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rkrispyt · 3 years

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what's your favorite portwell moment and why? 🥰

WHAT A QUESTION! Do you realize what you're asking of me?

To pick only one?!

Me, rooted in truth and honesty, and taking these kind of questions way too seriously, legit thinking I have to weigh everything and come up with what is truly my one all-time favorite moment?!

Oh @scorpiospectrum, my friend. You sweet, sweet angel of a human. You didn't ask for this. I'm so sorry that this novel - nay, TRILOGY of novels - is what became of a simple ask you sent my way in kindness...

I reserve the right to change my mind later (maybe even moments after making this post tbh), but lemme try to make this choice from the top moments that immediately come to mind, in chronological order...BUCKLE UP CAUSE I'M NOTHING IF NOT VERBOSE AND IT'S BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I GOT UP IN MY PORTWELL FEELINGS!

Seriously. It's disgustingly, offensively long. Continue at your own risk.

The Quinceanero interview That moment, after watching Gina so incredibly sad and feeling so alone for the first 4, most of 5, episodes, the situations I've been in that left me feeling so similar, the old feelings Sofia's performance drudged up that I legit carried with me for DAYS after one particular episode, and then seeing the lightbulb moment where she realizes how far her standards had fallen - the bar was on the floor! - when EJ asks about her feelings out of genuine interest and care is...*chef's kiss*

I knew Portwell was coming going into Season Two. I was a R*na shipper in S1 after the Homecoming ep. I was a Gina stan from day one moment one because I was a big fan of Sofia's going into the show (I had seen her dancing in youtube videos she made and was a huuuuuge fan but knew nothing else of her ). 1.10 with that look after "it just didn't seem fair for you to miss all this", after it's revealed he got her the ticket, I was like "welp, that's happening next season" and resigned to Portwell happening but not at all happy about it.

Then 2.1-2.4 happened. And I had been there. And I know now that I deserved so much more but I didn't know it at the time, and I didn't think I deserved boundaries and who was I to have standards - beggers can't be choosers, right? And I'd started off in 2.1 happy that they hadn't dropped R*na completely but very confused about where they were going with it, because he was clearly happy with Nini, and I was happy that he was happy, and I had to admit their chemistry was off the charts and they were going strong, thinking "they're solid" and so how did Gina fit into that? And then R*na got into a place that was clearly not healthy for my girl. And I realized how much Gina initiated everything in S1. How maybe nothing at all would have happened in those moments if she hadn't been the one to always start them, and that's a lot of work on only one side if there's gonna be an actual relationship. And was I really actually into R*na or was it a little bit about their chemistry that I hadn't expected and a lot about it seeming like Gina was happy and I just really wanted her to be happy (the answer, I realized, is yes lol)? I watched all that at the beginning of season two and so wanted Gina to realize she was worth more and worth boundaries and worth not having to always initiate and to always try and to always fight and getting so little back from someone.

And when she set that boundary with Ricky in 2.5 I hollered and cheered, even though I hadn't even realized how much I'd shifted from shipping R*na at that point! And when she was crying while glancing at Rini, I literally said out loud to no one "omg, at least put her with EJ, at least he'll make her happy - she deserves to be happy!!!" And I was like "woah, did my anti-PW ass really just say that I want that and mean it?"

And then EJ did the bare minimum of giving a shit about her, which made her realize who WASN'T doing even the bare minimum. And she's never gone back. We love to see it.

And shockingly, I realized I loved to see it. It was the moment that officially made me Portwell trash, because I realized I was straight up giddy about this pairing that I was soooo not here for before. They set this up so well, it even converted me, and I never ever never multi-ship. I find my OTP and I stick with it or I have ships I like in a more chill sense but they don't give me all the feelz (as the kids used to say). Like I really dig Kowie and Rini and Redlyn and Seblos, but I don't get feelz and giddy about them, y'know? I get 'awwwww' about them, which is good but not OTP level good. I digress.

