#✧ atsushi nakajima. ic / flowers growing all around a massive animal inside of me

[ahsterism]

tag drop pt. 2: misc anime

[ahsterism-aa]

@parakosms​ asked: “   my  glasses  are  broken  …   ” kunikida @ atsushi // sticky situations

     “THEY’RE WHAT?” Atsushi is caught by complete surprise, slowly leaning back in his chair at the Agency’s office to see a dejected Kunikida, holding the remaining pieces of his very much snapped glasses— it’s an odd sight, of all the things for him to draw attention to out of the blue... Atsushi understands the shame of accidentally breaking something, but... the solution here should be easy enough, right? “Huh... can’t you make a new pair with your notebook or something? They’re definitely small enough for that, right?” 

[ahsterism-aa]

  “You know, sometimes I remember things from when I was younger that don’t really surprise me, but other times... it’s really shocking—” 

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@theircurse​ asked: “ Hey ! You can’t be in here ! ” ( Atsushi. Also hello ! uwu ) // introduction/icebreaker starters 

    ATSUSHI TENSES THE MOMENT he hears the call, breath catching in his throat as multi-colored gaze flits quick towards them— shit, this wasn’t part of the plan. In fact, the instructions he received from the other Agency members were SPECIFICALLY to avoid being seen at all costs, since, well... they’re right, he ISN’T supposed to be here. Immediately, he begins racking his brain for potential solutions: he could make a break for it, RUN off and make sure he does what he needs to before getting caught. Except, that risks making an even BIGGER scene, and the last thing he needs is more people noticing him. Yeah, this can’t go well either way.

    “UHH—” Shit, what is he even supposed to say?! “HOLD ON, is there...any chance I could explain first?” No, what is he thinking, of course that’s not going to work! He did expect a fight if this went wrong, and he’s willing to if that’s what it takes, but this is SOONER than he thought. “Listen, I DON’T want to fight you, all I came here to do was get information.” 

[ahsterism-aa]

@fauxvvalor​ asked: Shinya doesn't seem to fear the tiger at all. In fact, he walks right up to it and proceeds to give it chin scratches. // random asks ( always accepting ) 

    BEAST BENEATH THE MOONLIGHT isn’t used to such kindness— never has been. How could they, when the ability’s mere existence has been consistently met with harsh punishment? Otherwise, the tiger appears in times of need: to ravage supplies, participate in battle, fight fight fight fight. Aggressive instincts are only natural. 

      For a long while, Atsushi believed it made him horrible, a monster. Hatred for himself runs deep. But oh, the tiger never hated him, even if it’s exactly what he thinks. 

       This proves otherwise, though. Because as Shinya approaches, the tiger doesn’t attack. They do not growl or bristle or pounce, only stills in curious observation before his gentle touch scratches their chin. A sort of purring can he heard shortly, a low chuff as they squint and lean right into the satisfying scratches. 

                                                          They like this one. 

[ahsterism-aa]

@piictureshow​ asked: “the little fruits, that’s what i call me and my friends” ...r..ranpo @ atsushi // shit heard at art school

   “YOU...DO?” Atsushi has never heard Ranpo say that before now, but he knows better than to doubt the detective at this point. Still, he doesn’t really...get it. “Why would we be fruit?” Oh, you clueless tiger. 

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@abysslred​ asked: “catholicism is objectively horny” hey sushi // shit heard at art school

    “WHA- wh- what?” Atsushi sputters, clearly TAKEN ABACK by Lucy’s observation— is that... really what it entails? He wouldn’t exactly have much of a clue. All religious practices, if any allowed at the orphanage, he was to be excluded from as to further isolate him from the other kids. But, even with his complete lack of knowledge... that doesn’t sound quite right either. 

            “Do I... WANT to ask you to explain, or-?” 

[ahsterism-aa]

@bookmcde​ // plotted starter

ATSUSHI IS HALLUCINATING.

      That’s the only possible explanation for this, the only way he could even begin to wrap his head around the figure that looms at the corner of his eye. Familiar long hair and robes, stark white and piercing right through any sort of calm demeanor he may have been able to maintain if it were any other enemy. Not only recognized from their most recent confrontation, but from now uncovered memories too, unlocking that pivotal, repressed moment had set Atsushi on the course to recall the other time they spent together as well. What he once thought was a light finally reaching towards him through the orphanage’s overwhelming darkness, the crumbling of his walls and quick attachment to kindness he was never shown before, all shattered the moment he was forced into the plan’s final stage, and heart wrenching dread hit him harder than any slap or shove. 

