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#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad
silenthillbunni
·
2 months
Text
🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me
#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye
#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad
#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone
#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me
#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao
#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀
#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid
#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way
#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me
#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me
#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave
#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop
#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive
#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like
#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think
#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself
#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T
#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do
#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul
#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao
#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down
#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how
#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year
#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak
#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that
#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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