#♥ aesthetics 》 gabriel boutin

[familiaanteomnia]

Freedom in the loosest sense of the word; yet enough breathing room to discover himself and change up the patterns in his life. Ordering delivery, going out to eat and unable to help the unruly sweet tooth. Developing from the freedom to such treats as well from the vices that became part of him. When he remembered or wasn’t too busy that also of course played a big factor. Not to say he didn’t cook- of course he did but often the process was full of moodiness. Him uttering every foul word in every language possible; the whole time. Tea, coffee however- were ritualistic habits he only adapted to his hectic life’s fluctuating schedule. The first time he went back there with a sucker in his mouth; almost debated covering it back up with his wrapper and pocketing it. Yet he didn’t because it was that or smoking and he would hazard a guess the latter would be more prone to cause a problem. One of the vows he made upon being allowed to live elsewhere; he would only cook for others if he felt like it. Not that he thought a situation of that occurring very likely. It would suggest a permanent fixture in his life; somebody to care and love. Her comments that day were rather civil about the new found habit; but he could tell the unspoken annoyance was there. -------- Nobody would ever know, or notice the difference between all the places he lived. Assuming they even saw more than one. But the one in Paris, with the most foot traffic did get plenty comments at times. How messy it was. In their eyes; in the lens of how he grew up it was. Yet the clutter, chaos was purposeful and organized unbeknownst to anybody. Paris was the middle of the road given it did see foot traffic and was where Mercury no doubt paid attention the most to his life. It was home, home in the sense of his first tastes of being able to play music loudly and not having to seek approval before rearranging or adding decor. Home in that it was where he made his first friends, found family and began to discover who he actually was when not worried about being the prodigy he loathed being. Then there was London; home in the sense it really was just his space. He could hang colorful string lights; posters and really live in the space. It was the place where he had put the most personality into it. Of course he also was obligated to stay in; given he had no clue when who he was expecting would show up. Plus he was still processing his recent heartbreak; not following through with what he’d intended and having to leave home basically the instant she said to. And then there was his room, in that place he grew up. The place he really only called home when talking to Her; or with that acidic taste burning his tongue even if he meant it genuinely. The room that grew with him but also was like an time capsule. Rules to how it looked, rejected ideas when he asked to maybe paint the walls or to do anything deemed too drastic. It also felt more like a temporary thing somehow than his actual apartments. Home was a complicated word; often he debated about if he could even call anything his own. But then it became natural and possibly defiant, hopeful to refer as such. His apartments- not Her’s, not anybody else’s to dictate anything about. Even if he couldn’t fully commit to that attitude. ---------- He was of course surprised to see his friend; though relieved and fine with not having to work on getting free himself. Moving casually out of the way; just watching the show and patiently waiting to get uncuffed. It had been nice returning back to Paris; even if his life continued to be one disaster after another. Given all the trouble of the past few days; argument he didn’t want to head back to the bar. Had a bad feeling, which only settled further into his skin upon reaching the bar. Confirmed when the stairs were basically being guarded and he was met with hostility. Knew it was about to be one burned bridge- he’d mourn the loss of one the first places he’d felt he belonged and anchored him in his hectic life. Later- right now he was more worried about the two idiots and how he’d been stupid to kid himself that Mercury wouldn’t be strongly displeased if he didn’t do as she’d asked. Probably already on thin ice for all the lack of checking in. Plus maybe just maybe he did care about what happened to the two of them. Would be a bit cruel to just let them blindly go there. Feeling terrible having to fight them; part of why he was unable to free himself from the grip. Just earlier they’d been friends, family joking and them bailing him out. Shock as processed Nathan’s fit of rage? Gabriel didn’t know what to think of it but he wasn’t horrified maybe upset but then he was shaking it off; to help pull him away. Joking as he left the bar, shouting that the apology wasn’t accepted as if to provide the illusion of control over any of it. Had more important things to worry about as they ran away. When everything was over- he was going to probably have one hell of a breakdown. He