#& I'd rather that person get the opportunity to call themselves whatever the hell they want even if i don't understand.

[emdotcom]

I 100% don't get people that think sexualities or identities that are "too confusing" can't or shouldn't exist. Like, bub, my gender is a mystery wrapped in an enigma behind a puzzle to everyone, myself included, & you DON'T think that's cool AF??

[filipinoizukuu]

fun fact about togame, his voice actor also voices a jojo character named "Weather Report" (you see where i'm going with this?)

i want to believe that the one singular contact number in sakura's phone is not in fact his piss poor attempt to use a phone, but rather a well-kept secret point of contact between him and one certain togame jo. after the showdown with shishitoren and the rooftop celebration, togame and sakura remain... curious about each other. it starts off surface-level enough. togame wants to find a way to repay his debts somehow -- keep an avenue available to someday prove to sakura that he isn't so lame anymore.

he's eternally thankful to sakura for snapping him out of whatever fugue state choji's mistakes put him in and wants to actually befriend sakura because of it. make sure he hasnt changed and all. meanwhile sakura contemplates it, because umemiya WAS right in the grand scheme of things and he did somehow "communicate" with togame in their fight. he wants to keep talking to togame, sort of. learn all the things he couldn't gather with his jabs and kicks. so they both find themselves at the tunnel a few days after the fight as complete coincidence.

its complete fate they ran into each other without meaning to, but togame wastes no time in warmly greeting sakura and chatting him up. night begins to creep up and at that point sakura knows they've gotta start getting home if they both don't wanna start shit sitting out at night on territory boundaries while wearing their respective recognizable uniforms. he's hesitant to pull away from the conversation though and togame seizes the opportunity to ask for sakura's (barely used) phone and write himself into sakura's contacts. (he doesn't even have a password btw)

"Wow~ Not a single person on here, Othello-kun."

"Hah? What th' hell would I even need it for? If I need something, I can just go ask in person. None of that slow, boring texting crap."

"You really live life too fast, haha. What if it's too small for the effort? Or you can't come find me in time? Shishitoren territory is quite far from Furin's campus, after all."

"What would I even need'ta ask you that isn't urgent enough to come here, scraggly?"

Togame simply laughs under his breath. "Anything you can think of." he hands the phone back to Sakura, screen lit up with a single new contact under the name 'Weather.'

That's stupid.

The older boy continues to tease Sakura. "Call me to ask about the weather, if you really can't come up with anything at all. I promise I'd pick up; it's the least I can do for you after everything."

They part ways, and even if neither of them mention it -- Sakura keeps this encounter close to his chest. Thinks about it when his classmates make fun of him for it the very next day, even as he says nothing and lets them tease him. With 5 new names in his list of contacts, he remembers to go home and scroll to 'W' and asks about the weather tomorrow. Asks a whole lot of other things too. All until he falls asleep.

(He never changes Togame's contact name after that. Not even months later, stranded on a bridge and staring down an army of enemies and another black-haired tall douchebag to humble. What will the weather be like tomorrow? Clear motherfuckin' skies, baby.)

[milkygcf]

Hi i'd luv 2 req. A bully jungkook x reader e2l fic pls 🥺 5k~ tysm!

//credits go to @jjoon for the gif!//

Pairing | jjk x reader

Genre | e2l, bully!jungkook, college au

Warnings | mild cursing

Summary | ❝ Hi i'd luv 2 req. A bully jungkook x reader e2l fic pls 🥺 5k~ tysm!❞

Word Count | 5.4k

Author’s Note | hi anon! i’m sorry this took so long to write ... this really inspired me to write a full fic! i had to cramp in as much as i could and hopefully it goes to your liking ❤ thank you for your request!  ________________________________________________________________

When you hoped for the best college experience, you didn’t mean to bring Jeon Jeongguk along with you. As far as you knew, he had other plans for a different school - so why did you end up spending a year and a half of college facing the worst each day?

It started when you accidentally spilt his juice all over his study notes when a friend of yours jokingly pushed you. From that very day on, he’s been firing you up almost every day of seeing you within his sight. Making you seethe when he steps into your vision. Despite apologizing and offering to rewrite his notes for him, he still made it his mission to make college incredibly agonizing for you.

For example, all the times he’s made you feel like pure, utter shit. 

Unlike what his looks demonstrated, Jeon Jeongguk was an absolute bully. You have all the evidence to back this up. 

And that so happens to be at this very second as he scribbles all over your essays, vandalizing them with random characters from the games he spends all night playing. “Stop that-!” You cry out, watching your clean work melt into a behemoth of a mess before you. 

“Stop? Your notebook’s boring - I’m just adding more life to it!”

The look on his face symbolizes the devil incarnate himself. Jeongguk was devilishly handsome, except for the fact that he was the bane of your existence. 

Handsome?

God forbid he ever finds out you think of him like that.

“No,” You let out an exasperated huff, “You’re just earning me a bad reputation! Can’t you just fuck off?” Frankly, you’re just wasting precious time and energy, because no matter how many times you urge him to piss off, he wouldn’t budge. He’d keep on being a complete brat.

Nothing was on your side when it came to Jeongguk - not even the gods themselves.

Truly, you deem yourself as the most patient person to ever walk this earth. You say this out of the experience. But when Jeongguk steps into the picture? You want to give him a good kick to the balls because he was simply so aggravating.  

Your friends know well of this yet they look at the situation in another light. A light which leaves you effectively deceived. 

As you stomp towards your local buddies, you could hear the faint “Ah, here we go again,” leaving Seokjin’s lips as they all brace themselves for your routined outburst. It’d be surprising if you didn’t do this on the daily.

“I can’t believe him!” Your voice booms, agonized and worn out as you tumble onto an empty seat, letting yourself sink into the warmth of your arms. Attention attracts itself to you, but you couldn’t bother. Humiliation has nothing on the daily hardships you face - literally - every day. 

