Hiding the Truth, Pretending I'm Fine
Jeon Wonwoo x gn! reader
Genre: Hanahaki AU, college AU, fluff, usual angst that comes with the AU, happy ending!
Words: 4k and some change!
Warnings: vomiting, doctors, surgery mention(doesn't happen! don't worry<3), implied depression? reader feels down and i kinda wrote it in a way that it could be read as depression..., death mentions(one a joke at the start, and the other being apart of the whole AU thing..., cursing, my ocs Mai and Kimi(ok my friends oc...) use different pronouns, Mai(She/He) and Kimi(She/They), blood
Notes: sooo... if you've read this before you are either 1) a friend i had read this for school or 2) you are my old english teacher, in which, hi. why are you here. please leave. please. aka i am repurposing this for tumblr, because i am pretty proud of it, meaning please be gentle on me. i am just a tiny tiny child. but tell me what you think! tell me if i missed any warnings, and stuff like that! also, stole the title from bittersweet. you'll see why! enjoy<3
You had been in love with Jeon Wonwoo for who knows how long, but you hadn't known it. Until you started coughing. You wish it had been easier.
❀DAY 1, SUNDAY 8:30AM, YOUR APARTMENT
“Ooh my baby,” You cooed. “How's my little baby~ Hm? How are you Hoshi? What about you Byeol~~ Thank you for the gift~~”
Kimiko, your high school friend slash roommate, burst into your room. “Stop being a crazy cat person! Get up and out, Wonwoo is waiting for you,”
“Already? I just woke up–”
“Oh, no he's not here, here. He's just waiting for you like, in general y'know?”
“Die,”
“Not how you talk to your bestest friend in the world,” She pouted.
“That would be Wonwoo,”
“Bestest roommate in the world?”
“Mai.”
“Fuck youuuu,”
❀9:25AM, ROCKET CAFE
Sitting down, Wonwoo placed an iced latte in front of you. Every Sunday, the two of you met at either the library or the cafe to plan your week out together. This week was the cafe. He stared at you, watching you work.
“Stop watching me, creep,” you grinned, tapping your foot against Wonwoo. “C’mon, I know I’m pretty ‘n all but you really should stop staring at me,”
“So full of yourself,” He teased. “You’ve got something, here I’ll get it.”
You rolled your eyes at Wonwoo pretending to fix your hair. Always trying to “fix” something, your hair, your clothes. You knew you weren't a messy person. What you didn't know was why Wonwoo did it. Sighing, you just let him fiddle with your hair. As he did that, you stole his phone, unlocking it to check his calendar for the week.
“Boo,” you pouted. “We barely match up this month, outside of class. Look! We don’t match this week and next week we match once, on Friday night,”
Seemingly done with your hair, he checked your planner. “Oh, you’re right. Isn’t that during the get together Cheol is holding?”
“Oh I think it is,” you sulked. “No free time for just us! Oh I am in pain, jail for a thousand years!”
He chuckled. “It’s fine, we can sneak some time in,”
“Not at a Cheol party. I’m gonna be tipsy and you’re probably going to be on babysitting duty,”
“Babysitting you,”
Grumbling, you stood from the chair and fell onto Wonwoo's shoulders like a lump of nothing, smacking him a little. Vernon, your mutual friend who worked at the cafe, took a picture and sent it to their group chat without the two of you, followed by a text saying “yo right in front of my salad?”. The group chat exploded with messages with variants of “they’re seriously not dating?” and one text from Joshua, one of the other workers at the cafe, saying “get back to work!!”.
❀DAY 4, WEDNESDAY 12:30PM, ON THE WAY TO CLASS
This, you decided early on in your college days, was your favorite part of college. Walking with Wonwoo to whatever class you two shared, was great(unless the two of you didn't share a class, in which he would walk you to whatever class you had after the two of you had lunch).
You looked at him, seeing him staring at you, again. “Hey, what's with you looking at me so often, huh?” You raised a brow. “What, do you like me or something?”
