#[[ but as per usual he lets Weird Rick do whatever he wants ]]

[countlessrealities]

Kinda 👀 Prompts || Selectively accepting !

@mcltiples sent: [KNIFE] sender uses a knife to rip receiver's clothes { To Evil Rick from Weird Rick >:D }

There were a lot of things that Rick found fascinating about his partner. Some more entertaining, others more frustrating, but all undoubtedly worth his interest and attention. Even when he wasn't directly involved, he liked to watching, observing the other going through his motions, speeches, choices, hows and whys with the same focus he usually reserved exclusively to his experiments.

His alternate's mood were one of Rick's favourite phenomena to monitor. They were so volatile, and mostly unpredictable. They could be as explosive as the weapons the man enjoyed building or as subtle as a the light twitch of an eye. They jumped from an emotion to the other, always close to the extremes, always shying away from mildness.

He could tell that his partner wasn't being honest with his feelings whenever they were played out with strict moderation or calm.

However, this didn't mean, as one could think, that apathy was something unknown to his alternate. It was a rare show to witness, but it did happen. Just as everything else, it was deep, absolute, totalising, and it required a very special, very careful handling.

That, though, wasn't the situation at hand. Rick wasn't dealing with one of his partner's most violent moods, whether on the heated side of anger or with the ice cold quality of pure detachment. The other seemed to be in a quite cheerful mood, lively and playful, with a clear side of mischief.

And, of course, lustful too, judging by the way his alternate had shoved him into the closest wall and was assaulting his neck with his teeth and tongue. Judging by the viciousness of the attack, by the time their encounter ended, he would have sported quite the collection of bruises.

One of those hands was insistently grabbing at the front of his shirt, alternating pulling at it and pressing against his chest, as if to make sure that Rick's back would remain firstly pinned against the wall.

His partner's other hand was somewhere by his side, oddly not trying to touch him as he would have expected, and the reason for it became instantly clear when the sound of cloth ripping filled the air between them without a warning. Oh, so this was the game of the day.

The blade was so sharp that it cut through the fabric as if it had been melting butter and nicked the flesh underneath, drawing a steady red line from the top of Rick's sternum to the line of his navel. Thick droplets of blood gushed out of the wound, their warmth in contrast with the cool air of the underground hideout.

Rick's only reaction was a raised eyebrow, conveying the barest hint of judgement. He didn't mind the sting of the wound since pain had little meaning to him nowadays. If something, under the right circumstances he could even appreciate the way it lit up his nerves, forcing his whole being to feel connected, even if just briefly, with the universe that surrounded him.

In a different situation, he would have given into the urge of voicing what his gaze was already hinting at, but his partner seemed delighted and even more turned on by his handiwork. He could tell by the way the other was leaning more heavily into it, hard, hot and solid against Rick's thigh. Those hips were moving, slow and almost imperceptibly, seeking from his body a hint of satisfaction that could take the edge off.

How could he deny this pleasure to the man who owed each and every atom of him?

His features relaxed back into a more neutral expression and he let his nape rest against the wall, focusing on the feeling of that tongue teasingly lapping at the cut. His alternate's hand had slipped under the torn shirt, wrapping itself around his side, tight and possessive.

Rick's fingers found their way in the other's hair, tugging sharply at those blue locks and using them to press that face more into his chest. He wanted to smear his partner's chin and cheekbones with his blood, so that he could lick it off later.

A hum rumbled in his chest, as the knife worked to get rid of his belt and slash through his trousers, leaving behind more stinging cuts. Clothes could be easily replaced, he mused, distractedly registering the fabric falling off him piece by piece, until he was left bare for his partner's eyes to feast on.

This man who had made himself into a god and the twisted, unbreakable thread that linked them together? It was one of a kind even in a universe made of infinite realities.

[hermankopusortizorsumshite]

Walsh

PART ONE:

Warning: smut, violence, gore, breaking and entering, sarcasm. So much swearing. Mentions of Shane c*ck.

Kennedie Gunner was Lori’s best friend throughout high school as Shane was Rick’s best friend. The two often saw a lot of each other, more than Kennedie appreciated most days. She lived down the street a little ways from Rick and Lori, and visited every chance she got. She and Lori would spend nights together if Rick was pulling a double, as Lori never felt safe alone.

“Morning Kennie! Hey, Rick’s planning a little backyard barbeque if you’re interested.” Lori smiles as she pats the seat next to her. “You want to go grocery shopping with me?” She asks, flicking the list on the table.

“Sure!” The Gunner woman cheers, grabbing her small purse and leaving out behind Lori. Carl had gone to his friend’s house for the night, excited to kick off summer.

“So first stop is the liquor store. You want to make mimosas? Or?” The brunette asks as they drive towards town.

“Whatever you want. I’ll buy booze, Lo.” The blonde offers with a smile. Lori nods in acceptance because she knows Kennedie will fight dirty to the end. As they make a right, too busy talking that Lori forgets a turn signal, a police car lights the two up and Lori groans.

“Mornin’ ladies.” That voice could make Kennedie’s blood boil.

“Morning, Officer Walsh, Officer Grimes, what did I do?” Lori asks, rolling her eyes and giggling. Kennedie wasn’t giggling.

"Miss Gunner, you still look stunningly pissed off, as per usual.” Shane calls across to her, giving her a nod.

“And you still look like a douchebag, Walsh.” She snorts, rolling her eyes as she gives him a sarcastic smile.

“Always a pleasure, Ken.” He nods, pushing back his short curls.

“Yeah, never is.” She bites, flipping him the bird.

“Anyways, gals. I noticed you didn’t use a turn signal back there.” He drawls, and Lori giggles to Kennedie with a smile on her face.

“Jesus christ, Shane. Why don’t you go do some actual police work instead of hitting on your married partner’s wife!” She jabs, and Shane stalks to the other side of the car.

“Is that illegal drugs I smell?” He asks, popping open the door and unbuckling her. “Stop out of the car, ma’am. You don’t have any weapons or drug paraphernalia on ya, right?”

“No. I don’t, asshole.” She nips, letting Shane kick her ankles apart.

“Guess I’d better check, huh?” He asks, pushing his hands down her body roughly. A shiver breaks through her and she sucks in a breath. It doesn’t go unnoticed as he steps away. “Must be the smell lingering in the car, huh? You ladies have a great day. I’ll see y’all tonight.” He chuckles, sashaying back to the car like he hadn’t made the hair on her neck stand up.

“Bye Shane! Bye honey!” Lori calls as they head towards the store. “You two love to rile each other up. You get him going, then he gets you going; it’s hilarious honestly.”

“I can’t stand that awful man. He’s so fuckin’ annoying. He walks around like his penis could save the human race. News flash, buddy! It’s probably nothin’ special!” She berates as she heads into the store with Lori.

As she and Lori finish up dinner, she quickly jogs to the bathroom to change into shorts and a bikini top. Lori had said they’d swim if it killed them. The sweet brunette meets her at the sliding glass door in her bikini and two mimosas in her hands.

“Girl, yes.” She heaves, slipping a glass from her hand and taking a sip.

“Hey, so question. Rick and I were to vacation would you be okay to watch Carl? It’d only be a weekend. Rick wants to go away for our fifth anniversary but he wants a little escape.” Lori’s cheeks flame cherry red.

“I’d love to!” She cheers, patting Lori’s knee before they both find their way into the pool. Getting settled into some floats, sunglasses on, and mimosas in hand, the two women float around the pool.

“Fire in the hole!” Shane’s deep voice carries through the breezeway before he jumps off the deck, landing directly on her float and sending her careening into the pool, mimosa soaring through the air.

“Walsh!” She yells as she comes up for air. Swimming over to him, she grabs his neck and drives him under the water. He allows her to try for another minute longer before he physically stands up and drags her out of the water with him. As she huffs and tries to swim away, his finger expertly hooks her bikini top and tugs. As she starts to stand up, her breasts are on full display for him and she gives a shriek. “You are such a pig!” She cries, face flaming red from embarrassment as she scoops her top from the water and ties it on.

“Damn, why such a prude baby? That was probably the first time another man ever saw your tits!” He calls, mockinggly gripping at the air like a pair of breasts.

“Dammit Shane. You’re always such a bully.” Rick groans as Lori heads in after her.

“She’s just sore, that’s all. She’s too closed off.” Shane gripes as he sits with Rick to drink a beer.

“Either way, listen. Me and Lori are going away for our fifth anniversary, okay? And Kennie’s in charge of Carl, but will you just check up twice a day? Sometimes he gets to be a lot for one person, yeah?”

Shane’s eyes meet Rick’s and he snorts a little.

“Rick, she’s a grown woman.”

“Yeah, but you gotta at least watch the lights, man. Women can’t shut off lights. Also, go say sorry, man.” Rick jabs a lazy finger at the larger man who only chuckles in response.

“What? Nah, man. She’s a grown woman.” He laughs, taking another drink. Rick finishes dinner on the grill and the four adults sit down to eat in the dim glow of the sting lights.

“Sorry, Ken. I’m sorry for earlier. I did not know you were a sensitive little girl.” He snorts, she grabs a piece cheese and tosses it at him. He just laughs, snatching it and sticking it to her bare chest.

“Don’t you have ass waiting for you, Walsh?” She nips.

“Nah, you wanna be?” He licks his bottom lip and wiggles his brows at he.

“A comedian? That’s very impressive. A sheriff. An asshole. And a comedian. You must be a popular man at parties.” She nods, throwing her head back in laughter.

“That’s right.” He nods, giving her his big, gorgeous smile he used on other women, and for a millisecond, he thought he saw a flash of something more behind those sarcastic, rolling eyes.

“Alright. Well, I’m gonna head home you guys. Thank you for dinner! I’ll be over Thursday night then?” She asks as she rises from the table. Shane rises as well to Rick and Lori’s surprise.

“Can I walk you home? It’s dark.” He states, giving Rick a little smile.

“Are you really that much of a lightweight? No you’re not walking me home.” She nips, shoving him away as he steps closer to her.

“Good night, Kennie.” He coos, waving goodbye.

“Shut up, Walsh.” She grabs her purse and heads for the door. Lori does follow, giving her a big hug and offering to see her Thursday.

“Yeah, we plan on leaving Thursday night when Carl gets home from school.” Lori talks as she walks with her best friend out the door.

“Got it! I’ll pack my stuff then and see you guys Thursday!” She cheers as she heads down the street. A car circles her but drives away. Finding it odd, she grabs her pepper spray that Walsh had forced her to take a few years ago.

“Weird.” She states as she goes in and shuts the door. Turning on her alarm system, she double checks the windows before heading to bed.

Thursday morning comes and she packs her suitcase before loading into her car. Driving down the street to Rick and Lori’s, she pulls in behind Rick and Shane’s cruiser. A moment of realization hits when she sees Walsh in the passenger seat eating fries.

Ducking down under his view, she tries her best to hide but when she hears the door click open and shut she sits up and gives him her best unimpressed face.

“Good morning, you prude. What are you here so early for? Rick and Lori are probably gettin’ it on, so I might suggest not going in there. Unless you’re into that. We could have an orgy on the couch.” Shane wiggles his brows, giving her a stupid grin.

“I’m not orgying with anyone who tries to hit on me with ketchup on their face like a man child.” She laughs, shoving at him as she gets out and grabs her suitcase.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He asks as he slips the case from her hands and carries it to the door. Her hands go for the handle, but Lori’s greeting interupts her.

“I don’t hate you. Dislike? Oh yeah. Hate? Uhm, no.” She answers as Lori meets her at the door with a wild grin.

“Come in!” She cheers, swinging open the door. Shane snatches her suitcase and carries it in for her.

“Walsh? You okay?” She asks, looking to him with confusion written across her face.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you’re being nice and I want to throw up.” Kennedie nips at him, raising her brows.

“Because the confused look on your face is worth it.” He snorts, dropping it onto the couch. A little black piece of lace sticks out so far that he hooks it with his index finger and gives her a wink.

“Shit, you wanna put ‘em on? Show me how they look?”

“Oh, Christ. Fuck off.” She barks, snatching the black panties from his finger and stuffing them into the bag before storming away from him. His laugh carries, egging her on. For a split second, Shane could imagine her in those black lace panties and his breath hitched.

“I guess Rick and I are gonna head out a little early since you and Shane are here. Shane offered to get Carl from school today and tomorrow. Didn’t you?” Lori asks with a very prominent nod.

“Yeah, I figured why not. Carl likes the cruiser better than your Honda anyway.” He prods, licking his lips again, hand running over his mouth and stubble. Of course Kennedie could tell what she was doing.

“I bet. I bet you use Carl to pick up girls on your way here too, don’t ya?”