“What did he do this time?” Jimin and Seokjin mutter in unison, watching you practically deflate in front of them. Honestly, what didn’t he do? Nowadays, whenever he even breaths your way, you deem it a huge inconvenience. Unfortunate. 

How exactly is this unfortunate? You happened to be best friends with someone who’s very fond of your arch-nemesis, and that is Park Jimin. It’s either because he’s a libra or the heathen hypnotized him into blooming a friendship together. Countless times the beam of smiles tried his best to convince you that Jeon was an angel at heart.

You beg to differ. 

With a distraught face, you look up at both of them. “He scribbled all over my essay - that little twerp is going to ruin me.” Words of truth. It’s not that deep - it isn’t. You offered to rewrite his notes, he was the one who decided to be all salty about the matter. Salty enough to make your life a living hell, that is. 

“Wouldn’t you consider the fact that maybe his intentions aren’t to just be a bitch to you?” Jimin chirps in, wincing.

“You’re kidding. How many times do we have to go through this?”

“As many times as we need to,” Seokjin intervenes, letting out a fatigued sigh. To put it simply, he has way too many other things to be focused on right now besides your incessant whining. He loves you dearly, but having to listen to you ramble on and on about your rivalry with Jeon drains him to the last drop. “Haven’t you thought about clearing things with him? Perhaps it’s all a misunderstanding.”

“Over my dead body! He’s the one who started it, I already did my part of the job.”

If there was one word to describe you, it would be dense. This was on him, even if it bothered you to ends. Seokjin and Jimin knew this very well - they also knew that they were wasting their breaths with you, but it was worth a shot either way. 

And so it was left at that. 

As winter break approaches, you find yourself growing ecstatic as each day passes. Once you finally catch yourself a break, you’d be able to scatter away from the plight that is Jeon Jeongguk. Likewise, the man himself. You’re pretty sure he finds your mere presence a disgrace by the way there’s always a scowl tugging at his lips, or perhaps the devilish tricks he pulls on you until you can no longer take it and scurry off.

Jimin, much to his pleasure, compelled you into signing up to help with the school dance alongside him. Eventually, you caved in, albeit protesting that you’d rather use your free time binging whatever show Netflix recommended you. No one can bypass Jimin’s charms and the way his lips turn into a pout as he pleads to you. 

And, well, perhaps you did need to be more productive.

So in reality, your best bud was doing you a favour. 

How hard could it be anyway? All you had to do was decorate and help plan the catering, maybe throw in a few song suggestions. If possible, even cop yourself a date - you’d hate to weigh down Seokjin and Jimin just because you were looking sulky in a corner with your only friend being a cup of cranberry punch. 

“You’re not going to bail on me last second, are you?” The brunet queries, looking at you cautiously with his eyes twinkling. Despite his teasing and constant pulling to get you to do things with him, you know he’d never force you into something displeasing. 

You give him a look. “Gosh, what do you take me for? I promised you, didn’t I? You just have to make sure you keep your side of the deal.” A grin blooms onto his features. Right - he promised you a meal at your favourite diner for accompanying him. That way, he knew you’d accept for sure. 

The hall is crowded with students, bustling with chatter as they discuss their excitement for the dance. You have to admit, it was an event to look forward to. To catch your breath and enjoy a moment of peace in a place that you can call a second home. And to top it off, it’s with the people you see every day who, just like you, are there to study for a future. 

Understandably, you have no idea who half of the student body was, but it still felt like family. 

Jimin instantly finds himself one of the coordinators and advises them about your presence whilst you fumble behind him rather nervously. “What exactly do we have to do?” You mumble to him, taking a good look around. The place seems way too dull when it’s not enriched with DIY banners and colourful lights adorning every nook and cranny of the room. 

“Our duty for today is decorating. The theme’s pretty sparkly this year.”

“Isn’t it always like that?”

A voice is quick to interrupt your conversation, making you practically dart around to see the source of it. And it’s no surprise when you come face to chest - curse his height - with the very being you’ve grown to dislike over the months. He was here, in the hall, helping. 

Just when you thought you’d be able to hide from Jeongguk, he proves you wrong. Like a predator hunting its prey. 

“Gguk!” Jimin exclaims mirthfully, wrapping an arm around your sworn enemy. You really can’t help but worry for him. Ah, it is what it is. “I didn’t think you’d be joining this year.” 

“You know I’d never miss an opportunity to help around. But,” he pauses, averting his gaze to you with a quirk of an eyebrow. “It’s a surprise you brought Y/N along.”

“I’m sorry?” You gasp rather too dramatically, earning the attention of those around you. Jimin bursts into laughter, shaking his head at your antics. This is betrayal at its finest - laughing at your misery, you might as well drop him this very second.

“Apology accepted.”

That fuels you even more. Your blood boils under the layers of your skin. God, couldn’t he get any less arrogant? “I can’t stand you,” you breathe out, scoffing. “Is there a rule that I can’t give a helping hand by any chance?”

Jimin watches all of this unfurl. If anything’s worth pure entertainment, it was the two of you. ��Not if you run around with a stick up your ass,” Jeongguk replies with a measly roll of the eyes, “This won’t be any fun with you here.”

“Alright you two, cut it out.” 

In all honesty, you doubt how fun that'll be. With him around, no one knows about the perils he could throw at you to prove his disdain. Your life could be in danger as you speak. What if you were walking around and he stuck his foot out for you?

Jeongguk clicks his tongue. “See you around Park - you should hop over to the sound room later. We could use your help.” 

And that’s another encounter with Jeon Jeongguk for the day, much to your annoyance. You could see the way the brunet turns to look at you with a soft smile on his face, a small, reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Lighten up, it won’t be that bad.”

“My ass.”

“Y/N!” 

---

Truthfully speaking, it isn’t all that bad. You’ve grown to interact more with everyone else - surprisingly. Not only that, but you were given the blissful pleasure to befriend what seems to be God’s favourite specimen, Kim Taehyung.  

If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume he was God himself.

Amid all these students, there’s Taehyung who you secretly claim as the light of your life. You’d be surprised if someone didn’t know him or of his presence in the hall, he truly stuck out brighter than all the sparkling decor being hung around the walls and on stage.

