#「 🪐 」 » threads. ･ﾟ✧ 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.

[hurtsmost]

teeth   sink   into   her   lower   lip,   a   small   attempt   to   hold   back   a   smile   that   desperately   wants   to   break   free.   they're   both   wasted   and   the   chances   of   either   of   them   remember   this   conversation   the   next   morning   are   slim   to   none,   but   ashtyn   can't   seem   to   care.      “   have   you   looked   in   the   mirror   lately   ?   you're,   like,   literally   breathtaking.   ”      drunken   giggles   ensue   as   she   reaches   up   to   teasingly   twirl   a   strand   of   bunnie's   hair   around   her   finger.   she   might   be   drunk,   but   it   doesn't   mean   her   words   are   far   from   the   truth.      “   we   should   kiss.   ”

                       @beenstalked   :   “   you're   so   hot.   ”

[hurtsmost]

her   head   hangs   low   as   she   shuffles   into   devyn's   apartment.   she   can't   help   but   feel   silly   showing   up   here   this   late   at   night   all   because   of   a   bad   dream,   but   there   aren't   many   other   places   or   people   she   feels   comfortable   running   to.   “   thanks.   i'm   sorry   for   showing   up   out   of   the   blue   like   this,   i   just   ...   needed   someone.   ”

tension   in   her   body   slowly   releases   itself   as   devyn's   thumb   ghosts   over   her   fingers,   the   crisp   temperature   of   his   apartment   resulting   in   goosebumps   raising   across   the   skin   of   her   bare   arms.   sure,   a   healthy   individual   would   probably   want   to   talk   about   it,   but   ashtyn   has   always   struggled   in   that   department.      “   i've   never   been   good   at   that   stuff,   ”      talking,   expressing   thoughts   and   feelings.   she   will   always   choose   the   easier   way   out.   “   a   distraction   would   be   nice.   and   do   y'think   maybe   ...   i   could   sleep   next   to   you   tonight   ?   it   might   help   to   have   someone   there.   ”

                                     @barriicades​   ,   continued.

[hurtsmost]

maybe   she   would   have   been   better   off   letting   his   call   go   to   voicemail.   her   head   falls   back   against   the   pillows   of   her   childhood   bed,   swollen   eyes   stuck   to   the   ceiling.   his   voice   pains   her   to   hear,   causes   twists   and   knots   in   her   gut   to   form   at   the   hurt   clear   in   his   words,   the   way   his   voice   wavers   here   and   there.   NATHAN   WEILER   NEVER   CRIED   UNTIL   IT   CONCERNED   ASHTYN   LANE.   there   is   a   point   where   she   has   to   pull   the   phone   away   from   her   ear   and   squeeze   her   eyes   shut,   desperate   for   a   break.

when   she   raises   the   phone   back   to   her   ear,   she   catches   the   end   of   his   questions   and   opens   her   mouth   to   speak.   she   wants   to   lie,   wants   to   tell   him   she's   moved   to   a   place   where   he   would   never   find   her.   BUT   EVEN   HE   DESERVES   THE   TRUTH,   DOESN'T   HE   ?   she   feels   like   it   is   the   least   she   can   do   especially   after   dipping   in   the   middle   of   the   night   and   running   as   far   as   her   feet   would   take   her   (   or,   well,   her   car   ...   and   her   shitty   '03   altima   could   only   take   her   as   far   as   california   ).   

“   i   went   HOME.   ”      the   word   is   bitter   falling   from   her   lips.   where   is   home   anyways   ?   if   it   wasn't   with   her   family   and   it   wasn't   with   nathan,   then   where   ?   everyone   deserves   a   place   to   call   home,   a   place   to   rest   their   bones   —   ashtyn   feels   she   will   never   find   it.      “   as   for   why   ...   ”      her   voice   trails   off,   teeth   sinking   harshly   into   her   lower   lip   when   she   feels   tears   claw   at   the   corners   of   her   tired   eyes.

ashtyn   picks   at   her   brain,   files   through   an   assortment   of   reasons   WHY   and   tries   her   best   to   collect   them   into   something   that   doesn't   come   out   as   word   vomit.      “   i   ...   we   ...   w-well   ...   ”      voice   trembles   now,   the   anxiety   and   fear   prompting   her   thumb   to   hover   over   the   '   hang   up   '   button.

“   can   we   talk   about   that   some   other   time   ?   ”      she   finally   chokes   out,   pulling   the   phone   away   again   so   he   can't   hear   her   uneven   breathing,   the   faint   sniffle   of   her   nose,   her   other   hand   fumbling   to   wipe   away   at   the   tears   that   have   started   to   stream   down   her   cheeks.      “   i-i   ...   i'm   so   t-tired   ...   had   a   long   drive   b-back   here   and   ...   i   c-can't   ...   do   this   right   now.   please   nate.   ”

                                             @rejectsblame​   ,   x.

[hurtsmost]

a   bittersweet   smile   appears   while   she   nods   slowly   in   agreement.   she   has   wondered   herself   how   different   things   would   be   if   the   two   grew   up   together   —   sure,   she   grew   up   alongside   her   other   siblings,   but   nothing   could   ever   compare   to   the   bond   twins   share.      “   i   think   about   that   a   lot.   i   do   too   ...   there   were   so   many   times   growing   up   when   i   felt   so   alone.   it   would   have   been   nice   to   have   each   other.   ”      ashtyn   finally   replies,   a   soft   sigh   following   before   she   feels   the   need   to   lighten   the   mood   of   the   conversation.      “   maybe   mom   and   dad   knew   the   world   wasn't   ready   to   handle   both   of   us   together   yet.   ”

       @stvpidbltch   :   “   i   wish   we   had   grown   up   together.   ”

