#(Helena @ Myka in the fic chapter I’m about to post)

[lilolilyr]

✨ao3 wrapped 2023✨

Haven't seen this tagging meme around at all yet this year, so I thought I'd start it myself!

2022

Works published: 74, very similar to last year! a bit less but the year also isn’t over yet :D edit: by the time I’m getting around to post this, it’s on 86! Yay!

Wordcount: 118254 I’m happy I made it past 100k! That was my tentative goal and I didn’t think I’d make it with how slow it came along for most of the year, but with flufftober and the events I did manage :D

Kudos: 3184

Hits: 31833

Bookmarks: 267

Subscriptions: 114 and I’m at 157 user subscriptions right now? Who follows my multifandom mess of an Ao3, doesn’t that completely clogg up your email inbox? Maybe I’m just biased bc I rarely check my fandomy email and when I do it’s always a mess xD but I think tag lists on tumblr are so much more useful

Most popular by kudos: Gave myself a Fright, a Mirandy (DWP) fic with 301 kudos

Most hits: same fic, 2404 hits

Longest: lonely hearts on remote roads with 10811 words - Milippa road trip AU my beloved!

Shortest: I wrote nine drabbles (100 word ficlets) this year, they’re the shortest ones :)

Most Comments: my podfic of the Mirandy longfic Jigsaw has 14 comment threads - damn, that’s a year with few comments! In past years the whole top 5 commented on fics had more than that. Oh well!

Fics that made me cry: Grief, a fanfic where I project my own feelings about a dead pet onto Myka, and recording the Jigsaw podfic also made me really emotional a lot

Fics that made me smile: so manyy! For example the Berena fic Happiness surrounded by Snow

gifts:

- the first chapter of ‘Time Dilates’ by @barbarawar as my Bering and Wells gift exchange gift back in February, thanks!

- ‘Blame it on Circumstance’, a wonderful sequel to the fluffy fic @squishmittenficfan made me for the Berena gift exchange in 2022, and another sequel Blame it on Love posted just a few days ago I haven’t actually gotten around to read yet but am already very excited for!

- ‘never borrow Helena’s clothes’, a fic for the Bering and Wells advent by @jesstrel that I have beta read for them :)

I have gifted some fics as well this year, I tend to gift people fics when they helped me with it by beta reading or cheering me on, or when I was writing to someone’s prompt! I know I adore getting gift works on Ao3 and I love to share that happiness :)

collaborations:

Halloween fic and art collab with @thewalkingmeepa, that was fun!

Drunken Considerations, a Bering and Wells collab fic with @lavendelhummel :D first time I made a collab while actually in the same room with the other person xD

Both collaborations and part of an event were the fic & podfic works Where No Flan Has Gone Before (Star Trek humor) with @bookgirlfan and Which Mere Modernity Cannot (modern Dracula) with @artax-risen, and the Bering and Wells Advent Calendar with @lavendelhummel @purlturtle @akittennameddaisy @viharistenno @jesstrel @sallysetonbw @violetren @thiakerrigan @tryingthisfangirlthing that is still ongoing! finished now, I take too long for tagging memes xdxD

events:

- Flufftober (I managed to make something for every single day of the month, yay!)

- Berena advent

2022 version

Tagging, if you want to do it, everyone already tagged above as well as @die-schwanenkoenigin @amysnotdeadyet @lesbianlotties @guardianrock @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l @danisnotmyname @batnbreakfast @sapphicscholar @tabsolanya @sterenheart @wibblywobblyida @forestcircle @ongreenergrasses and everyone else who sees this!

For ease of copying: Works published: Wordcount: Kudos: Hits: Bookmarks: Subscriptions: Most popular by kudos: Most hits: Longest: Shortest: Most Comments: Fics that made me cry: Fics that made me smile: gifts: collaborations: events:

sapphicscholar purlturtle die-schwanenkoenigin amysnotdeadyet squishmittenficfan viharistenno lesbianlotties bookgirlfan

[lavendelhummel]

Here is chapter 4 of the AU in which Helena is a mermaid and fell out of Myka's old-new washing machine. While the two of them had lots of fun getting to know each other during the past weeks, living in tiny bath tub starts to get to Helena now. She tells Myka more about her past.

This is a picture of a river I saw while visiting a castle on the weekend and a close up picture of a purple deep sea octopus and its eggs from the BBC for reasons (might be an unusual choice for a Bering and Wells story, but this is an AU. Myka can just have a different phobia this once). Here are the other chapters: one, two, three on ao3 and the Tumblr post with photos of the art that inspired this fic, and an interesting quote by the artist (and two and three). I’m happy to hear thoughts on this slightly different chapter ;)!

[purlturtle]

Writing asks - for the fic Flying 😍 - 2, 21, 25/26 and 30

Thank you for the ask! This is one of my favorite fics, and I love talking about it.

First, like I did with the other ask I answered, a link to the fic:

And then a link to the ask meme where these questions are from!

2: How did you come up with the idea?

It was a prompt from @sralinchen! My first ever prompt, to boot, and it was such a fun one! It was based on a story Sralinchen had found on Instagram, where person A wanted to surprise person B by flying to their city and showing up on their doorstep unannounced - only to realize that person B had done the same thing, flown to person A's city to surprise them. The Instagram post in question unfortunately doesn't exist anymore, but yeah, that's where it came from. I think it was the idea from the beginning that person A was Myka and person B was NOT Helena but Claudia, who then asks her friend Helena to keep Myka company while she's not there. But, it's been 3 years and I don't remember 😅

21: Did the fic end up shorter or longer than you had planned?

Oh god, much longer 😅 I'd originally only planned to write a quick one-shot, and then... it sprawled. I'm not sorry about it, though, because one of the reasons it did was the arrival of Chris, Helena's non-binary/questioning kid, and they were A RIOT to write.