Somewhere on tumblr is the post I made after that ep. I think I unfollowed the R*na tag and dipped into the Portwell tag for the first time that day, reblogged a post from someone else being pleasantly surprised about liking PW, and I said something like "listen, when I tell you I was not here for it...I was REALLY not here for it. But now I want this REAL bad. What is happening?"

And that was the beginning of it all. :)

Career Day/Interview I will never in my life get over the way this absolutely charmed me. I swear there were unicorns and rainbows and puppies and shooting stars and everything happy and lovely and innocent and delightful and EASY in this scene between the early-stages-of-flirting flirty banter, Gina's snort, EJ's reaction to it, and that perfection of a moment when EJ is denying feelings, shows his hand with "why, did she say something?", Gina enters and hilariously bolts, and EJ's reaction to the camera. I am not worthy. Seriously, the moment that happened, I knew "this is going to be one of my favorite moments of this whole damn series." Perfection. So seemingly small but one that encompasses what I love about them so much. She had come from such sadness. So had he. And they were just so light and easy and smiling and giggling with one another. We saw how they just made each other so happy. It seemed so simple, so easy. This is a strong contendor for my fave I think.

The Couch Scene Actual footage of me watching the couch scene:

I always feel like the couch scene should be my favorite. It's a solid moment that really lets us know without a shadow of a doubt that this is happening; that it's not gonna be rushed so settle in; that it's going to be prominent; that they'd both given so much to others (her to Ricky, him to Nini) and were already finding that balance so well between giving and getting with one another, neither just taking or letting the focus be solely on them, they actually see one another and care about the other and appreciate being seen or making sure the other is seen; that it's going to have depth and be handled with care and real thought by the writers. I was truly surprised by the focus it got (I mean, that scene is so long!) and was so excited about what was to come. I was in Heaven realizing "oh, this isn't going to be some quick thing where we don't see things happen and we're told they get together or made more of a connection - we're gonna see it all and it's gonna be a journey with true connection and depth. OKAY!"

It's up there in my top three for sure.

AirPortwell Truly I could not tell you how many times I've watched this scene. The number is infinite, play it on my tombstone lol. I literally still watch it every single time it comes across my dash. I am powerless not to. I mean, if nothing else, the cinematography with the escalators is flawless. But also it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside every single time.

What I love so much about this moment is that it's one where the progress and change that these characters have made hits us in the face. It's happened slowly, it's happened painfully, it's been work for each of them, but now look at where they are and how far they've come. They're not there or those people anymore. Now they're here. They're these better versions of themselves.

First of all, the way he acknowledges the Duke sweatshirt?! Like it's not a big deal?! SIR! I thought we were being coy about this and not blatantly admitting gestures like giving her your sweatshirt, let alone calling out that she's wearing it?! MY DUDE! I was not ready. I'm not ready every time I watch it, lol.

The way that EJ swoops in, not focused on what he might get out of the situation or trying to win her over romantically with what he's doing, just there to help her and be there for her because she deserves it and he is going to make sure she gets it...it's just so selfless, from someone who in the past had maybe not been selfish but was certainly self-centered and self-serving in a problematic way. He just takes care of her. He's a partner without even realizing it, lightening her load, knowing she's had a rough day and saying "relax now, I've got this, I've got you". It's in the way he offers to bring her back the next day, a plan already formulated; the way he hands her the granola bar in case she's hungry; the way he takes her bags and heads off, literally lightening her load. And the fact that we, as the audience, see that and don't even question any of it because of course EJ would, it's what he does and the kind of guy he is, is huge. It's that moment we realize "oh! At some point EJ went from being the guy that we knew was gonna listen to that voicemail even as Ashlyn laid out all the reasons he shouldn't and he clearly knew better, to the guy that would obviously be the gentleman and chivalrously come in to help someone he cared about that was having a rough time". And let's not even talk about how absolutely adorable it is seeing his face light up, excited to surprise her. The way he's looking at her like a little kid on Christmas morning before he makes his presence known on that escalator, and he just beams as she realizes what's happening is just...I can't. I. CANNOT.

