sweatpantshedonist

[sweatpantshedonist]

[sweatpantshedonist]

So I pissed on a fly that got trapped in the toilet. As I moved it around the toilet bowl with my stream, smilingly, I thought that my act was a dark analogy for what it feels like to live in this political sphere of Donald vs. Hillary and the surrealistic tint the world has been colored with since 9/11/2001 and all the fear that issued from that. Like I was being pissed on, even tho not. Like cuz there is no one to do the pissing and what the shit is this world i feel like I'm drowning. But right as I'm about to flush, I see that the fly is now out of the water and clinging to the inside of the bowl. I kneel down, because it looked like it had been flattened by my stream and I thought that the event had become an even better analogy. But, it's alive, and I see it moving. Initially, i wanted to flush it and end it's pathetic struggle, because it became too real of a thing to be laughed at anymore. Just as I reach for the handle, I see it cleaning it's front legs of the slippery piss and making its way slightly further up the bowl to safety. I kneel closer still and watch the fly meticulously clean every limb and continue up the steepening, almost vertical bowl. I've left the fly now, and sit contemplating our transaction. I miss fly, and will leave to check in with it now and maybe flush my pee.

Fly is safely on the rim. It looks nearly dry. I flushed and it became scared, but just moved across the rim a little and resumed cleaning it's legs. Hopefully it's wings still function. Child me wished for big wings, adult me pisses awfully on misunderstood things.

[sweatpantshedonist]

[sweatpantshedonist]

