#'not the worst place i've ever slept'

[sapphire-weapon]

just realized that when leon looks at the radiation chair in re4make and says "not the worst place i've ever slept" he's hearkening back to when he was passed out in the sewers in raccoon city and man i'm dumb as hell LMAO

[dbphantom]

Man you know I'm fucking stressed when I start having sleep paralysis episodes again lmao

[majinbangus]

continuing my big simon x single!mom reader bullshit :P

-> more here

There's a frantic knock on his door.

It's insistent. A peculiar sound to hear near the end of his day during the late evening. Visitors are a rare occurrence, and if he does get them, he usually knows they're coming.

The knocks persistent. Audacious. Bold. Demanding. He approaches the door, not overly concerned with who it may be, but with a healthy dose of caution. Knowing his history, he brings along a small glock.

When he unlocks the door and cracks it open- this complex doesn't have peepholes- his gaze drops down, and he moves to tuck his gun into the back of his jeans, widening the door.

It's your boy, his little name twin. Alone. Scared. On the verge of tears. Like another little boy he knew in another life. A boy he once was. He drops down to one knee, placing a hand on the lad's shoulder.

Little Simon is trembling. He scans the hallway behind his young visitor. Empty. Void of life except for this child in front of him, clearly seeking his help. A tiny storm about to break in this ostensibly lifeless building. The neighbors wouldn't even know it. Then, he cracks. A warning before the lightning strikes.

"S-Simon-"

He cuts the lad off before he can get anything else out. Before he breaks. "Where's your mum? What happened?"

The tears fall and your boy throws himself into his chest.

"Mama won't wake up!"

-

He carried you from the couch to your bed.

You're sick. Really sick, but Simon doesn't think you need to go to the hospital. Not yet. He places a hand on your forehead. Still hot.

He checked your temperature once he got you settled. Thirty-eight degrees. Simon's no medic, but he'll continue to monitor your status throughout the night. Make sure you don't overheat. Take you to the hospital if you need it. He can do that much. A simple mission compared to anything else he's faced.

There's a creak from your bedroom door, and he drops his hand from your forehead, looking up at the little prowler.

"Simon," he greets and the lad curls in on himself, hesitating before edging closer in the room, walking up to where Simon stands. He stares at you with eyes too haunted a kid his age should have.

"Will Mama be okay?"

His voice is hoarse and his eyes are red. A puffy mess from crying earlier. Simon doesn't shame the boy for it, and he won't lie about your condition, but...

"I'll make sure she is," he promises.

Your boy turns to him then, eyes suddenly sharp. Protective. A cub ready to fight for his incapacitated mother. The resemblance almost makes Simon pause. Makes him think back to when he wore a similar look a few times when he grew up, though your Simon wears the look a lot younger than he ever did. Is braver than he ever was as a child. His own words echo in his ears.

A good lad.

Your boy holds out his little finger, and Simon stares. His little name twin glares at Simon with something akin to judgement. A test. "Pinky promise?"

It's no question what he does next.

Simon reaches out and curls his own pinky around the lad's. "Pinky promise."

A smile breaks out on your boy's face.

Test passed.

-

It's 03:03 when you wake up.

Simon is ready and attentive. He's been taking a nap beside your bedside every other hour in a chair he brought from your kitchen table. Not the worst place he's ever slept and not the worst sleep he's ever had. He's certainly thankful you have cushions for your chairs.

You're groggy. Shivering a little, but Simon knows your fever has gone down slightly since he got here. He's been changing out the cool, wet towel on your forehead every time he woke up, keeping you elevated, making sure you can breathe.

You panic a little when you see him, scrambling to create some space between each other,

"What the-?!"

He turns on the lamp on your nightstand, holding up his hands in a non-threatening manner. "It's just me. Simon came and got me when you wouldn't wake up. I've been keeping an eye on you."

You stare at him, the aghast in your eyes still there, but slowly calming down as you get your bearings. "You're- you're-"

"Big Simon." He cracks a wry smirk, lowering his hands again, giving a lazy bow of his head. "At your service."

He doesn't hold back his snort when you squeak, adorably indignant for someone so sick. "You're not gonna let me live that down, are you?"

"'Course not," Simon drawls and it goes silent for a few seconds as you take him in, studying him with eyes that look just like your boy's did when he made him pinky promise, except your eyes hold a certain level of caution the lad should learn. You shift in your nest of blankets, adjusting them around your body when a particularly harsh shiver runs through you.

"Simon got you, you said?" You finally speak up, voice scratchy. Tired but guarded.

He nods. "Told me he tried to wake you up after that movie you were watching together."

"And you brought me here?"

"Made sure you didn't choke on your snot, too."

The offended squawk that escapes you is hilarious, as if you truly had a high opinion about your runny mucus. Maybe it's because you see Simon as a brute who has no room to talk. Maybe it's because you're embarrassed at being seen at a weak state.

You have no rebuttal, choosing to huff instead, looking down at the blankets covering you, sobering in contemplation. Simon waits for you to speak again.

"You really did that?" You eventually ask, voice quiet, not looking him in the eyes.

"Yes," he answers bluntly, and you look up, trying to get a read on him, but Simon gives you nothing, staring back with a blank look.

You break first, breathing out a slow, wheezy sigh. A yawn escapes you next as you sag onto your elevated pillows. "... Thank you, Simon. Not just for tonight, but also for last time. For being kind to him. Simon wouldn't shut up about you the whole time we were shopping."

He snorts. "Made quite the impression on him, did I?"

You give your own small noise of amusement. "Think it's because you share the same name."

"Like I told your lad before: it's a fine name, innit?"

You bark out a laugh, a few coughs slipping in here and there, but you nod your head. "It is. I wouldn't have named my son that if it wasn't."

A smug smirk stretches across his face, and you grin back, falling into a comfortable silence, staring at each other. The peace and quiet of the night settling in the air. A special kind of tranquility being shared between two people who are still practically strangers. It goes undisturbed until you yawn again, and Simon shifts, getting up to refresh your towel and grab water and the medicine your boy showed him where to find earlier.

He comes back and hands them to you. When you're finished taking the medicine, he offers, "I can leave right now if that would make you more comfortable, although I'd recommend you call someone to look after you if you don't think you need the hospital."

You take a slow slip of your water, keeping your face carefully blank. Thinking. Contemplating. Then, you place the water on your nightstand and shake your head. "No... um, stay. Please. I... you..."

You can't finish your sentence, breaking off with a tired exhale, but you don't need to. He understands.

"Sleep." Simon turns off the lamp and leans back into his chair, getting comfortable once more. "I'll watch over you tonight."

You say something back.

He almost misses it in the darkness of the room, but the words linger, permeating the air. He doesn't think the words are entirely for him. They almost sound like a secret. Like it was meant for someone else. Shared with him only because he happened to overhear.

It doesn't offend him. He wasn't the only one who helped you tonight.

Thank you, Simon.

[paddockbunny]

Repeat Offender

Summary : Charles is recently single and quickly finds himself in a "friends with benefits" situation with none other than his ex-girlfriend's best friend.

Rating : 18+, Mature

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x Reader

Word Count : 7, 345

Trigger Warnings : 18+, Mature & Adult themes, Angsty, FWB situation, PinV sex, Unprotected sex, Oral (female receiving), slight choking, c*m talk & language

Authors Note : Firstly, I had around five or six requests for a newly single charles or rebounding charles so I've amalgamated them all into one. Thank you for the inspo to all of those who requested something to do with this. I'm trying out some first person stuff on this one so although it's labelled as "reader" YOU are in fact the author/reader if that makes sense. I also don't mention Charles' ex by name and that is very much on purpose as I keep my blog as IRL WAG free as possible so none of my stories will feature any of their names, hope you can all understand why. Anyway, this is LOOOOOONG so it has not been proofread yet.

You know when you wake up but your not fully awake yet, you’re like conscious but not alert? Well, that was exactly how I was feeling as the room was ever so slightly spinning and the faint memory of strawberry daiquiri's and vodka shots were beginning to flash across my eyes. So was the deafening sound of the music, the ache in the arches of my feet from stupid heels and the feeling of hands creeping around my waist pulling my ass against a firm crotch while dancing. Then as I slowly crept more and more into consciousness I felt the slight ache from my thighs kick in and the feeling my body had been through it.

Finally, after summoning up the energy to do it, I managed to open my eyes. They felt heavy and dense and I realised there was no way I had made it home because I had slept in my make-up - and regardless of whatever state I was in I would always manage to stumble into the bathroom to at least wipe most of the night out greasepaint off of my face so the fact it was still firmly in place meant the worst. As my vision was struggled to focus I wriggled around in a rather comfortable bed and attempted to pull myself up without a wave of nausea lash upon me. Exactly how much did I fucking drink last night? But then as eventually my eyes concentrated on something and a very loud groan reverberated from my throat. The familiar bright coloured art work that hung from the white wall across from the bottom of the bed was like a vicious, unwelcome enemy. I had studied it far too many times to count and each time it got worse and worse. It was like the eyes of T. J Eckleburg in The Great Gatsby, but instead of the judgment of an inanimate object upon American society, this horrendous painting was judging my piss poor decisions of the night prior which lead me to waking up in this damn bed, once again. And as my stomach lurched I had to force myself to make sure I was in the bed of the man whom the awful painting belonged to.

At an almost glacier pace my head began to turn. Crawling up the sheet clad outline of a pair of calves, knees and up to big, broad thighs and into the covered - yet barely - crotch. The outline of his cock almost visible through the white cotton that was practically failing to protect his modesty. His hips were next, then the outline of abs which yeah ok - I can admit it, I’ve traced with my tongue before so sue me. Then I couldn’t do it any longer. I was just drawing things out. I snapped my head immediately up to his and yup! It was Charles.

“Oh fuck!” I groaned loudly and with an eye roll I drew my hands over my face. Listen, you might be thinking “he’s fucking hot as hell, probably an incredible shag and I’d love to know how big his cock is” but, it’s all the other stuff that goes along with these nights of drunken yet passionate sex with Charles that makes me sick to my stomach each time I wake up here. You see Charles had so much awkward baggage that spilled over into my own life and I really went through several stages of self loathing when I left his apartment and had the embarrassing walk of shame home the next day. “Good morning to you too.” He scoffed loudly but by this point I knew he probably felt as guilt-ridden and dismayed as I felt.

Silence had momentarily befallen us. All I heard was the quick typing of his thumbs hitting his phone screen. It was almost annoying. That incessant tap, tappy tappy tappy, tap, tap as he typed whatever was in his head into a text or whatever he was doing. I couldn’t help it, I rolled my eyes and thought how likely it was that he was probably texting one of his friends telling them how the pair of us had hooked up AGAIN! Most likely he was asking for their advice on how to get me out of his bed. Not that he needed any because there was no way in hell I felt like staying. I wanted to get out of here as badly and he wanted to kick me out. Just as I moved to sit upright a bit more and try search for my stomach lurched and I had to take a few deep breaths not to feel the effects of last nights alcohol. Something which unfortunately Charles noticed and as he asked if I was suffering from a the dreaded hangover, sarcasm laced thick in his voice.

“Why does this always happen? Why do we do this?” I sighed while letting out a long, drawn out exhale. The question hung in the air and I could feel Charles’ eyes suddenly burrowing into the side of my head. I knew there were words teetering on the tip of his tongue and could practically hear his brain working out a response that sounded appropriate for me but thankfully, he remained in silence. There was no doubt he would have been regretting whatever things happened last night as much as I was and yet, he didn’t seem particularly consumed by guilt. He seemed rather carefree right now so scoff I closed my eyes in an attempt to piece the puzzle together remember what the fuck happened last night.

The music was far too loud but the fourth fruity cocktail I currently clasped in my hand made me rather immune and numb to it. I danced just like all the other girls out in the middle of the crowded dance floor. Hips swaying side to side in time with the rhythm. Hair swishing around without a care in the world. Feet aching in stupid stilettos. To have looked at me in that moment anyone would be forgiven for thinking I was a party girl. One of those glamorous girls always out on the town, partying, blowing cash (boys and snow* too probably) but really I hated going out. I hated the stress of finding something to wear, doing the whole routine of make-up and hair and then feeling like I was in the middle of a cattle market. At least the men in Monaco happened to be rich and therefore no girls spent a dime all night from all the free drinks that would get bought. And the fact that someone in my group always seemed to know someone else in another and that meant VIP was inevitable. And I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to be sat in VIP?! Which was funnily enough, where Amelie was pulling me in the direction of and then I sighed when I saw why.

Sat in a booth was none other than Charles and his gang of buddies that I really wish would have been anywhere else in the world tonight and not in this nightclub. As soon as he looked around and saw me heading toward him I swear he rolled his eyes.

“Fucking hello to you too Charles.” I thought, muttering under my breath while I and rolled my own eyes back at him sarcastically. And that was when my mind flashed back to the last time we saw each other. It had been at that shitty dinner where I actually felt sorry for him having to sit the whole night flashing googly eyes at his ex girlfriend hoping she would notice him even though the night before he had had his cock shoved down my throat, me! The one he spent the entire time ignoring. But the thing was, I knew one thing he didn’t and that was she was already moving on with someone who might have been too close too home for him to even comprehend. Yet, with his attitude I said nothing and allowed him to remain in purgatory. Sad thing was, she never even so much as glanced at him the whole meal. Then I remembered what happened after, once everyone had drank heavily and shared cars home. It hadn’t been the first time (nor the second, third or fourth and was actually more like the eleventh or twelfth) that Charles had put the moves on me and I stupidly succumbed to his seductions. But now as I reached the table the thought of his hands being between my thighs, his fingers caressing my desperate clit with the door to his apartment wide open behind us in an utterly voyeuristic display - one that I would never have pegged him as the type to enjoy - danced teasingly through my thoughts. He slid into the booth a little more and nodded in the direction of the now vacant faux leather seat beside him for me to sit in. He looked good tonight and for once that wasn’t the alcohol in my system talking. He seemed to be in good spirits and I figured he must have been celebrating a good race. It was neutral ground so I thought it was something I could talk to him about. When I went to open my mouth to do exactly so, my words were swallowed by his; “Have you seen her recently?” Your mouth parted slightly before closing. You had to bite your tongue before you said something to the effect of “fuck off” or “fuck you” and quickly shook your head to respond to him. Then loudly from across the table one of his friends shouted loudly “shots” and thankfully it distracted Charles from pushing the conversation toward her like he wanted.

Several shots were taken and yet another strong strawberry daiquiri was being drunk while having as everyone sat at the table has as much of a conversation as possible over the loud thumping music. I raised my voice as I leaned forward to answer one of the questions Charles’ friends had asked me. We had met before and yet he did that typical male thing of forgetting who I was and therefore I had to tell him all over again much to my slight annoyance and dismay. But as I was explaining what I did for a living, I stuttered when suddenly I felt the flesh of soft fingertips ghost up and down my bare naked thigh. The action almost made me brake my calm, collected exterior. He couldn’t be serious? We had barely spoken since I sat down nearly an hour ago and as his thumb stroked up and down the skin of my inner thigh I glanced at him. He wasn’t even paying attention, he was doing it just for the sake of it, because he could. And so without a single thought I decided it was time to go and dance again. I wanted to put distance between him and I because we would only end up doing what was by now becoming a habit and falling into bed together.

As I grabbed Amelie and pulled her back to dance with me, I could feel the familiar pulsating throb from between my thighs at the thought of Charles. I tried to push the thoughts of him out of my brain as I began dancing and yet, it was a pointless task as all I kept thinking about was how badly I needed him and how he melted all of my annoyed thoughts of him away with a simple touch of his damn hand. The worst part was, just as Amelie and I settled into moving our bodies one of Charles’ friends rudely pushed between us. I was just about to argue and tell him to get lost when I suddenly felt hands creep around my waist. I didn’t need to look to know who they belonged too and I realised the intrusion in between me and my dance partner had been orchestrated.

“Running away from me?” Charles purred against the side of my neck. Why did he do this? Every single time we saw each other he always got underneath my skin. I hated him for it but I felt powerless against him and his cocky seduction techniques. His hands gripped my waist tighter as he pulled me back so I was flush against him. Our hips moving side to side while he got all the friction of my ass grinding against his crotch. “We said the last time was the last time.” “No. You did.” His words were more direct than I would have expected them to be. Almost like he was annoyed at me for implying I was about to turn him down - as if I could if I wanted too, just having the teasing action of his clothed cock so close to where I wanted it would have had me making a public embarrassment of myself right here in a nightclub. And without warning he used those lingering hands to turn me around to face him. “Let me take you home.” “No, Charles. We cannot keep doing this.” The sheer fact that when I spoke to him he was looking at my mouth instead of in my eyes made me want to kick him in the shin for being so vexing. But right as I was trying to convince myself to stand my ground against him he cast his eyes across my body and fuck, the things it did to me when he looked at me like that. “Charles, we’re playing with fire….”

“So? We’ll both burn together.” He shrugged nonchalantly. And I suddenly realised how we were no longer dancing and simply standing staring at each other while everyone else around us continued. In a regular situation - when alcohol wasn’t coursing through my body clouding my judgment - I would have felt self conscious but right now all I could think about was the fact he wanted me so badly he was out here making bold declarations. For a second the fact his first words to me earlier were about his ex girlfriend entered into my mind and a fleeting crushing feeling passed through my soul. He just wanted me to release his tension, not because he ACTUALLY wanted me. I zoned out briefly as I thought of how bad I always felt the next day and considered if I was strong enough to do it again. But as I was contemplating his hand travelled up to my neck and he made me look at him and I was gone. I wanted him to make me feel good.

How he managed to get us both out of the nightclub so easily I had no idea. His hand was wrapped around my wrist guiding me past hordes of people and out toward an exit. It took all but two minutes until we were in the back of a car heading back to his. It seemed too swift to me, too well thought out and I realised that he was so arrogant because he knew I would say yes and probably pre-arranged the car to pick us up. In that second I knew I should have been so pissed off and angry that he would think I was that easy but I let it slip again because I knew I was using him as much as he was using me. I liked the momentary, fleeting high he gave me. I was like a drug taker, he was the drug, and I was willing to take the short hits when I could. So I was every bit as bad as he was. Charles normally didn’t behave to politely in the back of the cars we took as we went back to his. His hands would be roaming, following suit with his mouth. He always made sure to light the match inside of me before we even got to the safety of his apartment. The fact he could be caught out, someone could tell, seemed to always be the furthest thing from his mind and so tonight, it was different. He sat further away and kept his hands very much to himself. And when I couldn’t help but glance across the car toward him and watched as his jaw seemed to clench I swallowed while nerves buzzed through my brain.

As soon as we got to his apartment building Charles called for the elevator and I couldn’t help but feel the same attitude radiating from him. It was the same attitude he had in the car and I thought about turning on my heels and leaving immediately. I didn't even know how to read him. Which meant I was so caught in the thought of trying to work him out that I missed the ding of the lift stopping on the lobby and sliding open. It wasn’t until Charles practically purred my name and held his hand out for me from inside the elevator that I snapped back into reality due to the look that filled his eyes. You knew it all too well. It was self assured, cocky confidence. He knew I couldn’t turn him down, I couldn’t turn his cock down, I craved it and what he could do with it too much. And so when my high heel clad feet crossed the marble floor and passed the iron thread hold of the lift I felt the surge of excitement buzz throughout my body.

The pair of us rode the elevator is silence but my hand remained firmly gripped in Charles’ and his thumb was delicately running over the back of my knuckles. It would be almost fucking romantic if there was any smidgen of a “normal” relationship between us. Now that I had registered the buzz of excitement I also felt the more steady and familiar hit of anxiety that went with it. It was pre-sex anxiety - that realistically I had no reason to have, this wasn’t my first rodeo (certainly not with Charles) but I still had it anyway. The silence would have been deafening to anyone else but right now I was kind of thankful for it. I didn’t want to chat because if I did I would feel guilt and I really didn’t want to feel guilty about what my body craved and desired above all else. The short ride up to Charles’ apartment ended when the lift door slid open and he gently pulled me out behind him. Fuck, I wish I had drunk more. Alcohol would have banished the unfair apprehension I was feeling. I leaned against the wall while Charles opened the door with his key. The curve of his shoulders made my mouth water. The thought of kissing his thick, strong neck while hearing the sound of pleasurable moans escape him sent a pulsating ache through my core. He pushed open the door and held it there with his hand, waiting for me to enter his abode first, ahead of him. And I mustered up all the confidence I could manage to saunter past him and glide into the hallway. The millions he took home from his career driving in fast circles paid off. Charles home was beautiful but like always, I wasn’t here to appreciate it.

Charles hands on my bare arms reminded me of that. He pressed against me from behind and I could feel his semi hard cock already straining against his jeans and I tried desperately to hold it back but a gasp escaped passed my lips as he moved my hair to the side to expose my neck to him. Fuck. The feel of his lips as they pressed delicate tender kisses against my flesh had my mind whirling. I pushed back into him more, instinct completely taking over, and a low groan rolled out of his parted lips and sent tingles up and down my spine. It was dangerous to have allowed myself to think it but I gave in and thought about how it would feel to have been his - properly, as a girlfriend - for all but a few fleeting seconds.

When Charles hands moved from my arms to my waist and I wasted no time. The alcohol came rushing back to me and I turned to him at breakneck speed. My lips finding his immediately. As my hands slowly glided upon the skin of his neck holding him to me. When I let out a small moan it was the sign he needed to start pushing me backward till my back pressed against a cold wall and his tongue pushed into my mouth. He tasted like the liquor he had consumed and as his tongue ran teasingly across my bottom lip he followed it with his teeth and it brought another moan from me, like he knew it would. Charles’ hands left my waist and I felt them slip down to my legs. His fingers skimming the outside of my thighs. I knew he wanted to push my dress up. He was growing impatient and that became very obvious when he yanked me away from the wall and pulled me through his house to his bedroom. The familiar surroundings welcomed me like a sneaky comrade. The walls practically smirked as I was pulled in by Charles. I could become accustomed to these plush surroundings if he saw me as more than a just a hook-up but that was a fucking dumb idea.

My dress was off faster than I knew what was happening. It was around my ankles on the floor and Charles was already making fast work of removing his shirt. His eyes hungrily fixed on my bare chest. He was practically wolf like as his eyes remained on my skin the whole time. I would have blushed if I had been less confident. “Take them off.” It was the first time he spoke since we had left the club. “You heard me.” He flashed his eyes down toward the thin scrap of black lace material that could barely behold the name of underwear. As my eyes travelled down to where his hands were working on ridding himself of his jeans I realised I wasn’t ready to allow him to have all the fun. “No.” I stated. “Take them off me.” My stomach flipped and I watched as a smirk disappeared from his face as quick as it appeared.

“That’s how you want it huh?” He abandoned trying to remove his jeans and his hand suddenly went to my neck and held me firmly before he used it to push me backward on to the bed. My heart hastily quickened. It hammered against my rib cage so quickly it began to hurt. I looked up at him full of expectation but he wasted no time in hooking his fingers around the sides of the only material left on my body and roughly pulling them down my legs and off completely. I watched Charles as he took me in. His eyes casting over and lingering in all the important areas. I bit my bottom lip as my own eyes mimicked his and I took in his perfectly sculpted chest and then his defined muscular abs. The lines on his hips that were line a tempting signal down toward his now erect cock, standing to full attention. He watched me watching him and cockily laughed. “Go on.” He tilted his head and I knew exactly what he was referring too. He wanted head. He wanted me to blow him. And I would have, I would have blown him till my jaw ached and throat couldn’t take anymore, but I reminded him that he wasn’t getting full control.

Much to Charles surprise, I pulled my ankles up and put myself on full display for him. I played him at his own game. If he wanted me to go down on him he had to do it first. I held his gaze and so when he laughed again I wasn’t so sure he was as willing to be a giver as much as a taker, but within a few agonising moments he proved me wrong. Charles was down on his knees and instantly pulled your legs up so you could rest them on his shoulders. And although it was something of an embarrassing confession to make, all of the times we had had sex, Charles had never gone down on me. Not once. So now that his head was between my thighs, mouth so tantalisingly close, eyes locked on to mine, I held my breath in anticipation. Charles gently ran his fingers up and down my dampening folds. I swallowed the breath that was caught in my throat as Charles finally licked a slow, teasing stripe that followed the pattern of his fingers moments earlier. He repeated the action over and over again. Using it to torment me. My hands grabbed hold of the sheets, fingers entwined in the high thread count duvet, when Charles began to pay attention to my pulsating, throbbing clit. Small, short flutters were mixed in with strong kisses. And then a loud exhale left my lips as he pushed two of his fingers inside me.

“Char….” I couldn’t get his name out. My breathing was erratic and all I could think about was what his mouth was doing. As his tongue continued lapping at my clit, his fingers curled up inside of me and Charles immediately found and started massaging that magical spot that made me gasp. And he continued even when I shoved my hands through his hair and gripped on for dead life. My eyes squeezed tightly shut as I felt the first high of an orgasm fast approaching. Swear words were all I could manage. My mouth going between wide open to get as much air as I possibly could and tightly shut with my top teeth digging into my bottom lip practically drawing blood. I was almost so lost in the beginning of the wave of euphoric pleasure that I missed the moan Charles made as he felt my walls start to convulse around his fingers. Fuck. How and why did I not beg for him to do this to me sooner? He was far too good at it. It was borderline obscene how good he was at it. And totally criminal that he had never gone down on me before. Right as I felt every nerve in my body begin to be ignited with the high of a climax Charles removed his mouth and in its place used the fingers of his other hand to draw rapid circles against my clit. The motion made me loose complete control of my mind and his name burst free from my mouth as wave upon wave of ecstasy crashed upon me. The high was undeniable. It took hold of my body and I felt myself quivering as he slipped his fingers out of me, covered in the product of my orgasm.

“Look at me.” Charles voice came quietly but strongly and I did as he requested. I opened my eyes and looked down at where he still remained, between my thighs. He held my stare as he ran the fingers he had brought me to orgasm with back up and down my now dripping folds. A small tremor shuddered through my thighs as he did so. And then with my eyes trained straight on his he raised his fingers to his mouth and licked them. It took a second to register the feeling that I felt in that moment but as he raised to his feet and I saw his cock rock hard, with its purpling tip already leaking pre-cum, I knew it was one that filled me with unashamed excitement. “Turn over.” He demanded and I relinquished the control I had won earlier so easily. Not because he wanted me too but because I wanted too. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than for Charles to fucking rail me into oblivion. I turned and got on all fours on the bed. Ass facing him. It was a position I had come to realise was one of his favourites. Sure he liked watching my boobs bounce as I rode him cowgirl and sometimes if he was feeling slightly more tired he’d fuck missionary, but Doggy was his favourite (like most guys). The momentary lapse of concentration earned me a firm thwack of his hand against the round flesh of my ass. I yelped and lunged forward and I felt the enjoyment radiating off of him. I doubted she let him do that, I doubted she would have enjoyed it. I moaned and after I wiggled my hips around a little he did it again so that a more audible whimper left my mouth.

“Fuck me…” I knew it was what he wanted to hear so I gave it to him. “Please, Charles….” I added more good measure and sure enough, he pulled my hips back and immediately ran his leaking cock over my sensitive folds to collect the mixture of his spit and my juices.

As he lined up at my entrance and pushed the head of his cock inside of me, teasingly slowly, I pushed back for more. It was an action that I knew he would have enjoyed and he groaned as he gave me more of himself. His hand splayed on my lower back and forced me down into the mattress more so I arched for him and then he gave me all of himself. He bottomed out and the stretch from his girthy cock had me once again gasping and gripping the sheets. He stalled for a moment - savouring the feeling no doubt - before he began moving. Slow at first. A steady but slow rhythm that I needed, rather than wanted, to quickly increase. Charles moaned loudly and paused for a second only to surprise me completely. “Your pussy is so fucking perfect. You, are so fucking perfect.” I knew he didn’t mean it in THAT way - he didn’t like me like that, I knew that and he didn’t even need to verbalise it - but his praise made me feel good all the same. I wriggled my hips again to urge him to move and when he did his pace increased. It increased until I was a panting writhing mess. I loved how big he felt at this angle and how he would alternate between giving me quick, short spanks and pulling my hair. And honestly I truly had to focus so I didn’t cum just yet. His cock continually hitting my g-spot could have made me see stars but I didn’t want to give in yet. I wanted more of him so I urged him on my moaning his name over and over and over again through heavy sighs. His hand wrapped itself around my hair once again and this time he pulled me back so my back was flush against him.

“Say my name again.” His voice was lower than I had ever heard it before. Lower than I ever thought possible. The hand that had been wrapped around my long hair was now around my throat, holding my in place against his body as he continued thrusting up into me. I couldn’t focus on words. I just kept thinking about Charles’ lips being on my neck and feeling how fast my heart was going through the vein they lingered upon. His teeth grazed the flesh and his name whimpered across my lips a few times before he finally called me a “good girl” and I almost lost my mind between that and the angle his cock was at. He had to know how close I was. He had to feel how my pussy tightened around his cock and I was beginning to struggle to keep going. His teeth sunk into my shoulder and he groaned as I couldn’t stop the orgasm that came thrashing down upon me. I grabbed his arm so tightly my fingernails would leave marks upon his skin. My whole body convulsed as finally I let go and let the climax take hold of me. The high Charles had given me seemed to be otherworldly and stratospheric. It took me to another fucking planet and none more so than when he groaned, gripped my hips and held me down in place while he himself, found release. I could feel the pulse of his cock inside of me as his hot, milky cum poured out of him. The feeling was insurmountable. The twitch of him as he filled me up seemed the prolong my orgasm even longer and when the shakes that ravaged my body became too much, I couldn’t keep my knees from giving way and so finally fell forward against the bed again. All I could hear was Charles and I’s heavy, exhausted breathing.

As Charles settled down beside me on the bed he ran his hands up and down my back. It was a rather tender, sweet motion for someone who had just railed me into oblivion but I didn’t mind it. Suddenly as I found myself lying still - still recovering from those two incredible orgasms - I felt the alcohol from earlier catch up on me. The room seemed a bit spiny and I really didn’t want to throw up anywhere in Charles all white apartment. But then - right on queue - with his breathing still laboured Charles asked if I wanted anything and suggested a towel and a glass of water. Not to sound like a broken fucking record but this was new, he had never done this before. He had never really spoken after we had fucked so this was totally left field. I nodded and said both would be nice if he didn’t mind.

“Ok, be right back.” I listened to his words but stayed in the same position as I had earlier - mainly because I was scared of being sick and because now I was completely exhausted but also because I didn’t want Charles’ cum to leak out of me and go all over his extortionate sheets. I thought the action of him going to get me things would have been nice for a normal, regular girl (y’know, one he was dating) but seemed unusual for him to extend such gestures to me, his fuck buddy, his hook-up, his piece of ass. When he finally came back clutching an ice cold glass of water and a warmed damp towel for me to clean up with I expected him to hand me my dress as well. But my dress remained on the floor and he stared down at me while I drank from the glass. “Let me.” He motioned when I went for the towel. Charles took the glass from me and placed it on the floor before crouching down there himself. I was about to question him, ask him what he thought he was doing, when he lifted one of my legs and slowly parted them. My breathing all but stopped as he dabbed at my slightly red, a little bit tender pussy with the warm cloth. I let out an unsteady, unsure exhale of air as he watched his cum slowly seep out of me.

“Hmmm….” He purred “I should have told you my pull out game is weak.” He chuckled and in that singular moment he made me laugh. He sat back on his heels and laughed with me and all of the nervous energy in my body disappeared. All I could focus on was the sound of his laughter and how much I liked it and in a different life I would have wanted to hear it every single day for an eternity.