And last but not least: Gina's reaction to it all. I'm still on the fence deciphering the post she makes. Someone said with certainty when it first aired that she'd posted it to see if he responded/how he'd react. It kinda makes sense, especially with the way she steps away from Jack to do it, and kind of takes a breath after like "ok, now we wait and see...". There certainly feels like there's a weight to her doing it, and not like she just steps away for a second to make a meaningless post. Especially cause like, why interrupt that moment just to post that, it's not urgent in any way, it could've waited until after. But I don't know. I feel like I haven't worked out what's meant to be expressed by Sofia's performance in that moment.

But that interpretation could certainly tie in to her moment at the top of the escalator. It would mean she might be looking at her phone, seeing no one has/EJ hasn't commented or reached out at all. It could be that she was hoping he'd see it and offer to come get her. Or honestly it could just be her after a long day looking to see what Uber options she has, just tired from her day. There's potential for something kinda cute if it was about seeing if it got a reaction from EJ though and I won't deny to anyone who subscribes to that belief that it's a possibility.

But even without that, we get so much from her in this. We see her really have standards for herself. We see her reaction as Jack walks away, a pensive, intrigued look and sort of "hmm" exhale she does as she thinks on all that's occurred with him that day, what that option is that she's just walked away from, and whether it's what she wants. And then we see her reaction as EJ walks away...which I'll come back to, lol.

This moment when she realizes he's there is another one that I relate to HARD. Have you ever just had a rotten experience, or a rough day, whatever it may be or for how long, and you push through, and you have some people by your side through it, and you make the most of it the best you can with those around you...but then you finally get out of that to someone who feels like home? Someone who makes you realize "oh, that person by my side that helped me make the most of this rotten day doesn't actually even compare to you". Whether it's your mom or your best friend or your crush? It's that person that you didn't even realize you were wishing was there with you the entire time. That person would have made the whole miserable thing so much better somehow just by being there with you. Because you love being with them so much. Because they make you feel a way so few others do, whether that's just like you can be yourself or like you don't have to carry your burdens all alone or because they give you butterflies.

I watch that scene and see the genuine shock on Gina's face as she realizes it's EJ, and he's at the airport, and he's there for her, and she's trying to wrap her head around it...and then there's just joy. Unbridled, uncensored joy. Which is huge for guarded, burned in the past, be careful you don't misread the situation Gina Porter.

I watch that scene and I feel a kindred spirit as it dawns on her how happy she is to see him, and that she had a little adventure today but how happy she is that he is there with her now. That the person she really wants to be with her is finally here.

I watch that scene and I remember having days that tested me, that are ones for the books whether good or bad, that are those stories you can end up laughing about and retell forever, and how some of them I still remember feeling "oh how much I wish so-and-so had been there with me". That this person was the one I'd wanted to see and have with me all day. Maybe temporarily things seemed absolutely fine without them, and then they're there and you're like "oh no. No things weren't this and how I feel with you. There was so much missing."

I also love that once she realizes he's there for her, and it's all really happening, she's so taken aback by it that she doesn't say another word for the rest of the scene. PERFECTION.

It's like she's so caught off guard by it all, she doesn't have time to put her guard up, or censor what she's feeling or what she might be revealing. She stops being careful for just a moment, because she's blindsided by his presence. All she can do is feel all those overwhelming feelings, and have that big realization, and show it all over her face. All she can do is look at him like he's a unicorn, trying to wrap her head around the fact that he's there. That he didn't reach out first to offer, he just showed up. He's here right now, just taking care of her, not even giving her a chance to protest that she's no damsel in distress. He knows her so well that he brought what she'd wanted without knowing she'd been without it. He's there and 'Jack who?' He's there and no, she doesn't have any second thoughts about walking away from the chance to have her first kiss because that wasn't this, and even if it doesn't end up being with EJ it should be with someone who makes her feel like this. He's there and she's so happy that he is. He's there doing all this without even giving her the opportunity to question or protest, just to accept that someone cares and is going to help and she doesn't have to do it alone.

