#“how are you going to ensure that you optimize…’ man stares blankly at me

[excavatinglizard]

Area man says that the only reason women would work in STEM is to make the world safer so they’d feel comfortable giving birth. Auditorium full of science majors prepares to rip him limb from limb, more on this at nine.

[bts-weverse-trans]

The Life of BTS Writes a Story Review of BE 2020.11.30

BTS released its new album, BE, on November 20 after RM announced the band’s plan to produce the record on BANGTANTV’s Log (ON) on April 17. The group was working on the album even as “Dynamite”, the single they dropped on August 21, was topping the Billboard Hot 100. This order of events is given a fresh new meaning when “Dynamite” closes BE as opposed to standing alone as a single. While the group was busy sending messages of hope by reminding us of the past where heading out happily after a cup of milk was possible and giving us a glimpse of the future that will eventually come, they were recording the emotional ride they have been on while being off stage via different tracks on BE. Such changes in emotions can be seen through different portrayals of Jung Kook’s room—the way it looks during the first verse of both “Dynamite” and “Life Goes On,” the title track of the new album. Jung Kook is captured looking chipper as he ties his shoes getting ready to go out and dances in his sunshine-filled room in the music video of “Dynamite”, but in the latter’s video, Jung Kook stares blankly out the window. BE tells the story of how Jung Kook and other members navigated their lives, which includes their time singing “Dynamite,” during the pandemic by stepping out of rooms that are distinctively less colorful than the scenes in the music video of “Dynamite”.

The seven tracks, not including “Dynamite”, embody BTS’ emotional shifts and draw what looks a lot like a V curve, with “Skit” separating each section of three songs. The album opens with “Life Goes On” where BTS asks, “there’s no end in sight / is there a way out?” to live through a reality devoid of hope and arrives at “Stay” where the group expresses their intense longing for a reunion with the fans by saying, “Thinking of you now / No matter where you are / That’s not important.” And during this journey, BTS responds to the physical limitations imposed on their daily lives by saying “They took away this whole year” while also trying to put a positive spin on it by singing, “Thoughts can change by thinking,” in “Fly to My Room”. What follows is “Blue & Grey”, where they reveal inner feelings of depression and anxiety with the line, “Still don’t know this sharp blue / Hope it’s not covered over I’ll find the exit.” “Skit” then offers a shift in direction, and the next song, “Telepathy” reveals their eagerness to meet people again, highlighted by the lyrics, “Every day’s the same and I’m happiest when I meet you.” BTS also takes a moment to let out their complex thoughts on work to reach “Stay” ultimately. It is only at the end of this process that the optimism in “Dynamite”, which feels like a conviction of hope in a time of pandemic, appears in full.

“Life Goes On” allows those who don’t know whether they should hold on to hope or give up on hope to feel what it is like to go with the flow when you don’t know what to feel. Those who want to find a reason to be positive in life affected by the pandemic can find solace in “Fly to My Room.” But it is when you listen to the album as a whole that you can get healing from the pain the pandemic has inflicted on us. The soothing ambiance offered by “Life Goes on” transitions into heavy, slow, and dark tunes in “Blue & Grey,” which is followed by faster rhythm and airy sounds in “Telepathy” and “Stay.” Then the album finally culminates in “Dynamite” where the bright sunshine lifts you up. The record in its entirety offers the chance to experience at least indirectly the emotional ride taken by global superstars BTS themselves. “Dis-ease” is the classic example of the storytelling style BTS chose for the album; the moment they let out their angst and fully devote themselves to work is when the song reaches its climax. When BTS sings, “Get up one more time / It’s morning again we gotta go out / Let’s go one more night,” towards the end of the song, the arrangement drives up the song’s tension for the peak moment, “Everyday I console myself / We’re all the same people ain’t so special / Ay man keep one, two step keep calm and let’s heal up” which tops the song off like fireworks. This ironic way of storytelling mirrors BTS’ life at the moment. There are a lot of thoughts about work and life on their mind, but they try their best to work through them. And just as they do this, their energy transforms into a musical blast.

