#(( it reveals some extremely important information about Sharon ))

[strawberry--bride]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sharon’s Route [DARK EPILOGUE]

*FLASHBACK STARTS*

Location: Kitchen

Mother: Ready...?

She places a large cake on the table.

*Thud*

Father: Go ahead, open your eyes!

Little girl: Wah...~! 

Mother & Father: Happy birthday!

Little girl: A strawberry cake!

Father: I can’t believe my little girl is turning five years old already.

Mother: Fufu, they do grow up fast.

Father: Come on, blow out the candles and make a wish!

Little girl: Mmh! ...Phewー!

*Clap clap clap*

Mother: Of course, we got you a present as well!

Father: It’s small, but we think you’ll like it a lot.

They hand her the present.

Little girl: Let’s see...

*Rustle rustle*

Little girl: Ah...

Mother: What do you think?

Little girl: It’s a strawberry! ...Looks yummy~

Father: Haha, don’t eat that one. It’s a hair clip after all.

Mother: We wanted to give you something you could keep on you at all times. That way, there will always be a part of us with you, even when we’re apart.

Little girl: Mommy! Can you put it in my hair?

Mother: Of course. Hold still one second, okay?

*Rustle*

Father: Look at that! Our little strawberry!

Little girl: Does it look good?

Mother: Fufu, why don’t we take a picture to remember today?

Little girl: Yes!

Father: Let me get the camera!

Little girl: Mama, papa!

Mother: Hm? 

Father: What’s wrong?

Little girl: ーー Thank you. I love you!

Mother & Father: Haha...

Mother: We love you too.

Father: In the past, the present ー and in the future. 

Mother: You were everything we could ever wish for. 

Our cute, little...

ーー Nozomi (*). 

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Location: Sakamaki manor ;;  Sharon’s room

*Creaaak*

Sharon: Nn...I can’t sleep.

She sits up on the bed.

Sharon: ( In the end, I never found my hair clip... )

Sharon reached underneath her pillow, clutching a photograph against her chest.

*Rustle*

Sharon: Mom, dad...

I’m sorry. The hair clip you gave me...I lost it.

( I always thought that as long as I had that hair clip, there would always be a part of them with me. )

( So what should I do now...? )

( Aside from this picture and mom’s recipe book, I barely have anything left of my past... )

Perhaps this is a sign...

A sign that it’s time to move on.

*Knock knock*

Sharon: ...!!

( Who could that be...? )

Coming!

She runs over to the door to open it.

Subaru: ...Yo.

Sharon: ...Subaru-kun? What brings you here?

Subaru: ...Nothin’ special. Besides, you’re our prey, so I shouldn’t have to justify myself!

Sharon: R-Right! ...Come on in.

( I better not upset him. I don’t want a hole in my bedroom wall... )

Subaru steps inside the room.

Subaru: ...Here.

Sharon: Eh?

Subaru: This is yours, right?

Sharon: That’s...!!

*Rustle*

Sharon: My hair clip...! Where did you find it!?

Subaru: The entrance hall. Don’t leave your shit layin’ ‘round. You’re lucky I’m the one who picked it up this time. 

Sharon: Thank you so much! I honestly don’t know how to repay you...I thought I had lost it forever.

Subaru: Haah? ...’s fine. Besides, don’t make such a big deal out of a hair clip.

Sharon: I’m sure it’s nothing but an ordinary hair clip to others, but it holds a special meaning for me.

ーー This hair clip was given to me by my late parents.

Subaru: ...

Sharon: No other hair clip could ever replace it. ーー So thank you, I mean it.

Subaru: Che...

Sharon: Are you sure there’s no way I could return the favor?

Subaru: ...Oi, do you understand what you’re saying?

Sharon: Eh?

Subaru: There’s only one thing a Vampire could want from a human, right?

*THUD*

Sharon: ...!?

( H-He pinned me against the door...!? )

Subaru: I’m not all that thirsty right now, but since you insist...Hehe.

Sharon: W-Wait! I neverーー

Subaru: Too late to back out now.

He leans in close.

*Rustle*

Subaru: ...Hah?

Sharon: ...?

( What’s wrong? He’s staring right at me... )

Subaru: You...

...Tsk!

*RIIIIIP*

Sharon: Kyah!

( My nightgown...! )

Subaru: I knew it...

Sharon: (  Ah... )

( Those marks... )

( That’s where Shuu-san bit me earlier... )

Subaru: Reiji...? No, Shuu...? 

Tsk. You gave me a whole sentimental speech ‘bout your hair clip earlier, but instead of actually lookin’ for it, you were lettin’ that guy feed off you, huh?

Sharon: N-No, Iーー!

Subaru: What? Trying to make excuses now? These marks don’t lie though.

I bet you enjoyed it, didn’t you? Heh. All of you human chicks are the same.

I don’t like the idea of havin’ someone else’s leftovers, but since you’re so persistent ‘bout thanking me, I’ll give you these fangs.

ーー Right here.

Subaru bites her.

Sharon: Ah...!

( His fangs...are sinking inside my shoulder... )

( It hurts...! )

Subaru: Nnh...Mm...

Sharon: Uu...

Subaru: ーー Hah! ...Not bad for some dull human.

It flashes black before her eyes for a few seconds.

Sharon: ( Huh...? )

Subaru: ...?

Sharon: ( I feel a little...light-headed for some reason... )

( Could it be because I had my blood sucked twice on the same day...? )

Subaru: Oi...

Sharon: ( It’s no use...My consciousness is slipping... )

Everything fades to black as she collapses.

*Thud*

Subaru: ーー Oi!!

Monologue

Amidst my fading consciousness,

I could have sworn I heard Subaru-kun’s voice,

calling out for me.

ー No, the name falling from his lips.

Isn’t who I truly am. 

Or is it? 

At this point,

I no longer know myself. 

What I do know,

is when I opened my eyes again,

I was met with the familiar warmth and softness of my bed.

*Rustle*

Sharon: Nn...

*Rustle rustle*

She opens her eyes in her room.

Sharon: ...My bed? How did I...?

Subaru: Che. You’re finally awake? Took you long enough.

Sharon: Subaru-kun...

( Right. I started feeling faint right after Subaru-kun sucked my blood. )

( Does that mean he’s the one who carried me back to bed? )

Subaru: Honestly, you humans are way too frail. 

You lose a few drops of blood and immediately collapse.

Sharon: ( I’m sure I lost more than just a few drops... )

( However, despite his complaints, he actually stayed my by side until I woke up. )

...Thank you.

Subaru: H-Haah!? Why are you thankin’ me!? I only stayed ‘cause I had nothin’ better to do! Don’t get the wrong idea!

Sharon: ...Fufu.

Subaru: What’s so funny!?

Sharon: Oh, nothing...~ 

Subaru: ...Che. Seems like you’ll be fine. I’m leavin’ then.

Sharon: Mmh. I’ll be okay.

Once again, thank you so much for returning my hair clip.

Subaru: ...Whatever.

Subaru leaves the room.

Sharon: Phew...

( I still feel a little sluggish. I should get some more rest. )

*Rustle*

Hm...?

( Ah. The photo. I must have forgotten to put it back earlier. )

Sharon returns family photo to the recipe book before slipping it underneath her pillow.

Sharon: There we go...

She reaches for the hair clip on her bedside table, pinning it to her side bangs.

*Rustle*

Sharon: Welcome back...Mom, dad.

ーー DARK EPILOGUE: END ーー

<- [ Dark 10 ] [ Maniac Prologue ] ->

Writer’s notes

(*) Sharon’s birth name is Nozomi (望実) written with the characters for ‘hope/wish’ and ‘sincerity/honesty’. 

[allandoflimbo]

Ashens (Part 7)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 4,235 words 

Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.

Chapter Summary: Some of Bucky's inner feelings towards Y/N gets revealed on their first day on their own.

Full Masterpage | Part 6

STEVE was the one who tightened your velcro backpack around your small shoulders.

You continued to stare into the rising sun behind the blowing trees. It must’ve been a little after 5 AM, since the orange clouds were beginning to mix in with the dark blue of a new sky, announcing the arrival of a brand new day.

Today was the first day of your mission with Bucky, and to say you were fixated on your ultimate goal was an understatement.

The camp didn’t have a running shower, but they had a secluded and private area off to the side that provided warm water and some soap made with lye and lard. The water had to be heated up overnight by an attended fire and then left for an hour before you had to get ready to let it cool down.

When one of the girls had handed you the freshly made bar, the look she gave you scared you.

She had a certain fear in them that you couldn’t quite place and it shook you to the bone.

Was she unhopeful for your return?

When you had entered the little shower, which was just four pieces of wood tall enough to cover your most intimate areas, and you dunked your mud cup into the warm water, you definitely felt like you were being prepared like a sacrificial lamb.

You felt like you were being cleansed and prepared for death.

But as you rinsed away the lye off your skin, and you shuddered against the cold winter air which was beginning to feel like sharp knives, you quickly shoved those thoughts away.

You had to focus on your goal and what it was you were actually being prepared for. This was your opportunity to give your parents what they deserve; the outcome they would want.

After your shower, you quickly dried yourself off with a long and grey rag that had been draped over the “door” for you, and you slid your arms into your heavy coat.

Quickly, to avoid getting the flu that could potentially kill you faster than any other virus ever could, you ran into your tent and slid on your attire.

It was the same one you had worn before you arrived, but Jessica had been extremely kind to you and had it washed and folded stacked neatly next to your cot.

After you zipped on your boots, Steve had shown up and ran the information with you before your departure.

None of you knew exactly how life in The Capitol was.

There had been just one agent who had ever been close enough, and it had been about a year ago.

Bucky had sent Sharon to collect information that would be vital to help their mission, including how the people in The Capitol dressed, how they wore their hair, how they behaved, and if they used any kind of special currency.

Apparently, the clothing they wore, you would have to buy when you got there. It would be possible for the camp to try and knit them so that when you arrived you would fit in right away, but unfortunately, it would not protect you during the three-day walk to get there.

There was nothing different regarding hair or currency, which was a very helpful piece to learn. It meant you and Bucky would not need to go under any crazy makeovers.

Any specific makeup look or hairdo you preferred, you were free to do as you pleased when you arrived.

The only tricky part of getting into The Capitol and not being caught was your identification.

Anyone who resided within The Wall carried a hologram ID that presented your picture, name, resident number, and occupation.

If there was anything Tony Stark left behind, it was his knowledge and technology that had been left behind and protected.

You don’t know how they managed to save nearly all of it from the war and the bombing, but you didn’t ask questions. It didn’t surprise you that the avengers would go through such measures to have a legacy and vital equipment protected.

It had been just enough for Bruce to take it into his own hands and build an almost identical replica of the hologram ID that you and Bucky would need to present in order to do simple tasks like request a hotel room or enter an important building.

You didn’t take Bruces’ hard work for granted; apparently it had taken almost a year and a half just for him to make them.

It would still be a risk when you used your identification because even though your resident number was chosen with an advanced Linux method if it were to hit a miss in Hydra’s system, you and Bucky could be screwed.

Your arrival in the city would simply be accepted by luck.

Steve continued to tighten your backpack as he reminded you of what would happen when you and Bucky both arrived there.

First and utmost important, you would need to find a place to live. According to Sharon, there was a residency area not too far from the center of the city. You would go there and try to get a room.

Next, you and Bucky would need to discover your surroundings.

What was Hydra doing there? Where is Hydra’s main building? Were there anyone there that could possibly be there against their will? How did The Capitol work? What was life there like?

You would then need to set up your false identity, which would be the majority of the mission.

Once you both found where Hydra’s main focus was and from where they worked, you would need to find your way in. You would need to gather as much intel and information about everyone as much as you could.

That is when the team had presented you with an additional ID card, except this one was physical and just a regular white laminated card.

It was a resumé and well thought out employment card, which you and Bucky would use to apply at a Hydra Facility (but not the same one to not induce suspicion). This was an important key to the mission that both you and Bucky were reluctant on participating on, but after much consideration, it was concluded it was essential to winning this.

After you found out everything you both needed to know, after the six months, you would both escape and return to camp with the intel and information gathered that could successfully bring The Capitol’s society down.

One of them being the ring leader’s location. It would be important to the mission to not have anything destroyed, especially The Wall.

This was the part of the mission you did not like.

Because you would not leave The Capitol without having that man from the diner killed.

Part of you felt bad for secretly planning how to divert the avenger’s plan, but at the same time, you now knew that Bucky was also planning something that could potentially shock everyone.

You considered saying something to Steve as he made sure you had everything in your pack - food, blankets, med kit, and a gun with a silencer (the only thing you were allowed) - but you went against it as you remembered your promise to him.

He wanted you to help Bucky love himself again and to feel like he was meant for something more.

As you both walked out of the tent and fully into the outside world, right away you saw Bucky already strapping his own bag over his shoulder.

You know his bag held the same things yours did, except his held a military gun that would serve to protect you during the walk.

Unfortunately, you would not be allowed to take any weapons with you into the city. They would be left dug into a hole and abandoned.

Your heart skipped in your chest as you observed his dominating aura.

He wore attire similar to yours, except a male version. He had a black coat with a hood that strapped across the front of his chest. Attached to it was a hood similar to yours. You could tell he had layers of clothing under his jacket for protection, and his pants were thick and tucked into heavy boots.

A pair of leather gloves covered his hands. He was tightening the one over his metal arm when he looked over at you.

His eyes were dark and his teeth clenched as he looked you up and down. You quickly looked away and back at Steve.

Steve was tightening your tracker around your wrist.

“Remember, this will only keep you off their radar for ninety seconds and it can only be activated twice. You can only use it when you enter and leave the city,” you were in a daze as you felt the need to look up at Bucky again. The pull was inevitable, “Y/N,” Steve’s tone was sturdy and you blinked at him, “Got it?”

He looked at you apprehensively, his grip tight over your hand. You swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Got it. Just twice. Entering and leaving.”

He nodded and pulled the sleeves of your coat halfway up both hands.

He gave you one more look and then nodded with his head towards Bucky, backing away from you, and walking towards Bucky’s direction.

You flexed your toes in your boots and held tightly onto the handles of your bag.

You took a deep breath and followed Steve towards Bucky.

Bucky looked at his boots and flexed his hands.

You didn’t realize how much bigger he was than you until now. Maybe it was his clothing, maybe.

You cleared your throat and he looked up at you through heavy lashes.

You wondered where he had been this morning while you were showering. It’s then that you catch sight of his heavy and dark bags under his eyes. Had he been up all night?

“Didn’t sleep?” Your question comes out before you mean it to and Bucky’s gaze quickly darkens.

“No.”

You sigh deeply, not knowing if you were more annoyed by his attitude towards you that clearly hadn’t changed or if you felt bad. You hoped his lack of sleep wouldn’t create more crankiness or mess-ups.

“Unlike you, I don’t need it.” He adds. He looks up towards the sky, making his sharp jaw visible to you and you curse the world for making him so attractive. You wondered then what kind of boyfriend he was to Daisy. And you wonder about the rumor of him and the Wakanda girl. Did he sleep with her? Was he good? Your questions in your head are interrupted as he continues, “We should get going. The sun is getting brighter and we can’t afford to lose one more day.”

Steve looked at you both like you were his two children going off to their first day of college and then he saluted you both goodbye.

Not one word was shared as you followed Bucky into the woods until what felt like three hours later.

The entire way, he hadn’t been kind enough to slow down for you, so you trailed behind him by at least fifteen feet.

You didn’t want to admit to defeat, but your lungs were burning and your legs were too. It wasn’t until he briefly stopped that you thanked the heavens.

As you caught up to his side, you saw what he had paused to look at.

There in front of you was an entire city. It was destroyed, defeated, and reeking of death and evil.

The broken and sharp metal of what had once been pretty buildings were now pointed into the sky. Heavy dust with lingering smoke, that had never gone away, still floated above the city like a dark halo.

You swallowed painfully, thirsty, and afraid.

Sure, he was an avenger, but the bacteria...

You looked at him, unsure.