“Yeah, it ain’t worked on you yet, you grannie.” He digs, winking at her before he tugs on his utility belt. “Some of us have to work, so. I’ll get Carl from school, try to be decent when we get back.” He prods, jabbing a finger at the lace panties still in her hand. “Carl doesn’t need to see that stuff.” Balling them up, she throws them at Shane, watching them hook onto a button on his uniform.

“Shut it, Walsh.” She nips, snatching her panties away once more before heading to the living room to put them in her suitcase.

“You two enjoy each other’s company! Thanks again!” Lori calls as she and Rick barrel out the door to their car.

“Enjoy your company? That’ll be the day.” She huffs, flipping on the TV to a music channel. Shane hadn’t noticed he was staring until she looks up from cleaning up the living room.

“Why do you hate me?” He asks softly, leaning his hip against the door jam as he cards through his thick, dark curls.

“Because you treat women like objects. They only need three essential things and none of them are a personality or a heart.” She offers as she puts the books on the shelf and stacks his toys in a bin.

“I’m not as bad as you think.”

“You left Rick’s christmas party last year with one of Lori’s friends. You left Fourth of July, broke Carl’s heart, because he wanted Shane to go to the fireworks with him, because of pussy. You left the Labor Day party for pussy. You left Carl’s fifth birthday for pussy. So I love that you’re trying to connect with me for some weird reason, but Shane? You only have one thing on your mind and I won’t be a notch in that stupid utility belt.” She states matter-of-factly as she wipes down the counter.

“You’re just jealous.”

“No I’m not and it pisses you off. You can’t get to me and it bothers you doesn’t it? I’m the one woman in the entire world who isn’t drooling over your dick.” She chuckles as she wipes down the couple dishes in the sink.

“I’m really not into you. Somewhere in that sick little mind you’ve created this fantasy that I’m in love with you.” He points to his own temple as if to signal she’s crazy.

“Oh sure, I did. I heard you hold your breath when you saw those black panties. Somewhere in that sick little brain of yours, you’re imagining what I look like in those. Don’t ya?” She asks, giving him a dirty smirk. Storming up against her, he gets in her face and she doesn’t back down.

“You bet. And all you think about is that Walsh dick. Right? You want some?” He growls, his body against hers.

“No thank you, Shane. But I appreciate the offer.” She coos, giving him a sweet smile before slipping past him. “Bye! See you in a couple hours!” She calls as he storms out the house.

As she hears a car pull in the driveway, she looks out to see Shane and Carl grinning and laughing, Carl’s face covered in blue around his mouth. Heading out the front door to greet them, a stern look as her arms cross over her chest.

“OH shoot. Run little man. Kennie’s mad!” He grabs Carl’s hand, trying to run away.

“You two get in here. Shane! He had ice cream?” She whines, waving to the blue stain around his mouth.

“It was only a little. We shared one scoop.” He offered.

“Carl, are you hungry for dinner? There’s enough for you too, Walsh.” She states as she leads Carl into the house and wipes off his face.

“You wanna wipe off my face too?” Shane calls. She just huffs, rolling her eyes as she sets a couple plates down.

“Are you eating?” She asks, eyes never leaving the chicken on the stove.

“Can I trust her cookin’?” He whispers loudly to Carl, catching her attention.

“Yeah. She’s a good cooker.” Carl assures in a loud whisper.

“A’right. I’ll stay.” He nods like he’s doing her a favor and sits at the table, unclipping his utility belt and hanging it over the chair. They eat in silence, not much to say.

“At school today, this girl told me that she thinks I’m cute. I told her what you say uncle Shane. Cute’s my middle name.” He giggles, “and then she kissed me on the cheek uncle Shane!” He cheers, earning a hand shake and a laugh from the large man.

“Oh that’s great, Walsh.” She chimes, giving him a dark look.

“Nice job.” He smiles, patting Carl’s head. Forking a chunk of chicken into his mouth, he moans at the delicious flavor and when she looks across to him confused he just nods to Carl, “you were right. Good cooker.” Shane nods, talking with his mouth full.

They finish their meal in quiet, Shane shooting Carl funny faces every now and again, making him giggle.

“Thanks for dinner.” He nods as he rises to his feet, scrubbing a hand down his jaw.

“No problem.” She smiles, grabbing the dishes up and heading to the sink.

“Hey Aunt Kennie?” Carl asks, looking to her as he brings his plate over in two little ketchup-covered hands. “Momma says you and uncle Shane won’t date a’cause you’re too stubborn. What does stubborn mean?” He asks, looking up holding his plate.

“Me and uncle Shane can’t date because he’s a womanizer, okay?” She explains, putting his plate into the sink with the other two. Shane coughs, drawing attention to himself. “What?” She asks very plainly.

“You can’t tell a five year old that his uncle is a womanizer.” He retorts.

“I just did.”

“What’s a womanizer?” Carl asks, looking to Kennedie for the answer.

“It’s when a guy treats women, not nice.” She improvises, deciding ‘like toys’ wasn’t the best answer.

“Oh, uncle Shane can’t be a woman fighter, he’s too nice. He changed an ol’ girl’s tire the other day.” Carl responds, holding out his hands to be washed.

“Not a woman fighter, hun, a womanizer.” She chuckles, looking over her shoulder to see Shane laughing softly to himself.

“Uncle Shane, are you taking me to school tomorrow?” Carl asks as she wipes away the ketchup from his hands and fingers.

“Sure, bud. I’ll be here at seven-thirty, okay?” He asks, crouching down to Carl level. Carl nods, hugging the officer before letting Shane rise to his feet and head to the door.

“See you in the morning, Walsh. And don’t be early. I’m not a morning person.” She nips, jabbing a finger at him.

“So six is good then?” He asks as he walks out the door and closes it behind him.

[mismashedsocks]

 so riordan made a half assed lame excuse on his lazy/racist writing on piper yesterday and on top of that he made another one on samirah and i’m muslim so i am going to talk about it

damn i’m so sorry these people have been pushing you past your comfort zone about your wildly popular racist caricatures of minorities that have great impact on your young, impressionable target audience. while its fine that if he takes a break for his mental health he still needs to deal with these problems you can’t just take a break and hope they go away.

why does he think everyone is bullying him. if they talked in all caps, cussed at you, or didn’t stop bothering you, i’m sorry they’re just trying to get you to realize how racist your books are, which you keep refusing to believe. i can believe that a few of them were doing it for attention, but it couldn’t be the majority. and my god, god forbid people want you to write your books the way you preferred, without racist stereotypes. 🙈

you can set your boundaries but you keep ignoring the people, you don’t listen. like you put yourself out there as a writer you are open to criticism

why does he keep doing this to seem like the good guy. you give excuses and don’t do anything and just say that its up to you, you can think whatever you want 🥰🥰. like its such an obvious excuse not to take any action.

i’m sorry but no matter how many muslims you’ve interacted with you haven’t gotten the full experience and last time i checked teachers aren’t the kids best friends soo uhm. anyways the rest of it is just him telling his experience with muslimah students so its just there.

so uhm you just said your students ‘unwillingly’ become an ambassador to everyone she knew’. and then you went to talk to them about islam to make sure you were TEACHING THEM YOUR SOURCE MATERIAL CORRECTLY. i’m sorry imagine. these are kids not some scholars you go to consult. there are so many muslims all over the internet and youtube sharing their experiences for you to access on how to ‘represent their experience’ correctly. you’re the teacher here. picture this:as a muslilm, i teach at a public school and while teaching about Christianity in class, no i would double check or some dumb shit with the students. like educate yourself i’m sorry. anyways apparently he blames his mistakes on himself then goes on to deny he ever made any mistakes i can’t.

so this is a blatant lie. 99% of muslims i’ve met have never read all of sahih bukhari and sahih muslim. usually only scholars do that when they are studying islam for YEARS. and FIVE different interpretations of the quran on top of that. ok so sahih bukhari is 9 books that are over 300 pages each and sahih musilm is 7 volumes with also about 300+ pages each. and then the english versions of the quran are 600 pages. and he claims he read five of them. i’m so sorry but no he didn’t. he writes books so fast and he released mcga around the time toa was being released almost one book per year so he did not have a lot of spare time. the rest ig i can let slide. also and if he did do all of that why does he make so many mistakes in writing samirah. and even IF you accept his excuses reading ALL of this source material is great for teaching your class or whatever but not for writing a modern day muslim. you don’t need to lie to us rick ❤️

most of this is just describing what she’s like but his writing did also add in the model minority, smart kid trope. like no they don’t have to be a terrorist or a A+ student who is the best at everything. there is a middle ground to their personality. 

i actually used to love his rep in sam. that’s how i got into the series. i saw a hijabi girl on his website. i got excited and read all of his books. i loved piper, leo, hazel, percy, annabeth, sadie, carter, nico, everyone. now that i look back i was younger and didn’t see anything wrong with it back then. its great that he tried to portray minorities but he did it so badly and now is just denying the faults that his now older readers are trying to tell him.

hey, uhm didn’t you read all of sahih bukhari and muslim? hmm i didn’t think so. anyways the way he dealt with it honestly wasn’t that bad. but the whole ‘whoops’. like why does he keep portraying himself as the innocent old white man just trying his best.

honestly how he wrote samirah as a hijabi was the dumbest thing i’ve ever read. its is totally fine if she wasn’t hijabi, many muslim girls aren’t, and that is their choice. but he decided to make her like a weird middle ground. it was so lazy and inconsistent. in the first book she says she wears it when she needs to, like in situations like going to the masjid. this was fine, since many muslim girls do that. then in the next books she wears it all the time except when she’s in valhalla for some reason. hijabi girls take of their scarves when they’re at home or with family, but making her claim the entirety of vallhalla as her family. that was just demeaning and stupid to me. it takes away its value. and i fucking hated that last sentence. for hijabis, their hijab is important and not a toy or weapon or a MAGIC ITEM. and then on top of that she would have to take it of to hide. he could’ve made it anything else. her hijab isn’t some token item istg.

i love how he admits that they are a big problem and abusive and usually engage with child marriages. i’m relatively he doesn’t understand what the people even meant by it. the practice is a problem that isn’t supposed to be seen in a nice light. the only possible way it could be slightly ok is that if ADULTS agree they 100% do not want to choose who they want to get married to and let their parents choose, and both sides agree. samirah was a child and he decided to make her wedding life decided since the age of 12. and it was ok because amir was conventionally attractive and she loved him. WHAT IF SHE DIDNT. this literally is a dangerous arranged marriage. and arranged marriages are not ok, and mostly perpetuated by victims of it who will end up passing it down their family lines. my parents got an arranged marriage and I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM DISPLAY ANY SIGNS OF AFFECTION. arranged marriages are not a trope that your can turn around to be a quirky personality trait for your characters.

i’m sorry that’s not how arranged marriages work. most likely if she said something her grandparents would have shut her done and continued with the marriage, as that is what you usually happens. do not portray the small amount of consented, ‘happy’ arranged marriages as the majority. it is a huge problem that many desi/middle eastern cultures are trying to erase. even on top of that he writes situations where she’s going to be in trouble for acting up and ‘jeopardizing the marriage agreement’ and that her grandparents think she’s ‘lucky that she could get the fadlan family to agree to marry their son to her’. these statements are often used in forced and dangerous marriages, so don’t try and justify your actions. if you wanted to show traditional customs in a positive light, there are so many richer parts of samirah’s culture you could’ve focused on and you chose arranged marriage. 😻 all you’ve done is given parents and authority figures a westernized resource to justify arranged and forced marriages, especially with the minimal explanation on how the marriage isn’t forced in the actual books. and yes, your books do condone child marriage samirah is clearly deemed into this marriage ever since the young age of 12. she lived her life knowing she would marry amir. no one has only one crush throughout their life. imagine how she would’ve grown up. sorry you only consider opinions that align with those in you mind.

i’m going to be honest i did like that one scene it was written nicely and accurately but the explanation he gives just ruins the entire thing. the way he just if this strikes you as islamophobic, or samirah as a hurtful, uhm no explanation i just disagree 😽. the way you wrote her is a hurtful stereotype sorry you can’t see it.

oops, you did. too bad you don’t want to do anything about it.

why do you think people are painting you in a negative light, so many of your characters are written on hurtful and negative stereotypes. people aren’t painting it that way, you need to calm down w your ego and listen. dang i’m sorry your best is giving half-assed excuses and not actually doing anything. i’m even more sorry people are mad that a highly privileged author that has a lot of influence is done talking about his racist depictions of minorities in his books. 

dang must be lucky to take a break from the social media, imagine what all the minorities you wrote about have to go with everyday weather they are on social media or not. people aren’t bullying you this is valid criticism you refuse to listen to.

fuck you

obviously these are my opinions do not judge every muslim based on what i’ve said come to me if you have a problem with it

anyways support jewish, muslim, black, brown, asian, hispanic, indigenous, lgbtq+, disabled, and other minority authors and creators.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Codas for SDCC Trailers: Undeniable Patterns

Today, I want to talk about the coda. In the S9 SDCC trailer we just got, it’s Rosita and Eugene hiding from the Whisperers. Naturally, this spurred all kinds of thoughts in my head. So here they are! 