“Y/N-! Catch!” 

If you weren’t quick enough, you would’ve been hit with a small pack of glitters straight to the head. Even worse, they could’ve opened and left you in a glittery mess. Laughter bubbles out of the man’s lips - music to your ears. You adore the way his locks bounce with each move he makes. 

“That was pretty hazardous - I’m sorry, I’ll make sure to hand them over to you more politely next time.”

“I caught them, didn’t I?” You smile, letting the item dangle lightly from the tips of your fingers. Taehyung continues to beam, his pearly whites put all on show. You’re pretty sure you’ve never seen anything as beautiful as the man before you. Oh, and not to mention his voice. That golden bundle of harmony. 

“Surprisingly,” Jeongguk butts in, snickering. And here it is again - like a comedic show, ready to make you the laughing stock. “Would’ve been hilarious to see you covered in pink glitters.”

“Ggukkie!”

Ggukie? If it wasn’t for the respect you hold for other people’s comfortableness, you would’ve bent over and hurled. It would’ve been a cute nickname if it wasn’t directed at the fiend. But it’s fine, you suppose - Taehyung has an endearing way of lacing nicknames.

He’s quick to ruffle the latter’s hair, making shy giggles tumble out of Jeongguk’s mouth. You can only stand and watch, squinting rather annoyingly at him. He was such a joy kill. 

“I need your help with the soundbar,” Jeongguk explains nicely. His tone is gentle and he uses his hands to explain whatever was wrong, much unlike how he interacts with you. It’s in these moments you wonder why he treats you so differently when it was a small inconvenience you’d pulled on him months ago. 

“No can do,” the elder tells him, scratching the back of his head. “I have to help Namjoon with the tickets. But I’m sure Y/N can help - didn’t you say you were good with tech?” 

Oh. 

Oh. 

In another life, in the same position you are in now, you would’ve declined and scurried off to avoid him. But, if you think about it, this could be the perfect opportunity to flaunt your knowledge and skill. If he gets to do it, then so can you. 

It’s only fair, no?

You quirk an eyebrow towards the duo. This was your time to shine. “I’m sure he won’t need my help,” you taunt, “Jeonggukie can do everything, can’t he?” 

Silence. He’s like a deer caught in headlights, with the way his eyes widen and his mouth becomes agape. You managed to pull a stunt on him, showing him victory and deeming yourself superior. Kim gives you a peculiar look before offering you a smile. “You’re right - Gguk’s incredibly talented.”

That wasn’t really what you were hoping for. You admit it hurt your pride a little, but there’s no way you were going to put it out on show. Jeongguk can kiss your ass. 

“Uh, whatever. Follow me, I can’t wrap my head around what’s wrong with it.”

You were quite ready to start calling him petty, but as you slowly take in his response, you’re left perplexed. 

Perhaps you’re taking it too far - this is only for a school dance after all. Although you can’t help but stand and stare at him for actually accepting your offer to help. “Hello? Are you going to just stand there? We have other things to do - hurry up.” Curse you Jeon Jeongguk.

“See you later Y/N!”

The chance of copping yourself a hot date to the dance, slowly streaming out of your grasp. 

As you bid your farewell to Taehyung, you let yourself be whisked away by a rather grumpy Jeongguk, who stomps his approach to the sound room. It’s quiet - save for the weight of his rather chunky shoes - and if you may say so yourself, awkward. But nevermind that, you were assigned something to fix. 

He takes you up a flight of stairs - much to your dismay, you weren’t fond of the exercise - and into a tiny, cramped room just on the opposite of the school’s stage. You could see everyone clearly from here - ants scurrying around to get their work done. 

Jeongguk shuffles around behind you - you could feel his build bumping into yours here and there. “Okay, do you know what to do?” 

“Huh?” 

“I said, do you know what to do? Or were you just talking out of your ass?”

God, you can’t stand him. “Can you stop being such a bitch for once? Yes, just give me a few minutes and it’ll be ready.” A huff follows your line of conversation as you squat down to handle the component. He should be grateful you’re sacrificing your sanity to be with him right now. “What exactly is the issue here?” 

There’s silence until your ears prick at the loud sigh that tumbles out of his lips. “Didn’t you hear what I told Tae? The sound keeps cutting.” You hum. 

Your fingers lace around its wires, untangling the unattractive mess they’re in and inspecting whatever could be the problem. Unlike you, Jeon stands as far away as possible, offering you all the space you could need. His eyes watch you carefully, dancing onto every move you make. It’s peaceful, the only sound reverberating through the room being your breaths and the light clinks of the soundbar wires. 

Your fingers start pulling each cable off one by one, setting them aside neatly and letting out a small sigh. Everything was in order, except for the crooked pins inside one of the cables that directly connects to the speaker. You turn to Jeongguk with a raised eyebrow.

“Did you plug these in? You bent the pins.” 

He purses his lips, his hand flying up to scratch the back of his neck. “Guess I was in a hurry - can you fix them?” As he speaks softly, almost shyly, you swear you could see a hint of pink tinting his cheeks.

That’s cute.

“Hand me your credit card.”

“My what?”

“Your credit card - hand it over.” His face displayed pure horror. It’s not like you were going to run off with it - he wanted the soundbar fixed, didn’t he? You extend an arm out towards him, an eyebrow quirked at his hesitation. 

“It’s fine,” an eye roll follows because he genuinely looks like he’s waiting for dinosaurs to resurrect. “I just need it to straighten the pins, yeah? Your card’s going to be back in your wallet before you know it.”

He’s looking at you with worry laced in his features until he’s stuffing his hands in those baggy pants of his and shuffling out his wallet. “You better give it back in one piece.” 

What did he think you were - a heathen? Did he not know just how valuable credit cards were in today’s life? “Whatever,” you huff, fingers diligently wrapping around the piece and instantly starting to work your magic.  

