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obscurushydrae · 5 months

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Rules of Play

Please at least give it a read! Liking this post also means it’s more likely I will follow back, as I know you have RAU’d.

Updated 08/19/2024

ABOUT:

Kar/Karmun/Karthonic either-or. If you'd rather separate mun/muse you can use my middle name, Asher to refer to me.

They/Them is cool.

From New York, so the timezone is EST.

Birthday’s January 1990, so 30+

Spoonie with AuDHD

Artist, and educator, so I can get busy. I commute, so I'm on the train for a few hours a day as well and can be sporadic activity wise.

Personal blog @karthonic.

On mobile most of the time.

I left the Tumblr RPC 4 years ago so forgive me as I catch up with the new etiquette, etc.

Personal blog @karthonic.

Sci-Fi Muse: @stellevatum

ARK AU: @sidisaspecto & @hln-4

GENERAL:

Above all else: Be Excellent to each other and party on, dudes!

First and foremost: my activity is sporadic. I refuse to let myself be like I was when I left the RPC in 2019. I may queue a lot of shit. I may go into a black hole for a few weeks or months. I may forget threads or lose them. It doesn't mean I don't care-- I am here to have fun and not get stressed over things.

If you ever want to reach out-- all my blogs and personal are listed above, and my discord is on request to mutuals, even though I'm just as much a cryptid on there as well.

Lurking for a bit before reaching out is fine, but I would like genuinely interested folks. Optional but I have an Interest Tracker for organization purposes.

Communication is key. My muse might be intimidating, but I'm not-- just very busy and on mobile more often than not. Don’t know something, or want me to elaborate: ask! I forgot a reply or not feeling a thing anymore, lemme know. I'm good. I like get to know the people I write with, it makes me plot things better.

This incarnation Kar is for Contemporary Supernatural/Fantasy/Mythology like verses. You can find the Og/Sci-Fi flavored Kar at @stellevatum.

While she's BPRD based, don’t sweat it if you don’t know the other stuff. If your fandom/verse has a way in, I can finagle her into all sorts of place (she's literally an cosmic horror at heart).

That ‘selective’ part comes into play. I have every right to not follow someone, decline a roleplay, just as you do. Just be polite and respectful.

Crossover/AU/Multiverse/Self Insert friendly. Not your thing, then feel free to not follow.

There will be casual mentions of recreational drug use, more often than not mentions of alcohol than drugs, but will be tagged upon request. Other possible triggers are her fatalistic humor.

This is not a content resource blog. If you’re here for the pretty pictures, aesthetics, or memes, this is not the blog for you.

Godmoding is discouraged but I’m not going to stop it. I will likely try to out ridiculous you Bugs Bunny style. Even though she can’t die, you’re free to try and kill her, but let me know first (either way she’s gonna be pissed FYI).

Most art is mine but will be credited. If I reblog any art reposted without the original creator’s permission, let me know. I’ll remove it.

FOLLOWING/UNFOLLOWING:

Please don’t follow/interact if you’re under 18. If I follow anyone underage, it’s because I wasn’t able to access any about/ooc information, please don’t take it personally if I unfollow!

If I don’t follow you and you follow me, please just hit me up before doing something. Just because I don’t follow means I’m not interested, I just don’t think our characters mesh with the information given. If we chat about it, who knows!

If I follow you or like a post but not follow, it's likely because I want to check out your rules but can't find a mobile friendly/need time to look through things, especially if it's a carrd. If you follow back, I'll message/send passwords as I don't want to overstep.

I don’t usually greet/interact with personal blogs, so side blogs off personals give me a heads up. Otherwise, I might miss you.

I may unfollow or softblock-- but that doesn't mean I am not against second chances. It usually mean either we haven't really done anything and I'm keeping my dash tidy or you never followed back so I'm taking the hint and stepping off, or you were inactive for 6+ month and I assume you abandoned the blog.

If you'd prefer I don't accidentally re-follow, you are free to hardblock. It's a bummer, but we need to what makes each of us comfortable to write. I will only hardblock if it is in your rules or if it was something serious that warrants it.

IN CHARACTER:

Compatible Fandoms (ie I am Familiar with): BPRD/Hellboy, Hades, Devil May Cry, Wolfenstein, Gravity Falls, WTNV, Obey Me!, Sandman, Good Omens, Hellsing, Persona, Durarara!!, Castlevania, Blood of Zeus, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Basically anything with demons/angels/gods and the like. I will interact with Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss muses, even though personally I don't vibe with Viv.

Kar is an ancient cosmic horror who was supposed to destroy all reality. Raised by mortals, so she thought she was. But she's also got other forms, which folks may see.

As for appearance, unless you’re really looking you might notice the fangs. And for the most part, assume she’s wearing her signature sunglasses covering her eyes since those rarely are taken off in public.

While not usually brought up, but Kar has attempted to end her life and self-harmed. Nowadays it’s usually just masked with fatalistic humor, recreational drug use, and lots of drinking.

There will be mentions of Nazis particularly of the occult sort, so if that makes you uncomfortable please feel free to step away.

ASKS:

Askbox will only be open for IC interactions, save for when the meme specifies Mun. IMs are for OOC communication. Anon feature is for sideblogs, multimuses to interact ICly with me. Any Anon messages good or bad directed to the Mun (outside of memes) will be ignored. The Anon feature is privilege, I will revoke it for my well-being if need be.

No Magic Anons, please!

There’s no need to wait to send me a meme if you’ve followed me for 5 minutes or 5 months, send the thing.

Reblog Karma is going to be enforced on this blog. That is, if you reblog an ask meme off me, please send me one. Otherwise, reblog the meme from @karref

THREADS:

Jump on any open post, there’s no need to ask permission, they’re there for that reason!

I will be keeping my posts simple! I don't have the time/energy to make formatted posts, and I like to keep things as accessible as possible. I do try to keep track of the heavily plotted stuff, but the casual things might drop off. Feel free to remind me if it's been a bit!

Communicate! If you’re having trouble writing a reply, talk to me! If you don’t like or not feeling a thread, say so and drop the thread. That also doesn’t mean things are done for good. Come to me if you want to skip/do something else.

If you’d rather we move things to discord, just ask! I’ll set up a server just for us!

SHIPPING:

Shipping is welcomed and willing to discuss the possibility, but I leave the rest to chemistry and just how we as writers write. Kar is into male muses, and will be polite about turning other people down, unless one doesn’t take the hint.

I will only write ships with muns older than 21, but 25+ is preferred.

That being said, I will no longer tolerate stringing me along, or vague replies. Please be clear and direct. If you are interested; say so. If you are not or no longer wanting to go in that direction, tell me. Any vague or non-committal replies will be treated as disinterest and dropped.

