#🤖If I Only Had A Heart🍺

[circusgoth-dotcom]

A Dog and His Boy

Ship: Cúán x Phillip J. Fry, Cúán x Bender Rodriguez (kind of)

Word Count: 808

Summary: Cúán and Fry's first kiss! Or a version of it, anyway, I don't really do solid milestones (except for marriages). CWs for a perilous situation.

Tag List: @canongf @rexscanonwife

Cúán and Bender had been stranded for two days on a barren, icy planet, having only found refuge in a small cave. The Planet Express ship had been caught in the middle of an outside conflict, splitting the group in half. Cúán’s communication collar was beginning to lose power, and they were worried the others wouldn’t find them in time. Bender, being Bender, had refused to let himself be used as a space-heater, forcing Cúán to scavenge for anything they could burn.

They sat beside their makeshift fire with their knees drawn to their chest, staring blankly into it. Their collar beeped feebly. Their stomach growled. They sighed weakly and buried their face in their knees. Bender watched them and felt an unwanted tug at his nonexistent heart.

“Hey, Cúán… so, in case we don’t make it out of this one… there’s something I think Fry would want you to know before you die.” He sat down beside them and they lifted their head, cocking it to the side.

“Are you sure Fry’s okay with you telling me and not himself?”

“100% Yes.” Bender cleared his throat. “Fry likes you.” If he had eyebrows, he’d have been bouncing them.

“Well, of course he likes me, he’s my friend,” Cúán responded in an absent tone.

“Ouch. Er, let me put it this way, he like-likes you. You know, the kind of like that makes you write dopey hearts around a person’s name and you’re thinking about them even when they’ve left the room…” Awh crap.

Cúán’s face bloomed with pink. He grabbed Bender’s shoulders. “He’s in love with me?!”

“Yeah, that’s it! And now he probably won’t ever get the chance to tell you in person, poor bastard.” Bender shook his head solemnly while tears formed in Cúán’s eyes. He hugged his robot friend tightly. “Woah, woah, easy there, meatbag!”

“Sorry… sorry…” Cúán murmured, but they couldn’t let go. To think, this is how it was revealed to them that their feelings were reciprocated. Bender didn’t push them away… until a familiar whirring was heard outside of the cave.

“I’m saved!” He announced selfishly, prying Cúán off of him and running toward the entrance. Shaking themself, Cúán hopped up and followed him, their heart pounding. They never thought they'd be so happy to see that teal and red ship.

“Bender! Cúán!” Leela called as the ramp lowered.

“Thank goodness we found you,” Professor Farnsworth said, ushering them inside. “We were beginning to worry you’d eaten each other to survive.”

Leela wrapped Cúán in a heavy blanket and they rumbled in appreciation.

“Cúán! You’re okay!” Fry cried as the ship took off again, rushing to their side.

“I’m here, too!” Bender butt in. “Where’s my blanket?!”

Leela threw one at him, knocking him over. Cúán found themself flustered as Fry moved to take off their collar, placing it in its charging station.

“You’re freezing!” His hands on their face. They glanced at Bender, wondering if what he had said was true.

“Well, maybe you could run me a hot bath when we get back home?” Cúán suggested innocently.

“Done and done!” Fry’s answer gave them no indication of his supposed feelings.

As they landed back at Planet Express Headquarters, Bender quipped to Cúán, “You gonna lay some moves on Fry now that you’re not a pup-sicle?”

“Shut up,” Cúán muttered light-heartedly, waving him off. You better have been telling the truth. They followed Fry to Headquarter’s surprisingly luxury bathroom. Now was their chance, completely alone. “Fry?”

“Yeah?”

“Bender… told me something. While we were in that cave. He said it was something you’d probably want me to hear before I died.”

Fry’s brow furrowed. “Awh man, what can of beans did he spill this time?”

Cúán shrugged off the blanket and took Fry’s hands in their own. “Do you… like me, Fry?”

“Well of course I do! What isn’t there to like about you?”