I rushed to try and find my dress, hoping that he hadn’t torn this one like last time. I wanted to spend the least amount of time naked in front of him as possible now snapshots of last night began coming back to me. Charles observed from his place in bed. Watching me as I sprinted around to get back into last nights clothes so I could leave. As the sunlight streamed in through his window it bathed us both in the cold harsh reality of the day and it was very much bringing a self loathing vibe along with it. Suddenly a wave of riotous nausea flashed upon me and my head felt like it belonged in a vice. Through clenched teeth I rubbed my forehead from the searing pain screaming throughout it

“Can I get you painkillers?” His voice had turned soft and was rather strange because it wasn’t what I was used too from him - or was that the narrative my own brain made up for me to believe he was a metaphorical bad guy? “Don’t do that, Charles. Don’t be nice to me.” “Why?” He acted so innocent and I knew he was putting on a front, there was no way he could be so stupid. “Because!” I practically shrieked, “I’m your ex-girlfriend’s best friend and we can’t stop fucking each other.” “I think you’ll probably be her ex-best friend if she finds out about us.” FUCK! He really didn’t need to hit me with the reality stick right now. The smugness was almost woven through his voice and I had to restrain myself from throttling him. But in reality the cold light of day made me feel angry and disappointed with myself, something I doubted he felt about this situation at all.

“That’s not going to happen.” I snap back at him. “Because there is no “us”, there never will be an “us.” Your voice lowered and you knew it sounded sadder than you intended. It didn’t stop Charles from continuing however. “Right…..” he rolled his eyes “until you’ve had too many strong cocktails and vodka shots and then you won’t be able to say no. Just like you always.” With his words lingering in the air I had to fight the urge to yell at him that I was never the instigator and he was the one who always came after me. I desperately wanted to fucking correct him and scream at him that he used me to forget about his ex, about Ferrari, about all the pressures of the life he leads and that it was HIM that sought ME out, not the other way around. But for some unknown reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to start an argument with him. I pulled on my dress hurriedly once I found it, no longer wanting to be so naked in front of him. All I wanted was to get the embarrassing walk of shame back to my apartment over already. I busied myself from the silence by looking for my shoes and I almost missed Charles getting out of bed and getting dressed.

“I’ll give you a ride home.” I heard him say as I pulled up the covers and found my black heel under them at the bottom of the bed. I now felt uncomfortable in his presence after the last words he spoke. Instinctively I told him; “It’s fine, I’ll call an Uber.” “I’m not suggesting. I’m telling.” He stated bluntly and this was new, this had never happened before. He was rarely awake when I slunk out the door of his apartment - because it was always his apartment or hotel room never mine - so this was completely foreign to me. “If you’re sure.” I half expected him to say of course he didn’t mean it, laugh, explain he was messing and to call that Uber immediately. But he just nodded and picked up my other heel from beside the door and held it out to me. I tried to avoid his eyes. I didn’t want him to see any emotion at at all behind mines so I took the shoe and shoved it on to distract myself.

We didn’t speak the whole ride to my apartment. The silence was only somewhat uncomfortable but for some strange reason things felt rather calm. Sitting in the passenger seat of Charles’ Ferrari - which I had never before sat in - felt somewhat surreal. I was hyper aware that the seat still practically bore another girls name. It still belonged to her and he would have her back without so much as blinking. I kept my eyes on the roads as Charles expertly drove the expensive luxury vehicle around them. Hoping the red lights would turn green as soon as we approached them.

“I do like you, y’know?” Came abruptly from Charles mouth when we turned onto my street, my apartment building in sight. I thought my ears were deceiving me so I broke my trance and glanced at him. “I know you probably think you’re just a rebound or….” He trailed off as he put the blinker on to pull over into the lane he could stop in to let me out. I could see the front door to my building and I had never seen a more welcome sight. “…but it’s not like that.”

I was desperate to ask what it was in fact like, what exactly he thought was going on but thankfully he brought the car to a stop and I could finally jump out and escape the awkwardness. There was this uneasy feeling in the car that hit me like a led balloon and right in the middle of my chest. I hated it. I wasn’t used to it, especially not with Charles. I was used to feeling annoyed, frustrated and fuck, disappointed by him. The first few times we fucked I’d have said I felt used but that went away because I enjoyed our trysts as much as he did. And besides I didn’t need validation from him. I didn’t need him to need me. But then right now, as I waited to get out of the car with my hand on the door handle, it hit me how badly the words he had just spoken were actually all the things that I craved and desired above all else and it was startling. Then Charles said my name so gently, totally unlike he had ever said it before, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “I’d like to take you out sometime, properly. On a date.”

But before I knew what I was even doing I pulled the handle, pushed the door and started getting out of his car. He yelled my name so I would stop and for a second I did but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, to fall for him. “You know that can’t happen, Charles.” I managed to say in something struggling to be above a whisper “you don’t want me, you don’t even really like me, you’re still in love with her.”

The elevator ride up to my apartment felt like it took an eternity. The words he had spoken rang throughout my head as if a bomb had gone off and I was momentarily deaf. Fuck him. Fuck his bullshit and fuck how I fucking felt right now because of him. I was right for telling him that he was wrong and he still loved his stupid ex but it hurt because being with him always did. Being picked up and dropped all the time hurt. I wanted to be one of those girls who would have fallen for his words, whose stomach flipped when he told them he liked them, but I wasn’t and mines didn’t. I knew it was just about sex. I wasn’t his type. I wasn’t right for him. I’d never be his girl….and yet as the doors opened to my floor, I couldn’t wait till the next time I could fall asleep beside him and hate myself for it the next day.

*snow = cocaine

[earl-grey-teacake]

Awww I love your baby loscar au so much!

I can't stop thinking about how you said Logan is a more nervous baby and gets over stimulated at the races and I've just got the image of his first GP and George and Alex are kinda optimistic because he's been quite an easy baby so far but they barely make it an hour into media day before Logan has the worst meltdown ever! There's too many people around, its noisy and he gets too warm in his onsie and is just screaming! Poor George and Alex get flustered which obviously only makes Logan worse

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you love it! Sorry it took so long to reply! 😅

If anyone has ever taken or seen a baby at their first crowded event, it's a lot. It's like taken a newborn on their first flight. They're in pain and uncomfortable and the parents are so panicked that it scares the baby even more. I have all the sympathy in the world for them.

Logan is taken to his first GP 1.5 months after they adopted him. They wanted him to get situated and comfortable with them and the teams in Grove and Brackley before attending a GP. When asking team members, they were given a variety of advice. Some said their child slept the whole time and was unaware/uncaring about the crowds while other's said they couldn't bring their kids since it would be too much for them.

Logan was also nervous with the teams but he quickly got used to them. However, the caveat for Logan was that his parents were in eyesight. So going into media day, it was Logan, Alex, and George. They had also hired a nanny in case. The cameras and reporters crowded them, obviously all curious about the newest little addition to the paddock. Logan just hid his face in George's arms as they walked through.

It was a hot day and babies don't have the greatest temperature regulation so he is slowly heating up. however, they get into the hospitality before Logan can get too fussy. Logan is left at Williams and the nanny takes over. At first it was going fine, the baby was fed, changed and nap and Alex is back and forth watching him.

It isn't until an hour before media commitment that Logan has the mother-of-all meltdowns. Alex, George and Logan were having lunch outside when the noise, and heat, and just the presence of other people sent Logan into a fit of crying.

Screaming, wailing, refusing to be soothed. It was all there at the two, who thought they had been doing so well were unable to comfort their child. At some point, Logan's cries would die down into a coughing fit before starting again. Alex is starting to panic and George genuinely thinks there might be something wrong and they have to go to the medic tent immediately.

There's about 15 minutes left before both of them have to make it to media commitment when the nanny takes over and sends them to wash up. Alex needs to splash cold water on his face from how red and puffy his eyes are and George needed that and a change of clothes.

The pair spent the next 2 hours of media duties the most anxious they have ever been. Alex isn't as talkative and George is fumbling over words, both concerned with the baby they left behind. By the time they get back, Logan is in new clothes and had been put down for a nap.

After this, Logan spends most of his time in the drivers room or just with the Williams team. They limit the amount of time he is outside and tend to eat lunch in their own driver rooms or motor homes. It was mainly through practice and Jenson Button's kidnapping attempts that helped Logan be more comfortable around people. They also pair him up with Oscar in hopes of making certain places easier for both babies to get used to.

Thank you for sending the ask🥰

[nisuna]

Hiii, Helloooo. I'm back :^)

I've made a separate post about how much this idea means to me, and I hope I did it justice. This is like my baby, one of the very first scenarios I've ever thought of. Something that motivated me to start writing in the first place and made me want to share my writing at all, so yeaaahh, please be gentle♡. I've made a detailed post about it, so feel free to check that one out here.

The gist of it is: It all happened one evening when your best friend came to pick you up from a party for the first time, being tipsy and sexually frustrated one thing led to another and you slept together and from then on it kind of became your guys' thing

You refuse to call him by his first name, but he'd really like you to. Even worse, you even add -san to his last name whenever you're tipsy

Oh, and no kissing, bcs that's too intimate am I right ha ha

What's the worst that could happen this time?

he miiiighhtt make you call him by his first name and maybe just maybe you do finally kiss???! who knows hahaaa

Without further ado Fwb!Suguru x f!reader, let's gooooo

<3masterlist<3

~2,4k words~ Strictly 18+ MDNI

TW: fwb!suguru x f!reader, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, cream pie, marking, biting, hickeys, multiple positions, get fucked stupid, first times, teasing, dirty talk, tit sucking, nipple play, multiple rounds, leg humping, so much happening did I miss anything?? lmk xoxo

He never understood why you liked going out to the most shabby and stuffed clubs. It reeked of alcohol and smoke mixed with all kinds of bodily fluids. As he was making his way through the dancing crowd of sweaty people grinding against each other, he finally found you sitting at the bar while some guy was leaning in your direction way too close for comfort.

He had his usual fit, hair half up with a black over sized sweater and loose black joggers. Making him look so huge that if there were any guys bothering you, they would leave you alone as soon as they saw him.

"Yo~ y/n", he touched your exposed shoulder and gave you his signature eye smile, before staring down the guy next to you that was trying to get in your pants or in this context in ypur skimpy little dress. The guys' annoyed look turned into a worried one after seeing who he was up against.

"Aahhh Geto-saannn you're here early" you mused, leaning against his hard chest. That damn honorific, he cursed but still managed to squeeze out a smile.

"Haha "-san", so you aren't her boyfriend then." the stranger snarled but soon gave up as Suguru raised an eyebrow at him and snapped a "watch it". "Alright, alright, I give up", he put his hands up in defeat. "Maybe next time, sweetcheeks."

As soon as the guy left, Suguru took both of your hands in his and knelt down in front of you. "Y/n we've talked about this. If you don't want to call me Suguru, at least drop the honorific. We've known each other for years now, don't you think it's about time. Also, don't you think it's weird when you call the guy you fuck by his last name, hm?" He turned his head looking at you expectedly.

"But Geto-saaaan-"

"Ah ah, what did I just tell you"

"Okay, okay, Geto" you huffed, "You know I'm not comfortable with that", you whined, squeezing his hands.

"I just want to hear you say it at least once. Say it and I'll fuck you real good tonight.", he smirked.

You considered it, after a hard week you really needed a good fuck. "Sugu-", is all you could manage before snapping your head away, "Nope can't do it."

He let his head drop with a loud sigh. "It's alright, I was just pushing my luck. C'mon, let's get you out of here." And with that, he rose back to his full height, grabbed your hand, and pulled you from the bar stool. While making your way through the crowd and to his car, your thoughts kept wandering.

Suguru... that's such a pretty name.

The car ride was mostly quiet, but as soon as you stepped inside his apartment, you were shoved against the closest wall and found yourself underneath him soon after.

"What's up with you today? If you keep squeezing me that hard, you might actually snap my dick off.", he chuckled. He's way too cocky. You have to do something about that.

"Have I ever told you how annoying you can be. If you don't stop talking, I think I might have to shut that mouth of yours up myself.", you whispered, putting your hands on his cheeks and pulling his face close so that it was right in front of yours.

His usually narrow eyes were blown wide open, his hips stopped moving and you became uncomfortably aware how close you two were right now. So, instead of the kiss he was so desperately awaiting, you opted for blowing on his lips and hugging him close.

"Just kidding.", you hid yourself deeper in the crook of his neck. However, when there was no remark coming from him, you pulled away to look at his blank face.

"Sorry I didn't-"

"You're really cruel, you know that", you felt goosebumps rise as he whispered against your neck. "It's payback time."

Before you could react, he pulled out, latched his mouth onto your neck and began sucking.

"Wait, ah- you're gonna leave a mark.", in a futile attempt, you raised your hands to try and push him away, only to have your hands pinned next to your head.

"If I can't have your lips, I'll take everything else.", he pulled away to take a look at you. "Tell me if you're uncomfortable."

Nod.

In between licks from your neck down to your breasts, he encouraged you to touch yourself. "Want you to cum from me playing with your nipples.", he smiled, oh so sweetly, while rolling the hardened nubs between his fingers.

Cheeky bastard, but you would lie if you said that he wasn't pushing all the right buttons right now. So your hand made its way down between your legs while you rubbed yourself in sync with his twisting and sucking.

"What happened? You're awfully quiet? Cat got your tongue?" and before you could snap back at him, he dared to smirk and pulled on your nipples making you moan.

"Fuck, stop teasing.", you whined.

"Say my name and I'll make you cum myself" he whispered after pulling himself off of you with an obnoxious pop. "What do you say? Good deal right?", he mused while kissing the skin between your breasts up your neck and to your ear. His hot breath kept hitting you as you arched your back off the bed, but to no surprise you remained silent.

"So stubborn for no reason", he shook his head in disappointment. "Then you better work for it yourself."

He really made you work for it. You always came so quickly when it was his fingers rubbing your clit, when it was his long and thick finger dipping into your dripping heat from time to time. Once you go Geto you never go back huh. Your fingers just didn't cut it anymore, so it took a lot of sucking and encouragement from him for you to tip over the edge with a silent scream of his last name.

He kissed your sensitive skin through it as you desperately clung onto him.

"Good job.", he grinned with a kiss to your cheek.

"Shut up.."

"Aww, don't be like that, c'mere", he mused, pulling you onto his lap. You let yourself fall forward against his sweaty chest as you tried to catch your breath. In your delirious state, you kept nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck, giving him a few cheeky bites, smoothing the area over with your tongue afterwards.

When you deemed him marked up enough, you pressed your forehead against his. As you were staring into each other, you mumbled, "Now we're matching."

"How cute. You're so kind, thanks."

You basked in eachothers warm embraces, breathing in each other until your hips grew impatient and started to grind against him.

'Someone's in a hurry, huh?", he quirked an eyebrow at you. You shrugged and whispered into his ear. "Gotta take care of you, too."

He expected you to go slow, but to his surprise you took a hold of his cock and slammed your hips way down meeting him in an instant.

"Whoa slow down you're gonna hurt yourself ah-" he looked at you in disbelief, "Is it okay? Does it hurt?"

You took a few deep breaths before continuing with overflowing confidence, "No, it feels really good. I can feel you all the way up here", you smiled, leaning back and tracing your fingers from your pubic bone to just over your belly button.

"Fuck, you can't just say those things out of the blue" he mumbled sitting up, finally starting to pound into you from below.

"That's what did it, huh?" you chuckled, arching your back and clawing at his shoulders. "How naïve, men are so simple." you kept that thought to yourself, tho.

As he kept bouncing you up and down you felt yourself go stupid on his cock. Each thrust was hitting your sweet spot just right and the stretch was to die for. You couldn't keep your voice down.

It didn't help in the slightest that he was playing with your breasts all throughout his mean thrusts. You went especially crazy when he fondled the fat of your ass and spanked the reddening flesh in between thrusts. As he felt himself get close he snuck a hand between your bodies to rub your throbbing clit. Your mewls and loud moans, slowly but surely pushed him over the edge.

He had to hold down your squirming hips as your breath hitched with the intensity of your orgasm and with how deep you were feeling him right now. He pulled you off of him and hugged you close, trying to calm you down.

"Shh, I got you, calm down you did so good", with a kiss to the top of your hair, you felt yourself relax. But that relaxation didn't last long, as you started to desperately grind against his leg. With your ass rubbing against his cock so perfectly he just couldn't help himself.

"Fuck, I'm hard again.", he admitted matter-of-factly.

"Then keep going. Give it to me until I pass out."

"Shit, you little minx." he cursed in his head but eventually gave in.

"Y/n?"

"Hmm?"

"Turn around for me."

You reluctantly got off his lap and got ready, face down ass up.

He really wanted to take you like this, but curiosity got the best of him.

"Fuck that" he thought as he flipped you and pulled your back flush against his chest, sitting down. After hooking his hands under your knees, he he picked up his pace as his hungry mouth ravaged your already sensitive neck.

"Feel good, yeah?", was the last thing you heard before he wrapped his huge hand around your neck.

Your mind went fuzzy as his hand was skillfully restricting your airflow from time to time. Which is exactly why you didn't register the next few words that tumbled from your mouth.

"Kiss me."

You made him stop dead in his tracks.

"What did you just say?", he had to make sure he heard you right.

Your hand was already at his nape, pulling him close.

"Kiss me..."

"Kiss me...", he gulped, "Who?", he was pushing his luck, and his heart rate picked up, afraid he might've pushed you too far. But the gamble paid off as he heard the words leave your mouth, that he had been waiting to hear from the moment he set his eyes on you.

"Kiss me, Suguru."

He wasted no time as he grabbed your jaw and smashed his lips against yours. It was so messy, so so nasty, teeth clashing against each other, but it was everything he could've ever wished for. He was on cloud nine. It was embarrassing how excited he got from just kissing you, but he couldn't care less at this moment. Your mouth fell open as you felt him spill inside of you. His tongue dipped into your awaiting mouth, while he fucked you through his second high.

He had to catch his breath while holding your limp form. He was sure you needed a break but when he tried to pull you off of his sensitive cock you stopped him. "Wait", you mumbled against his lips. "Don't pull out. Keep fucking me. Hurry up." How could he say no to you, even if he felt like he was about to die from overstimulation, he couldn't possibly deny you.

Which is how you ended up on your side, leg held up by his strong arm as he pounded into you from behind. Your sweet moans had him riled up impossibly more as his hips went to town on your pliable body. Even in this position, his eager mouth never left yours. The fat of your tummy and thighs kept jiggling so deliciously with each thrust that he just couldn't get enough of you. He soon felt you tighten around him and knew you were close, so he spurred you on.

"You feel so good like this, god you're so tight. Shit. About to cum?"

"Yeah, feels so good."

"Who makes you feel this good?"

"You do, Suguru. I love this so much. My god I'm gonna cum again."

"Yeah, yeah good, cum on my cock."

With a few delicate swipes of your fingers over your nub, your back arched as you came all over him. And he was there to swallow all of your moans with his greedy mouth.

When the heat of the moment subsided, you were a huffing and puffing mess. He held you close throughout and rubbed your lower back reassuringly.

After a while you were the first to break the silence.

"Holy shit, best sex we've had so far."

"Can't agree more.", he kissed your lips and continued. " Sooo, I assume you won't be calling me Geto anymore, right?"

You turned your head avoiding eye contact, but he stopped you, squishing your cheeks to look at him and raising an eyebrow. " Riiight, y/n? What's my name from now on? C'mon, don't break my heart."

"Suguruuuu....", you trailed off, but before he could celebrate, you quickly added, "-san.."

"Aah, so close", he chuckled, disappointment evident in his voice. "But it's a good start, so I'll take it.", he said truthfully, squeezing you tight. It was a huge step for your relationship. He was incredibly happy. He will make you drop the honorific no matter what. Now that he's got a taste, he will never let you go. Heck, he might even ask you out now that you're on a first name basis.

But he won't rush things. He's more than content with the current development of your relationship. You've come a long way, and only time will tell what it'll evolve into. The only thing he cares about right now is making you call his name over and over again, in one way or another. Life is good.

-----

I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this 🙆🏻‍♀️❤️ Please let me know your thoughts. See ya next time<3

[neiptune]

ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? (part 2)

c/w: 22k wc, SUGGESTIVE, summer romance, strangers to fwb to lovers, eren can surf, this little story has kept me company for weeks now, it just kept stretching and stretching and demanding more so I tried to accomodate its needs. I hope you'll be able to perceive all the love & care I've put into it! thank you for having been part of this summer journey now I'll finally go lie down

PART 1

June melts away and July is as sweet as the ripe cherries that melt on your tongue.

You’ve always loved summer, both in the city and the countryside you grew up in. The summer season that belonged to your childhood came with watermelon slices consumed sitting on the engawa with your grandparents, a poor antidote against the oppressive humidity that glued hair and clothes to your skin. The only relief came from the small fan they kept on at all times, day and night, the low buzz a constant companion throughout the hours spent napping, going through your homework or demolishing the only thing your mother has ever been able to cook: teriyaki tofu.

You slept in the same room as your grandparents at night, two futons placed at careful distance to no avail as you couldn’t sleep anyway between the noise coming from the fan, the chirping of the cicadas from outside and your grandpa’s snoring. Those were the nights you’d spend observing the ceiling, fantasizing about growing up and becoming an adult that worked as hard as your parents who woke up at the crack of dawn and came home several hours after you had finished eating dinner. You’d daydream about the big cities they always told you about, Tokyo and Osaka and Yokohama and Nagoya, places where people didn’t have to break their backs slaving away in rice fields every day.

Places where people wore nice shirts and ties and jackets and carried little leather briefcases and worked in clean offices and never had to scrape the mortifying dirt stuck underneath their nails.

Summer in the city came with apartments with little to no insulation, boxes as humid and hot as the outside, with no air moving around inside. Still, you bought a little pink fan when you couldn’t afford an AC, made sure your fridge always had a consistent stock of watermelon and fruit popsicles. You’d lie belly-down on the tatami floors when afternoons got too hot to move, and took the Yokosuka line from the central station along with some friends whenever you could gift yourself the luxury of spending a day at the beach.

It wasn’t enjoyable. The drudgery that took to get there, sweat running down your back, crowded trains and a bus where you could barely breathe from how hot it was, sand crawling in between your belongings and sticking to your arms and legs. But the ocean? That was worth it. A body of water stretching as far as the eye could see, so boundless it felt like the city was miles and miles away, all your emotions magnified, salty breeze flooding your senses. You often wished to take your parents there, always daydreamed about how amazed your mother would feel and about your father’s calloused hands picking up a fishing rod instead of being busy ploughing, harrowing fields, harvesting grains.

You felt at ease in the water, gliding across it with bold strokes as your friends splashed around closer to the shore. You liked diving underneath the surface, eyes shut and ears filled with currents, waves and storms no one else could hear. A special sussurration made just for you, one you listened to until your lungs felt a moment away from exploding.

So far, summer on the island doesn’t come close to anything you’ve experienced before. Your vacation rental has an AC that you refuse to turn on and most nights on your first month there were so hot you could barely sleep. The sky is the kind of blue that is promising and has you excited for the day to unravel, clouds showing up and timidly crossing it fluffly and candid as snow. What was considered the glorious realm of the gods according to Mesopotamian mythology, the island holds as regular cedar forests, although so wonderful you can only guess it must’ve been blessed with a touch of divine nonetheless. You got to hike through more than one and paid homage to the ancient trees, some of Japan’s oldest living ones. Jean has been a sweet guide on your first time, carefully explaining to every member of the group he was leading both the history and ecology of the sights along the way.

Tropical storms are restless and unforgiving, you learn: wind shakes your windows, lighting tints rooms purple and the crack of thunder prompts the lighting up of your phone screen at any hour of the night, without exception.

Eren comes to know about your fear of thunderstorms on a late afternoon. He has taken the habit of showing up at your place with a little something for you from time to time: that day he had two plastic bags in his hands, a few groceries he had picked up on the way there “just in case you’re out of something”, kitchen counter slowly filling up with fresh milk, eggs, apricots, bread, one box of cereals, cheese and what were mostly his favorite snacks. And it’s never just an excuse to be there, he never expects you to reward him: Eren has his own way of putting away the groceries, his regular grumbling about how messy your cupboard is, an improved method of fixing the leaking of your sink and piling his book suggestions right next to your tv, so that you don’t forget to check them out. More often than not they’re not books he has read, just books he deems you’ll find interesting.

That afternoon Eren wasn’t there to sleep with you, he didn’t have any particular motive for spending a few hours sprawled on your couch watching some dumb cooking show, except that he enjoyed it. He enjoyed how invested you’d get and the way you’d lightly pinch his thigh when you’d have it with his boyish, teasing comments. Sometimes you’d just slot your mouth to his to shut him up, a more than welcome distraction from pretentious chefs who presented dishes he never would have dreamed to replace Sasha’s wraps with. And while your kisses didn’t always lead to anything (whatever it was that you had going on walking between blurred lines that comprised make out sessions, casual hang outs and Eren molding your body to accomodate his so perfectly you often found yourself questioning if you could ever even take anyone else and feel the same way), on that particular day you seemed more than willing to forget about the stupid cooking show. And then a loud crack his very much occupied mind could barely register, had you jolting away from him and covering your ears in a heated rush.

Eren makes sure to call or text you during storms but he’s way more subtle about it now than he was at the start. After your prideful “I’m fine, stop checking on me like I’m some damn child”, he developed a new, clever strategy to make sure you’re doing okay. Whether it’s by sending you a funny meme, the link to a tiktok video, some random update on Connie’s hectic dating life at 3 in the morning, he hopes the message gets across. And alhough most times you don’t reply until several hours later, out of that same stubborn pride that makes him roll his eyes multiple times a day, you can’t help but smile a little when the phone screen your eyes instinctively dart to at the beginning of every storm, lights up without fail.

Contrary to what you had anticipated, being friends with him is probably the easiest thing you've ever done. Eren gives a lot and takes very little, the only situations this selflessness doesn’t really apply to include discarded clothes and skirts pooled around your hips when he’s too impatient and the steamed up windows of his truck blurry your vision and your mind as the pads of his fingers dig into the fat of your thighs. Those are the moments Eren takes everything from you. He claims each breathless gasp, the twitching of your legs, the way your pretty features freeze in silent pleasure and he gets to whisper reassuring praises against the corner of your mouth. Whether he’s aware or not about just how much he ruins you each time, is beyond your understanding.

Eren talks about you with his friends when you’re not there to hang out with them, which happens often anyway. He’d casually mention something you did or said or once specified you enjoyed, an habit that’s increasingly prompting knowing glances exchanged between Connie and Jean. Armin’s stare just turns a little worried, especially when Eren reprimands everyone and cares to remind them to be careful and not get attached because your presence is temporary.

Sasha feels as if, between one beer and the other, he’s the one he’s truly trying to convince. It’s new Eren behavior, uncharted territory, and the odds of the whole thing ending in the shittiest way possible are incredibly high: which is why Armin decides to take it upon himself to test the waters and almost asks if you think it’s really best to keep going with the whole friends with benefits thing. He likes you and means well. Maybe it’d keep everyone’s feelings safe if you and Eren discarded the benefits part and stayed as nothing more than regular friends?

But right as he was about to voice his question, you had stopped by a street fruit vendor and turned to look at him with sparkles in your eyes.

“What if we get some pineapples? I could try and make that ice cream Eren never shuts up about”

Shit, he thought to himself. Maybe he had been way too optimistic.

Eren knows you’re not actually asleep. Not that he’s yet had the privilege of knowing what you look like when you’re sleeping: you never once stayed the night at his place, which was good enough of a reason never to spend the night at yours. He’s never had the chance to lend you one of his shirts or ask if the coffee he buys now is better than the one you tasted so many mornings ago. It’s not that he’s bothered by it, he just doesn’t understand what sort of thoughts prompt you to immediately get out of his bed (or off of his couch, or out of his shower, or down from the kitchen counter—), collect your clothes, flash him a smile and wave goodbye. He should be happy you do that, honestly. It’s always saved both of you from experiencing any unnecessary awkwardness. It’s convenient. It’s practical. But still, it certainly wouldn’t kill you to stay just once?

“Stop that” your nose scrunches, the light touch of his fingers tickling you.

“Be an active part of the excursion, then” an airy chuckle leaves him as his fingertips skim the bridge of your nose again. You weakly swat his hand away.

“M’tired” you puff out your cheeks, eyes still shut. Eren rolls his eyes.

“It was less than an hour long hike”

“You own a trained body, I own an exhausted one”

“So you don’t want any snacks?”

Finally, you open one eye to peer at him, suspicious. Amused, Eren gently bounces his leg, the one your head is resting on.

“It better be Sasha’s avocado hummus” you grumble while making the process of sitting up dramatic enough for him snort.

“It’s something better: fresh fruit” Eren meets your shocked expression with an innocent grin.

“You’re a deceitful, unreliable little man” you playfully narrow your gaze as he pulls out a plastic bag from his backpack. He huffs.

“Stop complaining, these are from Kukiko’s garden”

“Kukiko?”

“Jean’s grandma. She pretty much raised him and used to give us extra treats before we set off for school” a small smile stretches his lips as he takes some peaches and a small knife from the bag.

“My granny used to do the same” you smile too, the sweetness of the memories coming to mind causing a pleasant warmth to spread in your chest “she’d pack my lunch and then several others for my friends, just in case their parents forgot. As if that could’ve been possible”

Eren looks up from the fruit he’s carefully peeling. He’s doing it with such attentive care you can’t help but wish, for a single, fleeting second, that he’d still be there to peel tangerines for you in the winter.

There’s fondness in his gaze, one you wish you didn’t notice because it never fails to emerge whenever you share something personal, something belonging to a life he knows little to nothing about. He makes it painfully clear that he’d love for that door to be left half-opened for him.

“D’you visit her from time to time? I assume she still lives in the countryside”

If the pang of sadness that clutches your throat and digs deep into your stomatch could have a physical representation, it’d probably be an icicle. Cold, harsh, unforgiving.

“I’m sorry” Eren catches the change in your stare before you have the chance to say anything. With a small, bitter smile, you shrug.

“It’s okay. It’s been years. Doesn’t get any easier, though”

You’re sitting very close to each other, so he gently nudges your shoulder with his arm.

“Yeah. I’m sure she loved you a lot and that doesn’t just go away, you know”

“Jesus” you chuckle and lean your forehead against his shoulder to hide the embarrassing tears stinging the corners of your eyes “you just had to be good with words too, among everything else”

A silent laugh shakes him.

“What can I say, I’m gifted like that” he hands you one slice of the peach he’s still holding and you accept it with a scoff. The fruit is mellow, flavorful and tangy as it melts in the back of your throat. It almost makes you want to cry again.

The observatory was his idea, one of the very few remaining places he didn’t have the chance to take you to. Despite it having a large parking lot, restrooms and vending machines, it’s a sightseeing spot not many tourists come to know about, so it’s mostly empty. The view is stunning and, truth be told, you didn’t mind the hike either: despite the inescapable sun shining high in the sky, not a single cloud in sight, you enjoyed climbing the path dotted with many tropical plants. Hibiscus, adan trees, cycads, Eren indicating and naming each one along the way.