Since S4, all of the official, SDCC trailers have had a coda. I’m referring to is after the trailer says, “The Walking Dead” and the date the season premiere will air, there’s another few seconds of scenes. We refer to that as the coda because it's what comes after the end. (Of course we didn't start calling it that until after 5x08 aired, but whatever. ;D)

In the S4 trailer, the coda had to do with Terminus. It was Daryl, Michonne, Tyreese, and Bob in the car when they heard Terminus broadcasting. 

In the S5 Trailer, and most significant to TD, the coda was Beth at Grady, being beaten by Dawn (5x04). 

The S6 was Daryl out in the woods when he met Dwight (it came from 6x06). 

The S7 coda was Tara, discovering Oceanside (7x07). 

The S8 coda was what I always referred to as Rick’s Old man Coda. We saw it in both 8x01 and again 8x08 when we found out it was actually Carl’s vision. This one is slightly different. But don’t worry, it will still follow the same pattern.

Now, in the S9 trailer, Eugene and Rosita are hiding from the Whisperers.

We always want to relate the coda of the trailer to Beth, somehow. And, while most of the situations in the trailer codas do have something to do with her, or at least are very heavy on Beth symbolism, because she hasn't actually returned yet, we can't relate them to her for sure (with the exception of S5, of course, because she WAS the coda). But something is occurred to me that's kind of interesting.

In every single one of these cases, the episode the coda is pulled from ends up introducing a new group or community. (S4 = Terminus, S5 = Grady, S6 = Dwight/Saviors, S7 = Oceanside, S8 = Carl’s vision of what the new world/new communities would look like. So slightly different, but still in the same vein.)

Also, in the episode the scenes from the coda trailers come from, it’s really more of an introduction to the new group/community, and they aren’t dealt with in a big way until later. Most times, they show up again in the season finale, and are carried over into the next season. But sometimes they aren’t dealt with at all until the next season.

So, in 4x03, they heard Terminus broadcasting, but we didn’t actually get to Terminus until 4x16 (finale) and then it carried over into S5. 

In S5, 5x04 was intro to Grady, and they dealt with it again fairly quickly after (the MSF) but I’m gonna submit that Grady was a little different (I’ll come back to why in a minute). 

In 6x06, we were introduced to the Saviors, saw them again briefly in 6x09, but didn’t meet them in a big way until Negan showed up in 6x16 (finale). 

Then of course it carried over for two seasons, in s7 and S8. 

In 7x06 we were introduced to Oceanside, and didn’t see it for the rest of the season. TF at large didn’t arrive at Oceanside until S7, and then it, also, carried over to S8. 

Finally, with S8, we saw it in 8x01, but didn’t really understand what we were seeing (introduction), saw it again in the MSF, but didn’t actually see the end of it until 8x16 when Rick sat under the tree with the plate glass windows. And because Negan is still alive, and the communities didn’t actually do all the rebuilding from Carl’s vision in S8, it will carry over into S9 as well.

Also notice that each time they encounter the new group in the coda, they lose another character in a big way. Not in the scenes of the coda trailer when the new group is introduced, but when TF actually encounters them.

So, Daryl didn’t lose Beth when TF got to Terminus in 4x16, but he’d lost her RIGHT before that. 

In S5, when they got to Grady, they lost Beth again, in a much bigger way. 

In S6, when Negan showed up, Glenn and Abraham died.

 In S7, when Tara discovered Oceanside, Heath disappeared. (So the loss can be death or disappearance, per Beth in S4 and Heath in S7).

In s8, obviously it was Carl.

(Quick aside: actually, the case of the Saviors is really protracted and complicated. Because they’re such long-running enemies—introduced in S6, not “beaten” until S8 and still kinda going in S9—the pattern is repeated in many places for them. You could argue we had two, if not three introductions to the Saviors. When Daryl meets Dwight in 6x06, Tina is lost. Not a huge character, but still, she dies. And of course she was a Beth proxy. They met a group of Saviors in 6x09, and it was the Saviors themselves that Daryl took out with the rocket launcher. The next “intro” to the Saviors was when Dwight showed up and killed Denise. A much bigger character and loss, especially where Daryl was concerned. But it still fits the pattern because when TF at large met the Saviors in a big way in 6x16, we had two of the biggest deaths of the series, Glenn and Abraham. Just wanted to point out the details here.)

And these aren’t the only deaths, either. Bob died as a result of the Termites. Tina and Denise as a result of the Saviors. Later, also Sasha. So I’m sure we could find more intricate patterns in this.

So what’s my point in telling you all this? A couple of things.

1.Beth (naturally ;D)

I said Grady was a little different. The ways in which it’s different are things TD has been pointing out for years, but let’s reiterate them here for the sake of the pattern.

With each of the new communities that are introduced in trailer coda scenes, we usually get a very in-depth look at them before TF moves on from them. We see either their inner workings, or their history, or both. So with Terminus, we had the “Then/Now” flashbacks in 5x01. With the Saviors, well, we had a very in-depth, two-season look at their organization. Many characters (Daryl, Carl, Eugene, Sasha) ended up on the inside so we could see exactly what the organization was and how it was run. With Oceanside, Tara was on the inside, which helped us see it up close. We had a pretty good idea of what it was and what was happening there. And we got at least an oral history of what happened to these women and how they ended up where they did.

But Grady was different. We got a little bit of oral history through Dr. Edwards and Dawn, but not tons. And Grady was never as transparent as these other communities. They never showed us EXACTLY what was going on there. Were they working on a cure? How, exactly, did the ward system work? 

We can work a lot of it out by deduction, but they gave us all these tantalizing clues and weird dialogue that they never explained. So again, Grady was different

2. The other big thing is that each of these communities was taken down by TF in some way. Terminus was burnt out and knocked on it’s butt. When the Termites followed TF, they were killed. With the Saviors, after an actual war, Negan was taken down, and the Saviors are no longer a “power” in the area. Just another part of the community. So the Sanctuary, as it existed before, is no longer running. Even Oceanside, though it wasn’t burned or anything, was still “taken down” by TF. They overpowered everyone there in S7 and took all their guns. Then in S8, they joined the war.

But once again, Grady is different. TF may have taken down Dawn, but they didn’t destroy the community, as they did Terminus, nor integrate it’s residents into their group, as they did with the Saviors and Oceanside. So Grady doesn’t really fit the pattern. At least, not yet.

So I’m gonna submit (and I don’t think this will be much of a stretch for anyone on TD) that everything we saw of Grady in 5a was simply part of the introduction. It’s obvious to me that we haven’t seen the second part of this pattern, where TF “deals” with the community in a more final way, either by taking it down violently or by integrating the people from it into their own community. 

Most of us think both will happen with Grady. With some variations, most of us think Beth will take down Grady or at least be present at it’s take-down (TF may not be there, but then again there is a theory that in the flash where she’s running in her yellow polo, the arm we see next to her might be Daryl’s, so…). 

And if she shows up leading people from Grady (Dr. Edwards, the remaining cops, etc) then they will be integrated into Rick’s community as well. Just saying.

And think about it: TF encountering the community in a big way and losing someone, as they did with Grady in 5x08, DOES fit the pattern, 

but it lines up in the other instances with 4x16, 6x16, 7x06 and 8x08. In each other instance, TF deals with the community again after that, sometimes for several seasons, and it ends in a much more final way. So I think it’s safe to say that we haven’t seen the end of Grady yet (which we all thought anyway) and that this is why we saw it in the coda of the S5 trailer.

3. Another observation: the next, most obvious questions the skeptics will ask is why it’s taking so long to get the second half. I’m sure they’ll argue that none of the stories around other communities in the trailer codas took this long to finish. They would be correct about that. So, doesn’t that argue against this theory? Why would they take so long to finish THIS story (Beth’s/Grady’s) as opposed to the others?

My answer could be super-long-winded and go into Beth being the new sheriff and needing to disappear for a while (I have more thoughts on that coming up that have to deal with the board games featured in the Governor’s S4 episodes. Yes, you read that right. Yes, it’s also very random. Go back and watch those episodes to see if you can figure it out. I’ll be posting about it either later this week or early next week) but I won’t go into all that.

What I will say is this: none of the other stories, except Beth’s/Grady’s, have an actual episode called Coda to send them off with.

TF thought they were finished with the Termites in 5x01, but they weren’t. There was a coda to the story where the Termites showed up again a few episodes later, and had to be dealt with in a more final way. 

Daryl might have thought the Saviors were good and dealt with after blowing them up in 6x09, but not. Lots more story and big interactions with the Saviors after that. 

Tara totally planned on being done with Oceanside after 7x06. She promised she’d keep their location a secret, and fully meant to keep that promise. But things changed. So there was more story to come. A coda. But in none of these situations was there an episode called Coda when TF encountered the community and lost someone.

As I said, we had the intro to Grady through Beth in 5x04. Them going to Grady and losing her was the next part of the pattern, but the sequence didn’t finish. Instead, they called the episode Coda. Now, TD has analyzed the crap out of that title ever since the episode aired, but for purposes of this post, I think the title serves two purposes. 

1) They had to tell us there would be a coda because, unlike the rest of these stories, the rest of the pattern wouldn’t play out in the next handful of episodes. Or even the next handful of seasons for that matter. So TD has always interpreted that title correctly. We always knew there would be more to come. 

2) I think the fact that all the stories had codas, but Beth’s included an episode called Coda shows that her arc is the big cheese. The grand-daddy of codas will be with this story line. It will take many seasons to come to pass, but that’s the whole point. This story is all about coming back, second chances, resurrections, etc. People thought Merle was dead in S1. Nope. Coda in S3. They thought Morales was long gone. Nope. Tiny coda in S8. Many people still think Heath won’t be back. No freakin’ way, people. This show doesn’t leave loose ends like that. See what I mean? This is a huge theme of the show, and Beth’s/Grady’s arc will be the biggest embodiment of it.

 And once again, I’m hugely encouraged by the fact that Angela Kang worked so heavily on Beth’s story line, wrote Coda, named the episode Coda, and now, when everything else points to Beth’s return, Kang has become the show runner. 

Okay, this has all been about Beth, but just a couple of thoughts about the actual coda for S9 (Rosita and Eugene hiding from the Whisperers).

1) Following the pattern, chances are this will be an introduction to the Whisperers (or whatever they’re called in the show ;D). No way to know what episode this will take place in, but given that the trailer generally covers mostly the first few episodes of the season, chances are it will be early on in S9. Definitely part of 9a. If it follows the pattern closely, chances are Rosita and Eugene will encounter them in this scene, but escape. Then TF won’t encounter them in a big way until 9x16 (the finale) and it will carry over into S10.

Why does that matter? For one, I just want to see if I’m right and how closely it adheres to the pattern. But this is also why I’m not sure I trust reports of the second time jump (5-6 years). I’m truly not totally against it where Beth is concerned. At this point, if they’re gonna bring her back, it won’t matter how much time passes. They’ll still do it. Maybe it won’t be in the way we originally wanted, and maybe it will take more time than we want, but both those things are already true.

My issue is that I just don’t see them introducing the Whisperers through Rosita and Eugene in 9a, and then waiting five years for TF to deal with them. That just doesn’t seem logical to me. And I could be wrong, of course, but I just don’t really trust that report. Even the spoiler site who has “confirmed” it already said regarding Rick’s death that they think they’re receiving purposely misleading reports, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

2. If S9 is not really about the Whisperers (just an intro to them) then what the hell will it be about?

Obviously somewhat about fighting between the communities and trying to establish everything. And of course there are the reports of Rick’s death, and possibly Maggie’s (which suspiciously everyone was completely silent about at Comic Con). But even that doesn’t seem like enough to fill an entire season. So…maybe the return of a certain blond and the rest of the pattern for Grady? Just saying. ;D

I've said this before, but if S9 follows the template from S4, and the trailer is convincing me more and more that it will, then there's going to be some other thing that's occupying team family. In 4a, it was the virus. Maybe here it will be these conflicts between the communities, and the possible uprising of a small faction against Rick. But I think, like the virus, that will be pretty small potatoes, and may be completely solved by 9×08.

