#'you're not going to want to be throwing drunks out of bathrooms when you're forty south just be realistic' and south's just 🖕 die.

[harbingersecho]

she should've been problematic at the club

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Iron Man 2: Part Seven

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Warnings: canon violence and angst

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You leave the bedroom and go downstairs to where people are already filing into his house. Some people see you and cheer since they're big fans of you but you ignore them as best as you can.

"Hey! You're the flying chick! Fly for us!" one man smiles.

You push past him without saying a word and find Pepper in the middle of the house looking defeated.

"Hey, I tried everything but I can't convince him to cancel this before it gets out of hand."

"What is going on with him?"

You want to tell her. You want to scream it from the top of your lungs, but you take loyalty and trust very seriously. Tony doesn't trust a lot of people so if you were to ruin something he has, then he won't ever trust you again.

"I don't know," you mumble.

Tony doesn't make an entrance for another forty-five minutes and when he does, he's drunk. People cheer when they see him because he is in his Iron Man suit. They think he's going to put a show on for them even though you know he's in pain. He stumbles onto the platform where the DJ is and grabs a microphone. Everyone else thinks it's cool that he's showing off and messing around except for you and Pepper. Rhodey isn't even here yet but you know he'll be pissed once he does.

"Can't you do anything about this?" she asks.

"In the middle of this crowded party? While Tony's drunk? And wearing his suit? I'm signing his death sentence if I do," you sigh.

"Hey, Pepper and Y/N," Rhodey says when he enters the house.

"I'm going to get some air," Pepper sighs.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"We don't know what to do," you sigh and point to Tony who is now falling over with a drink in his hands. "I would stop it but there are too many people here. They could get hurt. Tony won't go down without a fight."

"You gotta be kidding me. That's it, I'm making--"

"No, please don't call anyone," you beg. "He's dying, Rhodey. He thinks this is his last birthday party. If you call someone, they are only going to end up getting hurt."

"Y/N, this is ridiculous. I just stuck my neck out for this guy."

"I know. I know. Trust me, I get it. I'll handle it, okay? Let me handle it."

"Handle it or I'm gonna have to."

You're so done with his shit. You have to do something now before something bad happens.

"You know, the question I get asked most often is, 'Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?'" Tony says to the crowd via a microphone. He closes his eyes and smiles in relief. "Just like that."

The crowd cheers at him, and you walk onto the stage and grab the microphone while he giggles like a schoolgirl. 

"Does this guy know how to throw a party or what?" you chuckle.

"I love you," he slurs at you.

"Unbelievable! Thank you so much. Tony, we all thank you so much for such a wonderful night. We're gonna say good night now, and thank you all for coming."

The crowd groans in protest but you couldn't care less about them right now.

"No, no, no, we can't ... Wait, wait, wait. We didn't have the cake. We didn't blow out the candles," he slurs and you put the microphone behind your back so the guests don't hear this.

"You're out of control, okay? Trust me on this, okay?"

"You're out of control, gorgeous."

"It's time to go to bed. It's time."

"Give me another smooch, Pepper," he slurs and leans in close to your mouth but you just shove him away. 

"Tony, sober the fuck up and shut this party down. I won't ask twice," you growl. "Send everybody home, Anthony."

"If you say so," he shrugs.

"Okay, I'll take this and you take that." You replace his glass of alcohol with the microphone.

"Y/N. She's right. The party's over. Then again, the party was over for me, like, an hour and a half ago. The after-party starts in fifteen minutes. If anybody, Y/N, doesn't like it, there's the door."

He points to the door but accidentally shoots it with the repulsor on his palm. The glass covering the staircase shatters into a million pieces, and you know this party is about to hit the fan. The crowd goes wild, and one of the girls in front wiggles a champagne bottle as to indicate he should hit it in mid-air. You grab Tony by the arm and your eyes flash all four colors--fiery red, crystal blue, misty white, and forest green. You're not playing anymore.

"I am done playing your fucking games. Stop this now."