25/26: Share your favorite line/detail:

Detail: that Helena's apartment is number 12, and Claudia's is number 13. I'm sure I'm not the first one to do this (in fact I have put Myka in hotel room 13 and Helena in 12 in a different fic), but it just... tickles me to do that kind of thing.

As for favorite line, I'm gonna put a whole scene, because I feel it really embodies the whole fic:

“I want to kiss you,” Helena said, feeling that those five words were utterly inadequate but equally utterly unable to find others. “God, I’ve wanted that all day,” Myka sighed, and the scent of wine was heady on her breath, and then her lips were soft on Helena’s lips, and then Helena’s thoughts stopped putting words to sensations and simply sensed. “Two minutes!” Chris exclaimed. “I even asked! ‘Can I leave you guys alone?’, I asked, and you said yes, and look at you now! My eyes! My poor twelve-year-old mind! I’m scarred! Scarred forever!” “Oh my god,” Myka gasped, and for a moment, Helena was frozen by the thought that Chris’ antics might have mortified her. But then Myka proceeded to laugh – a bit out of breath, a bit sheepish, but still a true, amused, fond laugh. “You really are drama royalty.” “I blame my upbringing,” Chris shrugged, and plopped into the spot Myka had vacated.

30: Would you ever return to the story’s universe and write more?

(quick note: sorry, I inadvertently pressed Ctrl + Enter and published this post before answering this; editing to add this answer now:)

I said in one author's note that I have ideas for writing a sexy scene for this AU, but my muse has since wandered elsewhere, so I highly doubt it'll happen. In and of itself, though, I consider this story done and finished.

Thank you for asking! This is such a favorite; I'm happy that you gave me the opportunity to talk about it!

[gothprentiss]

Any/all of the following for the fic writer's ask game please!

21, 22, 23

hi! this took a while because i had to rustle up my big draft from summer (sparse posting year this year, i'm realizing) and then figure out where i'd actually stowed the thing. harrowing! i thought i'd lost months of work and research!

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

omitting here the long handwringing session over how much i struggle and suffer with dialogue, which i am bad at and struggle with and suffer over and so on. i spent a lot of this summer trying to write conversation with tv prosody & patter, which i find very difficult. most of the time i write dialogue with the hope that the fic around it will justify it lol. oh look i didn't omit very much did i. anyway, this is from my big draft-- i find claudia so hard to write.

“Oh my GOD.” Claudia slid slowly down the doorframe and sunk her head between her knees. Muffled: “Myka, you have to be nice to me. I drank, like, enough coffee to kill a horse, maybe by drowning, to get myself up here. I think my heart rate’s like 200.” “What? Why?” “Like, for the other kind of liquid courage. High-octane liquid stupidity or something.” “That’s still alcohol.” “Fuck! Don’t—see! This is the thing! You’re supposed to be correcting me! I’m not supposed to be up here to—to ask you why you’ve been—ignoring everyone and sneaking around with artifacts. It’s—” She sighed, still in her knees, then rolled her head up to stare horizontally at Myka. Her hair was slatted over her face but she didn’t seem to notice. “It’s not supposed to be you doing that.”

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

from A Treatise on Electricity and Magnetism: “In many ways, I’m glad not to be a product of your age,” Helena said quietly. “The horizon of my aspirations— it would have been quite close, and well-defined. I might have busied myself building larger and larger spinning contraptions, obsessing over wormholes… but instead I thought, if time were manipulable, then it would be totally manipulable. Either it would be traversable in the same way as space, as the two would be cognate laws, or it would be traversed as a matter of substitution between those parts of uniform space and attendant time which were, theoretically, precisely the same.” She pursed her lips, somewhere between pouting and musing. “It could have been quite good for simple travel, too, if one had a fondness for whistle-stop tours.” Myka had wondered why Helena’s time machine didn’t work like H.G. Wells’. Her hypothesis had been that Charles simply didn’t get it, and had made some shit up instead. But no— it had been the first attempt. It was easy to see, in that light, how the Time Traveler was Helena all along, a daring cosmopolite of space-time; a relic of an optimistic youth.

i remember starting this whole bit of the fic with the desire to write a philosophical conversation between myka and hg that was actually functional (jury's still out for the final chapter lol), and also a really deep desire to use the word cosmopolite (an extremely self-serving hat tip to victorian cosmopolitanism). i think i'm good with how the metaphysics angle turned out-- relatively legible, and i don't reread it and wonder what the fuck i thought was going on lol-- and i like the whistle-stop tours line even though it feels somewhat impenetrable now (idea being you could travel anywhere but only for the time that the time machine permitted). idk! i think i struggle to balance my deep belief in the natural complexity of... well. complex things with my desire to be an efficient writer and communicator. i think this is one of my better moments or at least a foundational learning moment.

[storiesbyreese]

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Star Trek TNG

2. What is your latest fandom? Star Wars 

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in? the SVU Cabenson fandom, I still get messages on those fics and its’ been ages. 

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Not really 

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for? SVU, Once Upon a Time, Warehouse 13, Stargate SG1, Supergirl, Rizzoli and Isles, Xena, Star Wars, X-Men, Wicked, Rent, Legends of Tomorrow, NCIS, Birds of Prey, General Hospital, Doctor Who, Grey’s Anatomy 

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in. Alex Cabot & Olivia Benson, Regina Mills & Emma Swan,  Myka Bering & Helena G Wells, Sam Carter & Janet Fraiser, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Jane & Maura, Xena & Gabrielle, Leia and Amilyn Holdo, Elphaba & Glinda, Maureen & Joanne, Sara & Nyssa, Jenny & Gibbs, the Doctor and River Song, Callie Torres & Arizona Robbins, 

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in. Myka and Pete, Kara and Mon-El, Lena and James

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? have been a fan for a long long time, seeing Last Jedi and reading Leia Princess of Alderaan finally pushed me into doing something with it

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? finding new things to enjoy like new books I wouldn’t have picked up if not for Holdo, or the Organas being in them

