#‘GAMER HERE’ signs you see in middle school boys rooms

[wavebf]

🎸 :)

send me 🎸 for an outfit

[subpar-ghoulfriend]

Gamer boy

Yandere!Shigaraki x reader 

NO MINORS

You caught the eye of an obsessive gamer. He's convinced you're perfect for him. So why are you ignoring him?

tw: yandere themes, stalking, kidnapping, noncon, alcohol use, degradation, flash photography

You worked at the local gaming cafe. It was a pretty chill job most of the time. The adults who came in didn't care to socialize or cause problems and the school kids would only try to run a muck for a short while until they got entrapped by whatever they were playing. You sat at the help desk, renting out games, consoles, and selling sugary drinks. Easy as pie. Like any cafe, you had regular customers.

Once a week a wild-haired-sloucher would slink up to your desk to rent out a computer mouse and then head to the same computer every time - number 001. After an hour or so he would come up to buy an energy drink.

Of course you didn't know that he came here because Kurogiri would force him out of his cave once a week.

Your first mistake was on his third visit. When he came in you had a computer mouse and his favorite energy drink sitting out for him. The drink was on the house, you smiled. To you, this was a friendly gesture to make sure your reliable customers would keep coming back. To him, this was an offering of your submission. The second sign you gave was asking him if he was going to attend the opening of a new gaming store. He wasn't, obviously, but you wanted him to go, didn't you?

He started keeping tabs on you. To make sure you were worthy, he told himself. He was impressed to find that you actually had a useful quirk. You had a group of friends that lived in your apartment complex. He found it a bit pathetic that you spent so much time with them. But it must be hard for you to not be with him. You must be so lonely when he wasn't around.

Then he began to sneak in to your room, whether you were there or not. Occasionally he would sort through your drawers while you were in the shower; or play whatever game he chose to keep on his phone that week while you slept. When you were away he would take a more thorough inventory. He went through the movies and games piled in your living room. Carefully skimmed through the books on your nightstand. Rummaged through your cabinets and fridge.

Shigaraki was at war with himself on what his next move should be. A piece of him - however small - wanted to go about things like a normal person. But that left too much room for rejection. He was biding his time, trying to develop some form of plan. Until you forced him into action. 

It happened during one of the nights he devoted to watching over you. Your friends had finally convinced you to go out with them. Allowing them to play dress up, they put you something too short and too tight for Shigaraki's comfort. They were going to drag you to a bar in that? You were practically begging for men to proposition you. Why did you even own something like that? You knew you belonged to him. Anyone aside from him shouldn't see that amount of your body. The anger was starting to creep over him, his skin becoming too tight until he was forced to seek relief by digging into his neck.

Things only went down hill from there. While you were having a great time, completely unaware of your stalker's presence, Shigaraki sulked angrily along the edge of the club you had been pulled into. You were drunk, although no where near as drunk as your companions and happily in the middle of the dance floor. As you faced your friend, a man wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you tightly against him by the hips. You didn't mind at first, until you realized the man was a complete stranger and not another person you knew. Your shrugged him off and the oaf moved on towards his next prey. It took everything Shigaraki had in him not to end the man's life, along with everyone else in the damn room. But he managed. And you kept dancing, drawing in guys like flies to honey. None of them caught your eye, of course not, even when intoxicated you knew who you belonged to. Obviously, you were using these NEETs to get under Shigaraki's skin. Taunting him for not keeping you in check.

One of the girls you came with had wandered off with some "handsome" stranger and you were the only one with enough wherewithal to go looking for her. You listened to podcasts, Don't let your friends go off alone ESPECIALLY when intoxicated, it was a true crime commandment.

With no luck in the club you ventured outside, breaking the commandment yourself. You weaved around the building, holding on to the wall to keep yourself from stumbling. In the back of the building you ran into a hooded figure. 

"Have you seen my friend?"

The figure, Shigaraki, tilted his head. He had two options, take you in this back alley and risk someone hearing you scream, or begin a game of cat and mouse. You just looked so dazed and fuckable.

"Your friends? I'm not sure but I saw two people head that way," He lied and pointed away from the club. "Do you need help looking for them."

You scrunched your nose, genuinely (and drunkenly) debating the idea. Finally you shook your head, "No thanks, stranger danger."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not a stranger," he smirked. Finally you realized who the person in front of you was.

With a gasp you giggled, "Gamer boy!"

"Shigaraki," he reminded you, shifting back and forth uncomfortably trying to ease the growing swell in his pants. Why did you have to be so cute?

"Hm, okay then but no funny business."

He smirked as he lead you away from your friends. After a few blocks you were ready to give up, you tend to be a tired drunk and just wanted to go home to your bed. Shigaraki was understanding, probably too understanding, and willing to walk you back to your place. You thanked him, ready to bid him farewell at your door, but he followed you in, convincing your drunk brain that you two should have a drink before he left. You curled yourself into your couch while you listened to your guest.

"Thanks for walking," you yawned, "with me. You're so nice."

Gently the villain lifted you off your feet, "Someone's tired. Let's get you in to bed."

You nodded. Unable to process the impending danger. Until you realized that he was joining you on your bed, starting to tug at your outfit. "Shigi, what are you doing."

"I'm giving you what you want," he said in between nips to your neck and shoulders. "You've been misbehaving all night. Dressing and acting like a slut. Practically offering your body to any undeserving male. If you want to be a whore, then you can be my whore."

A hand slid beneath cotton of your clothes.

He teased your slick flesh, "See how quickly your body reacts to me?"

Your head was spinning, not really processing what he was saying. But you felt good and you wanted to keep feeling good. His unruly hair tickled your nose. You giggled. He latched his lips around your breast, teasing your nipples. One with his tongue, the other with his thumb.

The heat between your legs was becoming unbearable.

"What are you going to do to me?"

He lift his eyes to look up at you, "Such a forgetful thing. I'm gonna pound into your little pussy until you forget that any one besides me exists."

You whined in confusion. Your memory fuzzy on what led up to this moment. Had you brought him home?

He carefully continued to tease your sensitive body. Biting at your thighs and pressing against your soaked panties.

...

"Tell me who you belong to

...

"I'm never letting you get out of bed. I gotta make sure I keep my desperate whore in her place."

...

...

"Are you begging for my cum? Such a greedy little bitch."

...

"Spread your legs, let me see how pretty you look when you're stuffed with my cum."  *flash* "so pretty. You wanna see how god I take care of you?"

...

"Make sure you keep behaving once we get you home. If you misbehave I'll have to hurt another one of your friends."

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n, Tommy, Jack and Tubbo

Requested:yes/no

Pairing: Platonic jack/tommy/tubbo/reader

Summary: another day another adventure

Content warning: cursing / I didn't proof read

An: reader has bright unnatural hair I wrote a lot, I can't figure out how to add read more on mobile I'm sorry

The music you were currently listening to was interrupted by the discord group notifying you that you have a new message.

Tommy: Y/N HOW BUSY ARE YOU TUBBO HAS COME TO VISIT AND JACK IS HERE

y/n: I mean I've currently got hair dye on but it’s being washed off and dried in around 20 minutes, why?

y/n: WAIT TUBBO?!?!

tubbo: oh yeah I forgot to tell you

y/n: how did you forget you know what nevermind, I’m glad you’re here :]

jack: we should be here in an hour so you have plenty of time to get ready

tubbo: what colour dye y/n

y/n: you’ll see soon enough as apparently, you’re all showing up at my house

Tommy: I suggest you wear comfortable shoes

y/n: I am terrified

Tommy: you have nothing to fear... for now

•••

luckily it had only taken you just over 40 minutes to get ready giving you roughly 20 minutes to prepare for the adventure ahead. or so you thought, as soon as you sat down ready to check your phone the sound of Tommy and tubbo laughing could be heard from your room, jack sent a message “hey we got here extremely early I’m sorry there’s no rush the others have been distracted by dreams music :)”

grabbing a backpack from next to your bed you had quickly chucked your phone and purse into the bag unsure as to what you’re going to need today.

•••

as soon as you opened the door you were met with an ecstatic tubbo who instantly pulled you into a hug unable to contain their excitement of seeing their friend

“I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES YOUVE CHANGED SO MUCH LOOK AT YOUR HAIR”

“I look exactly the same”

“Now I’m no genius y/n but last time we spoke you didn’t have unnatural hair”

you paused for a moment as tubbo had a point the last time you and tubbo were on face time your hair was classed as a natural colour however today as a fuck you to your school which didn’t allow unnatural hair you decided to dye it your favourite colour.

“you raise a fair point now if you don’t mind releasing me from your grasp I have to lock the door so no one gets in”

•••

“Tommy unlock the door let tubbo and y/n in”

“Y/N YOU'RE HERE- HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR! JACK ARE YOU SEEING THIS”

“Hello to you too Tommy”

“well if we weren’t going to get noticed at the shopping centre earlier y/ns bright fucking hair will definitely cause people to notice us”

“oh I’m sorry I didn’t expect to be going shopping with a bunch of Minecraft streamers today”

“don’t you stream Minecraft?”

“This isn’t about me jack”

the trip to the shops was surprisingly relaxing y/n sat at the front listening to jack sing along to songs playing on the radio, however, it was clear the boys had something they weren’t telling y/n which became evident through Tommy and tubbo bickering in the back of the car about who was going to tell them. it was a relatively short journey due to the fact you lived close to the city centre

•••

“let’s go shopping boys” Tommy practically yelled to everyone, tubbo held his phone in your direction then looked towards you, nodding at him you grabbed his phone and began recording

“I'm vlogging”

Tommy walked over “YEAHHHHH”

walking past cex you had to put up with Tommy making sex jokes until you made it to game, you stood holding back your laugh as you filmed Tommy and tubbo fighting about who’s paying whilst jack went off to buy a Minecraft squishy and mug despite everyone’s arguments against it. soon enough fans came over asking for photos with you all once the group of fans left jack took over recording for tubbo whilst you went off to quickly buy some games that you could play on stream.

•••

“want a wig bro? jack!”

the four of you walked into the shop, you couldn’t help but stand in awe looking at all the bright colours already questioning what colour to dye your hair next the sound of Tommy and jack being amazed pulled you out of your thoughts

“Gogy goggles, I’m actually buying them”

“i wan’t a pair”

“no, you’re getting a wig jack”

“I don’t want a wig I want George”

“y/n has bright hair and they’re not complaining”

“what do you have against people with colourful hair jack hmm?”

•••

“I'm not happy”

“you look lovely jack”

“we’re getting so many looks”

tubbo stopped everyone to ‘fix’ jacks wig which resulted in everyone laughing once you had finally stopped laughing you noticed tubbo had walked off and you were convinced jack had randomly decided to record strangers until you saw tubbo going up and down escalators

“oh there he goes again”

“pov you’re thinking about bees”

“where to next boys?”

Tommy pointed towards the lift

“Is this a lift for us”

Tommy noticed the safety sign and automatically made comments about it

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if I wasn’t carrying a knife”

“oh same Tommy”

“look you can see me”

taking that as an invitation to join the vlog you stood behind tubbo and pointed at the sign again and looked at Tommy and jack

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if we weren’t about to do this-“

the three of you went to jump up and down

“NO”

the four of you quietly left the lift however you were convinced that the public heard Tommy comment on having a knife and you threatening to jump as once the lift opened everyone was staring at you but it could also be due to the fact you had brightly coloured hair and somehow convinced jack to keep the wig on, you all spent a long time trying to convince Tommy to get a new outfit, eventually you went into another shop a certain keyboard caught your eye

“I’ve found my home, ill stay here at the gamer bunker”

you decided now was the perfect time to sneak off to buy the keyboard that had caught your eye, once tubbo noticed it was too late you stood holding the bag with your purchase leaving you stood in the middle of the shop defending your purchase to him claiming that it was a business expense and not just because you thought it looked cool.

“you told me you wanted to save your money”

“it lights up tubbo and it fits the vibe of my room”

Tommy placed his arm on your head treating you as an armrest as you were shorter than him and he knew it annoyed you

“they have a point tubbo it lights up”

once the recording ended you made your way back to the car

“say y/n you wouldn’t mind if me Tommy and jack stayed the night as tomorrow we were thinking-“

“sure thing”

“YESSSSSS”

•••

the next day you were woken up at 9 am by Tommy stood at the foot of your bed

“hi y/n”

“WHAT THE FUCK- oh hi Tommy Jesus christ do you know how horrifying that was to wake up to”

“Sorry bout that but if I didn’t wake you up now you’d only wake up in the afternoon and we need to go soon I’ll leave you to get ready”

you noticed a note was next to a jumper on the floor ‘hi, thanks for letting us stay the night I really liked your hoodie so I decided to wear it today here’s mine in exchange- Tubbo :D’

normally you’d be concerned that someone stole your hoodie as you live with your parents however today was an exception once you were all ready you set off jack pulled into a McDonald's drive-through so you could all get breakfast

“nice hoodie y/n”

“Thanks, someone took mine and decided to make a trade”

“you’re welcome”

the journey was quiet again you sat next to tubbo in the back Tommy sat at the front screaming at jack and trying to distract him and people around you decided to took a picture with tubbo who now had his arm wrapped around you as it was rather cold in the car and posted it to Twitter ‘@ ranboosaysstuff wish you were here :D’ less than a minute later you received 2 notifications ‘ranboosaysstuff replied to your tweet: same’ ‘ ranboosaysstuff has tweeted: *the spongebob gif*’

•••

soon enough you all arrived at mint golf to say you we’re excited would be an understatement

“can I get the shortest club you have”

you stood hiding your face in the jumper tubbo left you whilst you laughed a few minutes later you received a call from ranboo the others said they’d sort everything for you whilst you answered

“what’s up tall one”

“stay safe okay”

“ranboo it’s mini-golf I’m not fighting criminals”

“yes but I know how clumsy you are”

“first of all rude second of all fuck you third of all jealousy isn’t a good look on you” you managed to say through laughter

“jokes aside please come to the UK boo”

“oh sure I’ll go book a plane ticket now” *ranboo ended the call*

ranboo made jokes like that before however this time sounded a lot more serious and you had no idea why he called you so you made a mental note to call him again later. once with friends again you were met with Tommy telling the worker all about you all

“yeah we’re big on the influencing”

“What on earth did I walk in on”

“no time to explain let’s go golf”

you were handed a club and a ball and were dragged away by jack

•••

tubbo joked about getting a hole on one as soon as it was his go, you bet £10 with jack he wouldn't

“hand over the money y/n”

you looked at Tommy who was now recording you handing jack the money “so today we have learnt to not underestimate your friends and that gambling is bad. you lose your money to a tall bald guy”

to put it politely you and Tommy found out that mini golf is not your calling in life

“ill stick to streaming“

“you’re both losing by the way”

“yeah well- why and how does tubbo have soup”

tubbo stood cradling the soup as though it was a child

“Some things I can’t explain to you”

you stood tilting your head to the side questioning where the hell he got soup from

“eh”

“soups like a small child I take care of it as if it was my own”

you couldn’t contain your laughter at this point the confused faces of your friends alongside tubbos happiness of soup sent you over the edge so you decided to just sit down before you fall as your knees were already weak from laughing too much

“where did you get the soup from”

“I manifested it”

•••

after a few solid minutes of arguing over soup you and Tommy dropping the phone you all continued with bowling.

