#the thing is when you go thru this sort of process you also see pretty quickly how these ppl saw YOU. what they clearly believed about YOU.

[jvzebel-x]

How do you leave people behind?

this will sound so corny, but i find when i'm at a place where i'm considering cutting someone out of my life, i do a "pros/cons" list specifically about what they offer ME. good memories, bad memories, anything in between-- what does this person (who has somehow managed to make me feel so badly that i might want them out of my life permanently) actually bring to my life? what HAVE they brought to my life thus far, good bad or middle? when you go through your memories in a linear fashion, you'll get answers quickly, even answers to questions you might not fully understand (when did this feeling start? why did this feeling start? ect.ect.). &by the end, it will be very obvious what your answer is; i don't think i've ever gone through this process&not come out on the other end with, not just answers, but the closest thing to closure i actually believe in.

[moonshine-nightlight]

Being sick for the past week meant that I had nothing better to do today than lay in bed and refresh tumblr waiting for chapter 34, and seeing it at the very top of my dash was the highlight of my day! The wait was definitely worth it, my health for the duration notwithstanding lol

SPOILER WARNING FOR PAST CHAPTERS IDK HOW TO PUT READ MORES IN ASKS I'M SO SORRY

You made the right call taking the extra time to edit this doozy of a chapter—figuring out how to share Dale's exposition in a way that made sense and fit into the events of the story while maintaining tonal consistency must have been quite the process, between the restrictions of Sana's POV, regency genre conventions, and the story's (heh) natural climax being Dale's identity "reveal" followed by the wedding. I'm very curious if you currently have any ideas for how you're going to tackle this exposition in the novelization, or if you're inclined to handle it differently at all!

@weasellyferret

i hope you're feeling better! i'm so glad you enjoyed the new chapter!

i hav no idea if u can even put a read more in an ask anymore and i can't hide it now but my answer will be under the read more

thanks! i think some people really underestimate how helpful even self editing is to make things coherent, especially for a long chapter like this one that covered so much but also was literally just two ppl talking to each other (ppl lov to say they'll take any update, but lik, thats cuz they dont knooow lol and i dont just want it to b passable, i want it to b good).

with lore/backstory like this i also have to make sure it makes sense to readers who havent read any of it before nor know any of the even more info that I know because there's even more worldbuilding and dale backstory that wont end up in the story.

i'm glad u think i pulled it off to any degree because i was still pretty nervous when i was posting it that it did make sense, fit in the world, was followable, interesting but not just exposition monologue, etc

yeah, chapter 30 where they have the reveal convo is the primary climax of the story and that's also 'just talking' in a sense so its interesting to write this story in that sense lol

while i had the broad outline of the world and dale's backstory from the beginning (i did a little exercise where i sketched out a sort of Dale POV of chapter 6 to get into his mindset which was super helpful) as I wrote the story a lot more of that info became fully fleshed out/defined. so for the novelization, i'll probably try to work more of the info in earlier or have better allusions to it, which will make some of the info in chapter 34 more of a quick confirmation than the exposition itself

ie i might add a chapter with more detail on Sana researching with Dale's books that Bilmont smuggles and plant suspicions of what went wrong with the summoning; i might adjust the chapter after the attack to be more of a convo about the assassination that the grandparents interrupt where Sana can suspect more of Dale's past etc and generally spread out what i can so its more foreshadowed/natural - things like that

other aspects sort of have to be told to Sana because its POV limited, evn when it is updated to 3rd POV. i'll probably do a straight POV swap and minor edit ; then take a look at it as a whole, reassess things on my own, run those ideas by some writer friends/betas and get their thoughts, and finally my editors (who i used for DSM) are also very good with making sure worldbuilding fits in right and so their advice will be helpful - especially since they will only get the draft i giv them without knowing how it was and what changed etc

once chapter 35 is out (which i'm still writing because smut is a challenge to right and i write it more slowly than other things) i'll start slowly editing and passing along to betas the rest of the story (i've got thru chap 11 done and betas who only read those and who are chomping at the bit - u think u've had a long wait? lol) but it will be spring by the time i do any big edits/revisions and then i'll giv it to the editors, who i already lik, semi-lined up for that time period and idk how long they will take because its a long book and then i'll need to process their edits too so it'll be a lengthy process, but i hope everyone knows it will 100% b a novel and i hope they enjoy it!

now back to stabbing away at the smut writing ;)

[candiid-caniine]

Hello lovely! I hope you're doing good!♡ (Sorry if you don't wanna be called that!!)

I was wondering how you vch piercing is healing and all that. I really want to get this piercing but I want to see how it's like for someone who already has it. Yknow? Here's some questions:

Did it hurt really really bad or was it not that bad? For context I have a medium pain tolerance. Have you had any significant problems with it? Would you recommend this piercing to a friend? How much did it cost for you to get? I know price depends place to place ofc. How long do you feel it took to heal? If it has yet! And any pros or cons?

If you're not comfortable with answering I understand! Thank you for your time. I hope you have a beautiful wonderful day♡

(Can I perhaps be " 🎀🍓 " anon??)

awaaa hi yourself, lovely!! (absolutely <3 being called that ty for checking tho!!)

i'm not at all uncomfy with answering!! and ofc that can be your anon signoff <3

talk of piercing + piercing aftermath under the cut!

so, here's the DL on your VCH questions:

pain level: extremely minimal! the thing that hurt the worst was being clamped (which was a bad sign - i've learned since then that people who know their shit piercing VCH will use a receiving tube, not clamps, so ask your piercer about their process during a consultation appointment and then make your decision!) i have my nostril, 2 cartilage, 6 lobe, and a vertical labret piercing on my lip. of those piercings, the vch and lip hurt the least. there's no cartilage to go thru, and even though we think of the clit as a very sensitive area, the hood of it, when it's isolated, isn't super sensitive for most. your anatomy and your pain tolerance will differ, but as a piercing veteran, the vch was the least painful!

problems with it: unfortunately, my vch rejected about two months after it'd healed (y'all can fact check me on this, i'm guesstimating). i *don't* think it was necessarily inherent to the VCH; rejection can happen to anyone for various reasons, but (afaik) is more of a risk when a piercing is more surface-based, like an eyebrow piercing. what i think happened: i think my piercer placed it too low on my clit hood; the top ball should have been higher up. this, combined with a poor jewelry fit and, uh, the fact that that area gets a lot of friction...probably contributed to the rejection. i took it out once i noticed because i didn't want to tear. as i mentioned above, my piercer used a technique that is *not* considered best practice by genital piercing professionals. (she's an excellent piercer otherwise, i love her, but now i know genitals are not her strong suit.)

another problem: due to the friction (not necessarily me rubbing it, more so clothing, my spouse's pelvic bone, etc), the ball was constantly coming loose, prompting a frantic hunt in the bedsheets/my laundry basket for the missing piece...pain in the fucking ass, but i think it also depends on your anatomy!

something that *wasn't* a problem that i expected to be: i don't think it ever once got caught on anything. once or twice, i had a pube get sort of wound around it, but since i was touching it...all the time...soooo much >.> i usually noticed pretty quick lmaoooo

i would recommend this piercing (done well, taken good care of) to a friend wanting a little bling downstairs and a little extra stimulation!

mine cost $100. but it's common to cost more than that from genital-specialty piercers, and for good reasons; i think my piercer priced it reasonably (small town economy + again, she didn't do a *great* job) but expect to pay more. that said, never equate cost with quality: ask your piercer...

where they learned to do a VCH

their process (receiving tube vs. clamps)

if they have any photographs of completed VCHs they've done. to assess all these best practices, check Elaine Angel's website. she basically invented the best practices, and she has plenty of good and bad example piercings for most types of genital piercings!

