#((lazy drawing today since I was having quite an art block))

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @velinxi​

Hello! I’m Xiao Tong Kong, better known as “Velinxi.” I’m the creator of the webcomic Countdown to Countdown and have been doing freelance artwork since I was a teenager. I love telling stories with my illustrations! Tumblr was where I first got my start as an artist, specifically a small fandom artist as a hobby… and now I’m somehow here! When I’m not trying my best to stay awake in front of my tablets, I’m usually cooking, gaming, or sleeping. Sometimes all three, in my dreams.

Check out our interview with Velinxi below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

Yeah! I’ve basically been on track to become an artist since I was a child. I went to a middle school with an emphasis on arts and a high school specializing in it. I went to SVA briefly for computer arts but dropped out to pursue freelance and webcomics after my first year.

Over the years as an artist, what or who were your biggest inspirations behind your creativity?

My biggest inspirations growing up were Yuumei and Shilin Huang, two titans on DeviantArt back in the day. They still inspire me today, but the list of inspirations has grown exponentially over the years, including artists, movies, entire art movements, etc.

What was your thought process behind the creation of your webcomic, Countdown to Countdown?

Well, Countdown to Countdown started as a passion project back when I was 15, in high school, and pretty depressed. I just wanted to draw whatever story I thought was cool, inspired by my favorite media at the time. There was a very loose beginning and outline, but I was truly just writing as I drew the story. That’s why I had to stop the comic in 2018 and restart from scratch the year after. Now, the story has a set story and a clear outline. It still has similar roots, characters, and themes of neglect, abuse, and escape—but I think the story is a lot easier to follow now. It’s got an artstyle I can actually keep up with in the long run. The origin of why CTC exists also remains the same: I simply wanted to make a story I wanted to read for myself. Which happens to be about two dumb boys with superpowers navigating a hostile world that wants them dead or caged—together.

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

Oh, all the time. It’s part of the process. Personally, though—I just have to draw through it. Every month on my Patreon, I have my patrons vote on a theme I have to draw by the end of the month, and I try my best to make it as interesting as possible. I draw quite a few—tens even, of doodles or compositions for each of these themes to try to make something that tells a story while still being aesthetically pleasing and clear. I think pushing myself like this helps with art block, really. I also do remember to take breaks and simply consume other media I like! It gets the inspiration juices flowing.

Advice you would give to an aspiring creator?

If you do one—your first webcomic should be a short, fun, messy thing. It’s not often you can get it right the first time, but you’ll certainly learn a lot through sheer experience. This goes for a lot of things in art, to be honest.

What is a medium that you have always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?

3D Animation. I briefly learned it at SVA, and I think that’s enough of that tech for me. I accept that there are some things that are truly beautiful if done right, and I am too simple and lazy for it.

What is your goal for the rest of this year?

Get Countdown to Countdown book 2 finished! And live HAHA

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

@yuumei-art on Tumblr, still! They’ve been a huge inspiration for digital artists and storytellers online for years. I have no doubt that many digital artists of my generation have been influenced by them, and they’re still here, making beautiful art and stories. It’s a thing to behold.

Thanks for stopping by, Velinxi! If you haven’t seen her Meet the Artist piece, be sure to check it out here. You can also follow her for more amazing art over at her Tumblr, @velinxi!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 25: Oh Hai Mai

Heyyy we’re back. Thank for bearing with me, it’s been kind of chaos over here. Everything from a pandemic (we are very sloooowly reopening over here but I’ve been quarantined so long I can french braid my damn leg hair.) to important political protests, to getting an evacuation order because an arsonist burned down 90 acres in the heat of summer (luckily we’re all fine), to a vole that ate everything in my pandemic self-care garden so I lost my entire mind and waged war and dug so many holes and put out 17 mouse traps and set off so many critter bombs under the ground trying to kill the little bastard like it was Caddyshack (It’s still alive, ps, I lost that war). These last 3 months have been the longest decades of my life. The only month longer was the one where I’m pretty sure I had mono and it made me positive that my basement was haunted.

Man, bring back my haunted basement, Sorry if this comes through in my writing, I tried but, I can’t edit it out. You get FML-Rachel today.

Lets get back to a good, mindless distraction, lets turn on Yugioh.

BUT------->it just so happens that this episode of Yugioh has cop stuff in it, I’m just going to be blunt. We’re going into Valon’s backstory, he’s very much a victim of problems within the bizarre Yugioh legal system, and much like a Gotham supervillain, he is a symptom of the problem more than the cause.

I’m not going to ignore that, but in case you are overwhelmed about that right now, if you want to like...save this for later--I have another FMA recap coming out soon that I wrote in a simpler time before....the corona freakin ruined us all.

Last we left off, we were on the heels of Joey Wheeler, who decided to book it down the street because he wants to murder the hell out of Valon.

Youknow...Joey is one hell of a protagonist. He just does...so MANY antagonistic things.

Joey has decided that although the world is ending, and everyone left alive will be absorbed into the Great Leviathon’s big yummy tummy, which can only be prevented by three people, of which he is one of--he’s going to go sprint in completely the other direction.

We even managed to get Kaiba on board. We were ready. We were done, but then Joey had to lose his freakin mind because that’s just what Joey Wheeler does sometimes.

Normally heroes avoid the call to duty because of a severe lack of self confidence, but this is Joey, and he’s going to avoid the call to duty because of too much self confidence.

And so Joey and his Chaperone turn a corner and walk into this random orc who’s just casually living his best life and touring SF.

One of my worst fears walking through SF, tbh. Running into high school people. Not so much the orcs.

Yo, I wonder what the bushman was doing through all of this? So IRL, we have this guy who just...hides in a bush and jump-scares tourists. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in a bush and then just...all these orcs show up and you’re all.

...oh no, now I’m the fool...

I just want to know if bushman made it, or if he’s in a paper card that’s just a picture of foliage.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Joey was already in the process of running, so they just turned around on this street of...so much parking.

Like y’all there is SO MUCH PARKING this episode. I was trying to pay attention to anything else, but like...do you see this!? It takes nearly half an hour usually to get a spot but this--this right here?

And the crazy thing is, recently my bro had to go pick up some old guy from a cruise that...got quarantined...and so bro had to go the Pier and like--this is what the city looked like. This is a pandemic, it’s just lots of parking, so I want to criticize Yugioh, and I normally would, but I can’t. I’ve seen the receipts. They called it. This is what the endtimes look like and it’s so much parking.

Also, they were too lazy to draw cars but damn, they called it.

So, left with no other option, Joey decides to...be Joey, and punches a huge orc covered in armor.

So Valon’s here, because apparently SF has just...no one left alive in it except for these few kids and that one Uber Eats driver. I imagine it’s a lot easier to find Joey if you just follow the only one screaming in Japanese in a Brooklyn accent at the top of his lungs.

And Valon decides that this one way street isn’t good enough, and that they must duel somewhere else.

I assumed it would be a tall structure, but considering Kaiba just blew up the tallest structures in the Financial District...I was like...what else is tall? And bear in mind, I’m a mess, so I was like...OMG I wish it were Macy’s!!!

Now I hear you saying that’s weird, and we shouldn’t have a very fancy Macy’s in 2020, and you’re correct. but we still have one, and the top floor is just...a massive Cheesecake factory, and I can’t think of anything more 00′s than a Yugioh duel on top of that specific Cheesecake Factory.

And I’ve never really thought before about where the best Yugioh duel would be, and it’s there. It’s at the high rise Cheesecake. Listen Yugioh, if you need an insider to choose locations for your Netflix remake of S4--call me.

So anyways, instead of doing the right thing and going to the Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy’s like any other self respecting 00′s teenager, Valon and Joey are going to drive through the most boring parts of town.

They had an opportunity to go chase eachother through any tourist attraction, Lombard street, Ghirardelli Square, the Palace of Fine Arts, China town, reuse some assets and drive through Japan town, that fountain that looks like Yoda--but no...they decided to drive through literal trash.

Just...a missed opportunity, and it should have been a Cheesecake Factory.

Also, I totally and fully acknowledge that a strange nostalgic affection for the Cheesecake Factory is a weird Millennial thing (much like our weird encyclopedic knowledge of Sailor Moon) but listen. You have your thing, too. You go do you, I’m gonna soak my sorrows in a bowl of Chinese chicken salad so wide, it’ll last me 3 days.

Anyways, Joey’s gonna steal that guy’s bike.

Yugioh just predicting the future in 2003. We actually have a HUGE problem right now with vehicle theft in the city to an almost comedic degree, which is partly why the parking situation has gotten so incredibly dire. It’s kind of incredible that this guy left his bike out because after about 1 day in the city you learn pretty fast that you need to be constantly checking on your street parked vehicle--I mean, that guy was just asking for it, honestly. If Joey hadn’t taken it, some other guy would have absolutely taken it, (even that orc would’ve taken it, the city has no consideration for cars.)

Sorry --one sec-- that was an earthquake just now. As I’m typing this. Just a little guy. Just a little treat for me...

...but still like...c’mon. I’m also getting this weird issue where Tumblr doesn’t save my drafts so like...this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to write this like...I just want to make a Yugioh post for my tiny funtime tv blog, Universe. Don’t @ me right now, Universe.

SO MUCH FREAKIN PARKING.

...is it the space between two piers? What is this? We don’t have rivers in SF, it is a peninsula covered in very steep hills. Like very VERY steep hills. All water just rolls into the ocean and there’s a couple of lake thingies but...no rivers that I know of (And like maybe this is a thing, and I just haven’t seen it? Learn something new every day.)

*loud, audible sigh* home. Where we belong. At the warehousssssssse.

Back at the RV base, Duke Devlin is still babysitting. Maybe this is to make up for the two seasons he spent trying to date a girl Rebecca’s age, that they felt like going out of their way to show that he has indeed no longer horny now. Got to hand it to them, that’s a lot of character development right there. Although at the same time, it has made Duke Devlin a very non-character.

But imagine how insanely complicated would it have been if Duke got involved in that bizarre love-square that is Yugi, Tea, and the Ghost that killed Yugi by accident.

PS that’s either a freeway onramp (which is too far South from where they were, I think) or it sure does look like old Embarcadero behind them. Youknow, that lifted street from the 80′s that fell down in Loma Prieta and was never rebuilt? I just freakin love that it’s still here in 2003. This bizarre Yugioh alternate California.

Anyway, because this is alternate California, Seto set a massive fire and the entire city didn’t immediately go up in flames. Apparently they just kinda ran away from the explosion and damage before anyone noticed.

Probably because most people on Earth are dead anyway, so what more can these two actually do?

And so Yami ends up getting lectured by the wife.

And justifiably, the wife seems to have absolutely no confidence that Yami will be able to do a damn thing right.

Wifes all around this episode.

Speaking of,

At this point, Arthur Hawkins senses that Yami’s nearby, so he opens the door just to freakin dump some guilt on him.

...Rebecca seems to be a character that’s mostly there to recap the lore and also to dump on Yami. I don’t mind that. Yami needs to get dunked more often, and I’m saying that in S4, where the entire season’s tagline is “how many times can we dunk on Yami?”

So lets check on Yugi, how’s that kid doing? It’s been quite a number of episodes since we last saw him.

Yep, still hanging out in the Han Solo cosplay room.

And then, because I guess everyone is just hanging out in the same 4 blocks, Mai and Tristan have a heart-to-heart.

In the show, this conversation was Mai (who is now a serial killer) saying “Oh hey, Tristan, where’s Joey?” and Tristan saying “It’s ALL YOUR FAULT he wants to kill Valon--thanks a lot, Mai! GODS!” all indignant like.

Not how you would ordinarily talk to a serial killer, just saying. No one from the Yugi crew fears this woman...at all...and she has killed over 20 people in front of them and is trying very hard to kill Joey Wheeler all the time.

Like what would it actually take for them to fear this woman? They can’t, right?

Meanwhile, Valon is trying to explain to Joey that his obsession with Mai is in fact damaging any relationship they could have had.

So then when you’re like OK...this is actually very valid points on Valon’s part, and Joey really does need to step back and let people make their mistakes considering Joey was barely a part of her life to begin with. But then, Valon just turns a 180 and...it becomes a catty love triangle where only one person in the triangle even feels romantic emotions.

I just...so Valon is doing this fight because he thinks Mai is in love with Joey.

This whole time I was like “well maybe it’s more that Valon is trying to defend Mai’s right to make her own choices” but no...he just straight up thinks Mai is in love with Joey. And, in fighting Joey, Valon himself is ignoring Mai’s life choices

Just a whole lot of misunderstanding that would have been fixed with better ways than dueling with cards. At least that one guy in S2 who tried to marry Mai actually dueled HER instead of some random guy.

It just really feels like these boys are having a pissing contest and Mai was never let in on the deets that this was even happening.

Mai needs to hang out with older men. Set her up with Roland, this is ridiculous.

Back at the RV, which got very, very big in this shot, Seto has an odd convo with Mokuba about how they are probably not going to get Kaiba Corp back. And then no one really argued with him about that.

He’s taking it really well. Maybe because this isn’t even the first time or the second time or even really the third time Seto’s lost everything. Kid’s really freakin great at failure. At least this time Mokuba isn’t currently abducted, which is really good improvement for these two.

Outside the RV, Tristan has decided to...give up as well, just right here, in the middle of traffic. Then he gets Orc’d...these orcs are kind of like Slenderman, in that they kinda...show up...but then that’s all they do because the designers didn’t actually want to animate anything.

And then this happens.

God bless this story boarder for this random series of events presented in just this way.

Also here’s yet another example where Tea just has...no fear. She’s actually only out here because she was like “that’s it, we’re getting another driver” and was going to chew out Duke Devlin. The Orc being in the middle of the road was not the reason she walked out here.

Anyways, Yami killed it because everyone here can just throw cards forever, these things are not threatening.

The subplot of everyone refusing to drive with Duke Devlin after he busted his car in Death Valley is still ongoing, and it’s still low key hilarious that no one will outright say “Duke, your driving is just so bad” and instead, Duke just has to sit there and watch Joey STEAL A MOTORCYCLE just so he won’t have to drive shotgun with Duke Devlin.

Rebecca, our plot-dump device, then informs us that Valon has Special Rules.

Because Valon, if you’ve forgotten, has a card that allows him to physically punch his opponent in the face.

They should have invented that card a long time ago TBH.

SO, lets get into Valons tragic backstory. First off, go turn on your Les Mis Soundtrack, because this is some old school cop stuff.