With “On,” the single track on their previous album “Map of the Soul : 7,” BTS says “Where my pain lies / Let me take a breath.” The album covers how BTS has traveled from the past to where they stand now, and “ON” tells a story of the members having to live with the “shadow” that comes with enormous fame as discussed in “Interlude : Shadow” on the very same album. With BE, BTS finally tells the story of their lives that are still unfolding. It’s not clear whether their questions about work asked in “Dis-ease” now found answers. It’s not known how long this will last, just like no one knows when this pandemic will finally run its course. We have no way of knowing if they are still in the mood expressed in “Blue & Grey” or they’re feeling the positivity of “Fly to My Room.” One thing that is clear is that while they battle work as one would with “Dis-ease,” they still wrote songs like “Telepathy” and “Stay” to send their messages to the fans, and kept busy getting ready to perform “Dynamite” on numerous stages. BE is the album that ties together all of their real-life events, both on and off stage, as one narrative. They started as an idol group and now their lives are intertwined inseparable from their music, their very existence becoming the stories they tell.

The way BE sets up different songs is directly linked to the musical changes BTS has undergone, and thus, are evident in the album. As the members’ stories take center stage, the arrangement focuses on getting their lines and melodies across and adjusts itself flexibly to each member’s part without following a certain trend or form. The arrangement filled with sounds of guitars, synthesizers, bass, drums, and pianos or sounds similar to real instruments is fitting to songs like “Fly to My Room” and “Blue & Grey”, in which auditory shifts accompany each member’s part. The smaller number of sounds used in

BE

compared to previous albums further emphasizes vocals, such as by accentuating the sound of Jung Kook inhaling in the beginning of “Life Goes On.” If J-Hope’s part in “Fly to My Room” reminds you of a gospel song, it’s not just because the synthesizer highlighted the gospel-like vibes but also because j-Hope’s voice that faithfully delivers his emotions as if giving witness to an epiphany with the line, “Thoughts can change by thinking.” Just like the auditory shift that takes place with SUGA’s rap part in “Blue & Grey” where the drums begin to layer, the arrangement of BE evolves constantly in line with each member’s part.

BE also takes on new challenges in format.. The chorus in “Blue & Grey” has such long melodies that it has no clear ending, and it fades out for the post-chorus that triggers an image of a lonely winter night with gloomy vocals. The post-chorus might seem like an abrupt shift but many devices contribute to giving this song the bleak wintery night vibe: RM’s somewhat distant rapping delivered through left and right on stereo that echoes through the room as well as the vocal recording that applied different echoes depending on lyrics and the solemn sounding cello. “Life Goes On” progresses in a similar fashion, starting with percussions ringing right next to your ears that create multi-layered sounds and taking you to an imagined space by blending the chorus and synthesizer. The story they tell resembles confessions about emotional states or specific circumstances, and the melodies unfold and rap flows in new ways as the story progresses While there are a lot of shifts, there is consistency in that sounds build the same sense of space. “Stay,” while being an EDM piece, ends on a rather blue note after phasing out beats that earlier set the stage for the dancefloor stomper. It makes sense given that the song is Jung Kook’s imagination of performing in front of the fans; Festivities in the song are interrupted by the fading out of vocals and overall sound layers. “Telepathy” offers a catchy hook in a song filled with bouncy spirit, just like “Dynamite” does. But the difference lies in that “Dynamite” brings out the explosive energy through repetition of melodies and variation of rhythms and that “Telepathy” phases itself out by reducing the number of sounds. “Fly to My Room” is about coming to terms with life in the pandemic, but the acknowledgment doesn’t necessarily make such a life enjoyable. Adding vibrant melodies isn’t a solution to challenges that accompany work, which are conveyed in “Dis-ease.” Such are the mixed feelings we experience in life—in which we have no control over a break or our approach—that are clearly expressed in the album by highlighting each member’s part and various shifts. Despite the numerous musical turns, the album has been produced in a way that ensures its consistency throughout the entire work; “Life Goes On” leaves you with the chorus where the seamless melodic flow seems like it’ll just keep on going.

In “Skit”, BTS is talking about how they’re practicing their debut song for performance eveon on the day after “Dynamite” became No.1 on the Billboard Hot 100. After they topped the chart with “Dynamite”, they came back with an album filled with songs seemingly the polar opposites of their hit single. Life seems to be on a loop but changes suddenly appear, and previous routines end up different because of this newness. BE is an acceptance of such peculiarity of life rather than an answer to it. BTS began with K-pop and now have become superstars of pop, and they’ve harnessed the power of their own story in the album by choosing neither path. The team that began its journey with “No More Dream” and have traveled to “Dynamite” leaves an open ending as to where they will head next. Still, the next chapter will be shared regardless of what it shapes up to be. That is why they can leave us wondering what comes after BE.