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in? not right now, I tend to read the fandom I’m writing in because I tend to have a one track mind 

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP? Leia Organa and Amilyn Holdo 

12. Who is your current OT3? Rey, Finn, and Poe 

13. Any NoTPs? Rey and Kylo 

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? BB-8 and his humaniods 

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? Leia and Amilyn 

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? I’m currently writing Rey and Ben as siblings, so I’m not big on Rey/Kylo, but to each their own ship 

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? always loved Leia and Han, and yes, I love Leia with Han and with Amilyn. Space is big and open and gay 

18. What ship have you written the most about? Supergirl’s SuperCorp, with SVU’s Cabenson not fair behind. 

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? not really 

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Sara and Ava over on Legends of Tomorrow, I’m such a NySara shipper AvaLance took me by surprise 

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? the very first was a Star Trek TNG fic with a Crusher/Picard ship

22. Is there anything you regret writing? not really

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. I’m pretty proud of my SVU fic, it was the first one to get a really huge and really positive response from readers.  

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? all of them! espically the older ones, as I’d like to think my skills have improved. But even with the new ones, I always catch mistakes that could be fixed. 

25. What’s your most popular fanfic? It would have to be my Law and Order SVU Cabenson stories 

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? depends on the fic, there’s no real method to it

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries? titles 

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? First off I would be so honored and touched if someone wanted to try fan art of my work. So many pieces I would love to see! Claudia with Myka and HG’s baby sleeping on her chest. Alex and Sam dancing barefoot in their backyard, Rey hugging Amilyn with Leia watching, Nessa telling the Ozian children stories while her mothers looks on

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I do not, I should get one

30. What inspires you to write? good characters, an idea I would like to see play out, a good actress I connect with  

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing? every comment ever is the best

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you? music does inspire me, I try to make playlists, I will listen while I write but not while I edit. 

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics? all of the above 

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic? 126,863 it’s my Calzona fic 

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? I struggle with drabbles

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? fem-slash family fics 

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why? 3rd and multi pov

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? both 

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? I hope it’s coming up with creative ideas and writing characters in character within those ideas 

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? ending stories, I tend to leave them unfinished in case I get more ideas 

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: Let the Dye Fly High, You Always Answer, we made it through the night, there’s a feeling you give me, an evenglow , 

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing: kimaracretak, glassesofjustice, potstickermaster, A. Windsor

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? anyone and everyone who is brave enough to put their work out there 

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? Leia and Amilyn 

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? I don’t think I can pick one lol it’s whatever I’m currently reading? 

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? I would say just have a poke around and see if anything catches your eye because I have written for a lot of fandoms 

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why? Recently, A03, but my older stuff is all on FanFiction.net 

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? Yes, because I’m a writer who knows how good it feels to get a comment. It helps to know people are enjoying what you’ve put a lot of time and heart into 

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not? I love comments and sparing the word is always kind 

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? It’s been so long now I don’t remember lol 

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! I love how there’s a space where we can share our ideas and best of all show others they are not alone. As a writer it gives you an outlet to express yourself, and to express how you feel about things. As a reader you get to see that the thoughts and feelings you’re having, others have them too. 

[beatricethecat2]

one step forward, two steps back (v2.0) - 1

Way back when, last December, to be exact, I gifted a fic to @apparitionism for the B&W Secret Santa extravaganza. I'd threatened a second part, which is nearly ready to go, but before that I needed to do some housecleaning on the first story (thank you appy for pointing out issues.) So I'm starting over by posting an edited version of this story then moving on to a six chapter "part two" that fixes everything. I’ll be posting new chapters regularly, maybe every other day if I can mange, just to get this out of my system. 

NOTE: This story is an inbetweener - set after episode 4.8 “Second Chance” (the one when Mrs. F tells Helena to disappear with the astrolabe) but before 4.9 “The Ones We Love.”

/////////////////

As the loudspeaker crackles to life, Myka pushes herself up into sitting position and snuggles further into her coat. She glances to the side at Pete, still lying next to her, sprawled across three whole seats. He hasn’t moved an inch since she dozed off.

“Pete,” she says, more as a puff of air than a name.

No response.

“Pete,” she repeats, louder, adding a poke to the arm.

“Ggnah,” he grunts, flinching but holding his position.

“Get up. Our gate’s moved.”

“Fivemoreminutes,” he mumbles, pulling the hood of his jacket over his eyes.

“Fine,” she says through a yawn and stretches her neck to the left then right. “I’m going to go clean up. Be ready when I get back.” She shoots Pete a stern eye, but he’s already dozed off. She’ll wake him for real when she gets back.

She navigates out of the waiting area, past the meager breakfast options, thinking there better be better coffee by their new gate. Spying signs for the facilities, she strides towards the ladies but is thrown off by a hand grabbing her elbow. She's swept into the family restroom, and as the door slams shut, she spins around and pins her abductor to its back. She’s not in the mood for detour, nor a new mystery to solve, she really, really just wants to get home.

“We must stop meeting like this,” the woman chokes out, one hand tugging at Myka’s forearm, the other clicking the lock closed.

“H.G.?” Myka says, lowering her arm. “What are you doing here?"

Helena holds Myka’s gaze as she rubs her neck. Myka’s unsettled by the anxious look in her eyes.

“Are you ok? Where have you been? Why were you following us—“

Helena’s lips halt Myka's words, one hand tangling into thick curls, tugging her close. Seconds later, Helena pulls back, and Myka lists forward but is met by Helena’s forehead instead of her mouth.

"I’m meant to trust no one. No one at all. You cannot tell a soul you've seen me," Helena says, looking down at her hands, turning them over, flexing her fingers repeatedly. "Irene will be livid.”

Myka stiffens at the mention of Mrs. Frederic, her eyes following Helena as she paces the tiny room.

“I tried, you see, tried, but I can’t fix this on my own,” Helena says, muttering almost to herself.

“Fix what?” Myka asks but gets no response.