From where you’re sitting, you can see the white lighthouse you had visited a few days prior, Eren’s friends having planned a picnic nearby that soon gave them the perfect excuse to take you all the way to the top of the abandoned tower. Connie smiled upon seeing your expression morph into pure wonder as soon as Sasha removed her hands from your eyes: you don’t remember seeing an equally breathtaking view of the ocean sparkling beneath your feet, ever. If you squeeze your eyes really hard, you can almost discern the small bay you remember Armin helping you locate on the northernmost tip of the island.

You’re not sure why Eren bothers hanging out with you when his days are less busy, why he doesn’t mind spending his morning sharing fresh fruit underneath the July sun instead of being with his friends or riding a wave. Sure, you count as a watered-down version of a friend too at this point, and spending time with him feels so natural sometimes you wonder if you haven’t actually known him for a longer time.

But it also feels intimate, oddly more than the moments when he’s pushing inside you. It’s easier to kiss him than to hear him laugh at your jokes, especially when the sun hits the green of his eyes just right and you feel the sudden urge to tuck those stubborn strands behind his ears. It’s easier to have his arms around you, lips tracing your collarbone, because that means he won’t be looking at you in that infuriating way of his, genuine interest floating in such intense irises whenever he asks a question in patient anticipation of another piece of yourself you may or may not decide to unravel for him. 

Eren gently presses his thumb between your brows, to smooth out that little crease you get whenever you get lost in thoughts he isn’t allowed to access. His hand is still wet and sticky from the peach you’ve shared, so you pull back with a grimace and he laughs.

“So pensive today” he brings that same thumb to his mouth to clean all the fruit remnants “didn’t even ask me if I really didn’t bring anything else to eat”

“Did you?” your brows shoot up in interest and he rolls his eyes, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“I mean, you’re insufferable when you’re hungry”

And just like that, he pulls out some neatly packaged banh mi sandwiches, the ones you remember casually mentioning liking to Sasha at the picnic by the lighthouse while he was busy discussing something else with Jean. As you stare at the herbs and mayo sticking to the clear cellophane, it’s hard to blink back the surprise. Or to swallow the lump in your throat.

Oh, no.

“Eren” you mutter his name carefully and he tilts his head with a responsive little hum “I kinda want to kiss you right now”

Another mirthful laugh echoes through the calm, fragrant air. Thank god he hasn’t noticed the unusual hesitation laced into your tone because yes, this is a need, but also a test you’re not sure you want to know the output of.

He inches closer and gently tilts your head up with the softest grasp of your chin, lips pressing to yours in a chaste kiss that sends shock waves through your veins.

Oh, no.

Eren has to resort to quite the amount of self restraint not to chase your lips when you pull back, features impenetrable once again for god knows what thought now crossing your pretty little mind. He can feel his heart drumming in his ears, the scent of your hair and sunscreen mixing together well enough to almost, almost make him sigh. By now there’s a giant, neon sign hanging over your head that reads proceed with caution, presence temporary. It blinks at him, flashing at regular intervals. He doesn’t like it one bit.

“How come you’re not in a relationship?” the questions rolls off his tongue before he has the chance to decide if it’s even appropriate to ask something like that so bluntly. It’s clearly not, given how your lips purse. But even as he realizes your reaction indicates some discomfort, Eren doesn’t apologize nor does he take the question back. He wants to know something new and while anything will do, this is a topic he holds a particular interest for.

“I was, we broke up a couple weeks before I booked this trip” you clear your throat, attempting to come off as unbothered with a slight shrug of your shoulders.

“So I’m the tropical rebound?” he’s being playful but you catch the slight seriousness embedded in his words and shake your head.

“No. You’re nothing like him”

“Ouch?”

You huff, impatient.

“Last time I saw him, he was balls deep inside one of my friends. You’re nothing like him”

Eren pulls a face but there’s relief expanding the lungs in his chest cavity.

Not so ouch-worthy, after all.

“Well, that sucks”

“Right?” you smile “this would be a good time to list all the wonderful qualities he’s going to be missing out on”

The half-joking tone isn’t enough to prevent him from taking your request seriously.

“I can’t imagine scoring someone like you and then just fucking it up so royally” he scoffs “what an idiot”

“Once again, such a way with words” you hope your teasing is enough to hide the heat crawling up from your chest to the very roots of your hair. Eren starts to unwrap your sandwich a little too harshly.

“I mean it” and god help him, he really does “who’s gonna insult his coffee now, I wonder?”

You’d playfully smack his arm and feign annoyance if it wasn’t for the smile he gives you, the faint shadow of a dimple teasing his left cheek as his eyes crinkle at the corners.

“How come you’re not in a relationship?” you fire the question back as you accept the sandwich he hands you, the first bite already having you swallowing back a moan. The cilantro leaves really do it for you.

“No particular reason” he shrugs “we broke up a few months ago”

“Amicably?”

“Yeah. We were together for a little over a year, it just gradually faded. I know it sounds sad as shit but really, we were friends before and we still are now”

“Why is everyone in your life just so wonderful and mature?” your grumbling draws a chuckle. He appreciates that you refer to his friends as wonderful people.

“I mean, my previous girlfriend told me she fell out of love with me on my birthday and then I found out she’d been dating her coworker for two weeks”

“Hmm. Yeah, you totally just evened that out”

“I did my fair share of asshole moves over the years, it’s how life goes. But you grow and hope to become a better person” he pauses “not like your ex. Fuck that guy”

He mirrors your airy laugh and you both finish your early lunch in comfortable silence, the ocean glistening underneath the same sun pleasantly heating up your cheeks.

Eren likes that you’d kiss him over something as trivial as a homemade sandwich, he likes that it doesn’t feel weird either, given that you only really touch each other when his friends are not present. It would be strange to act any differently, it would feel odd and awkward and wrong. It would feel like a relationship.

When the breeze decreases in intensity and it gets too hot to stay at the observatory, he suggests taking off. However, before you hit the road once more, you draw out your phone and ask him if he’d take a picture of you. It’s a funny reminder that you’re still a tourist, renewed amazement dancing in your features every time you turn to look at the scenery. Of course Eren agrees and carefully snaps a few pictures from different angles, so many your smile becomes a giggle and you actually attempt to snatch your phone out of his hand when he refuses to stop.

“Take one with me” you propose unexpectedly “so I can look at it and miss summer once I’m back in Tokyo” and miss you, you mentally correct yourself.

Eren stares at you for a second, brows furrowed. It’s the first time you openly mention your future departure, a detail he’s been familiar with ever since meeting you. Still, hearing it out loud brings the detail to a new level of concreteness. The sudden reality of it tastes bitter on his tongue as he bends down ever so slightly when you complain about feeling too short with his arm around your chest, safely tucking you against his. He keeps it friendly, basks in the warm sound of your giggle when you take the phone from his hand and he has to rest his chin on your head to be included in the picture. He keeps it friendly, even as he wonders if you’d look cute together, perhaps in a shot that captures that tender look in your eyes while his lips press to your temple.

Maybe it’s that specific thought that prompts him to blurt out the question.

“Stop moving”

“But it tickles!”

“If you make me screw this up I’m gonna have to start from scratch!”

Sasha huffs and her breath is warm on your cheek as you inch closer, ring finger under her brow to lift her eye firmly. The gentle way you’re stretching her skin is enough to keep her eyelid smooth, which allows you to apply the eyeliner in short, light strokes from the inner corner to the outer corner of an eye she’s having such a hard time keeping shut. Regardless, the wing looks sharp enough, although you decide to fix both her eyes with just a tiny amount of concealer.

When Sasha casually asked you do her makeup for the evening, you felt equal parts flattered and terrified of failure. You wanted her to feel pretty exactly the way she wanted to, which is why you both spent an embarrassing amount of time going through her belongings and planning the process each step of the way, refusing to accept her bubbly do as you please, I trust you!

She looks beautiful but that’s not really something you’d count as your success. She always is.

“Are we done?” you can tell she’s excited to peer at the final result, which makes you smile.

“Almost. Just missing lipstick”

You pick up the shade she decided on, a nice nude with a pink undertone that goes well with her fair skin.

As you attempt to gently sketch the lip liner around her lips, she giggles again, only keeping still after meeting your glare. Because you’ve been warned that there’d be food involved, you decide on further securing your work of art: after applying lipstick on top of lined and filled lips, you also apply some setting powder over it and then blot her lips with a tissue paper.

“Now you’re ready to win over that new coworker of yours” you grin as you hand her the small mirror she keeps on her desk.

Sasha’s eyes widen.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”

“Sure you don’t. Tall, blond, smile that could shake the earth…”

“Hey, I never said that!”

“So you do have an idea after all” you grin and promptly dodge the small, heart-shaped pillow she snatches from her bed to throw at you. She then focuses on her reflection for a few seconds, finger nervously twirling one of the loose strands escaping her low bun, eyes anxiously scanning her face from different angles.

“Sash, you look gorgeous” you gently take the mirror from her hands “how about you go get dressed? I’ll clean up here and then we can head out”

She sighs but gives you an appreciative, little smile in turn. Then, her brows knit.

“Wait, what are you going to do with your hair? And what are you going to wear? I didn’t see you bring anything”

“I mean, I already did my makeup. I wasn’t planning on changing anything else, I’m ready to go”

“Are you shitting me?”

The horrified look on her face suggests that perhaps the casual floral dress you have on wouldn’t be too appropriate for the star festival she’s been gushing over for two weeks.

You awkwardly shift your weight from one foot to the other.

“I didn’t really bring anything fancy” you’re mortified. How could you not think of checking a store or two? This night is clearly a bigger deal that you had anticipated.

With a huff, Sasha gets up from her desk chair and starts a frantic search in the depths of her gigantic (and quite overflowing) closet. Dresses, tops and skirts are violently snatched from their hangers and drop to the floor in colorful puddles until she finally finds whatever it is she’s looking for.

“Sasha, I really can’t” your lips are parted in surprise, mesmerized by the sheer beauty of the yukata she’s holding.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I won’t let you walk out in that”

“It’s too much, really, you should wear it!”

“I already have mine and it’s prettier” her grin is void of any actual malice “can I help you put it on?”

You swallow, so flattered that she trusts you enough to lend something so beautiful and certainly important to her. There’s a silly feeling squeezing your stomach and threatening to bring tears to your eyes, a gesture so simple that makes you feel not just welcome but accepted in a way that doesn’t feel temporary anymore.

Sasha comes closer, whatever emotion has your mind feeling all over the place must be clearly noticeable from the outside because she puts a hand on your shoulder with the softest smile, squeezing gently.  

“This is not the time to get emotional, we’ll get there but not tonight. C’mon, let me” she holds the yukata up and wiggles her brows, succeeding in drawing a giggle.

“Sorry. Yeah, okay, let’s do it”

You get undressed and like the expert she clearly is, Sasha waits for you to slip your arms into the sleeves before adjusting the hemline to cover your ankles while aligning the center back seam with your backbone. She brings the right-side overlap to the hip bone on the other side, then layers the left-side one over the former. A waist cord is tied around you right above the waistline, from the front to the back, crossed and then brought back to the front to be secured. Sasha makes sure to tuck away the loose ends between the wrapped cord and places he extra-folded overlap over it.

She checks you all around and hums, satisfied. The obi is white, it matches the beautiful flowers, leaves and branches ramifying across the baby blue fabric of the traditional piece of clothing. Sasha wraps the obi around your waist from the back to the front, layers it neatly to ensure that it will not become loose. She then carefully straightens it and places its end on the back. After some holding, pinching, wrapping and tucking, you can feel what you have no doubt is a perfect bow pressing into your back.

“Done!” she doesn’t give you the time to say a word, impatiently pushing you towards the full length mirror glued to one of her closer doors.

It’s… well, something. You have never worn an actual, traditional yukata before, the ones you own are pretty cheap and the fabric is nowhere as high in quality as the one you can feel against your skin now. Soft, airy, comfortable, you can’t help but smile and think it kinda suits you.

“I didn’t think I could pull off something so gorgeous” you check yourself from different angles, admiring the result of Sasha’s skilled ministrations. Her reflection smiles back at you.

“You’re stunning. Eren is going to flip out”

Your heart jumps in your throat at the mention of his name.

“He’s not” you chuckle nervously “he’s used to me by now”

Sasha giggles.

“Please, you don’t know how he gets with this stuff. He loves this festival more than any of us, seeing you dressed in traditional clothing, in his favorite color, will make him flip out”

“I’m not wearing it because I want him to flip out” you protest, sudden panic bubbling in your chest. His favorite color? Is that why she…?

“My god, you’re weird” Sasha cocks her head, seeming genuinely confused “let me fix your hair and then I’ll get dressed, we’re already late”

She could’ve told you so much more. That she finds it interesting and exhaustingly stubborn, that you wouldn’t like the man you’re dating to be all over you. She knows dating is not exactly what you two have been doing but Sasha also knows her friend well enough to guess when he’s falling for someone and boy, has he fallen for you. She could’ve told you that he’s spent two weeks going over the fact that he’d invited you to the festival multiple times, wrecking his mind (and theirs) with a vortex of thoughts inevitably spiraling out of his usually solid control.

I don’t know what came over me.

She’s gonna think it’s weird, isn’t she?

What if she hates it?

And when Connie flicked his forehead, urged him to get a fucking grip and reminded him that friends can hang out and go to festivals and enjoy some time together even outside of the disgusting sex dungeon he insists on calling home, Eren sighed and deflated in his seat, something about his features being so heartbreakingly conflicted even Jean didn’t feel like cracking any other jokes.

Sasha knows this night holds a special meaning to him, the festival he’s loved so dearly ever since he was a child, when he got to experience it hand in hand with his parents. The festival they always attended together, when their group was still far from falling apart and no one dreamed of leaving the island yet. The special occasion that rarely ever included girls or general outsiders, the one night he jealously kept to himself, his friends and his family.

Not all of them share his devotion for the star festival, Connie notoriously taking advantage of the sparkling setting to hit on every pretty girl within a 3-foot radius, but they understand it. The fact that he wants you there means more than what you can imagine and the whole thing would fill Sasha with joyful relief if it wasn’t for the fact that you are going to leave in less than two months and she knows the ashes they’re going to be left picking up are going to weigh heavy in their hands.

But she’s not mad at you because how could she be when you make her friend happy and he clearly makes you happy too? Eren’s not the only one who’s gonna get burned, the real tragedy is that you’re both still too blind to acknowledge it.

You head out shortly after, in the extra geta sandals Sasha has insisted on lending you. No one is there to pick you up but she lives fairly close to downtown, where you’ll meet the rest of the group.

“They’re usually easy to find, probably going to be glued to a yakitori stand” she’d said, making you smile. Sasha looks nothing less than dashing in her handmade crimson yukata and golden obi, you genuinely think that Niccolo guy would be an idiot not to shoot his shot the moment he sees her.

You come to learn that what you’re attending is the island’s own version of the tanabata festival, the only night deities Orihime and Hikoboshi are allowed to meet despite the milky way separating them. Back in Tokyo you and your friends would write wishes on small pieces of paper and hang them on trees. However, tonight people will entrust theirs to floating paper ships released into the ocean.

The celebrations had started in the afternoon so you have missed the parade but you’re well in time to enjoy everything else: the streets you have come to know by now, are filled with a crowd you couldn’t believe would fit in a space rendered narrower by dozens of colorful food stands and amusement booths. The air is fragrant, different smells mixing interestingly well together as vendors shout over each other to attract clients and tourists. Some of them wave back at Sasha and offer free samples for her to test out. You return their bows with a smile and then trot away with your friend to resist the temptation to pause at every single stand and get one of everything. At some point, she does stop to get a seafood okonomiyaki but you’re still trying to decide between a portion of takoyaki and some good ol’ yakisoba when Sasha lets out a squeal and excitedly waves at someone standing a few booths away.

You turn around just as the guys approach her, all smiles and giddy greetings. They look better than expected in their yukatas, the most eclectic one being Connie who is sporting a pattern of turquoise waves on a white background and a headband decorated with the rising sun motif and the kanji for “number one”.

As you take a tentative step forward, Sasha moves sideways just enough for you to unexpectedly meet Eren’s gaze, which has been focused on you from the very first squeal his friend let out. And yet, he finds himself so pathetically unprepared for the sight, for how rapidly his heartbeat increases in pace. He doesn’t even attempt to hide the wonder in his eyes as he smiles down at you and that unfiltered, pure astonishment in his gaze is more than enough for your pulse to spike. You’ve lost count of the oh nos at this point.

He opens his mouth to say something but Connie’s admired whistle comes faster.

“Yo, you look hot as shit!”

The spell doesn’t break even if you all melt in chuckles and you thank him with an exaggerated bow. Sasha clears her throat and takes him by the arm, Jean’s friendly thumbs up and the flash of Armin’s sweet smile the last things you see before the group starts moving forward and towards another stand.

“What he said” Eren’s voice comes out different, there’s no sign of his usual confidence and you can sense some weird nervousness laced into it. It makes you want to take his hand.

“You look really good yourself” you say, although good is a heavily simplistic way to depict what you’re actually looking at. The indigo yukata compliments his tan skin and further enhances (something you could not deem possible) the color of his eyes. It’s slightly open on the front, to reveal his smooth chest, and the hair he’s tied back leaves you no chance of escaping that intense stare of his. He’s perfect.

As Eren motions to the rest of the group with a graceful gesture of his hand and you walk side by side, you think you hear him mutter something very similar to a “not even close” under his breath.

“So” his eyes are back on you the second you speak “what should we eat?”

“Ah, you have to try Ryo’s takoyaki, he has a special recipe for his mayo” Eren smiles and, without a second thought, grabs your hand to drag you away from the stall where Jean and Armin are buying a grilled squid each.

“Wait, they’re still—”

“They’ll find us”

And just like that, the warmth of his fingers and the broadness of his back are the only things you can focus on as he guides you through the bustling crowd.

He introduces you to yet another acquaintance of his, Ryo smiling fondly at him and insisting for five entire minutes on the takoyaki being on the house. Eren scoffs at your attempt at paying, genuinely offended, and after a heated argument Ryo eventually gives in and accepts his money. However, he winks at you as he hands you your portion.

“I added two extra ones, don’t tell him” he whispers and you share a chuckle.

Shortly after, Eren laughs at your wide eyed stare as soon as you swallow the first bite.

“What the hell is this?” you mutter, shocked “why is everything just so much better here?”

A softer smile lingers on his lips as he watches you gush over a food he’s eaten a thousand times, bite after bite an endless stream of exclamations voicing marvel he finds adorable. When Eren stops in his tracks and you turn around, confused, he almost takes your face in his hands and kisses you right then and there, for everyone to witness. Instead, he carefully swipes his thumb across your bottom lip as an excuse to collect some mayo from the corner of your mouth and then brings that same thumb to his mouth, successfully erasing any thought from your mind and melting every bone in your body.

“Maybe you should stay, then”

He’s serious, so serious your breath hitches in your throat. Especially because your first instinct is to reply with a yeah, maybe I should you definitely can’t afford to pronounce out loud.

He keeps you locked in place with a stare that leaves you no place to hide, the pads of your fingers tingling with need. You want to kiss him, you want to stay. He wants you to. He’s waiting for you to say something.

Why?

Ask me to.

Tell me why.

Convince me.

I can’t.

But do I want to?

“Or, I could take Ryo to Tokyo with me” you swallow the ashes in your throat and attempt a smile. He purses his lips and it sucks that you can discern the disappointment flashing in his eyes. Just for a second, then it’s gone, pushed away, and Eren brings back his handsome smirk.

“I’m sure he’d love that”

He wasn’t planning on half-asking you to stay, not right now, not like that. He didn’t even realize he’s hoping for you to stay in the first place. What the hell, who does that? What is he doing, where are his friends?

You don’t understand why, or perhaps you do and choose to ignore rational explanations for the time being, but you take a step forward and gently give in to the urge of taking his hand. It’s big, rough but warm in yours.

“Is this weird?” the question is so soft he can barely hear it and yet his heart seems to miss a beat, perhaps even two.

“No” he carefully slides his fingers in between yours and takes a moment to get accustomed to the sensation only to discover that he doesn’t need it “it’s not weird”

“Good” you smile “show me around some more?”

It’s unbelievable, the amount of people Eren knows and stops to say hello to along the way. Nearly every vendor, almost every booth, he makes sure to at least wave and if someone holds him a little longer, he squeezes your hand as he asks them about their families, sons, business. You recognize some of the tourists eager to have a word with him too, lots of them part of the groups he teaches to. Most of your mornings are not spent watching his lessons anymore: you’re too busy either putting into practice his teachings firsthand, or hanging out at the cafe with Sasha. If Armin and Jean show up too, you quite literally drag them into the water because you’re eager to showcase everything you’ve learned so far. When he’s done, Eren always comes looking for you anyway.

Once he’s made sure you’ve tasted a little bit of everything, your taste buds jazzed and your stomach a second away from exploding, you decide it’s time for dessert. Your treat.

“But you don’t know what I’d like?” he teases, mischievous glint in his eyes.

You roll your eyes.

“I’m gonna take a guess. Wait here and don’t peek”

“Yes, ma’am” he stands up straight and salutes like a soldier.

You wander away but not before sending him one last glance from over your shoulder. It makes you laugh that he’s still standing in the same way, silly, boyish grin mirroring yours.

Apples covered in sugar syrup are a no, way too sweet, and you skip the colorful clouds of the cotton candy booth for the same reason. You just know Connie is going to make an inappropriate joke if you get chocolate covered bananas on a stick so you opt for two portions of kakigori, shaved ice flavored with condensed milk and syrup. The consistency is smoother, fluffier in comparison to the ones you’ve eaten in Tokyo throughout the years and endless other summer festivals, this one almost feels like fresh fallen snow. You pick strawberry as your flavor and pineapple as his, kindly asking the friendly woman working at the stall to reduce the amount of syrup of his cup.

You can feel the yukata sticking to your back as you swiftly return to where he’s waiting for you, the dessert you have picked the perfect weapon against the humid air of the evening.

“Hey” you greet “saw you standing here on your own and thought, wow, that guy’s cute. Maybe he’d give me a chance if I bribe him with food” as you hand him the colorful cup, your fingers graze his. It’s disgusting that you think you’d like to bottle up that airy laugh and keep it close, listen to it whenever you feel lonely. It’s probably one of the things you’re going to miss the most.

“Good strategy, I’m sold” even his fake wink is attractive “you look like a tourist, how’s the vacation going?” he plays along with a silliness that makes you smile as you shrug.

“Not too bad, the locals are very friendly”

“And yet no one’s had the heart to tell you that strawberry kakigori tastes like shit”

You lightly stomp on his foot, brows furrowed in a frown he finds comical and way too realistic.

“Just changed my mind, I don’t want that chance”

He displays a sorrowful grimace as he brings one hand to his chest, the fatal wound given by your sharp words almost making him curl in on himself.

“But baby” he coos, bringing that same hand to cradle your cheek, thumb delicately skimming over your cold lips “who said I was going to give you one?”

He’s already laughing when you swat his hand away, an asshole muttered under your breath even if you can’t bite back your own smile, heart pounding with the same frenzy of a hummingbird. Eren’s only ever called you that while in compromising positions and the pet name never failed to prompt immediate reactions from your body but now he’s just kidding, in the middle of the street, among a hundred other humans passing by. He makes it sound every bit as devastatingly alluring as he always does, you suppose it’s a problem that you’d like to hear him call you that again right away.

“Eren!” a voice you don’t recognize snaps you back to reality and away from your embarrassing fantasies. There’s a pretty brunette next to him, hugging him actually, hands lingering on his chest even after she pulls back. He politely says hello, takes a step back but she follows the movement, with no intention of interrupting the skin to skin contact.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all night, Sasha said you’d be around” she has gorgeous gray eyes and the purple yukata looks amazing on her.

“Yeah, m’just taking a stroll” his eyes dart to you but it doesn’t seem like he intends to introduce you at any point. You take a step back for good measure.

“Wanna join us? Porco’s here too!”

He smiles.

“Really? I’ll come say hi in a second”

She juts her bottom lip out.

“Don’t be long. I thought you’d at least call me, especially after last night. You know I miss you”

Perhaps he had a point when he said that strawberry kakigori tastes like shit because right not it feels like concrete in your mouth. You know you don’t have any right to be upset, he’s not your boyfriend and by no means you expected your little arrangement to be exclusive. But even that’s not enough of a reason to stay any longer and hear the continuation of a conversation you’re not meant to be a part of.

So you excuse yourself with a smile, her gray eyes acknowledging you for the first time and for no longer than a second, Eren’s hand almost snapping to grab your wrist to prevent you from leaving. But you’re quick and also stupid enough to give him a thumbs up from behind her back before swiftly turning around and letting go of the breath that had your lungs burning. Thank god you spot Sasha and everyone else not too far away, they’re all positioned in a semicircle around Jean and Connie.

“Isn’t this game supposed to be for kids?” you whisper to Sasha and she giggles.

“Yes but they insist on trying every year. They never win anyway”

The game consists in scooping goldfish with a small paper racket that torns almost right away when contacted with water.

“Son of a…” Connie grunts when a child next to him succeeds in catching not one but two fishes among the applause of everyone gathered around the booth to watch. His mom glares at him and you chuckle.

“Can I try?” you chime in and Connie is happy to switch places, scowl so deep you can barely bite back a laugh.

“We need a new strategy” Jean whispers angrily.

“Maybe you shouldn’t swirl the racket like that” you smile and accept the new one the booth owner lends you.

He huffs but stops his ministrations to focus on your movements, the fact that he’s damn near holding his breath is hilarious but you can’t afford any distractions: there’s a mission to accomplish.

It takes more than a few attempts and you can feel the warmth radiating from Connie’s chest practically pressed against your back in restless anticipation. When you catch one fish at last, there’s another applause drowned in his howling: you barely have the time to let the fish slip into the plastic bag filled with water the booth owner is offering before Connie’s arms close around you in a hug that lifts you off the ground.

“Beginner’s luck” Jean is not as happy: it’s quite clear who’s going to own the fish you captured.

You lift your cup with an apologetic smile.

“Want some?” there’s another spoon planted in the soft ice, he may as well be the one to use it.

“Strawberry?” he asks with a grin, accepting your offer nonetheless “we haven’t taught you enough”

“She’s going to tell all her friends we’re such snobs” Armin sighs and you chuckle.

“Ohmygod we should go try the target shooting booth! Like, right now” Sasha tugs at your sleeve and Jean catches your cup right as you lose your grip on it.

“Wait a second—”

“Please, can we go?”

“I guess we’re going target shooting” Armin concedes and Jean shrugs, now the happy owner of a dessert he didn’t have to pay for as Connie gushes over his new pet.

“What should we call them?” he asks as your little group moves towards yet another crowded stall. You turn around, Sasha still quite literally dragging you.

“Mmmh, what about Floater?”

“I think Miso would be cute” Armin chimes in but Connie snorts.

“I like Sea Beast. Yeah, that’s the one”

You all erupt in laughter, Jean knowingly putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Man, I have a feeling you’re never gonna get laid again”

“Joke’s on you, women are gonna find me adorable as shit. Right?” he raises his voice on the last word and both you and Sasha look at each other, amused.

“I guess” she concedes.

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a killer icebreaker” you agree.

Armin huffs.

“Just don’t ask women if they’d like to come over to meet your sea beast”

Horrified, Connie’s mouth hangs open as he stares at his friend like he’s grown a second head while the rest of you just contain another fit of laughter, Jean almost choking on his kakigori.

As soon as you find a small opening to stand in line by the shateki stall, you understand why Sasha was so eager to try target shooting all of a sudden. Niccolo is there with his friends, waiting for his turn, and as soon as he spots her his eyes just light up. You gently untangle her fingers from your sleeve and give her a little push as encouragement. 

“Where’s Eren?” Armin stands in line next to you, Connie and Jean excitedly having a chat with other acquaintances of theirs just behind.

“He met a friend, I wanted to leave them some space” your tone is neutral but he furrows his brows.

“A friend? Who?”

“Some girl” you casually take a look around but you’re still unable to discern the prizes lined up on the shelves. Someone’s just lost if the disappointed groans coming from the front of the queue are an indicator.

“Ah” Armin clears his throat “well, are you having fun?”

A grateful smile tugs at your lips, relief settling over you like a soft blanket. He is the most considerate person you’ve ever met. How did this group of extraordinary people got lucky enough to find each other? You can’t help but think it’s a little unfair. It’s more than luck, maybe it’s destiny for them. Another pang of jealousy sticks in your stomach like an invisible needle.

“I’m never going to forget it. Not just this night, the whole…” you stop, because it feels so unfairly minimizing to address the whole thing as just a holiday.

“Vacation?” he’s gentle with the word, makes it sound way less depressing than what you would have. You acknowledge his reply with a little nod.

“You know…” he trails off “you could stay”

Just like that. You could stay. And it sounds so real, so doable, it breaks your heart.

“I really can’t” you murmur, head hanging low to hide the embarrassing teary eyes. You hadn’t anticipated to feel so at home among strangers who welcomed you in a heartbeat, kind and unpretentious and affectionate in a way you’ve never experienced. Saying goodbye it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you” Armin gently grazes your shoulder and you just have to smile. You trust him enough to know he’s not going to mock the wetness of your eyes.

“No, don’t apologize. I guess I’m just going to miss you all”

“We really are the most unplanned part of the entire holiday, aren’t we?” he smiles too.

“Yeah, thank god you are”

Armin melts in a sweet laugh but doesn’t have the chance to say anything because suddenly, Connie’s arms are enveloping the both of you, squeezing so hard you let out a playful groan.

“Why’s he the only one who gets to hear it? I wanna hear you say how devastated you are about leaving us, too!”

“Connie!” Armin attempts to turn around, probably to flick his forehead, but he only laughs harder and, despite yourself, you do too.

“I’m devastated and I’ll miss you a lot!”

He squeezes even harder, Armin cursing under his breath.

“We’ll miss you too” and yet, Connie’s voice is gentle to the ear, in sharp contrast with the suffocating embrace he’s holding you in. If you had any space to move around, you’d squeeze him too.

When you finally manage to get to the front of the line and it’s your turn to pick up the popgun, Sasha is still deep in conversation with Niccolo and you seem to be suddenly presented with a fun way to simmer some of the frustration still boiling in your core. Perfect.

You’re quicker than Armin and casually snatch the little pot of cork from the man owning the stall. There isn’t a specific prize you’re after, although the Squirtle plushie looks quite appealing.

You quickly learn that your aim sucks and Connie’s snickering from behind you at every missed shot is not helping. You appreciate Sasha interrupting her relentless flirting to cheer you on, though. That is until something warm and solid and oddly familiar presses against your back, bigger hands enveloping yours right after you push another cork into the barrel.

“You have to get the barrel closer to the target” of course his breath is hot on your neck, cheek grazing the shell of your ear as he corrects the position of your arms.

You huff but maintain your composure.

“What are we aiming at?” he whispers and this time you know it’s deliberate, the way his lips brush against your skin. He’s such a…

“Squirtle” you challenge and Eren hums, certainly not one to shy away from a challenge.

And sure enough, after knocking over a packet of chewing gum and a rubik’s cube, with a well placed shot you actually manage to bring down your target. It’s infuriating.

He grins as he hands you your prize and you roll your eyes.

“Please know I find it extremely annoying, how good you are at everything”

“You’ve never seen him play soccer” Jean’s grumbling is a welcome distraction from Eren’s eyes boring into yours but it doesn’t last long enough, thanks to Armin who drags him away and towards another food booth. How they even have any space left for more food, is beyond your understanding.

“Took me some time to find you guys, it always gets more crowded ahead of the show” Eren briefly glances at Sasha and flashes her a smile before redirecting his attention to you.