Then we see her watching EJ walk away. He's left her dumbfounded but in the best way. We see her beaming (that smile!!!), wrapping her head around what's happened, taking in all that transpired in that whirlwind moment when suddenly he was there, and she didn't have to worry anymore. We see her brain not having a chance to talk her out of it for once, in this brief moment where the feelings get to take over because there's nothing to stop them. And we see a similar "hmm" moment.

Watching Jack walk away there seemed to be a bit of questioning or wonder. With EJ there is just certainty, acceptance, and undeniable happiness.

I've always felt like through this episode we saw Jack help her get what she needs herself (with the whole "this is how you get yourself into the lounge if you're hungry and you forgot your granola bar. Ok now you do it"), and we see EJ show her that she doesn't always have to do it herself, that there are people she can rely on to help her, she doesn't have to bear her burdens alone. She's not a damsel in distress but she's also not an island. And this is Gina we're talking about, so it's clear which one is the 'lesson' she really needs to learn for growth from who she was and has always been because of her circumstances.

Risotto for real The stuff I LIVE for in stories and performances are these little, very real, weighted, layered/nuanced moments. Ones where you stop and really grasp all the aspects of it and realize how much is packed in there.

When EJ asks her out is maybe the biggest of those moments for me with Portwell. Along with probably Gina's reaction to EJ showing up at the airport.

The couch scene, fake dating, the classroom for career day, co-anchors, Wonderstudies, "may I have this exercise?" are all pretty clear cut. They're lovely and adorable and squee-worthy, but they're not as weighted because the stakes aren't high just yet.

The way I yelped - YELPED - at 3:30am in my apartment when they did the throwback to Risotto when he asked her out...I was certain I was dreaming. But then, so much more was happening, and I've watched that scene so many times just reveling in it all. It's my faaaaavorite thing as an actress and a director/choreographer to have all these things going on, all these ways to be looking at a moment, when it's really complicated if you think about it. That's my jam. That's like Christmas morning to me.

In that whole exchange, we see EJ approaching her trying to play it cool. For the first time maybe he's not just being himself, he's trying to be something to be cool to her. We don't really know why until he asks her out, and then looking back it's like "aaaaah, ok, it was nerves coming out as faux confidence and bravado". The way he tries to be all suave with his delivery of "how's the slumber party going?" and "cool" like some casa nova rather than just acting effing normal?! Hilarious. YES PLEASE.

The way Gina has a moment of (my interpretation of it at least) looking at him, knowing she's been here before and not wanting to let herself get in too deep so giving short answers that won't lead to a longer convo or flirty banter, then deciding to remove herself from the situation even though no doubt she wants to stay there giggling and flirting with him like her "shouldn't we all stick together?" self normally would?! YES PLEASE.

EJ's face as she's walking away and he makes the decision and we see him swallow then blurt it out before he loses his nerve?! YES PLEASE!!!! I have been in that moment so often, when I think "I'm so scared to do this, I'm not gonna do it..." and then some small voice in me is like "be brave, come on, don't let fear stop you from what you want" and I know in that split moment if I don't just do it, I'll overthink it and it'll never happen. I identify so much with that split second where he seems resigned to it, then "no, but I want this, I'm gonna do it", swallows as if to express "here goes..." and just says it before he can change his mind or chicken out, it's insane how much I identify with it. The way we see him watching her walk away and then he decides it's worth it is just...beyond words.

Then when she stops and looks at him with that expression that says so much! The moment of shock, then that very nuanced look she gives him that's simultaneously charmed by how sort of un-smooth his invite was, and her being sort of amused yet confused by the Risotto reference. YES PLEASE!

