan was giving him, Charlie dropped the covert accusations and resorted to outright calling Dan out for being gay.

It broke Phil’s heart to read Dan’s replies, so he texted him to ask how he wanted Phil to reply as well, but Dan asked him to be quiet. Instead, Dan tweeted that he was honestly scared of Charlie's behaviour, hinting at him being potentially mentally unstable, making his claims about Dan’s sexuality unreliable while trying to appear calm and collected himself, but Phil knew better; this was Dan’s worst nightmare. There was not a chance that Dan was unbothered about the speculations.

After that, Dan continued to post videos regularly, go to uni and do the occasional play, but at any given chance, he would put physical and emotional distance between he and Phil. They still collabed semi frequently but even when filming Pinof 4, it was very evident that Dan didn’t want to even sit close to him. Overall it went well, or as good as they could have expected and the fans liked it, but they could tell that something was a bit off. When Phil saw all the edits, he briefly regretted leaving him calling Dan special in the video, but Dan said it was fine.

To tackle his love/hate relationship with the Phandom, Dan posted his ‘Fandoms’ video in October, making light of the situation, spinning it as a relatable story yet still including a soft call out, almost like a beg for a semblance of respect for his humanity beyond being an entertainer, but it didn’t work. Phil could see how everything was weighing down on Dan but Dan said he was fine and tried to push through. It was not every day that you could be paid to film videos in your room, get free stuff and get a following.

Not everything was bad though, being a youtuber came with real opportunities. In fact, they were hired by the BBC to film a Christmas Special, which went amazing and opened the door to negotiate for a spot on Radio 1 the following year. Dan had seemed excited to join him, even though the offer had been extended only to Phil initially, but Phil had made it clear that they were a package deal and that was the parameter set for future negotiations.

The thing is… Dan had been pushing himself for quite a while. Everything he did had become a chore, something that he no longer wanted to do, he didn’t want any of it, not even uni, or that’s what he told Phil. One day, just like Dan had come into his life and offered his friendship, he took it all away. 

He moved out of his dorm, no longer reached out to Phil or barely answered when Phil initiated, stopped posting YouTube videos without a warning, and above all, he abandoned Phil in every way possible. 

Phil understood, or he tried to understand, but he was heartbroken - and the public fallout was evident. People were constantly asking where Dan was and what had happened between them, if they had broken up (those were the phan truthers), but Phil was not going to let that stop him. With Mark supporting him every step of the way, Phil went to his first Vidcon, started doing liveshows and prepared to move to London, putting every cent that he had saved to pay rent upfront, because, obviously, being a youtuber was not great on paper to rent a fucking flat in London. Fuck, sometimes he hated Dan, but more than anything, he hated himself. He had given Dan every opportunity even though Mark had warned him about it, but he’d wanted to believe that Dan would never hurt him like that.

The truth was that Dan didn’t love him back, didn’t want to be his friend - apparently (Phil could only guess since Dan never gave him an explanation) - and didn’t want to be associated with him privately or publicly. It was as if their friendship and everything they’d built together meant nothing at all. The Sam situation and the messiness had been only the start of the rift between them and by the end of it, it was the least of their problems.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 5

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 5: La Vie en Rose

The next few months were a haze. Their channels started to grow by the thousands and they had become YouTube partners, meaning that they could actually make money from doing videos! On the other hand, Phil’s family was supportive of his creativity but not of his lack of a stable income. He was desperate to make his YouTube career work, he knew that he could do it, that they could do it, but he needed a little help.

After much whining and begging their parents for support, both Dan and Phil decided to give YouTube a shot and actually make it a priority in their lives by having filming schedules, collaborating with other youtubers on the regular and going to conventions. Things were getting pretty wild.

Phil suggested that they move in together to have a better filming space but Dan was hesitant to move away from campus. It hurt Phil’s feelings a bit, especially when he could feel Dan pulling away from him at times, but on the other hand, he understood. Dan was very set in becoming a therapist and helping kids just like him, giving them a safe space to talk like the one he wished he’d had back in high school. 

While their “careers” were taking off, both of their mental health started to… decay, for lack of a better word. Dan was shutting himself in, trying to cram while also filming his videos in the confines of his dorm, not socialising with anyone other than Phil. Phil, on the other hand, was experiencing an insane amount of feelings and pains and aches at all times; he often felt like he was going to be sick or pass out or like he was actually losing his mind. 

After a particularly bad week and hours of ranting to Dan, he sent Phil a link to a questionnaire he learned to use in one of his classes. It went into some hard topics such as the urge to not be alive anymore and, to be honest, that crossed Phil’s mind fairly often. The end result was clear: 98% depression. 

Phil frowned. He had never considered himself depressed, but Dan stopped him right there. He said it was actually anxiety, like really bad anxiety. Having a lot of context to Phil’s replies helped him to reach a more accurate diagnosis, not that Dan was qualified yet, but it was a start.

He recommended therapy and a brand of natural sedatives you could buy without a prescription, but Phil snapped and yelled at Dan like he had never yelled at him before. 

He was not crazy, he didn’t need therapy, right? 

He mulled over the thought, but he was not crazy, he didn’t need therapy at all so he was not going to waste money he could be saving on something he didn’t need. The sedatives… those were a different matter. At first, he had rejected that idea as well, but when visiting his own parents became too much for him, he relented - they were crushed flowers after all. 

Phil approached the pills as a sort of experiment, he just wanted to try them out and see if they helped at all, as Dan had suggested. After reading the leaflet several times over and making sure that he wasn’t taking too many, he took the first dose. It was weird, they took the edge of anxiety and put him to sleep, at least at first, his body too exhausted after being so tense for months at a time, but they weren’t a magical solution, by night, the nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach would come back to haunt him. 

Eventually, he started to get used to them and instead of putting him to sleep, they helped him cope a bit better by taking the edge off his anxiety. 

Apparently, what he’d been experiencing on the regular were not panic attacks, according to Dan, because he didn’t believe he was dying during them, but anxiety attacks. The sedatives held them back for the most part. Although Phil had to admit that he took more than the dosage on occasion, feeling emboldened by the fact that the O.D. amount was like 4 full boxes and he couldn’t even afford that many anyway, not with his YouTube earnings.

Dan was happy with the progress he was making, even if it was not a lot and Mark said that he looked less dead since he started taking them, and he would know, since they had moved in together after Dan’s rejection.

Dan was in therapy and into some weird forms of meditation that had nothing to do with science, like reiki, but he was still having trouble with his mental health himself so Phil really tried and failed to not burden him with his issues but at least he repaid the favour quite often. Sometimes Dan would call him in the middle of the night to talk and Phil always stayed up with him, trying to unravel whatever was eating away at Dan’s mind, talking about everything and nothing at all and Phil kind of loved it.

It was a difficult dynamic all around. After that week in December, Dan had never offered Phil sex, even when he’d stayed over and slept on the same bed, but he still behaved overly territorial about him in public. Dan seemed to be jealous of Mark as well, although Phil didn’t understand if it was because of their friendship or the benefits that came with it. 

The sexual part of his friendship with Mark had settled a bit anyway. Mark and Phil still had sporadic sex if they both felt too desperate, but the excitement was out of the equation, it was more out of familiarity and as a way to comfort each other. Ever since Phil’s interest had shifted to Dan, Mark and Phil’s friendship had blossomed into something more stable and almost brotherly. The emotional connection was still there, but there was nothing else muddying it.

As roommates, they woke up together, cooked together, cleaned their flat and Mark even helped him film sometimes - just behind the camera. 

---

June 2011

Phil went out of his way to throw a little birthday party for Dan since he had mentioned wanting to finally celebrate the occasion this year because he now had good friends to keep him company, but the party almost didn’t happen.

As it turned out, Dan was feeling quite overwhelmed with his newfound fame. The fans had started recognising him out and about, taking pictures of him without his consent and the shippers that constantly teased him about being gay. Dan still hadn’t come out as gay or bisexual to his fans, so this was quite rude and Phil could tell that it was really taking its toll on him. But with everything going on, Phil hadn’t expected Dan to plan a trip to Whockingham with a new friend he’d made at uni. A friend that he had admitted having a crush on.

To be perfectly honest, Phil was jealous, and admittedly frustrated because he didn’t know much about this person or their intentions, and Dan was very tight-lipped about them. All Phil knew was their name: Sam. He didn’t even know if it was a Sam or a Samantha. His stomach turned when he heard about Dan’s plans but he didn’t want to ruin them so he didn’t mention it. Still, Dan noticed that something was wrong and pushed until Phil fessed up about the party. He tried to wave Dan off and let him do his own thing, but his eyes were quickly filling with tears just thinking how easy it was for Dan to dismiss his efforts and still want to leave.

Dan thankfully put his foot down and said that he could take Sam home to meet his parents the following week; he had just forgotten Phil had mentioned something about them celebrating together.

He’d forgotten… Phil shook his head and put on a brave smile. It was fine, Dan had decided to stay after Phil mentioned it and that had to mean something, right? 

Phil let out a sigh of relief at the thought and Mark was happy enough to help him set out the place, even offering to stay at a friend’s and give them privacy, but Phil didn’t want to consider the possibility that Dan would want to have sex with him again, it was probably a lost cause at this point - even if he sometimes did things that confused Phil.

Sam hadn't arrived with Dan for his party and Dan hadn't even mentioned them once, which confused Phil even though he hadn't mentioned inviting Sam either. It just came as a shock to see Dan walk in alone, making Phil realise that he had been half expecting Dan to bring Sam along, and he didn't quite know what to do with that information. In the end, the party consisted of just them three, video games, an endless supply of Malibu and movies. 

At one point the doorbell rang while they were watching the conjuring and Phil managed to pour an entire bowl of popcorn onto the floor. Still laughing, Dan stumbled to the door and opened it before letting out a high pitched scream as Sarah and Anja pulled him into a hug, not that Dan knew who they were before they pulled Dan’s ears 20 times in honour of his birthday.

“Happy birthday, Dan!” Yelled Anja.

“Yeahhh, happy birthday little man!” Sarah said and patted Dan’s back a bit too hard before dragging him back to the sofa. “I’m Sarah, Phil’s old roomie, by the way. Sorry about that, we got a bit carried away,” she said and plopped down next to Dan. This is Anja, I’m sure Phil mentioned her.”

Dan nodded. “I was wondering if we would ever meet. Every time we see your group you guys never come! I was starting to think you were avoiding me,” he laughed.

“Nah,” said Sarah, waving him off. “You know how it is with new relationships, we were spending most of our time at home.” She wiggled her eyebrows. 

Dan blinked repeatedly. “I didn’t know you guys were together.”

“Phil didn’t tell you? Cheeky bugger!” She said, popping some popcorn into her mouth. She looked at Anja. “Uh, it’s only been, how long?”

“Five months next Tuesday!” Anja said. “We met over the phone a few years ago and I was with someone else at the time, but when I came to visit Phil in January of this year I was free and I asked her out even though I didn’t know if she was a lesbian or not. Luckily she said yes.”

“Wow,” Dan said, grabbing his drink from the coffee table and giving Phil a side-eye. “You make a cute couple! I didn’t even know Sarah was gay.”

“I’m bi actually,” said Sarah. “I didn’t know until I met Anja either. I gave her a shot and it’s honestly been the best relationship I’ve had so far. The more you know, right?”

“Do you guys want to come to a gay party tonight?” Anja said. “We’ve only stopped for a bit because we’re heading there.”

“Uuhh,” Dan said. “No, I don’t think I can do that, but you guys enjoy it.”

Sarah gave him a knowing look. “I understand,” she said. “So what are we watching?”

“The conjuring!” Mark said. “Phil likes to torture us.”

Anja groaned. “Oh, Sarah will keep us here until it ends.”

Sarah nodded. “Just this one! It’s halfway through as well so it won’t be that long.”

Mark shook his head with a small smile and handed them drinks.

Anja grabbed the crisps and rested her head on Sarah’s shoulder.

When the movie was over, the girls started to say their goodbyes and Dan was well past the point of being tipsy, so he asked everyone for a kiss on the lips and as good friends that they were, they all obliged. Phil was overthinking things once again, making it in his mind as if Dan had taken way more time kissing him than the others, but he shut that inner monologue down and poured himself another drink instead. 

Mark walked the girls out and once they were alone Dan turned to Phil. “You didn’t tell me they were together,” Dan said with a frown.

“Who?” Phil asked absentmindedly, his mind a bit clouded by alcohol.

“Sarah and Anja. I didn’t even know they had met.” 

Mark walked in and raised his eyebrows at Phil but said nothing, grabbing his drink from the table and taking a sip instead.

“I didn’t know you wanted to be kept up to date with my other friends’ lives. Sorry,” Phil said, taken aback. That had come out a bit rude and he didn’t even know why. He was a bit upset about Dan’s sudden mood change and questioning.

“I don’t know, you used to tell me everything and I feel like you don’t anymore,” Dan retorted with an icy tone.

“Why are you trying to start a fight? I made this party for you, I introduced you to my friends, I always try to make you feel included, and no, I don’t keep things from you. When you talk to me I talk to you, you have just been talking to other people more.” There, he’d said it. The thing he shouldn’t have said. He was being a bad friend, he was being needy and he hated himself for it. He shouldn’t have drunk at all, now he couldn’t take his sedatives and his anxiety was just trying to crawl out of him.

Dan frowned and lowered his head. “Shit, I’m sorry. I ruin everything.”

Phil rubbed at his forehead, letting out a deep sigh and shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry too. Things happen, people get busy. You’re not a bad friend because you are doing other things now.”

“But you feel neglected,” Dan said, finally meeting his eyes.

Phil shook his head again. “My feelings are not your responsibility. We both know I can get upset about the craziest of things. I will handle it.”

“I want to be there for you, like you are always there for me.”

“You are,” Phil tried.

“Here,” Mark said, giving a drink each. “I will leave you guys to talk this out,” he smiled reassuringly. 

“That’s not n-” Phil started but Dan cut him off.

“Thank you, Mark!” Dan said with a tentative smile and extended his hand towards Phil.

Phil accepted the offer and let himself be guided to the balcony, grabbing one of the garden chairs and sitting outside.

“Actually, give me a sec,” Dan said and ran back inside to turn all of the lights and the TV off before returning and sitting at Phil’s side. “There. The stars are so beautiful, I like to sit outside and stargaze when I’m struggling.”

“I remember. You must spend a lot of time outside at night,” Phil joked.

“I do. Every time I call you in the middle of the night I’m out, just looking up and trying to figure things out.”

“You’re going to get stabbed one day, this is Manchester, not Whockingham,” Phil commented, taking another sip of his Malibu. “What have you been struggling with lately? You seem so far away sometimes.”

“Myself, my identity, what I want from life. I don’t know. Do I want to continue doing skits on YouTube? Do I want to become a therapist? I don’t think those two are compatible, who would take me seriously? And most importantly, what I’m always struggling with: the meaning of my life. Why do things matter? I don’t think anything matters at all.”

Neither of them mentioned Sam or what they were supposed to be 'figuring out', but Phil couldn't have cared less at that moment. He placed his hand on Dan’s and squeezed lightly. “I think you matter a lot, Dan.”

“I don’t, I’m a nobody.” Dan looked away into the night.

“You matter a lot, to me. You’re my best friend,” Phil clarified. “You have been my friend for… six years now. You’re twenty and more mature than I am at twenty-four. You have it all more figured out than I do, you just don’t know it.”

“Do you think so?” Dan asked, finally looking into Phil’s eyes.

“I do,” Phil said. “I am so proud of you and who you have become.”

Dan frowned. “What if it’s all just an illusion and I’m pretending to be this way? What if it’s all a mask?”

“I don’t think you could pretend with me. I know you, Dan. I know literally all of your secrets.”

Dan paused for a moment, as if considering that statement and nodded. “Actually, you do. Nobody else knows me better than you. Thank you.”

“Any time.”

Phil’s alarm went off. It was midnight and Dan was officially twenty. “Happy birthday,” he said, raising his glass for a toast.

“Thank you,” Dan smiled and raised his glass as well, knocking it to Phil’s a bit too hard.

“Go get the cake from the fridge.”

“But it’s my birthday and I’m comfy,” Dan whined, in that squeaky voice that Phil loved. 

“Stop complaining, I’ll get the candle so you can get your wish.”

They both groaned like eighty year olds as they got up and went to get the cake and candle. It was a bit silly to be the only one singing for Dan but they were no strangers to silliness and the bright smile Dan gave him made it all worth it a million times over. Fuck, Phil would kill to see that smile every day. 

Dan blew the candle and turned towards Phil, taking a step forward and getting into his space. He looked down at Phil’s lips for only a second, making him breathless, making him want to do something stupid.

Phil cleared his throat. “What did you wish for?”

Dan shook his head and ran his nose on Phil’s, looking into his eyes, searching for something, Phil didn’t know what, but after only a second, Dan smiled and kissed him deeply. They kissed and kissed and talked and laughed until they fell asleep on Phil’s bed still fully clothed.

---

Things were sort of back to normal after that. They were friendly, and often flirty, but nothing more. 

All of Phil’s friends knew of Dan even if Phil didn’t want to go into detail; they had all gotten the impression that if they were not dating, at least, Dan was a good friend and therefore welcomed him accordingly. In fact, Ian invited them up north to meet his baby and it was one of the best trips they had ever taken together. Dan felt completely at ease with Ian and his wife and he was obsessed with their little girl. Phil snapped a pic of her taking a nap on Dan’s lap, one of his favourite memories of the trip, and later shared it with the internet. 

Ian was still a good friend. Even if their life choices had been very different and he had gone and gotten a whole wife and kid, he was still very much a part of Phil’s life and invited him over as often as he could, not minding that Phil hardly ever said yes. He didn’t judge Phil for his sexuality, his Youtube career or his lack of achievements; he was just happy that Phil was happy. He even helped Dan and him set up a liveshow in his living room and allowed them to show the cute baby, which made everyone lose their minds.

It was a fun trip. Phil felt at ease watching Dan chatting and connecting with his friends, slotting perfectly into his group and even exchanging memes with Richard and when the guys suggested a repeat as soon as they all could in Manchester, he didn’t hesitate to say yes.

For a moment Phil allowed himself to think that their issues were resolved and they could move forward whether they got together or not. They could still be friends and have a clear separation between their friendship and the unresolved sexual tension/flirting, but he was proved wrong shortly after.

Dan routinely asked him for help to get into Sam’s pants and Phil didn’t want to be a bad friend, so he advised him as best as he could while also calling out the clear red flags Sam displayed, like when Sam constantly flirted with Dan even though they had a girlfriend. 

In fact, Dan didn’t even know if Sam was out or not, or if they were even bi, maybe they just wanted someone to do their uni work for them and Dan was quite good with his papers. As it turned out, Sam was a non-binary person, which had taken Dan long enough to figure out and this was perhaps, their most intriguing quality, what caught Dan’s eye. In his own words, the androgyny of this person allowed Dan to be attracted to them and he didn’t know what that meant.

A few weeks after their trip, Phil almost got green with envy seeing pics of Dan and Sam spending lots of time with Dan’s family. He even took them to his nana’s house, and Phil had not been to hers. It seemed that Dan felt more comfortable sharing Sam with his family, taking pictures of his mum with them and showing them around, unlike Phil who barely got to see Dan’s room 90% of the time. Phil wondered if they had shared a bed but he drew the line at asking. That would’ve been too low, even for him.

In October they filmed the third instalment in what was now a series, Pinof, and the fans went crazy about it. It was exciting but nerve wracking because Phil had no idea if the format would work a third time without people getting bored of it, but luckily, it did. By December Phil was burned out, he was constantly exhausted but he couldn’t sleep at all even with the sedatives, so Dan offered to send him Reiki from his dorm. 

Phil had a very vague understanding of what it was, but he trusted Dan enough to let him do his thing. If Dan said it would help him, he figured there was no hurt in trying. So after a particularly exhausting filming day, Phil went to bed as instructed and tried to sleep but it was useless, until- 

He started to feel tingles all over his body and shut his eyes, feeling himself relax, all worries leaving him, at least for the time being, and before he knew it, he was asleep.

The following day was insane for many reasons. First, he asked Dan if he’d started the thing at 9 pm which was when he felt the tingles and Dan confirmed that yes, that was the time. 

“You are possessed and I’m scared of you,” Dan said over Skype.

Phil laughed. “What do you mean?”

“You know how my dorm is full of pigeon nests and they are always hanging out on our windows?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been here for over a year and I’ve never seen anything like it. When I started sending you reiki, the pigeons went wild and one of them crashed into my fucking window like it was trying to kill me!”

“Oh my god! What does that mean?” Phil asked, still laughing. That was so creepy but it made him weirdly proud. If anyone was to be a demon child, it made sense that it was him.

“I don’t know, but animals dying while trying to kill me for sending you good vibes is mental. I think you need to call the Vatican, mate.”

“Yeah… but can you do it again in a few weeks? It was good.”

Dan laughed. “Maybe, if you’re good.” He winked.

----

December 1st 2011

Phil looked out the window and let out a tired sigh. The storm raging outside reminded him of his own mood. 

“Life is hard sometimes,” he said, looking into Dan’s eyes through the screen.

“I know, but things can always be worse,” Dan said with a cheeky smile. He always did that, find comfort in sarcasm.

“True, but I still feel upset sometimes. Yesterday I watched my favourite movie again and I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. But I guess that’s normal, I can never watch it without crying.”

“Oh, what movie is that?” Dan asked, suddenly sitting up straight.

Phil blinked, realising that he had never mentioned it to Dan which was odd since they had watched so many films together. “What dreams may come, with Robin Williams.”

“Why does it make you cry?” 

“It’s very sad, most of his family dies and he’s just lonely, but it has a good ending,” he said, trying not to spoil the main plot point.

Dan hummed. “Would you recommend it to me?”

Phil considered it and shook his head. The way one of the characters died... better not send Dan that kind of thing. “No, I don’t think it would be good for you. It’s too sad.”

“My favourite movie is sad too.” Dan shrugged. “Do you know Edith Piaf?”

“Uh, the singer?”

“Yeah, ‘La Vie En Rose’ is a movie about her life, and she had an awful life. She was a very strong woman.”

Phil swayed side to side, considering if he was curious enough about Dan’s tastes to watch another sad movie so soon. “Should I watch it?”

“Absolutely, it’s a beautiful movie.”

Phil flinched as thunder hit way too close for comfort and decided to call it a night. “I’ll watch it tonight then. Better go to bed before something explodes here.”

“Yeah. Let me know what you thought.”

“Alright, good night!”

“Night, Philly!” Dan said before disconnecting the call. 

It took some time for Phil to get snacks and find a semi-decent website to watch the movie for free, but he eventually did and settled down under the covers before pressing play.

The movie started sad, truly sad, more than Dan had let on, but things eventually started to pick up for Edith. She pulled herself out of poverty and a horrible living situation with her talent alone and found a modicum of success in time, which was amazing, but she struggled to find love for the longest time. 

Phil couldn’t help but relate to her and empathise with her and feel the sheer glee she felt when she met the man that had inspired her most popular song and the name of the movie. She was so happy and in love.

It reminded him of how he felt when he met Dan and how happy Dan made him, but that proved to be a double-edged sword when Edith’s love died in a plane accident, shattering her heart and leaving her hopeless and loveless for the rest of his life. 

Phil’s eyes welled up with tears; he could relate to that as well. It reminded him of the uncertainty surrounding his situation with Dan, the hopelessness he felt as Dan slipped through his fingers. 

Phil cried, he cried for Edith, who only knew love once and lost it and he cried for himself because he got to know real love only for it to be thwarted, confusing, intense and maybe even unattainable. He covered himself up in bed and sobbed until his entire body hurt, hoping to fall asleep soon, but just as he shut his eyes, his phone vibrated. It was a message from Dan.

“How was the movie?”

“Fuck you.”

“I told you it was sad, lol. I watched your movie anyway. I like the concept. It’s like us. I don’t believe in soulmates, but I know I could find you in any world.”

“I hate you.”

Phil knew that Dan didn’t mean it in the way he needed him to and that only made it worse. He wondered if he was destined to die sad and alone like Edith because he too was losing his soulmate.

---

December 25th 2011

Just after 3 am Phil’s phone rang and it was Dan, of course. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Dan said, sounding a bit sad. “How are you doing?”

“Great. Martyn and Cornelia are here being all over each other and that doesn't help to keep our parents off my back about when I’m going to bring someone home.”

Dan laughed humourlessly. “You’ll find someone.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, wanting to argue but knowing that something was wrong with Dan. “Are you alright? You sound a bit off,” he said before Dan could deny it. 

“Sam is considering breaking up with their girlfriend because they are having issues. The girlfriend cheated, and she’s honestly not a very good person, but at the same time Sam doesn’t really want to break up after two years together but they keep flirting with me, running their fingers through my hair and they even slept over at my dorm one day when we were cramming. I don’t know, I feel like I’m going crazy. Do you think Sam likes me?”

“Um - If I had to guess, yes. But the signals are not very clear with the whole girlfriend situation. Why does Sam keep flirting with you while they are in a relationship? I can’t find the logic in any of it.” Phil was proud of himself for biting his tongue instead of saying exactly what he thought about Sam.

Dan hummed. “I think their relationship is pretty dead but they are just trying to pretend like it isn’t.”

 Phil frowned. “Do you think you should be holding out hope? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Probably not,” Dan admitted and let out a long sigh.

Phil bit his lip and took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I don’t know. I think that Sam may be interested in you but flirting while being in a relationship isn’t good. What if you got together and they did the same with someone else? Would you trust them to not do the same?”

“That is actually a good point,” Dan admitted. “I just don’t know if this is a thing. Are they interested in me? Are they just playing? At this point I don’t even know if we are actually good friends or I’ve imagined that all on my own.”

Phil swallowed thick and shut his eyes tightly, bracing himself for what could be the devastating truth. “Are you in love with them?”

“Jesus, Phil!” Dan said. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love with anyone, let alone with Sam.”

