#{Mako stripped - OOC}

[azure-steel]

So I was gonna make an effort to come do some writing this week... But Blunderville is back in town in FFXIV and anyone who knows me will know that I am utterly OBSESSED with this event. Like I'm not even exaggerating here...

I have to try get the title for my alt... I'm so sorry... Blame the bean people 😭

[aonemanarmy]

🔥 about fanon sephiroth

ooc: Oh boy, I’ve got a lot to say on this one so prepare for a damn wall.

In general fanon Sephiroth is god awful. I blame the majority of this on the aforementioned terrible compilation games along with things like Kingdom Hearts and Dissidia for ruining him in the fandom. Sadly a majority of the people that come into the fandom nowadays haven’t even played the original game, so growing up with these games and their bastardization of the character makes it obvious where most of this is coming from.

Not even kidding you, I saw in the tags a while back someone legitimately complaining about remake Sephiroth having snake eyes and that his eyes were teal and not green. Sephiroth has always had ‘snake eyes’ and they have always been green, Dissidia for some reason decided to make them teal for who knows what reason, but that’s just one of the lesser issues it has.

More importantly what these games have done have made Sephiroth come across more like he’s simply misunderstood or can be fixed. They then go on to convince a vast majority of the fandom to think that he’s really just a nice guy deep down and like everyone else, but I can say with confidence that they are wrong. Perhaps before he lost his sanity Sephiroth might have been a nice or decent person, but afterward there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell.

CC was responsible for some of the worst offenses against Sephiroth’s character by trying to rewrite his past and shoehorn in other ‘copies’ of him. Not only did this come off as softening and normalizing his past, but it also made him far less enigmatic and frightening because if there’s other projects pumping out guys in labs just as strong as Sephiroth then why the hell was he special?

Besides that point there’s the fact that before he was born Sephiroth was designed to be something super-human, a fusion of a human and Ancient in the attempts to revive the Cetra race. They wanted to have someone capable of being able to talk to the Planet and locate the Promised Land, a land of infinite mako and thus, power for Shinra. While this failed as Jenova turned out not to be an Ancient, Shinra had decided to use him as a prototype for a super soldier program, SOLDIER.

With this upbringing Sephiroth was experimented on before he was even born and taken from his mother before she ever could hold him so he could be raised in Shinra’s labs. So how then could you ever be able to think someone raised this way would ever be remotely normal? It’s yet another reason why I hate CC as it tried to make Sephiroth out to be an ordinary guy with friends and a relatively normal life when it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

When I see fanon’s interpretation of Sephiroth it’s obvious to me who follows the original game and who uses the compilation or KH/Dissidia.

All of which brings up another thing that pisses me off about fanon Sephiroth is how many people strip his character of his past and personality just for shipping purposes. No, just no. If you want to ship something go for it, but don’t claim it’s canon when you make Sephiroth a stupid lovestruck teenager or a spineless wimp. Hell, half the time people refuse to even show Sephiroth’s violent side or tone it down to the point it’s all but non-existent when it’s a big part of his character after he goes insane.

A guy that goes around and murders an entire floor of people and impales a giantass snake like a cocktail weenie on a tree is not someone who’d take you out on a date or be romantic - I’m sorry. Any ‘relationship’ - and I use that term very roughly - would be extremely toxic at best and violent/on the verge of murder; so anyone wanting to ship with my Sephiroth better be prepared for that.

TLDR: Fanon Sephiroth sucks and to me will never be the real Sephiroth.

[fallenesspoetry]

A Bullet in the Chamber (full text)

AO3|FFN

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Donald Ressler

Warnings: Swearing, OOC, Suicidal thoughts.

Summary: The alternative ending of the “Mako Tanida” episode.

Every five seconds someone is dying.

Car crash. Cancer. AIDS. Murder. Suicide.

I bet neither you nor me don't even think about it. Why bother, right? We are one hundred percent sure about the next morning.

Aren't we?

* The alarm clock. Wake up. Bathroom. Shower. Shaving. Dressing. Pants. Pressed shirt. Tie. Holster. Jacket. Breakfast. Two toasts, butter, jam and strongly brewed, sugar-free coffee. Turn off the lights. Shoes. The keys. Grab a coat. Lock the door. Keep to the speed limit and get to work.