“Bucky, we can’t go through the city. We have to stay on the outskirts,” he ignored you, taking a step forward and commencing his walk towards the city. You watched, unmoved, “It’s too dangerous, Bucky, we don’t know what is in that air—” You finally sighed and ran up to him, pulling on the sleeve of  his coat, “Bucky—“

He quickly snapped around to look at you, “We are going through the city. You think I came all this way for safety? You think I care? You think I’m some kind of coward? That we’ll just be taking the easy way out for everything? Or do you actually have any courageous and strong bone in that pathetic body of yours?” His words attack your ego and you practically flinch at the last question, slowly letting go of his sleeve. He’s breathing hard through his nose and you watch as he runs a hand over his face. He points back with his metal arm, “It’s the quickest route. We’re on atimed schedule. I don’t have time for safety or convenience. I’ll go alone if that’s what it takes. Come with me or not.”

He doesn’t bother giving you another glance before commencing his walk into the destroyed city.  You practically hear the howl of the wind and you pull the hood higher over your head.

You consider his words. You were trying to be safer, but he was right. This would be the quickest way and it wasn’t like you weren’t at least partially prepared for this.

You took a deep breath and followed him.

Bucky wouldn’t admit it, but he was momentarily shocked when he saw you right next to him.

He took the first step into the pavement, a dry leaf crunch under his boot. The sound echoed in the air.

You were both faced with what once was the main road, fallen traffic lights and power lines lined the street.

Cars were overturned, some destroyed completely either by fire or vandalism. The buildings, if they weren’t destroyed, were broken into and also vandalized. Overgrown shrubs were beginning to grow over the street signs and into the cracks of the sidewalk.

It was also terrifying how quiet it was.

You didn’t trust it.

It was obvious Bucky was reluctant just as much as you because his pace matched yours, and at some point, he had even pulled out his gun.

Your eyes darted around as you passed the empty cars and buses. One of the cars even had what appeared to be kids' toys - a stuffed teddy bear and a baby mirror - and you shuddered looking away, not wanting to know what happened here.

Bucky’s gun followed his eyes and immediately you wondered how long its been that he’s left camp.

“How long has it been since you’ve been outside like this?” You ask.

He’s quiet as you both step over a fallen street sign that advertised some kind of clothing brand, and you take his silence as an answer, giving up.

“A while.”

You’re surprised that he responded and your eyebrows shoot up.

You wait a minute and take another bite.

“Not used to it anymore, huh?” He doesn’t respond, “I can tell.”

“Is this your idea of small talk?” He snaps.

“I’m just trying to make conversation. I’m stuck with you for the next six months, might as well.”

“No. I’m stuck with you.”

You have to force yourself not to roll your eyes. Your joyous walk continues for a few more miles until you both turn onto a street where a train now lies.

You both stare at it, confused and surprised, wondering how the hell it got there. But judging by the entry holes on the buildings on either side, it was obvious that it had probably been thrown by means of an explosion of some sort.

And you would both have to somehow get around it.

As you approached the train car, you and Bucky came to a halt.

“I’ll go first since I’m heavier. Make sure it doesn’t topple over or isn’t booty-trapped.” Bucky says, tightening his bag strap over his body, “Stand back.”

You did as you were told and watched from a small distance as he began to climb into one of the cars which had its doors still open. Some bodies that had been reduced to skeletons were still inside.

You held tightly onto the straps of your backpack, apprehensively.

Eventually, Bucky had hopped out on to the other side with a huff.

He turned to face you.

“Your turn.”

You took a deep breath and a step forward, the leaves and glass debris breaking under your feet.

Your eyes met, and once again it was like that first time he saw you in the tent.

You looked down at the cart cautiously before stepping onto it. You clenched and unclenched your right hand, and with your left, you used it to help hoist yourself onto the train.

It rocked beneath your weight with a heavy groan and your eyes shot up to his in fear.

He leaned his right arm on the side of the car for support, and with his left, he stretched it out for you to take.

You look down to where he stood on the ground, and you swallowed, scared at how far the jump looked.

He wiggled his fingers and you were about to stretch your own arm out to take his hand when you saw something move behind him.

A man.

“Oh, my God.”

It was too fast for you to even recollect what happened, but suddenly you were on top of Bucky. You were screaming and he was cursing and you saw the silhouette of the man next to you.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bucky shouted, until fully turning around to see what you were looking at.

He cursed before pulling you behind him to shield you. He ran you both back towards a destroyed building on the far side of the street and finally aimed his gun at the man who was groaning, a green/black substance oozing out of his mouth like foam.

Bucky didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger, sending multiple gunshots into the man’s chest. He fell forward onto the street, dead.

You stumbled back and found Bucky’s hold on you soothing before he roughly pulled away and looked down at you, disappointed.

“Seriously?”

You inhaled deeply through your nose, feeling the dig of the building behind you.

How dare he snap at you for protecting him.

“You asshole. He was about to —”

“I don’t need you to protect me. If anything, you made it worst.”

“How the hell did I make it worst?” Bucky snarled, “What if I fell on him, huh? What if we both did?”

“But we didn’t!” You could feel your heart in your veins; in your head.

Bucky rolled his eyes as he swung his gun back down, relaxing his stance.

“Jesus fuck.” He mumbled under his breath, walking away from you, “I don’t know how you survived three years. It’s like it’s a joke to you.”

You feel your tears in your eyes before you push yourself off the wall and walked right past him so this time you were the one leading the way.

“I do what I can.” You mumble.

“Pathetic is what you are.” You wouldn’t cry. You wouldn’t. Your pace grew faster as he continued on, “You don’t—” he grabbed onto your arm, making you quickly turn around and face him. You didn’t hide the tears and you knew very well he could see them. He looked into your eyes with his pretty blue ones, “You don’t hesitate to save your own life,” he tucked your scarf that had come loose tighter around your face, and for a second you thought maybe and finally, he had a change of heart. But his next words killed that as he stepped away, dropping his hand, “We can’t risk getting infected. And I can’t risk you getting me infected, either. I might be a super soldier, but we don’t know how that thing affects people like me.”

Him. It was always about him and his safety.

“What about me? What about me getting infected or killed?” He took a step closer to you.

“You signed up for this. You know the risk.”

He walked past you.

“So I should care about your life, but not about mine?”

“What I’m saying is you need to be careful.” You were about to say something else when he finished with, “Now tie your boots before you get us both killed by you tripping onto me.”

With a snarl, you looked down to see that, indeed, your left shoe was untied.

Shit.

An hour after your fight, the winds grew stronger and your visibility was down to two feet. You hadn’t spoken to each other since, and to be fairly honest, it’s not like you wanted to speak to him anyway.

After the winds had calmed down, you had both made it through the city and were now walking through what had once been crops. Now it was just coarse sand and rough rocks.

You wanted to ask him if you could rest for a few minutes, at least to have something to eat. But you were so afraid of what he would say to you.

But as you both walked and walked, it became harder.

Eventually, you stopped, and he also stopped to look at you. Your face was crestfallen.

“I’m not a super soldier like you. I need to eat. Maybe have a sip of water.”

Bucky looked you down but then turned and continued walking again.

You wanted to cry.

Did he want you down on your knees? Would that be enough for him?

After a few minutes, you reached forest land again.

You watched as Bucky walked off to the left side and sat against a tree.

You wanted to cry in relief.

You practically ran to him, sitting next to him against the tree. You pulled off your backpack and he did the same with his.

You both sat there, chewing on some nuts and fruits and sipping water.

Afterward, Bucky threw his eaten apple into the leaves and rested his head up against the tree.

You took that moment to observe him, but not making it too obvious.

Your promise to Steve resonates in your head.

He looked so young to you that you began to wonder how old he was, biologically. There was no way he was older than thirty-eight. You felt pity that he suffered so much so young.

“Can I ask you something?” You know you were fetching far. But screw it. His answer, was a tilt of his head and a peak of a blue iris at you, “how old are you?”

He squinted his eyes at you, “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, I know you’re in your hundreds, but biologically?”

He looked away from you and closed his eyes again. His mouth was in a straight, harsh line.

“A lot older than you.”

You bit your lip, looking away.

“I miss my life before this. I miss Netflix and Spotify. Damnit, I miss Halsey.” His expression is unchanged, “Did you ever have a favorite song? You know, before — before everything?”

He knows what you’re asking but he doesn’t answer you. Instead, he runs two hands down his face and announces that you should both get going again.

You’re disappointed.

You had quickly gotten over the fact that he would never like you, if anything he hated you, but you both needed to find a common ground of respect, especially if you would be spending this much time together.

But he still wouldn’t abide by you. It was like he just didn’t care. Were you going to have to show him your true colors?

Eventually, the sun was beginning to set and Bucky suggested you both should set up camp.

He built a fire using wood and a lighter while you laid down both your blankets. He eyed you over the fire as you put his blanket straight across from his.

He wanted to thank you but his words wouldn’t come out. He was still stuck on the question you had asked him.

After the fire was just right, he tucked himself onto his uncomfortable grey blanket and laid his head on his arm.

Your eyes closed tightly together as you tried your best to go to sleep. You folded your knees against your small chest into a fetal position, to keep warm.

Bucky watched you from across the fire. You were a good girl.

But you shouldn’t be doing this. You were the kind of girl that was supposed to live in the aftermath of the successful mission, not the one fighting for it. You were going to get hurt.

Just like he did.

And he hated you for it. You were so young and had so much to live for.

He hated that he felt so many emotions for you that made him want to scream at you and make you go away. He wasn’t sure what they were but he knew none of them was anything romantic.

He would never feel that way about anyone else ever again.

He turned around in his blanket and closed his eyes tight together.

He did have a favorite song.

[squishneedsahero]

Sour Lemonade

It’s Who I Am Part 3

Word Count: 2320

How would The Falcon and The Winter Soldier have played out if you, the younger daughter of Howard Stark got involved? You had been kidnapped by HYDRA at a young age, your mind taken from you as they forced you to work towards creating new weapons for them and when HYDRA had fallen you had gotten free with your scattered memories for you to slowly piece together.

After you all had left the prison where Zemo was being held, you and Sam unintentionally follow Bucky into this garage with a ton of old fancy cars in it. It is at this time that Sam turns to him and asks, "wait- where are we?"

Bucky avoids the question by bringing up Zemo once again, "we need to get Zemo out, he's our best chance to figure-"

"We aren't breaking Zemo out of prison." Sam responds bluntly.

There is a split second pause and then Bucky begins, "can I give you a hypothetical? Let me run you through a hypothetical." From there he runs the both of you through this scenario of how easy it would be to break Zemo out, with the ease he goes through this scenario you're pretty sure he has already done this without asking you or Sam.

Your theory was proven correct mere moments later when Zemo walks in and removes his hat. Sam and Bucky begin to argue from there and Zemo asks, "if I could-"

"NO!" Sam and Bucky shout simultaneously.

Zemo quietly nods his head and says, "apologize" under his breath.

From there Bucky talks Sam into it and Sam decides to go along with it as Zemo is already out and he might as well keep an eye on things.

Once they finish talking you look at Bucky and just say, "this is stupid." Then you turn and look at Zemo for a moment before going back to looking at Bucky, "so, how are going to do this?"

"We will go to Madripoor." From there Bucky and Zemo run you and Sam through what the plan is going to be as far as it is that they know what to do.

Before either you or Sam has the chance to ask how you'd get there, the four of you are already on your way to the airport. From there you all board a private jet, learn that Zemo is a Barron and has a butler.

It is once you all are in your seats that Zemo actually turns to you. "Y/n Stark? How unexpected... you still struggling with your memory?"

You look at him, then look at Sam and Bucky, before deciding to ignore him and the fact that he is trying to provoke you. From there he moves on to instead harass Bucky about the names he has in his journal, which Bucky chokes him over before taking his notebook back. This starts an entire conversation on Marvin Gaye and how he is one of the greatest musical artists of all time.

It takes a good few hours of flying to get to Madripoor, during this time Zemo tries another couple times to get you to talk to him... but he's careful since both Sam and Bucky are there and will do who knows what to him if he messes with you. He finally stops when you tell him to, "either stop being a coward and get out whatever is on his mind or to fuck off." He knew quite a lot about you, that much was obvious, but that was why you had gone to him, because he knows about HYDRA. Despite knowing a lot about you, your attitude towards him seemed to surprise him quite a bit. You took note of this, knowing he was prodding and probing to see how it is you would react, knowing that it couldn't mean anything good for you if he was interested in you.

You all leave the plane, Sam getting a nice suit to wear and they somehow talk you into the fact that to pull this off you'll need to wear a dress. You weren't necessarily happy about the idea, dresses, especially more revealing dresses were not your thing, as you preferred to keep to yourself and stay covered nearly from head to toe, to the point that the idea of a morph suit had crossed your mind more than once. When you stepped off the plane in your heels and dress you're thankful that at least it's dark and that it will make the many scars that covered your body less obvious. Sure, your scars from your time with HYDRA might not be as noticeable as a prosthetic arm but they were deep and hadn't healed well, leaving them obvious against the rest of your skin.

"I look like a pimp," Sam comments as the four of you walk.

"Only an American would think a well dressed black man looks like a pimp," Zemo says then once again explains who it is that Sam is supposed to be pretending to be. Then Zemo was himself, and Bucky pretending to once again be the Winter Soldier. Then you. You had been given what seemed to be the only obvious role for a woman, at least when it came to men and sleazy places like Madripoor, you got to be the stupid girl hanging on the Smiling Tiger's arm. At least it's just Sam you tell yourself, not Zemo and definitely not Bucky, not that you had anything against Bucky but due to him and you having some shared time with HYDRA you weren't really comfortable with him. Probably because he would have been the one they sent to take you and fake your death, the reason you'd had such a panic attack at the feeling of his cold metal hand over your mouth back in that warehouse.

The four of you get out of the car, and your act begins. Your arm naturally links with Sam's as you walk into the bar together, your grip is a bit tight and Sam notices but he knows you've been through a lot even if you haven't a clue what exactly it is that happened to you. He gives your hand a slight, reassuring, squeeze, you look at him and offer a slight smile, squeezing his hand in return before loosening the death grip you had on him.

Zemo knows exactly where it is he is heading, going right up to the bartender and asks to see Selby. The man behind the bar somewhat ignores Zemo to instead as Sam if he wanted his usual. Sam only nods, not wanting to use his voice and risk revealing that he had an American accent. You watch in disgust as the man dissects a snake right there on the counter and adds something from its innards into the shot glass before handing it to Sam.  

"Ah, Smiling Tiger, your favorite."

"Yep," Sam says, barely getting the word out, but he pushes through and takes the shot.

All you can do to help him is offer another gentle squeeze to his hand. You hadn't let go of his hand since you had entered the place and something about it seemed to be helping you stay calm despite the crowd and the volume of the place.

Zemo asks once again about Selby, then as some guy is about to jump him he says, "Soldier, attack," of course it is said in Russian but you understand it.

It is with ease that Bucky flips that invisible switch, turning on the Winter Soldier and quickly downing the man before being told to stop. In those few seconds you heart reaches your throat and you feel your knees begin to buckle under your weight. Sam feels you begin to shake next to him and puts an arm around your waist to steady you. Surprisingly this helps pull you back into the moment. Your legs still feel weak but you lean your head on Sam's shoulder and try to ground yourself, you don't even think about it as your arm finds its way to go around his shoulders. By the time the fight is over with you truly are hanging on Sam's arm like the eye candy part you're supposed to be playing.

You don't think too much about it, focusing more on the current threats than the one thing making you feel safe. You're still holding onto him when you reach the room Selby is in and Zemo begins speaking to her. The both of you let Zemo do the talking, he offers Bucky and the code words to control the winter soldier in exchange for information on who is manufacturing the super soldier serum.

"Where can we find him?" Zemo asks, Selby about the scientist who is making the serum.

"Oh, Zemo, the bread crumbs you can have for free-" The woman gets interrupted by the ringing of Sam's phone. "Answer it. On speaker," she says, leaving no option for Sam but to answer his phone.

He tries to answer it and play it cool, you can hear the woman on the other end and she isn't making it easy on Sam to stay in disguise, obviously trying to talk about something important to the both of them. Next thing you know the conversation comes to an end as the woman yells at what is most likely some kids before saying, "sorry Sam I got to go."

The phone clicks as it hangs up, and Selby just asks, "Sam? Who is Sam?" The next moment there is a ton of shouting, a gunshot, and then for you things go dark.