He shoves you off him and looks at the girl with the bottle. She throws it in the air and Tony shoots at it with his repulsors causing it to shatter. You and everyone in the splash zone flinch away from the glass. You look at Rhodey who is beyond pissed. He seems to have an idea so he leaves to go downstairs to where Tony keeps his other suits. Tony really needs to fight someone with the same powers. 

You would be an unfair fight. Pepper enters the house again so you leave the platform to join her.

"What the hell happened here?"

"Tony is being a dick. Things are about to get messy, so I'd steer clear of this area. Or the house," you gulp.

"I'm only gonna say this once," Rhodey says from the other side of the room. He got one of Tony's suits, put it on, and is now vaguely threatening everyone to leave. "Get out." The helmet slips down and that's when everyone starts rushing out of the house at his command. "You don't deserve to wear one of these. Shut it down!"

"Goldstein," Tony says into the microphone at the DJ.

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"Give me a phat beat to beat my buddy's ass to," he laughs childishly.

"I told you to shut it down," Rhodey exclaims and grabs Tony from behind.

Queen's Another One Bites the Dust starts playing. Tony laughs as his helmet slides down. Tony takes off backward, slamming through the wall and into the gym next door. Everyone still isn't outside yet and you're scared someone else will get hurt.

"Natalie!" Pepper screams when she sees the spy.

"Miss Potts."

"Don't you 'Miss Potts' me! I'm on to you. You know what? Ever since you came here--"

Tony and Rhodey both come crashing through the ceiling just as the last person makes it out of the house. You, Pepper, and Natasha all jump away from the debris. Happy is seen outside the glass windows and doors, and when he catches your eye, he knows to come get Pepper.

"Pepper, go with Happy. Okay? Leave!" you urge as he makes his way over to her.

"Can't you do anything? Step in!" she exclaims.

"It's best if they hash it out. We need to get everyone away starting with you. Okay, go!"

He takes her by the waist and leads her to the closest exit. You make your way around the fight over to the double doors and head outside where everyone is.

Tony and Rhodey continue to fight and throw punches at each other until Tony throws him into the mini-bar. He's down for now so Tony turns to the crowd who is watching. More specifically, you. He screams at the top of his lungs, scaring the shit out of everyone there. They all scream and run away, but you're just standing there with your arms crossed in disappointment.

Rhodey gets up and throws the counter at Tony which then tosses Tony right into the fireplace. The suit protects him from the scorching heat. He breaks the mantle as he pulls away and turns to his best friend. He puts his hand up and Rhodey does the same.

"Put your hand down," Rhodey says.

"You think you got what it takes to wear that suit?"

"We don't have to do this, Tony."

"You wanna be the War Machine, take your shot."

"Put it down!"

"You gonna take a shot?"

"Put it down!"

"No!"

"Drop it, Tony!"

"Take it!" Tony screams.

Photon energy comes from both men's repulsors. The energy meets in the middle creating a ball of powerful energy. You take off running towards the end of the balcony and jump off, using your aerokinesis to keep you afloat. The blast tears right through his house; you would have been dead if you stayed on the balcony. Once the storm calms down, you fly back to the house to see the damages.

It looks worse than you think it is. Both men are blasted back from the impact and you walk inside to see if they are alright. The first one to get up is Rhodey but all he can do is stare at Tony before taking off into the sky with the suit. Now that it's just you and Tony, you stomp over to him with tears in your eyes.

"I'm fucking done with your bullshit, Tony. I can't keep watching you destroy yourself like this. You're on your own right now," you glare.

You leave his side so he can clean up his own damn house himself. What Tony needs is space from everyone to think about what he's doing and how it's going to affect everyone who cares about him. You take the entire night off to regroup so you can come back in the morning and take this on like an adult. Tony left his house and went to a donut shop where he is sitting in the big donut display outside.

You might have been a bit harsh but that doesn't mean you didn't mean what you said to him. There was a gentler way of putting it but how else are you going to get a stubborn man to listen to you? You approach the big donut display and look up at Tony who is sitting in the middle of it fifty feet in the air.

"Tony! We need to talk!" He doesn't answer you so you fly up towards him so he can hear you better. You take a seat across from him with a sigh. "Tony, we need to talk."