“I catched a goldfish for Connie” you internally cringe at your pathetic attempt at changing the topic. But Eren smiles, genuinely incredulous.

“Are you kidding? He finally gets to have one?”

You shrug, mirroring his smile.

“Fuck, can’t believe I missed that”

“Can’t believe you missed that either!” Sasha’s sour reproach chimes in even if she’s standing a few steps back. You mentally thank her but Eren’s glare meets no further comments.

“Hey, listen…” he clears his throat but is soon interrupted. You turn around and then peer downward when you feel something, or someone, pulling at your yukata. A young boy holding what you can only guess is his mom’s hand stares right back at you, expression as stoic as it can be.

“Excuse me, miss” you have to bite back a chuckle as he bows “that’s my favorite pokemon, my brother tried to get it for me but couldn’t. I was wondering, if it’s not your favorite, can I have it?”

Your eyes flicker to his mom, who seems a little uncomfortable and directs you an awkward smile.

“I told him he could ask but there’s really no need…”

“What’s your name?”, you return her smile but look down at his serious little face again.

“Hiro, miss”

“Of course you can have him, Hiro” you hand him the plushie and the biggest smile splits across his face as he holds it flush against his chest “my favorite’s Lapras. Water types are just the best, aren’t they?”

“Lapras is cool” Hiro condescends “but Squirtle is cooler!”

You all laugh, his mom erupting in several thanks and him turning around to wave at you before disappearing among the crowd. It makes you a little bitter not to have a little memento from such a special evening but it only lasts a second. It’s nice to know that Squirtle is going to end up in a loving home.

“It’s almost time, we need to head to the beach!” Sasha’s excited chirp has you turning around once more, Eren’s warm smile stays in your peripheral vision as you meet her gaze.

“Time for what?” you ask, tilting your head to the side slightly.

“The firework show!” Niccolo worms his way into the conversation and flashes you a thrilled grin.

“Let’s go!” Armin and Connie, standing a little farther, signal for your little group to hurry.

“I’ll catch up” you feel Eren’s warm hand press onto your back, giving you a gentle push. You deem unnecessary to investigate further, maybe he wants to go look for the girl he couldn’t dedicate the necessary attention to and invite her to watch the show with him. Who are you to intrude, or worse, wonder? You give him a quick nod and catch up with Armin and Connie, Sasha and her new companion right behind as you all head to the beach. You think it’s sweet that Niccolo has decided to ditch his group to tag along with her and you genuinely hope that whatever may be blossoming between the two, ends up working out. She deserves it.

As expected, the beach is packed with people sitting on colorful towels or standing, some bent over little wooden tables or balancing small pieces of paper against their friends’ backs to write down wishes that will soon be entrusted to the sea. You all take turns to write yours and when Jean hands you the thin piece of paper, it takes a few seconds to wrap your mind around what you feel like asking for.

A path, maybe. Something to follow to get wherever it is you’re supposed to be going. Or maybe the strength to leave, not to close yourself off to the world again. Happiness for your new found friends, because they deserve every ounce of the genuine affection they so naturally spread around. Health for your parents. There’s a new found feeling pounding alongside your heart, you want to visit them soon and let them know that you miss them and that you’re so sorry for not having been able to see them more. You want to share that you’re going to look for a new job and that hopefully you’ll be okay soon. Hell, you even want to tell them about this entire holiday. Sit on the familiar, faded tatami floor, share a cup of caramelized almonds and just let it all out. Would they even believe you can more or less surf now? Ah, you wish they could’ve met everyone. You wish they could’ve met Eren.

He comes shortly after you’re all settled on the towels people are dispensing on the beach, you’re left pretty much alone as everyone else is sitting next to whoever they’re busy talking to. Armin has run into a pretty blonde girl on the way to the beach, they seemed to know each other so for the second time in one evening you took a few steps back and gave them some space, made sure they could sit next to each other. Sasha and Niccolo are sandwiched together between Jean and Connie, the former is speaking on the phone with his lips curled into the biggest smile while his friend is seemingly socializing with a girl you don’t know, part of a bigger group that also seems keen to have a chat with a few strangers. The general atmosphere is so warm and, all things considered, the night has been so enjoyable, you don’t find it in yourself to be frustrated or disappointed anymore.

Eren doesn’t have anyone with him as he plops down next to you with a telltale grin.

“What?” you ask, tossing him a smile back.

“Nothing. Just lookin’ at you” he shrugs and you don’t buy it for one second but play along, gently nudging his shoulder with yours.

“Yeah, that happens a lot” for a second you don’t believe he’s going to remember the silly exchange that took place on the late afternoon of your first surfing lesson, so many days ago. The way his smile grows, tells you otherwise.

“People lookin’ at you?”

“You looking at me”

“Ah” lips pursed, he nods as if to indicate an obvious, given fact “might be because you’re beautiful”

“Ahh…” you mock, a weak attempt at dissimulating your self-consciousness “you fell prey of the charming tourist!”

He nudges your shoulder with his this time, tongue in cheek.

“Guess I really did”

Your chuckles melt into one another and you realize it’s probably never going to be possible to associate the rolling of waves and the salt in the breeze that soothes your feverish skin to anything else but him.

There’s a bunch of people by the shore, bent down to fill shells with small pellets while the latecomers frantically attempt to scribble down their wishes to send off the last remaining paper ships.

“Nothing happened with her” Eren stares at his friends as he speaks, quieter and attentive with his choice of words “we ran into each other and shared a beer, that’s all”

A beat passes, one where it’s hard not to acknowledge the absurd, unjustified relief washing over you.

“It’s none of my business” you’re not looking at him either, in fact your head is turned the opposite way, eyes focused on the little paper ships being slowly released into the dark ocean waters.

“It’s not” he affirms “but I wanted you to know”

So considerate and way too respectful of a person that’s supposed to be nothing more than an easily accessible reliever. It does something funny to your stomach.

“I think she likes you” why are you insisting? You shouldn’t care at all, it’s not your life and it’s not your place. You’re just a comma in the story.

“Too bad” Eren clicks his tongue and wishes you wouldn’t be avoiding his gaze, maybe then you’d recognize something within it without him needing to say the word.

As the paper ships continue to sail, a pin-drop feeling of despair suddenly washes over him at the thought of the material easily dissolving into the water, hundreds of wishes being swallowed and erased so easily. And still, in some distorted way, they’ll keep existing. Is that what he’s going to become for you, is that what he is? Just some paper figure that will lose consistency as soon as you step on that plane? Yeah, it’s exactly what he is and he was fine with it. Until each day spent with you has given him the feeling of wanting to be more than a fleeting detail in your summer, more than a cute story you’re gonna recall with friends and lovers once you’re back to a life he doesn’t belong to.

Will they recognize the crease you get between your eyebrows whenever you frown, deep in thoughts you never share? Do they know how you like your coffee, have they ever witnessed the charming inclination of your flirting? Are they already familiar with your witty comebacks and the way you laugh at jokes you don’t find funny just so that the other person doesn’t feel bad?

Did they ever have to bite back amused grins each time you tried to contain and swallow your annoyance only to fail miserably and explode in the face of clients who were being rude to Sasha? It was only a matter of time before you decided to help her on the mornings she was short on staff, until Niccolo showed up and made it easier. And yet you still feel the same responsibility to look after her, the same way you do for everyone else.

When Jean mentioned having forgotten to get a refill of surfboard wax, you casually made a stop to the store on your way to the beach and threw the small box at him. If Connie laments the lack of inspiration for his sketches, certain he won’t be able to get the job done before the deadline the publishing house has given him, you have entire sessions in which you both sit down and exchange ideas for charactes and stories and concepts for plots inspired by your beloved books. When him and Armin are done with surfing lessons or tired enough to simply catch a break from riding waves, most times you’ll materialize by the shore with two glasses of frozen lemonade and a knowing grin.

Why shouldn’t he get to keep you? Why don’t you want to keep him, your affection apparently solid enough to take his hand but not to stay? Is his fate really to melt away and be shoved in a far corner of your mind as nothing more than a fun summer fling?

“I couldn’t find another plushie” he clears his throat a little and when you finally look at him again, suddenly everything feels right “but you probably wanted something to remember this night by, so” the small keychain dangles from his pointer finger, even in the dark you’re able to discern the small silhouette. It’s Lapras.

Your lips part in surprise as you carefully hook one finger in the metal ring to slide the keychain out of his grasp.

“I know it’s flat and everything but I couldn’t find anything better. If only someone didn’t feel like giving up the plushie I worked so hard to knock down…” the teasing is good-natured and it draws an incredulous smile as your fist closes around the silly gift.

The firework show starts right as you meet his playful gaze, dozens of shells launched simultaneously in a cascade of shimmering yellows, greens and reds all reflecting in starry eyes that get to be so bright despite the darkness. The hand that’s not squeezing the keychain hard enough for the metal to painfully dig into your palm fists the towel you’re sitting on, it’s too close to the edge and you can feel little grains of sand making their way underneath your nails. Eren inches closer the same as you do, any other noise fades in the background when all you can hear is the loud thumping of your heart in your chest and all you can feel is the warmth of his breath on your lips as your noses are close enough to touch. Even when out of focus, he’s beautiful enough to take your breath away.

There’s hesitation, a thick tension coating the bubble enveloping the two of you and the small space left between what’s been and what’s about to change everything. He swallows, barely forcing himself to wait, to let you have control for once. But right as an invisible wire snaps and he gives in to gravity, closing whatever is left of the ridiculous distance between your bodies, someone plops down heavily next to you and you jump, lips grazing his chin as you turn with wide eyes. Eren exhales deeply, shutting his for a second.

“Can’t enjoy shit with Connie’s loud babbling” Jean pauses for a second, examining both your faces “did I interrupt something?” cautiously, his eyes dart from the shy look on your face to the way his friend’s glaring daggers at him.

“No” you’re quick to say “also, let him have his moment. You’ve been blushing on the phone for half an hour”

He opens his mouth in an outraged frown but is cut off by Eren’s chuckle.

“How’s Mikasa?” his arm reaches from around your shoulders to poke at his cheek with a harsh finger. Jean swats his hand away, cheeks dusted in pink.

“Shut up” he grumbles and makes a show of turning his attention back to the fireworks once more. With a giggle, you brush your hands off of the sand sticking to your sweaty palms, keychain secured in your lap. Eren doesn’t remove his arm from your shoulders, the weight of it equal parts foreign and comforting. You could easily get used to it, that’s what you think as you lean into him and let your head rest on his shoulder.

When you stumble back into his house late that night, sandals clumsily kicked off at the door, you collapse onto his couch right away. Your legs ache and your limbs feel heavy but the giddiness still hasn’t worn off and happiness is still stubbornly vibrating in your chest as you free your hair from the tight bun Sasha has forced it into. Eren sits next to you with a light groan, his feet hurt and he’s tired but it’s certainly not enough of a reason to refrain from pulling your legs up to rest on his lap, the gesture met with your weary giggle.

“Did you have a good time?” he asks, head tilted back and half-lidded eyes focused on your smile.

“The best time” you think of the little keychain resting in the front pocket of your bag and smile a little more.

Eren hums, fingers lazily massaging your ankles as his gaze flickers to the ceiling. He wasn’t planning on asking you to come over, his kitchen’s a mess and bedroom’s even worse. But right as you were parting ways and hugging his friends—now your friends too—goodbye, he just found himself blurting the question out. And although you’ll most probably find it hard to believe, it’s not even the sex he’s after. He just wanted the time spent together to stretch a little longer, when’s he ever going to have the chance to look at you dressed like that again after all?

“M’gonna fall asleep here if you don’t stop that” with an airy giggle, you faintly kick one of his hands away from your ankle. Eyes back on you, his lips curl into a tentative smile.

“What if you actually do?”

You tilt your head against the couch pillows.

“Pass out on your couch?”

Eren huffs, lightly pinching your ankle.

“Sleep here”

“How do you still have enough energy left?” you mutter to yourself and carefully remove your legs from his lap, escaping his warm touch. With a yawn barely hidden behind your palm, you tiredly motion towards his bedroom “fine, but I hope you know you’re gonna have to do all the work”

He snorts out a light laugh.

“I meant sleep, sleep”

You stay still for a second, then furrow your brows.

“So you don’t… desire me?”

Eren’s face changes instantly, dropping in quiet shock.

“What? No, I mean yes, I didn’t mean…” you cut him off with a hearty laugh, thoroughly enjoying the tender blush that blossoms across his cheeks. It’s his turn to frown and you can barely catch the small pillow he throws at you, a worn out idiot muttered angrily that only has you laughing harder.

“Fine” it’s surprising how natural it feels to accept and trespass a limit you’ve always been so careful to set for your own sake “but all my clothes are at Sasha’s”

“Just wear one of my shirts” he grumbles as he gets up from the couch and you follow suit, giggling when he shoots you another glare. Even if still feigning annoyance, he grumpily apologizes for the mess as he digs into his closet and picks up a clean shirt for you. You recognize it as he hands it, it’s one of the ones he throws on at the beach, usually when taking breaks at the cafe in between lessons.

“I’ll leave you to it” he clears his throat but then suddenly stops, one foot outisde the room and hand resting on the door knob “would you want me to sleep on the couch?”

Confused, you return a perplexed look.

“Why would I want that?”

Eren lightly scratches the back of his neck, not really sure how to word something you probably wouldn’t even guess he’s been paying attention to. You’ve never stayed, you have never spent an entire night in his bed. He never got to wake up next to you and has no idea if you’re a kicker or a bed hogger but that isn’t to say he hasn’t been dying to find out.

He doesn’t know how to properly say it so he simply resorts to the first true thing that comes to mind.

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable”

“You never make me uncomfortable”

The reply catches him by surprise, not because he finds it hard to believe but because you’re rarely ever this direct, gaze not faltering for a second while locked to his. With a small, almost shy nod, he shuts the door behind him to give you some privacy while you get changed.

He plans on keeping himself busy by tidying up the kitchen, frowning at his morning self who thought it’d be a good idea to leave a plate of unfinished eggs by the sink, leftovers of his breakfast now encrusted to the surface. But before he has the chance to at least attempt to scrape the remnants of what was once a decent portion of sunny side-up eggs, you peek through the door and call for him with a voice so thin Eren barely hears you.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, taking notice of your embarrassment.

“I don’t know how to take it off” you murmur and it takes everything in him not to chuckle. But it appears that you have memorized the meaning of each twitch of his lips, must be why you snort.

“I’ve never worn a traditional one! And I don’t want to ruin it, s’not mine” you grumble, not even giving him the time to acknowledge your fair reasons before disappearing behind the door once again. Eren clears his throat to disguise the little laugh that slips past his lips and prays you haven’t heard it as he makes his way to his bedroom.

You’re sitting on the bed, look at him with those big eyes of yours when he enters the room and for a fleeting moment he selfishly thinks he doesn’t want you to take the yukata off at all. Perhaps part of the night is still clinging to it, maybe taking it off means discarding each new, little moment tying you to him and starting from square one. Because he didn’t make up all those fragments still frozen in time and his memory, did he? His fingers in between yours in public for the first time, that look in your eyes when you took the keychain in your hand, the way he almost, almost got to…

“Hello? Do I have to call Sasha?” you’re standing now, waving a hand in front of his face. Eren blinks, snapping back to reality.

“Turn around” he demands, voice hoarse. You comply, mentally kicking yourself because of how the mere pitch is enough to send a shudder down your spine. It’s all you can think of as his fingers work their way through Sasha’s intricate ribbon, a few curses being muttered for good measure as he fumbles with the fabric, tugging and tugging in hopes of loosening it enough to take the obi off. Your back is pressed to his chest with each pull and it takes a deep exhale to keep yourself from leaning into him the way you’ve been dying to do for the entire night.

He pulls the bow one last time, not without a grunt, and the knot can finally be easily untied. You catch the obi before it falls to the floor and carefully fold it to then place it on Eren’s desk. It’s fine, he’s done, you can take it from here. So why does he keep you in place, hands on your hips a gentle warning to keep still as his arms wrap around you and his chest is finally flush against your back?

His fingers find the tight knot of the cord resting above your waistline and take their sweet time untying it, your heart stuttering erratically against your rib cage. Eren wonders if you can feel his heart on your back, it’s throbbing almost painfully and he swears whatever is left of his chest fucking flutters when you release the tension in your shoulders and melt in the embrace the cord was nothing but a pathetic excuse to initiate.

Yeah, he’s invited you to stay over with no malicious intent but what the hell? The damn thing is coming off, what’s going to be left of the night if he doesn’t seal it on you somehow?

He doesn’t let the yukata slip off your body, instead he accompanies it. Eren takes a second to appreciate the fabric gliding easily from his fingers, so cool, smooth and slick it reminds him of water. You do too. Just like water, a stubborn river or an unstoppable downpour with its persistent dripping, you have drilled yourself into his very being and patiently shaped every corner to make sure it could accomodate you and no one else.

Of course you don’t see the point in staying still: patience wears thin whenever he’s there for you to have. You barely ever allow him to take his time, always so eager to get what you want and him yielding without fail against his better judgement. Look at what you’ve become, just because he’s never been determined enough to teach you any better.

As you spin in his embrace, Eren lets you have it your way for a moment. He lets you take his face in your hands and dips his head to meet you halfway, a whimper already easing from your throat as you command his lips to part with the tip of your tongue. Again, he indulges you, lets you lick into his mouth and clumsily untie his yukata, allows it to unceremoniously pool at your feet. But you attempting to drag him toward the bed with you is where Eren draws the line.

His hands are not smoothing over your hips anymore, they feel everything else as they rise to cup your face. He only allows himself one harmless nip to your bottom lip, nothing but a gentle warning as his hold grows firmer to keep you in place while he finally kisses you the way he’s been dying to for so long. It’s unrushed and deep and he hopes to god the slow swipes of his tongue over yours are sweet because he’s certain he doesn’t want to taste anything else now that he’s tasted you like this.

“Eren…” it’s the only thing you have enough air in your lungs to rasp when he shows enough leniency to let you breathe, pulling back only to nudge the tip of his nose against yours.

“I’m here” he whispers back, head dipping lower to lightly nip at the spot where your pulse taps against your skin so fast it’s almost flattering. The way he lightly sucks at the skin of your neck draws another whine.

The change of pace, those butterfly kisses he slowly drags across your jaw are a novelty so unexpected you have to tighten the grip on his arms, sharp nails digging into the skin of his biceps as you urge him closer and attempt to steady yourself at the same time because you hardly trust your legs at the moment. When you breathe out his name again, mind short-circuiting as your head falls back to grant him more access, he hums comfortingly.

“What is it?” it’s exhilarating how you’re melting like soft butter under his touch and yet he’s the one feeling delirious over a hunger with smoother edges that now accomodates something bigger, something as tender as the sound you let out with a shuddering breath when he gently scoops you up and kisses you again while attentively settling you on his bed. You keep him close, arms around his neck not loosening for a single moment.

“What is it?” Eren asks again in a murmur, big hands resting on each side of your thighs to make sure they remain locked around his waist, abdomen tense to keep his balance on his knees and avoid crushing you.    

You’ve never seen a gaze so intense, you never took it slow enough to count his heavy breaths and notice the painful thumping of your heart nor the unfamiliar wooshing in your ears. Holding eye contact is overwhelming and your stomach clenches at the coldness of one of your legs when one of his hands abandons it, knuckles leaving a scorching trail of pure fire behind them as they gently graze the right side of your face.

He lowers his head but doesn’t kiss you, nose pressed to your cheek in a way that makes it hard for the both of you to breathe, in a way that feels raw and desperate.

“Tell me” he’s so close it feels like he’s whispering the words into your very bones, for a moment you think you can swallow them. The hand he gracefully sneaks between your bodies draws a breathless gasp.

I love you.

Time stops. The thought rings so sharply in your head, you’re convinced you’ve voiced it out loud.

You love him, of course you love him. How could you not?

It’s such a stupid revelation and there’s really no excuse, no plausible reason to justify the tears that sting the corners of your eyes.

I love you.

Eren pulls back to breathe, or perhaps just to look at you. Even if you remain out of focus from such close distance, even in the dim light that bleeds through the door into his dark bedroom, he sees enough. The tip of your nose, your furrowed brows, lips parted and swollen. He’s too busy thinking he wants you exactly like this, all the time, to notice the slight trembling of your body underneath him.

He’s certainly made his point about not being in any rush tonight but still he is waiting for something, it’s evident in those devastating irises piercing yours. You tighten the hold of your arms around his neck, a bitter taste on your tongue as you pull him closer to whisper the wrong thing against his lips.

“I need you”

Against all odds, he deems it enough. He can read all there’s to read in your gaze alone, he feels it in the familiarity of your fingers through his hair and is determined to hear it in all the ways he wants you to chant his name over and over again, in every possible pitch and inflection. He wants it to be a prayer and a revelation.

You already have him, all of him, and you don’t even know. So it’s only fair he makes sure you finally do.

You stir awake and the first things you register are the arm draped over your waist and the soft breath tickling your shoulder. Your body stills, frozen, equal parts terrified of waking him and absolutely scrambled by the rapid succession of resurfacing memories bound to the previous night.

The cautious, minimal turn of your head against the soft pillow results in a hitched breath. He’s so close already and only seems intent on scooting closer, unintelligible humming somehow louder than the thumping of your heart as his hold grows tighter and he nuzzles further into you, nose effectively buried in the crook of your neck, lips pressed to your skin.

You feel dizzy. Mind’s all over the place, unable to pull itself together and make sense of the events that hold the power to potentially disrupt you life, change everything you have so carefully tried to keep together.

Not a single time Eren has been bad at sex, he’s never taken your pleasure for granted nor has he ever chased his without first making sure you were either getting your fair share or felt the determination to focus on him and only him. It just took a couple of encounters to memorize your body, the angles and rhythms and grips and praises and sometimes the harsher words that render you either boneless or a mess whose loudness he never even attempts to swallow.

Eren can be attentive, rougher and impatient on certain days, slower and languid on rainy afternoons, when he gets you ready for him with such care pleasure melts into pure anguish. It’s never enough, you always need more of him and are not even shy enough to hide it anymore, shamelessly asking with an all-consuming force gradually blurring into straight up demanding. That’s when his low chuckle echoes like a melody. He enjoys every second of the reactions that showcase the effect he has on you.

But everything about last night felt different, from the way he kept looking at you to the newfound feeling of his fingers intertwining with yours over your head while the most tender whispers guided you through your high.

He’s done nothing short of worshipping you, featerlight kisses trailing from your ankles to your inner thighs, the slightest touch more than enough for your back to arch, every inch of your body and nerves catching fire as he kept stroking your hair and pressing his lips to your eyelids, all while reassuring you of you good you were being for him, how beautiful you looked, how perfect you felt. It’s a miracle you didn’t end up melting into a puddle underneath him, because that’s where he kept you the entire time, never once allowing your hands to grant him relief or your mouth to do anything else but welcome his. It was just you, nothing else seemed to matter in his entire universe and Eren didn’t so much as catch his breath until you were reduced to a babbling, limp mess that couldn’t even think about how to spell his name correctly.

And then he’s kept you close, pulled you into his chest as if scared you were going to slip away like the sand you probably brought inside the house with those sandals anyway. He’s kissed your forehead, the apples of your cheeks, all while the pads of his fingers were busy drawing lazy, airy figures along the curve of your spine, the very last sensation you remember before falling asleep in an embrace so warm and protective.

He’s made love to you. What’s more, he’s made love to you like nobody else ever has and now there’s no further ignoring it. God knows if you’ll have the strength to walk away from it at all.

“Hi” you wince when his sleepy drawl vibrates against your skin, lips sealing the simple greeting right below your ear. It’s the first time you wake up next to him, the thought is enough to have the rate of your heartbeat spike.

“Hi” you whisper back. His hand traces a smooth pattern along your side, up and down, then it settles right where your ribs reside, thumb grazing the skin gently and feeling the little valleys in between the cartilage.

“How are you feelin’?” he’s still not raising his head, position either too comfortable or simply ideal to give you some extra time to adjust to… everything.

“Good” you murmur but Eren senses your discomfort and can feel the stiffness of your body. So he withdraws his arm and scoots away, retreating to his side and placing his head back on his pillow instead of using you as one. But now you can meet his half-lidded gaze and lazy smile, as charming in the early morning as it is in the middle of the night.

“How are you feeling?” you can’t help but ask in turn, which is weird and formal and draws a low chuckle.

“Never better” although he feels more than better, he feels the luckiest he’s ever been. He feels disgusting and psyched. He feels so in love.

“Great” you clear your throat as you pull the thin sheet further up. Eren keeps looking at you like he’s foolishly trying to map out your features. As if he needs to do that, as if they’re not already burned into his memory.

“Hey” he warns, fingers delicately flicking your forehead “no freaking out before breakfast”

You peer up at him from long lashes.

“I’m not freaking out” of course you are and of course he knows but that won’t stop you from frowning in protest, mockingly distorting his words.

“Sure you aren’t” he smiles to himself and rolls onto his back to rub his eyes with a loud yawn that has you giggling.

“What are you, a blue whale?”

He clicks his tongue, feigning annoyance as he stretches and intentionally avoids your gaze.

“That’s no way to talk to the man who’s about to put together the best breakfast you’ve ever had”

Although Eren doesn’t want to get up at all. He doesn’t need food nor water as long as he gets to have you right there in his bed, as long as he gets to hold on to the hope of having you like this again and again.

“Whatever we’re going to do about this presumption of yours” you hide your smile in his pillow but he simply shrugs, not sparing you a glance as he gets up with a groan and collects some clean underwear from one of his drawers.

He only leaves the room after he’s playfully thrown his shirt at you, softness settling in the corners of his lips as he suggests you take a shower while he carries out his breakfast duty. Your heart swells at the attentiveness of it all, at the space he’s trying so hard to give you in hopes that you feel comfortable enough to catch your breath. Not to run away.

With a long, drawn out sigh, you comply.

The shower feels nice and his shampoo smells so good you don’t mind the absence of your coconut scented one. Of course he also has conditioner, there really is no other explanation for that hair.

As you tiptoe back into his bedroom wrapped in nothing but a skimpy towel, you catch the glorious sound of something sizzling in a pan and it’s enough to bring a smile to your face while you shut the door and rest your back against it for a moment. Your eyes land on Sasha’s yukata, staring back at you from the ground in all its glory. You rush to pick it up and carefully fold it, embarrassment burning your cheeks at how little you’ve cared about not ruining it. Along with the cord and the obi, you let it slip into an empty paper bag big enough to contain it because there’s no way in hell you’re walking home in that.

The shirt Eren has given you is long enough to cover your ass but certainly not enough to step outside without drawing scandalized looks along the way, so you dig into his closet some more and pick a pair of bermuda shorts that will certainly look ridiculous on you but remain the best option currently on hand.

After patting your hair dry with the towel to the best of your abilities, you grab the bag, your phone from his nightstand, and pray to be ready for whatever is coming. The flutter in your chest is not entirely unpleasant, right? There must be a way to make this work. Whatever it is.

It’s love, you goddamn idiot, a voice whispers from inside your dizzy mind. You pay it no mind.

“That was fast” Eren looks at you for just a second before returning his attention to whatever he’s cooking. You catch the smile anyway.

“Smells too good” you leave the bag to rest against the table leg and plop down on a chair. It feels like your seat already, given that he’s placed the mug you usually use right there, filled with coffee to the very brim. When he spins to serve the breakfast he’s prepared, Eren rolls his eyes upon meeting your already skeptical gaze.

“Just try it” he mumbles “I got a different one”

For you.

As you take a tentative sip, you notice everything he’s filled the table with. He’s pushing a portion of french toast in your plate right from the pan and taking a smaller one for himself, but there’s also a separate plate available for all the other options: fried eggs, herb cream cheese, strawberry jam, some honey, toasted bread.

He sits down next to you and meets your amazed gaze only to crack a boyish grin.

“I didn’t know what you liked”

“I’m impressed” you swallow the lump of whatever feeling got caught in your throat along with the coffee and raise the cup to indicate the object of your praise. As if he hasn’t already called all your bluffs.

“I get that a lot” he sticks his tongue out and it’s your turn to fondly roll your eyes.

It’s the first time you taste something he’s cooked and it’s so very painful to find out he’s good at yet another thing.

The intimacy of sharing a quiet, sunny morning at his kitchen table is not as overwhelming as you thought it’d be: he holds the power of making it easy and special just like everything else. You feel eerily at home, suddenly filled with giddy excitement at the prospect of experiencing more of these mornings. At the idea of him welcoming you into his everyday life with such ease, willing to buy expensive coffee if it means you accepting to stay long enough to drink it.

It almost makes you want to say it. As you laugh at the funny story involving one of the students he’s going to teach to in an hour, with your mouth stuffed with french toast and the urge to collect the cream cheese remnants from the corner of his lips with yours, you almost blurt it out.

I love you.

I love your smile and your kindness and how you stay awake for me if the wind blows too hard and I know you wonder if my roof creaks just like yours does. I love your life and your friends and how there’s so much space for everyone in a heart that may as well be as big as your beloved island. I love the touch of your hands and how you kiss me on the way home if no one else’s around and now I wish you could kiss me awake each morning.

“Stop” he playfully throws a crumpled up piece of his napkin at you. It hits you right between your brows.

“What? I’m not doing anything” you throw it back but he dodges it.

“You’re overthinking”

“I’m thinking exactly the right amount”

“Care to let me in so I can decide that?”

You open your mouth to entertain more of the familiar banter you hold so close to your heart but your phone screen lights up and the text you get is enough to capture your attention right away. Your heart drops to your stomach as you read it, the french toast still melting on your tongue now tasting bad enough to draw a pang of pure nausea.

“You okay?” you recognize the sincere worry in his voice, even as he attempts to keep it light.

“Yeah” locking your phone again, you place it face down on the table once more. You don’t think you can stomach a single other bite of food.

“I have to go now, will stop by Sasha’s to bring her yukata back. I borrowed that bag of yours, is that okay?” you’re not looking at him as you get up and he does too, confused.

“Yeah, of course” he follows suit as you quickly grab the bag still resting on the couch and shove your phone in it. Eren doesn’t have the time to enjoy the glorious sight that is you in his clothes, even with those ridiculous shorts everyone will surely be able to recognize as menswear.

But just as he thinks you’re going to leave him without sparing him a single glance, you stop in your tracks right before the door and turn around, the smile on your lips so artificial it makes his stomach churn with a sour feeling that erases all the sweetness that has coated his morning up until this very moment.

“Will you come over, later?”

There’s softness in the way you direct the question to him and he holds on to it for dear life.

“If you want me to” he replies with the same softness and something inside you just melts.

What you have to do is terrible, cruel in its unfairness, but unavoidable. So you should get to bask in a fantasy for a few seconds more, right? You should get to delay his disappointment, to give him a few more hours of peace of mind.

It’s heartbreaking, the way he perks up when you take his hand and bring the chapped knuckles to your lips.

“Of course I want you to” you don’t let go as you rise onto your tiptoes and tilt your head in a silent plea. You wish the relief he exhales right into your mouth could take root in your lungs.

When Eren kisses you, the crackling electricity is still there. But it’s the tenderness that makes your eyes burn, the way he takes your face in his palms and squeezes gently to make sure you’ll be looking at him as he pulls back enough to return your dazed gaze.

“We’ll figure it out” he says it so simply, so genuinely, you’re not sure you can get out of his house before he notices the tears.

You find it in yourself to nod and reach for another peck, because it’s probably going to be your last anyway.

I love you.

