#❓💬

[perplexingluciddreams]

At what point of not being able speak did you consider yourself nonverbal?

this is a difficult question to answer. emotionally difficult (because this topic is hard to think about and i have strong feelings but i don't know what they are). and difficult because words are really hard, and memory is not reliable.

i will do my best. this answer will be long and rambly because i feel the intense need to be as clear as possible. this makes me very very anxious. (sorry in advance for how long).

i can't give an exact timeline because i don't barely have awareness of time. i also can't fully trust/rely on my memory. it gets twisted and muddled and fuzzy. i will try to stick to what i know is fact true.

i still have the same language issues of my whole life, so i never know if the words match my meaning!! it is very stressful when i know i wrote things in the past and have to "correct" past self. i have written a lot on this topic because i really want to be able to explain it to people - but a lot of what i wrote isn't actually true or correct. not because i intentionally lie, just because i simply don't have enough ability for words. especially when it is all this complex.

firstly to clarify, my speech my whole life was never good. reasons is combination of several things:

unreliable speech (intend to say one thing, another come out. or intend to say nothing, and something come out) because body not fully under my control

compulsive scripting because it was LOUD in my brain and got pushed out without meaning/wanting

language issues meaning i said words that didn't match up to what i meant (even when i was trying and was more in control of mouth). i didn't understand the words coming out my mouth.

language issues meaning i could only speak in learned/memorised scripts. occasionally from my own mind, majority "borrowed" from other people. i knew how to match a script with a situation or question, but i didn't comprehend what the script meant so i very often said the opposite of what i was thinking/feeling. (sometimes i knew words and my meaning didn't match but i didn't have the right words. and if i had nothing else to say my body would take over and blurt out whatever script was closest to the brain-to-mouth track).

smaller periods of skill regression that happened often throughout my childhood. affecting lots of skills and areas (not everything all at once, more like repeated backsliding in each skill/area, usually when i focused on bettering a different skill/area. brain just doesn't have capacity). this including affecting speech and communication.

i have said in the past that my speech declined over a long period, and even said an age range. but honestly i don't know how true that is. my memory could be really screwing with me, so i can't say that for certain. i just know it was always bad, and then it got worse.

i think i was 16 nearly 17 when the big change came with my speech, because of regression. i had other skill regression, but speech was the biggest most obvious affected area. i can't describe how it happened or what it was like. i have tried in the past, but like i have said, it is mostly not accurate despite my attempts.

other people can describe about what it seemed from the outside, but i often get upset hearing that because it sounds so different from my experience/reality. logically i know it is true that it looked that way to someone else seeing the outside of me - but my brain can't accept it as truth because it won't fit in with what i know about my internal experience. so brain rejects it as "lie".

growing up before the big regression, i had a strange and complicated experience with speech and communication. back then, i never put any specific word to it. i just knew it was so so so hard. and so so so upsetting.

during the period where my experience of speech changed due to the big regression, i was searching around for words to "borrow" to try help explain what was going on. for both myself and parents. that is when i learned about words nonverbal, nonspeaking, semiverbal/semispeaking, etc.

but still i didn't think any of it really fit. i have used the word "semiverbal" to try put label on my growing up experience of speech, but it still even now doesn't seem right.

i didn't use word nonverbal or nonspeaking for myself until my speech was 100% gone, no intelligible words. and then i first only used it online, simply because it is a quick easy one-word way to explain "i can't speak at all". and i always gave expand information on my exact situation of late regression and losing speech - i felt like i was "lying" if i didn't.

but - your question was at what point i consider myself nonverbal. and that part took longer, i think. when my speech went away from regression, i had the strong intense gut feeling that it was permanent and never coming back. and the feeling got stronger especially as it kept getting worse and worse despite me trying harder and harder every day.

but of course i didn't know anything for sure. and not knowing anything for sure was too much for brain to handle all at once, so a lot of it got shut off and put away to deal with later.

there was a LOT going on and a LOT of change from this big regression. and brain took a long time to process it. and even more time to understand and process feelings around it. i am still processing and tackling this, even now!