It takes you a few minutes of focus and caution, aligning the component back to its original shape. While you do so, Jeongguk observes cautiously. His eyes fawn over the way you stick your tongue out in concentration or the way you just engulf yourself in your own little world. Jeongguk thinks your hair colour compliments your skin.

You look pretty when you’re not throwing profanities at him. 

It’s the daily entertainment he looks forward to every day. Not a moment goes by that Jeongguk doesn’t think about how to make you boil with fury in a matter of five minutes. Yet despite the delight of it all, he figures it’s about time he gives you a break.  

Maybe a five-minute break - he misses the constant scowl etched onto your features whenever you catch sight of him.

"All done!" You beam, lips stretched wide as your hands perform the last trick. "Put a song on, bunny boy, see if it works."

Jeongguk stutters at the nickname. You, however, didn't realize it rolled down your tongue until it was too late. 

He brushes it off and starts to scrolls through what seemed to be a multitude of playlists on his phone. You eagerly await the melody to boom quietly through the soundbar. However, he seems to be hesitant on what to choose and frankly, he was taking too long.

So you swipe his phone out of his grasp, leaving him clutching his credit card, putting his songs on shuffle. You give yourself the pleasure of coursing through his music taste - it wasn’t that bad. Diverse, to put it simply. 

Kind of like yours. 

“You listen to them too?” There’s an enthusiastic tone to your voice, eyes gleaming over the discography of a group you’ve grown to admire ever so much. They were the good fortune in your life - what was keeping you moving forward. Listening to their music gave you a sense of bliss. 

Jeongguk peeks over your shoulder, his interest piqued as to why you’re so delighted over his music taste. “Hm?” He mumbles to himself, “You follow them?”

“Are you kidding,” you express matter-of-factly, “I don’t just listen to them! They are my heart and soul Jeon. I love them more than taco Tuesday.” 

The last comment sends him hollering, catching you off-guard. You’ve never, in your time spent around him, heard him laugh so heartily before. If you must admit, it sounds melodious. Like the singing of birds in the early morning.

“Taco Tuesday - god, you’re something.”

Heat trickles up your neck to the ends of your ears, leaving you red in front of him.

“Should I take that as a compliment?” A snicker follows. “Well, it’s open for interpretation. Did you go to their last showcase?” You notice the way interest bubbles in the tone of his voice and the way his eyes glimmer with a newfound shine that you can’t quite decipher.

“Hell yeah, I did! It has to be one of their best one yet - they’re hitting it big this time!” 

The room reverberates with joyous laughter, drowning out the low drum of the music playing in the background. It feels rather cumbersome, how one minute you’re at each other’s throats and the other your boisterous laughter mixes. 

Maybe Jeongguk isn’t that bad.   

However, it’s when the laughter dies down that the tension slowly rises. It isn’t thick - nor is it thin, but it’s there. It weighs on your shoulders and watches the inelegance crawl towards you. Jeongguk clears his throat and you find him rubbing the nape of his neck.

“Yeah, uh, I think you should be getting back down there.”

You shake your head heartily, your feet shuffling underneath you. “Could’ve sent a thank you my way you know.” The way it tumbles down your tongue makes it seem like you’re joking. His eyes wander onto you and there’s coral painting his skin again - he looks like a child. With the way his eyes go wide and he starts pursing his lips whenever he finds himself in situations as such. 

“Right - yeah. Thanks, Y/N.”

That’s where another part of your constant feud ends. 

Would you even call that interaction a feud? Technically, you weren’t exactly at each other’s throats this time, despite all you did was fix up the soundbar. It was rather nice. You think a smile on Jeongguk’s handsome features is ravishing - god forbid he ever finds out of the compliment.   

It’s childish. It’s like throwing buckets of water off a sinking ship - useless. For someone attending college, both of you lack the maturity for it. 

Okay, maybe he’s not the only one taking things out of proportion - you can be quite the bitch sometimes. 

New revelation - for the last term, you’ll just drop it. Just like that. Let it unravel however it wishes. 

Yet, it’s quite hilarious how all this took you was a heartfelt moment with the guy.

--- 

It takes you patience, teamwork and hours upon hours of choosing through various types of decorations and goods for the dance. Now that everything is ready - and just in time, if you may add - the event was to be held early in the evening.

Whilst everyone was simply ecstatic for the event, you were pissing yourself. Why exactly is a mystery - your nerves were slowly bursting one by one and you were growing anxious. You had no reason to. 

Seokjin is currently rambling about how elegant his suit was going to look. It makes you admire how he considers a minimal event as something grand - another quality you can’t help but adore about him. Seokjin always makes himself stand out in the best ways. 

Jimin sits by his side pecking at the loose threads of his jumper, eyeing someone which, according to his line of sight, was about a few meters behind you. At his silence, both you and Seokjin quirk an eyebrow.

“Goodness!” Seokjin squawks, sending a light slap to the youth’s shoulder. “All you have to do is ask him to go with you, you raging homosexual!” 

Ah. 

Jimin has had the fattest crush on one of the philosophy guys. He describes him to have the sexiest brain to ever walk the grounds of earth. Frankly, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Kim Namjoon walked the college halls with people behind him practically foaming at the mouth. He, however, didn’t exactly take notice of this. 

The youth’s gawking at the elder amongst you, giving him that specific look at me, now look at him look. “No way. I’m too fond of the pride harboured within me to let it be crushed by someone so unbelievably hot.” 

“Funny, considering you’re ranked one of the best looking to roam this goddamned building,” you comment, rolling your eyes. “Jimin, I bet you the moment you walk into his vision he will be swooning. He can’t say no to you.”

“You think so?”

“With a juicy ass like yours, no, he wouldn’t be able to resist.” 

You feel something shuffle beside you, which you brush off as Seokjin’s feet - it’s not the first time he’d stretch his legs out beside you, just to annoy you. It’s until Jimin’s doubling over with laughter at the sound of someone’s voice that you finally pay mind to. 

