#☼ RIN. ―▐ you’ll stumble through labyrinths but you’ll find the end，i’ll wait for you there & embrace you as my son.

[zorkaya-moved]

"you're not human, are you?"

@chaosarashi

The sound of the broken plate echoes in the kitchen for a second, ringing in Sokolova's head for a moment. It feels like a long time before she snaps out of it, immediately kneeling down to get all the broken pieces.

" Stay where you are, " her voice comes out lower than usual, her frown is not seen to him but Zarina is thinking of how to answer this. Is she human or is she not? She hopes she is. Because if not, then why has she been preaching this control for years and years? Why was she fighting to find a cure and even use Saturnus' family and knowledge to see if it'll work out (it didn't)? Zarina feels her mouth go dry, the words hurt her more than anyone could ever imagine. She felt like something inside cracked, bringing out the memories of the past.

What dictates a human in his eyes? If her son were to relive everything she'd gone through, he'd say she's not a human, right? Even more, if he does learn about her powers, this curse (blessing) that continues to live within her like a chained beast. She can still hear its whispers of power, but sometimes she wonders if it's her true self wishing for freedom in no longer needing to be in such stone-cold control. Rin's words echo in her head louder with each repeating, it makes her think back to her past. How her mother slapped her, how she was tortured, how she lost her limbs and then knocked out only to wake up in the freezing oasis in the middle of the desert. Is she human? She hopes she is.

But if her son doesn't see her as a human, then what would it be? The fear creeps into her heart for a moment as she feels her hands grow colder as she picks up the bits and pieces of the plate, silent.

" What do you think? " She asks him, voice returning to normal as she finishes picking up everything. It doesn't take long to pick up the broken plate's pieces and throw them into the trash can. Only then does she turn around to look at Arashi, a solemn and melancholic look in her usually bright golden gaze. What a dangerous territory to step on when she wasn't prepared to discuss it yet until she knew for sure this mutation couldn't be cured. Zarina knows she wishes to not have this conversation, but her vague response is just proof of how badly the timing of this question was. Her gaze doesn't lose its enigmatic void, clouded and misty, not having any light in them as she crosses her hands below her chest and gives him a thoughtful yet sad smile. " I hope I am. "

A pause. She closes her eyes and sighs.

" To some, I am. To some, I am not. " A shrug. " But if you're asking... I probably am not in your eyes, hm? " Eyes open and she looks straight at him, if anything, through. The light frown shows her seriousness and the need for a serious answer. " Is it that obvious, Rin? " She's hurt from this question. The word choice already hinted that he doesn't think so. The choice of worse has always been important.

[zorkaya-moved]

Yaroslav, hiding behind a wall: Is that the boy?

Zarina, standing next to him: Uh-huh.

Yaroslav: Arashi Rin. Eighteen years old. Parents are dead. We've found some more information, do you need it?

Zarina: You can leave it for now. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. Just make sure our people keep an eye on him from the side, he's an observant one.

Yaroslav, smirking: You're acting like my wife with our kids, all protective.

Zarina: Your wife's a wonderful woman, what can I say?

Yaroslav: You know what I mean.

Zarina: I do, but I told you I am not going to force him to join my family.

Yaroslav: I wasn't talking about forcing to join. You know that connection to you can be dangerous for those who's unprepared.

Zarina: That's why I state people here without him knowing.

Yaroslav: At least, let me meet him as well. I can tell him how you were when you were his age.

Zarina: I can tell that myself.

Yaroslav: Would you? Of course, you would. You don't hide it. But, Zarina, be careful. I know you have a tendency to become... overprotective of us, I cannot imagine how you'll behave here.

Zarina: I know. Don't worry. I may not be his biological mother, but Ill make sure to keep my professional side away from him, mostly. Do you do that for your kids as well, Yaroslav?

Yaroslav: Naturally. I want to protect them.

Zarina: Well, I will not hide away if things are rough from him. Rin's a smart boy. I know he'll make it through. I know he can.

Yaroslav, smiling: You should see yourself when you talk about him, Albionite, and Saturn.