    The first time he used his claws.

                Tatsuhiko Shibusawa is dead. Atsushi killed him, for good this time. So then how… WHY is the man standing opposite him now?

Noticeable tense of his shoulders ( no, his entire body goes stiff ), but his eyes are all too frantic as his gaze whips towards Shibusawa’s image. The color drains from his face, and nails dig into palms, along with teeth grit to hide the instinctual panic that tightens in his chest. ”This isn’t real…” He finally speaks up, unsure if he’s spent seconds or minutes standing here trying to fend off the way his past swarms his head. The orphanage, the fear, extended hand that only led him towards that goddamn chair, it’s all behind him now. It’s over, and shouldn’t he stop letting it haunt him so much?

    “Get out of my head, get out, get out!” He hates the way his voice wobbles, hates how this still scares him, hates how guilt still pries its way into his thoughts. “You’re gone, it’s over, and I… I’m not going to let thoughts like you get the better of me anymore!” Oh, he’s in for a rude awakening; if he dares to believe it, that is.

[ahsterism-aa]

annnnnnd tiger boye tag drop even though i still have content to catch up on i know myself by now

[ahsterism-aa]

@recalcytrant​ asked: ❛  is it alright if i hug you , or would you rather not be touched ?  ❜ @ Atsushi :') // things i wish i had been told

   DESPITE HOW HIS PANIC HAS CONSIDERABLY SUBSIDED since Kunikida caught him in this state, Atsushi is still shaking. Hand tremble with the fear that stays locked into his tightly wound chest, as if every terrifying memory has coiled into a bundle of fright. The sensation of figurative alarm bells ringing through his head isn’t a new one, but each time never really seems to get any easier..... What managed to set him off this time? Atsushi isn’t sure if he even knows...

     Maybe it was something to do with Kunikida walking into the kitchen as Atsushi made his favorite dish, flickering the light that Atsushi forgot to turn on and causing him to knock the bowl of tea on rice slightly sideways with a quick jerk of his hand. Next thing he knew, he was flooded with a surge of memories: the shrill yells of the headmaster or other orphanage staff, reprimanding tones and biting taunts about how useless children like him don’t deserve to eat, cries and apologies that did nothing to stop the bruises, broken bones, or nights spent locked up alone.  

   He doesn’t know how long it took for him to come back to his senses, but it’s Kunikida’s steady voice and calm instructions that manage to do the trick. Atsushi isn’t used to being coaxed out of something like this, and as the fight or flight response begins to lessen... so does his resolve— disappearing in favor of leaning into... no, practically crumbling into any sort of care. 

  “Mhm...” He chokes out with a quick nod, before realizing that doesn’t really answer the question. “You can... hug me, I mean-” He trusts Kunikida, and not as panicked anymore... he craves that extra touch of reassurance more than he’d like to admit. “Please...”

[ahsterism-aa]

@piictureshow​ asked: ‘ you were given very clear instructions not to go and do exactly what you did. ’ dazai @ atsushi :) // ways to react to an injury

   A WAVE OF INTENSE SHAME hits Atsushi as Dazai reprimands him. Blood drips down his torso, seeping into his clothing ( again ) and serving as a clear indicator of just how south things had gone when Atsushi couldn’t help but go through with the decision against Dazai’s orders. He HAD been given clear instructions, knew it wasn’t what his mentor wanted from him and knew the sheer amount of danger waiting for him if he tried anyways. And yet, that one little flame had flickered in his chest again; the one that pushes him to keep moving on despite impossible odds, to throw himself into the most illogical and dangerous ideas at the CHANCE it might save others enough to prove his own worth to keep going. 

      Far from unscathed, though he got out of it alive, at least— but the sting of Dazai’s disappointment remains so much worse than any injury. 

    Sharp breath, and despite wanting to respond ( to explain himself, explain how everything worked out in the end and that they’re all okay ), he TENSES instead. Caught doing things he wasn’t supposed to plenty of times, he can’t help but be reminded of the headmaster’s piercing gaze, dread coiling in the pit of Atsushi’s empty stomach before the sting of a slap, the pull from his wrist towards that dingy, locked room, or WORSE. 

             WORTHLESS. GOOD FOR NOTHING, DISOBEDIENT. UNLOVABLE. 