This blog is multiship, meaning each relationship is treated as its own separate place in the multiverse unless discussed and agreed upon.

Kar can be polifidelitous. She’s okay with having multiple partners and those partners having partners if your character is cool with it. But she can be selectively monogamous in your little bubble too.

NSFW may be on here, or I might do it over discord. I'm playing it by vibes. As I don't really have any established romantic stuff since rebooting, I can't say with any certainty. Will update when I do know.

TAGGING/ HARD LIMITS:

Blood, Gore, Body Horror, Drugs, etc, will be tagged with (name); for instance drugs; . Special Tags on request.

Posts will be tagged upon request, just let me know!

If you read and understand this, I would appreciate if you'd leave a like the post, that way I know you have without forcing a password.

But if you'd like to message me, here's a DM icebreaker: What's your favorite extinct animal? (If you're lucky I may have cool fact about it.)

HOPE TO WRITE WITH YOU SOON! :D

#nav;

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stellevatum · 5 months

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Please at least give it a read! Liking this post also means it’s more likely I will follow back, as I know you have RAU’d.

Updated 07/19/2024

ABOUT:

Kar/Karmun/Karthonic either-or. If you'd rather separate mun/muse you can use my middle name, Asher to refer to me.

They/Them is cool.

From New York, so the timezone is EST.

Birthday’s January 1990, so 30+

Spoonie with AuDHD

Artist, and educator, so I can get busy. I commute, so I'm on the train for a few hours a day as well and can be sporadic activity wise.

Personal blog @karthonic.

On mobile most of the time.

I left the Tumblr RPC 4 years ago so forgive me as I catch up with the new etiquette, etc.

Paranormal/Supernatural AU: @obscurushydrae

ARK AU: @sidisaspecto & @hln-4

GENERAL:

Above all else: Be Excellent to each other and party on, dudes!

If you ever want to reach out-- all my blogs and personal are listed above, and my discord is on request to mutuals, even though I'm just as much a cryptid on there as well.

This sounds redundant to post this but: If you have no intention of RPing with me don’t follow. Lurking for a bit before reaching out is fine, but I would like genuinely interested folks. Optional, but I've made an interest checker to help organize things.

This incarnation Kar is for SCIENCE FICTION/SPACE OPERA like verse. Her Contemporary/Urban Fantasy/Paranormal/Supernatural self can be found at @obscurushydrae

While she's Star Wars Based, don’t sweat it if you don’t know the other stuff. If your fandom/verse has a way in, I can finagle her into all sorts of place (she's literally an cosmic horror at heart).

That ‘selective’ part comes into play. I have every right to not follow someone, decline a roleplay, just as you do. Just be polite and respectful.

OC/Crossover/AU/Multiverse/Self Insert friendly. Not your thing, then feel free to not follow.

There will be casual mentions of recreational drug use, more often than not mentions of alcohol than drugs, but will be tagged upon request. Other possible triggers are her fatalistic humor.

This is not a content resource blog. If you’re here for the pretty pictures, aesthetics, or memes, this is not the blog for you.

Most art is mine but will be credited. If I reblog any art reposted without the original creator’s permission, let me know. I’ll remove it.

FOLLOWING/UNFOLLOWING:

Please don’t follow/interact if you’re under 18. If I follow anyone underage, it’s because I wasn’t able to access any about/ooc information, please don’t take it personally if I unfollow!

I don’t usually greet/interact with personal blogs, so side blogs off personals give me a heads up. Otherwise, I might miss you.

IN CHARACTER:

Compatible Fandoms (ie I am Familiar with): Star Wars, Mass Effect, Borderlands, Alien/Predator, Dune, The Outer Worlds, Subnautica, No Man's Sky, Galaktikon, RaM, H2G2, and more!

Kar for the most part, is literally the Force. In a body. Raised by mortals, so she thought she was. And spent most of her life just vaguely gesturing and just going with "humanoid." Force sensitive characters might be able to sense her, but she can mask it.

While not usually brought up, but Kar has attempted to end her life and self-harmed. Nowadays it’s usually just masked with fatalistic humor, recreational drug use, and lots of drinking.

ASKS:

No Magic Anons, please!

There’s no need to wait to send me a meme if you’ve followed me for 5 minutes or 5 months, send the thing.

Reblog Karma is going to be enforced on this blog. That is, if you reblog an ask meme off me, please send me one. Otherwise, reblog the meme from @karref

THREADS:

Jump on any open post, there’s no need to ask permission, they’re there for that reason!

If you’d rather we move things to discord, just ask! I’ll set up a server just for us!

SHIPPING:

I will only write ships with muns older than 21, but 25+ is preferred.

This blog is multiship, meaning each relationship is treated as its own separate place in the multiverse unless discussed and agreed upon.

TAGGING/ HARD LIMITS:

Blood, Gore, Body Horror, Drugs, etc, will be tagged with (name); for instance drugs; . Special Tags on request.

Posts will be tagged upon request, just let me know!

If you read and understand this, I would appreciate if you'd leave a like the post, that way I know you have without forcing a password.

But if you'd like to message me, here's a DM icebreaker: What's your favorite extinct animal? (If you're lucky I may have cool fact about it.)

HOPE TO WRITE WITH YOU SOON! :D

#nav;

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literaticat · 8 months

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Hi Jenn. A few weeks back (before Christmas), I got an offer from a small press on one of my novels. I contacted a larger publisher (who is considering 3 of my novels in an open door). The administrator couldn't make contact with the editor who was reading so withdrew it from consideration! (:/) I ultimately ended up turning down the small press. Should I message the larger publisher again to tell them (and what should I say?) Or wait and see if they reject/offer on the other 2 novels first. TY!

With the caveat that actually I have no idea, since I don't know who this company is, I am not involved with contests or "open doors" or whatever, etc etc? I have no idea what level of annoyance this is for THEM. So you're gonna have to just use your best judgement, and really, it's not the end of the world regardless of what you decide to do:

I PERSONALLY wouldn't bug them again for love nor money. In MY opinion, you have one (1) chance to change things when they are on submission, only to be used if you absolutely must, and never again. It's annoying when people ask to change manuscripts in mid-stream, swap things out of a queue, etc, and while sometimes it can't be helped, and if you absolutely MUST send a new version, OK, whatever -- but if a person were coming to me flip-flopping about whether or not I'm supposed to read this ms, there's an offer, there's not an offer, etc -- I'd be inclined to just say no to the whole thing.

So IF IT WERE ME in your position, I'd STFU and leave it alone, and see what happens with the other mss, and mention that info at that time if it seems relevant.

That said, if you WANT, you can drop them a line, in the same email thread you were corresponding to before, and just say, like, "FYI, I didn't end up accepting this offer, so this mss is still available if there's any interest." But then leave it. LEAVE. IT.