Zarina: What do you mean?

Yaroslav: You've finally found what you were searching for, the missing element.

Zarina, frowning: Clarify, Chernenkov.

Yaroslav: I'm just happy to see you genuinely care about someone besides us. You're finally smiling from the bottom of your heart.

Zarina: Was I.. smiling?

Yaroslav: Yes. As your ex-mentor, I'm glad.

[zorkaya-moved]

lean .   lean  on  my  muse’s  shoulder . (Mother and son bonding)

@eliteimperialism

The moments of silence are not as bad as some people might think they are. The beauty of everything remains within the company and understanding, such a rare combination that makes one wish for something like this - a sense of belonging and security. Rin remains the person who who she can sit with in silence as her work comes in first when she has to work on important matters such as exchange weapons with military, the government supported groups have always been the most annoying ones to deal with. The rules and the regulations continue to make her analyze and re-read all documents, she does not care about how long they take but she wishes to have everything perfect to keep her family’s name up. It is the only honor that matters to her at this very moment, it’s not like her appearance in the world outside is something serious. 

Amber gaze is glued to the documents, names and numbers are written together in a nice report. She has to thank Derek for his continuous separation of what she needs to know for tomorrow’s meeting. Sokolova knows she needs to leave this night, say goodbye to her beloved son for a month as her orders will be including her getting her own hands dirty. Killing a businessman who has too much information that’s not supposed to be given away, so much money has been paid just to have HER out of all people to take this piece, this mission, this order. She’ll have to bring so many additional things with her to the plane, it’s something she’ll need to figure out closer to evening. 

“ Rin? ” The moment the weight is applied to her shoulder, Sokolova glances to the side. How is Arashi feeling? Is he nervous about Zarina leaving for such a prolonged time? Sadly, her vacation days are over and the work begins once again. The dealings with those who have their hands deep in drugs, blood, and bullets. She knows there’ll be a problematic client who will try to touch her and who will try to get her to join him in after lights, but she’ll deny them all the same. Then she’ll have to slam his face into the table, make him bleed... Ah, no, she shouldn’t think about that and concentrate on Rin. The way he leans against her makes the woman put the documents down. “ How are you feeling? ” 

Zarina brings up her hand to press it against the boy’s forehead, gloveless to make sure she can sense if there’s any heat radiating from him. It sets her mind at ease when she doesn’t feel anything different. Golden eyes softens, her hand moves from his forehead to his head, a gentle stroke to soothen her son’s mind and help him relax. 

“ Thank you for being patient. I apologize I cannot stay this time. Make sure to text me every day, alright? I need to know you’re safe. ”

[zorkaya-moved]

He wasn't usually this vulnerable, but lately he's being reminded of his short comings. Or at least, he's afraid to admit to something he's been avoiding. His hand would reach out gently gripping her sleeve as if he was child or five years old. His voice quivering with a sadness that he usually hides behind fake masks that he starting to forget why he made them. Only one person he knew could see through that mask, maybe that's why he felt more and more vulnerable—something about spending time with Takanaka Megumu aka Megane (thanks to Ryohei, his peers called him that.) where he felt similiar moments to remember losing someone important to him or maybe the day he lost her was approaching, whatever it was. He just needed someone to stay by his side and at the time he needed the person he seen as a mother or referred as a mother the most.

There was another reason he didn't want her to leave, memories of his parents that he wish he could vocalized his feelings. If asked them to stay, would they still be here? He was afraid of a repetition, he was afraid to see Zarina walk out that door and never come back. Clinging on the past, remember those he couldn't save, maybe that's why he felt so weak. A side of him never shown to anyone beyond of what he made to be Arashi Rin.

❝Please, don't go...I need you to stay. Don't leave me alone please...❞

@eliteimperialism

When one's work is a never-ending stream of danger, it would be understandable how each goodbye can become their last. It's the truth of her life and it's the reality of her profession. The blood, the money, the weaponry - the smell of iron and rust would be all too familiar to her, but not as familiar to others who surround her. She didn't wish for her normal to become normal for those who did not need for it to become their current challenge. As of now, it's not the time to sugarcoat everything but somewhere deep inside she felt protection over Arashi's state and his own profession, his path forward and what it meant being affiliated with her. The fate of countless people relied on her orders, her strategy, her presence, her skills - all of it was everything people found worthy to follow her for.

