#(( also meanwhile reveals that Yeah her people dont have phones

[royalreef]

@archivalwrite || Continued from here

She stretched her hands outwards, gesturing again only once to call another serf over to her, and immediately they withdrew a cloth to begin to clean Miranda's claws for her. They tilted their head low, reverent, eyes cast down to their work, polishing each scale and working short, webbed digits around each pad on her palm. The otter didn't look up to Liam, switching instead between soap and wet cloth and another cloth and polish and finally a scented oil, content to keep work on attending to Miranda's hands, ensuring they were clean to perfection, instead of attempting to broach a conversation that they understood they were not a part of.

Miranda, who was still acting as though all of this was so mundane that she did not even have to pay it her full attention, something which Liam himself could attest to — looked down at the ground, less at the serf which was tending to her, and moreso like she was peering through them, looking at something which was not there simply to not look back at Liam.

"I mean — it would not be so hard, I do not think," she mouths the words down at the top of the serf's head. Maybe they are listening. Maybe they are not, because their ears are folded down, small as they are, nearly hidden beneath all the fur covering their body. Miranda certainly would not care either way, because this is not a secret she has to be wary of around her own staff.

This is not a secret either, but the aftertaste of secrets is still in her mouth, wrapped around her tongue, and she has yet to fully chew her way back out of it.

Would the serf even understand the profundity of the secret at hand either? Probably not. Things were different, when she broached the legal boundary between the Merkingdom and anything else left, and the space between Liam and Miranda and the serf was vast.

"It has only been... What, seven years since I first obtained a phone? And I do not truly use them when I return home either... Whoever else would I talk to if not you? It is not as though anyone else within the kingdom has any number I could collect."

[voidselfshipp]

If I Could Make A Wish

Pt2

Summary: a New ghoul in school comes to shake things up.

Word count: 827

--have you heard about the New ghoul in school?

Clawdeen asked, closing her locker.

--i heard she comes from scargentina,electrifiying!,

Frankie exclaimed-- here she comes!

All eyes fell on her.

Her face hides further into her hood,she stops infront of her locker, opening it up and grabbing her books for the Next class.

--you must be jerico!-

The frankenstein moster said tapping her shoulder--im Frankie!

Jerico looks over to her, her human face catches frankie off guard, but those reptilian eyes affirm shes not human...

--uhm.. hi yeah im jerico

She seems coy at first but her tone seemed cheery.

--hey wanna go Grab lunch, I can introduce you to my Friends, you'll love them.

The New girl chuckles and nodds--i'd love to!, but right now I gotta go to biteology class and im going to be late...wheres the classroom?

--over that corridor the second door left

Jer nodds closing her locker and running down said hallway.

She quickly entered gasping for air and sitting in an empty space.

Only that instead of being empty someone was sitting besides her.

A girl, Pink skin,bi color hair, arabic clothing.

Gigi finally got the hang of things,she was scrolling down her feed waiting for her class to start.

Jerico sits besides her and takes out her things.

The genie realizes someone is besides her,and her breath catches.

She had her hood down, big yellow horns with rings around them her green eyes watched down her phone , turning it off and meeting glances with gigi.

--uhm..hi...

--hello

Both look away for a bit.

--Jerico...jerico devils

--gigi Grant at your service- Both tense up for a sec- sorry...its an old habit..see im a djinn

Suddenly jer relaxes and smiles fondly-- a djinn? Hmm I know someone whose also a genie...

--well I used to be a genie, my friend whisp is now working as one...I got the chance to stay here at monster high

--Thats really cool, have you been here for long?

--a year,but yeah pretty much

The teacher enters, taking the attention to them.

--for your first assigment you'll work in pairs with the monster sitting besides you,ill hand in the assigment, its due today so no slacking off

The djinn and seemingly human look at eachother and nodd.

As they work, both couldnt help but steal glances at eachother, Fleeting Gazes that maybe revealed a bit too much to others but oblivious to both of them.