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skykashi · 2 years

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I'm about 30 hours late in saying this, but I can't tell you just how perfect this was 🧡. Over the weekend, I was actually trying to wrangle about eight or nine different plot ideas/oneshots for assorted fic I've been wanting to write for months now. I had thought I might try to use some for Kakashi Week, except none of what I had written really fit the prompts to my liking, and I was just feeling overwhelmed by too many choices (not to mention wanting to finish my current projects, too!).

When I read your comment, the BIGGEST lightbulb went off in my head for how to use team min + time travel to connect all the ideas in a fun and logical way. It was such a rush that I just sat down and typed and edited and drafted for a while, and I forgot to come back to tumblr to tell you THANK YOU!! Not just for pointing out how funny and cute and entertaining this whole thing would be, but also for reading and laughing at my dumb tags and everything! I love seeing your reactions, I'm glad we seem to have a similar sense of humor, and I always look forward to checking your blog and reading your posts. (1/2)

I'm gonna make a blog update about this a little later on, but I just thought I'd give you a bit of a headsup that I'm going to be taking a bit of a break from tumblr/ pulling back from updates and reblogs for a while. I have a short queue lined up, but over the last few days, I realized that tumblr has been absorbing a lot of my energy, and I want to reserve some of that time and energy for creating other stuff. (Writing more is definitely one of the other things). So if I'm not checking in as frequently, don't worry; I'm not losing interest in writing posts or finishing fic or anything. Just doing a bit of rebalancing.

Also, fyi, I spent the first half of yesterday re-reading the first arc of "Abandon." I kind of fell back in love with it after feeling a lot of hesitation and distance from it all summer. So that is where all my writing energy will go next, is to continuing part three, and then finishing part four + five afterwards. After that, probably continuing "Up Against The Wall," and after that, the new one with the Team Minato time travel in it. That's the plan, but I have no idea how long it will take or if I will stick with that order (hopefully not too long). Anyway, thank you for reading, and cheering me on when I'm tired of writing, and going with me and my Team Minato on their sad rollercoaster of emotions. I really appreciate it so much!! 🧡🧡🧡

Shzbvsbjsks I'm so glad you found my silly idea inspiring 🥰 it always strikes me how much Kakashi's personality changed from his kid version to his adult version so I always wondered how team Minato including kid Kakashi would react when they see adult Kakashi shenanigans 😂

It's always sad when one of my favorites blogs isn't as active as usual but it's also very understandable and it's a good thing too that you will get to focus more on writing so hopefully this will mean more new chapters will be coming 👀❤️❤️

And I can't even tell you how much I've missed "Abandon" so reading that you are falling back in love with it is such a great news to me, I can't wait to read everything you have for us, I know all of them are worth the wait 😍❤️

#my asks #sky answers

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mspoodle1 · 3 years

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FYI to the peeps who follow my cc finds blog. I put about 44 post in the queue and staggered the times to post. Hopefully it won't spam your feed too bad.

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm uploading the last thing I worked on in a few. It's the job boards. I didn't get to do all the presets I wanted to for the antique board but...it is what it is. Anyone is welcome to edit or add/make presets if they wish.

On a personal note:

My fluffernut Coco has not been feeling well as of late. He started the vomiting thing several weeks ago again. We finally got it under control. *crosses fingers* I'm having to make his food because the only one kind he could tolerate is not being manufactured at this time. *grumbles* But once he's off the steroid and antibiotics it could start all over again. If that happens then the diagnoses is not going to be good. Not gonna think about it at the moment. Anyhoo...

So...yeah...haven't really had much time for simming.

I am here but not sorta. I still keep up with everything and answer messages. I just don't check the dashboard as often. Wishing everyone happy holidays if you celebrate.

#blog update #boop

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cookinguptales · 2 years

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as an fyi, I am leaving in a few hours for california. I’ll chill for a couple days with my parents, then I’m going on a big ol’ road trip with my dad. we’ll be gone for almost three weeks!

this means that I’ll be a little less Chronically Online for the next month, and it also means that instead of annoying you all with wwdits stuff constantly, I’ll be annoying you all with travel AND wwdits.

but!

I promised my friend I’d start trying to use instagram again so if you want to follow me for travel pics and random selfies, I’m @cookinguptales

If you want to see MORE of my rambling for some reason, you can also follow me on twitter @iletaitunefois. It’s a private twitter bc of an IRL situation, but if you request to be added, I’ll do it! I will likely be tweeting a lot whenever I get bored in the car, RIP. (Warning, I became feral on my weird private twitter with only friends following me!! I just tweet whatever all the time and ramble about wwdits a lot and if you end up muting me I won’t be offended. lmao)

I have a fic that I plan on posting as we travel! More details below.

My queue is FULL so I’ll still be around and annoying.

I will tagging travel posts with #the travel bug, if you’d like to avoid them.

So, the fic! I got off my writing schedule a bit due to work (and the fic is... so much longer than expected) so I won’t be able to post it as regularly as I’d hoped, but I’m hoping to have the first chapter up sometime between the 7th and the 9th. It’s over 10k and it’ll just have to keep you for a while. Unlike my last chaptered fic, I’m writing this one as I go. lmao. I have the whole fic planned out and I do fully intend to finish it, but like I said, I will be fairly busy over the next month. So updates might be slow. That said, most of the chapters are fairly self-contained, if part of a larger narrative.

More details? Well, I’ve decided to write my version of Nandor’s eat prey love journey as I go on my own, even if we’ll be in drastically different places. He’s gonna meet a lot of people! He’s gonna learn a lot of things! He’s gonna think about Guillermo a lot. Sometimes you gotta learn how to be alone before you can be with someone else! Each chapter is gonna be a new location and a new person to meet and... It’s going to be so fucking long haha... ha...

#oh also it's multimedia lmao #just in case I didn't sign up for ENOUGH #fml #just me #as for twitter #if you're new you probably don't know that I was one of the winners of a fairly prominent writing contest last yera #some people were more thrilled about it than others #my essay was about disability #so some of the anti-sjw crowd felt that I was a diversity pick and were uh. shitty about it.#I just kind of stepped away from all that #but my twitter is still privated

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folatefangirl · 6 years

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About This Blog (for the New Followers)

Hi all, time for a post to catch all the new followers up to speed... again. (Seriously, idk how y’all manage to put up with my rambling-in-the-tags and occasional rants and disappearances for days to weeks on end due to Grad School Shenanigans, but I appreciate it, I really do.)

Welcome to the multifandom + books-and-writing + personal stuff nonsense!

