#&someone who would be totally okay w that arrangement bc im so desperate for company that ill take her shit presence over nothing lmao. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jvzebel-x · 9 months

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How do you leave people behind?

this will sound so corny, but i find when i'm at a place where i'm considering cutting someone out of my life, i do a "pros/cons" list specifically about what they offer ME. good memories, bad memories, anything in between-- what does this person (who has somehow managed to make me feel so badly that i might want them out of my life permanently) actually bring to my life? what HAVE they brought to my life thus far, good bad or middle? when you go through your memories in a linear fashion, you'll get answers quickly, even answers to questions you might not fully understand (when did this feeling start? why did this feeling start? ect.ect.). &by the end, it will be very obvious what your answer is; i don't think i've ever gone through this process&not come out on the other end with, not just answers, but the closest thing to closure i actually believe in.

#when i cut my exbest friend out of my life a few years back this process left me so jawdroppingly ashamed of how much i put up w #that when i found out she was trying to get back into my life a year or so later i laughed so hard i started crying.#shes lucky i didnt just record a video of that&send her that as a response lmao.#the thing is when you go thru this sort of process you also see pretty quickly how these ppl saw YOU. what they clearly believed about YOU.#like one of the memories that stuck out most was when she found out she was pregnant&when i tried to talk to her about it #she immediately jumped to thinking i was upset bc i cant have kids. i was upset bc i thought i might never get to meet her kid.#bc i was. you know. dying&homeless at the time lmao. that one memory told me everything i really needed to know about what she thought #of my character in regards to selfishness. &her messages asking me to 'rethink letting her into my life bc she missed the energy i brought #her&the headspace i put her in' on the other end of things let me know exactly what i was to her-- something to bring value to HER #&someone who would be totally okay w that arrangement bc im so desperate for company that ill take her shit presence over nothing lmao.#like every single memory i have of us together is bullshit. every single one is tainted by her inherent selfishness&abhorrent behavior.#not one makes me think 'yeah i should try this again it wont be a waste of my time&energy that only she benefits from like our LAST #arrangement' lmao. &thats the case w literally every person i have cut out of my life.#no matter when how or why they come back i didnt only cut them off i cauterized the wound before even letting them know i was done w them #lmao. we dont go back-- only forward. 🌹🥂💋#💌

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