“tubbo get out of the way of my dream ball”

you stood recording jack cheering him on tubbo had different plans and kicked the ball away resulting in jack giving up and copying what you had been doing most of the rounds, after missing the hole 3 times each go, picking up the ball and placing it in the hole however again he missed

“you can’t be serious”

“golf isn’t for everyone big man”

Tommy took the phone from you to record “pov you’re me golfing”

•••

“how do we get across there”

“probably the bridge”

Tommy pulled to rope moving the bridge across the gap

“Why thank you, Tommy, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you”

you laughed

“you're extremely welcome y/n it was extremely easy because I’m a big muscly man”

golf was finally going well till you hit the ball a bit too hard causing it to go over the fence tubbo was able to get the ball back

“I’ve been watching a lot of doctor shows” you stood amazed at how far you made the ball go

“see the issue is its mini golf. if this was regular golf I'd have got a hole in one I'm telling you”

•••

“I'm never being in your vlog again”

jack looked at you and tubbo who was now laughing at you pretending to worship the can of soup in the hole

“Tommy please come back”

the rest of the game was chaos, you kept missing the hole then claiming to rage quit golf tubbo and Tommy kept making jokes jack left his drink somewhere then had to go back and find it, no one had been paying attention to you which allowed you to take the score sheet and make it so you had won the game eventually he game was over you had declared yourself the champion of golf despite the fact everyone was better than you including Tommy

•••

the journey back was chaos you called ranboo who claimed he only called you to plan a video/stream with you however it was clear that wasn’t the reason tubbo whispered to you so no one could hear

“I think he wants to be here with us I think he’s jealous”

you laughed and nodded

“of course”

eventually, you all made it back to yours, ranboo said goodbye to everyone then ended the call now it was time for you to say your goodbyes. since your love language was physical touch you hugged everyone. As you walked into your house Tommy yelled “Y/N HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PLANES”

[mattsunism]

nsfw! kozume kenma x female reader

warnings: cockwarming, riding, oral/facepainting (??is that the word)

“K-Kenma! Um, I’ve had a big crush on you for a while!” 

Piercing golden eyes bore back into your own, causing all your built-up courage to quickly wither away. You had held eye contact with him for a second (maybe two if you were being generous) before turning your eyes to look down at your shoes, suddenly being very aware of your burning ears and realizing that maybe, just maybe, confessing in the middle of the parking lot of your college campus was not a very smart move on your part. But, in your defense, it was better than asking him in a 200-person lecture hall. 

The target of your confession let out a low sigh, a hand coming out of his sweatshirt pocket to nonchalantly scratch the back of his neck.

To be honest, Kenma paid no mind to your confession. In fact, even in the midst of your sudden burst, the tired boy was more preoccupied with the upcoming shareholder meeting that he knew he would have to take part in. The matter of fact was, he barely knew you enough to care. All he could remember about you was that you would lend him pens during lecture and would give him a cute smile while doing so. 

Kuroo had been nagging him to do something other than play games... so he supposed that it wouldn’t hurt to accept your confession. Begrudgingly, he admits, he had been a bit bored ever since he stopped playing volleyball in high school. 

He suddenly let out a small laugh at his thought of comparing you to volleyball, bringing his sleeve up to cover his mouth. Your head raised slowly to look up at him, confused at his random action. 

“Ah, sorry. So, do you want to go out?” He tilted his head slightly, his eyes glistening with amusement. 

“Eh?” You were caught off guard. Yes, you were ecstatic, but you never 

“Oh, but I have one condition.” Kenma let out, continuing once he saw you shake your head fervently. He let out another chuckle at your puppy-like actions, before resuming his words. “If you get boring, I’m dropping you. Got it?” Without giving you a chance to question his words, Kenma gave you a knowing smile and turned around to head towards his red sports car. 

“See ya later,” he called over his shoulder, getting in his car and driving away. And there you stood, head empty and mouth slightly agape at the fact that your (objectively) lame confession actually worked.

Despite Kenma’s seemingly lethargic and quiet nature, he was rather… forward when it came to his desires. And such is partially the reason why you’re sitting on Kenma’s lap, one leg on each side of his body, the fabric of your underwear pushed naughtily to the side to make way for Kenma’s hard length.

Well, to be fair, it’s not as if you didn’t enjoy this side of him. A light sigh brought you out of your thoughts, and you pulled your head away from the crook of Kenma’s shoulders to look at the screen behind you. 

The taunting music that blared from the screen indicated the gamer’s loss, and you felt your thighs quiver in anticipation. “Damn it, so close too.” Kenma clicked his tongue, brows furrowing slightly at the flashing GAME OVER sign on the computer screen. He brought his fist down to lightly hit the arm of his chair, and you squirmed in his lap at the sudden jolt of movement.

He looked down at you, giving you a deceivingly sweet smile. “Give me a minute to save my data. You can wait a bit longer for me, right?” 

You bit your lip and gave him a slight nod, unable to trust your own voice. Kenma pat your head in approvement, murmuring quiet words of praise in your ear. “That’s my good girl. Thanks for keeping my cock nice and warm in that sweet pussy of yours.” He pressed a light kiss to the side of your face, wholly enjoying your submissive state.

An idea popped into his head, and he smirked before giving you a mock pout, golden eyes peering innocently into your own. “Hey, kitten. I’m a bit tired from playing, so can you move?” Seeing your hesitant face, he dropped his innocent facade to give you a sly smile. “C’mon. You know how much I like to see you bounce on the cock that you love so much, hm?” 

Eager to please, you bit your lip shyly and shifted on his lap to get into a more comfortable position. With one hand on Kenma’s shoulder and the other on the armrest, you slowly lifted yourself up, suppressing a moan at the way his dick slid out of you. You then began to slowly ride his dick, eyes fluttering at the way Kenma’s hard cock began to slide out of your achingly wet pussy. 

You were already sensitive from being forced to keep his cock warm during Kenma’s matches, and it didn’t help that the sound of your pussy sucking up his cock only turned you on further. In a desperate attempt to satisfy the unbearable heat that spread throughout your body, you increased your pace of fucking yourself on his dick.

Kenma put two fingers in his mouth, coating it with his saliva before bringing his slender digits down to rub at your swollen clit. The sudden stimulation brought you over the edge in no time, and you couldn’t help but moan Kenma’s name loudly as you grinded down onto him to prolong your second orgasm of the night. 

“Aw, did you come again? Already?” Kenma faked a sigh, mockingly shaking his head in disappointment. “You’re going to have to work harder so that I can come too, y’know. I’ve taught you not to be selfish, right kitten?” You nod fervently at his words, too immersed in the pleasure of his cock hitting your sweet spot over, and over, and over again. 

“Mhm, I’m a good girl, just for you, just for you Kenma,” you let out, moaning lewdly as you feel Kenma’s fingers flick at the swollen nub of your clit teasingly.

In an effort to prove your earlier statement you dip your head down, lips coming down to meet Kenma’s own. You moan into his mouth at the sensation of his tongue coming in contact at your own, and you lightly pull at his bottom lip, knowing his weak spots. You pull back only to travel further down, your lips nipping and sucking lightly at his jawline, creating a trail of marks down to his collarbone. 

Kenma let out a breathy moan, his head coming back to push against the headrest of his chair. Thin fingers press into your sides before roughly pushing you down to sink onto his length. 

“A-ah?!” You couldn’t help the yelp that escaped your mouth as you heard the base of his dick slap against your skin, and you shuddered at the overstimulation.

Kenma continued to bounce you on his cock, biting his bottom lip harshly to prevent himself from moaning. After a few thrusts Kenma pulled you off his lap, and you felt your legs quiver before falling down into a kneeling position onto the floor, unable to find the strength to stand. Kenma wrapped a tight hand around his cock, letting out a low growl as he palmed at the tip of his hard, red tip. 

“Come here kitten, take it.” 

You leaned in close enough that you were but a few inches from his cock, your mouth opening and your tongue coming out of your mouth. At the sight of you waiting so eagerly for his cum Kenma couldn’t hold himself back any further, forcing his eyes open through his orgasm to make sure he aimed properly. 

Thick ribbons of white spurted out all over your tongue and inside your mouth, and you couldn’t help but feel the tingles that spread throughout your body at the sight of Kenma pumping his cock and aiming his cum in your mouth.

He watched you with lidded eyes, taking care to make sure that you took all of his cum and swallowed it like the good girl you were before letting his head loll to the side, thoughts muddled from the overwhelming pleasure buzzing through his veins. After taking a few moments to come down from his high he raised his arms out towards you, eyes blinking slowly as a lazy smile spread across his lips. 

“The floor must be cold. Come here, baby.” Almost immediately you leap into his arms, your arms coming around to circle his torso and your head finding home at the crook of his neck. 

“Can we take a nap?” You murmur, your voice slightly muffled from your face being pressed into his body. Kenma nuzzled his nose into your hair, smiling at your cute request. Wordlessly, he gets up from his chair, carrying you to the bed at the corner of the room. He sets you down carefully, noticing your drooping eyes, and brushes a stray piece of hair away from your face. He takes a second to laugh at your quiet whines calling him to bed before going to the bathroom to dampen a towel to wipe down your tired body. 

Padding back into the bedroom, Kenma lets out a breathy laugh when he sees that you’ve fallen asleep, your arms wrapped tightly around his pillow. He admits, you’ve grown on him. To him, you’re far more interesting than any video game he’s ever played.

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ KUROO TETSUROU & KOZUME KENMA BEING A DAD HEADCANONS ! ❞

✎ . . . all those dad headcanons are making me so SOFT 🥺✨🥺 do you think you could make some for kuroo, akaashi and atsumu as dads if u haven’t done them already??

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

✎ . . . i'm happy that your requests are open ! and for dad headcanons?? i am right here to serve my braincells for you ma'am. what about dad! sugawara & kenma? thank you in advance 🤓😘

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ kuroo tetsurou & kozume kenma <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

✎ . . . DAD HEADCANONS.

[ SUGAWARA KOUSHI & OIKAWA VERSION. ] [ BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ] [ MIYA ATSUMU VERSION. ] [ IWAIZUMI HAJIME. ]

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . someone send me cute dad suggestions because i am running🏃out of ideas💡 i'm also finaly done with dad! akaashi hcs in my notes, so feel free to request ( even non-dad related ones ) because i lowkey have no life👉👈🗿

KOZUME KENMA.

➜ it would come as a shock to him honestly ─ you guys used protection and he was atleast careful despite having lazy smex half of the time

➜ but what shocks YOU the most was that he didn't want to get rid of the baby ─ he just couldn't, it was a child he co-reated with the love of his life, how could he ?

➜ you were quick to come with an agreement with him, his soft smile tugging on his lips to form, the smile 80% of the time would come out only for you ( shoyou & kuroo )

➜ he was also lowkey excited, he texted shoyou and kuroo about it as they both congratulated him and were already trying to do dibs on who'll be god father

➜ and you've noticed that he was bit more affectionate with you when you were in your pregnancy, his head on your lap as you play with his hair ─ which he usually doesn't like people doing?? and would every now and then kiss your tummy while playing his games

➜ i want to h*ld his hand

➜ and k*th him

➜ he's like a mother cat on pregnancy, but with you ─ never lets you do work, saying that he already has it under all on control, very protective of you and literally hisses at other people coming near you LMAO WTF MAN

➜ tries to be as knowledgable for your pregnancy as much as possible ─ just like the other dads in my hcs, they want YOU to feel comfortable with EVERYTHING and want YOU to feel supported

➜ has already bought EVERYTHING you needed, even extra ones and has booked appointments left and right

➜ like mans hasn't done this much effort after volleyball ngl

➜ but just like everyone else ─ he's terrified, he doesn't know alot of these things and of course you're the only woman he has ever gotten pregnant and he doesn't have any experiences in these type of thing whatsoever

➜ doubts were not uncommon ─ if he ever was going to be a good father to his child, if he was even a good fiancé to you, was he even worth to have a child with ?

➜ this bb boy CRIED when he heard you guys were having twins, TWINS; like as in a girl and a boy

➜ when kaori and kazu were born, kenma wasn't aware that he could fall in love all over again

➜ is this even worth mentioning because everyone probably knows this?? he s p o i l s  them big time

➜ whenever he's working late at night, he'll always be the one telling YOU to go back to sleep and he'll be the one to take care of the kid for the night

➜ and by kid, i meant kazu because somehow??he??got??his??father's??sleeping??schedule??