“So you were never in love with Emilio?” Phil pressed. It was wrong of him to bring Emilio up but he wanted to know.

“No, I don’t think so,” said Dan, sounding very small. “Maybe I just can’t love anyone. I don’t think anyone has loved me either so maybe that’s for the best.”

Phil bit his tongue a bit too hard to stop himself from telling Dan that he loved him. He actually hadn’t thought about it, what kind of feelings he had for his friend, that is. He hadn’t wanted to think about actual love, hoping that avoiding that train of thought would help him keep his emotions at bay, but Phil should have realised that he was awful at that. “Someone will love you. Someone who is good for you, not like Emilio…”

“Not like Sam either?” Dan asked. “That’s what you were thinking, right?”

Phil paused for a bit too long.

“You don’t like Sam for me, do you?” Dan pressed.

“Well… You know about my experience with cheating and Sam sounds like a cheater, if not a physical cheater, Sam is emotionally cheating with you. I don’t like that, but I’m not the person who has to like it, that’s you.”

Dan huffed. “You are not making this any easier,” he snapped.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. What should I say?” Phil mumbled, trying not to let Dan know that his comment hurt.

“Don’t be like that,” Dan pleaded.

“What?” Phil asked, his voice breaking.

“I’m sorry, it’s not your fault,” Dan said. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Ok,” Phil whispered and cleared his throat. “I’m going to sleep now.”

“I’m sorry,” Dan said, sounding a bit more desperate to placate Phil.

“It’s fine, I’m just tired,” Phil tried. “Bye,” he whispered and hung up before Dan could reply. He turned off his phone and got to bed and covered himself up to his head, letting the tears flow freely. The entire situation was shit, he was exhausted, Dan only cared about Sam and talking about Sam and he was getting more distant with Phil when all Phil could do was love him.

Dan sent Phil a Merry Christmas text in the morning, but Phil didn’t reply.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 4

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 4: We Should Be Friends

May 2010

After they’d posted their first collab a few months prior, their YouTube channels had started to receive a lot more attention. It was very evident that people preferred their chemistry and energy together rather than apart, so they decided to capitalise on that as often as they could. Why not? They had an amazing time filming together anyway.

During Phil’s first visit to Whockingham, he and Dan decided to give pinof (like everyone, including themselves, began to call it) a mighty counterpart, not a sequel, but… a different twist on the concept, this time on Dan’s channel. The questions were quite different from those they received for pinof, or as Dan put it, they were the same fans but they found it easier to express themselves on his channel. That might’ve been true since Dan received creepy mail from them often, while Phil got drawings and cute things for the most part.

A surprising aspect of sharing their friendship online was that people really shipped them. They didn’t say it out loud at first, but then the conversation started shifting from fans speaking to them to fans speaking about them, usually in places where Dan and Phil could easily see it, like Tumblr and Twitter.

It was no big deal at the time so they decided to carry on without paying the shippers any mind as long as they were not rude or super invasive.

---

January - June 2010 

Moving back home with his parents after his master had been good the first few months. He even felt that he had a better relationship with his dad. It’s not that he didn’t love Phil, but he’d had so many expectations that didn’t align with what Phil wanted whatsoever, so there was no way Phil was going to fulfil them. The cordless hammer drill he’d given Phil for his birthday was testament enough of it.

Phil could be many things but the so-called ‘manly type’ was certainly not one of them. He was sensitive and he wore skinny jeans and eyeliner - and he liked men. But still, he felt a bit closer to his father now that they had shared a home as adults for some time.

Phil threw himself back onto his old bed and let out a huff. He felt like such a couch potato but he didn’t want to see anyone or do anything. As of late, he just felt like sleeping all day and playing games all night. His family was not fond of the little routine he had going but at the same time he was 23 years old, it’s not like they could tell him what to do like when he was a child. On the other hand, they were still his parents and this was still their home so the situation was a bit strange. 

He was an adult, but he still wasn’t any good at it. It was as if he hadn’t fully developed yet and he often felt like everyone else had things figured out except for him. Anja had a good job and lived with her girlfriend. Most of his childhood friends had moved out and were able to support themselves - even Richard - and Phil was finding it hard to find a steady job.

He had a gig editing… “Adult videos” for the summer but then he was done. 

Phil’s stomach growled, reminding him that he had refused to go down to eat all day to avoid his dad and the talk he so eagerly wanted to have. He had managed to put it off for nearly 24 hours but if he didn’t eat something soon he was going to faint - again.

Huffing, Phil sat up and regretted it immediately when his world spun. He took a deep breath and got out of bed, making his way downstairs with one hand to the wall to avoid falling. He walked into the empty kitchen and thought luck would be on his side this time, but when the microwave dinged announcing that the leftovers were ready, his dad appeared seemingly out of thin air.

“I thought you were never going to come out,” his dad joked, making Phil feel like shit for avoiding him.

“Sorry, I was just sleeping,” he said, grabbing the plate from the microwave and sitting at the breakfast bar.

“Are you sure?” his dad asked suspiciously, eyeing him carefully. “You look pale and your dark circles are only getting deeper.”

“Jeez, thanks Dad.” Phil rolled his eyes, already angry, even if he didn’t know why.

His dad raised his hands and took a small step back. “I’m just worried about you, that's all.”

Phil let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m still tired. I’m alright.” He pushed the rice in his plate around, not really eating anything. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Your mum and I were talking a few days ago and… we are wondering what your plans are - for the future,” he said, finally coming to sit next to Phil.

“I don’t know yet,” Phil mumbled, trying to make himself smaller in his stool.

“We think it would be best if you find a job and move out j-”

“You’re kicking me out?” Phil said, dropping his fork and looking at him.

“No, Phil. Well… we know that you don’t really want to live here, but you don’t seem to know what you’re doing. You can’t sleep all day and stay up all night playing games forever. You’re wasting away.”

“I can’t believe you are kicking me out,” Phil said, his voice shaking a little in a mix of anger and hurt.

His dad put a hand on his shoulder. “We are not kicking you to the streets, just giving you a little push. We will help you move and give you money if you need it. And you’ll always have a place to return to if anything were to happen, you know that. We are worried about you,” he said. “And we want to see you do well, living your own life as an adult.”

Phil looked into his eyes.“I guess… you are right. I just don’t know what I’m doing,” he mumbled.

“That’s normal. Nobody is born knowing these things. We have all summer to figure it out - together.”

Phil nodded and finally took the first bite. The rice was already a bit too cold.

---

August 2010

Moving to Manchester turned out to be a blessing. He managed to land a job at the Disney Store that didn’t totally suck, and he had his very own place. His flat was basically a shoebox on Jefferson Place overlooking a prison but he didn’t have to share with anyone for the time being. 

Well, he wasn’t officially sharing with anyone, but as Dan had promised in one of his YouTube videos, as soon as he started uni at Manchester, he “dumped all of his shit” at Phil’s and visited as often as he could. It was amazing to have his friend so close by, he was a great source of entertainment, and it kept Phil from going insane or staying in and getting cabin fever - if you could get cabin fever by living alone in Manchester. 

Dan had helped Phil so many times in his life, just being there, being his friend and listening to his weird rants, and Phil was glad to have the opportunity to pay Dan back by being a bit of the voice of experience when it came to uni matters, and to provide Dan with a quiet place to study, or to have a breakdown when he needed it.

One fateful afternoon, barely 10 minutes after Phil walked in from work, the doorbell rang and when he opened the door, he saw Dan, soaking wet with a huge pile of laundry in a trash bag, lips trembling and eyes filled with unshed tears. 

He knew better than to ask, so instead, he pulled Dan into a hug and grabbed the bag from him slowly, setting it on the floor. “It’s ok,” he mumbled into Dan’s hair. “Go sit on the sofa and I’ll make us some tea.”

“Thanks,” Dan said and made himself at home, taking his spot on the sofa, just like always.

Phil put on the kettle and set the cups on the counter before putting the first load into the washer; it looked like it would be probably three. “Are you having laundry problems again?”

“I’m having all sorts of problems… laundry is only one of them.”

“Anything I can do about it?” 

Dan let out a huff and stared at the ceiling. “I guess… I just don’t fit in - anywhere. I thought this would be different, no rocks, no punches in the locker room, but it’s still the same. I’m still too fucking lame to make friends, my roommates are insane, people still gossip about me and I hate most of my classes. What’s the point of studying psych if I can’t figure out my own fucking problems?”

“You are cool, Dan. If your roommates don’t like you, that’s on them. You are one of the kindest people I know, who wouldn’t want to be your friend?” Phil asked, pouring the hot water into their mugs and bringing them over to the coffee table very carefully before sitting at his side. “Just hang out with other people, you don’t need to be their friend.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you make friends so easily.”

“I don’t, not anymore, I think. It was easier when I was a kid and I didn’t realise people found me weird, and then I figured out I’m gay and nobody else was,” Phil said, thinking back to high school. “Well, Anja is a lesbian but I didn’t know that until much later. I’ve been awkward all my life, but I eventually learned to pick the right people and to leave the judgemental ones behind. If they don’t like me, I don’t like them either.”

“You have the best personality ever. Anyone who doesn’t like you is crazy,” Dan said after a long pause.

“Well, that’s how I feel about you too,” Phil said, patting Dan’s knee. 

“Thanks, Phil, really,” Dan said. “You’re a good friend.”

Phil nodded and tried to keep a straight face. “Now, about the laundry-”

Dan pushed him. “Shut up! Someone just took my load out and left it on the floor soaking, I’ve fucking had it.”

“That’s at least 3 loads, it won’t wash properly if you put too much in.”

“Your mum has too much in,” Dan retorted.

“Hey!”

“Fine, you have too much in!”

“Well, sometimes, but good friends keep quiet about it,” Phil said, giggling.

Dan blushed and hit him with one of the sofa cushions.

Their tea mugs sat on the coffee table, untouched.

-----

December 10th 2010

Phil sat on his bed staring at Dan through the pixelated Skype call, restlessly rocking back and forward, fixing his fringe and picking at his fingers absentmindedly. He wouldn’t have even noticed he was doing it if Dan hadn’t pointed it out.

“What’s with you, mate?” Dan asked.

Phil huffed at his computer and consequently at Dan’s smirking face on Skype. “I feel like I’m about to get sick. There’s something wrong with me.”

Dan’s face dropped. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just not normal,” he whined.

“Phil…” Dan said, his tone a clear warning.

“I just - Listen, Frasier got into a relationship, Mark is away chasing some guys from Essex and my other regular just stopped answering my texts. I haven’t had any sex in like two months and I feel like I’m going insane. Is that normal?”

Dan’s eyebrows shot up and he cackled.

“I’m serious! Sometimes I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I need to have sex constantly or I start getting in a bad mood. People can actually tell when I come back from someone’s house because I’m all smiles and I’m cheerful, then my mood drops as the days go by and now I think my friends are actually avoiding me. Am I sick?”

“I think it’s normal at our age. You got used to always having an option at hand and now your endless supply has run dry. You just need to get laid,” Dan said.

“Well, with whom? I don’t want to go ‘hunting’?” Phil said, meaning going out to a pub and meeting someone new. He was a bit over that.

“Ok, since you are not taking the hint, I will be more clear. I mean me. Do me,” Dan said with an awkward wink.

Phil’s mouth nearly hit the ground. To be honest, he had thought about it but only vaguely since Dan didn’t seem interested. “A-are you serious?”

“Yeah… if you want,” Dan said, scratching the back of his head.

“You don’t have to do this for me if you don’t want to, really. I don’t want you to feel pressured into it, I was just venting,” Phil said, feeling a bit embarrassed but also quite interested. 

“You would be doing me a favour. I am also out of options and we are friends, why not enjoy it, right? It would be fun.”

Phil contemplated it for a moment but smiled and nodded. It would definitely be fun, like everything he did with Dan. It would be great. “Ok, so… when. And Where?”

“Since your parents are in Miami, why don’t I come over tomorrow and help you desecrate your childhood bed?” Dan smirked. “Ever had anyone over?”

Phil shook his head. “Not for sex.”

“Perfect,” Dan smiled.

---

They met in Manchester Piccadilly once again and took the bus to Phil’s childhood home, no extra stops or sightseeing this time. They hadn’t agreed on when it would happen so the anticipation, the tension between them and the little smiles Dan was giving him were driving Phil mad. He wanted to take it slow but he also wanted Dan in his bed immediately.

Phil took a calming breath as they entered the house, taking their coats and hanging them. The silence was deafening. “Do you want to order pizza and watch a movie?” he offered, trying to cut the tension.

“Yeah,” Dan said, looking relieved. He dropped his bag on the ground and went about checking Phil’s new DVD collection while Phil ordered.

Once the pizza was safely on the coffee table, they plopped down on the sofa and pressed play. Phil smiled when he saw the title screen for Wall-e; he had been meaning to watch that movie but he didn’t enjoy movies as much if he was home alone so watching it with Dan for the first time was just ideal. 

The night was a bit of a rollercoaster. They commented along with the plot, marvelling at how cute Wall-e was, laughing at the jokes and nearly choking on the pizza when they thought Wall-e was dead. Dan was fully sobbing at that point but then… then Eva saved him, she helped him get better; just like Dan and Phil helped each other through the rough times.

Without giving it another thought, Phil wiped away Dan’s tears and pressed their lips together, pulling Dan into a hug and rubbing comforting circles on his back. It was a brief and sweet moment but when he tried to pull away, Dan looked into his eyes, buried his fingers in Phil’s hair and pulled him even closer, kissing him again.

Phil gasped and before he knew it, Dan was all over him, kissing him with more enthusiasm than anyone before. He ran his tongue on Phil’s lips, pulling at his hoodie and pressing him into the sofa, their breaths quickening.

Laughing, Phil pushed at Dan’s chest gently until the other paused, looking at him with wide eyes. Oh, how Phil loved those beautiful brown eyes. “Let’s go upstairs,” he said, breathlessly.

“Ok, yeah,” Dan said, helping Phil to stand and running up the stairs, but once they got to the bedroom door, he hesitated, not wanting to go inside.

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand in reassurance. “Hey, it’s ok if you don’t want to do anything. You know that, right?”

“No! I mean - I know that!” Dan said, biting his lip. “It’s not that, it’s just that… there’s something I haven’t told you, something big.”

Phil frowned, trying to guess what Dan was talking about. “What is it? You can tell me anything!”

“You remember my girlfriend, right?” Dan asked. “From high school.”

“Yeah, are you still together?” Phil asked, his stomach dropping. He had honestly no idea where this was going.

“No, no-no no,” Dan said, stalling. “I had a girlfriend but it was like only two months because I couldn’t do it with her,” he gestured vaguely. 

Phil cocked his head at him. Was Dan trying to tell him that he had issues getting it up? He didn’t say anything hoping that Dan would elaborate so he didn’t have to think of something to say without putting his foot in his mouth.

“I couldn’t because… for the last 3 years I’ve been fucking Emily,” he mumbled, trailing off as he went to the point where Phil could barely make out the end of that sentence.

Phil’s face dropped and so did his jaw, his stomach, his heart. “What!? Your ugly cousin???!”

“NO!” Dan said, his brow burrowing into a frown. “Oh, my god! I said EMILIO!... Emilio,” he repeated, this time lowering his eyes to the floor.

“Oh,” Phil said, remembering that name. That was one of Dan’s emo friends.

“It’s over, but I haven’t been able to be with anyone else,” Dan said, barely breathing as he continued to explain himself. “He manipulated me so much, that’s why I didn’t always reply. He was constantly checking in on me and he didn’t want to make it official, but he also didn’t want me to be with anyone else. I don’t even know if I’m gay or if he just damaged me that much. I never thought about it, he just offered sex and I said yes because why would I say no? I was just horny.”

“Oh, Dan,” Phil said, pulling him into a hug. “We don’t have to do anything, you don’t need to prove anything to me or even yourself. It’s ok to take your time to figure it out, you know?”

Dan pressed his face into Phil’s neck, making the next words that came out of his mouth sound quite muffled. “I know, but I feel like - like it’s different with you. I’ve always known you were hot. I don’t need to figure that out, I just didn’t want to keep that secret from you. Nobody knows, none of our friends.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Phil ventured, letting go of Dan. He needed to know where Dan stood even if nothing else happened between them.

“No, I don’t think I ever did,” Dan said, letting out a frustrated huff. “It’s complicated. There was always so much drama. In the end he stopped texting me and one day he shows up at my door with a kid, because he had a girlfriend in another town and he got her pregnant and oh, and the name of the kid? Dan! He gave the kid my fucking name.”

Phil blinked and ran his fingers through his hair, not knowing what to say. “That’s a lot.” Fuck, that was a stupid comment.

“I know, that’s why I wanted you to know. Do you think I’m disgusting?” Dan asked.

“Dan… for having sex with a guy? I do that! Why would I think it’s disgusting?”

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know… It sounds stupid when you put it like that.”

“It’s not stupid. You’re not stupid,” Phil corrected himself, knowing what Dan meant. “I’m sorry that you felt so confused and manipulated by him. You deserve love and attention and an untainted friendship.”

“Do you think I will ever have that?” Dan looked at him as if Phil held the truth at the tip of his tongue and could simply speak it into existence.

“Yes, of course,” Phil said. “I would wait until you figured out how you feel about your own sexuality before you get into a relationship, but that’s it.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Dan admitted. “I don’t think I will figure it out anytime soon. I’ve been bullied for being gay my entire life when I didn’t even know if I was gay or not,” he said. “But I still want to try with you, if you want. I feel trust you enough to know that everything will be ok.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded and pressed their lips together. “Please,” he mumbled against Phil’s lips. Somehow, after the difficult talk they’d just had, Phil could tell that Dan was more relaxed and confident, so he let himself be guided to the bed and undressed at Dan’s pace, trusting him to know what he wanted. 

Dan took a step back and looked at Phil’s naked body with hunger. “Do you have lube?” he asked.

Phil scrambled to open his nightstand drawer, making sure to put the different lube flavours and types as well as condoms at the top.

Picking one of the tubes, Dan stared at the label. “Cherry?” he asked, quirking one eyebrow.

“The flavoured ones are only for oral,” Phil explained. “Those don’t mix well with condoms.”

Looking at Phil’s cock, Dan smirked. “Actually, that’s an amazing idea,” he said, uncapping the lube, pouring way too much of it on his target and sinking to his knees. 

Phil felt a bit at a disadvantage being the only one naked, but once Dan’s lips enveloped him, all his hesitation went out the window. Once Dan started to bob his head and use his unfairly huge hands on Phil, he knew he was in trouble. Try as he might, it was embarrassingly fast, but it made Dan super proud of himself if his wolfish smile was any indication. 

Then it was Phil’s turn to undress Dan and explore his body, taking his time to learn what made him gasp and what made his toes curl. Feeling a bit competitive, Phil used every one of his tricks on Dan, pushing his buttons one by one until he was trembling, and only then did he take Dan cock in his mouth as far as he could take it without gagging and swirled his tongue around. Phil went tortuously slow, edging Dan until he was begging him and finally finished him off by hollowing his cheeks and taking him down his throat as he massaged his perineum, making sure to swallow every single drop.

Dan gave him a bewildered look. “You swallowed.”

“I did,” Phil smirked, rubbing his teary eyes with pride. It was the first time he had managed to deepthroat anyone without gagging, but he was not going to admit that to Dan.

“I don’t usually do that,” Dan admitted. “I don’t like the taste.”

“That’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to,” Phil said, his voice a little hoarse. “I don’t usually do it because it’s not ideal to do it with people you don’t know.” He lay down at Dan’s side and laced their fingers together. “It’s good to get tested every six months or so anyway, if you are active at least.”

“I never got tested,” Dan commented.

“You didn’t know, but now you do,” Phil smiled. “And you know I’m clean because I got tested last month.”

Dan nodded and turned towards him, laying one leg over Phil’s before leaning in for a kiss. It was sweet but deep and it lasted for what felt like forever. It made Phil’s head spin, reminding him of their first kiss, just over a year ago. The kiss that had definitely made an impact on him but left so many questions too. At least now he knew the answer to most of those questions, except for… what it all meant for Dan.

Phil turned towards him and pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together. He smiled into the kiss when he felt Dan’s hard on pressing against his. “Already?” he murmured.

“It’s your fault for being so hot,” Dan said against his lips.

Phil felt one of Dan’s arms reach for something behind his back but didn’t think much about it until he felt Dan’s slick hand wrapped around both of their cocks. Phil hissed at the cold feeling which felt strangely nice mixed with the touch and the warmth coming from Dan’s gorgeous body. He let Dan do as he pleased as their bodies moved in tandem, their kiss turning into a symphony of gasps and moans, the pressure slowly building within Phil as his orgasm surged. He tilted his head, kissing Dan’s neck and feeling him twitch as he let out a high pitched moan.

“Yes!” Dan hissed, as he began to tremble, trying to keep some semblance of a rhythm as he approached his orgasm.

“So hot,” Phil mumbled and bit Dan’s neck, perhaps a bit too hard. 

“Fuck!” Dan moaned, his back arching as he came all over their chests, his hand going a bit lax until Phil wrapped his hand around Dan’s and both of their cocks and thrust into the fist. 

Dan’s over stimulated whines only added to the fire. With a few more thrusts, he joined Dan, coming even harder than before.

“Lester,” Dan panted, a smile on his lips. “You’re a demon.”

Phil laughed, trying to catch his breath. “Maybe I am.” He buried his face into the crook of Dan’s neck and hummed, falling asleep shortly after.

The following morning, Phil woke up first and crawled over Dan, pulling a pair of joggers and a hoodie on before going to the bathroom to rinse his body and brush his teeth. He wanted to make Dan breakfast but he needed to look presentable; well, that and nobody likes to walk around with dry come all over their body. He made a mental note to avoid falling asleep without cleaning up next time.

It wasn’t anything fancy, just a bit of fruit and cereal. He was almost done and about to carry the tray up when he decided to add toast and eggs to the menu. It was fairly late anyway.

He walked into the bedroom and stopped in his tracks. He was shocked to find Dan gone and was considering checking the bathroom when he felt a pair of arms wrapping around his waist and something hard pressing against his ass, causing him to nearly drop the tray to the ground. “Jesus!”

“It’s just Dan, but if you want to worship me I’m in.”

Phil laughed. “I’ll worship your mum,” he said, setting the tray on the bed.

“I was hoping to worship yours.” Dan wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Actually, shut up!” He nudged Dan’s chest gently.

“Alright, alright. I’ll worship this gorgeous ass,” he said with a hint of a question in his tone. 

Phil could tell that it was a joke but perhaps also a request. “I’m in if you want.”

“Really?” Dan squeaked, his eyes a bit wide.

“Yeah!” Phil said with a smile.

“Ok.” Dan let out a happy sigh and looked much more relaxed after Phil’s reassurance. 

They sat sideways on the bed, resting their backs against the wall and started eating breakfast. Time escaped them as they sat there for three hours without them even noticing, eating and chatting about life, especially everything that Dan had been stressing about - and kissing. In fact, they kissed so much that their lips were sore and puffy, and Phil was sure they would fall off at one point or another, but that didn’t happen. 

An incredible feeling of happiness and inner peace filled Phil in such a way that he couldn’t stop smiling. He had honestly never felt like this, like his heart was going to crawl out of his chest. He briefly wondered if Dan felt the same, but even if he did, he knew that Dan was never going to admit it, not yet anyway. So instead of asking that, he decided to go with a different question. “Did you have fun last night?” He asked, setting the tray on the floor and scooching closer.

Dan got really quiet for a moment but his smile never dropped. “You know I did.”

“You know what I mean. Like, in general. How did you feel?” Phil pressed a bit.

“It was… the best. I could do that every day,” Dan said, being serious for only a moment before he smirked and continued. “So you better keep up, Lester. I’m going to wear you out.”

“We’ll see,” Phil said, smiling and biting into Dan’s neck without a warning. The whine Dan let out was evidence enough that he had won.

They eventually rolled out of bed and showered separately, so that they could actually wash up properly and go to the cinema. He scrolled on Twitter while Dan finished straightening his hair and saw the tweet from the previous night. 

@danisnotonfire: All I can taste is cherry, all I can smell is cherry, all I can hear is cherry and all I can feel is cherry. Can’t really see much though.

Phil snorted and shook his head, giving it a like before shutting his computer. They were almost late to see Paranormal Activity at the cinema. 

---

They talked animatedly about the movie as they made their way back home through the snow. It had been a freaky experience but still super fun. Dan had clung to him the entire time even though Phil was just as scared, but it felt good anyway. 

Phil hesitated before opening the door, Dan was giving him such an adoring look that it made him almost want to kiss him right there, in the street, where his prying neighbours could definitely see them. Almost. He shook his head and unlocked the door, letting Dan walk in first and watched him turn around on the spot and give him a look that made Phil’s heart skip a beat.

They threw the wet outer layers to the floor right by the door and sprinted upstairs. 

Dan didn’t waste time taking over, undressing Phil and removing his own clothes swiftly. There was electricity in the air, but this felt different somehow. 

Dan was in his element, all confidence and poise. “Suck,” he said as he made Phil sit on the edge of the bed and stood before him, and Phil did. He wrapped his lips around Dan’s half hard cock and used his tongue to tease Dan until he’d had enough. Dan pulled his hair lightly and climbed over him without a word. This was a side of Dan that Phil had never seen, he was almost feral yet methodical. He kissed every inch of Phil’s body that he could reach as he prepped him, using perhaps too much lube and pointedly avoiding any contact with his cock, but when Phil finally asked him to get on with it, Dan hesitated. 

“Everything alright?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded, blush creeping into his cheeks as he pulled his fingers out. “Yes, I just - I want you to ride me. If that’s ok.” 

“Whatever you need, just ask,” Phil said, pressing a kiss to Dan’s lips and letting him settle in the middle of the narrow bed. He made sure that the condom was probably in place and added more lube for good measure before pressing the tip of Dan’s cock to his hole, slowly taking him in, letting out a happy sigh as he bottomed out. He set his hands on Dan’s chest and watched his face intently as he began to rock back and forward first, teasing him a bit, relishing in the smouldering look on Dan’s face. “How’s that?”