When you come too you're lying on a couch in an extremely nice house. You can hear voices off in an adjacent room but you don't make any move to get up. Instead you lie there, trying to gather your thoughts in your scrambled mind. Something had happened. There was a familiar feeling of a cold sweat over your body and you feel nauseous. You try and focus on the conversation with Selby, where it had gone south and what had happened.

The memory was on the tip of your tongue but you couldn't get a solid grasp on it, you grab at it and keep digging. There had been yelling then the gunshot. Selby fell to the floor, dead. You take a deep breath as you remember letting go of Sam. You had let go of him and Zemo had shouted something in Russian. That was when things went dark. Zemo knew a key word. The words that HYDRA had used to control you.

You slowly sit up and look at your hands, they were covered in blood, you didn't know who but Zemo had activated something inside of you, causing you to kill someone. Anger swelled within you, Zemo had used you. He had broken into your mind with a single word and caused you to attack. Your heart feels as though it will explode as you stand up and without warning enter then next room.

You notice Sam and Bucky, but not Sharon. Your eyes lock onto Zemo and in less than a second you're across the room, your hand on his throat as you push him against the wall. "What do you know?" The anger in your voice is clear, an anger you couldn't remember seeing in yourself before.

"So now you'll speak to me?" Zemo taunts you and you slightly lessen the pressure on his neck only to be able to slam his head back into the wall behind him with more force.

"I said tell me what you know and what the hell you did to me back there." You can feel the eyes of Sam and Bucky on you, Sam is standing behind you now but you just hold out your other hand in warning. If he wants you to stand down it will mean knocking you out. You aren't taking no for an answer Zemo will give you answers.

As you stare Zemo down its as though he's staring down the barrel of a gun. He knows that he'd hit a spot with you by doing what he had, he wasn't scared of death, but your look did make him feel some fear. You weren't a killer. "You were the one HYDRA used to torture people. A brilliant mind they got completely under their control by only giving you parts of your memories as you needed them. You were their top scientist from the time they took you, you did terrible things, gave many people long and drawn out deaths when they wouldn't do what HYDRA wanted. You used innocent people as test subjects for your weapons, you killed just as many people as he did," he nods towards Bucky, "but at least he made their deaths quick and relatively painless."

You continue to stare him down, slowly you released your grip on his neck and stepped back. Turning to Sam you ask, "where's the bathroom," Sam looks at Sharon, causing you to notice her for the first time, and Sharon gives you directions to the bathroom.

You go on your own to the bathroom, taking your time with washing your hands and then slowly sliding to the floor and sitting with your back to the door. Zemo was right. He knew exactly who you were and could probably name every single terrible thing which you had done and who your victims were. You grip your forehead as you make yourself remember what Zemo had said in Russian, what word he had used to activate your kill switch.

"Лимонад." That was what he said. It was a simple word, a word that meant Lemonade. You begin to say the word out loud to yourself, starting in a whisper as you repeat again and again, "Лимонад. Лимонад. Лимонад."

You can feel your anxiety rise as you do this to yourself, but you can't make yourself stop once you've started. As you sit there, as you repeat that code word, glimpses of your past, your time at HYDRA and even some memories before that, when you were young and would try to play with Tony.  You lost track of time as you sat there, bringing your own memories back, with the taste of sour sour lemonade on your lips.

[tomeandflickcorner]

Falcon and Winter Soldier Episode 3- My Thoughts

Can’t believe we’re already halfway through this show!

As was set up in the last episode, Bucky decides to head to a prison in Germany, where Zemo is being held for the crimes he committed during Civil War. Again, while I did understand why he was doing this, considering Zemo was the only real lead they had in determining how the Flag Smashers got their hands on the Super Serum, I still didn’t really like the idea.  Because this was the guy who framed Bucky for the murder of King T’Chaka and then forced Bucky to undergo even more trauma by activating his Winter Solder programing.  And my dislike for Zemo increased even more when the first thing he did upon seeing Bucky outside his cell was recite the Winter Soldier Activation Words.  Ugh, this guy is such a scumbag!  I am so confused why some people seem to be talking about how funny Zemo was in this episode.  I just don’t get it!

Anyway, I guess Zemo said he’d only assist Bucky and Sam in solving the mystery if Bucky helped him escape from prison.  And Bucky, out of desperation, agrees to this?  Yeah, I was with Sam on this one, as he only finds out about this plan after the fact and understandably freaks out when he sees Zemo waltzing up disguised as a security guard.  Because while the jail break sequence was interesting, I still don’t trust Zemo in the slightest.  But I guess it’s too late now.  So the three of them travel to this island called Madripoor, which I guess is like a haven for criminal masterminds, so they can infiltrate some nightclub in order to talk to a woman named Selby.  Because Selby can apparently give them the information they need.  And Zemo can arrange all of this because he turns out to be super rich. Yeah, okay.

From here on in, the episode is pretty much a spy film.  Because Sam has to go into the Madripoor nightclub mascaraing as some other guy called Smiling Tiger.  (Side note, I hope that snake that got sliced open to make that drink was already dead.)  The trio eventually get an audience with this Selby person, but my skin is crawling over the way they did it.  Because Zemo has Bucky pretend to be the brainwashed Winter Soldier again as an intimidation technique. And then offers to gift him to Selby, as if Bucky was simply a piece of property.  And while Bucky does a passible job of pretending he’s still the Winter Soldier, it must have been torture for him to pretend to be Hydra’s brainwashed assassin again.  Especially since we all know how guilty he feels for all of that.  They even bring up his book filled with the names of people he’d wronged.  Which turns out to be the exact same book Steve was using to keep track of everything he needed to adjust to being in a different time after being thawed from the ice.  Which just hits you with even more feels.  Still, I’m glad that at least Sam seems to be recognizing that, as he frequently takes the time to check on how Bucky’s holding up.  It’s nice that the writers haven’t completly forgotten that Sam used to be a therapist himself.  (Hey, maybe Sam can become Bucky’s new therapist instead of that crummy government-issued one.  Or is it a violation of the code of ethics to offer therapy to someone you know personally?)

Unfortunately, just as Selby gives them the information they came for- that the mysterious Power Broker hired former Hydra scientist Dr. Nagel to recreated the Super Serum- their cover is blown because Sam got an ill-timed call from his sister, Sarah.  (Seriously, Sam!  You didn’t think to put your phone on mute?  That’s the first rule of going undercover!)  Out of nowhere, Selby is shot dead by an unseen assassin, and Bucky, Sam and Zemo have to make a run for it, particularly after a bounty is placed on their heads for Selby’s death.  Still, they’re rescued by a surprise appearance of Sharon Carter.  Who has been living there since the events of Civil War.  Strangely enough, nobody remembered to help get her a government issued pardon.  Which doesn’t make a lot of sense.  But that revelation does lead to Sam feeling even more disillusioned.  First it was him learning how Isaiah got the short end of the stick, and now this.  Sam now is thinking maybe the Shield should simply be destroyed because of how much trouble its caused.  Though I don’t think it’s possible to destroy the Shield.  Wasn’t the Shield made of Vibranium or something equally as indestructible?  Still, this might be a good thing.  Because Sam is seeing how many people ended up getting tossed aside and overlooked.  Which could be what inspires him to take back the mantle of Captain America, in order to help give a voice to those people.

Anyway, with Sharon’s help, Bucky, Sam and Zemo find Dr. Nagal’s lab, which is hidden in a shipyard somewhere.  Upon interrogating Dr. Nagal, we learn that, after Hydra was eliminated, Dr. Nagal was hired by the CIA to continue his work in recreating the Super Serum.  But then, Dr. Nagal got dusted in the Snap.  When he came back, he picked up where he left off and managed to create 20 vials of Super Serum.  Admittedly, I might be getting some of the details here wrong, but this episode had a lot of exposition to go through. But the important thing is that those vials got stolen by Karli.  Which means there might be a whole mess of Super Soldiers out there right now.  But before Dr. Nagal could reveal anything further, Zemo shoots him dead out of the blue.  Why, I’m not entirely sure, but this is Zemo.  Like I mentioned before, I don’t trust him in the slightest.  And I wouldn’t be shocked if he ends up backstabbing Sam and Bucky in some way before the show is over.  In any event, after Dr. Nagal gets killed off, there’s a sudden action sequence, with Sharon, Sam and Bucky trying to fend off a bunch of armed goons.  Wasn’t very clear if they were with the people who had currently hired Dr. Nagal after the Reverse Snap or if they were bounty hunters looking for Selby’s killer.  Eventually, Zemo manages to obtain a getaway car, and he drives off with Sam and Bucky.  Sharon, on the other hand, chooses to stay behind, with Sam promising her that he’ll make sure she gets a full pardon for her actions in Civil War once they get back to the US.  But after they drive off, Sharon meets up with some other unnamed woman.  So I have no idea what Sharon is up to right now.  Did she have anything to do with Selby’s death?  Is she in league with this mysterious Power Broker? It’s not clear at the moment. Either way, I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of her.

The episode ends with Bucky, Sam and Zemo trying to figure out the next step.  But Bucky steps away when he spots a few black beads affixed to the side of a building.  He clearly recognizes these black beads as Kimoyo beads, because he calls out to someone once he’s alone.  And seems unsurprised when a member of the Dora Milaje appears in front of him, stating that she’s there for Zemo.  Apparently, that’s Ayo, Okoye’s second-in-command.  So we’re getting the Wakandans involved now!  That’ll be fun.  Particularly since it’s doubtful they forgot that Zemo was responsible for the death of King T’Chaka.  I’m wondering if we’ll get a cameo of Shuri.  Or, on a more sobering note, get a hint about what the MCU will do in regards to T’Challa.  In any event, I’m excited to see the Wakandans.

Meanwhile, we got John Walker going around, further cementing how unlikable he is.  Because he ends up storming into some office building somewhere because the Flag Smashers were seen operating out of there.  Or something to that effect.  The main issue is they weren’t even in America at this point.  Are the Accords still in effect?  I don’t even know! But even if they aren’t, the fact that John Walker is pretty much throwing his weight around like this only further proves he’s not worthy to call himself Captain America.  (Just saying, Steve would never shove some guy against a wall and demand respect just because of who he is.)  Oh, and it gets better.  When he gets word that Bucky and Sam might have been responsible for Zemo escaping from jail, his attitude seems to have sinister undertones of ‘if I can prove those two are criminals, the methods I used to get that proof doesn’t matter.’  Oh, where do I begin?  That kind of attitude is extremely problematic, as it’s teetering dangerously close to ‘I can ignore people’s rights whenever it suits my needs’ territory.  And it’s particularly uncomfortable when you remember people were clearly recording Bucky’s earlier actions on Madripoor on their phones, when he had to beat up this guy to sell his Winter Soldier act.  Needless to say, I’m really scared for Bucky and Sam right now.

Then there’s the stuff with the Flag Smashers.  I guess there was this organization called the Global Repatriation Council (GRC for short) that was set up after the people who got dusted returned with the Reverse Snap, which was designed to help those un-dusted people adjust to the new world and get back on their feet.  But this is where things get a little sketchy.  I think the implication is that they’re not distributing the supplies fairly, or that this organization is favoring the un-dusted people while ignoring the needs of the people who remained after the Snap?  Because after who I think was supposed to be Karli’s mother dies from an illness(?), Karli leads the Flag Smashers in breaking into a GRC storage facility in Lithuania and making off with the supplies they were storing there.  And then she blows up the building.  With people still inside.  Because her attitude seems to be this will be the only way to get the government’s attention or something along those lines.  Yeah, this is where Karli started to lose my support.  Because while I think I can understand what their motivation is, considering it seems to be implied that world governments are not being fair and equal in regards of helping everyone adjust to the Reverse Snap, once you start killing people, that’s where you make it easy for your enemies to villainize you in the eyes of the general public. At this point, I don’t know how I feel about Karli.

[doof-doofblog]

"I Think That's It!"

Thursday 14th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far, I'm really looking forward to reviewing today's episode! I feel there's a lot of emotion and drama going on in the soap right now, still so many secrets and lies to be exposed! I do believe that a new EastEnders trailer has gone out, I have say it looks absolutely brilliant, very exciting with confrontations between Frankie and Mick and then Ash and Suki!! Ooooo it's all going to kick off!! I'm really looking forward to seeing what's due to happen within the next couple of episodes! But back to this episode, I won't waste anymore of your time and jump straight into it!

Okay, so there's a few things I want to talk about. The first thing I'll mention first is Iqra! I do get the feeling that her relationship with Ash is kind of on the rocks, they seem to be disagreeing on things a lot. Plus Ash seems to have a big interest in Peter all of a sudden! During the scene where Iqra and Ash are sat alone in the Cafe, Peter enters and no surprise, Suki follows after a while. However as Iqra and Ash make themselves scares after Suki makes a comment on them staying up too late the night before, did anyone notice that she implied that she and Peter had slept together?! Peter orders himself a drink, to which to interrupts and offers to pay for it, telling him to enjoy his drink - to which she made a disgusting comment that she "Enjoyed" her time with him the previous night! Firstly - Ewwwww! - I don't know what your opinion is on Peter and Suki, but personally, I really don't like it! But I do have a feeling that Iqra is going to have another love interest soon! - The new girl at the Prince Albert - Mila! If she is going to become a regular character and we're going to see more of her, I think it would be nice to give her a storyline. We've already seen her beat Kim to win a job at the Albert, also seen her chatting up Frankie, and now she's been introduced to Iqra. What's not to say that Iqra and Mila begin get grow a close bond and eventually fall for one another? It would be nice to see Iqra in a happy relationship, as I feel right now, she's not happy with Ash. What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this possible theory?!

The second thing I want to talk about is the Carter's. Shirley is determined to find her little sister, much to Gray's frustration and panic. Before Mick arrives to accompany her to the police station regarding her attack on Katy, Shirley makes a call, which is later to be revealed as one of Tina's friends, as she desperately tries to search for her sister. As she does so, Gray is looking even more worried, for his own sake. He tries to convince her not to make any calls to Tina as it will makes things look bad on Tina as well as Shirley herself! Later when Shirley and Mick arrive back from the police station, they both inform Linda that Katy isn't going to press charges on Shirley for her attack. (Deep down I'm thinking it's because she doesn't want her own crimes being revealed!) But it's during this moment, when Mick and Linda begin to fret that Tina still hasn't been in touch with any of them, Shirley reveals to them that she actually received a text from Tina, informing them that she actually had attacked Ian. Instantly, things don't make sense to the Carter family, they believe that what the message is saying isn't true. But Mick makes the valid point that even if they don't believe it, they have no proof to show that she actually is innocent. It's then that Linda takes a huge gamble and requests to speak to Max. Since Linda ended their fling, Max has been down in the dumps and moping ever since. So when he gets a message from Linda asking that they talk, he goes round to her apartment when no one else is around. She informs Max that she's sorry for the way she treated him, but regardless of sticking by her husband, she does still care for him and treasures his friendship. But she then turns the subject onto more important matters and informs him that she's worried about Tina, even though that Tina has sent them a message almost admitting to attacking Ian, the only way to prove that it wasn't her was to give the police the weapon. Now we all know that the weapon used to attack Ian was the blue Lucy Beale Award, which Max ended up stealing and burying in an attempt to save Linda. The big thing here is, is that Linda is basically asking him to give up the weapon to put Tina out of the frame, but I don't think she realises that it could make Max look guilty of attacking Ian instead, and Max makes a very valid point here, even though he cares deeply for Linda, he refuses to go back to prison for anyone! Why should he also help her family after what's happened between him and Linda? I get Linda is just trying to help her family, but honestly - I think she needs to find another way, approaching Max is the wrong way to go about it.  