➜ and it's how he sleeps by

➜ sometimes whenever you wake up, you find yourself alone in the bedroom and whenever you look at either the game room or your childrens' room, you would always find kenma lying with his children on couch-bed ─ kozu and kaori on each side of his head, kaori having her small little fingers holding and sometimes tugging onto her dad's hair

➜ and sometimes you would also join them

➜ but most of the time, you would head to the kitchen and make some breakfast

➜ and usually kenma would wake up and put his kids back to their crib and he'd go look for you, finding you cooking as he would wrap his arms around your waist as he hugs you from the back

➜ i just wanna get myself a gamer boi kenma

➜ since he gets a lot more clingey whenever he wakes up

➜ whenever he's streaming USUALLY, kozu would sleep on his lap like a cat while kaori is sleeping in his head?? Idk how??

➜ while his fans literally PAY him to show his adorable kids, some even commented how they're all so cat-like and alike with their father

➜ one time while streaming, he was probably ranting tf out of a game he wasted his money on and warning his fans not to buy it because it's basically a scam

➜ and while he was in the middle of ranting, his daughter comes in while holding a blanket on her as she rubbed her eyes looking so much like a small kitten, he literally STOPS DEAD ON HIS SWEAR WORD AS HIS EYES WIDDENED while the people in the chats are either fangirling how CUTE his daughter was or DYING because mans was almst about to swear and interrupted himself

➜ before he could react a bundle of energy comes into the gaming room, you hot tailing on his tracks as you came into the room while trying to retrieve kozu

“ kozu!! don't come in there ahH ─ ” you blushed as you looked at both your boyfriend that has an amused eyebrow cocked up, and onto the camera before laughing and smiling at it since his fans ADORE YOU

➜ when you finally got your hands on your son, you smiled at your daughter as you signaled her to come over to you

➜ but before she could come to you she was already lifted at her father's lap

“ it's fine, i'll have her with me ” he said as he nodded at you, placing her gently in the middle of his lap as his arms encaged her while he played his games

➜ before leaving with a pouting kozu on your arms you threw a peace sign at the camera for his fans, closing the door on the way out

➜ let's just say that it lowkey went viral because it's literally so cute

➜ sorry i just HAD to reference that interview that got viral before

➜ one time where you fell asleep with both of your children curled up to you in the bed, kenma just finished a long stream as he walked to the bedroom hoping to fall asleep ontop of you yet finds two cute cat looking children cuddling you

➜ he quickly took a photo or two and made it both his home and lockscreen before sending it to shoyou

➜ and then sliding himself onto the covers as he, himself, nuzzled himself onto your warmth

➜ the relatable dad, idk why but i really see him getting along with children especially when they're teenagers ─ i just, i COULD SEE IT

➜ especially kaori😭 since she inherited his introverted and somehow shy side??

➜ kaori : *slids down the chair after coming home from school* i wanna die

➜ kenma : same

➜ he would introduce video games to his children AHH

➜ would even play violent games with them because why not?

➜ you'd prolly have to scold him after though

➜ the biggest achievement was when both of his children listing game consoles on their christmas lists

➜ and it was on the top of the list

➜ but kenma, being the kanbe(kambe??) daisuke he is, he bought all the things on that list

➜ he knows his kids are supposed to be studying at school ─ he knows it, he really does, that's why he made them go to school

➜ but he couldn't help but play along with his children on the imessage games when he DEFINITELY knows that they were in the middle of history class

➜ and you'll just find out it through the family gc seeing them spam the chat with games and screenshots of their scores while comparing them😭

➜ he always knew how to communicate with his children ─ perhaps it was because of the reason that they are his children

➜ but whenever his daughter comes to him complaining about human interactions and wanting to stay home while his son complains about school being in the way of gaming ─ he's just like : WE SEE EACH OTHER

➜ baby boy is a lazy bum, but he will never hesitate to participate and contribute to his children's life ─ not only through things, but also with just his guidance and presence

➜ your pregnancy may have come across as an accident, but it was never a mistake to kenma.

KUROO TETSUROU.

➜ after getting married for two years now, you couldn't help but want to start building a family with kuroo

➜ LIKE WHO WOULDN'T?? this is kuroo tetsurou we are talking about

➜ unlike oikawa and bokuto ─ YOU were the one having the baby fever

➜ your friends and colleagues already having or talking with their partners to start or adopt

➜ but of course you were lowkey insecure, why wasn't he even mentioning that he wanted a family with you? does he think that it was a waste of time? or maybe he doesn't want to start it with you ─ maybe you were the problem?

➜ but unbeknownst to you, tetsurou also wanted to start a family with you ─ he wanted a lot of children, actually. but he doesn't want you to feel pressured ─ since you guys are still youthful, there's still a lot of time to think about it

➜ and most of all, he doesn't want to start a family with anyone else BUT YOU

➜ whatthefucksanaol sir eye ─

➜ and he's already talking to bokuto behind your back about wanting to start a family with you ( and of course kenma )

➜ but BOKUTO IS JUST SCARILY GOOD AT ADVICES

➜ it's quite eerie honestly

➜ you, thinking it was only just a slight baby fever with all your friends wanting them as well, tried dismissing your thoughts

➜ but your mind said nO❌🚫 RIGHTS✅💢

➜ and kuroo could notice the slight change in behaviour with you, it was subtle but he was quite perceptive

➜ with his cat eyes intently watching you as you tried avoiding his gazes because all you could think is HAVING A BABY WITH THE SAME EYES AS HIM FIIFJJCJC

➜ HELP ME

➜ it was fine until he confronted you about it

➜ kuroo ─ for me, is someone to face a problem head-on, it's just his personality, so it wasn't a surprise that he seriously yet carefully and nonchalantly confronted you while you guys were about to sleep as you layed your head on his lap, taking in his warmth

➜ and that's where mans dropped the b*mb💣

“dollface? is everything alright with you?”

➜ just imagine kuroo's concerned voice is all that you could hear along with the palpitations of your heart as he caressed your cheeks, brushing off the hair covering your face as he puts down science pun book he had on his hands on the nightstand

➜ now i can't help but imagine that scene from the special/bonus chapter from bj alex with chanwoo and MD on the bed, that scene where he tries to confront chanwoo about that bruise on his face? ughshshsj

➜ all he heard was that you wanted to start a family with him👉👈 and now he's seconds to going FERAL and push you down the matress

➜ 😳🔞

➜ SIR CALM DOWN PLEATHES

➜ I CAN'T TAKE IT

➜ but mans was quick to get himself back to reality, a bashful smile tugged on his lips as he nodded at you, kinda disappointed that you had to be the braver person in the relationship to bring out the topic and it wasn't him

➜ mans is competitive okay

“ . . . why don't we start now? ” he slyly grinned, y'know, that cheshire cat grin

➜ let's just see you guys didn't sleep at all that night

➜ kuroo was, though not surprisingly, good and knowledgable with pregnancy, not like he secretly researched about it that one time when you guys got a pregnancy scare that started all his wild thoughts about you carrying his child um ─

➜ and this is kuroo we are talking about lmao

➜ i think he has his insecurities but was never doubtful of himself being a father, LIKE MANS HAS TAKEN CARE OF A WHOLE ASS VOLLEYBALL TEAM ─ but he knows there is a difference between being a father to his child and being a good one

➜ i wanna m*rry him too😡

➜ you gifted him a daughter, his first born. the first time he saw her, GOD WAS THIS THE BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN HIS LIFE

➜ like who knew you guys could create someone so beautifully mashed of both him and you ─ but you disagree, as even by the youngest age of four months or three, you could see the literal resemblance of your husband on her

➜ and it was uncanny, her eyes were the ones you dreamed of your children having ─ molten golden ones of tetsurou's, her cat-like grin and sly personality

➜ she was always quick to lean on her father's warmth, and that made kuroo CRY and you kinda jealous

➜ but nevertheless, you knew that there were plenty of times to make one that loves you just as much taiga loves tetsurou

➜ and you did get it, second born after only half a year, was tamaki, which has taken both your personality and tetsurou's, while having your appearance.

➜ but you were quick to notice to comment that tamaki has gotten kuroo's shy personality while he was young, he would always shy away from his sister that kept clinging onto him since she has never had a playmate other than her uncles from nekoma's old volleyball club

➜ kuroo was to say the least, really happy when he sees your two children getting along with each other since he, himself, has grown up alone with no sibling and without a mother

➜ and as he looked at you playing tamaki and taiga as tamaki got you all wrapped around his finger while taiga was looking for her father, he couldn't help but smile

➜ believe it or not, taiga first said your name ─ not tetsurou's

➜ in your face kuroo

“ come on, say dada !! ” your husband patted his thighs to make a sound as he sat on the bed while your daughter just ─ once again, leaned on his touch, nuzzling her face onto his warm thighs while giggling

➜ he dropped his phone to the bed whining, “ mama! look at her ─ ”

“ ─ mama!! ” your daughter imitated his words, both leaving you guys stunned and wide-eyed as you laugh in shock while tamaki was jealous you gave his sister more attention and now tugging softly at your hair,

“ . . . mama? ”

➜ KUROO WAS SO DONE, HIS COMPETITIVE LOWKEY PETTY ASS WAS DONE

➜ also belive it or not, tamaki was the one who got his father's sleeping habits of having two pillows on both sides of his head

➜ HE'S THE TYPE OF DAD THAT USES A VACCUM CLEANER TO STYLE YOUR DAUGHTERS HAIR LIKE THE ONES ON THOSE VIDEOS ON YT SNSJJSNZZ

➜ and it actually??comes??off??nice??and neat??

➜ at the age of 7, your daughter was already picked to represent her class on a science fair AND YOU BET TETSUROU IS SO PROUD OF HIS DAUGHTER

➜ would be such a supportive dad

➜ visits tamaki and taiga's volleyball games ─ like atleast all over them, and would bring along his old teammates to it maybe just to relive old memories because you BET that they're attending nekoma

 ➜ would always have these little traditions and inside jokes with them and you

➜ especially science ones

➜ what do we expect? HE'S LITERALLY A DORK

➜ AND SO ARE HIS KIDS

➜ they just vibe with each other ngl, like kuroo is just a down-to-earth guy and could get along with BOTH your extroverted daughter and introverted son, since he was both of them in a moment from his life

➜ uncle kenma would always bring in gifts for them because they're literally now his cats because they are now cats

➜ sorry i don't make the rules

➜ my husband, kenma, does😋

➜ your kids LOVE HIM though, especially tamaki being a bit like kenma ─ both, growing a soft spots for each other

➜ whenever some of his old teammates would visit, taiga is always on uncle lev's back while yaku scolds him to put her tf down or else she'll fall

➜ tamaki on the other hand, is just safely sitting beside his uncle kenma while he watched him play games ─ which he has also grown to love

➜ doesn't let your kids forget to eat and makes them eat even if taiga's in the phase of wanting to be sexy gorl tingz ─ DADDY KUROO SAYS NO RIGHTS🚫

➜ overall, kuroo couldn't ask for more, he was so proud of his children no matter what they do through and through and of course you too ─ for carrying his children, bringing them into the world and being patient with them

[marshmallow-phd]

Nine Little Letters

Genre: College AU, Fake Dating AU, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before AU

Inspired By: This graphic made by @rcse-tvler​

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: Just when you thought life was done shoving you down, it got much, much worse. After finding out that your latest crush was already in a relationship, you did what you always did when emotions ran high: you wrote a letter. Signed and sealed, you put it away with the eight other letters you’d written to past one-sided loves, never to be seen again. That is, until a mix up accidentally sends those letters out to their respective recipients and you find yourself in the middle of one confusing web of love. With fake relationships, insecurities, and revelations swirling around, things are bound to get a little messy.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11

The second letter you ever wrote was perhaps the most embarrassing of them all.

During the summer of your thirteenth year, Baekhyun had gone away to a summer camp that had lasted for over a month. Bored to tears due to the missing antics, you spent more time with your other friend, Yeonhee, though - as much as you loved her - her presence didn’t have the same level of comfort as Baekhyun’s did. You weren’t sure what the reason was, but there always seemed to be this invisible barrier between you and Yeonhee. You couldn’t get quite as close to her. There was so much relief the day that Baekhyun came back. But something else was there, too. Something that had been growing throughout the absence.

At first, you thought your heart was beating fast because you ran to the park where Baekhyun told you to meet him. You were excited - elated - to have your best friend back. When you saw him lying on the teeter-totter, you stopped. His skin was sun-kissed, hair a bit longer and tousled. You’d never realized how… handsome he was before. Your face was smiling before you knew it.

You liked him. That had to explain why you missed him so much, right? As soon as Baekhyun saw that you’d arrived, he lit up, jumping off the playground equipment and running towards you. He pulled you into a quick hug then stepped back, ruffling your hair.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Come on.” He grabbed your hand and started pulling you away from the teeter-tatter. “Let’s go down to the creek!”

You followed him without hesitation, loving the feeling of his hand in yours. Later that night, you tossed and turned, unable to sleep because of this new information. At thirteen, you were a bit smarter than you were at ten, so you decided to put some feelers out. You would see if there was any chance that he felt the same way. The two of you were close, after all. The chance had to be there, didn’t it?

The answer was no. And you received that answer almost immediately. The next day Baekhyun went on and on about this girl he had met at camp. He talked about how funny she was and cute and playful. And beautiful. He wouldn’t stop talking about how pretty he found her. She was at a summer camp, for Pete’s sake, but somehow still managed to be soft and delicate and everything Baekhyun liked in girls. It felt like an uppercut punch to the jaw. You could be soft and delicate. You wore skirts and boots and cardigans. Your room was pastel colors! What was the difference between you and this girl he rambled on about?

Flashing back to Jongin and how much better you felt after writing him the letter, you sat down at the table while your parents were away at work and tried to see if it had the same effect.