Jeongguk chuckles. “Really? I didn’t take you for an ass person, Y/N.” That’s exactly why your ever so lovely best friend - since high school, may you add - was tearing up. Seokjin tries his best to keep his laughter at bay, knowing well you’ll give them hell after this. 

You’re abashed wholly as red inherits your skin from neck to ears. Jeongguk’s very existence was made to shame you - catch you at the most vulnerable moments and have you burden them for as long as you breathe. 

“Where did you come from?”

“From the cafeteria. I came to ask you something.” 

After this presumptuous interaction, you are confident that he may have hit his head this morning. This was more than peculiar, and frankly, it left you perplexed as ever. “Okay, go ahead, shoot.” Interest piques and you notice the way he hesitates before shooting a quick look towards Jimin who grins ever so evilly. 

“Be my date for tonight.” 

That bastard. 

“What?”

“Hello? Can’t you hear? I told you to be my date for tonight.” He says it so straight-forwardly it almost has you toppling over your seat. His face harbours a look that you can’t quite fathom and it irks you. What was he plotting? 

“There’s definitely a catch to this.” Seokjin and Jimin observe quietly, the elder sending the youth a few questionable glares here and there. It seems as if Jimin was the one behind this all - which, if he was, wouldn’t leave you surprised at all. 

What a libra.

Jeongguk shakes his head - you grow soft at the way his locks bob as he does so. “I promise there’s no catch - I just want a date for the dance. That’s all.” It leaves you with a frown hanging on your lips. All he needed was someone to hang by his side.

“And from all the chicks around you ask me?”

There’s silence then - he doesn’t respond, only purses his lips and fiddles with his fingers. He avoids eye contact. You sigh. “Sure - yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll be your date, Jeon.”

“Score!” 

You watch as both Jimin and your new dance date high five before you. The pits of your stomach continue to bubble with anxiety and soon enough you might even think this might be a bet. 

Jeongguk went from provoking you to asking you to be his date.

Seokjin gives you a rather sceptical look, tapping at your hand lightly. “What was that supposed to be?” He asks you, gaze wandering about the two snickering to themselves. You peek at Jeongguk and he seems to be pretty content. You still can’t comprehend just what’s going on in his head, but you conclude that it’s no good. 

“I don’t know, but I hope he doesn’t pull any shit and ruin a good night.”

---

To say you’re beyond nervous is an understanding. 

The both of you agreed to meet at the school gates, and as you step out of the cab you conveniently managed to catch, the situation dawns on you greatly. What happened to being sworn enemies after an unintentional spill?

If you were to look back at the time you’ve spent planning the occasion, you’d say something changed. He doesn’t make your blood boil as much - he presents you that charming smile more often. Not to mention how soft and kind it’d become in contrast to the many devilish grins and disdainful scowls he’d sent your way before. 

You can’t tell if it’s progress or not. 

The building looks rather magical - students loiter around the main entrance with big grins decorating their faces. Their well-prepared looks shimmer under the dim lights radiating from inside the school. 

“Y/N!” Your body instantly freezes at the sound of his voice. You’ve grown used to it over time, but in this specific condition, it shakes you to the core. “Over here!”

Feet trepidatiously coursing over to him, you let your fingers fiddle with your fit. You look presentable to say the least - perhaps not as extravagant as the other people who’ve probably spent half their paycheck on something to wear. Decent, as you would put it. 

“You better not pull anything on me, Jeon,” 

“Why would I?”

Well, why would he? Makes you debate. The behemoth of worries and what-ifs subsides slowly but surely because Jeongguk sounds so sincere. Not to mention the way he’s looking at you right now - it makes you shrink, but in a positive way. He has the faintest of smiles plastered on his lips. 

You don’t know how to feel whatsoever. 

“Listen,” you tell him softly, looking at the ground as if it was the most interesting piece of art. “If… If this is all a joke or a dumb bet with Jimin, cut it out. You’re acting weird.” As a result, you can almost detect the frown drowning his smile as you speak. 

Jeongguk reaches out to hold your hands. If he hadn’t done that, you’re pretty sure you would’ve ruined your somewhat prized possession. His touch is warm - it sends electricity coursing through your veins and leaves you stunned. Your head’s quick to shoot up at him. 

“I promise that it’s nothing like that. Can’t I take the girl I’ve had this like, huge crush on to a dance?”

If pigs could fly they’d be more believable than this very moment. What was he saying? Is he even sure he’s talking to the right person?

“You’re kidding?” You say almost breathlessly. You’re pretty sure your eyes are wider than what’s physically possible, and your mouth’s hanging open. Nothing could convince you just how true this was. “Shut up - crush? You’ve been nagging me since I fucked your notes up. How could you possibly have a crush on someone you clearly dislike?” 

His facial expression becomes even more unfathomable. Jeongguk shakes his head gently, “I was just teasing! It’s a habit - you’re fun to mess with, much less be around. Was I that bad?” 

Oh? 

This was like entering a whole new universe. Was that a good way to even describe the whirlwind of emotions washing over you right now? Never had you even considered that, because why would Jeon Jeongguk, quite possibly one of the most alluring men to ever walk this earth, find entertainment in you? Much less harbour a liking. 

You punch his shoulder jokingly. 

“God - you bastard! For how long has this been going on?”

There’s a sheepish grin on his face - he’s rubbing the nape of his neck again, it’s endearing. “You remember that time you fixed the soundbar? Yeah, by that time, I was a goner - I think?” His words are all fumbling together. He was growing shy by the way red bloomed onto his cheeks. “Then… Then we kind of vibed during the whole planning thing. Jimin was kind of sceptical, so he uh, he confronted me about it.” 

Ah, so Jimin was part of all this. 

“Uh, I hoped this would’ve gone in a more, uh, romantic way? Maybe while we were dancing. I heard you put some pretty sappy songs in there.”

Seeing this new side of him hit you like that time Seokjin threw your school bag and earned you a nasty bruise on your nose. It’s fresh, better than the usual cocky talk he gives you.

Perhaps by time, it’ll grow on you. 