This is a bunch of fake band names that read as a poem

Khaki pain Undome Smile Flooring Perse Brick Voyeur Sleeping bag Beautiful sunset Morning poem Hush poet Danky Cummy Tried Floppy dick 1992 Toyota Camry Beavis and butthead and loneliness Bb lonely Work is ass Work is fuck Fuck work Worky life Wage God Salary Weak Dick Boshtwish Morose bone Stupid powder All My Friends 3D Origami Time is a vapecloud Heinous925 xGodx Famous Life Life Work The Real You Fool Steve he's dumb Steve's Bong Charlie's Throne Nicole's Kid, man Jobby Perse Dumb shit Zoo porn Good soap Idiot hotdog Spicy mustard Coconut water is a healthy alternative to soda Supportive footwear Leather bag Correct postage Unwanted email Return policy Catalog Skinny fit Make-up Brand name goods Low interest loan A fucking mortgage Organic dog food Reusable bag Vinyl acoustics Pitchfork recommendation Athletic attire "Irony" "Sarcasm" Symbolic tattoo for 300 dollars designed by someone else I don't get it I'm agreeing with you Longwinded poetry Self awareness is annoying Dog shit in a plastic bag in your hand Used toilet paper in a plastic tote under my bed Goofing around Water games Pee foot Smelly sexual organ Loud financially successful drunk person Motivated individual For real tho Loss of culture Complete and utter asshole Bad sense of humor Bad close mindedness Tiny penis Tiny nut sac and balls too Favorable review Internet comments with likes Serious news article link Political anger Old people shit being put into my mouth Typing with an outraged look on your face Opinions Strong opinions Drunk opinions Fully informed opinions from someone you don't know said completely out of context Talking for more than 2 minutes about fashion Talking shop all night long yes Bad breath is such a turn off Mean people are so mean It is what it is I don't have the capacity to articulate thoughts/ I don't want to talk to you in depth because you're not my kinda guy Affordable brunch The most amazing tacos Superfood McDonald's is gross Omg I ate McDonald's last night Morning regret Mourning time McDonald's for breakfast Sit down job Performance boost Noticeable improvement Secret fetish My thoughts Taboo Free flowing ideas Projected earnings Family expectations Getting older in the face Fear of death Killing in the name of my coworker Ramon I'm an American badass Working on 2 hours of sleep is harder Trying to concentrate among excessive noise Crazy view from high atop a natural formation Extreme sport enthusiast from Southern California Leisure Free time Tomorrow is my day off Today is my Friday Words said too often Trivial observation The same same same same same Time is cyclical and I'm losing my shit Movie time HBO original series Season finale Series finale Did you see the last episode? Don't spoil it for me Making fun of stuff is good for you Status Post Tagged in whatever You can see my nuts in these pants Saggy beanie Cute flats from Macy's Leggings are v practical Futuristic designer looks Standing outside a store while the wife shops Inconsiderate volume Cute person Cutty spot Look my way Ya yer foine Ok I changed my mind What size is your head? Negi ass Big dog head Taper my jeans How much for this umbrella? Camouflage blender Scrape my face across your serrated toenails Good look Hot looks for fall Really big deal Money hole plz deposit worth Skater/tagger/hotgirlmagnet Your dog has humanlike balls Bitchy side-eye Judging ppl is wrong Why can't u just be happy? Fucking smile jeez Have a good one An autographed photo of Jerry Seinfeld Saggy jeans Tousled hair mist Stand up straight Complain aloud We went to school together Do I know u? Hey is that Jason? Damn I haven't seen u in hella days, homie Stab myself in the shin during someone's shitty performance piece Jam session Music jack off Masturbating my guitar neck I know all the scales I play in a band I do something with my life Punk reunion Reliving the glory days 47 denim jackets in one room You should have been here 4 years ago What era do you think defines your fashion? Really really genuinely cute lesbian I want you Misguided idea Jump shoes Vapid Bohemian hat Wealthy person who tips poorly Condoms suck bro White woman from stable family whose primary interest is trap music I own property in Manhattan Honking at a line of 30 cars All of my current friends in New York are white I don't have any black friends Going for a run in Times Square Shapeless couple in head to toe work out gear (feat. hopelessness) Me (feat. Weak chin and narrow shoulders) No fee apartment Life time gym membership Alan is more upset Carbon monoxide sleepover Bad breakup Hurtful text message Troubling thoughts about suicide and drugs Gun shots in the distance Ruptured dream Nostalgia and cyclical thoughts Nymphomaniac for pain Pain injection feels good Your mom is the butt of all my jokes Fast forward me Costume for penis Parasitic person Clingy butt Sofa Eater My Strange Addiction Balloon Porn Squirting frequently contains urine Urea Urethra Urshit Carbon Soft Gland Hardwood Ruffly Counting Solution Calving Solution Gem Builder Papes Analtussin Phoney Laying down Sustained 7 Icecream salad I only wear boots Child's hat I'm a size small She can't walk in heels Gift card Forced interaction Conversation about tinder during tinder date How much should we tip? Candle Do you watch Game of Thrones? That's life Gun violence advocate Little wife ass bitch Cum repository Soulless vessel of rage God damnit Son of a bitch Get upstairs Jonathan Don't make me Pay for me Cum hose dork Laughable life Deluded self Diluted mind (cuz weed) Dissolves inwarder Pun Malapropism Body Sleep Vapid pleasure Lonely Lobe

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[sweatpantshedonist]

[sweatpantshedonist]

Photographs in my head:

Two 20 something African-American kids, dressed shabbily, more than likely poor, smoking a spliff in between the subway cars of the j train headed into Manhattan. Facing each other, straddling the cars, a cup in the pocket of the one whose back is to me, the other wearing a heather grey pull-over hoodie with stains covering the front. I stared at him through the door window as the train moved over the Williamsburg bridge. The way he aggressively smoked the tiny nub of their joint made me smile.

Man in the doorway of the disused entrance of the Delaney street subway entrance, on the south side, technically located on Essex st. He stood there, erect but for his shoulders which lay so slumped in defeat my heart hurt. His clothes just rags, and his bag on the ground as dirty as the surface it lay upon. It is daylight, so he was plainly visible, if you happened to glance into his alcove-life-treasure-void. I’ll never know what his face looked like, or the color of his skin, because his hands were in his pockets. Only from the fit of his clothes can I infer if it was in fact a “him”. In this way they were blurry, like a photograph of motion, despite their stillness.