"I heard you the first time," he sighs.

"Tony, I'm being serious."

"What is it?" he groans and eats another donut.

"Look, this may not be the right time, but--"

"Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut!" a man who sounds exactly like Nick Fury says from the ground.

You and Tony look to see Nick Fury.

"Who the hell is that?"

"Someone you should hear out. Come on."

You and Tony make your way inside the empty donut shop where Fury is currently sitting. Tony slides into the booth across from Fury and you take the seat next to Tony. Tony rests his head in the palm of his head because the more he's dying, the more tired he becomes. Fury vaguely explains what is going on but Tony doesn't want to hear it.

"I don't wanna join your super-secret boy band."

"Oh, yeah. I remember you do everything yourself. How's that working out for you?"

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna get off on the wrong foot. Do I look at the patch or the eye? Honestly, I'm a bit hungover. I'm not sure if you're real or if I'm having--"

"I am very real," Fury interrupts him. "I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet."

"He's telling the truth," you add.

"That's not looking so good," Fury notices the disease getting worse on Tony's neck.

"Welcome to my world," you scoff.

"I've been worse."

"We've secured the perimeter but I don't think we should hold it for too much longer," Natasha informs when she walks up to the table.

Tony looks at her and has to lower his sunglasses to make sure he's seeing her correctly. She's decked up in her SHIELD uniform that's very form-fitting. Damn. Does this woman ever look bad? She looks at you to which you give her a wink in return. She fights back a smile and sits next to Fury.

"You're fired," he slurs.

"That's not up to you."

"Tony, I want you to meet Agent Romanoff."

"I'm a SHIELD shadow. Once we knew you were ill, I was tasked to you by Director Fury."

"I suggest you apologize. Did you know?"

"Of course, I knew. This isn't my first interaction with Director Fury," you cross your arms.

"You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff, and you let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I didn't know better--"

"You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass, and took your suit?" he asks and turns to Natasha. "Is that possible?"

"Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage."

"What do you want from me?" Tony sighs.

"What do we want from you? What do you want from me?" Fury glares as Natasha leaves the booth. "You have become a problem--a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him."

Natasha comes back and sticks a needle in Tony's neck. She injects him with something you're not familiar with but you notice his skin going back to his normal shade.

"Oh, God, are gonna steal my kidney and sell it?" he jumps back from the shock. Natasha grabs his chin and moves his head to the side to show his rash is going away. "Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?"

"What did we just do for you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work."

"Give me a couple of boxes of that. I'll be right as rain."

"It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms. Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix."

"Trust me, I know. I'm good at this stuff. I've been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I've tried every combination and every permutation of every known element."

"Well, I'm here to tell you, you haven't tried them all," he grins.

"What do you mean?"

Fury told you and Tony to head back to his ruined house where there is a surprise waiting for him.

x

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[zoffra]

Chapter 3 - Drunkenness

Few hours earlier, in the afternoon

'So then? Which one, Fei? ' Phinks waved in his right hand a tracksuit of a pretty green bottle decorated with red bands, and in the left hand a similar model, of a gray and bluish tint, more classic.

Feitan was unhappy with his fate, he didn't want to be there. He would have preferred to visit the torture museum he'd spotted in one of hotel brochures, or even accompany Machi and Nobunaga to taste excellent wines, or even lose money he would have stolen from private games circle with Franklin and Shizuku.

Phinks, on the other hand, was in a massacring mood since their arrival in this city. His suitcase - containing his precious Pharaoh robe and his favorite tracksuit - was unfortunately lost during their flight. Passed his cordial congratulations to the airline to let them know he was discontented, Phinks decided he needed a new wardrobe.

Unable to agree on the program for the day, the duo decided to use their usual method to decide, 'Pile. No luck, Fei. '

This how Feitan despite found himself front of this large luxury brand clothing store. He didn't wait two minutes before hearing alarms, customers running away screaming and seeing a security guard fly through the store front. This vision cheered him up and he finally decided to enter.