so for a long while, i simply thought of it as "i cannot speak", "i am unable to speak". because that was the easiest and simplest way to think of it. and it fit into what my brain already knew of my experiences, so it didn't feel like "lie" that brain would reject.

the word nonverbal was there in my mind during all this, but i felt upset and not good feelings any time i even wondered about it. (i think guilty, and very anxious, is what i felt around it?). i worried that i was not allowed. i worried that i would get in trouble.

like i said before, i can't give the exact timeline. but i know it took a while before it felt okay-ish and semi-comfortable to use the word nonverbal. only once my speech was 100% fully gone and my strong intense gut feeling that it is permanent was still there, still just as strong.

the only chance i have of gaining any speech back ever, is perhaps occasional one-word echolalia, out of my control. if i ever verbally say a word again, it cannot be intentional or in my control. i say that with strong certainty - not only based on gut feeling but also past experiences (of speech growing up, and how it felt losing it fully).

i hope this is satisfactory answer. and again i apologise for how long and rambly. it is important to me to always try be as clear as i am able. i have an intense compulsion to tell the complete truth all the time, and i get very upset when my poor language ability messes that up.

have a nice day :)

[space-batzz]

What do you think

[preemptive-absoluution]

hi my names momo/ashton/sakkakuu, I go by he/it/doll sets, I am a syshost who lets my alters post. Talk to me!

By my beloved kittyuki 🫶

rentry 🀄strawpage🀄gallery🀄backup is @awarena-san 🀄whiteboard 🀄 insta

Other blogs.....

art blog 🏮ask blog🏮gamedev log🏮edit blog 🏮 Manga blog

Fish missing vis wife counter : 49 (-1 for evilfish)

[muttinrut]

Intro

Name: Eli

Birthday: 02/02/2006

Pronouns: He/It (FTM)

Tags:

🦴💬 : Yapping

🦴❓: Desperate/Needy Posting

🦴❗️: answering asks

🦴🐾 : Bottoming

🦴🔌 : Topping

Anons:

🐺, X , X , X

Links:

praise me ; pronoun page ; bdsm test

NSFW details + more under 'keep reading'

Kinks:

Pet play, power bottoms, teasing, orgasm control/denial, bratting, degradation, exhibitionism, S/m, Primal, auralism, bondage, breeding, CNC, humiliation, slight hypno, impact play, mirror sex, TPE, Praise, overstim, interrogation, hands, rough sex, blindfolds begging, light choking, worship, intox, force-masc, somno, t4t, brocon, FAUXcest, [more to be added]

Limits:

Watersports, Toilet play, extreme choking, permanent scarring/damage, 24/7, feet, age play, force-fem, bodily fluids that aren't cum (sometimes blood is acceptable.), [more to be added]

I prefer to always sub, but don't mind subbing/topping. I'm more attracted romantically to masculine presenting people, but I can be attracted to anyone in a sexual sense. I view myself when bottoming as AFAB (Still He/It), but when topping I prefer to imagine i'm AMAB, helps with dysphoria.

This is my NSFW side blog / My main blog is SFW and regression based, follow @elithepuppy

mdni banner: @/cafekitsune

thin dividers: @/omi-resources

bone divider: @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more 

[critters-comforting-compendium]

welcome to critters comforting compendium

where I reblog/post weirdcore or weirdcore-esque stuff because it’s my biggest comfort ever, may also include some analog horror-esque stuff because that’s my special interest

stuff I post mostly comes from Pinterest, I’ll link the pin nd try and credit where I can, but I’ll rarely post anything anyway

my main is @analog-autistic but my DNI doesn’t apply here bc I don’t really care im not gatekeeping an aesthetic

I am the frontstuck host of an endogenic system tho so

I use they/xe/it and most neos (no nsfw ones tho)

this blog is just weird stuff. No schedule this is for fun and whimsy

and yes I know that’s not what compendium means shut up /lh /silly

look in tags for tags, graphics and pngs will all be tagged ‘graphics’ and non-weirdcore posts will be ‘🕹️ you can’t see me behind the screen’

kind of a list of what I’ll post

Weirdcore/Dreamcore

Liminal spaces

Creepy/Abandoned places

Starrflesh

tags to block if you need to:

