svickova-blog

[svickova-blog]

I just cannot believe that i have a crösh...on a boy...ironically I met him thru a queer org but still I feel like I'm in high skool I can't stop thinking about this BOY ajdkskdnwldlal I'm holding myself back from texting him too much and coming off as clingy aaaaaaaa

[svickova-blog]

i love u for seriously being the MOST PRINCIPLED person i know!!!! i have so much respect for u and ur decision 2 stick to ur values will be rewarding and fulfilling at the end of the day ! :-) 

yo let me just begin to explain what kind of brainwashed ass place i just left. i feel so stupid bc i was getting paid so good (holy shit). but that’s the price you pay for a front!! i was part of a front for gentrification. i felt like isa at “we got y'all.” like my heart was broken when i found out and then i was pretty much stuck in it bc of loans. and then one night, they had a “discussion about racism” where one of two black men in the group had to go on for about 30+ mins to finally get to speak up about issues he has had at this front for the last 20 years but he put up with it all for the money!!!! and i knew i was on my way to becoming him. i almost got locked in to having my passions beat out of me with a red hot poker in exchange for republican + libertarian water cooler conversation. there’s not a goddamn thing on this earth that money can’t buy but it’s not going to be my mf soul. honey!! not my fat black ass. anyway i quit after that and being asked to assist in remarketing a racist campaign i did not create and that i had no energy to recreate. i have been riding off of my savings and a prayer for a while now. it looks like i’m starting something new next week and i won’t allow myself to get that lost again. i feel like i’m growing up and into my values but it is 100% terrifying when you do not have a map.

[svickova-blog]

At the risk of sounding like a right winger....i wish i asked more questions in college instead of just listening to the general rhetoric/narrative everyone kind of already knew u know? Like not just going into class already knowing the general gist/framework but like truly being challenged and challenging myself... anyways now im trying to do that and asking myself challenging questions every day

[svickova-blog]

I cant believe i was always so hard on myself in college for not doing enuf when i did stuff but was just comparing myself 2 every1 around me and was just going at my own pace

[svickova-blog]

when you wanna post the #10yearchallenge but realize you dont have any photos at all of your teen years because growing up fat (and “ugly”) you promised yourself you’d only be in photos when you became skinny (and “hot”) and now you have nothing to show or remember of the memories of your formative years all because you were manipulated into believing that you were disgusting and hideous.

[svickova-blog]

Im just upset bc i dont talk enough irl...amd the reason is bc of 1. Feeling like what i have to say doesnt matter or is boring and 2. Bc of like "evidence" that when i talk, ppl tune out, dont care, arent paying attention and are just waiting for their turn to talk at me...ive been so genuinely frustrated by this like phenomenon and it honestly happens in almost every single one of my relationships and like ofc its detrimental to my seld esteem if no one is willing to listen to me talk...the result is that i am deliberately so concise and to the point, i summarize most of what i say and dont tell detailed stories cause im always worried if i dont get to thw point quick enuf ppl will lose interest in what i have to say :(

[svickova-blog]

Room, 1915, Olga Rozanova

https://www.wikiart.org/en/olga-rozanova/room

[svickova-blog]

can any1 rel8 to “quitting” social media aka instagram and limiting time on youtube (and no more makeup videos), but immediately joining twitter, going on tumblr more and just like what am i doing im just trying to fill this constant boredom with consumption, like i need new things to do constantly, new notifs and msgs to keep me engaged this is so...unhealthy i need to limit my time on everything i guess (and when i find there is no engagement it just makes me sad lol!) 

i read online today (in a quit social media article) that it’s good to allow yourself to feel a bit bored sometimes and that can inspire creativity but yeah i guess from the minute i wake up to when i sleep i dont spend enough time off my phone or the internet....