So apparently Valon, as a child just...stayed in the system forever. We don’t know why yet, but lets just assume that it’s tragic and heavy handed. If he steals a loaf of bread and ends up in 12 Juvies (which is a line from the show and not an exaggeration--12 Juvies) then I will expect him to be singing by the end of this and I will be very disappointed if he does not.

Anyways, he was such an asshole, that he caught the attention of some very illegal rich bastard who was trying to turn prisoners into...card murders. (it was Dartz.) because apparently...Dartz also funds prisons and that is...that is some deep lore.

And so probably about the same time that Yugi was Dueling to the death on Pegasus’ Island, and about the same time that Marik was hanging out in the ocean next to Pegasus’ Island with a pair of binoculars, and about the same time that Noah was underneath Pegasus’ Island just watching Pegasus steal KaibaCorp, Dartz decided to make his OWN murder island--because I guess he got jealous.

Anyway, Valon won, and didn’t even need to set anyone on fire.

Those little green things there--those are all souls of prison inmates.

YUGIOH.

Millennials got DARK, OK? Freakin...we had a show for 9 year olds that went deep into the school-to-prison pipeline and didn’t even try to hide it under any layers of symbolism. Like Hunger Games at least had two people survive.

This was a show to sell PAPER CARDS.

+++++++++++THIS IS A RANT WHERE I WENT OFF ABOUT PRISON TALK IN KID’S SHOWS FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++++++++

Now, there’s a lot of good conversation going on right now about errors in the modern justice system on not just a local scale, but on a global scale, especially regarding racial profiling and criminalization of poor, sick, and young, and we better keep pushing it. But it’s surprising when people pretend like this hasn’t been talked about for a long time. Because...we’ve been talking about it in kids and YA shows for a long time. This is not something that just popped up in 2020.

Like millennials didn’t invent this obsession with dark and gritty stories with uncomfortable themes. It’s been around for thousands of years, but back in the 90′s and 00′s, a lot of shows for YA and younger enjoyed talking about the problems with prisons and abuse of power with our justice systems--a lot. Batman, X-men, Death Note, so so many, hell, even the OC.

And like, don’t get me wrong, we still have these shows running around, but I’ve been there’s been a trend of stories (not saying names) where just...nothing bad happens. And, that’s kind of sad because...they CAN have small elements that are more progressive in them, but only brought forth with a very risk-free cotton candy fluffy coating to make the majority of the population happy.

I could go long about this, and I’m getting very cryptic. If a kid escapes to more colorful worlds where nothing bad ever happens, that’s OK--sometimes you need that, but when nothing bad ever happens surrounding certain experiences where bad things normally happen--the meaning of the story changes because it isn’t a real experience anymore.

Like I don’t want to tangent too much, and I just had to delete a lot of examples, but I know a lot of people want to write stories about misrepresented minorities and about real deal serious situations and are just so afraid of misrepresentation that they go in completely the wrong direction by not putting in anything uncomfortable at all. I think it’s important to look at the work and ask yourself is this about the minority the work should be about--or is this work about patting the majority of the population on the back and saying neat, we’ve achieved utopia without having to even do anything?

...anyway, obvi I’m ranting, but I feel like we’re taking a step backwards when it comes to the importance of kids programming and that we do need to talk to kids about prison again. This is a show about paper cards, and they don’t do a great job at talking about...the reality of prison, this was exaggerated with genre stereotypes, but at least they didn’t cover it with rainbows and unicorns, because this isn’t about how great Joey and the “normal” people are at saving Valon, this is about how society screwed Valon beyond repair, and I am 99% certain we will see this guy’s soul stuffed in a brick above Dartz’ snake fireplace.

Like, yeah he duels to the death on an island, but that’s imagery that is very close to real life prison issues. We don’t talk to kids a lot about how a lot of inmates get enlisted into the military during war times (and quite literally...duel to their death...on islands). We don’t talk about how we use inmates to betray eachother for a chance at maybe getting amnesty. We don’t talk about how a lot of the victims of this system are essentially children, and have been caught in a system of endless prison for what will probably be the rest of their lives. We don’t talk about how we’re systematically turning kids into criminals so much in kid’s shows of late...and Freakin Yugioh just did in a filler season. 

....................I think our standard for modern kids programming to talk about serious issues is way too low if Yugioh just threw this out there in a filler season, is all I’m saying.

++++++++++++++++++END OF PRISON RANT++++++++++++++++++++++

 So, Valon is free but...is he?

Not really, he’s just gone from one jailer to another, but at least this time he gets his own room. Don’t blame him for latching onto Dartz’ dream to end the world, because the world for him has been one behind bars. He doesn’t know it. Never been there.

It’s just interesting juxtaposed to Joey because Joey had some sort of Season Zero history with a gang and I haven’t watched that episode yet.

So that’s it for now, again, I’m very slooow lately. I slept for 3 hours today...and I don’t know why. But hey--we all got through three (four???) months of this...we just gotta go...one month at a time.

That and I accidentally did my taxes early so there’s that. See? Good things still happen.

Also, because I only slightly referenced the most incredible movie ever made on San Fransisco soil, I’ll just leave this here. The true hallmark of our city.

Anyway you know the drill, here’s the link

[tyrustrash]

Tu Color Para Pintar

Shadyside, a small no-name town in the middle of nowhere. People have assumptions about small town: that they’re quite and peaceful, everyone knows each other, and that the people are the kindest. Wrong. Shadyside is called Shadyside for a reason. Everyone is shady, from toddlers to the senior citizens. The shadiest can even be your own best friends, and even worse, your own crush. Cyrus currently is laying face down on his bed. He refuses to believe that not only is Andi attending some fancy frou-frou art school for the summer, but TJ is dating Kira. Yeah, about TJ, he didn’t really have to say he was dating her, but come on, it’s obvious. They’re always together looking happy, they went to his special spot, and seemed they didn’t want him around. Although TJ said they weren’t, it didn’t help that he has yet to hang out together, alone. His whole body hurts from thinking TJ cared about him. It feels like a thousand shards of glass are stabbing him and there’s nothing he can do. It didn’t matter anyway; he could deal with that kind of pain. The pain he couldn’t handle was his broken heart. He had spent weeks with the jock building a friendship like he has never had before. This one is different from Jonah because of the memories they have. Jonah was always busy with girlfriend troubles, which Cyrus would know nothing about, but TJ helped him with things no one else bothered with. They had talks where they told secrets that no one else knew. TJ was like a completely different person around him, like he was being his genuine self. The dual personas TJ had made Cyrus even more interested in him. Heck, the best thing TJ has ever done was stand up for Cyrus and helped raise his confidence. Out of all his time with Andi and Buffy, they never did anything close to what TJ has done. The only bad thing TJ has done was steal his heart. The gun incident doesn’t count since it was Blondie’s fault. TJ, however, had to strut into his life with all his hoodies and be so dang adorable. The time together eventually had an impact on Cyrus’s mind, and heart. It wasn’t until a few short weeks ago when feelings changed, in a good way. Their friendship felt like it should be something more, but Cyrus knew it was just one sided. Even though Cyrus was a fool to ever believe for a second that TJ was a bad guy, he now feels like a complete clown. The whole Kira situation is where things went south. For Andi, it hurt a little less. Although they’ve been friends since kindergarten and have done amazing, and illegal, things with her, he wasn’t as hurt since he imagined this day happening for a while now. Andi is a talented artist. Her works are unique and definitely belong in a museum. Her trashing stereotypes piece was even worthy of the Shadyside Academy of Visual Arts sending an acceptance application. Which then she accepted to attend for the summer term. Sure, he would rather her go there for three months rather than the entire school year, but what is he going to do for the summer? Him, Buffy, and Jonah don’t make the most exciting group. They almost relied on Andi for what they were doing. And with TJ, that’s basically over. So now he’s basically going to spend his summer at home, more than likely helping his parents with work. Just as he was about to give up sobbing and accept his fate of the worst summer ever, his phone chimed. The laziness is too strong right now as he simply throws a pillow at his nightstand in hopes of it actually doing anything. When the phone chimes again, Cyrus decides to be the most active he has been that day and picks up his phone. A text from Andi. An urgent one, as indicated by the lack of emojis, the over usage of exclamation points, and it being all caps. Apparently, she needs him at the art studio. After grunting for a few seconds, Cyrus laid back down and tossed his phone to the end of the bed. Andi probably wants to show off another project before she leaves and see her friends one last time. He wants to support her, but it’s getting harder to feel any sort of happiness. His world is falling apart by the day and it seems like there’s no hope of it getting better. Later, a loud knock on his door interrupted his thoughts of whether or not he’ll find a boyfriend. Once again, Cyrus threw a pillow with the expectation of it working. Instead, the soft thud was sort of a cue to let the person come in. Andi walked in, which made Cyrus cover his face with his dinosaur plushie. Andi walked into the room and gently placed herself on the end of the bed. Her expression is clearly upset with a bit of worry. “Cyrus, why didn’t you come?” Cyrus rumbled a bit before saying something inaudible due to the plushie over his mouth. Andi taps his arm. He removes the toy and sits up a little. “Why would I?” Andi wasn’t expecting this kind of response, or this behavior. He was always so cheerful and enthusiastic. Anything related to his friends he was always there for. “Did you read the text?” “Not really.” Cyrus says as he lays back down. Any feelings that he previously had are long gone. Seeing Andi now not sadness, but emptiness. “I’m not in the mood to do anything.” “The art gallery opened a new exhibit!” “What’s it about?” “Nothing!” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. He sits up on his elbows and looks Andi in the eyes. “Huh?” Andi excitedly got off the bed and walks around the room. She overexaggerates her hand movements as she talks. “It’s nothing, but it’s everything! I can’t believe they would think of this, but it’s genius! Some might call it lazy, but I call it creative.” “What exactly are you talking about?” Cyrus gets up and attempts to keep up with Andi. “The nothingness.” Andi continues. “It’s an entire area of white. White walls, white blocks, white accessories. Anyone can paint, design, draw, or do whatever they want! I texted you to see if you wanted to try creating something. Probably with me, Buffy, and Jonah.” Andi finally calms down and Cyrus places his hands on her shoulders. The two lock eyes, seemingly calming Andi down. Cyrus, however, has those teary eyes. “Andi, I’m not in the mood for anything.” Andi sighed and looked at her feet. She was, for once, at a lose for words. Her whole life Cyrus was by her side and would do anything if she asked. He was always there for his friends. As she looks into his eyes, she can see something that she’s not used to. Fear. “Well,” Andi starts to say. “How about you go and do something yourself? You can express what you’re feeling. Like what I did with the stereotypes.” Cyrus shakes his head. “Don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Why not?” Cyrus takes a deep breath. He turns away from Andi and faces his dresser. Pictures of him and TJ covered the top. Each one was from a special moment they had together. From when Cyrus first visited TJ’s job, when they had a picnic at the swings, and when they had Valentines Day at The Spoon because they didn’t have dates and went as friends. Instead of smiling from looking at the pictures, it only made him cry. “I’m afraid that if I do anything else, my world would get worse. I’m afraid of letting certain people know how I feel, or even tell them who I really am. Problem is, I don’t know how or how they’ll feel. I have a dream that might never come true now, and it’s got me feeling this way.” Cyrus told her. “I this this might not make that much sense, but I don’t how to express myself.” “How about with art?” Andi asks. She pulls out paint supplies from her bag and places them on the dresser. “The world revolves at your heart. Today you can create your best version and trust your intuition. There is no dream that you can't reach. You have everything to make it happen. And that everything is in your mind and nothing can go wrong. Say what you keep in your mind. Lights shine when you shout your truth. There's no more time, don't forget. It's your story, you decide your color to paint.” Although he wasn’t one hundred percent sure what she said, he understood it all. He looks at the supplies. Not to surprisingly, the paint tubes are the colors of the rainbow. He takes another deep breath. With one look at Andi, he nods. Next thing Cyrus knew was that there’s a blank canvas in front of him. Andi had taken him to the art gallery and had given him extra supplies. When they arrived, the exhibit already had work done to it, including a mural from Walker. They were lucky enough to get this generous space. After spending more than enough time analyzing the supplies, Cyrus finally started working. He picks up the red and splashes it across the canvas. His face matches the color by how frustrated he is. The only thing he can think of in this moment is Kira, and how she came between him and TJ. Next is orange. Then yellow. And then green. And lastly blue. Blue has been said is the warmest color by some, but Cyrus can only feel coldness. Now TJ is on his mind, but only the terrible moments. When he saw TJ giving Kira a piggyback ride, to where they were hugging, and the worst moment of them all. TJ and Kira at the swing set. His swing set. Looking at his piece, he feels like something’s missing. Yeah, the purple. He adds a dash of purple to the bottom and attempts to blend as much as he could. After taking a final look at his creation, he smiled for the first time in days. The painting looks like one huge, deconstructed, extra flavorful rainbow. A few peace signs and hearts circled around the edges. Two boys are in the center, holding hands. One of the boys is holding a muffin, the other wearing a hoodie. Cyrus was so into his painting that he didn’t hear someone approach from behind. A tap on his shoulder startled him, also causing him to turn around. His face lit up, both in shock, fear, and happiness. His knees weakened and he could barely stand up. Now he was wondering who invited TJ. TJ rubs the back of his neck. He couldn’t make himself look Cyrus in the eyes. Cyrus was the first to say anything. “Why are you here?” “Andi invited me?” TJ answered a tad later. Although not looking directly at him, Cyrus could tell he’s upset and needs to say something. “She said you were creating something, and I wanted to be here for support. Like a good friend. If I still am your friend.” At those words, he managed to look at Cyrus. Cyrus could see tears forming. This reminds him of the gun incident and how TJ was acting afterwards when he lost his other friends. Even though Cyrus couldn’t take seeing TJ this way, it felt good given how TJ had made him feel. TJ looks at the painting and awes. “This is amazing. You sure you aren’t an artist?” Cyrus chuckles a little. His cheeks blush but hides it. “It’s just what I’m feeling. And who I am.” Upon further inspection, TJ notices the two people in the center. His face becomes confused as he tries to figure out who they are. Obviously, one was Cyrus, but had mixed thoughts regarding the second boy. “Who’s the other boy?” Now Cyrus was completely red. He face palms himself hard enough to leave a bruise, but he didn’t care about that. All he cares about now is that his crush is literally standing in front, and asking about, his basically coming out painting showing that he wishes the two of them would date. He wishes one of his parents were here to help calm him down. “It’s you.” Cyrus faintly says. His voice cracked a little and was a pitch higher than normal. “Surprise. I’m gay.” “Hey, gay. Me gay too.” The next sounds out of Cyrus’s mouth definitely weren’t English words or sounds. It was more like the random sound effects from cartoons. He attempts cleaning out his ears with his fingers to make sure nothing was clogging them. Sure enough, his ears are clean. TJ wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Yeah, I’m gay too. You couldn’t tell? I also have the biggest, dorkiest crush on you. Why do you think I’ve been upset when I thought you wouldn’t be my friend anymore?” Cyrus’s mouth stands wide open. It took him a minute, but he finally found the right word to say. “Same.” They both laugh. Cyrus looks around and sees an empty area in the corner. He gets TJ’s attention and nods in that direction. “Wanna create something together?” “It’s a date.”