🫀biology - refers to non-living material as living, by pointing out ‘biological features’ such as organs

🥩 we have the meats - pictures of raw meat

🦷 teeth - self explanatory

👁️ eyes - self explanatory

💊 i need a doctor! - pills, needles, and general medial stuff

🩻 starrflesh - eyes, teeth, ‘mutated’ looking animals (mostly cats, dogs/wolves, and deer)

💬 echoing voices - stuff about hearing voices, whether it be hallucination-based or human mimicry

[applepie-honami]

Hello, I am Mochizuki Honami. Drummer of Leo/need.

/ooc under the cut

//ooc: heyaaaa snowy here! you may know me from other blogs, such as @localtoaststealer or @yoisaki-kanade-n25 ! and if youve seen my intro posts on these accounts, then you know... IIIIIIIIIIT'S BOUNDARIES TIME!! (danganronpa reference)

1: No NSFW for the love of god, both admin and haruka are minors

2: Pr0shitters, C0mshitters, homophobic, racist, transphobic, ableist, z!onists, MAPs, p3dos DNI.

3: No death threats allowed

4: Ships i'm A-OK with are: any ship that isn't illegal (i'm a multishipper) like srs i can do super popular ones like polyneed or extremely rare ones like anhona or honarui. I'm also fine with OC X Canon!!

5: have fun!! :3

tags: Normal: You can't live life in fear of being hurt. - 🥧

Other characters: My dearest friends! - 🌠

Angst: ... - 💬

Asks: I'm listening! - ❓

[shall-we-die]

Recently, I noticed that 'Moriarty the Patriot' posts don't have as many fans as before.

So I didn't know if I should include this fandom in the new lists (angst/yandere alphabet / etc.) or not?

[2-dsimp]

For this quick CYOA tutorial thing, I have a question. Are all the character traits and stuff the same as the classic high school CYOA?

@frost20026606

Yes, that is correct! All of the previous traits and info that you’ve uncovered in the original does apply to the mini cyoa tutorial!

However, the tutorial takes place in time where all the admirers are transitioning into a college setting (basically a sneak peak at the third life) meaning that there’s going to be certain tweaks and changes in their overall temperament after everyone’s senior year. For example a tame admirer might be more privy to get aggressive and vice versa based on your past interactions with them. Additionally, some admirers may have developed more than one trait! (>^ω^<)

[eternalflowershipping]

Tagged by @phan-chan for this colour palette site ^.^ I didn't wanna blog the post itself cuz of it's length so I'm just putting it here instead... 😭

Feel free to do this and say I tagged you 💕

[skulltramarine]

now, i'm askin' for scientific reasons here, so be honest... how many cups'a coffee would ya say you drink a day? on average.

[bunnyburrowsys]

do you think there is a sys out there called the solar system? that would be pretty out of this world

shut your damn mouth/j

[perplexingluciddreams]

do you like bugs? if so, what are your favorites? (i like scarabs and spiders and cicadas and. the list goes on.) if not, what other animals do you like? (cats are a close second for me)

Bugs and insects are VERY scary to me. I get really worried about them getting on me or in me (like in mouth, ears, nose).

Sometimes I can see pictures of pretty insects and I like that. I like the beetles with the shells that looks like oil on the road when it rains. But if I see any bugs or insects in real life I am scared. The flying ones are the worst. I don't like to think about insects.

When there is brown house moths (common in the UK) in my room I always text Dad a picture so he can come save me from it! (I know it can't hurt me but I am still paranoid and anxious about it).

Most animals make me very uneasy and anxious. Because I can't understand their body language or predict their behaviour. Small yappy dogs that run about fast is very frightening to me.

I like cats in theory, but still I get tense around them. I can't understand the body language of animals at all, so I never know what they want and I am scared to do the wrong thing and then they might hurt me.

We don't have pets so I am not used to being around animals in real life. And I prefer it that way.

I love pictures of many animals, and I can appreciate them very much in theory. But in real life face-to-face... it just makes me anxious or scared or uneasy or tense. I wish I could be not like that, I wish I could be calm around animals.

