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littlemissmentallyunstable · 2 months ago

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bella PLEWSDE WRITE A GRAYSON HAWTHORNE BLURB OR WHAYEVER WITH READER WITH LOW IRON AND LIKE SHE ALMOST FAINTS BECAUSE THERES LITERALLY ZERO. ZERO FICS THAY HAVE THE READER WITH LOW IRON SO PPELAPSPESLLEPWDLEEL

AHHHHHH BELLE LET ME JUST BEGIN WITH AN APOLOGY BECAUSE I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY THIS FIC HAS TAKEN ME THREE BILLION YEARS TO GET AROUND TO WRITING!! THANK YOU FOR YOU REQUEST AND I PRAYYYY THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED…. (if not I will redo)

title: I’m fine

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: a story where ‘I’m fine’ means ‘I’m totally not fine but I’m not going to admit that’

warnings: dizziness, fainting

a/n: dedicating this to the beautiful @midiosaamor 💖💖 ily <33

taglist: @lovethornes @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @fleuriosa @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31 @loveinalocket @lanterns-and-daydreams @hermesenthusiast @eternal--dream @shattered-glass-roses @book-nerd-emi @peppapigsposts @foreverwinter22

It only started as a headache, not bad enough to be classed as a migraine but bad enough to be considered more than your average headache. Still, I carried on typing the words out on my computer, my brain pulsating in pain.

I didn’t have time to rest off a headache, there was too much to do. I’d only started working four hours ago and if I didn’t get this done by tonight then my boss would not be happy. I mean it wasn’t exactly my fault she decided set me an assignment with a deadline on the same day but still, I had to work it all out and push through.

The tasks seemed endless, I typed word after word, in a state of not really registering what I was writing, just making the robotic movements to write. Clicking the keys and forming coherent sentences without anything being properly processed. It wasn’t unusual, I was used to my brain working faster than my body sometimes.

Still, my head throbbed on. For a second, I stopped the incessant tapping on my keyboard and pressed two fingertips softly to each temple. My hands were ice cold. I breathed in and out deeply a few times with my eyes shut before beginning to work again, praying a tiny reset would be what I needed. I knew I was lying to myself, I knew it would take more than that to soothe any pain but I carried on like I didn’t.

“Are you alright?”

As small gasp escaped my lips as I looked up to see Grayson standing in the doorframe, one hand at the top taking most of his weight. I wondered how long he’d been stood there and I hadn’t noticed.

“Mmmm,” I hummed in reply, going back to finish the sentence I was typing before I lost my train of thought. Then I looked back up at him again, “why?”

He walked in slowly looking at my face intently, “you look a little pale.”

He took my face into his palms and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. Small, gentle, long strokes, that made me lean into him further. I wanted to just curl up in his arms and sleep, but my work clearly had other ideas.

“Just a headache,” I brushed it off, pulling away from his touch reluctantly, “is there any aspirin?”

“There is,” he nodded slowly, his eyebrows pinching together in concern, “but I really think you ought to lay down if it’s this bad.”

“I don’t need to,” I shook my head stubbornly, standing up to look him dead in the eye, “I’m fine.”

What a lie.

“You don’t look fine,” he told me softly, the anxiety rippling across his perfected features. His hands curved around the small of my back and I tried to enjoy it instead of thinking about the throbbing of my head.

So despite my ache, I smiled, “well I feel fine.”

Sometimes I lied so easily and so well it worried me. I shouldn’t be this good at something so cruel. But maybe more than him, I was lying to myself to convince a part of me that I wasn’t as feeling as bad as I thought I felt.

Grayson gave me another worried glance, thumb running up and down the base of my spine rhythmically, the softness of his touch sending a chill through it.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked me, the tingling up my back dying down.

“Earlier,” I nodded, my eyes flicking the time in the bottom corner of my screen realising my ‘earlier’ actually meant six hours ago. On cue, my stomach seized in a hungry protest, sending a tight knot like sensation across my abdomen. I prayed it wouldn’t grumble, betraying my lies to Gray.

“I haven’t seen you eat or-“

“Stop the fussing,” I grinned to bear it, “I’m fine, just need a tablet and some water.”

“Maybe lay off the work then,” he suggested, cocking his head towards my computer screen.

“Grayson I need to get this done,” I sighed gently, “a little headache can’t stop me.”

“Okay…” he said unsurely, hesitating for a few seconds.

“Stop worrying,” I forced a laugh through my searing brain, glancing up at him and looking through those truth-reeling gray eyes.

“I’m not,” his right hand twitches at my side. Liar. “Sit down and I’ll go and get you the aspirin, okay?”

“Okay then,” I nodded, sitting down. Another chill ran through my spine, though this time it was because of the empty place left where his hands had just been.

I took a few more deep breaths, feeling a little out of it all of a sudden. It was like I was in the room but I wasn’t at the same time. I closed my eyes and let the weight of my skull fall into my palms, breathing even deeper, heavier.

I let myself hang, like a lifeless marionette forgotten by her puppeteer, everything leaden and dopey. When I heard Grayson coming back and quickly opened my eyes and sat up a little bit straighter. If he saw me like that he’d get stressed and that’s the last he needed. It was only a headache after all.

Just a really bad headache.

“Thank you,” I kissed him on the cheek as he passed me the aspirin pill and a glass of water.

He cupped my face in his hands, “you promise me you’re fine?”

“I promise promise promise you,” I whispered, feigning another smile. My jaw was starting to ache. I don’t know it’s it from the guilt of lying or the forceful action of smiling or maybe it was just the headache transferring.

I took the tablet between my fingertips and put it at the back of my mouth before swallowing it quickly with water. I shivered afterwards. I hate taking tablets.

Grayson squeezed my shoulders softly, “do you want me to stay here?”

“Didn’t I just ‘promise promise promise’ you I was fine?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He looked at me and sighed. Worry ran riot across his eyes, swirling anxious thoughts into pools of grey. How bad did I look?

“I haven’t got much work left to do, okay?” I said, “I just need to get through this.”

He took his time walking out and although I didn’t look at him I was convinced he kept looking back every through steps to check on me. Finally he left and I downed the glass of water.

I sat still for a moment, analysing how I felt. I didn’t think it was possible but my head had worsened. I internally groaned as dread filled my body. It wasn’t supposed to worsen. I prayed the tablet would kick in, after all I hadn’t really given it a chance.

I took a long breath out and continued tapping away at the keypad. After a while the continuous clicking and clacking was beginning to irritate me. Like an itch I couldn’t quite scratch. My already pounding head felt pounded with the small noises over and over like they were making a mockery of it. Still I continued, there wasn’t much left now and if I could just finish it l, all would be okay.

After about a billion spell checks - seriously why does psychology have a ‘p’ and ‘h’ in it, it’s so irrelevant - I thought I might be ready to finish when I realised I’d missed a whole section.

By now my head was almost unbearable. Torturous agony was creeping up behind my eye now as well as the front of my head. A whole section felt like it would be the death of me. And I’d noticed something weirdly unnatural about my breathing. Every breath in didn’t feel like enough oxygen. So I began to breathe more deeply and when that wasn’t working, more quickly.

That only fuelled my rising panic about the weird nature of these symptoms. They were familiar. Why couldn’t I breathe normally? What was wrong? Maybe it was more than a headache? Questions raced through my head faster than it had time to process them all.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

My head pounded on and like the idiot that I am, I carried on writing. My vision blurred out for a fraction of a second then cleared shortly after. I rubbed my eyes. It was just the screen. Just the screen.

It happened a few more times, so I cleaned my glasses with the bottom of my jumper for good measure. More notes, more notes, more notes, more notes. I quickly hit save in the document for fear if my computer crashed I would lose it all. I sighed as I then went to drink from my water glass only to realise it was empty.

“Gray!” I yelled, “could you grab me another glass of water please?”