At last the assigment was handed in.

The bell rang and it was lunch time.

As gigi and jerico got out ,jer said --So you a genie

--Yes

--Can I make a wish?

--Sure,but my powers had weaken..

--oh trust me you'll be able to Grant me this,I wish to sit with you in the cafeteria

_smooth_ really smooth.

The genies cheeks redden madly.

The rest of the walk is talked in giggles and sublte flirting.

--there comes gigi and jerico

--wait frankie...let them sit togheter alone

--Why?

--just trust me.

--i think jer and gigi have a crush on eachother

--What makes you think that clawdeen?

--gut feeling.

Meanwhile in the other table.

--so what are you exactly jerico?I if you dont...if you dont mind me asking..

--no no i dont--jerico takes a bite from her food and munches it, then swallowing it-- im a half dragon half witch,raised by a demon family

--wow thats quite the combination, but its really cool!

--Hmm thanks-theres a smile on jericos face that lets her true intentions shine through,but for gigi it was not obvious-- y'know...people ask me for stuff too...spell,hexes,curses...charms.

--people ask for too much huh?

Both chuckle and Keep eating their food.

--Do you have any siblings?

Jer asked.

--whisp...the New genie,you?

--i have 8 the eighth is on the way...I cant wait to see her,all of them have been nothing but kind to me...and I appreciate it a lot ... hows your relationshipp with your sister? If you feel comfortable answering that..having siblings can be tough

--we had a Rocky relationshipp until last year..., I like to think we are okay now

Both look at eachother and smile , eating in silence for the rest of the lunch time.

They met again on humanology class.

--i bet the New kid knows a lot about normies, your mom was a witch wasnt she?witches are just fancy normies!

Gigi turns around mad, standing up-and? Why do you care?

Jer looks up to her as the bully backs down.

--hmm thank you gigi

--they had no right to be so mean to you

--thats really sweet of you

Both smile at the other and so the class starts.

The day was tiring at best,jerico and gigi get out of the school for the day.

--wanna Grab a coffee with me?

--id love to jerico,but ill take tea

--hmm me too, tea is the best

And so off they went.

[storiesforallfandoms]

nothing happened ~ daniel webber

word count: 3173

request?: yes!

@kellysimagines “I was wondering if you could make a Daniel webber one where the reader Works on the set of The Dirt where i do the hair and make up and they like eachother and everyone knows that and another girl who Works there is also all over him all the time but he doesnt like her and when she sees me coming over she speaks out loud that she had fun the night before but nothing happened and Daniel sees me and wants to explain but i dont believe him and i ignore him when i am on set and when i am cleaning the boys lock him up in the trailer where i am in to talk it out and he explains everything and i believe him and we make up and get together? X”

description: in which the hair and makeup artist falls for the actor who’s playing vince neil, but there’s one incredibly annoying obstacle standing in their way

pairing: daniel webber x female!reader

warnings: swearing, brokenhearted-ness (if you count that as a warning)

Your big break as a makeup artist was for the Motley Crue biopic, and you could not be any more excited. You were a massive Motley Crue fan, not to mention being able to practice your makeup skills.

On your first day, you were trying to cover all of Machine Gun Kelly’s tattoos, a task that was taking much longer than you anticipated, and trying to reapply Tommy Lee’s tattoos when the door to the trailer opened.

“Hey is this the hair and makeup trailer?” asked an Australian accent. You looked over your shoulder to see an attractive man standing at the door. He smiled at you and extended his hand. “Sorry, I should introduce myself, I’m Daniel. I play Vince.”

“Nice to meet you,” you say, shaking his hand. “I’m (Y/N), I’m the makeup girl.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” he said. “So, how much time do you have left with this asshole?”

“Shut the fuck up, man,” Colson responded, turning around to try and hit Daniel.