“Good,” Dan said, letting out a snort that soon turned into a moan when Phil rose and let himself fall once again. 

Phil smirked and repeated the motion a few times until he got used to the feeling and there was barely any resistance. Once he felt ready to really go for it, Phil shifted his weight forward, resting his hands on Dan’s shoulders and began to ride him in earnest. Watching Dan’s face and hearing him moan loudly was almost better than the feeling of having him inside, he could’ve almost come just from the view before him.

The bed was creaking under the pressure, the headboard slamming against the wall and Phil was in heaven. He’d found the perfect angle, stars bursting in his eyes as the sound of flesh against flesh filled the room.

“Ah! Ah! Phil!” Dan whined, holding onto Phil’s hips, trying to slow him down. 

Phil slapped his hands away, he knew that scrunched up face Dan was making. “Don’t you dare hold it!”

“But I can last a bit longer, I- fuck! I can, I swear!” Dan said, but Phil felt his cock getting even harder.

“Sex is made to be enjoyed, stop trying to hold it!” Phil said, picking up the pace, his thighs screaming at him and his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he was also coming too close to the edge. “Yes!” He hissed through his orgasm and leaned down to bite Dan’s neck.

Dan set his feet flat on the bed and thrust up into Phil twice’s stretched hole before coming deep inside of him.

“That’s it,” Phil smiled, his mind floating. He pecked Dan’s lips. “Good boy.” He felt Dan twitch inside of him at the praise but didn’t mention it.

Laughing, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and kissed his forehead as he tried to catch his breath. “That was so good,” he said.

“Yeah,” Phil said breathlessly. “We should clean up before we fall asleep.”

Dan hummed and rolled his hips only a little bit, dragging his soft cock into Phil’s sensitive walls.

Phil clenched around him wordlessly and watched Dan flinch. That was enough to make Dan pull out and dispose of the condom.

They awkwardly shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower that turned into round two between laughs and kisses.

After a much needed bedding change, they got into bed and cuddled up together, showing each other memes and funny videos. 

Phil decided to check Twitter where he saw yet another picture of Stephen and Charlie together. They didn’t even look happy, but it made his mood sour anyway. Then he got a notification from Dan that put a smile right back on his face.

@danisnotonfire: Uma Thurman just watched me have sex.

The fact that Dan added a picture of the Kill Bill poster that appeared in many of his videos made him a bit proud. Dan was not hiding him, even despite all the fans already shipping them together. 

---

December 16th 2010

On a whim, they decided that Dan would stay back for a few more days even after Phil’s parents returned. It was exciting to have Dan finally meet his family after mentioning him so much. It went better than expected: Dan was a charmer, Phil’s mum loved him right away and his dad was friendly as well, although he kept a close eye on them both for some reason. Maybe he could tell, Phil didn’t know if he cared at this point; Dan was important in his life and it was time for some people to know. 

What was there to know? Well, things between them had escalated a bit from how Phil usually did casual sex. There were random kisses in non sexual situations, hand holding, and - most importantly - Dan started to “claim him” publicly. It was not just about the tweets with pictures that were very clearly taken in his room in the middle of the night, or the sexual replies to his tweets. Charlie, for whatever reason, was still an annoyance in his life, trying to make it seem like there was something between him and Phil when he was still with Stephen. Maybe they were no longer together since Charlie had punched him - totally not cool - but the issue was that Charlie wanted to get in between he and Dan at all costs, and Dan had made it very clear that Phil was his, telling him to back off and he even replied under one of Phil’s tweets “I think I have a crush on you.”

It was still very confusing for Phil. Dan didn’t acknowledge any of these things in person even when they were sitting together at the time, but he was semi playing a boyfriend role in his life. For once, Phil tried not to let anxiety get the best of him and went along with whatever Dan wanted, except for filming, he had plans of his own in that regard.

It was a very ambitious project to say the least. “The Interactive Christmas Adventure” consisted of a main storyline with Dan and Phil’s mum as characters in a ‘choose your own adventure’ format and many easter egg type of videos that people could find by clicking in different annotations. He and Dan had an amazing time filming and editing most of it, but Phil was left alone to finish the mystery gifts his friends sent him when it finally came the time for Dan to leave.

Of course, once Dan was on his way back home and the video was posted, Phil proudly sat his family down to watch the final result only to have his dad get the mini video called “Dan and Phil sex tape” on the first try. It was just them goofing around, but it was still a very awkward moment. 

Thankfully, that didn’t ruin his parents’ impression of Dan. They really liked him and Phil couldn’t be happier about that. The fact that his dad had only laughed about it had blown Dan away. He’d told Phil that he wished he had a dad so cool.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 3

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 3: Chandelier

March 2006

Mother’s Day found Phil back home, giggling as he got ready to record his first Video Vlog. This was just another outlet for his creativity, like any of his other film projects. It didn’t need to be anything special, after all, it was not like millions of people would see it. Just a silly little video, that’s all.

He looked around his room, hoping to find inspiration for his YouTube username and saw Richard’s Christmas gift. He opened the scrapbook and smiled just like the first time he saw all the photos, and when he made it to the end, he knew he’d found it. He needed something with an A to show up first in people’s inbox and Richard had called him amazing. Come to think of it, Dan had once called him Amazing as well, Amazing Phil. And so AmazingPhil was created. He had his fun filming and editing, and when the time came, he hit the upload button before he could overthink it. 

After playing a few rounds of Mario Kart with Dan, Phil asked him what he thought about the vlog. Of course, Dan said it was funny and brilliant but he was Phil’s friend, what else was he supposed to say? After some more prying, Dan swore on his life that he loved the video and encouraged him to post more, which Phil appreciated. In turn, Phil encouraged Dan to start his own YouTube channel, especially when he saw that he had gotten his first subscriber already! And 5 comments as well, even one all the way from Australia. It was honestly so fun and a great way to meet new people too.

Dan was hesitant at first, but he promised to think about it. Phil knew that deep down, Dan was still a theatre kid and YouTube could be a great outlet for him. Maybe one day they could post something together. 

A video reply notification came up and his train of thought vanished now that a newer and shinier dopamine rush caught his eye.

---

June 2008

So many finals had nearly put Phil 6 feet under, it was all a blur of sleepless nights, studying, revising and going out drinking. 

His friendship with Callan deteriorated greatly when he got a rude and noisy girlfriend who would stay over more often than not, disturbing their studying schedule and Phil’s filming time. After one too many arguments, Sarah had seen the situation for what it was and followed Phil when he moved into a new flat with nine other people. It was not an ideal situation but it came as a blessing and helped deepen the bond between him and Sarah, especially after cutting contact with Peter when he took Callan’s side and barely speaking with Jimmy who had decided to stay despite being at odds with both Callan and Peter.

Moving during the last month of the term had been stressful to the point where Phil could barely go a day without crying, but he buried his head in his books with Sarah sitting right at his side and gave it his all. 

He felt ready to give up on uni and only kept at it because it was his last term at York. Just a little more and he would be free, right?

Wrong.

Graduation didn’t come as a relief to Phil as he had expected. Every stressful situation, dramatic argument with his roommates, disastrous hookup and his ever undefined situation with Mark piled a mountain of anxiety sitting heavy on his chest. 

His mistake was thinking that going home for the summer as a free man was going to solve his every problem, but no. As it turns out, having an infinite amount of time to think about the state of his life, his absolute lack of direction, or love life was not a good thing.

The fact that he felt somehow disconnected from all his childhood friends had not helped matters either. Ian’s family had moved away, but at least he had reached out and invited him to Brighton. Anja had called but she was away on vacation with her family. Richard hadn’t returned for the summer, he’d gone south to his girlfriend’s house and the others had barely shown interest in seeing him. 

In a way, his home barely felt like a home anymore. His parents were preparing to move away to the Isle of Man, Martyn was touring Sweden with Cornelia and his friend group had basically vanished into thin air.

After only a week of feeling so anxious that he was unable to eat, or speak to anyone, Phil decided to run back to what he knew and enrolled in a master’s degree. It was just one more year but at least it would probably help him get a job related to what he loved: making videos. 

---

October 2008

Phil looked down at his phone and smiled as he sent a winky face to Stephen. He threw himself back on the bed, a wide smile gracing his lips. Every time he chatted with Stephen, Phil couldn’t help the giddy feeling deep in his stomach. He was the first person who truly understood exactly how he felt about making YouTube videos because he had a channel of his own where he posted short films, focusing more on the directorial side of things than Phil did, but they still had their passion project in common. 

Biting his lip and feeling the blush creeping into his cheeks, Phil invited Stephen to join him and his other YouTube friend, Charlie, in Manchester. He watched the screen intently until another notification popped up. 

“Did you ask him yet?” Charlie asked over text.

“Yes! X_x I’m waiting for a reply. What if he says no?”

“O_o’ Nah, it’s obvious he likes you.”

Stephen finally replied. “Sure! Thursday?”

“Charlie has work. Saturday?” Phil offered. It was silly, but Phil felt a bit insecure about meeting Stephen one on one because he was just so cool, so he wanted to bring Charlie to make it more of a friendly hang out than a date. Well, it had been Charlie’s idea after all, so why not?

“Sick! Let’s film something together some other time,” Stephen said.

“Kool,” Phil replied and switched over to the conversation with Charlie. “Saturday!”

“Told you he would say yes!”

“Thanks for coming with us ^_^ u r the best!” Phil replied and threw his phone on the bed, getting up and starting to pick an outfit for the night. If he rushed maybe he could get ready-

He ran back to his bed as soon as he heard the Skype notification and did a quick fringe check while the call connected. He giggled when the first thing he saw was a very dishevelled Dan being vigorously kissed by an old, long haired mutt. 

“Aww, he’s so cute!” Phil said.

Dan laughed and tried to get his dog to settle down. “Stop! Phil is going to think that you are weird!”

“I would never!” Phil said, bringing his hand to his chest in mock offence.

Sammy turned towards Dan’s laptop and barked, letting his tongue hang out the side of his mouth.

“Hellooooo Sammy!” Phil said.

Sammy cocked his head and sat on Dan’s lap, making it so Dan had to lean to the side to be able to see the screen. “Hey, how was the exam?”

“Awful, how else would an exam go?” Phil laughed. “How was your Geo presentation?”

“I think I did pretty well. Nobody else picked Burkina Faso.”

“I can believe that,” Phil smirked. “So how is your school year going so far?”

“I wish I was dead, but other than that, pretty well,” Dan smiled.

“I don’t like it when you joke like that,” Phil frowned.

“Who said I was joking?” Dan let out a humourless laugh. “Anyways, my friend group has disintegrated. Lucy and Tom broke up and now hate each other, Emilio is not talking to me, or anyone for that matter, and Jack told me to fuck off today.”

“Oh… what happened?” This was terrible news for Dan, no matter how much he tried to play it off as something he had expected.

“Well, you know how it is,” he said, absentmindedly petting Sammy as he settled down. “I’m painfully unpopular and they don’t want to get beat up for speaking to me. The inbetweeners can never relax with that. Now that we are no longer a group we are easier targets and since I’m usually the problem, everyone is avoiding me like the plague.”

Phil winced, trying to think of anything he could say to lift Dan’s spirits, but what could he possibly say to make up for the fact that Dan had no friends other than him, again. “Dan, are you sure there isn’t anyone you can talk to about this?”

Dan let out an exasperated sigh. “No, we’ve gone over this so many times. It’s fine, Phil; really. It’s just one more year and I’ll never have to see any of them again.”

“But-” Phil tried.

“I don’t want to talk about it, ok?” Dan snapped, running his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” Phil mumbled. “I know; I shouldn’t have pushed.”

Dan let out a small sigh. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry. You are my only friend and the only one I can talk to. I shouldn’t snap at you for trying to help, but just telling you these things helps enough. You know?”

“Yeah, I understand.”

Dan slapped his hands on his thighs, startling Sammy and causing him to leave with a reproachful look on his face. “Sorry, buddy,” He said over his shoulder before locking eyes with Phil again. “Let’s talk about something else. How are things? Are you dating anyone?”

“Nah, not anymore. He-” Phil paused for a second realising he messed up but not wanting to make a big deal out of it. “He cheated on me. Robert was his name. Fuck that guy.”

Dan flashed him a smile. “Yeah, fuck that guy. Are you ok though?”

“Yeah,” Phil sighed, feeling encouraged at seeing Dan smile again. “I’ll admit I cried and all my new roommates helped me set everything he gave me on fire, even the plushie.”

“Noooo, poor plushie!” Dan laughed and let himself fall to the side dramatically.

Phil laughed, relaxing a bit more since Dan hadn’t reacted badly. “Sorry, he had to go. Oh, Also, last year I had a crush on a coworker and I thought he wanted to make out in the basement, but he just wanted me to help him steal chocolates for his girlfriend.”

Dan laughed even harder at that, letting himself fall sideways and kicking his feet in the air. “Stop!”

After watching Dan laugh for way too long, Phil decided to deliver the final blow. “I ended up quitting that job because an old lady threw a chocolate orange at my head,” he said in a monotone voice, eagerly waiting for Dan’s reaction.

“AAAaaaah, I’m going to barf,” he said, clutching at his stomach with tears running down his cheeks. “I can’t even.”

Phil smiled and enjoyed watching his friend laugh at his misery. “Hey, Dan?”

Dan wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and cleared his throat. “Yeah?”

Phil bit his lip for a moment and decided that it was ok to ask. It was Dan after all. “You don’t care that I’m gay, right?”

“Well your MySpace says bisexual so I assumed you liked guys anyway.” Dan shrugged but offered a tiny smile. “So are you gay gay then?”

“Yeah, never liked a boob in my life,” Phil said.

Dan snorted. “Boobs are nice sometimes.”

“For some people,” Phil conceded. “Not for me though.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Dan nodded. “I don’t mind. You are my best friend - and you’re fucking fit. If anything, it’s a plus.” 

Dan was so casual about it, adding a little wink in the end, but his blush let Phil know that he was a bit embarrassed to have said that. Dan was 17 anyway and in a vulnerable position, so Phil didn’t entertain the comment other than to avoid his friend the embarrassment. “I would say I’m severely unfit but thanks,” he laughed. 

Someone knocked on Phil’s door. “Yeah?” He asked.

“Hey, are you coming to the party? Mark’s here,” Sarah said without opening the door. 

“Oh, yeah. You go, I just need to change and we’ll catch up in a bit.”

Dan’s face fell at that. “Oh, you have to leave already?”

“Not right now,” Phil shook his head. “We can still talk for a bit.”

“So you’re still with Mark,” Dan said. It didn’t sound like a question. “I remember you mentioning him a while back. He was at your birthday party.”

Phil frowned, he had never mentioned being with Mark for obvious reasons. He was also taken aback by Dan’s icy tone. “I’m not with Mark. He’s my friend.”

“Right,” Dan mumbled.

There was another knock on the door, but this time it opened slightly and Mark’s head peaked in. “Are you decent?”

“Haven’t been for a while,” Phil smiled. “I’m skyping with Dan.”

“Oh,” Mark said and invited himself over. He sat on the bed at Phil’s side and pulled his knees up to his chest. “Hi, Dan! Cool hair! When are you joining us?”

“Thanks,” Dan smiled, absentmindedly fixing his fringe.

Phil swatted Mark’s arm. “Leave him be, he’s in school. He will have time to party when he goes to uni.”

“So… next year?” Mark asked.

“I’m taking a gap year… but I could come to visit - if you want,” Dan said, looking a bit guarded but at least not snapping at Mark.

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah, if you want…” Dan mumbled.

Phil almost slapped himself for making Dan doubt he would be welcome. “Of course! Do you know where you want to go yet?”

Dan shrugged. “Maybe Manchester… or York.”

“York is ace,” Phil said and both Mark and Dan laughed at him.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Dan. If you ever want to visit, we’ll take you out and about to some parties - unless you want to stay home, which would be fine. No pressure,” Mark said.

Phil smiled but looked into Mark’s eyes giving him a silent warning. “Why don’t you go make us some drinks while I get changed and chat with Dan.”

“Ok, don’t take an hour or I’ll fall asleep on the couch.”

“Old man,” Phil laughed. “Alright,” he said and waited until Mark had walked out to continue, but before he could say anything Dan broke the silence.

“Are you sure you’re not dating?” He pressed, sounding small. 

“Yes, Dan,” Phil said, not understanding why Dan was so set on the topic and, quite honestly, starting to get a bit annoyed. “Mark doesn’t do dating. He likes to be free.”

Dan’s eyebrows disappeared under his fringe. “And you’re ok with that?”

“Yeah, of course,” Phil said with a shrug. “He can do whatever he wants. What made you think that we were together like that?”

“The way you speak about him and just now, he looked at you like… I don’t know,” Dan said, frowning. “He likes you.”

Phil shook his head. “Mark likes everyone - and that’s ok.”

“Would you date him if he wanted a relationship?” Dan insisted. 

Phil paused, really considering it for a moment. “No, I don’t think I would. I know that he is happy fooling around and I wouldn’t want to ruin his fun. I’m sure I’ll meet someone who wants to actually be in a relationship and hopefully not cheat on me.”

“You deserve that, to be happy,” Dan said.

“Dan, you deserve that too. I know you don’t think you do but I promise that it’s true. Ok?”

Dan ventured a small smile, even if a little unsure. “Ok.” His cell phone pinged and he grabbed it, reading a text, his face falling again.

“Everything ok?” Phil asked.

“Yeah, just my - my girlfriend. I better leave you to it and head out too.”

“Say hi to her from me,” Phil tried but the light in Dan’s eyes was gone.

“Yeah, I will. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Do that,” Phil said. “See ya.”

“Yeah, bye,” Dan said and disconnected the call immediately.

Phil was glad that they had been able to catch up after so long but he had the nagging feeling that something else was going on in Dan’s life, something that he was not willing to talk about. Given that Dan didn’t appreciate him asking too many questions, he decided to let his friend tell him on his own terms.

He put on a pair of probably clean black skinny jeans, a black MCR T-shirt and two belts before heading out in search of Mark. The flat was fairly quiet except for Sarah’s room and the singing coming from the kitchen. Phil smiled and wrapped his arms around Mark, hugging him from behind. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Mark looked over his shoulder only long enough to peck Phil’s lips. “Malibu and coke?”

“Sure,” Phil said, stepping back and grabbing the drink Mark was already handing him. “Why did you invite Dan over?”

“I don’t know. He seemed sad. What better for an 18 year old to have friends in uni that can take him to bars?”

“He’s 17 and I don’t think he is ready for bars around here.”

“Of course he is. You just need to keep an eye on him, remind him not to put his drink down and make sure he doesn’t leave with anyone. Or do you think he would rebel against that and leave with someone?”

“No, I don’t think he would, but still. I think he is too young to hang out in the places we do. What if someone offers him drugs or - I don’t know,” Phil said, feeling unsure. “Maybe if we keep an eye on him.”

Mark’s smile dimmed when he realised that Phil was truly worried about Dan. “We can just hang out at mine with people we trust, but he needs more friends.”

“Yeah, he does,” Phil said and took a long sip of Malibu. 

Mark nodded and pressed shuffle on his iPod. “Maybe you should introduce him to Charlie and Stephen.”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, maybe next year.” Perhaps introducing Dan to his YouTube friends would be a good idea. Who knows, maybe by then he and Stephen would have moved beyond the occasional drunk kiss. He tried not to let his mind linger on those memories, he reserved those for his alone time.

---

Summer 2009

Being free from uni was the best. Phil could finally go out with his friends and fool around with some cute guys in York. Having graduated both from his BA and his masters, he didn’t have much of an excuse to stay in the city for long and his parents asked him to come home since he didn’t have a job that could fully support him as Martyn did. 

That was not the only change in his life. Stephen and him were getting quite close and Phil finally admitted to himself that he was developing feelings for his friend, it was not just a crush.

He didn’t want to get too attached yet so he still went out to bars and slept around as much as he could when he visited Mark in York but he still couldn’t get Stephen out of his head. In a moment of weakness, he confessed his feelings for Stephen to Charlie who was incredibly supportive even if he did tease Phil about it and promised to speak to Stephen, maybe figure out if he felt the same way about Phil. 

Mentally, he didn’t feel as isolated as the previous year but he wasn’t doing super well. Ian and Anja had visited but everyone else had basically moved on. Sometimes he just yearned for what no longer was a part of his life and he couldn’t help but take the fact that everyone had just abandoned him personally. His mum had said that it was normal to lose touch with those who no longer share a space with us, that it was a part of life, but Phil simply didn’t agree. He had never intended to basically lose all his childhood friends. Thankfully, there was one person who had stuck at his side through the years, and he didn’t even live nearby. Phil felt like with Dan being an adult, maybe there wasn’t a reason they couldn’t meet anymore. Even their parents knew about their friendship.

On October 16 Dan finally found the confidence to post his very first video, which was amazing and got quite a bit of views, especially after Phil gave him a shout out. It made Phil smile that Dan said he was encouraged to post by “friends,” it was his way of mentioning him without actually naming him. He was so freaking proud of Dan and he made sure to mention it in yet another of their 5 hour long Skype calls.

That day, they talked and laughed until their stomach hurt and tears were streaming down their cheeks. Phil invited Dan over, and even though they had both mentioned the possibility before, this time it actually felt real. After some research, they decided that October 19 would be the perfect date for a meet-up. Dan would be visiting Manchester to check out the uni he wanted to attend and they could go back to Phil’s since his parents were in Florida for their annual retiree trip.

Phil lay down on his bed, listening to Dan’s long rant about a movie he’d seen. The next time Phil opened his eyes, it was already the following morning. He smiled when he realised he had fallen asleep while on the call. His computer was dead but he shot Dan a good morning text and got up to clean his very messy room. He needed to make the entire house look decent for his guest. Sure, his mum had left it in pristine condition but he’d been a bit of a slob when left to his own devices.

He spent the next 2 days putting things in random places because he had overthought everything so much that he didn’t even know what would look normal and what wouldn’t anymore. In the end, he let out a long sigh and reminded himself that Dan had been his friend for years and he knew who Phil was already. The chances of him thinking Phil was too weird by the look of his house were very slim. 

He looked at the time and ran out of the house, barely remembering to lock the door before rushing towards the bus stop. In the end, everything worked out and when Phil saw his tall and lanky friend towering over everyone else in Piccadilly, he knew that everything had been worth it.

Dan did a little trot towards him and surprised him by wrapping his arms around him, pulling him into a warm hug, tighter than any other hug Phil had ever received, and that made him smile and return the gesture.

“Hey! How was the trip?” Phil asked, reluctantly breaking the hug.

“Nice. There was a weird guy staring at me so I switched seats, but other than that it was good. Well worth the 19 pounds.”

“I’m glad!” Phil said. “Wanna head to the Apple Store?”

“Isn’t that where you took Charlie and Stephen?” Dan asked, referencing the pictures they had posted to Twitter.

“Yeah,” Phil said, frowning. Was that bad for some reason? 

“Are you flirting with me?” Dan asked with a wink. “Is that where you take all of your guys?”

Phil let out a shocked laugh, feeling the blush creeping up his cheeks and hoping that Dan wouldn’t think he was a creep. “Shut up. We can go to Starbucks instead if you want.”

“Apple Store first, Starbucks later. I wouldn’t want you to attack me because of your caffeine addiction.”

“Hey! I have it under control!”

“Of course you do, Lester,” Dan smiled, rolling his eyes.

They ran a bit wild all over the city, taking pictures and laughing, getting looks from old people who scoffed at them. The last stop before the bus was the big wheel. Phil stepped into the carriage, guiding Dan in with a wide smile, he was just excited to be able to show Dan all his favourite places and to see things through the eyes of someone who was experiencing them for the first time. 

It was a great day, an amazing day even, but it was also a bit confusing and shocking. 

Phil had always taken Dan’s flirting as a bluff, he’d figured Dan was all bark and no bite, but when Dan called his name and pressed their lips together softly, gently - even expertly - it caught Phil off guard. The kiss made his skin tingle from the tip of his toes to the last hair on his head in a way that he had never experienced before and he found himself responding, losing himself in the feeling, and then - it was over. Dan flashed him a smile without even saying a word and looked out the carriage. 

Bracing himself on the rail, Phil let out a small breath and put his hand to his chest. What it meant - he didn’t know; he would let Dan decide that. 

If Dan didn’t want to talk about it then that was that. Phil was willing to let it go.

---

Phil led Dan into his family home and showed him around, giggling at Dan’s commentary about how haunted it looked even though his parents had been the ones to build it. There were no Victorian ghosts attached to the house because it was simply impossible. Dan still rejected this information which made Phil laugh. Then, an idea popped into his head. “We should film a video together for my channel.”

Dan stopped mid hallway and turned around. “Really? You would put me on your channel?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Phil frowned at the sudden way Dan’s face had fallen, but in a flash, his expression morphed into a bright smile again.

“Alright then, lead the way.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and dragged him into his bedroom, suddenly feeling a bit shy about the bright green carpet and walls his 10 year old self had chosen. “This is my bedroom,” he said, stupidly.

“The famous AmazingPhil bedroom,” Dan said. “Bet you brought many guys up here.”

“Dan, I live with my parents,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, I don’t know, maybe you like to be heard.” Dan had the gall to wiggle his eyebrows at him.

“Ew, no,” Phil said and placed his hands on Dan’s shoulders, making him sit on the bed. 

Phil brought his laptop and sat beside Dan, thinking for a moment. Maybe some audience participation could help. He decided to tweet, asking people to send some questions in, and as per usual, his viewers were being weird about it. 

Dan took pen and paper and, instead of choosing the safest options, he wrote down the most unhinged topics and challenges in his indecipherable handwriting. They took turns reading the questions out loud and let their creative juices flow freely which worked a million times better than Phil would’ve hoped. Filming together turned out to be super fun, so even though it took a long time, they continued until they ran out of material. 