Three wooden barrels chopped in half horizontally, filled with soil and a dying shrub. The concrete staircase they rest upon is made of a handrail covered in chipped yellow paint, and 4 stairs on either side that lead to an 8’ long center platform. The whole thing seems purposeless, except maybe as a surface to rest the potted plants upon. The view from the platform is barely different from the ground, because it’s only three feet high. Maybe it was nice before the fdr freeway was built high atop its steel pillars, blocking the entire downtown Brooklyn skyline. The rendered useless become sculptural.

[sweatpantshedonist]

scourer

Today, nothing can make me smile. Nothing can wake me. Nothing can affect me. Everything is annoying. I'd rather be in the middle of the forest on the brink of starvation, sore from walking and riddled with the anxiety of death than here in Williamsburg where I have to look at the same branded death driven superficiality over and over again. I can't take these successful ppl and their ruddy drunken faces or their weak chins and work out gear-- no amount of exercise will strengthen your inborn weaknesses or truly make you happy-- you'll strive to be hot until you're old enough to realize it's a waste of time. The vapidity of your hat is screaming in my face yet you're smiling and shopping and holding hands with someone that makes you happy and I'm very wholistically sad and equally as strange to you

[sweatpantshedonist]

thinking ill

Do you make shit ppl want to look at? Do you make art? Is your modus operandi artful in every execution?Why do I care so much about other ppl? Worrying about what other ppl think is my main thought. That and maybe where to step next as people rush by me. Or maybe where to place my eyes as I pass a stranger. Or maybe other women. Or maybe whether or not to try being gay to boost my self esteem. I'm half joking, not about being gay, but about being confidently so. To. Too. I'm "too much". Constant self awareness has lead me into isolation, and alienation, from the world. I need ten thousand more distractions, really. I think the problem with understanding this text may come when one attempts to distinguish a dryly sarcastic comment from an openly sincere one. Maybe I'll annotate my own writing. Maybe no one cares. What is all this beside an exposition of myself for myself? Or I'm a making these qualities and problems as I describe them? Seeing hesitation in others makes me feel human, briefly. "Tunnel of dim murmurs" might be a good analogy for my mind. Quoting things to distance myself from them. An old Chinese woman whispering to herself lines from a tiny book on the M train into Manhattan from Brooklyn. Maybe a book of spells and incantations to protect her, or harm others, or heal her ailing old dog that lies coiled up in the entryway to her tiny apartment. This. Is. A. Long. Ongoing. Thought. Illness.

[sweatpantshedonist]

"too inside your own head"

Feeling nonviolently sociopathic, obvi. Piquant blue cheese over the ashes of a half spent spliff on my blue plastic cutting board. The scene framed by the blackened soles of my feet and all my cyclical feelings running from heart to brain. Today, I am a cavern with too much bat shit to be habitable by anyone sane. Today, I am bringing to the fight my invented pain. "Life isn't that bad tho bro, you can have sex and you ain't broke" said the living joke.

[sweatpantshedonist]

andrea

Dreamt that I was introduced to you. Drug mumble your fondness through machine cooled air. Laugh dumbly during sex. Misspeak constantly. Succor my laziness with your own. Squelch my dimly burning ambition with your bed. Disturb my peace with your text messages. Be overly kind to me as a weapon. I'm a fucking measly ass assistant manager loser who can't even cut his own fingernails or wash his damn butthole on a regular basis. My shorts are all cut-offs and almost all of my shirts are stained or ripped. I have no health insurance because I didn't read the fucking welcome packet and I missed the deadline. I cut my pinky finger on a tape measure and had to get stitched up at the emergency room by a doctoral student. I'm a good-for-nothing-dirt-bag-never-gonna-rise-to-anything-better.

[sweatpantshedonist]

Ball is life

[sweatpantshedonist]

summer in nyc

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[sweatpantshedonist]

svet-mister ~ I think they look like they’re sitting in a hot tub :)