He smiled, “Sure, something like that,”
Your face warmed, you could just feel the heat go to your ears.
You whipped your head away from him before saying. “Oh– oh just shut it! Don't even joke about that, Wonwoo!”
And then you started coughing, which granted, the weather had been getting colder, but you started coughing hard. Leaning down, you started coughing into your elbow before pulling away and seeing… petals? Bloody, purple flower petals. You quickly grabbed them before shoving them into your pocket.
Wonwoo put his hand on the small of your back, rubbing it. “Woah, hey, are you alright? Do you need water, anything? I’ll take you home if you need,”
You nodded, your throat still feeling a little raw. “Um… yeah, water would be nice, please,”
He handed you his water bottle, yours being at home. “Here, just drink from it. I’m fine without it for now,”
You sent him an appreciative look before downing the water. “Okay, I think I’ll be good for class now,”
He looked at you, obviously worried. “If you're sure… but I’m taking you home if you start coughing like that again,”
❀1:47, CLASS
You started coughing again.
There was no reason for it, you had just caught Wonwoo once again looking at you weirdly, causing your heart to flutter just a bit before you had berated yourself, thinking, Stop it, stop it! He doesn't like me…he just doesn't. And then the coughing happened again.
It had been so bad that the professor had stopped class and asked if you had needed to go. Wonwoo answered that question by grabbing your stuff and taking you out of the class. Oh well, you thought, Guess going to that class was for nothing.
Once you had finished coughing, you again found bloody petals. What the fuck…
“Hey, are you sure you're okay?” Wonwoo looked really worried now, placing a hand on your forehead, then cheeks. “You certainly don't seem okay, but you’re not warm or anything,”
You shook your head. “I think it might be the weather. You know I get a little iffy around this time of year,”
He hesitantly accepted your reason, knowing it was true, just usually happened later in the year. He shrugged his jacket off, placing it on your shoulders. “Well, keep this on until we reach your place, I don't want you actually getting sick,”
❀2:07PM, YOUR APARTMENT
Sitting on your bed, your eyebrows scrunched up before you sighed. Just, what was happening to you? Coughing up flowers– that's something out of a storybook, not real life.
Your heart fluttered when you thought about Wonwoo, but why. Why was your heart doing this, why, why, why. Wonwoo was so sweet to you, that's why, you reasoned. Right? You…didn't like him, did you? You couldn't.
You started coughing, again. Running to the bathroom, you knelt over the toilet.
❀2:34PM
Kimi sang. “Your favorite dancer is home~”
Kimi stepped into the kitchen, dropping her bag into the floor, before calling your name. “Hellooo?”
Silence filled the apartment, which left Kimi worried. Walking through the hallway, Kimi knocked on your bedroom door, opening it when no noise happened. Nothing.
“What the…” Kimi muttered. “Ugh, where’d I put my phone… dance practice you thot!”
Dragging herself back to the kitchen, she shuffled through their duffel bag. Calling your phone, rings came from the bathroom. Making her way to the bathroom, Kimi barged in. There you were, in all your shitty, sweaty glory was you, throwing up into the toilet.
“Fuck!” Kimi dropped to her knees, rubbing your back. “You should’ve told us you were sick. One of us would’ve stayed home for you,”
You whined. “Kimi… it’s fine both of you were busy, I couldn’t let you guys stay home. Besides, this happened during class.”
“The one you have with Wonwoo?”
Nodding, you straightened. “Mm… he brought me home,”
“What happened?”
“I… um… started coughing up flower petals…” You muttered.
“You what?”
Sighing, you reached your hand into your pockets and brought out the bloody flower petals.
“What the– Why are they bloody!?”