 Dear Baekhyun,

How are you? I guess that’s an awkward thing to ask given how I always know how you are. You always tell me, whether you’re happy or sad or simply indifferent. You tell me everything. And I’ve always loved that, the fact that we could tell each other whatever we’re thinking. But lately, you’ve been telling me too much and I’ve been keeping quiet. You tell me so much about this girl you met at camp and how much you like her and what the two of you talked about on the phone last night and how you’ve made plans to meet up next week. You go on and on about her without seeing the hurt in my eyes. I stay silent because of that hurt. Because while you were away, I realized something. I realized that I like you. As more than just my best friend. I find myself wishing that you were talking about me that way. What does this girl have that I don’t, anyway? She sounds a lot like me. I even wondered at one point if you were secretly talking about me until you mentioned meeting up with her. You seem so happy, though. So, I wonder, should I say anything or should I just go on being just your friend? I guess I'll make the decision at the end of this letter. If I send it out or if I keep it hidden in my drawer. Do I come out and say it or do I risk forever thinking “What if?” Only time will really tell. Either way, I hope you’re happy. That’s most important.

Love,

(y/n)

 In the end, you decided not to mail it. Though you never met the girl from summer camp, Baekhyun ended up “dating” her for the fall semester of school - if it could be counted since they lived in different cities. He always went to see her, but she never made the same effort. That was why they broke up, according to Baekhyun. Though he never came to see you in the same light as far as you were aware, you found that you were able to move on, to see him once again simply as your friend. Perhaps the two of you were soulmates in the platonic way. You were thankful to your past self for not mailing out that letter. Where would your friendship be if you had sent it? Would there even still be a friendship?

“Okay, I know you’re not a professional or anything, but you’re even worse today. What’s going on?”

You blinked, coming out of your head just in time to watch your character crumple to the ground, dead. Great.

You weren’t the best at video games, but you found them fun and Sehun didn’t mind if you weren’t as good as him. He definitely carried the two of you in the team rounds.

“Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind.” Both the truth and a lie. You were mildly distracted at the moment. It was a small amount of connected things. Seeing Junmyeon with a girlfriend had conjured up some old insecurities. While you were fairly sure that you were over him, you were circling around your lack of love life - and lack of dating history. As in zero. Zip. A big old goose egg. Of course, when that happened, you tended to retreat into your books and movies. Which rom-coms you were going to binge tonight was currently at the forefront of your mind, held up by everything else.

“So, obviously, it’s not nothing,” Sehun pointed out over the headset. Touché.

“Okay, it’s not nothing, but it's not something you’d be interested in anyway.”

“Try me.”

You paused. “I was thinking about how I’ve never had a boyfriend, so I was going to watch romantic comedies tonight.”

Silence.

Well, not total silence since the video game was still on in the background, but there was no response from your partner. “Sehun?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m not that interested. But I also don’t see how watching movies about romance is a direct response to not having a boyfriend.”

You sighed as your character re-spawned and you continued with the game, covering Sehun from any surprise attacks as you inched closer to enemy territory. “They make me feel better.”

He took a pause to kill an enemy soldier before replying, “I still don’t get it. How can watching fake couples get together make you feel better? If you want a boyfriend, why don’t you go out and get one? It’s not like there isn’t a whole campus full of single guys.”

You scoffed. Yeah, right. Like it was that simple. There wasn’t a store or a catalogue that you could flip through and go “Oh, I’d like that one!” and have a boyfriend ready and raring to go. Although… someone should get on that revolutionary idea. It could be worth millions.

Part of you wanted to respond with “Fine, do you want to date me?” but you bit your tongue, knowing that you didn’t mean it. There had once been a time that you had thought about Sehun in that way. The two of you rarely saw each other in person. For a good year and a half, the two of you had been simple online buddies until you realized you lived in the same city. You’d invited Sehun along to outings with Baekhyun and Yeonhee, but they didn’t click very well, so it didn’t happen too often. After the first time you met Sehun, you thought he was cute. Que the letter.

 Dear Sehun.

I know you try to hide it, but you’re actually very sweet. And I know that you let me win sometimes. And you help me every chance you get. I like you because of that. Also, I never thought you would be cute. Is that bad? Do you think you could like me back? We could be that gamer couple. Those who play together, stay together, right?

Love,

(y/n).

 It was the cringiest of all your letters. Short, uninteresting, bland. After you wrote it, you realized quickly that those were the only reasons you liked him: his face and he was nice to you. Were your standards really that low? His letter always stayed at the bottom of the pile, hardly ever revisited. That was when you realized it was hard to truly like someone you didn’t know all that well. You still considered him a friend and could confide in him, but he didn’t make your comfortable triangle a square.

“Hey, (y/n)!” Baekhyun burst into your room with no warning. You jumped, letting out a rare curse into the headset.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing here?” On Saturdays he was usually busy giving piano lessons.

“And on that note, I’m out.” Sehun clicked off without a real goodbye. You shook your head. Boys.

You turned off your console and swiveled around in your chair. Baekhyun was seated at your vanity which made you nervous. He knew better than to go peeking into your things, but that hardly stopped him. And while he was aware of the letters’ existence, he was neither aware of his own nor where they were located.

“My pupil for the day canceled on me. They’re sick. I was bored so I came over. As per usual.” Looking over his shoulder at your mirror, he plucked off one of the pictures you had wedged into the frame. “Heard from your long-distance boyfriend lately?”

“Hardy, har-har.” You snatched the picture from him and replaced it. “He’s not my boyfriend and you know it.”

Zhang Yixing was your pen pal from high school. After seeing a flyer on one of the bulletin boards in the hallway, you jumped at the chance to communicate with someone from another country without really thinking about it. The partners were all chosen at random and you considered yourself quite lucky. The person you exchanged letters with was sweet and funny and really read what you wrote to him, always replying to your words before going into his own story. While life got in the way and the two of you weren’t able to exchange letters at the frequency you once had, you still received a surprise every so often.

And yes, before anyone asks, he was one of the nine. One look at his dimpled smile and charming eyes and anyone would be hooked. You’d giggled like crazy when you opened the letter junior year and his photo fell out. He’d wanted to show you the countryside school he’d volunteered at and the kids he’d helped. As cute as those children were, he was all you could look at. So, naturally, there was one letter you never sent. It didn’t make sense to send it. He was in an entirely different country. So, you used his letter as camouflage, keeping it on top at all times to hide the others underneath.

“And no, by the way. I haven’t gotten a letter for a little bit.”

“Too busy volunteering?” Baekhyun quipped.

“You could take a page out of his book, you know.”

“I do give back! I give free lessons all the time!”

Okay… that was true. Baekhyun did have a soft heart for kids that wanted to learn to play the piano but whose parents couldn't afford to pay for lessons. About twice a month on Sundays, he went to a local church and taught a class for anyone who wanted to join. It was actually kind of sweet. You’d gone a few times and he could be pretty adorable with the kids.

“Alright,” you said. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun pursed his lips and tapped a finger against his chin. His eyes slowly made their way around your room. He would smile when his eyes landed on pictures of the two of you or little souvenirs from your various adventures. Your room was like a scrapbook for the world to view. You enjoyed being surrounded by memories, like reading a book based on your life. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“Okay,” you laughed. “For what?”

He turned away from you, mostly still listening, but obviously distracted by something. “Let’s go to a grill.”

That suggestion sent sparks off in your brain. Your stomach, which had been neutral up until now, was roaring for the sizzling meat and spicy side dishes. In fact, you’d been distracted at the thought of a Korean grill that you didn’t notice Baekhyun’s hand twitching on the forbidden drawer. Before your brain could process what he was doing, the drawer was open. Baekhyun pulled the entire stack of letters out.

“Wow, you actually do keep all of these!”

“What the hell are you doing!” You bounced on him, tackling him down to the floor as you wrestled the envelopes from him. Once you finally pulled them free, you smacked his arm with the stack. “You jerk! You know those are private!”

He actually had the audacity to pout. “I just wanted to see!”

“They’re not for you to see!”

“Come on, (y/n),” Baekhyun sat up when you moved off him. You kept the envelopes close to your chest in case he tried for them again. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“Don’t you dare try to guilt trip me,” you snapped. “I have a right to my privacy. These aren’t meant for anyone else but me.”

“Fine.” He threw his hands up in defeat. “But you might want to find a better hiding spot. Let’s go eat.” He left your room, smiling to himself.

Grumbling to yourself, you placed the envelopes on your vanity. Later, you would find a better place to put them. For now, though, you draped a shirt over the stack so they were mostly covered.

You forgot about the letters for the most part by the time the two of you made it to the restaurant. Baekhyun had his moments where he didn’t think things through or he acted purely on impulse, but you could forgive those happenings. At least, when he was paying for dinner. On the way to the grill, you called Yeonhee to join.

“So, there’s this girl in my World Music three-oh-four class,” Baekhyun said right after shoving a stuffed sesame leaf into his mouth. “She’s really cute. And plays the cello. Her fingers are so nimble and small.”

“So, you going to ask her out?” you teased.

Baekhyun took some time to chew his food before answering. “Yeah. Actually, I think I might.”

“Does she seem interested in you?” Yeonhee asked. She was always the more practical one out of the three of you. She saw things in black and white. She either chose door number one or door number two. It was a philosophy she used in every aspect of her life. That realism rounded your little triangle out. Baekhyun was the carefree, never-knew-what-he-was-going-to-do-next type, you were the slightly anxiety-ridden, romantic daydreamer, and Yeonhee was the down-to-earth, rational one.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay. Then do it.” Yeonhee pulled her long, dark brown hair back into a scrunchy to keep it out of her face. To her, that was the end of it.

Baekhyun sent you a look, but he shrugged. “Alright. I’ll see her on Monday, so I’ll ask her to coffee then.”

Your phone vibrated against the table. Normally you would have ignored it, but given the lull in conversation, you checked to see the notification. It was a text from your mom.

I’m doing laundry. It looks like you have a full hamper. Do you want me to take some?

You smiled. You loved getting out of laundry. Yeah! Thank you!

Okay! A second text came through. Do you want me to take this shirt on the vanity, too?

Shirt? What- Panic swept through you. No! That’s okay! It’s clean.

Okay! Love you!

Love you, too!

Phew. That was close.

The rest of dinner was spent talking about classes and professors and new movies coming out. The three of you bounced from subject to subject, spending a good hour and half at the table slowly devouring the different meat courses. Multiple groups came and went while you sat there and enjoyed this time with your two best friends. When it was time to go home, Yeonhee volunteered to take you home since it was more on her way than Baekhyun’s. Once there, she parked in your driveway. Rounding the car, you bent down to tell her goodnight. A second or two later, Kyungsoo pulled into his parents’ driveway. He got out of his own car, eyes down on his phone. Noticing the two of you next door, he froze. There was an awkward tension as the exes made eye contact while you stood there like an unneeded third wheel on a bike. Finally, Kyungsoo broke the contact and went inside.

“Have you talked to him lately?” you asked.

Yeonhee shook her head. “Not at all. What’s the point? I ended it. Going back and opening the wound makes no sense.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable. I’ll, um, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

You straightened up and headed inside.

Yeonhee and Kyungsoo were a tragic story, at least in your eyes.

Kyungsoo was your next-door neighbor for your entire life though the two of you didn’t interact very often. He ran in different circles and seemed annoyed by Baekhyun most of the time - a pattern you were not blind to. But Yeonhee always took the time to talk to him if you happened to be in the front yard and crossed paths. Oblivious to what was going on while they conversed, you stood by, studying your neighbor.

He was handsome and sweet when he wasn’t frowning. In fact, his smile was quite stunning. And he was smart and, though rare, cracked jokes that had you in stitches. You found yourself admiring him. Imagine your shock when you discovered that he was dating one of your best friends. You were devastated. The strength of the feeling took you by surprise. But you’d managed to keep it together in front of both of them. Only when you were alone were you finally able to let it out. That night you’d locked yourself in your room, tears flowing in an unending stream. At some point, you were sitting down at your vanity, pencil flying across the page without you having to think it through.

 Dear Kyungsoo,

What am I even feeling right now? How am I feeling like this? You were always just my neighbor, the boy next door. Occasionally kind, helpful. I never even suspected that you liked Yeonhee or that she liked you back. I was completely left out, blind to what was happening in front of me. Mostly because I couldn’t see past myself. You were nothing like how I’d thought in our younger years. You are so much more. Amazing feels like too simple a word but that’s all I can conjure up. I’ve been so in awe that I couldn't completely understand what it was that I was feeling inside. But now… I feel like my heart has shattered. I had come to look forward to talking to you in between our yards. I never suspected you were coming out for Yeonhee. You chose her over me. I’m sure in your eyes, I was never even one of the selections. But why? Am I really that invisible?

You are a wonderful person. I’m not sure if there are enough adjectives in the world to describe how I see you. You’re like a portrait in the Louvre, unable for me to touch. You’re out of reach. And now that you’re with Yeonhee, you always will be. I know that you’ll treat her well. You’ll keep her hand warm with your own like I wish you could with mine. When she’s tired, she’ll rest her head on your shoulder. I hope you’re a comforting pillow. You seem like that kind of person. A comfort, a stronghold. I wish you could have been mine.

Love,

(y/n).

 They dated for two years before Yeonhee inexplicably ended the relationship. You knew she would have a very logical, analyzed reasoning for why she abruptly broke it off, though she never told you or anyone. However, you were surprised with how angry you were at her. How could she do that to someone like Kyungsoo, who had never treated her badly even for a moment? Your sympathy lied with him, but you had to show support for your friend. She wanted to move on, so you pretended to understand. She didn’t come around very often anymore in case of situations like tonight where she might accidentally run into or see him.

Up in your bedroom, you took a deep breath. Because it still hurt after all this time. You still longed to be the one he looked at, the one he wanted to see. Out of all your letters, his was the one that never worked. His was sealed up tight, but the feelings didn’t go away. They held on tight like a rock climber without a rope. You could distract yourself with other crushes, give in to fleeting feelings for others. And it would work for a little while. But in your weak moments, those feelings never failed to come back. Tonight was a reminder of that.