“Hey, no!” you laughed, grabbing him and making him sit back down. “The cover up is still drying, if you move the wrong way you’ll leave cracks and shit. Sit your ass down.” You turned back to Daniel to respond, “I’m just finishing his cover up and applying his tattoos. If you want, you can sit and wait for your hair to be done. The hairdresser should be here soon.”

Daniel nodded and sat himself in a chair next to Colson. You couldn’t help but sneak a peak at him through the mirror as he took his phone out and started looking at social media to pass the time. To say he was cute was an understatement. He was far too attractive for words! When he had smiled earlier you were shocked that you didn’t pass out right then and there. You were having a hard time trying to concentrate on finishing Colson’s makeup with him there.

By the time you sent Colson on his way and were ready for Daniel, the hairdresser, Rita, noisily kicked the door open and walked into the trailer. Immediately, you were slightly annoyed with her. She was nearly an hour late to work, all the guys needed their hair done, meaning their wigs had to be fitted and worked on, and filming started in the next 20 minutes. You were so serious about this job, wanting to be taken seriously and to get more jobs like this on future television and movie sets, you couldn’t imagine just showing up late and kicking in the damn door like you owned the place.

Instead of saying anything, you smiled at her. “Hi there! You must be Rita, I’m (Y/N) - ”

“Cool,” she said, dismissing your introduction with a wave of her hand. She spotted Daniel and a sly smirk spread across her face. “And who are you?”

Daniel smiled, although it didn’t seem as genuine as it had with you. “I’m Daniel, I’m playing Vince.”

“Ah, I don’t know who that is. I know nothing about Motley Crue,” she said with a shrug. “But it’s nice to meet you! Sit your cute butt down, I’ll work on your hair.”

Daniel looked at her then back to you. “Actually, (Y/N) is about to do my makeup.”

Rite sent you a dirty look. “She can do that later, she has like a million other people to do makeup for first I’m sure.”

“Actually, I have everyone else’s makeup done already,” you said, trying not to let your annoyance show. “I was here on time, so I got through everyone else. You can do the other guys’ hair while I do Daniel’s makeup though, if you want. I just sent the actor playing Tommy Lee out when you walked in, he can’t be gone that far yet.”

Rita glared at you and huffed a heavy sigh. “Why don’t you go round up whoever I need to do hair for and bring them back so I can do it while I do Daniel’s hair?”

You realized there was no use in arguing with her, so you sighed and agreed. Rita smiled in triumph and smiled at Daniel, putting a hand on his shoulder and practically shoving him back into her chair. He looked at you through the mirror and you could almost see him begging you to stay with his eyes.

You went to round up Colson, Douglas, and Iwan and brought them back to the trailer. They all agreed it was extremely stupid for you to have to come get them, but what else were you guys to do? It was only the first day, so it wasn’t like Rita was going to get fired or anything yet. If she continued to act this way, maybe, but that depended on how well her hairdressing skills were.

When you arrived back to the trailer, Rita was laughing obnoxiously hard at something that Daniel said, and he was smiling awkward at it in return. When he saw you walk in, he nearly came out of his seat with relief, but remained still until Rita finished with his wig.

“There baby, you’re all done,” she said in a sickenly sweet voice. To you, she said, “Try not to mess up his pretty face too bad with your makeup there (Y/N).”

Your face burned red and your hands curled into fists. You had to do everything in your power not to knock her on her ass.

Daniel moved to your chair and you started with his makeup. It wasn’t anything extreme for him like it was with Colson, you just needed to put a bit of foundation on so he didn’t look shiny, and some eyeliner around his eyes and black makeup on his face, as they were filming a performance scene.

Rita eyed the other guys with less enthusiasm as she had given Daniel. “What did she do to you guys?”

“Seriously?” Douglas questioned. “This is what Motley Crue looked like when they used to perform.”

“She doesn’t know who Motley Crue is,” Daniel responded.

“Even if she did, I don’t blame her for not knowing. They didn’t have the makeup done on their last show,” you responded.

Daniel looked up at you. “You saw their last show?”