Instead of repeating stuff that’s in my bio or on my somewhat hidden About Page (idk if that link will work for mobile as I need to get back into coding again), I’m just gonna say some basic stuff and whatnot. Also: If you wanna introduce yourselves to me and tell me what you’re all about and your projects/WIPs/etc, by all means, do so! I’m on summer break and I’ll respond to something as simple as a “hi” atm.

What’s this blog about?: Stuff I like aka fandom stuff, books, writing, cooking, art, comics, languages and linguistics, science and medical stuff, music, etc. etc. I post more when I have free time, but I try to keep a regular queue. I keep specific personal details to a minimum, so you’re not gonna see pictures of my face or my real name, among other things.

Why is everything scrambled together?: Because this is essentially a personal tumblr and I’m too busy to keep things organized by fandom/topic sideblogs, so I just tag things and hope for the best. Feel free to blacklist and filter tags for things you don’t wanna see on your dash (such as #politics or #us politics, for example); I really don’t mind what you do with your leisure time. Also, you’re welcome to ask me to tag for something.

Are you a writeblr?: Ehhh, technically? But I spend a lot of time on worldbuilding and have other things going on (including other hobbies), so I’m not a particularly fast writer, nor do I have a plan for publishing anything for the next few years since I’ll be busy with surviving grad school and getting a stable income. But occasionally I post excerpts and conceptual stuff and I’m always down to talk about writing with other people, especially their WIPs (original fic, fanfic, poetry, scripts, webcomics, you name it; I’m not particularly biased towards one type of writing or another in particular). I’m not so good for being available for major editing or beta-reading things, so FYI.

Also, some personal policies: Since I’m mostly on tumblr for fun and procrastination shenanigans and to see what my friends are up to, I’m not really big on reblogging “we’re all gonna die”-type negativity posts, guilt-tripping posts, or stuff that adds to the tumblr shitscourse (including asks that are trying to start shit). I’m also not good with acting as anyone’s unpaid therapist when a) I’m not a professional and have no idea how to not make things worse, b) I’m already dealing with my own pile of mental baggage atm, and c) I’m too busy to give people the help they may really need. If you’re having a rough time of things, I’m sorry to hear that and I can refer you to professional resources, but I hope y’all understand when I say that I just don’t have the time or energy to respond to all of the stuff I see on my dash literally every day. Boundary crossing is also a major no-go. If you wouldn’t say it to a stranger, why would you say it to someone on tumblr? Be excellent to each other, y’all.

If there’s any other questions, feel free to send them to my ask box or as a PM!

Goodreads Wordpress writing blog (which I hope to update over the next few months)

#long post #about me #updates #cinnia says stuff

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feckyeswriting · 6 years

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This looks queue-t on my blog

Pew pew June is here and we’re already a whole week through it!?! What! Ridiculous.

So I think the fact that I’m only posting this now on the 8th is a solid bit of evidence to support the following-

I’m still adjusting to my new schedule. I just started my new job on Monday after a weekend where I didn’t have as much time to write as I would have liked. And work is an afternoon shift, high overtime position. So there’s that. I’m still aiming to post around 15k this month (gotta aim high!). My schedule now is a bit wonky and I feel like all of my free time is spent standing tiredly in the shower or sleeping. I definitely need to cut down my “checking in on social media” time to be able to write as much as I’d like to be.

That all being said, I’m still going to follow the queue. I want to be writing as many days as I can. Just now the “as many as I can” might be twice during the week and on one of the weekend days. And I’m gonna try to be OK with that and not get discouraged; I hope that’s alright with all y’all as well ^^;;

Anyways this is getting long and rambly to just say “I’m working and there’s a shitton of mandatory overtime, so writing has been hard.”

I’ll be working for the first few days 100% on my draft for the RFFA project which they were gracious enough to grant me an extension on. Then once that’s finished I’ll be able to tackle the queue as usual. Or I’ll use queue projectes as mental breaks if for some reason I get to write for multiple hours. TL;DR might be quiet on the posting end here until the 18th but that’s because what I’m writing now will be posted later this year in the anth!

One last li’l plug and then we’ll have the queue, promise~

I still have my Ko-Fi up! It’s no pressure, no need to feel obligated. Just an FYI that it can really put a smile on my face and a spring in my keyboard tapping to get support from y’all :) I wrote two thank you pieces this month to Ko-Fi donators as well because, really, it means a lot to me.

Queue

Prove It

Descent

Dance for Me

A Mediocre Place

Ash and Torment

Bloodthirsty

Sharpest Lives

Aftershock

Mirassimus

Sentry

Spirits

Safe House

Cheers!!!

#Sarah Talks #Sarah's Bujo #Writing Queue

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zoebechtle-blog · 7 years

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Unlikely Chapter 11

Saturday I’d convinced my jailers to let me escape back to my own apartment. Niall wasn’t huge on the idea, I could tell, but I was scared of wearing out my welcome. And I really wanted to walk around in my underwear, something I would have been fine doing at his house if it wasn’t for the roommates. I was very much used to living alone, and being stuck with three guys, even though I was secretly in love with one and adored the other two was like living in a fraternity house. A very clean, well organized frat house, but nonetheless...beer bongs and FIFA. I missed my pink towels and Tocca hand soap, and quiet. I really missed quiet.

Deo had been feeling a bit neglected and pouty, which I pointed out to Niall that morning after we got out of the shower (shower sex was my new favorite because he had a detachable shower head that did glorious things. He offered to buy me one, as well. Finally, a gift I could get behind.). Their friend Matt was coming to town that afternoon, so I suggested that we go our own ways for the night, which he agreed to begrudgingly. He tried to get me to take Phil with me, but I assured him Aaron would be man enough to protect me. Besides, had he seen my right hook? I’d snuck on my phone before Niall woke up that morning, and googled my name. There was the shit I was expecting (including a not-flattering picture of me drunk at a football game in college), but also quite a few really, really nice comments. People genuinely happy for Niall, commenting on his adoring smile and lovesick expressions. I felt decent about the whole she-bang and confident about where it was all going.

A night of dinner and dancing was on the books as I headed out to Soho with Aaron, Hannah (Willie, too, was on the lads night), and Carly. We hit two gay clubs, and I decided it was my night’s mission to get Aaron laid while we danced to some of the best house music around. Never one to put style over comfort, I’d worn battered fuschia Chucks with my little black dress. I wasn’t looking to be picked up, and I couldn’t throw shapes in heels like Carly could. This was a night about letting loose with my friends after what had ended up being a very long week. And I was there for it. I was goofy and drunk and in love with the world. So naturally I started drunk texting Niall.

“Hi buggaboo! I miss youuuuu.”

“Petal . Have we been drinking ?”

“We? I assume you have.”

“Secret?”

“Yes .”

“I’ve been drinking. Shhhhhhh :)”

“Going to get Aaron laid. He needs ridden like a cowboy.”