it took ~2 weeks before i'd say it was fully healed. most piercers caution you to wait 4-6 weeks for full healing; my body (and what i consider "healed"), as well as my new piercing aftercare routine, are specific to me. but for most people, it's <6 weeks. the rejection didn't happen until after healing. as far as healing the piercing *hole*, after taking it out, i don't notice any difference; there's maybe a pock mark sort of thing, or dimple? but it's not a "hole" anymore. just a mark, and there's not any scarring or tissue that irritates my clitoris, given i took it out so fast!

pros!

if you have my specific kinks, you are not gonna want to wait to start touching yourself >.> you can browse through my #kinky mods tag (tagged on this post for easy access) for a play-by-play of how fucked up it got me lmao.

as in, even tho it ached, i touched that shit the second day (gently) and had the craziest ruined orgasm of my life.

there is really something to be said for the tiny, itty bitty piece of stimulation achieved by the barbell under your hood.

also really something to be said about the balls themselves sliding over your clit when you rub with your fingers ;-;

vibrator against the barbell = weirdest overstim in the world.

heals fast; lots of cool jewelry options out there; doesn't hurt very much [compared to my other piercings, ymmv].

cons:

can be expensive to get one that's done properly.

you do eventually stop being as sensitive to the new stimulation. however, most people just switch jewelry to change things up after awhile, so nbd.

that said, jewelry change can be a bitch. it's hard to do that shit on your clitoris. you may find yourself needing to go to your piercer for jewelry changes, but many piercers offer this service at cost of jewelry/even free of charge, depending.

if you lose a piece of your jewelry, you might cry. lol. keep backups on hand. (my piercer, bless her fucking heart, has incredible aftercare services - she will literally drive to the shop at 1 am if your jewelry falls in the toilet. yes, she gives her clients her personal cell number. bless up, J, you can't pierce a clit worth a damn but you love what you do!)

how do i say this,, u know how. a new piercing might sort of get crusty. esp if you don't clean it often (follow ur aftercare instructions! always!!!!!) but uh. my regular aftercare did not prepare me for the crust being *under* the clit hood. it wasn't much, and it came off when i downsized jewelry, but eugh. it should be minimal, anyway, but still, don't be surprised.

the swelling was mainly the thing, in the hours after i got it pierced, but it didn't hurt worse than, say, biting the inside of your cheek really hard when you're chomping down on food - just that sort of ache you get. honestly i've had worse clit pain in the aftermath of being clamped, tho.

hope this helped ;-; i know it was a lot but y'all know me, i tend to go ham on these general/educational/experience questions. you're following an autistic puppy, what'd you expect? <3

[intergalactic-chameleon]

something that’s been on my mind a lot lately is T and if, when, and how long i should/could take it for. im not really in a hurry for it because im still trying to process how it would change me. and the thing is, i know i can get a low-T prescription, and I know i can stop it whenever i feel like it. but the big picture is what stops me in my tracks…

like, the reasons i want to take T are overwhelmingly erotic and sexual. which is cool, and i know that’s a big reason why most transmasc ppl take T in the first place. i see sexy transmen who have been on T for years and love how masculine their bodies have become, and often i yearn to look like them too. but being that i dont fully consider myself a man, i worry that it would be distressing to one day look so much like a man that no one would idk… recognize me?

again this is sort of irrational bc again i have control over when and how long i could take T for but idk, it’s so frustrating. i feel like i get ahead of myself and mentally think “hell yea, one day im gonna look like a sexy man. that’s so hot!! i cant wait to have the sex ive always dreamed of” but then i remind myself most of my family knows me as a woman and in some ways/instances i like being seen as a woman and i just. dont know how worth it is to just “dive in too deep” irt medical transition when i value my connections with people as a Woman so to speak

a smaller dilemma is whether or not i want to try T out before or after top surgery (which i still need to like, find a way to get a consultation with a surgeon who i feel will give me the kind of results i want… disgruntled sigh). but regardless i know top surgery will change my relationship to my body tenfold and it’s like… will i still want T after surgery? how far do i want to go with this whole thing?

just. gah. i feel like if my dysphoria was more straight forward i feel like i could make decisions abt transition more easily. but i dont know how much femininity i want to “sacrifice” so that im more sexually fulfilled… atp it just feels like i have this ultra masculine fantasy version of myself in my head and it’s scary to try and go after that.

but at the same time i read all this of writing over and worry im inhibiting myself too much! like im just scared of being Too Trans so that it becomes A Thing and i have to come out to everyone, And im also scared of waiting unnecessarily long to do the things i wanna do just because im concerned that like, idk, extended family is going to be weird and upset abt it. which shouldnt stop me because this is my life and i get to decide what to do with it. but it still distresses me…

truly i know the answer to all of this is that i have more control over my hormonal changes than i think i do, and that transition can stop and restart several times thru out ur life and thats ok, and the people who truly love you will try their best to acknowledge and accept u as u are. but this knowledge wont stop me from overthinking all of this, will it?? 🙃

basically, i pretty much know what i want, but im scared i have unrealistic expectations and that it would be more dysphoria inducing to attempt to more vigorously transition (read: take T long enough to look and sound super different) than to otherwise not. god

[darthnell]

hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2, 3, 4, 17, 20, 37, 40, 45, 68, aaand 76 with widow's bite and/or true vengeance :> for the ask game :)

Hi mait !!!!! <3 <3 ty for the asks !! :D So many omggg :0 gonna. put this under a readmore too bc i Cannot shut up LOL

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

So..! I think with my longer stories, I generally like. Have the gist of how the story itself is gonna go, but I tend to leave a lot of the chapter dividing for later / when I get to that part of the story. Bc for chapters specifically, I think the way I write is highly dependent on how the scene goes..? Like maybe when I get to a certain scene, I'll realize I need to split it into two chapters, or I shuffle this scene that was supposed to go into the next chapter into this one. And I like having that sort of leeway as I go ! Like, I'm preeeetty sure that TrV is gonna end at 68 chapters, but it's more like 68 +/- 1 LOL. And I didn't have a super solid chapter count for that until like well into the Games portion (currently, the story is at ch 60).

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Ooh ! Okay so for chapters, I can talk about TrV, and for fics, I will talk about TBWB since I basically Just wrote that one.

For chapters, I typically have in mind the scenes I wanna write. Sometimes a certain scene needs some leadup into it, especially if it's an important one... Like the characters getting to that scene, or a transitional scene from the previous one into the upcoming one. And once I've got my opening sentence - so, once I've figured out where Exactly I'm starting - the rest tends to come easier. Looking back thru my past TrV chaps, I tend to start a lot of them with a single somewhat attention-grabbing line. which honestly mostly serves to grab my attention when writing LOL. Starting with dialogue is also fun. But yeah, then I work my way through the chapter/scenes (mine tend to be a couple scenes long, with an average of ~4.2k for the whole fic). Each chapter should be driving the story in some way, though that doesn't necessarily mean every one has to be action-packed. Character-driven chapters work just as well ! But typically, I have a set of points I want to hit in each chapter. And that can be super vague, but I find as I write, it gets more specific as I go line-by-line.

For an entire story... The Bridges We Burn is a fun example because I for the event I wrote this story for, I basically had 5 weeks give or take to write the entire thing. The concept of this event was I received an oc from someone else participating, and I had to write a story where they won the Games. So! I got my character, Aslan (pokes him), beautiful kind 6'7" goober from D5 bdhvbhd. ((Side note, typically I'm writing my own characters, but I for sure find that starting with character and a few Situations/concepts is a lot easier than not)). I already had some ideas for what I wanted to do with my arena and some fun events, so what I needed to do now was like. Organize everything. What kind of story would make this character really shine? I will say though that like. Oftentimes, the Situations kind of generate in my brain like. Near-instantaneously, so it's often just a matter of organizing them. Now for Aslan's case, it was pretty easily spelled out on his character form - one of his core traits was trying to see the best in everyone, and rejecting the notion that you can just pick and choose people based on worth, and that the world is inherently cruel. Kid's also got a bit of a savior complex. So, that's a lot of very fun things to put to the test in the Games (: Naturally, I threw him in a situation where he faced a lot of needless cruelty and was also rendered pretty helpless in preventing the deaths of the people he allied with. So, his trials and tribulations regarding all of That, and his reaction to those events were where I had my story.