I barely registered his reply, my only focus being the stupid piece of work. ‘I can last a little longer’ I repeated over and over in my mind. Until I was bored. Until I was delirious. Until I was too brain dead to care.

I could hear Grayson approaching so got up to meet him at the door. I wanted a ten second break from staring straight at the glowing screen. Suddenly, mid step, I stumbled. Straight away Grayson had one hand around the small of my back gripping tightly and the another on my upper arm, steadying me. I try to laugh it off as a I mistake but even that sounded weak.

“Woah sweetheart,” he said, his hold firmer as he set me straight, “what’s going on?”

“I’m fine,” I shrugged, trying to get back to my chair, my legs feeling too much like jelly for my liking.

I could see he didn’t believe me completely, he didn’t have to say a word. Grayson, instead, took me in his arms. I couldn’t ask to sit down after that, then I’d be admitting that something was wrong. So I stayed standing, my body against his. The only thing holding me up was him.

He looked at me, tender eyed and consumed with concern, “you’re clearly not my love.”

“Gray, I just tripped,” I said smoothly, praying he’d let me twist the truth as I tried to stop my legs from shaking.

“Don’t lie to me,” he murmured in a low voice, curling his other arm around my waist for support.

“I’m not lying,” I shrugged, continuing to be in denial as I gripped to his shirt so tightly my knuckles went white, “I’m fine.”

As soon as the words left my lips everything spun. I closed my eyes and pressed my head against his chest, hoping it would all just go away. My feet swayed a little and panic seized my throat at the unsteadiness. I made a choked sound, halfway between a gasp and a silent scream.

“It’s okay,” Grayson whispered softly, “I’ve got you.” He brought a hand up through the back of my hair and gently held onto the back of my head to steady it.

“Dizzy,” I murmured into him, my voice slurred and slowed. I felt so out of it.

We stayed like that for I don’t know how long. My concept of time was as hazy as my vision. I just remembered staying very still, Grayson’s hands not leaving my body and how hard my forehead was pressed against him.

After a while, I tried to stand back on my own, thinking the dizzy spell was over but as soon as I did the room became a whirlpool of colours and blob-ish shapes. I felt myself lose my footing completely and before I knew it was falling backwards.

Strong arms tensed around my torso and quickly caught me, “oh sweetheart,” I heard Grayson say as he safely lowered me to the ground.

My legs became lifeless pieces of flesh, heavy as led but weak as a flimsy childhood doll. My head felt heavy in his lap as it pounded on. I sewed my eyes shut, it helped a little with the dizziness. His cold fingers tentatively touched my forehead and I leant into them ever so slightly with what energy I had left.

“I’m going to carry you to bed,” he told me gently, as I felt one arm around my back and the other under my legs.

“But my work-“ I groaned, feeling a little nauseated from the dizziness.

He held me tightly, “no sweetheart, forget about work, you need to rest.”

I didn’t reply and instead feebly gripped my deadened limbs around his neck and prayed for all of this to just go away.

“Gray,” I murmured into his chest.

“Yeah?”

“I’m not fine,” I said, somewhere between a sob and mumble.

“I know sweetheart,” he whispered, pressing a shaky kiss on my temple, “I know.”

He scooped me into his arms and carried me to the bedroom, laying me on the bed, before tucking me under the covers. Not letting go of my hand, that gripped him so tightly I don’t know how he didn’t complain. I heard him dialling a number.

“Who are you calling?” I slurred.

“Someone to come and help you,” he responded swiftly.

“Mhmm,” I could only muster in response.

His thumb rubbed circles up and down my hand, “I’m going to stay right here okay?” he comforted, “can you still hear me?”

“Don’t go,” I whispered, feeling quite pathetic but not self-conscience enough to care.

“No I’m staying sweetheart,” he squeezed my palm in his, “I’m staying.”

My eyes fluttered open as my head lazily lolled to one side, “I’m dizzy,” I groaned, not remembering if I’d mentioned already.

“I know,” Grayson whispered, a hand pushing my hair out of the way, “I know.”

“Can I rest my eyes?” I asked him, closing them anyway.

“No, you can’t go to sleep,” he told me.

“No just rest my eyes…” I trailed off, pausing for a long while, my train of thought wavering, “…to stop the spinning.”

“Squeeze my hand every three seconds then,” he said, “so I know you’re awake.”

“Deal,” I barely managed to whisper before I felt the need to increase my breathing rate. It felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in my system.

I squeezed his hand every three seconds, just about keeping track of the numbers. But with every squeeze I could feel myself growing weaker and weaker, like all of my energy was being drained slowly and mercilessly. The only thing that kept me from closing my eyes was Grayson’s gentle touches. His soft fingertips trailing over my face, tracing the contours or drawing spirals on my upper arms and neck.

I opened my eyes for a moment, when the darkness was just as bad as the light, when I felt dizzy no matter whether my eyes were closed or open. Things blurred and cleared, darkened and became normal again over and over and over. Until, a piercing ringing coursed through my ears and everything other sound seemed to be submerged under water. I knew what that meant I was close to.

“Gray,” I murmured shakily.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to pass out,” I told him, a single tear trailing its way down my cheek, “I can feel it.”

I knew the signs well enough and every sign was pointing that way.

“It’s okay,” he said, positioning himself behind me, so my back was pressed against his torso and he could support my head, “I’ve got you.”

“I don’t want to pass out,” I sobbed, black spots dancing across my vision in mockery.

The worst part is always before you passed out because when you’re out you feel and remember nothing. But before, you know what’s coming and you know you can’t stop it.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he mumbled into my hair, slowly, comfortingly, “you’re safe, if you need to pass out, you can and your body will, whether you like it or not.”

My hands were shaking, fingers rocking back and forth, bumping into one another clumsily, “I’m scared,” I said between uneven breaths.

I grabbed Grayson’s forearm to attempt to still them, my fingers so brutally desperate in their clinging that they constricted his blood flow. No matter how many times I’d passed out,, I always felt just as scared.

“You don’t need to be scared,” he soothed gently, “I’ve got you, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise,” I panted, looking up at him, chest rising up and down harshly.

“I promise,” he leant down and planted a sweet of kiss on my nose.

I kept looking up, until his gray eyes clouded with dark spots, until calm expression replaced with an endless see of nothingness, until the whisperings of sweet words ceased. My breathing was heavy, growing heavier by the second and then… then there was black.

***

I felt thick and heavy with drowsiness. My body felt so weighted it ached. My back was against the mattress, my head flat on the pillow, I was anchored to my bed. The covers had been adjusted to just under my neck and I could feel someone’s hand in mine.

I winced as I opened my eyes, the light attacking them too viciously. Immediately Grayson dimmed it down, holding my cheek tentatively in his palm.

“Hey sweetheart,” he whispered, kissing my forehead.

“Gray?”

He traced a soft thumb over the bone where my eyebrow sat as he asked, “how are you feeling?”

“Tired,” I mumbled, stifling a yawn.

“Here,” he said gently, “have some water.”

Slowly he helped me prop myself up, his hand pressed up against my back, the other tipping the glass towards my lips. I swallowed, the water feeling odd against the dryness of my throat.

“How long was I out for?” I coughed.

“Only a bit,” he said, laying me back down, “the doctors have come and gone, they say you’ll be okay with some rest.”

“Why did I pass out?” I asked tiredly, “do they know?”

“You hadn’t taken your iron tablets in three days,” Grayson explained, cocking his head towards my table.

I glanced to my bedside and gasped. Three days worth of unconsumed tablets sat there. I never usually forgot, one day maybe but three whole days. That was unheard of. Guilt permeated me, all the stress I’d probably put Grayson under could’ve been entirely prevented.

“I must’ve forgotten,” I sighed leaning deeper into my pillow, “work has just been so hectic lately and-“

“Hey, hey, hey, I didn’t tell you to worry you, I told you so you wouldn’t overthink what was wrong,” he said softly, “but it’s okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters.”