Trans © Weverse

[quietmyfearswith]

afterglow ; august walker x fem!reader 3/3

status — completed series

word count —  3,916 words

warnings — angst? fluff? swear words

pairing — august walker x fem!reader

a/n — here is the final part of on a lie! next two works i’ll be posting are preferences and the mission :)) lmk what you think!

masterlist | series masterlist

“Thank you so much for your help, Andy,” Y/N hugged on to her friend tightly; the bearded man chuckling softly as he laid gentle pats on her back. “There’s really not much you should be thanking me for,” He stated as they broke off their hug; he moved to shake Y/F/N’s hand, “Besides your father was coordinating with the cops about setting Perez up.”

“Yeah if only you told that right away maybe this mess wouldn’t blow up,” She jokingly scolded her father who laughed as he rubbed his belly. “I knew what I had to tell them, sweetheart; it was you who panicked.” Upon mentioning how she reacted she could only shake her head. They were then approached by a personnel who informed them that they had to take Y/F/N’s full statement as well as his phone that contained evidence that could end Perez’ whole operation.

“Well just so you know,” She began as she and Andy walked inside the elevator, “When I told them that it was Andy Barber who’d help me I swear they shivered in fear.” Throwing his head back in amusement as the defense attorney laughed, “Jesus Y/N, your dad has been proven innocent! No need to butter me up.”

Still, she was eternally grateful for his help in solidifying her dad’s stance that he was indeed helping out the authorities to turn Perez in; the two men didn’t get the chance to work since as soon as Y/F/N found out about what the kingpin has tasked him to do he outright refused. Leaving his daughter for weeks and with little information about his whereabouts was what he did in order to ensure her safety as well as to take Perez down.

As the elevator came to a halt, Y/N gestured to encourage Andy to get off first; which he gladly did. “I promise I’ll visit you soon; maybe bring you some of that cheesecake I know you love.” The bearded man’s eyes lit up at the mention of the desert, “Oh yes please! That would be lovely.”

Y/N giggled at his excitement and leaned over to hug him once again, “Just give me a heads up before you visit, alright? Will have the guest room cleaned for you, or maybe you can do that just like last time.” As they parted she hit him in the arm softly, “Idiot! See you soon, Andy. Thanks once again, really.”

As she was looking at his retreating form, she noticed how a certain figure was making his way to her. “Y/N,” August — she later on concluded how Henry really wasn’t a suitable name for him and his real name did match him better — huskily called out for her. “Agent Walker,” She snobingly replied as she turned away from him and looked for a seat as she waits for her dad.

However she cursed about how he was much quicker than she was and grabbed her arm so she could face him, “We need to talk.” Though his tone indicated how there was no room for her to argue she found herself looking at him with venom in her eyes as she faked a smile, “I don’t think we do.”

August let out a sharp breath, his grip on her flesh loosening and his hand slid down so he could intertwine his hand with hers, “Please? There are some things I’d like to tell you.” Noticing how loosely his grip on her was, Y/N used this to her advantage and unclasped their hands and walked towards the bench she earlier spotted, “And those are things I’d really rather not hear.”

It was a sight to see for some of the CIA staff who witnessed their entire exchange despite not knowing the whole context of the conversation; seeing the infamous Hammer chasing around a woman who was hellbent on not giving him even a single thought in her mind. To them it was amusing to see how he couldn’t get her to even spare a glance at him. For the agent it was frustrating and was seriously considering kneeling in front of her.

Sitting down on the bench, August too sat beside her; she was turned away from him whereas the large man beside her was facing her. “I need to explain to you what happened; as well as apologize about what happened.” After texting her dad about how she was waiting for him on the benches she put her phone away and pointedly looked at August, “What’s there to explain anyway? You posed as my driving instructor just so you could know more about my dad; and apparently you went on dates with me for the same reason. That’s all there is to explain right?”

Her understanding of how the situation was amazing, but he couldn’t help but notice how as she spoke each word, hurt could be evident in her eyes and it pained the agent to see how badly he wounded her. “Well yes,” As he was stammering to continue his train of thought Y/N had enough of him, “Then there’s nothing to explain then.”

But in the back of her mind Y/N was hoping that he’d reassure her that not everything was for the sake of his mission; that deep down he did develop feelings for her and that he enjoyed the time they spent with each other. But as he fumbled over his words and struggled to voice out his thoughts, she sagged her shoulders in disappointment, “Guess that’s really all there is.”

Noticing her dad was approaching her, she got up to meet him halfway but not before bidding adieu to August, “Goodbye, August. Hope things work out well for you.” Despite injuring himself previously and going on dangerous missions, it was only then that he felt pain that seared through his skin and penetrated his heart. Even though every step she took further away from him made her disappear from his line of sight, his memory ingrained her dejected expression and retreating form. For the first time in years, August had no plan in mind on how to make things right.

