#((saw this meme and immediately thought of paul))

[revrads]

Midnight Mass 01x04 “Chapter IV: Lamentations”

[duckybarnes1917]

Forbidden Fruit (DBF! Bucky x F!Reader)

18+ ONLY.

Summary: Bucky knows he shouldn't want this, but he can't resist taking a bite.

Warnings: plot what plot? smut, age gap (undefined), unprotected sex, daddy kink, Bucky's dirty mouth. The only physical description is the reader having a small tattoo, if you don't have one, pretend it's fake.

Word count: 4900

A/N: NO ONE LOOK AT ME. I am that Paul Rudd meme. Who woulda thought?

Guilt. That’s what Bucky felt every time he looked at you. His neighbor’s daughter that he had only found out about two weeks ago. Everything had been going so well. His new house in the suburbs was shaping up nicely, thanks to Sam and Clint’s help. He had made the move to help himself find some inner peace. It was working; he slept better; he ate better, he even got a cat and started doing yoga every morning. He made friends with his neighbors. Ms. Rose was an elderly (though still technically younger than him) widow who lived across the street. She brought him muffins every Sunday morning. Mark and Angela lived to the left of him. They were newlyweds and spent most of their evenings in the backyard getting high and laughing at everything the other said. Bucky thought they were sweet. And to his right, that’s where your dad lived. A single man who appeared to be about the same age as Bucky. He did something in finance and had to take a train to the city every day. He was nice enough and since they were both alone in their big houses, they became friends. Shared beers and sports games, Bucky would come over to meet his work friends now and then. But all of this, all of Bucky’s hard work, washed down the drain the second he saw you running down his sidewalk.

He had just finished his morning yoga and was about to sit down for a nice muffin and some coffee when he heard a scream. He dashed to his front window and saw a big black dog charging down the sidewalk, it’s leash flopping along behind it. And then there was you, sweaty and bleeding, and chasing this beast like your life depended on it.

Bucky opened the door and called to the dog in German. It immediately stopped and dropped its head, slowly walking up Bucky’s driveway to sit at his feet.

“How—how did you do that?!” You huffed, your hand holding your side.

“This is Bert, he belongs to Greta a few houses down… he only understands German.”

You sent an annoyed glare toward Greta’s house. “Well, that would have been nice to know before I took him on a walk.”

Bucky chuckled, “dog sitter?”

“Not really. I’m just helping her out for a few weeks while I’m in town.”

Bucky deflated a bit. You were temporary. But even so, you were standing in his driveway with a nasty cut on your knee.

“I can fix that–if you want.”

You looked down as if you hadn’t realized you were bleeding and quickly nodded. “Please.”

“I’m James, but you can call me Bucky.”

When you introduced yourself as you walked past him into the house, your name tickled something in his brain. He wanted you.

“The bathroom is right around the corner.”

Bucky followed, keeping his distance, as not to breathe down your neck. And also to check you out. It had been a while–he had needs. That’s what he told himself as he struggled to tear his eyes away from the backs of your thighs.

You walked into the small bathroom and turned to him. The sudden hesitancy on your face made him take a step back.

“You can just show me where your first aid kit is…”

Bucky nodded and stepped into the bathroom with you; you stumbled back a bit when he knelt in front of the cabinet. “Here you go. Are you sure you don’t need a helping hand?”

Bucky remained on his knees, offering the first aid kit to you. But you didn’t take it. You stared into his impossibly blue eyes and squeaked out an intelligible answer.

“Sorry, sweetheart, didn’t quite catch that.” Bucky stood up to his full height and enjoyed the way your head tilted back to maintain eye contact with him.

“Help. Please.”

Bucky smiled and patted the counter. You understood and jumped up onto it.

“Let’s see here…” Bucky cradled your calf as he lifted your leg. He rested your foot on his thigh as he got to work on your bloodied knee.

It was just a scrape, but he took his time, enjoying the way the bend of your knee offered him a lovely view. He was so lost in looking at your legs in your short shorts he didn’t notice the way your demeanor had changed.

The look of desperation in his eyes bolstered your confidence. Yes, you had been nervous. He was hot, incredibly hot. And intense. His presence had overwhelmed you, made you so desperate for him you couldn’t think straight. But now–as you watched him unabashedly stare at the bit of white lace you knew he could see up your shorts–you knew you could take him.

As he reluctantly moved on to the scrape on your elbow, you admired his weathered face. He was talking about something, but you weren’t paying attention. You noticed the cute crinkles around his eyes when he laughed, though. The salt and pepper beard, the smoothness of his pink lips, and he smelled good too. Like sandalwood and something spicy. As your eyes moved lower, you noticed the bob of his adam’s apple as he spoke, the little freckles on his neck that you wanted to bite, and lower, the muscles under his shirt… and it was only then that you noticed his arm.

“Holy shit… you’re… you’re Bucky, Bucky?!” 

Bucky straightened up, looking a little worried. “Is that a problem?”

“No! I just can’t believe I didn’t recognize you until now. Fuck, you’re even hotter in person.”

Bucky’s smirk made your cheeks blaze. You hadn’t intended for that thought to come out of your mouth. But he was moving to stand between your legs, his lips inching nearer, so you weren’t about to beat yourself up over it.

“So you’re saying you weren’t driving me crazy because you knew who I was? Just because you think I’m hot?”

“Driving you crazy?” You whispered, trying your best to remain still while his nose grazed over your cheek on its path to your ear.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what you’re doing to me, sweetheart.” His voice was gravel in your ear, a chill shooting down your spine. “Besides, I can smell you.”

“Fuck me,” you breathed out and his lips instantly attached to your pulse point.

“With pleasure, kitten.”

“That was–” you were trying to explain to him you hadn’t meant it literally, but his tongue was very distracting, as were his hands, which were sliding up your little shorts to grasp your ass. “Oh god, I don’t even know you.” Your hands tangled in his hair and you brought his lips to yours.

Just as a pathetic moan was leaving your throat, your ringtone blared through the bathroom, making you both jump.

“Sorry, sorry, just let me turn it off.” You scrambled for your phone, accidentally dropping it on the floor.

“Got it, sweetheart.” Bucky bent down to pick up your phone and froze when he saw the picture on the screen.

It was a photo of you and his friend, his neighbor… and the name on the phone said ‘dad.’

“This–he’s your–fuck.” Bucky handed you the phone and stalked out of the bathroom, nearly tripping over Bert, who had fallen asleep outside the door.

“Wait! I’m not answering it. Where are you going?!”

You scrambled after Bucky, trying to keep up with his long strides and not get distracted by the way his ass looked in his gray joggers.

“You gotta go,” Bucky said emotionlessly as he opened the front door. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?”

“Fuck, how old are you?”

Your brows furrowed, confused at his sudden change in demeanor. “Old enough to fuck a stranger in their bathroom. What the fuck, Bucky?”

“I’m friends with your dad, okay? We can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

You stared at him dumbfounded for a moment, before shrugging and walking past him. “Your loss, Buck. Come on, Bert, let’s go. I have some energy to work off now.”

As you and Bert walked down the sidewalk toward the park, you felt Bucky’s eyes glued to you the entire way.

The guilt only lasted so long. The universe forbid you from him. Made you off limits. So fucking young. He should have never touched you. Not because it was wrong, but because now the feel of you had burned into his memory. It came to him every goddamn night when he tried to sleep. And every goddamn morning when he inevitably woke up hard from his increasingly filthy dreams.

Avoiding you proved to be impossible. As hard as Bucky tried, you were always just there. He tried to relax in his backyard and there you were, swimming lazily in your dad’s pool. When he tried to go to the park, you were laying in the sun or running laps. The day he was across the street, helping Ms. Rose in her garden, was when he realized you were fucking with him.

He was minding his own business, having a lovely conversation with his elderly neighbor, when suddenly you appeared in your dad’s driveway. A little white bikini top and cutoff denim shorts were the only thing you wore. Bucky swallowed hard. The beads of sweat running down his neck were no longer just from the scorching sun. He thought maybe you were going to lie out. But no, it was worse. So much worse. You walked to the side of the house and bent over as you turned on the water house.

“No,” Bucky whispered to himself, his eyes wide as he watched you spray the hood of your little sports car.

Ms. Rose was oblivious, talking even though Bucky was clearly not paying attention anymore. His eyes watched every move you made. He swore he was dreaming. There was no way you just squeezed your sponge over yourself, but you must have, because Bucky was watching the soapy water seep through your now sheer top, and trail down your legs. When you bent over on your tiptoes to cleanse the back window of your car, he knew he hadn’t imagined the flirty looks you had been giving him throughout the week. You still wanted him. And goddamn, he wanted you more than anything. Just as his cock was urging him to get up and go do something about the way you were displaying yourself for him, your dad pulled up in the driveway.

“Fucking shit,” Bucky muttered, spinning away from you and focusing on the garden he was supposed to be attending to.

What worried him now was the complete absence of guilt he felt. He should be ashamed. Horrified at his behavior and thoughts. But the more he tried to tell himself that you were forbidden fruit, the more he wanted to take a damn bite.

**

He stayed confined to his house for the next two days. Curtains shut to avoid the temptation of peeking into your backyard. Your dad–his friend, kept texting, asking him to hangout and Bucky felt horrible ignoring the messages. But he couldn’t do it, not until you were gone. He thought about going to visit Sam and Clint in the city for the next week, just until you went back to wherever you had come from. But that would be too pathetic. He just needed a distraction, something to help him stop thinking about your ass in those little shorts, the water dripping between your breasts…

Bucky’s ringtone brought him back to the present, and he yanked his hand out of his shorts, cursing himself for losing control yet again. It was your dad. He sighed, pulling his large hand down his face as he answered the phone, trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Buck! I was worried you wouldn’t answer!”

“Yeah, sorry, been busy.”

“Are you coming tonight?”

Bucky was silent, trying to remember what he could be referencing.

“The game is tonight; my daughter went out with some friends, so I invited the usual gang over. Thought you’d bring that beer we all like.”

Bucky’s heart sank a little at the news that you wouldn’t be there, but maybe that was a good thing. “Sure, sure, I’ll come over soon.”

Bucky hung up the phone and looked down at his lap… first a cold shower, then the party.

**

The night air was crisp, and cool as you wandered through your large backyard. You were still a little tipsy from the night out with your friends, but your vision was clear enough to spot Bucky leaning against the fence talking to some of your dad’s friends. He was a vision in his French blue t-shirt and pants; his beard was scruffy with spots of gray, his hair fluffy and just untamed enough to make you imagine your fingers in it. When he laughed, his nose scrunched, and his head tossed back just a little. Was he a god? Apollo himself, here to bring you the sun? You didn’t even realize your feet were carrying you in his direction until he caught your eye. The look of panic on his face made you stop where you were, a few feet away. He mumbled excuses and avoided your eye as he made a quick exit, heading for the gate on the side of the house.

Determined to get what you knew you both wanted, you took a deep breath for courage and chased after him, glad everyone appeared too drunk to pay attention to you.

Once in the dark shadows and hidden on the side of the house, you called his name. He froze, his hand on the gate, likely debating if he would run or answer your call.

“You’re being very rude, you know.”

He still didn’t move.

“Can I at least thank you for your help the other day?”

His shoulders tensed. “You weren’t supposed to be here.”

“Well, I am.”

Bucky turned around then, inhaling sharply as his eyes roved over you. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“Oh, but I have so many ways I could say thank you.”

He took a step closer, and you pressed your back against the brick of the house. Heat prickled over your skin as he advanced on you, nearly touching you now.

“Don’t you wanna hear your options?” You whispered, eyes flicking between his pretty lips and his even prettier eyes.

“We can’t,” Bucky swallowed.

“But I’ll be real good for you, I promise. Let you do whatever you want.”

“Christ,” Bucky muttered, inching even closer, his thigh slotting between your legs.

“Touch me,” you whispered, afraid you’d scare him away.

His fingers trailed up your thigh so lightly you barely felt them. Bucky stopped at the hem of your dress and you were about to complain when he pressed his hips against you, his prominent erection digging into your hip.

“Oh god, I wanna suck your cock so bad, daddy. Please, please let me.”

Bucky closed his eyes, just barely rutting against you. The veins in his neck were strained as he tried to remain in control.

“God dammit, we can’t. It’s wrong.”

“You keep saying that.” Your hands skimmed up his broad chest and over his shoulders. “I think it turns you on.”

Bucky shook his head, and you pulled him closer so you could whisper in his ear. “I think your cock gets hard every time you think about how you’re not supposed to fuck me.”

“You drive me fucking crazy,” Bucky breathed against your neck, his fingers digging into your thighs. “You’re all I think about. I want to ruin you, claim every piece of you with my fingers, and my tongue, god I wanna taste you so bad.”

“Please, daddy.”

His cock throbbed against you. “Stop, you gotta stop calling me that, kitten.” Bucky pushed away from you, still caging you in against the brick. “I’m serious. We can’t do this. I’m trying to be a decent guy here.”

You weren’t listening, and Bucky’s eyes trailed down your body to where your hand had slipped under your dress. Before he could say anything, you held two glistening fingers in his face, taunting.

“Just a taste.” You gently swiped your fingers over his plush bottom lip and his eyes went so dark you were almost afraid.

And then he was gone; disappearing so quickly that he was a blur in the night.

**

Bucky couldn’t breathe. He literally held his breath for as long as he could to avoid inhaling your sweet scent. He nearly broke his backdoor down trying to hurry and get inside.

“Fuck!” He shouted as finally got the door to open and he stumbled inside, drunk with lust.