Animals that are calm and mostly still and quiet is the least scary. Like big old dogs that just lie around and sleep and walk super slow. Anything that is big (so I can always see it) and slow (so it doesn't surprise me and I can process and predict where it will go) and quiet (so not hurt my ears) - that is ideal.

My best friend has rats. They have different ones now than they used to. But I held the old rats and I quite liked it. I used to feed them sometimes with Dad's and sometimes sister's help. They still make me anxious because they move quickly and the feet feel strange moving over me when they try to climb on my head! But also fun. And they were so cute!

[urlocalmultigroupfan]

HEY! I've read your works and I really like them!

I have a few requests actually incase some don't interest you!

1.) You bring Lee Know normal lunch as a disguise to just curl up in his lap because of the terrible pains you're feeling in your side, but when you do, Minho is so caught up in work that he flips and tells you he's busy and to just go back home, even after you tell him how bad your side hurts. On your way out of the JYPE building, Felix sees you collapse before leaving and brings you into the hospital. Later on he texts Lee Know on what happened, but once he shows up, you dont forgive him right away so he waits outside the hospital room until you see him outside the door when you go to use the restroom the next morning since you have to stay for a few days and he wasn't leaving until you did. You finally let him speak to you and apologize but you dont forgive him right away until he promises to sit on your hospital bed and rub your waist and head so you can finally get some sleep.

2.) HYUNJIN OR HAN!!!!! He was hanging out with you with your friends for the night instead of you guys seeing the guys like usual. The friends you were hanging out with weren't really real friends. He knew that but pushed it aside, knowing you liked hanging out with them. He sat next to you as you leaned on him while you talked to your friends. He slipped in a comment here and there, noticing the rude "jokes" they were making at you. You happened to be feeling sick after taking a sip of a drink that one of the girls made you. You leaned back on him as he rubbed your stomach after hearing it grumble. The girls started whispering about you and giggling, you just held onto his hand and played with his fingers. They were also making fun of you for your anxiety. That's when he grabbed the drink off the table to get you to drink some to calm you down, but when he looked in the cup, he seen the ice wasn't floating, and he lost it on the girls, letting go of your hand but sitting you behind him as he stands up and stands your ground and tells them off entirely. "This is my baby and what you are not going to do is treat her like this." "Don't you think thats a little rude to say about your friend?"

3.) You both staying with your parents for a week while on tour since Bang Chan brought you along with for the tour, sounded like a great idea. Except the third night out of five, the night before the main concert, Chan went to bed a little early so he could be well rested. Well, as your mom headed to bed, you asked her if she could pick up some fruit for you the next day so you could snack on it at Channie's concert, considering he always asked you to please have a snack and water, but your mom blew up on you. She started screaming at you from across the table, saying you always want something from her but do nothing for her in return, etc. This wakes Chan up, causing him to come out to see the commotion while tears stream down your face and your mom yells at you more for crying and "not having a reason to cry". Chan takes over and speaks up on your behalf and pulls you into his arms so he can calm you down while he speaks to her, even if he is just yelling back and forth. Afterwards, your mom yells that maybe he shouldn't be staying here if he can't provide for your "ungratefulness". Chan's had enough so he agrees nd picks you up, holding you on his side as he packs yours and his things, putting you in a pair of his p.j pants and wrapping his blanket around you as you still shake with sobs. He plans on going and getting somewhere else to say because he isn't taking that disrespect, especially not towards his baby, from your mother or not. The next morning you explain to him what happened and how you just wanted fruit for his concert so you could impress him by snacking, as you tell him, he is doing your skincare on the counter of the bathroom of the room he got.