“You know, I thought you’d be much happier after this whole debacle,” Her father’s comment had Y/N snapping up from where she was blankly staring up at the television. She was happy that they were successful in proving his innocence but there was a part of her that felt unfulfilled. “Is it about the agent?”

Eyes widening at his claim, she looked over at the elder and his expression made her decide not to deny what he suspected. Sighing, she fiddled with her fingers as she quietly confessed, “He just did his job but somehow I still feel played. I guess I was somehow wishing that not everything was a lie. That somehow he really liked me,” Thinking back to their weekly dates, she reminisced slightly about how August would often look like his mind was wandering off elsewhere — perhaps he was dreading for the date to just end already, she thought, “But I think that’s not the case.”

Sitting beside her, Y/F/N engulfed his daughter in a hug as he spoke, “You think too lowly of yourself, don’t you?” Chuckling at his statement she nodded against him, “It’s my defense mechanism so pardon me for doing so.”

“But it’s not the best defense mechanism,” He began as he moved so he could look her in the eye, “It sounds like you really care for him then, yes?” Silently nodding her head, this prompted the man to continue explaining his point, “Then don’t you think a clear and transparent conversation between the two of you is what you both need to have?”

Shrugging her shoulder, Y/N pulled away from their hug as she wrapped her arms around herself, “Maybe, but right now is not a good time to do so.”  Kissing the top of her head, Y/F/N reassured him, “Things will turn out just fine, bug. They always do.”

As her father exited the living room she fished out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she saw August’s number; clicking on it, she changed his name there which she hasn’t changed his name to his real one, given her bustling schedule switching Henry to August wasn’t her current top priority. After doing so, she found herself hovering her fingers as she thought of a message to send to him. Typing, erasing, retyping, and thinking was all she did before composing a message she was still on the fence about whether she was sending it to him;

August, I’ve been quite harsh on you; and for that I apologize. I got carried away and was too hurt to listen out to what you had to say. I don’t think I’ll be ready anytime soon to talk to you for it still hurts too much. While you were out there completing your mission, I was opening up to you; I felt like you were someone I could trust and confide in. I’m unsure whether what you shared with me is real, but know that I won't use them against you. There is also something I also have to foolishly confess — I like you so much that I was starting to fall for you. The reason for this confession is not to guilt your conscience, but just to let you know that you aren’t so loathsome as you think you are. Once you let down those walls it will be worth it for you might find someone you’ll fall for and they’ll reciprocate what you feel. That’s all I had to say, hope all is well with you. 

After pressing send, Y/N felt a massive baggage unload from her shoulders. Knowing that she explicitly expressed her feelings — albeit it wasn’t the transparent conversation she desired it was still progress on her part — made her feel good; but as she blocked his number she felt even better as she went about her day.

Upon receiving the message August felt hopeful that he would be given the chance to patch things up with her; but that spark of optimism died quickly once he noticed how it was written that he couldn’t reply to her since he was blocked. But after reading her message, he felt his heart ache and break. Her being candid about what she felt made him realize how closed off he was being and how bad it affected her. Even with his walls built up she found a way to go through it and showed him a glimpse of the warmth and love he could receive. And fuck if he wasn’t longing for it now.

“Fucking stupid,” He cursed at himself as he pulled at his dark hair and groaned. As he stared at the text, he came into the conclusion that there was something he needed to do — he’ll do everything in his willpower to win her back.

Perez’ whole operation has recently been uncovered and now he along with his accomplices will be put behind bars. As August was organizing his files, a knock came from the outside of his office, “Come in.” Sloane appeared from the opposite side, “Another successful case closed huh?”

Ceasing his classification of files, he looked up at the director with a stern expression, “Yeah, I guess so.” Never in his many years of working under her had she started a conversation that way. “There’s something that still needs to be done before marking this case as fully accomplished.”

Sliding over a file on his desk, August sat down on his chair as he opened the folder to give it a look, “This is just all the files about Perez.” Nodding, Sloane had an unreadable expression as she explained, “Y/F/N requested that he have a copy of some report so he can make sure that none of his associates or business have any ties with Perez and to report if he does discover anything.”

Leaning his chin on his hand the Hammer still remained unsure about what had to be done; Sloane sensed his confusion with what the agent across from her had to do with what she just said so she spelled it out for him, “I’m gonna need you to deliver this dossier to Y/F/N, at his house.”