His cock was so hard, he was already unbuttoning his pants and yanking the zipper down as he hurried through his kitchen. He just had to make it upstairs, but the temptation on his lips was too much, his clothes were suffocating, he need to fucking come. He braced himself on the wall by the stairs, his right hand quickly pulling his heavy cock out and pumping it with speed and efficiency. He was already so close; it was not a time for teasing. He got off on the smell of you on his lips, the feel of you pressed against him earlier that night, the dirty things you had promised–god he was an idiot, he could have you on your knees right now. He could hardly remember the last time he had a hot little mouth wrapped around him.

He cursed under his breath, fumbling for a tissue as his balls tightened and he swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, coming hard as the taste of you exploded in his mouth.

**

Bucky had reached his limit. He was done. Today was the day he was going to ruin you. He decided this as he watched you over his fence. You were lounging by your pool, completely nude, and posed to tease the fuck out of him. One leg was bent at the knee, blocking his view of your cunt. His eyes trailed up the length of your body, only to be disappointed that your book was blocking his view of your tits. But he zeroed in on the bit of side boob he could see, licking his lips as he imagined kissing the little heart tattoo he didn’t know you had there.

He cleared his throat, and you lifted your gaze to smile at him.

“Oh hello, looking for my dad?”

Bucky’s gaze darkened. “Over here. Now.”

You froze, and Bucky wondered if you really thought he could resist you forever.

“Now, kitten.”

You nodded, turning to grab your sundress before quickly making your way to his side of the fence.

“You didn’t need to bother with the dress.” Bucky grabbed the back of your neck and pulled your lips to his.

Finally.

Fucking finally.

His tongue invaded your mouth aggressively, making up for lost time. You gasped when he nipped at your bottom lip, his frustrations spilling out. He pulled back enough to look you in the eye, both of your breaths ragged.

You opened your mouth, probably to say something cocky. But Bucky silenced you by pushing softly but firmly on your shoulders. You dropped to your knees so fast that Bucky chuckled.

“Eager?”

You already had his fly open, your tongue pressed against the wet spot his cock had made in his underwear, and he shuddered.

“And you aren’t?”

“No teasing.”

You answered by pulling his pants and boxers down just enough to free his cock. It was thick and curved, his pink tip begging to be sucked.

“Holy–fuck,” Bucky dragged out the last word, reaching for the fence for support as you took him into your throat.

It had been so long since he had experienced this. While he longed for your pussy, this was different… looking down at you on your knees for him–lips wrapped tight and your tongue moving so perfectly–he wouldn’t last.

He should have taken you inside. Now he had to be quiet, had to contain the moans and gasps he wanted to let out every time you took him deeper.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky groaned as your nose pressed against his pelvis. “Wanna fuck your face, sweetheart.”

You moaned, and his dick throbbed in tune with his rapid heartbeat. But as he wrapped his vibranium hand in your hair, prepping himself to come down your throat, your backdoor opened and shut loudly.

“Shit,” Bucky cursed as your dad stepped out onto the patio and waved at him. He nudged your shoulder, and you pulled back, keeping his tip in your mouth.

Bucky gave you a warning look as your dad approached the fence.

He should have known better. As soon as he started talking to your dad, trying to get rid of him, your hot mouth slid down his cock again, slowly, but it still made him stutter. You froze once your nose was pressed against him again, and Bucky breathed a sigh of relief, until you swallowed and he nearly groaned out loud. Somehow your dad was still clueless, rambling on about-well, Bucky didn’t know what he was talking about anymore. He bit his lip hard as your tongue lapped at his balls, the tip of his cock still in your throat. A curse slipped through his lips. He was sure he looked like he was in pain–he was about to come and you wouldn’t stop–he didn’t want you to stop.

Your dad frowned. “You, okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky choked out, annoyed now that you had completely pulled back, licking his tip teasingly. “Just playing with my kitten. She’s being a bad girl.”

Bucky smirked as you clenched your thighs together.

“But I think she just needs attention. I’ll see you later.”

With that, your dad finally left and as soon as he was safely inside your house, Bucky tucked himself back into his pants and squatted down to look you in the eye.

“What happened to being a good girl for daddy, huh?”

“Couldn’t help it.”

Bucky kissed you fiercely, before bringing you to your feet. “Inside.”

You didn’t hesitate, running to his backdoor as he slowly stalked behind you.

**

Bucky’s tongue held power. You were sure of it. It tortured, teased, and pleased all in one firm, wet swipe. And he did it for what seemed like hours. Not letting you go until you begged for a break. When he finally lifted his head from between your trembling thighs, you groaned at the sight. His handsome beard glistened with your arousal, and his blue eyes were dark with need. Your legs spread further for him and he smirked as he climbed over your body to reach your lips.

“Good girl; gonna take my cock, kitten?”

“Yes daddy, give it to me,” you nearly whined as you felt him press the tip against your entrance.

He was quiet as he slid in, but you could feel the tension in his shoulders. You gripped them tight as he split you open slowly, every throbbing vein rubbing you in just the right way.

“Oh god, you’re so big,” you whimpered once he was fully inside you.

His breath was ragged against your neck, and even your feet pressing into his firm ass wasn’t enough to get him to move yet.

“Please,” you begged, and finally he pulled out. Bucky fucked slow but deep, making sure you felt everything he gave you. Every drag was heaven, every thrust euphoria. His vibranium hand was cradling the back of your head, tangled in your hair, his other gripping your hip to keep you in place. You climbed quickly, but you needed more.

“Faster, please, I can take it.”

Bucky’s head dropped against yours for a second before he obliged. He moved his hand from your hair to the headboard, slowly building up the speed of his thrusts.

You could feel his control slipping, his thrusts felt more frantic, the muscles in his arms bulged, and his breaths grew even more ragged.

Yet you still needed more.

“Talk to me,” you finally whispered, almost embarrassed to ask.

Bucky froze, and you feared maybe you had ruined the moment. But then he gave you that ridiculously hot, lopsided smirk and pressed his lips to your ear.

“You want me to tell you how good you feel?”

You nodded, swallowing thickly as he resumed his pace.

“Want to hear how badly I wanna ignore your pleasure and fuck you hard and fast?”

“Yes!” You groaned, lifting your hips to urge him to move faster.

 “Want me to tell you how I have to masturbate every fucking day thinking about your lips, your cunt, your ass?”

“You touch yourself, wishing your cock was up my ass?”

“Fuck yes.” Bucky sounded truly broken, and you lifted his head to see the desire in his eyes.

“Next time,” you managed to speak before his pace turned even more punishing.

“Gonna fuckin’ kill me. Tell me what else you like, sweetheart. Wanna feel you come.”

“Suck my tits, daddy, I’m so close.”

“With pleasure,” Bucky immediately moved his lips to the little tattoo on the side of your breast. Swiping his tongue over it a few times while his big hands squeezed your tits. His pace slowed slightly as he lost himself in worshiping your breasts. His tongue teased until you were nearly frantic with desire. With one last slow lick over your nipple, his warm mouth wrapped around it. Your back arched, and you came almost instantly, drawing a deep groan from him as he continued to suck hungrily.

You knew he had to be close. He was putting off his own release to draw more and more from you.

“Wanna ride you, daddy.”

He didn’t argue, flipping the two of you over so you were on top of him, your hands planted on his muscular chest.

You didn’t think he could get any better, but this angle made your eyes roll to the back of your head. Yeah, there would definitely be a next time, and a time after that. As many times as he’d allow.

His fingers gripped your hips hard, and you fluttered around him at the thought of the bruises he would leave behind.

“I’m close,” Bucky said, almost reluctantly. “Gotta stop.”

“Can’t,” you said breathlessly, moving your hips faster.

He groaned, arguing with you even as his hand moved from your hip to your breast and his hips jerked off the bed.

“Come inside me, daddy, need it.”

“Jesus fuck,” Bucky’s head dipped back. “You can’t–can’t say shit like that.”

“Why?” You questioned, leaning down to his ear. “Because you’re not supposed to be fucking me? Because you’re not supposed to want to fuck me?”

“Stop,” Bucky groaned, thrusting faster.

“Because you’re not supposed to have your fat cock balls deep in my little pussy?”

A strangled noise left Bucky’s throat, and he threw you onto your back. You were disappointed, expecting him to finish himself over your stomach, but before you could even pout his was back inside you. If you thought he was needy before, this was frantic. He hugged your body tight to his, his feet scrambled against the sheets, looking for purchase so he could fuck you deeper. 

He couldn’t string together a sentence anymore, but you no longer needed him to tell you how good he felt. You could feel it with each throb of his cock deep inside you.

“Can’t stop–” he gasped, and you grabbed his ass, pushing him deeper.

A hungry, desperate sound left his mouth, and you knew you had him.

“Give it to me,” you whispered in his ear. “Fuck my little pussy, daddy, it’s yours.”

Bucky’s hand gripped your ass hard as he shoved his cock as deep as it would go. His teeth bit your neck as he came. You yelped at the pain, but tangled your hand in his hair to keep him there.

His thrusts became more frantic at first as he fucked himself through his orgasm, but eventually he slowed, the static in his brain clearing just enough to speak again. You were both keenly aware that he’s still coming, fucking you slowly as he does.

“Fuck, such a good girl, taking it so well.”

All you could was whimper, entirely spent.

“Shh, it’s okay. You did so well for me.” Bucky kissed you gently, distracting you from the loss of his cock.

“Should have done it sooner,” you mumbled, and Bucky nipped your bottom lip.

“I’ll make it up to you, sweetheart. Promise.”

You were about to give a sarcastic answer when he deliberately pressed himself against your hip and your eyes went wide.

Bucky nodded, a cocky smile on his lips.

You lifted your head, looking down to confirm with your own eyes before flopping down onto the bed. “God, you’re a fucking wet dream.”

“You’re one to talk, kitten. Now let me take care of you so you can be good and ready for that round two you promised.”

Bucky squeezed your ass before leaving the bed, leading you to the shower.

His guilt was no longer present, completely replaced by fiery lust.

[machinesonix]

Gang, I love the Harkonnens. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse the Harknonnens, but there is something really refreshing about unsanitized villains. They aren’t inhuman slaves to Morgoth, they aren’t seeking restitution for some sort of childhood trauma with dalmatians, they are just shitty, weird people and we get to talk about how those people think without trying to excuse it. What really made me fall in love is the sheer alien weirdness of Geidi Prime in the 1984 movie, and if you haven’t seen that I really recommend you check that out. I feel like there should be some sort of trigger warning, but I don’t really know how I’d tag it so use your best discretion. Today I want to zoom in on a Harkonnen scene towards the end of the first book that I personally would like to see in some sort of extended cut. Let’s dig in.

I’m gonna start off by reminding everyone about the most famous scene in the franchise right at the beginning. You know it. The pain box. ‘I hold at your neck the gom jabbar, it’s poison kills only animals.’ Mohaim is testing Paul’s ability to delay gratification by threatening to stab him with a poison needle if he pulls out of the pain box. We've all seen the memes. Now let's talk about Feyd.

In the book, the whole un-drugged gladiator thing was Feyd's own doing. See, Feyd's family doesn't take him very seriously. He's been chosen as the na-Baron because he's got charisma and he'll look like the savior of Arakkis after Rabban and Vladimir, but he’s a big showboater that has all his fights rigged. By conspiring with Thufir to get a real Atredies soldier into the arena with him, he is forcing his family to realize how important he is to them. If something happens to him, everything goes up in smoke. But he's also given a chance to demonstrate that he is competent (even if he's cheating with a poisoned blade and some selective brainwashing of the undrugged slave.) The seduction with Lady Fenrig happens off screen, but I think in both Herbert and Villinueve's telling of the story, both of these show us this conflict Feyd has with the pressures of his family whether they're tests from the Baron or something he does to himself in response to those pressures. Finally, and most importantly to Feyd, when the Baron executes his slavemaster for slipping up with the gladiators, the next slavemaster is on Feyd's payroll.

Years down the line the Baron finds a poison needle hidden on one of his slave boys and immediately knows what's up. Feyd is trying to claim the Baron's seat and he's been planning on it ever since He calls Feyd in to make him watch as his entire staff and harem is executed on a whim. Here's where we get the absolute juicy thematic inversion. This shit makes me salivate in a way I might want to talk with a therapist about. The Baron says ‘Feyd, you know what this whole poison needle business tells me? You don't know where your priorities are. I am working on setting up the Harkonnens for generations to come and you're so laser focused on the inheritance you haven’t put any thought into what comes next. So stop trying to kill me and let's talk about your future.’

Feyd-Rautha is, by Bene Gesserit standards, an animal. In the Villinueve film we kinda skirt around the idea by hearing he's such a weirdo that the nerve induction gets him off, but I think this scene here really helps to illustrate why Paul might be the Kwizatz Haderach and Feyd has no shot. They've both got the genetics and the ability to win over a crowd. Nobody saw it coming, but the Kwizatz Haderach's ultimate purpose is to wage the war that will literally end all wars, you'd think Feyd-Murder-For-Fun-Rautha would be a shoe-in to traumatize humanity to violence once and for all. But the fact he'd be good at it is what makes him ineligible. The Kwizatz Haderach can't be someone who thinks in the short term. If Paul didn't have the big picture in mind, he would have fled from the violent future he saw himself being responsible for. If Feyd were in his shoes, there is no way he could stop from getting lost in the sauce. Feyd orchestrated his own gom jabbar in the attempt on his uncle's life, and he failed. Even if he saw the same path to save humanity, he'd have too many opportunities to indulge his glory seeking.

[storiesabouthumanandthings]

The Punk and The Suit 8

Kieran posts a thirst-ish post of his new charcoal suit with black shirt half unbuttoned, floral vest completely unbuttoned, and golden bow-tie that is currently draped loose around his neck, untied, free hand in his pocket.  

