#<- not in its entirety but the whole mini series of this angst work

[tojisun]

i can’t stop rereading your ghoap x reader drabble, specifically the one where ghost HATESSS reader and only tolerates them for soap. it breaks my heart but it’s also so entertaining bcs i love a good pathetic reader but also.. stand up 😒 /j

stand up on this dick 🙂‍↕️

BSKDJKRJZ but yea omg im so glad that u liked the drabble!!! i was having a hard time trying to relay how much messier it is in my head bc i fear that i might make the characters too unlikeable. that said—

(non-canon in the lil short series but) thinking about soap who’s… torn.

he likes his LT by a lot, but he also likes you. kind of. not with the same ferocity and fervour, but he likes you a lot. and this isn’t the problem, really. the problem is how he finds it, well, pleasing, almost, how his lieutenant likes you and soap differently.

simon—and something in johnny’s heart flutters at the knowledge that you don’t even know his lieutenant’s name—adores johnny. how it’s almost obsessive and drunken with how he seeks him out at night, rumbling his please’s and his i need you’s on johnny’s skin, his thick cock rutting against soap’s abdomen.

but the same couldn’t be said about how simon interacts with you. he knows it was born from his own selfishness—he couldn’t give you up; he couldn’t betray you like that—and that simon couldn’t have possibly liked you that way, so he wonders why he allowed you to be strung along?

he sees how simon attempts to be civil with you. how he doesn’t pull away or shrug you off during the moments that you accidentally topple into his lap instead of johnny’s, but he never does more. never seeks you out, never presses you into every corner he can find with the same desperation that he does with johnny.

and johnny, as much as he denies to himself and says he is still wondering why his heart churns at the obvious display of imbalanced affection or why he lets you be sidelined this way, the truth is that he knows the answer.

because he likes simon for himself, yes, but he also likes it that he’s the only one kind to you. he likes it that he’s the one saving you. the only one making you feel good. not LT. no one else. it’s all johnny.

(and when you start gravitating towards him more, well, johnny’s just glad for that, of course.)

teehee <3

[darklingichor]

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

I wrote this in two parts, the first when I read the first quarter, the second after I finished.

It's an interesting premise.

A girl wanting adventure and a life beyond her 16th century french village trades her soul to a dark God, for freedom and time. In return she becomes immortal, but no one will remember her once she's out of sight. Close a door, go to another room, fall asleep and you will be faced with a stranger when you see her again.

I expected a sort of wistful melancholy from this story I mean how can there not be a shade of sadness to a character who is fogotten as soon as another person turns away?

And while the writing is good, I'm a little disappointed so far.

For 300 years, Addie has more or less lived as a ghost to the rest of humanity, her only constant the dark being she made the deal with.

A quarter of the way through the book and all I have heard about are the people she's fallen in love with who don't remember her.

I... Kinda... Don't Care?

Don't get me wrong, I like how Addie and other main characters fall for people regardless of gender and its treated as normal.

That's really awesome.

But this character has live through 300 years of history and all we get is this? The chapters that describe her getting her feet under her in the first years of her curse, are cool but the amount of time spent on Addie pining and mourning each relationship that never made it far past introduction, is tiresome.

I got my fill of "I lament my solitary existence" reading Interview with A Vampire when I was fourteen. I was slightly angesty, makeup skills, and patitence lacking to be one of the awesome goth kids, so I settled for binge reading Anne Rice. Louis is lovely, sensitive and inspires the love one would give to a lost puppy, but much like Vanyel from the Last Hearld Mage; there are times you want to take that beautiful face in your hands and say: "For the love of God, stop mopeing!"

What keeps running through my head with this book, so far, is a variation on a line from the "Interview" movie:

"Addie, Addie, still whineing, Addie".

Again, I'm not finished yet, there is still a chance that it will turn into something other than a star-crossed romance with a gimmick.

Okay... There are good things. Addie tells The Dark, fairly often in, different ways, that while her life and the terms of her deal make things difficult and lonely, she has still seen and done things she never would have, if she'd stayed in her previous life.

I enjoyed the interactions between her and The Dark. Like playing chess while dueling with real blades.

But, this book is so frustrating! It's good. As I said before. The premise is interesting, the writing discriptive and lush without being Gregory Migiure. It's very very readable

But at it's core, it's a lifetime movie. Maybe a mini series, because the end does leave things slightly open.

And there are even great places for cliffhangers. The twist... More of a gentle turn really ( Which in some ways is even better), is good, it really is! I like the way it all plays out.

Maybe I've read too much. Maybe I've seen too many movies, but I saw it coming not long after a certain character was introduced. I didn't guess it in its entirety, but I knew the shape of the outcome. This isn't a bad thing, I just keep thinking of things that were teased, but we only got the barest glances of.

Forget about history for the moment. The book hints at adventures, plays with interesting ideas, the most prominent one being the concept of Addie being something of a Muse. Able to inspire and be at the core of so many works of art, pieces of music, novels, but not able to leave a personal stamp on anything (incidentally, if you want to read something to do with a Muse and art, read Sacre Bleu by Christopher Moore). But that takes a back seat to the romance and the angst.

Not that there's anything wrong with either. I like a good romance. I prefer established couples, but a nice meet-cute is fun (The Boy Next Door by Meg Cabot) And angst? For all that I wrote about Louis and Vanyel wearing on ones patience I still see reading both of their stories as bench marks for me. And I still adore both characters.

But the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue... I wanted to know more about her struggles to carve a life out amid her curse, I wanted more confrontations between her and The Dark, I wanted the adventures she had, in spite of The Dark fucking with her, because she wanted to live - that's the whole reason she made the deal. Instead, it focused almost entirely on her loneliness, and her inability to have real connections. Which is fine. That's the kind of book it is. I can't get annoyed because the book wasn't what I wanted it to be. The author isn't writing to please me.

