#{being independent and um… wacky?? brain different? also sad… is hard}

[kylo-wrecked]

[Tl;dr — this will impact my activity here but not sure how yet. ]

—personal and not so very fun ooc post and likely tmi for those I am a complete stranger to LOL. I’ve tagged a few triggers as such. And also,

There.

As of October 28th*, my partner will be moving to Singapore, and I won’t be going with them. It’s not for lack of love. My reasons are simple and pragmatic. I’m not where I want to be and a big move, while exciting, is not going to change that.

My partner, who is wonderful, hasn't been supportive in the way someone in my position needs them to be. They d o n o t know how to do it. Does that mean things are over? No, but it means they need to go back home and sort themselves because I can’t and won’t pull us both out of the well. I don’t have the bandwidth.

Idk, I went full Carmy/Donna at dinner on Sunday. That’s not a Bear S2 spoiler.

I have never done that before. It’s not good. I’m okay. It’s going to be okay, but I need to find better ways of regulating, and Wifesire needs to get out of my way. Go be free, and write, and be a monk. Let me be a mess and clean myself up again. I can’t reinvent myself with them around. They’re too precious [affectionate and derogatory].

85% sure I’m renewing the lease for this two bed in Astoria because the market is extraordinarily shitty and I’m not ready to be a burden on my brother just yet. 😬 Idk if i can pull it off alone like I did back in the days, when I lived on couches and off half a shoestring budget, but I feel I owe it to myself to try. And that’s where this week leaves me for now.

This was cathartic and I’ll probably delete this post in ~three hours. ✨✨🕊️

Edit: I’m keeping it.