“I started coughing these up,” You started to explain. “Look, they’re in the toilet bowl too. I… I asked Sayu, before I went into the bathroom, she said they were bittersweet or something like that…”
“You should go to the ER! Or at least the doctor– you don’t know what this is,”
“I will, I will. I was going to call her after this whole…fit,”
❀DAY 6, FRIDAY 1:15PM, SEOUL DOCTOR
“So, what’s the reason for this appointment?” Doctor Kim asked, checking the files in hand.
“Um…so the other day, Wednesday, I uh… started coughing flower petals,” You explained, pulling the petals out. “They were um, bloody.”
Clicking her tongue, Doctor Kim examined a petal. “Oh dear…I see,”
“Why’d it happened? How’d it even get in my body?”
Doctor Kim sighed, pulling up an article on the computer in the room. “I’m afraid there’s not much research on this. I’ve never personally seen it but I know doctors who have diagnosed it. We’re calling it hanahaki, from the Japanese words 花 and 吐く, flower and to vomit. We’ve noticed that it’s from unrequited love,” she glanced at you and then the flower petals, “Do you…do you love someone? Do you believe they don’t love you back?”
You played with your hair, suddenly the floor looking interesting. “Um…I…I guess,”
“You guess?”
“I do. I…kinda just realized it and then spiraled for a little. On Wednesday, when I first coughed them up.”
“I see. I’m going to give you options and I will definitely push you towards a specific one. But I want you to know that it is entirely up to you, what you want to do,” sighing, she leaned onto her knees. “You could confess, and if your feelings get reciprocated the flowers will leave your body through a few days. If they don’t, then your lungs will grow with flowers faster and you’ll suffocate. If you do, come to the ER immediately.
“The last option is surgery, we remove the flowers and any roots in your lungs. But it’s a complicated surgery, and if successful you lose all memories of said person and you’ll never feel anything for them ever again. It’s a last resort for a reason, and if you even think they return your feelings, confess. I mean it, you need to confess.”
❀DAY 8, SUNDAY 11:37AM, YOUR ROOM
Laying on your bed, you pulled your blankets over your shoulders, tucking yourself in. Getting up seemed to take up so much more energy these days, it was so much effort, effort you couldn't seem to put in.
Your phone rang, and you left it. It stopped for a few seconds before ringing again. You sighed as it stopped again. It pinged a few times, two followed by one more before your phone silenced. You couldn't bring yourself to check, even though you knew it was Wonwoo, you set his notifications to have a special ringer. You were just… tired.
Nonu ❙
Hey, are you okay?
??? Hello??? You always answer, are you sick??
??? I’m coming over.
❀12:42PM
Wonwoo knocked on your door, before opening it. Seeing you still tucked into your bed confused him.
“I know I've asked this a couple times, but are you okay?” He sat on your bed, patting your leg. “Hello? Have you not woken up just yet?”
You hummed lightly. “No…I’m tired,”
He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to be alone? You seem…well tired,”
You hummed again. He couldn't tell what you were feeling, facing away from him and barely saying anything.
“I’ll go, but I hope you feel better. I’ll get Mai and Kimi to take care of you,”
❀DAY 10, TUESDAY 11:23AM
Knocking on the door, Mai entered the room after a beat.
“You haven’t woken up yet?” She questioned, sitting on the bed. “You ok? I haven’t seen you wake up later than 9 since we were high schoolers,”
“Maiiii,” You whined. “I’m so TIRED, I can't even explain why!”
“The petals?”
“Of course, it's the– How do you know about them?”
He shrugged. “Kimi told me a little, sorry.”
“It's fine. I mean, you would've found out anyways,”
“Yeah, I would've. What happened, like why are they a thing? Kimi only mumbled something about petals and blood and purple– good color by the way,”
“I mean, the doctor said it's this stupid thing called hanahaki–”
“Like, hana as in 花, as in flower?”
“Uh, I think– STOP you're distracting me!” You jumped out from the covers.
“Yeah, but that got you out of bed. That was the goal~”
“You are the worst,”
Pulling you by the hands, Mai led you to the dining room.