Helena examines her hands again as her steps become erratic.

"Fix what?" Myka repeats and steps into Helena's path.

Helena bumps into Myka and looks up, her eyes round and wild. Acting on impulse, Myka leans forward and presses her lips to Helena’s, just as Helena did before.

This time, the kiss lingers, and Myka's libido thrums awake. Helena soft, warm lips are full of everything she’s been missing since their glorious night together after Sykes. Her hands rise to circle Helena’s biceps, then skim down to her elbows, but Helena gently pushes her away.

“You got stuck. In your head. I thought kissing you might help.”

“If only that were the remedy,” Helena says, her lips curling up slowly at the ends. “One more for good measure couldn't hurt."

Myka smirks, crookedly, and walks Helena back, pinning her to the wall, palms pressing into tiles on either side of her head. She dips forward and kisses Helena, properly, lips squarely aligned, her arousal soaring as Helena presses their bodies together.

“Mykes, you in there?” Pete bellows, too few moments later.

Helena growls at the interruption and as Myka looks away, presses her lips into the twist of Myka's neck. Myka gasps at the pressure, head tilting instinctively towards Helena, Pete already forgotten about at the door.

“Mykes?”

“Don’t answer,” Helena grumbles, her breath exciting already sensitized skin.

“I know you're in there because I already checked the ladies.“

Myka looks towards the door, but Helena cups her jaw and guides her back, pressing her lips into tender spot behind Myka's ear.

“Listen, Artie’s on the line. We got a ping. He wants to talk to both of us—“

“Ow!” Myka yelps, her body collapsing forward, temple hitting the wall. “Why’d you do that?” she says, rubbing brow while looking around the room for Helena.

“You talkin' to me?” Pete asks.

"No," Myka answers, grimacing at Helena, now standing next to her scowling, arms crossed over her chest.

“Maybe I should come in there to, you know, avoid prying eyes?”

“Gimme a minute,” Myka says, taking a step back, squinting Helena. “How hard did I hit my head? You’re kinda...glowing.”

Helena clasps her hands in front of her and straightens her spine while breathing out a heavy sigh.

Myka's eyes widen as the gravity of the situation dawns on her.

“You see the issue—"

“Artie's getting waaay testy out here!” Pete says, rattling the door handle.

“I must go.”

“Helena, wait!” Myka lunges as Helena steps away, but her hand passes completely through her.

“Once this is resolved, I’ll look forward to further pleasantries, but for now..." Helena says, spinning around to face Myka. She bows humbly, then disappears through a solid wall.

------------------

After a grouchier than usual talk with Artie, Myka and Pete are rerouted to Schenectady to meet with a curator from the Museum of Science and Innovation. Myka half-listens as Pete takes the investigative lead; her mind caught up in solving Helena's predicament.

How can she fix an after-effect from the coin? Her first priority is to locate it, then neutralize it, because maybe it wasn't neutralized properly in the first place...

“So this Photophone,” she interjects when she senses Pete faltering, "it was a donation?”

“Yes. We think it's the original GE prototype, from the twenties,” the curator says and hands Myka a photo.

Myka glances at the image, then at the item in front of her. She stares at it for a long moment as if concentrating, but her thoughts slip back to the orb. What if it’s not at the Warehouse? What if the coin's being used again?

“Was it, like, missing stuff, when you stuck it together?” Pete says, elbowing Myka when she doesn’t continue.

“We recreated several parts.”

Myka raises a brow and Pete smiles.

“Can you show us the schematics and identify which pieces?”

“Sure. Follow me.”

------------------

After a lengthy pow wow with Claudia and a swift interview with the donor of the machine, it’s determined several boxes from the donation went in error to a charity shop instead of the museum. A quick visit to the drop off location reveals the boxes were sent to a sorting center, so after obtaining directions, Pete drives to a warehouse just off the highway.

"This place is massive,” Pete says as he pulls into the parking lot. "How are we going to find anything in there?”

“Maybe donations are sorted by date?” Myka says while exiting the car. Her confidence fades as she passes lumps of tarped goods lining the walkway to the building.

They flash their badges at the front desk, and the guard waves them through.

"Is there someone else we can ask for help?” Myka says.

"Nope. Weekend," he says, eyes barely leaving the moving image on his phone. "Place is yours. Knock yourselves out.”

They walk through a wide doorway lined with vertical plastic strips then out onto the main floor.

"This place is in-sane," Pete says as he scans the sea of boxes, bags, and furniture before them.

"Yeah," Myka says.

"At least we know it's a vase."

“It’s a horn."

"But the old lady kept flowers in it."

"It shapes sound, Pete. Here take the picture."

“Brass funnel?" Pete says, with a wink.

Myka rolls her eyes and gives him a push. “Let's split up. Yell if you find anything."

Pete gives a two finger salute then marches to the other side of the room.

Myka meanders in the opposite direction, sifting lightly through piles and jumps as her coat pocket vibrates. Her cell and her Farnsworth are in her jeans pockets, so she’s unsure of what it possibly could be.

She maneuvers the pocket, so it opens toward the floor and shakes it until something falls out. Recognizing the shape, she bends down to inspect it and sees a post-it attached, reading “Give to Claudia” in flowing script.

Her stomach sinks a little because of course, the kiss was for this…then again Helena probably panicked when she felt herself fading. But Helena’s lips against her neck, her hand resting on the small of her back, that was out of want for a real connection. The flutter in her heart tells her so.

The phone vibrates again, and the screen lights up as text appears under the post-it. She picks up the device and peels off the note.

- Hello? the screen reads.

No caller ID, but it must be Helena.

- Are you ok?

- I think so

- Where are you?

- I’m not sure

- What do you see?

- Books, movies, CDs. The Fly on DVD, but no Metamorphosis?

- You’re in a store?

- An apartment

- There must be a reason you’re there

- I see a note

A note? Helena said she trusted no one, so who would leave a note? She scans the room for Pete to ensure he's otherwise occupied and wracks her brain for people Helena might trust. She begins to worry when no new text appears.