That's how most of my days begin, and end the same—sending the case report about another thug of a criminal our team's caught and locked up.

That's how it'd always been.

Until that very day.

When I got Audrey back.

My Audrey.

*

I spent five years trying to make my name, chasing a notorious elusive “Concierge of Crime” Raymond Reddington.

Five fucking years!..

No one could compete with him. My best pals quit asking if I'm free on Fridays, and my colleagues—asking me out for a drink or two.

Audrey stood a little longer.

Until she gave me the ring back.

“You're engaged with him, Don. And your job.”

I don't blame her.

* I'm used to do my job in a certain way.

Gather evidence. Lay out the facts. Connect the dots. Point out the possible suspects. Bring them in for questioning. Prove they're guilty. Close the case.

The world is black and white for me. Good and evil. I have faith in the system, because my job's to uphold the law and punish those who're breaking it.

My job isn't about guessing or profiling. It's all about facts and proof. And, most certainly, it's not playing ball with Interpol's “Number One”, traitor and double intelligence agent.

My job was all that until Raymond Reddington surrendered the FBI, and I got a case heavily tied to my past.

* Three months.

Is it a lot or a little?

90 days. 2160 hours. 129600 minutes. 7776000 seconds.

Because of a completely impossible coincidence in my paradigm, Audrey had been brought back to me.

For just three months.

“You sure you're alright, Donnie?” “I got lucky. They're saying I'll be good as new in a few weeks.” “I'll stay and make sure of that.”

Her genuine smile tore something away from me.

It couldn't be...

“You okay with that?” “And him?” I'm pointing to a new engagement ring, “I'm your ex, after all.” “He'll understand.”

* On average, a bullet travels at over 4,000 feet per second.

Is it possible to foresee this bullet to have gone through your girlfriend, her body collapsing on a dirty pavement?

Is it possible to foresee your best friend and partner to secretly murder in cold blood a yakuza boss and take over his business?

It it possible to foresee that the brother of the deceased would be seeking revenge, leaving a corpse trail of wives and kids?

Is it possible to foresee that Raymond Reddington, the “Concierge of Crime” would be the only one to truly fathom the hate and desire to avenge Audrey's death?

I'd never found the answer to that.

* Another knock on the door.

Fuck you all.

Fuck these walls. Fuck another report. Fuck the taste of a strongly brewed sugar-free coffee, its bitterness a constant reminder of how I'd fucked it all up.

Fuck it all.

*

Her things are still at my place. She'd never had the chance to put them on a free shelf in my closet.

*

I'm breathing in a delicate scent of her perfume. Something very light and subtle. It's the one. The day we met.

I have to let her go.

I have to.

Have to.

But I can't.

* “Take a couple of days, grieve. There's no shame in that.”

My firm and polite “No” puzzles the opponent.

I don't need your compassion.

I don't need your understanding.

Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone.

* Days are blending in one. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Long, empty and liveless.

*

...Something has fallen out from her make-up bag. I guess, one of those women things.

A pregnancy test.

I'm doing a quick math.

A week, then. Maybe, a bit longer.

I'm literally knocked off my feet realizing it. Something else is falling down shattering into pieces.

I don't care.

Hot, scorching tears are running down my cheeks.

I don't scream.

* Since that day all my evenings begin with a bottle of whiskey. Dry.

But I can't get drunk.

Then another one.

The third one—and I'm finally knocked out on my couch.

*

If it's Friday, I'm going out to a bar nearby. Rudely than usually, I brush a couple of girls off hanging around, looking for a cheap treat.

I start with beer. Then shots. Bourbon. Whiskey. And if by this time my stomach isn't turning, I'm drying a couple of tequilas.

When it's almost closing time, I'm asking a bartender to call a cab.

* Each time I got into a shooting, I was hoping I'd catch a bullet.

But the God saw it the other way.

* Unloading a gun has always been the best stress reliever for me. I could easily do it with my eyes shut.

Press the mag catch and remove the mag. Remember that any of your fingers shouldn't be near the trigger while doing that. Now, pull back the slide as far as it goes and hold it open by pushing up the catch slide lever with your thumb. Check carefully for any left ammo in the chamber. I mean, check. Carefully. At last, release the slide on an empty chamber and depress the safety lever. You may also unload your mag and check if you need more ammo.