“Our zombie lives!” cheered Kimi.
Flipping Kimi off, you pried yourself from Mai’s arms. “What was that for? I was gonna get out of bed eventually, it's only–”
“Only 11:23!” Kimi cut her off. “You are two hours late youngster!”
“To what?”
“To civilization! You have never–”
“Once woken up after 9, yes I am aware,”
“So you are aware we were worried, right?” Kimi huffed. “Now, eat! You are a growing child, no child of mine will starve!”
“I'm 20. We are the same age,”
“And,” Mai cut in. “I'm 21. I say you eat and get yourself freshened up. We are having a roommates day out,”
“What happened to my childhood friend,” you sulked.
“She has gone nowhere, I have always been your mother,” Mai chided. “Now eat, you actually look like a zombie,”
❀12:15PM, HALF MOON CAFE
“So, young child of mine,” Kimi started, placing the group’s order down. “Why have you been coughing up a storm, and why are there bloody flowers everywhere? You only mumbled something about them, and I want to know why!”
The three of them were in a small cafe they frequented often, mainly due to your part-time job there.
“Still can’t believe you guys got me here on my day off,” you sighed, playing with your drink. “It’s nothing. I already went to a doctor, she said it was ‘Hanahaki’ or something,”
“Hana as–”
“Yes hana as in 花, as in flower. Why did you both ask the same question?”
“I needed clarification,” Kimi shrugged. “But like, what’s the haki part? Like what even is hanahaki?”
“The haki is 吐く, like to vomit,”
“It’s a disease where flowers grow in your- in your lungs?!” Mai read from his phone, head whipping to you. “And you could die?”
“Not so loud– lord why did we go here,”
“I’m sorry– you’re upset I’m being loud? You could die, do not tell me to be quiet?”
You sighed, “Look, this is why I didn’t want to tell anyone! They get all dramatic, it’s not a big deal. It’s due to unrequited love, so all I have to do is unfall in love.”
“Uh, speaking as the person who’s in a committed relationship,” Kimi injected. “Impossibly hard. Like, I’m talking insanely hard. I mean–”
“We get it,” Mai said, cupping her face. “Look, it even took me a while to get over my first ex, and he stalked me! I’m with Kimi, there are easier ways to do this.”
“Except there’s not! It's either I unfall in love, confess, or get surgery! And, mind you, that surgery will remove all my memories of said person and remove all my feelings. It’s not like I can do that. I can’t lose someone I’m in love with– and I can’t lose my feelings! How am I supposed to live without being happy, or sad, or–”
“Then confess! They’ll reciprocate them, I’m sure.” Mai held your hands. “Please, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you, you’re too important to us.”
“I am not confessing–”
“Confessing?” A voice cut in, Wonwoo. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Wonwoo! No, no! I haven’t been avoiding you, I’ve–”
“Been busy.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, if this was over some guy, you could've told me. I would've gotten it and backed off,”
You stood up. “It is not! Look, we went over schedules– we were both booked! You cannot say I have been ignoring you,”
“Does that mean you can’t answer my texts? Or calls?” He argued, walking away from you and out of the cafe.
“Oh don’t act like you don’t do the same to me. How come you’re acting like I’m doing it on purpose!” You followed.
“I haven’t ghosted you, never for days on end!”
“Oh sure,” You stopped and rolled your eyes. “I’m not arguing about this, not in public,”
“Oh so you’re running away, like always?” Wonwoo turnt around. “Like you always do when something happens, like the coward you are?”
Your eyes watered as you stumbled back like you were struck. “Fine! Yes, I’m running away, just like you said! Just like I always have, according to you, but don’t you dare try to come talk to me.”
❀DAY 13, FRIDAY 7:37PM, CHOI SEUNGCHEOL’S APARTMENT
You and Kimi walked into Seungcheol’s party, being eagerly greeted by Kim Mingyu.