..And okay, I'll talk a Little bit about it with Ven too. One of her strong notions was her privilege. As a resident of D2, and a kid whose parents are both Victors, she grew up basically assuming that winning the Games was her birthright. And this notion was immediately put to the test in the first chapter, which was the funeral of her little sister, who'd volunteered for the Games when she wasn't supposed to, and died. So, the premise of Ven's story is confronting that (and a whole lot of other things). ...And then naturally I am putting her through the wringer in the Games ehehe..

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Bro seriously just take inspiration from fucking Everything. Eat up the world around you, be it tiny irl experiences or media or something you see on your news feeds that makes you go "Ooooh!" (mait yk that weird sea creature post thing u reblogged from me? wouldnt that make a sick arena mutt? :D). You can make anything into inspiration if you're creative enough ! And it's also like. Really fun to think about things in this manner. Also like. Read books, watch shows, play neat video games, talk to people about characters and your ideas and theirs, it's Fun !!! Seriously, anything can be a Hunger Games arena if you think about it hard enough.

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

Ngl, I personally refuse to call it "writer's block" (or "art block", etc), I just don't like the term. Feel like it's too easy to create a feedback loop of "oh, I'm having a hard time writing, it must be writer's block" to "i have writer's block now so I literally Cannot write" and I don't wanna touch that loop with a ten foot pole. IT DOESNT EXIST IT CAN'T HURT ME..

But, ofc sometimes writing can be difficult !!! I rly do wanna start doing this more, but I've read that the best thing to do when it feels like you can't write is to read. I rly wanna read more books. It's good for the soul. Kisses Frankenstein's creation on the mouth. (that was the last book i read bjhvdhd). But yeah reading !!! Be it books or other fics or whatever suits your fancy. Some other things that can help are like. Getting out and moving around; exercise, if that's up your alley. I used to run a lot more than I do now, and that's a good hobby for writing, it allows you time alone with your thoughts to plan and shit.. really good. But like walking, or bike riding is good too. And if you're in a discord server that has a sprint bot, or anything like that, those are v helpful too ! Get other people to join you and hold you accountable ! 100 words is better than none ! 10 words is better than none ! You can do this !

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

One thing about me is I rly enjoy writing really bizarre and graphic injuries. Apparently. I don't know why. It's just fun !! Sorry Aslan. I think it's cathartic in a way though, maybe. It's also really interesting to see how I can tie back the horror to the themes of the story.

I used to do a thing I noticed where I'd write like.. alliterative descriptions sometimes? I don't rly know if I still do that though.

Uhh some themes I like playing around with are family; Ven's is rly big on that, and Aslan's re: his adoptive family also tracks. I think grief is a pretty common one in my stories as well - though that's kind of expected in a hunger games fic where so many people are getting offed. But TrV definitely goes into that a lot more.. and my exchange fic from last year, Desiderium, touches on it a decent amount. Another theme I enjoy playing around with, esp in terms of thg fic is images. Concepts of "pretty" and "ugly" and "beautiful." Public images for victors, and stereotypes. What sort of angle the tribute character is going to play - if they're going to pick an angle. Very neat stuff. I think I wrote a post about that recently.. yeah, this.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Generally on an interesting or intriguing note. Sometimes with a really poignant line or scene of piece of dialogue. Sometimes a surprise event. I ended one of Aslan's chapter's mid-sentence, which was fun c: Playing around with expectations of a scene is just Fun. ..I ended his finale mid-dialogue too LOL (they had to knock him out in order to get him out of the arena.. oops).

Usually though, I end the chapter at the end of a scene. Haha. No shit nell. Uhh yeah. Cliffhangers are fun too ! Not always necessary. But yeah, good to end on something that makes you want to keep reading. ..Now I kinda wanna see a collection of all my chapter endings...

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

!!!!! :0 Man that's a good one :0 Probably Ven bc I am simply always obsessed with her. We been knew LOL. I haven't done like a fullbody of her in her arena outfit yet - I've been meaning to do art of her in all her outfits but alas. ..Yeah, I think just like. Now that everything's gone to shit in her story, I think I'd cry if someone drew one of the soft scenes w her and Mari, or her and Mari and Percy... ;--; I miss their dynamic :c

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Yanno. Who says you can't do both !!! I love little haha funny moments interspersed throughout a good narrative; that's how life is, after all. But um. Given the nature of what I write.. I gotta say break some hearts LMAO.

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Ooh uh, I think I kiinda answered this one earlier but. Reading/consuming media. ..Not tumblr tho ngl, scrolling apps are rly not good if u wanna get in writing/creative mindset. Like pinterest maaaaybe depending on how you use it but in the end. scrolling app /points gun/... uh yeah, getting outside and going places is good. physical exercise (though don't hold me to that lol). Even just talking to people about your ideas is good for that sometimes ! bounce inspiration off of each other...

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

Okay, so for TrV and Widow...

Man, I wrote Widow so long ago that I don't even super remember... I know there was a scene of Riin and her mentor Janus watching the latter's Games. I'd originally written that to be included on the train ride home from Riin's Games, but it didn't end up being super necessary for that point; kinda took away from Riin's story. So what I did was I rewrote it from Janus's pov and posted it as a separate fic, No Sleep for the Wicked ! :D

From TrV... hm. So there were def some scenes between the larger Career pack that I cut, just cus they were like. Bits of dialogue that didn't really add anything and they didn't fit well within the scene/chapter/story, so they ultimately weren't necessary. I think there was also a scene of like. Percy sniping a bumblebee with an arrow bc he was so bored and had no other way to show off his skills LOL I genuinely can't remember if I included that or not.. I feel like I didn't though. There's another scene that like.. I didn't exactly cut, it just wasn't observed by any of the pov characters, and it's basically just a convo between Percy and Mariposa after Ven got bitten by the wolf, and they discuss..... Things (idk I didn't actually write it lmao). There's another not-quite-deleted scene from pre-Games between Gaspar and Viper - which I didn't include because neither of them are anything close to pov characters LMAO I just thought it was fun. That one was pretty much just Gaspar telling Viper that he only got the volunteer spot bc Viper's mother bribed the Academy ((and Gaspar lmfao.. fucker literally does not need money and yet...)) and warning Viper not to underestimate Mariposa. Which. Worked out So well for him LMFAO. ((For those unfamiliar, Viper got killed so very dead by Mari <3 oh - Viper and Mari are district partners from D1 and Percy and Venatrix are dp's from D2)). There were also a few scenes that had a lot of reworking go into the final product so like they didn't get cut but some lines got trimmed where they didn't quite flow and stuff.

Okay, that's all for my rambling rn, thanku again for the questions Mait !!! <3

[euphor1a]

💘💫🎀🎈💌 for the ask thing <3

Thank you for sending thru <3

💘 Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

→ Nope. If you asked me this question on my old blogs, I’d probably say yes. But since then I’ve moved blogs and am in the process of rewriting pretty much everything I had 😭, so no. Maybe 2 years later I’ll say yes to this question again (as I post more new stuff) but it’s a very big no for now.

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

→ Just so you know, I’ll take everything and anything from long essay to a paragraph to a single sentence or even emojis as feedback!!!!! But, if we’re talking about favorites, I must say reviews that quote certain dialogues or paragraphs or some random sentences and proceed to gush about that specific part are very, extremely dear to my heart 😭! I haven’t received feedback like that since forever sjdhjfhj but previously, I used to be part of this small fandom and reblogs with such comments were the norm there. I genuinely cannot tell you how much it means to an author when you pin-point something you liked and go ham over it ahgdgkjsfjkdfjksfjk it’s so 😭😭😭😭 wholesome and endearing </3 !!! And p.s: a comment or some sort of feedback can NEVER be annoying to a writer as long as it’s positive!

