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Finding... Yourself

How do you find yourself? I always thought I knew who I would be when I got older. Truth is, I have no idea who I am. I know my name, and the things I enjoy doing, but who am I truly, and more importantly, who do I want to be? I think about this a lot, probably too much in all honesty. I've always relied on others to tell me who I am and what I should be. I was always a natural people pleaser, so it made sense to listen to others rather than myself.

Now, I'm twenty-two years old and I don't know who I am. The people pleaser in me still strives to listen to others, make them happy rather than myself. There are things that I know I want to be, and want to do. I want to be kind and caring, and soft, yet not let people walk over me. I want to be able to stand up for myself better. I want to get tattoo's eventually, and find a job I'm passionate about, without burning out.

I was described recently as being a "quiet angel." There's nothing wrong with that, and it's actually a very nice compliment. But sometimes, I wish someone would describe me differently. Just for once. I've always been described as quiet, or a good kid because I always followed the rules. It was always for others, never for myself. Other people have enough to deal with in life, it was just easier that I behaved.

I want to start doing things for myself, in order to find who I am, what I truly enjoy, and not have to worry about what other's think of me. I want to tell people no, that I'm going to do what I enjoy, and not worry about how they feel about it. I don't know if that is the key to finding yourself, but I'm not sure where else to start.

There's a good quote that I'm going to end on. The quote is, "When you find yourself, you will be free." And I want to be free, finally. I'll attach some photos here of tattoos I want.

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Finding old passions

I've read a lot of books in my life, I won't lie. I used to read more when I was younger. Reading was a way for me to escape. I would devour any and every book that came across my path. I didn't mind staying up in my room if it meant that I could read. Then at least people wouldn't be able to distract me. 

I stopped reading so much once I hit high school. I thought I became too busy, but in all reality, I wasn't searching for time to read anymore. I started turning to social media to distract myself, instead of setting down my phone. It became harder for me to concentrate on reading a book. I was distracted easier, and less engaged. 

I also loved writing when I was younger, as stated before. I wanted to be an author. I've tried writing a couple of books, but never got far with them. I think I would have a better chance at writing a book of poetry, rather than a fantasy book with characters. 

It's funny how fast time goes by, how fast people can change. We don't realize we're changing. It just happens. I didn't realize how much I missed reading and writing until recently. I started looking inside myself and realized I don't like all the ways I've changed. I wanted to do something about it, and finding passions that I used to have is the first way I'm changing. 

So, I'm trying to find some old passions of mine. Starting with reading. I'm starting off with books that I used to love, along with poetry books and even some children's books. I'll talk about some of them in this blog. I hope this will reach someone else who has read them, or it will influence someone to read them. 

The first book I want to mention is one that I've read for the first time rather recently. It's called, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse. It's by Charlie Mackesy. I didn't think much going into this book. It originally caught my attention because of the picture on the cover, and the title. It's a minimalistic book if I'm going to be honest, but it impacted me deeply. There are so many insightful quotes within it. I'll include a couple of my favorite quotes down below. 

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“What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse. 'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”

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“We have such a long way to go," sighed the boy "Yes, but look how far we've come," said the horse”

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The next book I want to talk about it a series that I absolutely fell in love with when I was younger. It's the Percy Jackson series, and the Hero's of Olympus series, since they're kind of tied together. Both are by Rick Riordan. I started reading this series after I saw an older girl in my grade reading it. I read the second book in the series first actually, but I don't remember why. I just know that I fell in love, and couldn't get enough of them. I can't say that this series will impact you the way that it impacted me, but I was much younger when I read it, and it was like a book I had never read before. It was the book that introduced me to Greek mythology, and it made me want to learn all about the myths. One of my favorite characters in the series was, and still is Annabeth. Before, I had never read a book with a strong female character, so reading about a girl who was extremely smart and could fight at the same time was influencing to me. Annabeth was the girl I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be smart and strong. I also wanted to be good at math, and let's be honest, being an architect would've been pretty cool too. Regardless, I'm going to include some quotes that were impactful from the series. Just because they are technically for kids, doesn't mean it's too late to read them if you're an adult. 

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"A kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword." 

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"Even strength has to bow down to wisdom sometimes." 

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"Being a hero doesn't mean you can't be afraid. It just means that you're brave enough to stand and do what is needed." 

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I hope this post influences you to read one of these books at least, because they're worth it. And before you ask me if Percy Jackson or Harry Potter is better, I'm not going to choose. They're both amazing. 

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Finding the joy

It can be hard to find the joy in life sometimes. Life doesn't always go the way we planned it to. In fact, it rarely ever does what we expect. I know for sure that I am not where I thought I would be five years ago. I thought I would be in a four-year college for elementary education. I would be working a job that I loved and living my best life. 

Most of these things did not happen. I did get into a four-year college, but only went for a semester before I dropped out. I am not working a job that I love, nor even remotely like. Sometimes it feels like I can barely afford to live. 

That's why I'm creating this blog. Because I know that I take things for granted. Everyone does. This is a blog to remind not only myself, but others to look at the little things in life, and realize all that they have. What are some small things that bring you joy? 

Personally, I love watching the sun rise and set. I love sleeping in when I get the chance, and stretching when I first get out of bed. I love making a good cup of coffee, and successfully baking something. I love laughing until my sides hurt, and lounging around in an oversized sweatshirt, or baggy sweatpants. I love fall scents, and fall in general. The color of the leaves, apple cider, and pumpkin carving. I love listening to a song that I used to love, but forgot about. 

There's so many things that I love, but so many that I take for granted. I take the fact that I have a warm place to sleep for granted. I have loving parents, who have always supported me, regardless of what path I take in life. I have a brother who loves me, and friends that care about me. I have a loving fiancé and can afford to live in a safe area. All of these things I take for granted, and yet I know I shouldn't. That's why I'm starting this blog. To realize all that I have, and as stated before, to find joy in the little things in life. Whether it's a good cup of coffee, or watching the sunset, I'm going to enjoy life a little more. 

I'm including a couple of my favorite photos that I took below. I'm going to try taking more photos of things that I think are pretty.