“go mission babe”

“heyyyyyyy”

“hi pretty girl .”

“Where are you?”

“On the way to Libertine.”

“Need a ride?”

“Zo ?”

“you ok ?”

“Yeah. Sorry we’re moving bars.”

“Someone Carly knows is getting us into the teddy bear bar.”

“The Toy Room ?”

“Yes! You’re pretty and smart, Niall Horan <3”

So The Toy Room was almost as insufferable as Libertine, based on my previous experience with Paul. I was regretfully underdressed and not even my cleavage or Hannah’s mouth could get us a second look by the bartenders to get a drink. The buzz I had was wearing off and we’d lost Carly within seconds of arrival. Also, a girl waiting in the queue had called me Niall’s fat ass girlfriend. Spotted.

“Toy Room sucks.”

“Come to Libertine.”

“I’ll give them your name.

“Count to ninety,” I told Hannah.

“Giving them a timeframe?”

“Yup. No drinks in ninety seconds or we bo-”

“Excuse me?” A very large, very bald man with an in-ear headset tapped my shoulder.

I looked up at him with wide eyes. Whatever he said, I totally didn’t do it. Jess and I made eye contact, and she squeezed my hand. Aaron’s eyes were filled with fear. Hannah stood by, ready to get in between me and Lerch. The only times club security approached us we ended up getting kicked out for something. Or Carly was being arrested (it’d happened before).

“Zoe Bechtel?”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Styles would like to invite you and your friends to the private room.”

What? “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong person. I don’t know Mr. Styles.” Baldie repeated this information into his headset.

Hannah elbowed me in the ribs. “What? I don’t know him.”

Aaron then decided to lean in, “Z, it’s Harry Fucking Styles.”

“Yeah, even your mom wants him, Aaron, I know.” He flipped me off.

“Miss? He said he’s your boyfriend’s bandmate, and that he’d like to meet you.” I’m sure Harry wasn’t accustomed to people turning down his invitations.

“Is there booze?” I was going to need it.

The security guard grinned at me. “Tonnes.”

We were lead back to VIP by Clark (of course I’d asked for his name and was trying to get his life story). Aaron and Hannah each took one of my hands, and Hannah showed Clark a picture of Carly to see if he could round her up as well. I was nervous as hell and gnawing the nail on my index finger. Goddamn it, Niall. We passed a number of London celebutantes and other A Listers, and I was just staring at my Chucks. My life seemed to be a series of poor wardrobe choices.

“Zoe!” A deep Northern accent yelled at me, and before I could registered what was going on, I was lifted off the ground and my face pressed into a silky shirt. We were hugging. Okay. We’d reached hugging territory.

“Harry, put the poor girl down!” The voice of a nasally sounding woman called out, and I was forever grateful to her.

“Hiiiiiiiii,” the tall, dark haired man grinned at me.

“Hey,” I straightened my skirt and saw Hannah cracking up. “You’re Harry, I take it.”

“Yup. You’re Zoe. Even prettier than Nialler said. So glad to finally meet you.” He pinched my cheek. He pinched my fucking cheek. I resisted my urge to slap his hand, but before I could, he hugged me again.

“Jesus, Harold, paws off the merchandise!” A pretty blonde, the one who got me put down, stepped around him. “I’m Gemma, Harry’s much wiser sister.”

I shook her hand, liking her already, “Zoe. And my friends Hannah, Jess, and Aaron.”

Everyone shook hands, and Hannah went in for the hug on Harry. Aaron, too. Jess had the good sense to avoid eye contact and hide behind me - this is why she and I were friends. Apparently Niall and Harry had been texting (news to me - he rarely discussed his bandmates and I had no specific questions to ask. We talked about the experiences more than the people.), and Harry had invited him to the party he was hosting for a friend tonight. Niall had declined, but texted him a bit ago that I was at the club with friends. Harry had then showed four different security staff a picture of me that Niall had sent him, pilfered from my IG, and had me hunted down. Well, at least there was plenty of booze. Gemma hooked us up with vodka, and we were officially kind of fancy.

Harry took me around and introduced me to the pretty people who filled the lounge. Most could have cared less, and a few gave me down right withering looks, but at least they pretended to be polite since I was with Harry. I said lots of hellos, threw out fake smiles, gawked a bit, and noticed Aaron in the corner with a morning radio DJ who appeared to be quite the close talker. I settled down onto a lounge, and tried to find Hannah and Jess. As the minutes ticked by and they didn’t return, I stood to find them dancing with Gemma. Feeling too self-conscious to join them, and having been abandoned by Harry because something shiny had caught his eye, I plopped back, bored.

“Having me hunted down and brought to VIP, eh?”

“Not to be rude, but there are ppl in here wearing socks that cost more than my rent. HELP ME.”

“Hannah might be leaving Willie for Gemma, FYI.”

Messing with Niall was very little fun when he didn’t play along.

“Carly has appeared. And has her tits in H’s face. He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“My god, someone just asked me if I was Harry’s AUNT. AN AUNT, NIALL.”

“Fuck me, I just spilled half a bottle of Goose on Alexa Chung.”

“Tell Deo I’ll be his wingwoman for the rest of his life-just come here and save me from this personal moritification.”

“Niall, if you love me or even just like me a little, you will come take me away. It’s your fault I’m being made to socialize with pretty ppl.”

No sooner had I sent the last text than Harry plopped down next to me, holding a bottle of booze.

“Sorry, been a shit friend. Had to do the host thing.”

“Harry, we literally met an hour ago. You’re not a shit friend. It’s cool.” As I talked, he turned his body to face me.

“Nope. We’re gonna bond. You’re my Nialler’s girl which makes you one of my best friends by default,” he gave a smile so full of dimple that I could see what women swooned in his presence. He had his own energy cloud floating around him. “He said you like Jameson. I have tequila. Will that work?”

I shrugged, “I’m not picky.”

“Hey, I have those same shoes!” He had good taste at least.

Turns out, good tequila is really, really good. And doesn’t taste like a rattlesnake’s asshole (my previous description for cactus nectar). Also, Harry was a riot. By the time we’d done our third shot we had declared ourselves official best friends and started playing fashion police. He invited me to take over for his personal assistant on his film shoot. Or to leave Niall and marry him. When I informed him that I couldn’t be with a man who was better dressed than me, he pulled me into his lap for a cuddle. Hannah joined us, finally, and made herself at home on Harry’s other knee. I kinda of adored this big man child.

“So I take it you don’t need me to take you away anymore?” The Irish accent growled in my ear. I spun around, freeing myself from Harry’s grasp.

“Buggaboo!” I launched myself from Harry’s leg to Niall’s lap, grabbing his neck like a spider monkey, kissing his flushed cheeks.