At the mention of going back to the house, August could feel his palms slightly damp with sweat, “Can’t we just mail it to him?” Sloane crossed her legs as she crossed her arms, a slight smirk gracing her face, “You can do that; but something tells me there’s some unfinished business you have to settle with Y/N,” His  eyes widen as he was taken aback with her comment but before he could even defend himself she was already standing up and heading for the door, “By the way, another reason for a driving instructor to remain contact with their student? How about additional driving lessons — winter driving lessons, maybe?”

As Sloane shut the door behind her, August was left to think quietly. It’s been weeks since he received the agonizing text and feared that his presence would be met with bitterness. If I’ve gone on dangerous missions before and risked my life, this shouldn’t seem so scary, he thought as he made up his mind — he was going to drop off the file in hopes of getting a chance to talk to Y/N again.

With every step he took closer to the front door made him clench the folder he held a little tighter; before ringing the doorbell, August held his breath as it opened but quickly exhaled as it revealed an unkempt Y/F/N. “Agent Walker, what brings you here?”

“Just August is fine, sir,” Raising the folder to his line of sight, “I understand you wished to receive a copy of the reports once Perez’ case has been resolved.” The older man nodded as his face brightened up for a bit before speaking, “Oh yes come in,” As he was being ushered inside Y/F/N told him, “But I do have to run this quick errand; think you can wait here for a few minutes?”

His eyes enlarged at the request, “Well yes however,” Before he could get any words out of his mouth his shoulders had the weight of hands in them and was pushing him to sit down on one of the couches in the living room, “Go ahead and make yourself at home in the meantime then.”

As he sat down, the agent had no choice but to follow the older man’s frame exit the house with his eyes, “It’s not like you haven’t done that before, right?” With a smirk Y/F/N closed the door and allowed August to sit in silence as a wave of anxiety suddenly hit him; is Y/N here? What would her reaction be once she sees him? Now I’m not really sure what to say to her.

When all of these thoughts flooding his mind, the Hammer barely got to register the presence of the one he’s been longing for, “Got a lot of nerves coming back here, Agent Walker.” She stood by the wall with her arms crossed, her face bearing an unreadable expression which frustrated August because he had no idea what was going through her pretty head. Though her greeting to him gave him a slight clue that she was still hurt about the whole ordeal.

“No, I’m just here to give this to your dad and talk to him about what went down in busting Perez,” He hated how he fumbled over his words, making him even more meek than he already was. Y/N waved at him, dismissing his excuse, “I overheard you and Dad talking; but he’s gonna talk a while, an hour at least, since he has a dentist appointment.”

An hour? He thought then it clicked to him about how he might have been set up by Y/F/N to talk to his daughter; if that’s the case then I’m eternally in debt to him. Placing the folder on the coffee table he followed Y/N as she left him and headed to the kitchen. “Can we talk?” 

Opening the fridge to grab cold water, she continued to move around the kitchen while the hulk of a man followed her with every move she took, “Isn’t that what we’re doing though?” She sassed before drinking her water. Leaning one of his hands on the kitchen island while the other rested on her hip he countered, “Let me rephrase it; do you think it’s possible for us to talk about what happened between us?” He could see how she couldn’t find her way out of this as she set the glass down and avoided his gaze, “Only if you feel like you’re ready to do so, of course.”

Y/N hated how she appreciated his considerate side and found herself giving in with what he offered, “Okay, let’s talk. But the last time I checked I said whatever it is I had to say, it’s you who really hasn’t said anything, Agent Walker.” She said his name and title with so much spite that it frustrated him, “Can you at least call me August?”

Shaking her head no she looked at him pointedly, “But isn’t that who you really are, Agent Walker? And do you want us to waste time arguing over what I want to call you or talk about,” She gestured to the two of them, “Whatever this is.”

Breathing in deeply, he gathered courage as he spoke with the utmost sincerity he could muster in every fiber of his body, “I’m sorry for what I did. The excuse of me doing it in order to accomplish my job is not justifiable.” Testing the waters of how comfortable she was around him, he grabbed for both her hands, smiling softly when she didn’t flinch or pull away, placed a gentle kiss on the back of her both palms. “Getting close to you wasn’t in my plan,” That made Y/N hurt but his next words diminished the pain she felt, “But I’m glad that I did it anyway — because I got to know someone who has a spark that shine so bright that it lit up the darkness that dawdled inside of me. Someone who’s spark also radiates warmth to glacial cold inside me.”