@KOArt23 - *Got some new threads special for my new art gallery, come check it out if you are in the area. Suit handpicked by my special stalker ; ) iykyk*

The post blows up a bit. Lots of people liking and thirsting. A few concerned questions about the stalker that go unanswered and then the  comments from the family.

@stpaddyspatties - *you’re letting the lawyer dress you now like a lawyer? Grammo ain’t gonna like this #traitor*

@KOArt23 - *middle finger emoji*

@StPaulsPot8oes - *oh look who can take a shower and clean up for once*

@KOArt23 - *Jealous, Potato Head? @StPaulsPot8oes*

@ScorchingSorcha08 - *if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, I will immediately change my views/ well maybe you should have principles/ you’re right maybe I should meme* *dis you*

@KOArt23 - *Don’t you have some homework to do besides trying to roast me @ScorchingSorcha08*

@1MaryAnnette - *look how gorgeous my baby boy can be. Why don’t you dress so nice every day?*

@KOArt23 - *thanks mom @1MaryAnnette*

@thegoldensuit28 - *Next time we go out, we need to actually skate and not just go clothes shopping.*

Kristoph was happy when his comment was largely ignored except for a single like from Kieran.

Kristoph was just going to shut his phone when he gets a text from Kieran. It’s a map pin to a skate park with a quick message *meet me tomorrow morning since you are so desperate to see me again you have to stalk my Insta ; P*

The next morning when Kristoph arrives at the park it was mostly empty. He saw Kieran riding about, doing ollies and grinds as he waited. Once Kieran noticed Kristoph, he waived him over and rolled over to a bench that had his bag and drink.

Walking up, Kristoph couldn’t help but notice how Kieran was chugging an energy drink, “I thought it was odd when you said to meet in the morning. Not to sound rude, but nothing about you screams you are a morning person.”

Kieran yawning, “I ain’t. But the morning is when the park is quietest. Figured you wouldn’t want others around as you learned and fell.”

Kristoph nodded and was touched by the forethought, “Thank you. But I also don’t want to be putting you out just to teach me.”

Kieran waves his hand, “Shut up, if I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have offered. Anyways, are you left or right footed?”

Kristoph looked down at his feet, “I am not sure what you mean?”

Kieran suddenly shoved Kristoph hard, causing to take a step back with his right foot.

“What was that-”

Kieran interrupts, “You’re right-footed. Not surprising. So your left foot will be forward and you’ll kick with your right.”

Kristoph looks at his board, “And which way is forward?”

“The direction you are going. If you haven’t noticed, boards roll both ways so it doesn’t matter which end is pointed forward, just your left foot is in front.”

Kristoph nods, “But I have seen people, you even, use both feet.”

Kieran laughs, “Yeah but you’re a noob. Maybe with enough practice, you can do both but for now, lets just get you rolling without falling all the time so you don’t need all this padding.”

“I am not sure about that. Falling sucks and even pros like you fall.”

“Quit flirting, I am not a pro, just better than most. Now just stand on your board.”

They spent the next few hours training. Come lunch as people started to show, Kristoph was able to stand and kick a little but not much else.

“For your first time, not bad. Tell you what. Let’s take lunch but we’ll ride the boards there.”

“You sure about that?”

“It’ll be good practice but I will say it will take a long while to get there. There’s a lot of things to get stuck on in the sidewalk.”

”Will your family own this food truck too?”

Kieran laughed, “No, just Paddy and Paul own food businesses. We won’t be seeing my family today.”

Kieran wasn’t wrong about it taking longer. ‘It might have been quicker to walk,’ thought Kristoph when they finally arrived. They got their food and found a table to sit and eat.

Kieran’s little cousin, Sorcha, spots them and snaps a pic of them leaning over the table towards each other as they talked, the camera sound is loud enough they both look up.

“Oi! Who you taking pictures of Sor?” yelled out a confused Kieran

“Paddy said you had a boyfriend but I didn’t believe him,” She grins and starts tapping on her phone.

“Hey! Hey!” Kieran tries to jump up and trips over the chair. “What are you doing? You better not be sending that to my mom.”

He reaches for her phone right when his phone starts ringing. “Oh you little punk!”

He swipes up on the phone, “Hey Ma.”

Immediately, Kristoph could hear her scolding him loudly about how he must be ashamed of her since they still aren’t introduced but he’s taken him to meet Paddy and Paul and now Sorcha. This caused Kristoph to smile, that they wanted to meet him.

Pretty soon Sorcha’s phone rings, “Hello Uncle Tommy, Oh yeah Kieran’s right here. Yup, Aunty is currently on the phone with him. Oh sure.”

She waves at Kieran who was largely ignoring her as he was failing to calm his mother. When she finally got his attention, he gestured what at her.

She hands the phone to Kieran who takes it, with a phone in each hand.

His dad proceeds to scold him loud enough to hear about the same things his mom is.

Pretty soon Kristoph can hear Kieran’s dad saying, “Wait a minute Grammo is here too and wants the phone on speaker,” Then comes the voice of his grandma with the same scolding.

Sorcha is just grinning and eating Kieran’s food whilst he stands there with two phones as close to his ears as he can probably tolerate.

She turns to Kristoph, “So you a lawyer?”

“What? No, why would you think that? Paddy and Paul said it too.”

“Well you’re in a suit, aren’t you?”

“You know many different occupations make you wear a suit, it’s not just lawyers.”

Sorcha shrugs, “Eh, just checking, Grammo doesn’t much like lawyers.”

She finished Kieran’s food and leans over Kieran’s arm where her phone is, “Hey Uncle Tommy I need to get to practice so I need my phone back.”

Kieran placed the phone on speaker so she could hear, “Sorry Sorcha. We are not done discussing plans with Kieran, can you just drop by his place later and get it back?”

Sorcha makes a sour face but agrees, “I guess that’s fine. Well see you later Ki and boyfriend who is not a lawyer.”

“I have a name!” Kristoph protests.

She just waves and leaves.  

When Kieran finally hangs up both phones he puts his head down on the table and mumbles defeatedly.

“What was that, can’t hear you.”

Not raising his head but speaking up, “I hope you are free tomorrow for dinner. Grammo insisted on her house tomorrow. I bet she’s calling the whole family too.” He groans and reaches for his plate.

“Oh! Yeah, I am free. Also, Sorcha ate your food while you were on the phone, well phones.”

Kieran’s head pops up and looks at his empty plate “Why that little… Some nerve to get me in trouble and then steal my food.” Kieran picks up his phone and angrily types. The phone next to him dings, “Oh, Dammit! I forgot I have her phone.”

Kristoph couldn’t help his delighted little laugh, “You can have some of mine if you want.” then he grins mischievously “So what happened to not seeing your family today?”

Kieran groans before grumbling, “Should have known I would run into at least one of them. Bet a tenth of the city is just my family. Thanks for the offer but I’ll get my food. Again. The fucking brat.”

First Previous

[skyhawkstragedy]

Time to revisit my pre-season rankings bc I’m bored

(Replacing Marvin with Joseph)

01 | Taylor: I think my biggest fear with her was that she was going to be another Azah - talk a big game but while they’re an amazing person they’re not so much the best game player. However, she is the perfect example of Big Brother being about adaptability. For someone to start off the game as a social pariah and then work just enough to survive the next week all while keeping their integrity is an amazing feat. She probably has the most unique run when it comes to her social game; most winners would slip in to being manipulative and cutthroat, but Taylor stayed a lawful good till the bitter end.

02 | Joseph: Look at him being where Marvin was preseason 🤩 I put him in the bases tier but I wasn’t sure what to think of him other than he’s the guy I simp for throughout the season (kinda like a Brett or Travis type). Pooseph opened the door for him meme-wise and then he turned 25 and came out guns a-blazing. This is a MAN. I will fight every last person on here for him. This is a warning.

03 | Michael: Well he is right about where I put him pre-season 😂 He treaded between being boring and being a huge source of entertainment and watching him break records and win everything they gave him was astounding. Giving Maddie Ziegler vibes tbh.

04 | Turner: I did not expect to like this guy so much. So much more worthy of continuing the strength of the maknae line than Paloma. With him I saw… snafus. But I also saw someone who unapologetically acted his own age and took pride in being the youngest in the room. Thanks for proving me wrong and not being boring.

05 | Jasmine: I thought she was gonna be another Jessica and she ended up being another Raven 🙃 I don’t even know why she’s this high, I still think she’s extremely annoying, but I appreciate someone who’s dedicated to creating content. Thanks for the memes I guess.

06 | Brittany: And a crackhead she was indeed. I’m not entirely sure what makes her deserve this spot. She’s been up and down and she never had a game for me to fall back on when it came to her redemption, but her post-eviction actions push her past some others.

07 | Kyle: …huh.

I put him in his own tier bc I wasn’t sure where to put him. He didn’t annoy me immediately like Alyssa & Pooch but not without lack of trying! I think he has the weirdest run out of all the HGs. I grew to really like him and then he kissed Alyssa and Icarus flew way too close to the sun. Then he showed his ass and offended just about anyone who wasn’t white and it was over for him. If anything I do appreciate the discourse his stint in the game brought with him (both in regards to the Cookout and him being harassed/coerced by Alyssa).. I’m just wary of what’s going to happen to him post-season bc this is something that is going to linger with him forever. But if people can like Paul… there is hope.

08 | Ameerah: What a waste of potential. I’m still so angry. You were the chosen one, etc etc. I will say that my toxic trait is thinking she’s hot despite her being a flaming bitch. When it comes to the prejury though she is the lesser of five evils so that’s why she places as high as she does.

09 | Alyssa: Another surprise for me. From hating her for a good 7-8 weeks to being slightly tolerable towards the end. Taylor’s power. I think her best moments would be whenever she was with Taylor; they have unusually good chemistry (more than she does with Kyle if I’m being honest) and I think if she weren’t consumed with jealousy, they would have been unstoppable. Team First Kill indeed.

10 | Monte: I think similar to Alyssa he had 1-2 good weeks and then just devolved into an absolute Neanderthal towards the end. I had him as my winner’s pick and man did I end up dreading it. Thankfully the jury saw through him and gave the win to Taylor but I think I understand why he was my winner pick in the first place. During late pre-jury he seemed like a Jack of all trades. He had a decent social game, made the most of his first HOH, and proved to be an asset to the Leftovers. It’s just so sad that he chose incel behavior. Xavier was right; I would slap him on the back of the head and tell him to get himself together. Another batch of wasted potential.

11 | Indy: Another HG who had a few days of reprieved but was ultimately consumed by the plague of hate surrounding the house. I did appreciate that she let Kyle have it during his jury segment. That’s the Indy I wanted.

12 | Pooch: I didn’t expect him to move up from last place but it takes a special player to fuck up so bad that they become both relevant and irrelevant at the same time. I will say that his casting pic did NOT do him justice - his age was more believable on the feeds than in that picture.

13 | Paloma: The biggest disappointment here. People are going to take solace in the fact that she seemed like a Karen and that might have been her white side coming out but all in all her stint on the show was just tragic. If there’s one thing I am certain of though it’s that she should stay as far away from Daniel as possible. That guy is UNHINGED.

14 | Nicole: Thank god we had Joseph as AAPI/Middle Eastern representation otherwise I was gonna be convinced that casting was going to model minority the fuck out of Asians for the next few years. She’s just so aggressive and for what? She quit being a cop to be a chef and yet she still acts like she’s wearing that uniform and badge. It’s disturbing to say the least.

15 | Terrance: Gross. His obsession with vilifying Taylor and being insufferable with his comments about women just turned me off from him. Had one or two good moments but that’s not really enough is it?

16 | Daniel: Ugh. An absolute tool with anger issues and a serious obsession issue on top of that. Whoever casted him needs to be blacklisted from the industry.

[aidanhaydcn]

I saw [AIDAN HAYDEN] at a coffee shop in [THE BRONX] today. I forgot how much [HE] looks like [PAUL WESLEY]. They are a [THIRTY-EIGHT] year old [NEUROSCIENTIST] who’s been in NYC for [TWENTY-FOUR YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [CHARMING AND COMPASSIONATE] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [UNPREDICTABLE AND HARD-HEADED]. [SHE THINKS MY TRACTOR’S SEXY by KENNY CHESNEY] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio

☈

bio page || relationships || wanted connections || aesthetics || interactions || musings || answered memes/questions || fun facts || open starters

. B A C K G R O U N D .

[ Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Mention of Depression, Cancer, Death Mentioned ]

Aidan Paul Hayden was the only child of Bethany Hayden but the firstborn to Jason Wisklin. When he was fourteen, his father left his mom for a Brazilian model. Yes, his father is rich - being a shark lawyer will help you achieve that goal, apparently. When his mom moved out of their mansion beach house in Rhode Island - Aidan had a choice of staying with his father or leaving with his mom to the Bronx; the young Wisklin chose the latter - soon changing his last name to his mom’s maiden name of Hayden. Unfortunately, shortly after they settled into their new home in Bronx, New York, his mom underwent severe depression. Even though he was only fourteen, he started to take care of his mom, of course with his grandmother's and aunt's help. Aidan's aunt temporarily moved in with Aidan and his mom, especially after taking his mom to the hospital after she tried to swallow a bottle of pills.