[sneezefiction]

apple pie & ice cream

Kenma x Reader - Scenario

desc: gloomy days can always be brightened with sweet smells, cinnamon sugar, and a homemade apple pie from yours truly: Kenma Kozume

a/n: to the anon who requested this a little while ago... happy birthday, love!! i hope you’re okay that i switched things around a little bit & had Kenma make you something sweet instead <3</i>

warning: slight language

wc: 1580

---

Some days are longer than others.

You’ve never had a good explanation as to why, but there are at least some telltale signs.

Like when red lights seem endless, your favorite song doesn’t sound as pretty as it should, and you just can’t keep your tired eyes open. Even with a cozy mug of hot tea in hand or the gentle stream of sunlight filtering through your office’s window, the warmth on your fingertips and face simply refused to reach you on the inside.

It also doesn’t help that you were flipped off not once, but twice, by some shitty drivers when you clearly had the right of way.

So you determine that the faster you can get home to Kenma, the better you’ll feel.

You take every short-cut and any back road, impatiently awaiting the moment that you can kick off your uncomfortable shoes and step out of those constricting work clothes. To turn on the air-conditioning and crash into a couch that proves to be far more welcoming than the outside world. Even just a nice, long stretch would do your aching back and heavy arms some good.

But most of all, you long to sink into Kenmas chest and lazily breathe in the comforting smell of home that rested on his well-worn hoodies. To run your fingers through his silky, soft hair and make messy braids out of it while sighing heavily to relinquish the day's grip on your tight shoulders. You can’t wait to bother him until he sets aside his black and red headphones to kiss your forehead and pull you into a soul-catching hug.

Most crappy days call for extra love from your gamer-boyfriend… but today Kenma has really gone out of his way to shower you in sweetness. Literally.

You’d sent him an awfully lengthy text about the number of crazy drivers on the road, the dreary weather overhead, following it up with a recap of your teary-eyed breakdown in a fast food chain parking lot... and you topped it off with just how much you missed him.

So he did the one thing he knew could lift anyone’s spirits.

Kenma got to baking his world famous apple pie.

Countertops were covered in white and brown sugar, apple peels, and other various, scattered ingredients. A store-bought pie crust was preheating in the oven, because only God knows how long it would take for Kenma to learn how to make that from scratch. Spices plumed in delicate, little clouds throughout the kitchen. Everything was coming together beautifully.

Kenma mumbles to himself quietly, a little miffed that he’s missing his weekly streaming session...

But secretly, he’s been meaning to do this for you for a long time. 

He’s been dying to thank you for putting up with his incessant live shows and never-ending computer gameplay. For living with him in his rental house even though he could probably (definitely) afford something far more luxurious. And you deserved luxurious. You should be decked out in diamonds and fancy cashmere, lounging on a sofa atop some rooftop garden oasis that overlooks the entirety of Tokyo, and dancing the night away at clubs and galas.

But you chose him. 

Simple Kozume. 

A smaller-framed boy with a knack for video-games, patterns, and strategy. The one they jokingly called “pudding head” in high school. That kid who used to hide behind his own hair because the world around him was far more daunting than he thought he could handle.

Kenma would rather stay in and binge a series on netflix than spend a night out on the town. He invests himself in playing an overly-competitive tournament of Mario Kart with you over flying out for a highstakes game of poker in Vegas. He prefers nights surrounded in fairy lights when you collaborate on videos with him, throw popcorn at his long hair, and drink a bit too much just because you both compliment each other more when you’re a little tipsy.

You love all of this about him and you’ve reminded him time after time that you wouldn’t trade him for the world… yet Kenma is still determined to at least have this apple pie done by the time you get home.

But as luck would have it, you’re early.

The lock to the door clicks and twists as you slide it open with a few squeaks.

Your senses are instantly delighted by the blooming fragrance of cinnamon and nutmeg. An ambrosial wafting of warm apples and pastry dough permeates the airspace while the added ginger and lemon cut through the sweet scent.

As if the room had just handed over a fluffy blanket and set you in front of a crackly, wood-burning fire, you’re filled with that much needed comfort. 

You’re home. And it smells so damn good.

If heaven had a scent, this was it. And you might as well be wearing a halo and angel wings.

“Kozume…?” You call out, wondering if it was really your boyfriend in the kitchen creating that mouth-watering aroma. 

“...yes, y/n?” He replies slowly, trying to clean up the countertops, a little frustrated that the pie wasn’t finished in time for your arrival.

“Is that you? Or did Gordon Ramsey break into my house and take over my kitchen?” You giggle, waltzing into the kitchen, the stress of the day being alleviated immediately upon seeing those speculative, gold-speckled eyes.

His hands are in his hoodie pockets, but when your form turns corner into the kitchen and makes its way toward him, Kenma draws them out and sneaks his hands up to your cheeks, cupping them gently.

He leans in, his expression a tad quizzical and somewhat mysterious, and whispers…

“You’re an idiot sandwich.”

A laugh bubbles up and out, shaking your whole body as you wrap your arms around his frame. You’d seen him just this morning, but wow you’d missed him and his extensive knowledge of meme culture. Now Kenma has his arms draped around your waist, hands squeezing at your hips a little. Your flustered but smiley expression spurs on a soft chuckle, a gentle yet deep rumbling in his throat.

“I thought you’d be back a little bit later, but I’m glad you’re here.” He murmurs out, voice tired but so soothing to your ears.

“Mmm, I’m glad to be back… now are you gonna tell me what that magnificent smell is? Or should I open up the oven and check?” The cheeky tinge to your voice causes him to pull away from you for a moment to look you in the eye.

“If you want it to turn out well, I’d keep your pretty little hands away from the oven for the next few minutes.” Kenma quips.

You playfully stick out your tongue but then proceed to place a teasing peck between his eyes, making him crinkle his nose cutely.

“So, when you sent me those texts earlier, I might have accidentally made an apple pie.” Kenma admits, looking away.

“Accidentally?” A grin slowly spreads across your face, eyes glinting with humor.

“Yep. Accidentally.” He shrugs, “I found some ingredients and a pie dish and I just accidentally threw it all together. So yeah, how convenient is that?”

You sigh, rolling your eyes. 

He’s really something else. And to think your day had previously been wrought with misery and disappointment.

“Mmm I don’t know, Kozume… it doesn’t sound like an accident to me. I think you did it because you wanted to be sweet.” You whisper softly into his ear.

Leaning back to brush away a strand of his hair from his face to get a full visual of his cat-like gaze.

“And why would I do that?” He teases gently.

“Oh, I don’t know… maybe because you love me?” You poke at his shoulder.

“Huh? Love?” He gives you a goofy look, raising both eyebrows in mock confusion. “...Is that some kind of sauce?”

He tries to keep a straight face, but the quirk of his lip gives him away.

You just stare at him before giving in to another fit of rolling giggles. The hearty, unrestrained laughter overtakes the both of you, causing you to double over and clutch your middle in an attempt to hold yourself up. Kenma has his back up against the counter-top, holding the edges of it with both palms to keep himself steady and from falling to the floor. 

As you both recover from aching lungs and that cloudy, euphoric feeling, you can’t help but let a smile plaster itself on your face.

Kenma has done many things today.

He gave you a reason to come home with hope in your heart. He’d drawn you into a heartfelt, soul-refreshing hug. He had made you laugh like nobody ever could. He’d even baked you an apple pie.

But best of all, he‘d held you together.

Like he always did.

Every single day, without a doubt in your mind, you could celebrate and smile. Because you would always have this cinnamon-covered cutie to smile and crack up with. He would always brighten the most mundane of weekdays and find the loveliest of ways to match your moods.

You two are like apple pie and vanilla bean ice cream.

And speaking of ice cream…

“Hey, Kozume?” You bring him into one more bear-like hug.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Did you get ice cream to go with the apple pie?” You ask, your face preciously tucked into the crook of his neck.

No reply. Had he heard you?

“Kozume? Did-”

Cue a huge sigh from Kenma.

“...Where are my car keys? I need to go to the store immediately.”

---

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046, @miss-rin, @shou-kunn, @senkuwu-chan, @super-noya, @stcrryskies, @holaaaf, @sugacookiies, @vintgicals, @moonlightaangel

(comment, dm, or send an ask to be added to my general tag list)

[mono-dot-jpeg]

fries and milkshakes - k. tsukishima

Summary: A salty volleyball player and a pro gamer walk into a room, so many insults were made that day.

Word Count: 1.8k

Genre: Fluff, Enemies to Lovers, Pro Gamer! Reader, Open Ended (?) 

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

a/n: purely a self indulgent fanfic bc salty shima is growing on my best friend :))) follow them if you haven’t >:(((( @mangobangi​ also a very fun quote was put in here from them as well skjdksjdk

"Waa~ the season is over! Thank god. I don't have to worry about practicing with Heesu!" You sighed blissfully. Now you weren't a pro at what would be called normal sports but you were definitely a pro at gaming.

You were (streamer/name), one of the pro players of Philadelphia Fusion from the Overwatch League. You were known for being one of the first females to join Overwatch League. It was a bumpy ride but you made it far. But now you had your studies to focus on. While you weren't in the official line up (due to how young you were), you practiced hard with the benched players and streamed in your free time with your fellow teammates.

You arrived at Karasuno, it wasn't a new day for you. A pretty normal day, except you were transferring into a higher class so that was pretty new. You get to Class 1-4, entering hesitantly.

"Ah, you must be the new student! Introduce yourself!"

"Morning, I'm y/n l/n! Please call me y/n! Nice to meet you!" You bowed as you introduced yourself, you ended up having to sit next to a tall blonde named Tsukishima Kei. Soon it was free time/study hall.

Some students had come up to you as they seemed to recognize you from your streams. You never minded the attention and you just hoped it never got too bad. "Are you really s/n?"

"I prefer not to talk about it too much.." You laughed nervously.

"Wow! You're in like the top 50 in the Asia and American servers!" You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. You were never one to brag about your achievements. It was all just a video game to you in the end but then again, you were gonna be in Overwatch League when you get out of high school.

"She can reach top 50 and yet her height says she can barely reach the middle shelf." You turned to look at the tall male.

"Well, that's not very nice, Tsukishima-kun." You tell him. "And if you're gonna insult me, make up something better. I've dealt with years of misogyny in the gaming world, fight me." You have an annoyed glint in your eye as he glares at you.

"Oh my bad, chibi-chan." You were walking right into his trap and you didn't even realize it. "At least I'm in the starting line up on my team." He snickered. He knew very well that you were part of the Philly Fusion and you knew he was in the volleyball team. He knew of a few ways to push your buttons.

"H-Hey! I'll be in the starting line up soon! Just you wait! I'll be at the top!" You huffed. "You'll see me with the big boys, you salty beanpole of a guy!"

"Beanpole? Is that really the best you could come up with?"

"I could come up with worse but I don't think you could handle the heat. What with your petty insults and all." You crossed your arms. "At least I'm at the top with the best."

“Tch, what insults could you come up with, chibi-chan?” He scoffed. Everyone can feel the tension rise between you both. Luckily, a fight didn’t happen due to the fact that the bell had rung. While you and Tsukishima were frustrated at the sound of the bell, Yamaguchi seemed very relieved. 

It’s been several days since you got transferred to Class 1-4. You made a decent amount of friends in the class (though you weren’t sure if someone of them wanted to be genuinely friends with you or they just wanted to meet your teammates). You were really good friends with Yamaguchi, although you still didn’t like Tsukishima enough to want to be his friend. More often than not, you both spat insults at each other with no remorse. It seemed to be a mutual thing, neither of you wanted to be friends nor plan on it. 

You went to see volleyball practice pretty often as to support Yamaguchi (though Tsukki joked a lot that you were obsessed at continuing the feud you and Tsukishima had). “Hey Yama-kun.” You weren’t as energetic as it was getting close to league season and that meant less time with hanging out with friends.

“Are you okay, y/n-chan?” he asked as he was rubbing the sweat off his face with his towel.

“It’s almost league season for me, which mean I won’t spend as much time here. I’ll be home earlier to practice with my team.” You often practiced in your free time when it was off-season but the coach always thought it was better for you to practice with the team even if you weren’t gonna be in the line up.

“You really have to practice even if you’re not in the lineup?” Tsukishima scoffed.

“At least I’m passionate about what I do! You barely put energy into yourself playing!” You snapped back at him.

“Whatever..” He muttered.

“Sorry about Tsukki..” Yamaguchi said. “So, you’re gonna be really busy now, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna be going back to the Fusion base since they might want me to train over there.” That struck a cord in the duo.

“You’re gonna be leaving?” Yamaguchi asked, shocked.

“Yeah. But it won’t be forever. But they know it would be better for me if I went back to school around the Fusion base so it would be easier for me.” You ruffled your hair in slight frustration. “So funny enough, this is my first and last year here.” You sighed. Tsukishima didn’t know what to say. Nor did he realize what feeling were stirring up inside of him. But they didn’t feel good.

“That sucks, but you’re gonna get close to your dream, right?” The green haired male asked. “I’m glad you’ll get the dream you wanted but we’ll miss you when you leave.” He smiled sadly.

“Saltyshima won’t miss me though but I appreciate that you will.” You smiled at Yamaguchi while said male scoffed at your statement. “Let’s just have fun for these last few day before I leave.”

“Eh? You’re leaving that soon?”

“In 3 days actually. On Saturday.” 

D-1

You already felt yourself missing everything in this school. While Tsukishima is struggling to think about what were these dumb feelings doing to him. Why was he feeling this way? Why was it always towards you? Why were these feelings even existing?

“Okay, Tsukishima-kun. Yamaguchi and I made a promise. I have to try and get along with you before I leave to go back. So, let’s start over.” You stuck his hand out. He doesn’t shake your hand and scoffs.

“Like I wanna be friends with you, chibi-chan.”

“Okay, let’s go out to eat then. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“How about ‘I decline’?” He says back.