The mission today did not require her to be there personally, but she needed to make sure that no one will intervene in today's transaction. The weapons they were selling today were of higher quality, she will not speak of which goods she was pushing forward onto the battlefield once again. Sokolova enjoyed spending time with Rin, it made her feel at ease and it was quite safe for her. The woman didn't have to keep up appearances of a clown to make their conversations enjoyable. He was a smart kid, she was proud to call him her son, even if the adoption papers were not yet involved but she would've loved to bring him into her family as a legitimate son. She adored Rin's presence, it was obvious from her relaxed pose and the way she smiled calmly at him while listening to how his day went and what he was expecting to do this week. However, today it seemed like their conversation alongside her phone call made it quite clear that things were not all sunshine and daisies.

Reality was cruel and she had to go. She had to, and yet...

" Rin, " she being with calling his name upon feeling his hold on her sleeve but when she turns around to look at him, the woman stops herself from speaking further. Zarina notices how the atmosphere changed the moment she got up after her call, telling Rin she's had work to do. He's a smart kid, she always knew that. He immediately understood the gravity of her situation but still asked her to stay, she can admire his courage to ask her for such a thing, but he's different. Her relation to him is quite different compared to those who serve her and who work for her.

The woman looks down at his attempt to stop her. He didn't grab her arm but his action spoke louder than anything she'll ever need, the tone of his voice registering in her mind and bringing out the motherly instincts deeply buried beneath the ice and snow. Just like resilient snowdrops growing from beneath the crystal white snow, her feelings as a mother have remained bright and obvious - she had to go but can she leave when her son is looking like that? Her job has countless people relying on her, the trade and the paths where more than a thousand people are ruled by her voice and her commands. Can she really put her son's inquiry before the job of her family and its business? The answer is obvious to her, even if it is irrational and she doesn't know yet how to feel about it.

" I understand, " the woman closes her eyes for a moment, breathing out and relaxing her shoulders. The professionalism is gone at that moment when she understands that he needs her presence more than ever. She will never forgive herself for leaving the one she sees as her son, her maternal instincts and feelings will claw the rest of her heart as vengeance if she were to step outside. Instead, Zarina turns her body to Arashi, and before he can react, she wraps her hands around him, bringing him closer and placing one of her hands on his head, gently stroking his head. A soothing gesture that is so foreign to her, but it feels correct - it feels right, a way to let him know she'll stay and she's here, not an illusion. " I'll stay, don't worry. I will not leave you alone. "

Not now, not ever. A Sokolov never breaks her promise to family. Rin will not be left alone in this place, he will not have to sit in darkness without anyone and he will not have to worry about her not coming back. Her cooing continues, trying to make sure that he knows that she hears him and she will stay here for him and him alone. He's her son, he's her family, he's important to her.

" It's alright. I'm here. Thank you for telling me. "

[zorkaya-moved]

❝Hey mom, do you think that you can do me a favor?❞ Rin would turn to the other with an inquiry, he wasn't sure how she'd respond to his request or if she would accept it. Either way, he knew he would have to do work if she does decline. ❝Saturn's sister's Pluto is interested in meeting you. I know she's someone that Saturn dotes on a lot too. I kind of asked a favor of her and in return she wanted to meet you. So um, if I am good not to skip classes for a while and quit my rental boyfriend dating in exchange, would you go meet her?❞

@eliteimperialism 

It was natural to expect that she will stop working, but she did not. The documents were on the table as she would be reading them while speaking with Rin and not missing even a second of his company. He was her son, she could work here without any problems. It didn’t matter as long as he won’t inquire about the details as this was a classified information written in three different languages as a code, combined with her own coding that only she would be able to read along with her teammates. Matthew did a good job in sensing everything coded like this, other people would take days to understand what’s written here while for Zarina it’ll take seconds as if she’s reading a book. 