deserved loud music, smoking and laying on the floor for hours. As they made their way among the bodies towards the hunter; he saw the body of his dead friend and despite their last encounter. His heart sunk in his chest and he paused there. Not his first loss, wouldn’t be his last and anger aside it hurt. Now wasn’t the time to grieve however. Needed to worry about the two people he loved and not allowing for any more death of people he cared for. ---------- Gabriel threw the pillow at the wall in frustration; normally he kept himself from thinking too much about his life in contrast to other’s and especially fains. Yet- tonight it had gotten into every crevice inside his mind, his body and consumed him alive. No he didn’t get the jokes about whatever cult classic film had been mentioned. It wasn’t endearing or amusing; it was really fucking tragic even if most those films were unappealing and not a hobby he could get into. Prodigy, talented and good looking but abysmal with some of the most average things. No he didn’t know the sort of games people played growing up. He didn’t get taken to any theaters to watch films. He had to force himself to take up space and how to relax. So many things that trickled into being a person, over the course of life and he didn’t have that. Fingers curling up into his hair after lighting up. Aware of his vision blurring with tears that he wouldn’t let fall out of his eyes. Choking sob of a laugh as his brain thought about how he knew how to do things like steer ships but nothing about subjects the made bonding with others less of an nightmare. And eventually he was all used up; the adrenaline high of emotions gone. Collapsed on his bed, wrapping around one of the pillows- it didn’t feel anything like a person but it felt less empty. Once asleep, he stayed asleep well into the late afternoon and when he woke up. Didn’t spare any of his previous evening any thoughts. ----------- He liked to sleep on his side most often; also quite preferred having his back to the wall furthest from a door. Or just sleeping on his back. It really depended where he was, if he was with anybody and countless other factors. However sleeping with his back to anybody was usually out of trust. Or to make them more comfortable. Then there was the fact he typically switched around in his sleep. Sometimes he’d do his best to not curl up into whoever was crashing in his bed. Only to wake up having entangled everything from their legs to their hands in his sleep. Most times he stirred awake before them. Unattaching himself, sometimes he didn’t and at times it wasn’t appreciated. Never figuring out the solution to if they woke before he did. Strange, sleepy limbo when he woke up and then processing what he’d done unconsciously sheepishly shifted to allow them more space. Good example of such was how self aware he was; sharing that bed with the two of them for the first time. Even going to sleep telling himself on loop to stay still in his sleep; really didn’t stop his subconscious from doing it as it pleased. At least when he woke up, he could be grateful he had only shifted slightly in his sleep and mostly kept to himself. Thankfully he didn’t have to even jokingly address it. There was always a level of exhaustion lately; maybe always but constantly going from one danger into another and the trail of death took it’s toll. Especially when tucking all sorts of emotions away to deal with when everything was less life or death. So it wasn’t hard for him to fall back asleep on the boat. Complete other side of the bunk; yet allowing himself to fall asleep facing Nathan. For the simple soothing fact of he’d know immediately he wasn’t alone when he woke back up. Drifting back awake slowly; haze of sleep as brought himself to open his eyes. At first he couldn’t help just want to stay in that state; he was comfortable and he could probably stare forever at the face looking back at him. Self consciousness crept is swift and unrelentless however. So before it could be soured- his hands withdrew close to him. It wasn’t likely Nathan would be hostile about it yet easier to never find out. Maybe he personally was just a wreck given how he had despite wanting to enjoy such comfort had sheepishly ruined it. Then came the crashing down; no more sleepy bliss or time to wake up slowly. Back to reality, back to the chaos that so filled the days lately with a deadline he refused to see happen. But that itself was only a small ripple in the tidal wave of issues. Gabriel didn’t waste anymore time getting up and getting back on mission. Yet he couldn’t quite tuck away the feeling of how he’d woken up; safe and comfortable. It lingered, the feeling of their hands intertwined and the closeness. So, he allowed it to linger while he focused on the tasks on hand. Maybe it’d cancel out some of the pointedly ignored emotions like suffocating fear. --------- Gabriel’s stained fingers, trailed ever so carefully over the various hair dyes. A large part of him impulsively debating- grabbing