- What does it say?

Still no response. Maybe Helena's a hologram again? She did dematerialize rather suddenly earlier. As she scrolls through, reviewing their short conversation, something dawns on her. Helena's phrasing is off, and the book and movie comparisons are odd, both date from after she was bronzed.

- Emily?

Myka holds her breath, praying she’s wrong.

- To whom am I speaking?

Myka closes her eyes and rubs the bridge of her nose. This is getting more complicated than it needs to be.

- Agent Bering. Do you remember me?

- The secret service agent?

- Yes

- Am I hiding from that evil man?

- No. He’s gone. You’re safe

- Oh thank goodness. He frightened me

- I know. I’m sorry. What does the note say?

Myka flicks her eyes around the room as dots animate in a speech bubble, noting Pete’s new location.

- Under no circumstances may you use the phone nor leave the flat. Wait here for my return. Food is available in the refrigerator

- That sounds like Helena

- Helena? The person those evil men thought I was?

- Yes

- She has lovely penmanship

Myka smiles. Emily's a schoolteacher no matter the circumstances.

- Why am I here?

- It sounds like you’re safe. Do what Helena says

- I don’t understand

- Hang tight. I’ll figure out where you are and meet you. Don’t call or text anyone except me

- Could you bring Dickens?

Myka grimaces; of course, she’d want her cat.

- I’ll see what I can do

- Do you know where he is?

- I’ll look into it

When no new message appears, she slips the phone into her pocket, but it vibrates again.

- I’m scared.

- You’re safe. Please stay put. Do what Helena says

- You’ll take care of me, won’t you?

- I will. Leave a note for Helena. Tell her what we talked about

- Why? Can’t I tell her in person?

- You might be asleep when she gets back

It’s a weak answer, but she hopes it works.

- I am tired

- Everything’s going to be ok. Ok?

- Thank you Agent Bering.

- Call me Myka

- Thank you Myka

Myka chews her lip as she waits for further response, not trusting Emily to be done just yet. It's terrifying to be alone in an unfamiliar place and Emily’s searching for a connection, she gets that. After a few moments of silence, she tucks the phone away and turns her attention back to the search.

—————————

First thing in the B&B, Myka hunts for Claudia and finds her, hunkered down in the living room, in the midst of an all-night movie marathon with Steve. Instead of approaching her, she stands in the doorway, mulling over options, not wanting to raise suspicions, as the Brother Adrian situation has everyone on high alert. But she needs to pull Claudia out of there, pronto, as Helena's situation's only going to get worse—

She startles as a hand touches her shoulder.

“Everything ok?”

“Hey, Leena, hi,” Myka says, spinning around to greet Leena. "Yep. All good."

“Can I get you anything?” Leena's smile dims as she takes in Myka’s aura.

“Thanks, but…I’m, uh, beat. I’m going to turn in." Myka stumbles over her words as her pocket vibrates.

“Let me know if you need anything. Even just to talk.”

“Thanks,” Myka says. She tempers her gait as she walks towards the stairs then rushes up, running head first into Pete at the top.

“Wheres the fire?” Pete says, bending back, waving his hands.

“Shower. Now," Myka replies, pointing to her door.

“Movie time de-nied.”

“I need today to be over. And yesterday. The past few days.”

“But you’re missing out on some sweeeet—"

“Don’t,” Myka snaps, thrusting her hand over Pete's lips, squeezing them shut with her fingers.

Pete peels her hand off his mouth. “You're just sore because I won. I found the funnel.”

“Horn, Pete. For the millionth time, it was a horn.”

“Whatevs. I scored, and you flopped. So there.” He leans forward, hands on hips, and sticks out his tongue.

“A guilt trip’s not going to work."

“Party pooper,” Pete says, index fingers pointed toward Myka, thumbs moving as if shooting a gun. He then jumps down the stairs.

Myka sighs tiredly then enters her room. She closes the door and locks it, then slips Helena’s phone out of her pocket.

- I apologize for that woman earlier

Myka collapses on the bed, relieved it’s Helena and not Emily.

- How long has this been happening?

- Since shortly after I was released. It began as a mere suggestion but lately has taken a turn for the worst

- Can I call you?

- Is the area secure?

- I think so. I’m in my room

- Not there. Outside

- It’s 1AM

- Sneak out

- Everyone's watching movies downstairs

- Have you spoken with Claudia?

- No. We literally just got back

As she waits for a reply, Myka scoots back on the bed. When none comes, she pushes on.

- Where are you?

- Safe. If that woman stays put. She's a menace to society

- She’s scared. She doesn’t know what's going on

- I understand, but she's a security risk

- I'll talk to Claudia as soon as I can. We’ll find the coin and fix this

- Do you know where it is?

- No. Do you?

- I’ve looked, but I’m afraid not

- You said Mrs. F would be angry. Why?

Seconds pass with no reply. That must have flipped the off switch. Is she not answering on purpose? If so, why?

- I don't know a Mrs. F and who's Claudia? Is she the menace to society?

Emily. Myka grits her teeth and closes her eyes, rubbing circles in her temple with her fingers.

- These texts say something’s happening. What's happening? Why am I holding the phone?

Myka hesitates, tumbling through possible explanations.

- And why am I wearing skinny jeans?

Myka smirks at that.

- Helena was just there

- I didn’t see her. Should I look for her outside?

- NO. Stay there

- No need to yell

- Sorry. How are you feeling?

- Blurry

- Eat something. Rest. Helena will be back soon

Myka's stomach twists at the lie, but it came out unthinkingly. Then again Helena will be back, just occupying her body, or rather Helena’s body.

- I’d like to meet her if she’s no longer endangering my life

- She's not

- Will you be coming soon?

Her fingers hover over the keyboard; Helena’s right, she is a security risk, so whatever it takes to keep her there, she’s game.