It’s that thought that carries you through the day, repeated over and over in your head until your lips follow suit and you’re muttering it like a madwoman.

You let the brief time spent with Sasha soothe your mind and it’s actually fine that she notices the redness of your eyes and the heartache embedded in your blank stare.

“Did he do something to upset you?” sometimes she reminds you of Armin, the attentive way she adapts her energy to match the one of whoever she is with is one of your favorite things about her. Although you’d much prefer a bubbly distraction at the moment.

“No, never” you reply with a small, bitter smile “I’m the one who’s about to do it, actually”

You tell her because she asks and because she’s part of the people you’re gonna have to say goodbye to. Since you’re absolutely not planning to go to the beach, you take your chances and ask her the odds of her breaking the news to everyone else.

“There’s no way in hell” she retorts with a glare so sharp it’s almost funny “they’d think you don’t regard them as friends. Connie would never forgive you”

With a light huff, you deflate against the backrest of her couch. Of course she’s right, they deserve a proper goodbye.

“I’ll come by tomorrow” you capitulate with a weary sigh and Sasha takes one of your hands in hers with a smile that never reaches her usual bright eyes.

“I’ll miss you” she almost whispers it and it takes everything in you not to choke up on your own I’ll miss you too as you squeeze her in the tightest hug you’ve probably ever given to another human being.

The first thing you do when you get home is get changed, his clothes are neatly folded and placed at the end of your bed because you can’t bear the idea of more of his scent clinging to your skin: you’re not even entirely sure the shower was enough to wash it off.

With a certain degree of fatigue, you pull the suitcase out from your closet, the sweltering heat of the room suddenly suffocating and unbearable. Even with the AC turned on, it feels like you can’t breathe.

You tear your clothes from their hangers, snatch them out of your drawers and toss them in your luggage, not even bothering to fold any of them. It’s better to do it today, you’re not sure you’re gonna have the strength to do it tomorrow and you definitely don’t want to spend your last day packing up.

Robert Lowell’s book is placed carefully on top of the chaotic mountain of clothes, it’s a gift you deem special and you’d hate to ruin it.

Connie’s sketch is stored in a plastic folder and you reserve it the same attentiveness as you put it right next to Armin’s book. It’s a stylized portrait of someone who barely looks like you: your eyes do not have that glow in them and your smile most certainly isn’t as bright. You like the overly accentuated features, he has a cool drawing style and it’s still so hard to believe he felt the urge to devote his free time to craft something so unique and meaningful just for you.

The sight of the tourist brochure draws a chuckle and you pick it up from your nightstand to open it and read Jean’s silly inscription for the umpteenth time.

She believed she could so she did: to a summer spent outdoors!

Right underneath, he’s scribbled a list of the best spots to visit, the vast majority of them comprising the forests he spends most of his mornings and afternoons guiding tourists through. You’re gonna miss his teasing smirk and predictable jokes, the way he nonchalantly worms his way into any conversation you’d be having with Sasha just to get a burger out of it.

One day you’re probably going to deem it hilarious, the fact that the brochure is what gets you. Fat, searing tears overflow at last, staining the stupid tank top Eren’s pulled over your head so many times you’ve lost count.

You end up sliding down to the parquet floor, knees to your chest as you sob pathetically, hiccup after hiccup until you’re shaking so bad you have to wrap your own arms around yourself in an attempt to calm down. Phone screen lights up again and you catch the preview of a text from Sasha, one picture attached.

Developing this today, so you can take it with you!

It’s most probably from the previous night, the only group picture you’ve ever taken in two months. If you close your eyes, you can almost feel the familiar weight of Armin’s arm around your shoulders and Connie’s chin resting on your head.

You catch your breath at last, cheeks burning and eyes puffy. Your limbs don’t carry enough energy to do anything else besides booking a one-way ticket, tossing your phone away and crawling onto your still perfectly made bed.

It’s funny, the hollowness your chest tightens around as you shut your eyes: you could swear the exact same spot had been so impossibly full of love and light just a few hours prior. It’s been so easy to get transported into some sort of fantasy world, a perfect reality that didn’t include your actual life at all. But you do have a life you have to get back to and it’s been foolish of you to allow yourself to forget about it. There’s a job offer you cannot afford to refuse because you’re two months behind on your rent, there’s the uncomfortable amount of stuff still waiting to be collected from your ex boyfriend’s house, the now irretrievably shifted dynamics of your friend group you have to navigate. And yet.

In two months you’ve met people that have made this holiday so special. Talking to them has given you the courage of opening yourself to the world like you used to do when you were younger and filled with hope. It felt like stepping into the sun after a long, dark, tiring night.

Who knew you could feel so free, wrapped in foreign embraces and inspired by unfamiliar routines, who knew you could meet someone who’d make you feel so lost and then, suddenly, found. Eren’s made you fall for him little by little, the invisible trickle of a covert fountain concealed by whispered conversations in your bedroom, failed dinners whenever you’d stubbornly insist on not letting him anywhere close to your stove, afternoons spent with your feet buried in the boiling sand in hopes to catch as little as a glance, the fleeting flash of a grin shot your way. He’s made you fall for him gently, the idea of crashing to the ground never once crossing your mind, bones still perfectly intact even at the mercy of his touch.

Eren’s disrupted you while keeping you whole. Even better, perhaps he’s given you an entirely new form. One that adapts easily to life and chases adventures and isn’t afraid of being seen.

You hate the idea of leaving him behind, insides churning at the mere thought of telling him you’re leaving with such short notice. But maybe it’s for the best. Those three words have been left hanging in the air after all, segregated in your minds and engraved in your bodies. You’re content with tricking yourself into believing that it’s a little less real, if you don’t say it. You feel it and perhaps he feels it too, but you’re just in time to nip what it is and whatever it may become right in the bud.

Unsurprisingly, the nap ends up proving to be absolutely useless and you wake up a couple hours later with a throbbing headache and an almost debilitating thirst. The birds outside are chirping mockingly as you lethargically drag yourself out of your bed and out of the room, the mess of clothes, bags and luggages still reigning supreme right in the middle of it clumsily stepped over without so much as a glance.

The living room is filled with corners you can’t look at, although you briefly wonder if the books stacked by the tv will be collected and eventually find a new owner.

After gingerly pouring yourself a glass of cold water, you climb onto the kitchen counter and check your phone. Sasha’s already had the picture developed is what you can guess from the picture of a big envelope she’s sent you a few minutes ago. There’s a flight confirmation email in your inbox and a text from Armin, asking why you’re not at the beach yet.

You actually end up turning the tv on at full volume while you finish packing, taking a break only to down a dry sandwich when the squeezing of your stomach gets impossible to ignore. No more pathetic tears gather along your lashes for the rest of the afternoon, turns out packing your things is a lot easier when you don’t care about how you’re putting them away. All your clothes are probably going to need a heavy ironing session once you’re back in Tokyo, quite the minor inconvenience.

When Eren arrives, he announces his presence as loudly as usual, dragging his saccharine helloooo because it always makes you laugh. He has bags in his hands because he’s once again stopped by the market just in case and is already grumbling about how you never keep your damn door locked when you get up from the couch to greet him.

“You really need to stop filling my fridge with so much food” the good-natured scolding meets the skeptical click of his tongue as he starts pulling out the groceries and piling them up on your table.

“Says the girl who raids said fridge and leaves it empty in the space of one evening”

You huff but Eren cuts you off before you can put together a comeback.

“It’s just some of Kukiko’s fruit and a few snacks”

“You mean those rice cakes, candy corn and ketchup chips you love?”

With a fond roll of the eyes, he finishes emptying the bags and waves a box of chocolate pralines half an inch from your nose. Your gaze flickers to the different products scattered across your table: peaches, figs, your favorite tourist-friendly ice cream and cream filled wafers. There’s just a tiny box of rice cakes.

“I actually wanted to get proper food and cook a nice dinner, you know, because you barely touched my fantastic breakfast” he flashes you a quick smile “but then I thought, I know this great place we’ve never been to and they make an incredible pan-fried salmon”

Eren knows something’s up, he obviously does. But that doesn’t stop him from taking your cheek in his hand to gently tilt your head up and let you meet his painfully hopeful stare.

“Will you let me take you out, tonight?”

Will you let me do this right?

Instead of taking a step back, you place your hand over the back of his to press his palm deeper into your skin. He doesn’t really know at what specific point he starts holding his breath.

“Eren, I’m leaving”

There’s a slight spasm of his lips, one that would’ve probably been imperceptible to a less trained eye.

“I’m aware” there’s a sour harshness in his tone he doesn’t try to bite back “I was hoping we could’ve talked about this later on”

Of course he knows you’re leaving. Still, the fact that this is the first thing you deem reasonable to bring up after the previous night, after that morning, is hurtful. Hell, he isn’t even allowed a full day of timeout from reality? Are you really that eager to remind him?

You press his palm a little harder.

“In two days”

The silence that settles over the small room is loud enough to make your ears ring, cheek brutally left cold as if your skin has suddenly turned scorching.

“What?” he attempts an incredulous smile “what d’you mean in two days? You said you’d leave in September, it’s barely August”

You take a quivering breath, forcing yourself not to lower your gaze.

“Something came up. I’ve been offered a job I really need and they want me in Tokyo by the end of this week, I really didn’t plan for it to—”

“Did you know?” he interrupts you with an aggressiveness you don’t recognize “this morning, as you were leaving, did you know?”

“Yes” you swallow the painful lump constricting your throat. He lets out a bitter laugh, one hand running through his hair in disbelief.

“Did you know last night, too? Before we fucked, I mean. That’s all it was to you anyway” he storms past you and before you can even think of stopping him, he’s pushed the door to your bedroom open. The sight of your packed up luggage makes him want to throw up on the spot.

It’d be so easy to indulge his version, allow it to gain consistency and distance yourself from whatever it is you’re both feeling. But you can’t bear the thought of betraying him twice, you decide you can’t carry the weight of a lie so big so you let it melt on your tongue.

“You know that’s not true” it’s pathetic, really, the strangled way words leave your mouth. Eren chuckles again, a sound so empty and dull compared to his real laugh. It breaks your heart, it makes you feel as if something’s clawing at your chest from the inside.

“What was it, then?” he challenges, it only takes two very angry, wide strides and he’s towering over you again “you can’t even say it”

“What good would that do?!” it’s unfair, it’s really fucking unfair that he’s handling the whole situation as if it’s hurting him more than it’s hurting you “what if I say it, then what? This entire thing was bound to end anyway! Even if I stayed, how do you know we wouldn’t end up going our separate ways in a month anyway?” so long for keeping tears at bay, you think as you angrily wipe your cheeks until they burn from the unforgiving friction.

“Fucking hell” Eren shakes his head with another mocking smile that makes your blood boil.

“What? Look at us, you’re already second-guessing everything about me!” you push past him and toward your couch, just to have something to lean against because your legs feel wobbly “acting like you’re the only one affected by this bullshit situation” words don’t come out as harsh as you’d like, dying in your throat instead as you fail to hold back a sob.

Eren stays by the sink with that irritating condescension he just couldn’t fucking spare you. As if you’re not shattered already, wondering how you’ll be able to put the pieces back together once more now that the edges are rougher and different and will probably never match each other again.

“You can’t do this. You can’t make me fall for you and then leave” he spits the last word like it’s venom and it actually burns on his lips. Eren’s never actually planned to ask you to stay, he never thought he’d be selfish enough. Turns out he was wrong all along.

When he says it, you can’t help the way your head lifts in surprise. He’s said it and there’s really no turning back now, no place to hide or run away to. It’s all over him, the disappointment you feel so responsible for, it’s in the way his fists seem to shake and in the sharp edge of his tight jaw. It’s in the way his eyes lack their usual spirit as they look back at you.

“That’s right” he mistakes the shock on your face for dread and allows for another smile to split across his face, nothing but a cruel mask distorting his features “bet that’s the worst fucking thing you ever heard, huh?”

It is. Because now your heart can’t stop its swelling and the flutter in your chest feels suffocating. It is, because somehow he’s fallen for you the same way you’ve fallen for him and if he’s experiencing half the sorrow currently knocking the wind out of your lungs, perhaps you should find it in yourself to be gentler.

“I’m sorry” you whisper it quietly, with a slight shrug and fresh tears staining your cheeks “I’m not doing any of this to hurt you. I wish I could decide to stay, just like that, but I don’t have a job and I’m behind on rent and, fuck, I think even the only coat I own is still at my ex’s house and…”

“What are we?” he interrupts you once more but there’s no aggressiveness this time. He’s quiet as he steps closer but you don’t dare look him in the eyes, choosing to focus on the milk white carpet beneath your feet instead. However, Eren’s not having any of it. With new found, blind obstinacy, he gets close enough to gently grip your chin and demand your attention. You’re a terrible liar and, by now, he knows all too well where to look for a lie in your stare.

“Tell me” he lowers his voice almost in a plea and the lump in your throat only grows in size when you catch the redness framing his eyes. 

“We’re friends” you whisper “before anything else. I hope we’re friends”

His grip on your chin tightens.

“What else?”

“Eren—”

“I’m in love with you” he sighs, in disbelief at how easy it’s been to pronounce the words out loud at last, a familiar albeit pained smile finally making its way to his lips as he lets you go “am I really that bad of a contender?”

But he lets go of your chin only to take your face in his hands right as new tears start rolling down your cheeks, unfazed by how useless it is for his thumbs to try and wipe them away. That’s finally him, embedded in the tenderness he holds you with.

“I want this” he mutters “I want you and yes, that may go away some day but you’re letting it go away now. You’re not even willing to try”

It takes so much effort to find it in yourself to gently grab his wrists and pull his hands down.

“You’re asking me to give up my entire life. Sometimes love isn’t enough, Eren, sometimes someone has to be an adult and do the right thing even if it shatters them”

“I’m guessing you’re the adult in this scenario whilst I’m being what, the irrational brat?”

“Stop putting words into my mouth” you tiredly wipe your cheeks again, so exhausted you can barely take another shaky breath in “you want me to stay. I can’t do that, even if I fucking hate that I can’t. You think you’re the only one with a broken heart in the scenario, as you called it, so feel free to turn this into another sad story you’re gonna recall with the next tourist girl you sweep off her feet”

Eren thinks a raw slap would’ve hurt less. He looks at you like you’re someone he can’t recognize and finally takes a step back with a slight nod of his head, acceptance slowly setting over his features.

A beat passes, one where the only sound filling the room is your accelerated breath.

“You never asked if I’d come with you”

And just like that, something slams against your ribcage but it couldn’t be your heart because you're certain it has stopped beating.

“You’d never do it” your tongue suddenly feels swollen in your mouth, too big and heavy to assist you in properly articulating a sentence “I know you’d never do it. You always say you can’t imagine yourself anywhere else” desperation gets the best of you and your pitch turns squeaky. Eren smiles another one of his sad smiles, the ones you’ve met today for the first time and are sure will haunt you in your dreams.

“Have you ever even thought of asking?”

For a few seconds, you believe those are going to be his last words to you. That is until he turns around by the front door, just a second, maybe to take a look at you for the very last time. That’s the real breaking point for whatever is left in your chest.

“Don’t expect me to be around to say goodbye, tomorrow”

A fragment of time is all it takes for him to be out, all signs of him having ever been there at all still scattered across your kitchen table. 

The AC system of Armin’s car is currently not working and you only find out once you’re seated in a boiling passenger seat. He chuckles when you turn to look at him in pure horror.

“You wouldn’t have let me take you if I’d told you. It already took me two hours of convincing as it is” he reaches across you to roll down the window, the hint of a guilty blush tinting the tips of his ears. His hair is lighter now than it was in the early summer and the flush of his cheeks is harder to detect now that his skin is tanned.

“I could’ve taken the bus” you rest your back against your seat with a light frown: the parts of your skin that are not covered by your thin tank top stick to the scalding leather right away.

“I know” he offers a soft smile “but I really wanted to do this”

Armin hated the idea of you having to go alone much like everyone else but he was the only one free enough to have a few hours to spare that morning. Sasha insisted on letting Niccolo handle the cafe for the day but she doesn’t own a car and the backseat of Armin’s Ford Fiesta is already taken up by your luggage and backpack. You resisted up until the very end, stubbornly insisting on being perfectly capable of reaching the airport on your own, mumbling some nonsense about not wanting to be a bother until Armin had raised a hand, resolute.

So I don’t even get to give my friend a ride?

Connie was the only one to laugh at the tears rapidly collecting in your eyes but it was a sweet, accomodating sound at odds with his usual exuberant cackle. Even he found it funny and kinda concerning that you still couldn’t grow accustomed to being considered their friend.

“Thank you” you return his smile and Armin nodds, giving your shoulder a light squeeze before he starts the car.

The small vacation rental that has welcomed and taken care of you for more than two months shrinks and then disappears in the rear view mirror, the morning sun bouncing off the scraped off exterior you’ve grown fond of.

You now recognize the small streets, alleys and shops you pass by, going as far as to lean out of the window to check if Masaru-san, who always treats you to an extra muffin on the mornings you drop by to buy his fresh bread, is having a smoke outside his bakery.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Armin’s gentle voice draws you back into the boiling car.

“Sure”

He shoots you a quick glance.

“Have you at least told him that you love him?”

You suck a sharp breath in, caught entirely off guard. There was never a direct agreement of not mentioning The Topic during the one-hour drive but, given how considerate Armin always is, silly you kinda thought that’d be implied.

“I know it’s none of my business” he quickly adds because of course he can’t help himself “but I haven’t heard from him in two days and I’m kinda hoping he at least has that to hold on to”

“You haven’t heard from him in two days?” it made sense for him not to be at the beach when you dropped by to say your goodbyes, you never expected for him to show up anywhere else until he could be sure you’d be sitting on that plane but to disappear off the face of the earth? Not even talking to his friends?

“No. To be completely honest, we’re worried. He’s never done this before” Armin keeps looking ahead of him, tone oddly flat as if he’s having a conversation about the most casual topic.

“We had a fight” you mutter “didn’t exactly say goodbye on great terms. He’ll come around”

“That doesn’t exactly answer my question”

It’s not like him to be so pushy and you suddenly feel like the heat is too suffocating, the vehicle too small, your lungs too rigid.

“No” you clear your throat “but he knows”

There’s no point in denying or feeling embarrassed about it. You’re positive everyone knows anyway.

Armin hums, seemingly pensive, but doesn’t say anything. Your neck itches and the pads of your fingers start tingling.

“What?”

“Nothing”

“Armin, just tell me”

For fuck’s sake—

“S’just that Eren can be really dense. I bet he’s convinced this was nothing more than a summer fling for you”

That’s not true, he’s one of the smartest people you’ve ever met. Well, when it came to most things anyway.

“He knows” you insist, heart rate spiking for reasons not entirely clear. Armin shrugs.

“If you say so”

A beat passes, silence stretching past a comfortable interval.

“What if he doesn’t?” you challenge, exasperated “even better, he’ll get over it sooner!”

Armin lowers his head slightly, hands sliding to the sides of the steering wheel.

“He’s in pain” it’s not an accusation, just a mere observation. And yet it hurts all the same.

“I am too” why is it so easy for everyone to forget that?

Little do you know, Armin is perfectly aware. Everyone is aware. You’re wearing that pain on your disheveled hair and the bags under your eyes, it’s embedded in your dull tone and in how easy it now is for any word to draw tears.

It’s not like him to get involved in someone else’s life, especially when the situation is so raw and delicate but not even him is willing to just sit and watch two people mutually agreeing to ruin each other and leave it at that. It may not be his place but he’s prepared to dismiss his usual reluctance.

“I know” he’s driving way too slow for someone who’s supposed to rush you to the airport but you’re too distracted to notice “sorry, that was insensitive of me. You’re right, it’s for the best, he’ll come around soon enough”

You don’t say anything back, attention harshly grabbed by the view behind him. The sun is high already and reflects in the sparkling ocean you’ve grown so fond of. The sussuration of the waves lashing the shore doesn’t quite reach you but if you close your eyes and concentrate, you’re almost able to taste their pungent, salty smell.

Will Jean have some time to bring his surfboard to the beach in the afternoon, after a morning of work? Is the cafe as packed as it always is in the mornings, the usual mob of tourists forcing Sasha and Niccolo in an exhausting frenzy? Which table has Connie decided to bend over to try and finish that comic of his? Are his fingers stained with ink or did he go for the digital alternative today?

What is he doing? Can he afford to just disappear, neglect the surfing lessons?

You remember seeing Eren for the first time, running around by the shore accompanied by Jean with that charming smirk of his, occasionally asking strangers to join a volleyball match if they were short on players. You remember thinking wow, that’s a person that probably has it easy. He seems happy, is attractive enough to pull pretty much anyone. He sounded friendly and was literally smiling every single time you’d catch a glimpse of him, day after day, never short on energy. And then, you’re still not sure why or how, his eyes had actually found yours once, twice, then often enough for you to decide to do something about it.  

You still see it all in your head, painfully vivid and oh so alive. It comes in unforgiving flashbacks, from the first time he took your hand in his to the way you fell asleep in his arms less than three nights ago. And now you’re going away and what if Armin is right? What if he doesn’t even know?

“Stop the car” you murmur, mind not even quite catching up with your mouth yet.

Armin glances at you.

“What?”

“Stop the car for a second” you can barely stop yourself from slamming the brakes firsthand, hand brought to the column of your throat in a silly attempt to calm down. He quickly but safely pulls over, the car coming to a full halt when he turns off the engine entirely.

The first time you drew a sincere laugh, the first hushed conversation you shared on a humid evening.

I’m in love with you. Am I really that bad of a contender?

“You okay?” Armin is now only slightly worried he’s gone too far as he takes in the way your chest is heaving.

Have you ever even thought of asking?

“Hey—” you unfasten your seatbelt and escape his touch, quite literally throwing yourself out of the car only to slam the door and lean against it. Armin gets out as well and rapidly walks around the vehicle to check on you.

“What’s wrong? I have water, d’you want water?” if you weren’t so out of breath, you’d find his panic amusing.

“I’m fine. Sorry, just… give me a sec” the smile you offer him is probably more of a grimace but he’s too kind to point that out anyway.

Armin tries to give you the space to calm down but judging by the beads of cold sweat forming on your forehead, the process isn’t exactly going well. He feels guilty, mainly because his entire strategy has tragically backfired and he is on the literal verge of profusely apologizing until you meet his concerned gaze with heartbreaking despair.

“You think I should go to him?” your voice trembles and it takes everything in him to hold back the biggest smile.

“With some urgency” he quips immediately, motioning toward the car. He’s been dying to drive you there the entire morning.

You take a step forward, allowing him to open the door for you but make no move to actually step in again.

“C’mon!” he’s openly smiling now.

A beat passes, you shoot the car a quick glance and then return his smile.

“Keep an eye on my suitcase, will you?”

And then you’re just gone, sprinting in the opposite direction, dangerously close to passing cars and absolutely deaf to whatever Armin is yelling from behind you.

Incredibly, your legs carry you across the entire main street and your exceptionally keen senses assist you in dodging bikes and pedestrians and you think you may have accidentally run past Connie on the sidewalk at some point because you recognize a familiar go get him! already fading in the distance as you race until your lungs feel a second away from exploding.

The strappy sandals you’re wearing are absolutely inadequate for the marathon you’re running underneath the scorching sun and people look at you funny when you melt against the stand of a greengrocer to catch your breath. Nevertheless, with a hand pressing to a chest that’s never felt as tight, you’re soon on your way again, lips stretched into a frenzied smile and heart beating fast from both the physical effort and your favorite kind of anticipation. The idea of seeing him again gets your blood pumping, every other care or issue or flight disappears, literally fades to nothing in comparison to what you’re feeling at the thought of being in his arms again.

And yet you falter once you’re at his door, one palm resting against it and throat burning with every breath you attempt to take in, sweat dripping from your chin and running down your back. You’re far from having a plan or a solution to offer, the only thing you’re currently certain of is that you’re not gonna board that plane today. The rest, you can figure out together.

It takes some persistance and a certain number of violent knocks, your nuckles are burning by the time he yanks the door open.

“Jean, I swear to god if this is you again—” Eren freezes when he sees you awkwardly standing on the doorstep, phone trapped between his cheek and shoulder as he was clearly in the process of tying his hair back.

“Hey” you smile but then frown, puzzled “wait, who are you talking to?”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again.

“Thank fuck, talk to you later, bye!” a familiar voice chirps on the other line and you shut your eyes for a second because how could you fall for the oldest trick in the book? Haven’t heard from him in two days your ass.

“What are you doing here?” his guard is very much up and by the look of those dark circles you can only guess he’s slept just as much as you in the last two days.

“Uh, so, really funny story” you chuckle, painfully aware of your racing pulse and ragged breaths “Armin was driving me to the airport and we got to the seafront and he started talkin’ about you not knowing that I love you and stuff, which would be absurd because I’m sure you’re pretty much aware even if I never actually said it” you pause to clear your throat and take a hand to the currently cramping side of your waist “anyway, he said you’re dense and he was worried because they haven't heard from you in two days which, I now realize was a blatant lie but the point is, I started thinking about you and how much I hated our fight and the idea of getting on that plane because, well, I’m in love with you, disgustingly so actually, and I’m sure I’ll find another job and my landlord will understand and I was kinda hoping we could have more time to figure things out so maybe I could stay a little longer? If you still want me” you finish what’s probably the most awful, embarrassing, pathetic speech in recorded history with a coughing fit, throat basically occluded by sand. Perhaps you should’ve accepted Armin’s water before deciding to run almost two miles in a 95 °F weather.

Eren’s blank stare is far from encouraging and the more the silence stretches, the less you think it was a good idea to barge in there unannounced. But right as you take a tentative step back, apology already taking shape on the tip of your tongue, he reaches over with lighting speed to grab your wrist and quite literally slams your body against his, trapping you in a suffocating embrace.

“If I still want you?” he pokes fun at your words, distorts them with open incredulity “you’re so stupid”

“Eren, stop, I’m so sweaty right now!” your voice barely comes out, muffled by the fabric of his shirt. He only squeezes you tighter against him, lips pressing to the crown of your head.

“Say it again”

You are finally allowed to wiggle your way out of his arms but he keeps you in place, rough palms trapping your cheeks and puckering your lips. God, those eyes. How could you have believed you’d be able to leave them so easily?

“M’really fucking sweaty at the moment”

Eren smiles, pressing his palms harder, until your lips part.

“Not that” he’s willing to be patient now, because you have just granted him the only thing that makes him feel whole again. Time.

“Mmph—” you try to loosen his grip but he only raises his eyebrows expectantly, amused by your useless attempt “m’in lovewithyou?”

Just like that, his smile turns into one of those bright grins you adore but can barely return at the moment.

“Damn right” Eren meets your lips like that, pressing on your mouth firmly until he finally loosens his grip and you have some room to return his rough kiss right as he clumsily drags you inside and catches you when you trip on the cursed umbrella container he keeps by the door. You taste salty, just like the ocean, and he licks into your mouth with the softest groan when you lightly tug at the curling strands at the base of his nape.

“Let me hear it again” he mutters but how are you supposed to collect the required air in your lungs if he refuses to stop kissing you stupid?

Through the dazed state of your mind, you manage to whisper the words into his mouth at last.

“I love you” again and again and again, until your love and his violent adoration is all he can feel in every crevice of his body, in each jolt of the electricity buzzing through his veins.

But then Eren breaks the kiss so abruptly you lose your balance and awkwardly stumble forward, your brows knitting as he starts laughing so hard he has to rest his forehead on the curve of your shoulder, hot breath tickling your neck while he giggles so hard you’re both shaking.

“What?” as it always happens, you can’t hold back a confused smile yourself.

Still barely able to contain the fit of laughter, eyes crinkling adorably at the corners, Eren straightens up to meet your gaze.

“I had just booked a flight to Tokyo”

[screamingcrows]

How about "it does look like a very comfortable bed"? >:)

Listen. I saw your name in my askbox and got the worst idea ever so I'm doing that, I am slightly sorry. You're getting two prompts in one with your hate guy💀

"You forgot to pack a bedroll? Zandik, look me in the eyes and explain how that happens."

"We forgot to pack a bedroll. You insisted we pack together to minimise carrying unnecessary doublets," his voice was infuriating, the exasperated tone making you wan't to break his stupid nose.

It was dark in the forest, your campfire the only thing keeping the night at bay, and you were at least hours away from the nearest place that could possibly have lodging. And he dared to turn this on you?

Whatever. He could sleep on the ground for all you cared. You made quick work of laying out the bedroll, ignoring his attempt at piercing you with his stare.

"Aren't you forgetting something? I'm the one who carried that around all day," the slow drawl made it abundantly clear what his point was.

"Don't forget who offered to do that," your voice was clipped, it was much too late to be arguing with him like this.

"And you thought that was purely altruistic?"

Even in the dim light, you could still see that annoyingly confident smirk, frustratingly pretty eyes ablaze in the darkness. They always been brighter than the stars above, holding intricacies unrivaled by the constellations dotting the sky. Not that you'd ever let him know.

"I've been a good influence on you. Now shut up, I wan't to sleep."

It was difficult not to smile when the sound of his amused snort reached your ears, a sound reserved for your company only. Sticking your legs into the bedroll felt good, legs aching after hiking around Devantaka all day.

"Someone enjoying themselves? It does look like a very comfortable bedroll. Now move over, the ground is getting cold," confidence permeated his words, always so sure you'd oblige.

"What? No, you're sleeping on the ground. You've wanted to be in charge all day, a good leader takes responsibility when things go wrong."

You turned your back to him, wanting to dissuade further discourse. That just made you all the more tense when he was suddenly getting in behind you, legs sliding against yours. Instinctively, you writhed, trying to kick back at him, only to be met with his hand pressing your hip forward to pin you on your stomach, face squished awkwardly against the bedding while he laid down.

"And a good subordinate doesn't complain when an order is given," the amusement in his voice was clear, he'd always enjoyed provoking you, but it was his next words, clearly mumbled to himself that truly caught you unaware, "besides, it's not like we haven't slept together before."

"What?"

"What?"

"Zandik what the hell did you say?!"

Get your own one bed request here

[simpforpeterp]

lucifer morningstar x reader

CHIP ON MY SHOULDER

summary: based on the song with the same name from legally blonde the musical. the reader, an angel, driven by love, follows their partner into hell, only to face betrayal and mockery. they then encounter a mysterious and charismatic man who offers surprising insights and advice.

warnings: not necessarily a warning but gender neutral reader, no use of y/n. also the partner is gender neutral and described with they/them pronouns. use of the word pretty to describe reader.

word count: 1.03k

"How did it come to this? All I wanted was to be with them, to follow them, to be by their side. And now... I'm here." You mumble under your breath, kicking brimstone as you walk.

You walk over and sit on a broken bench, your wings are tattered and dirty. As you look up at the dark sky, you begin feeling the weight of your choices. Following someone you loved all the way down to Hell was stupid. You were blinded by how they made you feel, you followed them as they fell from Heaven despite being in good standing up there.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? An angel far from home?" A man steps out in front of you, stopping his walk.

"Look, man, whatever gross things you have to say about me being an angel, I've heard it all today. So just...forget it." You cross your arms.

"I wasn't gonna say anything gross. It's just...you- uh, look out of place. To say the very least," He tries and you finally look up to see him. He's not very tall, he's very pale but he has this nice blonde hair that keeps you looking at him. "May I sit down?"

"Go for it. It's not like I'm...high priestess of where people sit in Hell." You say tiredly.

"New here?" He asks.