[buckybarnesappreciationsociety]

“Winter Soldier 2.0-Dad On A Mission”

Summary: After 2 months, Izzy’s privileges were restored. She and her parents settled into a routine of keeping the lines of communication open and honest. Their piece of mind shattered when an evil from the past tipped the scales of happiness. How will the team react? What will Bucky do to get his daughter back? The answer will definitely surprise you!

Word Count: 2K+ (Yep it’s long)

Warnings: Swearing, kidnapping, distress

A/N: A keyboard translating English to Russian was used for the conversation between Nat and Bucky. (www.masterrussian.com)

Bucky, Jillian, Izzy and Steven fell into a peaceful existence. After her 2 month grounding, 16 year old Izzy enjoyed hanging out with her 9 year old brother, Aunt Nat and Wanda and bff’s Kayla and Maddie. Truth be told, Maddie had a serious “crush” on Sam! He thought it was cute!

Steven was growing by leaps and bounds; Izzy becoming a beautiful young lady, with dark auburn hair, a brilliant smile and her signature freckles. Everyone said she looked like Bucky.  On the other hand, Steven was a combination of his dad and mom. Chocolate brown locks,  deep blue-gray eyes, olive skin tone like Jillian and her dazzling smile..

Steven loved hanging out with this dad. They dubbed it ‘guy stuff.’ Izzy extremely athletic,  played soccer at the Central Midfielder position. Bucky NEVER missed a game. The other parents admired his enthusiasm. And heaven forbid if the Avengers attended as well. They were a raucous bunch, especially if Izzy scored a goal

SOMEONE’S LURKING IN THE DARKNESS

Friday around dusk, everyone milled around after the game. It was hard fought but alas, Izzy’s team lost by a score of 3-2. Tony thought a team pizza party would lift their spirits. So, he reserved the entire eatery, “Reynaldo & Giovanni’s Pizza Emporium.” The heartbroken players, coach and parents dined on succulent calzone, strombolis and a variety of pizza.

Izzy sat at the table with her friends, picking over her food. Bucky noticed and consoled his daughter.

“Hey, sweetheart, why the long face?”  Sighing heavy, Izzy sounded broken, “Dad, it was my fault we lost. I let the team down.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.

“C’mere baby girl.” Lifting her chin, Bucky reassured his distraught daughter no one blamed her for the team’s loss. Now, where’s that beautiful smile, huh?” Wrapping her arms around Bucky’s massive frame, Izzy’s smile stretched from ear to ear.

Returning to Jillian’s side, Bucky noticed a look of terror on his wife’s face. “Doll, what’s wrong? Looks like ya seen a ghost?”

Trying to clear her head, Jillian replied, “I think I did babe. That man who as across the street looked like Rodney.” Bucky craned his neck, looking out of the large window.

“Doll there’s no one out there. Are you sure it was him?” Bucky’s forehead creased.

Visibly shaken, Jillian responded. “I guess not my love. Everyone’s leaving, guess we should too.”

Mrs. Barnes wasn’t wrong. Rodney slithered from a distance, watching Izzy. He knew the school she attended, her place of residence and favorite hangouts. His twisted mind devised a plan to kidnap her for ransom. With the IQ of a gnat, the doofus forgot who her real dad is, James Buchanan Barnes, formerly the Winter Soldier.

Nat, Wanda, Tony, Sam and Steve walked back to the Tower since it was only 3 blocks. Izzy and Steven wanted to join them, but Jillian balked at the idea.

“Hey mom. I’m gonna walk back to the Tower with….” Jillian cut Izzy off. “No you’re not. We’re taking the car! Bucky and his puzzled daughter stood silent after the outburst. Draping his arm over Jillian’s shoulder, Bucky tried to calm his nervous wife. “Angel, what’s gotten into ya? You’ve been jumpy all night.”

Jillian’s hands shook as she apologized to her daughter. “I’m so sorry Izzy. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Listen, let’s just take the car home, okay?”

Steven and Izzy nodded ‘yes.’ Exiting the restaurant, Jillian was on high alert. Obviously something or someone frightened her.

Once home, the kids showered and went to the theatre for movie night. Jillian opted to stay in the apartment and read. She felt the bed dip and gazed into her husband’s worried eyes.

“Hey, are ya okay?” Jillian closed her book and replied, “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about earlier, kinda tired,” pecking Bucky on the cheek, she grabbed her book and continued reading. If there’s one thing James Buchanan could spot and that’s a liar. Right now, Jillian was lying!

Joining his kids, Bucky settled down, watching “John Wick 2”. Izzy was tucked under his right arm, Steven under the other. Bucky was a doting father and husband, love and adoration written all over his face. All of that happiness faded when he thought about Jillian. Did she really see Rodney?

HANGING OUT

No missions on the weekend ushered in much needed downtime. Izzy, Kayla, Maddie, and Steven were enjoying a lazy Saturday  morning in the common room with Sam, Nat, Thor and Tony.

The quirky billionaire mussed Steven’s hair, “So, any plans for today?” Kayla chided, “Nope. We’ll probably walk to the park and hang out for awhile. It’s a pretty day.” Izzy added, “Yeah, we wanna get out a bit.

Nat remarked, “Be careful Izz. Do you have your pepper spray and cell phone?” Giggling, Izzy kissed her overprotective  aunt on the cheek. “You worry too much. We’ll be fine and to answer your question, yes I have both.”

APPREHENSION

“Hey mom, dad! Where are ya?” Bucky heard his son bellowing and came to see what all the fuss is about. “Hey champ, why all the racket?”

Trying to catch his breath, Steven informed his dad they were leaving for the park. To his dismay, Jillian vetoed the idea.

“Steven James  Barnes, you’re not going to the park!”

Steven bristled at his mom’s harsh tone. “But mom, we wanna go to the park and kick the soccer ball around. PLEASE?”

Standing before Bucky and his wife were 3 adorable teens, with puppy dog eyes. Izzy batted her eyelashes, “Mom, dad I love you. We’ll be home before dark and I’ll take good care of the rugrat.” Izzy gently nudged her brother.

“Doll, what d’ya think?, “Bucky replied, quirking an eyebrow at Jillian. Breathing a deep sigh, Jillian gave the kids permission to go out. “Just be careful and Izzy, watch your brother.”

Steven grabbed the soccer ball and the merry band rode the elevator down and out of the Tower.

After the “grandparent” fiasco, Uncle Tony purchased Izzy a new phone, with state-of-the-art Stark tech. NO ONE outside of family, has her number. As an added measure of security, Steven and his sister carried burner phones. Everyone on the team were programmed into both phones. At the push of a button, help could be summoned in a flash. Even with all this security, Jillian still had an uneasy feeling.

Steven grabbed his phone, shoved it in his front jean pocket and grabbed the soccer ball. Kayla dashed beside him and swiped the ball, causing the kids to laugh. “Gotta be faster, squirt,” Maddie giggled.

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

Rodney Baretti, thief, con artist, Izzy’s sperm donor. This man was lower than a snake and his so-called “parents” weren’t a shining example either; the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Rodney, his brother Caleb, and their parents managed to worm their way into Izzy’s life. Of course, there was an ulterior motive behind it; money.

Caleb and Rodney were troubled children born to an abusive mother and alcoholic father. By high school, both had a juvenile record for petty larceny and possession of a controlled substance. Rodney, the eldest, steered his brother down the wrong path.

By the age of 20, Caleb served time for armed robbery; 10 years. He was released after 6 years under the stipulations of obtaining his GED, attend anger management classes, get a job and become self-sufficient. He achieved all of those goals and was doing well on the outside. His attempt to distance himself from the vicious cycle of drug and alcohol abuse was short lived.

Rodney didn’t want to be a father and Jillian was excited about that. At least Izzy wouldn’t come in contact with his family’s toxic behavior.

The plan to kidnap Izzy was devised by Rodney and his parents. Caleb tried to distance himself from the fiendish plot, but Rodney enticed him with money and drugs.

PLAN A

First, fill Izzy’s head with falsehoods about Jillian. If all else fails, they would know where she went to school and lived. Knowing he couldn’t waltz up to Stark Tower or her highly secure school, Rodney cam

PLAN B

Caleb slithered around watching while Izzy played in the park. He bought chloroform and a getaway van. Rodney knew the plan was foolproof.

SURREAL

Steven and Maddie teamed up against Izzy and Kayla in a mini soccer match. Caleb kept a safe distance, not drawing attention to himself.

An afternoon of physical activity was quite taxing,  Steven and Maddie, sat on a bench, breathing heavily, gulping down their water, while Izzy and Kayla visited an ice cream stand situated on the sidewalk, not too far from the bench.

Kayla grabbed two cones from the vendor, both chocolate. She carefully walked back to the bench to give Steven his cone. Just as Izzy got her and Maddie’s cone, the sound of screeching tires penetrated the quiet park. Two men with masks jumped out and snatched Izzy by her arm. Remembering her self-defense training, the courageous  teen kneed one of the men between his legs.

Running in the direction of the  fray, Steven, Kayla and Maddie attempted to grab Izzy, as she kicked and screamed. One of the stoolies managed to get the chloroform rag on her face. Izzy’s body went limp and was pulled into the van.

“IZZYYYYYYY, NOOOOOOOO!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP US PLEASE!!!” Steven emitted a blood curdling scream.

The ice cream vendor called police, but when they arrived, Izzy was gone.

“STOOOOP…..STOOOOOP!!!! IZZZYYYYYYY, OH MY GOD….PLEASE HELP US.” Kayla let out a high-pitched wail, while her body shook.

During the maylay,Maddie scrapped her knee on the sidewalk and needed medical attention. Kayla held Steven close as she dialed Bucky’s phone.

“Hey Kayla, hey. Wha-? Bucky sounded surprised.

Hollering in the phone, Kayla replied, “MR. BARNES...MR. BARNES PLEASE COME QUICK. THEY, THEY TOOK IZZY

Steven was in the background shouting for his sister. “DAAAAD….DAAAAD….DAAAAD! IZZZYYYYY….I WANT MY SISTER!”

Bucky swore this was a terrible nightmare. His military instincts went into overdrive.

“STEVE, TONY, WANDA, NAT!!! SOMEONE’S SNATCHED IZZY. WE GOTTA GET THERE NOW!!!!”

Tony summoned his suit and flew out of the Tower. Nat, Bucky and Steve ran fast as possible. The kids were only 3 blocks from home.

First on the scene, Tony. He made certain Maddie and Kayla received medical attention as well as calling their parents. Once their parents arrived, they told police what occurred.

Bucky bolted to his son’s side. “NO NO NO NO!!” Desperation dripped from his raw throat. “THIS CAN’T BE...IT’S..IT’S  A NIGHTMARE….M’NOT AWAKE!”

Kneeling down, Steve scooped up Steven, who was unresponsive, and cradled his namesake; placing a blanket around his rattled shoulders. ‘This is unbelievable! I-I can’t…Oh geez, Izzy.”

Meanwhile, Jillian slumped down on the floor of their apartment and sobbed uncontrollably, yelling for her baby girl. “IZZZZYYYY….IZZZZYYYY!!!” Wanda rocked her back and forth. “Shh-shh I’ve got you. They’ll find her-they’ll find her.”

Standing, Bucky’s eyes were blank; devoid of any emotion. The metal plates in his arm shifted loudly. Nat tried to speak to him, but there was no response.

Bucky’s movements were robotic, calculated. Tony and Steve watched closely as he strode back to the Tower.

“H-hey Buck?” Steve stuttered, holding little Steven in his massive arms.

Natasha informed him, “Shit Steve, that’s not Bucky.’

Steve gingerly carried little Stevie to Dr. Cho, where Jillian and Wanda were waiting.

“OH MY SWEET SWEET SON. WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM? WHY ISN’T HE TALKING?” Jillian was visibly distraught, running her hand through his har.

Dr. Cho examined Steven. “He’s in shock. I’ll keep him here overnight and monitor his vitals. Jillian you may want to stay as well.’

Through a deluge of tears, shoulders shaking, “I’ll be here.” Wanda stayed with Jillian.

Upstairs, Nat tried to reach Bucky, but he was in Soldier mode. At least his wife and son weren’t around to witness his transformation.

ЬЩМУ ТФЕФДШФ

(MOVE NATALIA)

“ФКУ НЩГ ЫГКУ НЩГ ЦФТЕ ЕЩ ПЩ ВЩЦТ ЕРШВЫКЩФВ ФПФШТ?”

(ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THIS ROAD AGAIN?)

ШЬ ТЩЕ РФМШТП ЕРШЫ ВШЫСГЫЫШЩТ ЦШЕР НЩГ

(I’M NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION WITH YOU)

ЦРФЕ ЫРЩГДВ Ш ЕУДД НТ?

(WHAT SHOULD I TELL JILLIAN?)

ЕРУ ЕКГЕР

(THE TRUTH)

Tony analyzed the blood and found it to be Caleb’s. All of his information was on file because of his stint in prison.

“I need to get to Bucky before he does something stupid”, Steve deadpanned.

Tony cautioned the blonde super soldier to wait before approaching Bucky. The rest of the team was contacted. Everyone convened in the conference room. When Bucky arrived in the room, Sam nudged Clint, looking at their friend.

The gray sweats and t-shirt had been shed for black tactical gear; loaded to the hilt with weapons. Bucky stood quietly in the back of the room, arms folded across his chest and icy stare.

James Buchanan Barnes no longer existed, nor the Winter Soldier. He was someone more dangerous ….a father on a mission.

