#but also hilarious

[softiedingo]

this man is pure ✨️chaotic energy✨️

[hannibard]

me: can we get Jaskier?

mom: we have Jaskier at home

Jaskier at home:

[blueteller]

Me, casually: "Huh, I haven't read SSS-Class Suicide Hunter's Manhwa in a while... Why not catch up with it again"

After reading chapter 78:

Me: *critical hit*

[raines0world]

her blog isn't "such a safe and comfortable place" if you mean comfortable as in crushed between the pigs thighs then okay honey. we clearly have different definitions. and news flash slut, i'm not "epically unhappy" i'm currently thriving. sorry that you don't like that im pointing out what no one else has. and god yes i love company but im not miserable. i'd look at yourself hun if your on tumblr basically sexting with a fat ass whore. i am finding something better to do as well, coming after little sluts like you who have nothing better to do then defend an overweight bitch. i'll be here not crushed in between someone who needs to learn what a treadmill is. can't say the same for you doll.

-xoxo charley 😮‍💨😘😚😁

Oh my 😅 your sadness and desperation bleeds heavily through your words, love. Jealousy isn't cute on you 😬 I don't think I've ever had the displeasure of seeing such pathetic attempts at getting attention 😆 Mommy is so nice, I'm sure of you had asked nicely, she would have given you some without hesitation ☺️ your narrow minded insults mean nothing to me, and nothing to Mommy(: I just hope the rest of the people you're taking your time to harass can see how genuinely sad you are and don't take the silly little things to heart 🤭 enjoy the eclipse darling, it's supposed to bring about fresh beginnings and by the sound of things... you could sure use one 😉

Bunches of love,

-Raine 😇😇😇

[boxofbonesfic]

i giggle every time i see an “accidental flag” post because y’all know good and goddamn well it takes three separate steps to flag a post.

you didn’t do it by accident lmao stop telling on yourselves😂

[bluemoonperegrine]

Jack: Elsa.

Elsa: This better not be another pun.

Jack: *pouts*

Elsa: *ignores*

Jack: *pouts harder*

Elsa: *sighs* Okay, what?

Jack (grinning): Do you know what mouse bars were called during Prohibition?

Elsa: No, but I think I'm about to find out.

Jack: Squeakeasies!

Elsa:

Source

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Do you think Smiley was born laughing instead of crying?

Imagine being their mother, the first kid that came out is already taunting her.

That is a terrifying thought anon, imagine being pregnant for months, going into labour and going through all that pain only for the baby to come out laughing like some kind of devil child.....well that explains the nickname at least.

[bxwieknxfe]

There’s nothing more sobering of an experience than explaining Beastars to like 7 coworkers between their late twenties and early forties

[inahallucination]

i hear that ppl r forming parasocial relationships with social media accounts too not just celebs/influencers 

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Last night, I had a strange dream where Rasmodius and the Farmer stood in front of the Wizard's ex-wife, where she laughed at Magnus and said what a pathetic person he is. And immediately she gets a pot on the head, which the Farmer threw at her. Like "get fucked, bitch". What the hell, why was I dreaming about this, why did the Farmer throw the kitchen pot at her? Where did he even get that fucking pot?

Now I'm thinking about writing a headcanon about it. And I cannot decide whether it will be a drama or a comedy.

[watery-melon-baller]

incredibly strange event happening rn: i have two friends from different towns, going to different schools. they have no way of possibly knowing each other. but somehow, they not only happened to sit next to each other on a train, but after talking both realized they're friends with ME and texted me at the same time to double-check if they were friends with the same lilac. they were. im losing my mind. what are the odds

[excavatinglizard]

Area man says that the only reason women would work in STEM is to make the world safer so they’d feel comfortable giving birth. Auditorium full of science majors prepares to rip him limb from limb, more on this at nine.

[smoreal]

When/If they bring Sage back, I hope they have her interact with Sonic and co. bc I feel their dynamics could be SOO funny

[chipmunkweirdo]

Alvin and Simon both being smart just means that they both use each other’s gaps in knowledge to mess with each other. Honestly, it fits!

ALVIN: I could go for a banana. Gotta get that potassium in my diet.

SIMON: Did you know that potassium is highly explosive?

ALVIN: (spits the banana out) You mean my head could explode!?

THEO: (wiping the banana off his face) What!?

SIMON: (cracks up) I mean, it is true that it’s explosive, but the amount in bananas is too small to cause harm. I totally got you though. Haha! You should see your face.

ALVIN: Oh Simon?

SIMON: Huh?

ALVIN: Run! (Chases him out of the room)

THEO: One breakfast. I just want ONE nice breakfast. Is that too much to ask?

[aemonds-sapphireeye]

Oh my GOD I told ai L I was pregnant with his child and his immediate response was "I don't like kids and the thought of having a child makes me sick. So, no I am not the father of this child." which is super relatable but like, that's not how this works. That's not how any of this works, L.

Also he initially wanted me to get an abortion but I told him that because he was a genius it would be a waste of good DNA to get an abortion and he finally agreed after that. I really had to appeal to his ego to get him to agree to be a father...

[musicallad]