“When I say you’re really something, I never had in mind this side of you.” You sigh gently, letting a miniature of a smile wash over your lips. This is nice. It’s calming. “Now that I have clarification, you’re not so bad yourself, Jeon.” 

“And if you let me, I can continue to prove that on the dance floor.”

[azfellandco]

Hey there, so your reply to my comment on the vampire AU, about Aziraphale and consumption and such, has been rattling around in my head since I read it, and I was hoping, if you have the time/energy/desire of course, to pick your brains about what kinds of meta/headcanons you've got? Because Aziraphale and food and softness and subversion give me LIFE and I have some thoughts of my own but I'd love to hear yours :D

I would love to talk about this some more, hell yeah. Thank you so much. Please do also tell me your headcanons, @dwarven-beard-spores, I definitely want to hear them. Here is the AU in question for anyone else who might be interested.

Anyway I’m going to have to put this under a read-more because this has become like… thesis level long. My apologies to anyone on mobile. 

The thing I love about this book in general is that there’s such a rich vein of history of thought to explore baked into the premise. Angels and demons and god and the devil and satanic nuns and witches and the four horsemen and the antichrist and the Book of Revelation’s “capital A for Apocalypse” exist in this universe and because so much of it is played for humorous effect there’s a lot of wiggle room as to how these things actually interact with their real world theological equivalents. Which is all building up to say: I am absolutely fascinated with the dichotomy in popular conception between angels as good/holy and angels as monstrous, and how to a lot of people that really isn’t a dichotomy at all. 

Here are some quotes I think about in conjunction with Aziraphale a lot. 

“Did you ever notice how in the Bible, whenever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?“  –The Prophecy

“Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the hierarchyof angels? and even if one of thempressed me against his heart: I would be consumedin that overwhelming existence. For beauty is nothingbut the beginning of terror, which we still are just able to endure,and we are so awed because it serenely disdainsto annihilate us. Every angel is terrifying.” –Rainer Maria Rilke

Every angel is terrifying. What? Whomst? Aziraphale, light of my life, in love with a demon who thinks bullet-hole window transfers and expensive divers’ watches are cool, calls said demon “my dear”, is terrifying? Excuse me? 

I am utterly in love with the idea of Aziraphale as this potential force of nature, with the righteous fury and the wings and the sword and wait. What did Aziraphale do with that sword? He gave it away to the humans that got kicked out of paradise, because they looked cold. 

The first thing Aziraphale does in the whole book is a renouncement of this particular idea of angels, and we see him sort of… butt up against it later, when he talks to the Metatron. Aziraphale doesn’t want the world to end, of course he doesn’t, but I just have… so many feelings about the way Aziraphale talks about the war versus the way the Metatron talks about the war. 

The point is not to avoid the war, it is to win it. –the Metatron, pg. 242

The Metatron is the kind of angel above, blood and fury, and Aziraphale’s voice goes “flat and hopeless” in the face of it, “the bitterness in his voice would have soured milk”. Aziraphale doesn’t want this war to happen, and the way all his thoughts and feelings are tagged versus the sort of netural, descriptionless way the Metatron’s are (pretty much the only characterization the Metatron gets is “a well-educated voice” and “a shade testily”, the latter of which is in response to Aziraphale saying he has to delay returning to Heaven) has always struck me as like… the difference between Aziraphale and other angels is that Aziraphale cares so much. We talk a lot in this fandom about Crowley and “the truth was that Crowley rather liked humans. It was a major failing in a demon” but Aziraphale is the same, he’s just… subtler. 

Where the heck was I going with this. I’m so fond. 

Ah yes. Aziraphale is different from other angels because he cares, because he wants. I wrote a fic about this, too, actually. So it’s sort of interesting to me that it’s in the things Aziraphale wants that he is most an ”every angel is terrifying” angel, even though in some cases it’s a muted and complex kind of thing, a lot of which has been helped along for my by popular fandom and my love of gothic lit and isn’t necessarily comping from the book anymore, everything from here on out is my headcanons.

The most obvious example of Aziraphale’s desires being the most monstrous thing about him comes from that same conversation with the Metatron. I’m sure everybody here is aware of the good old “Aziraphale was willing to kill a child so he could stay on earth and keep eating sushi” post which, while reductive, is essentially what I’m getting at here. Aziraphale calls the Metatron with the specific intent of the Metatron killing Adam and stopping the ball rolling because he likes the world and he likes living there and I really do think, when it comes down to it, that’s a purely selfish decision on Aziraphale’s part. Crowley knows that the things about the world that will get Aziraphale on his side near the start of the book are all things Aziraphale likes. 

“No more compact discs… no salt, no eggs. No gravlax with dill sauce. No more fascinating little restaurants where they know you. No Daily Telegraph crosswords. No small antique shops. No book shops either. No interesting first editions. No–” Crowley scraped the bottom of Aziraphale’s barrel of interests, “regency silver snuffboxes.” –pg. 46

It’s all well and good to like people and want to help them and want to save them, but in the end, for a certain kind of person (the kind of person I see Aziraphale as), you have to make it personal. And people, as I’m sure everyone is aware, will do truly awful things in the name of protecting what is personal to them. 

I don’t know where to put this observation so it’s going here. That one line that’s like “Six millennia exposure to humans was having the same effect on Aziraphale as it was on Crowley, only in the opposite direction”? I’ve generally seen this taken to mean “six millennia had made them both more human-like by making Crowley less evil and Aziraphale less good” but personally I’ve always taken it to mean that exposure to humans has made Crowley like humans more and Aziraphale like humans less. My angel is antisocial and likes people in a general sense only, because it’s important to his self-image to love all of God’s creation or whatever.

On that slightly ominous note let’s move on to the point about consumption. There’s a sentiment in some feminist literature about desire, and sexual desire, and hunger, and how they overlap that is relevant here but I cannot find the exact quote I am thinking of so these will have to do. 

