perplexingluciddreams - Tumblr blog

[perplexingluciddreams]

everything should just get better immediately and forever

[perplexingluciddreams]

Months ago said might get go cinema might get go outside how that go ?

Sorry it took me so long to get to answer this!

It took a while to get support worker stuff sorted out. I actually just had first video meeting with my new support worker the other day. She is very nice and has cool hair. I will meet her in person next week.

Things like cinema and outside, are big big wishes of what I would really like to do, but very unlikely that I am able any time soon. It is a far off dream considering my conditions and level of ability. The reason I mentioned it in a post is just because the person doing my initial assessments for support worker suggested it as options of what I maybe might like to do with the person. (Because I find it hard to answer the question of what I enjoy doing or what I want to do).

But based on what I am able to do right now, it will just be very small short amounts of time with new person at first. And just doing “small” things like card games or board games, maybe a tiny bit of sewing. I say “small” because it is actually quite big things for me - even to be in a room with another person, especially new person, is a big thing.

I would really really like to eventually get to the point of doing things like going out places, getting outside… but that is a quite far future thing, and not even sure if I will ever get there. There is a LOT of steps in between now and that possibility. For now, I can just hope🤞🏻.

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you 💖

(if you want to)

Five things that make me happy:

1. Swinging

2. Music (especially playing clarinet in the past)

3. PB&J

4. Soft and comfy pyjamas

5. Binge watching TV shows

I won’t put this is anyone’s askbox, because it has been a while since I received it (sorry!), but anyone who wants to, can add on 😊

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I am officially at Season 12 of Grey's Anatomy!

Once again, I reiterate, I am the king of the binge watching 😆

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[Image description: a tweet that reads "after like 5-7 traumatic experiences everything just becomes funny tbh". End ID.]

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Do you ever think of how, to Arthur, Merlin is a clumsy, idiot of a servant with no care for tradition, but he makes Arthur laugh and gives the best advice and somehow, without Arthur even noticing, has become his best friend in the entire world, the person he wants to face every battle with, not only so he can protect Merlin but also so he can have Merlin’s support and approval

And then it turns out that Merlin doesn’t need protecting, and he’s the most powerful sorcerer to exist, he has magic, and has actually been the one protecting Arthur this entire time

And Arthur has to face their entire relationship being turned upside down, because okay you have magic, he’s had his suspicions about magic not being evil for a while now and of course Merlin isn’t evil, but it’s more how dare you not tell me, after I’ve came to you for everything and I thought you did too, I thought I noticed when things were wrong and put a smile on your face but this whole time you’ve not trusted me

And in a matter of hours he has to relearn their entire friendship and try to understand why Merlin has done this and why he keeps doing this and make sure that everything else about our friendship is true please say the rest was true

And by the end, because he is dying and the end is so very near, it doesn’t matter anymore because he is Arthur and he is Merlin and it doesn’t matter that they’re also the Once and Future King of Camelot and Emrys the Most Powerful Sorcerer Ever to Live

No, they’re just Merlin and Arthur in their last few minutes together and they both know it and this is his last chance so it’s not you betrayed me and I need time and how could you do this to us, instead it’s it’s okay and hold me and thank you because if this is his last chance to protect Merlin then of course he is going to take it, that’s always been his job and neither death nor magic is going to change that

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Grey's Anatomy is so bingeable, I just keep on watching and watching

It is lucky that whenever there is a part or a character or storyline that I don't like or not have interest, it changes to something else pretty quickly!

(And lucky that the yucky character who I talk about in previous post is gone now, thank goodness)

I don't get stuck or bored or have to fast forward stuff. The episode format really works well for me.

I am already almost halfway through Season 11! I wonder how far I will get in another week or so 😅

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EWWW now they kiss each other !!! 🤢🤮

AND he is cheating on his wife yuck yuck yuck

EW a character on Grey's Anatomy just talk about "want to cure autism"

then other character (who is/was a main-ish character for a long time), show interest and seem to like the person more because they say it. YUCK

🤬🤬🖕🏻🖕🏻

it makes me have uncomfortable yucky feeling in my tummy to hear those words

[[disclaimer: I am 100% NOT qualified for proper talk on this topic because it is complex and have many different people feelings around it etc. etc. - just a post to express the yucky feeling I get]]

[perplexingluciddreams]

EW a character on Grey's Anatomy just talk about "want to cure autism"

then other character (who is/was a main-ish character for a long time), show interest and seem to like the person more because they say it. YUCK

🤬🤬🖕🏻🖕🏻

it makes me have uncomfortable yucky feeling in my tummy to hear those words

[[disclaimer: I am 100% NOT qualified for proper talk on this topic because it is complex and have many different people feelings around it etc. etc. - just a post to express the yucky feeling I get]]

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I get so frustrated when talking about the fact I’m nonverbal and people go “well you type good so you’re fine” and that makes me so frustrated because like…typing doesn’t replace the fact I can’t speak! It doesn’t replace the fact that I’ve had hours upon hours of intensive therapies to get me to type the way I can, to express myself the way I can. And some were emotionally damaging. That doesn’t go away.