🎀 give yourself a compliment about your own writing

→ I think I’m pretty good at writing emotions and how a character is feeling in different circumstances. Also, my style is relatively simple but I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing? My grip on the english language isn’t so good that I can be super poetic or something, but I have my moments!!!

🎈 describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

→ I don’t exactly have a way to describe my style as a writer because it’s literally never the same (specifically the actual writing process). I am genuinely more of a daydreamer than writer 😭! My imagination has no bounds and I can spend days picturing a novelworthy fic but the moment I try to write it.... 🤕😣😵 It’s a massive reason why my progress is so slow and why I’m never satisfied with what I end up typing. It’s like... the whole thing is SO GOOD in my head. But when I try to type it down it just never turns out the way I want to :( ?! This is also why you guys don’t see longer fics from me often. Ahgdgkjsfjkdfjksfjk it’s SO FREAKING annoying 😔!

💌 share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

→ You know what, the amount of longer fics I have in my wips is insane. If only I could EVER finish them n share with you guys :( ... All sorts of aus and pairings and genres are in there. And it’s all so exciting but 😭😭 sigh... If you want some tea on for sure upcoming stuff though, I only have bf chronicles’ next part to talk about as I’ve been focusing on it entirely as of late. Let me just say that it’s painful to work on. Cause bfc!mingyu is way too much for my own mental well being and it’s extremely hard to work on it without going through a manic episode of a delulu kpop stan. Yes, I said it. If you’re asking for something entirely brand new though,,,, I’ll be posting something no one expects from me. (Read a fic for a group I don’t write for; also, misc. masterlist coming soon)

— let’s get real! fic writer asks ✉️ ( inbox )

[wrdn-tabris]

hi im love nico so much,,, i must know everything about them <33

AAAH THANK YOU i love nico too!

nico uses he/they pronouns, but other thn wanting top surgery theyre very comfortable in their body and in who they are. theyre also! a shorty! very tiny guy. nico has a bit of a temper, quick to anger but theyreally just. hate that about themselves, bc they dont LIKE getting angry and mad and they want to be a nice person. but theyre very into horror and creepy things, they like ghost stories or breaking into old houses, love local myths and urban legends and etc

nicos also! got magic! it runs down thru their family line, though its bc of some weird cult shit their parternal side is into. for a hot second theyre used as a sacrifice/vessel for the entity their family worships but instead of it taking them over, nico stays themselves.

dies for a hot second n comes back w/ white hair and a abt 90% more magic, but still. but BEFORE the whole sacrificial who-ha they were able to see like... premonitions of tragedies before it happened, somethings the appartitions of ppl who were going to die. theyre kind of a bad luck magnet tbh so for a while they were very much a homebody.

post deathsurrection nicos magic becomes very like... death magic? kinda? the demon tht possesses them is a demon of rot and death and plagues, so the magic they draw from the demons power is able to gradually speed up the decay process, for example make wood become rotten or a metal car rust and age rapidly. wht happens when they use it on ppl is! pretty gorey! tho they end up sort of... tuning in more with nature and instead of drawing on the demons power they end up drawing more on their own, so in time theyre able to use elemental/nature magic more which suits them just fine.

all in all nicos a fun n funky little bisexual whose just also peak weird fucking kid, the whole cult stuff not included. and i wuv them

[alwayscobrakai]

helloooo i was just wondering if you have any og cobra headcanons :)))) i like hearing how other ppl interpret them 😖

okayyyy i have so many rubs my little hands together

fsr despite jimmy and johnny being my favs i have the most abt dutch so ill start with him and see how long this gets

first off i think his last name is dutch and im stealing one (1) thing from that one insane kk3 script and its the name martin for him. his full name is martin dutch. he hates being called martin tho and only gets called it by the occasional teacher or sometimes tommy will call him marty to be a dick. maybe he experiments more with going by it as he gets older but i dont think it ever really sticks

ive mentioned this one on here already but its very important to how i view dutch and also kreese so im gonna mention it again. dutch and kreese are related in some way. dutch is the son of a second cousin or something of kreeses. its not a close relation but theyre both aware of it and it affects their personal relationship. kreeses family branch is like. the black sheep/outcast branch which is why their lifestyles are so different but when dutch started training there they recognised each other and mutually agreed Not to acknowledge it around others. but they do acknowledge it a little in private.

dutch has a maaaajor case of absentee parentism and is a Difficult Child TM on top of it so both of his parents checked out emotionally on him pretty early and so when he started training at cobra kai kreese sort of quietly stepped up to take over that role. and after kk1 ended dutch had the hardest time out of all the cobras breaking away from him and spent a while pretty distant from his friends while he tried to work himself out

i think dutch is super mega gay and not particularly quiet abt it also. he Does date girls in high school but also pursues guys actively during those relationships and tells the girls to basically get lost or get used to it <3 and he is so in love with tommy but also completely oblivious to it and doesnt rlly process why hes always seeking his attention all the time

thats like 4 whole paragraphs on dutch and i dont want this to get even longer so im gonna do one quick one on jimmy and call it here. i think jimmy is the newest member of the gang. hes only been part of it for a year or so and joined after moving from a dif part of cali. when he joined the dojo kreese basically told johnny & co that he was part of their group now and the boys went ok boss and part of their group he became. hes pretty quiet still and more studious than the others. hes the sole reason tommy and thru tommy, dutch, are not failing most of their subjects.hes meshed pretty well with the gang and for the most part it feels like hes always been there but he still hesitates to speak up abt things he disagrees with

[alien-institute]

thinking a lot about openness, how to be open to connection or different types of connections, different contexts of connection...

a few nights ago i camped in the backyard of a family (through this website called “welcome to my garden” where people offer to host “slow travelers”). at first it was a bit overwhelming, they were very gracious and inviting and wanted to chat, offered me dinner, etc. i kept to myself that night but in the morning couldn’t deny the 5 year old who wandered out to offer me coffee. i ended up enjoying breakfast and talking for a while with jeroen (the dad), and unexpectedly enjoyed it. the breakfast spread was fascinating// bread, various meats and cheeses, butter and all sorts of sweet toppings like chocolate spread, apple butter, specuulos cookie chunks, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate shavings, and others i didn’t investigate. delicious!! the most remarkable thing was just hearing about how jeroen values opening his home and breaking bread with us wayward travelers as well as friends and family. that’s been something on my mind even before this trip, reflecting on the communal home i lived in for my first few years in san francisco. there were always people coming and going, friends having friends over, a large living room and couch to host guests, and always ample shared food... it was beautiful and i’ve been missing that recently, even though it was challenging for me and i sought out more reclusion when we all split up...

i took the scenic route to amsterdam which was amazing rolling dunes, reminded me again of california, like cycling along great highway but better

in amsterdam i first connected with an old olympia friend, we were never that close in olympia but she was rly sweet and inviting me out and offered me a place to stay :) i ended up just seeing her the once but it was funny to reminisce and shoot the shit about olympia... also a weird memory time travel. i’m glad that’s not my life any more but i’m glad it was when it was.

the next day i figured what the heck i’m in amsterdam, so got a ticket to dekmantel, an electronic music festival that was happening. i was really focused on opening myself to new experiences. and another friend had been talking about the power of manifestation...

suddenly and serendipitously i found out thru the internet that someone i had connected with once in olympia also happened to be in amsterdam for some days. they were 19 and from spain and traveling around the west coast, came to drop ins at the queer youth center i was leading at the time, and then crashed on my couch that night bc they couldn’t get in touch w the person who was supposed to host them. we haven’t been in touch since then (5 or 6 years ago??). the weirdest part was that before i even started my trip i had a premonition that i would see them while i was in europe tho i had no idea where they lived and it’s obviously a big continent. they were at a park near where i was staying so we linked up and caught up and walked around, they showed me a couple of rly cool queer bars. i went to the music festival feeling pretty alive!! and that was also a blast! doing fun things alone can be really liberating!! and i cycled around amsterdam at night which was very nice. all of the drunk and stoned tourists were off the roads lol. honestly i didn’t love cycling in amsterdam otherwise, it was way too crowded and there was nowhere to park your bike!!(see if you can spot mine amongst the masses in a couple of photos)

back on the road again today and again it was a big relief to be moving, to set up my tent in the woods, to be under the big sky.. the sun sets so late here so it’s light out until after 10pm..