Thirdly, let's talk about Martin and Ruby, shall we?! When we first see them, Martin appears to have gotten off the phone to, I'm assuming, Sonia or Bex, and he happily informs his wife that he's going to be going away to see his daughter. Ruby has a face like thunder, she is clearly unhappy and as soon as Martin tells her his plans, she has the audacity lie once again to him to reminding him that she's pregnant. I hate to say it but I loved the way Martin responded with "I didn't think I'd have to ask your permission to see my daughter!". Ruby states that since she's told her husband about her pregnancy, he hasn't shown her the slightest bit of interest, however Martin puts on a front saying that he's happy that she's carrying his child, but as he leaves the room, we can see that he still doesn't feel right about it. However, later on Martin bumps into Sharon with little Albie in the park. As they begin talking, Martin reveals to her that Ruby is pregnant, even though it wasn't planned. As she congratulates him, he questions how show manages to cope, knowing that her son Albie was born on the same day she lost her other son, and also happens to mention that he never thought he'd see the day when she and Ian would be married. It's at this point when Sharon has to put on a front and basically lies to Martin, informing that even though it wasn't the future or family that she had planned, somehow it works for her. Her words must play on Martin's mind though, as later, returning to Ruby, she's alone in the house and reaches for a bottle of wine from the shelf, only to be interrupted by the front door opening, she quickly puts it back. Martin enters and comes with a peace offering, he reveals he has bought some baby items such as a baby grow, little boots and a teddy and informs his wife that she'll make an incredible Mum. Ruby seems completely overwhelmed by his surprise baby gifts, but the realisation sinks in when she realises she has to pregnant fast, before Martin becomes suspicious! What on Earth will she do? Could she convince Martin to sleep with her? Or would she have to take extreme measures and get pregnant by somebody else?!

The next thing I want to talk about is Sheree and Patrick. Trying to avoid the situation which is happening with her husband, Sheree is keeping herself busy at the salon. Cleaning things making everything look absolutely spotless, regardless of the fact that her first client isn't due for a long while. Suddenly Stacey and Jean enter, announcing that it's Jean's birthday and she's eager to get rid of the dark eyebrows that Mo has applied for her. Sheree takes it upon herself to help Jean out and stating that she has all the time in the world to help her. During Jean's time in the salon, Kim steps in and confronts Sheree about not visiting Patrick in the hospital after his stroke, she states that if she doesn't step up she'll be disowned by family. Jean witnesses this confrontation and sees the devastating look in Sheree's eyes, she takes it upon herself to console the poor woman and informs her that families can be hard to talk to if they don't understand the upset and hurt you're feeling. It's then that Jean begins to tell Sheree all about Daniel and his aspect of life, regardless of knowing he was dying from cancer, he lived every day to the full and didn't let it get him down, he was strong and was right up until the very end. I believe it's these words which really hit home for Sheree, after Jean's wise words, she rushes to the hospital to be at her husbands bedside. Meanwhile poor Patrick has been asking Isaac for his wife, even questioning why he's there when she should be at school - however what Isaac says really moves me, "I have to be here for my Dad!" - Is this the first time he ever called Patrick "Dad"? Even so, it was so moving, the look in both of their eyes was so warm. Eventually Sheree arrives at the hospital, Patrick is happy to see her but also informs her that he doesn't want her to be his carer, as that was not what she signed up for when they got married - however, Sheree informs her husband that she won't be going anywhere, she's going to remain at his side during this knock back in his health, but informs him that he will be taking all the medication he needs and following the doctors instructions.

Now, I've mentioned her already but I need to talk about Jean, we need to talk about Jean. I've said it before and I've said it again, what an absolutely inspirational woman! Regardless of coming to terms with her own personal situation, she's still wanting to help out everyone around her, previously it was Dotty and Iqra, today it was Sheree. I have to be honest, I absolutely LOVED the fact that she talked about Daniel again, even though he was such a small part of the soap, his role was very very important and he plays such a huge part in Jean's life, we need to make sure he's not forgotten, and Jean continuing to talk about him is just perfect, even if it is quite sad. After getting her eyebrows fixed and getting dressed up in another gorgeous dress (She's been wearing some stunning dresses recently!) she begins to record a video of herself. At first, I know it sounds silly, but I genuinely thought she was doing a video for Daniel, even though he wouldn't be able to see it, I just thought it would've been a way for her to still kind of talk to him, if you get what I mean? But as she continued the video and talking to the camera, I think it became clear that the video she was recording is actually intended for Stacey and the rest of the family. In the video, she announces that devastatingly that she feels in herself that the cancer has returned, even though she hasn't had it confirmed, she can feel it. Not only does she announce this but she also states that she's taken the drastic decision not to have treatment this time around, she wants to live the rest of her life to the full and be just like Daniel. She doesn't want the family to worry and to accept her decision. I did find this very emotional to watch, I mentioned this in my previous post but I can't applaud Gillian Wright enough for her performance as Jean, she is absolutely incredible actress. The only thing that plays on my mind though however is that, I would be incredibly devastated if they were to kill her off. Jean has been such a breath of fresh air in EastEnders, even during her absolute lowest moments, everyone loves her and wants her to fight through the toughest times. I truly believe that the Slater family will be lost without her, the whole Square would be lost without Jean - Oh I love her so much!

I know there are plenty of storylines happening at the moment, and with the recent trailer which has been released, I can't wait to see it all unfold. But Jean's storyline is the one that really going to keep me guessing the most I think, I hope to God that her cancer hasn't returned, or maybe it's something completely different and not cancer - (I don't know?) - But either way, I just hope Jean will be okay and EastEnders don't kill her off! What do you guys think? How do you feel about Jean's current story? Are there any storylines that are keeping you gripped at this moment in time, how do you feel about them all and what are your thoughts and theories?! I'd love to hear what you have to say, please feel free to leave me a message or a comment, I'll always respond! Thanks again folks! Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[fugandhi]

Joker’s Odyssey

“Joker’s Odyssey” (A Film Review) by Adam Wękarski

“Joker” is one of the most psychologically complex & artistically provocative films ever made. Todd Phillips directs his best film to date (commonly known for his work in directing comedies) in a staggering contrast to his typical work. This film is undoubtedly Phillips’ masterpiece. This film takes a gigantic leap forward in the direction that Christopher Nolan & Heath Ledger’s Joker had initiated 11 years ago in “The Dark Knight.” This movie is an enigmatic tragicomedy that pulls no punches.

Joaquin Phoenix deserves an oscar for his performance as the lead character. Count on Joaquin-frikkin’-Phoenix to be the only other actor who could not only meet Heath Ledger’s ground-breaking performance, but challenge it with a bold & fearless flair. This is the best picture of the year and absolutely deserves an oscar for directing, writing & cinematography.

Phoenix plays Joker a.k.a “Arthur Fleck”, a struggling Street-Performer/Comedian/your all-around Party-Clown who lives in a bleak and morally-crumbling fictional Gotham City, USA (set in 1981). Highly reminiscent of New York City in the late ‘70s/early ‘80s (apparently where the director Todd Phillips grew up), there is an overwhelmingly oppressive structural presence of the city throughout the entire film (with some of the most breath-taking wide shots) - which has the ability to create a legitimate sense of isolation (and claustrophobia).

Immediately into the story, we know that Fleck clearly has some form of severe emotional instability (while struggling in a post-vaudevillian world which is a creaky ol’ memory fading of a bygone era of performers & entertainers). Despite the overwhelming struggle that is Arthur’s existence - Arthur trudges on, beaten down, and continues dancing his dance and putting on a show for everyone & no one. The only times that Arthur Fleck appears to have any form of happiness is when he is performing & dancing as “Carnival” The Clown working for an entertainment agency known as “Ha Ha’s”, and when he is at home spending time with his mother. Arthur Fleck’s journey throughout the story is not only about his life’s struggle, but his eventual demise and fall from grace.

While Arthur climbs the seemingly infinite stairway each day in his life, the weight of his problems become clearly visible on his shoulders - as he resembles the factory workers in Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis” striving upwards with futility. Fleck has literally been taking a beating in his life, and he does eventually transform (due to a tremendously slow-burning tension that carries throughout the entirety of the film) into the larger-than-life villain at the end of the story (which is the crucial moment Joker truly becomes a symbolic figure of anarchy).

Technically-speaking - this film is shot perfectly (with a heavy tone reminiscent of a graphic novel). From larger-than-life exterior wide shots that truly showcase just how small Fleck is in the grand scheme of the city to extremely tight interior shots that allow access to intimate moments with one of the most twisted & insane characters of all time (perfectly portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix). The story, an original, was written by Todd Phillips & Scott Silver who had made the conscious effort to bring an entirely fresh take on one of the most celebrated (and revered) characters of the comic book world (and now film world) to the big screen. In terms of the story - it is the best origin story of the Joker by far, successfully achieving a level of sophisticated storytelling to the point that it actually transcends the genre and becomes a truly remarkable artistic effort of genius that has cinematic elements similar to the likes of Kubrick, Scorsese & Malick (particularly in terms of artistic bravado).

Speaking of Scorsese, “Joker” has the uncanny ability of concealing it’s influences while simultaneously paying homage and informal tribute (I suppose more of an artistic ‘tip of the hat’ to a plethora of cinematic influences). There are plenty of hints & clues for any familiar film-lover (especially a few obvious nods to Heath Ledger’s Joker, although more of a precursor of where that Joker could have possibly originated). For instance, anyone who has seen “Taxi Driver” will automatically draw parallels between the slow, yet inevitable, unwinding & downward spiral of the protagonist (of whom lives in a city that is slowly unraveling at the sociological seams, so-to-speak - which, in turn, is a reflection of the mental stability of the main character as he continues his journey) - Especially when Zazie Beetz’s “Sophie Dumond” encounters Fleck in an elevator and points her fingers towards the side of her head, which Fleck later does to himself (an obvious nod to De Niro’s character “Travis Bickle” in “Taxi Driver”).

Robert De Niro (one of the finest actors of all time) even appears in the film as a very important character by the name of “Murray Franklin” of whom has his own live late-night television talk show. Arthur Fleck is a huge fan of the Murray Franklin show and even fantasizes about being on the show and interacting with Murray Franklin on live television for the whole world to see. Arthur Fleck is obviously obsessed with the notion of becoming famous and celebrated and adored - something he certainly is not in his real everyday life. De Niro’s performance of Murray Franklin is an ironic nod (and inversion) of his performance as “Rupert Pupkin” from Scorsese’s “The King of Comedy” in which De Niro had played the overtly-unrealistic stalker of a late-night TV personality (played by Jerry Lewis) - which is, of course, a brilliant full circle moment for De Niro now playing the big shot entertainer.

Arthur Fleck’s obsession with Murray Franklin is one of many story arcs within the psychologically-labyrinthian tale of how the Joker was born. While portraying Fleck, Joaquin Phoenix has a look reminiscent of the killer “Scorpio” in “Dirty Harry” (played frighteningly by one Andrew Robinson) with the 1970s-friendly shaggy-locks and brown slacks and large-collared attire. This entire film is a herculean psychological character study on Joker and it’s without saying that this is in no way a family-friendly version of the character. The Joker kills three men on a subway in self-defense (after the three Wallstreet men harass a woman and then physically attack Joker). This film lives and breathes in the proverbial gray area of right & wrong and good & bad (which is a part of it’s terrifying genius).

The film’s music also appears as it’s own character (in a way) throughout the film  - acting as a spiritual extension of Joker’s mental & emotional state (as Joker appears to have music consistently flowing from within and exuding outwards with each crucial moment that happens in the story). After Fleck’s first murder in the subway, he runs and hides in a public restroom and begins to dance to his own symphony of psychosis as he stares into his reflection (as Joker; his split personality; his other half, alter ego, etc.). The musical score is just as unsettling & schizophrenic as the Joker, and the film perfectly embodies all of the most defining attributes of what makes Joker so very fascinating (and frightening).

Joaquin Phoenix’s powerhouse performance stands alone, mighty on it’s own two feet, while Todd Phillip’s care for the character and his dedication to present the character as a real human being is unmatched in it’s sophistication & artistic bravery (with exception of perhaps the Nolan trilogy - God, if only this version of Joker was in the third installment for The Dark Knight trilogy - could you imagine Joaquin Phoenix opposite Christian Bale? - OH My - or perhaps even see where this Joker storyline would dare venture if given the opportunity for more exploration). Joaquin Phoenix had allegedly stated that in researching psychological disorders and real-life behaviors that people actually have - he did not want anyone who is educated in the field of study to be able to pin-point Joker’s psychological “condition” or “symptoms.” Phoenix successfully accomplishes such a feat as Fleck/Joker due to the character’s ever-changing (and constantly-developing) madness amidst his life in this origin story.

This film is a very, very intense tragedy whose psychological depth goes well beyond the screen.

Arthur Fleck/Joker is a care-taker of his own mother, Penny Fleck (played very well by Frances Conroy). Penny begins the story as a seemingly sweet-hearted mother who is ill and in need of some form of help or assistance - of which Arthur does his best in providing (as her only family). As the film progresses, we find that Penny had been a former employee working on the estate of one Thomas Wayne (played very well by Brett Cullen) and she expresses her assurance to Arthur that Mr. Wayne wouldn’t allow them to live in their current conditions had he been aware of their struggle.

Arthur loves his mother very dearly (in a Norman Bates ”Psycho” kinda way), and despite his efforts to nurse her - her condition gets worse, and then the story truly takes a dramatic left turn into an unsettling reveal of the hidden, murky depths of not only the Joker’s life, but his overall psyche. Specifically, when Arthur discovers the truth about his life and the harsh trauma he had experienced as an adopted child with a psychotic mother, who carelessly stood by while Arthur was severely abused (while also discovering he had been an abandoned orphan before Penny adopted him) and would apathetically allow the abuse to thrive.

Arthur Fleck’s psychological abyss is interwoven within Arkham State Hospital (a mental institution primarily focused on abnormal psychology and psychiatric rehabilitation). The emotional and mental state of Arthur is at the forefront of the film, as Arthur frequently discusses his mental & emotional well-being with a social worker (played very well by Sharon Washington), who eventually loses her job as well as her department due to government cutbacks and lack of funding. The loss of all of his medication gives Arthur’s unusual condition(s) of uncontrollable laughter at any given time (which comes handy with a card to address anyone of said condition) a significantly more off-putting presence. This is especially true due to the reality that his unique condition merely scratches the surface of what is looming underneath (which appears to be an eclectic & deadly combination of a potential variety of psychological disorders including: post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, paranoia, delusional disorder, manic depression, schizophrenia, in addition to possibly having some other forms of personality disorders and/or possibly even a form of undiagnosed autism).

In one of the most iconic moments in cinema, the Joker dances down that same infinite stairway as before (with a Ray-Bolger-like air of arrogance), now in full Joker fashion, experiencing a complete liberation of the weight he once carried on his shoulders as Arthur Fleck. This is a moment that not only represents Joker’s infinite dance of madness, but also symbolizes Arthur Fleck’s tragic descent into hell.

This film is more disturbing than it is violent. What’s so disturbing is that this is the most realistic depiction of the Joker and how a human being could become a product of one’s environment (in the worst way). I think this film has successfully struck a chord with contemporary society (worldwide), despite the film being a complete fictional story based off of a comic book character, set in another time - there is a significantly realistic undercurrent of honesty shouting loudly in the film in a tone very similar to Howard Beale’s epiphany in Sidney Lumet’s astounding masterpiece “Network”(1976); albeit a bit more deranged (especially once Joker actually goes on live television and scolds Murray Franklin regarding his continual debasement of Arthur Fleck for the sake of entertainment). Joker speaks openly on live television about how he had been the one who murdered the three Wallstreet men in the subway. It is at this point in the journey that Joker is viciously taunting not only the host Murray, but also expressing the cold & harsh reality of the overall system being an institutionalized failure. The Joker has no political agendas, nor financial, or even ambitions within show business anymore after the onslaught of life experiences that have transformed him and tragically removed his innocence.

Joker was once a man who genuinely wanted to bring joy & laughter to the world and perhaps if someone was there to hand him a book or a guitar instead of a gun in those crucial “in-between” moments in life, or if he had someone in his life who actually loved & cared for him and would be there for him - maybe it could have all been prevented. If Arthur Fleck had positive reinforcement in his life, and perhaps Faith, maybe he would have turned his frustration into inspiration rather than a maniacal form of self-destruction. The same could be said about any one individual in our very own reality (especially considering the highly unusual rate of violent, self-destructive behavior in America as we know it).

It is after the Murray Franklin Massacre that the Joker is truly “reborn” as he has officially become an abstract figurehead for the downtrodden of society. The same part of society which has had enough of the ugly side of the system and the overall tragedy of humanity’s indifference & ignorance towards the ones who struggle with the weight of the system on their shoulders (while looking up at the ones who have been riding upon humanity’s shoulders for far too long). Joker’s “birth” comes from a symbolic “death” so-to-say of Arthur Fleck as he’s in a severe car accident and carried out by his followers and attains a distinct level of martyrdom. Joker’s tragic destiny is to reign in hell rather than serve in heaven (which is the symbolic dilemma of humanity; hence the inception of Batman in the film, as a young Bruce Wayne’s parents are murdered due to the chaos Joker has sparked - a moment that successfully calls back to Tim Burton’s “Batman” flashback with the movie theater & flying pearl necklace and all).