“But it’s not okay because it’s all my fault,” I bursted into tears, the shock wave of random emotion leaving me senseless, “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you I wasn’t fine and then I just passed out and that probably really stressed you out and I could’ve stopped all of that if I’d just taken the stupid tablets.”

“Sweetheart,” he pressed a palm flat on my chest, “breathe, it’s okay.”

His voice was the constant in my current of chaotic overthinking. This had happened before many times, my low iron deficiency had always been an issue, but even the very first time I’d passed out he was so much calmer than I’d expected.

He kept calm for me.

“God I feel like an idiot,” I choked out a pathetic laugh, wiping my eyes roughly with the back of my hand.

“You’re not an idiot, love,” he soothed, taking my hand gently into his and replacing with with the pad of his thumb, as he gently wiped away the tears that were left, “it happens.”

“It shouldn’t happen,” I shook my head defiantly.

I don’t forget things. I never forget things.

“Hey,” Grayson said, “look at me, you’re fine, I’m fine and that’s all that’s important.”

He held my face in his palms and looked at me like I meant the world.

“I’m sorry,” I let the weight of my head fall into his hands, taking the ache from my neck.

“Don’t apologise,” he said, “there’s no need for you to, just relax.”

I closed my eyes, his palm warm and comforting against my cheek. His fingers found their way to the top of my head, soothingly running through my hair over my scalp.

“Do you want me to get in with you?” he asked.

I nodded sleepily and watched as he slipped into the bed beside me. I was quick to snuggle close, intertwining my legs with his and burying my face into his chest. I inhaled and exhaled slowly.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he whispered in a low voice in my ear as his arms curved around my waist.

“Tired,” I mumbled.

“It’s okay,” he ushered, “you can go to sleep.”

“What if you go?” I asked, like a child.

“I won’t, I promise,” Grayson said, “I’ll stay here with you.”

I smiled to myself, and squeezed his arm, “I love you,” I murmured, “so much.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” he planted a kiss on the top of my head, “more than this world. Get some rest now.”

So I shut my eyes and fell longingly into sleep’s arms.

a/n: hope you enjoyed guys, sorry I haven’t posted much 💖💖

TIG masterlist

#bella writes 🤍#the inheritance games #tig #grayson hawthorne #the brothers hawthorne #the final gambit #the hawthorne legacy #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne one shot #grayson hawthorne x you #grayson hawthorne x reader #grayson davenport hawthorne #grayson x reader #tgg #jennifer lynn barnes #jameson winchester hawthorne

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thisfeelslike-iykyk · 7 months ago

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bookworm ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

percy jackon x bookworm!reader backtrack: "this love", taylor swift inspiration: I like reading

“babe.”

“baaaabbyyy.”

you blinked in surprise at the voice, looking up from your book. your boyfriend percy was sprawled upside-down on your bed, staring at you. he wore a pout on his face.

“what’s up, perce?” you asked absent-mindedly. “something wrong?”

“pay attention to me,” he whined. “you’ve been staring at that book all day.”

“perce, it’s barely been thirty minutes since dinner,” you reminded him gently. “and I haven’t had a chance to read yet today.”

“who would willingly choose to read?” percy sounded scandalized.

“me, perce,” you said, laughing a little. you were lucky to not have dyslexia like most demigods. it gave you the gift of calmness, patience, and peace. and it gave you the chance to read. “just because you can’t read doesn’t mean I can’t either.” you refocused on your book, almost missing percy’s exaggerated eye roll. (almost.)

he was strangely quiet after that, if not only for a few minutes. then suddenly your book was whisked out of your hands. your head snapped up to find it dangling in percy’s hands. “forget your book for a minute,” he pleaded. “I wanna hold you.”

you sighed, standing up. “give me the book back, perce,” you said. “let me finish the chapter, at least.”

you engaged in a little staring contest, which you won. percy sighed, handing the book back to you, and plopped back down onto your bed, defeated. “you promise?” he asked.

you couldn’t help but laugh at your touch-starved boyfriend. “promise,” you said.

“bookworm,” percy muttered, crossing his arms like a little kid. but he obediently kept himself entertained (by throwing the comforter up into the air and trying to slide under it so it covered him perfectly) as you quietly read your book.

finally, you finished your chapter, closing your book softly. percy was laying in bed, almost ready to sleep after tiring himself out. he blinked slowly at you, holding out his arms. you grinned--percy never went to sleep if he wasn’t holding you tightly--and made your way over to the bed, sliding in next to him. immediately percy’s arms went around your waist; he tugged you close to his chest and rested his chin on top of your head. “was the story good?” he asked finally, reluctantly.

you smiled into his chest. “yeah,” you answered. you wanted to rant all about your book to percy, to marvel at the beautiful imagery and laugh and cry about the fleshed-out characters. but percy had never been a reader, and you knew he was only asking because he knew you liked talking about your books. you hugged him back, and he tangled your legs together under the comforters. “this is nice,” he murmured sleepily. “holding you. talking. so much better than reading, wouldn’t you say?”

you smiled lovingly up at him, brushing some hair out of his eyes. “yeah,” you whispered. “this is the best.”

divider by @strangergraphics

taglist: @loveinalocket

#percy jackson #percy jackson fandom #pjo disney+#pjo series #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #percy jackson fic #percy pjo #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #pjo hoo toa #rrverse #riordanverse #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson fluff #anna's fics

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sweetreveriee · 4 months ago

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HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!!!!

this year has honestly been such an amazing year because of YOU GUYS! my moots, followers, literally anyone who has posted something that made me smile. tumblr has become my safe space and you all are my best friends. i wish everyone the best 2025 possible and i hope all your wishes come true. ily all sosososoososo much mwah mwah kisses and hugs xx 💋

now i just wanna take the time to appreciate my wonderful mootsies!! ive been tagged in a couple of these so js know ily all

@his-littlefox daph you are so fucking amazing. you’re so bubbly and fun and sweet and ily with all my heart. please never change you are so fun to be around (maybe get better taste tho) wishing you the best this new year ❤️❤️❤️

@rizzgoddessans ansy pansy where do i even start? you’re so funny and you match my freak so well. whenever you’re not online i miss you sm and when you’re back the smile on my face is so bright. you’re the best ily smmm have a great new year 🫂🫂🫂

@tunguszka20 ur a moot who i will never forget. i know we haven’t really interacted much but i love seeing ur posts/reblogs on my dash. i hope to interact much more in the new year!!!!

@thejudeduarte YOU. ARE. SO. AMAZING. ive always always loved your blog but was too scared to talk to you 😭❤️ ur so kind ily have a great 2025

@lovethornes IZZY YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST MF EVER OMFG. ilysm ur so kind and amazing and fun to talk to!!!! i really hope we can interact more this yearr

@ohwarnette sara you are so amazing words cannot describe how much i appreciate u!!!! ur my maxton hall buddy and every time you send me smthn it means the WORLD to me. knowing that i have someone in my phone i can talk to about my favorite thing ever feels so good. ilysm ur the best babes ❤️💋

@thebirdhivemind nola literally how can i explain the amount of positivity you’ve brought into my life? you’re like a big sister/aunt to me. you’re so funny and caring and compassionate and you always have the right thing to say. you’ve brought me comfort so many times, even if you didn’t do anything except exist. i literally adore you and i hope we’re friends for many many more new years!!!!