In fact, if they follow the pattern the template of the governor's storyline, it might be a matter of that conflict being over by episode 5. Hopefully by then Beth will appear, and the next two episodes, just like the governor in S4, will be her back story. All that will take up 9A. And of course Rick will be departing at some point. I still kind of think that he won’t actually go until the MSF.

Keep in mind that 4b was all about the characters dealing with the emotion of what happened in 4a: the tragedy of the prison falling and Hershel’s death. And 4b was where Bethyl became a thing in Still. So here’s hoping 9b will follow that same pattern.

Final observation (I promise!):

Look at this picture of Eugene and Rosita. 

Does it strike you as something we’ve seen before? This is going to be another example of Bethyl’s Side by Side arc, guys. Remember this edit?

That would be significant to me either way, and I won’t attempt to over-analyze it until we actually see this episode, but I thought about it after watching the trailer, and two things jump out at me as very significant.

1) I really haven’t thought about this theme other than in passing for the past two seasons. Anyone want to guess why? Because we really haven’t SEEN it in the past two seasons. Unless there’s an instance I missed (let me know if you can think of one, but with the emphasis on the action of the war, I really don’t think there’s been one) the last time we saw this theme was in S6. And that was huge because we saw it twice in 6x06, Always Accountable. First, with Daryl and the walker lying next to his bike, who so obviously represented Beth. 

Then again in the burnt out GREENhouse, just before Tina (Beth proxy) died right in front of Daryl.

So we had this theme represented in season 4, 5, and 6. Then it disappeared for two seasons. Now, with all the other stuff I’ve said above, and all the hope and evidence we have for S9, and Angela Kang being show runner, suddenly this theme is reappearing. Hmm. That makes me super excited!

2) It’s reappearing in conjunction with the Whisperers. We haven’t heard the word, “Whisperers” used on the show yet, but we have heard the Wolves. I guess we’ll be finding out if this theory is correct pretty soon in S9, but I still think the Wolves and the Whisperers may be one and the same in the show.

To explain why this is significant, let’s revisit the instance of the Side by Side theme in S5. It always seemed really random to me. In 5x13, Forget, when Rick, Daryl and Carol meet secretly to talk about stealing guns from Alexandria’s arsenal, it shows this:

It’s a male and female. The female, significantly, has been shot in the forehead. When I first saw this, I wracked my brain trying to figure out the significance of showing during this episode and scene. Did it have to do with the guns? Alexandria? What? Beth obviously didn’t return in 5b. It took me a while to figure it out, but I think it has to do with the wolves. 

These two dead walkers don’t have Ws on their foreheads that I can see, but it’s right after this that Daryl notices the W on the forehead of the walker Carol kills. 

So it’s kind of a mini introduction to the Wolves, through the marks they leave on the forehead. (Then, later in the season, 5x15, we see the blond walker on the tree who looks like Beth, who’s face Daryl looks into as if to make sure it’s not her, and she has a W on her forehead.)

But if we look at the sequence in 5x13, we have Daryl waiting for a walker to reach them, and we see the side-by-side theme, and then a representation of the Wolves. Now, in S9, we have a representation of the side-by-side theme (Rosita and Eugene) and the “Ws” are returning. See how this was a foreshadow?

By extension, this side-by-side theme started with Beth and Daryl in S4 (4x10, Inmates) which is why we’ve always linked it to them. So it could be an indication that Beth will return with the Wolves/Whisperers as well. Just saying.

Aside: Sorry but I gotta add one more thing. While getting the pic on the previous slide, I rewatched this scene where Daryl, Rick and Carol talk. Everything in it is a foreshadow. Not of Beth, but of what happens with the wolves in 6x02.

At first, they can’t see the walker but can hear it growling. Daryl says, “I can’t see it, but it’s close.” That was also true of the wolves at this point in the story, but TF didn’t know it. He also says, “it’s just one of them.” Obviously there was more than one wolf in 6x02, but I think that’s code for it being a small amount, not all of the wolves that attacked. (Hence, we will see them again.)

When the walker shows up, Daryl says, “I got it,” but Carol tells him to wait and shoots it herself. Her reasoning is their cover story for leaving Alexandria was Daryl and Rick were going to teach her to shoot, so she needed to not come back with a full clip. But think about it: Daryl & Rick didn’t fight the Wolves. They were outside the walls when it happened. Who took down the wolves almost single-handedly? Carol. So this was a foreshadow of what would take place in 6x02.

But that just gives this theory more credence. Everything in that scene meant something. Foreshadowed something. And nothing in 6x02 in any way explains the reason for this Bethyl side-by side theme. Okay, I think I’m done now. ;D

Incidentally, the side-by-side theme happens most often with a male and female who are love interests. Not always, but most often. That MAY indicate that Eugene and Rosita’s relationship will go the way of the comic books, now.

So these have been my many and sprawling thoughts about the trailer coda. And you thought the coda was meant to be short! ;D

[lanadelreyfiles-blog]

Lana Del Rey: Read NME’s exclusive interview with the modern icon. Lana Del Rey’s new album ‘Lust For Life’ is her most ambitious yet. Mike Williams meets her in the city that inspires her the most, Los Angeles – a place, she says, that “enhances something in me that’s already cooking” – to talk about music, happiness and witchcraft. Interview by Mike Williams. Photography by Neil Krug. It will surprise no one to learn that Dr Dre has very good speakers in his studio. And when I say very good, I don’t mean very good in a pricey and popular headphones kind of way. I mean very good in a “holy s**t, I can hear every individual speck of space dust in this galactic wall of sound” kind of way. It’s how we would all listen to music if we were billionaire music industry moguls. Dre has given us permission to use his Santa Monica studio – across the road from the legendary Interscope Records – to hear ‘Lust For Life’, the latest Lana Del Rey album, for the first time. The inside of the studio is clad with expensive-looking wood. The lights are seductively dimmed. It looks both like Don Draper’s office and the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. There’s a bubbling lava lamp next to a Bruce Lee lampshade on top of the main desk. The drinking water is perfectly cool. It’s totally LA. It’s a fitting place to listen to Del Rey’s coming-of-age record. Huge in scale in every sense – sonically, vocally, thematically – it’s the culmination of two years of relentless work. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. As she’ll tell me the following day: “I kind of felt when I started I was going to be in this whole new zone when I was done, a whole new space. I’m really proud that there’s a shift in tone, a shift in perspective. There’s a bit of reflectiveness on what I’m seeing and it’s integrated with how I’m feeling. Normally I’m just, ‘Let me just put this all out there,’ and then I’m really surprised when people are like, ‘You’re f**king crazy.’”

Del Rey has been Interscope labelmates with Dre since October 2011, when she bought herself out of her contract with 5 Points Records, where she’d toyed with different identities and different sounds. Six months earlier, she’d become an overnight star when her aesthetic clicked and she released her debut single proper, ‘Video Games’. In the space of three acclaimed albums (2012’s ‘Born To Die’, 2014’s ‘Ultraviolence’ and 2015’s ‘Honeymoon’) she’s gone from lo-fi internet queen to fully formed Hollywood superstar. And now she doesn’t just have the songs – they’ve been there since the first day Lizzy Grant looked in the mirror and Lana Del Rey winked back – but also the production, the ambition, the pulling power and the brass balls to make ‘Lust For Life’. I hear nine tracks through the big speakers – ‘Love’, ‘Lust For Life’ (Ft. The Weeknd), ’13 Beaches’, ‘Cherry’, ‘White Mustang’, ‘Groupie Love’ (Ft. A$AP Rocky), ‘Coachella – Woodstock In My Mind’, ‘Beautiful People Beautiful Problems’ (Ft. Stevie Nicks) and ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ (Ft. Sean Ono Lennon) – before driving up to a rooftop bar in Hollywood to order drinks from wannabe film stars and looking up towards the hills to meditate on what I’ve just heard. Shoo-wops, doo-wops, wall of sound production; tender moments, angry moments; sex, cars, uncertainties; opulent LA life. If you squint, you can see the famous Hollywood sign in the distance. If you close your eyes you can see Del Rey looking out from her window right inside the middle of the H. The next day we’re in a different studio in a different part of town, this one belonging to Del Rey’s longtime collaborator and producer Rick Nowels. He greets us at the door with a massive grin and ushers us into the main room where the album was recorded. It’s untidy, in a warm and homely way. He wants to know what we think of the record. He’s excited to talk about it. Nowels is a 57-year-old music industry legend who’s worked with Madonna, Tupac, Stevie Nicks and more, but it’s obvious that there’s a particular space in his head and his heart reserved for Del Rey, who he repeatedly describes as “special” and “remarkable”. Del Rey arrives. She’s wearing a crocheted T-shirt and jeans. We sit down in a side room and both press record on our phones. There’s a book about Manson Family victim Sharon Tate on the table that neither of us notices until after the interview is over. I ask her if she’s as happy as she looks on the cover of the new album. “Yeah…” she says. “That was my goal, you know, to get to that place of feeling like in my daily life I had a lot of momentum. Like a moving-on-ness from wherever that other place was that ‘Honeymoon’ and ‘Ultraviolence’ came from. I loved those records, but I felt a little stuck in the same spot.” How did she move on? “I just felt a little more present. Writing a song like ‘13 Beaches’ – it’s a little bit of an abstract notion, but for me it took stopping at 13 beaches one hot day to find one that nobody was at. And I just thought, you know, the concept of needing to find 13 beaches might seem like a luxury problem for someone, but that’s OK, I’m going to go with that.” It’s a key song on the album. Her voice has never sounded bigger or more emotional. “I usually do things in a few takes,” she says, “but I took a lot of takes to do that. The mood that I needed to convey was better than what I was doing. I knew it was important that I came in straight as an arrow with that one. I always feel like I’m creating a new path when I’m doing a song.” Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding. Not that Lana Del Rey has been completely reinvented on ‘Lust For Life’. The title track, the first of five collaborations on the album (no previous LDR album had ever featured a guest artist), may not come from the melancholic cool world of ‘Video Games’ or ‘Terrence Loves You’, but it’s just as nostalgic. Nostalgia can be sad and nostalgia can be happy, and at her best – and let me put it out there, I think this song could be her absolute best ever – Del Rey taps both at once. Does she agree? “I’m thinking about that. It goes in line with how I thought I was going to be in this more grown-up zone [writing this record], but actually I’m still somewhere right in the middle. When I think of that song I think of nighttime and this idea of, I don’t know, breaking into somewhere and carving up and kissing. That’s fun for me; like the place where I’m not 100 per cent in something really solid relationship-wise, where you’re still going out and meeting new people and all that stuff. And also, this Hollywood-centric environment is still an important thing that gives me life, being in town and the characters and the constant heatwave. It’s a little bit of a cliché – I totally get it; but I still feel like it enhances something in me that’s already cooking.” Hollywood and the sunshine can be quite an intoxicating cocktail really, can’t it? “It can. I’m naturally a careful person, so I like that the ambience… I wouldn’t go out and take a cocktail of pills or whatever, you know, but there’s something about the vibe of just being around that gives me a heightened feeling.” The biggest deal collaboration on the album is the duet with Fleetwood Mac legend Stevie Nicks. Del Rey says hearing her vocal takes made her re-evaluate her own tone. She was convinced Nicks would turn her down. She still speaks about it with a look of happy disbelief that it actually happened. But the most interesting duet is actually with the person who is, in their own personal right, the least famous and accomplished of everyone on the record, but by virtue of his surname, the most fascinating. “I’m a huge, huge John Lennon fan,” she says. “I didn’t know [his son] Sean. I got his number from my manager, who called his manager. I kind of was nervous about what he was going to say. I FaceTimed him – he was amazing. He was very excited.” The result is the sweetest song on the album, a tender folky ballad that gently taps through the fourth wall as they reference John and Yoko, then Del Rey sings, “Isn’t life crazy now that I’m singing with Sean”. There’s a story that goes with the song, where Del Rey calls up Lennon to tell him that she thought his part was perfect, and he says that he’s so happy because no one’s ever said that to him before. He’s John Lennon’s son, he’s lived his entire life in his father’s shadow, and Lana Del Rey has just given him his greatest ever compliment. There’s a tragedy in that, don’t you think? “Absolutely. It’s why I think it’s more than just a song for him – for both of us. He’s sensitive, you know. I assume that’s from his father and I think he would probably say that it’s been… some of his reviews have been difficult. I thought that was one of those moments on the record where it was a little bit of a ‘bigger than us’ moment. I told him, ‘I’m the one who’s honoured, I’m the lucky one; so I just want you to remember that, Sean, I’m singing with you.’” The interview goes off in lots of different directions. We talk about hanging in LA with Alex Turner and Miles Kane (“I randomly see Alex. I’ve been working with Miles”); about her deep friendship with Courtney Love (“I can call, and probably just ’cause she’s done so much crazy s**t, I can tell her something very weird and she’ll be like, ‘Been there, done that’”); her love of Kurt Cobain (“top influence other than Bob Dylan”); people watching (“I’m a weird observer”); detective novelist Raymond Chandler (“I’m a big fan, I love The Big Sleep”); and Californian independence (“I’m a proponent of keeping the country together, but it’s so its own zone it may as well be a different country.”) We end by talking about magic and the power of words. Firstly, Donald Trump. He’s still the president, which means that the hex Del Rey asked her Twitter followers to cast on February 24 hasn’t worked (yet). So did she get involved and do it herself? “Yeah, I did it. Why not? Look, I do a lot of s**t.” Do you cast other spells at home? “I’m in line with Yoko and John and the belief that there’s a power to the vibration of a thought. Your thoughts are very powerful things and they become words, and words become actions, and actions lead to physical changes.” The quirky video trailer that you did for the album (a magical Lana looking down on LA from her home in the Hollywood H, ruminating on the world and the space it takes to make a record) – it’s more than a trailer; it’s a personal manifesto, isn’t it? “There is a message. I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart. And I’ve seen how I feel about changing those people’s lives and I’ve been on the other side of that as well – on the other side of well-wishes and on the other side of malintent. And I’ve realised how strong you have to be to be; bigger than all of it, even bigger than your own vibrations. “I like that trailer because I talk about my contribution, which is something you start to think about. I’ve got good intentions. It’s not always going to come out right – it hasn’t come out right a lot of the time – but at the core my intentions have always been so good. With the music or when I get into a relationship, it’s always just because I really want to. That’s what’s at the root of this really cute, witchy B-movie.” You make a point in the trailer of saying “in these dark times”. Is there more pressure to contribute something positive right now? “I didn’t like hearing that come out of my mouth. I have a song, ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing’, and I went back and forth so many times about putting it on the record because I didn’t feel comfortable with what I was saying. I don’t like hearing myself say, ‘In error it’s the end of America’, ’cause it’s a troubling sentiment. I didn’t like saying, ‘In these dark times’ either…” We both stop recording but keep talking about the state of the world we live in. I tell her that I can see more and more artists starting to come to terms with the fact that they need to be more outspoken and opinionated. She agrees and says people need to be bold because there are consequences. For the next hour, she makes silly videos on my phone, eats a messy sandwich and helps me choose photos to send to the NME art desk. She couldn’t be less like the idea of Lana Del Rey that most people subscribe to. There’s a confidence in her that perhaps she didn’t have before, a confidence that comes, maybe, from knowing that she’s about to release her most complete album, but knowing too that there are tweaks she could have made, things she should have done differently, things she’ll make right on the next record, ideas she’ll try when she’s next in the studio with Rick. Writing, editing, discarding, rewriting, tinkering, erasing, rebuilding.

