#<- the last analysis chap that i was so excited to write was shit. i hate it. why do i act like a psychologist when i don’t know anything.

[eenochian]

i know it’s stupid for me to be doubting my writing skills rn, like i’m literally getting more attention on my fics now than ever, but i’m just so unconfident in everything i’ve written lol. i’m putting out things that i’m happy with, but there’s always that voice telling me it’s shit and that i should just stop – and, it feels selfish, being insecure despite the support. like i’m not appreciative enough and i’m just being an attention whore. now i’m just sitting here, staring at a blank draft for the past 5 hours. i have the idea, i have people asking for the chapter, and yet i’m paralyzed trying to write.

[surveyjunkie]

0100

Do you sit on the couch or the floor?  The couch...

How many different colleges have you gone to? Just one

How much stress can you handle? An embarrassingly low amount. 

What is something you have to do before you go to sleep every night? Nothing. A lot of times I just pass out because I’m so mentally exhausted from work and chores I have to do when I get home, not to mention some of the shit I put up with from my stepdad. On days I can’t fall asleep, I watch Netflix or play video games. 

How confident are you in achieving your dreams? Maybe like 10%? I know for a fact at this point I’ll never be an accomplished doctor like I dreamed of. My ADD is absolutely out of control and my self-confidence is too low to ever put myself out there like that, not to mention that my motivation to even APPLY for doctoral school is too low for me to even think that I would get through it in the first place. I’ve learned from working in this position and who I choose to associate myself with in life that I do not have what it takes to succeed in this field. I’m NOT a Type A, and I value my personal life and relationships wayyy more than becoming a slave to school or work. It’s just not for everybody, and I guess I need to stop fooling myself into thinking that I’m this smart, ambitious person when I’d honestly rather be doing nothing. 

Do you ever get tired of all the army stuff you see all over the place? I don’t see it all over the place, but no I wouldn’t get tired of it. I have the utmost respect for our troops. << Absolutely. What a disrespectful question. Those people put their lives on the line for us so the least we can do is acknowledge their existence. 

What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I didn’t think I’d get this far, honestly. And the thing is, I know I don’t belong here. I’m really happy that I was able to graduate with my bachelor’s degree and just get it over with, but I sure as hell don’t deserve to be working at a job like this. 

Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? No. I have trump supporters in my family and as much as I disagree with their political views I don’t let it get to me because it has nothing to do with our relationship. 

At what point in your life do you think you will be truly happy? Who konws

Do you ever make pictures or shapes out of the markings in the ceilings? Maybe in my mind

Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? My life is definitely not predictable. Sometimes I feel like it could be more exciting and glamorous, but when you live with bipolar disorder like I do, it’s definitely not predictable. 

Would you rather things be predictable or unpredictable? I like having some routine, but at the same time it would be nice to switch it up now and then. In a good way, that is. I don’t need any more of life’s curve balls. << Pretty much this. 

Do you really think money will buy your, or anyone else’s, happiness? Honestly, yes. I’ve been a lot happier recently because of the money I’ve been making from this job. I don’t have to worry about making my bills on time, and I’m able to buy and do things that make me happy. If I didn’t have money, I’d be pretty miserable, and if I had more, I’d be even happier. 

Do you think you will die happy? Maybe. 

Is shopping a form of therapy for you? Yeah, in a way. Especially if it’s stuff like candles or decor that will make my surroundings nicer. Or stuff for my dog haha. 

Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? I take Prozac for my anxiety and depression symptoms, but I probably need more than just that. 

Do you believe it is possible for someone to change? Well, yes of course. If they want to change that is. It has to be for them. Even then they likely will stumble and relapse, but that doesn’t mean they can never change. It’s a work in progress. A daily thing. <<

What is your favorite food to snack on when watching t.v.? Pizza counts as a snack, right?

Do you like looking at pictures? I like through old photos. Like from when I was younger. << Same, I like to reminisce about the simpler times in my life. 

Have you ever set 2 people up and it actually worked out? Lol, indirectly I guess. I won’t get into that though. 

Are you good at persuading? Lol sometimes. A lot of times I just bribe people with food or something. 

Are you a submissive person? Kind of. I’m trying to get better at though. 

Do you think the professional personality tests are bogus? They’re not “bogus”, but I do agree that they can be inaccurate because it’s hard to put a personality into one neat little box. You can define certain aspects of it, but it’s ever-changing and often times requires more analysis than just self-report. Sorry, the psych major in me just came out.  