“Joker” is a highly visceral artistic statement that has a brutally honest hidden social message: society must not fail the very humanity that fulfills it. The madness of one can spark the madness of many - and in any case - we may need to create a better way to heal our sick & our poor, and we should consider better methods to mend the broken (in mind, body, and spirit) rather than feed into chaos and self-undoing (as individuals and as a whole). If we are capable to view such a mirrored fantasy which has created such a social controversy due to it’s violently philosophical conclusion - are we also capable of improving ourselves, as a society, for the betterment of our very own collective reality?

I give “Joker” a Perfect 10 out of 10. 

Joaquin Phoenix gives an awe-inspiring performance as the most celebrated comic book villain of all time. Todd Phillips has successfully captured lightning in a bottle with “Joker” - A fascinating, brilliant, and highly disturbing character study that places a focus not only on the madness of one individual, but the inherent madness & trivialization of western civilization in modern times.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in January

A couple of times this month a book I wanted was on the shelves at my local library. I didn’t have to put a hold on it, I could just go and find it on the shelf myself. Something I used to do all the time and rarely do these days. I usually just visit the library to return things and collect my holds.

This was a month of: books which I liked but might have loved had they been different; books I’d like more if I were twelve; and books I found really engrossing in spite of elements that aren’t my cup of tea; plus audiobooks chosen because they were available and the ones I had on hold were not.

Reread: The Gate of Ivory by Doris Egan, Troubled Waters and Royal Airs by Sharon Shinn.

Still reading: Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett.

Next up: Skyward by Brandon Sanderson.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing. And also Dreamwidth.)

The Death of the Necromancer by Martha Wells (narrated by Derek Perkins): A complicated and compelling mystery, with characters who try to conceal just how deeply they care about justice and each other. Nicholas Valiarde wants revenge on the man responsible for orchestrating the wrongful arrest and execution of Nicholas’s foster-father on charges of necromancy. But, with the final goal in sight, he and his team uncover disturbing evidence that someone in the city is practising necromancy. I took a long time to feel properly invested and I was a bit disappointed that there wasn’t more focus on the characters’ emotions (so much potential!) But this still is an excellent story.

The Slightly Alarming Tale of the Whispering Wars by Jaclyn Moriarty: The companion to The Extremely Inconvenient Adventures of Bronte Mettlestone. In Spindrift, there’s a rivalry between the children from the orphanage and from the boarding school. But when their town becomes the frontlines of the Whispering Wars, they have to set their private war aside and work together. I spent half the book thinking I would enjoy it much more if I were 12, or at least if I remembered The Extremely Inconvenient Adventures in greater detail. But I warmed to the characters, and Moriarty has a satisfying way of making minor details turn out to be unexpectedly important. Also, there are dragons.

Tales from the Inner City by Shaun Tan: This is about interactions between animals and people in a city landscape. Each story focuses on a different animal and is accompanied by gorgeous full-page illustrations. The stories are fantastical and poignant -- strange, surreal, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes melancholy and sometimes hopeful. There was something I liked about nearly all of these tales, even the ones which were a bit too bleak. I loved the illustrations, or I was intrigued by the ideas, or I thought the message was an important one to make so powerfully. I also appreciated the variety of this collection. Memorable and recommended.

A Room With a View by E.M. Forster (narrated by Steven Crossley): Lucy Honeychurch and her cousin Charlotte are visiting Florence when they meet Mr Emerson and his son. Later in England, when they encounter the Emersons again, they both have private reasons for wanting to avoid them. I was delighted by much of this; it is astutely observant and gently humorous. Much ado is made over a kiss, which is baffling from a modern perspective, but reflects attitudes common at the time and Forster is intentionally showing that his characters are being a bit ridiculous. I would be even more enthusiastic if the final chapters had not diminished Lucy’s agency.

Transcription by Kate Atkinson: In 1940, eighteen year old Juliet Armstrong is working for MI5. Ten years later she is working for the BBC when she confronted with reminders of the past. This is an interesting portrayal of wartime, and post-wartime, experiences which builds into a tense mystery. I liked the prose, and Juliet’s observations, and the way references to Shakespeare, to music, and to the films Juliet sees, are incorporated. But I didn’t quite like how it all ends -- I found it oddly unsatisfying, for all the puzzle pieces fit together cleverly. Maybe it’s just that espionage thrillers are not for me?

The Star of the Deltora Quartet by Emily Rodda: Britta is travelling with her rivals for the Trader Rosalyn Apprenticeship. These books definitely fall into the category of books I’d like more if I were twelve or so, but they are eventful and quick to read. Rodda’s landscapes are full of dangers and her cultures are distinct and unusual, even if they lack nuance and complexity. Britta’s trading in Two Moons and The Towers of Illica does not have the results she had planned, but she discovers unexpected treasure, friendship and information about her father’s past. I wasn’t expecting to be quite so interested in where her journey takes her next.

I was expecting there to be some sort of twist in The Hungry Isle but was still surprised by what those twists were. I wish there had been a stronger explanation for why something wasn’t revealed earlier -- the way it unfolded made sense, but it pushed Britta into a less active role, which is an odd choice for a protagonist as a story approaches its final climax. Nevertheless, it was a satisfying ending.

Jeweled Fire by Sharon Shinn: Princess Corene defies her father and secretly accepts an invitation to visit Malinqua. The empress is looking for prospective brides for her nephews, and Corene is looking for a place where she can belong. To her surprise, she discovers friendships and uncovers murder. I really enjoyed this. There’s mystery and danger and a gentle romance -- Shinn is good at relationships between people who like to talk to each other. I now understand why Corene can be difficult, and I enjoyed watching her grow. And I was pleased to discover that the secondary POV character (a spy) stars in the sequel.

Unquiet Land by Sharon Shinn:  Leah returns to Welce after five years in Malinqua as a spy and sets up a shop in the capital where she will meet foreign visitors. This is darker, more tense -- and a bit more problematic -- than the previous books. Yet it’s my favourite. I liked Leah, with her complicated emotions about returning home and about motherhood, and her cautious romance. This is a largely positive story about being part of a family and working out your place in the world. Leah finds herself surrounded by people who are friendly and supportive; they don’t judge her for having run away.  

Valiant: A Modern Tale of Faerie by Holly Black (narrated by Renée Raudman): Val, feeling betrayed by the people she loves, misses the last train home and falls in with a group of teenagers who live in New York’s subway tunnels and run errands for faeries. This is little darker and grittier than I’d prefer, and I had to skip over some descriptions around taking drugs. But I was surprised by how much I wanted to keep reading! I cared about Val. I liked Black’s prose, the hints of Beauty and the Beast and the way friendships are important. I appreciated that this doesn’t glamourise running away from home or addiction.

The Castle in the Attic by Elizabeth Winthrop (narrated by the author and a full cast): Ten year old William is given a model castle with a silver knight as a goodbye present from his nanny-housekeeper. When he finds out about the enchantment on the silver knight, he comes up with a plan to stop Mrs Phillips from leaving. I can see how this story would appeal to a kid. But I’m not one anymore and if I’m reading about characters who are much younger than me, I want more humour, quirkiness and vivid scenery. This fantasy world is fairly straightforward. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not what I was looking for.

99 Percent Mine by Sally Thorne: I wasn’t sure if I was going to like Darcy Barrett, tough and possessive, who is working on a renovation with her brother’s childhood best friend, Tom Valeska. What hooked me was Darcy’s complicated relationships (with being a twin, with romance and with her childhood nickname, “Princess”), the intensity of her loneliness and her longing, and the way she cares about Tom. There are some things I thought were glossed over or resolved too easily and a few details which prevented me from liking this story more. But I enjoyed reading this.

[theliterateape]

The Age of Faux Horror Embraces the Pearl-clutching of Ages Past

by Don Hall

There was something off about Oprah Winfrey’s reaction.

In the interview, she did her due diligence, quietly asking concerned questions about Meghan’s experience with marrying into the British Royal family. She did that Oprah thing and easily exposed the pain and tragedy of two ridiculously wealthy people in crisis.

Then Meghan stated what should not have been any sort of huge surprise: someone in the Royals was concerned her baby would be black.

Oprah’s face lit up in mock (but not) horror and outrage as if this possibility was so outside the realm of human understanding one would think Meghan confessed to the Royals tying her down and collectively urinating on her while singing “Camptown Races.”

Why would anyone be surprised into outrage at the idea of a Royal Dynasty comprised almost entirely of white inbreds wondering to themselves and in at least one case out loud about having a mixed race baby in the royal fold? Hasn’t Oprah watched The Crown? Or pretty much any film about the British monarchy?

This instance illuminates that most of our outrage in public and online is theater. Acting outraged is more important than genuine outrage these days. Hyperbole is the new black(face).

The Dr. Seuss Foundation decides six of their books contain some outdated racial depictions and take them off the market? OH THE HUMANITY! It's the end of Free Speech and our childhoods are being destroyed! This—THIS—is the fuel that has caused anti-Asian violence that threatens the lives of everyone Asian! HOLY FUCKBALLS!

In Western North Carolina, four in five children don't have enough healthy food to eat. {...crickets...}

Sharon Osbourne is accused of being 'racist adjacent' (she defends Piers Morgan, who is accused of being racist so she must be racist by proximity) and is under investigation by CBS. Jesus Christ! Racism is pouring out of every orifice like the sweat off of Nixon's forehead! All hell is breaking loose! LOSE OUR COLLECTIVE MINDS!!

The American Society of Civil Engineers (ASCE) has compiled regular “report cards” on the state of U.S. infrastructure since the 1980s. In its 2017 report, the ASCE found that the nation’s infrastructure averaged a “D+,” meaning that conditions were “mostly below standard,” exhibiting “significant deterioration,” with a “strong risk of failure.” {...silence...}

Discrimination and stigma when seeking menstrual and reproductive care – ranging from treatment for an irregular menstrual cycle to pap smears and cervical cancer screenings – are further obstacles for transgender people who menstruate. OMG! Let's burn down the country! This shit is of the utmost importance! What a horror! OUTRAGE BONER (while also menstruating)!

5.3% of the United States population—or 17.3 million people—live in deep poverty, with incomes below 50% of their poverty thresholds. 29.9% of the population—or 93.6 million—live close to poverty, with incomes less than two times that of their poverty thresholds. {...yeah, OK. But what about the undocumented?...}

As Spock would say "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one." 

"Except for when it means my needs!" cry the pre-Twitter disenfranchised. Unfortunately, those starving kids and the 17.3 million people in deep poverty don't have Twitter accounts, do they? This is a directed campaign of selected outrage, throwing up our arms and clutching our pearls at the horrors of living in a "no shit" world. Ignoring the larger issues to focus exclusively on the sexy problems of the day is the road paved by social media.

The larger the numbers, the less important it seems in terms of activism. 93.6 million is abstract. It's such a daunting number that our dainty minds have a difficult time pouncing on it. Five is more manageable. "Five shot dead in a grocery store" is easier to gin up outrage than any number larger than, say, a thousand. In terms of extreme outrage, one murdered person caught on smartphone is worth 5,000 murdered out of sight.

Is the hyperbole justified? Perhaps. With so much information swirling up around our necks like those quicksand pools in 1930’s movies set in Africa, maybe the only way to be heard in any form is to be over-the-top. There is, however, a razor’s edge between injustice revealed and complete silliness.

While I’m certain Meghan Markle had a hard experience dealing with the Whitey McWhiteness of the Royal Incestuous it’s hardly surprising or terribly relevant to anyone but that crowd of idiots so who, beyond the immediately affected, gives a hot fuck?

Today, not only do we have to parse out which information is misinformation., we also have to be able to suss out which outrage is genuine. The outrage for the silliest things like a plastic potato being branded as gender-neutral or the idea that math is white supremacy is nothing more than theater. Ignore it. Move on to shit that matters.

[architectnews]

Flowers Vineyard & Winery, California

Flowers Vineyard & Winery, CA Business, Californian Guest Experience, US Building, Images

Flowers Vineyard & Winery in Healdsburg, CA

Nov 30, 2020

House of Flowers

Design: Walker Warner Architects

Location: Healdsburg, California, USA

House of Flowers’ new guest experience breathes new life into a cherished local landmark to become a destina-tion resort-style estate dedicated to the celebration of wine, food, and the natural landscape.

Located minutes from downtown Healdsburg, in the heart of Russian River Valley, and originally built as a winery in the mid-70s, the facilities on this 13.5 acre estate had deteriorated and become outdated. Long known for its rustic charm and authentic connection to nature, the site held promise.

By coinci-dence, Flowers Vineyard & Winery was looking for a venue to showcase their sustainably produced wines within a setting that expressed their nature-based ethos. Opportunity met serendipity to become a perfect union of context and intent, and a home for Flowers’ hospitality house.

The challenge was how to evolve the existing collection of facilities and preserve the natural legacy while ensuring that the venue could meet the expectations of today and become a destination in its own right. “Our approach was deceptively simple,” notes Brooks Walker, principal at Walker Warner Architects. “Let nature dominate and use architecture to frame the experience. Ultimately, it’s about the experience of this place.”

Set within a redwood grove, the existing buildings were largely disconnected from their rich landscape. The strategy was to find ways to reconnect visitors to the landscape while reimagining what was a se-ries of simple industrial buildings. This reinvigorated journey began by investing the site with a sense of orientation.

New pathways lead visitors from the parking area to the updated visitor cen-ter. Previously a warehouse, the new hospitality house provides guests with an orientation to the site and introduces the Flowers’ story.

As with the other existing on-site structures, the 15,700-square-foot hospitality house has been stained a shadowy black—inspired by the deep shade of the surrounding redwood grove—to help the buildings recede into the site and allow the landscape to become the focus.

Remodeling the existing structures rather than building anew aligned with the Flowers’ commitment to sustainability. The approach, which enabled most of the original structure to be ‘recycled,’ gave focus to the design efforts, elevating what was already present.

Passive energy strategies—low-cost, high-impact—were maximized and included taking advantage of daylight (skylight and large windows) and shade (exterior wood slats serve as a veil while the surrounding redwood grove offers additional shade). Sustainability is reinforced through several large, monumental functional wood installations made of salvaged logs by artist Evan Shively.

Tucked discretely into the landscape, the transformation involved adding a pop-up element at one end of the single-story hospitality house. The addition knits building with topography, resulting in a multi-level facility that preserves the modest vernacular forms while providing seamless access to the stun-ning views and gardens afforded by the hilltop. The airy hilltop structure serves as a transition to the spacious gardens and provides sheltered seating and amenity spaces, including an outdoor wood-fired oven.

The interiors are bright thanks to bleached cypress siding, completing the yin-yang (dark-light) relationship of outside to inside. “The architectural expression is understated,” notes Mike McCabe, principal at Walker Warner Architects. “It isn’t about making a statement. It’s about creating a place that can unify the values that are important to the Flowers’ brand—celebrating nature and local context with what’s important to the site and the community.” The desire, note the Flowers owners, was to “create an environment where guests feel like they are entering our home, experiencing wines crafted without compromise and shared without pretension.”

Guests can experience a variety of intimate gatherings areas to savor Flowers’ Sonoma Coast wines both inside as well as outside. Upon entering, guests are led to the second floor which includes the sun room, the dining room and living areas as well as more private spaces for VIP guests. The gardens, framed by existing refurbished rammed-earth walls, bring the experience into sharper focus, unfolding as a series of quiet eddies intended for gathering, tasting wine, and celebrating nature.

The site occupies the boundary between the gridded vineyard and agricultural fields of the Russian River and is situated amongst the oak-grassland foothills leading up to the coastal redwood forests that surround Flowers’ estate vineyards on the extreme Sonoma Coast. The terraced gardens feature plant communities indica-tive of each surrounding ecological typology.

New board-formed concrete walls were added to the land-scape as needed, serving as a counterpoint and augmenting the series of exposed archaeologies. Togeth-er, landscape and architecture combine to provide a quiet refuge, a place to celebrate community and friends through the experience of wine.