Phil was just saying a few closing words for the video when Dan said “This was the most fun I’ve ever had” and tackled him, nearly pushing him into the wardrobe that stood behind them and effectively knocking the wind out of him, especially when Dan pinned him to the ground with a wide smirk.

Phil felt like he was falling, physically, but he was already on the ground so there was nowhere else to go. Dan hovered over him and for a moment it looked like he was slowly leaning down to kiss Phil again, but when Dan’s phone vibrated in his pocket he sat up and rushed to check his notifications, his face falling as soon as he did.

“Everything ok?” Phil asked.

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled, looking up from his phone. “I’m tired. Can we get to bed?” His voice sounded so flat, almost sad. 

“Sure, you can sleep here and I’ll take Martyn’s -”

Dan shook his head. “Can you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone tonight…” He reached for his duffle bag and pulled a hoodie out, shivering a bit before slipping it on.

“I…” Phil hesitated. What was Dan asking for exactly?

“I just need a hug. I don’t want to have nightmares, that’s all.” Dan pulled at his sleeves until they showed only the tip of his fingers.

Phil nodded and cleared his throat. “Of course!”

Ten minutes later they lay in bed, Phil flat on his back with Dan laying on his side, pressed tightly to his frame, his head resting on Phil’s shoulder and one leg thrown over his as well. It didn’t take long for Dan to drift off to sleep, but Phil lay there in the dark, reliving every moment of their day, their meeting, the Apple Store, Starbucks, The Wheel - the kiss. Then his mind went to Dan’s giggles while they filmed the video, the tackle and almost second kiss - and whatever Dan saw on his phone that upset him. 

Dan’s phone vibrated on the bedside table and Phil couldn’t resist the urge. He reached for it and just turned on the screen to see the notification. It was a text from “Em.” That was probably his cousin Emily, the one Dan didn’t really like, the rude one with a moustache. They were probably arguing again. He set the phone down and finally let sleep claim him.

The following day, they woke up pretty late and they decided to stay in and do a movie marathon, which was super fun. At first, Dan didn’t seem to be mentally present and, for a moment, Phil was scared that things would be weird between them because of the kiss, or maybe he had done something wrong, but Dan assured him that he was fine, just a bit distracted.

He briefly wondered if the call Dan had received the previous night had anything to do with his sudden mood change. Thankfully it didn’t last long. After the first movie, they got a fuzzy blanket, ordered pizza and cuddled up on the sofa, and Phil was happy to feel Dan relaxing into his arms and chatting loads, as usual. 

By the end of the day, they had caught up with all the movie releases they'd missed, finished the pizza and decided to settle down and edit what they had filmed. Phil had taken the time to show Dan some things he’d learned at uni, given him some ‘editing tips’ as Dan had called them, as they laughed and played around with things.

Overall, it had been a fun weekend and Phil knew he would never forget it. 

---

October 25th 2009

Phil was excited to finally post his first video with Dan, ‘Phil is not on fire,’ a sort of remix of odd questions and jokes turned into something that he was very proud of. To their surprise, they received 100 views quite fast, a number they hadn’t been able to achieve on their own at that moment so they didn’t know what to think.

People interacted with Phil’s channel a lot more than before but it could be a one time thing, some sort of glitch on the platform. For the time being, he celebrated the success with a six hour Skype call with Dan and some well deserved Mario Kart.

Dan visited again on the 30th for a late birthday celebration since Mark had promised to take him out to the pubs but hadn’t been available before. Phil was a bit hesitant about how Dan and Mark would get along, because of the age difference and how much Dan questioned Phil about him. In a way, Phil assumed Dan felt a bit insecure being around older people, but luckily, they had gotten on immediately. By the end of the night, they were all moderately drunk and back at Mark’s, playing a very controversial game of Monopoly and eating hotdogs until like 6 am.

Overall it was a good night, even if Phil couldn’t really relax because he felt so protective of Dan at the pub, keeping an eye on any guy who approached him and even monitoring his interactions with Mark.

Phil knew that Mark flirted with everyone and was not interested in people of Dan’s age but - he just didn’t want anyone hurting his friend. Dan had had enough with his recent breakup and he didn’t need any more drama.

Maybe Phil was just jealous of Dan. Honestly, it was hard for Phil to know where he stood with Mark sometimes. He wasn’t in love with him but Mark still held a place in his heart, as more than a friend. It was complicated - too complicated. Every time Phil tried to untangle his feelings about their situation he got a headache and gave up.

That was partially why he had started to focus more on his feelings for Stephen. There seemed to be something there, a potential relationship, definitely more than what Mark was willing to give him. Phil smiled thinking that maybe he could ask Stephen to be his boyfriend at the gathering. A soft snore coming from Dan, who was sleeping next to him, pulled him from his thoughts and made him giggle. He pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead and shut his eyes.

He woke up well into the morning with a pounding headache, and his mood, as well as his plans, only continued to sour. It was the 31st and he and Dan were due to take the train back to London together to make it to the Halloween gathering with a few hours to spare, but things had gotten complicated early in the morning. Stephen and Charlie were supposed to join them around 10 am but they hadn't and when Mark had texted them, they had simply not replied. 

Mark told them to just go without Stephen and Charlie and apologised for not coming along, but he had to work. He left Phil the spare set of keys and asked them to send pictures later.

Phil nodded and texted them again, trying to figure out what was going on but Charlie sent a vague text saying they couldn’t make it, which was fine… until Phil opened Twitter and saw a picture of them making out Charlie had shared.

His stomach dropped and, for a moment, he thought he was going to cry over Stephen, over Charlie’s betrayal… but he couldn’t. His feelings were contained deep inside him, behind some sort of invisible wall. At the same time, he felt as if there was this sort of darkness surrounding him, was it sadness? Or maybe he was going to faint again. That was getting frequent.

“Phil?” Dan said, sounding almost underwater. “Phil!”

Phil opened his eyes and realised he was on the floor. “Did I faint?”

“I think so. Are you alright? Do you want to go to A&E?”

“No, it’s fine. It happens sometimes,” he said flatly.

“Are you sure?” Dan asked. “You look way too pale.”

Phil let out a noncommittal hum and sat up against the couch. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Dan frowned. “Don’t do that, don’t shut me out. What’s going on?”

“Charlie posted a picture kissing Stephen,” Phil said, looking up at Dan, trying not to cry. “I told Charlie that I like Stephen and he promised to help me with him, but now they are dating. That’s why they cancelled on us.”

“Fuck,” said Dan. “Charlie is a piece of shit. I never liked him anyway, he sounds like a dick.”

Phil wanted to disagree but he knew Dan was right. He was almost sure that Charlie had done it on purpose to hurt him. He was always competing with Phil for one thing or another. Stephen was just today’s prize to him.

“Hey, do you still want to go out?” Dan asked. “We can stay if you want.”

“No, let’s just order pizza and stay in,” Phil admitted. “Please,” he said, his voice shaking a bit as he tried to stay calm.

“Yeah, sure,” Dan nodded. “Do you want me to call Mark?”

Phil shook his head. He didn’t want to see or speak to anyone - just Dan. “Do you want to play Mario Kart?”

“Always. You sit here, I’ll handle the pizza and set everything.”

Phil looked into Dan’s worried eyes and finally attempted a small smile. “Thank you, Dan. You’re a good friend.”

Dan flashed him a smile and went about getting everything sorted. It was crazy that they had met on a random Yahoo chat room nearly 4 years ago and become internet friends and now real friends. Sometimes it was as if Dan was the only person who truly understood him.

Two hours later, feeling a lot better and no longer hangry, he decided that enough was enough. He wasn’t going to let his shit friends ruin their night. It was up to him to keep his promise and introduce Dan to the other youtubers, actually nice ones.

“You know what?” Phil said. “Let’s go to the gathering anyway, we don’t need anyone else. Get the costumes from the closet, I’ll try to find the makeup, we can make it to the next train.”

“Deal!” Dan said.

In the end, Phil was glad to have changed his mind. They had a lot of fun dressed as a cat and a bear, meeting other youtubers, and taking silly pictures that Phil held very dear. That night, like many others, Dan had been the one to make everything right, to make him feel safe and included. In his eyes, there was nothing Dan couldn’t make right.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 2

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 2: Maneater

December 2005

The weeks leading up to Christmas were chaotic yet blissful. Phil managed to nearly avoid everyone in his life back home in favour of spending time with his new buddies, going from party to party, getting wasted and overall exploring his new freedom. His enjoyment came to a screeching halt the night he was packing his bags to go home listening to Muse on blast with Sarah. An MSN buzz nearly made his laptop speakers explode. 

Anja popped in his messages.

GoThic chiK (Anja): Phil are yuo ok? Why aren’t you answering your fucking phone mate?

Phil Strikr: Ya just packing ma bagg. Sup}?

GoThic chiK (Anja): Richard found your dating profile and sent it to everyone.

Phil felt all his blood rushing to his ears, he couldn’t hear anything at all, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. 

“Phil? Phil! Phil! What happened?” Sarah said, shaking him by his flannel.

He turned to look at her, his vision blurring as his eyes welled up in tears. He tried to speak but no words came out, so he pointed at the screen. Sarah grabbed his laptop and gasped, cursing under her breath, her fingers flying over the keyboard.

Phil threw himself back on the bed and hid under the covers as he let out a choked sob. Why would anyone do that, least of all his friend? He had been outed to his friend group, his secret was probably already spreading around the tiny town that had watched him grow. He wanted to know what they thought of him, his ‘friends,’ but he wasn’t ready for them to hate him, to yell at him for lying and pretending to be someone he wasn’t.

He didn’t want to go home. Oh, God! What if his mother had heard? His father too!

His phone started ringing and he covered his ears, crying just a little louder now.

Sarah pried the covers off him slowly and moved one of his hands, placing the phone to his ear. “It’s Anja, talk to her.”

A little whine escaped his throat but he didn’t speak. 

Anja sounded like she was crying as well. “Phil, listen… Everything will be ok. I am here with you,” she sniffled. “We will talk to them and fix this. Richard had no right to do that, but we will fix it.”

“How?” he finally asked, his voice still shaking. Sarah was rubbing his back in circles, trying to comfort him.

“Make a group chat and add everyone in,” Anja said. “Let’s stop the gossip in its tracks.”

“I’m scared,” he admitted. Sarah frowned and laid at his side, pushing his hair out of his face with a worried expression.

“Everything will be alright, I promise,” said Anja.

At that moment Phil believed her. He took a deep breath and sat up. He got his laptop and made the group chat with Anja still on the phone for reassurance. “Ok, I have to hang up so I can type with both hands.”

“Alright,” Anja said. “Take a deep breath, I am here with you, ok?”

“Thank you… for everything,” Phil sniffled.

“Always. Love you,” she said and hung up.

He looked up at Sarah, who was smiling at him encouragingly. “You can do it,” she said. “If they are rude, tell them to fuck off. You have friends here.”

Phil gave her a watery smile and looked at his screen but before Phil could even type his first message, the window buzzed, startling him, his fingers pausing over the keyboard as he read his friends’ messages.

Big Dick (Richard): hey what the fuck is up with that dating profile shit? Xd shit’s embarrassing.

Icy Ian: I would like to know to o but i don’t think its embarrassing.

Phil Strikr: jesus shut the fukc up! He sent a buzz for good measure. 

Phil Strikr: i will say this once: i am gay and i am not ashamed of who i am. If you want to judge me or laugh at me for it you can fuck off already. This isn’t a scandalous fucking litlte secret or smt to gossip aboit and i’m disappointed and hurt that you thought about it like that and laughed at me behind my back. If you can’t accept me as i am you can all fuck off from my life. Say one more shit about me like that and youre done.

Big Dick (Richard): wait phil

Big Dick (Richard): shit man… i didnt mean it like that. U know were friends and stuff. Always have been. Was just teasing man

Keith U.u: you know i am here for you man. You are one of my best mates and no amount of dick will change that.

Phil Strikr: that’s not funny. 

Keith U.u: sorry just wanted to make the situation lighter.

Phil Strikr: who outed me?

The chat went completely still for a full minute or so.

Phil Strikr: i wanna kno who spread this instead of talkin to me.

Still nothing.

GoThic chiK (Anja): It was Richard and Noah.

Noah’s evil arch: sorry man, please dont cut me out.

Phil Strikr: haven’t you noticed that i missed out on a lot of things you did? I just wanted to meet someone and have the same experiences you had, go on dates, have a boyfriend, i don’t want to be fucking lonely anymor.

Noah’s evil arch: i never knew you felt like that. Srry! That sucls. I hope yu find a nice boyfriend soon.

Big Dick (Richard): ye, if you do you have to bring him over so that we know he’s not an ass.

Keith U.u: nobody can be more of an ass than you Richard.

Big Dick (Richard): shut up. Phil I want you to know that i’m sorry. i support you and i would never want to stop being friends with you over something so stupid. I should have thought about how this would affect you instead of running my mouth but i guess we all know i’m not that bright. Feel pretty pathetic rn.

Phil let out a sigh of relief and smiled a little, feeling relief at finally being taken seriously, but it was not over yet. 

Phil Strikr: you are and it’s not stupid to me.

Big Dick (Richard): you know i don’t say this too often but i love you man. I will never do something like that again. I will be your friend for as long as you want me to and you can count on me. I’m serious,.

Phil Strikr: I appreciate the apology.

GoThic chiK (Anja): while were at it i’m a lesbian.

Phil Strikr: what? Is that why you always felt different to other girls? 

Phil’s fingers froze, unable to type. Everything made so much sense now. He had been so blind.

Icy Ian: knew it! 

GoThic chiK (Anja): probably because i knew you didn’t want in my pants and i didn’t want in yours xd. Shut up ian you didn’t know shit.

Big Dick (Richard): it makes sense that you wouldn’t date me then.

GoThic chiK (Anja): name one woman who would date you richard.

Icy Ian: I didn’t know about Phl but I knew you were too cool for boys.

GoThic chiK (Anja): that’s one way to put it.

Icy Ian: hey An you got a gf atm? Bring her around.

GoThic chiK (Anja): you don’t need to concern yourself with that knowledge IAn.

Icy Ian: Bring her around next time.

Phil Strikr: ye An! You have to bring her sometime.

GoThic chiK (Anja): it’s complicated, she’s from MAnchester.

Phil Strikr: You guys can crash at mine’s. My mum won’t suspect a thing.

GoThic chiK (Anja): really? Ok maybe i will invite her then.

Phil Strikr: you can always count on me.

Noah’s evil arch: Phil you can crash with me if you have your bf over. Do your parents know?

Phil Strikr: not yet.

Keith U.u: you don’t have to tell them yet if you don’t want.

Phil Strikr: thanks guys.

Big Dick (Richard): let’s get together this weekend ye? Let’s do something special.

Keith U.u: alright but if you cook for us again i’m out.

Icy Ian: agreed.

Big Dick (Richard): hate yu guys.

Big Dick (Richard): fine we can order pizza.

The conversation fizzled out after a few hours but Phil lay on his bed smiling about it, with Sarah at his side, going over everything that had happened. It hadn’t gone like he would have wanted to, but his friends knew and had accepted him - and Anja was just like him. He giggled and threw an arm over his eyes. He had been so blind at all the clues Anja had tried to give him. She had always known he was a safe space for her and tried to let him know she knew without forcing him to come out, but Phil had been too deaf, blind and overall stupid to notice. 

Thankfully, Sarah had stuck at his side through the entire ordeal and even slept over that night.

---

The train ride home was nerve wracking. Phil knew his friends wouldn’t tell anyone else after their last conversation, but the thought of seeing them in person was driving him a bit barmy.��

For a moment, he was scared that his family would somehow figure it out as well, but everything felt the same back home. Actually, his fear settled into disbelief when Martyn asked him if he had a new girlfriend or something. They were actually clueless, weren’t they? Not everything was as uncomfortable as that conversation though. Cornelia, Martyn’s new girl, was there to be the centre of attention and save Phil from his misery. She was really nice too, so he quickly learned to like her.

December 24th 2005

The first reunion with his friends was not nearly as awkward as he had thought. They were thankfully all back, but they had not invited some acquaintances outside the group. Anja and her girlfriend were the only girls and Phil was thankful that the guys had way more questions to ask them rather than focusing on him.

Richard even took a moment to apologise to Phil out in the balcony and pulled him into a hug, bowing to never out anyone again or gossip about people’s sexuality. He also took it upon himself to make sure that Phil felt comfortable at his house, bringing him drinks, offering water to him and even chastising Noah but asking Phil if he had ever liked any of them. 

Phil didn’t take that personally, it was a stupid joke and he didn’t even have to answer because the disgusted face he apparently made was so funny that the entire group burst into laughter. Still, Richard had punched Noah in the stomach that was only half play fight and that had cut any sort of weird joke in its tracks for the rest of the night. 

Just after midnight, the gang decided to have a small toast to celebrate that it was already Christmas. Shortly after, Phil made eye contact with Anja and she nodded back, putting her arm around her girlfriend and whispering something in her ear. It took a few minutes to say their tipsy goodbyes, promising to stay in touch as long as they were back home and to program another get together, but soon they were on their way to Phil’s.

The good thing about being mildly drunk is that walking in the middle of the night in the dead of winter never seems to be that big of a deal because, by the time you make it to your destination, you’ve already forgotten the trip.

Once back home, Phil led the girls to his bedroom and grabbed a comforter to set camp out in the lounge. Just as he said good night to them and turned off the light, he caught a glimpse of them sharing a soft kiss in the moonlight and smiled. He was happy for them and he couldn’t wait to experience his real relationship too, with cuddles and soft kisses in the dark.

He made his way to the lounge and plugged his phone to charge overnight, laying close enough to the side table so that he could go through his texts. He opened the conversation with Dan first. “Hey, sorry, I was out with friends but I’m back home now.”

“It’s fine. Had fun? Any hot chicks?”

“Lol. Yeah, plenty. I have two in my bed right now. ;)”

“No way. you’re lying. how did you get 2?”

“They are my friends. What did you think? xD I’m sleeping in the lounge.”

“Lame.”

Phil giggled. “What were you up to today?”

“Just out with someone.”

“Mysterious… anyone special?”

Dan started typing a reply, stopped and continued several times until he finally hit send. “mmmaybe x.X”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Something like that.”

Phil smiled. It seemed like Dan had found someone to keep him company, his first girlfriend. Maybe that would help with his self-esteem. “Aww, that’s cute. Hope you have fun with her, just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and if things go too far use protection.”

“Omg, shut up. Don’t say that. xD”

“Hey, Dan. It’s Christmas already. Hope you have a nice holiday.”

“You too, I don’t think I will with my dad around but thanks anyway.”

“Maybe you could do something with your gf as well.”

“Yeah, maybe. Goodnight Phil.”

“Good night, Dan.”

Phil set his phone on the table and covered himself up completely to keep any sort of light from disturbing his sleep. Hopefully he could make it to breakfast in one go.

--

December 25th 2005

His mother woke him up with a frown, letting him know that he should get Anja and Tara up for breakfast and make sure that they make it home safely as well. The message was clear: feed them and take them home, no loitering, no messing with her christmas prep.

Phil sat quietly sipping his coffee while the girls chatted with his mum about what she would be cooking. He tried his best not to spit out his coffee at the thought of eating anything cooked by his mum. As a child he had no choice, but luckily he now had the option of sticking to whatever his grandma and auntie brought around.

Tara gave him a questioning look. “What’s your favourite Christmas meal?”

“Yorkshire puddings. My auntie makes really good ones,” he answered quickly before shoving 3 cookies into his mouth and staring intently into his mug to avoid his mum’s gaze. 

Anja snickered, knowing well that his mum was a disaster in the kitchen. “We better get going. Thank you for having us, Kath.”

“Oh, it’s always a pleasure, honey,” his mum said, pulling Anja into a hug. “You can stop by at any time. And you too, Tara.”

“Thank you, Mrs. L,” said Tara.

Phil helped the girls check they weren’t leaving anything behind in his room before they put on their coats and made their way out the door and into the biting cold. As they walked, he saw Tara kept throwing glances at Anja and blushing, her hand rubbing against her girlfriend’s shily. “You can hold hands if you want,” he said.

“I - What if anyone sees us?” Tara asked, looking a bit scared at the thought.

He laced his fingers with Anja’s and raised his eyebrows at them. “Now you. We can all hold hands. What will people assume then?”

Anja giggled. “Maybe they will assume we are all together.”

“That’s fine by me,” Phil said.

“Alright,” Tara said, beaming and joined in the three way hand holding, swinging their hands the way little kids do when walking along with their friends. He was a little proud to be able to put a smile on Tara and Anja’s face just by being supportive. He gave them both a hug and left them at the bus stop.

It wasn’t until Phil got back home that he saw a present under the tree that hadn’t been there the night before. It had his name on it. He sat down on the sofa and opened it carefully. Inside the package was a little note in Anja’s handwriting saying that this was Richard’s idea. Phil smiled and opened the scrapbook. Each page had a picture of their friend group and a little story, starting from 1998, when they were 11. There were screen grabs from some of their home movies, a Polaroid of their only camping attempt in Phil’s backyard which ended when they were caught in the storm, and so many days just hanging out and playing video games. 

There were messages from everyone scattered all across the pages as well and a single closing note from Richard with everyone’s signature under it. “Thank you for being an amazing friend. Don’t forget you’re stuck with us forever.”

Phil smiled and held the scrapbook to his chest. Despite what had happened, he felt happy to still call them his friends.

---

The holidays were mostly uneventful except for the fact that it was the first time Phil was treated a bit more like an adult. Now that he had officially moved away, his parents were a little more lenient, so Phil had spent most of his time hanging out with his friends and getting smashed. After the New Year’s toast, in which he was the only one without someone to kiss, his parents had excused themselves and left him with Martyn and Cornelia. The three had played just another game of Scrabble before the love birds decided to abandon him as well.

Phil briefly considered going to bed as well, but he felt a bit on edge, too restless to sleep.

He made himself one more drink and went up to his room, taking a seat by his bedroom window and looking out into the night. He took a sip of his gin and tonic and sighed, wondering what the future had in store for him. His phone vibrated and he smiled when he saw it was Dan wishing him a happy new year. He was about to reply but decided that it was a great time for a call. It only rang twice before his friend picked up.

“Hey, what are you doing still up?” Phil asked.

“Just came home, I brought Malibu and a blanket and sat on the roof to watch the stars. Are you drunk?”

“Nop,” Phil said, making the ‘p’ pop. “Ok, maybe a little.”

Dan giggled. “That’s what I thought. How was your night?”

“Lonely. Didn’t have anyone to kiss around here. How about you? Did you kiss anyone at midnight?” Phil took another sip from his drink.

“That sucks.” Dan said. “...Yeah,” he added, breathlessly. 

“Ooh, who was it? How was it?” Phil asked, drinking some more. Then he remembered their last conversation. “Was it your girlfriend?”

“Yeah…” Dan mumbled.

“Aw, that’s cute, congrats! I haven’t met anyone in York yet.” Phil downed the rest of his drink and set the glass on the window seal. “I feel old and like I’m the spinster of this family.” 

Dan laughed. “You’re not old, you’ll find someone.”

“Do you really think that?” Phil asked as he walked over to his bed and let himself fall onto it face first. He didn’t even know why he cared so much, but he did.

“Yeah, I really do. You’re great.”

He smiled, turning his face to the side, feeling the alcohol buzz inside his skull. “I’ve been told I’m amazing, actually.”

“Yeah, you are,” Dan snorted. “Amazing Phil. You’ll find someone soon, just put yourself out there.”

Phil nodded. “Alright, I’ll do that. Thanks.”

“No problem. Happy New Year.”

“Mmm…Happy New Year, Dan,” Phil whispered and let his eyes fall shut with Dan still on the other side of the call. 

---

January 2006

Seeing Anja and Tara so happy together had really cemented Phil’s resolution in finding a boyfriend as soon as possible. The first opportunity presented itself on the last weekend of January, just a day shy of his 19th birthday, when he saw a familiar face in the crowd at the pub. 

Phil downed his daiquiri, adjusted his fringe and made his way towards the blonde guy he had made out with that one time. He briefly wondered if the guy would remember him or not but his doubts disappeared when he looked into Phil’s eyes and smirked.

“Well, well, well. Fancy seeing you here…” he hesitated.

“Phil,” he said in a slightly high pitched voice. Phil cleared his throat and tried again. “Phil,” he repeated.

“Mark,” he said, pulling Phil closer by the belt loop in his jeans. “I’m sorry that I never texted. You seemed much less inclined to… be up for a date.”

Phil smiled and placed his arms on Mark’s shoulders. “Yeah, I was a bit shy back then.”

“And you’re not anymore?” 

“A bit, but I came out to my roommates and I don’t feel as terrified to be seen around.”

Mark’s smirk widened. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said, already leaning in for a kiss. 

Phil smiled and angled his face just so, feeling a rush of excitement as their lips touched for the first time. It was the taste of the sugary drink in Mark’s lips, the heat coming from the people dancing around them and the way his entire body tingled when he found himself pressed into a wall. He let out a surprised whine when he felt Mark’s hard cock pressing against his hip and heard him ask if they could go into a stall. 

Phil wanted to, he really did, but he didn’t want his first real experience to be like that. “Can we go somewhere else instead?” he panted.

Mark looked into his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, do you want to come back to my flat?” He smiled and pecked Phil’s lips.

A million thoughts crossed Phil’s mind. Was he willing to let his friends know what he was up to or would it be worse to do the walk of shame in the morning? “Do you have roommates?”

“Just one, but he went home for the weekend. It would just be us.”

“Perfect,” Phil said. “Lead the way then.”

“Alright,” said Mark, giving him just one more kiss before leading him by the hand.

He spotted Sarah dancing with her friends close to the door and waved at her. She raised one eyebrow at him and shook his hand, winking at him but not uttering a single word. Phil smiled at her, and slid the small square packet she had sneakily handed him into his pocket.