“All of these sound things you read off poetry,” She called him out which elicited a chuckle from the two of them as August shook his head as he held on to her hands tighter, as if he was trying to prove to her what he really felt through his touch. “Well I didn’t just read it off poetry, love. It’s really the effect you have on me. And I might not have been that open up to you as I wanted, but I was just really apprehensive. I didn’t know if I deserved you.”

As he whispered the last sentence, Y/N’s eyes bulged in disbelief, “What do you mean you didn’t deserve me?” When he refused to divert his gaze from their joint hands, she unclasped one of her hands to lift his chin so she could look him in the eye, “What do you mean by that, August?”

“Hey you called me August,” His smile reached his eyes as he celebrated but Y/N was quick to remind him, “What did you mean by that?” It was an adorable sight seeing the CIA agent get all soft and shy as he shrugged his shoulders, “I didn’t want to taint you — I’ve got blood on my hands and you’re the most innocent and pure person I have ever met and didn’t want you burdened with my baggage once I do let you in.”

Both her hands were now resting against his stubbled cheek, which August lovingly nuzzled his face against, loving the feel of her dainty touch — making him feel as if mercy was being placed on his ragged soul. “That’s not true, August. The blood in your hands is there in order to ensure the world’s safety,” He shrugged his shoulders as he whispered lowly, “I guess.”

“What you did for the sake of the country doesn’t define you — you’re defined by the things you love and appreciate. You define your own self okay?” Pursing his lips together it got him thinking for a few moments, “Well how would you define me then?”

Looking at her as she was caught off guard with his question, “Why would you ask me that?” Smirking at her made Y/N feel tingly as he explained, “Because, I understand it might be too soon, but I do love you. The weeks we spent apart without talking made me realize that I care for you awfully more than I care for myself. I love how you make me feel better and as if I was on top of the world. I have this overwhelming need to ensure your safety and protection; fuck, I’d burn the whole world if it meant it could keep you warm. I love you and you’re how I want myself to be defined.”

Her eyes were glossy after listening to what he had to say, “Don’t cry, angel,” He wiped the few stray tears that escaped her eyes. “It’s just,” She began as she sniffed her hands caressed his chiseled face lovingly, “I never thought someone would think so highly of me. And it also pains me to say those things about yourself; You’re so much more beautiful and wonderful than you give yourself credit for.”

It was August’s turn to feel all soft as he couldn’t hold himself back from pulling her in so he could deeply kiss her to which she was more than glad to reciprocate passionately. They both were clawing for every part of each other that they could reach, needing to feel each other’s touch having gone without it for weeks. As their tongues danced with each other they both reminisced about how they both enjoyed the time they spent together; and how they both couldn’t stand to go without each other again.

Pulling apart once they needed air, they rested their foreheads against each other as August hugged her so close to him there wasn’t any space between them, “I’m really sorry, love. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and proving to you that the love I feel for you is real.”

Pressing a few chaste kisses on his lips, Y/N smiled brightly as she spoke, “I’d love to spend my days with you, August. It might be too soon but I too am starting to fall in love for you.” August smiled the widest and brightest and could not help but let out a relieved sigh as he hugged her tight and buried his face in her neck, reveling in her warmth, forgiveness, and love.

He relished the giggles she let out as he carried her to the living room so they could catch up and giggle; an unfamiliar feeling of content and happiness settled within August since for the first time in a long time he felt genuine love and happiness. This all might have started off on a lie and a rocky situation, it ended with him being happily in love and most importantly with the girl he loves reciprocating what he feels and her deeming him worthy enough to grace him with her presence.

[muesliforbreakfast]

the Last EVA of David Shaw

Another HFY story.

Fabian tactics pt. II and III hopefully coming soon.

We Lost the Sea - the Last dive of David Shaw

Inspired by the gallantry of David Shaw

As was tradition at a wake in the Scutum Sagittarius arm of the galaxy, Shaw's friends and family were intoxicated and inebriated, sharing drink and song and story of their best times with him. He didn't have much family, but Dee was a brother to him.

“From when we met I think we were always destined to be friends,” he began, with the attention of most of the alien attendees and a couple of humans firmly on him, “We were the only two mammalians on station so we had a lot of similar needs.”

He thought back to their first meeting, in the recreation hall of the orbital mining station; the station itself was just cold enough to be uncomfortable for both of them.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Cardio day?” The almost six foot human male asked Dee, as he stepped onto a treadmill.

“Yeah isn't it the worst?” Dee responded, from his elevated exercise wheel.

“The worst. But it's gotta be done. Enjoy man.”