[mysticsparklewings]

Heaven Help Us

Happy Fake Your Death Day! :D Or at least that's what I'm calling today. For those who don't know, March 22, 2013, is the day My Chemical Romance officially broke up. afterward, March 22 was a significantly sad day for the fandom. The day we remembered what once was. Deathday. But that was before October 31, 2019. My Chemical Romance officially announced their Return.   The world is currently a very uncertain place, including MCR's own concert dates, but I personally take solace in knowing that the impossible already happened once. It can happen again. We, the MCR fandom, hoped and waited and prayed for six whole years. I'm sure plenty of others were like myself and were just starting to lose the hope we'd held onto for so long...and then it happened. It really did. Moral of the story: Never lose hope. Good things come to those who wait. Have faith. Naturally, I had to do something for today. I've done tributes for the 22nd before, but all pre-Return. I'd say it had to be something special, but that's not strictly true. For me, all my MCR artworks are special. I don't do them too terribly often because I want them to be done right. I want to put everything I can into them. I want them to be the absolute best they can be. But I did know I wanted to draw all four of the main guys (left to right: Frank, Ray, Mikey, Gerard), since I've only attempted that one other time, and they came out much more chibi there. (Side note: I really need to find the time and patience to color that drawing at some point). This time I was hoping to still draw them in my style, but a tad more realistic. Or less chibi, anyway. While I was scouting out potential photos of the guys to use, among a few Danger Days/Killjoy pictures I was considering, I found this one that I really took a liking to. Largely this was because they didn't look quite as sour as they did in some of the other photos I was finding.  They don't really look happy per se, but there's an almost hopeful or looking-for-guidance feel to their expressions that appealed to me. And then the idea to call the finished piece "Heaven Help Us," after one of their songs and do something with angel wings in the background occurred to me, and I just had to run with all of it. Naturally, I started by sketching the boys out. I ran into a little trouble with the proportions, and I'm very sure some of that leaked into the final product, but I did my best. I also did my best to capture their expressions, but I know I missed the mark on that in a few ways. Part of it is just there's only so much I can do with my style and expressions and still keeping them looking like guys and not little girls. (To which, I will admit, they probably do still look effeminate. That's just what happens to guys when I draw them in my style. ) I had to sit on the sketch for a couple of days after that though, both to figure out what I wanted to do beyond that and because I was just seriously lacking in the motivation to make more complicated art at the time.   Fortunately though, when I did come back to it, I was able to come up with a fairly solid plan. I decided I'd paint the background separately with gouache and then ink and color the boys on another piece of paper. Originally, the plan was to also then physical cut the boys out and put them on the background, but naturally, I procrastinated the entire time I was working on this project and backed myself into a bit of time-crunch corner, so I had to forgo that idea and combine the two pieces digitally instead. Although, if I'm being honest, that might've been for the better, as I keep trying to imagine cutting out and around all those tiny pieces and sections around the edges and the longer I think the more than sounds like a good way to get a sore hand and lose all of my patience while holding a sharp object. In other words, no thank you. The background is definitely flawed, but landscape paintings aren't necessarily my cup of tea, so I went into painting it knowing that it didn't have to be perfect, it just had to be "close enough." The background in the original photo is a backdrop anyway (it's pretty obvious already but the harsh shadows the guys cast onto it really give it away), so I had a little bit of a leg up there. At least I wouldn't be trying to replicate an actual detailed landscape. So I went in with some yellow ochre, a rust-ish color, some white, and bit of a brown had leftover from one of my previous gouache painting sessions, and just eyeballed the features to the best of my ability. It looks like it's half-finished without the guys in front, but even so, I was still pretty satisfied with how it turned out.   This project has also since reminded me I really need to find excuses to use gouache more often. It works so well for packing on color and blending but still having a lightness to it that acrylic paint just doesn't. Anyway. While the background dried, I got to figure out what to do for my four boys. I went back and forth a bit, but ultimately I decided to do most of the coloring with alcohol markers, except for the hair. The hair would be done with colored pencils. And I'd already decided I was not going to try to draw Gerard's shirt print and I'd just bring it in digitally. At the time, I was thinking I might do the same for Mikey's, but when I got to where I was almost done with the marker portions, I decided I'd take a risk and try my luck doing it by hand. I must say, I did better with it than I was expecting, so I call that a win. It was a little tricky to figure out what colors to use for the markers and pencils since the contrast and lighting is...not strictly normal. From what I can tell, the light is coming from pretty dead-on, almost like it's right behind and above the camera, and it's very bright. So much so that is washes all of them out to the point they kinda look like they all have the same skin color, which I know isn't completely accurate. In some ways, this made shading easier and in some ways, it also made it more confusing. There are places I'd normally put shadows where there don't appear to be any in the reference, so I left them alone, but it almost felt wrong at times.   Gerard and Mikey's hair, in particular, was also a little tricky. Since this was around the time of Danger Days, Gee was dying his hair red and Mikey was dying most of his blonde. I had to get just the right shade of red and shade it appropriately, and it was actually more challenging than I thought it would be to get just the right shade of yellow and ombre balance for Mikey's. After I spent an eternity on both traditional parts though (the background and the guys themselves), it was finally time to move on. I scanned both pieces in and then booted them into photoshop. I cut the guys out of their plain white background and moved them onto the one I painted, then fiddled order with a Drop Shadow in the Blending Options to get those strong cast shadows behind them. They aren't a 1:1, but part of that is my proportions are different and also there was only so much I could do without just basically re-drawing the shadows in myself, which I wasn't too keen on doing. And then I came back to the idea that had originally sold me on this picture: The angel wings. While I was working on the other parts, I had gone back and forth over whether or not I wanted to include them, given how the original image looks and all, but once I saw what the final product looked like without them, I decided the wings were necessary. I simply grabbed a pair from PixaBay, my public-domain0image-site-poison of choice, then duplicated it so each guy would have a pair, then adjusted them as necessary to make them look more realistic as in being attached to the guys. I knew this wouldn't be fully possible based on how they're standing, but I made my peace with that and decided to just go with what I could do within reason. Once the wings were placed appropriately, I then fiddled with the layer options until I landed on one (I think it was either Overlay or Soft Light, I disremember) I was happy with. You can still see the wings, but they're not too in-your-face and distracting. And really, I like this look because it makes me think a lot of the angel statues they've been using in their Return promo stuff. That's really all there was too it. It took me three times as long as it should have because I was, as I said, just motivationally blocked (in working on bigger projects. I still wanted to create, but all I really wanted to make were simple things like the mandalas I've been experimenting with. I'm not sure what kind of selective laziness or creative block you call that ) for 80% of the time I was working on it, so it feels like this description should be a lot longer, but I think I've covered really everything that needs covering. I could describe in greater detail how many colors the layering I used, but it seems unnecessary unless I'm going to document all the specific colors I used and all that, which, spoiler alert, I don't have the patience for. And so, here it is. Like I said, I know the world is a very uncertain place right now, but I'm still thrilled that today is no longer the sad occasion it once was. I'm so glad My Chemical Romance is back, even if the future regarding not only them (as there's still so much we don't know), but the rest of the world too, is foggy and seems a little scary right now. If nothing else, I can now at least listen to their music and know, this is not all there is. This is not the end. In that vein, I leave you all with one of the most famous phrases from one of their songs: We'll Carry On. We will get through this, one way or another. May Death Never Stop You. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[6-weeks-in-nicaragua]

11 Febrero

It’s been a minute–a lot has happened since las iglesias! I’m alive and well. Knock on wood but so far no explosive diarrhea, no homesickness, no lost passport, no funky encounters... todo bien!

A quick update and then I’m going to just throw a bunch of random experiences, thoughts, and pictures I’ve accumulated over the past 4 or so days cause I have no way of keeping track of it all–so many things happen every day...

UPDATE: Estoy solo en Nicaragua y estoy manejando.

Both Noel and Lorena have gone stateside temporarily. Everybody is okay - no se preocupen. This leaves me alone, but not entirely. A friend of Lorena’s, Noelia, is going to help take care of Toto and may, in fact, even stay in the house part-time or full-time. So we’re all good! Noel left a few days ago and I took Lorena to the airport today. If I remember, I’ll tell you about my first driving adventure later! Anyhow, things were a bit crazy as these plans were all being made–hence the lack of posting. So here we go...

LAS HORMIGAS

These ants live at the Choco Museum and I like them. What I don’t like are the zancudos (mosquitos). They seem to be getting worse with the drier/hotter weather. I’m not sure why but they’re lovin’ my ankles and shoulders. 

IT’S THE 1ST OF THE MONTH

On the first Monday of the month, there was an incredible line outside of the bank–the longest line I’ve seen in Nicaragua by far. It turns out that it’s all the retired people collecting their pension. 

EL PEREZOSO TUVO EXITO

En fin, yo aprendí que significa la phrase–Tener exito–to succeed. That’s my ‘word’ of the week along with Perezoso–both the adjective lazy and the word for a sloth. 

I stumbled upon this beautiful block. On the left is La Fortaleza, an old fort that may have future plans but, for the time being, is closed to the public although apparently some private/government soirees are thrown there too. I was mostly, however, drawn to those 4 casitas. Que linda, verdad?!

MASA

I had my first Nacatamal of the trip. This is a Nicaraguan tamale, but truly a league beyond a tamale. They’re typically made and consumed on weekends only. There’s a panadería nearby called Doña Haydee (?), y hace nacatamals de pollo y de cerdo. They are only available Fri-Sun until they run out. 

Arleen told me that they use fake masa here in Granada for their tortillas. No usan maza reál en Granada. Solo puede comprar en Masaya. En general, por allá la gente son más trabajadores, más creativo, y más educado. I think somebody might have a grudge against Granada folks... But I have now heard from multiple people that Masaya is indeed a culinary mecca for Nicaragua. We’d gone once but only to see the market, which is well known for its plethora of quality goods. Pues, vamos a comer en Masaya! 

LA EDUCACION

Arleen and I continue to discuss various issues. As we sat in the Cathedral and interpreted the new paintings on the ceiling (Noah’s Ark, Abraham and Isaac(?), Exodus, etc.), we shifted back to education. As she was talking about public and private schools, it sounded like she was arguing that there was little to no value in public school education–textbooks that are 20+ years old, lack of textbooks and other materials, etc. So I asked her if she’d rather not send her boy to school than to a public school. She laughed but agreed that for her, it was no choice. She and her husband (an engineer) do, and would, sacrifice what they would need to, in order to send him through private school. And even a private school is limited. She described the amount of work that parents (moms) have to do to supplement the school education. Ultimately, we agreed that she had a nearly full-time job of being a teacher to her son. She studies with him, draws up her own exercises for him and even her own exams. 

4:30pm is a really cool time to be out and about. All of the students are getting out of school and, with their uniforms, seemingly take over the streets. I wish I had a picture to share. 

WILLIAM WALKER

We also talked about William Walker. This is the umpteenth time I’ve heard William Walker but was never quite sure why. His name came up one night the guys were arguing about the political crisis. Now I have a vague understanding of why. Essentially, with his own army he marched down Central America, pillaging, pirating, and claiming ownership over land. He would take natural resources (e.g. stones, minerals) and sell them in Europe. This was in or around the 1850′s. And thus began the American involvement in Nicaragua. 

XALTEVA

The name of one of the local tribes was Xalteva. As we watched a couple groups of musicians and dancers performing traditional songs and dances (who are contracted by the Tourism office to perform when buses of tourists are scheduled to arrive via Costa Rica or Panama for the day), I asked if this was rooted in Xalteva culture. No. She said the folkart comes from colonial times and is a result of the mix of Inios, Españoles, y Afro-Carribeans. I am excited to read El Gueguense because I think I’ll have a better understanding of all this after. But in a nut shell, much of the traditional arts are rooted in the dissent of Colonialism–’secret’ songs and dances of empowerment that snuck through the eyes and ears of the Spanish imperialists. I think that’s incredible!

COST COMPARISON

As I prepare to be alone, I stopped by the Maxx Pali (a grocery outlet, more or less) and picked up some bare essentials. The Protex is a bar of oatmeal soap. The cereal was the healthiest I could find. And the silver plastic bag is known as chile. It’s spicy pickled chopped onions - by far the best condiment in the world! $15 total. Somehow they only charged me 1 córdoba (1/32.6 of a dollar) for the floss, I’m guessing that means it’s not a very popular product... 

DRIVING IN MANAGUA

That was the name of the first book I read about Nicaragua ahead of my first trip in 2015. It’s amazing and I highly recommend it, although the caveat is that it’s about a white guy living/traveling in Nicaragua written by the white guy himself. But his observations are quite acute and I easily relate to some of them. 

So my sense of direction proved helpful. I was able to navigate around town, to Managua, to the airport, back to Tia Karla’s house, back to Granada. BUT I NEARLY GOT CRUSHED BY A BUS! So Nicaragua prefers roundabouts to traffic signals. I have no problem with that. But there aren’t really any lanes so it’s a bit of a free-for-all. And it’s legal for one on the inside line to leave the roundabout, thus cutting off anyone on the outside. I was nervous about these and during our drive to Managua today, asked Lorena a million hypothetical questions. We went through a few to practice, and all was good. But I still imaged these hypothetical situations and didn’t understand how to avoid them.

So after giving myself a pat on the back for navigating from the airport, to Karla’s, and back to Calleterra Masaya (the hwy) - I was going through the roundabout to enter the highway. I was in the circle, thus establishing the right of way from cars not yet in the circle. I passed the first turn. I passed the second turn. And as I was nearing the third, a bus was approaching the circle at a high speed. Now, so far, I’ve learned to the key to a safe ride is to drive defensively in an aggressive manner. So I dared not stop in the middle of the circle. I held my breath and continued past the 3rd street as the bus entered the circle. It was now my turn to bear right out of the circle and I needed to cut off the bus (but it’s not cutting off, I have the right of way). So I kept on holding my breath and zoomed by with the bus zooming lord knows many millimeters behind me. Had he hit me, I think he would have pushed me into the guardrail and I probably would have gone over the guardrail and down a couple stories onto the highway below...

Driving feels like a video game. A lot of veering one way and the next. Dodging people, bicycles, motorcycles, horses, buses, taxis, etc. It’s like Frogger but reversed. There are a million frogs crossing and you’re the car trying to make it from pt. a to pt. b without hitting or getting hit by one. It’s fun and exhilarating but it’s also real life. 

END ON A GOOD NOTE

This is part of Noelia’s patio. I absolutely love it! Nadessa arrives tomorrow for a week so I gotta get some rest. 

Estoy apreciado de tú y tú y todos. Buenas Noches!

[smttnpegasus]

Plenty of Room

Fandom: Clexakru

Ship: Clarke Griffin/Lexa

Rating: G

Word Count: 3107

Read on AO3!

Thinking back, Clarke can't remember the last time Lexa didn't stay at the house. Maybe she should do something about making sure that doesn't change?