@crenna lili. lilipili. you are so perfect and sweet and the best person on the planet. ive never seen you be anything less than the kindest person ever and ilysm i hope you have the absolute best new year ever. i love talking to you so much and being your friend is such a blessing ❤️❤️❤️

@meangirlsbway BING YOU ARE SO AMAZING OMG. you’re kind, funny, beautiful, amazing and so so so so much more. ur the big sister i never had and ur literally always there when i wanna yap to someone about something. the months ive been ur friend have been some of the best of my life, have a great new year babes ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@midiosaamor BELLESY BELLE YOU ARE SO PERFECT WHERE DO I EVEN START???? u match my freak constantly ur genuinely like my other half/twin sister. i adore talking to you because you are SUCH a role model to me with how you view life and everything in it. i hope you have the best new year ever baby you’re the best MWAH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@your-mommy-ems emmy baby you’re so fucking amazing. ive admired your blog from afar ever since i first joined tumblr and then when we became moots and started interacting i was SO HAPPY!!!! you’re so sweet and talented ive never seen u be bad at something bc ur just that good. ILYSM have a great year ❤️❤️❤️

@feerique lyla ur so gorgeous and amazing and a lil bit freaky sometimes but that’s ok because ur ICONIC and ilysm ❤️❤️ have a great new year babes never change please

@loveinalocket millieeeee hahdhdjh ilysm OMFG ur the best person ur so kind and when u almost deactivated i was DEVASTED even tho at that point we hadn’t interacted much because i LOVE you and ur blog. have the best best 2025 i hope u get everything u want ❤️❤️❤️

@lyrakanefanatic girlie u r SO AMAZING ik we haven’t interacted much but i adore ur posts and we need to become friends asappp happy new year ml have an amazing 2025

@lyra-kane MOON!!!! you are so ahdgjdhshs amazing ilysm and i love ur bloggggg!!!!!! i hope we can interact more this year ilyyyy

@highladyofterrasen7 BATMAN U R SO AMAZING AND SWEET i love love talking to u and ur the best istg ilysm and i hope you have the absolute best new year ever babes MWAH MWAH 💋

@wish-i-were-heather EUNOIA!!!!! IVE ALWAYS LOVED UR BLOG SM OMFG when we became moots and i was overjoyed and whenever we talked on discord it’s been so so fun and im looking forward to more interactions like that ❤️❤️❤️ ily happy new yearrrr

@maybxlle may we haven’t really interacted but GOD i adore your blog. just everything about it from the theme, ur amazing posts and reblogs, to YOU is so perfect and beautiful and amazing. i really hope we can talk more this year

@never-enough-novels aviii idt we’ve ever really talked which is CRIMINAL bc i love love love ur blog but ive always been too scared to reach out. ur so amazing happy new year lovely

@inmyheaddd HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE BEST WRITER EVER!!!!! OMFG i adore all ur works especially ur grayson ones hehehhe. ily jude have a great 2025 ❤️

@ladysdevotee jess!!!!! we haven’t interacted for a LONG TIME but you are so sweet and amazing and perfect ilysm have an amazing new year babes

@tiredpapergirl KAT! you are the kindest person ever i have never had a bad conversation with you!!!! you’re so sweet and amazing and i love talking to u. have an amazing new year ml

@ijustwantmycoffeback JESTER TWIN FELLOW (insert time zone) GIRLIE GIGI ILYSM!!!! ur the best ur so funny and creative and smart and im sosoosososososo proud of everything you’ve accomplished ❤️❤️❤️ ily so fucking much have the best new year ever

@balladofareader mira you’re so nice and sweet and kind! we mostly talk on discord but just know ilysm and that my goal this year is to interact more with you on tumbles. have an amazing new year love

@sitting-in-a-library LIB ILYSM ur so fun to talk to im never bored with you!!!!! we literally barely interact on tumblr which is criminal but our convos on discord are so great. you’ve comforted me so much (like when i had my wisdom teeth removed your message were the only thing keeping me from running out of the room) have the best new year ml

@elysianwayy77 jadeeeee ur so amazing ausgdhjshsn i love ur blog and ur posts and u and im so sad we haven’t interacted more which is a fact i plan to change ❤️ have the best 2025 lovely mwah

@letmeliveinelfhame cait you are so so kind and amazing and i adore talking to you ❤️❤️❤️ i have so much fun with the shenanigans in discord. have the most amazing new year ❤️

@kit4strophe KIT!!!!!!!!!!! we haven’t talked in so long but ur genuinely the sweetest ilysm. you’re so amazing im so lucky to have you as a moot MWAH MWAH KISSES ❤️❤️

@merlinsleftit HI ROON!!!! ur so funny ur messages and posts always make me laugh. ur always so sweet and kind and ilysm im so glad we met ❤️❤️❤️ best wishes to u babes

@cavernouswastaken cav ur so nice and kind and ily. u always have the best thoughts and i love talking to u sm ❤️❤️ have a great new year lovely

@xoxzso ADDA OMG I MISSED YOU SM we NEED to start talking here more!!!!! ur so funny and amazing and lovely and i adore u smmmm!!! happy new year ml ❤️

@honeygreatminds mary oh my god we haven’t interacted much but when i tell u ily i mean it. ur blog is so gorgeous and i love ur posts sm!!!! i really hope we can interact more this year. best wishes hugssss 🫂

@sororygilmore KAELA!! we’ve only just started interacting but i adore u and ur blog. everything is so pretty and perfect js like u ml ❤️❤️❤️ happy new year have the best 2025

@graciebrams ema! we haven’t really talked much but i LOVEEEE ur blog sm!!!!! its so aesthetic and ur posts are AMAZING just like you are mwah mwah ❤️❤️❤️ have a great new year ml

@wildesqdreams lalaaaaa ahdghdhshs first of all ur blog theme is STUNNING as always, second of all u r so amazing and i need to be ur friend ASAP!!! i hope we can interact more this year. hugs n kisses happy new year ❤️❤️

@viqwxcs cami ik we haven’t talked/interacted really but i always see ur posts and reblogs on my dash and they make me so happy ❤️ have an amazing new year lovely

@beabeebeee ok first of all WIFEY ILYSM UR THE BEST U MATCH MY FREAK ILYYY HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR ❤️❤️❤️ second of all bea ur so amazing and sweet and funny and im so blessed to be ur friend ily mwah mwah

@jarsjam hey jam!! we haven’t really interacted but ive seen and reblogged so many of your posts by now i feel like we’re already friends ❤️ i hope to get to know you more this year, have an awesome 2025

@catchmeonyourceiling ZOE U GORGEOUS GIRL!!!! we’ve only just started talking but i ADORE you and your blog which has the PRETTIEST theme btw ❤️❤️❤️ happy new year ml have the best year

@sweetnnaivete hi ceri!!!! we haven’t talked really but i see u sm on my dash and i love ur posts and reblogs and i really really wanna get to know u better this year ❤️❤️ have an amazing 2025 babes

@xoxo-g0ssipgir1 HARLEY!!! we’re new friends but i already adore u sm u match my freak and that’s more than i could ever ask for. it’s us accidental simpers against the world 😔✊ily have a great new year

@rainystarssx RAINYYY UGH ILYSMMMMM i need to talk to u more bc i simply adore u ml ❤️❤️❤️ have the best best new year i hope all ur dreams come true this year

@arqbella nads!!!! ive been a fan of ur blog for the LONGEST time. ur themes ur posts u in general its all just so perfect and amazing and ilysm ur so kind have the most amazing new year worthy of u ❤️❤️

@daystarpoet AIMEEEEE WERE NEW MOOTS AND JM SO GLAD WE MET BC UR SO GORGEOUS AND AMAZING!!!! i cant wait to talk more this new year ❤️❤️ have a great 2025 ml ❤️

@daintydoll13 hi a!!!!! ur so amazing and i adore ur blog im so so glad we’re moots ❤️ ilysm have the most amazing and perfect new year ever babes

and to all of my followers…im so so so fucking grateful for every single 200+ (HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!!!!?) one of you!!!! ily all sm thank you for deciding to follow me and my crazy ass blog ❤️❤️❤️ have the best new year my loves

#reverie’s daydreams #u all mean the world to me 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

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your-mommy-ems · 6 months ago

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.... ok so this was an EXTREMELY LONG TIME COMING (ive been planning hehe)

flower-for-em you will be missed. dearly.

but a new dawn is brewing

letting ppls knowwww

@arqbella (honorary mention to you for this masterpiece) @midiosaamor, @maybxlle, @reminiscentreader, @xo-zozo

@percabeths-blue-cookies, @feerique, @bonesnplywood, @sweetreveriee, @lost-in-reveriie

@runwiththerain, @thepaladinstrait, @bassguitarinablackt-shirt, @loveyou-imsorry, @svnflowermoon

@ssparksflyy, @fleuriosa, @gergthecat, @skeelly, @moonlightt444

@riordanness, @wish-i-were-heather, @his-littlefox, @juicygf, @kozumesphone

@mayfieldss, @tangledkissesss, @qylinscafvne, @missedyour21st

@findmeonvenus, @loveinalocket, @hxress23, @inmyheaddd, @reyreadersblog

idk who else to tag guys

#its em again ₊˚ෆ #A NEW ERA OF EM

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21sbaby · 5 months ago

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welcome to the circus!