4.) Today was the day of the big concert. You were sleeping in the hotel bed as Minho got ready in the bathroom. He finished getting himself ready and knelt beside the bed, getting you ready. He did your skincare, picked you out a cute little outfit, changed you into it, did light blush and highlighter and curled your lashes, not putting mascara on till you were awake, he knew how you rubbed your eyes when you woke up. Except you didn't wake up. He carried you out to the car with his jacket on you and a blanket so you didn't get cold but didn't have to carry your jacket. He had to attend the breakfast before the concert, and you were coming with him. He carried you on his hip around the grocery store as he got you some snacks for during the concert so you didn't wake up to being alone in the car and scared. He got you back in the car and as he carried you on his hip into the breakfast restaurant with the rest of the boys, you finally woke up. You rubbed your eyes like he knew you would and he talked to you as you woke up fully, like he always did. He kissed your head and explained to you what was going on as they all sat in a booth. He told you to order whatever because he was covering you. After you found what you wanted and drank some of the water he brought for you, he applied your mascara and the highlighter around your eyes. It was in his pocket. "Order whatever, kitten, I got you some snacks for the concert too." "I hope you slept well babygirl, I am so proud that I get to carry you around on my hip." "That tiny ass sip of water does not count silly girl you better drink more."

5.) Seungmin knew you were nervous to tell him when you wanted physical touch because you didn't want him to feel forced. Seungmin had his angry face on so when you thought you were sneaky and snuck downstairs to ask Seungmin to play a game with you, you seen his face and went back upstairs, not realizing he'd seen your smile drop when you walked away with your game of Candy Land. He ordered some pasta for you and a few other games you liked. He made you a pina colada, your favorite drink you always got back home. He knocked on your shared bedroom before entering, not waiting for you to open it. When he walked in, he saw you with his headphones on, in his shirt and pajama pants, playing Candy Land with PuppyM. He tapped on the headphone ear, smiling when he heard "My Destiny". He offered you your favorite pasta and your favorite drink, laying out some games for the two of you to enjoy. "Next time just come ask me baby, I always have some fun time in me for you." "Am I inturrupting PuppyM taking my princess?"

6.) You went to the club with your friends without your boyfriend for the first time (any member of skz). These were some new friends. You were there since 8 and it was now around midnight. You had to call uour boyfriend to come get you as you were nodding off and no longer aware of your surrounding enough. Once he picked up the phone, he heard your desperate and whiny voice to come get you and he chuckled, knowing you weren't going to make it through the night to go home with your friends. He was on his way with chocolate covered strawberries and his big work water bottle with fresh water for you. Once he got you home, he babied you so bad. He was so proud of you for coming off of his hip to go hangout with your friends and he was so proud for how long you stayed out for. He was just excited to baby his baby so he made you feel proud of yourself with his actions. "I knew you wouldn't last all night to ride with them honey, I'm on my way." "I got you some strawberries to enjoy with a smile." "I hope youre not too tired to take my affection." "That was fun and I am so proud but tomorrow, I want my hip baby back." "I'm so proud of you for tonight jagiya."

7.) Any member seeing your bruises and saving you from a domestic, comforting you and finally admitting they love you and they take you as theirs instead and promise that you will be safe with them and that they will protect you.

oh wow holy frick thats a lot 🤭

ive never gotten requests before so im excited eeee

ill work on it! im currently on hiatus so i will be posting it once im back <3 tysm for sending tho!

okay so i have a couple of questions eheh lets go

okayy not what i normally do but i like it! ill def work on it.

i myself go through this so it might be a little sensitive but yeah ill try my best :) this one might not be done tho

ooh okay i might make a couple changes, like maybe not fruit lol bc my mom is also kind of like this, so real life scenario might be used :)

im going to read in between the lines here and say that he is the dad of y/n? if im correct, i think this is very cute! maybe no makeup tho lol

okay lol this one might end up being a kid as well ngl (i don't normally write stuff like that but omggg its cute!)

gasp i can lwk see han??? but its good :D ill do this as well

AWW OMG OKAY ANGST INCOMING ����

i would like to make a small note on these! i probably will make it my style and all the details will not be included bc some i might be a little uncomfortable with. i also don't normally do these type of fics but i will do my best and will definetely tag u when its done!! tysm for the request <3

[muttinrut]

Holy Guacamole

Chat, I am BRICKED what the fuck

High? ✅

Bricked? ✅

Ovulating? ❌

Probably in heat? ✅

[sprinkledpops]

Tags . . .