For a woman who has learned to make herself physically and emotionally small, to live literally and figuratively on scraps, admitting that you have an appetite is a source of cavernous fear. Women are often on a diet of the body, but we are always on a diet of the heart. The low-maintenance woman, the ideal woman, has no appetite. This is not to say that she refuses food, sex, romance, emotional effort; to refuse is petulant, which is ironically more demanding. The woman without appetite politely finishes what’s on her plate, and declines seconds. She is satisfied and satisfiable. –Hunger Makes Me by Jess Zimmerman (if the contents of this meta i’m writing interest you then I suggest you read this article as well)

Please also see this “a softer world” fancomic which is a remix of the poem Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe– “And we loved with a love that was more than love, I and my Annabel Lee.”

To want is to hunger and to hunger is to want and it’s extremely important to me that Aziraphale’s particular temptation, and one Crowley knows full well, is lunch. Wanting as selfishness, as monstrousness, is… how you say… my entire shit. The subgenre of gothic horror that is about women who want and the way this makes them feel, as though they’re destructive and dark and dangerous, is pretty much the reason I am the person I am today. Crimson Peak, Shirley Jackson’s work but especially The Haunting of Hill House (speaking of which i am going to personally eviscerate whoever approved that netflix series, how dare they), to some extent Karen Navidson’s story in House Of Leaves, probably lots of others but those are the main ones that come to mind. They’re all about women who want, and feel they shouldn’t, and how that disconnect makes them othered from themselves and the world around them. 

I’ve always seen some overlap between this and the concept of queering the villain, because historically the idea of sexual desire has been made to look monstrous by bigots and assholes and that absolutely has not stopped us from grabbing these characters and archetypes and saying “mine now”. I’m never going to stop loving queer-coded villains as long as I live, because if society wants us to be evil we will damn well show them evil. 

But of course, wanting isn’t actually evil. It’s just human. Aziraphale is not especially selfish, for a human, even when that selfishness manifests as disregard for his companion’s feelings or stubbornness about the big picture (”That only works, right, if you start everyone off equal… that’s the good bit. The lower you start the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, that’s lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it’s ineffable.”) it’s still just… human. People have a notoriously hard time caring about suffering beyond themselves, it’s why we invented morality. Wanting has no moral value, not really, just as hunger doesn’t. 

But I can’t help but think that, if Aziraphale agrees with this assessment, it’s taken him thousands of years and certainly until after the apocalypse to arrive there. Aziraphale wants to be good, and he wants his side to be “the good side”, so much so that he’s deluded himself for ages into thinking he doesn’t care about or consider the validity of the stuff Crowley says and believes. There is no textual evidence to support the statement “Aziraphale feels guilty for wanting things and part of the reason he’s so attached to Crowley is that Crowley makes him feel less guilty”, but there it is. 

Aziraphale wants, and other angels don’t, or at least, Aziraphale wants in a very concrete and specific sense that other angels don’t seem to–food, wine, books, snuffboxes, Crowley– in short, to be in the world and experience. Aziraphale wants sensual things, pretty things. Comfortable things. Aziraphale is such a soft and homey character despite all these little apparent sharp points, and I adore that about him. 

Let me quote my own fic for a moment, the vampire fic that prompted this ask in the first place.

Everything about Aziraphale said “soft” to Crowley, it was something he’d always rather liked about his friend. Soft curls framing his round face, gentle hands, warm and unfashionable clothes covering his pudgy middle. There was absolutely nothing about Aziraphale that looked even slightly predatory, and Crowley had never been able to determine if this was intentional camouflage or just the way Aziraphale was [footnote: it was both]. 

Aziraphale is selfish and petty and can be inconsiderate and obtuse, but he gave away the thing that identified him as an angel because some humans were suffering and needed it. He loves wine, and books, and he’s fat goddammit, because of course he is. He’s nonthreatening because he’s chosen to be. He’s human because he’s chosen to be, just as Crowley is. It just took him longer to realize that’s what he’d done. He’s got the potential, by virtue of being an angel, to be this incredibly powerful and dangerous thing, and instead he owns a bookshop and feeds the ducks and goes to lunch with his friend. 

I’m sure I’ll think of like ten additional things I want to say about this after I post it lmao prepare yourself for that, I guess. 

[kazlifeadventures]

Cruising to the end!

This cruise was a last last minute decision, encouraged by my friend Jas in Trini (and some of my friends back home). I'd cruised before, but never solo. Let alone solo in a foreign country! The over night ferry cruises to get to Germany last month don't count..

Any way turns out cruising Americans love that Aussie accent to.. somehow I met this amazing couple from Maryland on the first night. We clicked and ended up spending at least part of each evening together. Great minds think alike (and have the same drink/bar tastes)...

This cruise was a 7 night Eastern Carribean adventure taking in 3 ports out of Fort Lauderdale.

Sint Maartens / St Martins island was amazing. It blows my mind that such a tiny place is literally split in two. France owns the 53km sq northern side of the island where it's known Saint Martin with its capital Marigot. This area is wholly part of France, and as such they are part of the European Union. The currency is euro (although mist places will also accepr US dollars) and the people speak French as well as English.

St Maartens, on the Southern Dutch side with its capital of Phillipsburg is the smaller portion of the island at 34km sq. Where it's small in stature is made up by controlling the largest port and being able to accommodate the large cruise ships. This section is technically one of four constituemt countries that form part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. Here they currently accept the Netherlands Antillean guilder (this is changing soon!) as well as US dollars.

The island itself was discovered in 1493 by Christopher Colombus, and at one stage was major producer of salt via a multitude of salt ponds some of which are still visible (but no longer used) today. The division between the 2 countries dates back to 1648, where the Dutch and the French finally agreed to split the territory via signing the treaty of Concordia. As you go from one side to the other it's clear how much emphasis on looking after the country has been placed by their respective governing bodies. Fun fact - as small as it is, it is still an international call to call from one side to the other! Oh, and the main airport on the French side is the one where they fly over you on the beach and you have to hang on to the fence to stop blowing away...