something bright and neon. Perhaps one of the radioactive looking yellow or green’s. But the instant he saw somebody else enter the store; fingers retracted away from the shelves. The urge dying especially when his brain brought up such an idea would be not worth any strife. Quickly ducking out of the store, into the nighttime and not thinking twice about it. ----------- His hair had powder in it and he was freaking out about it. If his hair got stained- well it might not be the worst thing but given he was supposed to check in. He’d rather not have to rush to either get color staining out or commit to dying his hair. Scrubbing at his hair several times in the shower and even though it didn’t stain could swear it did. It took several drinks and a few other things to calm himself down enough that he finally put the hair bleach back away off his bathroom counter. Doing some fresh makeup and a different change of clothes. Which really ended up just being changing some of the layers. Not for the check in or appearance’s sake but to shake off the rest of the freak out. Deciding to remove his chipped nail polish; it’d been experimental and he rather liked it not being perfect. The look was nice, so he didn’t stare at his finger tips as critically nor have to worry about staining or the already not so usual tinge to them or his nails. Kept him from biting them- turned out to be a nervous habit he must’ve rediscovered living on his own. ------------ “You look like hell my friend.” Gabriel put his middle fingers up while collapsing onto the sofa. It was all in the name of love and fun. Though he also was not in the greatest mood. Hungover, unrelated migraine and many bad choices the prior night in the name of self discovery. “No thanks to the fucking cocktails; whatever they contained is way too potent.” Of course his grouching was met with laughter, extended out cup of coffee. Readjusting his sunglasses before picking it up in both hands. Downing it before extending it out for more. -------------- Reclining, blowing the smoke upwards and enjoying the atmosphere. Getting up as the song switched to something far too moody. He didn’t want it ruining his pleasant high that’d just started feeling good. “Trying to put your customers to sleep.” A very not amused expression followed by the song being switched to something else. Far more upbeat, catchy and he gave a polite thanks before getting lost dancing to the music. Into the haze of his high, of the fun and the person who decided to dance with him. Which turned into waking up, alone and then the usual daily monotony. ---------- In the name of exploring, discovery and adventure- he had spent hours trying to locate one building. Was it worth it? He had no clue but given it was a local record store; most likely worth it in terms of his music loving soul getting another place to obtain and expand his music knowledge. Finally he found it in the late afternoon. As soon he stepped in the door, it was so beyond worth it from the music that was playing through the building and just the wide array everywhere. His funds basically depleted when he couldn’t help but buy an sizable stack. Rushing back to his home fully intent to spend the rest of the evening listening and relaxing. In fact, for a couple albums he just laid there and didn’t even smoke. For more than one listen of each Not working on anything. Didn’t read any of the books he’d gotten to read from the previous weeks adventure to an second hand bookstore. Being unproductive, lazy was not something he tended to do often. Everything was purposeful or out of necessity; multi tasking was what he knew best and grew up on. To just lay there? Not indulging in vices and only listening to music- was something he’d probably not consider doing ever. Yet he didn’t get restless or upset. His thoughts were peaceful and he was comfortable, calm. Even eventually unable to help drifting off into a little nap. As the exhaustion from several long days finally was able to creep in and get a hold of him. Back to the backside of the couch; curled up on his side with one hand brushing against the floor. His other tucked up close to his chest; it was an nap of peaceful slumber remarkably.

[familiaanteomnia]

not me thinking about how gabriel is- a) really skilled and resourceful b) possible prodigy regarding his power *given how young he was/that his answer strongly impacted his future* yet- he undoubtedly never went to school, didn’t have much socialization until he gets out on his own *even then it’s pretty limited i’d say*.... he doesn’t own a car however he knows how to drive one, he doesn’t obviously own a boat but he knows how to steer one etc yet he lacks in knowing movies, pop culture etc most likely (doesn’t seem to own even a basic cellphone or tv etc) probably grew up without all of it and then found himself enamoured with music/books more anyways

[familiaanteomnia]

Tag Drop .04

♥ aesthetics 》 mascus

♥ asks 》 mascus

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