You can do a field strip in case your gun had been wet from snow or water. I sometimes do it. Not too often, though. But if I do, I can strip and assemble it well in under two minutes.

Let's assume you're curious about the field strip. Let's also assume you have already unloaded your gun.

First, turn the take-down lever to a 6 o'clock position and pull back the slide slightly. It will disengage the slide lever. Hold the slide firmly and let it glide forward gently. Don't be in a rush if it's your first time doing that. Now, slip the complete assembly, comprising slide, barrel, recoil spring and guide forward and off the frame. The recoil spring is under tension, so be careful when removing it. Finally, remove the barrel from the slide.

It sounds difficult but trust me, it's far easier once you try doing that yourself.

* I always carry my gun with me. And lately, in spite of Audrey's killer is dead, I'm used to fall asleep with my gun under the pillow.

I'm not being paranoid, no.

Just a precaution. That's it.

Anyway, I've started having this kind of fun—if you can call it like that—unloading the ammo from the mag, lining up all the cartridges, one by one on the table.

And I'd stare at them, thinking.

Thinking...

*

Once in two minutes someone is commiting suicide.

Statistically, those who keep a firearm in their house are committing suicide ten times often than those who don't.

For every criminal killed by a firearm stored at the house, there are thirty–seven suicides who get themselves killed with their own.

*

There's no one to leave a note for, so the “Mail” tab is not even opened.

I'm not registering that I'm fixing my tie so casually like it's one of those days I'm up and ready to go.

And only the dim lights above my head remind me it's not another morning.

I'm fidgeting with one of the fifteen cartridges for my gun.

The cartridge isn't getting any warmer in my palm.

Like an unmelting ice cube, burning the skin with its coldness.

The gun is on the table—its surface scratched with the knife and stained from numerous coffee mugs.

My phone is set to “No Disturb” mode—I don't want anyone to bother me.

My heart is beating unusually steady—I'm trained well, after all.

Audrey comes into my thoughts again.

Her smile. Her laugh. Her touch. Her scent. Her voice.

Her whisper.

Her last words.

My hands covered in her blood.

That was my bullet.

And tonight I'm gonna make it right.

[signechan]

Pacific Rim 2

THIS POST IS ENTIRELY SPOILERS DON’T READ UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN THE MOVIE.

I enjoyed it. I didn’t think it was as good as the first one but it had some elements I really enjoyed.

Since the entire thing is a homage to anime, I liked the band of plucky teens who saved the world. I liked all of the new characters. I liked that they managed to make a viable threat and weren’t just like “And lol he breach is open again”. I really liked Newt as that threat. There was a minute before we realised he was controlled when I was like, wait, ooc, stop, then we found out and I was like, oh, yeah, my boy Newt here would 100% turn around 5 minutes after surviving the appocalypse and plug his brain back into the fucking alien becasue he was lonely or some shit. I liked the diversity of the cast a lot and the way the movie worked itself out, though I found the execution of the ending slighlty anti-climatic. I loved Herman getting to have more screen time for himself. Fucking nerds! Give me more nerds! Young Pentacost was great as was his boyfriend and I liked tiny Jaegar pilot. All the characters were good. The plot was over the top and ridiculous but, anime inspired! It’s meant to be!

The main problem with it, for me, was too many character syndrome. It felt a little like they generated a load of plots then were like, let’s do them all! Woohoo! I think, if it were me, I’d have stripped out Pentecost’s son entirely (I liked him, but too many characters, you have to get rid of some). I’d have made Mako into something like Pentacost was in the first, had her bring in tiny Jaegar, then made the kids the emotional focus of the movie. Have everyone else taken out in that first attack then we have to send the kids in. I’d have kept the kids over the son because of the anime reference. Hell, make the lead kid Pentacost’s son and give the role to a young black man.

I thought Mako’s death was cheap. She died and nobody seemed to care why and it felt like they never mentioned her again. In the first one, you have a sense whenever someone died that it was a reminder of the terrible cost of war. It was almost impresonal, they weren’t targeted it die, they died becasue war is terrible. And they were morned and their deaths meant something and motivated characters going forwards. Mako’s death just served as an introduction point for the new evil. It was cheap and I didn’t like it.