"I guess. Not really. I'm not...I'm not one of you people, I'm not meant to be down here." You tell him.

"If you're in denial, that's fine but at least-"

"No, really! I didn't fall, I'm on a shitty visit," You insist. "And I know, I just said a bad word, whoop-dee-frickin'-doo."

"Why would you ever want to visit here?" He laughs.

"Love."

"What?" He turns his attention to you.

"I followed where love led me and it apparently brought me to my very own personal circle of Hell," You play with your fingers as you look ahead. "And I made a big show of it too, coming down here. Now I have to go home, hat in hand. I wish I were dead at this point."

"You've gotta be more specific, babe." He sighs.

"I came down here because my dumbass partner broke too many rules and started saying these crazy things! So, of course, I'm an idiot and I follow them down here. Instead of the tragic love story I thought I was gonna get, they go and make friends instantly and turn into a completely different person. And here I am, just someone they mock with their friends. I wanted a Greek tragedy and got...whatever the opposite is."

"Did you seriously come down here to follow 'love' of all things?" He laughs before clearing his throat and covering his mouth.

"Oh, what got you here?" You wave it off.

"I'm an angel too," He sighs and you immediately turn to face him. "I was an angel."

"But you look so different."

"I've been down here for a while."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I had this idea they didn't like about rehabilitating sinners to bring them to Heaven. I was young and I was dumb and instead of persisting and trying to convince them, I got mad and slept with a human. And then I did it again. But then I fell in love with the first human and we got sent here together. We're not together anymore, messy divorce. So I'm not a big fan of love. Love is what got me here, alone and unfulfilled. I loved her more than anything, she gave me my daughter. But this place changed her for the worst and she left both of us. I wouldn't trust love for anything."

"I'm sorry but that's highly negative. Just because you have some kind of chip on your shoulder about how love hasn't worked out for you in the past doesn't mean it can't in the future. And you didn't think you'd go down the same path as Lucifer after doing the same thing? They practically have street signs up there that say not to sleep with humans." You laugh.

"Do you even know what Lucifer looks like?" He smirks.

"No, they have no pictures up there. Why?" You laugh.

"Hold on, I've got a picture," He sighs as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out something you can't quite see fully. "This is one of him sitting with some weirdo on a bench."

Before you can fully process what he just said, he scoots the slightest bit closer, showing you a mirror with the two of you sitting together on full display.

"Oh my-" You choke, falling backwards and almost slipping off of the broken bench.

"You know, people down here aren't usually real with me because I'm King but this was a nice talk. A breath of fresh air," He smirks before standing up. "And just a warning, these people are really awful, I'm sure you haven't even met the worst of the worst. If I were you, I'd just go home and sacrifice your pride. Actually, no I wouldn't. But you probably should. That asshole who left you is an idiot; an angel as charming and steadfast as you should be cherished. This was fun."

"Wait!" You say as you lift yourself to stand beside him. "How did you...how did you get used to it down here? In case I don't feel like swallowing my pride."

"Love." He chuckles.

"Oh, you're an asshole," You point a finger at him before laughing. "I like you, Your Highness."

"Haven't heard that in a while. And drop the formalities, you've insulted me too much to not be on a first-name basis." He jokes.

"Alright, Lucifer," You say, a hint of a smile forming. "Thank you for your advice or lack thereof. I think I'll stay a while longer."

"One thing I will say is, that chip on your shoulder can be your greatest ally. Let it drive you to be stronger, and fiercer. In Hell, that's the only way to survive. Especially for an angel as resilient and honestly, as pretty as you are."

[iggy5055]

Yandere Emperor Darth Vader x Reader Part 2

Suites Vader. Vader uncrispy.

Summary: (Y/N) walks up feeling different but she can't figure out why while Vader gets her to their new home safe and sound.

Warning: depressing, memory manipulation, yandere, obsessive.

Word count; 10k

Waking up felt fuzzy, my eyelids heavier than I have ever felt them. Parts of my mind in a thick, dense fog. I felt a deep pressure in my heart and at the back of my mind, not physically but some kind of almost ominous emotional pressure like parts of my very soul had gone missing.

I reach my hand up to my face to try and rub the sleep from my heavy eyes, only to redirect them to the side of my head so I could massage my temples, once realizing I had the worst headache in my life. 

But in the effort to alleviate my headache I find I can't fully reach up to my head. I became very aware of two very sturdy, strong arms wrapped tightly around my stomach and an equally strong body pressed to my back. However, despite the restricting arms and rock hard chest that was tightly pressed against my back I didn't feel scared. I felt safe, calm, happy and really really comfortable aside from the splitting headache. 

I look around looking for any hint in my surroundings that would help me remember where I was and how I got here, my eyes still  a little blurry from sleep. I don't think I've ever slept so hard in my life. 

I was in a bed, that much was obvious, a huge: very soft bed. I was facing a window that nearly took up the entire expanse of the wall. It was also very clear I was in space, only an idiot would think they were still on solid land with this view, but instead of seeing little white dots of the twinkling stars I saw blue lines moving past us, it was like I was in the middle of a meteor shower, but if I was I imagine I would be hearing the banging of the meteors hitting the ship. I couldn't help but stare out into the stars, memorized by the beauty of it all. I had never seen anything like this. The moving stars bathing the room in a soft yet strong blue. It was a strong contrast to the red, black and gold of the room itself. 

I looked over to what I assumed was the refresher door, and beside it a fireplace. I had to crane my neck to see it, which did nothing for my headache, the arms around me not giving any space to really move. holding me still like a prisoner in chains. There was a fireplace built into the wall facing the foot of the bed that was lit, letting off a warm glow as it filled the room with a comforting heat. The light from the fire meeting the blue light from outside meeting making It look like the most beautiful sunset in the galaxy. It was an odd mix of colors but it was gorgeous nonetheless. 

I tried to get up slowly so as not to wake the mystery stranger behind me only for the arms encasing me to tighten, but regardless of the arms I fell back immediately. My head felt as if it was struck by lightning when I tried to sit up. The sharp pain moving my hands for me before I could truly register the full force of the pain. Both my hands shoot up with such force that the arms around me are forced to loosen enough to actually hold my head in my palms.

I couldn't hold back the whimper that forced its way up my throat, the pain being much worse now than when I first woke up. I felt the arms around me shift, but I didn't pay much mind to it, almost not even noticing it until a hand reached up and placed itself on my forehead, forcing me to lean my head back into the strong chest of the person behind me. In any other situation I would be terrified but between sky splitting pain in my skull and the oddly soothing atmosphere I couldn't seem to form a solid thought.

The hand was nice and warm but slightly callused from what must have been years of training and hard work, but nonetheless comforting.

"How are you feeling, little one?"

The man's voice was concerned yet calm but I still froze, my eyes shooting open finally remembering who I was with. The voice whispered in my ear ominously familiar, suddenly remembering that the Emperor had taken me onto his ship, but for the life of me I couldn't remember details. Just that he came to my small little planet and then I was on his ship only to pass out sometime while looking up at him as he carried me aboard. On one hand I was relieved to finally remember some details but along with the rush of memories also came a fresh wave of horrible pain.

It seemed strange, I remember feeling terrified but also very safe, but I don't remember anything else.

I didn't say anything, I didn't even know what to say, my tongue frozen in my mouth. I had to take a second to remember what the Emperor just asked me, Still a little shocked that it was the Emperor holding me to his bare chest. But after a while of silence he seemed to get impatient.

"Little one?"

His tone was a little harder this time but it wasn't angry, more like making sure he was heard. But either way he was still clearly wanting an answer. But one thing was clear, in his patience to receive an answer, he sounded almost, worried?

"M-My head... it h-hurts." 

I felt him shuffle behind me, his comforting hand leaving my forehead as his other hand slips out from under my waist. He moved around but I didn't turn to look at him, not wanting to hurt my head by moving anymore and in all honesty being too scared to look at him right now. 

I mean I was with the fucking Emperor. Not only that but I was complaining about a headache to the Emperor but for the life of me I didn't know what else to say. Besides what could I possibly have to say in response to an Emperor.

I felt the bed shift once he got up off the bed and heard footsteps walk around the bed and over to me. I keep my eyes open but don't dare look up at him, keeping my eyes on the farthest corner of the window and the strange blue lines. He kneels down, giving me a good look at his shirtless body from the corner of my eye making my cheeks warm at the sight of him. He was clearly strong, muscles decorating his body for years of training and work.

Once he is on his knee he tilts his head slightly to the side, forcing his face into my line of sight, finally I turn my eyes to look at him directly. His face was hard and chiseled but his expression was soft but still a hint of concern in his eyes.

He reaches his left hand up lightly, placing it on the side of my head, rubbing his thumb softly on my temple. Even though his touch was light as a feather it still hurt. I flinched a little, the touch making the painful pressure and throbbing in my temples only getting worse.

I whined a little both at the contact and my reaction, the flinching moving my head a little too much, trying to move back into the bed, snuggling into the pillow and pulling the blanket over my head. Only revealing the top of my hair trying to hide from the physical contact. Childish as it was.

I could hear him chuckle for a second, but only for a second. I heard him get up as I regret my decision to snuggle into the bed, the movement hurting my head even more. The constant pain caused my eyes to water. My eyes burned as I did my best not to cry.

He shuffled around but I didn't bother looking or paying any kind of attention to him just keeping my eyes closed tightly like the tighter I keep my eyes shut the faster the pain will leave. If only.

I heard a door opening and closing followed by silence.

Finally I let out a loud sob. I didn't want the Emperor to see me cry but he wasn't here right now and I didnt know what else I could do. Especially because I had a huge gap in my memory. I felt like an incomplete puzzle, and that scared me.

_________________________

I couldn't help the scowl that made its way onto my face. I should have been able to wake up before her, already having food waiting for her and pills for when she was done eating. I checked the time, it was 10:24 and she didn't eat supper last night, she must be beyond starving. 

The headache was clearly worse than I thought. I was a fool to think it wouldn't feel like her head was spitting in two. I was fully in her mind and she didn't even seem to notice a thing. Which made sense, all I could feel was a pain like she had never felt before. My poor little one. Even with her memories blocked off she was still so scared and confused. It made sense of course, she had a huge gap in her memory. She knew she met me but she didn't know how she got here. When I explain, I'll have to figure out some kind of story. 

All she knew was that she saw me in that poor excuse of a port but after that there was nothing until I was carrying her onto the ship and put her to sleep with the force. But of course I can only do so much, I can't do anything about her emotions.

I walk over to the kitchen. I couldn't wait to get back to Coruscant, having our own rooms, kitchen, and library. Not being stuck in a stuffy ship. I couldn't wait to show her the garden. Considering the forest covering most of her planet I imagine she'll love it. It will be much better once I get her out of that stuffy room, but I imagine meeting new people isn't in her best interest right now. The first step is for her to trust me. Culture shock isn't what she needs. 

Getting to the kitchen I open the doors and freeze at what I saw, my vision turning completely red. 

I had given orders to have all meals prepped by specific times during the day for me and my little (Y/N) and to be on call for any other foods and snacks she may need at any time. But instead of having food completely prepared and ready for me to take to my hurting love despite being past time for breakfast it should be ready almost three hours ago. Instead, I find my chefs lazing about doing nothing. No food, no prepped food, not even anyone getting ready to cook just standing around and chatting. 

The second I comprehend what was really in front of me I stretched out with the force at the speed of light. The whole room froze. Every chef, every sous chef and every dishwasher froze. The room went silent. They all slowly turned, partly from fear and partly from my heavy force signature surrounding them. Their eyes were as wide as saucers, very clearly scared but also very shocked, but not because I was there. Only then did I realize I didn't have my armor on. 

I immediately got even more annoyed. The armor was heavy and clunky and very strong but the main reason I wore it was because of the fear it brought others. It made me seem inhuman. Covering me head to toe. Never having it off made me seem inhuman. Last night they had already left but the food was ready as it should be. I just had to heat it up and take it to her so they had never seen me like this. 

I did take solace in the fact that I could still kill them and it is impossible for them to know me as Anakin Skywalker, it was convenient being faceless and only known as the Emperor or Lord Vader, but now the name had a face. I'll have to kill them before the news spreads but right now my little one is alone, hungry and in pain and she is my highest priority. Besides who else would cook for us until we reached our destination. They will live. For now, but not without consequences.

Slowly I move closer, almost at a stalking pace, like a wolf hunting its prey. No one dared to move after they turned to face me. Eyes wide and mouth slightly opened. 

"Explain."

My voice was clipped and harsh. I stared down at the head chef, waiting for him to reply. 

He couldn't move. I wasn't using the force on him but it was heavy in the air. I would bet he was even having some trouble breathing. Sweat was dripping from him, frozen like a deer in headlights.

I was beginning to lose my patience, my little one was still in our room all alone in pain with no food and now she won't be getting food for at least a half hour. I knew he heard me. I was very clear, not only that but I was right in front of the incompetent fool I call my chef. Though I should say soon to be former chef. 

I raise my hand forming a pincer shape with my fingers as it goes, the chef rising with it. Now clawing at his neck only to find nothing grab-able there. 

"I don't like repeating myself but I will ask once more. Explain."

I loosen my hold on his neck with the force, letting his feet touch the floor once again but I still had a good grip on his neck not choking him but still causing a bit of discomfort but now he could explain himself. 

"I-I-- Who---?"

I almost rolled my eyes, he really could figure out who I was? He truly was incompetent. 

I squeeze his neck harder.

"Try to guess."

I didn't want to play games, it only wasted my time and dragged out my love's pain but right now scaring him to death seemed like the most appealing option.

His eyes were wide as he gasped, nearly bulging out of his head. I wasn't preventing his breathing completely, but I was still only allowing him little tiny breaths every now and then. I find this makes the suffocation worse. It lets them hope for just a moment that I would stop and they would be able to take in a solid, only for the hope to disappear as quickly as it came. 

His sclera began to turn red as his eyes became bloodshot. The chef had very vibrant green eyes; the blood red was a strong contrast as his face suddenly pales. 

"M-my Lo-lord?!"

I tilt my head slightly as the grin of a killer stretches across my face. 

"You know why I am here?'

His face only seems to get whiter, finally realizing how much trouble he was really in, remembering what I had instructed them to do.

"M-my lor-d--"

I tighten my grip on his neck so hard his head looked like it was about to fall off only for me to release him once more. 

"I suggest you stop stuttering and start explaining.'

He rubs his neck for a moment gasping and swallowing the saliva that had begun pooling in his dry mouth.

"Why isn't my loves food prepared?"

He only seemed to get more scared. If it wasn't for the adrenaline coursing through his body he probably would have passed out or even died from his heart failing after beating too fast and strong for too long.

He dropped to his knees, his hands clasped in-front of him.

"My lord, please. when you didn't come at your designated time we figured that you wouldn't need your meal till lunch so we had gotten rid of it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was so blind with rage my arm shot out to the side. A crashing sound accompanied with a sickening cracking could be heard.

The chef slowly turns his head in the direction of my outstretched hand. There, in the direction of my hand was the sous chef, His eyes open and dull as the life was slowly drained out of them after crashing into a bunch of kitchen counters and supplies by my will and control of the force only to die instantly when he hit the far wall with such force it dented the wall. His ribs shattering in his body on impact. A quick death, and more than he deserved. 

"Because of your choice my beloved is now hungry, in pain, and won't be getting food as soon as she should."

My voice was seething with anger. I was barely keeping it together.

"Please my lord, forgive me, it will never happen again."

He continued to beg for his life and make promises about how he will be sure my love doesn't go hungry ever again. Well tempting, I knew he would die. First of course he will cook for my love until our trip is done but once we land on Coruscant and my love is situated he will die the most painful death I could imagine. 

I hold my hand up finally deciding what to do. 

"First; you will cut some fruit, then you will make the best breakfast you have ever made like your life depends on it, and If I ever find my loves food is not ready at any time past her scheduled eating time, you will suffer like no one ever has before. "

He nodded immediately, of course he didn't know the second we landed he would suffer whether my love enjoyed the food or not. but if she doesn't, i'll be sure he will be alert for every kind of pain I choose to inflict. 

Within seconds I was handed a plate of cut fruit, cut by one of the chef's helpers and they all started to cook a proper meal.

I turn and walk out the door, food in hand and grab my comm with the other to contact my Purge troopers.

"Yes, my lord?"

"Once the chefs are done cooking for the day, take them to the brig, make sure they suffer but be sure they can still work tomorrow. And post two guards at the door at all times."

"Yes, my lord."

The trooper sounded a little too happy about the impending torcher, but they did seem to enjoy causing pain. But then again that was what they are good at. It's why they are Purge Troopers. They are meant to cause pain.

I begin to walk down the hallway to my loves and my room. As I walk I realize that I wasn't monitoring her with the force anymore. I figured it was best to constantly be monitoring her with the force as she shifts into this new confusing way of living, but in my anger I hadn't even noticed I wasn't monitoring her mind.

I sigh, feeling like a fool that I hadn't been keeping my force around her. Constantly monitoring her emotional and physical state will be crucial for the first few weeks, but also being able to control her emotions slightly when things become too much. As much as I hated the idea of altering my love's mind, it will make this transition much smoother. 

Once my force reached her I immediately picked up the pace while still being mindful of her food. I reached the door in record time, now feeling her distress and pain even more. I could hear her soft sobs throughout the door. 

I opened the door, I knew she heard it because she tried to quiet down her crying, becoming as stiff as a boulder to try and alleviate her physical pain.

I slowly moved over to her, not wanting to startle her or scare her anymore. I didn't like that she felt the need to hide her tears from me but I did understand it. I was new, her location was new, her whole life was new and it was only the second day and she was only awake for about a half hour last night. She has had no time to process her new surroundings. 

Her back was to the door facing the window, just like how I left her but the blanket was over her eyes, only to top of her head with the cutest bed head hair, all messy and tangled sticking out from the top of our blanket. 

I place the fruit down on her bed side table. Kneeling down beside her, opting out of sitting on the bed not wanting the movement of the bed to distress her even more. 

The blanket was held over her face till about the middle of her forehead with clenched fists. For the look of the blanket, her knuckles must be snow white. She was shaking horribly. Letting out the occasional hiccup as she tried to suppress her tears and sobs. 

My heart broke at the sight of her. It hurt me more than I could comprehend. 

I gently place my hand over the blanket on her face. I could feel her tense. Trying to stop her shaking but failing in the end. I tugged on the blanket a little, not trying to pull it off but just letting her know I was there and that I wanted to see her face. She didn't let her hands budge for a second but when I tugged a little again her hands moved a little, as much as I understood the comfort of hiding her face right now. I needed to see her. Every fiber of my being screaming that I needed to see her face to make sure she was ok.  

I continued to gently move the blanket down till it was just under her chin. My heart seemed to shatter at the sight of her. 

Her eyes were full of tears, her cheeks red and puffy and she had red spots all over her neck indicating popped blood vessels. She refused to meet my eyes, clearly embarrassed. 

I reach my hand up to her head. Once my hand touched her hair she flinched and closed her eyes as tight as she possibly could. I could tell she did her best to hold back a whimper but it made its way up her throat anyway.  

I gently start to stroke her hair, slowly coaxing her to relax her tense muscles. Her eyes didn't open but they did relax ever so slightly. Her shaking didn't stop but she wasn't shaking in fear, she was shaking in pain. 

"Hello, little one."

I make sure to keep my voice in a low calm whisper, loud noises or even just a regular voice would only hurt her more. 

She opened her eyes a little, looking up at me shyly. 

"I know you are hurting my love but I need you to eat a little something before I give you something to take the pain away."

She shakes her head a little but then stops immediately when she realizes it only hurts her even more. 

"I know it hurts but you need to sit up and eat a little, you haven't eaten for hours and you need to put something in your stomach, please my love."

I am not a man who begs, but for her. I would do anything.

She looks up at me and closes her eyes again. I thought she was going to try and fight me, but she slowly moved to sit up like the good little girl I knew she was.

 Before she can move too much I reach under her knees and her back while she is still wrapped up in the blankets making sure her head wouldn't be jostled too much. I lift her up and sit down on the bed placing her on my lap and having her lean on my back. Her head resting on my chest. 

Despite my best efforts to ensure her head wasn't jostled she still cried out at the movement. As much as my heart ached it also swelled at a sudden realization.I didn't take the time before to realize how much shorter she is compared to me but as she sits on my lap it's all I could think about.

After a moment of not moving and making sure she wasn't uncomfortable I reached over and grabbed the plate of fruit. 

Once I held it in front of her she wiggled one of her hands free and reached for some fruit. 

I chuckled a little, feeling her back move with my chest while I reached out my free hand and grabbed hers. She gasps a little clearly not expecting my hand so focused on the food in front of her. I lean down and whisper directly in her ear, my lips pressed against the shell of her ear.

"Let me, little one."

Slowly her hand retracts back into her blanket cocoon making my hand let go of hers. 

Once I was sure she was all wrapped up I reached over for a piece of fruit and held it up to her lips, mine still lightly brushing her ear. 

She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to be fed. But as much as I could feel her apprehension to being fed, I could also feel her calm down a little. However, her pain was still very present but her tears were starting to dry on her little cheeks and she was also losing some of the red in her cheeks. 

Actually from what I could see from behind her she was losing too much of her color. She was getting so pale. She really did need some food. 

I nudge the slice of fruit on her lips a little, trying to coax her mouth to open for me. Finally she opened her mouth letting me slip the fruit into her mouth. As she chewed her fruit I brushed her lips with my thumb. They were so soft, all I wanted to do was kiss them. But I knew that would be too much for her to handle right now. 

Her mind was a mess, her thoughts in scrambles. I doubt she was even thinking, just feeling. feeling scared, feeling confused and feeling a lot of pain. 

The fear I couldn't do anything about yet, but the pain and confusion I could.

She was nearly done with her fruit, I could see her struggling to get through the pain.

"Atta girl, you're almost done, just a few more bites."

She turned her head and looked back at me, her eyes were glossy but the tears that had not fallen just yet. 

I lifted the last piece of fruit up to her lips, there wasn't a lot but more food was coming and once she gets some strong pain killers in her system she would feel much better.

She opens her mouth and takes the last piece of fruit. I had some juice on my fingers and she sucked the pads of my thumb and pointer finger lightly before starting to chew. 

The feeling of her soft, perfect lips practically kissing my finger pads almost broke me. The smooth feeling of the tip of her tongue darting out almost made my composer shatter. All I wanted to do was lay her down on our bed, and hover over her as I did nothing but make her feel pleasure she has never even comprehended. To make love to her till all she saw was stars. Till she passed out in pure pleasure as I tucked her into the blankets and held her till she woke up in the morning, only to do it all over again. 

I was broken out of my fantasy when I heard her let out a soft whine. Her head wasn't resting on my chest anymore. She was leaning forward, her hands once again no longer in her little cocoon but holding her head.

Without a word I picked her up again and set her down, making her lean on the head board, making sure her back was supported. I gave her a kiss on her forehead. As overwhelmed as I knew she was I couldn't help that small indulgence to tide me over till I could do more.

"I'll be right back, little one. Just breathe, I'll make all the pain go away."

I walked over to the bathroom, I kept several high end pain killers, mostly for my arm. I bend down and get the least potent drug I had but even so it would still leave her numb. I had a very strong drug resistance, having needed to take these pills for a long time. That and the dosage was measured to my height and weight, for someone as small as my little girl the effects would be ten fold.  She's probably never needed anything but a regular pain killer in her life. But her mind has also never been tampered with before. 

Just as I was walking out with my pill bottle There was a knock on the door. I sigh but hold back doing anything more. I didn't need (Y/N) to think I was angry or annoyed at anything just in case she would think all my anger was directed at her. The sigh alone was too much of a slip.

I set the pills down on her bedside table and cup her cheek as I kiss her forehead again. Unable to resist, my composer and resolve crumbled at the sight of her.

"Just another second, baby girl."

There was another knock on the door, I could feel her flinch harshly at the sound of the door. 

I nearly growled, barely catching myself but I couldn't stop the scowl that appeared on my face. I storm over to the door opening it to see the Chef looking terrified with two Purge Troopers behind him. 

By the look on his face he knew I was clearly angry. 

"Your food, my lord."

I was handed two plates of waffles with fruit and syrup and a tall glass of orange juice.

Without another word I close the door and turn to (Y/N). She was eyeing the pills clearly wanting them. 

I place the food on the glass table in front of the fireplace and place a few more logs on the fire to keep it strong. 

I walk back over to her with the glass of juice in hand and sit on the bed taking the pills off her night stand and replacing them with the cup of juice. 

I open the bottle and place one pill in my hand. The drug was so potent she would only need one pill to last at least twenty four hours, well enough time to get to Coruscant. And while we were in light speed we should be there by mid noon. 

I hold the pill up between my thumb and pointer finger.

"Open wide."

Without hesitation she opened wide, allowing me to pop the pill inside. I grab the glass of juice and hold it to her lips letting her take a few sips.

When I start to pull away the cup her little hands fly out of the covers, gripping  my wrist and holding the cup to her mouth, drinking as much as she could. 

I couldn't help the chuckle coming from me as I stared at her cute little face as she tried to drink as much juice as she possibly could.

"Easy there, baby girl. there's no rush."

She finally lets me take away the cup but it was already practically empty. 

" The painkillers will start to work any second. It's a very strong pain killer, ok. You might feel a little numb?"

She nods mutely.

"I imagine you have lots of questions."

She gazes up at me with her doe eye for a moment before she nods again looking back down at her hands folded together in her lap. 

I take both her hands in mine. She felt so cold, colder than she should be.

"Come sit with me by the fire my love."

She didn't look up at me but she shakily got onto her feet. She tried to take a few steps but she was a little shaky from the pain, the pain killer not fully kicked in just yet. Not like she would be able to walk for the first few hours anyway the pill will make her so numb she probably won't be able to move foe a while.

I stand up and wrap an arm around her waist, guiding her over to the couch, holding most of her weight. Sitting her down and getting a fuzzy blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. 

I make sure to push the waffles over to her.

"I know you have a lot of questions but you also have to eat some more food."

She looked up at me, her eyes telling me she was clearly still scared. Still a little red and misty from all her tears. 

"How about this, you ask me your questions, but when I answer them you have to take one bite of your food. Ok?"

She looks down at the plate of waffles. After a few seconds of her eyeing the food suspiciously her stomach growled, loudly.

Her cheeks became a bright crimson, and she looked away from the food. I couldn't help my chuckle, she really was the cutest little thing. 

I grab the plate of food and set it on my lap, grabbing the fork and knife and cutting a good piece of waffle off for her. 

"What's your first question, my love?"

She looks up at me, clearly wanting to ask her question but not wanting to eat despite her hunger and the fact she just ate some fruit from my fingers. I could tell she thought it might be poisoned, her mind forming some proper thoughts now she had some food in her belly so to ease her mind I ate the piece that was on the fork.

Once I swallowed she seemed to lighten up a little. 

I cut another piece off and wait for her to ask her a question. 

"W-where, am I-I?"

I smile lovingly down at her, happy to see her opening up a little. I hold the fork up to her lips, waiting for her to eat it. She hesitated again but this time it was just because she was embarrassed to be fed. Her emotions plan as day to such a well versed force user such as myself

She put the fork in her mouth and started to chew, waiting for me to answer her question. 

"We are currently on my ship called The Executor."

I answered as I cut another piece of waffle for her. She nodded and swallowed, taking in my answer and forming her next question. 

"W-where are w-we going?"

She takes the next piece of waffle into her mouth with little to no hesitation this time.

"We are going to your new home, Coruscant."

She nearly choked on her waffle, clearly not expecting that.

After she swallows, with some difficulty, she looks up at me in shock.

"You're taking me to Coruscant?!"

I smirk a little and hold up a new piece of waffle up to her lips. She was clearly unamused but didn't fight and ate the waffle. Her fear and shyness forgotten as she tries to absorb the shocking news

"That's right, you know who I am don't you, my love?"

She nodded, I knew she knew who I was, being able to read her mind so clearly I knew she guessed that I was taking her to the galaxy capitol but some part of her  thought it was too far fetched. A girl like her, being taken to the most luxurious planet in the galaxy, it must have felt like a dream. I already knew what I was about to say next would blow her mind. 

"Well as my love it only makes sense to take you home with me."

Her cheeks suddenly got as red as a tomato. I had called her my love plenty of times but it could have easily been mistaken as a silly little nickname, having me actually call her my lover was a little abrupt. But she didn't understand what she did to become my love, not like i would ever tell her the true story of how she came to be mine.  

"H-How did I b-become y-y-you're... love?"

She was clearly embarrassed, the words must have felt very foreign on her lips. Never having been loved romantically before, and now she never would be by anyone but me.

She was looking away from me, instead staring at the glass table and not seeing the waiting food in front of her. 

I gently press the waffle to her plush lips making her gasp slightly, not expecting it. She looked back up at me but didn't take the waffle into her mouth.

"You need to eat my dear, I won't answer your questions till you do."

She stares at me, weighing her options. Her fear and pain was dialing down, near non-existent, mostly she was just feeling curiosity and at the moment more than a little defiant. Not liking the 'no answers unless you eat' rule. 

I loved how her personality was peeking out again. I knew it wouldn't be long till the drug made her so numb she wouldn't be able to hold her own head up by herself soon. I drank in her curiosity, defiance and adorableness while I could. 

She sighs but takes the bite, eating it with a bit of a pout. It took everything in my being not to kiss her but when I noticed a bit of the fruit sauce was on the corner of her mouth my resolve shattered, not being one to pass up such an opportune moment I leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth getting rid of the sauce but also being able to finally kiss her. Even if it was just the corner of her lip

She went eye wide and stopped mid chew, I chuckled at her reaction. She swallowed quickly after a minute and turned her head away.

"You didn't answer the question."

Her voice was quiet and timid. If I wasn't sitting right beside her I probably wouldn't have heard her. 

"I came to your small planet to fuel up my ships, we were visiting different planets around the galaxy and needed to fuel up, your planet was the closest. When we landed I had seen you in the space port but you had seemed to be in a rush. But from the second I saw you I knew I had to have you. I felt like the force was pulling me towards you, love."

She nodded, understanding my words so far at least vaguely. 

"Me and a few of my men followed you to your tiny little village. I wanted to have you, but I didn't expect to just take you, however, when I found you your mother was beating you. Screaming something about getting an order wrong."

She looks up at me in shock, I wait a moment to see if she has something to say. She didn't speak but she had tears growing in her eyes.

"Ohhh, my love."

I cooed at her, pulling her into my lap and kissing her temple. Being sure that her blanket was still tightly wrapped around her.

"It's ok, you're safe. Do you want me to continue?"

She lets out a shaky breath, trying her best to calm down and holding back tears but nods.

I make sure to hold her close and tightly, making sure she feels as safe as possible. 

"When I saw her hurting you I felt like I couldn't breath. It hurt me to see you like that. Crumpled up on the floor as you where being beat. I had my trooper hold back you mother and father when he came out to defend your mother and I asked you if you were ok. You were sobbing uncontrollably and bleeding from your head, begging for me to save you. So I took you to my ship and had a doctor look at you. You were in a bacta tank for a few hours to heal your wounds but the doctor said you might be suffering from amnesia due to head trauma."

Once I was finished explaining she burst like a dam. Sobbing and crying, clinging to my chest as tightly as she could.

It broke my heart to see her like this but this was for the greater good. As far as she knew I was her savior. I was the person she felt she should run to when she was scared and in distress. This would work out perfectly.