[svickova-blog]

Mom, I’m tired Can I sleep in your house tonight? Mom, is it alright If I stay for a year or two? Mom, I’ll be quiet It would be just to sleep at night And I’ll leave once I figure out How to pay for my own life too 

[svickova-blog]

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

[svickova-blog]

I just finished babysitting my friend’s children, and she has most definitely mastered the no spanking/alternative discipline route. I always talk about taking it because I don’t believe in abusing children, but I’ve never personally seen it in action by a Black parent. Her children are 2 and 5 and they are the kindest, nicest toddlers I’ve ever met. They listen to her because she’s their mom and they automatically recognize she’s important and she gives them what they want (love and affection and rewards). In return they like to clean for her and give her artwork and cuddles all of the time.

To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what they’ve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you can’t eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasn’t done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.

My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they don’t listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one we’ve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesn’t like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasn’t been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. That’s enough punishment for them, so they don’t break it.

When they wake up, it’s cleanup time, or bedtime, she plays what she calls “musical habits”. She puts on a playlist of their favorite songs (it’s like 20-25 minutes) that make them feel motivated, and they should be finished getting ready or cleaning by the time the last song is over. If they’re not, they get a toy from their toy bin taken away or an Oreo from their snack bag taken out (aka eaten by her). But she hasn’t ever gotten to that because they always finish. They don’t even like hearing the consequences lol. And I just wanted to say I really enjoyed seeing good parenting by a Black woman that wasn’t abusive or harmful to the child’s development, it gave me inspiration and hope. Just had to talk about it somewhere.

[svickova-blog]

my 2 cents r like you can still complain within your own like individual life sphere bc there is a certain way you’d like your life to be but it’s not that way rn while still acknowledging that other people have jobs/working conditions that are extremely difficult/unjust - maybe seeing that can inspire you to do the community work you want to do for as am’s/asians so that no one has to do intensive physical labor for low pay? 

I want to be living in a big city so I can make the most of my young 20s but I want to live in the countryside because I like being alone. I want to be doing community work for MY asian American community but I want to live abroad in East Asia for the language, experience of not being a visible minority, and health care (lol). I want to make mad money but I want to work a meaningful job that will lead to a fulfilling career but I want a career my parents can brag about… then I come home and see my uncle breaking his back for 14 hours every day and wonder at how I can complain about my INCREDIBLY cushy (but dead end) job no matter how unfulfilled I feel… fuck unfulfillment when there are people in the world who work much harder jobs for half my pay???? Skdkejckdek what do I do…

[svickova-blog]

please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future. 

[svickova-blog]

Aw :/ She will come around soon!! Hugs

i’m tryna keep my hopes up about this website and I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback. however, my momma saw it and didn’t say anything to me so my feelings are a little hurt tbh. it’s funny bc i prepared myself to be ignored when i came out as bi not when i came out as a witch. but i’ll give it some time and i won’t let it break my stride.

[svickova-blog]

ANNIE HSIAO-CHING WANG

ARTIST

[svickova-blog]

“A woman is always accompanied, except when quite alone, and perhaps even then, by her own image of herself. While she is walking across a room or weeping at the death of her father, she cannot avoid envisioning herself walking or weeping. From earliest childhood she is taught and persuaded to survey herself continually. She has to survey everything she is and everything she does, because how she appears to others – and particularly how she appears to men – is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life.”

“To grow up a woman in a Western patriarchal society is to be constantly analysing and critiquing your own appearance, constantly struggling with the reality of your body and the ideals with which you have been presented, measuring yourself up – not for your own pleasure but for the eyes of men.”

“This state of being envied is what constitutes glamour, and publicity is the process of manufacturing glamour,” Berger says.

“Glamour, envy and the act of looking – these are the foundations on which our current fashion and social media obsession rests. Consider the Victoria’s Secret Angels…They are living, breathing advertisements, existing for mass consumption…”

[svickova-blog]

she commented!!

i’m tryna keep my hopes up about this website and I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback. however, my momma saw it and didn’t say anything to me so my feelings are a little hurt tbh. it’s funny bc i prepared myself to be ignored when i came out as bi not when i came out as a witch. but i’ll give it some time and i won’t let it break my stride.