They thought of taking her to a psychiatric hospital but considering she does not have her husband's insurance anymore, they decided against it. Thus, they continued to keep her on depressants. Only one issue - giving depressants to the depressed is like handing an alcoholic a lifetime supply of liquor. When Aidan was away at school, he took his History test when an announcement buzzed over the speakers in the classroom for him to report to the principal’s office. Now, Aidan was a good kid - the straight As, nose in a book, non-trouble-causing kind of kid, so getting called into the principal’s office was out of the norm for him, and he quickly became nervous as to why he was getting called there. Luckily he was just about done with his test, so he quickly filled in his answers, gave the answer sheet to his teacher, and collected his bags before heading towards the principal’s office. Once he saw his aunt’s red eyes - it didn’t take him long to put two and two together, and his heart began to beat a million miles a minute. Swinging the door open, all his aunt had to do was look at him with the look and shake her head. His mother passed… Quickly turning on his heels, Aidan raced back to his house, never stopping his tiny feet from pounding on the cement. No matter how fast he ran, it felt as if he couldn’t get home fast enough. Once he did, he busted through his front door, dropping his backpack, and shouted for his mom as he raced through the small apartment. No answer. Eventually, he crawled in his mom’s bed into a ball, his aunt soon coming through the door and sitting beside him - placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Aidan’s Aunt was the only immediate family he had, and luckily it was just her, his uncle, and his three baby cousins; neither his aunt nor uncle hesitated to take him in. Going back to Rhode Island with his father was an option, at least legally - but it isn’t for Aidan. To Aidan, he is the reason why his mother is no longer with them, he loathes his father, and if Aidan had anything to do with it, he never wanted to be around him again. Ergo - he was raised happily in his Aunt and Uncle’s single-family home. He wasn’t a straight-A student anymore, but he never had a letter grade lower than a B-. Aidan was still a good teen, became a slightly rebellious teenager, but he wasn’t causing any real trouble or harm to anyone. Even though he didn’t have the highest GPA in his class - it was still high enough to get accepted into Columbia University as a Psych major. Experiencing firsthand what a mental illness can do to someone, Aidan became intrigued with how the human brain worked and wanted to learn more. It turns out, Aidan adored his psych and neuroscience classes, and within long and tiring few years, Aidan obtained his Ph.D. in Neuroscience and Behavior. When Aidan was thirty, he received an ominous email from someone he thought sounded familiar but couldn’t put his finger on why it did sound familiar. But, then, reading the email - it didn’t take long to figure it out. It was his father’s Brazilian model wife. According to his new wife, they had two children together and are still happy when they first got together; oh, how perfect for them. But, as he continued to read on, he realized that bloating on how perfect their marriage is wasn’t the reason for the email. His father was sick, lung cancer, and according to the four doctors he’s going to, he didn’t have that much longer to live. At first, his first thought was karma, but the more he thought about it - the more he realized this was his last chance to tell his father how he truly feels. So, he took his two-week vacation and drove over to his old Rhode Island home; shockingly - he still knew how to get there. Aidan had it all planned out, what he was going to do, to say - everything, but the moment he laid his eyes on his father, the memory of when he was fourteen and crawled up into a ball, weeping for his mom who took her own life because of what he did - the memory brought up old buried anger. He couldn’t say anything; he just stared in a frozen state, though when his legs were working again, he turned on his heels, got back in the car, and drove off.

It took a lot to return to his father, but eventually, he did. Without holding anything back, he refrained from cursing him out; no matter how badly he wanted to, his mom raised him to respect others no matter who the other is or what they have done. Once they worked out their differences, they spent the next few days bonding with one another. Aidan is far from calling him dad, but at least he did apologize for his past mistakes and made his condolences on his mother’s passing. One week later, his father peacefully passed away - and thanks to the heads up on his father’s decreasing health, his late wife already arranged his funeral/cremation. The Wisklins were accepting and kind - continued to offer Aidan a place to stay, gave him the medium pot of his father’s ashes, encouraged him to stay for the inheritance reading. One of the main reasons he stayed was that he wanted to get to know his half-siblings, they seemed like good kids, and Aidan always wanted little siblings. When it came time for the inheritance reading, he wasn’t expecting anything - but to his surprise, that wasn’t the case. An old red 1954 XK120 Jaguar he helped his father work on when he was younger was left to him, along with a settlement that will last him a lifetime, as well as an old ring his mother first gave him that he kept. Somehow, the old ring allowed Aidan to respect the old man rather than simply getting to know him again. Now that ring never leaves his right index finger.

Coming back home, he had time to think about what to do with the money. Then he had a perfect idea. Aidan Hayden opened up his own Neuroscience Research building in the Bronx, New York, in honor of his mother; he named it Bethany’s Place, dedicating his research to not only trying to understand depression better but come up with a better way of healing people with depression and anxiety than depressants.

Now, Aidan lives happily in his home near the water - he still keeps in contact with his younger half-siblings, even offered them a place to stay if they ever wanted to visit. However, the man’s primary focus is still on his research at Bethany’s Place.

. C O N N E C T I O N S . 

■ . Half-Siblings — Considering the distain Aidan held towards his father, Aidan never knew he had siblings, at least until he was 30 and drove to see his father to see him before passing. Spending time with them, along with their father - he grew a bond with them. No, it’s not a strong one but what can you expect from half siblings that met after years of being alive?  — CONNECTIONs is OPEN. [ ZERO/TWO ]

■ . Aunt TBA — Aidan and his aunt always had a close bond, though when she had to move in with him and his mom when she was going through her serve depression, their bond grew stronger, she became like a second mom to Aidan. Though when Aidan’s mom did pass due to suicide, she technically did become his mom when she took him in and raised him. The two still have a close bond, but now nearly being 40 and having his own research center to take care of, they didn’t talk as frequently as they used to. Something that Aidan wants to change...eventually.  — CONNECTION is OPEN.

■ . Cousins — When Aidan’s mom passed, Aidan was “adopted” by his aunt and uncle. He and his little cousins grew up as best friends and even though Aidan does have half-siblings, his cousins were always more of his siblings. Then again, they grew up together since they were young.  — CONNECTIONs is OPEN.  [ ZERO/THREE]

■ . Ride -or- Die  — The two had an unbreakable bond since they were freshmens in high school. When Aidan moved from Rhode Island to New York - the move was harsh on the young Hayden, though the other helped him cope and they were by each other’s side all day and all night. Some people actually believed they were siblings, and they even call each other as such. Without the other, Aidan truly believed that he would never survive after his big move and lose of his mother. They are truly Aidan’s rock - his Ride -or- Die. — CONNECTION is OPEN.

☈

[the-resurrection-3d]

Shipping meme 12, 21

Was seriously worried for a second that this was about the CWC stuff lmaoooooo

12. What drives you away from a ship?

That's a good question! This answer got long because I thought about LHA and saw red, so I'm putting it all under a readmore.

My immediate thought would be "that's not enemies-to-lovers, that's just being a cunt (and not even the fun kind)." A good example would be The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson, which I literally had to ragequit several years ago because all the relationship development up to that point had just been the main guy ignoring the narrator's obvious distress and repeated attempts to tell him to fuck off so that he could disrespect her boundaries, physically grab her, and then trick her into going on a first date with him. After all these years, I have no goddamn tolerance left for shitty, one-sided relationships in YA. Maybe the book got better and deconstructed his behavior later on, maybe I just missed something, I don't care to find out because YA Books Cannot Be Trusted Like That. Far as I'm concerned Wintergirls is the only book Anderson's written that's worth a damn, anyway.

And this might seem like a weird thing to be upset over considering I literally just recommended a fic where Hermione has her body and life literally torn apart by Lucius Malfoy, but I think it's important to note that Eden holds Lucius accountable and never, ever pretends the relationship could truly work.

(A quote from the epilogue: "Can you imagine Lucius and Hermione being together in the outside world? Buying a house together, having children, and getting a dog? Lucius making Hermione breakfast in bed? Arguing about the mortgage and sitting in the garden drinking tea? It would never have worked.")

It's because the narratives truly recognize the fucked-up nature of their characters that these relationships can even be interesting. Imagine Hannigram if everyone on the show just acted like murder and cannibalism were completely fine. It would certainly be funny, but not nearly as interesting. (This is also why I prefer YinxYuck over Yoop even though both involving teenage boys violating a teenage girl's consent/trust. The fact that Yin was so quick to forgive Coop but not Yuck could have been interesting, but because that double standard is seemingly not recognized by the narrative, I'm pushed into the less charitable reading that it was just a lazy, off-screen redemption to force the ship to work. Yoop is also just a far less interesting ship for a myriad of other small reasons, but I hope you see where I'm coming from here.)

This also, to a lesser degree, applies to ship fandoms-- there have been plenty of ships where I could see myself liking it, ways it could be interesting, but everyone who's already into it is just there for the fetish porn. Cool for you. But no thanks.

(Completely one-sided power dynamics are also a turn-off-- if I'm gonna be in this for the long haul, then one character needs to eventually get some level of (at least) emotional power to wield against their lover/captor, even if physically they're completely at the lover's mercy. Will manipulating both Rat Boy Whose Name I Can't Remember Right Now and Hannibal while in jail. Yin outsmarting Yuck time and again even though he's physically and magically stronger than her, to the point that he doesn't even seem to really notice that Yang's there most of the time. Stuff like that.)

While we could further dive into genre and the different levels of realism within these stories, the more important element is just the fact that Knife guy had no personality outside of harassing her. Deadass that is all he did in the book. Where's the flavor. This tastes like fucking sand.

[I should probably also note that "stuff I write content for" and "stuff I ship" can be two different things-- I wrote a Ren/Strade ficlet once, but I don't really ship it, and I think Ren's a much better character in BTD 2 explicitly because Strade's dead. When it comes to stuff like BTD or even some of my old Tordtryck stuff, it's more about inhabiting the perspective of an abuse victim rather than shipping, if that makes sense.]

21. Have you ever received hate for a ship you liked?

Directly? Technically yes, once, but it was only a young kid bringing up Ye Olde Paultryck discourse to me, and I just tried to politely explain that I wasn't interested in rehashing that drama. Because I get it! There's a lot of context that's been lost here, and if you're just a young tween getting into this show, the accusations being made against shippers are quite upsetting! But that wasn't so much hate as concern.

There's also of course the indirect "paul and pat both hate the ship," "you're shipping real people," "you're shipping a dead man's oc" kinda hate that most every shipper in the EW fandom's seen at least once.

I think I've largely avoided hate by a) being irrelevant lmao and b) most of my ships being acceptable enough within their own fandoms. (Catradora is a five-season nightmare and YinxYuck is arguably incest, but both are so popular within their respective communities that sending someone hate for them is gonna get you laughed out of the room.)

I hope that all made sense, lol. Thank you for the ask!

[blackberry-gingham]

Hii I love your writing and was so happy to see your taking requests💗. If your ok with doing au’s, could I request headcannons for the lads being the reader’s guardian angel?

Aw this sweet 🥺🥺 sure, I'll see what I can do! I feel like this an established trope, but I don't know too much about it bc I haven't seen many examples 💀 Sooooo yeah, I'm just going to do my own take on this!

I'm thinking of the like typical bird people type angels, so you know, like a physical being with wings on the back and stuff, oh but a thing to note is only you can see your angel!

George

George would 10/10 be an overbearing guardian angel lol

Technically, angels aren't supposed to reveal themselves unless if their charge is in either extreme distress or a life or death situation

But George always worries for you!

Tripped and scrapped up your knee as a kid?

George is there to help you up and dry your tears

Lost your mom at the store?

George comes to help you find her

Stuck in the rain at the bus stop after work?

George let's you take cover under his wing to stay dry

Needless to say, you guys become super fast friends!!

It gets to a point where he just hangs out with you whenever and wherever, even if you're just sitting in your room

What can he say? He loves spending time with you!

Oh another thing, George loves trying human food!

If you like cooking or baking, or even if you don't mind just making an extra lunch sandwich, he really appreciates it and loves whatever you make!

Also, he loves when you touch or play with his wings

Usually this is kind of a no no with other angels since it's a big source of their power, but you and George have a special bond!

If any of his feathers fall out from preening, he lets you keep them

Once they're seperated from the wing, they lose most of their power, but enough of them together can ward off minor threats in his absence

He loves that that's a thing

It's like he can still protect you, even when he can't be there :)

John

Have you guys ever seen that meme where it's like an angel statue and it's face palming?

Then the caption is like "my guardian angel watching me, like, exist" or whatever lmao

That's John 😂

At first you're kind of just a silly little human to him tbh

Maybe even a little rascal!!

So he's there for you pretty often

I mean really, how is he supposed to stay away when you so obviously need his protection???

After all, anyone who gets John assigned as their angel probably likes getting up to mischief lol

He lets your parents handle little things, like a scraped knee or a bad day, but things that get you really hurt like a bad fall, will have him come running

Another weakness is he can be a bit overbearing and will kind of like... jedi mind trick bullies and the like away from you to keep you safe

But times where you're in emotional distress...

You can always rely on him

Like, the night before starting a new school year or a tough test?

He'll sit up and comfort you all night if he has to until you feel calm enough to sleep

Stressing for an interview or meeting?

You can bet he'll be sitting right there with you the whole time, cheering you on!

It takes a bit of time for John to trust you, but as the years pass, you find you're able to rely on his presence pretty consistently

If you've held onto your mischievous streak and like doing thrilling type activities, like hiking, rafting, or bungee jumping, John is by your side like 24/7 lol

One the one hand he wants to participate as much as he's able

But at the same time, he watches you like a hawk, making sure you don't get hurt, or worse

And good thing too

Let's just say he's saved you from such a fate more then once lol

Paul

Honestly, Paul would be the one to follow Da Rules™ the closest

He feels just awful seeing you sad or hurt as a kid, but he knows he's really not supposed to reveal himself

Despite, John and George doing whatever the heck they want apparently

Of course, he has come to your rescue a few times as a kid tho!