And then is one of my favorite moments of EJ ever: when he really just lets his guard down and we get a rare glimpse of his absolute, unveiled vulnerability in the way he says "for real this time?" Gone is the faux cool guy he attempted to be with her when he first approached her to ask her out. Gone even is the momentarily brave EJ that blurted out the invitation before she could walk away. All that's there in that moment is someone being real, and simple, and scared, and putting himself on the line completely to potentially be disappointed in a big way. There is no pretense that he's anything but vulnerable in that moment, and that his intentions are real because of what he's referencing. The subtext feels very "I want you to be my girlfriend (or "I want to be your boyfriend") for real this time". And I will never ever ever ever never get over it.

Ugh. Then Gina. We do not deserve Sofia Wylie. The way we see her joy, but blink-and-you'll-miss-it because then immediately in creeps that baggage that makes her doubt, convinced she's misread the situation again, talking herself out of what her instincts are telling her because she's been wrong in the past. It's like she has to find a way to stop herself from believing it could be real, even if her reasons are a stretch. 'Oh. I just mentioned all this to Ashlyn and she wasn't buying that I'm cool with him not being into me. She must have interfered because she's convinced I'm wrong.'

Seriously, the way that Sofia plays this moment and whole scene is one of my favorite things ever. The way she's a little awkward when he first approaches her because she knows how she feels and that she's fallen for a friend again, decides she's not going down that path so makes a flimsy excuse to walk away from him rather than letting herself flirt etc. because yes she wants to but she's going to be smarter this time and start to pull away to make those feelings stop before she's hurt again. The stakes are a little high, and then she seems to talk herself out of believing he's asking her on an actual date or that he's also interested in her in that way, and so the stakes DROP. They do a huge swan dive, cannonball, vanish as she thinks she realizes what's really happening: he's only doing this because his cousin forced him into it. It's not a big deal, he has no stakes in this. Even everything she's got riding on this falls away as she's instead consumed with "oh Ashlyn, so ridiculous that she'd meddle like this". Everything's lighter as the focus is on the seeming silliness of Ashlyn butting in.

Then she sees that he genuinely doesn't know what she's talking about. Not only that, but he uses a phrase that is familiar to her and her own feelings of uncertainty and confusion and doubt about what's happening between them. And she looks at him and has this revelation that is so layered! "Oh he DID mean it like that. Oh maybe he's as confused about it as I am...but he totally just put himself on the line and I just acted like it wasn't a big deal. Oh he could've just taken the out I gave him inadvertently and he didn't. Oh. OH SHIT."

And the stakes are immediately higher than ever. And she's immediately so HAPPY as everything he just said and his intention around it sinks in. Fucking brilliant. The way she just so honestly says "yeah" that first time has such a "that would be AWESOME" vibe, it feels like this enormous exhale after not realizing she's been holding her breath, saying to him so earnestly 'YES, I'm into this too!' in that one word...seriously Sofia, we are not worthy.

Finally, the way they just STARE AT EACH OTHER WITH THOSE BIG DOPEY GRINS?! Are you kidding me?! The way for the first time neither of them try to hide what they may be feeling, the way they don't break eye contact until Gina finally seems to realize how long the moment has gone on and gets even more goofily happy and finally breaks eye contact, the way that seems to break whatever spell they're under, the way EJ LITERALLY finally exhales since asking her (almost as if he was waiting for a 'but' during that moment they were just staring at one another), is all too much for me. The grin that breaks out on his face, the dopey way he says "ok" like "I DID IT! AND SHE SAID YES!" makes my heart do somersaults.

And the cherry on top: the way Gina clenches her fists and does that little giddy run over to Big Red because she's so happy but has to try to keep it under control and can't just do a little happy dance right then and there is PERFECTION.