He cheered both of your names. “Let me get you drinks, come in! I’m not allowed to help you with your coats, Cheol is worried about me breaking something again.”
Laughing, Kimi pat him on the arm. “It’s fine! I’m here to be sober, drunk watch and all that,”
“Mai forced her to be my babysitter,” You sulked. “Like I’m gonna get drunk off my ass or something…”
Mingyu and Kimi gave each other a knowing look. Like you hadn't been upset since the fight. Kimi pushed you further into the house, hearing the chatter of the others. Mai and Kimi figured it was best to get you to talk to someone, and what better way than to get her drunk with friends?
❀11:34PM
Bad idea. Mai and Kimi both forgot one important thing about a drunk you. You were an emotional drunk. Meaning, right now? You were sobbing your ass off, drunk, over Wonwoo.
Kimi could barely understand you because you were muffled by–
“Fuck,” Kimi muttered, launching herself towards you. “Spit them out, I fucking mean it you drunk fuck. Spit. Them. Out.”
You listened. Saliva and blood covered petals fell into Kimi’s hand. You fell into Kimi’s arms, still sobbing.
“He hates me Kimi! He does. He hasn't talked to me in 3 days! The longest we’ve gone is probably around a couple hours! Never this long,”
Kimi sighed, petting your hair. It pained them all to see her like this.
“He doesn't hate you, yknow,” Mingyu said, also patting you on the back. “He’s just upset right now. He’s probably also crying right now,”
“I don't want him crying over me!” You sobbed even harder.
Seungkwan hit Mingyu away, clicking his tongue. “Ignore him, Mingyu’s dumb. We know this. Wonwoo’s upset, but he’s not crying. He's probably thinking about what happened and trying to figure out how to apologize to you,”
“But he doesn't have to apologize, I was the one being a bitch!”
“All of you leave her alone,” Jeonghan swatted everyone besides Kimi. “Sweetheart, honey, drink this,”
He handed you a cup of water, urging you to drink. You tried to drink it, but instead a full flower came out of her mouth.
“FUCK,” Kimi shouted. “Fuck fuck- where’s their phone? Hurry one of you, give it to me!”
Kimi dialed your doctor, explaining that you had actually coughed up a flower. “C’mon hun, c’mon. Get up, we have to visit someone,”
“What's happening?” Mingyu questioned. “Kimi– what was that? Why did a flower come out of their mouth? Kimi?”
“Don't, don't worry. Just call Mai for me, tell her we're at the hospital. She’ll know why,” Kimi explained. “Sorry to bring the mood down,”
“Don't be. Now go, go! It seems urgent,” Cheol pushed the two of you out of the apartment.
❀11:48PM, SEOUL HOSPITAL
Your doctor sighed, closing the door behind her and facing Kimi and Mai. “I’m to assume you two are their roommates, meaning they told one of you at least a little?”
“Uhm, yeah,” Kimi fidgeted. “She told me a little, just like, uh she was coughing flowers cuz of something called hanahaki? Uhm.. and that it was a disease caused by–”
“Unrequited love, yes. However, that’s not something we’re entirely sure about,”
“What do you mean, not entirely sure about? Did you tell her something incorrect about a disease that could kill her!?” Mai shouted.
“Yes and no,” Doctor Kim sighed. “Look, ladies, hanahaki is rare– we’re not sure about everything. But, there's a theory, that I have personally searched into, that it’s not unrequited love. More like, insecurity in the afflicted. The flowers, do you know what they are and what they mean?”
“Oh! Uhm, I think I remember our friend saying they were bittersweet? And that they meant truth? Truthfulness?”
“Then, there. They likely need to tell the truth, if the theory holds up. Either way though, one of you should get whoever they’re crushing, or in love with, here as soon as you can. I will make an exception for you three, and only you three, to be here after hours if they have not gained consciousness. The other should stay with them. I don't want any surprises,”
❀11:57PM
“Where are they!?” Wonwoo bursted into the hospital lobby.