Quotes below are from Mike McCabe, Principal for Walker Warner Architects “We designed House of Flowers to be an experience that reveals itself slowly. Each step is choreo-graphed and builds upon the preceding movement to emphasize contrasts and connections. It begins with the entry sequence through a grove of redwoods which leads you to the building with its dark stained exterior skin that’s nestled in the shadows.

After moving along the path, the main entry’s glow-ing interiors of bald cypress siding serve as a beacon that calls the visitor inside. After being greeted, you walk up the open-framed staircase and as you rise, the gardens and the dramatic views across the vineyards are framed and finally revealed, drawing you out into the landscape.”

“The region’s strong, simple vernacular forms served as guide and reference point to help root the archi-tecture to its setting. By visually refining the structures, simplifying the palette and abstracting the tra-ditional vernacular detailing, we attempted to create an architectural expression that honors the local context while making the visitor feel at home and at ease. Ultimately, the intent was to take forms and elements that are comfortable and familiar and use them to make extraordinary spaces for visitors.”

“Over the past 30 years our work at Walker Warner has been primarily focused on the design of homes, spaces that are intimate, comfortable and enduring. We approached the House of Flowers with this point of view as our starting point.

The visitor should feel as though they have arrived at the home of a good friend. Rather than put the focus on the architecture, it is our hope that guests are at ease and their attention is focused on sharing experiences over delicious food and amazing wine in an un-matched context.”

“The architectural expression is understated. It isn’t about making a statement. It’s about creating a place that can unify the values that are important to the Flowers’ brand—celebrating nature and local context with what’s important to the site and the community.”

Quotes below are from Maca Huneeus of Maca Huneeus Design “Our biggest challenge was to convert an already existing building that lacked in character into some-thing appealing that people would want to go visit. There are so many new developments that we thought recycling what was already there and keeping it simple was the way to go. We didn’t want to do a massive intimidating building as Healdsburg has always had a down to earth character.”

“Because of the volume of the red wood building and the unappealing stain of the wood I thought a Scandinavian vibe of black exterior and a lighter interior would translate really well in Healdsburg and address our challenges.”

“I first created inspirational boards that gave us (the architect, landscape and design team) a cohesive narrative for the design. The idea was always to make people feel comfortable as if they were visiting a friend’s home in the countryside. Hence we made a library, a fireplace area, a terrace, a living room, etc. We kept the materials elemental to give it an authentic country vibe (wood, linens, wool, ceramics).”

“The garden had a beautiful rammed earth structure with a patina so we worked with the shapes of those to make architectural gardens for people to seat and enjoy a glass of wine in an authentic country environment.”

Quotes below are from Thomas Woltz of Nelson Byrd Woltz Landscape Architects “The landscape design at the House of Flowers amplifies distinct California landscape ecologies creating a deeply rooted sense of place and a narrative consistent with Flowers’ authentic winemaking”

“Embodying distinct and iconic California ecologies, the House of Flowers landscape design bridges the distance between its Russian River Valley location and the vineyards along the bluffs of the Sonoma Coast. The terraces and gardens evoke the terrain where the featured Pinot Noir and Chardonnay varie-ties and the story of Flowers Winery itself originate.”

“In the terraced planting strategies at House of Flowers, the visitor is immersed in distinct California ecologies: Redwood Forest, Oak Woodland, and Chaparral landscapes, with the vineyards and distant ridges of the Mayacamas Mountains on the horizon.”

Oxnard Beach House in CA – Building Information

Design: Walker Warner Architects Team Mike McCabe, Principal, LEED AP Brooks Walker, Principal, LEED AP Sharon Okada, Senior Project Manager, LEED AP Architectural Staff: Matthew Marsten, Hana Bittner, Darcy Arioli, Vivi Lowery

Project Consultant Team Walker Warner Architects (architecture) Maca Huneeus Design (interiors) Nelson Byrd Woltz Landscape Architects (landscape architecture) Alexis Woods Landscape Design (consulting local landscape architecture) Anna Kondolf Lighting Design (lighting design) Daedalus Structural Engineering (structural engineering) Cello & Madru Construction Company (contractor) Arborica (reclaimed wood)

Key Links for online placement House of Flowers

Maca Huneeus Design

General Contractor: Cello & Maudru Construction Company

Landscape Architecture: Nelson Byrd Woltz Landscape Architects

Local Landscape Architecture: Alexis Woods Landscape Design Consulting

Anna Kondolf Lighting Design

Photography: Douglas Friedman

Oxnard Beach House in California, USA images / information received 301120

Location: Venice Beach, California

Californian Buildings

Reggie Rodriguez Community Center, Montebello, Los Angeles County Design: Sparano + Mooney Architecture image : Sparano + Mooney Architecture/span> New Building in Los Angeles County

Interdisciplinary Science and Engineering Building at the University of CaliforniaIrvine, California Architects: LMN Architects image Courtesy architecture office Interdisciplinary Science and Engineering Building at the University of California

Californian Architects

The Main Museum of Los Angeles Art Design: Tom Wiscombe Architecture image courtesy of architects The Main Museum of Los Angeles Art

American Architect

American Houses

Comments / photos for the House of Flowers in California, USA page welcome

California

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[cathygeha]

HARROGATE INTERNATIONAL FESTIVALS REVEALS FIRST TASTE OF WORLD-CLASS LINE-UP FOR VIRTUAL ARTS WEEKENDER CELEBRATING THE BEST IN BOOKS, MUSIC, SCIENCE & MORE – ‘HIF WEEKENDER’: 23 – 26 JULY 2020

harrogateinternationalfestivals.com | #HIF2020 | #HIFAtHome

PREMIERE OF NEW BRASS COMMISSION ECLIPSE by DAVID LANCASTER featuring soloist MIKE LOVATT

INTERVIEWS with JOHN SUCHET | STELLA DUFFY | ANTHONY HOROWITZ | BEN PALMER

ADAM RUTHERFORD | LEWIS DARTNELL | CLAUDIA HAMMOND

PERFORMANCES from STEVEN ISSERLIS | TASMIN LITTLE | MAHAN ESFAHANI

NAVARRA STRING QUARTET | MISHA MULLOV-ABBADO GROUP

GEORGE HARLIONO | SILAS BASSA | ABIGAIL HAMMETT & IWAN OWEN | RACHAEL GREEN

SEAN PAYNE | NOAH STONEMAN | GRANNY’S ATTIC

GRAEME PARK DJ SET

 THEAKSTON OLD PECULIER VIRTUAL CRIME WRITING FESTIVAL

LEE CHILD | JOSEPH FINDER | MARK BILLINGHAM | VAL MCDERMID interviewed by MARK LAWSON

VAL MCDERMID’S NEW BLOOD ft DEEPA ANAPPARA | JESSICA MOOR | TREVOR WOOD | ELIZABETH KAY

IAN RANKIN | N.J. COOPER | STEVE MOSBY | AA DHAND | EMMA KAVANAGH | AMANDA JENNINGS

STEVE CAVANAGH & LUCA VESTE present TWO CRIME WRITERS & A MICROPHONE

T

HEAKSTON OLD PECULIER CRIME NOVEL OF THE YEAR: WINNER CEREMONY

  Harrogate, Thursday 2 July 2020: Harrogate International Festivals is thrilled to announce first names for its new, free virtual festival bringing world-class culture to everyone at home, the HIF Weekender.

From 23 to 26 July, the HIF Weekender will present a celebration of the arts, featuring performances and interviews with internationally acclaimed musicians, best-selling authors and innovative thinkers to coincide with what would have been the legendary long weekend of Harrogate’s Theakston Old Peculier Crime Writing Festival.

The HIF Weekender begins with a bang, crowning the winner of the UK’s most prestigious crime fiction prize – Theakston Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year – in a virtual ceremony recognising the best of the best. The celebrations continue with crime writing royalty Ian Rankin, who was set to be the 2020 Theakston Old Peculier Crime Writing Festival Programming Chair, interviewed by N. J. Cooper about Rebus, writing and Rankin’s ‘lost’ festival year. Lee Child will reflect on his extraordinary career with fellow author Joseph Finder, and Mark Billingham on the 20th anniversary of his iconic detective Tom Thorne and debut novel Sleepy Head. Steve Mosby will be joined by AA Dhand, Emma Kavanagh and Amanda Jennings to explore what it means to be a crime writer in the age of pandemic and why the genre has dominated reading lockdown reading habits, and Steve Cavanagh and Luca Veste are set to present a virtual version of their popular podcast Two Crime Writers & A Microphone for the weekend.

Queen of crime Val McDermid will be joined by journalist and broadcaster Mark Lawson to unpack the heritage and impact of her infamous New Blood panel, discussing the vital role this showcase has played in shaping bookshelves and literary careers, how trends have changed over the past 17 years, as well as giving a peek behind the scenes into has she selects her chosen four… all before welcoming this year’s formidable debut talent to share the virtual stage: Deepa Anappara, Elizabeth Kay, Jessica Moor and Trevor Wood.

For centuries music has provided refuge in times of crisis and Harrogate International Festivals has taken the bold step of commissioning a new work to premiere during the HIF Weekender, in a statement demonstrating the Festival’s commitment to supporting the arts scene and the artistic community at this precarious time.

Highly respected, Yorkshire based composer David Lancaster was commissioned by the Festival following the cancellation of the Summer Season. Inspired by the pandemic, Lancaster’s piece for brass band Eclipse was scored in just five days and represents the darkness and danger facing the arts at this time, with an invitation to remain hopeful until the light returns. The Festival has brought together musicians from around the world – from young players starting out on their journey to professionals at very top of their careers – to come together digitally as a community on the hallowed Harrogate stage for a collaborative world premiere led by acclaimed virtuoso trumpeter Mike Lovatt.

Jazz maestro Mischa Mullov-Abbado – who has also been commissioned by the Festival for new work premiering this autumn – is welcomed as a Guest Curator for the festival weekend, as well as performing with the Mischa Mullov-Abbado Group. Reflecting the Festival’s dedication to championing new talent, Mullov-Abbado has handpicked some of the most exciting contemporary young musicians to join the line-up: rising stars and former finalists from the BBC Young Jazz Musician of The Year, Sean Payne and Noah Stoneman.

There will be a host of further classical performances from world renowned musicians including distinguished British cellist Steven Isserlis, the Navarra String Quartet, multi-award-winning concerto violinist Tasmin Little, Tehran born harpsichordist Mahan Esfahani – a three time nominee for Gramophone’s Artist of the Year – as well as a raft of emerging artists: pianist George Harliono, who was recently shortlisted for Classical BRIT Award, Argentinian composer and pianist Silas Bassa, violin and piano duo Abigail Hammett and Iwan Owen, and tenor saxophonist Rachael Green.

For folk fans BBC Radio 2 Young Folk Award nominees Granny’s Attic are on hand to entertain, or if rave and house music is more your scene, Graeme Park – the DJ responsible legendary Hacienda in Manchester and at the heart of the cultural boom of Cool Britannia – will be joining the line up with a live DJ set and interview, so be sure to have your disco ball ready at home.

Alongside mesmerising music and first-class fiction, the HIF Weekender presents a series of cultural conversations with the best in the business including celebrated conductor Ben Palmer, Deutsche Philharmonie Merck in Darmstadt, and Founder and Artistic Director of Covent Garden Sinfonia; theatre maker and co-director of the Fun Palaces campaign, Stella Duffy, will be discussing the state of the arts in lockdown; newsreader and presenter John Suchet will reveal the man behind the music with his compelling biography of Beethoven; and one of the UKs most prolific and successful writers – Anthony Horowitz – will be sharing  anecdotes from his career, celebrating 10 years of Alex Rider and giving an early glimpse at his new novel Moonflower Murders.

As part of the Festival’s Berwins Salon North strand of TED-style talks designed to change your life for the better, the weekender welcomes geneticist, author, and broadcaster Adam Rutherford to advise on How to Argue with a Racist, BBC Radio 4’s All in the Mind Claudia Hammond will explain why we should be talking rest seriously, and astrobiology research scientist Lewis Dartnell will tell the virtual audience the ultimate origin story.

And not forgetting little ones, in addition to the host of activities and resources on the Festival’s HIF Player, the HIF Weekender will be introducing children to brass music with Back Chat Kids, sharing singalongs with Family Singing Sessions and History’s Maid Kate Vigurs will be revealing the horribly entertaining parts of history that children love!

Since 1966, Harrogate International Festivals has proved an artistic force to be reckoned with, presenting inspiring and ambitious cultural experiences in the most interesting spaces across Harrogate and the region, dedicated to its charitable purpose of ensuring as many people as possible have access to the arts. This commitment now takes the Festival to our digital doorstep, but for those unable to connect HIF has created a CD version of the weekender available to the public. The festival is also hosting a colourful window campaign to spread joy on the streets of Harrogate and brighten up the #ViewFromMyWindow, as well as live performances from the Band on a Bus helping residents stay upbeat and merry, and etchings of 10 Word Crime Stories as a nod to Theakston’s Old Peculier Crime  Writing Festival.

Sharon Canavar, CE of Harrogate International Festivals, said: “Out of crisis comes creativity, and Harrogate International Festivals is delighted to present a world-class line-up for our first virtual HIF Weekender. Bucking the trend, we have opened our digital doors and wallets to fund artists and commission new work, knowing the transformative value that the arts bring in supporting communities – both locally and for our international audience. Whilst there is no denying that this is a hugely challenging time for the arts and for artists, festivals play a vital part in the creative industries ecology and defining our cultural landscape, and so we are extremely proud to be presenting this rich selection to our audiences world-wide for free, ensuring the arts remain accessible to all at a time when we need it the most.”

 For further information, please contact:

-                     Hannah McMillan: hannah.mcmillan@midaspr.co.uk | 07971 086649

-                     Gabriella Drinkald: gabriella.drinkald@midaspr.co.uk | 07894 587828

-                     Lizzie Brewster: lizzie@harrogate-festival.org.uk

 About Harrogate International Festivals

‘Harrogate International Festivals’ is a charitable organisation with a mission to present a diverse year-long programme of live events that bring immersive and moving cultural experiences to as many people as possible. Delivering artistic work of national importance, the Festival curates and produces over 300 unique and surprising performances each year, celebrating world-renowned artists and championing new and up-coming talent across music, literature, science, philosophy and psychology. The HIF+ ongoing education outreach programme engages schools, young people and the local community with workshops, talks, projects and inspiring activities, ensuring everyone can experience the Festival’s world class programme and the transformative power of the arts.

Established in 1966, Harrogate International Festivals are an artistic force to be reckoned with and a key cultural provider for the North of England.

Find out more at:

-                     Website: www.harrogateinternationalfestivals.com

-                     Facebook: @HarrogateInternationalFestivals

-                     Twitter: @HarrogateFest

-                     Instagram: @harrogatefestivals

-                     Press images can be found here

[doof-doofblog]

"You're The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made!"

Tuesday 12th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope you're all keeping well! I apologise for this one being late, but I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next, following yesterday's episode! I'm not going to waste any of your time and jump straight into it!

Firstly, I want to mention Frankie and Ben. With recent events spiralling out of control, poor Frankie has no idea how to cope with it all, knowing that Mick is her Dad and that her Mother is a paedophile! Ben and Callum find her at the Prince Albert and decide to stay with her to keep an eye on her as it becomes clear that she's been drinking all day! Ben seems concerned for his friend, he manages to sit down and inform her about the fight he had just witnessed outside on the Square, informing Frankie that Shirley had beaten a woman up on the Square, but refused to say who it was. Frankie seems to look suspicious, after Ben tells her this information, she takes a quick look at her phone and sees that she has many missed calls from her Mum, but chooses to completely ignore them! During her time in the Prince Albert, Frankie has been assumed as gay, first with Tina and now with this new lady working at the bar, calling her "Gorgeous!" - I mean, that does not necessarily mean that the girl was chatting her up, could be just a nice polite compliment, but Frankie seems to take it as another girl is once again chatting her up, she questions Ben why people assume that she's gay - but as soon as Ben makes a light joke, she snaps back at him, leaving Ben very surprised. He can see that his friend is struggling with something, will he manage to find out what?!