HIII! Welcome to my 60 followers event! I want to say thank you for all of you lovely people that have helped me get to where I am, I couldn’t do it without you!

EVENT ENDS THE 6TH!

Welcome to the first attraction! The acrobatics! ~ I’ll make a Spotify playlist based off of you and your vibe!

The second attraction, the clowning! ~ I’ll make a mood board for anything you want!

The third attraction, the magic and illusion ~ I’ll tell you how I’d write you in a book!

The fourth attraction, human cannonball! ~ I’ll tell you a character I ship you with!

The fifth and finale attraction, the human trapeze! ~ I’ll tell you things I associate you with!

intro!

I want to say a special thank you to the people who helped me come up with these ideas! And thank you to all my moots 🫶 @glxsyymads @soft-likethesunset @marella-redek-arsonist @tuliplover222 @juicygf @unicorns-sparkles-and-rage @the-french-fry @sweetnnaivete @balladofareader @elyseomg @junefl0wers @cultclassic111 @telugu-girl-13 @wish-i-were-heather @imsaraht @stars-over-ice-cream @my-hyperfixationisbooks @xandriataken @thisfeelslike-iykyk @iheartgirlzn @forestgromlin @starlightt-love @hxress23 @loveinalocket @justafanbutcurious @naturalbornluvr @dazedanddainty @auntiejohn @cassioxpeiaxmgg @iloveyapping @your-average-toast-enjoyer @theodditylacey @333sturns @sparklyjellyfishheartz @elysianwayy77

#toooster #patch yaps #i love my moots

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telugu-girl-13 · 4 months ago

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here's a toast to my real friends ⸆⸉ ₊˚.⋆ ✦ PT. 2

happy new year! to all of my moots, mutuals, and just people who are following me whether you're tagged in this or not. joining tumblr this year changed a huge aspect of my life, and its been so much fun! this year, i'm focusing on being online less, and trying to invest in new hobbies, but i will always be here! thank you all for being an amazing support and light in my life, even when times are tough. love you!

pt. 1

welcome to my ♡ ~ moots masterlist, pt. 2! this will be used to keep track of my close mutuals! feel free to scroll through and make friends!

altercations ♡ ~ if we have talked at least once and would like to be added to the list, please tell me! or, if you want to be removed from this list, please tell me! commenting on this post or directly messaging me is fine. if i forgot you, it is most likely not on purpose.

about deactivating ♡ ~ if anyone on this list is taking a break or deactivating from tumblr, including yourself, please tell me! i appreciate it!

credits ♡ ~ @/plutism for dividers!

@happilynerdyzombie ♡ @lotusishere ♡ @jeannefostergoriot ♡ @anintellectualintellectual ♡

@crippling-pages ♡ @floofeeeeee ♡ @shadowuserannie ♡ @spraypaintstainonawhitewall ♡ @the-french-fry ♡

@i-am-a-duck-collector ♡ @juleshwin ♡ @lucyshypemaster ♡ @loveinalocket ♡ @teradrama ♡

@tooster ♡ @wisegirl42 ♡ @solangelo-taylors-version ♡ @bea-schuyler ♡ @honeii-puff ♡

@lezabeththetheodoraimposter ♡ @buckybarneshasmyheart ♡ @your-local-depressed-fangirl ♡ @crystalwinterarmy ♡ @crowofthestars ♡

@spookythensweet ♡ @daughterofapollo-official ♡ @andthemoonsingswisely ♡ @oopsies-maeve-did-a-thing ♡ @lesson-in-ruthlessness ♡

@sweet-mango-child ♡ @not-a-gay-fangirl ♡ @literallyimthenerdemoji ♡ @nyxs-blank-canvas ♡

@thisfeelslike-iykyk ♡ @prettykittytanjiro ♡ @the-beloved-genloss-niki ♡ @where-is-the-angst ♡ @crumpetsandbiscuits ♡

#hasini's moots masterlist ♡

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wish-i-were-heather · 8 months ago

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EUNOIA’S GRAND WORLD TOUR — ✮⋆˙

ahhh oh em gee!!! thank you guys for 200 this is crazy. we just reached 100 at the start of august?? i can't believe so many people are following me, but im so grateful for every single one of you! its been so fun getting to know people and making friends, everyone here is soooo sweet! so thank you again for 200+ followers! also im posting this on my birthday, so just another yippee im so glad i can "celebrate" with you guys and do this little event thing! (special thank you to @maybxlle, this quite literally could not have happened without you, ilysm <3) sooo basically instead of an event we put together a scavenger hunt!! (intro post here)

— RULES AND INFORMATION ☆

♡ we don’t really know how this works, we kinda just made it up

♡ so basically your first clue is at the end of this post. this whole hunt is based on music, conan gray (duh) and similar artists

♡ there are ten clues! the clue will lead to a song or lyric that is in the url of the blog where the next clue is

♡ remember that if the url isnt right, you can switch out a for x or u for c and so on. get creative!

♡ to redeem your win, send an ask to the final blog with your fav song atm

♡ if you have any questions, send an ask!

clue number one!

on the news, there’s sabrina. i just wanna dance

TAGS ♡

@whatsamongus

@sofiavaa

@pinkwinesupernovas

@littlemissmentallyunstable

@letmeliveinelfhame

@xoxonxo

@inmyheaddd

@rxsewqter

@tornqdowarnings

@myhyperfixationisbooks

@never-enough-novels

@apollosmusee

@viqwxcs0

@alwaysthefangirl

@bbypinkhearts

@metyouattherighttime

@book-girl4evaaa

@justalunaticfangirl

@hazellevessque

@midiosaamor

@flowers-for-em

@book-nerd-emi

@stars-on-my-bedroom-ceiling

@loveinalocket lmk if u dont wanna be tagged its np at all <3

#eunoia's 200 tour!! ˗ˏˋ✪ ´ˎ˗

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theodditylacey · 7 months ago

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hi lovely!!!

could you assign me a song? @loveinalocket

the vinyl stall

assign me a song

step on me- the cardigans

no particular reason, i just think you give off the cardigan vibes. light and sweet but deep.

thanks for visiting the vinyl stall!

#letters to lacey #lacey's market #girlblogger #this a girlblog #the vinyl stall #lacey's vinyl stall #@loveinalocket

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wretched-meadow · 6 months ago

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!! MOOTS (ILY YOU GUYS) !!

(Sorry for the tag hehe)

@theodditylacey - fellow homeschooler 1#

@loveinalocket - fellow homeschooler 2# (bye millie, we love you so so much<3)

@iloveyapping - my yapper in christ

@sleeplessfluid - *steals ur gender*

@summer-winter-solstice - best art I've ever seen (teach me ur ways/gen)

@xoxochb - LITERALLY THE SWEETEST, KINDEST, LOVLIEST, MOST CARING PERSON IVE EVER MET!! (Ily<33)

@ihavehomworktodobutimhereinstead - 1# fan of our valgrace roleplay

@demigod-jack-hearth - tea drinker

@sun13koi - just wanna. Put you in my pocket and keep you safe idk

@the-eclipse-is-in-me - fellow child of Hades

@emdabitchass - cave town stan🫵 (me too bestie, me too)

@crowwolf8 - coolest crow

@star-dust-shark - literally one of the coolest people I've found on tumblr

@telugu-girl-13 - <- best purple aesthetic

@gacha-lava - I'm watching you.