_________________________

It started to all make sense. My puzzle was becoming complete. I remember seeing the Emperor at the port. I remember being in such a rush to get home but not why. 

Now he is saying that my mother beat me so badly because I was in such a rush to get home I messed up the order and she was so mad she ended up beating me so hard I have amnesia.

All I could think of is how he saved me. It made sense. The dots were connecting, and it explained my horrible headache. 

I clung to the Emperor as hard as I could, scared to let go. I was in the middle of space going to a planet I knew nothing about with both the strongest and most scary man in the world after he saved me from my abusive family. 

I was wrapped tightly in his lap, him holding me close to his chest. I could feel his strong steady heartbeat under my fist. It lulled me into calming down. 

I couldn't stop my tears from coming and my slight sniffles and occasional hiccups. 

"That's it baby girl, I got you. Just calm down. Slow deep breaths."

My tears stopped and my hiccups slowed down as the weight of the situation really hit me. The Emperor himself had saved my life and essentially calmed me as his lover. 

I started to shake, realizing I had no idea what to do or how to act in this situation. If I did what he wanted and did it right I was safe, if I did something wrong I could end up dead.

My shaking became uncontrollable. I wanted to push away from him but I didn't want to make him angry. So I figured the best thing I could do was to ask to be let go and apologize like a mad woman if he got mad.

"M-my lord... c-could you p-please let me g-go?"

He let out a deep chuckle, his hand coming up to run his fingers through my hair. I gasp, but not because of the motion but because of his hand.I was too scared and in too much pain earlier to realize that it was fake. He pulls his hand from my hair and puts it in front of my face, showing me his hand. It was clearly expertly constructed. It was slick black with hints of gold here and there. I reach out a little to touch just focusing on the hand not paying attention to who it was attached to. I came back to my senses when my hand was a few inches away and pulled back when the hand in question moved to grasp my hand.

"No need to be shy, my love. You can touch me as much as you want."

His lips were pressed to my ear, a shiver running up my spine. Which now that I thought about it, felt completely bare. 

"M-my lord, pl-please."

He keeps his lips pressed into my ear, his right hand still holding mine and stroking my fingers. 

"On one condition."

I looked up into his amber eyes cautiously. While waiting for him to continue as I took a second to take in his features.

He really was handsome. Slightly curly brown hair that came down to his shoulders in waves, amber eyes that seemed to look into my very soul, and very strong facial features. I noticed he had a long scar going down his right eye. It looked like it really hurt. 

"You have to call me Anakin."

I tilted my head to the side a little. Call him Anakin? 

"I t-thought your name w-was Vader."

His hand let go of mine, moving to run his mechanical fingers through my hair once again. 

"That was a name given to me by my late master, the previous Emperor, however the love of my life should call me by my true name."

I blushed when he said I was his true love. I barely knew him and he didn't know anything about me. As if he could read my mind he smirked. It was like he knew something that I didn't but in all fairness he probably did. 

I nod, agreeing to his terms.

"However that is a name only to be used in private, when in public you should call me Vader, or, your love but never Lord, I am not your lord. I am your love "

My blush deepened.

"o-ok."

I push on his chest a little, still wanting to remove myself and get some distance. but his hand around my waist tightens. It wasn't painful, but the message was very clear.

"I want to hear you say it my love. Say my name for me."

I looked up at him, more than a little hesitant but I didn't really have any other choice.

"o-ok... A-Anakin."

With a loving smile he sets me down in my previous spot on the couch, the fire still making the room warm and cozy. I look out the window to look at the shooting stars again.

"Isn't it d-dangerous for the ship t-to be flying in a m-meteor shower, my lor- A-Anakin?"

I look back at him only to see a very confused face followed by yet another chuckle. It was getting embarrassing how often he would laugh at me. 

"Those aren't shooting stars my love but you are kind of close. Those are star lines. That's what stars look like in hyperspace."

My eyes widened. I knew what hyperspace was, Bane would sometimes tell me about different things around the galaxy. The planets he visited, the different kinds of species around the world, and all the amazing things about traveling through space. But I never knew what it might look like when a person was actually in hyperspace.

"I-it's... beautiful."

I was mesmerized by the beauty of the star lines so I wasn't looking at Anakin but when he spoke I could hear a smirk in his voice.

"Just wait till you see Coruscant. I have a beautiful garden with all kinds of flowers and plants. I know you'll love it"

I looked over at him. I couldn't help the smile that came on my face, his smirk turned into a loving smile but after looking into his eyes for a while my smile faded. I realized that I hadn't even thanked him. He had feld me, kept me warm, took away my pain and even saved me when my mother was beating me and I hadn't thanked him.

I started to tear up. He did all this for me, made me feel safe, wanted and loved and I didn't even think to thank him yet.

Tears start to fall down my cheeks and his smile disappears, replaced with a look for worry. Both his hands came and cupped my cheeks, rubbing away my tears. The kind action only makes more of them fall.

"My love, what's wrong?"

I couldn't help the hiccup that escaped my lips as I stuttered and tried to tell him why I was crying but I just couldn't get the words out. 

Anakin pulls me into his lap again, holding me, cradling me in his arms and using his hand to guide my head to rest in his neck as he holds me, rocking slightly, coxing me to calm down.

"Shhhh, princess. Tell me what's wrong. I have you, you're ok."

After a few more hiccups I start to calm down, taking some deep breaths I finally get the words out.

"I'm s-so sorry... I-I-I n-never thanked y-you, for every-everything you h-have done for m-m-me."

The words were choppy and poor with all my sobs but he heard them.

He cooed at me a little, rocking me lightly.

"Ohhh, baby. You don't need to thank me, no no no. It's my job to take care of you, my love."

I kept babbling on in incoherent sentences. Trying to tell him how I did have to thank him and how I didn't deserve his kindness. The last part he seemed to hear because without a second thought he pulled me flush to his chest and kissed me.

Perfect. This was perfect. Everything was going better than I could have imagined it. She was completely giving in to me. Relying on me. 

I could feel she felt safe and loved. She was shy, but it only made her all the more adorable. She was so innocent. Innocent and warm. I would do anything to protect the love of my life. 

I could feel her tense up as I kissed her deeply. She wasn't scared, I just took her by surprise. 

she started to push against my chest after a few moments. My poor little one was running out of breath. 

I reluctantly pull my lips away from her soft ones. She tries to catch her breath and clings to me tightly.

I couldn't help but kiss all over her face. Her cheeks, her temple, her forehead, the corner of her lips. anywhere that didn't prevent her from catching her breath. 

Her eyes were closed, too embarrassed to look at me, a deep blush only getting darker with each little peck and kiss I gave her.

I gently grasped her hands in mine, removing them from my chest, lifting them to my lips and kissing each of her knuckles. 

Once I was done I held her hands to my lips, savoring the feeling. 

After a while she finally opened her eyes to look at me. Her beautiful eyes all red and puffy from her tears.

"Ohhh, my love."

I kiss her hands again. Holding them to my lips as I gaze into her beautiful eyes. 

"You never have to thank me for anything, my love. The force led me to you, and I will take care of you for the rest of our lives."

She nods shyly and thanks me again and I couldn't help my chuckle.

"I just said you didn't have to do that, my love."

She blushed and looked down. She lets her head fall into my chest with a light groan.

I moved her around so I could hold her bridal style in my lap, her head now on my shoulder.

I lift my hand and carded my fingers through her hair, taking my time and enjoying the feeling of her soft hair with every stroke of my hand but I stopped then she groaned softly again. 

I press my lips into her temple softly.

"What's wrong, my love? The pills should be working by now, are you still hurting?"

She shakes her head and I instantly relaxed, knowing she wasn't hurting but now my curiosity was peaked.

"Tell me what's wrong, my little one."

She shakes her head.

"N-nothing, I-i'm just... tired."

I gently kiss her temple again, lifting her in my arms, holding her close and walking over to the bed. The drug making her so numb she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Yes I imagine, the pills have a tendency to make one a little drowsy, let's get you back to bed my love, by the time you wake up we should be arriving at Coruscant."

I pull the blankets up to her chin and kiss her lips lightly. She smiles up at me softly and blacks out. I laugh lightly at how quickly she fell asleep giving her one last kiss as I gaze down at the love of my life. 

I walk over to the dressing room, after tucking her in tightly and put on my suit. Unfortunately I was still the Emperor and couldn't spend all day and night with my love. 

I had to clear my schedule as much as possible so that I could be with her as she grows accustomed to her new life. 

I walk out, taking one last glance at (Y/N) watching how the blankets rise and fall with each of her little breaths before walking down the hall, making sure I had two Purge Troopers outside my room if my love needed help, and pulling out my comm to contact the Commander of the Purge Troopers as I make my way to the bridge. 

"My lord?"

"Be sure to have my rooms on Coruscant ready for me and my Empress."

"Yes my lord."

Waking up a second time was easier. I knew where I was. I knew who I was with and I knew where I was going. It wasn't scary or confusing. With everything sorted now it really was just, safe.

I looked around the room, there wasn't a pair of strong hands around my waist restricting my movement and the Emperor wasn't anywhere in the room that I could see. I listened for the shower in the refresher but I didn't hear anything so it seemed safe to say I was alone. 

I look out the window again. The beautiful star lines are still there. Casting a beautiful blue light into the room still, but this time it didn't mold with the red and orange from the fire.

I look over to the hearth again. No fire. I move out of the covers only to shiver and wrap my arms around myself. Without the fire the room was pretty cold. I stand up, looking down at the clothes I was wearing.

Anakin must have changed my clothes after the doctor treated me because this definitely wasn't mine.

I walk over to the 'fresher to get a better look at myself in the mirror.

I was in a long midnight black silk nightgown, going down to my ankles with a slit going up to my upper thigh. It had an open back and thin straps smaller than my pinky and a dip in the chest that didn't leave much to the imagination. 

No wonder I was cold, the gown was very gorgeous but it was also very thin and with so much bare skin in space no wonder I was a little chilled.

I see a door in the mirror behind me and turn to open it.

It was a walk in closet and dressing room. On the right were the Emperor's clothes, shoes and what not. But to the left was clothes for a woman. 

I was very cold and I figured he wouldn't mind ifI changed into something a little warmer.

I run my hands over the clothes. Most of them being black, red and gold and the occasional white. 

I grabbed one of the dresses, seeing as most of the clothes here were dresses. 

It was a black floor length gown that was a fairly tight fit till it reached the top of my knees where it flared out. It didn't have sleeves and it had a deep plunge neckline and left my back completely bare but the thin shoulder straps did have a kind of fur cape the fell to the middle of my shoulder blades and wrapped around my upper arms, leaving the rest of my arms bare, accompanied by a hood to cover my head if I needed 

It also had fur on the bottom trim of the dress. It was made in a velvety kind of fabric but had a matte look to it. It was a very beautiful dress, clearly high quality and expensively made. I felt a little out of place in it but I was much warmer now so I didn't really bother to feel too uncomfortable. 

I put on a pair of black flats, forgoing the high heels knowing I would only fall over in those and made my way over to the door.

I press the button on the panel on the side of the door and it slides open. I see two stormtroopers in black standing on either side of the door. I gasp a little, not really expecting them.

One of them speaks but he doesn't turn to look at me.

"May I assist you, my lady?"

The title sounds weird.

"Could you tell me where An-"

I freeze mid sentence remembering what I should call him when others are around.

"Where Lord Vader is?"

"Of course majesty, right this way."

We walk down the cold hall for a little, the only sound being our footsteps. There were troopers in white armor every now and then standing at doors or walking around in what I assume is a patrol. Finally we reach large double doors that fly open to what I assume is the bridge of the ship. 

At the end of the gangway I see the Emperor, in full armor staring out at the star lines of hyperspace. 

When he hears the door open he turns and looks at me. For a moment he just stares till he reaches a hand out for me, palm up. Clearly summoning me to him.

I walk over and place my much smaller hand in his.

"You are just in time my love, we are about to exit hyperspace."

Before I say anything he gently grips my shoulder and moves me to stand right in front of him. His hands never left my shoulder aside to slip them underneath the fur 'cape' to touch my bare shoulders, The touch of his leather clad hands making goosebumps appear all over my skin and a shiver run up my spine. But the leather gloves did make his hands rather cold.

I stare out at the hyperspace star lines, hypnotized by the beauty of the sight. Unlike in the bedroom, on the bridge the star line splayed out from a singular point, it hypnotized me to the point I don't even think I blinked.

Suddenly there is a large jolt, forcing my back into his body behind me. The star lines fade away till I see a beautiful planet. 

I couldn't see any green but I could see light for all over one side of the planet.

The planet itself was huge, much bigger than my home planet. Clearly full of technology I couldn't even dream of. I gasp my hand coming up to cover my mouth. Even without any forests or any large body of water it was still a sight to behold. The lack of nature is a clear sign of high class and innovation. No wonder it was the galaxy capital. 

My back was still pressed tightly to Anakin's back. One hand of his was still on my shoulder, the other coming across my front, Holding me to him with his palm over my tummy. 

I felt him lean down to my ear, he was wearing his mask so I couldn’t see his face but from the sound of his voice he was smirking.

"Welcome to your new home my Empress."

[minkkumaz]

EMERGENCY CONTACT

chan was starved for you. he was infatuated by anything that had to do with you, craving your guys' happily ever after. the world was at your disposal and he just wanted you. he helps you realize that maybe you want him too.

PIERCE THE VEIL series

PAIRING bang chan x gn!reader WC 1.4k TAGS best friends to lovers trope. petnames (angel). just a lot of fluff. kissing. minor cussing. kinda fast paced. OMI NOTE hello i am back in buisness baby, i've been neglecting this series ever since i started writing for other groups. but i'll try to be more consistent! i hope this was kind of okay LOL it has been rotting in my docs forever and i finally got around to finishing it. not proofread like always.

as you lay passed out in the back of the tour van, all chan could do was look at you. there was something special about seeing you curled up with the people closest to him, nothing but sleep in your eyes.

maniac tour came to an end, and chan was absolutely exhausted. seeing the millions of lights in large venues, singing his heart out, and performing to the best of his ability. he was excited to see so many stay, but also excited to rest in the comfort of the dorms with you.

you.

he constantly craved you. he’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t willing to be pushed and pulled around by you, waiting to have a happily ever after. though, it took him awhile to admit just how infatuated by you he was.

you and chan had always been close. he was your best friend, and you were his. you’d talk to him from the worn out leather couch in his studio, before dozing off to the clicking sounds of his mouse and keyboard. just when he realizes how quiet you’re being, he’d look over to see you hugging a pillow lazily. the soft exhales you let out that blew the pieces of hair that fell in front of your face ever so slightly. 

this sight always made him happy, which is why it was so hard for him not to smile at you right now.

“why don’t you just tell them how you feel?” minho questioned, breaking chan out of his trance. 

“what are you talking about?” chan spoke up to his friend sitting across from him, pulling out his phone to check the time and avoid eye contact.

“it’s so obvious that you’ve been in love with y/n since forever. just tell them how you feel.” minho sighed.

“ah, i don’t know. they probably don’t like me like that.” chan chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

“of course they like you like that. just tell them straight up.”

“i can’t just tell them like that, minho. part of me still feels like i need to convince them.” 

“then convince them. the worst that can happen is they fall even more in love with you, chan. i can see it.” minho gave chan a comforting smile as the car pulled in front of the dorm building. 

chan couldn’t help but wonder if minho was right; if you did like him and he was being silly. but it wasn’t a work of chan’s if he wasn’t busting his ass over it. so he was going to do everything in his power tonight to show you. to prove his love for you was shatter - resistant.

unbuckling his seatbelt, he walked to the back of the van and nudged everyone awake. you blinked groggily, grabbing his wrist to stablize yourself as the bodies next to you pushed around to get up and hurry to finally be home and unpack. 

“did you sleep well?” chan looked at you with so much love, pulling you up gently. “hi channie, i slept okay.” you leaned into his side sleepily as he walked with you out and into the house.

“that’s good, are you hungry at all?” he questioned, parting away from you so you could take off your shoes.

“a little bit.” taking off your shoes, you place them on the rack next to the door and follow behind chan.

“i’ll make you something. i think the rest of the boys are gonna sleep for the night, but i want you to eat before bed.” he mumbles, watching as you sit yourself down at the island.

“you take care of me too much, i can just have cup noodles or something.” you yawn, lying your head on your arms.

“rice and meat okay? cup noodles all the time isn’t good for you.” 

“whatever you say, channie.”

“good. go wash up and get comfortable, okay? it won’t take me very long.” he signals for you to go, so you begrudgingly get up towards the bathroom.

while you’re washing up, chan takes it upon him to turn on the stove and take out a pan. he preps meats and vegetables in silence, listening to the sound of water running through the pipes. 

it doesn’t take you long to get yourself situated, neither does it take chan very long to make your food. as soon as you arrive back in the kitchen, there’s a plate on the coffee table that’s freshly steaming. he sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone.

you sit yourself next to him, the smell of shampoo lingering on your skin. when he sees you cozy in your pajamas, his heart flutters slightly.

“thank you for the food! i am so exhausted and hungry.” you mutter, picking up the plate and a utensil. 

“don’t worry about it, i just want you to take care of yourself, yeah?” he says, clicking off his phone to pay full attention to you.

“with you around it’s impossible to not be completely taken care of. why do you do much for me, chan?” you question, “not in an ungrateful way or anything! just wondering why.”

“what do you mean?”

“well, you always make sure i’ve eaten, and if not you make me meals so i don’t have to get something from the convenience store. sometimes you bring me tea or coffee when i’m busy working, and you do a lot of cleaning up so i don’t have to worry about anything.”

“it just makes me feel better if you don’t have anything to worry about, i try to do that for all the members too.” he responds.

“you’re too good for us, you’d make a really good boyfriend one day you know?” 

these words made him go silent, his stomach bubbling up as he began to feel more shy. he was hoping you’d get the message sooner or later.

it was plenty to know that you were aware, but it still was tiring to know that you didn’t say he’d make a good boyfriend for you. chan couldn’t help but laugh after these couple long seconds. 

“what’s so funny?” you frown, mouth full of food.

“nothing, you’re cute. i’d like to hope i can make a good boyfriend one day.” he covers up.

“hey! you can’t call me that, your future girlfriend won’t like it.” you tease, placing your plate back down on the coffee table.

“but you like it, right?” he tells you straight.

“huh– what are you trying to say, channie?” you tilt your head slightly in confusion.

“can i ask you something, y/n?” he exhales.

“of course, what’s wrong?” you ask concerningly.

“what am i to you?”

“you’re confusing me chan, i don’t understand.” you furrow your eyebrows.

“work is so tiring, but so is hiding how i feel about you. if anything, it might be slightly worse.” he lets out a nervous laugh, “i’m sorry if this is sudden, but i just wanted you to know that i really like you, okay?”

“you like me?” you choke on your words, but you swallow them faster.

“is it really that surprising?” 

“what does this mean for us if i told you i felt the same..?” you say in almost a whisper.

“then it would mean i finally get to call you mine.” he smiles, reaching his hand to wipe small pieces of hair away from your face.

“chan..”

“you know you’ve always been my angel, you practically keep me sane during every single performance, promotion, comeback, everything.” 

“if you keep saying things like that, i might have to start blushing right now.” you promised.

chan brought up his other hand to cup your face, influencing you to lean yourself forward into him. a grin plays on his lips, glancing from your own to your eyes. “then blush, i’m not stopping you.” he said quietly, slowly closing the gap between the two of you. it was gentle and passionate. it reminded him of every single time he waited for the start of things that he wanted, finally being able to achieve it with you. because you were all he wanted.

when he pulled away, you frowned at the loss of contact as you already felt molded to him. the way he looked at you could only be described as a wave of emotions that were gathering over time, he was in love.

“you’re all mine.” he assured you, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz !

PIERCE THE VEIL series

[disasterbuck]

Hi :D

kudos to you for actually choosing an emoji for each wip xD

13. 😭😭 34. 💦💦 21. 💋💋

thank you haha, I'm actually really proud of the emojis I chose! 🥰

also I'm sorry but I have got absolutely no motivation for the last two atm so I wrote extra on the first one instead, hope that's okay!

😭😭 - fwb misunderstanding

"Buck." Eddie propped himself up on an elbow so he could look at Buck more squarely. "What on earth about this–" he gestured at himself, "–made you think I'd be ready for more?"

Buck felt his confidence begin to crack and forced himself to put some more distance between the two of them. Eddie was looking at him with confusion in his eyes, like he couldn't understand why Buck would ever think he'd want to be in a relationship with him.

He supposed it was his fault. It was always his fault for assuming that people who slept with him wanted anything more than his body.

He'd just really thought that Eddie was different.

"Sorry," he muttered, looking away.

"It's okay," Eddie said with a sigh and another quiet chuckle as he lay back down beside him. "Just… please. No more."

Buck squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to let the words cut him, but he was already bleeding. If he had known Eddie only wanted sex, no strings attached, he never would have agreed in the first place. He didn't do that anymore – didn't Eddie know that?

He felt used, reduced to nothing more than a body, and the fact that it was Eddie who had done this to him made it all a thousand times worse. Eddie was his best friend, someone he trusted implicitly and wanted desperately to make a life with.

But Eddie didn't want him.

Sitting up, Buck swung his legs over the side of the bed and leaned down to collect his discarded clothes from the floor. Then he stood, pulling them on and telling himself not to cry until he was in his car. He knew from experience that the worst thing he could do right now was cry.

"Buck?" Eddie asked from the bed. Buck ignored him, doing up his belt. "Where are you going?"

"Home," Buck said curtly, tugging his shirt straight and then scooping up his jacket.

"What… right now?"

Eyes stinging, Buck walked to the door and grabbed the handle.

"Buck!" Eddie snapped, and he faltered.

Closing his eyes, his shoulders sagged in defeat. He didn't want to have this conversation. Please, don't make me have this conversation.

"Will you please tell me what's going on?" Eddie asked gently.

Unable to resist, Buck slowly turned around. His teeth were clenched as he fought against the tears which wanted to spill, and he could tell his face was red from all the emotions swirling through him. He was angry at himself for getting so worked up when Eddie was still just lying there with nothing but a curious frown on his face.

Rubbing harshly at his jaw, he said, "I can't do this."

"What?" Eddie asked, his frown deepening. "Why not?"

The complete lack of understanding on Eddie's face made him want to scream. Hands clenching into fists, he managed to say, "Because you don't want more."

Remarkably, Eddie still didn't appear to understand.

"So you're just gonna leave?" Eddie asked.

"Why exactly would I stay?"

-

Make Me Write ✨

check out more snippets I've written for the 'make me write' game

[oddinary4bts]

A drabble with jungkook, smut 87 and angst 12 / 99, tysm 💘💘💘💘

I think this is like the first time I've written something on here that doesn't have a happy ending? Oop, beware

The Bane of Your Existence | jjk

☆pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female reader, mentions of Kim Taehyung x female reader

☆rating: 18+ (contains smut, minors DNI)

☆genre: college!au, smut, angst

☆warnings: unedited, mentions of getting ghosted by a friend, mentions of bullying, curses, alcohol, explicit content: nipple play, clit play, oral sex (female receiving), protected penetrative sex, hickey

☆word count: 2.6k

☆angst prompt 12: "You really were the worst thing to ever happen to me. I mean that."

☆angst prompt 99: "It could've been worse. We could've fallen in love."

☆smut prompt 87: "It's hot when you talk back."

☆The smut prompt is from this list and the angst prompts are from this one!

☆☆☆☆☆

If there is a thing that is true about Jeon Jungkook, it’s that he was born to be the bane of your existence. You’ve never liked him, he’s never liked you. All through high school, you hated each other. And when you got to college and had to attend the same one, the hate only grew.

It’s not that Jungkook is a bad person. He’s just always irked you, in all the worst ways. His presence annoys you, his dumb smiles and stupid smirks make you want to punch him. His explicit jokes and cocky remarks make you roll your eyes to the back of your head and, frankly, you really hate him. Abhor him, and all the worst words in the dictionary somehow apply to him.

It’s even worse when he’s assigned to be your partner in a project in one of your elective classes that he ended up taking too even though your majors have nothing in common. Because now you’ve suffered through hours of his annoying personality, and you’ve also just learned that he slept with your best friend last year, before she suddenly ghosted you.

She’s moved colleges now, and you’ve long moved on. But the reminder makes you see red, in that little study room where you’ve been for the last hour and a half.

“Fuck off,” you tell him, because some part of you refuse to accept it.

He smirks, tilts his head to the side. “What? Too hard to accept that some girls want to fuck me?”

You laugh, but it’s entirely devoid of joy. “With you? All of them are just stupid.”

“Right.” He still sports the annoying smirk and you really feel like punching him for it.

But you have a project to focus on, so you do that even though he keeps looking you up and down like you’re a piece of meat. He’s surprisingly intelligent though, and his insights on what to do are mostly good, so at least you get to advance on the project a lot.

You’re dreaming of your dorm bed, of hiding under the covers only to resurface when Jungkook will be gone from your life when a trio of girls open the door of your little study room, saying that they have reserved it for the next two hours.

Your eyes slide to Jungkook. “I thought you had booked it,” you tell him.

“I couldn’t, it was already booked,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m done anyway, we can finish some other time.”

You clench your jaw. “I’d really like to finish today, Jungkook. We’re almost done.”

“Then come over to my dorm,” he suggests, and he’s got a smirk on his lips when you offer him a glare as you’re putting your laptop in your backpack.

“Fuck off, I’m not going to go over to your dorm,” you tell him, slightly shaking your head in disapproval.

“I can go to yours if you prefer,” he suggests.

You really don’t, but your wish to finish the project is stronger. You know your roommate won’t be there – ever since she started dating someone that has an apartment not too far from campus, she’s been spending most of her time over at their place. So that’s how you find yourself sitting cross-legged on your bed while Jungkook is at your desk, shooting ideas as if you’ve never really hated each other after all.

You form a better team with him than you ever expected you would.

“What about this?” Jungkook suggests.

He sends you a link from an article he was reading, and you quickly skim over it. “It says the opposite of what we’re trying to explain.”

“I know,” Jungkook says. He sighs, picking up his laptop to move to your bed.

The sudden closeness makes you stiffen, a frown moving on your features, but he’s entirely immune to it as he points at a line on the screen.

He recites it, before adding, “See, it would be perfect”.

“You did not just find a single sentence that can be used?”

He furrows his brows as he meets your gaze. “Yes?”

You laugh, and it’s a little cold. “If the TA looks at the sources he’ll fail us.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes this time. He leans closer, which in turn makes you lean back. You’re very aware all of a sudden that one of his knees is brushing your leg, and your mouth slightly parts as if in anticipation.

“No TAs actually look at sources,” he says, head cocking to the side. “Especially not Namjoon.”

Right. Your TA is one of Jungkook’s friends anyway, which you reckon might be the reason why Jungkook took the class in the first place.

He sits back in his spot, and you take a deep breath as you straighten. “Right.”

He looks as if he was expecting you to talk back, but as you return to focusing on the project, so does he. You don’t see the time go, but at a certain point a loud rumble coming from Jungkook’s stomach has you ordering burritos. You’re almost done eating, surprisingly able to converse with Jungkook about high school without feeling like murdering him. He finishes his burrito first, and then he says, “Your teeth looked so weird when I met you”.

You cock an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Before you got your braces,” he says. “People made fun of you all of the time about it.”

You frown. “By people you mean you?”

He offers you a sweet, innocent smile as if he wasn’t your bully for years. “Yeah.”

It kills the conversation as you just stare at him, holding his gaze for a while. Your burrito is long forgotten in your hands when you blink, as if breaking out of a reverie.

“You were the worst person I knew, back then,” you tell him a little pensively.

“I was just teasing you! You always got worked up over nothing.”

You scoff. “You really were the worst thing to happen to me,” you tell him a little pensively. “I mean that.”

He looks insulted, somehow, as if he believes he’s the best thing to ever happen to everyone around him. You reckon he might actually believe that, with the size of his ego.

“That’s a bit excessive,” he says, a frown taking over his features. “It wasn’t like you were any better.”

“I treated you the way you treated me,” you drawl. “Didn’t like it?”

“I just thought…” he trails off, scoffing. “I just thought it was funny.”

“In what kind of sick and twisted world is bullying someone funny?” you ask.

He doesn’t reply. He just stares at a vague spot next to you, looking so conflicted you want to push him out of your dorm.

“I wasn’t bullying you,” he finally says, voice small.

“Fuck off, Jungkook, you were,” you snicker, a cold laugh falling from your mouth.

He meets your gaze then, and he looks so angry your eyes widen. “I didn’t realize that I was. What the fuck do you want me to do about it now?”

Your burrito suddenly catches your attention, because you’re too much of a coward to hold his gaze. “Maybe stop being an asshole?”

He chuckles bitterly. “I’m not an asshole. You’re literally the only person I know that thinks I’m an asshole.”

“Maybe because that’s the way you act with me, Jungkook! You’re always on my back.”

You see him rolling his eyes as you look up, your anger giving you enough courage to be able to hold his gaze.

He says your name like it’s an insult. “You’re the one that takes every opportunity you get to insult me,” he points out. “To call me a man-whore because I sleep around. What’s so wrong with having a little fun?”

“You rub it into everyone’s face!” you burst. “That’s what’s wrong.” You pause, and it’s your turn to chuckle bitterly. “And you fucked Nabi and she ghosted me.”

He purses his lips, glancing down at your chest. You’re wearing a turtleneck, so you know he’s not looking at your breasts. He’s just avoiding your eyes, and he suddenly seems extremely guilty.

“Not my fault,” he grumbles.

“Not your fault my ass!” You shake your head in disbelief. “What the fuck did you tell her to convince her to ghost me?”

“I called her by your name,” he admits, and he meets your gaze then. It’s a little intense, a little dark, and your heart misses a beat in your chest.

“You called her by my name? You’re so fucking weird.”

As you were speaking, Jungkook’s gaze trailed to your mouth. So he’s looking at your lips when he says, “It’s so hot when you talk back”.

You were about to insult him even more, but all you manage to choke out is, “What?”

His big doe eyes look up to meet your gaze, before dropping to your lips once more. “Every time we fight, I have to physically refrain from grabbing your face and kissing you stupid.”

You have no idea how the conversation got here. Only that it makes the very bottom of your stomach warm up. “What?”

“I want to kiss you,” he says, drawing out every syllable. “I’ve had a crush on you my whole fucking life.”

You want to punch him, to tell him he’s even more of an asshole than you always thought he was. All you can do is put your burrito to the side and jump on him, grabbing his face and clashing your mouth on his.

It’s so hard you taste a little blood, but as soon as your lips connect you lose sense of everything else. There’s just him and his lips and his large hands moving on every inch of your body, caressing you over your clothes before he feels emboldened and rids you of your shirt.

His mouth drops to your erect nipple then, and he murmurs that you’re beautiful as he sucks on it lightly, tongue flicking at it right as he pinches the other one. You moan, one hand going to his hair, pulling at the long strands.

He takes that as a cue to kiss you again and so he does, his tongue parting your lips until it’s lapping at your own. He swallows the sounds you make as his fingers move between your legs, blindly looking for your clit through the fabric.

He pulls away, letting out a frustrated grunt, and he tears his shirt off before helping you out of your pants and panties.

In less than five minutes you’ve found yourself entirely naked with the bane of your existence which, you reckon, feels way too good.

He’s quick after that. Quick to bury his face between your legs and pull an orgasm out of you. Quick to take off his pants as you watch his erection spring free. Quick to put on the condom he finds in his wallet, and quick to kneel between your legs.