[jwguide]

The Definitive NBA Nickname Ranking

The thing about basketball is that is it’s the best sport.

Jesse doesn’t agree, but I think we all know that the poor boy is cute as a button, but dumb as a stick.

There are a multitude of reasons why basketball is the best sport (e.g. Charles Barkley, Slam Dunks, The Time Allen Iverson Stepped Over Tyronn Lue Like He Was Literal Trash), but a big one will always be how much of the players’ personalities we get to see: tattoos, facial expressions, and yes, the best nicknames.  I don’t know who comes up with them but I can only assume it’s the same hero that is responsible for Squeakquel and Chipwrecked.

So yeah, I ranked ‘em for you.

RULES: • I’m not going to rank every damn nickname that has ever lived because that is lunacy. I picked ONE HUNDRED AND ONE, so quit whining. • These are current players & retired players, but no coaches or entire-team nicknames. • I dug a lot of this information up on Wikipedia, the web’s most reliable source. As a result I found a lot of alternate nicknames I have never heard before.  • So, I am ranking THEIR MOST COMMON NICKNAMES. They won’t get bumped up just because they have some fun alternative ones. It’s gotta be the main thing they’re known for. • Well, sort of. A ton of players have names that are just their first initial and then the first syllable of their last name, so in those cases I will pit their alternate nicknames against each other.

Enough chatter. Let’s do the damn thing.

101: Marco Belinelli Nickname: “Beli” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: I don’t need to explain why this nickname is trash, do I? ‘Beli’ is far from scary. It already sucks that Marco Belinelli is one of the NBA’s biggest uggos, it’s a damn shame that he’s saddled with the literal first two syllables of his last name instead of an actual nickname.  

100: Derek Fisher Nickname: “D-Fish” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Not even a single other nickname? A five-time champion? One of my favorite players ever? He deserves a nickname, like ‘Mr. 110%’ or ‘The Barnes-Slayer’. WAIT, better yet, just ‘Jamie Lannister, The Kingslayer’. GET IT? CAUSE MATT BARNES WAS ON THE KINGS FOR ONE SEASON??!?!? DO YOU GET IT OR NOT??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

99: Tracy McGrady Nickname: “T-Mac” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This is only 0.0000000000001% better than ‘D-Fish’, but like, whatever. It’s still awful. Poor Tracy.

98: Derrick Rose Nickname: “D-Rose” Other Nicknames: "The Windy City Assassin", "Poohdini", “The Glassman”, “Glass Rose” Thoughts: Love ‘The Windy City Assassin’. That right there is a great nickname. Too bad his most common one is D-Rose and that sucks all the wieners.

97: Dwyane Wade Nickname: “D-Wade” Other Nicknames: "Flash, "Father Prime" Thoughts: As per the rules, ‘D-Wade’ is not what I’m talking about. ‘Father Prime’ is pretty alright I guess.

96: Kevin Durant Nickname: “KD" Other Nicknames: "Durantula", "Kid Clutch", "The Baddest", "The Servant", "Mr. Tickle", "The Rim Reaper", "Slim Reaper" Thoughts: GET OUT OF HERE WITH ‘MR. TICKLE’. ‘Durantula’ and ‘Slim Reaper’ are great but people usually just say ‘KD’ and that one sucks. I gotta take a break, I’m still giggling like a schoolboy at ‘Mr. Tickle’.

95: Chris Paul Nickname: “CP3” Other Nicknames: “Cliff Paul”, “Chris Smooth” Thoughts: It goes without saying ‘CP3′ is terrible, but does ‘Cliff’ even count? It’s not really so much of a nickname as it is somebody he plays on television. Honestly though, sometimes I forget Cliff Paul is fake.

94: Paul George Nickname: “PG13” Other Nicknames: "Young Trece", "PG", "King George" Thoughts: ‘PG13′ sucks. That’s not scary at all. He’s still suitable for children under 13 if they’re with their parent or guardian. This still has an edge over nicknames like ‘PG3′ because at least this one is a pun. Sort of.

93: Latrell Sprewell Nickname: “Spree” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This is a damn shame right here. Latrell Sprewell is like the scariest guy I’ve ever seen. I still think about him a lot. He was suspended for 68 games when he choked his coach during a practice. A PRACTICE. What true madness. My other favorite Latrell Sprewell trivia is that he once said that his $21,000,000 contract wouldn’t be enough to feed his children. From Wikipedia: “He has made headlines for grounding his million-dollar yacht, having two of his homes foreclosed upon, and being prohibited from seeing his children”. Good ole Spree. Anyway that nickname sucks and the man deserves better.

92: Carmelo Anthony Nickname: “Melo” Other Nicknames: "Captain America", "The Patriot" Thoughts: The only reason this is better than the last batch is because Captain America and The Patriot are great, though kind of a stretch because those only refer to his performance in the Olympics. if your Olympic job got you a better nickname than your regular job, that sucks.

91: Damian Lillard Nickname: “Dame” Other Nicknames: "Dame D.O.L.L.A.", "Big Game Dame", "Video Game Dame" Thoughts: So, like, a weird sexist 40s detective gave him this nickname or what? 

90: Kendrick Perkins Nickname: “Perk” Other Nicknames: “Central Perk”, “Swamp Thang”, “Pendrick Kerkins” Thoughts: Pure trash. The only reason ‘Perk’ is above ‘Dame’, is ‘Swamp Thang’ cracks me up and is also the meanest nickname I can even fathom.

89: Shaquille O’Neal Nickname: “Shaq” Other Nicknames: Shaq Daddy", "Shaq Fu","Diesel","The Big Aristotle", "MDE" (Most Dominant Ever), "The Big Maravich" "The Big Fella", "The Big Shaqtus", "The Big Cordially","Big Shamrock","Shaqovic" "Shaq Attack" "Saškuille" "Wilt Chamberneezy", Thoughts: Easy now, settle down. I can feel you shouting at me already. Regardless of how you feel about Shaquille O’Neal, his nickname ‘Shaq’ isn’t clever at all and it’s just probably what he went by his whole life. It’s the same as somebody named Joseph going by ‘Joe’. Hardly prolific or clever.

88: Gordon Hayward Nickname: “G Time” Other Nicknames: "White Mamba”, “White LeBron” Thoughts: None of these are great. What he should be called, is “Don’t Show Your Face in Utah Again if You Want to Live Cause Those Mormons are Finna Kill You If You Do”

87: James Harden Nickname: “The Beard” Other Nicknames: "Step Daddy”, “No D Harden” Thoughts: The guy has a huge beard. Not very creative.

86: Ben Wallace Nickname: “Big Ben” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: He’s big and his name is Ben. Get it?

85: D’Angelo Russell Nickname: “D’Loading” Other Nicknames: "D’Lo", "Sub-Zero", “Jack Frost”, Thoughts: If you’re going to give yourself your own nickname, it has got to be better than this. ‘Loading’ implies he hasn’t even reached the good part yet.

84: Russell Westbrook Nickname: “Brodie” Other Nicknames: "Beastbrook", "Catalyst", "Fashion Icon", "Mr.Triple-Double", "Westbeast", "Rim Wrecker", "Rim Abuser", "GOATbrook", "Bestbrook", "The Terminator", "Mini-Bron", "Westbeast", "Triple-Double Machine", "One-Man Wrecking Crew", "Loyal" , "Westbrick" "Living Adrenaline" Thoughts: Another self-appointed nickname that doesn’t really mean anything. Even most of these alternate nicknames are vague and stupid and boy howdy if any of you cretins tell me Westbrook is the GOAT I will hunt you down Liam Neeson style.

83: Zach LaVine Nickname: “LaVine the Machine” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Yeah alright. This is like, the absolute worst quality of nickname we should be allowing. If I was a teacher grading this paper I would probably write an obnoxious comment like “APPLY YOURSELF” or “I KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS!”.

82: Ray Allen Nickname: “Sugar Ray” Also: "Ra-Ray”, "Jesus Shuttlesworth” Thoughts: We’re getting there. Sugar, though, when you break it down, isn’t exactly close enough to basketball for this to work. Like, what, he’s sweet like sugar? You even see that creepy snarl-smile he trademarked? 

81: Matt Bonner Nickname: “Red Rocket” Other Nicknames: "Red Mamba” Thoughts: NOT EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A MAMBA, OKAY? There’s only one Mamba, and it’s Kobe. Either way, ‘Red Rocket’ sucks, but did you know Matt Bonner had a sandwich blog? As far as I’m concerned, he’s Matt “Sandwich Blog” Bonner. 

80: Andrew Wiggins Nickname: “Maple Jordan” Other Nicknames: “Ender”, “Maple”, “Nintendrew Wii-gins” Thoughts: Despite the fact that the Maple thing refers to the fact that he’s Canadian, it will always sound like a weird racial thing to me. Either way, he’s not the Canadian Michael Jordan. The Canadian GOAT is Steve Nash for sure. Side note -- If we’re also throwing acting ability in, the Canadian GOAT is a little dude named RICK FOX, EVER HEARD OF HIM?

79: Kristaps Porziņģis Nickname: “PorzinGod” Other Nicknames: “GOATzingis”, “KP”, Kris-P" "Zinger" "Zingis Khan" "3-6-Latvia" "The Statue of Liberty", "The Latvian Gangbanger" "The Unicorn" Thoughts: Not clever. Doesn’t rhyme. He’s not the GOAT. ‘The Latvian Gangbanger’ is wildly inappropriate.

78: Chauncey Billups Nickname: “Mr. Big Shot” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Too similar to ‘Big Shot Rob’, and far too general. No thanks.