“Hell yeah I did!” you responded. “I love Motley Crue! When they announced that they weren’t doing shows anymore, I saved up for months to be able to go. Front row seats, got to see them up close and personal one last time.”

As you continued to do his makeup, you both continued to talk and laugh. You almost wanted to prolong doing the finishing touches, but the director came to the door to alert you guys that it was almost time to start filming, so you knew you had to let him go. Rita, finally, finished doing Iwan’s hair and the group left to hurry to seat.

You started cleaning up your section when Rita spoke. “I think he’s into me.”

“Which one?” you asked, although you were fully aware of who she meant.

“Daniel,” she responded. “He was giving me those signs, you know? He totally wants to get with me. Maybe I’ll let him.”

You decided not to say what you were really thinking about that. Of course he wasn’t into her or wanted to “get with her”. He seemed completely repulsed by her! All the guys did! But she obviously lived in some fantasy world where she believed that that was his form of flirting.

You decided to ignore her and to continue cleaning up your section. Suddenly, she got very close to you. You looked at her in confusion and moved away a little bit.

“I know you think that him being all friendly and shit with you probably makes you think he’s trying to flirt with you, but you are so wrong,” she sneered. “He just pities you. Poor girl from a shit town in the middle of nowhere getting her first job on a Hollywood movie set.”

“I’m from Los Angeles,” you told her.

“Doesn’t matter!” she snapped. “Stay the fuck away from Daniel, okay? Or we’ll have a problem.”

“We already have a problem,” you retorted. “And that’s that you are super unprofessional. You were an hour late today, you kept me from finishing my job just because you’re trying to jump one of the lead actor’s bones, and now you’re threatening me because you think you have a chance with Daniel. Newsflash honey, no one wants to get with a bitch. So either start acting professional and leave me the fuck alone, or I’ll go to the director and let him know how unprofessional you are. And the guys will back me up I’m sure.”

You shoved past her, leaving her screaming insults and profanities at you, but you could care less. Yeah, you thought Daniel was cute and all, but your primary focus here wasn’t trying to sleep with someone, it was to prove that you were a real makeup artist and that you could make it in Hollywood. If Rita wanted to play that game, you had no problem playing right back.

~~~~~~

Weeks passed as you got further and further into filming. Rita became more and more unbearable. She’d continue to come in to work late, but claim every day that it was “car issues” (”Maybe she should get her fucking car fixed,” Douglas whispered to you one morning). The director bought it every time, continuously giving her a “pass” because she was “a damn good hairdresser that we can’t lose”, his exact words.

When it came to the two of you, she became much more awful. She’d insult you any moment she got, whether you were alone or people were with you she didn’t care. She started coming to work in very tight and revealing clothing, and would make sure she’d move in ways that showed off her cleavage when Daniel was getting his hair done. He started bringing his phone with him to her chair so he wouldn’t have to look at her.

Meanwhile, he’d be the first one in your chair every morning, making sure he was there before Rita showed up. He always entered the trailer with a wide smile and you both talked the whole time he was in the seat. He’d even linger sometimes until another cast member arrived and had to get their makeup done, but even then he’d hang out in the trailer for a long time. When Colson confronted him about it once, he said simply, “I’m just enjoying (Y/N)’s company.”

One day, you got the chance to watch the guys film on set. You had been alone in the trailer, Rita having gone God knows were, so you finished cleaning your station before making your way to set. Unsurprisingly, Rita had beat you there and was all over Daniel. You rolled your eyes, she really didn’t get the damn message.

Over his shoulder, Rita spotted you and a smirk appeared on her face. Loud enough for you to hear, she declared, “You know Danny, I had a lot of fun last night.”

You stopped in your tracks. Daniel hadn’t told you he had met up with Rita last night. Not that it was something he had to tell you or anything. You were just shocked that it hadn’t come up, especially since he told you almost every day how uncomfortable and pissed off Rita made him.

“Oh, uh yeah, it was pretty nice I guess,” he responded, taken back by the comment.

“We’ll have to go out for drinks more often,” Rita continued, putting a hand on his arm in a flirty manner.

“I mean, I guess,” Daniel shrugged.

You felt a lump form in your throat. So after all this time, Daniel really had liked her. Maybe you were wrong in saying he was disgusted by her. It was probably an act from the start, so that you wouldn’t know and feel hurt.

Rita looked over Daniel’s shoulder again and smiled at you. “Oh hey (Y/N)!”

Daniel quickly turned around, his eyes widening when he saw you standing there. “(Y/N), how long - ?”

“Long enough,” you responded. “You know, you both belong together. You're both heartless assholes.”

You turned and started walked away, the tears finally starting to run down your cheeks. Daniel quickly ran after you, grabbing on to your arm trying to stop you. “Wait, (Y/N), it’s not what it sounds like.”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” you said to him. “I’m just your makeup artist, right? I’m not your girlfriend or anything. I don’t care who you want to go out with, but the fact that you had the audacity to pretend like you didn’t like her when you were with me, whatever that was about or that was for...it was low.”

You yanked your arm away from Daniel and raced back to your trailer, tears racing down your face.

