sunflowerrruwu

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Recent TADC oc commissions!

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Recent TADC art

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Why am I so multi-fandom

Yeah, I know this is just a sketch, but i really want people to know that I'm looking forward to seeing episodes🥺 The Amazing Digital Circus looks so promising. For fans, arts are not enough (you can't deny it, really. When you like a fandom, you want an infinite numbers of art with all characters you love), so i hope to give you some, too

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Some genshin art

Kaveh, Childe and Gorou

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The funny fact is that I found this post after I wrote the text for my previous post. Is this a fate? This post explains a lot... Why I feel guilty, why I'm not happy when I draw, why I rarely draw and avoid drawing even though I really want to draw. Why I'm so afraid to post, why I'm so afraid to come back. Why i feel responsible for being an artist

i feel like i had a massive breakthrough with understanding in hindsight how adhd has affected my relationship with art, and i sat there for about an hour just like

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First of all, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has ever liked my posts, commented on my posts or just looked at my posts! Thanks a lot, everyone! I love you all very much, although you probably already forgot about me lmao. I got so much feedback. When I tried to create an account in 2018, I got 0 likes. I didn't know why but I got a little upset and deleted all the posts. In 2021 i tried again and i got some likes! And today I have quite a few of them!  More than ever had. Ihave 121 likes on that Sportarobbie Valentine's day mini comic i made.  That's a huge number for me! And also 141 on that digital sketch of them. Then i was so obsessed with the quarry game. Thank you for 133 likes! I had some other social media accs and, you know, there 5-10 likes was a normal thing. So 100+ likes is a really huge number for me.. I'm very grateful and i want you to know this.

Now, the worst part of this post. It's so depressed and i feel so guilty because of it.

I feel a big responsibility. It's hard.  I'm so afraid to post anything. I very rarely draw.  sometimes I'm busy, sometimes I'm not in the mood, and sometimes I just prefer to do something else (play games). I started all over again many times. Started to become some kind of an artist again. I have changed my nickname many times. All in order to forget this guilt i have. Guilt that I'm not active enough to be an artist. Guilt that I'm not active enough to be popular.  Popularity is not my goal, to be honest.  I almost never worried about likes or comments. Views are what was important to me. From the views, I can know that people saw it.  People don't always like or comment, so likes and comments are not that important for me. What do i want?  Inspire and give a sense of comfort.  I was so happy to see that my pinterest pin got 19k views and 230 saves. I thought "someone saved this. someone needed it. someone found it interesting and inspiring. I'm happy."  Someone else's art gives me the reason to live. Seeing my ships and favorite characters that other people are actively drawing.. it helps to stay alive. This is what I wanted and still want to give to others.  But I'm not active enough.  Many times I tried to think like "forget it. just post. let it be like an archive for your drawings. even if no one sees, even if no one finds out. it will remain here forever for you as evidence that you are not  lazy". I hate laziness so much. I hate that I rest and sleep. I often stay up late thinking "you can't go to bed, you will waste your time. you could do something more useful." And the next morning I feel so bad from not sleeping that I pass out and can hardly stand on my feet. And then I hate myself even more.

This is a great responsibility.  I love lazytown. I'm so multi-fandom. I am into 30+ fandoms. But it's such a big responsibility for me. The fact that people expect lazytown drawings from me when I want to draw genshin, for example. When I want to draw warrior cats, for example. When I have my own OC, personifying me in this world. I'm so afraid to post something else. A lot of people told me that being a multi-fandom artist on tumblr is hard. Those people told me that you can even get hated because you are multi-fandom. But I know artists on tumblr who draw about 5 fandoms. And those artists are very loved by their followers.

This is a great responsibility. Being an artist and posting means being active. Oyherwise all followers will leave. I don't need many followers. I mean it's not very important for me whether I have 10, 100 or 1000 followers. I just want to know that someone needs my art. And I want to know that I'm not nobody. That I am someone special. That my nickname will be remembered, I will be recognized. I have always dreamed of drawing requests. You give me an idea and I draw it. All are happy. You got your art, i got a cool idea. That's why I wanted a tumblr account. But now, when I draw so rarely, when I regularly disappear. Can I do all this now? Maybe I really should just post and not think about anything. Someone will need it. Someone will find me and follow, like and save my drawings, someone will be inspired to draw, too. I get inspired very easily.