“It’ll just be for 30 mins after practice. You can handle that right, Tsukki?” You say almost mockingly.

“Fine.” He huffed. And so started the adventure of the salty male and the pro gamer. After practice both of you headed off to a small diner. “Wow, very fancy.” He says sarcastically.

“Hey, my mom won’t let me in on the money from Overwatch League, give me a break.” You ordered fries and a milkshake. He ordered the same thing as he didn’t seem to care for anything else on the menu. You held up a fry close to his mouth. “Look it’s you.” Before you could move your hand back to eat the fry, he moves closer and eats the fry, his lips just grazing your fingers. “Hey! You have your own sets of fries, Saltyshima!”

“Never said I couldn’t eat your fries though, chibi-chan.” He smirked smugly. How were you gonna get along with the male if he acted like this? You don’t know. You sip on your strawberry milkshake as you glare at him.

D-2

“You’re telling me, you haven’t dipped your fries in a milkshake before?! You’ve got to be kidding me.” You huffed. “Well, now you gotta try it, right now. Do it.” You crossed your arms as you waited for him to do it. You and Tsukishima had unknowingly made a routine between each other which was fries and a milkshake after practice or after school.

“No way.”

“Do it, you coward.” You dip your fry into your milkshake and eat it. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”

“If I do it, will you stop annoying me?”

“You and I both know, I’d still annoy you. Just do it.” He rolled his eyes at your statement before finally trying a fry dipped in the milkshake. “So?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“See! I’m such an intellectual!”

“How are you in my class again?”

D-3

“So...this is the last time we do this. Then I leave.” You were a little gloomy since you and Tsukishima seemed to finally get along, only to probably forget each other in the long run.

“You act like you’re leaving forever. You’ll come back when the season ends, right?”

“I..don’t know yet.” You sighed as you stirred your milkshake with your straw. “You’ll wait for me right? If I come back.”

“When you come back. Don’t say if.” You laughed a bit, but it was a bitter laugh.

“I never thought we’d somewhat get along and when we do, I have to leave for Overwatch League.” You muttered. “Why don’t you come and say goodbye to me when I get to the airport? My aunt is driving me, Yama-kun knows where I live, come with us.” You offered.

“Maybe.”

“Well, let’s not make this our last goodbye right?” You said softly.

Leaving Day

You took a deep breath. Yamaguchi is sitting beside you as he notices the sad look on your face. Tsukishima didn’t come with you to say goodbye. “I’m sure he’ll show up.” He said, trying to be optimistic.

“I don’t know, Yamaguchi...” You mumble. You finally arrive at the airport. “I’ll miss you. I’ll try to text and call as much as I can.” You give him a sad smile. You hug him as he hugs you back.

“I’ll see you soon.” He smiled. You grab your suitcase slowly starting to leave.

“Oh, chibi-chan, you think you can escape from me that easily?” You hear a familiar voice and look up, seeing Tsukishima. Yamaguchi seem to have to take that as a sign to give you and him some space.

“You came after all.” You smiled. He patted your head before pushing you back, chuckling.

“Who do you think I am, chibi-chan?”

“Well, say your goodbyes now. I got to go soon.”

“Right. We got off the wrong foot in the beginning. I will admit that. But within the last 3 days, I tolerate you.”

“Wow, you tolerate me. That’s better than before.”

“Let me finish. I will wait for you. I...don’t just tolerate you. I like you.” His face is dusted with pink, making you hold back a smile and a tease. He took a step closer and kissed your forehead, surprising you. “Take that as my goodbye. Don’t forget to text me when you land, idiot.”

“I won’t forget, beanpole.”

“Shortstack.”

“Lamppost.”

“Gremiln.”

“Salty fries.”

“Sweet milkshake.”

“When you get back, you better buy me fries and a milkshake.”

“I haven’t even left.”

“Well, hurry, so you can come back quickly.”

“I like you too, Saltyshima!” 

[haechanmochi]

You Were Beautiful

Alright OGs, last one before my small ass hiatus.

Requested by @leefelex

Pairing: Seo Changbin X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff-ish? In which (y/n) is a major tomboy with a mad crush on Binnie

-

Crop-hoodies and tight leggings were never your first choice of clothing. Heck, they were never even your last choice.

So called 'tomboys' always wore them. You preferred actual tomboy clothing over the ones you were wearing right now. Like big sweatpants and a baggy shirt with the name of a rock band on it.

So why were you going out of your comfort zone today?

For the longest time, as long as you could remember, you've had a major crush on your friend's brother, Changbin. He'd always hang around when you were over at her place and you've gamed together a couple of times as well - online of course.

Seeming as how he liked to talk to you about such things, you had a small glimpse of hope that maybe he returned the feelings you had for him in the slightest.

You had kept your secret in check, hidden deep under your baggy shirts - just like your boobs were, but had an unfortunate slip-up to your friend during your last sleepover.

Jinnie was Changbin's little sister and practically your best friend since what? Middle-school maybe?

The polar difference between the two of you often had mislead people into thinking you were a lesbian couple, with you being the more male-biased partner, but thankfully, she never let that bother her the way you thought it would.

While being a big fan of bikinis and short skirts, Jinnie was never one to cower under pressure or embarrassment. So when her exes, who were mostly senior boys at high school, would tease her - not bullying exactly - about your assumed relationship, she would stand tall, proud and bite back,

"At least she can make me finish in bed".

You almost lost it that day, breaking into a fit of laughter when the two of you left the building hand in hand.

Despite your mutual interest in men and not women, Jinnie and you had fooled around a few times after drunk parties - but that was in college when she wanted to see for herself what the 'lesbian life' - as she put it, had in store.

So back to your crop hoodie and tight black leggings with three white stripes running down each side - why?

A couple of days after your slip-up to Jinnie, she had started investigating into her brother more to find out if he had anything mutual going on for you. She was extremely supportive of it - like you expected her to be.

Then she broke down the 411 of what she had overheard during a conversation between Changbin and one of his friends that was almost equally as attractive (in you eyes nobody could overpower Changbin), called Jisung.

The two had been bickering and teasing each other while playing an intense game of mortal combat when Changbin had mentioned you - really loud too.

Then Jisung had teased him about it - all, "falling for her and her gaming skills", to which Changbin had responded,

"I see her more as a gaming bestie, you feel me? Cause I dunno, her being my sister's best friend might make it awkward".

You replayed the apparent words that left Jinnie's mouth.

So he sees you as a dude? That's just great.

Not even a week had gone by since the eavesdropping and Changbin had sent you an e-mail.

What are we? In the 60s?

You opened it up to reveal an attachment - an invitation to a gaming tournament where you could meet all the YouTubers who game. So like comic-con with gaming.

At first you typed in an entire paragraph, apologizing for not being able to make it due to 'other plans' but you reconsidered before hitting send.

If a gamer is what he saw you as, then you could impress him with something he likes about you.

However, the cargo pants and big t-shirts weren't gonna cut it - you considered this invitation as more of a date and decided, for once in your damn life, to dress up for the boy. He deserved it after having to see you only hidden under layers of clothing for so many years.

So here you were, seated quietly on Jin's bed while she swiped on your mascara for you after you accidently pricked your eye with the bristles the first time.

Nothing too major had been changed, other than mascara, and after careful consideration, some highlight. No foundation and no eyeshadow or even lipstick. You settled for your green-apple chapstick instead.

You wouldn't say it was a life-changing moment for you because it's not like you were looking at someone new, but when you glimpsed at the mirror a few seconds later, you felt pretty.

That's something you haven't felt in a while.

All the insecurities that you had hidden under your big clothing were stripped away to reveal, what you felt were, your flaws.

"I'd smash", Jin nodded in approval with a duck face while walking in circles around you, "also who knew you had such a nice butt".

You groaned in embarrassment when she poked at your buttcheek.

"Okay okay, now go get your man sis", she cheered on quietly while I descended the stairs to the living room where Changbin was on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

"We're all ready", you almost whisper, shyly and he looks up from the screen.

To say in the least, Changbin was surprised - when he had asked you to accompany him to GAME-CON, he hadn't expected a full on snack to give him a slight arousal.

He has assumed you would wear your usual baggy stuff, which he low-key found adorable - but unlike you, would never let it slip up to anybody.

"Hey, you" he chuckled nervously attempting to establish a more comfortable aura, "Have you seen (y/n) anywhere?" He joked and you socked his shoulder lightly.

"Alright then, let's get it"

~•

GAME-CON had been an absolute pleasure, especially with fucking Seo Changbin next to you, brushing his arm against yours occasionally or pulling you by the hand to go see something exciting.

The thrill of having the boy right there enhanced the experience so much more than it originally was.

While Changbin was in the restroom, you watched a cute couple playing together. The girl kept squealing whenever there was blood on the small computer screen and she'd cling onto the boy's arm.

Is this what men want?

When Changbin came back, only one gaming booth was available so you agreed to take turns trying out the newest unreleased updates.

The first game he played was the new and improved Tomb Raider.

To be honest, it was quite more violent than you expected so you started to try out the things that the other girl had been doing.

You scooched closer to Changbin and his determined face showed no sign of him noticing, even though the boy was burning with desire underneath his demeanour.

During the storyline in which Lara Croft cuts the neck of an enemy and blood spurts out, you throw away your pride and let out an awkward mid-high pitch squeal and tug of Changbin's arm ever so lightly.

He gives you an odd look but continues to watch.

After this repeats a few times, Changbin exits the game and takes your hand, leading you towards the closest Cafeteria.

"Okay what's up?" He asks you suspiciously and you feel yourself heat up.

"Nothing is up, I just felt a little frightened is all".

Changbin scoffed, not in a mean way, and stated proudly,

"(Y/n), you play Mortal Combat and Splinter Cell every weekend with me and you don't even flinch, what's going on?"

You let out a defeated sigh and confess,

"I just- wanted you to stop seeing me as just a dude-girl and more of a girl who is -"

"Girly?" He cut you off.

You looked down at the marble table-top, tracing your fingers silently a long the cracked pattern.

Changbin stops your ever-wandering hands when he cups them in his relatively larger ones.

"Tell me, (y/n), despite me appreciating how boyish you are - and maybe teasing you about how tough you look when you play, have I ever, asked you to stop doing it? Have I ever asked you to stop being macho and just so chill?"

You shook your head no and he sighed, bringing one hand up to lift your chin.

"And you know why I haven't? Because I like how interesting you are. I like how intense you are with gaming. I like that you don't really put an effort into your clothes but still end up looking so cute".

You blushed at his comment, expecting it to stop there but he kept going.

"You were always beautiful and you still are - and frankly, if you were a boy, you'd be the cutest one out there".

You were currently dumbfounded as you tried to find the right sentence fragments to piece together in a situation as such.

"I like who you are, completely as you are - and even though this outfit, out of the blue, made me feel things, I like everything about you, whether it's with clothes or without", he said smirking at the last part and you did the only thing that came to mind, swatting his hand away playfully.

"Let's get something to eat, I'm starving", you broke the obligatory silence and Changbin appreciated you reverting back to your original self.

"Whatever you want, boyfriend", he chuckled as you gasped in playful offence, almost tackling him to the ground then and there.

Maybe nothing was official as of yet and maybe that was okay.

[a-functional-lowlife-blog]

8.11.19

So I’ve never really utilized anything other than a diary to jot down my daily feels, but something tells me I might find some comfort knowing that nobody can sneak into my room and read my journal. Tumblr seems like a good enough void to dump these thoughts into. Maybe it’s my psyche craving a positive outlet.. Id rather this be private, but sometimes connections supposed to help, right?  If topics of abuse, death, suicide, or depression trigger you, please do not continue reading. So I guess, let’s start from the top.

I’m 2X years old, & I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing with my life right now. I’m a gamer, & employed, But it’s not like I”m pursuing some great dream. I’m kind of coasting through life, trading experiences for fragments of myself. But I’m honestly rather content, at the moment. I make decent enough money. I can afford to shelter myself, feed myself, & entertain myself. So to some people, yeah it might look like i’ve had it pretty easy. In some ways, I have; in others, not really. 

It was just me & my mom growing up. Dad wasn’t around, & i don’t really want to get into that right now. My mom did everything she could for me. And I, of course being a growing hormonal boy, never truly appreciated it until I got into the real world. Thanks mom. She low-key prepared me for almost anything. I graduated high school, no special titles or accolades, but I could hear her screaming well above the entire stadium of parents when they called my name. I hope I can make her that proud again someday. I haven’t seen her in almost 4 years. Life can be a bitch like that once you’re an actual adult.

Since graduating high school, I’ve fathered a child, a little girl, who continues to blow my mind every day, with her brains & beauty. Damn, my ugly mug made one amazing little girl. Everything I do, I do for her. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. The mother & I are still on fantastic terms, but we separated a couple years after the birth. It just didn’t work as a healthy relationship anymore, & our daughter deserved better than that. 

After we parted ways, I got myself tangled up with a girl that, in hindsight, I should have never said hello to. Now don’t get me wrong, the first 2 years were truly magical. She was young, beautiful, petite body, alternative with piercings & tattoos. Which was basically me, young, rather handsome, fit body, alternative with piercings and tattoos. A match, it would seem, made in heaven. She made me feel alive again. She reinvigorated me to my soul, showed me new experiences I never could have imagined, or dared to do otherwise. I felt happy. Which for me, is a rather fleeting bird, one that’s typically driven away by the raven. It was just like a fairy-tale. We all know those aren’t real. I should have seen the warning signs. The “red flags” that everyone says I ignored. But red flags look like regular flags when looking through rose-tinted glass. If you’ve stumbled upon this by chance, & are triggered by abuse, or suicide, I suggest you stop reading now. 