The sun was warm on Clarke’s face as she sat on the floor sketching the scene unfolding around her. Lexa was laid on the floor in a sports bra while Aden gleefully colored the large tattoo on her back. It had become a Sunday ritual that just the three of them would spend the day together. Movie night was for everybody but Sunday was just for them. It was raining today so they decided to spend a lazy day inside watching movies.

The current movie choice was The Princess Bride. This was one of Aden’s favorites so it was always high on his list when asked what he wanted to watch. They usually ended up watching it almost every Sunday. Aden always giggled like crazy when the sword fight between Westley and Inigo was about to happen. He would play Wesley and Lexa would be Inigo and they would sword fight across the living room.

They were nearing the end of the movie and Aden was much more absorbed in his coloring than what was happening on screen. Lexa’s head and arms rested on Clarke’s out-stretched leg with her head facing the TV. She was fully engrossed in the movie and Clarke was enjoying sketching her calm features.

She set her sketch book aside and started playing with the baby hair at the back of Lexa’s neck that had come out of the bun messy bun she had it in. Lexa hummed in satisfaction but stayed still so she wouldn’t disturb Aden’s determined coloring.

Clarke sneakily walked her fingers down Lexa’s neck until she could tickle the edge of her collar bone. The brunette jumped and tried to sit up to escape those wandering fingers. Aden put a small hand on her shoulder, “Don’t move, Rexa! I have to stay in the rines.”

“Yeah, Clarke, he has to stay in the lines, so no more tickling!” Lexa said and pointed an accusatory finger at the blonde.

Clarke raised her hands in surrender, “I’ll behave I promise.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes but laid her head back in Clarke’s lap. The end credits of the movie started rolling and Clarke picked up the remote with one hand while the other played with Lexa’s hair.

“I vote we watch a Disney movie.” Lexa said as Clarke started the search for what they would watch next.

“Ooo, can we watch The Hunchback movie, Mommy? I rove the gargoyres, they are so funny!” Aden said as he picked a new color for the next portion of Lexa’s tattoo.

“Hunchback of Notre-dame, it is.” She said scrolling through till she found the right movie and started it up. She looked down and saw what Aden had down so far. He was coloring most of the tree in browns and greens but with bright pops of color for the animals and flowers. It gave her an idea. I think I have some loose canvas in the studio and plenty of paints. Now to get Lexa to agree. Maybe tonight after Aden is in bed.

She settled in to watch the movie and let her mind wander. It had been a few months since Lexa’s ex had blown into town and tried to push them apart. Since then Clarke could tell that Lexa was trying harder than ever to show Clarke that she wasn’t going anywhere. The blonde had been trying to think of a way to show her that she appreciated that effort but had yet to come up with anything.

She had also spent the last few months thinking about her own fears and insecurities that had been brought to the surface. Unfortunately that meant she had been thinking about Finn quite a bit. Looking back now it seemed so obvious the kind of man he was, and she questioned herself on how she hadn’t seen it sooner. She supposed it had been easy to overlook quite a bit while they were in school. She was so busy with her nursing courses she barely had enough time to eat and sleep let alone worry about where he was or wasn’t. She’d only started to really notice something was off after the wedding. Living with someone made it easier to notice concerning patterns.

She looked down at where Lexa had dozed off in her lap and smiled. The more she thought about her past relationship the more it became clear how very different Lexa was. The brunette made a point to not only be there for Clarke but Aden too. Like these Sundays, Lexa already came to movie night every week but she still set aside another day specifically for them. She makes me feel so special and loved. How can I show her the same thing?

Clarke was smoothing out a drop cloth over the bed when Lexa walked in after putting Aden to bed, “What’s all this?”

“I wanted to try something before you showered. Watching Aden this afternoon gave me an idea, but it would require you take this off…” Clarke said leaving the statement open ended as she pulled at the hem of Lexa’s soft t-shirt. Lexa lifted an eyebrow but pulled the shirt off. Clarke smiled but motioned to her chest with a smirk, “That too.”

Lexa looked down at her sports bra before pulling it off as well, “Not that I mind, but why do I need to be completely topless for this idea?”

“I want to paint your tattoo and transfer it to canvas, so I need full access. Lay down while I get the last of my paints ready.” Clarke said as she organized the colors across her paint palette.

“So you just want me to lay here…like this?” Lexa questioned as she settled onto her front on the bed.

“Exactly, I’m sorry if this paint is a bit cold.” Clarke said as she crawled up on the bed and straddled Lexa’s lower back.

The brunette nodded and rested her head on the pillows. Clarke traced her fingers up the defined lines on Lexa’s back. Throughout the day the colors from Aden’s markers had faded but Clarke could still picture the vibrant colors clearly. She dipped her brush into the green on her palette and touched it softly to Lexa’s skin. The women sucked in a soft breath at the chill of the paint, but relaxed after a few moments.

Clarke worked quickly to block the colors out and then she added a second coat to insure the paint would be wet enough to transfer to a canvas. She grabbed the loose canvas and rolled it carefully onto Lexa’s back. She smoothed her hands over the material and then pulled it off. She flipped and was pleased with the transfer. She would do some touch ups back in the studio over the next few days.

“Can I see?” Lexa asked turning her head and Clarke angled it away from her.

“Not yet, this was just the transfer, I have some finishing to do before you can see it.” Lexa pouted but the blonde just chuckled and kissed her shoulder. “You go wash the paint off and I’ll get this all cleaned up.”

“Or you could join me in the shower?” Lexa asked and wiggled her eyebrows at the other woman.

“Tempting, but I need to put this on an easel before it gets too dry. Now off with you.” Clarke said and playfully pushed her shoulder before turning to leave the bedroom.

By the time Lexa walked out of the bathroom Clarke was laid in bed smiling up at her. Lexa had her towel wrapped tight around her chest and her still wet curls hanging to one side of her neck. She smirked at Clarke when she noticed the woman’s shoulders were bare where they rose from underneath the comforter.

“Should I lock the door?” She asked and Clarke simply grinned and raised an eyebrow.

Lexa took the few steps over to the door and turned the latch to insure no one could come in then flicked the light switch next to the door. The room was enveloped into darkness aside from the soft moon light that filtered through the curtains. Lexa dropped the towel and walked to the bed. Clarke lifted the comforter and pulled the brunette to her. When their lips met it was soft and slow, neither felt the need to rush the smoldering passion they both felt.

Clarke found sleep evading her. Lexa breathed softly against her chest where she was curled her arms wrapped firmly around the blonde. Her fingers traced a line on ink on her arm. Even though Clarke’s body felt soft and sated her mind wouldn’t stop whirring. She felt there was something she should do. Something she needed to do, but her mind couldn’t figure out exactly what that was. As she watched the subtle lift and fall of the tan shoulders in front of her she realized one thing. She wanted this. Lexa, here in her bed, curled around her, soft and vulnerable. She wanted to wake up to those springy curls in her face and strong arms holding her tight. She wanted all of this more than she could fathom. Every night to end with her and every morning to start the same way.

Come to think of it when was the last time Lexa didn’t stay the night? Was it two or three weeks ago? Clarke’s closet had become an amalgamation of both of their clothes and she had started just leaving her toiletries in Clarke’s bathroom because it was too much hassle to move them back and forth. Maybe it’s time to make this a permanent arrangement.

“Hey, Aden, can you come in here for a minute?” She called out from her art studio. She was putting the finishing touches on the painting pulled from Lexa’s tattoo. It had been a few days since she made the decision to ask the brunette to move in, but she hadn’t found a good time to talk to Aden about it yet. She didn’t think he would mind, after all he loved Lexa as much as she did but she had to be sure.

The boy stood quietly in the doorway until Clarke turned to look at him. He wasn’t usually allowed in the studio after he used half of Clarke’s expensive paint to draw her a picture. It melted her heart to see him waiting to make sure it was okay for him to come in. “It’s okay, Sweetie, you can come in.”

He smiled and skipped over to her. She swung him up into her lap and he giggled like crazy. “So I have an important question for you?”

“I didn’t eat ar the fruit snacks, Rexa did.” He said quickly and looked at his hands.

Clarke shook her head and booped his nose, “That wasn’t my question but now I know I need to get more fruit snacks.”

“I’m not in troubre?”

“No, Sweetie, you aren’t in trouble.”

Aden tilted his head, “Then what did you want to ask me?”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about Lexa and her coming to live with us.” Clarke said and watched the small boy’s face for any small changes.

Aden just seemed slightly confused, “But doesn’t she aready?”

Clarke smooths her hand over his hair and smiles, “No, she has her own home, like your aunts and uncle.”

“Oh…but she’s here ar the time?”

“I know. That is why I want to ask her to move in. So this can be her home too.” Clarke said and Aden seemed to think on it, “Would that be okay with you?”

“Of course! I rove Rexa and having her around ar the time! She makes you smire a rot and reads to me before bed and makes the best pancakes. Even better than Grandpa’s!” He was bouncing excitedly on Clarke’s lap and the joy in her heart swelled. Aden stopped his excited rant and scrunched his eyebrows together.

“What’s wrong, Aden?”

He took a few more minutes to finally vocalized what was on his mind, “If Rexa needs a prace for her stuff she can have my room. I can stay on the couch, I fit on it better than Rexa anyway.”

Clarke hugged him at that and rubbed his back, “You don’t have to give up your room, Lexa will stay with me just like she does now.”

Aden nodded and held up his small hand and ticked off fingers as he listed, “So, I get to keep my room, Rexa wir be here ar the time, and she can make pancakes every day. This is the best idea ever, Mommy!”

“I’m so happy you think so, but for now can we keep this between us?” She asked and Aden seemed puzzled.

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t asked Lexa yet and I want it to be a surprise.” She said and Aden slipped off her lap after he nodded, “Okay, go play, Sweetie.”

He walked out of the room but was back a few minutes later holding his stuffed lion close to his face, “Mommy, can I watch you paint?”

“Sure, baby,” She scooted her stool over so he could sit on the floor and look up at the canvas.

“Clarke?” Lexa called when she pushed through the front door. The blonde had texted her to come by when she was finished at the store. She had something she wanted to show her.

“I’m in the living room.”

Lexa walked into the room and saw Clarke sitting on the couch with a large package wrapped in simple brown paper leaning next to her. She patted the seat next to her and Lexa sat down.

“Hey, Lex, how was work?” the blonde asked after she leaned in for a quick kiss.

She shrugged and slumped into the blonde’s side, “Incredibly boring and I had a scene stuck in my head all day so I couldn’t focus for anything.”

She curled her legs under her and nuzzled Clarke’s neck. The other woman threaded her fingers in long brunette curls and massaged her scalp. The brunette let out a soft sigh and Clarke pulled her closer.

“So what scene are you stuck on?”

Lexa groaned and buried her face further into Clarke’s neck, “One I am nowhere near being able to write, so it just rattles around in there with nowhere to go.”

Clarke turned so she could see the brunette’s face. Her eyes were closed but she could still see her eyes darting back and forth underneath her eyelids. Clarke traced a finger gently along Lexa’s jaw. She could just imagine how at this moment she was lost in the world she had created. “Your mind never ceases to amaze me.”

“Hmmm…really?” Lexa said as she opened her eyes slowly.

The blonde nodded, “You created a world and then filled it with characters. I don’t know how you do it all.”

A soft blush bloomed on her cheeks as she hid her face in Clarke’s neck again. A few minutes went by and Clarke thought Lexa may have nodded off until she spoke up, “So can I ask about the brown paper-wrapped elephant in the room?”

Lexa leaned away and looked directly at the package. Clarke smiled and put a hand on the corner of it, “Actually I’d like you to open it.”

She seemed taken aback but then jumped up, “It’s for me?”

Clarke nodded and turned it towards her so she could pull the paper off. The brunette attacked the paper and her jaw dropped when she revealed the canvas underneath.

She could clearly see the intricate lines of her tattoo but it was like Clarke had brought it to life with vibrant colors. The animals looked alive while still blending in with the tree and flowers. Lexa looked at Clarke, “You made this from that imprint?”

Clarke nodded with a broad smile on her face as Lexa tried to take it all in, “It’s breathtaking!”

“So where are you going to hang it?” She asked and the brunette racked her brain for where the painting would go back in her apartment.

“I don’t even know…”

Clarke stood up and lifted the painting to line it up over the small mantle piece on one side of the living room, “I was thinking right here would be perfect?”

“You want to hang it in your home?” Lexa said and felt at a loss for words. There was no doubt that the painting was gorgeous but the fact Clarke wanted to hang it to be seen melted her heart.

Clarke lowered the painting and looked at her with a soft but serious expression, “I was hoping we would hang it in our home…”

Lexa’s eyes snapped up to Clarke’s and she didn’t know how to respond. Is she saying what I think she is saying?

“Our…home…?”

Clarke lifted an eyebrow and Lexa waited for any kind of confirmation, “I mean it is basically a technicality at this point. When was the last time you actually stayed at your apartment…two…three…weeks ago?”

Lexa felt her cheeks flush. I was hoping she wouldn’t notice that. “Closer to four actually.”

The blonde took a step closer and ran a hand up her arm, “See? So what do you say? Wanna rent a u-haul?”

“U-haul? Really? Isn’t that a bit cliched?” Lexa said but lifted her arms to rest on the other woman’s shoulders.

The blonde shrugged, “I’m okay with this particular cliche if it means someone will be moving in. Aden even offered to give you his room so you could have a place for your bed.”

“Aw, he would. He is so precious sometimes.” Lexa giggled and Clarke nodded her head.

The blonde then held up a finger, “He did have one stipulation though?”

“Anything.”

Clarke’s smile was wide as she explained, “He demands pancakes.”

The brunette looked towards the ceiling as she pretended to contemplate this demand, “I think I can handle that. Speaking of Aden, where is the little guy?”

The blonde fiddled with the hem of Lexa’s shirt and dragged the back of her fingers along smooth skin, “The gang thought today would be the perfect day to take him bowling. Pizza, ice cream, the whole thing…could take hours.”

Clarke yelped as Lexa scooped her up into a bridal carry, “Then we have to use our time wisely. To our bedroom?”

Clarke leaned in to connect their lips and smiled as she pulled back, “Sounds perfect.”