@lovelorngirl - I will never understand the hype for Octavian .

@justafanbutcurious - so so cool

@iliketopgun - an awesome gal????? Super super cool <3

If you wanna be added or removed, let me know :)

#PHEW #LONG ASS LIST 😭😭#i love my moots dw

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myhyperfixationisbooks · 7 months ago

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okay so I was bored and thought about what roles my moots would be in Highschool.

Feel free to just add whoever you want!<3333

the kind popular girls: @wish-i-were-heather @loveinalocket @maybxlle

the theatre kids: @123letsgobestie @graaaaaayy @local-lover-boy

the girls everybody has a crush on: @xoxochb @issyyhearts

the academic machines: @telugu-girl-13 @alwaysthefangirl @judegotcardan

The nicest girls ever: @beabeebeee @my-kink-is-karma11 @nobody-knows-im-fruity

just continue this with your moots <3333

#Tag game #highschool stereotypes

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littlemissmentallyunstable · 4 months ago

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title: two hearts, too good at breaking

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: this argument has been needing to happen for a while but an angry girlfriend and a closed off boyfriend are not a good mix…

warnings:

a/n: thanks for reading 💗💗

I spin around, anger has me in a chokehold contorted fingers wrapped tightly around my neck, I’m ready to burst, “is this what it’s going to be like?”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Grayson scoffs, with an expression that doesn’t betray any hint of emotion if he is feeling it.

Typical man with his typical habits. I wish for once he’d just show me that he at least cared about this. Us.

“Don’t twist this Grayson, don’t you dare,” I seethe, my eyes blazing with some sort of wildfire that would surely burn him alive, “don’t make me the problem.”

He leans back lazily, resting his weight on the counter, “I’ll be the problem then, that’s fine,” he shrugs nonchalantly, making me want to punch him even more than I already did.

How could he act so cool and collected? As if none of this was actually bothering him? How was it fair? I could feel tears prickling in the corners of my eyes and the lump wedged in my throat rapidly expanding. I don’t want to be this emotional, I don’t want him to know how much this is hurting me.

“No,” I reply coldly, abruptly.

I try to mirror him, pushing down all my own feeling and casting my mind to a blank state so that my feelings could not penetrate.

“Then what do you want?” he asks, a dead withered look flashing across his gray eyes.

I make a frustrated noise. So much for staying unbothered. My emotions tend to run riot with an odd reckless abandon, I couldn’t contain them no matter how hard I tried.

He’s twisting my words, playing with them like a well fed cat would a dead bird, “it’s not about what I want,” I hiss.

He raises an eyebrow sharply, “seems like it,” he deadpans.

“So you’re happy like this?” I snap, “this constant tension between us, the aching silences, avoiding this argument all the time?”

It had been going on for far too long now and I am too exhausted, drained with the weight of it all. He could shut it out, he could close off his feelings, he could easily stay unaffected through avoidance. But me? I’m not like that. Every tiny thing hit my heart with a tiny bullet, slowly bleeding it dry.

“You’re the one who created tension in the first place,” he replies with a snarl, a glimmer of anger seeping through his composure.

Good. At least I know there is something beneath his stupid defence mechanism, something that maybe even cared.

“No I didn’t,” I counter fiercely, “things got hard for you and you ran off alone and then came back and acted if nothing had even happened.”

“What do you want me to do, wallow?” he sneers, “did you want me to come home and cry in your arms? I have a life, I need to get on with it.”

“Oh thanks,” I laugh bitterly, running my fingers through the knots in my ponytail, “no what I wished you would’ve done was at least address that you’d gone, why you’d gone, how we were going to work things out, but you didn’t! You did nothing!”

“Why keep bringing up the parts of the past we want to forget?” he asks me, some sort of strain ripping across the middle of his sentence.

“Because you can’t just bury everything under the carpet,” I sigh, tired of the endless row of bulletproof walls he puts up to keep me out, “eventually it’s going to all be revealed.”

“So what you’re asking me to do is tell you every minor inconvenience in my life,” he states flatly, “as if discussing them will make them magically disappear.”

“I’m not asking for that,” I snap, before reeling my annoyance in for a moment, my voice softens, “I’m asking for you to trust me.”

We can’t keep on like this, it’s not healthy, it’s not right, it’s not normal.

“I do trust you,” he replies, without missing a beat.

It’s an instant reaction, a reflex but they’re still empty words. He wants to trust me, but he can’t. I can see it so clearly in those glossy gray eyes.

“It’s clear you don’t,” I reply, “you don’t tell me anything, you don’t talk about your feelings-“

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he tells me numbly.

My heart almost gives in to his blank face and deadened eyes. It hurts to see him so devoid of emotion, so empty. I wish sweet kisses and loving whispers could wash away all that was wrong, but I fear there’s too much for even the ocean to clean.

I shake my head, “you can’t play the hardcore card with me.”

“I’m not playing any card,” he snaps, his face contorts into a sour and twisted look, “my life isn’t a game.”

Idiot me, using a card comparison. It’s like rubbing salt in his open wounds and watching them marinate.

“I know it’s not,” I say gently.

His eyes softened for a fraction of a second before they iced over again. The bitter frost would take a lot more than a kind voice to thaw. He breathes deeply.

“I need to get out of here,” Grayson says, standing up to make a b-line for the door.

I lunge forwards and stand in front of him, arms folded. I look up at him, wide eyes pinning him into place. He stops, almost frozen and stares right back at me.

Of course he could’ve easily walked around me, lifted me up and moved me out of the way or simply just told me to stop. But he does nothing at all and continues staring dead at my face.

He doesn’t want to leave, not really.

“You’re not leaving again,” I tell him firmly, “you can’t just walk out when things get hard, that’s not how we work.”

He sighs and turns around, walking back to the kitchen. I follow. He leans against the counter top, arms folded. In any other situation I would’ve found this incredibly attractive.

“How do we work then?” he finally asks me, more quietly than he’d probably intended.

I look at him with tender eyes and say seven small words, “I need you to need me too.”

“I do need you,” he replies fiercely, a fire in his eyes reminding me of my own for a moment, something I couldn’t ignore.

He does care. He cares like I care.

“You don’t act like it,” I shake my head, biting my lip to stop the tears from spilling over.

And then something snaps and it’s not me this time.

“But I do!” he raises his voice, a desperate longing vibrating across his vocal chords, “you know I do!”

“No I don’t,” I explode, blinded by my own white hot anger, “you keep everything so bottled up!”

“I don’t,” the words are sharp and definitive, ending with a hard monotonous sound.

I groan in frustration, contemplating ripping my hair out, “why won’t you ever just let me all the way in?”

“I can’t,” he falters, maybe the first glimpse of the real him I’ve seen in this whole conversation.

He looks down at the floor, his head dipping down slightly. Grayson Hawthorne always held his head high. I’d broken him.

“Why can’t you,” I press on further, like a child still trying to play with a broken toy.

I know I shouldn’t push him, I know I’m being impatient but I have to know why. I’ve tried the patient route but it hasn’t worked.

My heart won’t beat for anyone else the way it beats for him. I love him too much to let this end over a miscommunication, we’ve been through too much to throw it all away. Whatever it is, we’ve always gotten through it, that’s how we work. I’m not letting go, even if he thinks he wants to.

“I just can’t,” he says to me, as if that explained it all.

An internal argument flickers across his face, his eyebrows draw themselves closer in the slightest of ways and I can see he’s biting the inside of his lip so hard I fear it might bleed.

“That’s not an answer Grayson,” I reply, not backing down, my rational thoughts are consumed by feeling, governed by pure heart and no head at all.

He runs a hand through his hair, all the way to the back of his neck, “I can’t do this.”