One day at the lake, you waded in alone and got caught in an undertoe

You were terrified to find that you couldn't swim to the surface

And just when you thought you couldn't hold your breath any longer, a hand plunged in and snatched you up

Your parents, who were worried sick, found you on the shore side a few minutes later

You always wondered who saved you...

As you got older and started to learn about guardian angels however, that's when you started getting more acquainted with Paul

See, kids usually don't understand what's happening when they see an angel, and the angels certainly wouldn't want their kids to be afraid of them!

They also wouldn't want to risk the children getting too attached

After all, that kind of bonding should be built with caretakers and other humans

But once you're grown, it's much safer to be a little more loose with interactions between the angel and their human

Once you are older, and find yourself getting into less dangerous situations, Paul just hangs out with you like a friend would

You love having him around, especially in stressful times like school and work deadlines

He likes to sing to you when you're feeling anxious, and with you when you're having fun!

His voice is the most beautiful sound you've ever heard, and you love it more then any human music

Which is kinda funny, considering he seems quite fascinated with human instruments and songs!

Ringo

Ringo, like Paul, is also pretty big on following Da Rules™

Although, Ringo is very overprotective towards you when you're sick

Especially if you're sick a lot or have something chronic, like asthma and the like

One night, during a really bad case of phnuemonia, you had to spend a few nights in the hospital

It was awful, especially for a little kid such as yourself

Even though you were in no immediate danger, anytime your family or doctor couldn't be there, Ringo stuck by your side all the while

It was sort of your official meeting, honestly

At first you were scared that you'd died when you first saw him, but he quickly reasured you that that wasn't the case!!

He always felt a little bad for that ever since

And only showing up when you were sick didn't make things much better...

So after a while, he decided to hang around you during normal times too

You guys become fast friends, and you appreciate his good sense of humor!

Also, you especially appreciate his help when you're sick as an adult and off on your own

He's practically your personal nurse!

Plus, anything that gets you a fever, he can kind of treat for you, actually 👀

While he himself doesn't have any healing powers, he likes to fan you with one of his wings

His wings are smaller then most, so he's worried they won't do much to help you

But that's completely untrue!

The breeze coming off his feathers has the same magical properties as anyone else's :)

You feel a cooling sensation almost immediately, and your fever is sure to break soon enough

[lambourngb]

I can’t even find the post where it says you are doing he wip meme, but because you are answering some, because I have a headache and need to be cheered up and because names do count as words 😇 - ”Joe”

Sneaky! Aww I hope the headache gets better and this cheers you up :

Michael was busy shoving the hot greasy mix of potato hash and eggs into his mouth when he heard the normal sounds of conversation drop into a hush as the front door to the bunk house swung open. Paul Foster stepped inside and immediately headed toward Michael, causing a flare of alarm until he realized that Joe had claimed the seat next to him. That set off a different type of signal in Michael.

The memory of misinterpreting things between them still cut sharply into his chest when he thought about it too long. It was too close to the ache he held for Alex.

“Hey Joe, got a new task for you,” the young foreman greeted. Michael could tell by the tone, that whatever the task was, it was sure to be unpleasant if it was getting shifted to them. The grandson still had soft hands and very few callouses despite the nature of the work he claimed to do. “We had a small plane fly over the other day. They said they thought they saw some strays of ours up on the other side of the canyon. That’s too close to the reservation. Do you think you could ride up there and check it out?”

“Sure thing boss,” Joe agreed, amenable and light. “You think you can keep the boys busy for a day or two? It’ll be kinda rough to ride up there and back in one day without making camp for the night.” Then, aware that Michael’s fork had started to slow as he listened in to the conversation between them, Joe added, “Guerin and I can take care of it no problem.”

“What did the kid do wrong that you’re making him camp out rough with you? Nevermind, I don’t want to know.” Paul asked jokingly as he got to his feet. “All right, I’ll keep the rest of them busy checking fence lines and moving hay.” He waved, the rest of the men groaning at the task. Walking the miles of fence line in the sun was tedious but a needed chore.

Michael wiped his mouth, his plate finally clean and turned to meet Joe’s watchful dark eyes. He couldn’t help but feel suspicious at the sudden inclusion after the last week of careful professionalism between them. It felt like a trap, that Joe was looking to spend this time away from everyone in order to reinforce just how normal their working relationship was. He could take a pass on that, even if it meant missing out on a chance to explore the crash site more fully. “I used to sleep in back of my truck, so if this is supposed to be some kind of punishment-”

“Oh it is, but who says it’s for you?” Joe smirked, inviting Michael to share in the joke with him even as he confused Michael thoroughly. He pushed himself upright, taking his plate and Michael’s empty one, “Nah, it’s actually supposed to be a treat for you. You think I don’t know that you sleep outside sometimes under the stars? And that you’ve been walking the back pastures at night? Figured this was something you wanted.”

It was something that Michael wanted, just not everything, but he should be used to that by now.

Michael closed his mouth belatedly, both nettled and warmed by how closely Joe had been observing him. He had a lot of wants, he was used to shuffling through them like cards he could never play, but lure of the night sky and what fell from it in 1947 was only one of them.

[deathvalleyqueen]

Full clear on OC asks for Sam! 💋

Thank you my dear... now lets gush about John’s first born and only son shall we???

BASICS

What’s their full name? - Samuel Joseph Seed 

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? -  Well he was going to be named Joseph, after his Uncle...The Father... but his mother was having none of that and switched out the birth certificate forms for the one she had filled out because there was no way in hell Mary Jane was about to let her precious baby boy be named after Joseph... though she allowed his middle name to be Joseph as a way to keep the peace. 

Do they have any nicknames? - SOOOO MANY! Sam - is the most common one and what most people call him. Sammie - What MJ still calls him even as an adult. Bubby - Ellie’s nickname for him as a child, Thing 1 - Sean’s nickname for him as kids. Cousin It - Finn’s nickname for him. Jesus - another Finn nickname. (because he looks like the only image of Jesus they had ever seen) Weasel - Mac gives him this as small child and sticks. 

How old are they? - At the time of New Dawn 24 almost 25 years old.

When’s their birthday? -  October 19th

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance?

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? - He’s a Seed... does that count? He has John’s “far too blue” eyes...so like... That could be considered super powers.... 

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? - If there was such thing as a Healer Mage class in the FC universe.. .that would probably be Sam’s class because he is exceptionally smart with a real focus in medicine and science/chemistry. If the Collapse wouldn’t have happened he would probably have gone to Med School to become a surgeon. 

APPEARANCE

What do they look like? - Same is the tallest of MJ and John’s kids standing just a hair taller than his father at 5′11. He has long dark brown hair and an impressive beard, both of which he has sported since he was 16 making him often be mistaken for much older than he is. He slight of build and looks to be in far better shape physically than he is actually is. 

Do they have a face claim? - Tom Payne - Specifically as Paul “Jesus” Rovia from TWD

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? -  He is a pretty standard guy. He isn’t fancy, mostly because this world doesn’t allow for it. He likes t-shirts, sweaters and jeans. He will wear an old button up shirt if he can find it and has several trench coats he has acquired over the years. His hair is usually down and one the rare occasion that he puts it up, Lily always glares at him and tells him to put his hair down before their mother sees... because with his hair up.. he looks a lot like a young Joseph. 

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? - Sam is a very self assured young man, bordering on the cockiness of John in his youth. He has been painfully aware that he was always one of the more intelligent people in the room from a young age and developed a bit of a superiority complex because of it. He tends to stand with his shoulders back and hands at his side or in his pockets. He is an observer, rarely the person leading the conversation but always watching and passing his judgment.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? - Sam is the only one of MJ and John’s kids to have been born with health issues. He had a medium sized hole in his heart when he was born that eventually required surgery. Though since that surgery had very little issue besides a heart mummer. This however left MJ way over protective of him well into adulthood. 

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Lawful Neutral 

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? - INTP

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? - Sam loves music, he plays piano and guitar. He is much more of a classical music person and as a child spent hours practicing. His favorite books are Animal Farm and Frankenstein. His favorite food as a child was pizza and pasta, as an adult he is happy with whatever he can get but still loves carbs. His favorite item from his childhood he was able to keep was a model plane that John and him made when he was 6. It’s of John’s plane. 

What are they bad at? - Dealing with intense emotions, both their own and other people’s. He never knows how to react and often seems to ‘over react’ with his own emotions. He also can not shoot to save his life. 

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? - Unnecessary cruelty. Onions, Fish and split pea soup.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? - Well... lets just start with he has a lot of childhood trauma... which defiantly manifests it’s self in some pretty well hidden anxiety and depression. He also comes from a long line of people who suffer with various addictions and I could see Sam having again...a very well hidden...drinking problem. Particularly post-ND events. 

What are their goals and motivations? - Their end goal is not peace, as much as an agreement that would allow everyone to function as they need to with in a certain set of rules... IE... he wants to re-establish a ruling body of government on a very small scale in Hope County that would allow for the communities to work together when needed but function independently as they wish as long as they cause no harm to the other communities. This is motivated by his study of history and his belief that because he has studied so much, he has found fault in the old systems and what he will build will be better. 

What are their manners like? Any habits? - He has an odd stillness about him, even as small child. He was the quite one, the better behaved of the twins (easily the most well behaved of all MJ and John’s children). He tends to crack his knuckles when he is nervous or clear his throat when he feels the conversation is getting off topic. 

What are they most afraid of? - Not being able to do enough. He sees what happened because of his father, his family.. his mother’s family. Sam feels (like all the kids do in some way) responsible for fixing the mess that the Seeds created in Hope County. 

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? - He was born with his sister Lilith at the birthing center in Hope County (but both he and Lily were sent to a much bigger hospital shortly after they were born because the small hospital couldn’t handle them being 8 weeks early). Their childhood before the collapse was filled with pockets of really happy times mixed with stretches of chaos. Both he and Lily vividly remember The Project at Eden’s Gate and the events of the Reaping. Both he and Lily were present for the attempted arrest of Joseph. After the collapse it was still difficult in the bunker as both his parents struggled with believed loss of Jacob, Ellie and worst of all Grace. Once they left the bunker things settled into a new normal. He is very close with Lily and Rose, as well as his Uncle Mac. He is close with both of his parents but is resentful on some level of their preoccupation with losing Grace.  

What’s their family like? - A hot mess... but the core they are very tight knit. Sam is more ready to trust a member of his immediate family than anyone else. 

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? - He and Lily were called “The First of the Children of New Eden” within the Project as small children and as an adult he holds the role of the “doctor” in the community John calls “Redemption” but really Sam is main intelligence gatherer as people are very disarmed by him because of his ability to help the sick. 

How do they fit into their “story”? - Sam is Ethan’s foil for lack of a better way of putting. Ethan is grasping for power, while Sam wants nothing do with holding an position at all within New Eden. He has no desire to fulfill any of the role that The Father saw him. He is easily the one most suited to lead, but has no desire what so ever to lead anyone or be any manner of spiritual leader to people. 

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like?

How do they eventually die? - He dies of a sudden heart attack while speaking to a group of people gathered in New Eden (preaching basically) at the age of 36. He dies before both his parents and all three of his sisters. 

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? - His best friend is easily Lily, because they are twins. Their relationship is just on a different level than other peoples. They understand each other often with just glances and small changes in expression. He also becomes close with Finn, both sharing a bit of a sarcastic and witty sense of humor. 

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it?

What’s their love life like? (See also: ship question meme.) Do they have any kids? - Well.. not really. He spends most of his time with his sisters during the story and I never really thought of him in romantic terms...at all. I could see him having kids one day, either “adopting” or by natural means... either or. 

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? - Really the person Sam looks up to the most is Mac. He respects Mac’s ability to pragmatic about difficult choices and always put the others before his own benefit. Mac had a big hand in raising Sam, so this really comes as no surprise. As far as people he trusts, he trusts his family... his sisters (including Grace), his uncles, Rachel/Faith, Ellie,... pretty much everyone but Joseph and Ethan that share DNA with him. 

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? - Joseph, mostly because he puts the full blame on what happened with the collapse and the events the happened in his life right before squarely on Joseph’s shoulders. This by proxy extends to Ethan...

Do they have any pets? - As a child he had several, Boomer and Salem even made it to the bunker with them (thank you Sean and Faith) but since then he never really kept bets.

Are they good with kids? Animals? - Yes to both.

FUN FACTS

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? - The Dutiful Son , Looks Like Jesus/Hippie Jesus  (that one goes without saying right?), The Spymaster & Big Brother Instinct 

Do they play any instruments? Sports? - He plays Piano and he was never much for sports. 

What are some items they always carry?- A knife, a small black notebook and a pen.

Do they collect anything? - Books.

What position do they sleep in? - On his stomach mostly with the pillow over his head rather than under his head.

Which emoji would they use the most? - The eyes emoji

What languages do they speak? - English

What’s their favorite expletive? - Fuck

What’s their favorite candle scent? - Probably like Pine...

What songs remind you of them? - Loosing My Religion - R.E.M

Which animal would you say represents them? - The Raven

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? - The Weird kids that don’t fit in with any other group who is kinda metal head looking but gets straight A’s. 

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? - Bumper Cars (he actually gets to go once as a child)

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? - For someone who grew up in such a superstitious home, if Sam doesn’t have evidence for it... he doesn’t believe. 

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? - Again, for someone who grew up in such an intensely religious home, he lost all connection to PEG or even conventional Christian beliefs by the time he is an adult he declares he is in Atheist. He does preach about keeping a very personal set of morals that you should adhere to but, not the belief there is an all knowing deity. 