'Oh, Fei! I talking to you, which one I take?' Feitan, drawn from his thoughts, lazily turned his head towards his companion and frowned when he saw the jackets.

He and Phinks really didn't have same tastes, 'Don't care. Just take these two horrors. We go'

Phinks scowled, he didn't like being criticized for his clothing tastes. Did he tell to Feitan his tunic made him look like a damn trash bag on Halloween night? Offended, tall blond felt he was in his right to return the favor. He carefully folded the tracksuits under his arm, 'I'll take both then. There's just something I want to show you before to go, come. '

.....

'There you go' Phinks smiled like an idiot, 'I figured we might get you a little something.'

'... Run.'

Phinks burst out laughing as he fled to the exit, while Feitan drew his sword furiously before chasing after his stupid companion, leaving the child department.

During their chase, the duo had traveled several kilometers without realizing it. They decided to steal a car to return to the hotel, when they spotted a grocery store open at night.

After unloading the seller from his stock of beers and finding a car to their liking, they rushed inside and drank until the last can of beer was crushed. And then Phinks insisted on driving, proclaim loud and clear he was stronger than the average drinker and he was perfectly fit to drive.

They exactly drived fifteen meters, from the parking lot where they were installed until the car ended up in a ditch. Feitan collapsed into laughter in his seat and leaned forward to look at the smoking car hood, 'Don't think it work, now.'

Phinks groaned and pulled out his phone to write a text. And he really tried, long, hard. But words he wanted to write didn't appear the way he wanted on his screen - probably due to the fact he made so many spelling mistakes that even the automatic spell checker couldn't recognize certain words.

Finally, he clicked on Shizuku's name and send the message.

More than forty minutes passed, when a big black sedan came up to them.

A young blond lowered the driver's window to scrutinize them with an icy look, devoid of the usually smile who ornament his face, 'Third time this month. Come on up.'

'You're not Shizuku, didn't it?'

'Shut up, Phinks. Come on up. '

'Noooooo, you not Shizuku, we wait Shizuku.'

'Shut up, Feitan. Guys, go up. NOW.' Sharnalk'd raised his voice, it was not a good sign.

The two spiders therefore opted for a wise decision and slipped into the car that Sharnalk had borrowed to recover them, and Phinks didn't forget to make sure that the manipulator knows car he'd stolen was prettier than his.

.....

Shalnark paced a tight rhythm until his room. He told himself that if hell exists, its probably looked like something like bring back Phinks and Feitan drunk while trying to drive.

He nervously searched for his keys in his pocket without paying attention to his two drunkard friends who were dragging behind him, stumbling and laughing like teenagers, 'Less noise guys, Kortopi has to sleep. Take the bed at the far right, I take the sofa.'

Feitan quickly zigzagged to the bathroom and Sharnalk turned on the bedside lamp. The latter looked towards Kortopi's bed, whose gray hair protruded from the duvet. He smiled, tenderized, but in a fraction of one second, Sharnalk felt like out of time when he saw Phinks throwing himself full length on this bed which wasn't hers.

'PHINKS! NO!'

* CRAC *

'Shit!' Phinks, who was in a drunkenness close to a coma, regained his lucidity and got up instantly, feeling the child's bones creaking under his weight.

Sharnalk rushed to the bed in horror as Feitan stormed out of the bathroom with his pants still down to his ankles. Phinks pulled up the duvet violently and saw Kortopi's lifeless body.

'Did I kill him ?!' shouted Phinks, hands on his head. Sharnalk grabbed the child in his arms when something troubled him.

'Did I kill him or not ?!' Phinks shouted even louder.

'Shut up, idiot!' Feitan hissed. He too had noticed that something was wrong.

Phinks' panicked gaze juggled between that of Sharnalk and Feitan who seemed apathetic.

He turned his attention back to Kortopi's body in minute detail when suddenly his eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed, burning in anger, 'Is it... a copy?'

Sharnalk's face could have melted steel.

For his part, Feitan felt it was time for him to make his first evening drunken comment, 'I'm going to shave you, broom man.'

Phinks was more pragmatic, 'Oh... little crap.'