- I will. Hang tight

- Thank you

- Get some rest

Myka drops the phone onto her pillow and closes her eyes. She needs to talk with Claudia, now, which means movie time is no longer de-nied.

------------------------

Myka showers to keep up appearances, her mind toggling between heated kisses and Helena’s dire situation. As she emerges, she lunges towards her vibrating phone and hits accept as she attempts a one-handed towel wrap.

“Helena?”

“Did I wake you?”

“You said this wasn’t secure."

“I’ll call later if—“

“Don’t hang up.”

Myka’s stomach flutters the line quiets, thrilled to hear Helena’s voice, but fearful of what she might say next.

"I’ve no control over whatever this is.”

“It’s getting worse, isn’t it."

“I’m afraid so."

"I’ll go get Claudia. We have to fix this before…"

The thought withers as neither party jumps complete it.

“Do you remember being Emily?”

“Not a thing. Though she is quite the pain in my arse."

“Why?”

“She acts like a petulant child, notes littered everywhere: why this, why that, ad nauseam. And can you please tell me why she's so offended by my attire?”

Myka snickers. “She likes cardigans. And floral prints. Bright colors. Her tastes are...different from yours.”

Helena doesn’t respond, but her disdain seeps through the line.

“Where are you?”

“A rental.”

“I told Emily I’d meet her.”

“Don't. It’s best you stay away.”

“But—"

"Once this rigamarole is sorted, I’d very much like to see you. But now..."

“I’d like to see you, too,” Myka says, her pulse quickening at the thought. “Try to stay solid and, um…yourself. I’ll be in touch, soon.”

-TBC-

[beatricethecat2]

out of place/out of mind - 4

(Read first) one step forward, two steps back (v.2.0):part 1+ part 2, (Previously) out of place, out of mind: part 1, part 2, part 3

I posted chapter 3 at a weird time so maybe later will reach more people (though who knows on a Monday.) To repeat, it's an Instinct replacement and forward fix it fic, in six chapters. I'll fix typos later and thanks for reading!

///////////////

After a long, nondescript highway drive, Myka and Helena travel deep into the forest, side roads giving way to back then on to dirt. Dappled light flits across the dash and Helena leans closer to the window, her eyes coming alive in a way Myka hasn’t seen for an eternity. It was a toss-up whether Helena would freak out or feel at home in the woods, but now Myka’s certain this was a good idea after all.

She thought the drive might loosen Helena's tongue and she'd learn more about the cabin “the cowboy” built for his wife and child. But when pushed for details, as per usual, Helena changed the subject. Helena avoids talking about her life there in general, and it drives Myka crazy. She's puzzled “the cowboy’s" backstory out on her own, but Helena’s insisted both worlds be kept separate, so Helena’s experiences of it remain a mystery.

When they arrive at their rented cabin, Helena searches every room, as if looking for something, or someone, hidden inside. She's put off by its layout—it’s more modern than she’d like—but after close inspection, she seems pleased to be there.

It’s an unseasonably warm night, and Helena insists on sleeping under the stars, but Myka, at first, declines to join her. Craving a warm, soft bed, she settles into the loft bedroom, but eventually gives in, feeling silly in the house all alone. She drags out an extra blanket and snuggles up to Helena for warmth, then nods off with her head on Helena’s shoulder.

She's alone when she wakes the next morning, rested but worse for wear, so she wraps the blanket around herself and joins Helena in the kitchen. "The cowboy" must feel at home here, as Helena’s more animated than she’s been in weeks, and if “the cowboy's” happy, Helena’s mood might improve.

After their meal, they finish unpacking, then, post lunch, take a stroll in the woods. Myka naps upstairs while Helena cooks a modest dinner, and as evening wanes, they read together on the couch. Helena made cozy fire as it’s cooler than yesterday, and as they inch together, Myka guides Helena’s head onto her lap. She strokes her fingers through Helena's silky hair and smiles as Helena relaxes into her. Not wanting to wake her, Myka continues reading for a spell, but eventually guides Helena upstairs to bed.

The next morning, Helena’s gone again, so she rises and shuffles sleepily downstairs. Coffee is brewing, but Helena’s out in the yard, her back turned, huddled over the picnic table. Myka slips on her boots and a jacket, then heads out to see what she's doing.

“You’re up early,” she says, but the closer she gets, the more concerned she grows. Is that a pile of feathers on the ground? A quiver of arrows leaning against the table?

“Good morning,” Helena says, with a sunny lilt in her tone.

Myka jumps back as Helena turns to greet her as her hands, and the knife she’s holding, are both covered in blood.

“I’ve acquired dinner, but it's currently not for the faint of heart.” She smiles at Myka and steps to the side to reveal the table.

“Y-you killed that, with that?” Myka points at the arrows.

Helena nods, sagely. “And 'that,' I believe, is a turkey.”

“I thought those arrows were a decoration."

“They were most efficient.”

“You need a license to kill things. And it has to be in season.”

“On our own lands?”

“On any lands. This isn't the Wild West. There are rules.”

“Too late for this fowl,” Helena says, turning back to the table, continuing her task.

“I didn’t know you liked to hunt,” Myka says, seizing the moment. If she keeps Helena talking, maybe she'll open up.

“As the hunter, yes. The game, no.”

“What do you mean?”

The knife thwacks down on the turkey’s neck, and it falls to the ground with a thunk. “You've read my report.”

“I did. I was worried about you and you wouldn’t—“

“Talk with you. Only Abigail.”

“Yeah. I still don’t understand why.”

“You’ve read what happened.”

“It barely scratched the surface.”

"What would you have me say?” Helena turns to face Myka, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Anything. Anything at all,” Myka says, throwing her hands in the air. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what happened, and right now I'm totally in the dark.” Abigail, too, wouldn’t reveal much, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. She said Helena would open up when she was ready, but Myka’s patience is wearing thin.