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? - Pride 

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? - The Hierphant 

[panelshowsource]

soooooo...taskmaster s8...that’s some lineup, huh? 😂

listen, i’m of the opinion that the more comedians i see on panel shows, the better. of course non-comedians have their moments — philip schofield on juice is one of my favourite things — but in general (not as a rule) the GOAT panel show moments are from comedians. take wilty as an example, right? from these well-known “best of” compilations (x) (x), nearly four hours of wilty, every single clip is from a comedian (and claudia winkleman). yes, comedians are funny for a living, but they’re also peers and often friends irl, and their dynamics are what make panel shows so great *insert change my mind meme here* so, personally, i want to see series making an effort to have on as many comedians as possible (hence why catsdown is my fave). but i can’t be sure this is what the general public wants, and it’s not necessarily the best strategy re: staying relevant. probably why wilty, juice, cats, and even bfq venture out into telly presenter, reality star, chef, etc. territory so often. that’s business i guess

i think if you saw this lineup and you weren’t underwhelmed...bruh, ur lying lol. of course i’m going to watch, of course i’m excited, of course i trust alex. but if you’re a panel show nut, and perhaps you’re familiar with people only from panel show land, this lineup is not going to do a lot for you. yes, joe thomas was in the inbetweeners...ten years ago. iain stirling was a standup who pretty quickly fell into tv presenting, and is now the narrator on love island — very little crossover with panel shows (he was on juice once) though he was on roast battle and drunk history. you may have heard lou sanders on the unbelievable truth or seen her on a recent episode of cats does countdown...i’ll leave you to your opinions if you leave me to mine :/. i don’t know much of paul sinha’s work but he’s gay and we gotta stick together, so i’m rooting for him 🙏. i’ve never heard of sian gibson in my life and i’m still not sure if i’ve heard of her now having already heard of her. she was apparently on wilty once but i honestly cannae remember her whatsoever. i thought peter kay was dead

so, what do we have? a couple of comedians-turned-presenters, a low-profile inbetweener, and one of the people i said just yesterday i really, really, didn’t want to see on taskmaster lmao i know, when i phrase it like that it doesn’t sound great. but listen!! joe, iain, paul, and sian are all extremely pleasant, personable people who we’ll all find immediately likeable; we’ll see which character lou turns up as and whether the same can be said for her. joe will have fumbling, trying-to-no-avail mark watson energy; iain will be absolutely and endearingly shit at everything, and greg will probably abuse him; paul will be the david mitchell-esque smartypants we never knew we needed on tm, and still suck; sian will pull out some wholesome tomfoolery and just make it by, alice levine style; lou will bring somaggressivelyly sexual sally phillips manic energy that alex won’t quite know how to deal with. and honestly?? that sounds pretty good to me. so i think we should just bank on everybody being pretty sweet and a bit silly, the tv presenters knowing inherently how to keep the banter alive, and alex knowing what he was doing when he avoided bringing a single (beloved) panel show regular onto this series 😂

ps. i’ve talked about dream and potential taskmaster contestants here!

[raccoonpatriotism]

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Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting

i like how i keep labeling this meme as “accepting” when i have…. 260 of these right here.

1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.

2: You know that “I’m washing me and my clothes!” vine? That’s Jane. It’s efficient.

3: If you gave him Cat Food he’d say it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted.

4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.

5: 

6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities. 

7: Jane’s ‘friendship’ with Merasmus is the longest relationship he’s ever held.

8: Jane doesn’t believe in the number 8.

9: He doesn’t have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.

10: He’s an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath. 

11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined. 

12: He trusts everything he’s told from someone he views as a friend.

13: He’s been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED

14: Continuation of 13, it was… very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.

15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.

16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcher…. His life was changed from that moment onward.

17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)

18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.

19: He’ll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.

20: He only wants the best for you.

21: Getting him to realize he’s actually ended civilian’s lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (”Officer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framed” will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)

22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.

23: Helping people, serving his country, that’s his goal. That all he wants out of life. He’s a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.

24: Consequences don’t exist in Jane’s world.

25: He’s so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.

26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.

27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.

28: He’s very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.

29: But god this man wants to be touched.

30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, he’s also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.

31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.

32: He’s only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registered he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie he’s fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.

33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.

34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.

35: He has no idea he’s beautiful.

36: Jane doesn’t have a self-effacing bone in his body.

37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. He’ll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, it’s disrespectful.

38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.

39: He’s not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think he’s an idiot, as far as he’s concerned. He acts like himself 24/7

40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song that’s song in elementary schools.

41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldn’t be, like, “Okay.” Try and run off and be like “What contraption is holding me here?!?!?!”

42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie

43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.

44: Jane likes the color blue.

45: Jane likes the color white.

46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.

47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.

48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.

49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling. 

50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesn’t know that, despite claiming it.

51: He’s not an amnesiac - he’s never had a strong sense for long-term memories. 

52: God, he loves bread.

53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. He’s such a wise American.

54: Jane would absolute trollface and say “Problem?”

55: He would never say a slur.

56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. He’ll say it, but like, to mean, y’know.

57: He’s a follower, don’t tell him that. He’ll get offended. 

58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.

59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!

60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then he’s, like, a total bootlicker.

61: He’ll beat up racists in bars.

62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mann’s first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel. 

63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, he’d just serve his time.

64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.

65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.

66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate. 

67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesn’t act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. It’s like he automatically transfers to late stage hypothermia.

68: Jane may have never played baseball, but he’s briefly been on a bowling team.

69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.

70: I can’t tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but it’s a lot. And it’s impressive. 

71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! It’s a miracle lifting without a spotter hasn’t killed him yet.

72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.

73: He’ll kill, he’ll maim, but he won’t assault. 

74: Jane’s favorite chocolate is Hershey’s.

75: He’s convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hershey’s Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Jane’s lifetime.

76: Jane isn’t afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.

77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if he’s okay and he’s like “I’m ogay.”

78: It’s a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs weren’t blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised he’d gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while he’d never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when he’d gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.

79: He loved Tavish so much

80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.

81: He’ll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think it’s a raccoon.

83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not… very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!

84: He’s not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyone’s in good favor, he’ll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.

85: Jane can be really grumpy, that’s when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, he’s just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.

86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also… believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?

87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.

88: Plus, he’d always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.

89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.

90: He’s very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in jane’s head.

91: Good thing he has a helmet because Jane’s puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching. 

92: He’s always surprised by doorbells.

93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.

94: I’m talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound it’s scary.

95: This man loves cashews.

96: “Mm crunchy things.. good.” - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.

97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Jane’s stomach when he’s sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isn’t quite a sound sleeper.

98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.

99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.

100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.

101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwise… wow………you love soldier. me too…… 

CONTINUED HERE

[buddyrabrahams]

20 best moments of the NFL regular season

The 2017 NFL regular season was marred by controversy, declining ratings, suspensions, legal battles, injuries to countless superstars, and quarreling owners. But that’s not to say it was entirely negative and uninteresting.

Through the dark clouds have comes several rays of sunshine — unexpected surprises, big plays and excitement among fan bases long hungry for success.

Here’s a look at 20 great moments of the NFL regular season.

20. Marshawn Lynch watches game from stands after ejection

Touching an official is never considered okay, so Marshawn Lynch’s ejection from a Week 7 game against the Kansas City Chiefs was completely warranted. However, it’s what came next that was noteworthy and, in all reality, quite funny. After being given the boot, Lynch reappeared to cheer his teammates on to a 31-30 victory. Only, it wasn’t on the sideline (which would have been against the rules), but from the stands. Beastmode sat with the fans in street clothes and then carried it over into the postgame when he rode the train home from the game and took part in an anti-Chiefs chant.

19. Cam Newton and Clay Matthews’ epic exchange

In a Week 15 game between the Carolina Panthers and Green Bay Packers, a live mic caught one of the most interested exchanges in recent memory. Recognizing something he saw on film, Packers linebacker Clay Matthews called out a wheel route. Newton fired back.

Clay Matthews: “It’s that wheel route, it’s that wheel route!”

Cam Newton: “You been watching film, huh?”

Matthews: “Yeah.”

Cam: “That’s cool. Watch this.”

After the exchange, Newton called for the ball and quickly fired a pass to running back Christian McCaffrey on a fake wheel route/slant that went for a touchdown. Brilliance and entertainment all around.

18. Tony Romo becoming a standout analyst

No one knew how Tony Romo would handle his new job with CBS, but after just one game, the world was hooked. Romo was a natural in the booth, but even beyond that, he added a unique element to the call. He accurately predicted almost every single play prior to the snap and has continued doing so for the duration of the season. While his predictions may be annoying to some, there’s something compelling and fascinating about it. Viewers have responded positively and it appears as if Romo has a long and successful future ahead of him calling games.

17. Jimmy Garoppolo saving San Francisco 49ers

The 49ers looked destined for a top pick in the NFL Draft, but that was until they acquired Jimmy Garoppolo in a trade with the Patriots, and then finally let him play. And has Garoppolo ever shined. In five games, Garoppolo is completing 69% of his passes for 1,268 yards, five touchdowns and three interceptions. In his starts, the 49ers have gone 4-0, compared to a 1-10 start to the season without him. In a Week 16 victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars, Levi’s Stadium was electric and had a playoff-like atmosphere. Expectations are mounting heading into 2018.

16. Teddy Bridgewater returns from devastating injury

When Teddy Bridgewater went down with a devastating knee injury in August of 2016, there was talk that his career might over. Video of the injury was stomach-churning, and the reaction of his teammates told the story. But prior to Week 10 game against the Washington Redskins, Bridgewater’s entire journey came full circle. He returned to practice for the first time and was activated for the game. Although he didn’t play, Bridgewater’s emotions could be felt by everyone watching. Then, in a Week 15 game against the Cincinnati Bengals, Bridgewater finally took the field again and was met with a thunderous standing ovation.

15. Jets dance to anything

Entering the season, many expected the New York Jets to reside somewhere in the basement alongside the Cleveland Browns and San Francisco 49ers, struggling to even earn themselves a single win. And while Gang Green wasn’t necessarily a world beater in 2017, they performed well above expectations and have had fun doing it. That was never more evident than during a Thursday night game against the Buffalo Bills when the defense got caught dancing on the field, sparking one of the best viral crazes of the year — “Jets dance to anything.”

14. Maurice Harris comes out of nowhere with great catch

Maurice Harris, who made just eight catches in 10 games for the Washington Redskins in 2016, has repeatedly dazzled in practice. Despite that, Harris had remained relegated to the practice squad this season — at least until a Week 10 game against the Minnesota Vikings. One day prior to the game, Washington signed Harris to their 53-man roster and activated him ahead of kickoff. That decision paid huge dividends as Harris hauled in his first reception of the season in dramatic fashion — a 36-yard leaping grab over Minnesota cornerback Trae Waynes that may be the best catch of the year. The play was initially ruled incomplete, but reviewed and overturned.

13. JuJu Smith-Schuster’s stolen bike found

Steelers rookie wide receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster made a name for himself around Pittsburgh for his pimped out bicycle, which he rode all over because he had neither a car nor a license. But in late October, the bike went missing and Smith-Schuster was forced to walk to practice. That’s when the story went viral and teammate Antonio Brown offered two tickets to anyone who could recover the bike. A fierce manhunt was underway in Pittsburgh and in no time flat, the bike turned up in good condition at the Mt. Oliver Police Department. Smith-Schuster has since gone on to get his driver’s license, but still enjoys riding his bike.

12. Odell Beckham pens DeShaun Watson emotional letter

Sometimes tragedy brings out the best in people, and that will be a theme for several top moments of the year. One such instance was when Houston Texans quarterback DeShaun Watson, who was having a remarkable rookie season, went down with a torn ACL. Facing the emotions of a lost season and a long road to recovery, Watson was greeted with an emotionally penned letter from New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr., who had suffered a fractured ankle earlier in the season.

“Now life throws you bigger problems and again you’re faced with a test. Everything is a blessing in disguise,” the letter read in part. “Truly believe that his all happens for a reason … We will be back better than ever. I’ll see you this offseason.”

11. Jake Elliott hits 61-yard game-winner to beat Giants

In a Week 3 game against the Giants, the Philadelphia Eagles had a choice to make: attempt a 61-yard field goal as time expired and risk Odell Beckham Jr. bringing it back like Auburn had done to Alabama, or take the game into overtime. They chose the former, and rather than Beckham getting an opportunity, rookie kicker Jake Elliott was immediately transformed into a Philadelphia sports icon when he connected on the longest field goal in Eagles history.

10. Von Miller got a penalty for that?

In a Week 3 game between the Denver Broncos and Buffalo Bills, Von Miller and Tyrod Taylor shared one of the more comical exchanges of the season. After just missing a sack, Miller extended his hand to Taylor, but just as Taylor reached out, Miller yanked his hand away with a smile. The clowning of Taylor drew a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that Miller later apologized for, but there was no malicious intent. Miller and Taylor are friends away from the field and it was just a good-natured ribbing. Taylor laughed about it during his postgame interview. Miller didn’t, as the penalty helped cost the Broncos the game.

9. Vikings play Duck, Duck, Goose

With rules pertaining to on-field celebrations relaxed in 2017, many entered the season excited to see what the players had in store. And while there have been many great celebrations throughout the season, none top what the Minnesota Vikings did in Week 4 against the Chicago Bears when they broke out into a game of “Duck, Duck, Goose” following a 13-yard touchdown courtesy of tight end Kyle Rudolph.

8. Jason Pierre-Paul honors young cancer-stricken fan

Prior to a Week 5 game against the Broncos, Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul met with a 7-year-old boy named Hayden through the Garden of Dreams Foundation. During their visit in East Rutherford, JPP showed off his disfigured hand — the result of a fireworks accident in 2015 — and encouraged Hayden to never let anything keep him down. In return, Hayden showed JPP some of his dance moves complete with a dab, which Pierre-Paul vowed to use when (not if) he got a sack during the game. Sure enough, JPP stayed true to his word and during one of his three recorded sacks on the night, broke out Hayden’s dance.