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[comicteaparty]

December 20th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 20th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Goddess of Paradise by Dee S. / Beedee.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Goddess of Paradise by Dee S. / Beedee~! (http://paradise.bluedubia.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

my favorite scene so far i think is when eridu runs into ekka. it was nice to see a character actually be happy to see her after a slew of eridu running into charas who dont really care all that much. and i just think its a good balance in general to all the hard truths eridu has woken up to.

although my second favorite scene admittedly is probably when she meets amun. just cause amun is gonna win all those awards for being lazy and laid back

but in general i liked how casually amun reveals that nah bro, its been 1200 years of slumber. as if its no big deal (which tbf for gods probably kind of isnt to a degree but still XD)

mathtans

My favourite scene was near the start of Chapter 4, with the human encounter. In large part because there was mention of a "dead human", making me think "wow that took a dark turn"... then it turned out she wasn' t dead and there was the whole "ick" factor, that wasn't dark at all.

Nice sort of twist, is I guess what I'm saying.

I also do like the Ekka scene though. In part because of my tendency to enjoy yuri ships.

RebelVampire

ah that was a hilarious moment. where eridu is basically treating the priestess like shes some dead insect or roadkill. but i also like within the comedy you see a really blunt and significant view into how she views humans

mathtans

Amun was cool, it was a good way to advance the plot, I'm not always keen on the laid back types though, heh.

Yeah, roadkill's kind of a good word the way that happened. ^.^

It's really interesting the way it's developed in first person overall too.

Reminds me a bit of a picture book, but the first person is a different take on that too.

RebelVampire

for the record you mean 2nd person. first person is "I do this thing" second person is "you do this thing"

but yeah this is probably the first 2nd person comic ive run into. im interested to see where it goes cause 2nd person is generally the more difficult pov to make work but theres also a lot of potential for creative stuff

mathtans

Oh yeah... that type of person.

Totally. I'm not sure how else you'd do it either, aside form having captions blocking the art. So this works.

RebelVampire

yeah it does work. although i also like that the comic has tons of silent moments that just let the visuals speak for themselves. because these are definitely some gorgeous visuals!

mathtans

That's true too. Also neat how some things stay the same while characters or other items appear.

RebelVampire

yeah it really helps draw your focus.

another scene i really like is when eridu shows up back on the island and all the green sprouts. cause its beautiful imagery. but im also haunted with questions about what happened to those two people who were watching

mathtans

Oh yeah, that was great. Goddess of amazing entrances or the like - though we saw the real one later on. ^.^ In retrospect, I feel like that made sense too, with humans being a footnote that she hadn't even expected to be there.

Though I do wonder about them too.

Maybe they were worshippers.

RebelVampire

maybe. although thatd be ironic if that sudden overgrowth killed them then

died for their beliefs

worshipped too hard

mathtans

True. Though I'm not sure death will really be a thing in the comic.

Feels like that was averted.

RebelVampire

maybe. id for sure say there probably wont be onscreen death.

probably

well violent death

mathtans

Unless it's one of the older gods maybe.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. After a 1200 year slumber, the Goddess Eridu finds the world quite different. Besides people being on her island, what else do you think will be a culture shock for Eridu? Do you think she’ll be able to adjust to all the changes, or will she refuse to accept them and continue to try to return the status quo? What do you think the other divine aspects have been up to over the years? Do you think more will be glad to see Eridu, like Ekka, or will more act like Amun and not care? Do you believe Eridu will manage to gain back her divine powers, or will something prevent her? Overall, how do you think this journey might change Eridu’s perspective on her divinity, on humans, or anything else? What will that change (or lack of change) mean for Eridu’s future actions?

mathtans

I wonder if technology exists on a world where Gods/Goddesses are just wandering around.

RebelVampire

depends on how we want to define technology. like for instance back when the world was young a loom would technically count as technology just cause it was a machine for advanced tasks.

im gonna laugh if eridu gets to a village and like theres electric lights everywhere. and she flips a light switch on and off wondering how humans came upon such magic and which god gave it to them

i feel regardless technology would advance

since if eridu can be considered a look into the average god/goddess than they probably mostly just ignore humans

unless theyre like "man i feel like being worshipped today"

mathtans

Well, that's a fair point. I guess I feel like if you can just ask a god to turn on the lights, there's not much need to do the inventing.

I also kind of wonder if one of the divine aspects is what put Paradise to sleep in the first place. Like, maybe was in league with that Enki new God type.

Unless Enki turns out to be a posturing human that the divine aspect was using as a puppet or something.

RebelVampire

dang now thatd be an interesting twist

mathtans

Also, this is a small island in the middle of nowhere. Maybe the mainland is rather different in terms of society.

All about the twists.

RebelVampire

this is also a large possibility. i considered that too. that whatever the island is it might not be representative of the world. honestly it could be argued the island has more old world values even cause theyre the only ones with a shrine left

Beedee

ahhh sorry I'm late! I'm reading up. hello people!

RebelVampire

hello~!

but yeah the twist, i just wouldnt think itd be possible cause the divine aspects are like parts of herself. so itd be hard to imagine one getting powerful enough to oust her. but that is what would make a twist like that so interesting cause it seems so unlikely

i think as far as the aspects though were gonna meet more amun's than ekka's XD not necessarily as laid back as amun, but more like they moved on in life/got bored

mathtans

Might not be old world values as much as it's just new gods have taken over everywhere and they haven't gotten around to dealing with the island yet.

I kinda thought about the parts of self thing... but isn't there a part of ourselves that we sometimes hate, and wish we could get rid of? And the Goddess doesn't seem like she'd be the nicest person to that part of herself, maybe. Though who knows, I may be way off.

I wonder if some of the others might also be asleep, or be serving other goddesses or something.

RebelVampire

the impression im getting is theyre all in their inner sanctums. so cant exactly serve anyone if theyre stuck there. and i also doubt they would cause i dont get the impression they think eridu is dead

thats like declaring loyalty to the assistant manager while the manager is on vacation

mathtans

Maybe they left voicemail at the inner sanctum and are wandering sans powers?

Fair enough though. There'd need to be incentives.

RebelVampire

but idk i mean could be possible

theres a lot of room for variety cause weve barely scratched the present day surface

Beedee

these are some good theories dang

mathtans

Also not sure how her perspectives will change... given how a few days can't wipe out decades of personality. Would need something monumental.

RebelVampire

i like to think shell at least come to view humans differently. or her role cause generally losing powers has the effect of humbling some one

QUESTION 3. The largest mystery presented in the story is why Eridu slept for so long. Who do you think forced Eridu (and her spirit aspects) away from the physical plane? What do you think the reasons were? Was it someone trying to do away with Eridu, or was it for some larger, greater good purpose? Does whoever Enki is have something to do with it? Or is Enki just some innocent bystander who was mistakenly identified as the one who created Eridu’s island? What do you think will happen when Eridu finally runs into Enki? Also, considering Eridu was already forced away from the realm, do you believe this could easily happen to her again? What is stopping the culprit from banishing Eridu back?

mathtans

(I think I'm belatedly realizing that's the creator. )

RebelVampire

lol thats okay math. yes @Beedee is the creator

mathtans

Losing powers can do that. I wonder if flying is a thing with other gods.

Beedee

haha yes I am~

mathtans

I feel like Enki is more an opportunist than the one who engineered everything or totally innocent. Though we've yet to meet him.

Kind of like the Wizard of Oz, in a way?

RebelVampire

i definitely think thats a distinct possibility. im on the page enki isnt this malicious entity and i dont think enki is responsible for what happened to eridu

mathtans

I do feel like Goddess will get all up in his face though.

RebelVampire

but maybe enki is no one. maybe hes just some human who found the island and said "hey my dudes lets live here this island is great." and then as history usually goes stories got exaggerated and eventually a human of great deeds became a god

mathtans

Oooh, maybe. Like, he doesn't actually exist anymore but put lots of things in place so people wouldn't realize that. (Makes me think of some societies from Star Trek.)

RebelVampire

yeah or something. but i could go either way. or it could be a combo of both

either way i dont think enki is responsible

to me it seems more likely kur is responsible at this point

for kicking eridu out of the physical planes

cause he needed her for things later

tho its curious she doesnt remember getting kicked out at all

Beedee

I find it interesting that you both get a vibe that enki isn't responsible even though he hasn't shown up yet :0

mathtans

I guess I just feel like that's too obvious of a solution. Goddess blaming the person who's actually behind it. I expect a twist, like how there weren't originally humans on the island.

I hadn't considered Kur as having a part in it. That's interesting.

Beedee

heh, fair

mathtans

Crazy theory time, the Priestess human is actually a God in disguise!

RebelVampire

yeah im with math. enki is the obvious choice. thus more likely a red herring. which could be wrong. maybe enki is all bwahahaha i have taken over

the priestess was responsible!

mathtans

Who has lost her memory and forgets.

Enki could also be the one behind it, but he was told to do it by Kur, or someone else.

Incidentally, I like the map feature. That's clever. Tracking the path over the island.

Beedee

ahh thanks!

mathtans

(I mean, story guide, not really a feature, but still.)

I often go to those pages, I'm rubbish with names.

RebelVampire

even if i remember the names i love those sorts of pages for spellings. cause i read a lot of comics and its hard to remember how to spell everyone's name even if i know what it is XD

mathtans

That's fair. Also neat how it's being developed over time.

RebelVampire

i like to think the reason eridu was sent away was not to do away with her. like maybe eridu did something bad she doesnt remember (or didnt consider bad). like flood some other god's island that got too close to hers. only that island was heavy populated already.

mathtans

Oh, that's a thought. Or maybe someone else did something bad and she wanted to forget it. Said sleep until I don't remember, didn't realize that'd take a few centuries.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Eridu’s arrival seems to coincide with several “coincidences” within the story. Why was the Dragon-God Kur also slumbering for at least 1000 years? Is it somehow related to Eridu, or was it for a separate reason? Why has Kur woken up early? Also, what is Ekka making for Kur that he even goes to the effort of sending Eridu to help get it? Further, we see a few other gods talking about Kur. Why is Shulsa seeking out Kur so desperately? What exactly could go “badly” that Zida leaves to prepare for it? Also, who is Daiard looking to settle a score with? Lastly, why do you think the priestess of Enki was conveniently near where Eridu crashed? Was that just a coincidence, or was she there for a related reason to Eridu?

Beedee

good question

mathtans

Kur forgot to hit the snooze alarm. Or whatever the equivalent is. (Oh, maybe that's what they were bringing to him...) I'm also not sure what to make of the interlude. Does make it clear that there are other Gods around, the Priestess wasn't making things up or delusional or something.

Maybe Enki told the Priestess to go there because of all the vegetation.

RebelVampire

i think the interlude does kind of prove other gods are around.

now that im thinking of it

mathtans

Yeah, helps to flesh out the island.

RebelVampire

kur just woke up from a 1000 year slumber and the first thing he does is to sit down and kind of take a nap before eridu shows up

which i identify with

maybe the 1000 years is just normal for kur

thats just how long he sleeps

his 8 hours so to speak

Beedee

I will quickly say: yeah that's just how long he sleeps

mathtans

I kinda got that impression from the fact that they knew when he'd be awake. More or less.

Though it could have been a prophecy or something.

RebelVampire

man i wanna sleep for 1000 years

so jealous

mathtans

Incidentally, I liked how Kur was built up to be this ancient amazing entity, worthy of awe, only to have Paradise say, yeah, nevermind that nonsense.

Beedee

haha

at the end of this session, if you are up for spoilers, I'd actually be willing to show the WIP last panels of this chapter for a short amount of time. it explains some of Kur and Ekka's deal haha

mathtans

Aw, it's not Ekka and the Goddess jumping on a mattress?

Beedee

maybe in a side comic lmao

mathtans

I was amused by the reaction to the failed stripping too.

RebelVampire

i enjoyed eridu's disappointment that they werent gonna have sex. just cause it was so blunt. XD

mathtans

Like, ow, my chest. And yeah, that upped the rating, I think

RebelVampire

maybe daiard also hates enki. cause to me the obvious choice is eridu. so im gonna go with enki. everyone is gonna join forces and go after enki

and enki is gonna be like "hey friends would yoou like some tea"

Beedee

haha

to be honest

mathtans

Enki, actually God of Tea.

Beedee

daiard was a dumb callback to the beginning of chapter 2, that became worldbuilding(edited)

mathtans

New crazy theory: Goddess actually ends up putting herself to sleep in the past because the divine can mess with space-time.

RebelVampire

thats brain hurting

Beedee

oh gosh

mathtans

It was all a plan to help her become more grateful, or something.

RebelVampire

hmm, this actually makes me remember that eridu thought shed been sleeping to recharge. maybe there is no villain. maybe eridu just overexerted herself to the point she forced her own self back

shes gonna go on a long quest only to find out she was the villain all along

Beedee

future Eridu goes back in time to punch herself in the face

(thisisajoke)

mathtans

Hah! I could see that though, like "shape up, self".

Also, recharging could be a thing. Maybe she just needs a good nap to be able to fly again too.

RebelVampire

nope this is canon now. future eridu very wise. /shot

i hope she finds the flying having divine aspect soon and gets her powers back. cause man those inner sanctums seem really inconvenient to navigate

cause i dont think ekka's was any better than amun's

ekka's was just more convenient cause a plant taxi picked eridu up

Beedee

true

the sanctums are all awful to navigate on foot

but I like drawing environments lmao

RebelVampire

they are beautiful environments too. i really enjoy the contrast between ekka and amun's sanctums

mathtans

Anyway, this comic does hit a lot of the things I enjoy, from an interesting narrative style to great environments... and some romance too. (edited)

Beedee

thank you ovo

mathtans

Maybe Ekka and Priestess are the real ship.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Dee S. / Beedee, as well, for making Goddess of Paradise. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Dee S. / Beedee’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://paradise.bluedubia.com/

Dee S. / Beedee’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bluedubia

Dee S. / Beedee’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/bluedubia

Dee S. / Beedee’s itch.io store: https://bdubia.itch.io/

Dee S. / Beedee’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Beedeebia

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 27th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Comic’s Webtoons Mirror: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/inhibit/list?title_no=40462

Comic’s SmackJeeves Mirror: http://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=147115

[bxnzxmb]

Answer them all :)

1:        When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?   More Cereal

2:        do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?    No

3:        what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?    Napkins or pencils

4:        how do you take your coffee/tea?    With soy milk

5:        are you self-conscious of your smile?    self conscious about everything tbh

6:        do you keep plants?  only a cactus i’ve had in my back year for about 10 years

7:        do you name your plants?    no

8:        what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?    nothing really I try to write but its usually really bad lol

9:        do you like singing/humming to yourself?  singing, but I usually forget the words but that doesn’t stop me

10:        do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?    back and side but never my stomach that hurts my neck

11:        what's an inner joke you have with your friends?    can’t tell you its an inner joke

12:        what's your favorite planet?   Earth. But also Mars and Jupiter: more so for the mythology.

