swans-are-made-of-potatoes-blog - Tumblr blog

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Notes on Phenomenology

Holly: What if you were a dog and you didn't know? Like dogs sometimes think they were people because they have been brought up like people. You would be so sure of the nature of your existence that even if someone told you you were a dog, you wouldn't believe them. 

Louisa: I used to eat my food off the floor and bark when I was little.

Holly: ...

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My hair is made of people's jealousy

~Holly 

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Every gingerbread man's dream

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Oh look there's a pillow on your face! Wait...that's your nose.

~Holly

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Sausage skins are made of the cow's hope and dreams.

~ Holly

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Holly: Where do Welsh people come from?

Louisa: Wales you fool.

2 days later...

Louisa: Where do Danish people come from?

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Holly: Once my cousin (a doctor) was examining this really fat lady when she found a mars bar in among her tummy flaps. 

Louisa: For safe-keeping presumably?

Holly: No. Apparently her husband and her enjoy playing the game "Hide the Mars Bar." Must be some sort of sex game. 

Louisa: Thank you for the mental scarring.

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Looking at facebook pictures

Holly: That guy's six-pack is a tray of hot cross buns.

Louisa: Yummy. 

Holly: You're a pedophile.

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That awkward moment when you’re sitting at a red light, accidentally beep the horn and everyone around you thinks you’re a jerk

Holly: How do you accidentally beep the horn?

Louisa: I thought that only happened when you were having sex in a car.

Holly: ...

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Raisins

They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council. 

~ Benny and Joon

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Mosquito nets were invented to strangle babies in the dead of the night.

~ Louisa

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There is no such thing as coolness, there is only an absence of heat. Therefore, refrigerators are essentially nonexistent.

~ Louisa

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geese can be guardgeese.

~ Holly

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beans are dwarf potatoes

~ Holly

EDIT: Holly and all members affiliated with "Things Holly and Louisa Said and Digested"  apologize for the misuse of the word "dwarf" in this post on the basis of some complaints. A more politically correct term would have been 'munchkin'.

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Attending to your lady needs (makeup aisle)

Louisa: AAugAgh there's pomegranate in my eyee!

Holly: Damn you new age beauty bars