The man ran for over a half hour, at a pace that Dee would never have been able to match. Which was to be expected, given that he was over six times larger.

By the time he was done Dee was stretching and doing calisthenics. They were the only workers in attendance that day.

“Does every human run that fast?” He asked, as the man approached the area set up for stretching, toweling off his hair that was drenched in sweat.

“It's our long legs. Name's Shaw.” He responded with a short bow.

“Drakhehz. Others call me Dee.”

“Dee it is then.”

- - - - - - - - - -

“That was the first time I saw a human run. Damn they run fast. And long.” Dee regaled them with the tale of their meeting, “He always used to call himself a gym rat. It took him a while to call me that; I laughed when I found out why, I mean us Dreyer look more like ferrets when you think about it.”

“It's hard to believe that humans can bond over something as simple as getting exercise together isn't it?” Katachine, another guest of another species said.

“Sure, that's how we met but it was more than that. We really got along. We had this spot where we would sit and have those long philosophical conversations.”

- - - - - - - - - - 

“What do you think it all means?” Shaw asked, reclining against the bulkhead, bottle of whiskey in hand.

“I think it means what you want it to mean.” Dee responded, sitting on Shaw's shoulder, with a smaller plastic flask of the same human whiskey. Strong stuff.

They were looking out into the abyss of the universe; light from a million stars travelling distances of a million years to finally rain gently on them in their repose.

“Well, tell me what that is?”

Dee thought for a while before finally responding.

“It's superstition and it's tied back to our history, how we were burrowing pack animals and what that meant to our evolution. In our religions the most important thing was community. On our planet we literally survive off the warmth of our community. We would never leave overnight, because none of us can survive alone. That idea lasted, well, we were already spacefaring when our society stopped believing it was more than a metaphor.”

Shaw sat patiently and listened, sipping whiskey straight from the bottle.

“Go on.”

“Well, we believe... We used to believe the same for our... Well we call it our Essence. That once we die we return with what we've seen and what we've known, and we're all stronger together for it. The idea is to go out and learn and finally return. We used to be burrowing animals, so the proverb in our culture is that none of us has to dig alone.”

They both gazed out into the emptiness and the vastness.

“Your turn.”

“Most of our superstitions brought meaning to our lives, but not to the universe. I'm still figuring it all out. Mostly I just treat others how I would like to be treated, and act the way I would like to be remembered.”

“That's a good rule.”

“On earth we call it the golden rule. Uh. Gold was rare and precious on earth. Uh. We used to use it for currency.”

“It's a great rule, I'm sorry to hear that people who followed it were so rare.”

Shaw had laughed uncontrollably at that.

- - - - - - - - - -

“We used to work out together and he was damn good at his job. But It's those other times which are how I'll remember him.” Dee finished, before quietly tittering, the involuntary expression of grief common in his species.

“To Shaw, and how he'll be remembered!” Katachine exclaimed loudly, lifting a glass of verdant liquid to the sky.

- - - - - - - - - -

“I remember the last time I spoke to him.” Smith said quietly, his slick amphibian skin glistening in the warm lights.

Smith had been sitting in his office in a panic, fielding requests and reports and the carrying out of emergency protocols, while trying to locate the last of his missing personnel.

“We have 73 accounted for, that means we're missing one... Who are we missing!!” He called over the holocom system.

That had been the moment that Shaw had burst in the room.

“Smith! We're missing Dee... Uh. Drakhehz. Last I saw him he was headed East towards the grounding pylons. I need you to clear me to head out to get him!”

Smith had stared at him blankly, frozen for a moment before exploding.

“ABSOFUCKINGLUTELYNOT!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?!” he paused for a moment to calm himself, “I cannot risk you heading back out there with a solar flare AND A CORIOLIS STORM happening at the same time! I cannot lose more crew you understand? I can not, I will not!”

“Smith, are you aware of the situation?”

“Of course I am! I've read the reports!”

The unexpected solar flare had come at the worst possible moment; shutting down the auxiliary half of the shielding system while the primary half was down for maintenance. It had then destroyed the battery bank for the eastern sector of the gas mining station, before the coriolis storm had sheared all but three of the structural supports that held the station together. Micrometeors were occasionally peppering the unshielded portion of the station. Anyone caught there for too long was as good as dead, but for now the chances were still good that Dee was still alive.

The only way to reach Dee would be by EVA. Shaw explained his plan.

“That's MADness. Don't fucking do it!”

- - - - - - - - - -

Smith reflected on the last words he had said, before Shaw had left his office.