[hurtsmost]

she   should   have   known   better,   should   have   expected   that   there   were   only   so   many   calls   and   texts   she   could   avoid   before   foster   took   matters   into   his   own   hands.   more   than   anything   it   is   embarrassing   to   be   seen   like   this,   in   the   same   hoodie   she's   lived   in   for   days   (   she   lost   count   after   three   ...   ),   the   disasterous   state   of   her   bedroom   being   a   clear   indicator   of   just   how   bad   things   have   gotten   again.

she's   draped   across   the   foot   of   her   bed   in   this   state   of   apathy,   peeking   over   the   rim   of   her   glasses   as   he   speaks.   as   much   as   she   wants   to   call   his   bluff,   shake   her   head   and   dismiss   his   words,   she   struggles—   maybe   it's   because   he   has   been   here   for   her   time   and   time   again.   given   her   space   when   she's   needed   it,   sat   in   silence   just   for   the   sake   of   being   much   needed   company,   encouraged   her   to   take   a   step   outside   for   the   first   time   in   days   or   weeks   just   to   get   a   look   at   the   clouds   and   a   breath   of   fresh   air.

“   you   say   that   every   time,   and   i   know   you   mean   it   ...   you   haven't   given   me   a   reason   to   doubt   you   yet.   ”   she   rolls   onto   her   back,   stares   up   at   the   ceiling   while   her   mind   continues   to   trudge   on   the   war   path.   

“   i   just—   ...   i   don't   get   it.   doesn't   it   hurt   you   when   i   push   you   away   ?   ”   her   head   turns   so   she   can   look   at   him,   expression   almost   at   a   wince   like   she   is   scared   to   hear   the   answer.   “   you   just   ...   you   just   stay.   you're   here   every   time.   why   ?   ”

       @unstiffen   :   “   i'm   here.   and   i'm   not   going                                    anywhere.   ”

[hurtsmost]

her   mind   has   always   been   a   tumultuous   place,   deafening   chaos   that   only   worsens   during   times   of   high   anxiety.   she   has   been   struggling   to   find   her   bearings   for   the   past   several   minutes   now,   frantically   glancing   around   the   room   of   crowded   people   she   is   all   too   unfamiliar   with.   there   is   a   pit   of   guilt   resting   deep   in   her   stomach   for   feeling   this   way.   the   more   it   gnaws   away,   the   more   she   finds   she   is   beginning   to   struggle   to   breathe   properly.   she   looks   over   at   lukas   as   he   speaks,   guilt   clear   in   her   eyes   and   in   her   shaking   hands.

“   um   ...   n-...no   —   please,   ”   she   says   in   response   to   his   offer   of   making   everyone   leave,   shaking   her   head   quickly.   she   doesn't   want   to   be   the   one   to   ruin   everyone   else's   night   over   a   panic   attack.   drawing   a   wavering   breath   of   air,   she   swallows   thickly   and   continues,   “   m-maybe   some   fresh   air   wouldn't   be   a   bad   idea.   ”

  @volltonig   :  ��“   do   you   want   me   to   make   the   others        leave   ?   or   we   could   go,   get   some   fresh   air.   ”

[hurtsmost]

she   inhales   a   sharp   breath,   a   final   attempt   at   holding   back   tears   as   she   carefully   maneuvers   foster's   head   to   rest   in   her   lap,   and   for   a   moment   she   is   transported   back   to   being   fifteen.   see,   death   and   ashtyn   have   never   been   strangers,   more   like   teetering   on   the   lines   of   lovers   and   bitter   enemies.   she   remembers   cradling   her   mother   just   like   this   for   the   last   time   that   one   morning,   running   fingers   through   her   hair   and   whispering   words   of   comfort   that   everything   would   be   okay   though   deep   down   she   knew   the   truth   all   too   well:   IT   WAS   TIME   TO   SAY   GOODBYE.

her   touch   has   never   been   so   gentle   yet   frantic,   fingertips   brushing   along   his   cheek   while   she   leans   down   and   presses   her   forehead   against   him.   when   her   body   begins   to   rack   with   quiet   sobs,   she   pulls   him   tighter   against   her   and   holds   on   for   dear   life.   

“   i-i   ...   m'gonna   find   you   help,   foster   —   j-jus-   fuck,   just   h-hold   on,   okay   ?   everything's   gonna   be   okay.   everything's   gonna   be   okay.   ”      the   words   come   out   rushed   and   she   can't   bring   herself   to   lift   her   head   up   and   look   at   the   wounds   he's   starting   to   succumb   to;   the   stench   of   iron   and   crimson   staining   her   hands   tells   her   all   she   needs   to   know.

her   tears   fall   recklessly,   staining   foster's   face   as   she   presses   further   into   him,   bringing   her   to   hastily   wipe   them   from   his   skin.      “   i'm   not   letting   you   leave   me   —   you   said   you   weren't   going   anywhere,   please   —   ”      her   words   barely   rise   above   a   whisper   now,   she   lifts   her   head   up   to   press   a   kiss   to   his   forehead   and   lingers   there.      “   please   don't   leave   me.   ”

                @unstiffen   ,   [   nononono!   ]   +   reverse                  because   draven   and   i   love   pain   <3

[hurtsmost]

“   you   like   this,   don't   you   ?   ”      she   questions,   glancing   over   to   gauge   koda's   reaction   to   her   fingers   carding   through   his   hair.   her   touch   is   slow   and   gentle,   cautious   as   if   she's   afraid   HE   MIGHT   SHATTER   under   her   fingertips.   the   corner   of   her   mouth   pulls   up   into   a   half   smile.      “   i   remember   you   saying   that.   ”

                           @gaurdog / @lifescare   ,   ♡

[hurtsmost]

( 3 / ? )