~~~~~~~~

The following week was tense. Daniel would come in and be the first person in your chair, as per usual. At first, he tried to talk to you, to explain himself, but you continued to ignore him. At one point, you started wearing headphones and would work with music playing, not speaking to anyone, especially not Daniel or Rita.

Rita was in her glee, as if she had just won some huge prestigious award or something. She walked into work with her head high and her chest out. She’d happily babble on to Daniel, who would just watch her work in the mirror and not say a word. Even with your headphones in, you could hear her throwing you insults every now and then. You couldn’t be bothered the care anymore, she was obviously right.

After another long day, you were left with the task of cleaning the whole hair and makeup trailer. After finishing the guys’ hair for the day, Rita took off without cleaning her station, leaving you to do it. You were getting seriously pissed off with her, and thanked God that filming would be over in a matter of days.

You were finishing cleaning your brushes when you heard the trailer door open. You turned to see Daniel walk in and you gave him the worst death glare you could muster.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked.

“No,” you responded. “Who the fuck told you that?”

“There was a letter left in my trailer,” he responded. “Meet me in the hair and makeup trailer, we need to talk. You didn’t leave it?”

“No, I haven’t even been to set today,” you responded.

Suddenly, the trailer door swung shut and the sound of the lock turning could be heard. Daniel tried the knob but it wouldn’t budge. You went to the window and saw Colson, Iwan, and Douglas standing around, Douglas holding the trailer key in his hand.

“What the fuck guys?” you snapped.

“We’re sick of this cold shit between the two of you,” Iwan said. “Now, you guys are gonna stay in there until you figure your shit out, then we’ll let you go.”

You rolled your eyes. Daniel came up beside you. “Come on guys, just let us out.”

“You heard the terms, man,” Colson said. “Get to making up!”

You shut the window with so much force you thought you broke it, and honestly you wished you had. You didn't want to be here right now, you didn’t want to hear what Daniel had to say. You knew all you needed to know, and you didn’t want to hear it from his point of view.

You turned back to continue your cleaning, completely ignoring Daniel. He stood by the door, his arms crossed as he looked at you. “So you’re not even gonna try to listen to me?”

“Nope,” you responded. You patted your pockets for your headphones and realized you didn’t have them. They were in your bag, which was right next to Daniel. Upon seeing this, he quickly grabbed them and shoved them in his pocket. “Okay fine, say whatever you have to say, but it doesn’t mean I have to believe you, or really care.”