“I'm sorry Dee. If Shaw had followed my directives we would have left you to die.”

Dee was still tittering on his elevated cushion.

“... I... I understand. I can't hold it against you.”

The cruelty of randomness had ensured that Dee had made it out when Shaw hadn't. They had all heard his last words.

- - - - - - - - - -

“Little Dee! Little Dee! There you are!”

Shaw and Dee had their own little spot in the eastern sector. Where they kept the whiskey and biscuits, and some biltong for Shaw. He knew this would be the place to find Dee.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE ARE YOU CRAZY!! THERE'S NO WAY BACK!!”

“Relax ya little fuzzball, there's a way.”

Dee started nervously hyperventilating.

“There's no way back Shaw. You didn't need to come here and... Fucking... DIE with me.” He managed to say, breathing hard between words.

“Ease up fuzzball. We're gonna make it. How much air you got?” Shaw responded casually.

“I... Have... Twenty... Minutes...”

“Guess again little Dee.” He responded, turning to display three extra cylinders in Dreyer size, and one extra human sized cylinder.

Dee could feel optimism creep back into his psyche.

“So if we get the shields and grav repulsors up and running again we can ride out the storm and be retrieved as soon as they can get a rescue team out here.”

“Bad news. The battery array is totally fried.”

“Thought so. So we have to EVA out of here. Before the support pylons come apart. Those are some slim chances Shawdog. I don't like it.”

“Cheer up fuzzball. Two minutes ago your chances were zero. Now they're really slim. We're dealing with one crisis at a time today.”

“One crisis at a time. So what's our next crisis?”

“The fact that we're still here. Let's get out.”

Dee giggled elatedly. The plan was as simple as an EVA trip back to the shielded side of the station. It was risky, but not a death sentence.

They took a moment to have a snack, before hauling themselves along the lee side of the module in zero G. The work was easy, but the risk of micrometeors still weighed heavily on Dee's psyche.

They reached the spot where Shaw had secured the tethers, then took turns securing a tether each to their EVA suits.

They began their slow cautious climb across the span between the main station and the eastern sector.

“Shaw from rescue control! Shower of micrometeors impacting in less than a minute across your position over!” Smith warned over the radio.

“Not much we can do, keep moving!” Dee heard him call a half dozen meters behind him. Moving hand over hand across the gap, heartbeat pounding in his skull and his shallow puffs of breath filling his helmet. Every couple of meters he looked behind him to check on Shaw.

“Stop looking and move fuzzball!” Shaw called out over the radio, “Don't worry I know the way ba- FUCK!”

Shaw's words were punctuated by a thrumming vibration through the structural supports, but they still seemed to be intact. As Dee looked back he could no longer see Shaw, until he looked down and saw him falling away, featureless in the distance now.

“Reel in Shaw's tether!!” Dee called out.

“Keep moving, little bro.” Shaw responded.

Dee tittered as he moved frantically along the structural support, using the tether to pull himself along now and then, using pylons and poles at other times.

“Shaw this is rescue control,” the radio buzzed out, “We've retracted what's left of your tether. What is your trajectory? Over.”

“I'm drifting. I'm falling.” the response.

“NO!” Dee cried out. “We have to go get him! Shaw! We're coming for you!”

“Dee. I need you to listen to me.” He responded, in a calm, resigned voice.

“It's over. I'm not going to make it and you know it. I got you back to your clan little bro. Today that's what matters. You won't have to dig alone. Over.”

“It's not fair you moron! A life for a life isn't fair.” He cried out in anguish. “Fucking. Over.”

The sound of breathing came out over the radio as Shaw held onto the transmit button. After a few moments he spoke his last words.

“It's alright little Dee, I got my little brother out. I have a whole gas giant as my headstone. A hell of a monument. I can't see the stars anymore Dee. I'll see you on the other side. Shaw out.”

Dee kept climbing across the structure, tittering and sobbing as tears clouded his sight. Shaw had held onto the transmit button as he fell. His transmission ended before Dee could make it to rescue control.

He paused for a moment across the chasm.

“Good bye Shaw. And thank you. Over.”

Then he continued his climb to safety.

_________________

Too many of my stories are focussed on dudes who shoot and stab other dudes. It makes for good fiction, I guess, but not a good way to live. The story of David Shaw and Deon Dreyer isn't fiction. Some stories here focus on our pack bonding with other species, risking our lives for them etc. I find it absolutely mind boggling that this guy risked his life to make sure that another man might get a proper burial. But I wanted this story to have a happier ending than that one.