His similar level of thickness made Cúán’s heart skip a beat. They stepped closer, their tail wagging slowly. “I mean, do you have a crush on me? Th-that’s what Bender told me…”

It took a moment, but once Fry processed the question, his face was instantly red. He coughed into his fist. “Oh! I! Haha! That’s funny that you mention that, I—”

Cúán kissed his cheek, smiling. Their tail had a steady rhythm, now. Fry leaned his forehead against theirs.

“I do,” he finally admitted. “D-do you have a crush on me??”

“No, I just kissed you for fun… of course I do, silly.”

Their lips softly connected and Cúán’s tail went to mach one, sending the tissue box and soap dispenser on the counter flying.

“What’s all the ruckus??” The door had opened and Zoidberg had intruded. “Oh…!” He growled his approval and closed the door, all the while Fry and Cúán kept on kissing.

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

HWUH twaditional awt o_0

Considering calling him Woof lol

ok to rb

[circusgoth-dotcom]

My Futurama s/i officially has a name (Finally): Cúán (coo-ahn)!

I'm not aware on if there is a dogpeople species canon to Futurama but that's essentially what he is, a humanoid alien with dog-like physical features and behaviours, notably dog ears, sharp teeth, a tail, and an incredible sense of taste and smell.

He was hired as a pair of extra hands for Planet Express though he is also somewhat jokingly considered their pet. He's known for being somewhat spacey but is actually fairly clear-minded (he just only really focuses when something interests him), very affectionate, a little lazy and stubborn and sarcastic at times, loyal, and a lover of junk food. Dating Bender and Fry. :}

[circusgoth-dotcom]

Cúán (Futurama) | There's a starman, waiting in the sky / He'd like to come and meet us, but he thinks he'd blow our minds

Mr. Spaceman - The Byrds

Dogs Rule the Night - Porno for Pyros

Starman - David Bowie

Intergalactic - Beastie Boys

My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Koinu no Carnival - Hatsune Miku

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

Farnsworth: it seems we're in need of a few extra hands

Farnsworth: *points at my s/i* you there, you're hired

s/i, trying to lick his elbow: huh?

[circusgoth-dotcom]

🍻 Bender: He's so mean to everybody but his confidence/no fucks given attitude is wildly attractive to me, also his relationship with Fry just rgrhgrghrghhgrr my boyss 💗

🍎 Applejack: My other technicolour pony girlfriend, but no less loved!!! Love me a hard-working gal who sticks to her guns.

[circusgoth-dotcom]

thinking about how my different f/os and s/is would decorate for pride

flags outside of the firestation for me & the ghostboys

painting the batsignal rainbow with joker hevheveh

lgbtq+ bumperstickers on the planet express ship

[circusgoth-dotcom]

Clownie's F/o List (*COMPLETE LIST*)

Here it is, the extended list and not just the notable characters you can view on my pinned post, with additional basic commentary. This is ever-growing as I consume new media because making self-inserts is one of my favourite pastimes. 🫶

Listed in the order I have their tags in in my personal track-keeping document.

Romantic F/os

Structure: [f/o name] [source] | [relationship status or type] [marriage or engagement date if applicable] | [tag] | [tier]

The Joker [DC Comics] | Married (12•04•21) | 🃏A Joker and His Ace🃏 | #1 Main f/o

Wade Wilson/Deadpool [MARVEL Comics] | Married (07•12•22) | 💣Bulletproof Boys💣 | Main f/o

Charles “Chucky” Lee Ray [Child’s Play franchise] | Married (03•19•20) | 🌈Foul-Mouthed Little Fucker🌈 | Main f/o

Betelgeuse [Beetlejuice] | Married (10•01•20) | 🪲Two Bugs in A Rug🪲 [🐞Two Bugs in A Rug🐞] | Main f/o

Jack Torrance [The Shining] | Married (12•31•22) | 🪓Darling - Light of My Life🪓 | Main f/o

Marcus Holloway & Wrench [Watch Dogs 2] | Dating | 💻Hacked into My Heart💻 | Tertiary f/os, haven't finished watching a play through of the game but I really love these characters

Daniel Robitaille/Candyman [Candyman] | Dating | 🐝Daniel is Orange🐝 | Tertiary f/o, I deeply love him but sometimes I get anxious about shipping with him