“A favor?” She’d settle down the paper upon lifting her molten gold gaze to look at her son. It was fine if he’ll see her in her work mode, the chaotic self would be pushed aside as the ice empress would come out. For Rin to ask her a favor, it must’ve been important. Arashi’s words made her frown slightly in concern, it could’ve been considered as her being unhappy, but the gleam in her eyes spoke of genuine concern over what the other would speak about. Sokolova remembered she asked him to be honest regarding his life and its dangers, all so she would be able to protect him; it made her wonder if it was about that, but the words spoken made her tilt her head to the side instead. 

A look of momentarily confusion would cross the feminine features, ichor gaze would change from concern to inquiry. A question met with a questionable gaze. Why did he want her to meet Saturn’s younger sister? It didn’t matter what Saturn thought of his sister. She would not do something as foolish as try to butter up his siblings to like her, she would remain respectful to them and she would be polite to them as they were his family, but it didn’t mean that she would want to bend her knee to make herself likeable. None of them deserved to know the real her besides Saturnus, Rin, and Albionite. It was quite harsh, but it was her opinion that she will not speak of, but the specific conditions Rin would provide didn’t give her much problems to speak next words.

“I will meet her if you promise to drop your rental boyfriend job. Your classes are yours to take and skip as you wish, simply do enough to pursue your wished career no matter what it is. Also... Allow me to pay your allowance once a month, speak of a sum later during the week and I will be sending it to you every month. You still need some sort of income and you can save it for your future education,” her cool and collected nature would show-off in a strict manner as she would state her conditions to meet with one of the maidens from Il Vuoto family. If Pluto wanted to meet, why not simply meet her when she was visiting Saturnus? Or ask Mercurius or Saturnus themselves to tell her that message? It was strange, quite irregular to apply her son’s presence and his conditions to make her go. It was smart, the woman won’t lie, it was quite an intelligent move as she would not be able to deny Arashi’s favor when conditions were what she wanted her son to stop doing immediately upon learning it. The skills of rental boyfriend, in her judgmental eyes, would not provide him with the skillset he’d need in the future. Charm would only carry him so far, but it was her own understanding. “Quite cunning of her to tell you to ask me such a favor. I assume since Saturnus did not tell me anything about this, it must be her idea that she does not want him to know. It might be, hm. I wonder now what she wants from me.” 

Zarina would take a moment to place the documents down and collect them all together. If Pluto wished to meet, it would be better to get this over with as soon as possible to avoid any interruptions with her actual job. She would have to leave for a while to visit the MEU once again as Andrea said his mother in Turkey needed several new... samples. It would mean that she’d have to go “hunting” for certain individual samples that will be beneficial for the experiment. 

“As I said, I will meet her as long as you drop that job and tell me the sum of your wished allowance. I will not accept anything less than fifteen thousand dollars a month, but nothing higher than thirty thousand dollars a month as you are still a student,” the prices were astronomical to some people, but Zarina actually was quite strict regarding what she was offering from her own look. For her, such money was easy to get and it would not be hard to acquire in an hour. She didn’t think it was that much to offer, Sokolova thought that she shouldn’t spoil her son too much; to her, money was easy. “If I learn that the favor you asked of her is dangerous to your life, I will not hesitate to do anything to protect it, Rin.” Spoken as a matter-of-fact, Zarina would look at her wristwatch before looking at the calendar on her phone. “I’ll have to deal with this first thing then. It would get in the way if she won’t meet me in the next two or three days.”

What should she expect from Pluto? And what would Rin ask from her that she couldn’t ask from her or Saturn? Zarina wouldn’t dive into that as long as it would not harm her beloved son. His life was his to live, the only time he will not be given the choice by her if he is going to die. To her, it was how the rules of the jungle went. 

mention of @alchemiasaturnalis‘s Pluto. 