7. Marshall Newhouse helicopter’d

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no … it’s Marshall Newhouse flying through the air like a helicopter! At least that was the case in a Week 9 game between the Oakland Raiders and Miami Dolphins when Newhouse recovered a Derek Carr fumble and thought it would be wise to pick up some extra yards. Instead, Newhouse was met with a slew of aqua-colored jerseys and sent for a ride he’ll never forget. The spin became an instant viral sensation and meme factory, and even Newhouse himself got in on the action, cracking several jokes at his own expense on Twitter.

6. Marquise Goodwin scores emotional 83-yard touchdown

Negative and heartbreaking circumstances led to an incredible 83-yard touchdown for San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Marquise Goodwin in Week 10 against the Giants. Fans later learned that just hours before the game, Goodwin and his wife lost their unborn child due to complications during pregnancy. But in honor of that life lost, Goodwin played through the heartache and went on to score a remarkable touchdown that gave the 49ers a lead en route to their first victory of the season.

5. Chiefs catch fire in NFL regular season opener

Everyone loves football, so kickoff Thursday is always an exceptionally exciting time in the NFL. Most also seem to hate the New England Patriots, so coming off of another Super Bowl victory, they added a little emotion to the regular season opener. For three quarters, the Pats went back-and-forth with the Kansas City Chiefs until the underdogs caught absolute fire. The Chiefs went on to score 21 points in the final 15 minutes, tallying 252 yards over that same span and, with a nail in the coffin move, stopped the Patriots on fourth-and-one.

4. Jaguars re-brand as ‘Sacksonville’

After several years of dropping money and draft picks into their defense, the Jaguars opened the 2017 regular season strong and pulled off what was, at the time, the most unexpected upset of the year. They didn’t just beat the favored Houston Texans by a score of 29-7, they completely dominated them in every aspect of the game. Under head coach Doug Marrone and executive vice president Tom Coughlin, the Jaguars defense paved the way with 10 sacks, including four by veteran Calais Campbell. The Jags nicknamed themselves “Sacksonville” following the game, and the defense hasn’t slowed down since.

3. Rams, Jared Goff prove they’re for real

Who saw the Los Angeles Rams coming? Who saw Jared Goof finding elite status? No one, that’s who. But it was during a Week 3 game against the 49ers it became evident Goff and the Rams were for real. Goff went 22-of-28 for 292 yards, three touchdowns and zero turnovers, posting a 145.8 passer in a thrilling 41-39 victory. And while Goff later topped those career numbers in a blowout of the Giants, that game, which was played in front of his friends and family, put him and the team officially on the map in 2017. They later cemented that by beating the Seahawks to claim their first division title since 2003.

2. Tom Brady becomes winningest quarterback in NFL history

Tom Brady is a special talent. Whether you love him or you hate him, there’s no question about that. He entered the season as the all-time winningest quarterback in NFL history thanks in large part to his success in the playoffs. But in a Week 5 game against the New York Jets, he took another step towards cementing himself as the greatest quarterback to ever play the game by winning his 187th career regular season game, breaking a three-way tie with Peyton Manning and Brett Favre. And while there was nothing particularly exciting or noteworthy about his performance that day, it was an early highlight that will likely stand the test of time.

1. J.J Watt raises funds for Hurricane Harvey victims

In mid-August through early September, Hurricane Harvey devastated the southern United States, finishing as the costliest tropical cyclone on record, causing nearly $200 billion in damage, killing 91 people in total, displacing 17,000 more and causing the evacuations of 30,000 others. In its destructive aftermath came Houston Texans defensive lineman J.J. Watt, who put on a fundraising campaign for the ages. The “Houston Flood Relief Fund” he led saw donations for nearly 210,000 people and as of early November, totaled over $37.06 million.

“There are not enough words to thank you all for your generosity. If there is one thing that I have taken away from these last few weeks, it is the reassurance of how much good is out there in our world. When times are the toughest, humanity stands at its strongest and you have all helped to prove that emphatically,” Watt wrote on the donation page.

When all was said and done, it was one of the most incredible individual humanitarian and charitable efforts in NFL history.

from Larry Brown Sports http://ift.tt/2CNjwsL

[savannahsbpdadventures]

BISEXUALITY IS NOT TRANSPHOBIC

Sorry about the lack of posts this week. Shit went down.

Alright, I’m only going to talk about Tuesday. If any events that happened on a previous day come up, I’ll be sure to go over them in detail.

After staying up until 6 AM the previous night, it took me a while to wake up Tuesday morning for my psychologist appointment. When I came back, Nana had once again took it upon herself to straighten my room up. This was typical, as the stupid old bitch doesn’t respect boundaries.  

The state of my room has seriously gone downhill since I moved in about a month ago. I’ve spilled Diet Coke on the carpet, and while it wasn’t much, there are still little droplets. My bed is covered in laundry, potato chip bags, and art supplies, while I have a little strip of the bed clear so I can sleep. I usually don’t sleep at night anymore, though. I stay up until the early morning and then fall asleep to avoid spending time with Nana. She’s insufferable.

After the appointment, I went into my room and spent most of my time on the computer, writing a blog post for yesterday that is being reformatted to this one right now, since I couldn’t post it last night, since I fell asleep at 7.

Unfortunately, Nana came in multiple times to ask me the same god damn questions and tell me the same god damn things over and over and over again. Something that really bothers me about her is that she goes into the fridge every five minutes and gives me a briefing on what’s in there, even after I tell her I’m not hungry. The vibe that I’m getting from this is that she wants me to eat as much as possible so I get even fatter, which will make her feel even better about herself.

Then she started bitching at me because I was doing nothing but laying down. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that I didn’t feel like spending time with her because she’s not smart, witty, or even somewhat of a nice person. Instead, I sucked it up and pulled a board game out of the chest of them she has with a crazed smile. “We can play Scrabble after dinner! Does that sound okay? Will you finally stop bothering me?”

I honestly didn’t want to spend all my time in my room. I would have preferred to take a bus to the mall and just spend some time there, but I had accidentally left my allowance in my pants pocket and had given the pants to my mother to wash, meaning that I had no money that day.

I had already splurged my saved allowance last week on some travel size products that I might just buy the full sizes of since I’m so obsessed with having the best.

The reason I spent the money? I needed to cope. My friend Paul had blocked me on Facebook the night before I had spent the twenty dollars. He had unblocked me that night, and had told me why he had done so.

I had updated my relationship status to “In A Relationship” with Ben on Wednesday, which is something I’ve been waiting to do for a long-ass time. I was going to tell Paul I was seeing him earlier, but when I showed him the picture of us together, he immediately got jealous. I felt like I would just break it to him later. But he saw the status and blocked me.

Another reason he told me he blocked me was because I identified as bisexual, and that identity apparently is inherently transphobic??? Weird, I know.

I knew that on this blog eventually, I would start delving into social justice issues, and I think now is the perfect time to start.

Ever since I was eleven, I’ve known I was attracted to other girls, as well as guys. At thirteen, I took on the identity of bisexual, because that’s what most accurately described my situation. I never really faced any oppression over this, besides the occasional hateful street preachers and girls on Tinder trying to exploit my sexuality by trying to get me to sleep with them and their ugly ass boyfriends. Also, my mother believed it was just a phase, and that I would end up being attracted to only men in my adulthood, because there’s no way a person can be attracted to two genders at once!

I like men and I like women. It’s that simple. At least, I believed it was that simple. In 2015, I became familiar with people who existed outside that spectrum. I don’t mean binary trans people, because even though they were designated one gender at birth, they still are another binary gender. I’m talking about people who are nonbinary. People with genders such as agender, trigender, bigender, among others that exist outside of the male-female realm. I thought it was kind of weird at first, as it was different from something that’s been hammered into everyone since we were color-coded pink and blue as babies. I did always daydream about a third gender someday making an official appearance, unknowing that there’s many more genders that people identify under.

When I found this out, I did consider identifying as pansexual, to accommodate all genders, but I did some thinking and decided to continue identifying as bisexual, because the chances of ever meeting someone who would neither be male or female are very slim, or so I thought.

Joining social justice circles introduces you to a lot of different people, including nonbinary people. I was unaware Paul was nonbinary, and I thought he was just a trans guy. His official title is nonbinary transmasculine boy, which is quite a mouthful. I think I added Paul on Facebook because he was mutual friends with a nonbinary person that he is no longer friends with who is cool and really into social justice, and I thought Paul would be the same way. I was sort of wrong. Something that really pisses me off about him is that he’s VERY against sex work and sex workers. I’ve been too afraid to ask why, but I can’t comprehend why anyone would be thoroughly against it. Like??? Why??? Who are sex workers hurting? He even admits he has very intolerant views towards it, but he’s done nothing to open his mind on why that’s such a shitty opinion.

Like I said, sex workers are the most marginalized group of people on the planet. People are outed as sex workers every day, having their lives completely ruined. Take Louise Rosealma for example. She’s an Antifa sex worker who got assaulted at a pro-Trump rally after protesting. People have turned the footage of her getting punched in the face into a meme. Then, the alt-right doxxed her, releasing photos and videos of her work as a camgirl onto the Internet with her real name for all to see. The fellow left wouldn’t even defend her because she’s a non-black person with dreads. Like, really? This lady had her life ruined, and no one is even going to defend her because she’s supposedly racist because she decided to do her hair a certain way.

That’s not to say that I’m in favor of white people having this hairstyle. I think it is a racist act to have dreads as a white person. It’s cultural appropriation, plain and simple. Black people are shamed for wearing dreads all the time, meanwhile, when white people do it, it’s a fashion statement. If white people are shamed for having dreads, they can easily take them out and go back to being a white person who faces no injustice for their race. Something similar happens when covering the Berkeley Pro-Trump rally. Worse things happened to people of color at that event, and this white woman is the only one who is getting coverage. Anyway, that’s enough about that.

So anyway, I’m really scared that this could happen to me if I even accidentally find myself in the public eye. Like Louise Rosealma, or that lady who was being mean to a couple publicly being affectionate. Neither of them expected to be outed, and now, their lives are probably ruined. I get heart palpitations every day when my mind wanders to this, and it’s making me afraid to go about my daily life.

I seriously regret camming. THIS IS NOT EQUAL TO BEING ASHAMED OF IT. I think that webcam models, as well as escorts, strippers, fetish models, sugar babies, porn actors, phone sex operators, and even full service sex workers (the ones who actually sleep with their clients), deserve respect, because all of those are completely valid career choices. I was really into camming at some point. I started two days after my eighteenth birthday, and have even bought costumes for it. After that scare with the stalker I had mentioned, I got too scared to continue, and have since taken actions to erase my presence off the Internet.

But anyway, it’s typical for some white cishet Christian man to be offended by sex work, because those motherfuckers are making legislation to make it harder for us to do what we do all the time. I just didn’t expect opposition from someone who seemed so… woke…

Apparently, my identity is oppressive. Like… no??? I usually defend my friends who aren’t in the majority, but this is just ridiculous. He had a crush on me, and he’s just mad because I won’t sleep with him. That’s that.

Anyway, I could get away with not playing the board game with Nana. Instead, I just fell asleep at 7 PM.

Those were my thoughts of Tuesday. Talk to you tomorrow!

[furynewsnetwork]

LISTEN TO TLR’S LATEST PODCAST:

By Paul Meekin

If you’re a nerd of a certain age, you’ve pirated a game. Be it using an SNES or Sega Genesis Emulator to play classics you couldn’t afford as a kid, downloading all of the Leisure Suit Larry Games to see some pixelated wabos, or, in my case, trying most everything you could get your grubby little hands on.

One of these games was “Tom Landry: Strategy Football.”

Released in 1993 for the PC – it was not what you’d think of a typical football game. You did not control the Quarterback. You did not hit a button to sling passes. Instead you were essentially Tom Landry. Calling plays, using a 4-3 Defense against a pro-set. Switching to the dime or the nickel based on a four-or-five wide receiver set, blitzing, dropping LBs into coverage, line shifts, and other football nerd stuff.

It was, in a word, intense. In another word, it was educational. This was a foundational game. Teaching the nuances of football in a way games like “Madden Football,” or even a standard ESPN broadcast, glaze over.

I’m unsure how successful the release was. Probably not very as it never got a sequel. It was not ‘accessible’. It was a Football Encyclopedia when most of the fans were hooked on phonics.

I downloaded it from the legendary Abandonware site Home Of The Underdogs, played it, loved it, and moved on.

Until a curious day, more than a decade later. Pro Strategy Football on the iOS app store caught my fancy. I downloaded it. It felt…dated and in a way, needlessly complicated – but I loved it. I loved it because it was the best football game on the platform, because it *was* a complicated football game on a platform synonymous with streamlining, and because it reminded me of Tom Landry Strategy Football.

Because I’m a nerd and think I know everything, I e-mailed feedback to the developer – what I loved, what the game could use, and how it reminded me of “Tom Landry: Football.” Turns out Pro Strategy Football was by the same guy. Mr. Batts.

What a small world. We hit it off and became Facebook friends, but it turned out he was possibly the worst thing imaginable to liberal ole me: a conservative.

A…religious conservative. Ick.

But in between religious posts, anti-Barack Obama memes, and Fox News stories – there was a human being. A man who took evening walks, a man obsessed (and I mean obsessed) with grilling.

A guy who made a game that supercharged my love of Football and made me ‘that’ guy who talked about the zen of a team and formations and who told my friends to watch the offensive line, not the quarterback, if you want to know how a given play is going to go.

