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[surrahstories]

at the end of my first week of college freshman year, i found out my grandma died. the timing was awful. i was not comfortable with myself or confident in my ability to fit in with other people. and then finding out this news while surrounded by people i had only known for like five days (who are now my best friends) made me feel pretty lonely. i kept thinking about how i wouldn’t be able to tell grandy my college stories when i was home for break. she wouldn’t get to hear about the classes i was taking, the adventures i was having, the dances i was performing. during family dinners at holidays, my grandpa always asks me for new stories. grandy always thought i was so clever and witty and loved hearing them. my heart hurts that i can’t share these things with her, especially since i feel like i’ve grown and changed so much since i’ve been at school.

my mom and i are incredibly close. she always told me how happy it made grandy that we have such a strong relationship. it was so important to her that mom and i were (and still are) best friends. i loved when it was the three of us together sitting in my grandparents’ living room talking. i’m regretful that i didn’t make more of an effort to be with her when her health wasn’t as good. it stressed me out a little bit and i didn’t like seeing her in pain. i wish i had been more willing. for christmas in 2014 i gave both of my grandmas journals filled with questions about their lives that they would fill out and return to me at some point. this past christmas, my other grandma gave me the journal back, filled with her answers. i don’t even know where grandy’s is. i don’t know how much she filled out. 

i went to church this morning. i was grateful to be there. it felt like where i was meant to be. i didn’t know what i was going to do the rest of the day, and i thought, why not get a tattoo? i thought about what i wanted and for some reason an image of a bird was stuck in my head. i heard a bird chirping outside as i was listening to the sermon and it reminded me of how much i miss my old house and falling asleep with my window open, listening to the sound of crickets, and waking up to the two birds that always fought right outside my window in the morning. i miss that so much. i called my parents to wish my dad happy father’s day, and they told me about the robins that had nested in the light on our front porch. the eggs had hatched and little baby birds were in there. i felt a connection. i eventually came across a picture of the tattoo that inspired mine. three little birds, one flying away. it reminded me of me, mom, and grandy.

it was probably (definitely) an impulsive decision to go out and get this tattoo by myself with no real planning. i hadn’t thought long and hard about this idea or concept or image. but it clicked when i saw the three birds. it also felt like the right time to do it. i think i needed to go alone and have this time to myself. i’m not gonna say i’m in a state of emotional turmoil because that’s extremely dramatic, but the past week has left me feeling not totally stable. for a number of reasons. this was for me and that was it. i didn’t plan on writing this. i didn’t plan on getting a tattoo to commemorate my grandma in some way. but seeing these birds and thinking about what they mean to me made me reflect on all of these feelings. i think that writing this is the most i’ve cried about it since i found out she died. it seems like it took an impulsive tattoo for me to take a step back a think about all of this in more depth.

this is for me. these words, this tattoo. god, give me peace.

“he will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge.” psalm 91:4

[surrahstories]

You’re the greatest human being!! I want to do this this is such a good ideaaaa!! Genius!!!! Question though, is it weird that I have to pee a lot? xoxoxoxox yodel gorl

so werid that you have to pee a lot!!! not gonna judge you though. it;s indicative of you drinking lots of water i hope. all i’m gonna say is: keep on yodeling. you will get your big break

[surrahstories]

oh that makes more sense!

[surrahstories]

we rowed the boat . were below average at it. alanna made the face i made as a 7 year old on family vacation. but hey we worked them biceps

[surrahstories]

big LOL @ these. demon eyes. what an interesting party with interesting peopple. are we a cult or nah. memorial day weekend how respectful of us

[surrahstories]

the BESSSTTTTTT

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REACTION PIC when tay tay saw the seventh floor of chessy and the LONG hallway that goes on forever

[surrahstories]

did aerial yoga and it was WILD. kinda ouchers but v fun too. our teacher’s name was pixie so i guess when i become a yoga teacher i shall be called fairy or sprinkles or something

[surrahstories]

currently researching how to start a podcast. concerned bc alanna is only here for a few more weeks. HOW WILL THIS WORK

[surrahstories]

my dudes! taylors head is floating but that’s okay. remember when we posed with the doms? yeah same. i wonder if we’’ll ever get those pictures. prolly not. fun night but let me get off the boat!!!! ang punched alanna in the nose but hey we are alive

[surrahstories]

dde at sea. hehe

[surrahstories]

the anger is real. so accurate i love it

[surrahstories]

oh you wanted to see the best pictures from the night? here they are

[surrahstories]

even if it wasn’t a true surprise this was the BEST SURPRISE EVER

highlights include: meaghan’s wheezing and screaming about her heart palpitations and alanna saying “who are these people”

[surrahstories]

this was the night that we went to dave & busters and cindy made friends with the oldish people at the table next to us. also we had a table to ourselves hehe. and alanna got her fancy drink and then poured her wine right onto the table. also rode the ferris wheel but didn’t get to sit with the dude with the rona bc his girlfriend came back and i don’t think she liked us. understandable. or is it? and alanna kidnapped a dog.

[surrahstories]

vocab wrds & phrases important plz study

c covered p’s

pbzls

c covered pbzls

g bars

g bears

goodonya

i hear ya

it’s neither here nor there

it’s neither give nor take

it’s neither more nor less

it’s neither up nor down

it’s neither left nor right

[surrahstories]

it is jood. i have infiltrated so many people’s minds with my vocabulary. mwahhahah