Like I said, I will never get over this scene and all the little nuggets and the nuance. Or the way I chuckle thinking about how EJ really tried to come over to her at first like he was Danny Zuko all smooth and suave like he was gonna be some cool casa nova and ask her out, lol. The way this was written, directed, and performed for that short little journey of him deciding to just be himself and put himself on the line, show how he felt, and how she tries to make those excuses but eventually is forced to realize "oh, this might actually be what I want?" is pure gold.

Something There I still have no words. None are needed.

The moment they both glance towards where they know the other is on the other side of the legs and have this look that indicates they've got it bad for the other, while not knowing the other one is doing the same thing that very moment, I still cannot believe we got. It's the way they cannot seem to stop looking at one another, especially professional, 'all business' Gina Porter being ON STAGE IN A SCENE and sneaking glances at EJ Caswell as he does the same in the wings.

One thing I haven't seen anyone mention before that I love about this pertains to the moments they're openly looking at one another for the other to see. They make no excuses for why, offer no explanations. They're going for Risotto. He asked, she said yes, they both have an understanding or assumption of what it means the other is feeling. This hits harder when it's contrasted by the moment in 2.12 where he's gone into defensive/protect myself mode because of what Jaime said, while Gina's still in this place. She's doing and saying things that half an hour ago he'd flirt with her about or laugh at or compliment her on ("yo Gaston!", her little twirl showing off her outfit, joking about rescheduling, questioning the squid ink risotto he was joking about earlier) but the bubble they were in has been popped for him by bad intel ;) and now he's gone back to being too scared to put himself out there enough to return to how they'd been since he asked her out and she said yes.

In this moment though, and the scene before it in the hallway when Jaime's introduced, and no doubt in the two weeks leading up to opening night after he asked her out (goodness, how fluff filled were those two weeks?!), they are both letting their feelings be out in the open. They're flirting, they're happy, they're not disclaiming any of it but instead are letting the other decipher what it means including the possibility that *gasp* 'he/she will think it means that I like him/her! I'm not saying I do...but I'm not saying or acting like I don't...' Fluffy fluffy goodness and I am so ecstatic to at long last see these two characters I loooooove finally happy and finally surrendering to the reality that they make one another happy and not being so afraid of it (or so we think) anymore. They've earned it. The writers and actors earned it. And this payoff feels so good and so so deserved.

Honorable Mentions: *taking photos at HoCo (even then when I wasn't shipping it I remember this scene and thinking "holy hell they look goooood together") *the shoulder bump in Salt Lake Slices in 2.10 *I'm an unapologetic simp for the duster and the bluster. Matt's "I meeeeeean" is one of my favorite things ever, lol. But the fact that they're so adorable, in a light, cute, sort of comical way, and that they finally admit to the crew that they're into each other ("someone I dig...a lot" and Gina admitting it's a date) after so much "no, we're just friends!" up to this point, is so underrated. *I'd say the kiss but OH YEAH - WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE IT YET!! That being said, shout out to EJ dropping his bag in the parking lot to go get his girl and Gina's giggle before she starts running towards him/they run towards each other. Ma'am. Who gave you the right to make that moment so effing cute? *their convo/moment in 1.10 when we find out he got her the ticket and she looks at him at the end of it like maybe she's misjudged him this whole time *and one that legit almost made my short list but the reasoning doesn't hold a candle to the ones I listed: the moment in the airport when Gina's smiling like a smitten kitten after ending her Facetime with EJ, GIGGLES(!!!), looks up to see the camera crew has caught her, realizes she's busted, and immediately drops her smile knowing they know what's up. The way I love that moment, because we see, when she thinks no one's watching, unfiltered for the first time truly how she feels about him, and that she drops her smile so she KNOWS she feels it and she KNOWS that she's hiding it normally? GTFO, I can't deal.