Clearly this person couldn’t be all bad. As the 2016 election raged on, occasionally one of those evil Fox News stories would make a point. Occasionally something religious touched me in an soulful way.

Thanks in part to insane partisan politics, a raging ‘left’ and a raging ‘right’ I found myself desperate to understand as much as possible, and this dude’s Facebook wall was my cipher.

Of course he didn’t speak or all conservatives, but he was my barometer for what the ‘average’ well meaning conservative thought and believed and shared and cared about.

Mostly grilling… but also politics. A woman’s right to choose, and about his personal, negative, experience with healthcare premiums in the wake of Obamacare.

Then Donald Trump won. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton said reach across the aisle; try to understand ‘how this happened’. The left. My left. My side. My tolerant ideology ignored that advice wholesale. Instead they resorted to the same tactics and vitriol and anger they accused ‘the right’ of.

Now, all of a sudden, Mr. Batts wasn’t a ‘not that bad guy’. He was a good guy. A good guy who saw his world changing rapidly without particularly caring about him or his concerns because he was white and in Texas.

In fact, you could argue a lot of people on ‘the left’ would read “White Texan” and immediately assume enemy.

I’m glad I didn’t.

Games have an overwhelming ability to educate and entertain and connect us. Everyone plays games – it’s a community and niche unto itself. Liberals, Conservatives, Libertarians, Women, Men, Transgendered people are all a part of it and care so passionately about it because Mainstream Media got it so wrong for so long and still does.

The Sports Gaming community is even more galvanized because *gaming* media routinely disregards the genre because they’re not ‘core’ titles.

But somehow, a silly little football game where you don’t even technically play football, put me on a path to a cultural enlightenment of sorts. The notion we’re all people and we’re all connected and if we let petty things like labels separate us or insulate us, we’re doomed.

I’m not religious, but Christ that’s a hell of a thing to be coincidence alone.

(Curious note: The first article I wrote for this website was about Abortion – an article the 34th most popular Libertarian website refused to run. It was the lefts and rights of the argument, the confusion and frustration regarding the laws surrounding it, and the nuclear radiation associated with anyone trying to make any sort of nuanced point on the subject.)

Of everyone to offer feedback, pro-lifer Mr. Batts said I made some very good points. Keep in mind the article advocated a pro-choice mentality.

Well shit. I might just move to Texas. It could possibly be the most tolerant place on earth.

EDITOR’s NOTE: The views expressed are those of the author, they are not representative of The Libertarian Republic or its sponsors.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t add a postscript here – Abandonware is important. Preserving old games and allowing folks, especially poor folks, the ability to play them – for free – is so foundational to kids curious about computing, engineering, electronic history, and fun – that I suggest everyone go play an old game immediately.

I am of the mind if we ever wanted to reform IP Patent Law, that there should be some sort of caveat for those who download and play old games for obsolete systems on their new hardware. Maybe give it a 13 year half-life, or something like that – Commercial rights remain with the developer, but a commons license exists after a certain number of years. Who knows.

In fact, Archive.Org is swimming in classics. Sega Genesis. Arcade. PC-DOS. Windows. You can play them all there, for free, in your web browser. It is a video-gaming museum – and publicly funded by people like you. No tax payers.

Additionally the most recent version of Pro Strategy Football is available now

WATCH TLR’S LATEST VIDEO:

The post Stealing Tom Landry’s Football: How Abandonware Changed My Political Views appeared first on The Libertarian Republic.

via Headline News – The Libertarian Republic

[flarebossmalva]

just for future reference and in case anyone was curious i’m going to explain what the hell i was on about re: some stuff in my writing tag

skipping things that are obvious or self-explanatory but if you’re puzzled by something i wrote and i didn’t explain it here then feel free to ask i guess

disgust - i thought of vomit immediately and then wrote about the last experience i had with a friend who was sick. i don’t actually remember which friend this was anymore. “you’re never going to die ever again” i’m not sure about but i think this may have been referring to how awful stomach sicknesses are and how they can literally be so bad they make you feel like you’re dying? that’s a guess

aether - thought of “ether” instead which is very volatile so that’s how i got onto the theme about exploding. i think the rest was just vague associations

pincushion - human pincushion. i guess someone who has bled out completely

aura - you know how they talk about people having colored auras? i just picked a color and went from there. don’t know what “i can taste it under my fingernails” means even remotely but if this is from when i worked in produce/floral i constantly had plant matter under my fingernails so maybe that. am reading “you look lovely, by the way. very fresh.” in GLaDOS’ voice for some reason and not sure if that was what i had in mind when i wrote it

mint leaves - catnip is in the mint family and some people says humans can get a mild high off smoking it

indie - this was about seeing mother mother live. the “he” is ryan

wind - probably masturbation but trying to explain the trip from point a to point b that i made here would get really complicated if i’m even recalling it correctly

lamp oil - amnesia: the dark descent. lamp oil is a resource in that game. player character hallucinates bugs and grinds his teeth when he spends too long in the dark

bombs - boss fight wheatley. the track that plays during that battle is called “bombs for throwing at you”

cucumber - i was thinking of items you could buy together at a supermarket that would disturb the cashier. a single cucumber, rope, and a paperback romance novel sends some interesting implications i think

columbia - no idea but one of my friends told me this is essentially the plot of bioshock infinite

kevin james - one of those paul blart mall cop memes involved the phrase “distant egg song!” and that’s what i was going off of

marigold - flowey

25-27 - since this looked like it was referring to three sequential questions on an askmeme i acted as though that’s what i was answering here. i don’t know why i chose the colors blue and orange; portals from the portal games are those colors but what with the other two responses in this post being undertale related i’m thinking maybe blue = sans and orange = papyrus

🙌 - reference to a (nsfw, i won’t link it) fanfic about sans smoking. i have a massive smoking kink so i think you can see why i’d find that emoji appropriate

syringe - this is a reference to a short story i wrote in high school. the association is that i think syringes were used to administer drugs to the protagonist

wine - almost positive there’s an audio log in the first bioshock game that’s a bit like this. even if there isn’t, there’s an area where a party has clearly gone down (lots of alcohol, splicers are dressed fancy) and that’s what it made me think of

glow - no idea

can of soda - i was thinking of a sprite can

amsterdam by imagine dragons - a song i don’t know; i used to be friends with this kid who was weirdly snobby about music and would condescend to me if i admitted to not knowing of a song or artist, so i wrote about that, kind of

apartments - “apartments are like cages” is a phrase that either i or someone else has used and i thought of that phrase and then i thought about cages and then i thought about johanna from sweeney todd and her one musical number

gold - this is about my paternal grandfather moving west as an adult. he didn’t move as part of the gold rush but that’s what i thought of first and then i thought about his moving to california so this was kind of a mix of the two concepts

sting - musical artist sting has got an album called brand new day and this was written thinking about the album art

lunar theatre - i’ve explained this one before but i wrote this while really sick around the time i first got diagnosed with lyme disease. i was sleeping most of the time and tired whenever i was awake. at the time i was also taking ativan (among other medications) and it made me very sleepy and out of it. the title comes from an art installation i saw once which basically looked like an artificial shoreline, which is where the ocean/water imagery comes from

tessellation - obvious maybe but repetition is part of the definition of the word

roses - james from team rocket, often carrying a rose

paris - this was a joke about egg hatching in pokemon x/y (the most efficient way to do it is to bike in circles repeatedly around the game’s version of the eiffel tower)

n - i feel like this is obvious too but it’s a joke about n harmonia from the 5th gen pokemon games

nature - i’m not sure how i got to talking about gelatin molds but have you seen some of the ones from the fifties and sixties? truly horrifying

berry - early on in x/y you’re put in charge of a berry field and then later you become champion (the league is at the top of a mountain). there are curtains in the champion’s room. idk i just thought about becoming champ and then abandoning the berry field since that’s basically what i did in-game

dogs - pretty literal, this is just my experience with pet dogs

q - this is a reference to a song from goddamn sesame street

teacup - malva has a butler, who presumably serves her tea sometimes. he battles you on her behalf once and his team is pretty powerful, but of course she’s elite four and would have him beat

guitar - at the time there were a lot of “wonderwall” memes that’s what i thought of

pine - pine trees, christmas trees, their lives are cut short but they get to dress up fancy for a few weeks, i don’t know

touch-me-not - fanfic i plotted out once but never actually finished writing. in it, bryony and celosia are using one of those remote-control vibrators (celosia was the one wearing it, and bryony had the remote, iirc) but if you remember team flare also used a remote to control the ultimate weapon and i loved the idea of getting the two remotes mixed up. all the higher-ups (save bryony and celosia, of course) are playing with the remote thinking it’s broken and trying to get it to work. meanwhile poor celosia is dying and the only one who notices is malva, who is the ��she” in this piece, who deliberately starts messing with the remote to get a reaction out of bry + cel. i don’t remember how this fanfic was going to end but i think probably celosia would excuse herself to go to the bathroom (to, ahem, take care of herself) and malva would follow her in and then idk they’d fuck. listen i’ve had worse ideas

nightshade - i’m not sure how i got from the prompt to my fill but the fill is definitely about another fic i was working on involving a trainer who experiments on eevee trying to discover new eeveelutions

knives - my abuser had a “suicide attempt” (not really, he didn’t do anything except think about it, but that’s how he classed it iirc) where he planned on using a knife. also he wrote (bad) poetry once comparing me to a knife because idk i was mean for not wanting to fuck him probably

cake - it’s 2007 bro. memes bro. this was about portal bro

gameboy - self-explanatory i think but this was specifically a goof on ben drowned even though a lot of video game creepypasta start out this way

ruby - as in the pokemon game. this was about being a team magma grunt

cicada - i think this one is straightforward but in case it’s not, in my area you find dead cicadas all over the place in june

notebook - this was about harriet the spy

tree - based off of something that happened with me and my best friend when i was eleven or twelve

big ben - well, english clock towers... there’s a scene in a christmas carol where scrooge wakes up and hears the clock strike an hour it’s already struck and gets freaked and worries about the spirits coming to haunt him

cookie - i got a baby doll for christmas when i was a little kid and gave it to my younger sister bc she liked baby dolls and i didn’t. she named that doll cookie. this was general feels about being the Bad Child who Wasn’t Feminine

paint - straightforward again but this is about my parents’ house, the one we moved into when i was a young teen and where they still live with my little sister (and, currently, me). it was initially painted white and we repainted yellow a few years ago (i think after i had moved out to go to college). also that house still doesn’t feel like home to me in the same way our old house did

boots - god this is gonna take a lot of explaining but in the underland chronicles, second book, gregor (protagonist) is separated from his baby sister (nicknamed boots) after, iirc, the boat they’re in capsizes and they get washed into the nearby catacombs by the waves. he assumes she’s drowned since she’s a toddler and can’t swim. it’s basically his blue screen of death moment and he spends the next part of the book feeling totally dead inside, like a machine, no emotion no empathy. this scene fucked me up bad when i first read it aged about nine

freckles - i think this is obvious but just in case, this is about me (formerly) hating my freckles

egg - aforementioned fic about eevee experimentation was maybe going to involve unethical forced hatching of eevee eggs by cracking them open before they’re ready. i was basically thinking of every sick thing you could do to a pokemon to try and force an evolution

fairy - same fic. the protagonist has a shiny eevee that she gives special treatment and thinks is going to evolve into something special bc no evolution method she’s tried has worked on it. it was to be revealed later that her “special” eevee had actually just swallowed an everstone, and, immediately upon operating to remove said everstone, eevee evolved into sylveon

orange - as a small child i was allergic to oranges. the only memory i have of having an allergic reaction was breaking out in hives and going down our creaky old staircase, which felt big and intimidating to me as a little kid, to tell my parents about it

yuri - i thought of a favorite f/f pairing of mine, bryony/celosia, and in particular the scene that got me to ship it. in that scene, you battle celosia (who acts very woe-is-me upon being defeated) and bryony immediately springs to her (girl)friend’s defense

mitochondria - i learned the word from the sequel to a wrinkle in time, in which charles wallace gets really sick with some sort of mitochondrial disease and his older sister meg tries to save him by like astral projecting inside his mitochondria or something. god that book was weird

a gigantic rubber duck - when she was a baby someone gave my sister a gigantic rubber duck (which she adored, i think we still have it somewhere) and so this was about how i felt about having a new sibling

electricity - eevee fic again. rival character in the fic was an electric-type trainer. this was about the convention of trainers locking eyes and then battling

feverish - fevers as sex metaphor somehow??? i guess because fevers, like sex, often leave you sweaty. eleven was when i had my first wet dream and eighteen was when i listened to that “naegi with a fever” audio and got real gay

anger - metaphor again. i really did make a glass paperweight one time, on a class trip to a glass museum. my abuser and i were off-again with our friendship at the beginning of that trip and on-again by the end of it but there was still, i think, unresolved anger on both sides. that’s the association. i don’t know how to explain what i was thinking here beyond that

mosquitos - “petty annoyances” is just what i think of mosquitos and then i guess i just went from there. “bigger than i am but you know when to kneel” might have been my abuser again. he was, indeed, bigger than me but he got down on his knees begging me to be his friend again right at the end of things between us lol. honestly it was the most compelling thing he ever did

laundry basket - i thought about dirty laundry and then about worrying my clothes smelled dirty or that i smelled dirty and like, obsessively bathing because someone wanted to come over and have sex with me and i was just barely not a virgin at that point and had no idea what i was doing and was freaked out over the whole thing

cow - i took a year of spanish and for some reason the only thing i actually learned was how to say “where is the cow” and “the cow is here” which are not actually useful phrases in most contexts