77: Dennis Rodman Nickname: “The Worm” Other Nicknames: "Most Honorable Friend of the Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-Un" Thoughts: Five-time NBA Champion Dennis Rodman, who also remains in the top 25 rebounders to ever play the game deserves a nickname better than ‘The Worm’. This apparently has to do with the way he wiggled when he would play pinball as a child. PINBALL.

76: Nikola Vucevic Nickname: “Vucci Mane” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: The guy is just such an odd player to me. This type of nickname makes me smile a little bit, but it’s really not great outside the fact that it sort of rhymes.

75: Manu Ginobili Nickname: “The Magician” Other Nicknames: "Martinko Jakupovic" Thoughts: How in the world do they not call him “The Batslayer?” Did you even SEE that game?

74: Kawhi Leonard Nickname: “The Claw” Other Nicknames: "Sugar K", "Who, What, Where and Kawhi", "The Kingslayer", "The Silent Assassin", Kawhiet Storm", "The Alien" Thoughts: I guess because he’s got good hands. I guess. I GUESS.

73: Wilt Chamberlain Nickname: “Wilt the Stilt” Other Nicknames: "The Big Dipper" Thoughts: Both of these nicknames just have to do with his height and not really with his talent. The man scored 100 points once. This is an injustice.

72: Derrick Chievous Nickname: "Band-Aid" Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: I’ve never heard of this guy, but apparently he wore a Band-Aid for good luck every game which is weird and gross to me. Not a huge fan of any of this.

71: John Wall Nickname: “J Wow” Other Nicknames: "Jimmy Franchise", "J Wizzy", "Optimus Dime", "Wall-Star" Thoughts: For real? A Jersey Shore reference? John Wall is a magical invincible deity who has to spend his life around us disgusting slugs and he deserves so much better than a god damn Jersey Shore ref.

70: Pervis Ellison Nickname: “Never Nervous Pervis” Other Nicknames: "Out of Service Pervis" Thoughts: 'Out of Service’ was given to him for his frequent injuries, but look -- the guy’s real name is PERVIS. NO NICKNAME CAN TOP THAT.

69: Metta World Peace Nickname: “The Panda’s Friend”, “Ron Ron”, “Crazy Ron”, “Ron Artest” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This one is such a conundrum for me. If you’re unfamiliar with this person, A) get off my blog and B) he’s a guy whose birth name was Ron Artest before he changed it to Metta World Peace. He now goes by the ‘The Panda’s Friend’ sometimes. Ron Artest is probably the biggest enigma this world has ever seen. But if your own nickname is your REAL NAME I don’t even know. This whole thing is like a riddle. 

68: Zach Randolph Nickname: “Z-Bo” Other Nicknames: "Mr. 20 and 10", "Junkyard Dog" Thoughts: Yeah I guess he’s been known to throw a ‘bo or two or eight. I get it. It’s fine.

67: Tom Gugliotta Nickname: “Googs” Other Nicknames: "Cue Ball” Thoughts: No nickname will ever be as fun to say as Tom Gugliotta, so, I feel like, just skip ‘em. Weird side note about Tommy Guggs: In NBA Courtside 2: Featuring Kobe Bryant, he pretty much never missed any shots. It was wonderful.

66: Paul Pierce Nickname: “The Truth” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: WHHHHHAAAATTTTEEVVVVVER. They should call him Crybaby Wheelchair Kid. 

65: DeAndre Jordan Nickname: “DeAndre the Giant” Other Nicknames: "DeAndre 3000″, “DJ, “Big Hero 6″ Thoughts: Yeah, okay, sort of. We’re getting there. ‘Big Hero 6′ is actually great but it’s not his main nickname so it doesn’t count.

64: Marreese Speights Nickname: “Mo’ Buckets” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: ‘Mo’ doesn’t quite work for me because Marreese is spelled differently than Maurice. Very nitpicky, but look, I’m ranking these damn things. I’m not into bodyshaming as I’m an awkward chubby corgi of a human myself, but shout out to that weird plug in his head that I can only assume is used to download information from outer space where he comes from.

63: Karl-Anthony Towns Nickname: “Big KAT”, Other Nicknames: "The KAT-Man”, “Special K”, “Katmandu” Thoughts: WHAT A WASTE. My goodness what a waste. It’s not the worst nickname ever, but Karl-Anthony Towns is a beautiful basketball monolith who simply needs a better nickname.

62: Jamal Crawford Nickname: “J Crossover”, Other Nicknames: "Crawssover Crawford" "L.A.'s Dance Instructor", "Mr And-One" Thoughts: Yeah, this is good. It’ll do. Crossover sounds enough like Crawford. I’m on board.

61: Larry Johnson Nickname: “Grandmama” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This nickname comes from commercials where he played his own grandma. I don’t know. It’s really great, but doesn’t really have anything to do with basketball. Now you’re probably all like, “Hey but Kyrie’s nickname is from a commercial and you liked it” and I’m probably like, “Hush”.

60: Chris Anderson Nickname: “Birdman” Also: N/A Thoughts: What Chris Anderson has in common with birds: they are both disgusting unpredictable creatures who will suddenly spread their wings and startle you and probably take a dump right on your head. Good nickname.

59: Jason Williams Nickname: “White Chocolate” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Hopefully a black guy gave him this name. Super rad if. If a white guy gave him this name, super not rad. Super super super super super not rad.

58: Hassan Whiteside Nickname: “The Great Wall” Other Nicknames: "Agent Block", "Block Mamba", “Mount Whiteside”, “Blocktopus”, “Blockside” Thoughts: Would be better if he was Chinese, but yeah this one isn’t bad.

57: Kyle Korver Nickname: “Hot Sauce” Other Nicknames: “The Korverlier”, “White Thunder” Thoughts: His time may be over, but for a while Kyle Korver was a 3 Point god, so when Stacey King calls you ‘Hot Sauce’, you know that’s a good thing.

56: Kenneth Faried Nickname: “The Manimal” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: My instinct is to say this is great, but I feel like ‘Manimal’ is used across multiple sports on multiple people, so it loses some authenticity. Also, for real, Kenneth Faried was never THAT great.

*From that infamous game where NVE got an in-game blowjay 55: Nick Van Exel Nickname: “Nick the Quick” Other Nicknames: "Nick Van Excellent", "Nasty Nick" Thoughts: Not particularly known for being super fast is the only thing that takes this down a bit. I loved Nick Van Exel. ‘Van Excellent’ is better than ‘Nick the Quick’.

54: Reggie Miller Nickname: “Knick Killer” Other Nicknames: "Miller Time” Thoughts: Perhaps the most clutch guy to ever play the game? He scored EIGHT POINTS IN NINE SECONDS against that dickhead Spike Lee and the Knicks, and this choke move really gets my nethers in a tingle every time I see it.

53: Shawn Bradley Nickname: “The Enormous Mormon” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Not really a compliment and not even really a rhyme. Definitely enormous and definitely Mormon, though. By the way, he’s the white guy in Space Jam if you’re trying to figure out where you know him from.

52: DeMarcus Cousins Nickname: “Boogie” Other Nicknames: "Big Cuz" Thoughts: I have no idea why I’m ranking this so high. Surely it belongs in the bottom 10 but something about this nickname is hilarious to me. If you’re angry about this one please send your hate mail to JesseMcGrath@FartKid.Gov because I don’t care to hear it.

51: Bismack Biyombo Nickname: "The Acrobatic from the Democratic (Republic of the Congo)" Other Nicknames: "Bizzy Bo”,  "BB-8", "Biznation", "Big Bizness" Thoughts: This is almost great. When you read it you’re like, “YES THIS IS GONNA BE GReat oh the parenthesis just ruined it nevermind.”

50: Serge Ibaka Nickname: “I-block-a” Other Nicknames: "Serge Protector”, “Air Congo″ Thoughts: All three of these are solid. And he truly has the blocks to back up ‘I-block-a’. 

49: Zydrunas Ilgauskas Nickname: “Big Z” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: My instinct is to say that ‘Big Z’ sucks, but the other day I was watching a Laker game and one of the commentators tried to call Ivica Zubac ‘Big Z’, and the other two commentators told him to shut the fuck up forever because Zyrdrunas owns that shit. After seeing that, I’ll give it some major cred. Z has one of my favorite real-life names in the history of everything though, so no nickname will ever be more fun to say than his own name.

48: Kyrie Irving Nickname: “Uncle Drew” Other Nicknames: ""Kyriediculous","Kyrazzle-Dazzle", "Mr. 4th Quarter", "Mr. Overtime", "Flat-Earth" Thoughts: 'Uncle Drew’ is good, because it comes well-earned from those awesome commercials. He had a good run of alternative nicknames too, until his recent run in with science. Kyrie thinks the Earth is flat. The whole thing is just bananas.

47: Jason Kidd Nickname: “Mr, Triple Double” Other Nicknames: “J-Kidd Thoughts: It’s not easy to get this type of nickname, but Jason Kidd earned it, and well before Russell Westbrook decided to turn into a cheat mode video game character. 

46: Vince Carter Nickname: “Air Canada” Other Nicknames: "Vinsanity", "Half Man Half Amazing", "VC" Thoughts: If Vince Carter were actually Canadian, this would be like 20 places higher. And while he spent six seasons with the Raptors, he’s also bounced around the league on other teams for much longer. Not sure he should be eternally tied to the Raptors. By the way, Vince Carter is 40 years old and still playing.

45: Gorgui Dieng Nickname: “The Senegalese Sensation" Other Nicknames: "Gorgeous", "Green Monster" Thoughts: You obviously know that The Senegalese Sensation is a great nickname, but let’s address the other two. They are complete opposites. Is he gorgeous or is he a monster? Gorgeous just sounds mean and sarcastic.

44: Kevin Love Nickname: “The Beach Boy” Other Nicknames: " "Knuckle-Pushups", "The Disaster Master of Plaster", "K-Love", "Lil Kev", "Droppin' Dimes; Droppin' Dimes" Thoughts: Guy is a foofy little beach boy for sure. Plus he’s literally from Santa Monica. I’m from the Valley, but that is about the only difference I can find between the two of us.

43: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Nickname: “The Captain” Also: "A” Thoughts: A shockingly underwhelming nickname for Kareem God Damn Abdul-God-Damn-Jabar. How about ‘Mr. Number-One-Leading-Scorer-In-NBA-History-With-A-Two-Thousand-Point-Margin-From-Second-Place’? HOW BOUT THAT? 

42: James Worthy Nickname: “Big Game James” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: It’s tough to separate the legend of the player themselves from the nickname. So, despite how much I want to smooch him right on the lips, ‘Big Game James’ is good-not-great. Also -- the number 42 thing is a complete coincidence. Wink emoji. 

41: Chris Kamen Nickname: “Caveman” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: So mean. Also so accurate. Guy’s straight out of a dang Geico commercial.

40: Josh Smith Nickname: “J-Smoove” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This is a toughie for me, because ‘Smoove’ is fun to say, but Josh Smith is not anybody I would ever have described as smoove. He was a complete wildcard who would sometimes block like ten shots in a single game and then other times just barrel roll across the floor and make baby noises. By the way, if you’re wondering what team Joshy boy is on right now, it’s the Sichuan Blue Whales.

39: LeBron James Nickname: “King James” Other Nicknames: "The King", "(The) L-Train","LBJ", "The Chosen One", "The Akron Hammer", "Akron Hero", "CleBron", "LeBlock James", "Chasedown James", "LeSherrif", "LeBronika" Thoughts: This is legitimately a good one. We’re now entering the realm of good nicknames. Everything about this is just better, though. This is where the rankings get dicey. Reminder to send your hate mail to Jesse.

38: Glen Davis Nickname: “Big Baby” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Guy looks and acts like a gigantic baby. Great nickname.

37: Klay Thompson Nickname: “Splashius Klay” Other Nicknames: "AKlay-47", "T-Vex" Thoughts: Yep, yep, yep. Everything looks good here. ‘AKlay-47′ is good, but it’s too similar to Andrei Kirilenko, no bonus points for that.

36: Yao Ming Nickname: “Chairman Yao” Other Nicknames: "Ming Dynasty”, “Shaquie Chan”, “The China Man”, “Great Wall of China”, “Beast from the Far East” Thoughts: It’s too bad his main one isn’t ‘Shaquie Chan’ because that would be top 15 for sure. And ‘The China Man’ seems more or less pretty god damn offensive.

35: Enes Kanter Nickname: “Enes the Penis” Other Nicknames: “Enes Cancer” Thoughts: There is no way these are correct. At the time I’m publishing this post, that’s what it says on Wikipedia. 'Enes the Penis’ is an elite-level nickname. If it were real, I’d put it at #1 but since it’s definitely not, I’ll settle for #35.