I did a bus tour to both sides of the island taking in the crazy iguanas in trees... seriously those things were huge and everywhere! I then spent the remainder of my day in Phillipsburg exploring it's gorgeous little streets and architecture, hanging on the fabulous beach, drinking beer and eating jerk chicken...I like to call that 'full immersion '😁

Then we were off to overnight to our next stop. San Juan, Puerto Rico. This one was an oddly short stop, which I found out later may have been due to some very high port costs (apparently US port areas charge steep fees based on time in port making it less cost effective to stay longer). Anyway we technically had about 6 hrs in port. After a leisurely start that saw me trying to convince myself to get off the boat, I wandered ashore with half a plan and ended up walking around the old town and city area for a good 2.5 hrs. Puerto Rico is classed as a US territory, so rather than being governed wholly by the US and it's constitution, it's kind of like the US over sees what goes on but the country govern themselves and follow parts of the US constitution. It's really complicated to explain fully, so go look it up and it'll make more sense! Anyway the city of San Juan was founded by Spanish colonists in 1521. The city lays claim to some of the most extensive preserved examples of Spanish coastal fortifications, as well as some amazing historical buildings. You all know how much I love a good fort, and here they were dotted along the cliffs of the city. Fort San Felipe Del Moro, Fort San Cristobal and La Fortaleza. No, I did not climb all over them... I wandered to each of them and marvelled at he ingenuity, but refrained from needing to climb to the top (I'm blaming time constraints ...🤣) anyway the gorgeous Santa María Magdalena de Pazzis Cemetery, a colonial era cemetery dating from 1863 is located just outside the walls of Fort San Felipe Del Moro and together the two form a breathtaking break in the skyline to the shore. Luckily for me a tourist from one if the tours warned me to get off the wall overlooking the ceremony as apparently you get a 500 USD fine for standing on it! No signs telling you that, so hey, dodged a bullet there! Later back on the ship, I overheard some fellow passengers stating they thought San Juan was a poor and dirty city. I guess all this travel has allowed me to see past that without realising. I thought it had a charm about it, (some of its residents thought they had charm too - queue guy trying to chat me up as he drove next to me in his car...🤣). It wasn't any dirtier than any other city I've visited (in fact there have been a hack of alot of places that were way worse, as were parts of LA - which I was yet to see) It's well known the country is struggling immensely with corruption and the vast divide in income for its citizens. The people I encountered were well versed in Touristing (again, like every where!) I really liked my time here, and would have liked longer in order to have been able to venture out of the city to see some of the natural wonders this country possesses.

Off overnight again, this time to the port of Labadee, a resort port on the island of Haiti that is owned by the cruise ship company. What a perfect Carribean stop, beaches, bbq, cocktails, sun and the glorious water of the Caribbean. I had only intended a multi beach swim /lunch/ then back on the ship stop, but ended up meeting a lovely young couple of newlyweds from Florida who wanted to spend the day 'chatting with the Aussie cause your accent is amazing'. 😂 hey I learned alot more about America and the music in Nashville (the husband was originally from there), and found out what 'dip ' is so it was a win-win. Btw 'dip' is like a tobacco but you don't chew it you stick it inside your bottom lip and then spit every now and then... kinda gross, but hey whatever floats ya boat!

Haiti outside of the resort area is a mess. A real mess. It's a country in financial crisis, with an unstable government and a collapsing infrastructure struggling to cope with the lawlessness of some of its inhabitants. I didn't do any of the tours as they didn't leave the safety of the resort bubble, so you weren't seeing the 'real' Haiti. I did end up buying a bracelet from a local artist and somehow being given 2 necklaces by another two artists...don't ask me what happened but to my relief, having them on seemed to deter other hardy salesmen. The people of Haiti still gain an income from having the ships come in, so for that I was grateful. It's not enough to fix their problems though....

All too soon we were back on board and off for our last night at sea, and for me, off to LA. Rather than doing the 6hr or so worth of flights followed by the big one back to Aus, I'd opted to fly to LA and spend one night there, leaving late the next evening. Synchronicity saw me receive the email for my free night of accomodation that I'd earnt earlier at one of the chain hotels in the US. This meant my last night was a freebie, go me! I got in late the night before, so literally had a day in LA. Jumped a tour that took me out to Marina Del Ray, Little Venice, Venice Beach, Santa Monica pier, Hollywood, the walk of fame, Mann's theatre... all the biggies! As much as I'd have liked to do the studio tours, no time. I will say I was underwhelmed by most of what so saw. Maybe I have been awed by too many things, but I thought LA was not worth the hype. The Hollywood walk of fame needed a bloody good clean, Venice Beach was just a beach with a whole lot of over priced tourist traps... I dunno. I'm hoping this isn't all of the West Coast because I was intending to go back and make it happen... (once I can convince someone to join me and share driving cause this one needs a co - pilot!)😁

I finally have to go back to Australia and make a decision about my job, where I'm going to live...pretty much have to go back and adult again (gosh darn it!).

How much has this adventure changed me? Immeasurably. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to do this. I am so proud of who I am and what I've achieved. Am I glad I did it - hell yeah! Would I change anything? Hell no! Everything that has happened, happened for a reason, changing it would change where I am now. I have learnt some amazing things about travelling, hints and tricks for booking places, how transport works in different countries, whether it's cheaper to buy tickets early/last minute. Logistical lessons most definitely. What I've learnt about me, could fill a book....

If I could encourage one person to take the step and travel solo and feel this joy and strength...even the smallest step, the shortest of time..just do it.

The people I have met have added something to each stage of my journey. No matter how small our interaction. For that I want to say a massive "Thank you", to each and every one of you. You have given me so much more than you would ever know or understand.

This isn't the end. It's only the beginning. There's a whole lot more of the world out there that I'm itching to explore ... I'll have to do it in pieces though as I've yet to discover the magic formula to allow me to continue to finance myself to keep travelling...

Where to next? Not sure yet... choice is an amazing luxury! Some of my trips I'll need a co-pilot to make it easier so that in itself will take time. Not sure how many people could handle travelling with me!!😉