“Hey, babe. I see you made friends,” he nudged Harry with his knee.

“Nialler!” Harry piled on our hug, squeezing me in the middle of them. Women worldwide would pay to be part of this sandwich. “I missed you!”

“Harold and I are going to take over the world,” I proclaimed.

“I like this one,” Harry motioned to me. “She’s evil.” In sync, he and I raised our hands to make claws and growled at Niall.

“What have I done?” He gave me his whole face delighted smile, and I shot my own back at him, caressing his stubble. God he looked

“Whatcha doin’ here?”

“You said if I loved you I should come take you away. So here I am.” Well, that was a very exact way to word the statement.

“Here you are,” I said back to him, slowly.

“Yup.” He bopped my nose.

“Because you love me.”

“Because I love you, Zo.”

“Cool.”

“Cool?” He lifted my chin to look in his eyes. Mine had tears in them.

“Yeah, it’s really cool. ‘Cause I love you, too.”

My text alert started buzzing at 7:00. We’d been home about 3 hours at that point, and Niall was snoring like a freight train next to me. I got up to try locate the missing iPhone, tripping over his boots and landing on a leopard print jacket I didn’t recognize. What the hell? Strange gasps were coming from the other room. Then my phone’s loud ring (Sherlock theme song, natch) started playing. What the the hell? I pulled myself up and stumbled into the living room, trying to locate my handbag. One Harry Styles was passed out on the loveseat, limbs askew. Jess was drooling on the sofa pillows. I located the offending technology and lifted it above my head like a trophy. Jess raised her head a bit and groaned. The call was from Paul.

“Where are you?” He sounded concerned. “Who are you with?”

“Home. Niall and Jess are here. And Harry Styles.” I blew a piece of hair out my face.

“Well, you’re going to want to get the boys up. The Sun tweeted pics of you on Harry’s lap last night and people are freaking the fuck out.”

“What? No, we were hanging out! I was on Niall’s lap most of the night.” I leaned against the counter, holding my head.

“And Harry giving you a piggyback ride outside. Your granny panties are showing.”

“Fuck! I was wearing Spanx.” Shit, this is no good, very bad news.

“Oh, I know, baby doll. I’m looking at them. And you assholes went to the The Toy Room without me? Rude.”

I worked my way back to my room and grabbed my iPad, flopping on the bed. “Let me call you back, Paulie.”

Niall raised his head, “What going on, babe?” I ignored him and went to the Twitter app, pulling up the The Sun’s account. Motherfucker. There I was, in all my glory, sitting on Harry’s lap, leaning back against his chest, both of us hysterically laughing. If you didn’t know it was nothing, it did looking semi-intimate. And then the offending Spanx pic - lord. You could actually see the stretch marks on my thighs. I slapped my head. Niall was following us and grabbing my ass as I clung to Harry’s back. I remembered stepping out of my untied shoe as we made our way outside. Harry scooped me up (surprisingly strong, that one. He only looks like Gumby.), and Niall grabbed the shoe. I could see very easily how someone would get the wrong idea about this picture. Jess and Carly were right behind Niall (Hannah had been dragged home by Willie after she tried to kiss Gemma and Aaron had disappeared with the DJ), but they’d been cropped out. We went out a backdoor into a waiting car. I didn’t recall even seeing photographers. I covered my mouth. I looked like a drunken slag.

Niall peered over my shoulder at the tablet, and made a noise that I would only describe as animalistic. “MotherFUCKERS! These are fucking cell picss - it was someone in VIP. The only person in the alley were employees of the club. I’ll fucking have them fired.” He grabbed his phone and started firing off a text.

I still sat in shock. My God, my patients’ parents would see this. My coworkers would see this. “I look like I’m about to take on both of you. My God, Niall. I look like a whore!” Tears ran down my cheeks silently.

“You’re not a whore, baby. You didn’t do anything! Fucking FUCK. You made us get kebabs and you fucking tucked in Jess and Harry. You walked Carly to her damned door because ‘bad people lurk, Niall!’”

My voice had approached shrieking, “Yeah, well, that’s not obvious here!”

Jess poked her head in the open door, “Zo, you okay?” I looked at her, shell shocked. It takes a fair amount to rattle me to the core, but we’ve reached that level. Ni looked terrified.

“C’mere.” Jess sat down beside me and wrapped me up in her arms, whispering words of comfort.

“HAROLD!” Niall got up and walked into the living room, and we heard him rattling Harry awake. “Look at this fucking horseshit!” Harry was still 90% asleep and drunk, and he groaned and made weird noises. “Look at this, Haz! They’re dragging Zoe through the fucking mud!”

“What the hell?” From the bed, we could see Harry sit up and take the iPad. “Shit. These aren’t pap shots. That was someone in the alley.”

“Yep.”

“It was one of the people out smoking, I bet. Look at the angle. Jesus Christ.” The two stared at one another, communicating silently.

“Yeah.” Niall was pulling his hair.“Get your goddamn lawyers on the phone. I’ll pay whatever fees. I want this shit gone!” I buried my head back into Jess’s shoulder.

“It’s a whole new world, baby girl.” She kissed my hair as Niall started talking to someone on the phone. Kimmy, if I was gathering it correctly. Harry was on his phone, too, talking in a low voice.

“Guys.” I walked out into the living room. Niall turned from the kitchen window, and Harry covered the speaker on his phone, reaching his hand out to me.

“I’m so sorry, Z.” He looked heartbroken, and I mussed his short hair.

“S’okay.”

“The pictures are out there, yeah?” Niall walked back into the room and sat down on the couch beside me, and put this phone on speaker. “Kim, Zoe is talking.”

“Hi, Kimmy. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” What a way to wake up on a Sunday morning - I could verify. “Anyhow, the pics are out. They’ve been retweeted. Even if The Sun pulled them would it make a difference?”

“It could,” Harry started, as Kim said, “Not really.”

We finally decided that Harry would have his attorneys look into it. He called a security guard to retrieve him and Jess, and gave me hugs, apologizing for the incident. He was headed to France to start the film soon, but he promised to be in touch. He and Niall bro-hugged and leaned their heads in, whispering to one another. I hated that me being stupid was causing Niall issues. For a boy that a week ago had really never had much public drama, he was sure getting his taste now.

He put on a huge (fake) smile. “D’ya want breakfast? We could get something delivered?” I shook my head and walked back into the bedroom, throwing myself on the mattress. My face rested on the pair of offending Spanx, and I threw them against the wall. Niall stood in the doorway and stared, chewing on his poor, abused thumbnail.