The cold January air hit Phil like a brick wall as soon as they left the pub, but they were thankfully able to catch a taxi fairly quickly. The ride itself was a bit of a flash in his mind, partially because of how tipsy he was and also the fact that Mark was pressing the heel of his hand on his crotch through his jeans, slowly edging him towards madness.

By the time they got to their destination Phil was trying his best not to pant or whine but he was barely holding it in. Having to actually open the door and walk up the stairs was a sobering moment though - nerve wracking even, most of his boldness gone despite still feeling aroused.

Mark saw his hesitation and offered his hand to him. “Come in, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Phil smiled and nodded. That was all the reassurance he needed. He let Mark guide him to the bedroom, where he turned on the light and gently pressed him against the door.

“May I kiss you again?” Mark asked, his voice low, his lips nearly on Phil’s already.

Phil nodded and smiled, happily surprised at the change of pace. The soft kiss Mark placed on his lips liquified his insides even more than the heavy make out from the bar. This time, he let out a loud moan without even meaning to, blushing at how desperate he sounded. He let Mark guide him, resting his arms on the blonde’s shoulders and playing with his surprisingly soft hair.

When Mark finally broke the kiss, Phil chased his lips, causing him to laugh and give him a quick peck. “This is your first time, right?”

“I -” Phil’s eyes widened. 

“It’s alright,” Mark whispered. “I just want to know, to be extra careful and to make it special for you.”

Phil blinked repeatedly. “T-thank you.”

He shook his head, with a small smile. “So what do you want to do?”

“I- I don’t know,” Phil mumbled.

“You can tell me,” Mark reassured him.

“No, I know,” Phil admitted, a little frustrated with himself. “I just - I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to suggest something then?”

“Please,” Phil said. 

“May I?” Mark asked, running his fingers over Phil’s zipper.

Phil paused for a second but realised that he actually trusted Mark and liked how things were going so far, so he pecked Mark’s lips and breathed out a quiet “Yeah.”

Before Phil could even comprehend what was happening, Mark was on his knees, unzipping his jeans and wrapping one hand around his cock, his hot breath ghosting over it. “Fuck, I knew you would be massive,” Mark said. “I need to blow you, is that ok?”

Phil nodded so fast he got a little dizzy. 

“Wait, let’s get to bed first,” Mark said, standing up already.

Phil shuffled awkwardly with his jeans down to his knees and lay down on the bed, watching as Mark removed his jeans and underwear before realising he should be doing the same and following suit.

“You’re gorgeous,” Mark mumbled as he crawled onto the bed and hovered over him, kissing him a bit deeper this time, using just a hint of tongue, making Phil feel like every single muscle in his body was on fire. Before long, Phil was panting and getting a bit too close to the edge which Mark must have noticed. “Shhhh, only a little longer,” he whispered, biting his neck gently and moving down his body, dropping kisses along the way. It made Phil a bit proud to see the hunger in Mark’s eyes when he looked at his cock, but his thoughts couldn’t linger for long once Mark pressed his tongue flat against his shaft and dragged it from root to tip slowly yet firmly. When he finally wrapped one hand around it and tongued his cockhead, all Phil could do was bury his fingers in the blonde’s hair and let out a hiss. 

It was glorious. It was the best thing that had ever happened to anyone in the history of the world, Phil was sure of it. All his life had been leading to that moment, to Mark wrapping his lips around him and bobbing his head, sucking him off like there was no tomorrow. He could only imagine how pathetic he sounded but he couldn’t be too sure, his ears had stopped working at some point, his eyes though, they had caught the exact moment Mark had swallowed his cum.

Fuck, Phil wanted to do it again and again. Even though he had never done that before, he knew then that he had found his calling. He had been born for sex.

Mark fell at his side, fisting his cock furiously for a second before Phil turned to him, pulling him into a kiss and swatting his hand away to replace it with his own. It was exhilarating to hear Mark panting and almost whining into the kiss with every stroke until he came all over their stomachs, his body shaking with the force or his orgasm. 

They cuddled for a bit in silence, sharing soft kisses and smiling like crazy. Phil hadn’t known what to expect but the night had already exceeded his expectations. Then, Mark noticed that Phil was getting hard again.

“Hey, Phil. How much did you want to do tonight?”

“I don’t know. Why? What do you want?”

“You can say no, of course, but…”

Phil’s stomach was twisting into knots with anticipation. “What?”

“I want to ride you.”

Phil’s mouth fell open.

“Don’t be so shocked!” Mark giggled.

“I thought you were a top,” Phil said before slapping his hand on his lips. “I mean-”

“It’s fine. I am vers. I mostly top but I just need you inside me, you look so good!” Mark said. “If you want to, of course!” he rushed to add.

“I want to,” Phil said and kissed him, letting his hands wander all over Mark until he got too close to his ass.

“Uh- uh. You stay right here, I’ll be back in a few,” Mark said.

Phil nodded and let him go, following his retreating form with his eyes. Mark had a nice ass, actually. 

By the time he made it back, Phil was mostly soft and almost falling asleep but Mark straddled him without hesitation. 

Phil blinked, smiling as he rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes. “Hey,” he whispered.

Mark leaned down and kissed him, licking and biting at his lips. “Missed me?” he asked, grinding on him just right, making his blood start to rush south once again.

“I was falling asleep, actually,” Phil admitted with a wink.

“Tsk tsk, we can’t have that,” Mark said and opened his bedside drawer to pull a lube bottle.

“I have a condom. It’s in my jeans.”

“Smart boy. Don’t worry, I have some too. You keep that one for next time.”

Phil smiled. His mind hadn’t thought that far ahead, but he liked the sound of that. “Ok!”

“Now, pay attention,” Mark said. “You put lube on your dick, just a bit, and you press the tip of the condom like so, that’s very important! and roll it down. If it rolls back up, you put it the wrong way around. And try not to do that, it hurts.” Mark rolled the condom carefully onto Phil’s cock. “Now you put more lube on the outside and that’s it.”

“Why do you have to press on the tip?”

“So it doesn’t have air inside and the cum has a place to go to. It could break otherwise.”

“Don’t you need lube as well?”

“Of course, but I took care of that already.”

“In the bathroom?” Phil asked.

Mark nodded.

“Aw, but I wanted to do it.”

Mark raised an eyebrow at him. “You wanted to finger me?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, feeling the blush creeping into his cheeks but still smiling.

“Alright, suit yourself for a bit.” Mark lay shifted until he was only partially on top of Phil, throwing one leg over his hip and kissed him as he guided Phil’s hand to his back.

Phil took the initiative this time, pressing their lips together, trying to lead just like Mark had done before, using his tongue gently at first, angling his face to deepen the kiss as his fingers slowly caressed Mark’s hole, feeling the lube seep out of him already, feeling him shiver as he pressed in very lightly.

He remembered how much lube Mark had used on him and swatted around the bed for a bit until he found the bottle, popping the cap open and adding some to his fingers just in case. Mark hissed when Phil finally pressed a single finger inside, which worried him, making him freeze.

“Did I-?”

Mark shook his head. “Cold. You are supposed to rub it between your fingers to warm it up first. It’s ok.”

“Sorry,” Phil said.

Mark buried his fingers into Phil’s hair and pulled him into a heated kiss, starting to move his hips, rubbing his cock against Phil’s hip bone.

Encouraged by this, Phil moved his finger inside and out and found no resistance so he added another and another soon after. The room was smouldering, Phil couldn’t hear anything other than their laboured breaths as they moved together, aided by the thin layer of sweat covering them.

Then, everything came to a stop. “Wait,” said Mark, trying to catch his breath. Phil stilled immediately. “I don’t want to come like this, remember?”

“Ok,” Phil said and pulled his fingers out ever so gently. 

Mark smiled at him and straddled him. He took a few deep breaths before grabbing Phil’s cock and sliding down on it, the smile on his lips widening as he went down, a small sigh escaping his lips when he bottomed out. 

Would it be too early to say that Phil was in love?

Every muscle in his body was tensing in an effort to avoid coming on the spot. The pause Mark took was a godsend to help him relax a bit until they were ready to begin. 

Mark pressed his hands on Phil’s chest a bit, his brow burrowed into a frown as he pulled himself up and down, gently rolling his hips and doing it all over again a few times until he found it. He moaned and spread his knees further apart, lifting his hips and dropping onto Phil’s cock as hard as he could trying to find the same angle. All Phil could do was hold onto Mark’s waist and help him sink even deeper, faster, harder, as moans fell from their lips.

Maybe they weren’t even moaning anymore, maybe they were screaming, he honestly couldn’t tell, but when Mark begged him to help him come, Phil didn’t hesitate. He held Mark firmly in place as he fisted his cock in a blur, making him twitch and come all over him. The pressure around him and the sight before his eyes were all Phil needed to join him two thrusts later.

Mark smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Stay,” he whispered before rolling to the side, laying his head on Phil’s chest and promptly falling asleep before Phil could even answer. 

“Ok,” Phil mumbled with a smile.

---

Phil woke up to the smell of toast and coffee, slowly opening his eyes and frowning at the amount of light coming through his window until… until he realised that it was not his window, nor his bedroom. He sat up so fast his blood pressure dropped immediately. Where was he? What…? He pressed his hand to his forehead and tried to think about the previous night. He had gone to the pub with his friends and then… Mark. Phil looked down, lifting the sheet he didn’t remember pulling over himself and saw that he was still naked. Right.

He took a moment to assess how he felt about everything that had transpired between them and found that he had no regrets. They’d had their fun and he remembered Mark even hinting at a future date. He liked the sound of that. 

“Aw, you’re awake! I wanted to surprise you with breakfast!” Mark said from the bedroom door. He was wearing a white apron with pink love hearts… in fact it looked like he was only wearing the apron.

“Would it make you happy if I said that I’m still surprised?”

“Yes, immensely,” Mark smiled.

Phil couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, I am.”

“Scooch over so that we can have breakfast in bed - and drink the water I left for you,” Mark said, pointing at the glass on the nightstand. “How is your stomach feeling?”

“Hmm,” Phil made space for Mark, sitting back against the headboard and considered it his reply as he drank water slowly. “It’s fine, I think.”

“Alright, you should eat slowly. Start with the toast just in case,” Mark said as he climbed into bed, and sat sideways, resting his back against the wall.

Phil set the glass back on the nightstand, coming to sit at Mark’s side and resting his back against the wall as well, and grabbed a piece of toast. It was perfect, just the perfect golden colour and texture. Maybe it was his empty stomach talking, but he thought it was the best toast he’d ever had. “Hmm, thank you. This is amazing.”

“It’s just toast,” Mark smirked.

“Still, you didn’t have to do this,” Phil said, nudging Mark’s side.

“I wanted to,” Mark said, biting into his own toast.

Phil cocked his head and smiled. Mark was just so… beautiful - and sexy. Maybe he shouldn’t be asking yet, but they had crossed some boundaries, it was only fair to clear the air. “Did you really mean it when you said there would be a next time?”

“I did - but I want to be very honest with you.”

Phil’s face fell. “Oh-”

“No, don’t look so crushed yet. Hear me out, please,” Mark said. “I just came out of a long relationship and it was pretty bad, I don’t think I want anything serious at the moment. I’m not sure I will want it in the future either, but I like you and I would love to see you again, no strings attached.”

“So… just for sex,” Phil mumbled. Part of him wanted to say yes but he also wanted a boyfriend.

“No, not just sex. You know, like last night, we had sex, yes, but you stayed, we had fun and I made you breakfast. I would also like to hang out if you wanted to. Like friends with benefits.”

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” Phil pleaded.

“I do. I can take you on dates, we can chat, we can have our fun, just - no labels. And you could see other people, of course. Just be careful with STDs.”

“I don’t know,” Phil said, leaving his toast on the plate. “I don’t know if I can keep my feelings in check.”

“You can think about it and text me if you’re interested.” Mark grabbed his phone from under the pillow and typed something before putting it back. “And it wouldn’t be a no feelings situation, just no falling in love.”

Phil took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Alright. I should get going,” he said, getting up and picking his clothes from the floor.

“You don’t have to leave yet,” Mark said, sounding small. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

Phil pulled his jeans on and turned to him shaking his head. “It’s not you. You did nothing wrong, I just - wanted a boyfriend, someone who cares about me.”

“I see,” Mark said, pulling his knees to his chest. “I hope that you find what you’re looking for. You seem like a nice guy.”

“Thanks. You too, Mark,” Phil said, attempting a smile. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” He sounded hopeful.

“Yeah, maybe,” Phil said, pulling on his T-shirt and walking out of the room and the flat as fast as he could without running. When he tried to open the building door, he found that it was locked and cursed himself until he heard it buzz. Mark must have realised that he needed to be let out. 

Phil’s head was pounding and he didn’t know if it was due to the alcohol or what Mark said. He made it two blocks before realising he didn’t exactly know where he was or where he was going. He pulled his phone out to text Sarah but found that he had messages already. 

“Hey, it’s mark, save my number :)” He must have sent that while they were talking.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Your nearest tube stop is 3 blocks to the left.” 

“Please let me know when you made it home safe even if you don’t want to talk anymore.”

Right, Phil smiled, he just needed to keep going. It was sweet of Mark to care about him even after he left like that. By the time Phil made it back to the dorm and got into bed he was already doubting himself. Would it be so bad to have someone he trusted to have sex and hang out? Mark seemed like a good person. He hadn’t tried to string him along with lies and he had been caring too.

“Hey, made it home safe. Thanks”

“Glad to hear that. Don’t forget to eat something.”

“K dad. Hey Mark?”

“Yeah son?”

“I think I would like to be friends with benefits.”

“I would like that, but I don’t want to pressure you into anything. Why don’t we hang out next week and see how it goes? If it happens it happens and if not we can just be friends.”

“Sounds like a plan. We could celebrate my birthday.”

“When is it?”

“Today!”

“What? We HAVE to do something. I guess you want to spend the day with your friends but this week for sure.”

Phil thought about it for a minute and decided that it was worth a shot. “Actually there’s a small party at my dorm tonight if you want to come,” he lied. Well, the guys never needed an excuse to drink.

“Sure, text me the address.”

---

Phil spent most of the day replying to texts, tweets and MySpace messages from his friends and random internet people. He even got a call from Dan that lasted like three hours. Phil was tempted to tell Dan about Mark but what would he say? He was not about to let his younger friend know that he had had sex or that he was gay for that matter. He didn’t want to hide either, but some things were better left unsaid for the time being. 

When Dan asked if he could follow his other socials, Phil decided that it was a good enough way to let the information slip. It said bisexual right on his MySpace profile and even though it wasn’t the entire truth, it was enough. If Dan wanted to freak out about it, he could.

Their conversation was cut short when the doorbell rang and Phil had to go help with the shop. The guys had gone above and beyond. Well, above and beyond what they usually did, which was buying cheap alcohol and some crisps. This time they had gone for mid range bottles and also a rainbow unicorn cake.

Looking at the time with increasing nerves, he helped Sarah put everything away and took a brisk shower. There was no way he was going to let Mark see him with bad hair and he was also still kind of sweaty from the previous night, which was not ideal. He needed to at least look presentable.

Just as he was getting to the finishing touches of the look Anja had suggested over MSN, the doorbell rang again and Sarah squealed, running to the door to let Mark in while Phil put some eyeliner real quick and smudged it with his finger. For once, he liked what he saw in the mirror, his black skinny jeans and bright purple T-shirt really complimented his black hair. He sprayed some deodorant and perfume and walked out to the common area to greet his guest.

Mark turned around and flashed him a wide open smile, Phil could have almost sworn that his blue eyes were shining. “Hey, birthday boy,” Mark said.

“Hey, thanks for coming.” Phil smiled back.

“Peter, come help take everything to the coffee table,” Sarah said, adding a murmured a “and stop staring at them,” that made Phil snort.

“What? What am I taking?” Peter asked.

“Grab the snacks, I can’t trust you with the bottles. When you’re done take the glasses too.”

Peter groaned but helped anyway.

“Hey… Mark?” Callan asked from his spot on the big sofa.

Mark turned towards him.

“Come sit with us,” he said. 

Jimmy smiled and patted the place between him and Callan.

“Alright, thanks,” Mark said, a bit awkwardly. And Phil had to smile at how much of an effort everyone was making for his birthday. His roommates knew there was something between him and Mark and were trying to be very cool about it, while also acting a bit like worried parents meeting their kid’s boyfriend for the first time. Mark was trying very hard to pretend he didn’t notice it and seemed genuinely amused with the entire situation.

In only a few minutes, they had all plopped around the small room, some on chairs, upside down buckets or the floor. It came to Phil’s attention that Mark fit perfectly into his friend group, even if he was a bit older and was probably over the confined spaces of uni dorms and just drinking for the sake of it. He didn’t complain for a second. In fact, he beat them all at Scrabble but his real talent was charades, especially given that everyone was a bit drunk by then. 

Few things had made Phil as proud as guessing Mark’s charade. At first he was acting mysterious with his hands shaped into a gun, maybe passing ropes? Jumping? But the moment Mark put his hands up in a surrendering fashion and dropped flat to the floor stiff as a board, Phil knew exactly what it was. “Mission impossible!” he yelled and the others groaned. They had obliterated the entire group, just the two of them - together.

After cutting the cake and a few Buffy episodes, the night started to die down. Not so much for Phil, who was very aware of the casual touches Mark gave him, of the heat coming off him, of their thighs pressing tightly together and the fact that he had started giving Phil non alcoholic drinks halfway through the party.

Callan and Jimmy were the last to go to bed, letting Mark know that he could come at any time. Phil almost dived out the window when Jimmy winked at them and told them to have fun, but Mark was not fazed by it, just throwing an “I will” his way. 

He turned towards Phil and pressed a soft kiss to his lips as soon as they were alone. “Do you share your room with anyone?”

“No, it’s very tiny, but it’s just me,” Phil said, now feeling a bit insecure about his room.

“We just need a bed - if that’s what you want.”

Phil stood and extended his hand towards Mark, leading him down the hall without a word. Once they were behind closed doors, Phil turned around and kissed Mark, really kissed him. Without even turning the light on, he shuffled them towards the bed, only stopping once he felt the wood pressed against the back of his thighs. Mark’s hands were all over him, pulling at his clothes, helping him undress between kisses. They giggled at the awkward and complicated task of removing their skinnys aided only by the street light coming through the blinds.

Soon, Phil found himself pressed into his mattress, without a care in the world or a thought on his mind as Mark prepped him with so much lube he thought he was going to drown and pressed into him. It was tight and deep and hot and Phil felt sexy and dirty all at the same time. He felt like a sinner, not in a shameful way, just - like this was worth going to hell for. He was in love with sex, and himself, and maybe even Mark, even if Mark didn’t want that. He would deal with it. He just needed to fuck, forever.

As lay resting his head on Mark’s chest and his eyes started to fall shut, the last thought to cross his mind was that he hoped he hadn’t been too loud or his friends would never let him live it down.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 1

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 1: Somebody to Love

June 2005

Phil threw himself onto his bed and looked around at his neon green walls and carpet thinking how little time he had left in his childhood bedroom. He had one last summer in his hometown before uprooting his entire life and moving to York for uni. It was weird, in a way, to be in this sort of limbo where his basic education was over; he no longer felt like a child but didn’t feel like an adult either. It could be because he didn’t feel like he was fully himself, not to anyone he knew - not even his friends.

Could he really call them his friends if they didn’t know who he truly was, if he couldn’t share his attraction to boys like the others shared their crushes on girls and their flings? Maybe it wasn’t fair to think of them as near strangers, it was not their fault that he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. They had all been there for him his entire childhood and he still wasn’t ready. That was on him.

On the other hand, York presented him with a new opportunity, a chance to live his true life and finally get a boyfriend. That’s all he wanted, just - someone to cuddle with. Ok, also other stuff, but he wanted a proper boyfriend. It didn’t hurt to start looking now though.

Phil sat up and reached for his laptop, lifting the screen and connecting to the internet. He clicked on the Explorer icon and waited for everything to load for a few minutes. He logged into a random Yahoo chat room as per usual and greeted the 60 strangers chatting and sending emojis in the hopes of catching someone’s attention.

Snowdude: Hi. Anyone around 18? ;)

A private window popped up immediately.

DanTheMan: hi snowdude XD i’m dan

Snowdude: Hi. als?

DanTheMan: 16/m/reading. u?

Phil hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t often that dudes messaged him. Still, “Dan” was too young and still in school. Well, he didn’t have anything better to do than speak to him.

Snowdude: 18 m York. Are you in school?

DanTheMan: yeah just the A lvls to go. What’s ur favourrtie game?

Phil’s eyebrows shot up at the typo and he snorted. 

Snowdude: Final Fantasy 7 is ace.

DanTheMan: ace XD favourite show?

Snowdude: Buffy obviously. What is this, an interview? What’s your favourite subject in school?

DanTheMan: ouch, geography and psych and theatre.

Snowdude: hate geo, you act?

DanTheMan: don’t laugh. i always have but i’m cool.

Snowdude: nothing wrong with it. I’m a terrible actor. 

Looking at his ceiling, Phil felt bad for making Dan feel insecure by bringing up school, pointedly marking their age difference. He knew what it was like to be looked down upon by the older kids. He quickly typed another message.

Snowdude: I signed up to art because I thought it would be easy and almost failed. Seems like i suck at art.

DanTheMan: ROFL. ur weird.

DanTheMan: let’s be friends.

Snowdude: Lesbifriends

DanTheMan: forget it lol. I regret asking.

Snowdude: noooooooooooo 

DanTheMan: i have to go my mums calling. add me on msn i’m danosaurXD@hotmail.com.uk

Snowdude: Rawr xD. ACe. Good luck with homework

DanTheMan: fuckoff with your capitalistion and good grammra ttyl

And just like that, Dan exited their chat. Phil smiled and logged into MSN, hesitating only for a second before adding his new friend.

Ian opened their conversation with a buzz as per usual and invited him over to play games with the girls. He hesitated, but another notification popped up and it brought a smile to his face.

GoThic chiK (Anja): coming or not phL?

Phil rolled his eyes, at least Anja would be there and even if he didn’t like girls like that, Anja was always cool. She was like a girl, but also not. Well, she was a girl of course, but she felt like a guy, but not - like him. He didn’t fit in as the kind of man his dad wanted to see in his son and Anja didn’t impress her mother either. Maybe they were losers but they still had each other.

Phil Strikr: omw Annie tell Ian

GoTik chiK (Anja): told you to stop butcherin ma name.

Phil laughed and sent her a buzz before logging out and getting into his favourite blue jeans and a green T-shirt.

--

The night went by in a breeze, with loads of pizza, drinking and a few rounds of TEG that ended in disaster. He mostly enjoyed it until the topic of dating came up yet again. All the guys had some sort of girlfriend or arrangement and Phil had barely anything to show for. For the umpteenth time, Phil considered coming out to them but he could never bring himself to do it. Maybe one of these days when he was drunk enough.

“Phil, Phil!” Someone said.

Anja snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, startling him and causing him to drop the dice he had been shaking for who knows how long. “Mate, what is it with you today?”

“Uh, nothing. I was just thinking about Buffy,” he said.

Anja gave him a look that let him know she was not buying it, but the rest rolled their eyes and continued with their conversation. For a moment Phil thought he was off the hook but Ian looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Phil asked.

Ian sighed heavily. “Sandra asked about you again, mate. When are you going to ask her out?”

Phil tried not to look like a deer caught in the headlights. “I think it would be weird to date your cousin, we are like brothers at this point.”

Ian snorted and shook his head. “We are like brothers but not actually. It’s not like incest or anything.”

“Ew, don’t say that,” Phil said, paling at the thought of Sandra and her wandering hands. He was not going to repeat the mistake of asking her out. One sloppy kiss was more than enough.

Richard, Noah and Keith laughed at the face he pulled but Ian merely smiled at him.

“Oi! Phil is mine, let him be,” Anja said, shuffling closer to him and resting her hand on his thigh.

Phil’s eyes widened but she gave him a small wink before looking back at their friends.

“What? Are you his girlfriend now?” asked Richard with a frown.

“Yeah,” she said, looking uncomfortable at the question. Anja didn’t like Richard like that, she loved him as a friend, but he had a huge crush on her and he was terrible at hiding it. Phil didn’t need to read her mind to know she didn’t want to break his heart or risk their friendship but it was bound to happen eventually.

Wrapping his arm around Anja’s waist loosely, he set his head on her shoulder. “Tell Sandra I’m taken,” Phil said and Anja relaxed against him, letting her head gently rest on his.

Richard looked disappointed but didn’t press the issue any further.

Eventually, the board games stopped being fun and the alcohol ran out so they declared the party over. As soon as Phil said goodbye and stood from his spot Anja followed him, making the others laugh and howl at them, half whispering about what they were going to do in Phil’s bedroom.

Once they were out, Phil turned to look at her. “Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked, hopefully.

“Nah, I was expecting to crash in your bed.” She began the walk back home and Phil followed her.

“What?” Phil squeaked.

Anja laughed and turned towards him, but her eyes looked a bit misty. “Don’t be daft, it’s not that.” She poked him gently, looking into his eyes. “I just feel sad and I don’t wanna be alone right now. I know I can trust you like that.” 

“Alright,” Phil said, still walking at her side. “Do you want to talk about it? What happened?”

Anja looked away from him, her eyes focusing on the moon for a moment as she spoke. “I was dating someone but they are not sure about it anymore and it sucks.”

Phil stopped walking and pulled her into a hug. “An- you know you can tell me anything, come stay with me too.”

“I know.” She returned the hug tightly only for a moment before stepping back. “Come on!” She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. “Kath will be fuming if we are not there before midnight.”

He snorted and laced their fingers together. “I’ll tell my mum you call her Kath behind her back one day, you know?”

“Meh,” Anja shrugged. “She loves me. I’ll live.”

They stayed silent for most of the 20 minute walk home and had to sneak in, but soon enough they were in his room. Phil gave Anja a big T-shirt and a pair of joggers and slipped into his own pyjamas while she changed in the bathroom. 