It started out with little things. Roast-like insults, but sometimes they hurt a little more than they should. Which, obviously, led my mind to tell me “stop being so sensitive.” I’d let it slide. As we approached the 2 year mark, it started getting nastier. Her patience with me was very thin. The smallest error, like I forgot to pick up soda on the way home from my 10 hour shift once, led to me being belittled with insults to my intelligence & even attacks on my dedication to her. It only got worse as time went on. I silently cried myself to sleep most nights. My self-esteem was in an entirely different dimension by this point. I’ve become completely submissive to her. I looked at myself in the mirror one night, after doing things that I regret doing, and being disgusted in myself for letting it get so bad. For never stepping back up & standing my ground. I got us through homelessness. I had helped her get help because she had a severe mental illness that I will not put here. Her every wish, within my power, was my command. Why should I tolerate being treated like something stuck to the bottom of her shoe when kindness didn’t suit her?  So I did. That was the first time she hit me. Just once, open palmed to my left temple.

It didn’t stop. It got worse. I will not go into details, because almost 3 years later, I still panic when I try to think about those months. Most of my friends & family do not know how bad it got. And those that do, do not even know who she even was. It collapsed faster when I started to dissociate after multiple (thankfully) failed suicide attempts. I started cheating, trying to get her to leave me, since she wouldn’t allow me to leave her without threatening to kill herself. “You’re my soulmate, I won’t live without you.” She kept me in that state of submissive fear for another year, using the same lines. Using the same deflection tactics to make me question myself. All while calling me her “soul mate”. I hate that fucking word now. 

But I did finally get the courage to leave. In the middle of the night, a train ride back to my hometown. She tried to work back into my life a few times over the next 2 years. I eventually stopped talking to her, because she would always try to convince me to come back to her, that it can be different, that she’s willing to start over. So I stopped talking to her last year. And now, I can’t anymore, because last month, she killed herself. I honestly never stopped loving her. I can feel the hole where her energy used to be, the bits she contributed to my soul, snuffed out.. I blame myself for her suicide. And I hate that I fell in love with such a beautiful, toxic soul.

We can skip over the few fling relationships I held while in my hometown, except for one girl, who I will forever thank for showing me what a true loving, healthy relationship, based on trust and open communication can actually be like. We got into it knowing we were on a time limit, because I was already in the process of saving up to move again, this time, 3,000 miles away. But we had good chemistry, and I think the relationship was the perfect amount of time for both of us. She’s a LoZ girl. Major fan. As in, owns every game, tons of merch, follows tons of streamers on Twitch who play Legend of Zelda, especially if it’s Ocarina of Time. Coastal gamer girl is probably the best description of her. She’s still one of my best friends, & I talk to her on occasion. She’s super happy, and living a rather adventurous life. I’m super happy for her. 

Our fateful day came, and I had to move away. She comforted me during the entire packing process. Which literally filled 2 boxes I shipped to my new address, my military backpack, & a laptop case. It still resulted in 8 hours of back to back anxiety attacks. I only knew TWO people in the town where I was moving to. One of them, I had never physically met before in our entire 14 year friendship. So, rightfully, I was terrified to leave. I’d reconnected with old friends in my hometown. I’d met an amazing girl in my hometown. I’d landed a really fantastic job in the medical field in my hometown. What was I thinking?! Leave all of THIS?!

But I knew why. She knew why. Everyone in my life knew why. The answer was simple. Yeah, I had a good job, a good girl, & a relatively good life. But I wasn’t truly happy. In my soul. Just as I was in the states I’ve lived before. And that was okay. We had the perfect amount of happiness.

So here I am, in an undisclosed new location, three-thousand miles away from my hometown. And honestly, I’m happier here than I’ve ever been anywhere else. Do I see myself dying here? No, not really. But I could kick it here for a decade or so, if the fates allow my life that long? Sure. The best friend I’d never met before, is just as amazing in person. We play video games together now & then, and go out to the downtown bar scene sometimes for karaoke. There’s 3 roommates total. I enjoy being their roommate. Also, there’s 4 cats. who I absolutely love, and will contemplate posting their pictures here too, for memories sake.

I’ve made some really amazing friends, especially one girl in particular. She’s been very good to me, in many ways. Dinners, events, concerts, party weekend for my last birthday to pass. All while both of us just have a blast around each other. She’s helped me alot these last few months, everything from food to rent, while I struggled to find work, & get on my own two feet. I struggled for 5 months before I landed myself where I am now. So to celebrate, she & I went and got tattoos today.

I got a tattoo of the chemical structure of serotonin on my wrist. To remind myself to be happy, because I’ve already spent so much time being sad. And that I’m going to keep making myself happier, by staying true to myself, learning & growing from the events I’ve been through in my life, both good and bad. Creative, & destructive. Because it’s all molded me into who I am now.

So really without getting into childhood stories, high school shenanigans, & college hijinx, that’s the story of Z. A recent handle I’ve taken to lately, in case someone does decide to read this. I’d like to add to this little... off-site journal once a week, maybe more often.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I’m sufficiently stoned now, & would like to return to playing Apex Legends.

Signing off, 

Z

[yoon-kooks]

Room 309

Pairing: pianist!Yoongi x Reader

Genre: fluff, college!AU, badboy!AU

Summary: Rumor has it, there’s one classroom reserved for making love during school hours. And somehow, you get yourself caught in the rumor along with the self-proclaimed bad boy, Min Yoongi.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex

You walked extra slowly to your most dreaded class, biology. It wasn’t that you hated the subject itself, but rather, you just hated the people you were stuck with for two hours. The snobby know-it-all, Kim Namjoon. The petty gossipers, Park Jimin, Kim Seokjin, and Jung Hoseok. The annoying guy who asked the professor too many questions, Kim Taehyung. The gamer who sat at the back of the class playing Overwatch every day, Jeon Jungkook. And of course, the bad boy of the school, Min Yoongi, whose smug, yet oddly handsome face, made you regret ever stepping foot into that class.

As a way to delay your inevitable fate, you drifted away from your usual path to class, passing classrooms you had never seen or known of. The art side of campus was beautiful, you discovered. Bright and bold posters, murals, portraits were displayed all along the walls in the halls, but nothing was striking enough to stop you in your tracks. That is, until you reached the music section of the art wing.

A faint melody lured you towards the piano room at the very end of the hallway. Something about the piano composition was melancholy, yet calm and deeply touching at the same time. Whoever was playing such a beautiful piece must’ve had a beautiful soul as well, you thought. You tried to peek inside to get a glimpse of the mysterious pianist, but the door was locked.

Not willing to give up so easily, you decided to wait and see if someone would come out before the next period of classes began. But the piano continued to sound with a new piece, just as pretty as the last one had been.

Just as the slow and soft melody came to a stop, you clapped silently to yourself and checked your phone for the time. You were too busy admiring the piano that you hadn’t realized your class had already started without you. With a regretful sigh, you walked away from the piano room to your biology class.

When you arrived to class, you tried to sneak in quietly in an attempt to avoid the Gossip Squad from noticing. The professor would simply ignore your tardiness, probably because she knew you were a good student with a legit reason for being late.

You couldn’t say the same for the boy who walked in right after you, with his smug face and earbuds blasting a rap in which you were pretty sure mentioned STDs. The whole class froze and stared as the two of you took your seats. To make things worse, the only empty seats were right next to each other, and the Gossip Squad would definitely have something to say about that.

“Wow, did you like, see Y/N and Yoongi come in together?” Hoseok scoffed.

“Not only did they come together, but they came in late together because they were probably too busy doing something else,” Jimin giggled.

“Is this another scandal of the rumored Room 309?” Seokjin was filing his nails.

“Ooh! I didn’t think goody-goody Y/N was into fuck boys like Yoongi.”

That’s because you weren’t into him. You rolled your eyes at the comment, although it did bother you that you were now part of another Room 309 rumor with Yoongi of all people.

Room 309 was basically where people fucked during school hours, or at least that’s what the rumors said. You didn’t know where the classroom was, nor were you interested in taking a visit there, but apparently Yoongi had been caught in there a bunch of times. It only made sense.

And now you were another name on a long list of people he had allegedly slept with.

Halfway through class, you gave up on listening to the professor’s monotonous lecture. You couldn't focus on taking notes anyway, since the Gossip Squad refused to quit whispering about you as Yoongi’s “secret lover”. Every time one of them would glance over to you, you’d glare back with an audible huff.

Suddenly you noticed a small folded paper had slipped onto your desk, not quite sure where it came from. You turned to your left, where Jungkook was in the middle of a heated Overwatch match. Couldn’t be him, you shook your head. You turned to your right, where Yoongi was watching you curiously. When he caught your eyes on him as well, he pointed at the paper, gesturing for you to open it.

It was a phone number. Just before you were about to crumple it into a ball and chuck it at the back of Taehyung’s head, a hand caught your arm. You gave Yoongi a look and mouthed, “What?”

He only motioned with his thumbs for you to text him. So you did, and you regretted it immediately.

3:34PM unknown “what”

3:35PM min fucking yoongi “are you a virgin?”

3:35PM Y/N “wouldnt you like to fucking know👹”

3:36PM min fucking yoongi👹 “im not asking bc i wanna sleep with you lmao”

3:37PM min fucking yoongi👹 “im asking bc it looks like somethings bothering your little virgin heart”

3:37PM min fucking yoongi👹 “its bc of the rm 309 rumor right?”

3:38PM Y/N “im not necessarily bothered by the rumor itself”

3:39PM Y/N “im just mad people think i slept with someone like you -_-”

3:40PM min fucking yoongi👹 “ouch im so hurt”

3:40PM min fucking yoongi👹 “well just fyi the easiest way to get rid of a rumor is to make it true”

3:41PM Y/N “im not gonna sleep with you😂😂😒”

3:42PM min fucking yoongi👹 “no one said you had to sweetheart”

3:42PM min fucking yoongi👹 “but if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me”

You seriously questioned why you had even bothered to text the boy in the first place. It was clear he only wanted one thing anyway.

As the lecture finally came to an end, you walked out of the class feeling so drained until a cute idea popped into your head. Since your classes were done for the day, you’d stop by the piano room again to see if the mysterious pianist was still there. Because you knew their music would certainly lift your spirit after a long day.

After grabbing your favorite Americano from the campus coffee shop, you headed over to the piano room where, sure enough, someone was playing a pretty ballad. You sat your ass down on the floor and rested your head against the wall separating you from the pianist.

It was a strange feeling. Even though you didn’t know the person behind the piano or what they even looked like, it was like love at first sound. And the romantic side of you knew that when you finally did see the pianist, it would be like meeting a lover, or at least a soulmate.

When the melody turned into a slow and soothing lullaby, you promised yourself to close your eyes only until the pianist switched to a new piece. But you were out a moment later.

-

“Y/N.” You felt someone shake your shoulder gently. Was it your soulmate?

Nope. As soon as you opened your eyes, you wanted to shut them because you certainly didn’t want Min Yoongi to be the first thing you saw when you woke up. Horrified, you almost knocked over your Americano.

“You’re actually here?” he was a mixed of confused and amused. “I was just joking about finding me here if you changed your mind, you know.”

You had no idea what he was talking about, but you suddenly noticed the piano playing had stopped. “Did you see someone leave from this room?”

“Why?”

“There was someone in there playing the piano,” you yawned. “And I really liked it… so I wanted to find out who was in there.”

“You mean you’re not here because it’s Room 309?”

Your eyes widened. Room 309? The piano room was the Room 309? You looked at the sign on the door that you had failed to previously take note of, and just as Yoongi had said, it was indeed Room 309.

“Wait, you have sex in there?” you asked with genuine innocence.

“According to the rumors, yes.”

“Are the rumors true?”

Yoongi paused before responding. He pulled out a set of keys and dangled them in front of you. “Wanna find out?”

“I’m not going in there with you,” you took an angry sip of your Americano.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to find out who was playing the piano in there?”

“Yeah, but…” you stopped yourself. Maybe this was your only chance to figure out who this mysterious pianist was. “Okay fine.” You picked up your Americano and stood up into a stretch as Yoongi unlocked the door to the piano room.

It was a lot tinier and cozier than you were expecting a piano room designated for sex to be. In fact, as soon as you stepped into the room, you forgot about the sex rumor.

At the sight of the baby grand, you gaped. It took up about a third of the room, but it was as beautiful as you had seen them on TV. Still in awe, you watched as Yoongi took a seat on the bench and offered you a hand to sit next to him.

“Do you play?” you asked in a soft tone, forgetting you were speaking with your worst enemy.

“A little,” his voice was soft as well. You had never noticed how soothing his raspy voice could be.

“Prove it,” you waited as the boy hesitantly lifted his fingers to the keys. For as confident of a fuck boy as he was, you wondered what was taking him so long.

Once he finally played the first bar of notes, however, you couldn't believe it. It was the same melody with the same intonation you had heard earlier that day. It was the same piece that you had admired and fallen in love with.

Min Yoongi. He was the mysterious pianist you had been waiting for all along. And that revelation simultaneously grossed you out and made your cheeks rosy.

“Why does everyone think you have sex in here?” you asked rather than showering the boy with compliments after he finished playing.

“Because they don’t need to know the truth.”

“You don’t want people to know you play the piano?”

Yoongi shook his head. “Not until I’m capable of reaching my goal.”

“World domination?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “When my music can make some kind of a difference in the world, I’ll let them know.”

A difference in the world, huh.

“You know, I used to think you were just a fuck boy who listens to songs about STDs.”

“Thanks, I get that a lot.” He also mumbled something about A to the G to the U to the STD but you ignored it.

“But, it turns out you’re a fuck boy who wants to use his music for the good of the world,” you said. “And for people to find joy and happiness when they listen to your piano.”

“That’s me.”

“Yoongi.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I come here again?” you blushed. “Just to listen to you play?”

“You like my music that much?”

You nodded.

“Of course.” You only caught a glimpse of Yoongi’s cute gummy smile before it turned into the smug face you hated. “But on one condition.”

“For the last time, I’m not sleeping with you,” you rolled your eyes.

“Not that,” he laughed. “I want you to give me feedback on my music, or shower me with compliments. Also, can I have your Americano?”