“I didn’t go out for drinks with Rita,” he insisted. “Really, (Y/N), you have to believe me. I went out with the guys, and when I went to get us more drinks she was at the bar. She ambushed me, wouldn’t let me leave. She talked my ear off for a solid hour before Douglas came and saved my ass. I tried to get away so many times, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. When she said that shit the other day and upset you, I finally cracked. I told her to fuck off, that I’d never be interested in someone as awful as her. Obviously, she hasn’t truly gotten the message because she’s still trying to get with me, but there’s only so much I can do about that.” He approached you and took your hands in his. You actually let him, too, which surprised even you. “You have to believe me, there’s nothing going on between us. And there never will be.”

You looked down at the floor. “But why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why wouldn’t you want to be with a girl like Rita?” you questioned. “She’s drop dead gorgeous, has the nicest tits of any woman I’ve ever seen, has confidence and sex appeal coming out of her ass. Even if you don’t want to be in a relationship with her, why wouldn’t you want to even fuck her? Just once?”

Daniel looked at you in shock. “Because I have no feelings for her. (Y/N), I like you, how could you not see that?”

You scoffed and pulled your hands away. “How could you like someone like me compared to someone like Rita? Or any of those beautiful girls that you’re making out with or getting to see naked on set? I’m so plain, Daniel. I’m just a makeup artist.”

“Why do you assume I want some trashy bimbo like Rita? Or any of the girls on set just beautiful they’re supposedly gorgeous?” he questioned. “It’s not about looks, but even if it was solely that, I’d pick you over any of those girls any day. (Y/N), you are the most amazing girl I have ever met, I want to be with you and only you.”

Tears were forming in your eyes as you asked, “Really?”

Daniel chuckled. “Yes really. Please, can we just start all over? I’ll take you out on a proper date, no bitchy hairdressers, no stressing over work and stuff. Just the two of us, together.”

You nodded excitedly and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, causing him to laugh again.

The boys let you both out of the trailer and celebrated your and Daniel’s reconciliation, and come the following day, you both had the pleasure of giving Rita her pink slip.

[acoolchickouthere13]

November 2019 Taylor hosts friendsgiving

November 24, 2019 Artists of the Decade AMAs

“In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. ‘This is a year where I have to be there for my family -- there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,’ says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis. ...New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise -- but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,’ she says, ‘but it’s because someone has to be.’...I’ve spent a lot of time recalibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do….I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue -- like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again….From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas.

The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else. ...I do think about [starting a label or signing other artists] every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous….Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it. [i dont know how long the recording process will take, but] it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.”(x)

Christmas Tree Farm Dec. 1, 2019(p: Jimmy Napes) here

“Icy and blue”

Dec. 4, 2019

Dec. 4, 2019 karlie sells her west village apt. here...meanwhile reports say Taylor “spends a lot of time in London with Joe and doesn’t go out much” and it’s hilarious

I don’t know when The Man was shot yet, but I just put it here

Dec. 13, 2019=30 years old, Billboard Woman of the Decade here

Dec. 16, 2019 jack tweets “hi from the studio”...Taylor goes to Cats premiere in London with Joe

Dec. 18, 2019

(Wears the same shirt March 4, 2019)

Reports say Taylor was in London with Joe the week of Christmas, and family flew in from Nashville BUT WHAT I FIND INTERESTING IS JACK’s TWEET THE NEXT DAY SEEMS CRYPTIC GIVEN THIS CONTEXT WETHER ITS TRUE OR NOT lol

December 27, 2019 jack tweets “ok. back to the studio now. goodmorning to my upstairs neighbors!”

January 1, 2020 Taylor goes to concert in Maldives with Joe

January 5, 2020

“Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”...[Regarding the speech at the Woman of the Decade BBA]: “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?” “Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp could not be reached for comment.)...Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on. Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family….I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”...I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years. ...you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute. There’s a lot that’s not cute in this documentary.”(x)

January 5, 2020 Taylor goes to Golden Globes with Joe

January 27, 2020

February 6, 2020-LA

February 12, 2020 Taylor goes to NME awards in London with Joe

February 23, 2020 Joe’s birthday-double date in London at restaurant

February 24-28, 2020

March 3, 2020

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161120493767

[allofbeercom]

Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/