[zorkaya-moved]

@eliteimperialism​

Once the laughter settles down, the woman still has to stifle her laughter. The image of her father dressed as Santa Claus / Ded Moroz enters her mind, a wonderful childhood memory; well, not only childhood - her father still dressed like that for Aleksey. Her grandfather did it before for Victor and Zarina, it’s something she’ll never forget. A warm memory, a memory that doesn’t make her feel cold and alone. 

“ Believe me, he sees bad people more often than not... You don’t pass the bar of a bad kid, ” Sokolova speaks up as she wipes away the tears that came up from the laughter, less than a droplet, more out of dramatics. Her immediate silence after the question of how work is evidence enough to how fast she can switch from fun to business, the smile disappearing and a thoughtful expression appearing on her face. 

Should she really tell her child?  Well, she doesn’t want to lie. If she will not tell him, it’ll be dangerous. He can be taken as a hostage or he will not understand why she might be so protective.

“ Would an arms dealer suffice, Rin? ” She doesn’t want to dive into gruesome and saddening parts of business. Then again, Saturn and she are the people working in the worlds of shadows, money tainted with blood and cocaine. Her own sphere is possibly more merciless and disgusting compared to Saturnus’ approach with how she analyzed Atlus’ presence and Saturnus’ personality. Certainly, there are some Il Vuotos who taint their hands like she does; she thinks Mars and Dulcinea are one of those. “ I don’t want to tell you exactly what I do for work as I’m afraid you’ll be scared of me then. What I am willing to say without concern is that I work with military, politicians, and criminals alike. ”

There’s a moment of silence.

“ I thought you would’ve noticed people who keep an eye on you and ask me earlier. I guess, they’re doing a good job staying hidden; well, I hired the best of the best, of course. ” Certainly, that is not a comment she should be making out loud, but what’s the point in hiding it away? 

[zorkaya-moved]

A kiss on the cheek from her son, Rin before he goes off to being embarrassed acting like a little kid than the adolescence that he is.

@eliteimperialism

As her eyes look over the documents, she doesn't pay that much attention to Rin. Sokolova believes he'll tell her what he wants if there's anything to inquire. With that in mind, the presence of Arashi doesn't bring any tension or caution from her, leading to the woman not noticing the look on Rin's face and not knowing what his intentions are at that moment. Perhaps, it's for the better as the kiss pressed against her cheek in a second leaves her confused and surprised as head immediately turns to look at the young boy walking away from her, she's able to catch a pink glimpse on his cheeks before he walks away far enough she won't see it.

Silence fills the room for a moment as the woman processes what just happened. The shyness and the showcase of affection like that send warmth to her heart, lips curl upwards in a softer smile. A giggle is heard from the woman, a signal of how she found that gesture quite adorable and heartwarming. Rin's showcase of his emotions made her quite delighted, her happiness reflecting in the pools of ichor like the brightest star.

" Haha... How cute, " her mood lightens up, her motherly adoration playing out brighter than ever. Her son was so adorable when he did that, taking her by surprise. It makes her think of Saturn's reactions to her flirtations, the familiar pink shade and the shyness shown to her. " Ahh... They really are similar. "

Now she feels quite energized and ready to finish her work quickly to brag before her team about how Rin - her beloved son - just gave her a kiss on the cheek. A proud mother she was, alas not blood-related, but a mother still. Perhaps, she should call Saturn and tell him about it. No, then again, she should leave this for herself and just be proud of the shown sincere kindness.

" Thank you, Rin. " He was such a good boy, she's proud to know he sees her as his mother figure and she's proud to see him as her son.

[zorkaya-moved]

Rin wasn't sure what to give Zarina as a birthday present, not just because he barely knows anything about her, but like Saturn, she has enough money to buy anything and everything she wanted. So, what could he possibly give someone that has everything? With Takano's help (because he was a terrible cook), he managed to make (an actually edible) a cupcake. Deep sapphires would awkwardly glance off to the right, a sheepish smile would form as he glances up at the elder woman that she saw as a mother figure.