today thinking about finding joy in the process instead of conceptualizing myself as moving toward somewhere. headwind so i had to go slow, and that was ok. the moment of arrival is certainly satisfying but it can’t happen without everything leading up to it. obviously that’s also a metaphor for this whole past year, the process i’ve been in of deep cocooning, shedding, re orienting and re defining what i value and how i live by that, letting go of long term relationships ... it’s been a really hard year but i keep remembering that i’m where i need to be. it’s been hard but also... i’ve been building a trust in myself to take care of myself, and i didn’t used to have that. that makes it less hard.

and i’ve been so happy just to be here with myself :)

although definitely leaning on the internet a lottt for connection which i have mixed feeling about

ok thanks for reading what has become my travel journal haha. if you’re reading this you’re probably somebody i love!!!

[mirrorballtales]

One of the first things I did before beginning my writing process for this story, is curate a playlist. Chapters are either inspired by a song, or a chapter sort of mirrors a song. In coming up with this playlist, which by the way, is not complete but I had to cap it for now, I wanted to have a theme of love but also really focus on the idea of leaning in and beginning to trust again. I think we can all relate to this universal feeling of trepidation when meeting someone new. Opening yourself up and not knowing what you’ll get in return. For my character - her trust being broken over and over again should have sworn her off ever believing in people but she always sees the good in them. Perhaps it’s why she’s constantly hurt. But that element really plays to songs like Somewhere Only We Know or Labyrinth. Then songs like Black Balloon or this is me trying are mirror her struggle with getting out of this hole of hell she’s in. It’s her really trying to fight against every desire to just go away. Believing no one could possibly care if she stayed and Black Balloon kind of being the answer to that - this person begging her to stay and fight. I think we all need people like that. To fight for us when we feel like we’re losing the battle. Chasing Cars and Signal Fire by Snow Patrol tie it all together. In my mind it all leads to this place. And these two songs encapsulate this.

1. Labyrinth by Taylor Swift

“Breathe in, breathe thru, breathe deep, breathe out.”

“Oh no. I’m falling in love.”

2. seven by Taylor Swift

“I think your house is haunted.”

“Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long.”

3. Enchanted (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

“Your eyes whispered, ‘Have we met?’”

“I’m wonderstruck. Blushing all the way home.”

“2am, who do you love?”

4. You Are In Love (Taylor’s Version on Oct. 27) by Taylor Swift

“No proof. Not much. But you saw enough.”

“You can hear it in the silence.”

“For once you let go of your fears and ghosts.”

5. invisible string by Taylor Swift

“Give me no compasses. Give me no signs.”

“And isn’t it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me.”

6. Crazier by Taylor Swift

“I’m lost in your eyes. You make me crazier. Crazier.”

7. Ours (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

“It’s not theirs to speculate if it’s wrong.”

“Your hands are tough but they are where mine belong in.”

8. Snow on the Beach (feat. Lana del Rey) by Taylor Swift, Lana del Rey

“Life is emotionally abusive.”

“You wanting me, tonight feels impossible.”

“I can’t speak. Afraid to jinx it. I don’t even dare to wish it.”

9. Just a Kiss by Lady A

“We don’t need to rush this.”

“I’m alright with just a kiss goodnight.”

“But you’ll be in my dreams tonight.”

10. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

“You’re the closest to heaven I’ll ever be.”

“Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.”

“I don’t the world to see me cause I don’t think they’d understand.”

11. Black Balloon by The Goo Goo Dolls

I’ll preface by saying when I was drowning in my eating disorder I had to figure out a way to come out of it and survive it and this song really felt like a wake-up call. Like someone else was wanting me to live. I guess I never viewed my ED as an addiction until that moment. It shifted the way I approached recovery, although I failed over and over again.

Years later I read about this song and here’s what Rzeznick had to say about it:

The song, according to lead singer John Rzeznik, is based on a woman who is struggling with a heroin addiction and her lover who is desperately trying to save her. He has also said that it is about "seeing someone you love that is so great just screw up so bad."

I had no idea and obviously, it was the message he was trying to convey. I’ve just always loved this song.

“Are you someone’s prayer”

“You’re not thinking about tomorrow.”

“A thousand other boys could never reach you, how could I have been the one?”

“I’ll lead you home.”

“I’ve become what you became to me.”

12. Look After You by The Fray

“You’ve begun to feel like home.”

13. Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

This and ‘seven’ are essentially what inspired the story I’m trying to write. I kind of don’t know where I’d be without this song. . . It’s probably in my Top 3 of all-time favorite songs.

“Why don’t we go, talk about it somewhere only we know?”

“So tell me when you’re gonna let me in?”

14. Yellow by Coldplay

“Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you.”

15. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve by Taylor Swift

“And if I was a child, did it matter?”

“Give me back my girlhood it was mine first!”

“I regret you all the time.”

“I missed who I used to be.”

“I fight with you in my sleep.”

16. Last Kiss (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

“So why did you go away?”

“So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.”

“Hope it’s nice where you are.”

17. Innocent (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

“Did some things you can’t speak of. But at night you live it all again.”

“Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days?”

“You’re still an innocent.”

18. You’re Losing Me by Taylor Swift

“And I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological, people pleaser.”

“I’m getting tired even for a Phoenix.”

“Risk something babe.”

19. Don’t You (Taylor’s Version)(From the Vault) by Taylor Swift

“Don’t you say you miss me if you don’t want me again.”

“Don’t you smile at me and ask me how I’ve been.”

20. The Archer by Taylor Swift

“They see right through me.”

“But who could stay?”

21. this is me trying by Taylor Swift

“At least I’m trying.”

22. ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine

“Lovely to be rained on with you, it’s kind of cute”

“You’re driving me home.”

“Touch me like nobody else does.”

“But it’s not real. And you don’t exist. And I can’t recall the last time I was kissed.”

23. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

(Taylor having a song with Gary Lightbody and it becoming one of my favorites really is a true full circle moment. But before that this song is just incredible.)

“Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

“Those three words are said too much but not enough.”

24. Signal Fire by Snow Patrol

I will forever hate the Spotify refuses to stream this song. It’s my favorite of theirs and I hate it! This is a masterpiece. Perfection. It’s everything!

“The perfect words never crossed my mind, cause there’s was nothing in there but you.”

“Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety.”

[monoghosttv]

4, 7, 16, 21, 24, 28, and b for echo?

4- It used to be hard but as they grew up they sort of let their guard down so now it is somewhat easy!

7- Little animal figures!! They wont let you know this but they love silly little things and it reminds them of when they would collect bugs in their childhood, they have like shelves full of them and any time they feel sad they go and buy anotherone! This is actually mentioned in the prequel :]

16- Seeing their groomer anywhere, since he is successful and respected and an Ambassador so it is kind of hard to avoid, but that is partly why they left their faith in the first place. Other than that they have pretty thick skin

21- For the longest time it was sort of autopilot, but eventually they took a liking to their job and are actually really invested in solving certain cases like the rise in missing person cases!