“Shall I describe, in graphic detail, how I narrowly escaped execution after being thrown in jail? Recount tales of being hunted like a wild animal, bruised, bloodied, delirious for months on end? Or relive the battle between townsfolk and local tribe where my freedom was gained by brutally murdering my enemy?”

Myka flinches as the knife's point is thrust into the table, Helena's fingers remaining wrapped around its hilt.

“I’m sorry. I’m really, truly sorry. But I need you talk, so I can understand what you’re going through.” All of that was in Helena's report, and Myka's genuinely horrified, but to bring the real Helena back, she needs to understand what she's dealing with emotionally.

“My trauma should never be your burden to bear.”

“Is there another reason you won’t talk to me?”

“Such as what?"

“Did you kill Jamison because Mary asked you to?”

Helena’s glare turns into confusion at the question. “It was the climax of the film, was it not? By then, my actions were no longer my own. Jamison was truly evil, and the child’s safety was at risk. Had that ridiculous flash-forward not been tagged on, I'd have been back years earlier, and I wouldn’t be standing here the mess that  I am.”

“Yeah, but, did you love her?”

“The child? Of course.”

“I meant Mary.”

It's a selfish thing to ask, and the flash of hurt in Helena’s eyes confirms it; Myka wishes it never came out of her mouth. But it’s been niggling at her since Helena’s return, and she needs to know for certain if Helena's reluctance to talk is because of a lingering loyalty to Mary.

“I felt as scripted, with little agency. By the time Claudia arrived, I was fully immersed. I did care for Mary, admired her spirit, but even lost in "the cowboy’s" psyche, I understood my heart belonged to another.”

Helena smiles weakly at Myka, and Myka smiles back, tears welling up behind her eyes. She reaches out to hug Helena and Helena lifts her arms, but her hand’s bloodied state gives her pause. Helena looks down at the ground, then turns back to the turkey, shoulders dropping, head hanging low.

“Deep down you knew we were trying to get you back.”

"You’re what kept me alive in the beginning, through my worst moments. When I was freezing to death, I’d imagine you there to warm me, bringing me tea, like you did before I betrayed you.”

Helena folds further in on herself and Myka places a hand on her back.

“That was a long time ago. We’ve moved past that."

Helena breathes in deeply and slowly releases the breath then glances back at Myka. “There were days I’d lose myself in you, gazing into your eyes, kissing you for hours, sharing your bed as we did after Sykes. But then modernity began slipping away, and I was arguing with Charles or traveling with Christina. All my memories became circumspect, and you became a figment of my imagination. I rationalized my situation by believing I ran away to America to escape the trauma of Christina’s death. The thought of better world existing in the future seemed too farfetched, clearly something I'd dreamt up for a novel.”

“Oh, Helena,” Myka says, stepping behind her, skimming her hands down the sides of her arms.

Helena looks down at her hands, at the blood on them. “There were others, beyond Jamison.”

“You did what you needed to survive.”

“Perhaps,” Helena says, sounding as if that bitter Helena, the one straight from the bronze, has reappeared. “Isn’t the saying, dog eat dog world? Survival of the fittest? In hindsight, that’s not justification enough.” Her knees wobble, almost buckling.

Myka grips Helena’s upper arms to prop her up. “Why don’t you finish here and call Abigail?” she says, seeing she's pushed Helena too far. If Helena refuses, she'll call herself, as it’s time to ask for help.  

Helena steadies herself and nods in agreement then looks over her shoulder Myka. Myka smiles her most comforting smile and threads a lock of hair behind Helena's ear. As she meets Helena's wild, sad eyes, she says, “I’m real, ok.” She then cradles Helena's chin and kisses her temple. “Never forget, your home is here with me."

----------

As Helena pulls into the driveway, Myka moves to the window and watches her walk directly around back. Helena left hours ago to find cell service, and she's not the best driver, so she was beginning to worry she'd gotten lost. Myka offered to chauffer, but Helena insisted she go alone and wore Myka down until she gave in.

Helena enters the shed and emerges with a hatchet, then walks toward a pile of wood. She selects a specific log, then balances it on a stump and swings the hatchet to split it in two. She repeats the motion several times over, splitting each section into even smaller ones. She then starts whole the process over again, as if on an assembly line, and Myka stares, mesmerized by Helena's lifting, chopping, and throwing.

She wonders why Helena didn't stop in and say hello first, but maybe time is of the essence. She wanted to roast the turkey over an open flame, and for it to be ready for dinner, she probably needed to start it right away.

After ten or so logs, Helena seems to be winding down, so Myka nips out to ask if she needs help. She crosses the lawn and approaches Helena from behind, admiring her fit physique as she walks.  

“I thought you might need help with—“

The second she touches Helena’s shoulder, Helena spins around, smacking her in breastbone and pushing her to the ground. Helena then pins her down, forearm to chest, legs straddling hips, teeth bared, hatchet blade hovering just above her neck. With the wind knocked out of her, Myka coughs and gasps for breath, the cold metal stuttering against her skin.

“H-Helena, s-stop,” Myka wheezes, her body limp, save for her cough. Her heart beats out of her chest at the crazed look in Helena’s eyes, one she recognizes all too well. “It’s Myka.”

A hint of recognition flashes across Helena’s face, and she bears down less on Myka’s chest. She scrambles to her feet and hurls the hatchet to the side, stumbling back, tripping over herself as she turns and runs away.

“Come back!” Myka croaks, falling forward as she rises, hand flying up to her chest as she coughs. “Damnit,” she mutters, and as Helena disappears into the woods, she falls to the side then lays flat.

--------

Myka camps out on the porch, huddled under a blanket, tipping her rocking chair back and forth to stay calm. She stares into the darkness, knowing Helena will come back, though the hatchet may add time to her disappearance.

After this afternoon's incident, she Farnsworthed the Warehouse, driving out of the valley to combat fuzzy reception. Months ago, Claudia put a tracking device in Helena's locket, and Abigail located her only a mile away. Myka asked her to email the location, but Abigail warned against retrieving her too soon. She said Helena needed distance to work through her jumbled mind and maybe Myka deserved a break, too.