 It’s not that he thinks Dazai would stoop to that level of cruelty— no, not that at all. What Atsushi is afraid of...is letting down the one that saved him, losing what he never thought he would have. “I know what you told me, but, listen Dazai-san, I...” Come on, just explain, tell him it’s all alright, why can’t he do this? “I’m sorry...”

[ahsterism-aa]

@brckencrown​ asked: With absolutely no warning, Dazai sneaks up behind Atsushi and simply pulls him backwards by the belt. For science purposes, of course. // random asks ( always accepting )

   A LOUD YELP falls out as Atsushi tumbles backwards with the sudden yank to his belt, flailing a bit before...SORT OF managing to catch himself ( not the first time the length of it has gotten him into clumsy situations, but this one definitely WASN’T his fault ).  “Dazai?” He realizes the moment he lifts his head up to check who pulled him back enough to make him stumble like that. 

             “D- don’t just sneak up behind me like that! I thought you might’ve been a threat for a second— what was that for, anyways?! Ow...” 

[ahsterism-aa]

   Seriously? Just existing? JUST existing??? This is it, Atsushi is jumping into the abyss.

[ahsterism-aa]

anonymous asked: well, atsushi. you did it, you survived! congratulations! you’ve got friends now, a nice little family to call your own. really, thanks to having a supernatural ability, everything just sort of fell into your lap and worked out didnt it? though i can’t help but wonder about those other kids in the orphanage… how they’re being treated. how many of them go to bed bleeding or in tears from the abuse? it’s painful to think about. but, hey, it all worked out for you in the end, so who cares what happens to them. // pain hours 

    OF COURSE ATSUSHI HAS THOUGHT ABOUT THE ORPHANAGE since joining the Armed Detective Agency— he can’t even go a day without thinking about it. Though the headmaster’s stinging voice full of contempt rings through his head less often than before ( which, he honestly doesn’t know how much that says, it had been almost constant... ), that horrible place he grew up in always manages to sneak its way into situations, whether its jolting awake from nightmares, recalling certain memories, or...wondering what’s become of it now. 

   He never talked to the other kids that much. Of course, there were conversations- he tried- but when you’re the one constantly targeted, always thrown under the bus to get run over by blame, dragged away kicking and screaming and APOLOGIZING and returning battered and bruised, most people don’t really want to be your friend. With the staff only encouraging it, Atsushi ended up EXCLUDED more often than not. Still... he doesn’t think he can hold that against them. No, they were trapped in that terrible place too, left hungry and worn down all the same even if Atsushi got the brunt of it ( have... have they been doing those sorts of things to anyone else since he’s been gone? No, they can’t, why WOULD they when it was due to his ability? But... ). And he left them...all his peers, all those KIDS... even if the headmaster is dead now, everyone working there was always cruel. 

    “Why.... wh- what makes you think you can say something like that?!” Beneath the appalled expression is a clear rise in guilt— he’s thought about this too, shutting it down for good to save everyone else who was hurt there, but...

  Atsushi doesn’t think he can step foot in there again without feeling sick to his stomach.

                                                No wonder they hated him... HE’S SO SELFISH. 

  “I do care what happens to them— no one should ever have to endure what they put us through there. But I couldn’t...I still needed to learn how to control my ability, and...!” What? He got distracted? He was too scared to try? No, he... he can’t try and excuse his own mistakes that way—all he can do is fix them. After all, it’s the same as always, he doesn’t deserve to live like this if he doesn’t. “... I’ll save them. I can do it, there... has to be a better way to help everyone still there, right? I can’t stop until all that misery’s over with for good!” 

[ahsterism-aa]

u think atsushi would knead stuff like blankets

anonymous // catsushi continues oh my god

      "KN..KNEAD STUFF? You mean, like playing with it?" Not for a while, he couldn't risk ruining the already flimsy blanket ( if any ) given to him at the orphanage, but since joining the Armed Detective Agency... "Um...no! Nope, I don't think I've done anything like that!" He says, quickly shoving a nearby blanket behind him.

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"Question for you Atsushi!" Dazai's got something in his hand, "Do you like Catnip~?"

@bookmcde // harassing the catboy again except its hours later

     "DO I LIKE...what?" Head noticeably tilts to the side as his gaze narrows on the small bag Dazai holds up towards him. "O...of course I don't like catnip! What kind of question is that? For the last time, I'm a tiger, not a cat. Besides, I'm sure that stuff wouldn't have an effect, anyways!" Just wait until he finds out...