Now, I would like a million fix-it fic. I kind of want to write a long sprawling epic where they manage to sever Newt’s link to the precursors but they do it by litreally damaging his brain and he then has to learn to live with not only the brain damage but the reality of what he did while they influenced him. I want, really, him to be saved but completely broken and Hermann to take him away to some cottage in the middle of nowhere and them slowly grow together as Newt heals and learns to live with his brain how it is now and they learn to love each other and in the end it’s all happy supportive boyfriends and Newt still wakes up some nights convinced the precursors still have him but he turns over and Hermann’s there sleeping next to him and he cuddles closer and trusts in this happiness that he has now. Someone just fix my broken science boy!

[azure-steel]

So I really enjoyed answering asks last night, and ai would love to get back into writing. My time here might be a bit sporadic though as I'm really into FFXIV again right now (so close to Shadowbringers now!!) but I have missed Cloud a whole lot, and you guys too!!

So consider this a smol starter call!! Like the thing and please comment on your preferred muse if you're a multi~ I'll work on them after work 💕

[azure-steel]

So I may have fallen into the Haurchefant trap... I will never be the same again ;;

[azure-steel]

Though I think it might be an important for me to state right now, that this blog has entered an almost canon divergent state - given that there were facets of Cloud's character Rebirth attempted to introduce that I just can't and won't accept, at least for now - there were still aspects that I quite enjoyed.

The moment he lost control in the Gongaga reactor was one of them. However I imagine that scene played out to Cloud himself very differently to what we saw on screen. An out-of-body experience of sorts, because when he has these episodes of slipping into Reunion state, he's super lethargic after the fact and often has to rest for a while. Not only that, but these are not 'blank' moments. His memory doesn't truly lapse. He KNOWS what he's done he just has no control over the actions the puppeteer forces him to perform.

Maybe it's simply a side effect, but I'm leaning more towards the idea that he's in a perpetual state of fighting for control, and in turn Cloud's fatigue is a result of gaining that absolute control back after losing himself to Sephiroth/Jenova's will.

My only issue with these instances is that no one really questions his behaviour, or forces him to take accountability for them regardless whether he was in control or not. It's never really explained to the party, they seem to just accept that Cloud had a funny turn and leave it there, and I don't remember any part where Cloud even apologises. he just makes excuses - which I suppose could possibly be forgiven for the fact that he is a 16 year old boy trapped in a 21 year old man's body.

I can't help but feel that Squeenix missed an opportunity here though to address the processes of mental illness such as PTSD and maybe even psychosis, sensitive topics for sure but ones that could certainly use more awareness in this day and age.

[azure-steel]

Man I have so much going on right now that I struggle to log in... But I really want to write with you all again.

Help 😭

[azure-steel]

Remember this thing? No?

Just know that I am working on getting back on my bullshit, yo!

[azure-steel]

Probably been done before but my friend sent me a meme this morning and this came to mind.

He thought he'd be working with owls :(

[azure-steel]

@speedchasing Not a crop-top but any excuse to get his belly out :}

[azure-steel]

In all fairness, I think Cloud just needs to get railed and put in his place, and it's not even sunday yet 😭

[azure-steel]

When you just want all the FIX-IT threads where people are actually calling Cloud out on being an absolute plonker instead of enabling him and shrugging off that he's actually a very sick man who needs help but doesn't know how to even ask for it because he has the brain of a hormonal teenager who thinks he knows everything there is to know 😭

[azure-steel]

LOOK HOW GOOD MY 3D PRINTED THING IS LOOKING SO FAAAAAAR!!!

Yes he's missing bits but the guy who's making this for me is apparently printing this in stages. I don't really know how it works tbh, but OH MY GOD!! I am in love already. He's so beautiful ;;

[azure-steel]

🙃

[azure-steel]

Just a lil heads up that I'm still alive, I just have FFXIV Blunderville brainrot right now... I can play this event for literal HOURS and I still don't have the title yet xD

When that's over, I promise I'll be here to write with you all.

All replies are in drafts, so don't think I've forgotten about anyone~ <3