Five minutes later they were looking up at the ceiling as they lay under the covers in the small bed.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Richard will get over his crush eventually?”

Phil turned on his side to look at her. “Probably, he has gotten over the others.”

She nodded. “Are you seeing anyone that you haven’t told us about?” she asked in a drastic change of topic.

Phil sputtered. “As if anyone would be interested.”

“You have pretty eyes and perfect eyebrows. I wish I had your eyebrows,” Anja said. “You should dye your hair black though, it would make your eyes pop.”

“I don’t know… Would you do it for me?”

“Of course, ginge,” She laughed.

“I’m not a ginger!” Phil whined.

“Course not.” She poked at his stomach. “Good night.”

“Good night, An,” he said and shut his eyes, letting sleep claim him.

---

It was a weird summer. Anja remained sad for the majority of it but refused to talk about her boyfriend, choosing to focus on giving Phil an extreme makeover instead. She dyed his hair black, took him to the mall to pick up black skinny jeans and to the stylist that had given her her emo haircut to tame his mane.

By the end of it, Phil had perfected a nice image for his MySpace page. He had even ventured into eyeliner for some pictures when he’d gotten bored waiting for Anja to get ready for a party. He’d enjoyed the results and even Ian and the guys said it looked cool on him. Even Dan thought he looked really cool when he saw the pics.

He got to talk to Dan quite a few times as well before going off to uni and caught up with life. It was amazing to learn that they were actually super compatible, liking many of the same games, music and shows. The best part was that Dan said there was a chance he would go to York like him so they could hang out and Phil liked the sound of that, even if Dan was still a full year away from it. Dan was honestly super cool and Phil really had come to consider him a friend in the last few months so it would be super fun to have someone close to hang out and play games with. It sounded like a great plan.

Daydreaming about their potential meet-up was a nice distraction from Dan’s home life, which seemed to be in constant turmoil as Phil came to find over time. There was a reason Dan barely mentioned his younger brother and he had vaguely complained about his father’s rage issues, so Phil always let Dan talk first, and let whatever was troubling him be aired so that he could offer his support or advice if it was needed. Phil also shared some of his issues and insecurities, but his problems were not nearly as bad as Dan’s so he tried to keep things on the positive side and help Dan out.

But Phil wasn’t expecting to catch Dan in a lie only weeks later. As it turned out, Dan had never been 16, he was a 14 year old kid. It was a silly lie, but it still hurt Phil, so he asked Dan to never lie to him again. Dan was very apologetic and begged him not to break their friendship, which Phil had briefly considered, but decided against, especially because of the kind of bullying Dan suffered at school on the regular. After the initial shock had worn off, Phil reassured him that they could be friends, even if they would have to be long distance.

Dan deserved to have supportive friends. He needed someone to be there for him and Phil knew he could be that someone. At an appropriate distance, of course.

It was a bit of a rough patch between them, but after they had resolved the issue, life went on as usual. Phil dived head first into his uni life and there were so many changes. He moved into the dorm and met new people at uni, but sadly, he wasn’t able to stay in touch with his friends back home as much as he’d have liked due to his schedule. In a way, he had inadvertently severed most contact with his life back home, but no matter how much things changed, some stayed the same: his lack of a love life and being trapped in the closet.

He decided that it was time to take his life by the horns and that marked the beginning of a new chapter for him, an exploring phase of sorts. After some consideration, he opened a profile on a dating website, hoping to find a nice guy he could date. His new look did seem to help a lot, but his popularity applied mostly to MySpace. The dating scene seemed a bit dry, or maybe he was just too awkward. There weren't a bunch of messages flooding his inbox by any means.

To be honest, he was starting to get really discouraged, thinking he would never meet someone, but his luck finally changed on a mighty weekend when in a hidden corner of a pub, he got his first taste of freedom. He was blonde and tall and three years older than Phil and his lips were on Phil’s, quickly taking him to heaven, making his blood rush south and his stomach tingle. His hands were inside Phil’s T-shirt and struggling with his jeans’ zipper in less than five minutes. It wasn’t too rough or something that Phil didn’t want, but the speed of it all scared him a bit. It was too much too soon and he wasn’t ready even though he wanted to be, so he took a step back and apologised.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still trying to catch his breath. “Listen, I’m not out yet, not even to my friends back home, my new uni friends or my roommates.”

The guy nodded and smiled at him. “That’s alright,” he said. “Could I get your phone number? Maybe we can meet up some other time.”

Phil nodded and saved it in the other’s phone, but he was not going to trick himself into thinking he was going to get a text. His chances were slim.

They parted ways with a quick kiss, which surprised Phil. He let out a deep sigh as he watched the blonde disappear into the crowd and surveyed the pub in search of his friends. 

Towering over most people did come in handy and allowed him to locate his roommates in under a minute. Phil tried to put on a brave smile as he made his way to them and accepted a beer, taking a zip and groaning at the bitter taste. It was performative and he knew it, but he didn’t know what else to do, so he followed along with what everyone was doing. He got drunk - and even made out with a girl briefly just out of boredom. 

He felt nothing, nothing at all, but his roommates cheered him on and the girl seemed happy enough. 

That made one of them.

--

Once back in his room, Phil put his phone to charge and turned it on. There were a few missed calls and texts from Dan, asking if he was free to talk. Phil got a bad feeling about it and tried to call him but Dan didn’t pick up. Maybe it was too late and he had fallen asleep. Biting the inside of his cheek, Phil hesitated before sending a text.

“I’m sorry I missed your calls, I was out until just now and my phone had died X.x . I’m free to talk in the morning!”

Phil lay in bed for what seemed like forever, the room spinning a bit around him, as he thought about the blonde guy, the boring night, the girl he kissed - and Dan. He wished he would have stayed home and talked to Dan, maybe played some games, or talked about school. It was sad that he got along better with a 14 year old than his own friends. What did that say about him? He fell into a fitful night of sleep just as the sun rose above the clouds.

The talk with Dan didn’t come the next day, or the following one. In fact, Dan stopped replying entirely for over a week and Phil’s stomach was twisted into knots. Over twenty messages unanswered could only mean bad news, right?

The following weekend, Phil sent yet another text: “Please, Dan. Just let me know that you are ok.”

Ten minutes later, his phone finally vibrated. “im ok. stop.”

Phil’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I’ve been worried about you. I went out and had so many calls and missed texts, I thought something had happened and you needed to talk. It’s ok if you don’t want to, I just didn’t want you to think that I didn’t care. Sorry I missed your call.”

His screen lit up with a call immediately and Dan’s raspy voice greeted him on the other side. “Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s ok,” Phil said, trying to calm himself down, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He swallowed thick and attempted a small smile, even if Dan could not see it. “What did you want to talk about?”

Dan was silent for a moment, but then he let out a tired sigh. “Nothing much, it’s fine.”

“You can tell me, you know you can,” Phil said with a frown.

“Last weekend I went to the mall and I had some problems with the usual shitheads…” he trailed off.

“Did they throw rocks at you again?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t care. And on Monday -” Dan paused.

“What happened on Monday?” Phil asked, frowning at the pain he could hear in Dan’s voice.

“One of the idiots grabbed me by the neck and slapped me for like 5 minutes,” Dan mumbled. “And I know what you’re going to say, one of the teachers saw and did nothing. He even laughed.”

“Dan,” Phil said, his heart breaking for his friend. “I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve any of that. I wish I could be there to help you.”

“It’s fine,” Dan said in a monotone voice. “I didn’t react, I didn’t want to give them that satisfaction.”

“It takes a lot of courage not to fight back. You were very brave.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Dan muttered. “Almost gave them another satisfaction.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m so tired sometimes, you know? Just so tired.” Then, Dan cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ve been staying with my grandma since Tuesday, so I’m ok.”

Phil had to clear his throat too, trying not to get choked up by what Dan was implying. “You have to get good grades so you can get into uni and we can hang out, ok?”

Dan snorted. “As if you would hang out with me. You’re cool and I’m just a 14 year old loser.”

“You’re not a loser. You’re kind, and funny, and one of the coolest people I know. I know that one day you will be a great guy. Maybe you’ll be a famous actor, like you’ve always wanted.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Dan said. “Wanna play Mario Kart later? I have homework.”

Phil looked at the time, it was already late, but a few races wouldn’t hurt. “Sure. Text me when you’re done.”

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan said and Phil could picture a little smile on his face.

“No problem. See you later.”

“Yeah. Hey, can I follow your MySpace?” Dan asked.

“You can follow me anywhere,” Phil said. “We are friends.”

“Yeah, ok,” Dan snorted. “See you later, Philly.”

Phil rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

Letting out a deep sigh, he decided to do the “adult thing” and study a little more for the exam he had the following morning so that he could join Dan online later. It was not a lot, but he felt better now that Dan knew Phil was on his side and he cared.

That night, Phil stayed on his DS until 4, but he managed to get a passing grade on the exam anyway. He rewarded himself with a 10 hour nap afterwards.

--

All through his first term at uni, Phil tried his best to keep in touch with Dan, but with his tight study schedule, the weekends pretending to be straight and attempting to not stress himself half to death with his new chaotic life, it was getting increasingly difficult.

Before long, Phil had to make a drastic choice. Something needed to change and he knew exactly what was the worst stressor for him: his straight-sex-maniac persona. And so it was decided. 

He invited his four roommates to their very limited common space and paced in the square foot of floor he had available to himself waving his hands around without uttering a word until one of the guys asked if he was ok. 

No, Phil was not ok at all, he was nearly crawling up the wall, so instead of giving a carefully planned and rehearsed speech, he stopped short of the wall, turned around and said: “I lied… I am not super experienced, I don’t have a lot of sex experience. In fact, I have zero experience, because… because I’m gay. I’m sorry that I lied, I just wanted you guys to like me, you are all so cool. I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand. I-”

Peter got up from the armrest of the sofa, causing Phil to take a step back just in case, and gave him a hard pat on the shoulder. “It’s ok. We are all figuring things out,” he said. “Also, Sarah will be happy to know that you are not disgusted by her presence, you’re just thick as all fuck and gay. Right, Sarah?”

“You like me?” Phil squeaked, turning towards the popular blonde girl. She was super nice and also pretty, but she was still not a guy, so there was not even a chance.

“I do. I did, but it’s ok. We can be friends,” she said with a smile.

“We can?” Phil croaked.

Sarah nodded. “You’re a good guy, Phil. Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend? And the fact that you are not opposed to a little makeup also plays in your favour.”

Peter clapped once and rushed to the fridge. He got the Malibu out of the freezer, messily pouring the alcohol into various glasses and mugs and other liquid-holding implements before turning around to face the group and raising his glass. “To Phil, the gayest emo York has ever seen - and a good friend too!” He downed his drink without waiting for anyone else.

Sarah walked over to the kitchenette and grabbed a shot glass, raising it towards Phil with an encouraging smile. “Cheers,” she said and downed her drink. She then passed a repurposed laundry detergent cap full of Malibu to Phil. 

“Thank you,” he said, hoping that his eyes could convey the gratitude he felt. “Cheers,” he said and drank the entire thing.

Jimmy and Callan, who had been quiet until now, stood from the sofa and grabbed a mug each, raising them to Phil. 

“To Phil, the gay emo,” said Callan with a smirk.

“We can still be friends even if you’re gay and your willy is bigger than all of ours,” Jimmy said with a nod and necked his drink.

Phil laughed. “Stop talking about my dick, Jimmy. You saw nothing!”

“I will when it stops looking back at me every time you sit,” Jimmy cackled. 

Phil threw the laundry detergent cap at his head, hitting the target and causing the group to laugh.  Hours later, he crawled into his tiny bed and felt the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed rock him gently, like the waves in the sea. He let out a sigh of relief, a smile appearing on his lips as he remembered how the night had started. His coming out had been awkward but still a success. Now he could truly be himself, at least in York, and he couldn’t wait until he was able to live his life fully everywhere.

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 1

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 1: Somebody to Love

June 2005

Phil threw himself onto his bed and looked around at his neon green walls and carpet thinking how little time he had left in his childhood bedroom. He had one last summer in his hometown before uprooting his entire life and moving to York for uni. It was weird, in a way, to be in this sort of limbo where his basic education was over; he no longer felt like a child but didn’t feel like an adult either. It could be because he didn’t feel like he was fully himself, not to anyone he knew - not even his friends.

Could he really call them his friends if they didn’t know who he truly was, if he couldn’t share his attraction to boys like the others shared their crushes on girls and their flings? Maybe it wasn’t fair to think of them as near strangers, it was not their fault that he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. They had all been there for him his entire childhood and he still wasn’t ready. That was on him.

On the other hand, York presented him with a new opportunity, a chance to live his true life and finally get a boyfriend. That’s all he wanted, just - someone to cuddle with. Ok, also other stuff, but he wanted a proper boyfriend. It didn’t hurt to start looking now though.

Phil sat up and reached for his laptop, lifting the screen and connecting to the internet. He clicked on the Explorer icon and waited for everything to load for a few minutes. He logged into a random Yahoo chat room as per usual and greeted the 60 strangers chatting and sending emojis in the hopes of catching someone’s attention.

Snowdude: Hi. Anyone around 18? ;)

A private window popped up immediately.

DanTheMan: hi snowdude XD i’m dan

Snowdude: Hi. als?

DanTheMan: 16/m/reading. u?

Phil hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t often that dudes messaged him. Still, “Dan” was too young and still in school. Well, he didn’t have anything better to do than speak to him.

Snowdude: 18 m York. Are you in school?

DanTheMan: yeah just the A lvls to go. What’s ur favourrtie game?

Phil’s eyebrows shot up at the typo and he snorted. 

Snowdude: Final Fantasy 7 is ace.

DanTheMan: ace XD favourite show?

Snowdude: Buffy obviously. What is this, an interview? What’s your favourite subject in school?

DanTheMan: ouch, geography and psych and theatre.

Snowdude: hate geo, you act?

DanTheMan: don’t laugh. i always have but i’m cool.

Snowdude: nothing wrong with it. I’m a terrible actor. 

Looking at his ceiling, Phil felt bad for making Dan feel insecure by bringing up school, pointedly marking their age difference. He knew what it was like to be looked down upon by the older kids. He quickly typed another message.

Snowdude: I signed up to art because I thought it would be easy and almost failed. Seems like i suck at art.

DanTheMan: ROFL. ur weird.

DanTheMan: let’s be friends.

Snowdude: Lesbifriends

DanTheMan: forget it lol. I regret asking.

Snowdude: noooooooooooo 

DanTheMan: i have to go my mums calling. add me on msn i’m danosaurXD@hotmail.com.uk

Snowdude: Rawr xD. ACe. Good luck with homework

DanTheMan: fuckoff with your capitalistion and good grammra ttyl

And just like that, Dan exited their chat. Phil smiled and logged into MSN, hesitating only for a second before adding his new friend.

Ian opened their conversation with a buzz as per usual and invited him over to play games with the girls. He hesitated, but another notification popped up and it brought a smile to his face.

GoThic chiK (Anja): coming or not phL?

Phil rolled his eyes, at least Anja would be there and even if he didn’t like girls like that, Anja was always cool. She was like a girl, but also not. Well, she was a girl of course, but she felt like a guy, but not - like him. He didn’t fit in as the kind of man his dad wanted to see in his son and Anja didn’t impress her mother either. Maybe they were losers but they still had each other.

Phil Strikr: omw Annie tell Ian

GoTik chiK (Anja): told you to stop butcherin ma name.

Phil laughed and sent her a buzz before logging out and getting into his favourite blue jeans and a green T-shirt.

--

The night went by in a breeze, with loads of pizza, drinking and a few rounds of TEG that ended in disaster. He mostly enjoyed it until the topic of dating came up yet again. All the guys had some sort of girlfriend or arrangement and Phil had barely anything to show for. For the umpteenth time, Phil considered coming out to them but he could never bring himself to do it. Maybe one of these days when he was drunk enough.

“Phil, Phil!” Someone said.

Anja snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, startling him and causing him to drop the dice he had been shaking for who knows how long. “Mate, what is it with you today?”

“Uh, nothing. I was just thinking about Buffy,” he said.

Anja gave him a look that let him know she was not buying it, but the rest rolled their eyes and continued with their conversation. For a moment Phil thought he was off the hook but Ian looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Phil asked.

Ian sighed heavily. “Sandra asked about you again, mate. When are you going to ask her out?”

Phil tried not to look like a deer caught in the headlights. “I think it would be weird to date your cousin, we are like brothers at this point.”

Ian snorted and shook his head. “We are like brothers but not actually. It’s not like incest or anything.”

“Ew, don’t say that,” Phil said, paling at the thought of Sandra and her wandering hands. He was not going to repeat the mistake of asking her out. One sloppy kiss was more than enough.

Richard, Noah and Keith laughed at the face he pulled but Ian merely smiled at him.

“Oi! Phil is mine, let him be,” Anja said, shuffling closer to him and resting her hand on his thigh.

Phil’s eyes widened but she gave him a small wink before looking back at their friends.

“What? Are you his girlfriend now?” asked Richard with a frown.

“Yeah,” she said, looking uncomfortable at the question. Anja didn’t like Richard like that, she loved him as a friend, but he had a huge crush on her and he was terrible at hiding it. Phil didn’t need to read her mind to know she didn’t want to break his heart or risk their friendship but it was bound to happen eventually.

Wrapping his arm around Anja’s waist loosely, he set his head on her shoulder. “Tell Sandra I’m taken,” Phil said and Anja relaxed against him, letting her head gently rest on his.

Richard looked disappointed but didn’t press the issue any further.

Eventually, the board games stopped being fun and the alcohol ran out so they declared the party over. As soon as Phil said goodbye and stood from his spot Anja followed him, making the others laugh and howl at them, half whispering about what they were going to do in Phil’s bedroom.

Once they were out, Phil turned to look at her. “Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked, hopefully.

“Nah, I was expecting to crash in your bed.” She began the walk back home and Phil followed her.

“What?” Phil squeaked.

Anja laughed and turned towards him, but her eyes looked a bit misty. “Don’t be daft, it’s not that.” She poked him gently, looking into his eyes. “I just feel sad and I don’t wanna be alone right now. I know I can trust you like that.” 

“Alright,” Phil said, still walking at her side. “Do you want to talk about it? What happened?”

Anja looked away from him, her eyes focusing on the moon for a moment as she spoke. “I was dating someone but they are not sure about it anymore and it sucks.”

Phil stopped walking and pulled her into a hug. “An- you know you can tell me anything, come stay with me too.”

“I know.” She returned the hug tightly only for a moment before stepping back. “Come on!” She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. “Kath will be fuming if we are not there before midnight.”

He snorted and laced their fingers together. “I’ll tell my mum you call her Kath behind her back one day, you know?”

“Meh,” Anja shrugged. “She loves me. I’ll live.”

They stayed silent for most of the 20 minute walk home and had to sneak in, but soon enough they were in his room. Phil gave Anja a big T-shirt and a pair of joggers and slipped into his own pyjamas while she changed in the bathroom. 

Five minutes later they were looking up at the ceiling as they lay under the covers in the small bed.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Richard will get over his crush eventually?”

Phil turned on his side to look at her. “Probably, he has gotten over the others.”

She nodded. “Are you seeing anyone that you haven’t told us about?” she asked in a drastic change of topic.

Phil sputtered. “As if anyone would be interested.”

“You have pretty eyes and perfect eyebrows. I wish I had your eyebrows,” Anja said. “You should dye your hair black though, it would make your eyes pop.”

“I don’t know… Would you do it for me?”

“Of course, ginge,” She laughed.

“I’m not a ginger!” Phil whined.

“Course not.” She poked at his stomach. “Good night.”

“Good night, An,” he said and shut his eyes, letting sleep claim him.

---

It was a weird summer. Anja remained sad for the majority of it but refused to talk about her boyfriend, choosing to focus on giving Phil an extreme makeover instead. She dyed his hair black, took him to the mall to pick up black skinny jeans and to the stylist that had given her her emo haircut to tame his mane.

By the end of it, Phil had perfected a nice image for his MySpace page. He had even ventured into eyeliner for some pictures when he’d gotten bored waiting for Anja to get ready for a party. He’d enjoyed the results and even Ian and the guys said it looked cool on him. Even Dan thought he looked really cool when he saw the pics.

He got to talk to Dan quite a few times as well before going off to uni and caught up with life. It was amazing to learn that they were actually super compatible, liking many of the same games, music and shows. The best part was that Dan said there was a chance he would go to York like him so they could hang out and Phil liked the sound of that, even if Dan was still a full year away from it. Dan was honestly super cool and Phil really had come to consider him a friend in the last few months so it would be super fun to have someone close to hang out and play games with. It sounded like a great plan.

Daydreaming about their potential meet-up was a nice distraction from Dan’s home life, which seemed to be in constant turmoil as Phil came to find over time. There was a reason Dan barely mentioned his younger brother and he had vaguely complained about his father’s rage issues, so Phil always let Dan talk first, and let whatever was troubling him be aired so that he could offer his support or advice if it was needed. Phil also shared some of his issues and insecurities, but his problems were not nearly as bad as Dan’s so he tried to keep things on the positive side and help Dan out.

But Phil wasn’t expecting to catch Dan in a lie only weeks later. As it turned out, Dan had never been 16, he was a 14 year old kid. It was a silly lie, but it still hurt Phil, so he asked Dan to never lie to him again. Dan was very apologetic and begged him not to break their friendship, which Phil had briefly considered, but decided against, especially because of the kind of bullying Dan suffered at school on the regular. After the initial shock had worn off, Phil reassured him that they could be friends, even if they would have to be long distance.

Dan deserved to have supportive friends. He needed someone to be there for him and Phil knew he could be that someone. At an appropriate distance, of course.

It was a bit of a rough patch between them, but after they had resolved the issue, life went on as usual. Phil dived head first into his uni life and there were so many changes. He moved into the dorm and met new people at uni, but sadly, he wasn’t able to stay in touch with his friends back home as much as he’d have liked due to his schedule. In a way, he had inadvertently severed most contact with his life back home, but no matter how much things changed, some stayed the same: his lack of a love life and being trapped in the closet.

He decided that it was time to take his life by the horns and that marked the beginning of a new chapter for him, an exploring phase of sorts. After some consideration, he opened a profile on a dating website, hoping to find a nice guy he could date. His new look did seem to help a lot, but his popularity applied mostly to MySpace. The dating scene seemed a bit dry, or maybe he was just too awkward. There weren't a bunch of messages flooding his inbox by any means.

To be honest, he was starting to get really discouraged, thinking he would never meet someone, but his luck finally changed on a mighty weekend when in a hidden corner of a pub, he got his first taste of freedom. He was blonde and tall and three years older than Phil and his lips were on Phil’s, quickly taking him to heaven, making his blood rush south and his stomach tingle. His hands were inside Phil’s T-shirt and struggling with his jeans’ zipper in less than five minutes. It wasn’t too rough or something that Phil didn’t want, but the speed of it all scared him a bit. It was too much too soon and he wasn’t ready even though he wanted to be, so he took a step back and apologised.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still trying to catch his breath. “Listen, I’m not out yet, not even to my friends back home, my new uni friends or my roommates.”

The guy nodded and smiled at him. “That’s alright,” he said. “Could I get your phone number? Maybe we can meet up some other time.”

Phil nodded and saved it in the other’s phone, but he was not going to trick himself into thinking he was going to get a text. His chances were slim.

They parted ways with a quick kiss, which surprised Phil. He let out a deep sigh as he watched the blonde disappear into the crowd and surveyed the pub in search of his friends. 

Towering over most people did come in handy and allowed him to locate his roommates in under a minute. Phil tried to put on a brave smile as he made his way to them and accepted a beer, taking a zip and groaning at the bitter taste. It was performative and he knew it, but he didn’t know what else to do, so he followed along with what everyone was doing. He got drunk - and even made out with a girl briefly just out of boredom. 

He felt nothing, nothing at all, but his roommates cheered him on and the girl seemed happy enough. 

That made one of them.

--

Once back in his room, Phil put his phone to charge and turned it on. There were a few missed calls and texts from Dan, asking if he was free to talk. Phil got a bad feeling about it and tried to call him but Dan didn’t pick up. Maybe it was too late and he had fallen asleep. Biting the inside of his cheek, Phil hesitated before sending a text.

“I’m sorry I missed your calls, I was out until just now and my phone had died X.x . I’m free to talk in the morning!”

Phil lay in bed for what seemed like forever, the room spinning a bit around him, as he thought about the blonde guy, the boring night, the girl he kissed - and Dan. He wished he would have stayed home and talked to Dan, maybe played some games, or talked about school. It was sad that he got along better with a 14 year old than his own friends. What did that say about him? He fell into a fitful night of sleep just as the sun rose above the clouds.

The talk with Dan didn’t come the next day, or the following one. In fact, Dan stopped replying entirely for over a week and Phil’s stomach was twisted into knots. Over twenty messages unanswered could only mean bad news, right?

The following weekend, Phil sent yet another text: “Please, Dan. Just let me know that you are ok.”

Ten minutes later, his phone finally vibrated. “im ok. stop.”

Phil’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I’ve been worried about you. I went out and had so many calls and missed texts, I thought something had happened and you needed to talk. It’s ok if you don’t want to, I just didn’t want you to think that I didn’t care. Sorry I missed your call.”

His screen lit up with a call immediately and Dan’s raspy voice greeted him on the other side. “Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s ok,” Phil said, trying to calm himself down, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He swallowed thick and attempted a small smile, even if Dan could not see it. “What did you want to talk about?”

Dan was silent for a moment, but then he let out a tired sigh. “Nothing much, it’s fine.”

“You can tell me, you know you can,” Phil said with a frown.

“Last weekend I went to the mall and I had some problems with the usual shitheads…” he trailed off.

“Did they throw rocks at you again?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t care. And on Monday -” Dan paused.

“What happened on Monday?” Phil asked, frowning at the pain he could hear in Dan’s voice.