“What? This? This relationship?” I question trying not to let the fear creep into my voice.

“No, of course not,” he snaps with an eye roll, causing me to deepen my scowl, “why can’t you just accept that I can’t let you in?”

Oh if only it were that easy.

“Because,” I shout, “you’re meant to be able to trust me with everything and anything.”

“Well I don’t,” Grayson snaps back, his tone bitter like the cud, “I don’t trust anyone, don’t take it so personally.”

Tears spring back to my eyes, my voice quietens, “I’m not anyone.”

“No…” he exhales shakily, pausing for a while, “…you’re not.”

Silence engulfs us, its flames happily licking at our feet. I feel the weight of his gaze against mine, our eyes locked together in a trance. In the space of no words, too much is said.

He looks like he’s physically in pain. The dark circles rimmed under his eyes are bolder than ever, thick smears of black, like war paint. His cheeks seem hollower, his eyes less bright. Am I stealing his spark? Is this my doing? As if he can read me, like an open book, he shakes his head in the slightest of ways. If I’d blinked I might’ve missed it.

“You can’t keep doing what you’re doing,” I murmur hoarsely, unable to control my own voice, “it’s not fair on me and it’s not fair on you.”

He breathes out deeply, his voice low, almost husky, “some things are just too much, okay?”

“Nothing should be too much for love,” I say darkly, taking a step towards him.

He doesn’t back away but doesn’t move any closer to me. Again, he enters his paralysis. I dare to get closer still and then ever closer. I trail gentle hands up his arms, shoulders, then neck until finally they reach the sides of his face. I pull his towards me, so his forehead is pressed against mine. I can feel him breathing, the soft warm air tickling my face.

“I am here Grayson,” I whisper, a tears falling from each eye, spilling over only to roll down my cheek and land on his shirt, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

His hands find their way to my waist, his fingers tighten around it, knuckles going white.

“If I let you all the way in,” he chokes out, “you’ll see me for who I really am…” everything falls still, time itself stops, “…and everyone who has ever seen that part of me walks away.”

My heart twists, aching and throbbing in my chest.

“It’s not pretty sweetheart, it’s not pretty at all,” his voice shakes. It is soft, so vulnerable, so open.

He’s trying to show me he does trust me, he just doesn’t know how to let himself. The tenderness intertwined in his tone is enough to make me melt.

“And I don’t think I can afford to watch you walk away,” he shake his head, eyes glossy with tears, “I’m selfish like that my love, I don’t want you to leave.”

I shake my head, biting my lip to prevent a sob for escaping. You’re not selfish is what I want to tell him but I can’t formulate words. Tears freely pool down my cheeks and even Grayson lets one slip. It slowly trails down his cheek, leaving a glistening path behind it.

All the words I want to say get lodged in my throat, so I bring his face closer to mine still and let my lips do the talking.

His face is hot against mine, his hands feverishly cling to every inch of my body. The kiss tastes like a mixture of salt and passion and anger and fear and all of the feelings in between. I could feel his agony on my tongue like he could feel my fury.

I kiss him more roughly, not bothering to contemplate that either of us might need to draw back for breath. He needs this, I need this. Grayson’s hands find their way to my hair, clamping around large thick chunks of it, fingers getting lost and tangled between the strands. Not that either of us care. He’s craving me now more than ever, I can feel his mouth desperately crashing into mine. I bite his bottom lip gently and he a strange sort of sound escapes the back of his throat, something between pleasure and pain.

We continue until our lungs physically burn and force us to stop. I rest back, gulping in as much oxygen as I can. My lips tingle as my chest heaves up and down rapidly. My hands are almost shaky.

I look up to meet his gray eyes. His face is flushed and lips red raw. He looks more alive than I’d seen him in a while. He almost manages a smile, eyes hungrily grazing over my whole body.

He sighs, still out of breath, “what’s even wrong with the way we are now?”

“You’re seriously asking?” I ask. He stays silent. “We can’t just kiss and make up.”

“Why?” Grayson says, something pleading in his expression.

“You know why,” I falter, closing my eyes and massaging my temples, my head thumping all of a sudden.

“What is so bad that we can’t just leave our argument here and move on?” he asks me, something lighting up on his face, some false hope that I’ll soon be to one to crush.

I sigh, falling into a silence of my own. I usually have all the words to say. I still do, too many in fact so I take my time to choose carefully. He almost seems impatient for my answer.

“You don’t communicate,” I say softly, the truth harder said than I’d imagined.

He snarls at me, “I can’t communicate when you don’t say anything.”

“I’m saying everything now,” I tell him, more emotion pouring itself into my tone without being invited to, “but you’re refusing to hear me.”

I wonder if his lips miss mine as much as I miss his. I keep having to scold myself to not glance at them. If only this could all be solved with a kiss.

“I’m not refusing,” he presses on, his jaw tense, “I just don’t understand.”

“Okay maybe this’ll make it clearer,” I state simply, “you don’t get to shut me out.”

Bitter. Harsh. Cold. All the things I loathe coming out of my own mouth. It is the bluntest way I could’ve put things.

He shakes his head and chuckles darkly, “you say you understand me but you don’t, if you understood me you’d know that this is how I deal with pain.”

“That’s not healthy,” I bite back with a bold ferocity.

“It might not be healthy but it’s me,” he tells back, hitting his chest, “take it or leave it.”

“Neither,” I snap, folding my arms and standing my ground with a look of challenge written across my face.

He looks exhausted, “it can’t be all your way all of the time.”

I am exhausted too, “I’m asking you to open up to me,” I say, my throat sore and dry, “why is it so difficult?”

“It just is.”

“Look I’ve given you time Grayson,” I tell him desperation creeping up into my voice, another uninvited visitor, “I’ve done my waiting and I’ve given you space and I haven’t complained but it’s been years and it’s taking a toll, surely if you don’t feel at ease to open up to me now then you never will. I mean you talk to your brothers about everything, why do I know less than them? We’ve been together two years Grayson, two whole years!”

“And I knew Emily my whole life,” he practically growls, each word venomous, a poison spat into my face.

The taste of his lips sour in my mouth and my face immediately pales. I stop, freeze, my body stills completely. I don’t even realise I’m holding my breath until my lungs beg me for oxygen.

So that’s what he thinks. That’s why he can’t trust me.

“You think I’m like her?” I say, my words so quiet I don’t think they can qualify as spoken.

“That’s not what I meant,” Grayson says immediately, the guilt settling.

“You think I’d do something like that to you,” I ask slowly, carefully.

“No,” he tells me, reaching out to touch my arms. I pull away, I can’t have his fingers on my skin. He hides his hurt well, just not well enough from me. “But you have to understand I was played once and I won’t be again.”

My heart drops, plummeting into the acid in my stomach. I’m empty. An odd sort of numbness crawls under my skin, creating a barrier between my flesh and hot blood so I can’t feel anymore.

“I really thought you knew me,” I whisper, my chest aching in the absence of what‘s supposed to beat there.

“I do,” he says.

I shook my head, “if you knew me you know I’d never do that.”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Bring up your awful ex and compare me to her?” I snarl, the emptiness leaving more space to fuel the fire of rage within me.

He sighs, “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

“You think?” I raise a brow, hugging my folded arms tighter my body in attempts to assert a challenge.

He grits his teeth. He hates her sarcasm. “I don’t have time for this,” he snaps, turning on his heel to walk out. I’ve pushed him over the edge.

“You never have time for this,” I scoff, throwing my hands up into the air as I follow him, “you can’t avoid me forever, you can’t hide behind paraphrases and excuses,” I cut in front of him, “it’s not fair.”

“That’s not fair?” he laughs, the sound hollow as it bounces off of these four walls, “you know what’s not fair? This. This, here what you’re doing to me,” he seethes, “why are you making me feel guilty for who I am?”