It doesn’t take away the ableism I face. Or the fact that if im trying to communicate with someone, our disabilities could collide and make it difficult to communicate. It doesn’t change that. And it doesn’t change the continued regression I am going through. It doesn’t change any of that! It doesn’t change that I’m constantly frustrated because my device is so slow compared to my thoughts. Or that other people find it very slow and get annoyed with me.

It’s honestly frustrating when people say this, because although I’m privileged to be able to type in the first place, that doesn’t change the ableism, frustrations, and therapies that I’ve gone through. I’m not “just fine” I’m constantly struggling to try and adapt to a situation and world that wasn’t meant for me. That is continuously ableist.

Im privileged, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle.

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Sometimes I remember absolutely rancid takes that I've seen and I feel the need to rebuke them, so here we go.

Not all autistic people get along better with other autistic people. Not even *most* autistic people get along better with other autistic people. Autistic people do not inherently make more sense communication-wise, and autistic people are not inherently easier to communicate with.

I'm saying this, and I need you(general autistic side of tumblr you) to really pay attention to this. If someone could throw in some reading comprehension questions that'd be great because I really need people to understand this.

Autistic people are not inherently better at communicating. Not better then allistic folks or neurotypical folks, not better then anyone. "Good communication" is very subjective, but even with the most inclusive definition, it still isn't true for every autistic person. Autism is, in part, a communication disability. An entire section of the diagnostic criteria involves your ability to communicate with others, and it's not just "can't do small talk, speaks their mind, tells the truth, a lil quirky". It includes people with:

No functional communication of any kind, even the most adapted AAC.

Cannot speak ever.

Cannot say what they want to say, says the opposite of what they want(apraxia, either of speech or in general)

Cannot understand others.

Cannot use nonverbal communication such as body language, facial expressions, or gestures.

Cannot understand *any* social cues or signals, cannot understand *any* nonliteral speech.

And many many more things.

I struggle with communicating with *everyone*. Every single person on Earth. I have never met anyone who I can *easily* communicate with, or even anyone who communicating with is slightly less hard. Yes, this includes other autistic people. Autistic people also make their own unspoken social rules and cues, they're just a bit different then neurotypical social rules/cues.

Autistic people are not better communicators just because of autism.

Stop saying that.

Please.

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Being visibly developmentally disabled

I've seen some posts going around about being visibly developmentally disabled and I wanted to add my two cents. I think this story sums up a lot about how we are treated.

When I was about 7 or 8, I was in a toy store with my parents. I found a toy piano on a shelf and started playing with it. I have always been very good with music and soon I was playing a melody I'd heard somewhere. I was rocking back and forth and making noises to cope with the environment and because I was happy, and I was also drooling because at that age I was only sometimes able to control it.

So this lady and her two sons come around the corner. They see me, sitting on the floor, rocking, grunting, and drooling, and they look horrified. I heard her whisper something to her two sons, and all I caught was the word "autism." They all look at me and are disgusted, and the lady quickly ushers her boys away as if I'm contagious. This was years and years ago and I still remember how ashamed I felt, even though I didn't know how they could tell I was different. I didn't even know what autism was, but the way the lady said it I could tell it was a bad thing.

They didn't see me as a kid who was good at music having fun with a toy, they saw me as one of THOSE kids, those kids who need to be kept at home away from the normal kids.

Of course, this is a mild example of how developmentally disabled people can be treated, as we are not only ostracized, but also violated, brutalized by police, and even murdered. Being visibly developmentally disabled is tough and I'm glad there's a community on here who understands.

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When I talk about visible autism on my blog, I’m usually not talking about those who are clocked as quirky and weird. Although that’s completely valid, I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about those of us who are VISIBLY autistic. Those of us who are clocked as those autistics. Who are clocked immediately as having something wrong with them. Those of us who are named as slurs. Who are yelled at. Who are attacked. Who are glared at, pointed at, stared at, pitied. Those of us who are automatically assumed to be with caregivers. Those of us you see talked about in medical journals and on the news as “inspiration” when we graduate or get invited to prom.

This is us. This is who we’re marked as. This is who we are seen as. We are seen as less than, as animals, as objects, as “inspirations”. When we accomplish something it’s usually not seen as our accomplishments but as the accomplishments of our caregivers and support staff.

I get so mad when someone comes onto my blog, MY blog. Me. A visibly autistic, nonverbal person, and doesn’t even look at my tags or pinned post and says “Omg me too, I’m seen as quirky and awkward, I’m visibly autistic 🥰” and like…go you but I’m not talking about you. I’m not talking about “low masking”. Im talking about LOW masking. No masking or very very low masking. Those of us who are immediately seen as autistic.

And it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating when people come into my blog and say this because, you DON’T get it. You just don’t. You don’t get what my life is like, what my experiences are. What it’s like to be LOW masking or no masking. You don’t get that. And yet you try and squeeze yourself in. And that hurts. It hurts to have people who won’t ever understand this squeeze themselves in. Stop doing this.

[perplexingluciddreams]

sorry if you try to talk to me, idk how to talk to people

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I like Jo Wilson a lot. She is my favourite of the new intern characters.

I am at S9 E23 now :D the powers of binge watching!

[perplexingluciddreams]

the ghost of one specific homosexual cowboy regularly possesses Tumblr gays