John Kramer [Saw franchise] | Married (08•17•23) | 🧩The Missing Pieces🧩 | Secondary f/o

Michael Myers [Halloween franchise] | Dating | 🔪The Night He Came Home🎃 | Secondary f/o, occasionally leaning tertiary

Billy Lenz [Black Christmas] | Dating | ☎️Waiting By The Phone☎️ | Tertiary f/o

V/Codename V [V for Vendetta] | Dating | 📺Love Is A Smoke and Is Made With The Fumes of Sighs🧨 | Tertiary f/o

Herbert West [Re-Animator] | Dating | 💚Love Is Nothing More Than a Chemical Scam (Will You Stay by My Side?)💚 | Tertiary f/o leaning secondary f/o depending on mood

Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus [Raimiverse Spider-Man trilogy] | Dating | 🐙6 Arms to Hold You Tight / Does That Make You an Insect???🐙 | He mainly shows up in an AU where I'm in a relationship with both Otto and Norman nowadays, tertiary f/o

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin [Raimiverse Spider-Man trilogy] | Divorced but Still Seeing Each Other | 💵Norman Osborn🎃 | Tertiary f/o leaning secondary f/o depending on mood

Anton Chigurh [No Country For Old Men] | Dating | 🐮Sugar Bully🐮 | Secondary f/o

Phillip J. Fry [Futurama] | Dating | 🚀I've Been To The Year 3000🍕 | Tertiary f/o

Bender Bending Rodriguez [Futurama] | Dating | 🤖If I Only Had A Heart🍺 | Tertiary f/o

William Afton [FNaF franchise] | Dating | 🐇My Funny Bunny🐇 | Limbo f/o, I don't really ship with this guy anymore but my headcanon version of him is a blorbo I don't know if I'll ever be able to shake, especially with Matthew Lillard now portraying his film counterpart. FNaF is also kind of just a limbo interest of mine, I care more about playing with the characters like paper dolls than paying any attention to canon lore, etc.

Sweeney Todd [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street] | Married (08•19•21) | 💈I Will Learn to Love Again💈 | Secondary f/o

Cruella de Vil [Cruella] | Dating | 🏎️I Know Something About Love🏎️ | Tertiary f/o

Captain Jack Sparrow [PoTC franchise] | Dating | 🏴‍☠️Drunken Sailor & Bonny Lad🏴‍☠️ | Tertiary f/o leaning secondary f/o depending on mood

Jack Skellington [The Nightmare Before Christmas] | Dating | 💀King of Halloween🎃 | Secondary f/o, childhood comfort character

Oogie Boogie [The Nightmare Before Christmas] | Dating | 🐛Lovebug🐛 | Tertiary f/o

Willy Wonka [Charlie And The Chocolate Factory] | Married (02•24•24) | 🍫Sweetest Moments🍫 | Tertiary f/o

Scott Pilgrim & Ramona Flowers [Scott Pilgrim comics] | Dating | ❗Multiplayer❗ | Tertiary f/os

Dr. Hannibal Lecter [NBC's Hannibal] | Dating | 🍽️Ella et Porcus🍽️ | Tertiary f/o

Spamton G. Spamton [Deltarune] | Dating | 📞MORE PERSISTENT THAN A [Pop-up Ad]📉 | Tertiary f/o

Curtis Vaughn [Mississippi Grind] | Dating | ♠️Lucky In Love♥️ | Tertiary f/o

Eric Brooks/Blade [Blade trilogy] | Dating | 🗡️The Daywalker🩸 | Tertiary f/o

Beverly Sutphin [Serial Mom] | Dating | 👗PUSSYWILLOWS DOTTIE!🔪 | Tertiary f/o

Pickles Oblong [The Oblongs] | Dating | 🥒Pickles🥒 | Tertiary f/o

Tony Stark/Iron Man [MCU] | Married (03•10•23) | ⚙️Empire State of Mind⚙️ | Tertiary f/o

Thor Odinson [MCU] | Dating | ⛈️Riders on The Storm⛈️ | Tertiary f/o

Peter Quill [MCU] | Dating | 🪐All Shook Up🪐 | Tertiary f/o occasionally leaning secondary