When asked what prompted Helena's flight, Myka burst into tears, her suppressed fear from that moment releasing itself. She insisted it was her fault, that she pushed Helena too far, triggering harmful memories for them both.

Abigail urged Myka to leave if she didn’t feel safe and said they'd send backup for when Helena returned. Myka said no, she was ok, and ambushing Helena would only drive her further away. She assured Abigail when Helena returned she knew what to say to make things right. She even admitted it was time to face up to hard facts and but wanted one more chance to reach Helena on her own.

When the temperature drops, she heads into the cabin, leaving the porch light on just in case Helena returns. She hunkers down in bed and hugs a pillow to her chest, wrapping her mind around the fact Helena may never be her Helena again.

-----------

A warm light flickers over her eyes as the scent of coffee fills her nose; the sun is up, and Helena must be back. She dons her robe and her slippers and peeks out the bedroom window, seeing Helena cutting up vegetables below. Helena looks up, meeting Myka’s gaze but, without smiling, turns back to her task. She cleans off the knife and slides it into its wooden holder, then glances at Myka before moving to the stove.

Myka descends the stairs and enters the kitchen, grabbing a clean coffee cup from the dish rack. She fills her mug as if it were a normal morning and adds a dab of milk from a carton. She takes a small sip and leans a hip on the counter, all the while, eyes on Helena.

“You're back,” Myka says.

“Momentarily,” Helena replies, dropping peppers into the already sizzling onions.

“What does that mean?” Myka says, hands tightening around her mug.

"I’m going,” Helena says, glancing at Myka, then back at the pan.

“Going where?”

“Away.” Helena adds a bowl of chopped tomatoes and moves the mixture around with a wooden spoon.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Myka says, stepping closer to Helena and setting her mug down on the counter. She reaches out to touch Helena’s shoulder, but Helena shrugs away.

“I nearly killed you yesterday. Again.” Helena's hand tightens around the spoon, her movements slowing to a stop.

“You wouldn’t.” Myka reaches in front of Helena and carefully turns off the burner.

“You can’t know that for certain.”

“I just do.”

“If I can’t predict my actions, how could you?” Helena’s hand trembles as she places the spoon on the counter, so much so it clambers to the floor.

“I got you through the bad times, remember? Thoughts of me kept you safe. I’m what's real, and your subconscious knows it."

“That’s not enough to keep the demons at bay.”

“Then you wouldn’t because you love me. You said so after Sykes. That your capable of love at all, after Christina, scares you enough to stop.”

Helena grips the edge of the stove and leans forward, closing her eyes, dipping her head down.

“Every time we go on a mission, we risk our lives. How many times have I nearly died? Have you actually died? I think I know by now the difference between almost and inevitable.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not.” Myka steps even closer, sliding a hand across Helena's jaw and turning her head, so their eyes meet.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Helena says.

“But I do.” Myka strokes her thumb over Helena’s cheek, but when the fear in Helena's eyes doesn’t lessen, she draws back her hand. “OK,” she says, nodding. “Have time to yourself. But you have to let Abigail help you. And I have to know where you are.”

“That defeats the purpose.”

“You can’t disappear. You owe me that much. No matter what is or is not happening between us, you’re my friend, and I care about you. You need me, and I need you.”

“Surely you have others to turn to?”

“No one gets me—gets to me—like you do. Unless everything between us was an act.”

“Certainly not.”

“I never once gave up hope over those three long years. And look at you, here, now, alive. My wish came true. What more could I ask for?” Myka’s chin begins to tremble.

“More than you’ve been given. More than, ‘I didn't die today.'” Helena brushes a tear from Myka’s cheek and lays a hand on her upper arm. Myka lunges forward, wrapping her arms around Helena, burying her face in Helena’s shoulder.

Helena hugs her close, stroking a hand through her hair. As Myka settles down, she steps back.

“Sorry,” Myka says, wiping her eyes and nose with her sleeve. “You didn't need to see that.” She looks towards the door. “I’ll go. You stay. Just drive me into town.” She walks towards the stairs with purpose.

Helena scrambles behind and grabs her arm. “No. Not like this.”

“Do you love me?” Myka stops but doesn’t turn around.

“I do,” Helena says, without skipping a beat.

“Then let me help you. Let me in.”

Helena drops her hand. “You shouldn’t have to navigate my instabilities.”

“I can handle it, ok?" Myka says, turning around and taking hold of Helena's hands. “You don’t have to shelter me. I know it’s hard to tell, but I’m not all rainbows and sunshine either.”

A weak smile flits across Helena's lips before she looks down at their entwined hands.

Myka brushes her fingers over Helena's cheek then combs slowly through Helena’s hair until her fingers cup the base of Helena's skull. “I know you’re in there, Helena. I need you to come out.”

Helena’s breath hitches as Myka places a light kiss on her cheek then trails her lips across to her ear. She nuzzles her nose into the valley under Helena’s earlobe, and presses kisses down the length of her neck. She always second-guessed herself when they’ve gotten this far before and stopped before moving forward. But this time, Helena's veins tense under her skin, and her quickening pulse gives her the green light.

A guttural growl escapes Helena's throat as Myka teases a familiar sweet spot, and she leans into Myka's touch. Helena tastes like salt and earth, her hair smelling of smoke and leaves, and the earthiness heightens Myka’s resolve to continue.

Helena's hands lift to cradle Myka's jaw, and she kisses her deeply, a latent want taking over as if awakened from a dream. Myka reciprocates, hungrily, her hands moving everywhere at once, then settling the small of Helena's back. Remaining entwined, she guides Helena backward to the couch, and as Helena falls, she pulls Myka down on top of her.

They spend the day lost in a haze of rediscovery and desire, languidly restoring memories of each curve and valley.

-TBC-