34: Stephen Curry Nickname: “Chef Curry” Other Nicknames: "Steph", "Baby Faced Assassin", “The Golden Boy” Thoughts: Because he’s always cookin’. It’s hard for me to like this nickname as much as I do, because I’ve recently realized Steph isn’t nearly as likable as he used to be. I’ll say this now, though: if Steph dunks two times in one quarter this season, I’ll like him again. C’mon Steph. Two dunks in one quarter. Those are my terms.

33: Dikembe Mutombo Nickname: “Mt. Mutombo” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Even comparing him to a mountain seems like a disservice, but I’m not sure where else you can go. ‘Mt. Mutombo’ is fitting and wonderful. This picture was taken in 2013 when I saw him in an airport from about ten gates away because his head was super high above the rest like a flag at a music festival.

32: Joel Przybilla Nickname: “Vanilla Gorilla” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Saying “Joel ‘Vanilla Gorilla’ Przybilla” out loud gives me such an unbelievable amount of joy, you guys. Blessed be the fruit.

31: Chris Bosh Nickname: “The Bostrich” Other Nicknames: ”CB4" Thoughts: Yeahhhhhh this’ll do. He looks just like an ostrich. I watch this confetti video probably once a week.

29: Hakeem Olajuwon Nickname: “The Dream” Other Nicknames: "N/A Thoughts: Spot on. The record holder for most blocked shots. One of my favorite players of all time. He was a dream on the court. Hakeem The Dream, baby.

30: Shawn Kemp Nickname: “The Reignman” Other Nicknames: “The Family Man” Thoughts: His main one really should be ‘The Family Man’. Guy is a record-holder in the illegitimate children department.

28: Gilbert Arenas Nickname: “Agent Zero” Other Nicknames: “The Hibachi", "Black President",  "Nacho", "Gil", "High-Noon", "The Gambler" Thoughts: Spoooooookyscary and I like it. He wore Number Zero and drilled alotta clutch ass shots, like a secret agent sniper or something. Under normal circumstances he would be a bit lower, but the fact that his real name is GILBERT makes this so much better. Gilbert could not be more different than ‘Agent Zero’.

27: Toni Kukoč Nickname: “The Croatian Sensation” Other Nicknames: “The Waiter”, “Euro Magic” Thoughts: This former Sixth-Man-of-the-Year has three rings, and probably a bunch of European awards I won’t look up because Europe is dumb. He put together a buncha plays that were absolutely sensational. AND he’s actually Croatian. Remember this game winner vs The Knicks? I was five years old and I still do.

26: Rik Smits Nickname: “The Flying Dutchman” Other Nicknames: "The Dunkin’ Dutchman" Thoughts: I legitimately believe Rik Smits is from whatever planet horses are from. He’s like if Peter Krause ate nothing but rocks his whole life. Oh yeah, good nickname too.

25: Andrei Kirilenko Nickname: “AK47” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: One of the weirdest looking human beings I’ve ever looked at. The bones in his head were put together at such hard angles I felt like you’d slice your finger if you touched his face. Great shooter. Former All-Star. Love this nickname.

24: Kobe Bryant Nickname: ”The Black Mamba” Other Nicknames:  "Mr. 81", "KB-24", "The 8th Wonder of the World", "Kobe Wan Kenobi", "Lord of the Rings", “The Dagger”, “Vino”, “Jeallybean Jr” Thoughts: From ages 6 to 26 Kobe Bryant was my hometown hero. Despite all this, I’m trying to remain objective here. The Black Mamba is great for many reasons: First, it’s fun to say. Say it out loud. Second, a black mamba is a deadly ass snake. Third, it’s a solid pun. Fourth, mamba sounds like some sort of dance move which is what Kobe looked like he was doing when he was turning every defender into goop. Fifth, it sparked a bunch of other dipshits tryna call themselves Mamba. All in all, a really great nickname.

23: Rudy Gobert Nickname: “The Stifle Tower” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: He’s tall and French. Nailed it.

22: Robert Horry Nickname: “Big Shot Rob” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This really isn’t hyperbole. The guy hit so many god damn game winners. Soooooooo many clutch shots (special shout out to one of the post game interviews here where Kobe calls him “Long Arm Rob” which is just such a dud). One of my favorite Lakers ever.

21: Allen Iverson Nickname: “A.I.” Other Nicknames: “The Answer”, Bubba Chuck", "Steven John Ray the Third" Thoughts: No matter how much people say he was one of the greatest, I still consider him to be like, the most underrated star ever. This guy was absolutely nuts. ‘The Answer’ would be great enough even if it was his main nickname. ‘AI’ is perfect; it’s like the guy was hardwired to ball. Artificial intelligence. Allen Iverson. Allen. Gat. Darn. Iverson.

20: Tim Duncan Nickname: “The Big Fundamental” Other Nicknames: "Slam Duncan","TD", "Timmy D", "Old Man Riverwalk", "Old Man Duncan", "TD Bank" Thoughts: The guy’s nickname is based purely on how great his fundamentals were. That’s as A+ as it gets. ‘Old Man Riverwalk’ is an insane one that sounds fake.

19: Jeremy Lin Nickname: “Linsanity” Other Nicknames: "Super Lintendo”, “Lincredible”, “Lintastic”, “Lin Dynasty”, “Lin-Tense” Thoughts: 'Linsanity’ was not only a nickname, it was a period of time. When Jeremy Lin broke out, the whole world lost their mind. The nickname not only reflects his ability, but takes us back to a special time when we all thought a solid player was way better than he actually was.

18: Daron Blaylock Nickname: “Mookie” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This nickname is so good that I had never one considered that he had another real first name. He’s Mookie Blaylock, and always has been. When I first read Daron Blaylock I was like “who the hell is this guy?”

17: Tyrone Bogues Nickname: “Muggsy” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Same deal as ‘Mookie’. Tyrone? Nah. Ain’t no such person as Tyrone Bogues. There is only Muggsy.

16: Kevin Garnett Nickname: “The Big Ticket” Other Nicknames: "Go-Go Gadget Arms", "KG", "The Kid" Thoughts: I spent a whole lotta years watching The Lakers and the Celtics in the finals and I never once heard anybody call him ‘Go-Go Gadget Arms’, so, whatever to that. Either way, ‘Big Ticket’ is a great one.

15: Dirk Nowitzki Nickname: “The Germanator” Other Nicknames: ""Mr 30,000", "The Dunking Deutschman", "Tall Baller From The G", "Ghostface Drillah", "Dirty", "Swish41", "German Jesus", "Bavarian Bomber", "Dirk Diggler", "The Berlin Tall", "German Wunderkind", "Dirk Savage" Thoughts: ‘THE GERMANATOR’. C’mon I shouldn’t have to explain how good this is.

14: Gary Payton Nickname: “The Glove” Other Nicknames: “GP” Thoughts: Because he was on you like a glove. Nobody’s nickname sounds anything like this. One of a kind. 

13: Oscar Robertson Nickname: “The Big O” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Not sure many nicknames are this sexually blatant. Love that.

12: Giannis Antetokounmpo Nickname: “The Greek Freak” Other Nicknames: ""Magic Giannson" Thoughts: WHAT A GOOD ONE. His name is Giannis Antetokounmpo, which seems like it would be impossible to top, but his whole body is shaped like a space creature and he’s got arms made of spaghetti -- he’s an absolute delight to watch. I’m really rooting for him. ‘The Greek Freak’ is a winner, and would also be a good name for a breakfast cereal.

11: Nick Young Nickname: “Swaggy P” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: You might be furious to read such a thing as a Number 11 ranking for the NBA’s most confusing player. The real reason I love ‘Swaggy P’ so much is that 1) it doesn’t make a lick of sense and 2) it’s not only a nickname, but it truly feels like an entirely different personality. ‘Swaggy P’ is not Nick Young. He’s like a superhero who walks into the Staples Center as Nick Young and when the game begins he goes into a telephone booth and transforms into ‘Swaggy P’ and nobody ever knows what to do about it.

10: Julius Erving Nickname: “Dr. J” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Doctor. DOCTOR. The man is a basketball doctor. If a basketball got sick and needed a doctor, they would call Julius. Not sure how much more I can stretch this metaphor.

9: Bill Russell Nickname: “The Secretary of Defense” Other Nicknames: "Mr. 11 Rings" Thoughts: Either of these nicknames would earn him the #9 spot. 11 rings in 13 seasons? What a thing! 

8: Karl Malone Nickname: “The Mailman” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Because he always delivered. Flawless. Karl Malone is the #2 all-time leading scorer, and they never even bothered to give him another nickname because ‘Mailman’ is so damn perfect.

7: Darryl Dawkins Nickname: “Chocolate Thunder” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: You kidding me? BACK THE FUCK UP FROM ANYBODY NAMED CHOCOLATE THUNDER.

6: Charles Barkley Nickname: "The Round Mound of Rebound" Other Nicknames: "Sir Charles", "Prince Charles", "Leaning Tower of Pizza", "Pillsbury Dough Boy", "The Human Refrigerator", "The Flying Coke Machine", "The Crisco Kid", "Boy Gorge" Thoughts: THE ROUND MOUND OF REBOUND ARE YOU KIDDING ME gosh darnit that’s just so good. All of them are. ‘The Human Refrigerator’ is pure nonsense and I love it. Today he just goes by ‘Chuck’ which is definitely more fitting than Charles based purely on the level of shenanigans he gets into. This isn’t relevant but I still quote that scene in Space Jam where a teenage girl is super mean to him like once a week.

5: George Mikan Nickname: “Mr. Basketball” Other Nicknames: "The Big Number” Thoughts: Mr. Basketball. I’m honestly regretting not giving this one first place. MISTER FUCKING BASKETBALL. Do you know how good at basketball you have to be to be called ‘Mr. Basketball’? The guy pioneered the ambidextrous hook shot and is such a legend that almost every photo of him is in black and white.

4: Larry Bird Nickname: “The Great White Hope” Other Nicknames: "The Hick from French Lick” Thoughts: The honky GOAT. Incredible nickname? Yes. Possibly a great name for a white supremacy movement? Also yes. So just ignore that part.

3: Michael Jordan Nickname: “Air Jordan” Other Nicknames: "His Airness","MJ","The G.O.A.T", “The Black Cat” Thoughts: Just think this through for a moment. There is no other player whose nickname specifically makes you think of an exact moment. There is no other player who launched an entire brand because of that iconic pose. HE DUNKED FROM THE FUCKING FREE THROW LINE. Though TBH I think the pose should be modified to give him that long ass Stretch Armstrong arm from the end of Space Jam.

2: Jerry West Nickname: “The Logo” Other Nicknames: "Mr. Clutch", "Zeke From Cabin Creek" Thoughts: Hall-of-Famer Jerry West is quite literally the embodiment of the NBA. He’s LITERALLY iconic.

1: Earvin Johnson Nickname: “Magic” Other Nicknames: Truly couldn’t matter less. Thoughts: This nickname right here is what every nickname strives to be. There are probably people in the world who think Magic is his real first name. Earvin Johnson played like true magic, and he became Magic Johnson. I’m not even putting quotes around that because it’s just fact. He’s magic. I bet it says Magic on his driver’s license. Truly the greatest. 

[Wilder]

[aion-rsa]

Has Rick and Morty Lost the Zeitgeist?

https://ift.tt/3kixlnw

Rick and Morty season 5 is nearly upon us and, even among all the high-quality productions released at a rapid clip these days, the show still stands out as a unique television experience. Yes, there are a lot of amazingly well-crafted dramas (I’m looking forward to the conclusion of Better Call Saul) and this seems to be the heyday for brilliant comedies that actually turn out to be the most heartbreaking thing you’ve ever watched (I’m looking at you, PEN15). But truly great sitcoms that do what sitcoms are historically known to do—namely make you laugh a lot and endear you to a cast of characters—are rarer.

For those of us who grew up with the golden age of The Simpsons and like our sitcoms densely packed with clever, layered jokes, there’s a lot less out there. Bob’s Burgers and its offspring The Great North are pretty great, but there’s a simpler, gentler vibe to those. Their storylines are solidly constructed, they’re full of heart, and you can usually count on several laughs per episode (The Great North‘s Judy Tobin might be the most notable breakout comedy character since, well, Rick and/or Morty). However, they’re a far cry from the Simpsons tradition of semi-madcap, complex plotting and rapid-fire gags that hardly let you catch your breath.

The last series that gave me what I was looking for in a sitcom and then some was Community, created by Dan Harmon. At its peak, the scripts sang with tight, clever plotting; joke stacked upon hilarious joke; and characters so wonderfully charming they made you wish you’d been in a community college study group, it looked so damn fun.