24- For the longest time no, but then they met tracer! Tracer is actually the first person they opened up to about a lot of things since they are a VERY. VERY guarded individual, eventually they trust Tracer about it and then they become more open to it but its a really slow process. Just like keep in mind they had absolutely no support system for like more than a decade

28- I think its in their nature to always know the truth, even if it will hurt them, and for the longest time they enjoyed emotional pain SO

OKAY SO I KIND OF RANTED IN THIS ONE

b) So at first they were an antagonist AND a vent character on the very early stages of NSA, but I dropped them almost entirely. I sort of took some of their miserable non binary lesbian energy to create Aero so you could say that beta Echo was also beta Aero, but then I decided to bring them back because I needed a character investigating Aero's disappearance, I wasn't gonna give them much thought but they were inevitably connected to me in some way that I couldnt ignore because I originally made them because I hated myself, they also used to be much younger lol, so when I brought them back I decided to do a character that persevered despite the horrors and managed to find a purpose in life after not being able to for a long time, just to put an end to that chapter in my life where I created things out of hate for my life :j And then I gave them my trauma because I wanted to find a way to explore that in my story because Dagon is also going thru it but I do not feel a personal connection to Dagon

[stonewallsposts]

16 personalities questions: 16-18

Going through these in a more in-depth way gave me the idea that when I finish all these questions, I'm going to go back and use these answers to give more thoughtful responses to where I am on the spectrum of each statement. Then I'll plug those into the quiz and see if it gives me a different personality type than the ENFP-A that I originally got. As I mentioned, I was so closely in the middle that I had assumed I could probably take this on four different days and get four different responses. So it'll be interesting to see where I land after taking this much time to delve into where I fit. But given that I'm doing around three per day, it'll take 20 days total to finish it up, plus maybe another couple to settle Where on each statement's spectrum I fall.  

Anyway, on with the responses.  

16. You enjoy participating in group activities 

In general, yes. I call myself an outgoing introvert, meaning that I enjoy group activities, but eventually I have to get away and be by myself in order to recharge my batteries.  

But I do enjoy getting together with groups of people. 

One of my favorites over the years has been our holiday meetings at my brother-in-law's place. His place has become THE place where I can get together with both my sons. While I talk to my younger son regularly on the phone, and visit him a few times a year in Vegas, and I also get together regularly with my older son, about the only place I see them together is when we all meet for the holiday get-togethers at my brother-in-laws.  

But I love big get-togethers with friends and co-workers as well.  

I had mentioned in a previous section that we have a pretty social office atmosphere. When covid hit back in 2020, and everyone was working from home, my boss was not happy. Our IT guy stayed on premises the entire time. I came back after a month, and a few others came back quickly enough too. 

But as the time stretched on, and people stayed working at home, he was definitely missing the interaction. As we've hired on new people, one of the criteria has been finding someone who is willing to come in. I suppose that selection process has brought in people who are more comfortable socially, but for whatever reason, our office environment is filled with people who like the social aspect. So I love whenever we have parties or office lunches. We regularly gather to chat over things. 

I used to do this at church when I was in leadership, but not anymore. Though we still get together after drive-thru prayer for dinner. Or at least we did last year.  

Anyway, yes, I love group activities. 

17. You like books and movies that make you come up with your own interpretation of the ending 

I think I do. I'm trying to think of some movies or shows that have done this. It's not so much my own interpretation of the ending, but I certainly like shows that make me think. 

I was watching a Korean show called One Spring Night a while back. It's a love story between a young single father, whose ex-wife had deserted him, and an independent librarian who falls in love with him. 

The real hitch, in Korean society, is that he is a single father. Apparently that carries some sort of stigma. People figure there must have been something wrong with him to make his wife leave him, or maybe he just has bad 'juju' that caused the misfortune. Then there is a whole stigma about the woman getting involved with him because she would have to raise a child that isn't her own, which again, is apparently a really big deal in Korean society. All this is complicated by the fact that the girl is in a long-term relationship with a guy who checks all the boxes for marriage material, but who she clearly doesn't connect with, and is feeling increasingly distant. 

When she does finally decide to end it, the boyfriend tries to override this by saying it's not just her decision to make. He goes behind her back to get her father's permission. And then the role of parents in their daughter's decision comes up. The perspective of how both guys match up on the list of marriage material comes into play. 

What made me think was that in the show, this is portrayed as societal pressure. But I was recognizing that here, some of these same pressures are being applied by women on themselves. For example the list of qualifications that many women judge potential mates by, is essentially the same as those employed by the Korean parents. Of course self-imposed restrictions are always more acceptable than those placed on you from outside, so there is that, but at any rate, there was a lot that I found interesting in that show. The role of society and the honor/shame culture that makes it so difficult to go against the grain. 

Another movie that made me think was Munich. The story is about the PLO's killing of Israeli athletes at the 72 Munich Olympics and the subsequent retaliations. The Israeli's decide to retaliate with a series of public executions of the responsible palestinians, with the stated goal that "the world will understand that killing Jews will be an expensive proposition." But then the palestinians begin to hunt the Mossad agents as well and exact even more revenge. The entire scenario brings up questions about following orders blindly, the moral questions involved in doing so. And in particular, it made me think of the Jews entering the promised land and needing to execute the people living there. We know from reading the Bible, that the Lord was finished with the people living in the land, and that they had been given ample time to repent, but hadn't. This judgment was on them for their sins. But the individuals that had to go into those cities and hack down man, woman, and child, didn't have that luxury. They didn't know what the history was, they were merely being told to follow this order, and that if they didn't, there would retribution not only on their heads, but on the entire congregation. That's not an easy thing to swallow. 

I remember the charge that the Israelites gave Joshua- We will listen to you, but only be sure that you are following the Lord.  

There have been a lot of developments over the last 100 years with regard to this. The classic Nazi defense at the Nuremburg trials was that they were 'just following orders'. They had no choice.  

This was overruled in that the sheer moral horror of the acts should have been understood as immoral, regardless of the command structure, and they had, as human beings, a moral obligation to not follow those orders. 

So would I, as a believer, follow an order from God to kill another human? There are all kinds of questions that pop up, I know, but these are the questions that the movie confronted.  

Anyway, yes, I do like books and movies that make me think. The specific statement- do I like such that make me "come up with my own interpretation of the ending"…. I'm not sure I can think of a particular book or movie that has made me do that. 

Perhaps some of the Italian movies, which don’t seem to have 'endings' per se. Their modus operandi seems to be to show a slice of life. Things happen and then the end of portraying the events comes, but there doesn't seem to be a resolution. American movies like to tie things up. Italian movies don't. I guess that's more true to life, but it also doesn't feel as satisfying.  

I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing they are talking about with finding my own interpretation. I decide to google this very thing. Some of the movies they listed, that I had seen were Lost in Translation, Total Recall, Gone Girl, Inception, Blade Runner, the Graduate, and the Prestige. I liked all those movies, so I suppose I do.  

18. Your happiness comes more from helping others accomplish things than your own accomplishments 

Interesting statement. I do love helping other people, and the times I'm most satisfied with in my life have been when helping others. We took in a friend from church who was essentially homeless and kept her dog for 5 months, and then she too stayed with us off and on until she got her own place again. Because of that, we ended up having another lady we knew stay with us for 15 months. She was homeless at the time, and without our help, I'm sure she would have been permanently homeless. She is now back on her feet and doing well. Those were difficult days, but at the same time, some of the things I'm proudest of. Any of the people I've prayed for, and spent time helping, those are moments I wouldn’t trade and I've found them the most satisfying in my life.  

So I suppose that my happiness does come more from helping others, but then again, I wouldn’t be in a position to help them had I not accomplished things on my own too. Or at least it seems that way to me. Perhaps the Lord would have blessed me enough to give out, even had I not been working towards my own accomplishments. 

Back around 2005 or so, I had the opportunity to go to work for Cartoon Network. I was doing freelance work for them on the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends show, and several of the guys that had been at our studio, had moved on to work full time for CN. I was offered the chance, but chose to remain freelance so that I could continue to devote more time to the ministry work I had been doing. Several of the guys have gone on to better careers because of that move. My freelance work eventually dwindled until I had to give it up altogether and move where I am now. 

I don't know if I would have had a better, more fulfilling work career, but I certainly wouldn't have had as many ministry opportunities as I did. So I have made specific decisions in my life because I wanted to serve others more than myself.  