Ignoring the onlooking staff, he went straight towards Mai.
“Mai, you cannot call me, say my best friend is in the hospital, and then not give me context,” he said, holding the dead tired girl by the shoulders.
“You hung up on me right after I said they were here! I’m not calling you back and getting you into an accident– we do not need that! Now, come. I'll bring you to them, your job is to get them to actually tell you the truth. I don't care what it takes, they have to.”
Leading the barely taller man, Mai opened the door to your hospital room. Pulling Kimi out, Mai quickly pat you on the head with a quiet, “Confess,”
“Wonu?” You croaked.
“Hey,” He sat on the edge of her bed. “What happened? Why are you here– why have you been avoiding me? I thought we told each other everything,”
He looks heartbroken, you thought, heart clenching at it. “It- it wasn't your fault, Wonu. I just- if I told you, I’d lose you. I can’t do that,”
“But you're here, in a hospital. Mai said you could die. Why do you think I can live without you?”
“I-”
“Please. You’re my best friend, I can’t lose you,”
Bursting into tears, you sobbed. “Exactly! I’m your best friend, that's all I’ll ever be! Wonwoo, have you ever thought I wanted to be more than friends with you?”
“Wh–”
“It’s you, it has always been you! I just had a shitty way of finding out, and now I’m dying! I don't want to die. I want to live out my life with you, and Mai, and Kimi, and and just– everyone! But if I get the surgery I lose my best friend– the love of my life! It's either I lose you by confessing, or I lose you by forgetting you, or I lose everyone by dying! I don't want this–”
“Hey, hey,” Wonwoo wiped the tears from your face. “Who said you’d ever lose me? Remember, I will always be here for you. Always. Besides, I’ve loved you ‘since forever’. You have nothing to fear,”
Your eyes overflowed with tears, and your mouth, flowers. Calling a doctor, Wonwoo was quickly kicked from the room. Worried, he quickly walked to the lobby.
“Wonwoo!” Kimi exclaimed, bouncing anxiously towards him. “Where- where are they? Why are you out here?”
“Well, I got kicked out. We confessed but then they started coughing again and–”
“You finally confessed? Like, for real none of that ‘I love you, as a friend’ bullshit?”
“Yes– why is that what you're focusing on? They started coughing flowers again, Kimi,”
“I know, I know, but I’ve been waiting for this since I met you two. That was our first year of high school!”
“Stop fighting you two,” Mai butt in. “What happened? Why are you out here?”
❀DAY 14, SATURDAY 12:21AM
After explaining everything, the three of them went to hunt Doctor Kim down. Meaning, they were waiting outside of your room.
Walking out of your room, Doctor Kim turnt around and jumped. “Oh, you three scared me. Sorry, sorry. I should’ve told you to go home. But, they're fine. They’re resting now, you can visit when the hospital opens up again and you can see them then,”
“We can’t leave her!” Kimi whisper shouted, still aware of the fact that you were likely sleeping.
“No, you can’t but you will. I understand you’re scared about them, but they’ll be fine. They’ll have to stay here for another few days, but it’s just so we can monitor them. You can visit, but only during visiting hours. Now shoo, you are college students here on a Saturday,”
❀1:19PM, YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM
Wonwoo walked into the room, with a bouquet of aster flowers. Chuckling Wonwoo put them on the bedside table.
“Sorry, I know it’s a little soon,” Wonwoo sat. “but I asked your friend, um, Sayu? She said you thought they were pretty, the flowers, that is. Aster, she called them.”
You laughed softly. “It’s ok Wonu, they’re lovely. I love them, thank you,”
He smiled. “I’m glad. I know we only just established everything but I want to ask, can I be your boyfriend?”
You laughed, and Wonwoo pouted at that. “Sorry, sorry I’m not laughing at you. Never at you. Yes, of course you can be my boyfriend. Why’d I ever say no, I don’t know.”
THE END<3
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