The next thing I want to talk about is Dotty's party, now there's quite a lot to cover here involving a number of characters. Firstly, that Sharon offers Dotty an olive branch and gifts her a crate of alcohol for her party. She informs the teenager that she and Dotty's Grandmother "Dot" have been close for years and she hate for them to fall out because of Dotty, she tries to inform her that she and Ian are just starting out and she should accept it and move on. However, during the party, Dotty can't seem to come to terms with Sharon's offer, it's only after some wise words from Jean that she decides to give the alcohol back to Sharon and informs her that she can't just forget what Ian did to Dennis. It would be wrong for her accept it, unfortunately, Dotty doesn't know about Sharon's knowledge of Ian's involvement in her son's death. But Dotty makes a statement, that she needs to think about who she's really married to, there is no misunderstanding and she knows exactly what Ian did! She made the very important point that maybe Ian can buy Sharon, but she can't buy her!

During Dotty's party, poor Iqra is stood on her own, but when Keegan and Tiffany ask where Ash is, she informs them that she's probably still working, the states that the girl is a workaholic! Only just a few seconds later, Ash appears from around the doorframe - it looks like she's already had a few drinks already, much to Iqra's shock! I do feel for Iqra during these scenes, as it looks as if Ash is slowly losing interest in her girlfriend. Even when Ash proposes taking the party somewhere else, Iqra questions whether it's a good idea, to which her girlfriend responds with "Well, you can just stay here!" - leaving Iqra visibly upset. Later, when Iqra and Jean find each other, Jean gives Iqra some wise words also. When Iqra informs her that Ash has changed since Jag's has been in prison, its as if she doesn't know what her girlfriend wants anymore. Once again, Jean plays the role of being everyone's agony aunt and gives Iqra some home truths to think about, also mentioning that she needs to live in the moment, she has her whole life to figure out what she wants, but while she's young, she needs to live in the now and enjoy it! But while Iqra and Jean are having this conversation, Ash, Peter, Tiffany and Keegan have gone to the Panesar's office, where they thought the party would kick off. However, it's only when Suki walks in and informs everyone to leave that it looks like the party's over. It's been blatantly obvious in recent weeks that Peter has been flirting with Ash, even before Suki comes in to ruin the party, he questions Ash on what his chances are of being with her, she looks tempted but gives him the blow that he stands no chance with her at all. But when Suki tells them to leave, as Peter grabs his coat, his wallet falls out, which of course, Suki takes pleasure in snooping at. But she seems either disgusted or stunned to find a condom in Peter's wallet. When he comes back to find it, realising that Suki has found the content of his wallet, he informs her that it's best to be safe. Suki seems interested to know that Peter is interested in her daughter, however Peter informs her that her feelings towards him are not mutual. But what happens next REALLY shocks me - Suki starts flirting with Peter! Informing him that she's just been on a date and that the obvious end result of that date has ended with her talking to him and not in bed with her date. Peter seems kind of shocked and embarrassed at the thought, but Suki informs him that passion doesn't stop at the age of 40 and drops the biggest flirtatious bomb of all and questions whether he'd like to find out!!! To say I was shocked is a total understatement!! I have no idea why Suki would even be interested in Peter, would it be simply to get her own back on Ian? Or to even cause a rift between him and Ash? Who knows?!

Also, can I just mention what an absolute inspiration Jean was during this episode! Regardless of having to deal with the possibility that her cancer is back, she puts on a brave face, with some gorgeous make-up, gets dressed into a stunning sparkly dress and attends Dotty's party with Mo! During her time there, she helps not to just one - but two people - Dotty and Iqra! Informing them to take a hold of their life, live in the moment and enjoy it while they can. Jean seemed to be really enjoying herself at the party and also seemed to be taking her own advice. When Iqra asks her what she wants, she simply gets up and says "I want to dance!" - Jean gets up onto the dancefloor and shows the young ones how to live in the moment. She's swaying her arms and legs and singing along to the music, eyes closed - actually living in that very moment! Jean was just beautiful tonight, an inspiration. I love her so so much! I want to applaud Gillian Wright for her performance as Jean, she's just a fantastic actress and plays the role of Jean so perfectly, I can't fault her at all!! Of course we don't know for sure whether Jean's cancer has returned, I pray to God it hasn't, but even so - she has given us a brilliant life lesson. Don't dwell on things, face life head on, enjoy it - because we simply don't know how long we all have on this Earth!

The final thing I want to talk about, of course is Mick and Shirley! After the events of what happened in the previous episode, Mick is panicking that his Mum is going to the police everything, about why she attacked Katy and that soon Mick's secret will come flooding out onto the Square. Linda tries to console her husband, but he states that he simply isn't ready for things to be revealed yet. I do also feel for Shirley during this episode, during her confrontation with Linda, she states that after learning the truth, she can't just stand back and do nothing! Linda pleads to Shirley not to call the police, she understands that she wants to help Mick, but doing this isn't the right way. She makes a very valid point that they are both on the same side here, they both want to be there for Mick, even though they both want to rip Katy's throat out for what she's done to him, but they have to do what's best for Mick and do things at his pace - otherwise it'll make the whole situation 10 times worse for him. Linda suggests that she goes round to their apartment and speaks to her son. It's this scene in particular which got me really emotional. Poor Shirley is in absolute bits, tears flooding down her face as she talks to her son about not being there for him and how she blames herself. She informs Mick that she didn't tell the police why she hit Katy, for his sake! She goes on to talk about not being able to be there for him whilst he was in care, she blames herself - not for putting him into care but also of what Katy has done to him. As a mother, she feels she should've known, she should've protected him. She is deeply apologetic towards her son. Mick doesn't say a word and listens very carefully to his Mother's words - it seems as this has been the words he's been needing to her, slowly and gently he leans forward to his Mum, informing her that all of this is not her fault, the only person to blame is Katy. He says those 3 small words that Shirley has been longing to hear for a very long time "I love you!" - Shirley's sobs seem to ease as finally the relationship between her and her son is rekindled. This scene almost made me cry - I also have to applaud Linda Henry for her performance as Shirley, another fantastic actress which EastEnders are extremely lucky to have! I have to be honest, Shirley is one of my favourite characters, I've loved her since she first appeared on the soap, she has so much fire about her and I love her so much!! EastEnders wouldn't be the same without her! Taking her own advice, that she wants to be there for her family, she wants to look out for her family more than ever now, she goes back to the Atkins household where Gray is waiting for her. She informs him that she's going to start looking for Tina, something isn't right and she needs to find her baby sister - the look on Gray's face is an absolute picture! Panic! Something tells me it's not going to be too long until his secrets slowly start to reveal themselves. What is he going to do now? How on Earth is he going to be able to stop Shirley from searching for her sister? What other low lengths will he go to?!

The final thing I want to mention is Max! After leaving Mick and Shirley alone to have their talk, Linda finds herself in the Vic. Max finds her sitting alone and approaches her, questioning the local gossip about Shirley beating up a lady, someone who's known to Mick. Linda attempts to ignore his questioning, informing him that it's none of his business and has nothing to do with him. Max seems really put off by this, he can't seem to understand why all of sudden, after their fling, Linda is back to being the doting wife. He asks her to please tell him, just to give him some kind of understanding as to why she's suddenly dropped him like a tone of bricks! He informs her that she doesn't have to stay with Mick out of duty, but Linda stops him before he can say anymore and informs him that it's not duty that she's staying with Mick, it's because of love. She still loves her husband very dearly. Bu Max refuses to give up and states that he can't understand that "One minute you're mine, the next -!" This really doesn't sit well with Linda and abruptly stops him once again, stating that she was NEVER his and that he was the biggest mistake she ever made, leaving the Vic and Max alone with the hurtful truth that she regrets their fling, even more so now.

Overall a very brilliant episode, powerful, emotional, inspirational! Everything you wanted really! I can't wait to see what happens next. Will Frankie be okay? Will she eventually be able to have a conversation with Mick? Who knows? I hope in time that Mick will be able to approach his daughter and they'll be able to come to terms with everything - together. What the heck is going on between Suki and Peter? Do you guys find that weird and disturbing as much as I do?! Plus, how is Shirley going to find Tina and will Gray attempt to stop her?! Oooo so many questions which I can't find out the answers to! I hope you've all enjoyed reading, I really enjoyed writing this post! Please feel free to leave me a comment, I'll always respond! Enjoy the rest of your day folks! Love you all xXx

[millerjack537]

Important Facts To Know Regarding The Health Incentives Of A Personal Trainer

By Sharon Schmidt

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About the Author:

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[healthandfitnessrecipes-blog]

Conspiracy to Hide New Data on Water Pollution

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=7196

By Dr. Mercola

A major government report showing widespread contamination of U.S. water supplies with toxic chemicals was kept from the public for months in order to prevent a “potential public relations nightmare.”

The report, prepared by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ (HHS) Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR), not only showed widespread water contamination near military bases, chemical plants and elsewhere, but warned that the chemicals could harm human health at levels significantly lower than those deemed safe by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).1

According to Politico, which obtained internal EPA emails released to the Union of Concerned Scientists under the Freedom of Information Act, a White House aide sent the following in an attempt to block the release of the study: “The public, media, and Congressional reaction to these numbers is going to be huge …

... The impact to EPA and [the Department of Defense (DoD)] is going to be extremely painful. We (DoD and EPA) cannot seem to get ATSDR to realize the potential public relations nightmare this is going to be.”2

Millions of Americans at Risk From Teflon Chemicals in Drinking Water

The ATSDR report,3 finally released in June 2018 by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), focuses on polyfluoroalkyl or perfluoroalkyl chemicals (PFASs), which include perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), one of the highly toxic chemicals used in the production of the Teflon-coated fabrics, and a similar chemical, perfluorooctanesulfonic acid (PFOS).

In addition to nonstick cookware, PFASs have been used in everything from carpet and fabrics to coatings for paper and cardboard packaging to firefighting foams. Although most companies have stopped making PFOA and PFOS as their serious environmental and health risks have been uncovered, the chemicals are extremely persistent in the environment; they do not break down in water or soil and can be carried over great distances by wind or rain, according to ATSDR.

PFASs have been found in air, surface water, groundwater, drinking water, soil and food, and humans can be exposed via all of these sources. Aside from detailing widespread contamination with the chemicals, the report suggests the chemicals are dangerous at levels at least seven to 10 times lower than the EPA’s current ‘safety’ threshold. The EPA’s health advisory level for PFOA PFOS in drinking water is 70 parts per trillion ppt), but some environmental groups have long said that is still far too high.

The ATSDR report suggests that in order to protect public health, the levels should be 7 ppt for PFOS and 11 ppt for PFOA. According to a 2016 Harvard study, 16.5 million Americans have detectable levels of at least one kind of PFAS in their drinking water, and about 6 million Americans are drinking water that contains PFAS at or above the EPA safety level.4 If the EPA safety level were lowered according to ATSDR’s recommendation, it means far more Americans are actually at risk.

Serious Health Risks From PFAS-Contaminated Water

The highest concentration levels of PFAS were found in watersheds near industrial sites, military fire training areas and wastewater treatment plants, but private wells were also found to be contaminated. As for health risks, those related to PFASs continue to grow. In May 2015, more than 200 scientists from 40 countries signed the Madrid Statement, which warns about the harms of PFAS chemicals and documents the following potential health effects of exposure:5

Liver toxicity

Disruption of lipid metabolism, and the immune and endocrine systems

Adverse neurobehavioral effects

Neonatal toxicity and death

Tumors in multiple organ systems

Testicular and kidney cancers

Liver malfunction

Hypothyroidism

High cholesterol

Ulcerative colitis

Reduced birth weight and size

Obesity

Decreased immune response to vaccines

Reduced hormone levels and delayed puberty

The ATSDR report further noted evidence of negative liver, cardiovascular, endocrine, immune, reproductive and developmental effects, while other studies have revealed subtle effects such as an increased risk of obesity in children when exposed in utero and lowered immune response.6 Sen. Maggie Hassan (D-N.H.), who had pressed the government to release ATSDR’s report “immediately,” noted that keeping the contamination information from affected families put their health at serious risk.

"Families who have been exposed to emerging contaminants in their drinking water have a right to know about any health impacts, and keeping such information from the public threatens the safety, health and vitality of communities across our country,” she said. Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, also of New Hampshire, added that the study’s withholding was "an egregious example of politics interfering with the public’s right to know. ... [I]t’s unconscionable that even the existence of this study has been withheld until now."7

110 Million Americans Could Be Drinking PFAS-Contaminated Water

The EPA required testing for PFASs in public water supplies from 2013 to 2015, but only those with the highest concentrations were identified. Those with contamination of 10 to 90 ppt or less were not released, even though now it appears such levels could pose a serious health risk and the safe threshold for PFASs should actually be about 1 ppt.

The Environmental Working Group (EWG) set out to determine how widespread the contamination really is — and found up to 110 million Americans drinking water from more than 1,500 U.S. drinking water systems could be at risk. According to EWG:8

“Eurofins Eaton Analytical, which analyzed a third of the nationwide water samples, found that 28 percent of the water utilities it tested contained PFAS chemicals at concentrations at or above 5 ppt. The percentage of samples with PFAS detections nearly doubled when the laboratory analyzed down to 2.5 ppt. Based on this data, EWG’s analysis suggests that up to 110 million Americans could have PFAS in their water.”

People living near former PFAS manufacturing plants and military bases have been particularly affected by the contamination, although it’s widespread across the U.S. For instance, on average, Vermont residents have PFOA blood levels of 10 micrograms per liter. Among residents of Bennington, former home to a Chemical Fabrics Corporation (ChemFab) plant, which manufactured Teflon-coated fiberglass fabrics, however, blood levels of 1,125 micrograms per liter have been detected.

Hundreds of wells in the area have also been contaminated, some found with more than 2,000 ppt of PFOA in the water. Residents worry not only for their long-term health but also for their financial futures. Aside from possibly being saddled with PFOA-related health care costs, their property values have taken a hit and the groundwater and soil contamination may prevent them from being able to sell their homes.

PFOA is already the subject of at least 3,500 personal injury claims against DuPont, which used PFOA to make Teflon for decades. One woman who developed kidney cancer after drinking PFOA-contaminated water was awarded $1.6 million in damages.9 Meanwhile, Saint-Gobain Performance Plastics, which purchased ChemFab, is in negotiations with the state of Vermont to provide alternative sources of drinking water for affected residents.

Residents of Belmont, Michigan, the site of an old dumping ground for Wolverine World Wide, a shoe company (maker of the well-known Hush Puppies brand, among others) that used 3M’s PFOS-containing fabric protector Scotchgard for waterproofing leather shoes, are in a similar situation. As in Vermont, area wells are testing positive for shocking levels of the toxic chemicals — 4,600 ppt for PFOA and 23,000 ppt for PFOS.

US Military Continues to Use PFAS-Containing Firefighting Foam

DoD has reported that at least 126 drinking water systems near military bases are contaminated with PFASs, due to their use in firefighting foam.10 However, although other countries are now using firefighting foam that does not contain these toxic chemicals, the U.S. military is not. As reported by Sharon Lerner, a reporting fellow at The Investigative Fund and an investigative journalist for The Intercept and other major media outlets:11

“[E]ven as the Army, Navy and Air Force have begun the slow process of addressing the contamination, which is expected to cost upwards of $2 billion, the Department of Defense isn’t abandoning this line of chemicals. While some of the precise formulations that caused the contamination are off the table, the U.S. military is in the midst of an expensive effort to replace older foam with a newer formulation that contains only slightly tweaked versions of the same problematic compounds …

Some of the studies showing the dangers of these persistent chemicals came from the manufacturers themselves … The new foam contains no PFOS and ‘little or no PFOA,’ according to an Air Force press release.12 Instead, it uses the closely related molecules that pose many of the same dangers …”

It’s important to understand that it’s not only PFOAs and PFOSs that are the problem. Hundreds of different PFAS compounds have been found in regions where firefighting foam is used, including shorter-chained replacement PFAS chemicals such as PFHxS, which the ATSDR report reveals has very similar concerns as other PFASs.

Unfortunately, the military is only attempting to clean up PFOA and PFOS contamination from drinking water and is not providing clean drinking water to residents in affected areas unless their water contains more than the EPA’s threshold of 70 ppt of PFOA and/or PFOS specifically. Further, there are more than 4,000 different PFASs, and scientists are only beginning to unravel their disturbing effects.13

How to Get PFASs Out of Your Drinking Water

Right now the full extent of PFAS contamination is unknown, but there’s a good chance your drinking water could be contaminated to some extent. The existence of chemicals like PFASs, which have no taste or smell, in drinking water is the reason I recommend virtually everyone should filter their water. However, be aware that most common water filters available in supermarkets will not remove PFASs.