“One of the idiots grabbed me by the neck and slapped me for like 5 minutes,” Dan mumbled. “And I know what you’re going to say, one of the teachers saw and did nothing. He even laughed.”

“Dan,” Phil said, his heart breaking for his friend. “I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve any of that. I wish I could be there to help you.”

“It’s fine,” Dan said in a monotone voice. “I didn’t react, I didn’t want to give them that satisfaction.”

“It takes a lot of courage not to fight back. You were very brave.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Dan muttered. “Almost gave them another satisfaction.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m so tired sometimes, you know? Just so tired.” Then, Dan cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ve been staying with my grandma since Tuesday, so I’m ok.”

Phil had to clear his throat too, trying not to get choked up by what Dan was implying. “You have to get good grades so you can get into uni and we can hang out, ok?”

Dan snorted. “As if you would hang out with me. You’re cool and I’m just a 14 year old loser.”

“You’re not a loser. You’re kind, and funny, and one of the coolest people I know. I know that one day you will be a great guy. Maybe you’ll be a famous actor, like you’ve always wanted.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Dan said. “Wanna play Mario Kart later? I have homework.”

Phil looked at the time, it was already late, but a few races wouldn’t hurt. “Sure. Text me when you’re done.”

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan said and Phil could picture a little smile on his face.

“No problem. See you later.”

“Yeah. Hey, can I follow your MySpace?” Dan asked.

“You can follow me anywhere,” Phil said. “We are friends.”

“Yeah, ok,” Dan snorted. “See you later, Philly.”

Phil rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

Letting out a deep sigh, he decided to do the “adult thing” and study a little more for the exam he had the following morning so that he could join Dan online later. It was not a lot, but he felt better now that Dan knew Phil was on his side and he cared.

That night, Phil stayed on his DS until 4, but he managed to get a passing grade on the exam anyway. He rewarded himself with a 10 hour nap afterwards.

--

All through his first term at uni, Phil tried his best to keep in touch with Dan, but with his tight study schedule, the weekends pretending to be straight and attempting to not stress himself half to death with his new chaotic life, it was getting increasingly difficult.

Before long, Phil had to make a drastic choice. Something needed to change and he knew exactly what was the worst stressor for him: his straight-sex-maniac persona. And so it was decided. 

He invited his four roommates to their very limited common space and paced in the square foot of floor he had available to himself waving his hands around without uttering a word until one of the guys asked if he was ok. 

No, Phil was not ok at all, he was nearly crawling up the wall, so instead of giving a carefully planned and rehearsed speech, he stopped short of the wall, turned around and said: “I lied… I am not super experienced, I don’t have a lot of sex experience. In fact, I have zero experience, because… because I’m gay. I’m sorry that I lied, I just wanted you guys to like me, you are all so cool. I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand. I-”

Peter got up from the armrest of the sofa, causing Phil to take a step back just in case, and gave him a hard pat on the shoulder. “It’s ok. We are all figuring things out,” he said. “Also, Sarah will be happy to know that you are not disgusted by her presence, you’re just thick as all fuck and gay. Right, Sarah?”

“You like me?” Phil squeaked, turning towards the popular blonde girl. She was super nice and also pretty, but she was still not a guy, so there was not even a chance.

“I do. I did, but it’s ok. We can be friends,” she said with a smile.

“We can?” Phil croaked.

Sarah nodded. “You’re a good guy, Phil. Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend? And the fact that you are not opposed to a little makeup also plays in your favour.”

Peter clapped once and rushed to the fridge. He got the Malibu out of the freezer, messily pouring the alcohol into various glasses and mugs and other liquid-holding implements before turning around to face the group and raising his glass. “To Phil, the gayest emo York has ever seen - and a good friend too!” He downed his drink without waiting for anyone else.

Sarah walked over to the kitchenette and grabbed a shot glass, raising it towards Phil with an encouraging smile. “Cheers,” she said and downed her drink. She then passed a repurposed laundry detergent cap full of Malibu to Phil. 

“Thank you,” he said, hoping that his eyes could convey the gratitude he felt. “Cheers,” he said and drank the entire thing.

Jimmy and Callan, who had been quiet until now, stood from the sofa and grabbed a mug each, raising them to Phil. 

“To Phil, the gay emo,” said Callan with a smirk.

“We can still be friends even if you’re gay and your willy is bigger than all of ours,” Jimmy said with a nod and necked his drink.

Phil laughed. “Stop talking about my dick, Jimmy. You saw nothing!”

“I will when it stops looking back at me every time you sit,” Jimmy cackled. 

Phil threw the laundry detergent cap at his head, hitting the target and causing the group to laugh.  Hours later, he crawled into his tiny bed and felt the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed rock him gently, like the waves in the sea. He let out a sigh of relief, a smile appearing on his lips as he remembered how the night had started. His coming out had been awkward but still a success. Now he could truly be himself, at least in York, and he couldn’t wait until he was able to live his life fully everywhere.

[succubusphan]

The Knight of Wands

Summary: Phil had always had dreams that he couldn't quite comprehend and a certain intuition about what was truly important for his future.

Rating: G

Tags/warnings: No warnings that I can think of. Psychic Phil, fluff, yearning.

Author's Note: This fic was written for @ttlmt for the Phandom Fic Exchange! Hi Bee! I hope I did your prompt justice, it was very very fun to write and even though it isn't really that long I put a lot of care into it. Enjoy!

There is a video linked at the bottom of the post or on the final notes in ao3 you may light. I found it hilarious and very helpful for the story.

Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual.

Word Count: 3.7 k

Read on Ao3

1995

“Where is your bear, Phil? Where is your bear?” Asked Phil’s mum in the video, baby Phil not knowing the answer yet.

Phil kicked his feet as they dangled from his chair. He really liked watching his baby videos even though he was now 8 years old. He sipped on his hot chocolate and added even more marshmallows, suddenly staring intently into the cup and wrapping his hands around it, enjoying the warm feeling.

He grabbed his dream journal and wrote down “Warm” at the bottom of the list. He didn’t really know what it meant exactly, but he knew that the items on the list were related somehow. He had decided to write it in his dream journal because he could sometimes see them in a dream. Well, not actually see them, but - he didn’t know. It was like a feeling, like he knew this person, but he also knew that he didn’t know the person.

He read the list over, trying to piece the puzzle together. 

Bear

Malteesers

Coffee

Will  Wheel

Warm

His grandma had said that he would know in time, but he wanted to know now! Now! Now!

Letting out a sigh, he fished one of the marshmallows from his mug and ate it happily.

“Phil! Don’t eat too much sugar or you won’t be able to sleep tonight!” his mum called from the doorway to the kitchen.

“I need it to think!” he whined.

“Dinner is almost ready!” 

“I will finish it, Mummy! Promise!”

She just shook her head and went back to making dinner.

Phil popped the last scone loaded with clotted cream and jam into his mouth and smiled. Still trying to chew around the big piece, he hopped from the chair and went to switch the video cassette for the ThunderCats one. He made sure to put the tape with his baby videos safely back in his personal collection before hitting play.

As soon as the song came on, he started running around the dining room, swinging an imaginary sword around, yelling “Thunder! Thunder! ThunderCats Ooooh!”

He ran another lap around the room until he was met face to face with the mirror and paused. After staring at himself for a moment, he decided that to truly become a ThunderCat, he needed something, but what could it be? Phil paid attention to his face and if he focused, he could almost see a glimpse of cat whiskers coming out of his cheeks in the reflection. He gasped, happy to have figured that out and made a quick run up the stairs to his bedroom and returned with a black marker. 

It took him almost until the end of the song, but he managed to finally look like a cat. One day he would add a sword to the costume, but for now, he felt at peace.

“Are you done, Child?” his mum asked. “Oh! Who’s this?”

“I’m a cat!” said Phil, showing her his claws.

“Oh my!” she said, opening one of the drawers in the china cabinet and pulling the camera out. “What a handsome and brave cat you are!” She snapped a picture.

“Could I get a sword for my birthday?” Phil pleaded.

“We’ll see, love.” She always said that when the answer was no.

Phil pouted but rushed to his chair and drank more hot chocolate. He looked at the opposite side of the table and saw someone sitting there, or the idea of someone. He smiled. “Mum?”

“Yes, Phil?”

“Will I ever have a best friend?”

“Of course! Everyone has a best friend,” she assured him.

“I can’t wait!” Phil said, and added cat whiskers to the list.

---

1998

Phil opened his birthday present and smiled when he saw the Final Fantasy VII game he’d asked for. He was going to enjoy it so much!

He had dreamed about this game for long, even longer than it had been out to the public. It was as if the game was calling to him. For some reason, it felt important to have an item from his list; and he had added "FF" to his list months ago.

He waited until all his school friends had gone home and started the game. After losing three times in a row he decided to watch Buffy instead, but his eyes kept escaping back to the game case on the floor.

His dreams that night were plagued with dark brooding men dressed in black, but Phil wasn’t scared; he knew they were friendly.

---

2005

Long gone were Phil’s magic dreams. He still loved his grandmother, obviously, but repeating things she had told him always got him in trouble, or mocked by his friends, so he had eventually stopped trying to connect with that side of himself.

It was as if he had lost a part of himself, a part of him he didn’t know he loved so much until it was gone. He knew it was the right choice for him, his so-called gift hadn’t done him any favours. 

Nowadays, Phil felt nothing but sadness when he opened his old dream journal and saw the list of things that had no way of being related to each other. The last additions had been only drawings: a few sticks in an orange background and a weird circle with mixed colours. Nothing made sense.

None of his friends were a good fit, and, if he was honest, he didn’t even know if this person existed or not.

He was leaving for Uni soon and his mum had asked him to clean his room out and throw away anything that he wasn’t using. So Phil stood by the bin he’d placed in the middle of the room, contemplating his life and trying to decide what part of his childhood he wanted to discard forever. 

He looked at the journal in his hand. It was stupid, but he couldn’t just throw it away. Instead he walked over to his bookcase and removed 4 random books, setting the journal flat against the backboard and putting the other books back in their place to conceal it.

Nodding to himself, he continued rummaging through his very messy room. He groaned as he stuck his hand under his bed and touched something sticky; it was all the uneaten candy he’d accidentally dropped, melted by the passage of who knows how many months. He would need to get his shit together or his future roommates would kick him out for being a pig - if the ants didn’t eat him before that.

Then he came across his tiny lion plushie and smiled before putting it in his bag. Lion was definitely coming with him.

---

2006

Phil was back in his room, in the comfort of his family home and somewhat inspired by this new website called YouTube. His friends said he had a bit of a problem with social media because he was constantly on the internet, but everything was just so fun. The idea of uploading a video of his own had been floating around and around in his head for a while, but when he opened a new box of cereal and was met with the prized prize of a black and white little camera, he took it as the ultimate sign that he should do it. 

His first Videoblog was a bit all over the place, but that was just who he was. If he wanted to make new friends, what a better way to go about it than to show who he really was, right?

Once the video was recorded, it took him a full day to edit and upload it but it was worth it. He got some comments and video replies immediately! He even got his first subscriber!

Posting that video had definitely been a good idea, no matter what his mates said.

---

2009

Phil’s YouTube channel was quite a passion project for him and he tried his best to continue posting regularly even if he never lost focus on his studies. Uni was obviously more important, but since he would be majoring in video post-production and visual effects, he could pass it as a learning experience.

In February he received a package from his grandmother with a cryptic message. Among the usual ‘take care, be careful and avoid being run over on the 10th of this month,’ she also added her tarot cards with a note that read ‘Use them well.’

He didn’t exactly know what that meant, but in the spirit of being his true self on camera, he decided to talk about the psychic side of his family in a video, passing it as a funny thing more than something that had been a bit of an obsession all his life.

To downplay the importance of tarot reading in the video, he called it “Robot Death Machine,” referencing the electric heater he’d had to rely on because the heating was broken again, instead of anything related to divination.

To begin, he shuffled the cards a bit and laid his hands on the full deck, trying to really focus on transmitting his energy into it. He looked up at the camera and said “Edit that out.” He would pull three cards: one for the past, one for the present and one for the future, with the little booklet with the meaning of each card firmly at his side. He truly needed it, because despite his grandma’s protests, he had never learned that by heart.

He looked into the camera as if he had just begun touching the deck. “My grandma is a psychic and apparently she could have passed the gift on to me, right? Who knows! So let’s look into my future. I’m going to do the following month, so I’m hoping this month will be good.”

“Before this month: it’s the Nine of Cups reversed!” He pulled the card and showed it before reading the meaning. “I was vain, complaisant, over-sentimental, and careless - and I neglected my partner,” he said, wincing at the implication. He didn’t think he had neglected his cheater ex boyfriend, if anything it had been the other way around.

He pulled another card and looked at it. “Currently, the Three of... Swords. Currently I’m entering into a dangerous three-way relationship where heartache is inevitable for one participant - or all.” Wow, he hoped that was not the case; he had enough drama in his life as it was. “Minor surgery is possible. That doesn’t sound good!”

He moved along and pulled the last card, a bit disappointed with the results of the reading so far. “The future: ‘the Knight of Wands. Some guy is going to have a big impact, an energetic warrior, he has a hasty personality and he’s very quick to love or hate.”

“Hmm. Interesting,” Phil said, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m glad it wasn’t, like, death! And, okay, I’m gonna go eat some crisps,” he laughed at himself. “That’s the first thing that came to my head. No! I’m gonna go change the world in ways you would not believe!” 

He waved and stopped the recording.

He sat back against his bed, thinking for a moment. Could it be? He would have to watch out for any new person coming into his life for the next month or so. It could definitely be something, but given that the first 2 cards made no sense, he didn’t have high hopes.

He grabbed his phone and called his grandmother just to be sure.

“Hi!” he said as soon as she picked up.

“Hello, Darling. Did you use my cards?” she asked, not wasting a single second, probably because she already knew he had.

“Yes. I have a question about what came up. The first two cards I pulled made no sense but the third one - I don’t know.”

“What cards did you pull?”

“Uh,” Phil hesitated, looking down at the floor. It was the Nine of Cups, reversed. Then I got the Three of Swords.”

“You were in a relationship, were you not?” 

“I was...” Phil said. “But they cheated.”

“Well, there’s the neglect and the love triangle.”

“Oh,” Phil said. “And the Knight of Wands?”

“Was that the last one?” she asked and Phil could swear he heard the smile in her voice.

“Yeah. I don’t think I know any energetic warriors.”

“Perhaps not yet, but you need to pay attention. The Knight of Wands is a very charismatic person, adventurous, competitive, a fiery lad; the salamanders in his coat mean he's resistant to flames.” 

“What does that mean? Is he a firefighter?” Phil laughed, not missing that the 'he' came from her first. 

“You are taking the cards literally, Philip,” she said, not appreciating the joke. “And I do warn you, the Knight of Wands… He may not be one to settle down, not at first.” 

Phil frowned. “Who is this guy?” 

“You were calling him, weren't you? For a long while now?” 

Phil couldn’t breathe. He blinked repeatedly and coughed. “This month?” he croaked. 

“Not necessarily, but it could be. You need to look at the signs.” She waited patiently for him to process what she had just unloaded onto him. 

“Is this a friend or…” 

“That’s for you to decide. You will have to be patient with him, with both of you.” 

Phil groaned. “Thank you, Grandma.” 

“Of course!” she said. “You need to trust yourself. Even if you don’t want to share your gift with anyone, don’t try to smother it. It will hurt you.” 

“I - Alright. I won’t,” Phil said. “See you soon?” 

She laughed. “See you on New Year’s Eve,” she said and hung up.

Phil stared at the cards and began to put them back into the box one by one, just as he had picked them. He closed the box and instead of returning them to his desk, he put them in his backpack. Better to have them close.

--

By April, and with no news from this ‘Energetic Warrior,’ Phil had decided to move on and focus on the people that were actually making an impact in his life in the present.

It was exciting to interact with the people that watched his videos, especially as he started to be able to differentiate between them. A guy kept replying to his tweets and commenting under his videos with a random username and he looked cute, or at least that’s what Phil could tell from his profile picture. 

Phil tried to be friendly and treat everyone the same, giving them the same time and attention, but Dan (danisnotonfire) just kept trying to get Phil’s attention, always being one of the first to reply to his tweets, commenting on his YouTube videos, and even pointing out all the things they had in common, such as their love for Muse and the movie “Children of Men.” 

It seemed that Dan was determined to be his #1 fan at all costs. When Dan tweeted Phil saying he had a crush on him, Phil finally caved and decided to snoop around. After scrolling on Dan’s twitter profile for about an hour, Phil was set on getting to know him. He sounded like a fun guy and his observation about everything they had in common was fairly accurate.

He decided to follow Dan back and drop him a direct message. 

“Hey :) ” Phil typed, considering his next words carefully. “How are you doing?”

“omg! hi phil!

i can’t believe you followed me back! O__0 ” Dan said.

Phil bit his lip and typed a reply. “Haha why not?”

“i don’t know XD

you are so cool and i’ve been watching your videos for a logn time :] ”

“I think you’re cool too! ^.^ 

What’s your favourite Muse song?”

“ugh, don’t make me choose X__X”

“Come on! Mine is Newborn, or Exogenesis and Muscle Museum 

Those are my top 3”

“i hate you :/

i guess if I had to pick one it would be Citizen Erased”

“That’s a good one” Phil wondered if it would be too forward to ask Dan, but if he got too into his head nothing good would come of it. He had never been one to hesitate a lot about things. What could go wrong after all? 

“Hey, do you want to chat on skype?” He hit enter and waited for Dan’s reply eagerly.

“yeah! add me <;3 

i’m danisnotonfire there too”

“That’s a cool username

How did you choose it?”

“it was a random string of words I came up with a few years ago lol”

“Hahaha valid :) 

See you on skype”

---

September 2009

After days and eternal nights of non-stop chatting, Phil decided to invite Dan to his parents’ house. They had gotten to know each other enough for Phil to be sure that Dan was not a serial killer - probably. 

Not that it mattered, because Dan had yet to accept his invitation.

And even though they had often been flirty during their calls, Phil wasn’t sure if they would have the same chemistry in person. If their meeting went well, it would be the first time Phil had successfully transitioned from an online friendship to a real life one.

Somehow, this felt so different than anyone else he had met before, more important. Dan was special, and just being able to talk to him made him incredibly happy.

In October, after weeks of pestering Dan, he finally accepted his invitation. Apparently, Dan had been saving ever since Phil had invited him and wanted to surprise him which made Phil blush and smile like a crazy person.

When October 19 finally came, Dan took the train to Manchester, where Phil was already anxiously waiting for him. Seeing Dan in the crowd, walking towards him and the hug Dan pulled him into was something that felt so familiar yet groundbreaking, and Phil had no way of explaining it.

Just as the sun started to set, they got on the big wheel when as their cart made it to the top, Dan kissed him, the remnants of the last sun rays setting the mood, and enveloping Phil in a warm feeling. He felt like his stomach was flipping over and he knew then that he couldn’t deny having feelings for Dan.

After frolicking around town, they headed home and filmed a video for Phil’s channel, which they were both super excited about. At one point, Phil saw Dan going through his stuff and stopped the recording to check what was catching Dan’s attention.

He had started pulling books out of the bookcase that hadn’t been touched in years.

“What’s that?” Dan asked with a curious smile, making the cat whiskers on his face curl upwards.

“What?” Phil asked.

“There’s something in the back. Is it your porn stash?” Dan smirked.

Phil snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s where I keep it!”

Dan grabbed a purple sparkly notebook with childlike scribbling on the front. “Dream Journal”

“Oh,” Phil said, feeling a tug in his stomach. “I hadn’t thought about that in a while.”

“Can I read it?” Dan asked.

“I guess? I don’t think there’s a lot in there,” Phil said, pulling at the hem of his shirt when chills ran down through him.

Dan sat back down on Phil’s bed, his back against the wall, legs pulled to his chest and bottom lip burrowed between his lips. “Oh, this is interesting. You dreamt about meeting shadow people a lot.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, swallowing thick. He kneeled on the bed and shuffled closer to Dan to read from above.

“What’s this list?” Dan asked, tapping on the last page Phil had ever filled.

“Just things that used to... catch my attention.”

“Bear. Did you know my family used to call me Bear when I was a kid? My grandma still does.”

“I - no, you hadn’t told me,” Phil said.

“Malteesers? Obviously! They are the fucking best. Coffee? You have a real problem with that if you started having coffee at this age.” Dan laughed.

“I didn’t!” Phil laughed along as everything started to slot into place. “Starbucks,” he mumbled under his breath. “Wheel. That’s where…” he trailed off.

“Will? Oh, Wheel!” Dan laughed. “You had a little problem with spelling, I see.”

Phil scoffed. “Shut up!”

“Hmm?” Dan asked, but his eyes were trained on the list. He was barely paying Phil any mind. “Worm?” Dan raised his eyebrows, finally looking up at Phil.

“Warm! That’s an A. I was a kid, don’t judge. I was having hot chocolate with marshmallows when I wrote that,” Phil said, waiting for Dan to say anything that would confirm his suspicion.

“What does that have to do with warm?” Dan asked. 

Phil shrugged. “I - I don’t know. I liked the feeling of warm things against my skin.” 

“Cat whiskers. Well, we have those on already.”

“Do you know what these could be?” Phil asked, pointing to the drawings he didn’t even understand.

“They look like Muse albums, sort of? Wait, when did you do these?” Dan asked, his brow burrowed into a frown.

Phil’s mouth fell open. He got up and brought Dan the Tonberry plushie he had purchased as a gift for him weeks ago, Christmas surprise be damn. “Final Fantasy,” Phil said.

Dan finally set the journal down on the bed and opened his gift. “This is my favourite character!” Dan looked incredibly happy.

“Yeah,” Phil said. He shuffled the things on his desk and found the tarot card set his grandma had sent him. It didn’t take him long to find the card he had been looking for. He grabbed the journal and slid the Knight of Wands card inside, closing it and returning it to its hiding place.

“I don’t understand what the list was about,” Dan said, still clutching his gift. “Those are just things you liked?”

“Something like that,” Phil said.

Dan raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t keep secrets from me, Phil Lester.”

Phil shrugged. “It’s the recipe for the perfect best friend, I guess.”

“Get out,” Dan said with a laugh and threw the Tonberry at him.

Phil knelt on the bed and pressed their lips together, smiling into the kiss as Dan pulled him closer, smudging their cat whiskers. He had finally found the person from his dreams, his best friend, his Knight of Wands.

Final Author's notes: I referenced this video for the tarot card and I would advise anyone with a few minutes to spare to watch it and marvel at how fucking accurate this card is to describe Dan. I found it hilarious. Maybe Phil is truly a psychic. VIDEO.

[succubusphan]

The Problem With Travelling During The Holidays

Summary: Dan is in a tricky situation, running to catch his connecting flight with no other than his annoying enemy right on his heels. If he could just get on the plane and be away from Lester that would save Christmas.

Luckily for Dan, things don't tend to go his way.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Enemies to Lovers, Alternate Universe, They are sports commentators particularly football because I have a one track mind, a smidge of angst, Arguing, Mild Illness, domestic accident but nothing too gory, blood mention, hurt comfort, both physical and emotional, Smut, Natural Disaster, natural disaster is a bit of a stretch but you'll see, call it a weather inconvenience if you don't like it, Fluff, Getting Together, Introspection, There Was Only One Bed.

Author's Note: This fic was written for @unicornosaur for the Phandom Holiday Fic Exchange! Mint, I hope you are having a wonderful end of the year and 2023 becomes your best year yet. I chose some of the tropes you mentioned and went a bit crazy, I hope you like it.

Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual.

Word Count: 6.3 k

Read on Ao3

Dan ran through the Barajas Airport, dragging his carry-on as he tried not to run into anyone which was nearly impossible on December 23rd when everyone is trying to go back home for Christmas.

He approached a lady at a counter and tried to channel his very basic Spanish to ask for information. 

“Hola, um,” he looked at his plane ticket. “Pla- plataf-forma M? Por favor?”

“Hola!” She said. “Si, claro. Te tomas el tren que está al final y te bajas en la siguiente estación.” She pointed to the right, where the stores turned a corner.

“Allí?” He asked.

“Sí, no te puedes perder!”

“Gracias!” Dan said and ran.

Alright, a train, a train. Can’t miss it. He had the nagging feeling that someone was following close behind, so he turned to look over his shoulder and made eye contact with a very flustered Lester. 

He huffed; why was he even here? The guy was a fucking nightmare. No matter what Dan said, what analysis he did of any matches or players’ techniques, Lester loved to disagree with him. It didn’t matter that they didn’t even work for the same show or even the same sports channel. Lester made it a point to bring up what he’d said and disagree. He didn’t always have bad input but the fact that he was so obsessed with rebutting his analysis drove Dan insane. It was as if Lester was constantly breathing down his neck and even his coworkers made it a point to tease him about it.

And here they were, halfway across the fucking world and Lester still managed to be right up his ass again. 

Dan let out a sigh of relief when he saw the train station and read the signs indicating there was only one other stop and the train was coming in 3 minutes. Suddenly, his phone nearly went flying out of his hand when someone ran straight into him.

“What the fuck?” He screamed without even thinking about it. People around him gave him bad looks.

“Oh, sorry, I was distracted.” 

Dan whipped his head around to see Lester blushing and picking his luggage up. “What the fuck are you even doing here? Are you following me?”

Lester scoffed. “Please, don’t flatter yourself. I’m trying to get home for Christmas, same as everyone, same as you.”

“What were you even doing in Spain?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Yet you know what I’m doing. You’re always in my business.”

“I’m not a detective. It wouldn’t be so easy to know what you’re doing if you didn’t post every second of your life on Instagram. Now move, I want to get a seat on the train,” Lester said, this time actually putting some edge to his tone which took Dan aback.

In the few face to face interactions they’d had Lester had mostly remained neutral or just been outright awkward but he’d never snapped at Dan like that. Dan's eyes followed him as he climbed aboard, and widened when he saw the doors starting to close. He jumped into the small train, nearly getting his hand smashed.