Do you believe everyone should learn another language while still a child? I do, actually, but not only because it’s much easier to learn a language while you’re still a child, but because I think it’s important for the population in general to become bilingual in order to reduce racial/cultural prejudices and things like that. 

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? I think they’re beautiful if they’re done right. I’m all about self-expression. 

Do you care what people think? Way too much. 

How many dirty looks have you received today? Who knows, I’ve been around a lot of different people today so maybe one person did. I didn’t do anything to deserve one though. 

If a loved one who’d died showed up at your door, what would you do? I’d probably faint, honestly. That would be some next-level shit. 

Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. There’s a lot we don’t know about this universe yet, it’s possible. 

How many times have you looked at a picture and wished you were there? I can’t put a number on it, but it happens sometimes.

What is the most consecutive miles you have ran? 3.5

Are there any words you absolutely hate? I mean, sure. I can’t think of any at the moment though. 

How many picture messages have you received? Ever? I have absolutely no idea.

Sent? Again, I have no idea. That is over a span of years of being able to send and receive picture messages.

Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? The last person.

What is your favorite pair of shoes that you own? My wine-colored vans. I haven’t even taken them out of the box yet because it’s been too cold to wear them, but once spring comes you can bet I’m wearing them almost every day. 

One person people think you look similar to? My mom.

Who is the most recent addition to your contacts? Who knows

Are tongue piercings slutty? No

What is the worst physical pain you have ever felt? Not sure. 

What is the fourth picture on your phone? It’s a picture of Josh and I on New Years. It’s actually one my favorites. 

What is the worst thing about winter? The chapped lips, dry skin and frizzy hair. That’s three things I suppose but whatever. 

Where do you order your pizza? Marco’s or Pizza Hut. Sometimes I’ll pick some up from Little Caesar’s. 

Do you think you would lose some friends if you gained 100 pounds? My friends aren’t my friends because of what I weigh or how I look. That would be really, really shitty. << Lol, yep

Last cuss word you said? I think an F-bomb.

Do you usually say too much or too little? Too much. Always too much. 

Lyrics to the song you are listening to: I’m not listening to a song.

Two things you are tired of: This job. 

What tv show do you wish your life was most like? Friends. 

What person of the opposite sex makes you laugh most? My boyfriend. 

Best purchase you ever made? It’s between my laptop and my TV

Do you have pictures up in your room? Yeah, I have a photo of Jo and I on our senior spring break trip up on my desk, and a picture of my mom and I when I was four or five. 

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? Sure

Have you ever been caught sneaking out? No 

Does your school have any rivals? I’m no longer in school.

Which one of your friends causes the most drama? None.

How many Facebooks have you had? Just the one I have.

Who is the most inappropriate old person you know? My fucking stepdad. He’s not really “old” though, but yeah. 

Have you ever been punched in the face? By my little brother back when we were kids, yeah. 

When was the last time you talked to the first person you kissed? An hour or two ago. 

What is the latest you have ever slept in? Until almost 3.

Do you know what your name would have been if you were the opposite sex? I’m guessing my brother’s name, Daniel. 

Are you embarrassed to buy condoms? Kind of, but I don’t ever buy them sooooo. 

Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? Yes.

What year in your life do you think you were the least attractive? LOL 7th grade. I had the choppiest Great Clips haircut, bushy eyebrows, crooked teeth, and wirey glasses. And I thought it was cool to put giant bows in my hair. I was a hot mess. 

Do you have any nicknames? Tash, Basha, Tashie, Tosh.0, Tersha, Tayesha, yeah it goes on and on

How often do you wear necklaces? I wear chokers every now and then. 

Did anything bad happen to you in August? No

Do you have a morning routine? Wake up, pee, brush my teeth, take the dog out, change, brush my hair, feed the dog, leave

Is the first text in your inbox saved? My phone keeps all my texts already. I don’t go through and delete any.

Was the last time you logged into your email? I’m logged in right now

If you are getting up early on a saturday it’s most likely…because I drank too much the night before, or because I have a doctor’s appointment. 

What are the first 3 channels you check when you first turn on the tv? We don’t get any cable

What was your last halloween costume? Louise from Bob’s Burgers

Have you discovered your passion? I like to write, and act. 

Do you get tan in the summer? I get black.