“Oh… okay,” you half-lied, handing him your drink. Sure, you didn’t mind giving feedback on his music, but there was no way in hell you’d compliment Yoongi himself. At least not for now. But if the time ever came when he needed someone to really lift his spirit, you’d be there to heal him just as his music had done for you.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he took a long sip of your Americano. “And don’t worry about the rumor. I’m sure it’ll be true some day.”

“But not today~!” You swiped your drink out of Yoongi’s veiny piano fingers and ran out of Room 309 with a giggle.

[theliterateape]

Problematic Movies of the '80s | Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

By Don Hall

In high school (1980–1984) I was part of a group of four known throughout the school as The Four Guys. There was Lynn, the eventual valedictorian of our class who was about four foot eleven with a huge strawberry birthmark on his face. Lew, a Dungeons & Dragons enthusiast who was both a drummer in the band and played the organ for fun. Merc (his last name was Mercer and, given we were both named Don, the abbreviation stuck) a soft-hearted Christian rock kid with a goofy smile and built like a Great Dane pup. And me. Known as Don R. because I signed my name with the middle initial and my debate coach thought that was funny.

We did skits in classes that didn’t call for them. We played hearts at lunch. We were all four in the band. Lynn was super-smart as was Lew. I was bigger and louder than my three friends so when the jocks wanted to beat on us, they always had to go through me first. Lynn and I were debate partners and led our team to regional, state, and national victories. We all four loved computer class with Coach Strong. We graduated as the top four in our tiny class: Lynn, then Lew, then Merc, then me.

We were nerds.

We didn’t really care that we were nerds nor that the football players made fun of us. My girlfriend and I broke up my senior year so Lew was my prom date and we had a ball. Lynn probably never once saw himself as a nerd because he was so razor sharp that he just carried himself as slightly bullet proof. Of course, I was almost always in some sort of battle with the jocks because I had (had?) such a big goddamn mouth, but we were nerds of the highest level.

We graduated in 1984 and all four of us went of to college just like Lewis (Robert Carradine) and Gilbert (Anthony Edwards) in a movie that sought to define the dilemma faced by nerds across America.

What film is more iconic of the ‘80s than Revenge of the Nerds? What iconic film of the ‘80s is more prescient for today?

It is easy to connect the idea of the Nerds using the hazing tactics and bullying methods against their Frat Boy and Sorority Sister Oppressors to the social justice movements of today. In 2019, the marginalized, outcast, oppressed minorities of identity have taken to utilizing the strategies of the Alt Right to turn the table on them. In the ‘80s it was the wealthy frat boys using public shaming and media shout outs to shame the Left into losing elections. Today, the Rage Profiteers on the Fringe Left use online call outs, prank videos, and YouTube gotcha moments to do the same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, the Alt Right uses these tools as well but the Radical SJWs out there are smarter than them and far better at it. Just recently there’s been squawk about the scene at the end when the head of the Bad Guy Sorority gets tricked into having sex with the head nerd, so that may be quite problematic. Nikki Sixx, in his book The Dirt and the subsequent Netflix film, tells a random story about having sex with a groupie who was so wasted that he switched out with Tommy Lee and she didn’t notice, which sounds similarly horrifying, was in real life, and Motley Crüe were hardly nerds.

Anyway, that’s about all I can remember. This was not one of my favorite comedies of the day but I recall liking it.

Revenge of the Nerds Directed by Jeff Kanew Written by Tim Metcalfe, Miguel Tejada-Flores, Steve Zacharias, & Jeff Buhai

The set up is relatively simple and the film wastes little time establishing things through the use of broad stereotypes. Gilbert and Lewis are nerds going to college. They drive up to Adams College, get a dorm room, and due to the stupid jock frat (the Alpha Betas) who burn their house down by drunkenly blowing fireballs at a set of curtains, are moved with an entire group of nerds to a corner of the gymnasium. Here they meet Booger (Curtis Armstrong), Poindexter (Timothy Busfield), Lamar (Larry B. Scott), and Takashi (Brian Tochi). The group of nerds find a rundown house on campus, fix it up, and apply to be a fraternity house.

They only manage to become a probationary member of Lambda Lambda Lambda, a black national fraternity, through a by-law. When the Alpha Betas are threatened by the nerds joining their game, they try to destroy them and the nerds fight back and win. It’s not terribly complex and it isn’t supposed to be. Relying on the caricatures of drunken white frat boy jocks, big-boned nerd girls in the Omega Moo sorority, John Goodman as an abusive asshole football coach, David Wohl as the milquetoast Dean, and the broad swath of nerds in the Tri-Lambda frat makes for some quick setups and quicker storytelling.

It is notable that venerated actor James Cromwell is listed as “Jamie Cromwell” in his short role as Lewis’ father.

Problematic Moments/Themes

Oh, Nelly — there are almost a catalogue list of jokes, images, and plot points of things 2019 would consider problematic.

The caricature of Takashi (Asian, pigeon English, a series of jokes around his inability to pronounce “Rs,” and perhaps the most bizarre — in the talent contest, these brainiacs decided to take the stereotyped Asian kid, dress him up as a Native American chief with feathered headdress and have him play the gong. Not only problematic but completely unnecessary.

Lamar is gay. You know he’s gay because he speaks like a girl, does aerobics, has a limp wrist and brings a guy as his date to the frat party.

Once the nerds get hazed by the Pis and Betas, they decide to take — you guessed it — revenge. For the guys, they put Liquid Heat in their jockstraps. For the girls, they stage an elaborate panty raid with plenty of gratuitous naked sorority chick shots, all to create a diversion so that Lamar and Wormer (a genius kid sent to college before he even hit puberty) to rig giant cameras (1980s…) so that they can sit on a couch and peep on the unsuspecting and surprisingly nude sorority girls. The revenge on the guys gets about four minutes of screen time and no tit shots. The revenge on the sorority gets about twenty minutes of screen time and exists almost entirely to showcase 1980s’ co-ed jugs.

And, of course, there’s the rape. And, yes. It is a rape by every definition minus the violence. Betty (the über-chick) is refused by Stan (the alpha-male) for an invitation of sex (“You’re like a goat,” he says) and Lewis, seeing Ted McGinley’s mask, takes it, pretends to be Stan and fucks Betty under these false pretenses in a funhouse. Does it matter that Lewis is so good at sex that Betty, once she sees it isn’t her boyfriend but a nerd, falls in love with Lewis? Nope. Still rape. Does it make any difference at all that Betty is not traumatized or in any sort of distress? Not at all. Still fucking rape.

Sure, at the end there is an odd co-opting of the mantra of the Civil Rights Movement to unify the nerds against the jocks but, for crying out loud, they use the black fraternity members of the national Tri-Lambdas as Black Panther muscle (marginalizing, awkward, and, yes, problematic).

In 2019, unfortunately nerds have become incels (The Involuntarily Celibate) and are so hellbent on the same basic goals as the 1984 Tri-Lambdas that even the theme song evokes images of hostile white guys plotting revenge against women who find them unattractive and end up hating women and sometimes killing them.

Mom packs us a lunch and we're off to school They call us nerds 'cause we're so uncool They laugh at our clothes They laugh at our hair The girls walk by with their nose in the air

So go ahead, put us down One of these days we'll turn it around Won't be long mark my word Time has come for revenge of the nerds

We wear horn-rimmed glasses With a heavy duty lens Button down shirts And a pocket full of pens Straight "A" students Teachers pets They call us nerds But we don't regret

While the jocks work out  With the football team We're trying to score  With the girl of our dreams You know we ain't good looking But here's the surprise (gasp) Nerds are great lovers In disguise (ah)

So go ahead put us down One of these days we'll turn it around Won't be long mark my word Time has come for revenge of the nerds

If I heard a 2019 gamer dude singing this song, I’d alert the authorities.

Did It Hold Up?

Not really. Not even close.

Overall

Scale of 1 to 10 1 = Classic 10 = Burn all VHS copies of it

Revenge of the Nerds gets a 9

Next Up: National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)

[nomytaker]

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is your middle name? James 2. How old are you? 32. 3.When is your birthday? May 9th 4. What is your Zodiac Sign? Taurus or Rat, whichever you follow. 5. What is your favourite colour? Black, White, Blue, Gold, Green, Purple 6. What’s your lucky number? Always gone with 9. 7. Do you have any pets? Two Cats. 8. Where are you from? Cambridgeshire in the UK. 9. How tall are you? 5′9′‘ 10. What shoe size are you? 8 1/2 UK. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 3. 12. What was your last dream about? I was a vampire in a supernatural hunting group. I shot someone while storming a vampire den, they didn’t die straight away as they weren’t a vampire. I promised to turn them if they joined our cause. Then I woke up. 13. What talents do you have? I know tons of terrible jokes, I can do a handful of card tricks, and good at throwing them, and I train in Martial Arts. 14. Are you Psychic in any way? I usually know when someone is upset with me before seeing them, but that’s about it. 15. Favourite Song? Way too many songs to narrow down to one. Loving music from Babymetal, and The Offspring at the moment. 16. Favourite Movie? Again way too many. Rocky Horror Picture Show, Blues Brothers, Avengers, Nightmare Before Christmas. I could go on. 17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone who likes me? Have some interests in common. Gamer, Geek, Nerd sort of person. 18. Do you want Children? Not up to me, but I wouldn’t say no if they wanted some. 19. Do you want a Church Wedding? Makes no difference to me. 20. Are you religious? Nope. 21. Have you ever been to the Hospital? Yup, operations on my toes, and tonsils. Also, gone a lot for therapy sessions for Depression. 22. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? Nope. I’m relatively boring. 23. Have you met any celebrities? Yeah, I’ve been to a lot of Comic and scifi Cons. Notable celebs include the cast from Red Dwarf, most of the older Doctors from Doctor Who, Warwick Davies, and Kim from the Yogscast. 24. Baths or Showers? I only have a shower, but never pass up a bath when I can. 25. What colour socks are you wearing? My feet are naked! 26. Have you ever been famous? Not really, no. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Not really, no. 28. What type of music do you like? Rock, Punk, Metal, Blues, and Electric. 29. Have you ever been Skinny Dipping? Nope. Too cold here. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three to four.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? Either on my stomach, or on my left side.

32.How big is your house? It’s a bungalow, so fairly small. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Orange Juice. 34. Have you ever fired a gun? BB pistols, a few air rifles, and a shotgun. 35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes, and love to get into doing it properly. 36. Favourite Clean Word? Pizza, Noodles, Cookies. Doughnuts. 37. Favourite Swear word? Fuck. It’s interchangeable with any part of the sentence. 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 72 hours. 39. Do you have any scars? No. 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? How would I know...(and not as far as I know.) 41. Are you a good liar? Nope. Can’t do it well. 42. Are you a good judge of character? I like to think so. 43. Can you do accents other than your own? Scottish. 44. Do you have a strong accent? Apparently. 45. What is your favourite accent? Any. Love hearing accents. 46. What is your personality type? Geeky Nerd. 47. What is your expensive piece of clothing? *shrugs* Usually no more than £30. 48. Can you curl your tongue? Nope. 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie. 50. Left or right handed? Both, but favour the right. 51. Are you scared of spiders? Nah, but am cautious around them. 52. Favourite food? Pasta, Pizza, and noodles. 53. Favourite foreign food? ....noodels?? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Mostly messy. 55. Most used phrase? Flax! Flax is string! 56. Most used word? No. 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 5 minutes. 58. Do you have much of an ego? Nope. 59. Bite or suck a lollipop? Suck til small, bite to finish.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, a lot. 61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes, a lot. 62. Are you a good singer? No, that’s why I usually sing to myself. 63. Biggest Fear? Everyone is friends with me for a laugh. 64. are you a gossip? Nope. 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Don’t tend to watch them. Age of Ultron maybe.... 66. Do you like long or short hair? No preference. I hate my hair being touched, but I like my hair short. 67. Can you name all 50 states in America? Probably, but would take me a while. 68. Favourite school subject? Maths or Science. 69. Extrovert or introvert? Intro. 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Not yet, but I love swimming? 71. What makes you nervous? Everything, thanks depression and anxiety you jerks! 72. Are you scared of the dark? Not really, but I still run to the bed after turning the lights out. 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? How else are they meant to learn otherwise, but I offer it as a suggestion. 74. Are you ticklish? Tickle fight you to find out. 75. Have you ever started a rumor? There has been a rumor that I have. 76. Have you been in a position of authority? Yup, assistant leader for a social group. Ran a martial arts group. 77. Have you drank underage? This is England. Of course I have. 78. Have you ever done drug? Nope. I’m clean there. 79. Who was your first real crush? Probably my first actual girlfriend. She was called Lucy. She was way clever. 80. How many piercings do you have? Zero. 81. Can you roll your Rs? Yes 82. How fast can you type? Fairly fast, but If I try faster I’ll make mistakes.

83. How fast can you run? Fast enough. 84. What colour is your hair? Brown/blond. 85. What colour is your eyes? Blue. 86. What are you allergic to? Coconut stuff. 87. Do you keep a journal? Nope. 88. What do your parents do? Both work for Cambridge University. 89. Do you like your age? Meh, it’s alright. 90. What makes you angry? People not using common sense. 91. Do you like your own name? I like it, but because it’s unusual it’s always a topic of conversation. :/

92. Have you already thought of baby names, if so what? Vincent, and Alice. 93. Do you want a boy or girl for a child? Both preferably. 94. What are your strengths? I work hard, and am loyal. 95. What are your weaknesses? Don’t always believe in myself, and try and please too many people. 96. How did you get your name? Parents found it in a baby name book. It’s an alternative spelling for an unusual name too. Hardly anyone has heard of it, or knows the play it originally comes from. 97. Were your ancestors royality? Probably not. 98. Do you have any scars? I’m sure this one has been done. 99. Colour of your bed spread? Tan, and Chocolate. 100. Colour of your room? Tan, and chocolate.