❝E-Etto, happy birthday, okka-san,❞ he wished her. ❝I didn't know what I could get you, so have this not-so-gourmet cupcake that I made for you.❞

@eliteimperialism

С Днем Рождения, Зарина! / Happy Birthday, Zarina! - 𝟐𝟕.𝟎𝟕.𝟐𝟏

It was true that the presents she looked at were not judged by the monetary input, the money could buy her whatever she wanted, but what she actually cared about was the message behind each present. Her team knew this, her family knew this, everyone who needed knew this. It was only a matter of time until she’ll showcase her generosity and her simple wishes to the one who she now saw her as her own liege, as her own son. Adopted or not, she has chosen him and he was now her dearest boy that she’ll make sure to protect and support. Maybe it would be confusing to those friends of his, but Sokolova didn’t care about public opinion. She never did. This was why she was in this profession and why she was so good at it. 

The snow inside her mind melts at the sight of the gift in Arashi’s hands. So many would’ve been surprised at her expression and how it softened upon hearing his words. The fact that he called her ‘okka-san’ which she knew meant “mother.” It only made the whole exchange that more adorable in her eyes, expression softening and her smile becoming gentler and warmer at how she was presented with the gift. She wondered if her mother felt the same way when she was accepting their gifts when they were about Rin’s age. Or a bit younger, yes, younger because Zarina remembered that she was already on the battlefield when she was around his age. 

What could you give to someone who could have anything they wanted with money? Give them simple meaningful gifts. Rin found the very best way to make her heart feel a new sort of emotion, unique and tender, similar to how she was with Aleksey but different in its sensation. A hand brought up and pressed against her heart, feeling that gentle beat. The smile Rin gave her was beautiful and it awakened the motherly love within the woman’s mind once more, making her step forward and accept the gift carefully, tenderly, chuckling softly at his last words. She knew he was special the moment this new emotion was recognized and analyzed over the course of several days, she accepted it happily as she accepted him into her life and hoped that she would be able to serve as a good motherly figure.

“You made it yourself,” Zarina notes, her voice surprisingly soft and gentle compared to how they sometimes talked between each other. It was a rarity for her to sound like this, but she was genuinely touched. Her family member, her dear son, has given her a present. It would be shocking for Arashi to hear if she were to become more sentimental, but he was a part of her dream. He might call himself whatever storm he wished, but for the one who hated peace’s isolation, it was a dream come true. Without him, her dream will never be true or whole, the Slavic maiden knew that all too well now. Sokolova looked truly happy with that gleam in her eyes, looking at the cupcake with adoration that many would’ve thought she was looking at something priceless. To her, it was priceless. Irrationally so, but it was priceless and she couldn’t wait to try it because Rin spent time to make it for her, he had her in his mind and he called her his mother. Altogether, it created the happiness she had never ever expected to experience within the frigid lands where her mind and soul resided. 

“Thank you, Rin. I love it, I really do. Сыночек ты мой, родимый. Спасибо.” The last words meant ‘My son’ in a gentler form as Sokolova used a diminutive/cuter version of the word ‘son,’ and the word ‘родимый‘ could also mean ‘dear.‘ And, of course, ‘Спасибо’ meant ‘thank you.’

It was honest truth, he could hear it and see it in the honesty of her expression. As she held the gift with one hand, she reached out to give him a side hug, pressing her lips to the crown of his head like a mother would thank their child for such a thoughtful present. If any other person were to see Zarina act like this, they would think they’d eaten hallucinogenres, but no, it was the secret side that only a few selected members of her family could see, witness, experience. Of course, her son was included in that category. 

“Let’s go have tea, shall we? I cannot wait to try this,” Zarina let go of Rin and stepped to the side, eagerness heard in her voice as she didn’t try to conceal it or control it. She knew, even if it won’t taste delicious, she’ll say it’s wonderful. Not because it is a lie, but because the taste didn’t matter to her. What would matter to her is the emotions put into this small but heavy gift, a gift that touched her soul that remained cold for so long. 

[zorkaya-moved]

@eliteimperialism​

Rin vc: Draw me.

“You should smile more, so I could draw it someday~ You and Saturn rarely do that, it’s quite hard to even put it on paper.”