“I’m so sorry, Niall.” I said it more into my pillow than outloud. God, he’d just finally told me he loved me last night, and less than twelve hours later I wouldn’t blame him if he cut bait. “This is humiliating for you.” When all else failed, my natural instinct was to blame myself. I suddenly felt fifteen again. Kyle the Worst, my high school boyfriend, had been caught cheating on a geometry exam and kicked off the football team. It was my fault because I hadn’t prepared him for it properly, and the bruised ribs I got the evening after he was removed were my punishment. When I fought back, he slapped me across the face. When my mom saw the wounds and told my dad, he agreed that Kyle might have been out of line, but really, why else would he be dating the smart girl? (My dad taught me how to throw a punch when I was 8 in case of bullies, but the ones you date didn’t count, I guess.) That’s how my brain processed the first twenty plus years of my life, and right now, I was back there. Seven years of progress being pushed to the side.

“Zoe, why the fuck are you sorry? Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. My God, no.” Niall knew this story. I’d told him one night in his dark bedroom, my face buried in his chest as he rubbed my shoulders. He just listened and told me they were wrong. So wrong.

He fell on the bed and pulled me into his lap. “I’m not humiliated, I’m pissed off at the idiot who took those pics, The fuckin’ Sun, and anyone who thinks they have to right to say shit about you. I fuckin’ love you. I love you so much. I meant it when I said it last night. Wanted to tell you forever but I was too big of a pussy. My heart is breakin’ because you’re hurt and it’s because you’re with me.” He was crying, too. My God, I’d made him cry.

“No! No crying!” I furiously rubbed at his cheeks, trying to get them stop by friction alone.

“Then no cryin for you,” he mimed my actions, making me laugh. “There’s m’girl. Listen,” he lowered his eyes so we were staring directly at one another, “I will fight someone to the death for you. It’s only been two months, but I’m pretty sure you’re the love of me life, Zo. I knew I loved you the second I saw your smile in person. Cupid shot me in my arse. I tried to pretend it was somethin’ else until that night you played with my hair and wore my hat. I was so far gone for ya. Ya get me. You’re smart and kinda. Ya make me laugh my tits off. And you’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Everytime I see ya I feel like my heart is gonna jump out of my chest.”

Well now the tears were for a completely different reason.

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streetcornertwoam · 7 years

Text

oh dear...

so I had mentioned on here the other day that getting in touch with an old high school friend can sometimes be nice

...and it still is, but it’s getting vaguely more...real now

real now as in...exchanging phone numbers and talking about hanging out

which is fine...except I just...don’t do that anymore...

I’ve become so closed off from people that I just...don’t go out or do anything, which is...fine

mostly

I’m more fine with it than I used to be, I think

but then I’ll get to talking with someone, and talks of getting together and hanging out happen and like...I’m always torn

‘cause yea it would be nice to see them, to talk, catch up...etc

but...then I just become overwhelmed with anxiety...and I don’t really know why

I never was like this...

sure there were times I would perhaps ignore or y’know...drop out of hanging out whatever, but I would always still really want to

and then it became just..wasn’t ever invited, which...fair, but it hurt ‘cause y’know...I don’t know...I’m a person and even though we’re complicated af and I would have said no to going anyway...lol

and then it just kinda...I don’t know, became easier to not see anyone for long stretches of time...so I got used to being at home and doing whatever

so now it’s like someone wants to do something and for a minute it sounds nice, but mostly it’s just terrifying

I did this sorta a few summers ago with another friend from high school

also started off messaging on FB, then switched to texting...like all the fucking time...hung out a few times...aaaaaaand then we ended up like...hardcore make out session in a cemetery...yikes lol

reason for the cemetery...lol...it’s...like right behind my house...there’s a church behind my house and then it’s just like...right there cemetery

and when I was a teen me and my friends used to go walking through it and it shit all the time ‘cause it was just...near and y’know whatever

so basically it was a more or less private place near by and...so that happened

...i don’t remember if we managed to hang out again after, i know we texted a few more times and talked about hanging out...but then I think I just felt...really weird? so I kinda blew him off...’cause I’m super mature and awesome obvs

and...I haven’t talked to him really at all since lol

and y’know....we were close in high school...we never ended up dating, ‘cause his track record with girls was horrible, and I remember telling him that one time when he asked if I’d ever date him. And I straight up said no, ‘cause you end up dating a girl for a few days and then it’s over and then you aren’t even friends anymore...so no

......buuuuut that obviously never stopped from y’know...the occasional kiss action lmao

i was also the first person he ever made out with, so there’s that lol

it’s just...I don’t know, it’s weird lol

I feel like...we could have maybe had...something

but there (for me) was just...nothing when we were kissing

and I don’t know that there ever really was much, but I feel like there used to be...more I don’t know

........

not that I really think anything like that would happen with this guy......I mean...I suppose it could

I’m fairly certain he always had a bit of a crush on me

which is sweet, he was always really nice....but I just never felt the same back

I don’t know

I’m probably gonna end up having to tell him some version of this. At least the bits about I’m terrible when it comes to people anymore, and regardless of how much I may want to see and hang out I’ll probably always bail last second ‘cause I’m just...incapable of being around people apparently

I just don’t want him feeling badly ‘cause I’m such a shit person

he said he really misses me and always really loved and admired me in high school ‘cause my personality and I could always make him laugh/smile

and I’m just like...fuck that’s so goddamn nice, but honestly dude I’m such a fucking mess anymore

you want to know what I’ve been doing since high school? fuck all

dated a guy I’d known my entire life basically for 3 1/2 yrs, thought it was gonna be a forever sorta thing, ha! Jokes on me...turns out he was a fucking asshole and I should have ended after oh...2...2 1/2 yrs? but did I? NOPE

so that was fun...and that fucked me over pretty good when he did finally end it....and then strung it along by every few weeks texting me and shit until I found out what a real piece of work he was, and that was the final straw

and then I started getting back out into the world...met some new people, reconnected with my best friend, and for a couple yrs it was pretty great....

then parents place closed down, new friends i made started heading off to college, I started babysitting my nephew, lost touch with friend....

I mean this all kinda happened at the same time...I had been babysitting nephew when I was still hanging out with people and parents place was still open but still that’s basically how that went...

saw them a few more times, but then I just...by that point reached where I am now....

maybe if I got back out there after a while it’d be different, I don’t know

for all that I’m still the same person, I’m vastly different than I ever used to be

and I think that’s simply from all the time that I’ve spent on my own...so I’ve been in my head a lot and been able to think about things...sometimes over think....obsess about it...but y’know...it did at least lead me to one positive thing...figuring out that I’m not nearly as straight as I always thought I was...oh hey turns out Kels that you’re bisexual...who would have thought

well me for one, if I had ever just...thought about some of the shit I finally thought about, instead of just....fucking denying it and burying it

....I don’t know how different things would be had I realized it sooner, and even though I’ve never told anyone in my real life...I do feel better

it’s more freeing...it’s nice

and there are times...that I’m just...sitting with my parents or just my mom...and I just wanna be like ‘so...I’m bisexual’

tbh I don’t think it’d be a big issue...sometimes I think ‘they must know...’ or ‘they must suspect...’ just ‘cause...of the things I say sometimes now but I don’t know...