13:        what's something that made you smile today?   seeing my dog

14:        if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?  a mattress and computer table only surrounded by empty beer bottles 

15:        go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!    99% of our solar system's mass is the sun

16:        what's your favorite pasta dish?    Ravioli

17:        what color do you really want to dye your hair?    I want to bleach my hair but i think my skin is too dark

18:        tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. My best friend had answers for all the tests and she knew I was struggling but didn’t tell me and watched me struggle. Never letting that go

19:        do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?    No

20:        what's your favorite eye color?    It used to be green then blue but now Im in love with brown eyes

21:        talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.    No tengo

22:        are you a morning person?    Only if im still up from last night

23:        what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?    Sleep

24:        is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?    No

25:        what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?    Some weird place downtown that was filled with Japanese people that didn’t speak any English at all

26:        what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?    dont have em

27:        what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?    Green- spearmint

28:        sunrise or sunset?  Both are beautiful in their own way 

29:        what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?  Checks my blog daily LOL 

30:        think of it: have you ever been  truly scared?   Yes

31:        what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.    I like black socks and I only throw away my socks when they start to get holes in them. I can’t sleep in socks I feel restricted, kinda like wearing pants when I sleep.

32:        tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.   Nothing good happens after 2AM

33:        what's your fave pastry? Cheese danish   

34:        tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?     I was a pink bunny I used to wrestle with because I used to think wrestling was real

35:        do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?    I like smooth writing black ink pens

36:        which band's sound would fit your mood right now?    Listening to Radiohead rn but more in the mood for some slow classical music rn tbh

37:        do you like keeping your room messy or clean?    Clean but it tends to stay messy

38:        tell us about your pet peeves!    Hippocrates- more so people who tell me they HATE something and then love it soon after, like come on have some values!

39:        what color do you wear the most?  Black/grey 

40:        think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?    I dont wear jewelry

41:        what's the last book you remember really, really loving?    Killing the Rising Sun

42:        do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!   Coffee shops are too glorified on this website, I like making my own coffee to be completely honest

43:        who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?  Someone no longer in my life

44:        when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?  Only recently, first time in years

45:        do you trust your instincts a lot?    I try not to because I tend to be wrong about people alot

46:        tell us the worst pun you can think of.    Amanda LOL

47:        what food do you think should be banned from the universe? forget that we need to ban fireball   

48:        what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?   As a kid it was death, today its life. Quite the opposite.

49:        do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?    Never bought physical music. ( or digital)

50:        what's an odd thing you collect?  I keep my old chapsticks( the ones I dont lose) because those smells can take me back to moments in my life.

51:        think of a person. what song do you associate with them?    Ophelia

52:        what are your favorite memes of the year so far?    hm, probably the darth kermit that one took my by surprise

53:        have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show?  heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?   Dont understand this, so im guessing no

54:        who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?   My dog when I left this morning ahah

55:        what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?    Broken up/ blocked someone

56:        what are some things you find endearing in people?    seeing them genuinely care without wanting something in return

57:        go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?    Took me a while to like this song

58:        who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?    Kylie old grandma, vodka is nikki because of her gluten allergy lol

59:        what's your favorite myth?  Can’t pick one

60:        do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?    Very much so, can’t recall on the top of my head

61:        what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?    Hm pretty content with both tbh.

62:        do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?    only coffee

63:        are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?    not really, Ill organize them when im bored

64:        what color is the sky where you are right now?    Dark blue?

65:        is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?    ya

66:        what would your ideal flower crown look like?    idk

67:        how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?    sleepy and horny and lazy

68:        what's winter like where you live?   50 degrees F with chance of rain

69:        what are your favorite board games?    Monopoly

70:        have you ever used a ouija board?    No

71:        what's your favorite kind of tea?    Thai or earl grey

72:        are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?    Usually I have a pretty good memory

73:        what are some of your worst habits? Thinking of impossible scenarios in my mind   

74:        describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.    caring, loving, protective

75:        tell us about your pets!    I have a 9 month old rottweiler who keeps me very happy and I want to get another dog soon, between a golden retriever, German shepherd or cane corso.

76:        is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?    Not really, I’ve been very responsible today

77:        pink or yellow lemonade?    yelllow

78:        are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?    Honorary member of the fan club

79:        what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? brought me food when I told them I never want to see them again :D   

80:        what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?    Light green, because I want something to keep me happy and a soothing color. Something that will mellow me out. Yes I chose it.

81:        describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.    Beautiful, like another world

82:        are/were you good in school?  Depends really

83:        what's some of your favorite album art?  Usually Jay-z has artsy stuff. 

84:        are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?    Im torn on this

85:        do you read comics? what are your faves?    I barely started reading books lol

86:        do you like concept albums? which ones?    Prefer them.

87:        what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?   Star Wars (1-3) 

88:        are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?   Love abstract and street art

89:        are you close to your parents?    Yes

90:        talk about your one of you favorite cities.    Apart from my own city, I think I love vegas, It’s filled with all types of people. Everyone is doing whatever they want to try to make themselves happy. Kinda like a heaven and hell mixed together.

91:        where do you plan on traveling this year?    Nothing in mind, maybe to canada or UK

92:        are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?    Drown

93:        what's the hairstyle you wear the most?    The i just woke up one

94:        who was the last person you know to have a birthday?    My cousins birthday is today

95:        what are your plans for this weekend?  hm, nothing really, just get through it.

96:        do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?    Remind me later

97:        myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?    Taurus

98:        when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?    Very much so I went with my friends and we all brought our doggies

99:        list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.    It depends really

100:        if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?    I really want to say forward which is something i’ve never thought I’d even consider. With that being sad, going back is always “easier” due to the fact that you’ve done it before and are familiar with upcoming events.

[pinelife3]

Montezuma 2EEE

This is MF DOOM on the Jake One track 'Get 'Er Done':

Make no mistake son, it's Jake One, he makes beats well like I likes my steaks done with sauteed onions and hella worcestershire, a gush of beer to wash it down.

First of all, whew that internal rhyme! Worcestershire//gush of beer. Yes! I feel like only MF DOOM can do this shit. I read a really interesting write up on MF DOOM from Ta-Nehisi Coates recently. Coates seems like the nicest guy ever - he's so smart but also completely unpretentious. He writes for Marvel and The New Yorker and seems to easily move between those worlds. (I was in a comic book shop today and feeling kind of out of place but the bald, bearded goth guy behind the counter was super nice, and declared the book I put on the counter an “awesome read” and then he recommended some other stuff to me as well. This is a wildly irrelevant anecdote - was just thinking about comics.) Anyway, Coates talks about DOOM, but also his own experience as a hip hop fan:

I kept the assembled works of Wu-Tang Clan on repeat and stewed, convinced that somewhere around 1998 hip-hop had run out of things to say. I was not alone. Disaffected music fans began to refer to the halcyon days of the eighties and nineties—when every rapper had a d.j., and label owners didn’t vamp in videos, confusing themselves with artists—as “the Golden Era.”

We were the kind of fundamentalists that haunt every genre of popular music. By the end of the nineties, we had started seeking a sound that offered something other than guns, girls, and drugs. Some of us found neo-soul. Others got lost in our parents’ jazz records. And still others were radicalized and turned to U2 and Björk.

Not to be picky, but I feel like Wu-Tang talks about guns, girls and drugs plenty. But they also talk about the Shaolin, martial arts and poverty and I guess that's the difference. Anyway, I never knew why DOOM wore the mask, but he says:

I wanted to get onstage and orate, without people thinking about the normal things people think about. Like girls being like, ‘Oh, he’s sexy,’ or ‘I don’t want him, he’s ugly,’ and then other dudes sizing you up. A visual always brings a first impression. But if there’s going to be a first impression I might as well use it to control the story. So why not do something like throw a mask on?

Huh. This other musician I like, Brock Berrigan (he makes really nice beats -you should check him out), always wears a chicken head mask - possibly for reasons similar to DOOM's. For me, that reasoning doesn't check out though, because aren't people obsessed with unmasking? I guess if nothing else it creates an iconic image around your act without that having to literally be your face the way it is with most other artists. ANYWAY, I guess lyrics don't need to be technically amazing like DOOM's to be entertaining - this dude Open Mike Eagle has some good lines. From his track "Ziggy Starfish (Anxiety Raps)":

I log into my Twitter page And start bending over like Gollum This dumb cred is like crack rock And I never seem to hit bottom

Sweet Gollum reference - I had to look this one up. The "bending over" kind of threw me: I thought he was maybe saying something about hoes on social media but then why would he be bending over? Then I thought maybe he was saying he was gay and hoeing on social media himself but it still seems weird to invoke Gollum in that context, right? I like Gollum as much as the next person (i.e. a lot), but I would not be super keen to draw comparisons between his appearance and my own (although we do share the same sickly pallor and blue eyes - plus, I too have spent many years living in a cave). According to Rap Genius (and the line's context - I am truly an idiot for not getting it sooner. Maybe I just wanted it to be something sexual to do with Gollum) he's just saying that he's addicted to Twitter and the praise/attention it affords him, similar to how Gollum is addicted to the ring (and crouching).

From age 18 - 21 I was super into Fleet Foxes (I think they hold up. They're pretty irresistible, right?). They have this song "Montezuma" which finishes like this:

Oh man what I used to be Montezuma to Tripoli Oh man oh my oh me

I guess I'm an idiot because when he sings "Montezuma to Tripoli" I always heard "Montezuma 2 Triple E" and imagined it stylised like this: Montezuma 2EEE. Tripoli obviously makes more sense but it never even occurred to me that he was saying that. I thought he was referring to something mysterious and abstract. (Writing it out like EEE makes it look like a bra cup size. I don't know if they do triple cup sizes (they do!). Even doubles make no sense to me. Okay, so I've quickly Googled it. If you're curious: it turns out that a double or triple letter cup size indicates that the boob being cupped sits somewhere between two cup sizes - so a DDD breast is bigger than a DD breast which is bigger than a D breast, and all of them are smaller than E. That's what this website says anyway. But this whole framework really falls down with the AA cup, because a AA is smaller than an A. It should at least be consistent. I've been wearing bras for years (big shot coming through) and am only now learning about all of this. To be honest, I am incredibly guesstimate-y with my bra shopping: band size is pretty consistent but cup size swings wildly across the alphabet. Should probably get fitted but I feel awkward being fondled by a shop assistant. Plus, it's not like I walk into a bra shop and immediately think that the shop attendants have great breasts - why should I take their advice?) 

Montezuma 2EEE: I imagined some weird website which was techy and totally opaque to me, but also somehow involved Aztec emperors. I kind of want to make a weird, pointless website ("isn't that what this blog is, Kath?") because I have pinelife.net and nothing is happening there - I post all my Pinelife blog posts there too (which I know is a real waste of effort - my time is worth nothing so I don't mind wasting that) but I kind of prefer Wordpress' text editor to Tumblr's so it has that advantage. I found this really weird website (please please check it out) a while ago via the House of Leaves subreddit and found it so intriguing and exciting. I don't know why, but I had this insane rush of adrenaline while I was exploring the website. It was cool. Maybe I should make a weird, labyrinthine, pointless website of my own: it'll have shitty navigation, the font and background will be the same colour, possibly other things will be wrong with it too. It'd be something to do anyway. Maybe instead of making a book object I could make a website object - is that a thing? This might be a good way to waste some (more) of my time anyway. I do kind of want to make something. I’ve been bored with blogging for a while. Or, I don’t know - I enjoy doing it and looking back on my old posts (out of the vault: remember this one about cynicism and church? I was so proud of that. Weirdly, my favourite post from last year is this stupid one about pizza which was really low effort) but I don’t know if there’s anything I’ve written in the last year that I’m that proud of. The year went really fast and I feel like I’ve change a bit (or maybe a lot, I’m not sure). 

Montezuma2eee.com is available. Hmmm. I already have pinelife.net. Is it greedy to want another domain? I doubt Montezuma2eee is going anywhere (but I’d feel like quite the fool if someone did take it from me - I can’t really be the first to think it’s 2EEE - it literally sounds exactly like it). Anyway, I should play around on pinelife.net for a bit before making the $0.99 commitment to a new domain. 

Urgh. I’m an idiot. I nuked pinelife.net and all of the images I’ve uploaded to Wordpress there are gone and I’m lazy and never bothered to upload them to stupid tumblr, I just copied them and now they’re gone. I hate myself. Why didn’t I think for like half a second before deleting everything? Plus, there must be a better way to delete Wordpress beyond FTPing in and trawling through all my folders and deleting anything with a wp prefix. What happens if I just delete everything, like all the folders, and just start from scratch? I’ve forgotten how all this works. (This blog post is a real, rambling steam of consciousness. If I had any editorial credibility I would not publish this thing.)

Hey, talking about me trying to be creative: I was just hunting around my writing folder (basically untouched since 2015) and found this monstrosity I made to mourn the demise of Google Reader (wtf is/was wrong with me?). Jesus I have no memory of making this. Troublingly, I feel very pleased with this thing and its weirdness (obviously if I was genuinely embarrassed I wouldn’t share it here). This would have been 2013.

Also, I won’t post this, but I found an old poem I wrote (lame) in 2012 for uni which is all bullet points and features the word “pre-cum” in the first line. 22 year old me: why?

More? This is the start to a novel I was writing when I was 22/23:

Sirens by the swamp. The river doesn’t move in the summer heat: green carpet of scum across the surface. Two police cruisers are parked on the grass, another blocks the footpath. An officer unfurls yellow tape.

In a local 7/11 the Slurpee machine releases its hold on life and a stickiness of Cola flavoured low calorie slush spills forth. Potato salad is left to putrefy at a hundred backyard barbeques. In a thousand shitty sedans the steering wheel is too hot to hold. In a million armpits sweat prickles through dark hair to find cool air.

The body is partially submerged in the swamp. Obscured by slime and dark water, her hair is tangled in water grass, an eel nuzzles her cheek. From the waist down she is naked, seething with ants and flies. There is a tattoo of a dragon on her hip. If there was a lot of blood it’s now vanished into the mud. Someone has performed a riverside hysterectomy: it was not tidily done.

Sirens by the swamp. Five girls stand in the shade under the bridge: jutting hips, bare feet, iPhones, string bikinis, denim shorts. One pops gum as a police officer asks her preliminary questions. Another discretely photographs the crime scene with her phone. Their families are not expecting them for lunch. It’s Werribee and it’s Christmas day.