For the kind of book it is, it's good. I'm glad I read it, even though it's not my taste.

[doyueng]

Watercolors

Word Count: 1.1k

Pairing: Kyungsoo/Reader 

Genre: Angst

“I dream my painting and I paint my dream.” 

The wooden panels creak softly as you step inside the silent studio. The white walls give the room a heavenly glow, but it’s nothing compared to the radiance of the scattered canvases. Along every side of the room, line various paintings. Some unfinished, and some only with a single stroke of medium. You love every single one of them. 

The floors are speckled with year-old stains from oil paints, charcoal, and cold coffee. You wonder how the walls still lay untouched. 

A lone easel sits in the center of the room, its legs buried by crumbled paper, paint tubes, and broken brushes. You walk over and sit on the wooden stool next to the stand. Your eyes are drawn to his latest work. You admire the vibrant colors and wonder how he does it. It’s just a base layer of blues and whites, but a strange warmth envelopes your heart. 

“You should have told me you were here,” a low voice from the entrance echoes softly in the room. He steps in barefooted, with his strangely-neat bed hair, and the polka dot pajamas you got him last spring. For the record, they’re rainbow themed. You thought they really matched him, being an artist and all. You didn’t expect him to wear them though, but he did, and you were all smiles. 

“I didn’t want to wake my dear Kyungsoo van Gogh.” You get up and pat the stool, motioning him to sit down. He ruffles his dark brown hair and lets out a small yawn before walking over. He gives you a peck on the cheek. 

“Good morning to you too,” he says with a groggily, before taking the canvas off and placing it on the window sill. 

“Hey! Don’t throw that one away!” you whine. “I really like it.“ 

He sits down and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you towards him. His hair tickles your face, and you can smell his favorite citrus shampoo. “Don’t worry. I’m not. I just can’t work on it right now,” he assures you.

“Why not?”

“No reason.” He pauses. “You said you like it?”

“Mhmm.“He gives you a satisfied expression. You pull back and start combing his fluffy hair with your fingers. “There, all better,” you flatten the last piece of his fly-away hair and lean down to give him a quick kiss on his forehead. “Breakfast?”

“Yeah, thanks.” His heart-shaped lips curve into a small smile. You weave your way through the mine of miscellaneous objects on the floor and head into the hall. The kitchen and living room are right down the hall, past the bathroom and bedroom. His home isn’t that big, but it got the job done. When the two of you went house-hunting, the room that is now his studio was the deal breaker. It has a huge window that faces the sunrise. Kyungsoo loves working right when he wakes up, so the bright room is a must. You’d purposely get up early every morning so you could come over and watch.

While waiting for the coffee to brew, you sneak back down the hall and peek inside the studio. The smell of fresh paint wafts through the air and circles you. You watch his brush dance across the paper, his eyes following every move. The sun rays from the window behind him illuminate his delicate features. The light reflects off his hair, making it a light brown. You admire him from a distance, thinking that out of all the works of art, he’s your favorite one.

“Are you kidding?!” his voice bellows and the entire room seems to shake. He kicks his easel to the wall and you flinch. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration, and let out a deep breath. Your mind is going in all different directions, and you have no idea what to say to him. This is your fault. You’re the reason he’s like this. And it breaks your heart. You didn’t want to see him like this. You keep your head down and bite your lips. The studio falls dead silent, with the exception of his exacerbated breathing, and your pounding heart.

“Kyungsoo… this was a hard decision for me as well… But it’s the best for the both of us,” you whimper, fighting back the tears. You’re suppose to be the one staying strong. You have no right to cry. You can’t imagine how he must be feeling right now.

“The best for both of us? Who decided that? You?” his voice is harsh, and you’ve never heard him speak this way. Your stomach sinks to the floor and you feel your chest tighten.

“I… have to go. It’s my future. My career. Everything I’ve dreamed about. It’s everything I’ve wanted. I can’t miss this opportunity. Kyungsoo… please,” you try to calm him down. You’re an aspiring fashion designer and last week someone offered you a job in Paris. It’s the next big step in your life, and it’s been your wish since you were a young girl. But it’s a step that you can’t take with Kyungsoo. He’s become increasingly popular, and he is commissioned here in Korea. He couldn’t possibly leave right now, and you know that. You both did. You had spent the entirety of the weekend buried in your bedsheets, contemplating about what to do. You love Kyungsoo. A lot. The past three years you spent with him felt like an eternity. Your whole life revolved around him, but now you wanted to do something for yourself. You really can’t miss this.

“…. I see.” His voice is shaking and he turns around to face the window. “You’re right. That’s your choice. I can’t stop you.”

“Kyungsoo… I-”

“No. Don’t say my name ever again. Get out.” Your feel your heart stop. Is this really the end? You feel your eyes overflow with warm tears. No. You can’t cry. You brought this upon yourself. You made a choice. And it wasn’t him. You hold back all your pleas and cries, you didn’t deserve to say them. He didn’t deserve this. You ruined him and everything the two of you had. 

You slowly make your way to the door with blurred vision. You look back one last time. His dark figure contrasts against the setting sun, and you stare longingly at his backside. He never looked back. The white walls and colored floors, the aroma of pastels and paints, the feeling of his fluffy hair and soft lips, and the quaint studio that was your favorite place… your whole world shatters right before you. 

“I’m sorry… and thank you.”

Thanks for reading! I might continue this as a mini series but I’m not sure yet. I had a lot of fun (and sadness) writing this so I hope you guys liked it! 

**UPDATE: Epilogue! 

[masterlist]