He watches you as you rub your clit mindlessly, before pushing in in one powerful thrust, bottoming out when there’s still some of him left. You cry out, grabbing onto his thighs as he starts fucking you, quick and hard, and it’s no wonder you come again as he angles his dick to hit a sweet spot inside of you.

He comes into the condom as your walls pulsate around his cock, teeth digging in his bottom lip so hard you think he’s going to draw blood. He only relaxes his features once his dick stops twitching inside of you, and he’s quick to pull out.

And that’s how you start having sex with Jeon Jungkook. It’s an irregular schedule, with exams and part time jobs and parties and friends keeping you away from each other, but somehow you still find Jungkook buried deep inside of you a couple of times each month. You still hate him, hate the effect that he has on you, hate how he’s able to make you beg for it.

It all culminates on a late February evening, when he arrives to your dorm two hours after he said he would with a bright red hickey on his neck.

“What the fuck is this, Jungkook?” you ask him, pointing at the proof he was with someone else. “You’re still fucking other people?”

“Are you not?” he asks, rubbing his neck. “You keep insisting that it’s just sex. Why do you even care?”

You fold your arms on your chest, taking a few steps away from him. “It’s just weird. When did you fuck her?”

You hear him scoff. “I didn’t fuck her. We just made out.”

“As if that makes it any better,” you drawl.

“You’re so fucking confusing,” he complains, with an edge to his voice. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Nothing,” you tell him, surprising yourself when you realize it’s true. “I’m done with you.”

“Fuck off,” he spits. “You’re just throwing a little jealousy fit because you can’t admit to yourself that you care about me.”

You laugh, a joyless sound that feels like nails on a blackboard. “The funny thing is I really don’t. I don’t give a fuck who’s under you, Jungkook. As long as it’s not me anymore.”

“What? You’re just going to end things like this?”

You nod, finally turning to look at him. He’s scowling, eyes burning with unhinged anger.

“Yeah,” you tell him. “Leave, Jungkook. The project was last semester, this has lasted for way longer than it should have.”

“Alright,” he snickers. “Suit yourself.”

And then he’s gone, not once looking back at you. It hurts to watch him go, somehow, and you curse yourself, force yourself to forget about him. It works – you barely even see him on campus to begin with anyway. So much so that, eight months later, you’re dating Kim Taehyung, an exchange student from Korea, when you actually run into Jungkook for the first time again, at a bar you don’t usually go to.

You’re at the bar, ordering drinks for you and Taehyung who went to the bathroom when Jungkook approaches you.

“Haven’t seen you here before,” he drawls, leaning on the bar. “What’s bringing you here?”

“A date,” you reply truthfully. “If you even know what that is.”

He furrows his brows, rolling his eyes. “You haven’t changed.”

“Okay, Jungkook.”

He remains silent for a time, and then his expression relaxes. You don’t like the way he’s looking at you, doe eyes turning nostalgic. Especially not as he says, “I wish we had ended things on better terms”.

You chuckle bitterly. “Sorry, Jungkook.” You pause, looking towards the bathroom as you see Taehyung walking out. You direct your gaze back to Jungkook before speaking again. “It could’ve been worse. We could’ve fallen in love.”

And then you’re receiving your cocktail and Taehyung’s beer, so you walk away, not once looking back towards Jungkook.

Little do you know that Jungkook fell in love, all those months ago. Tried to forget it with someone else, only to have it backfire in his face because of that stupid hickey. So, he watches you go, feeling sick to his stomach, then figures that getting drunk and fucking a stranger should help him forget.

He knows it never does, but it’s all that he knows how to do.

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Five

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking (cigarettes), mentions of drugs (weed) word count: 3.3k a/n: the italics are a flashback to allie and layla in their gym class btw! love you guys <3

pov: layla

I decided to stay home from school for the rest of the week, I just didn't have the energy to endure the looks people would give me. The whispering during my last two subjects after Matt and I came back at lunch was already too much and it was worse in gym when Allie stuck to her word and paired up with me.

She seemed nice, much nicer than Mia was to me. She talked my ear off the whole lesson but I didn't mind because then I didn't have to talk.

"Don't worry about Mia, by the way. She can be really bitchy at times but she just doesn't like change. I promise she is usually a lot nicer," Allie rambled as we walked around the gym as a warm-up, "It was kinda funny though. No one ever really stands up to her when she gets bitchy because everyone's scared that her dad will arrest them."

Oh, I've met her dad.

"Matt also stood up for you after you left. I trust Matt's opinion on people, he's kinda my scapegoat when it comes to talking to people. I told him to start talking to you like three weeks ago so I could ask you to hang out. I just get nervous talking to people I don't know sometimes."

You don't seem nervous now, motor mouth.

"Sorry if I'm rambling a lot. I'm just really glad you decided to pair up with me because I've been paired with Mia for like the past 2 years. It's nice to have a new friend. It's not like I don't like my friends but Mia is my only girl friend and the guys are such guys sometimes it drives me mad. You get your nails done?"

I shook my head no before she continued, "We should go get our nails done sometime. My shout of course, I'm not gonna force you to get your nails done as well as make you pay."

She was a ray of sunshine and I was sure people were confused as someone as sweet as her was talking to someone like me who looked like they had a constant rain cloud over their head. I found myself amused by her rambling and I decided that it wouldn't be the worst thing to talk to her every now and then.

I spent the rest of my week smoking weed when my father wasn't home and drawing on the last few pages of my sketchbook. The time passed quickly considering I slept for most of the days. Suddenly it was Friday afternoon and I heard a knock at my front door.

I paused my music, frowning when I looked at the clock to see it was 3:30. It was far too early for my dad to be home so I grabbed the metal bat that was lying on the bottom of my underwear drawer, sneaking towards the door silently. Another round of light knocks were placed on the door and I crept up to it before looking through the peephole.

My tense shoulders slumped as I looked at two people with the same face and their familiar brown hair. I unlocked the deadbolt on the door as well as the regular lock before I swung the door open.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, leaning my left hand on the handle of the bat now that the other end was placed on the floor.

"Hi to you too," Chris mumbled as he looked side to side, clearly tense to be in South End as Matt smiled at me.

"I figured you would forget about the game. Decided to come earlier in case you were ready which..." he looked down at my outfit which was my small sleep shorts and an old ratty t-shirt, "I don't think you are?"

"You didn't say it was this Friday!" I frowned and Chris looked down at the bat I was leaning on before shaking his head.

"Good thing I came early then," Matt smirked at me and I chewed at my lip. I tapped the bat on the ground as I thought making Chris look at me again.

"Calm down. I'm not gonna use it on you," I deadpanned to Chris and he just shrugged, looking back out at the street. I felt a nervousness in my chest because they were at my house but I knew if they stayed on the porch or in their car, someone would try something. So I reluctantly said, "Come in."

"We can wait in the ca-"

I cut off Matt quickly, "Get inside now." They looked at each other in surprise before shuffling past me and I closed the door behind them before saying, "Do you have anything valuable in your car? Phone, wallet, laptop?"

They both shook their heads and I locked both of the locks on the door before I spun around to face them again.

"Why?" Chris asked and I tilted my head, giving him an unimpressed look.

"I'll just say you're lucky you drive a fucking soccer mom car or it would be broken into within 15 minutes," I answered blandly and they seemed somewhat shocked but didn't talk, "Come on."

I walked down the hall towards my room, slipping inside and they followed shortly behind me.

"We could've waited on the couch," Matt said as I closed the door of my bedroom and raised my eyebrows.

"If my dad came home and you were sitting on the couch, say goodbye to hockey for the rest of your life," I replied dryly and he pursed his lips, "If he comes home, you will just have to go out my window and jump the fence around the side of the house."

"You don't know when he's coming home?" Chris asked as he leaned against the wall beside my mattress and I shook my head. I was suddenly very conscious that I had the two most loved boys in our school standing in my dirty bedroom. I looked around my room, realising that I looked like I lived in a trap house with my mattress on the floor, empty beer bottles in the corner of my room with cigarettes stuck in them and clothes all over the floor.

"Sorry about the mess. No one ever comes over," I mumbled as I moved a couple clothes off of my mattress, "Sit wherever. Just don't look over here because I'm gonna get changed."

I travelled to the corner of my room where my chest of drawers sat and I saw them both turn to face away from me quickly. After placing the bat beside the drawers, I pulled out black baggy jeans, took off my shorts quickly and slid them on. I then took off my old T-shirt and slid on a baby blue hoodie. I didn't bother putting on a shirt since it would be cold at the game and I wouldn't have to take my hoodie off at any point.

"I'm dressed," I let them know as I grabbed my boots off of the floor, sitting down next to my dresser so I could slide them on easily. I looked up to see both of them sitting on my mattress, looking around my room. Their expressions were unreadable as they looked around my room.

"I like your posters," Chris spoke up and I looked to the wall above my mattress where my Bob Marley, Frank Ocean and Kurt Cobain posters were hung.

"Thanks," I answered, a half-hearted smile being sent his way which he reciprocated, "When do we have to leave by?"

"Four," Matt answered and I nodded, checking the time to see it was 3:40. I hopped off of the floor, walked over to my desk and sat down on the old desk chair.

I scribbled some eyeliner on my eyes before smudging it with my finger and then putting mascara on. I grabbed my lip balm, placing it on my lips before I ran a hand through my curly hair. I grabbed the white beanie that was thrown onto the floor, sliding it onto my head. I jumped up from the seat, grabbed my leather jacket that was hanging over the back of the chair and slid it on.

"Do I need to bring anything?" I asked, having no clue what else to bring to a hockey game.

"Just your team spirit," Chris cheered sarcastically and I tilted my head with an amused look on my face.

"I'm not a cheerleader for a reason," I answered and he shrugged, a small smile on his lips.

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't cheer when we win," he retorted and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm good as long as I'm not expected to start screaming 'Go Bats go!' like an idiot," I did a small jump when I said the slogan that I heard all the cheerleaders say proudly and Matt laughed in response as Chris shook his head with a smile.

"You wanna get food on the way?" Matt asked and I shook my head in response.

"I'm good, I just ate," I explained and he nodded, quickly checking his phone.

"We should probably go," he said, turning his phone to me to see that it was 3:55. I couldn't believe another 15 minutes had passed so quickly but I nodded. Making sure I had my phone, cigarettes, lighter and keys in my pocket, I swung the bedroom door open as Matt and Chris followed behind me. I unlocked the front door swinging it open and motioning for Chris and Matt to go outside.

They walked past me and walked to their car as I turned around to lock the door with my keys. After triple-checking the door, I wandered down the driveway to the minivan. I noticed that Matt was always the one to drive and Chris was seated in the passenger seat, phone already plugged into the aux.

I slid the back door open, jumping inside before I closed the door behind me. As I buckled myself in, Matt started the car and Chris played a song by Lil Skies.

"We good?" Matt asked, looking at me in the rearview mirror and I nodded before he spun around to look at me, "I didn't even have to remind you about your seatbelt, so proud."

"Start driving before I change my mind and go back to the comfort of my bed," I smiled slightly and he beamed back at me before he spun around and we took off down the street.

Within 5 minutes, we were in the parking lot and Chris was wriggling his body along to the beat of the next Lil Skies song. I could take a wild guess as to who his favourite artist is.

Matt turned the music down, earning a glare from Chris but he turned around to look at me ignoring his brother for a moment, "You waiting in the car or coming in?"

"I'm gonna have a smoke first then I'll come in," I explained and he nodded before turning off the car.

"You head in. I'll be there in a sec," Matt told Chris who was clicking away on his phone. With a nod, he jumped out of the car and walked around to the back of the car.

"You want me to take your shit inside?" Chris called from the trunk as I turned around to see Chris lugging his huge duffle bag full of hockey shit.

"Nah I got it," Matt called back to him and Chris raised his eyebrows as he leaned into the trunk again.

"Don't start fuckin in the car or I swear to god," he deadpanned before slamming the trunk closed and I saw him start walking towards the building.

"Sorry about him," Matt mumbled apologetically and I shrugged as I turned to face him.

"It's fine. Wouldn't expect anything less," I told him with an amused smirk making him shake his head, a smile creeping onto his lips, "Are you gonna go inside?"

"I'll wait for you to finish and then I'll show you where to sit inside," he explained and I nodded before hopping out of the car. I closed the door behind me before leaning against the car, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between my lips before lighting it. I heard Matt's door open and close before he rounded the car to get to the trunk.

As I began smoking my cigarette, a car pulled into the space next to Matt's and a few moments passed before Nate and Allie appeared out of the car.

"Hey! Matt told me you were coming," Allie beamed at me and I observed her outfit, feeling strange to see her out of her usual cheer or gym attire. Instead, she had blue jeans, a black puffer jacket with a blue beanie on and black and white vans.

"He failed to mention the game was this Friday," I told her and she rolled her eyes as Nate waved at me. I sent him a wave back with the hand that held my cigarette before I took another puff.

"Is Nick coming?" Nate asked and Matt appeared beside me, duffle bag over his shoulder.

"Nah. He said something about doing homework tonight. Chris is already inside," Matt explained with a shrug as Nate rounded the back of his car and popped the trunk open, grabbing a duffle bag of his own hockey gear.

"You coming in?" Allie asked me and I held the cigarette up.

"When I finish this," I told her, a smile tugging at my lips at her beaming personality.

"See you guys in there!" Nate called as he started walking towards the building with Allie following behind him.

"Is Miss Cheer herself coming?" I asked Matt once Allie and Nate were out of earshot and he shrugged, moving to stand in front of me as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder.

"No clue. She usually shows up late if she comes though," he told me honestly and I nodded, noticing my cigarette almost being done. I quickly finished it before dropping it onto the ground and squishing it underneath my foot. I went to push away from the car but Matt stopped me by saying, "Hold up."

"What?" I asked, confusion written on my face. He held his hand up before he dropped his duffle bag to the ground and squatted down to rummage through one of the smaller pockets.

He pulled out a small pot of black face paint and a brush before standing back up, "Move your hair."

"What are you doing?" I squinted at him as he opened the pot of black face paint and he smiled at me.

"Just trust me," he shrugged and I squinted my eyes at him for a moment before I tucked my hair behind my ears. I tilted my head back as I peered up at him and he dipped the brush into the pot before he started painting my right cheek.

"If you're drawing a dick on my face I'll kill you with my bare hands, Matthew," I mumbled, trying not to move my mouth much as his tongue poked out between his lips in concentration.

"If I was gonna do that..." he trailed off before leaning back with a smile, "I'd use a sharpie."

"What did you do?" I asked and he just shrugged as he closed the pot again, sliding it back into his bag before swinging it over his shoulder again. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, opening the front camera to see he had painted the number 81 on my cheek, "What does this mean?"

"You'll see," he shrugged with a smirk and I frowned as he started to walk backwards before he tilted his head towards the building, "Come on. I gotta warm up."

I pushed away from the car, trailing behind him as we walked towards the entrance. He swung the door open, standing behind it as he let me walk in first. We walked through the front area, some of his teammates being gathered around to grab snacks or energy drinks.

"Matty B!" one of the guys called who I recognised as Daniel and he jogged over to us as Matt paused, dapping him up quickly, "Who's this?"

"Layla, Daniel. Daniel, Layla," Matt introduced us and I just nodded at Daniel, not surprised that he didn't know my name.

"No Mia?" he asked Matt and Matt just shrugged in response.

"She's being weird. I don't know dude," Matt answered before he looked towards the rest of their team, "You guys gotta hurry up. We have 45 to warm up."

"Sir, yes, sir," Daniel sent Matt a salute before he started walking backwards and looked at me, "Nice to meet you, princess."

I sent him another nod before Matt started walking towards the doors of the rink, "Ignore Dan. He'll try to fuck anything with legs."

"Don't worry, Captain. I don't do goalies," I smirked and he chuckled in response, holding the door open to the rink for me to enter first again. I walked in, the cold air hitting my cheeks making me shiver.

"Layla!" I heard Allie's chirpy voice call out from the bleachers and I looked to my left to see her sitting front and centre, I sent her a small wave as I started to walk over to her with Matt following behind me.

"I gotta go get ready but are you good to sit with Allie?" Matt asked me and I turned my head to look at him now that he was on my right and I nodded.

"Yeah. Go make sure your hair is nice before you play," I joked as he rolled his eyes, pushing my shoulder slightly before spinning around to walk backwards while I paused at the steps that led up to where Allie was seated, "Break a leg, pretty boy."

"Thanks, pretty girl," he smirked at me and I bit my lip to hide my smile as he spun back around and walked into the locker room at the end of the rink. I shook my head to get rid of my smile as I walked up a few steps before sitting down next to Allie.

She smirked at me and I gave her a confused expression, "What?"

"Nothing," she hummed, her smirk turning into a smile as she looked out onto the ice. She pulled a packet of Sour Patch Kids out from her small handbag that I hadn't even noticed before she pulled open the packet, "You want one?"

"Sure," I shrugged, picking out a couple before throwing them into my mouth and her actions followed mine.

"So you and Matt..." she trailed off and I looked back at her as she smiled at me.

"Me and Matt?" I questioned, waiting for her to continue.

"You guys are cute," she shrugged, a genuine joy spread across her face and I let my mouth fall open.

"Uh... I don't even know if we're friends let alone anything else," I told her honestly and she rolled her eyes playfully before she hummed.

"Matt doesn't talk to just anyone. If he's asking you to come to his games clearly he wants you around," she told me as if it were obvious and I shrugged as I chewed on my lip. A few players from the other team skated onto the ice with their full gear, doing laps around the ice lazily.

"I don't think Chris and Nick like me though. His brothers' opinions probably mean a lot to him," I answered, looking at the players skating in circles. A couple players from Matt's team slid onto the ice as they started doing the same as the opposition.

"Chris is just focused on other shit. Nick tends to stick to himself a lot so just give them both time," she tried to reassure me and I looked back to her before she continued, "Besides, I like you so they're not getting rid of you that easily while I'm around."

"What about Mia?" I asked, genuinely curious as to how heavily Mia's opinion influenced her friends.

Allie sighed as she looked out at the rink, "Mia will figure it out. I don't know why she's being so weird about it. I think it's because she's protective over us."

"Matt's the one that came to me. I don't know why she was acting like I'm tryna break up your entire friend group," I mumbled as I looked out onto the ice to see a couple more players.

Only then did I realise that number 81 with a small C on the chest of his blue and white jersey was skating around the rink and it was none other than Matthew Sturniolo.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

HELLO HELLO LIZ HOW ARE YOU??? I HOPE YOURE WELL!!

now you already know who I’m here for but in case you didn’t-

SEGGSUAL TENSION WITH SPENCER REID, MAYBE HES BACK FROM A MISSION AND GOT BEAT UP ON AND SO READER’S CLEANING HIM UP AND THE ENTIRE TIME SPENCER’S LIKE “imnotturnedonrightnow,that’dbesoweirdwtf”

USE ANY PROMPTS BUT MAYBE 9?? I THINK THAT’D FIT WELL

I LOVE YOU!! HAVE AN AMAZING EVENING!!

HI FRIEND! I'M OKAY! I GOT YOU!

"Ya know, when I signed up to be your roommate, I did not sign up for this." I sigh, leaning against the doorframe as a broken and battered Spencer stumbles into our shared apartment, small, whiny winces escaping him with every step he takes.

"I need your help." He mutters, leaning against the counter while gripping his side, eyes finally lifting to look up at me. My frown deepens at the sight of his bloodshot eyes and I wonder if it's from his injuries or if it's truly been days since he's slept.

Both could be true.

"I am not a trained professional. You're literally a doctor, Spence." I step up to him, hands on my hips in an attempt to be intimidating but it's impossible when he's looking at me like that- pitiful and in need of help only I can offer him. In response, he gives me the best smile he can muster, reaching out to pat my arm playfully.

"Not that kind of doctor."

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” I hold a hand out to him, linking my fingers with his- with zero arguments from him- before leading him away from our kitchen, watching blood drip out of the wound on his arm and onto the ground below us. "I literally keep this place going when you're gone and you have the audacity to come back and drip blood all over the floor that I just cleaned." I mutter through gritted teeth, dragging him into the bathroom with me, sending him a half-assed glare.

"You complain a lot." He hoists himself up onto the counter behind him, leaving room for me to slot myself between his parted legs.

This isn't the first time he's come home from a case all bloody and in need of patching up but this is has to be the worst I've ever seen from him.

"Again, you knew this before we moved in together." I pat his chest but it just pulls another pained groan from him and I investigate further, fingers puling at the collar of his shirt to see splotchy bruises painting his chest. "Did the other guy at least look worse than you?"

"Definitely not." He laughs, watching me dab at the cut on his forehead with furrowed brows. "Morgan won the fight for me."

"Can you take this off?" I pull at his shirt and he pauses, hands shaking at his side as I wait for his reply. Instead of responding, he just helps me lift the bloodied t-shirt over his head, tossing it onto the ground behind me. I let out a sad sigh at the sight of his bruised torso, my fingers instinctively reaching out to drag against his pale skin. He watches me intently with his lip tucked between his teeth, cheeks flushed a cute red color. "Shit, should you go to the hospital?" I ask, leaning down to inspect the deep bruise right beside his belly button, wondering if it's coming from internal bleeding but he just shakes his head and waves me off.

"No, I'm good where I am." He strains, head tilting so he can stare at the ceiling and not at me, the blush that was once on his cheeks is now crawling down his neck.

"You stress me out." I giggle but realize his sudden fidgety nature, his jaw clenched as I take a step back, eyes avoiding the pretty obvious distraction inches away from me. "Really?" I ask, mirroring him, chin tilting so I can stare at the ceiling and not the sudden tent in Spencer's sweatpants.

"Please, just don't mention it-"

"I really wanna mention it." I chuckle, slapping a hand over my mouth as Spencer whines, forcing his face into his hands with a loud groan.

"You're only making this worse." He shuffles off the counter and he slips past me, brushing my hands off as I try to reach out to him but he just waddles away from me, adjusting himself as he moves towards his room.

"It's not my fault!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1

[river13245]

Say Don't Go

Navigation / TLOU Masterlist

Part 2

Joel Miller x Male reader

At the very start of this arrangement you had known it was a bad idea. That Joel Miller was not the type of man to commit to someone. He may have been the type before this shit all happened but after everything he has seen and done. Its changed him and you knew that, everyone knew that.

And even though you knew that everyone who knew him either stayed clear of him or slept with him then left the next morning. Even with this knowledge it didn't stop you from getting closer to him. You even managed to become friends with the man.

You've done the one thing you promised to yourself you wouldn't do. Of course Joel was attractive, anyone could see that but when you began to have a feeling in your gut when you were around him. You told yourself that it was just because he was attractive. You could find another person to be attractive without being in love. Oh how wrong you were.

Over the course of your friendship everything about this man made you weak. When he was drunk he would be slightly more touchy, like a hand on your side or laying on your thigh. When he would immediately push you out of any danger that came your way or became very protective over you. Even when everyone knew you were capable of handling yourself.

That's not even the worst of it. The worst part is what you had avoided for the longest time because you knew that if you were to see it, you wouldn't be able to push away the feelings anymore. and that's when he is a good father to Ellie.

Every time he would have her sit beside him as he teaches her the guitar, or when he would try to cook for her. Try is the key word because you and Ellie would have to make something cause he would burn things. Also when he would be protective over her and wouldn't let anyone talk badly about her. That's when you knew these feelings weren't just temporary.

After a year of pining over him and people always asking if you too were a couple, something finally happened. Joel, Ellie and you were all hanging out in the home the three of you had. (yes you lived with them). Everyone was drinking, Ellie didn't drink much because she had plans later on that night. Joel was the one that drank the most.

After a few hours of just talking and hanging out, enjoying the time that you had where you weren't working. Ellie had stood up and threw her drink away saying "I've got to go see Dina. See the both of you later" She headed out leaving you and Joel alone.

Throughout the night Joel had began the touchiness but was respectful in front of Ellie. Ellie had known about your feelings for the man and she even had said that he acts different around you. And oh how you believed her.

The second she was out of the house he stands up from the couch to throw away his drink but before he gets past you, your hand grabs his wrist. "Joel. I think its best you stop drinking tonight. You have drank a lot and you know you're going to regret it in the morning if you continue"

He looks at you and you could have sworn he looks at your lips before he pulls away and walks to the kitchen. A sigh escapes you before you stand up and wince a bit. Months ago you had fucked your leg up and its never been quite the same since, but everyone's got something.

You begin to clean up the place and put everything away. Even go so far as to start doing the dishes. You were in the middle of drying the dishes when you feel a hand on your back. A involuntary gasp escapes you. "y/n"

His voice saying your name so close to you made your heartrate spike. Now you weren't a person who was known for swooning at anyone. In fact you hadn't done anything with anyone since before the outbreak. You may have liked someone before him but nothing ever came out of it except friendship because he had someone at the time.

Turning around after placing the glass down your chests are practically pressed up against each other now. His hand that was on your back is now on your side. "Joel don't" The rational part of your brain was reminding you that this is how he is when hes drunk.

He would never do anything if its not something the other person wants, always respectful in that way. But he flirts with anyone that's around when he's drunk and knows the person. You knew you weren't exactly special, especially when you have seen him flirt, and then heard them because these walls weren't exactly thick.

Joel looks at you and his hands begin to run under your shirt. "I know how you feel about me. I've seen it." His hands run higher and you feel the pads of his fingers brushing against your skin. "Fuck" as soon as the word left your lips your hand moves to the collar of his shirt and pull him into a kiss.

The kiss is very sloppy and yes maybe its only as good as it feels because the both of you had drank a bit. However the both of you weren't drunk enough to not be in control of your own actions. The both of you knew what was happening and so that also means that you knew it was a bad idea.

Things escalated pretty quickly and about an hour later the both of you were laying beside eachother. You were holding eachother for a little bit before the both of you went to sleep.

The morning after you woke up in the same bed. Joel's covers were wrapped around you with the morning sun beaming in through the blinds.

As you opened your eyes you thought that maybe Joel would be there beside you but when you looked over he was gone. Even when you got yourself ready there was no sign of him being here. He must have left earlier that morning.

You felt terrible, almost hated yourself for your actions last night. But little did you know that would not be the last time.

-------

Its been about two years since the night with Joel. You wish you could say that it was the last time. But you cant.

Joel and you had both made it a routine. At first it wasn't terrible because in the beginning he would make you dinner and be super nice to you before the two of you went to his bedroom.

He would take you out, take you to the bar and his eyes would only be you. Would even turn down people because he had you. Now the both of you never claimed to be in a relationship, because you weren't. You were friends but sometimes were something more. And even on some mornings he would stay with you for a few minutes before starting his day.

Everything was going fine. Maybe not how you wished things would go between the both of you but you have him in some way. And any way is better than not at all. Until about a year into this arrangement, he started being distant. No longer was there any dinners between the two of you. Instead you would cook for Ellie and sometimes even Dina when she came around.

Ellie and Dina would keep your mind off things as long as possible. Until they gave you a heart to heart and basically gave you a pep talk about how he shouldn't be treating you like this. Ellie straight up said "you are like his stay at home Spouse. You cook, clean, take care of him when he's drunk off his ass and sometimes get the benefits. But he Gives you nothing." Dina then made sure to sweeten things a bit saying "you would be such an amazing partner to someone that is also a good partner too"

Did this pep talk work...for a short while yes. You had told Joel about how you felt one night. He had came home later than normal and smelt lightly of perfume. However you chose to ignore it because maybe he was around another girl while working. It happens.

After you had told him everything you needed to. He said that you were thinking to much into things. He's here when he can be, that he cant take you out all the time or be home exactly when you need him to be.

His breath smelt of alcohol and so instead of arguing you just started a shower for him and went to make him a sandwich.

------

It was like this until today, when you had decided that you have had enough. You had been worn out, your body thinner than it ever has been because of the stress from taking care of him and making sure he was okay. Getting no sleep and crying had caused you to have bags under your eyes. Even your hair seemed to be shaggier and no longer was their a smile on your face. It was so bad that people even began to ask if you were okay. Hell even Tommy had came around more often to see you.

After a year and a half he still hadn't given a label on this thing. You were here when he needed you but if it was the other way around. He was too busy. He had even declined your call when you had been hurt and bleeding. You had to call Tommy because you didn't want Ellie to see you like that.

Not even then did you decide to stop the relationship. What finally broke you was when you were with Ellie, Dina and Jesse and had entered the bar. You were planning on dancing and just having fun but that all was ruined when you seen a random girl right in front of Joel.

He must have been very drunk because not often would he kiss like that in public. So you chose to ignore it for the night and you did manage to end up having a bit of fun with your friends you met up with.

However that didn't mean you forgot about what had happened. You hadn't done anything with anyone in the year you had been together. No flirting, no gazing across the room, no admiring anyone. Nothing. So that morning when you were making breakfast for yourself and for Ellie because she said she would be over in about an hour. Joel comes walking in.

He walks past and sets his things down. You stay quiet until he asks "what are you making?" its a simple question but you were still on edge. " breakfast for Ellie and I" You kept all of your sentences short because you couldn't look at him right now.

"what is going on with you this morning?" he had the nerve to ask. You set down your utensil and look out of the window not wanting to look at him. "I cant do this anymore."

"do what. exactly" he says as he relaxes more into the seat. You turn around to look at him while taking a deep breath. "This whatever the fuck this is. A friendship, relationship, or maybe its Friends that use each other every now and then when needed."

There is a pause before you laugh and shake your head. "oh no that's not right either because if we were using each other. That would mean that I was using you too. That you were just another guy. But its you using me..right? I mean nothing to you"

He looks at you and watches as you cross your arms to shield yourself as if you were putting up a wall in front of you. "What I thought you knew the arrangement"

Tears were forming in your eyes but you refused to cry in front of him. "The arrangement...the Same arrangement that you would never have a conversation about. I speculated you were sleeping with women and then I finally got confirmation last night at the bar. But the funny thing is"

Your voice breaks before you speak again. "I haven't even encouraged the idea of another person since we started this whole thing. and the real shitty thing is that I knew this whole thing was a bad idea form the very first night. But I was in love and stupid and I will never let myself fall for someone so stupidly again"

You both look at each other and it looks as if he wants to say something but he chooses not to. Then the ringing from the timer going off is what breaks you from the trance and the food is done. "Ellie should be here any second now. I'm going to get my things"

-----

Joel sits there in silence and its as if nothing has even happened to him. He looks so well while you have been killing yourself for him.

When you walk back down you have one bag in your hand because you never wanted to take up too much space so you never had many things. As you walk past the kitchen into the living room you see that Ellie is there talking to Joel. They were talking about Dina as you walked past. Ellie looks over at you noticing that you look tired, it seemed to be a permanent look you couldn't get rid of. That no sleep would be able to fix.

You grab the book of yours you had been reading that was sitting on the table. "Where you going?" you heard Ellie ask. "im leaving. Ive got to find my own place." She looks at Joel then back at you and gives you a reassuring smile. After saying your goodbyes you started to walk out of the house.

And even as stupid as it is. You stood in the doorway for a few seconds just waiting or hoping that he would tell you to not go. That he wants to make things work. That he needs you. Fucking something and when that didnt happen you were left with no other choice.

Ellie had texted Tommy telling him the news. You and Tommy were close, especially since you knew him before Joel ever came around so she thought he would like to know.

When she finished texting she looks at Joel and shakes her head. "You made a Terrible choice letting them leave like that."

(author note: I don't know if i like this too much. so i apologize. I just needed to post something today. MIGHT be a part 2...just gotta think how i want it to be)