...I at least know my mom would be ok with it, since her older brother...my uncle...was gay

and even though he never told anyone, she said she knew...and that’s why he moved away from here so he could be himself

and I so get that...but I just really hate that he never felt he could share that part of himself before he passed

y’know...what if I had realized about myself sooner...I could have told him and we could have had that connection

...I say he was gay, but I honestly don’t even know if that’s right...I remember growing up he had girlfriends, or at least...said he had girlfriends...but I know when he died him and an old friend of his were together...so...I don’t know

I was only 18...27 now...but...I had enough information about myself to have figured out...or at the very least questioned things about myself at that point

guess it’s sorta pointless to think about things like that...can’t change the past, no sense dwelling over it...just something I got to thinking about

....this post has gone a bit off the rails lol

sometimes I forget how good i feel after I do long posts like these

I know that no one reads ‘em, or at least I suspect no one does

but I do it for myself...get thoughts down and out

it helps...a bit

I’ve been starting to think maybe I should see a therapist or something...

mom always said she was gonna send me to one when I was a teen ‘cause of my....habits

it’s one of the many things we’ve never talked about, and she never...really knew 100%, but I do know that she at least once saw scars on my arms

....and got a call from the school I think once my freshmen year after my classmates died

‘cause someone had told a counselor that I was...a bit not right and I remember getting called down once in class...and she (or was it a guy...I don’t totally remember ha) asked me if I was doing ok etc etc etc....I of course lied, and they told me that a friend had said otherwise (never did find out who that was) and they gave me a suicide hotline card and said I could come talk whenever and...then I went back to class

....sometimes I think that’s why Mr. Emery took such a shine to me...’cause it was in his class...and he got the call that I needed to go down...and then I got back and he asked if everything was alright and I just said ‘yea fine’

and y’know...he did looked...concerned but he didn’t push...I don’t know

I never got called down again...and then it just kinda...fell by the wayside I guess I don’t know

it’s weird thinking back like that...like...I can remember his face when he answered the phone and...the look...when he heard what was said...he just looked...taken aback

...fuck

I need to stop thinking about it ‘cause it’s just...yea

haven’t thought about it in ages and it’s just...a lot

for anyone that has read all this...mass of garbage and is..maybe worried about me...regarding all...that

it’s fine...I’m fine...haven’t done anything like that for...10 or so years maybe?

...thoughts is a bit different, real serious thought...still been a few years probably

those creepy intrusive thoughts that happen sometimes? yea...but it’s usually just more simply a ‘what if I died’ or ‘what if I were dead’ sorta thing...

...so admittedly yes, probably unhealthy...should really think more about a therapist or something but...oh well

ok...gonna wrap this up now I think

gonna have a queue going later today/tomorrow fyi...don’t worry haha

#personal bs #lots and lots and LOTS of rambling #as usual just done to get thoughts out #feel a bit better now

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itsoundsbetterinmyhead · 6 years

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So a week ago I went back to Bandung for 4 days before I actually leave Jakarta for good, just to give a vibe of back to my hometown again, turns out I don’t really like it.

Anyway during my visit I met a friend of mine, usually every time I went back I always met him but since I became not as often to went back I rarely met him because every time I went back I always want to just stay at home or spent time with my family. Anyway, the last time we met was when we hang out here in Jakarta back in January, turns out a lot of things have happened.

Oh remember the close friend that I mentioned in the previous post, yea that’s him.

So first I came out of closet to him like a week before our meeting, funny story actually, since I hang out with Tio and Nana everyday and they already know and chill about it so I kinda assume everyone knows too (or at least suspected about it) and everyone would be chill about someone coming out of closet, right. So I literally said “okay so fyi I am bi and I want to ask about your opinion regarding abc” I literally just brush it off and he was like “whoa- whoa- you are what? Wait you can’t just drop off a bomb and not giving someone to process it!!!” Lmao like he literally freaks out but after he asked a few questions he was able to process it.

So that’s one thing, and he also about to get married in 3 months or so.

It was a big deal, like huuugeee deal, because he was someone who is afraid of commitment and he will be the first one who will get married in our college circle. Since he also Exta af the Day is highly awaited because he want to proof all the benches wrong lmao I love a salty hot-mess drama lovers benches.

He told me over our phone call conversation two weeks ago. He apologize for won’t invite me during his engagement party I said sure it was his decision and I won’t be salty about it then he said it’s gonna be family and inner circle only (we are close but I’m not in his inner circle nor that he is mine, get it?) again I said sure, if he wants me to be there I’ll do my best to be but if I’m not invited then it’s okay too. Then he said “are you actually happy about this? I mean I know your view about it, but are you happy?”

Okay here’s the deal, I’m not against marriage, it’s just marriage isn’t in one of my top goals, nor that I always daydreaming about it. For me marriage is an abstract thing that I won’t thinking about until certain age or I met The One. Sure I hope I will get married but if you all ask how it will be idk let the bride/groom-to-be to decide. I spent my life not going to any weddings. Before earlier this month when I went to a colleague’s wedding, the last wedding that I went was about two years ago. It’s because the wedding here is a party where people are cramped up in one building, there are queue in every food vendors (is that what it called? Let assume it is), and I can’t even enjoy the food properly because there are a lot of people, so I thought why bother to come to one if I don’t know the groom or the bride. Thus I have a very little reference about how magnificent it is. That’s what we’ve been discussed during out meeting, I am very happy that he finally choose to settle down and I will do my best to come to his when I was invited and I promise I wont bring any mass to protest in front of the building to stop the ceremony.

And what I always like to hang out with him is that we can talk about our own achievements without someone tried to top it. For example my ideal path of being successful is that working at a big company with huge paycheck. While him is working at a startup company and fulfilling his passions. And we agree no matter how well we sell our “ideal path” none of us would willing to change course. I can’t imagine living my life with no assurance that my job will be able to provide myself or even the job will still exist tomorrow and he can’t imagine working under one company for 20 years or so but that’s okay, we agree that just because yours is not what I agree on doesn’t mean it’s a bad path and I will always support whatever your decision is and of course I will be here, being excited with whatever your next story will be and ladies and gentlemen, that’s what I called healthy friendship.

So that’s what we talk about, among other things. I always love to hang out with old friends, especially the open minded ones because whatever we bring to the table, in the end they would just try to build us up, you know.

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