[zorkaya-moved]

💬 (For Rin or Shigemasa)

@eliteimperialism

SHIGEMASA TSUKAMOTO.

how I feel about you:

i hate you | i don’t like you | i don’t care about you | i don’t know you | i know you | i look at you from afar | you’re my friend | you’re my best friend | you’re like family | i care for you | i love you 

I want to:

kill you | punch you | ignore you | know more about you | be friends with you | hang out with you | hug you | kiss you

“He’s a business partner, that’s it. No matter how young he is, he’s got similar eyes to mine and several other younger people in the underworld that I know. He kind of reminds me of a protagonist of some books, becoming so powerful and influential since he’s young. He and Rin are similar on that aspect, they’re smart and they’re unique. However, when it comes to Shigemasa, he’s just a business partner and nothing more. That kid’s got more in his future than many, that I can say for sure. People like him won’t be met with an easy fate, but I’d say that he’ll go through with them and will take his place under the sunlight. That’s the reason I work with him and he pays me well, that’s honestly how it is. It’s nothing but business. Though, I find his girlfriend Natsura quite adorable, but it’s like seeing a flamingo and saying it’s cute. Then again, Shigemasa is also someone, who I think, should get more training in his patience and in his tongue holding simply because there’s so far he could go with that attitude of his. If he doesn’t create more allies for himself in the international sense, I can tell for sure that they’ll unite against him in the future. And I won’t be putting Shigemasa atop of my web of connections. He’s useful now and I hope he’ll continue be useful in the future just like I am useful to him now. That’s just how it is. We’ll see how the future will shape our interactions. Let’s hope that his ambition will continue to grow and he won’t get cold feet.”

RIN ARASHI.

how I feel about you:

i hate you | i don’t like you | i don’t care about you | i don’t know you | i know you | i look at you from afar | you’re my friend | you’re my best friend | you’re like family | i care for you | i love you 

I want to:

kill you | punch you | ignore you | know more about you | be friends with you | hang out with you | hug you | kiss you | be your family (parental figure)

“He’s caught my attention, I will not lie. I cannot explain exactly why I feel this way to the dot, but I believe it’s his eyes and his manner of speech. They were the beginning of my curiosity. It was like when I’ve met my teammates before, I was drawn to him as I was to them. My gut rarely fails me, you see. I sense fascinating people who might become more important to me, I choose them as my people, my family, my team. I adore the the shine he’s got to himself, the brightness of his enigmatic presence makes me want to know more about him and it’s familiar. He makes me think of myself, hiding his true personality under layers of acting. It means he’s smart, he’s so much more intelligent than people think. Those skills in observation he’s got? He knows things and he can get himself in some trouble with that. I certainly did when I was younger... It’s nostalgic, I behaved similarly to him. We have different reasons for that, but that’s why I want to be there to offer him a helping hand. I started to care, I want to support him. I spoke to my parents about it and, hah, they said something very interesting. The wish for me to protect, to be there as a support, to help him out with some of his life. They said I started to act similarly to my dad. Did I start treating him like my own child? I think it’s a budding feeling, I’m still learning more about it, I haven’t... felt this way towards anyone, the wish to be a parental figure. Can I even be one, hah? Would it be awkward for him if I’ll offer him more help or advice? I’d like to have a child like him, I want to be... there for him. I don’t know how yet, but I know now what this budding feeling is. He may say he’s a storm that makes people’s lives a tragedy, but my whole life’s already been a fucking hurricane. He doesn’t scare me, I’ve been beaten up and tortured. What else can he bring? A fucking apocalypse? Hah! I’ll meet it. He’s going to be a part of my family, I decided. He doesn’t have to travel with me or even accept my work, but... I’ll keep tabs on him, make sure he’s not going to die when I’m not around. He can’t make my life worse, I’ll turn every storm into an opportunity. He doesn’t have to fear causing trouble. He shouldn’t fear making noise, he shouldn’t be afraid of choosing what he wants to do. I mean, if he’ll be fine with it, I’ll be a mother. And what a mother wouldn’t do for her child? Well, I’m being too forward with this right now, even I know when to take my time and listen to another’s opinion.”