****

ppl made a new word for wh@ happened. they said th@ she had been uncunted. 2 b fair it was pretty bad nd even sum of tha sirens said they thought a line had been crossd. dead girl wasn’t even from werribee. actually th@s probably why she was dumb enough 2 go down by tha river

the thing th@ made me haha was th@ channel 10 made such a big deal about her being found by tha sirens b/c theyre young girls and tha news ppl tried to make out like its not a safe town 4 girls nd like girls shouldnt go out alone nd they tried to use tha sirens as an eg of young women in peril. but it was like oh man have u got it wrong. those river girls are bad

honestly werribee is fine so long as ur not fool enouf 2 go down by tha river. th@ is the ao for sirens nd eeeeevery1 nos not to go their less they want they dick sucked nd there future ruined. haha 4 real the news crews + police r lucky they didnt get uncunted 2

[buckybarnesappreciationsociety]

Winter Soldier 2.0-Dad On A Mission

Summary: After 2 months, Izzy’s privileges were restored. She and her parents settled into a routine of keeping the lines of communication open and honest. Their piece of mind shattered when an evil from the past tipped the scales of happiness. How will the team react? What will Bucky do to get his daughter back? The answer will definitely surprise you!

 Word Count: 2K+ (Yep it’s long)

 Warnings: Swearing, kidnapping, distress

Characters: Bucky x Reader 

OFC: Izzy, Steven, Rayna, Maddie, Rodney and Caleb Baretti                                          

 A/N: A keyboard translating English to Russian was used for the conversation between Nat and Bucky. (www.masterrussian.com)

 Bucky, Y/N, Izzy and Steven fell into a peaceful existence. After her 2 month grounding, 16 year old Izzy enjoyed hanging out with her 9 year old brother, Aunt Nat and Wanda and bff’s Kayla and Maddie. Truth be told, Maddie had a serious “crush” on Sam! He thought it was cute!

Steven was growing by leaps and bounds; Izzy becoming a beautiful young lady, with dark auburn hair, a brilliant smile and her signature freckles. Everyone said she looked like Bucky.  On the other hand, Steven was a combination of his dad and mom. Chocolate brown locks,  deep blue-gray eyes, olive skin tone like Y/N and her dazzling smile..

 Steven loved hanging out with this dad. They dubbed it ‘guy stuff.’ Izzy extremely athletic,  played soccer at the Central Midfielder position. Bucky NEVER missed a game. The other parents admired his enthusiasm. And heaven forbid if the Avengers attended as well. They were a raucous bunch, especially if Izzy scored a goal

 SOMEONE’S LURKING IN THE DARKNESS

 Friday around dusk, everyone milled around after the game. It was hard fought but alas, Izzy’s team lost by a score of 3-2. Tony thought a team pizza party would lift their spirits. So, he reserved the entire eatery, “Reynaldo & Giovanni’s Pizza Emporium.” The heartbroken players, coach and parents dined on succulent calzone, strombolies and a variety of pizza.

 Izzy sat at the table with her friends, picking over her food. Bucky noticed and consoled his daughter.

 “Hey, sweetheart, why the long face?”  Sighing heavy, Izzy sounded broken, “Dad, it was my fault we lost. I let the team down.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.

 “C’mere baby girl.” Lifting her chin, Bucky reassured his distraught daughter no one blamed her for the team’s loss. Now, where’s that beautiful smile, huh?” Wrapping her arms around Bucky’s massive frame, Izzy’s smile stretched from ear to ear.

 Returning to Y/N’s side, Bucky noticed a look of terror on his wife’s face. “Doll, what’s wrong? Looks like ya seen a ghost?”

 Trying to clear her head, Y/N replied, “I think I did babe. That man who as across the street looked like Rodney.” Bucky craned his neck, looking out of the large window.

 “Doll there’s no one out there. Are you sure it was him?” Bucky’s forehead creased.

 Visibly shaken, Y/N responded. “I guess not my love. Everyone’s leaving, guess we should too.”

  Mrs Barnes’ intuition was correct. Rodney slithered from a distance, watching Izzy. He knew the school she attended, her place of residence and favorite hangouts. His twisted mind devised a plan to kidnap her for ransom. With the IQ of a gnat, the doofus forgot who her real dad is, James Buchanan Barnes, formerly the Winter Soldier.

 Nat, Wanda, Tony, Sam and Steve walked back to the Tower since it was only 3 blocks. Izzy and Steven wanted to join them, but Y/N balked at the idea.

 “Hey mom. I’m gonna walk back to the Tower with….” Y/N cut Izzy off. “No you’re not. We’re taking the car! Bucky and his puzzled daughter stood silent after the outburst. Draping his arm over Y/N’s shoulder, Bucky tried to calm his nervous wife. “Angel, what’s gotten into ya? You’ve been jumpy all night.”

 Y/N’s hands shook as she apologized to her daughter. “I’m so sorry Izzy. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Listen, let’s just take the car home, okay?”

 Steven and Izzy nodded ‘yes.’ Exiting the restaurant, Y/N was on high alert. Obviously something or someone frightened her.

 Once home, the kids showered and went to the theatre for movie night. Y/N opted to stay in the apartment and read. She felt the bed dip and gazed into her husband’s worried eyes.

 “Hey, are ya okay?” Y/N closed her book and replied, “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about earlier, kinda tired,” pecking Bucky on the cheek, she grabbed her book and continued reading. If there’s one thing James Buchanan could spot and that’s a liar. Right now, Y/N was lying!

 Joining his kids, Bucky settled down, watching “John Wick 2”. Izzy tucked under his right arm, Steven under the other. Bucky tried to enjoy the movie but his thoughts were on Y/N.

 HANGING OUT

 No missions on the weekend ushered in much needed downtime. Izzy, Kayla, Maddie, and Steven were enjoying a lazy Saturday  morning in the common room with Sam, Nat, Thor and Tony.

 The quirky billionaire mussed Steven’s hair, “So, any plans for today?” Kayla chided, “Nope. We’ll probably walk to the park and hang out for awhile. It’s a pretty day.” Izzy added, “Yeah, we wanna get out a bit.

 Nat remarked, “Be careful Izz. Do you have your pepper spray and cell phone?” Giggling, Izzy kissed her overprotective  aunt on the cheek. “You worry too much. We’ll be fine and to answer your question, yes I have both.”

 APPREHENSION

 “Hey mom, dad! Where are ya?” Bucky heard his son bellowing and came to see what all the fuss is about. “Hey champ, why all the racket?”

 Trying to catch his breath, Steven informed his dad they were leaving for the park. To his dismay, Y/N vetoed the idea.

 “Steven James  Barnes, you’re not going to the park!”

 Steven bristled at his mom’s harsh tone. “But mom, we wanna go to the park and kick the soccer ball around. PLEASE?”

 Standing before Bucky and his wife were 3 adorable teens, with puppy dog eyes. Izzy batted her long, curled eyelashes, “Mom, dad I love you. We’ll be home before dark and I’ll take good care of the rugrat.” Izzy gently nudged her brother.

 “Doll, what d’ya think?, “Bucky replied, quirking an eyebrow at Y/N. Breathing a deep sigh, Y/N gave the kids permission to go out. “Just be careful and Izzy, watch your brother.”

 Steven grabbed the soccer ball and the merry band rode the elevator down and out of the Tower.

 After the “grandparent” fiasco, Uncle Tony purchased Izzy a new phone, with state-of-the-art Stark tech. NO ONE outside of family, has her number. As an added measure of security, Steven and his sister carried burner phones. Everyone on the team were programmed into both phones. At the push of a button, help could be summoned in a flash. Even with all this security, Y/N still had an uneasy feeling.

 Steven grabbed his phone, shoved it in his front jean pocket and grabbed the soccer ball. Kayla dashed beside him and swiped the ball, causing the kids to laugh. “Gotta be faster, squirt,” Maddie giggled.

  SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

 Rodney Baretti, thief, con artist, Izzy’s sperm donor. This man was lower than a snake and his so-called “parents” weren’t a shining example either; the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Rodney, his brother Caleb, and their parents managed to worm their way into Izzy’s life. Of course, there was an ulterior motive behind it; they saw dollar signs.

 Caleb and Rodney were troubled children born to an abusive mother and alcoholic father. By high school, both had a juvenile record for petty larceny and possession of a controlled substance. Rodney, the eldest, steered his brother down the wrong path.

 By the age of 20, Caleb served time for armed robbery; 10 years. He was released after 6 years under the stipulations of obtaining his GED, attend anger management classes, get a job and become self-sufficient. He achieved all of those goals and was doing well on the outside. His attempt to distance himself from the vicious cycle of drug and alcohol abuse was short lived.

 Rodney didn’t want to be a father and Y/N was excited about that. At least Izzy wouldn’t come in contact with his family’s toxic behavior.

 The plan to kidnap Izzy was devised by Rodney and his parents. Caleb tried to distance himself from the fiendish plot, but Rodney enticed him with money and drugs.

 PLAN A

Lay the foundation. Fill Izzy’s head with lies so she’ll turn on her mother. 

 PLAN B

Caleb slithered around watching while Izzy played in the park. He bought chloroform and a getaway van. Wait for the opportunity and pounce!

 SURREAL

Steven and Maddie teamed up against Izzy and Kayla in a mini soccer match. Caleb kept a safe distance, not drawing attention to himself.

 An afternoon of physical activity was quite taxing,  Steven and Maddie, sat on a bench, breathing heavily, gulping down their water, while Izzy and Kayla visited an ice cream stand situated on the sidewalk, not too far from the bench.

 Kayla grabbed two cones from the vendor, both chocolate. She carefully walked back to the bench to give Steven his cone. Just as Izzy got her and Maddie’s cone, the sound of screeching tires penetrated the quiet park. Two men with masks jumped out and snatched Izzy by her arm. Remembering her self-defense training, the courageous  teen kneed one of the men between his legs.

 Running in the direction of the  fray, Steven, Kayla and Maddie attempted to grab Izzy, as she kicked and screamed. One of the stoolies managed to get the chloroform rag on her face. Izzy’s body went limp and was pulled into the van.

 “IZZYYYYYYY, NOOOOOOOO!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP US PLEASE!!!” Steven emitted a blood curdling scream.

 The ice cream vendor called police, but when they arrived, Izzy was gone.

 “STOOOOP…..STOOOOOP!!!! IZZZYYYYYYY, OH MY GOD….PLEASE HELP US.” Kayla let out a high-pitched wail, while her body shook.

 During the maylay,Maddie scrapped her knee on the sidewalk and needed medical attention. Kayla held Steven close as she dialed Bucky’s phone.

 “Hey Kayla, hey. Wha……? Bucky sounded surprised.

 Hollering in the phone, Kayla replied, “MR. BARNES...MR. BARNES PLEASE COME QUICK. THEY, THEY TOOK IZZY

 Steven was in the background shouting for his sister. “DAAAAD….DAAAAD….DAAAAD! IZZZYYYYY….I WANT MY SISTER!”

 Bucky swore this was a terrible nightmare. His military instincts went into overdrive.

 “STEVE, TONY, WANDA, NAT!!! SOMEONE’S SNATCHED IZZY. WE GOTTA GET THERE NOW!!!!”

 Tony summoned his suit and flew out of the Tower. Nat, Bucky and Steve ran fast as possible. The kids were only 3 blocks from home.

 First on the scene, Tony. He made certain Maddie and Kayla received medical attention as well as calling their parents. Once their parents arrived, the police filled them in on what occurred.

 Bucky bolted to his son’s side. “NO NO NO NO!!” Desperation dripped from his raw throat. “THIS CAN’T BE...IT’S..IT’S  A NIGHTMARE….M’NOT AWAKE!

 Kneeling down, Steve scooped up Steven, who was unresponsive, and cradled his namesake; placing a blanket around his rattled shoulders. ‘This is unbelievable! I..I can’t…Oh geez, Izzy.”

 Meanwhile, Y/N slumped down on the floor of their apartment and sobbed uncontrollably, yelling for her baby girl. “IZZZZYYYY….IZZZZYYYY!!!” Wanda rocked her back and forth. “Shh...shh I’ve got you. They’ll find her….they’ll find her.”

 Standing, Bucky’s eyes were blank; devoid of any emotion. The metal plates in his arm shifted loudly. Nat tried to speak to him, but there was no response.

 Bucky’s movements were robotic, calculated. Tony and Steve watched closely as he strode back to the Tower.

 “He..hey Buck?” Steve stuttered, holding little Steven in his massive arms.

 Natasha informed him, “Shit Steve, that’s not Bucky.’

 Steve gingerly carried little Stevie to Dr. Cho, where Y/N and Wanda were waiting.

“OH MY SWEET SWEET SON. WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM? WHY ISN’T HE TALKING?” Y/N was visibly distraught, running her hand through his har.

 Dr. Cho examined Steven. “He’s in shock. I’ll keep him here overnight and monitor his vitals. Y/N you may want to stay as well.’

 Through a deluge of tears, shoulders shaking, “I’ll be here.” Wanda stayed with Y/N.

 Nat and Bucky were in the corridor leading to his apartment. He turned to her and spoke Russian:

 ЬЩМУ ТФЕФДШФ

(MOVE NATALIA)

 “ФКУ НЩГ ЫГКУ НЩГ ЦФТЕ ЕЩ ПЩ ВЩЦТ ЕРШВЫКЩФВ ФПФШТ?”

(ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THIS ROAD AGAIN?)

 ШЬ ТЩЕ РФМШТП ЕРШЫ ВШЫСГЫЫШЩТ ЦШЕР НЩГ

(I’M NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION WITH YOU)

 ЦРФЕ ЫРЩГДВ Ш ЕУДД НТ?

(WHAT SHOULD I TELL Y/N?)

 ЕРУ ЕКГЕР!

(THE TRUTH!)

 Tony analyzed the blood and found it to be Caleb Baretti’s. His records were easy accessible.

 “I need to get to Bucky before he does something stupid, Steve deadpanned.

 Tony cautioned the blonde super soldier to wait before approaching Bucky. The rest of the team was contacted. Sam, Clint, Scott, Thor, Rhodey, and Steve convened in the conference room. When Bucky arrived in the room, Sam nudged Clint, looking at their friend.

 The gray sweats and t-shirt had been shed for black tactical gear; loaded to the hilt with weapons. Bucky stood quietly in the back of the room, arms folded across his chest and icy stare.

 James Buchanan Barnes no longer existed, nor the Winter Soldier. He was someone more dangerous ….a father on a mission. Rescue his daughter and end the lives of those who took her.

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