You really need a high-quality carbon filtration system to do that. To be certain you're getting the purest water you can, filter the water both at the point of entry and at the point of use. This means filtering all the water that comes into the house and then filtering again at the kitchen sink and shower. The New Jersey Drinking Water Quality Institute recommends using granulated activated carbon "or an equally efficient technology" to remove chemicals such as PFOA and PFOS from your drinking water.14

Activated carbon has been shown to remove up to 90 percent of these chemicals. If you know or suspect you have been regularly exposed to PFASs via your drinking water, it would be wise to not only implement the above filtering recommendations to limit future toxic exposures but also consider a detox program.

In addition, everyone would be well served by following the Madrid Statement’s recommendation to avoid products containing, or manufactured using, PFASs, which includes most that are stain-resistant, waterproof or nonstick.

It’s especially disconcerting that the U.S. agencies tasked with protecting the public’s health were the ones trying to keep this information private. It’s essential that Americans stay informed so they can take steps to get the chemicals out of their water or seek alternative drinking water sources if necessary.

As Olga Naidenko, senior science adviser for EWG, said in a news release, “This study confirms that the EPA’s guidelines for PFAS levels in drinking water woefully underestimate risks to human health … [and the EPA should publish results showing PFAS contamination at any level] so Americans across the country can take immediate steps to protect themselves and their families.”15

Credits: Original Content Source

[sherristockman]

Conspiracy to Hide New Data on Water Pollution Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola A major government report showing widespread contamination of U.S. water supplies with toxic chemicals was kept from the public for months in order to prevent a “potential public relations nightmare.” The report, prepared by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ (HHS) Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR), not only showed widespread water contamination near military bases, chemical plants and elsewhere, but warned that the chemicals could harm human health at levels significantly lower than those deemed safe by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).1 According to Politico, which obtained internal EPA emails released to the Union of Concerned Scientists under the Freedom of Information Act, a White House aide sent the following in an attempt to block the release of the study: “The public, media, and Congressional reaction to these numbers is going to be huge … ... The impact to EPA and [the Department of Defense (DoD)] is going to be extremely painful. We (DoD and EPA) cannot seem to get ATSDR to realize the potential public relations nightmare this is going to be.”2 Millions of Americans at Risk From Teflon Chemicals in Drinking Water The ATSDR report,3 finally released in June 2018 by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), focuses on polyfluoroalkyl or perfluoroalkyl chemicals (PFASs), which include perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), one of the highly toxic chemicals used in the production of the Teflon-coated fabrics, and a similar chemical, perfluorooctanesulfonic acid (PFOS). In addition to nonstick cookware, PFASs have been used in everything from carpet and fabrics to coatings for paper and cardboard packaging to firefighting foams. Although most companies have stopped making PFOA and PFOS as their serious environmental and health risks have been uncovered, the chemicals are extremely persistent in the environment; they do not break down in water or soil and can be carried over great distances by wind or rain, according to ATSDR. PFASs have been found in air, surface water, groundwater, drinking water, soil and food, and humans can be exposed via all of these sources. Aside from detailing widespread contamination with the chemicals, the report suggests the chemicals are dangerous at levels at least seven to 10 times lower than the EPA’s current ‘safety’ threshold. The EPA’s health advisory level for PFOA PFOS in drinking water is 70 parts per trillion ppt), but some environmental groups have long said that is still far too high. The ATSDR report suggests that in order to protect public health, the levels should be 7 ppt for PFOS and 11 ppt for PFOA. According to a 2016 Harvard study, 16.5 million Americans have detectable levels of at least one kind of PFAS in their drinking water, and about 6 million Americans are drinking water that contains PFAS at or above the EPA safety level.4 If the EPA safety level were lowered according to ATSDR’s recommendation, it means far more Americans are actually at risk. Serious Health Risks From PFAS-Contaminated Water The highest concentration levels of PFAS were found in watersheds near industrial sites, military fire training areas and wastewater treatment plants, but private wells were also found to be contaminated. As for health risks, those related to PFASs continue to grow. In May 2015, more than 200 scientists from 40 countries signed the Madrid Statement, which warns about the harms of PFAS chemicals and documents the following potential health effects of exposure:5 Liver toxicity Disruption of lipid metabolism, and the immune and endocrine systems Adverse neurobehavioral effects Neonatal toxicity and death Tumors in multiple organ systems Testicular and kidney cancers Liver malfunction Hypothyroidism High cholesterol Ulcerative colitis Reduced birth weight and size Obesity Decreased immune response to vaccines Reduced hormone levels and delayed puberty The ATSDR report further noted evidence of negative liver, cardiovascular, endocrine, immune, reproductive and developmental effects, while other studies have revealed subtle effects such as an increased risk of obesity in children when exposed in utero and lowered immune response.6 Sen. Maggie Hassan (D-N.H.), who had pressed the government to release ATSDR’s report “immediately,” noted that keeping the contamination information from affected families put their health at serious risk. "Families who have been exposed to emerging contaminants in their drinking water have a right to know about any health impacts, and keeping such information from the public threatens the safety, health and vitality of communities across our country,” she said. Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, also of New Hampshire, added that the study’s withholding was "an egregious example of politics interfering with the public’s right to know. ... [I]t’s unconscionable that even the existence of this study has been withheld until now."7 110 Million Americans Could Be Drinking PFAS-Contaminated Water The EPA required testing for PFASs in public water supplies from 2013 to 2015, but only those with the highest concentrations were identified. Those with contamination of 10 to 90 ppt or less were not released, even though now it appears such levels could pose a serious health risk and the safe threshold for PFASs should actually be about 1 ppt. The Environmental Working Group (EWG) set out to determine how widespread the contamination really is — and found up to 110 million Americans drinking water from more than 1,500 U.S. drinking water systems could be at risk. According to EWG:8 “Eurofins Eaton Analytical, which analyzed a third of the nationwide water samples, found that 28 percent of the water utilities it tested contained PFAS chemicals at concentrations at or above 5 ppt. The percentage of samples with PFAS detections nearly doubled when the laboratory analyzed down to 2.5 ppt. Based on this data, EWG’s analysis suggests that up to 110 million Americans could have PFAS in their water.” People living near former PFAS manufacturing plants and military bases have been particularly affected by the contamination, although it’s widespread across the U.S. For instance, on average, Vermont residents have PFOA blood levels of 10 micrograms per liter. Among residents of Bennington, former home to a Chemical Fabrics Corporation (ChemFab) plant, which manufactured Teflon-coated fiberglass fabrics, however, blood levels of 1,125 micrograms per liter have been detected. Hundreds of wells in the area have also been contaminated, some found with more than 2,000 ppt of PFOA in the water. Residents worry not only for their long-term health but also for their financial futures. Aside from possibly being saddled with PFOA-related health care costs, their property values have taken a hit and the groundwater and soil contamination may prevent them from being able to sell their homes. PFOA is already the subject of at least 3,500 personal injury claims against DuPont, which used PFOA to make Teflon for decades. One woman who developed kidney cancer after drinking PFOA-contaminated water was awarded $1.6 million in damages.9 Meanwhile, Saint-Gobain Performance Plastics, which purchased ChemFab, is in negotiations with the state of Vermont to provide alternative sources of drinking water for affected residents. Residents of Belmont, Michigan, the site of an old dumping ground for Wolverine World Wide, a shoe company (maker of the well-known Hush Puppies brand, among others) that used 3M’s PFOS-containing fabric protector Scotchgard for waterproofing leather shoes, are in a similar situation. As in Vermont, area wells are testing positive for shocking levels of the toxic chemicals — 4,600 ppt for PFOA and 23,000 ppt for PFOS. US Military Continues to Use PFAS-Containing Firefighting Foam DoD has reported that at least 126 drinking water systems near military bases are contaminated with PFASs, due to their use in firefighting foam.10 However, although other countries are now using firefighting foam that does not contain these toxic chemicals, the U.S. military is not. As reported by Sharon Lerner, a reporting fellow at The Investigative Fund and an investigative journalist for The Intercept and other major media outlets:11 “[E]ven as the Army, Navy and Air Force have begun the slow process of addressing the contamination, which is expected to cost upwards of $2 billion, the Department of Defense isn’t abandoning this line of chemicals. While some of the precise formulations that caused the contamination are off the table, the U.S. military is in the midst of an expensive effort to replace older foam with a newer formulation that contains only slightly tweaked versions of the same problematic compounds … Some of the studies showing the dangers of these persistent chemicals came from the manufacturers themselves … The new foam contains no PFOS and ‘little or no PFOA,’ according to an Air Force press release.12 Instead, it uses the closely related molecules that pose many of the same dangers …” It’s important to understand that it’s not only PFOAs and PFOSs that are the problem. Hundreds of different PFAS compounds have been found in regions where firefighting foam is used, including shorter-chained replacement PFAS chemicals such as PFHxS, which the ATSDR report reveals has very similar concerns as other PFASs. Unfortunately, the military is only attempting to clean up PFOA and PFOS contamination from drinking water and is not providing clean drinking water to residents in affected areas unless their water contains more than the EPA’s threshold of 70 ppt of PFOA and/or PFOS specifically. Further, there are more than 4,000 different PFASs, and scientists are only beginning to unravel their disturbing effects.13 How to Get PFASs Out of Your Drinking Water Right now the full extent of PFAS contamination is unknown, but there’s a good chance your drinking water could be contaminated to some extent. The existence of chemicals like PFASs, which have no taste or smell, in drinking water is the reason I recommend virtually everyone should filter their water. However, be aware that most common water filters available in supermarkets will not remove PFASs. You really need a high-quality carbon filtration system to do that. To be certain you're getting the purest water you can, filter the water both at the point of entry and at the point of use. This means filtering all the water that comes into the house and then filtering again at the kitchen sink and shower. The New Jersey Drinking Water Quality Institute recommends using granulated activated carbon "or an equally efficient technology" to remove chemicals such as PFOA and PFOS from your drinking water.14 Activated carbon has been shown to remove up to 90 percent of these chemicals. If you know or suspect you have been regularly exposed to PFASs via your drinking water, it would be wise to not only implement the above filtering recommendations to limit future toxic exposures but also consider a detox program. In addition, everyone would be well served by following the Madrid Statement’s recommendation to avoid products containing, or manufactured using, PFASs, which includes most that are stain-resistant, waterproof or nonstick. It’s especially disconcerting that the U.S. agencies tasked with protecting the public’s health were the ones trying to keep this information private. It’s essential that Americans stay informed so they can take steps to get the chemicals out of their water or seek alternative drinking water sources if necessary. As Olga Naidenko, senior science adviser for EWG, said in a news release, “This study confirms that the EPA’s guidelines for PFAS levels in drinking water woefully underestimate risks to human health … [and the EPA should publish results showing PFAS contamination at any level] so Americans across the country can take immediate steps to protect themselves and their families.”15

[declanlaurantus-blog]

Lifestyle Skill-sets.

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[learningrendezvous]

Sociology of Health

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DVD / 2013 / (Grades 8-12, College, Adult) / 76 minutes

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DVD (Closed Captioned) / 2013 / (Grades 10-12, College, Adult) / 88 minutes

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Extols the many benefits of industrial hemp for the environment and human health, while revealing the obstacles to what could be a thriving industry for U.S. farmers.

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DVD / 2013 / (Grades 10-12, College, Adult) / 52 minutes

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Directed by Roger Weisberg

An investigation of the dangers the nation faces from runaway health care spending as well as the dangers patients face from over-diagnosis and over-treatment.

As rising health care costs threaten to bankrupt the country, MONEY & MEDICINE tackles the medical, ethical, and financial challenges of containing runaway health care spending. In addition to illuminating the so-called waste and overtreatment that pervade our medical system, this timely documentary explores promising ways to reduce health care expenditures and improve the overall quality of medical care.

MONEY & MEDICINE was filmed at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles and Intermountain Medical Center in Utah. While UCLA ranks among the nation's top academic medical centers, it spends considerably more than the national average on patient care. In contrast, Intermountain spends about a third less than the national average and is a model for low cost/high quality medical care. The dramatic doctor/patient stories filmed at these two hospitals illuminate the powerful forces driving soaring health care costs as well as proven strategies that effectively reign in excessive medical spending.

With remarkable candor, MONEY & MEDICINE captures the painful end-of-life treatment choices made by patients and their families, ranging from very aggressive interventions in the ICU to palliative care at home. The film also investigates the controversy surrounding diagnostic testing and screening as well as the shocking treatment variations among patients receiving a variety of elective procedures.

As the focus of health care reform shifts from the access crisis to the cost crisis, MONEY & MEDICINE makes a timely contribution to the debate over cost containment and deficit reduction that is heating up as we approach the 2012 presidential election.

DVD (Closed Captioned) / 2012 / (Grades 10-12, College, Adult) / 83 minutes

WAITING ROOM, THE

Directed by Peter Nicks

A day in the life of a public hospital's ER waiting room captures what it means for millions of Americans to live without health insurance.

The Waiting Room is a character-driven documentary film that uses extraordinary access to go behind the doors of an American public hospital struggling to care for a community of largely uninsured patients. The film - using a blend of cinema verite and characters' voiceover - offers a raw, intimate, and even uplifting look at how patients, staff and caregivers each cope with disease, bureaucracy and hard choices.

The ER waiting room serves as the grounding point for the film, capturing in vivid detail what it means for millions of Americans to live without health insurance. We witness the minute-by-minute Sisyphean struggle that plagues public hospitals, where emergency rooms have to field the overwhelming health care needs of the inner city. Young victims of gun violence take their turn alongside artists and small business owners who lack insurance. The film weaves the stories of several patients - as well as the hospital staff charged with caring for them - as they cope with the complexity of the nation's public health care system, while weathering the storm of a national recession.

The Waiting Room lays bare the struggle and determination of both a community and an institution coping with limited resources and no road map for navigating a health care landscape marked by historic economic and political dysfunction. It is a film about one hospital, its multifaceted community, and how our common vulnerability to illness binds us together as humans.

DVD / 2012 / (Grades 10-12, College, Adult) / 82 minutes

COCAINE UNWRAPPED

Directed by Rachel Seifert

Documents the devastating effects of the war on drugs and suggests realistic alternatives.

COCAINE UNWRAPPED tells the story of cocaine: coca farmers in Colombia, drug mules in Ecuadorian prisons, cocaine factories in the Bolivian jungle, dealers on the streets of Mexico, law enforcement officials on the streets of Baltimore -- and the everyday consumers around the dinner tables of the West. It's a story of politics, death, economic and environmental devastation and human suffering, and explores realistic alternatives to the war on drugs.

The film features front line reportage, exclusive access to the political leaders of Latin America, such as Evo Morales of Bolivia and Rafael Correa of Ecuador, as well as revealing interviews with drug czars. Watch this film and you will never think the same way again about the "War on Drugs".

DVD / 2011 / (Grades 10-12, College, Adult) / 83 minutes

BIG BUCKS, BIG PHARMA: MARKETING DISEASE & PUSHING DRUGS

Narrated by AMY GOODMAN, host of Democracy Now!

Big Bucks, Big Pharma pulls back the curtain on the advertising tactics of the multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry to expose how it uses, manipulates, and sometimes creates illness in the pursuit of profit. With the help of health professionals and media scholars, the film dissects some of the most striking pharmaceutical ads on television, in the end revealing how the industry exploits people's emotions to promote the use of prescription drugs.

DVD (With English Subtitles) / 2006 / 45 minutes

MONEY TALKS: PROFITS BEFORE PATIENT SAFETY

By Kathleen Slattery-Moschkau, Holly Mosher, John Wellington Ennis

Award winning documentary on the marketing tactics of drug companies.

Money Talks exposes the questionable tactics that big drug companies use to make record profits by playing with the safety of our family??s health care. Using misleading advertising, attractive "drug reps" who wine and dine doctors and other unethical practices, the drug industry makes billions of dollars every year selling us unsafe, unnecessary and overpriced drugs. If you want to protect the people you love from their dangerous practices that compromise the safety and quality of our health care, Money Talks is a must-see film.

DVD / 50 minutes

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