THE ANSWER, AT LONG LAST TO YOUR QUESTION... now that I've spent waaaay too long typing this all up and going deeeeep into my Portwell feels instead of doing what I needed to get done tonight (eek!), and after going to watch a youtube video of all their season two moments to help me decide, lol. Shoot. This was much more difficult than I expected, and I was expecting it to be a doozy!

Ok! My favorite Portwell moment?

*drumroll*

I think I gotta go with AirPortwell.

Yeah, I think that's the one.

It was so close and such a hard decision (CLEARLY judging by the absolutely disgusting length of this post) but in the end I think the clincher was how I'll always remember what that scene meant in my journey as a Portwell shipper.

First and most importantly, I always thought with Portwell that it was clearly going to be Gina that would be the one most reluctant and that would need won over. She seemed to end last season with her feelings for Ricky still there. She seemed the least emotional, like she'd learned to operate with her brain and not her heart. It seemed as if Ricky opened her up to the latter in S1 and I could only foresee that the burn from that not working out would cause her to retreat into her non-emotional state more than ever before. She also has just always struck me as someone who'd really have a journey to get to a place that she'd be willing to be vulnerable. I always felt like she was going to be the one that would be admitting or realizing last, and that a/the big obstacle for this ship would be her not being willing to open up or admit feelings or be open to exploring feelings.

But it was this episode where we finally saw that our girl was a GONER, and I never ever expected we'd get something even close to this in a million years. I felt like Portwell officially sailed in this scene.

I remember watching this episode and waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole time after the camera crew 'caught' her being all smitten after the Facetime with EJ. That something would change her mind and she'd make some decision to not pursue or be open to that and it'd be put to bed for good. But it didn't happen. In fact, the exact opposite happened. We got to see at the end of this episode that Gina had fallen. Not only that, but she realized it. And she had realized she was ready to be open to the possibility of opening her heart up to someone again. The power or upper hand felt like it was Gina's from 2.5 to 2.7, and honestly through a lot of 2.8. But by the end, we saw that she was just as powerless as EJ about her feelings, and he had the upper hand with her as well. We saw him all calm and cool while she was the one with heart eyes this time. And from this ep on, we knew they were on equal footing, both crushing on one another, both getting a second chance.

Also though, this episode was the one that I realized how much this ship had won me over and how invested I was. There was some speculation (treated like spoilers tbh) going around I think literally hours before this ep about something very different happening, setting things up to go a different route. The confidence with which it was put out there had me convinced I'd missed something and it was true. I remember debating whether or not to stay up and watch it, thinking things like "why did they do all this to set it up if they're just going to tear it all down this ep? Ugh, that SUCKS!" I went to bed figuring I'd wait and see in the morning how upset other Portwells were after seeing it and then decide when I'd watch the ep, but then I ended up not being able to sleep (for totally unrelated reasons). I realized at one point it was after 3, debated for a few minutes, and finally decided to watch. I think it was after they snuck into the VIP lounge that I was like "I have to know, I can't just watch this and wonder" so I did something I never do and skipped ahead to the end to see if she was gonna get with/kiss Jack or something along those lines. And I saw EJ arrive and that they were talking and that it was close to the end time-wise so it must be the last scene, and it gave me hope so I went back to where I'd stopped and finished it.

Afterwards I was like "the hell?! I got myself so upset and worried when this episode ended up SOLIDIFYING that Portwell is happening?!" I try to remember the lesson of that when I see things that might normally freak me out or see others seemingly in crisis.

It just holds a special place in my heart. It makes me feel a lot of things, mostly grateful for what we got because I was convinced it was all going away that ep and we wouldn't get anything more.

Like I said, all up in my Portwell feelz now.

Leave me. Save yourself.

There ya go, my friend! How sorry are you that you asked? lol

#portwell #portwell nation #hsmtmts #anti-rina #gina porter #ej caswell #my babies #ask #I seriously don’t know how anyone can comprehend this written train of thought but bless you if you can get through it

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