In the last four years, after having been blessed with more financial stability, I've often wondered if I should have quit freelance earlier and gotten a job. Perhaps I would have been making more, and I certainly would have been in a better financial position, but I'm happy now, I was happy then, so I suppose, while we can always second-guess our decisions, I'm not going to. I'm just going to be content in the circumstances I find myself in and let it be. 

And since the statement was particularly directed towards not just helping others in general, but helping others "accomplish things", maybe I should try to address that as well. I do, when I have the chance, like to see others succeed. I'm not jealous of others accomplishments, I don't get envious when other people are given accolades or recognition. I will offer help to just about anyone that asks me... at least if I know them already. I'm not gonna hand out money to solicitations on the street. But if a friend, or co-worker needs a hand, I'm usually up to help as much as I can. 

The answer to the question then is yes, my happiness comes more from helping others. 

[a-mysteriouys-batsrard]

i saw a headcanon about frederick chase and julius kane being old college buddies and i love it and i now raise you this:

amos kane and sally jackson dated. this is a long post so strap in. also mentions of domestic abuse

it was while percy was still pretty young. something happened while they were on a date, maybe a demon attacked or a rogue magician or smth and amos had to protect sally. he was expecting her to be like cowering or terrified or smth but when he turned around she was standing there, shoulders back, jaw set, and eyes steely. “you’re a god”

it wasn’t super surprising to amos, he kinda just figured it was her way of processing it and was sort of surprised that she could see further into the duat than most mortals (aka she could see thru the mist as the mist is just the topmost layer)

anyways he was confused as to why she seemed mad and she kinda went off on how she’d already had one god in her life and she wasn’t looking for another one and blah blah blah, basically she was still kinda hurt even tho she understood why poseidon couldn’t be with her. anyways. then amos gets confused and asks for clarification and she says smth like “oh don’t play dumb you greek gods are always toying with us mortals but i have feelings! i won’t let you play with me and toss me aside!”

cue the long long long conversation and explanations on both sides. and that’s how amos learns about the greek gods and how sally learns about magicians. they both mutually decide that it’s not the greatest idea to be mixing the two worlds seeing as sally is mostly defenseless with toddler!percy and amos is the only one at the 21st nome and neither one is doing all that great handling the monsters and demons as is.

they part on great terms and amos comes by sometimes to check on sally. the first time he meets smelly gabe is at the apartment and gabe stumbles in drunk at like. 11:30am and tries to pick a fight w amos who’s sitting at the kitchen table. cue amos standing up and towering over gabe bc as we all know he’s a BIG dude. gabe’s small dick energy kicks in and when amos leaves he tells sally she can’t have him over and not to see him anymore. sally doesn’t have him over after that and they meet at restaurants and cafes from then on.

the first time gabe hits sally, she has a meeting with amos the next day and shows up and asks him for help. he understands that she’s staying to protect percy and gives her like. a few protection charms and healing charms that help out. he gives her the mansion address and tells her how to get in if she’s ever truly in any danger.

time skip to the lightning thief, amos is super worried when percy and sally go missing and his first thought is that gabe did something to them but then the photos of percy crop up here and there and that’s when amos is pretty sure it’s a greek god thing. after sally petrifies gabe and his friends, amos is one of the ones driving up the bidding price and sally has a short stay in brooklyn house afterwards to clean up and find a new place to live. amos is incredibly happy that she’s safe now and they continue to meet up every month or so. he meets paul and makes sure he’s a good guy and is just. kinda a soft and steady presence in the jackson’s lives

[toxooz]

What process do you go through to design these background monsters? Like, do you collect inspo from animals and just pick n choose traits to slap together?

yeah pretty much animals rocks planets plants chemicals anything there is and i mash them together and see what i come up with sksks sometimes its nothing like i initially go for but it still works out like Ignazios girlfriend i was originally going for honey/moth ish type of aesthetic but she ended up being more star/oceanic (which i will draw her more later bc i already have lore/ concept ideas for her brewin in this noggin 👀):

but its also a matter of coming up with a 'new creature' so to speak like what environment would they live in and what physical attributes allow them to thrive in said environments for example an owls feather patterns allowing it to look like a tree or a snow leopards fur:

i know for this monster i kinda went thru a lil idea journey while drawing him since he's a mix between deep foresty colors yet has angler lights i kinda sparked the idea that maybe he's a deep forest crypid that preys on those who get lost in the woods where his pelt looks as if its dense foliage with light peeking through leaves and the lights would look like village lights thus leading his prey closer to him like fish:

sO some of them u can rlly have fun with and come up with all kinds of different concepts it's really just a matter of my mind running off on rabbit trails that lead to all kinds of possibilities while drawing and adapting it as i go but others you can just mimic different animals colors and designs bc trust me if u know where to look there are soooooo many different animal patterns fOR ANOTHER example since this ask is already clogged with pics may as well go all out when i went to the aquarium the other day all of the intricate discrete patterns on all of these simple lil fish was INSANE :

clearly not the best pics but u get the gist lolol but yeah sea life is a gold mine of all sorts of cool patterns/designs/ pallets so long story short yeah i usually just mash 2 or more things together and be open to what i come up with 😂

[wings-of-a-storm]

I have a question. My favorite character is obviously Benji, but this season I started to get an ultimate rancidity of him.In the end I understood why he was acting like this, he has a PTSD because of dating Derek, his parents shitting him and alcohol and the accident. It's about the accident I wanted to know about, I didn't quite understand what this accident was and why he started drinking. I get upset that Benji's story is the least explored in the series, in my opinion, it should be explored more

Sorry for late reply to this, Anon! I know a few others already replied to this but I figure I’d still add my take into the mix for you. :)

I think many of us share your frustrations about Benji’s story being drip fed to us instead of being looked at more deeply. It’s a very interesting history so I really hope that in season three we might actually get a more decent look at it…

BENJI’S HISTORY / WHY HE STARTED DRINKING:

Throughout both seasons we learn that Benji has struggled with mental health.

In the most simplest of summaries: Benji struggled with internalised homophobia -- he hated himself for being homosexual and fought against it. He even experimented sexually with girls (which he briefly mentioned in S1), but in the end, he couldn’t deny that he was gay. But acknowledging he was gay and being able to accept it are two different things. He hated being gay.

In order to cope with that self-hatred and fear, he turned to alcohol to dull his reality and in turn everything he felt. He’s still learning to like himself even now in season two.

In Benji’s own words: “Before I came out, I was kind of a mess. I knew I was gay but I didn't want to be. So I drank. A lot. (1x07)” And: “Coming out was really hard for me, Victor. And it is still hard for me to be who I am. (1x05)”

BENJI’S CAR ACCIDENT:

Benji said that when he was younger, he drank 'a lot'. From that statement alone we can infer that he knew he was drinking more than his peers were. Most likely that went beyond social drinking -- he was probably also drinking by himself at any opportunity.

There is an age limit for drinking for good reason: our brains don’t fully develop until we are in our twenties, and as such, when we are younger we are more likely to make riskier choices. Adding alcohol into the mix is just asking for trouble -- as Benji found out when, one night, severely inebriated, he lost control of his vehicle (or misjudged his surroundings) and drove through/into a building. “One night I got super wasted and decided that I wanted Wendys real bad. So I took my Dad's car to the drive thru and that's exactly what I did -- drove through the Wendys. (1x07)”

That is some serious stuff right there! On so many levels!

Firstly the physical toll: he ‘totalled’ his dad’s car. To have a car written off as too smashed to be driven, that car had a huge impact! And not surprising since Benji said he drove through the building. Whether that was through glass or a into a sturdy wall, to crunch up the metal of his car, that is a massive hit. We don’t know the extent of his injuries (he just said he was ‘banged up’) but we do know that he was at the very least knocked unconscious and/or had a head injury from it (“Waking up in the hospital with my parents standing over me…” 1x07).