However, there was also the “and then some.” Community wasn’t just retreading the ground worn by classic sitcoms past. As a product of a more media-savvy era, it packaged its earnest, heartfelt sitcom stuff in a self-aware, meta framework with the events of many episodes guided by classic genre tropes (the genesis of this parody/homage method of TV storytelling probably originated with the UK sitcom Spaced, but Community took the torch and really ran with it). Further in contrast to classic sitcom protocol was that Community made character and world development a cornerstone. Where old-school sitcoms—from I Love Lucy all the way up to The Simpsons—prioritized a familiar setting and characters who “reset” every episode so that new viewers could jump in at any time, Community (taking a cue from shows like Arrested Development but being quite different in execution) pushed the weirdness threshold of its universe further every season and the changes characters and their relationships went through weren’t just one-offs—they stuck and evolved the dynamic of the series as it progressed.

I was a champion of Rick and Morty before it even premiered. I’d followed Dan Harmon’s career from back when he was making things on the internet and my favorite thing he’d ever done that I will never shut up about was a series of animated shorts called Mr. Sprinkles, which was made in collaboration with Justin Roiland. Despite all the episodes adding up to little over twenty minutes total, it still featured everything I loved about Harmon’s work, packing a ton of worldbuilding and character development in at a breakneck pace.

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However, Roiland’s involvement added some new spices to the usual Harmon flavor: ultraviolence and gross-out humor, yes, but, more importantly, extremely dark, emotional lows and poignant—well, not quite highs—but bittersweet moments that hit hard. It was a powerful and unique combo that resulted in one of my all-time favorite pieces of media, so when it was announced the two would be working together again for a new series, I predicted it could very well be the best thing ever made.

And I was right! Well, at first, anyway. The first season of Rick and Morty is one of the most surprising and confident comedic works ever put on television. In true Harmonian fashion, it used his and the audience’s shared knowledge of sci-fi tropes to rapidly advance the development of its multiverse and characters and, Roiland-style, it shocked viewers with the devastating emotional depths it was willing to plumb (and it also had violence and lots of gross burping). Unfortunately, after that first season, Rick and Morty ran into some familiar problems.

The problems were familiar because they’d showed up previously in Community. That series evolved and pushed the limits of its world for three seasons and Harmon’s original plan was to keep following that trajectory and move the protagonists’ lives further outside the confines of the community college setting with the characters themselves embodying the community of the show’s title. However, before that could happen, Harmon was fired. Following an abysmal fourth season, he was rehired, but felt he had to reorient the series, which meant keeping the characters in community college for the remainder of the show’s run.

It’s understandable why Harmon felt he had to approach his return to Community this way but it’s also the reason that, even though the series was overall better with him back in charge, it never reached the heights it had in the early seasons. Community was about growth and change and, though it tried to get more experimental while staying within its old confines, there was a sad sense of stagnation hanging over the proceedings up until the end. In other words, the radical ambition of Harmon’s earlier work spelled doom for the later (perhaps unavoidably) safer stuff.

The problem that Rick and Morty faces is that it burned through its world and characters even faster than Community did before it. Again, it made for an incredible first season. It was a season that said: “Hey, you know these sci-fi tropes, right? God-like character who can do pretty much anything and can jump through an infinite supply of crazy universes at will? Well, since you already get it and we already get it, let’s just go for it.” And so, you have a season in which the protagonists use and abuse their sci-fi tropes so hard that only six episodes in they destroy their home universe and are forced to take shelter in another universe in which they’ve previously died. When a series so early on establishes that its protagonists can jettison their problems by starting up a new life in a whole new universe, how do you create satisfying conflicts anymore? Where do you go from there?

Look, I get that I might be taking the show’s sci-fi rules a bit too seriously. Rick comments that they can only start a new life in a new universe so many times, which, with endless permutations of universes available to them, doesn’t really make any sense, but that’s the point. The series doesn’t always want you to think of these sci-fi rules as concrete guiding principles. To wit, last season’s “Never Ricking Morty” seemed to poke fun at fans for expecting too much from serialization. If you don’t take what you’ve learned about the multiverse too seriously, Rick and Morty can just keep getting into trouble in all manner of crazy universes. But unfortunately, the development extends to the characterization as well.

Just as in Community, character development sticks and Rick and Morty are extremely different characters from the ones they were at the show’s start. Morty is far more jaded now, quite rightly; you’d be jaded too after burying your own corpse. In fact, the entire Smith family (except maybe Jerry) are sick of Rick’s crap and his position as the alpha is very much in question.

Rick and Morty certainly is, in part, a sci-fi cartoon sitcom that’s just trying to make you laugh, surprise you, and gross you out in each episode. However, its depth and ambition are what set it apart. It’s the pop culture phenomenon that it is because of how well-crafted it is and because of how unique and exciting it was that it was willing to go all-out in its first season. We’re endeared to the characters because it makes sense that an almost-all-powerful being like Rick would be cynical and pessimistic and that Morty would transition from a gee-whiz kid ready for adventure into a world-weary traveler who kind of hates his grandpa.

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As much as I see some fans claim the serialization should be ignored and is just the creators “trolling” (gosh, they sure put a lot of work into these episodes just to troll lil’ old me), I’m quite certain you’d find it very odd and annoying if Morty suddenly regressed to his pilot episode persona for no reason. In fact, this sort of happened back in season 2’s “Mortynight Run,” in which Morty caused a lot of death and destruction in his naïve pursuit to rescue a sentient fart cloud. I was actually fine with this episode myself as I felt Morty still retaining some naivete at this point was not entirely out of character, but a commenter noted that it felt like Morty was relearning a lesson he’d already learned, which I couldn’t really argue was incorrect. And, with everything Morty’s been through in subsequent seasons, it would only make less sense now for him to devolve back to his early, innocent form.

This means you get a lot of episodes in which Rick and Morty deadpan their way through threats, murdering up whatever gets in their way as though every otherworldly intergalactic threat is merely a nuisance to be brushed aside. This makes perfect sense after what we’ve seen these characters survive, but it’s not particularly exciting to watch, and gets old. It also makes sense that the Smith family are regularly antagonistic toward one another after all the sci-fi dysfunctionality they’ve been through, but that gets super unfun to watch and seems entirely at odds with what Rick and Morty is at its core: a sitcom. We’re supposed to be endeared to these people, not put off by them.

Rick and Morty has backed itself into something of a damned if it does, damned if it doesn’t situation. If it retcons all its character and world development, it’ll feel cheap and unfair, but if it maintains the status quo, we’ll be getting a lot more episodes where all-powerful beings who hate each other effortlessly whack-a-mole their way through conflicts (the trailers haven’t revealed a ton, but the tone unsurprisingly feels like it’s mostly sticking to the latter approach). Perhaps all the blame shouldn’t be put on Dan Harmon’s shoulders, but the problems feel like the same ones from Community. I must reiterate that I remain glad regardless that there’s a Harmon-helmed series on TV because, even if the conflicts are lacking and the characterization has gotten a bit stale, no one else is doing complex, breakneck plotting that stuffs gags into almost every possible moment.

Or at least that used to be true. There are now multiple writers out there who’ve emerged stronger from a Dan Harmon writing room. As a result, we’ve got Solar Opposites from Mike McMahan and Justin Roiland, which, unlike Rick and Morty, has (at least so far) managed to have its cake and eat it too with a core cast who follow the classic sitcom tradition of silly characters dealing with self-contained conflicts, but also a portion of every season’s runtime is dedicated to another group of characters’ concurrent, darker, more dramatic, serialized story.

McMahan is also the creator of Star Trek: Lower Decks and he’s brought his solid plotting and above-average joke-writing to that show, too. Michael Waldron started out as a writer’s assistant on Community and then wrote for Rick and Morty and Dan Harmon’s animated improv role-playing show HarmonQuest. He’s since he’s been brought aboard by Disney to write Loki, the upcoming Doctor Strange sequel, and the screenplay for Kevin Feige’s as yet untitled Star Wars film. Former Rick and Morty writer Jane Becker now has a Simpsons episode writing credit under her belt, which makes everything come nicely full circle (a la Dan Harmon’s famous story circle). Furthermore, there’s even a new Dan Harmon cartoon on the way called Krapopolis that I’m willing to bet will at least start out very strong and, if we’re lucky, this one won’t fall victim to the Harmon Curse.

Plus, the Harmon Curse is hardly absolute. In spite of its somewhat depressing twilight years, Community stuck the landing with a beautiful series finale and, similarly, Rick and Morty still totally works a lot of the time, e.g., I really enjoyed the season 4 finale specifically because it brought back serialization. Even though it often feels like the characters on this show hate each other or that there are no real stakes to the conflicts, sometimes it pulls off an episode that makes me forget all that and just have a good time.

It’s also not entirely impossible for Rick and Morty to reintroduce stakes and sitcom character likability. There’s the aforementioned fact that Rick’s standing in the Smith family is in flux, so there’s possibly emotionally resonant character stuff to wring out of there. And, though it certainly wouldn’t be good to overuse him, there’s always fan-favorite Evil Morty, whose dark influence seems to transcend universes, making him a palpable lurking threat to the titular duo.

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As Disney’s stranglehold over all of existence only grows more absolute and seemingly every other TV show is either a superhero show, a Star Wars spinoff, or an origin story series nobody asked for about a side character from a classic film, I remain glad a creative visionary like Dan Harmon is still in the business. We’ve got great Harmon-adjacent series like Solar Opposites and Lower Decks, plus another upcoming new Harmon show, and former Rick and Morty and Community writers all over the industry. Dan Harmon’s unique influence reverberates throughout modern media and our entertainment is all the better for having him.

Rick and Morty season 5 premieres June 20 on Adult Swim.

The post Has Rick and Morty Lost the Zeitgeist? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3gggu47

[countlessrealities]

Feeling possessive? || Accepting !

@mcltiples sent: Someone's hitting on his kitten. Oh, no, that won't do. Good thing Rick carries around a gun and has a good aim, right into the back of the stranger's throat. Watching that body collapse onto the floor felt so pleasing. He just couldn't help himself to walk over towards his darling, grab him by the collar and pull him into a deep, passionate kiss. { To Evil Rick from Weird Rick }

Catching Rick off guard wasn't an easy thing to achieve. Even when he seemed completely engrossed in what he was doing, some of his attention was always directed at his surroundings. It was a habit, a skill he had developed during the troubled years he had spent wandering through the multiverse. The corners of it he had used to visit more often were the darkest one and a mere second of distraction could get you killed.

Or worse.

The stranger in question had been trying to get his attention for a good while. He couldn't have said how long, since he had barely acknowledged them, as absorbed as he was the calculation he had been working on while waiting for his partner to be done with whatever business transaction he was conducting.

Usually he didn't even tag along during those trips, since he had no interest in such affairs. However, his alternate had insisted that he came because he wanted them to have a drink outside the hideout for once and, as per usual, Rick had followed his will.

The other patron had approached him not long after he had been left to mind his own business by the counter and, while it was clear that they wanted something from him, he hadn't bothered to understand what. It couldn't have been anything of import.

For that reason, the sudden feeling of warm blood splattering on his face and the following sound of a body falling on the floor were very much unexpected. Rick's head whipped up, quickly assessing that the shot had come from a non-threatening source...at least not dangerous for him. His partner.

Yet, that also brought up a few questions, starting with why the other had felt the need to perform such a gesture in public when they hadn't been planning on going on a killing spree. His alternate could get a little trigger happy from time to time, but there usually was a reason for it.

In that moment, however, Rick couldn't identify anything that might have caused such reaction.

A brow inched upwards, conveying his confusion, but he wasn't given a chance to express it verbally, nor to speak at all.

Before he could open his mouth, his partner had crossed the distance that had been separating them and had grabbed him, roughly pulling him into a kiss. Rick's lips parted submissively under the demands of that mouth, the action by now engraved in his muscle memory, and let himself be devoured.

His mind, though, didn't stop whirling, not even for a moment. The contact was deep and scorchingly possessive. It felt like his alternate had been trying to put a claim on him, while giving everyone around them a show at the same time. It was a public statement, a clear one aimed at proving to the whole pub to whom Rick belonged to.

Oh.

Rick's lips twitched underneath the merciless pressure of his owner's mouth. Now he understood and could put the pieces together. Between the two of them there was no doubt that he was his alternate's property, but the other did love to make sure to remind it to the rest of the multiverse.

His hand crawled to rest against his partner's spine and he let his eyes slide close, so he could focus on the totalising feeling of being owned down to his core. It might be an objectively unnecessary display, but the truth was that Rick didn't mind it one bit.