I can look at a drawing and want to draw too.  That's why I love YouTube videos so much where artists show their sketchbooks.

I feel like I need to tell you why I'm like this. Why I don't post and why I disappear. Why I used to draw lazytown, then the quarry, and now other fandoms. I'm so afraid. But I always come back. Maybe nothing will happen after this post.  Maybe I'll disappear again. Maybe I'll play games all day long. Maybe I'll be busy with my studies.  And maybe I will draw trashy drawings that I don’t even want to post it. I haven't drawn much this summer. I used to draw a lot and often. I don't know what's scarier. Get hated for this post or not get any feedback and understand that everyone has forgotten me. I really want to delete it all. And I'm really sorry that any of you had to read this. I didn't want to burden you with my thoughts and feelings. But I feel like I should have written this. I feel a little bit safe here. It's the internet. Even if someone will write bad comments i can delete them.

I wanted to add some drawings to this post but i don't think it's a good idea anymore. I will leave it like this so i can delete it later.

This is not a cry for help. I don't need sympathy. I just feel like I can't post my drawings without explaining how I feel. I feel guilty that I decided to become an artist but couldn't handle it. Couldn't be active enough to be an artist. I will probably disappear again(because i don't have many new drawings to post), but I give a 99% guarantee that there will be no more posts like this. I already explained what I wanted. That would be enough for me to feel less guilty.

I feel stress and fear because of this post. So, most likely I will delete it tomorrow or in a couple of days. I don't like talking about myself, but I've said so much.

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I want to say a huge thank you to everyone! I'm very happy that you like the art I make. I hope that my drawings inspire you as much as all these tumblr posts about the quarry game inspire me. I read radioheads fics and check out new posts. And it doesn't matter if it's art or just someone else's thoughts, I'm so glad people are sharing their emotions about the game. And I share them through my art, too. I make posts not often, sometimes I want to enjoy the game without making art. Sometimes I just rest. But I love the game, its story, its characters, and the relationships between them

Thanks to all who makes posts, art, and to all who loves my posts and art.

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😤💖

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I love them😤💖💖💖

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Made this like two weeks ago? I've been waiting for a good time to post it, but it looks like I just might never find it

Now I draw a different hairstyle for Dylan btw this was just a test one

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Love your Sportarobbie art!

Robbie is not going to admit the fact he hangs out with a sporty elf

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The way you draw Sportacus is so sweet I love him 🥺

Firstly, I apologize. This year has been very difficult for me. I got a few messages like this, but I didn’t answer them for a year or two. At first I just didn't notice them, but then my life was filled with difficulties. But everything is fine now. To be honest, I’ve always dreamed of getting messages and questions like this one. I think it's a big responsibility, as people hope that I will do something at their request. I love requests yeah but I don't always take them right away. It may take time for me to do them. That's why I'm kinda afraid of requests at the same time. I think people want to see a post with their request like in a couple of days? But I don't do things that fast.

Thanks to all who loved my Sportarobbie fanarts! I still love this pairing but recently I has become more multifandom than I thought I'd ever be! Too many fandoms for me. Since I'm Russian, most of them originated in Russia, so I won't post them here. I try to draw all the fandoms i like, so it will take time to draw a foreign ones. I'm not that active nowadays but I hope that people who want to watch their favorite fandoms as much as i do will see my art

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Oops found arts I didnt post. They're old

I'm kinda dead here. Entered university and now have a lot of homework. Usually don't sleep much

But if I draw something, I'll post it! <D

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This was for the Valentine's day but I'm late👍🏻

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I'm gonna make sketchy Sportarobbie comics but I'm not sure. I have some problems with drawing Robbie 3":

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Robbie

What are you doing there