Secondly, the emotional toll: when Benji gained consciousness and woke up in hospital, he said he “realised that I could have died." (1x07) That is a very frightening thing to confront -- your mortality. It spooked him enough that it was the catalyst for his Coming Out. He didn’t want to die without “ever really being who I was” (1x07); to have only lived his life as a lie and not known his true self…

Most of us, I’d wager, haven’t had to confront our mortality at such a young age -- like truly confront it after going through a life-threatening experience. In that sense, he is on a different level to his peers and Victor -- a big part of his innocence has been broken and re-formed.

There is more to the emotional toll though -- not explicitly mentioned in canon but pretty much common sense:

The pain of recovery in hospital and at home (whatever “banged up” means, he was injured in some way)

The guilt of knowing his actions could have caused innocent people to have been hurt or killed. No one was hurt, he said, but just knowing they could have been is a really heavy thing to have on your conscience.

The stress of dealing with insurance (for the Wendys, for the car). He would have had to burden his parents with sorting that all out.

Police would have been involved to investigate the incident and lay charges. That’s pretty darn scary.

Losing his licence and thus part of his independence

Seeing the physical damage of the Wendys if he ever went past it again -- knowing he had done it, knowing he had been in the car that made that damage and reliving the knowledge he could have killed himself…

He was so ashamed by it all, he didn’t want anyone at school knowing about the accident or about his drinking that caused it. In 1x07 the school still didn’t know so he really guarded that secret hard.

There’s just so much heaviness linked to that accident. And Benji has only had one year to process all of that. On some level, that stuff has got to linger.

THE INITIAL AFTERMATH:

We learn that after the car accident, Benji was in an ever worse state of mind than when he was drinking his life away before it. His mother reveals: “After your car accident last year you were so hard on yourself and things were pretty dark for a while there. And you decided to put in the hard work [to go to AA and get better]. (2x07)”

Referring to Benji's post-accident self as being in 'a pretty dark place' is a pretty big alarm bell. His mental health sounds like it was pretty much destroyed. It is so hard to rebuild yourself after falling into such a dark well, but over the year he must have pulled himself back from the brink. That is so, so heavy!

It’s hard to gauge whether Benji chose to go to AA himself (which seems to be implied), or whether it was a condition of his charge through the police, but he went there none-the-less to change his life and learn healthier coping mechanisms to handle stress/his inner conflicts.

Something else worth noting is that, timeline-wise (as messy as that always is in LV), Benji was dating Derek through all of this. His one year anniversary with Derek was in S1 but his one year sobriety was only in S2. Who knows how that would have complicated things. He wasn’t Out to his parents or anyone but he was dating a (adult) man. So he was simultaneously hating that he was gay and drinking his mind blank but still dating a man. That is a super stressful and conflicting dichotomy that he was dealing with in amongst all this… (“It is still hard for me to be who I am.” 1x05)

THE MOST IMPORTANT INSIGHT FROM BENJI’S DRINKING AND AA:

It is so important to take time and realise what being in AA means about Benji: as a young teen, Benji self-medicated his way through his worsening mental health by drinking to handle stress and internalised homophobia. He didn’t have any proper methods of handling stressful situations. He is now having to unlearn those behaviours and learn new strategies through AA and his sponsor. But he has only been doing that for one year! That is a blip of time in the hourglass.

Now let’s look at the events of S2: Benji has been inundated with stress while still learning how to cope with it without drinking. And he’s had to learn and practise these new coping strategies while:

Being in high school

Holding down an assistant manager job

Watching his significant other being emotionally wrung out by his mother’s treatment of him; dealing with his own rejection and banishment from Isabel

Reliving both his own coming out stress and homophobic aggressions at school directed this time at his significant other

Trying to deal with the shame of being in AA and keeping that a secret from all of his peers at school

Like far out, that is a ton of stress! Anyone would crack under all of that, let alone a young and recovering alcoholic!

So yes, when faced with stressful situations, Benji is not always going to react in the right way or say the right things. He’s still learning how to do that with his sponsor and AA meetings. He might come off as ‘rancid’ in S2, but really he is just a kid who is struggling and trying to do his best.

[tricewithaz]

I saw your post about Kaz and Nikolai and I agree. I think they would be amazing friends. Do you have headcannons about that?

thanks pal ive been DYING to ramble about this

When first meeting, Kaz develops some sort of respect for Nikolai cause A_man developed an entire alter ego for literally no reason and B_He was completely honest with him. He also seems to work by his own rules and Kaz relates to that.

Nikolai also respects Kaz, he can see hes a very intelligent young man (i mean he read him like an open book). He was quite impressed cause up till that point no one read thru him like that.

He also has the time of his life seeing all of kaz's plan unfold, he didnt know any of it (though he suspected something wouldnt go as planned). Everything was chaos and all he could do was look in amazement and try to figure out what his thought process was

While going back to ravka he IMPLORES nina to tell him everything about the heist and the auction and hes just amazed at A-the absolute CHAOS, B-the adventure (there where you see him hes quite an adventure and mistery novels fan) and C the fact that he managed to get that damn money.

But hey kaz isnt the only one who can read people, Nikolai can see that theres many gears working within Kaz, and sort of feels sympathy for him, not too sure why not like theyre literal parallel characters or anything but the gloves are a dead giveaway

Nikolai also feels sort lf protective over him for no reason. He feels the same way about Nina.

Listen, Kaz somehow enters in Nikolais bedchambers at the embassy. he has like maximum security. However, he doesnt calculate well enough so while hes still there, Zoya and Nikolai enter (i mean, i dont think theyd have a fixed schedule while in kerch at the time, considering the circumstances). Zoya suggests hes imprisoned and even killed for stealthing into the kings chambers and "possibly attempting regicide" but Nikolai is just impressed he kind of needs to ask him how he managed to enter.

And thats the story of how kaz taught nikolai lantsov king of ravka grand duke of udova how to open any kind of lock.

Kaz finds himself trustung Nikolai. He knows he shouldnt and he knows most of it is Political Charm™ but still

Nikolai reads him like a book and most of it is cause he can see himself in Kaz. Hes not called the King of Scars for nothing ad he can tell Kaz has some too

Oh and he confronts him about it, real big brother shit or whatever

(similarly to how he told alina to stop bitching and either get over mal or do something about him which is still iconic)

weirdly enough kaz listens to him 😶 character desvelopment yall special thanks to inej ghafa and nikolai lantsov king of ravka you know the rest

Kaz asks him about inejs parents pretty much as if asking a favour from a friend, its cute and extrangely vulnerable. Nikolai tells him that "he has a ton of money, he certainly can try"

Kaz is all scary and black clothes and sharp bone structure but to nikolai hes just a boy in need of a good time and hes very fond of him

They totally get drinks in kerch, as payment for teaching nikolai his Thief Secrets™. Its a good time, Nikolai talks a lot and Kaz listens to his stories and plans and opinions. Its good info and quite fun.

THE BANTER, they bounce off each other so well.

Kaz admires Nikolais ability to charm anyone. Not like he cant be charismatic himself, but the kings ways to make himself respected and not necessarily scary seem very useful to him.

Kaz picks up the "improbable" line

they have the same scheming face. I like to think zoya and jesper are quite freaked out about it. So is nina.

When nikolai goes back to ravka, they write to each other. It starts with the whole thing about inej's parents but it quickly becomes routine. Not too often, but at least once every three months.

Nik buys stocks at the Crow Club. When hes in ketterdam he likes to have a couple of drinks there and chat with kaz and some other people.

He like to joke with Kaz about hiring him to make his dads life impossible. and not gonns lie hes this 👌close to actually doing it.

Theres kind of an unspoken rule between them to not ask too much, but kaz is dying to know about the whole sturmhond stuff.

Oh Nikolai has definetely offered kaz a job in os alta but he refused

he also often offers him actual haircuts 😶

they have good laughs, i mean, its what hating the exact same kinds of people does to a relationship

Overall good partners in crime with a strangely fraternal bond