“This is not who you are,” I bite back, “I know you Grayson Hawthorne, I know ever inch of you, every curve of your body, every fibre of your being. I know what makes you laugh and what makes you cry, I know when you’re trying to hide your pain, I know how to read your eyes, I know where your favourite place to be kissed is, I know how you take your coffee, I know why you sleep on your side, I know when you like to go for a swim and how it makes you feel, I know what you’ve been through, I know your deepest fears, I know who your grandfather was and what you think of yourself because of it. I know the immense pressures you put on yourself, I know the expectations of yourself you have, I know how you view your being, how often you judge it. I know why the violin is your favourite and what Frank Sinatra song you’d listen to forever. I know you’re long sighted because you read too much when you were younger so you have to wear glasses. I know you Grayson,” I say, pausing for air, “and this coward in front of me is not you, it will never be you.”

Silence hits me like a bullet train. All the air is knocked from my lungs leaving my belly aching.

“Clearly you don’t know me well enough,” he says roughly, his voice is hoarse and jagged like his voicebox has been scratched, “because this is me, all of me.”

“It isn’t and you know it,” I reply searching his face with desperate eyes. He’s masking his feelings, it’s an instinct, his instinct. This argument is pushing him further away from me.

He looks at me, “do I?”

“Yes,” my voice shatters as I run my fingers through my hair, “I love you goddamit Grayson Hawthorne.”

“People have lied with those words before,” he quips, the bitter taste of betrayal probably still dancing on his tongue.

I can’t stop myself from flinching. The words sting like a fresh slap across the face. He almost looks sorry.

“Can’t you see I mean it?” I murmur, emotion swelling in my chest.

“I don’t know anymore,” he says, digging the knife deeper into my wound, “I don’t know who to trust, what I can trust, even my own judgment.”

“Me,” I beg him, shakily breathing in, taking his hands into my own, “trust me.”

He stares for a moment, his eyes and my own connected on an invisible string that seemed it would never break. I squeeze his fingertips gently as my own voice echos in my head. Me. Trust me.

I wonder if he can hear it too.

He pulls away and shakes his head, “you want something perfect.”

“I never said that,” I explode immediately, my temper with a mind of its own, “you’re putting words into my mouth-“

“But we’re not Avery and Jameson,” he says slowly, almost carefully.

The comment catches me off guard completely and I still. Is that what he really thinks? My hands, now glued to my sides begin to shake a little. I try my very hardest not to lose it.

“I don’t want to be Avery and Jameson,” I tell him firmly.

“Then stop acting like it,” Grayson seethes, with a raw sort of anger he usually keeps so well in check.

“I’m not!” I yell, letting my own rage run free like a burst of lighting cursing a stormy sky, “you’re just jealous that your brother handles his feelings and actually talks about them with his girlfriend.”

“I am not jealous,” he grits through his teeth.

“And you’re too proud to admit any of it,” I add more fuel to the fire. I can’t help myself. I’m flawed in the same way that he is too, I’m too angry and he’s too suppressed. I’m striking too many nerves and he’s constantly blocking my love.

What a mess we are.

“So what is it exactly that you’d like me to do” he asks me, each word coated with the sourest venom, “waddle home and cry my sorrows to you each evening? Should we make a club?”

“Oh don’t be facetious,” I tusk, rolling my eyes at him.

“I’m just asking,” he shrugs, taking a step in, “what is it that you would like me to do?”

He knows what he’s doing and he’s enjoying it. My face screws up in annoyance.

“It’s not that simple,” I say, “and you know it.”

“Oh,” he replies, amused suddenly. The sudden change in persona made me uneasy, it’s as if he is changing tactics in his head. He steps another inch closer to me, “so you can have things that aren’t simple to explain but I can’t?”

Yet again my words have been twisted by the master of loopholes.

“You’re blowing things out of proportion,” I tell him.

“No I think you are!” he says, his face achingly close to my own, “let’s not forget when I left for three days, I came back to a girlfriend who wouldn’t talk to me.”

His lips sit there with a taunting temptation. I want them.

“Because you left me for three days,” I snap. I feel him exhale. “No word, no warning, just a message through your brothers and then you come back and say nothing,” I almost laugh, “you think I don’t know that you’re in pain, you think that’s not killing me inside?”

“I don’t want my pain to be yours too,” he raises his voice, sending my head pounding.

“When are you going to get it into your head?” I falter, the agony ripping across my raw throat, “we’re meant to share the good times and the bad, we don’t get to choose.”

“But I am choosing,” he tells me, jabbing the left side of his chest harshly, “and I’m choosing only the good.”

“That’s what you don’t understand,” I say, only just realising my face was damp, “this is what comes from hiding from the bad, this explosion of an argument that’s making us fall apart.”

Grayson shakes his head, stubbornly, running a hand over his mouth, “this argument is a result of us both being over stressed and over tired.”

“You’re in denial constantly,” I sob, “about everything, even this.”

“In denial?” he sneers, “fine, you want the truth? This, whatever we’re doing now, is killing me, it’s tearing my insides apart, I can feel my heart being picked apart bit by bit, still beating, still bleeding but slowly dying and I can’t do a thing about it.”

“I can do something, let me do something,” I beg him, my lips quivering, as I cling to his arms, my last desperate attempt to make him see.

He stares at me, his knuckle grazes my cheek wiping away my tears. He bites his lip and shakes his head, “you can’t help me. I think I’m past the point of help.”

“You have to try Grayson,” I whisper my voice shaking like a child left in the cold, “please.”

His hands are now on my hips and they suddenly grip tighter, “…I can’t.”

Everything in me falls down, plummeting into the core of the earth to be incinerated. I can only look at him, his darkened eyes and paled face. He looks sad, empty, lonely.

“What will make you happy again?” I ask him in a murmur.

“You make me happy,” his voice breaks, “we make each other happy.”

I shake my head with a trembling bottom lip. “I don’t think we do anymore.”

He looks like physically in pain and I wonder if his internal organs also feel like they’re being squeezed.

“Why don’t we just break up then?” he whispers.

I stop. The world stops. My heart stops. My head stops. Everything is blank, like a canvas that was bought to be painted but will never be beautiful. The words register in my brain but somehow I still don’t quite understand them. My chest throbs and my legs are like jelly.

“What?”

My voice is barely audible in the silence and when it does finally sounds sort of strangled.

“You said it yourself,” he says, a single tear rolling slowly down his cheek, “we don’t make each other happy, I’m hurting you and you’re hurting me, is there not only one solution to solve it?”

He wants to break up.

It hits me hard, knocking everything out of me. I can’t breathe. I jerk out of his touch immediately, recoiling from the feeling of his fingers on my hips. My face burns as tears uncontrollably pour down my face.

“Fine,” I say, my voice wobbling like a newborn calf trying to walk.

“Fine,” he snaps after me.

We stand there in silence and stare. Neither of us move, it’s like our feet are glued to the floor and our muscles have stopped working altogether. Neither of us want this to be the end but somehow it’s already ended. It’s so quiet I can hear him breathing. I want to forget it all, this day, this argument, this tension. But we can’t change any of it.

Not now.

“I’m leaving,” I tell him finally breaking the silence.

As I turn I hope he might call out after me and tell me to stay, hoping someone might wake me up from this horrible dream, hoping it’s all some elaborate joke that had been taken to far.

None of that happened.

I don’t even look back. I just leave. I don’t know where I’m going. I just run. By the time I collapse I’m on the pavement, heaving for breath like a madwoman. My legs just give way beneath and I crumble to the floor. My face is wet before the rain starts. What have I done?

I knowww some of you are desperate for the dancer and the angel part 5 and I actually PROMISE this time it’ll be the next TIG fic out!! Hope you enjoyed this one anywayysys 💖💖

TIG masterlist

#bella writes 🤍#the inheritance games #tig #grayson hawthorne #grayson tgg #grayson hawthorne x reader #grayson hawthorne x you #grayson davenport hawthorne #grayson hawthorne one shot #the brothers hawthorne #the final gambit #the hawthorne legacy #jameson hawthorne

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