He had to stand for the trip thanks to his distraction but it was only a 5 minute ride. Lester was sitting comfortably with his luggage, reading a book with what looked like a pointed attempt at avoiding Dan. Why else would he open a book for only 5 minutes and place it high enough in front of his face that it blocked Dan from seeing him? Not that Dan was trying to look at him.

Once in the T4S Dan dashed out of the train and followed the signs until he made it to his platform. The line for the next flight hadn’t even started to form and there were still 40 minutes to embark so he walked back to Burger King and bought the biggest veggie burger he could find before sitting down and practically inhaling it while he played on his phone. 

He checked if Lester was actually following his Insta just out of curiosity but he wasn’t, not from his main account at least. Did he go out of his way to check on his socials then? Dan frowned before shaking his head and deciding to move on. Instead, he searched for Phil’s account, noticing that most of his posts were related to his work, a carefully curated feed of him smiling with various players and celebrities except for the occasional post with his parents or his niece. It seemed like he never missed a holiday at home with them. The smile he had in those pictures was very different from the one in the other pictures, it was more open and honest, a true smile.

Dan looked back at his own grid, he could tell that his smile was guarded even in the pictures with his family. Everything that he’d ever posted was very manufactured, only the highlights of his trips, his awards and his family, who loved him enough but didn’t really understand him. They didn’t understand the gay part of him nor the Football fan part of him. Politics was not something they could discuss over dinner either so their exchanges remained quiet and tight even if he did love them. In a way, he realised he was jealous of Lester and the relationship he had with his family. Sometimes Dan felt that he had no one; no one at all.

He picked after himself and walked back to his gate, Coke still in hand and stood in line for priority. A very handsome flight attendant smiled at him and gave him a once-over. Dan smirked and threw the empty cup in the bin.

“Are you ready to board, Mr. Howell?” The flight attendant asked and his coworker giggled at his side.

A fan… great. Dan pulled his widest smile. “Yes, thank you, I’m ready to head home… Richard,” he said looking at the name tag.

Richard’s smile widened and the girl let out a little wheeze. “May I see your boarding pass?”

Dan nodded and gave him his boarding pass and passport; thanks, brexit.  “Here.”

“There will be seats open in first class if you would like a free upgrade.”

“Oh, that would be lovely. I could use the extra legroom,” Dan said, thankful that he had chosen to pay for Business instead of biting the bullet and going for first class. There was quite a jump in price and he was still saving for a flat. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it. Would it be… unprofessional of me to ask for an autograph and a photo?”

“Of course not!” Dan said. He had never denied a fan and he wasn’t about to start being ungrateful. He saw the girl, Lucile, holding a tiny piece of paper as well and offered to sign it for her, which she silently accepted by nodding and blushing so hard she looked about to be caught on fire.

The lines started to form behind him and once boarding opened, Richard wrote something on his ticket, some sort of code and told him to just show the ticket as usual as he went. The plane was not at the gate, they had to go down and wait for a bus to take them to it. Once on the plane, he was led to his seat and given a complimentary bag with quite a few toiletries, a blanket, headphones and even a few snacks. His leg bounced a little as he played with everything around him while trying not to look out of place.

After what seemed like an hour but was in fact closer to 20 minutes, he looked around and frowned, wondering why they hadn’t taken off yet. The crew offered him champagne and apologised for the delay. A weather alert had affected the schedule by just a few minutes.

Dan looked out the window. It was not a starry night, the clouds painted the sky grey and there was lightning in the distance but that was alright, he had travelled in these conditions before. 

A little rain never hurt anyone… right?

Well, as soon as the storm hit the airport, it was clear that it would be more than just a little rain. It was pouring to the point where the runway was completely covered in minutes. The plane made its way to the assigned runway waiting its turn to take off until the thunders started. As the night sky was illuminated by lightning and thunder hitting too close for comfort, Dan could see the plane that had just departed swaying in the winds and his stomach dropped. He had never been a nervous flyer but his anxiety was definitely rising.

After another five minutes, the plane turned around and went back to the boarding area. The pilot apologised and advised people to go to the Air France counter to find more information about other flights or accommodations. 

Once again the bus picked them up, Dan and his little carry-on getting drenched as soon as he set foot out of the plane. He was shaking like a leaf when he squelched - walked, his way over to the Air France counter where a very rude and stressed employee told him that every flight had been cancelled because of the magnitude of the storm and there was even a flash flood warning. He was assigned to a middle-of-the-road hotel because it was near Christmas, everything was booked and there was no time to take everyone to the city.

He let out a deep sigh but there was nothing he could do. “What about my luggage?”

She looked at his ticket again and gave him an unimpressed look. “London. As it happens every time you have connecting flights.”

“Of course,” Dan said and wished that the flood would just drown him then and there. He was stuck in Madrid for who knows how long, in the middle of a weather disaster, drenched to the bones and he had nothing but his carry-on. “Merci.”

The ride to the hotel was an adventure. At one point the water was so high up the van that the driver asked them in Spanish something that sounded a lot like a plea for them to pray that they would make it, meanwhile, other cars were being dragged by the current. It was hard but after half an hour they made it. The driver was stuck in the hotel with them and already calling his family to let them know he wouldn’t be back to sleep. 

Just as Dan was making his way through the door someone smashed into him, sending him to the ground and nearly making him roll down the small set of stairs behind him. Dan let out a scream, filled with frustration, rage and basically every other emotion as he was finally at his breaking point with the entire situation, a small sob made its way past his lips.

“Sorry!” The guy yelled, his eyes wide as he pulled Dan to his feet effortlessly.

Before Dan even saw him, he knew it was him. He would recognise Lester’s voice anywhere. That only filled him with more rage. Dan was not a violent person and he was not a little animal unable to control his urges but, fuck, he would have loved to punch the fucker. Instead of doing that, he tried his best not to let the tears prickling at his eyes fall and said “Get the fuck away from me!” through gritted teeth, making Lester comically jump out of his way.

Dan ran his hands down his soaked and now muddy jeans before picking up his carry-on and walking inside with as little dignity as he had left. He sighed looking at the length of the check-in line and decided to find a bathroom, letting the others argue about who got which room for a bit, hoping things would die down enough by the time he was back. 

He washed his face and made an attempt at drying himself with some paper towels and the bacteria riddled hand-dryer machine but there was not much that could be done. He took a deep breath, looked at himself in the mirror and vowed not to cry if things went sideways. 

The receptionist gave him a tired smile but was able to give him the first round of good news since he’d deplaned. It seemed that he was in luck because he had gotten the last room, a double. 

He thanked the worker profusely and turned around only to step onto someone’s foot.

“Fuck!”

Dan shut his eyes, bracing himself for disaster. “Sorry,” he said, avoiding eye contact with Lester.

“No, you’re not,” Lester said, without missing a beat and turned to the receptionist. “A room for the night, please.”

“I’m sorry, sir, we’re at full capacity,” the receptionist said. 

Lester paled - if that was even possible with how white he was. “I - well, I can’t go find some other place,” he squeaked.

Dan walked away slowly, very slowly, trying to listen to their conversation without being noticed until he gave up and just stared.

“No… of course not,” she said, trying to figure something out. “You wouldn’t be able to reach the closest hotel in this weather.”

“I could sleep in the lounge,” Lester suggested as water dripped from his quiff and ran down his face. He clutched his massive suitcase nervously.

“I'm afraid that's against code and the lounge will probably get water as well,” she said, biting her lip.

Dan knew he was going to regret it. In fact, he was regretting it already but he said it anyway. “I have a double - if you want to share.”

Lester’s lips formed a perfect circle and his eyes widened as he looked into Dan’s eyes for a little too long for comfort before he snapped out of it. “Really? I thought you hated me.”

“Yeah, I do. But I can’t let you drown in the lounge. It’s enough that we’re spending Christmas Eve stuck here, let’s just go.”

“Thank you, Mr. Howell. That’s very kind of you,” the receptionist said, probably relieved that she wouldn’t have to put up with a stray guest following after her or moping around a random corner of the hotel.

“Yes, thank you, Mr. Howell!” Lester said in a girly voice once they were out of earshot.

“Shut up.” Dan smacked the back of Lester’s head and led the way to their room. 

---

They had managed to plug their phones only for an hour before the power went out. The sound of the heavy rain was deafening and the thunder only served to make Dan more nervous. He sat by the window and looked down, watching the water rise and rise, starting to flow faster with each passing moment. Cars, small trees, bins and even the entire power line to the hotel were dragged away easily. Dan briefly wondered how long it would last and if anyone had died; he shivered.

“Hey, Dan…” Lester said. “Dan!” He repeated, a little louder this time.

Dan looked at him in awe. Lester had never called him Dan - ever. Not even when critiquing his work. “Yeah?” He asked, breathlessly.

“Are you ok?” He said, his brow burrowed into a frown.

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled, looking out the window again.

Lester cleared his throat. “You’re shaking. Come here.” He extended a hand towards Dan.

“What?”

“I have my luggage. I’ll give you my spare pyjamas, you need to get those wet clothes off before you get sick.”

Dan swallowed thickly and realised that his throat was already bothering him a bit. He tried to clear his throat but it caused him a very annoying itching sensation that sent him into a coughing fit. 

Lester led him to the bathroom and turned his phone light on, setting it upside down. “Get in the shower, I’ll see if I can get you some tea and something to eat.”

“Why are you helping me?” Dan frowned.

“Because I’m not a monster - and because you helped me too.”

“Thanks, Lester.”

“Phil.”

Dan hesitated but nodded anyway. “Thanks, Phil.”

Phil finally smiled at him. “You’re welcome.”

---

The shower really helped relax his sore muscles and unclogged his already stuffy nose but the heat of the bathroom was getting to him. He wrapped a towel around his hips and walked out, collapsing on the bed with a groan, the phone still illuminating the room.

That was another issue. He was not only stuck sharing a room with Les- with Phil in the middle of a natural disaster but there was also only one bed. It was a big bed, huge even, but it was still only one bed, meaning they would have to share. Few things could make this night more stressful or awkward.

Phil walked in and stood by the bed in what seemed like shock as his eyes roamed all over Dan’s body, his lips moving silently.

Dan grabbed the phone and turned the flashlight off. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have left it on once I was out of the shower.” He was thankful that Phil couldn’t see him blushing under his stare.

Phil cleared his throat. “Oh, don’t worry about it. How are you feeling? Do you have a fever?” He leaned down and pressed his lips to Dan’s forehead.

Still. Dan was so still. He was more still than he had ever been in his life. What the fuck was happening? Why was Phil being this kind to him? And why did he smell so fucking good? It made Dan want to fucking weep.

“You’re hot,” Phil mumbled, finally standing back up.

“What?”

“You’re running a fever,” Phil said. “I spoke with the workers, they will be staying at the bar on the first floor trying their best to provide food and everything else for the guests, but they have asked that anyone with covid symptoms or any flu-like symptoms stay in the room, they will stop by to bring us supplies. An outbreak in these conditions would be terrible.”

Dan pouted but nodded nonetheless. He hadn’t planned on going exploring the possibly haunted hotel in the middle of a blackout and feeling like shit. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Now put on these and get some sleep.” Phil handed him what felt like a pair of pyjamas and walked over to the window, looking out very intently.

Everything felt so awkward and intimate at the same time but Dan���s head was starting to pound so he decided to not overthink this one and just do as he was told.

His memory after getting back into bed was hazy: Everything was so hot and sticky, he barely remembered flashes of Phil checking in on him, touching his forehead and waking him up to give him some sort of pill. The next time he opened his eyes it was the next day, the rain was showing no signs of stopping and… he was fully wrapped around Phil who was awake and very very still.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Dan said, trying to shuffle back, but Phil wrapped one arm around his waist and pulled him closer.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind,” he said. “You were terrified of the storm last night but once you settled down on my chest you were able to calm down and fall back to sleep.”

“Fuck, that sounds embarrassing,” Dan admitted.

“That probably means you’re feeling better.” Phil pressed the back of his hand to Dan’s forehead and smiled. “I think your temp went down.”

“Did you give me something last night?”

“Ibuprofen, it was all they had.”

“Thank you,” Dan mumbled.

Phil chuckled. “Stop thanking me and go back to sleep. It’s only 8.” He pushed on Dan’s head gently, bringing him to lay down on the crook of his neck. 

It didn’t even take three seconds for Dan to escape to a dreamland where the sun shone above his head in a beautiful summer date with a mysterious black hair beauty.

---

A demon poked Dan’s side, trying to drag him back to - to hell. “Stopppp, fuck! Fuck off before I fucking punch you!”

“Oh-” said the demon.

When Dan opened his eyes again, he saw Phil stiff as a board, looking out the window again, lips pressed into a fine line. There were two bowls of soup on the table but no steam was coming out of them.

“Hey, Phil. Is that lunch?” He tried. 

Phil turned towards him but didn’t say a word, he only gave him a murderous look.

Honestly, he thought he had seen Phil angry boarding the train, but that had been nothing compared to this, and it was a bit terrifying. Dan swallowed but didn’t dare say another word.

“That’s Lester to you,” Phil said through gritted teeth. He stood and marched to the bathroom, throwing a “Enjoy your meal” over his shoulder. The shower started shortly after and Dan had to wonder how Phil was managing in the dark, his phone left abandoned on the bed.

“Well, that’s rude,” Dan mumbled. He got shakily to his feet and walked over to the small table by the window. The soup was tepid at best but Dan knew he needed to eat and he had no means to reheat it. Thankfully, it was still delicious and it helped his itchy throat quite a bit. He would have to thank the poor employees trapped with them for pulling this off on the spot, give them a huge tip and maybe even a hug. 

He let out a heavy sigh and checked the water level below. Some houses were barely visible above it which meant the ground level of the hotel must’ve been flooded as well. What a disaster. 

Speaking of which, the high pitched scream and loud thud coming from the bathroom could only mean one thing. Dan rushed to Phil as fast as he could and opened the door, the small amount of daylight filtering through helping him get to him. The metallic smell gave Dan chills as he touched the back of Phil’s head. 

A sob and a hiss made their way past Phil’s lips as soon as Dan touched him. “Fuck, don’t touch me.”

“Come here, I want to see this in the light, you’re bleeding,” Dan tried to reason with him.

“Get out,” Phil said with a trembling voice. 

“Phil, please. I need to see how bad it is.”

“Don’t!” Phil snapped. “Don’t talk to me like we’re friends when you were so horrible to me.”

Dan frowned, running his fingers through his hair. “What do you mean? I thought we were getting along.”

“We were until you tried to punch me and called me every name under the sun!”

“What? When?” Dan wished he could see Phil’s face more clearly and understand what was going on.

“This morning! When breakfast and lunch came!”

“Phi- Lester… I have no idea what you’re talking about. I am a very heavy sleeper when I can actually fall asleep, sometimes I sleep walk or sleep talk. All I briefly remember is a demon poking me, I don’t know what to tell you. If you want to hate me that’s fine, but I need to see that you’re not dying. We can’t both be dying at the same time.”

“You don’t remember?” Phil said incredulously.

“No, and trying to wake me up is never a good idea, I’m sorry.” Dan felt around the sink and found a towel, he pulled Phil to his feet, hugging him tightly and wrapped it around his waist as best as he could. He walked Phil to the chair by the window and helped him sit, only then did he venture a look. Phil was as pale as a ghost, his eyes were a whirlwind of emotions and he was… covered in blood. So much blood that Dan started to feel faint himself. “Fuck, close your eyes and don’t look down,” he said and removed his t-shirt, pressing it to the back of Phil’s head. 

“Is it that bad?” Phil asked in a small voice.

“It looks worse than what it is, I think,” Dan lied, he had no idea how bad it was because he was still trying to stop the bleeding. He had to give Phil credit, he shut his eyes without question and let him handle it. 

After a few minutes, Dan risked a look into the actual wound. It turned out to be a very small cut on the scalp but the walk from the bathroom to the chair looked like a murder scene. “I think it’s ok, only a small cut that bled a lot.”

“Ok,” Phil said, letting out a small sigh and wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.

“Does your neck hurt? Or anywhere else?”

“My ass. I slipped and fell on my ass, I hit my head last.”

Dan nodded, and couldn't help a smile. “Well at least you have a round ass, I would have made holes in the tub with my hip bones.”

Phil’s eyes snapped open, his eyebrows raised. “Been looking at my ass much?”

“I didn’t have to look, I have eyes and it’s just big enough to - to have caught my eye.”

“So you did look,” Phil teased.

“Fine, I looked,” Dan said, looking around. “Do you think we have glue?”

“Glue?”

“Yeah, at the hospital they would use glue if it’s just a little cut.”

Phil shrugged. “I was given a first aid kit, it’s in the closet. Whatever we have is there.”

“Ok, hold the t-shirt.” Dan walked over to the closet and found a small box with ibuprofen, gauze, tape, some burn cream, scissors and… glue. “Bingo.”

“I can’t believe they gave me glue.”

“It would have been weirder if they gave us a needle and thread, which is the other option.”

“If I think about you sewing my scalp I will puke and pass out,” Phil groaned. “Pleeease, don’t glue my hair.”

“I’ll do my best.” Dan took a calming breath and got the glue ready before removing the t-shirt and getting to work. He spread the hairs around the cut without pulling much and dotted a line on it, watching intently to see if any blood continued to come out but everything seemed ok. “You’ll have to hold your hair like this. Be careful not to pull on it while I clean you up.”

“Ok.”

Dan found the towel he had used the previous night and wet it in the sink before returning to Phil and wiping him down. It took a few trips but he managed. “All done!” He said, satisfied.

Phil grabbed his wrist just as he was pulling his hand away. “Thank you, Dan. Sorry about before; I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“You didn’t yell that much and it’s not your fault that I act insane in my sleep.”

“You did look insane,” Phil smiled. He tried to stand but he wasn’t doing much better than Dan.

“Why don’t you eat your cold soup?”

Phil pulled a face.

“Hey, you were the one refusing to eat and sulking in the bathroom.”

“I was waiting for you to eat.”

“But then you left.”

Phil pouted. “I was also very mad - and hurt. I never said it made sense.”

“You’re a grumpy old man, aren’t you?” Dan smiled.

“Sometimes. But you are often a grumpy child,” Phil said. “Now sit with me while I eat. I don’t like to eat alone.”

“Alright, Philly,” Dan said with a smirk.

Phil raised an eyebrow at him and pulled another face as he took the first spoonful of cold soup.

After such an eventful lunch, they took a well deserved nap, had an uneventful dinner and settled down for the rest of the day. By the time they woke up, it was Christmas Day, the storm had finally passed and they were both visibly feeling much better. 

The first thing Dan noticed was the piercing light shining in his eyes, the second thing was Phil’s head tucked into the crook of his neck, letting out small puffs of warm air right on that spot that drove him crazy. He debated on whether to wake Phil up or not, he needed rest but Dan didn’t want the semi he was nursing to turn into a full erection next to poor Phil. “Hey, buddy. Power’s back. We should plug our phones in.”

“Hmm? Oh, right, can you do that for me?” Phil said, rolling away to give him space without even opening his eyes.

“Sure.” Dan plugged both phones in and turned on his own, silently praying that service was back. He had a smidge of service and data signal so he sent his mum a text and emailed his entire family so at least one of them would see it. Dan let them know that he had tried to make it back on time and failed due to the weather conditions. He wished them a merry Christmas and asked them to contact Phil’s family if the tv mentioned something about him going missing, just in case. He hit the send button and held his breath until he got the email sent notification.

Staff stopped by to drop a small Christmas brunch off shortly after, reminding Dan not to open the door. He slipped a few euros under the door and asked if they could get more snacks from the vending machine and they agreed. As soon as the workers had left, he opened the door and brought the food inside. 

The food was nice, a few assorted pastries, eggs and some sort of simplified version of paella with seafood, which they both loved, and sparkling water. Why did continental Europeans favour sparkling water, he didn’t know but it was water after all.  “Ready for movie night?”

“Movie night?” Phil asked, a smile already on his face.

“Yeah, we have snacks from the vending machine and the TV is working now.”

“Nice!”

Dan should have picked the movie, but no, he let Phil turn the lights off and put on The Blair Witch Project. He was an idiot and Phil was just too pretty. 

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, he thought as Phil wrapped one arm around him after he let out a small scream at a jumpscare. Yeah, it was a great idea, because he could just lean into Phil and close his eyes and listen to his heart beat instead of the screams on the TV. 

“Are you awake?” Phil asked and fuck, his voice was low and sexy. 

Dan looked up at him, accidentally rubbing his smooth cheek against Phil’s scruffy beard. In moments like this Dan hated that he was such a sucker for pain. “Yeah,” he said, breathlessly and Phil took him by surprise, kissing him. A kiss so soft that it was making Dan’s insides melt. Who gave him the right to be such a good kisser? It was insane, but what was even more insane was that Dan couldn’t let it go, he had to ask Phil why. He broke the kiss and cleared his throat. “Wait - I need to know something.”

Phil was looking at him with wide eyes, another blood-curdling scream coming from the TV but they both ignored it. 

“Why do you always pick apart my commentary? I thought you hated me but you’ve been nice most of the time we’ve been here. You always try to shit on everything I say and - it just doesn’t make any sense.”

Phil blushed so hard that he covered his face with one hand, but Dan pulled it away. 

“Is that why you were so mad at me?” Phil smiled.

“Well, yeah!”

“Is that why you were so rude the first time we met at that ESPN party?”

Dan frowned.

Phil finally laughed. “I’m sorry, I just,” he continued to laugh without explaining and Dan started to pull away. “No, no don’t-” he snorted, “Don’t go. I just like your analysis and the way you speak and I want to debate - and you’re so pretty.”

Dan wished there was a mirror close by to see his own face because it must have been one of utter shock. “You like me?”

“Yeah! Why do you think I went to introduce myself to you with two glasses of champagne? Did you think I was about to throw it in your face?”

“Why didn’t you say something? Jesus! You always nitpick everything!” Dan said, bewildered. “You must have noticed that it made me mad!”

Phil giggled. He actually giggled and pecked Dan’s lips. “You look so hot when you’re mad.”

“Well, I’m about to look really hot, right now.”

“Dan is so hot right now,” Phil said, throwing like a 20 year old reference to zoolander and still giggling. 

“You- you…” 

Phil rolled on top of him and left him speechless. He kissed both of his cheeks, his forehead, his nose and finally his lips. This… This was no soft kiss. Dan grabbed the back of Phil’s head and deepened the kiss but Phil hissed, gently moving Dan’s hand away from his head, placing it above Dan’s instead without even breaking the kiss.

Phil rolled his hips, making him feel exactly how much he was enjoying it and fuck, he was huge, not that Dan was a size queen but… ok, maybe he was, whatever. Phil broke the kiss and nipped at Dan’s bottom lip. “You’re thinking too loud.”

“If you want me to stop thinking you’ll have to make me,” Dan said a little deliriously.

Phil smirked and went straight for his neck, sucking and biting at him, letting out a laugh when Dan practically screamed a moan and turned away to give him better access, his cock twitching and Phil continued to thrust against him and then it simply wasn’t enough. 

Dan pulled one of his hands free quite easily and snaked it between them, pulling Phil’s cock out of his joggers and his own out of his pants to stroke them together. He smirked as he finally heard Phil whimper even if he was still working on Dan’s neck until he couldn’t anymore, until all he could do was pant and moan Dan’s name against his neck over and over, even as he came. Dan joined him shortly after, adding to the mess on his stomach.

He pressed a kiss to Phil’s temple. “Hmm, that was fun,” he said, too blissed out to cringe at how stupid that sounded.

Phil brought Dan’s hand to his mouth and sucked on his fingers while looking into his eyes.

“Don’t get any ideas, Lester, I’m getting in the shower.” Dan laughed and nudged him away.

Phil smiled and watched Dan intently as he awkwardly wiped his hand on his borrowed pyjama pants and threw them on the floor before walking to the bathroom.

He got under the hot stream and sighed happily, closing his eyes, he leaned back and let the water cascade over him. He smiled, eyes still closed, when heard the bathroom door open and someone getting in the shower with him.

“Hi,” Phil said and Dan finally opened his eyes to find him kneeling right in front of him, a smirk already on his lips.

“What are you doing there?” Dan teased.

Phil shrugged and took him into his mouth, at which point Dan finally stopped questioning his methods.

---

Boxing Day was certainly like no other. With the water finally going down, everyone got to cleaning, even Dan and Phil, granted that they tested negative for covid since people didn’t need anything else to stress about. They were happy to hear that the hotel staff had let the neighbours stay and the city officials were able to bring groceries and check on everyone.

Dan regretted asking the receptionist when she had stopped by their room because they hadn’t heard the door at all but the blush rising to her cheeks was answer enough. He apologised profusely but she waved him off and told him she hoped he enjoyed his stay, only then catching on to what she had just said. They decided to pretend the conversation never happened and shook hands on it.

With everything in order, Phil let Dan know that flights would resume on the 27th, but he didn’t sound happy about it. 

“There must be a lot of people still trying to get home to their families. It would be selfish for us to try to get on the first flights,” Dan tried.

Phil smiled, seeing right through him. “Do you think we should wait, like two or three days?”

Dan smiled back. “I’ve never spent New Year’s Eve in Spain, maybe we should just… wait a few more days. What do you say?”

“Only if you kiss me at midnight,” Phil replied and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

They had to break the news to their families and it wasn’t easy. Dan’s mum didn’t want to miss another holiday without him but when he mentioned a possible new boyfriend she gave her blessing and wished him luck; she even sounded happy for him. Phil, on the other hand, had to drag Dan into the call, only then did Kath relent on the condition that they both visit as soon as they were back in England. 

And so they made it back home as an official couple, with many dates under their belts and two missed family gatherings, a small price to pay in exchange for love.

Final author note: This was due on December 30th but since I was locked out of Tumblr the event runners were kind enough to make a post for me and now I get to share it myself.