Egon Spengler [Ghostbusters] | Married (08•25•24) | 👓Spengler Time With Me👓 | Tertiary f/o

Peter Venkman [Ghostbusters] | Married (08•25•24) | 👻You Talk a Lot of Shit (For Someone That Can’t Talk)👻 | Tertiary f/o

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader [Star Wars] | Dating | 🖤Courage Dear Heart🖤 | Tertiary f/o, the only thing I care about in Star Wars honestly

Hellboy [Hellboy 2004] | Dating | 👹And His Heart Was in Their Hands👹 | Tertiary f/o, used to be a pretty big secondary f/o...

Count Dracula [Dracula 1931] | Dating | 🧛Love as Torrid as Blood🧛 | Tertiary f/o, I mostly use Bela Lugosi's Dracula as a base but I do take inspiration and aesthetic choices from Coppola's Dracula as well, especially for my s/i and his backstory

The Medic [TF2] | Married (08•03•22) | 💉I Need A Doctor (Ohh!~)💉 | Secondary f/o

The Spy [TF2] | Married (01•22•22) | 🕵️‍♂️Mes Affections ne sont pas Un Masque🚬 | Secondary f/o leaning Tertiary f/o depending on mood

The Heavy [TF2] | Married (04•15•22) | 🥪Toll & Smol🥪 | Tertiary f/o

Ash Williams [Evil Dead franchise] | Dating | 🍂Good. Bad. He’s The Guy With My Heart.🍂 | Tertiary f/o

Dr. Jack Griffin/The Invisible Man [The Invisible Man (1933)] | Dating | 🤍An Invisible Heart Still Beats🤍 | Tertiary f/o

Severus Snape [Harry Potter franchise] | Married (date n/a) | ⛅He Saw a Glow in The Darkness⛅ | Tertiary f/o, in an ideal world we'd all pretend that Snape is my original character and has no relation to a certain disgustingly bigoted author, though I don't post about him much here because of that... huge comfort character to this day and the source of my obsession with all things Alan Rickman

Leslie Vernon [Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon] | Dating | 🍎Apple of My Eye🍎 | Tertiary f/o

The Janitor/"Nick" [Willy's Wonderland] | Dating | 🧽Cleanliness is Close to Sexiness🧽 | Tertiary f/o

Stitches the Clown [Stitches] | Dating | 🤡A Stitch in Time is Mine🤡 | Tertiary f/o, I haven't talked about him much since seeing the movie but I'm cursed to find all clowns (with exceptions), especially gross and/or scary clowns, attractive 🙈

Logan Howlett/Wolverine [X-Men franchise] | Dating | ❌Lend Me Your Flannel❌ | Tertiary f/o, another character who's source I'm only vaguely familiar with and I really just started shipping with him bc I though Hugh Jackman was hot in this role

Asgore [Undertale] | Dating | ✨Our Love is Magic✨ | Tertiary f/o, my second-longest lasting Undertale crush

Mettaton [Undertale] | Dating/Crush | 🤩🤖 | Tertiary f/o, forever locked in crush limbo and my longest lasting Undertale crush

The Doctor [Doctor Who] | Dating | 🌌The Eternal Playwrights🌌 | Tertiary f/o, I mainly ship with the 10th and 12th regenerations, another childhood comfort character

Norman Bates [Psycho] | Dating | 🦆Good Old-Fashioned Loverboy🦆 | Tertiary f/o

Pennywise [It 1990 miniseries] | Dating | 🎈Urban Legends🎈 | Tertiary f/o leaning Secondary f/o depending on mood

Ronald McDonald [McDonald's] | Dating | 🍟(Ba-da-ba-ba-ba~) I’m Lovin’ Him!🍟 | Tertiary f/o, I told you, all clowns, even mascots, and he may as well be my own character at this point since he hasn't been used in so long

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

"He's an 8 but at the end of the night when the check comes, he yells, 'NUMBERS ARE THE DEVIL' and runs out of the restaurant."

[painted-piggy-ships-archive]

The new self-inserts: Futurama | Nope