#(Your Arms Feel Like Home :: kaaras-adaar)

[ravusnightblossom]

@kaaras-adaar carried from here because Legacy (oi) :

So it was like a pony ride, but on a bird... Kaaras couldn't imagine the lack of stability on something that only walked on two legs compared to four. Horses had been used for centuries when it came to Thedas, and other four legged creatures. Elks, even Druffalo had their riders every now and again. And then there were the legendary griffons as well. It was not the wings that made him nervous (he thought flight was an amazing thing), it was the idea of riding on two legs. It was like a piggy back ride, with less control he imagined.

Nonetheless, Kaaras had grown up around animals. He was not afraid of them. Just like people, he would approach them with respect, and compassion.

His head turned to the opened door, and he made his way out behind Ravus, ducking his horns. When his feet hit the ground, he felt a sense of ease in his shoulders. There was something so safe about being back on the ground. Perhaps it was his need for control.

Birds weren't uncommon in Thedas, although he'd never seen a bird this big before. They were taller than people--although if they were to support someone on their back, then they needed to be.

"They're rather cute," he commented, a little laugh in his voice. One of the birds looked at him in question, cocking its head and fluffing its feathers. No doubt, much like most tamed beasts, it thought that he had food. It was not shy and approached him, and he allowed it, gently reaching his hand out. It nibbled at his fingers and he smiled before he was allowed to run his fingers through its little tufted crest.

"I'm sorry, my friend, I don't have any treats for you," he said, scratching beneath its chin as it investigated his pockets--much to disappointment, he was sure.

Kaaras was careful, noting just how large those legs and feet were. No doubt they could give a powerful kick.

One brought another, and then another followed, much like any flock or herd, and soon, he and Ravus were surrounded by the Chocobos.

⋞⁘♔⁘⋟    Ravus chuckled as he watched Kaaras getting acquainted with the large birds and he was content to let him continue doing so for a time. In a moment such as that, it was very easy to forget their purpose for being in Eos. He should have been convincing Lunafreya to return with them, not exploring the region and introducing Kaaras to new sights.

How could he resist though? It wasn't as if another opportunity to do so was ever likely to present itself. As such, he let the moment carry on, even when one of the birds decided to begin attempting to investigate his own garments for snacks of any sort.

He was so lost in what was happening that he nearly missed the faint sound of static from the incoming transmission on the parked ship. When the realization dawned on him, Ravus' eyes widened. He cursed under his breath and all but ran back to it. Hurrying inside, he made it to the radio just as a very familiar voice cut out. His heart leapt in his chest, pulse rising.

Shit. His ship wasn't supposed to be traceable! Leave it to the Chancellor to have figured out a way to do so without him knowing. It was a direct violation of his privacy according to agreements, but he knew the fool must have found a way. Eyes closing, he took a few slow breaths, then turned to walk back to the door of the vessel.

"They realized I took this for a venture," he stated, loud enough for Kaaras to hear as he patted the side of the ship. "We should venture back, unless we want them to find us here." If they made it back before the Imperial Army decided to investigate, that was.

[kaaras-adaar]

Every Heartbeat

Characters: Kaaras Adaar, Aith, Stenn, Taali Pre-Inquisition (Kaaras 25 years old)  Warning: Contains profanity, character death, adult themes, alcohol mentions

He didn’t even have time to grieve as she lay there, the gore covering her body. An axe, and a big one. It didn’t matter how powerful the woman had been, she was no match for multiple assailants. No match for a fucking ambush! An ambush which could have very well been avoided. But this was what happened when the majority of a group voted, wasn’t it? And when Kaaras didn’t have the last say in such orders.

 Never again.

 He’d already told himself that this was it. It was over. How could he possibly continue to work for people such as the Ralshokra when they were so rash in their thinking, in their strategies? This was what happened when money was more valuable than a person’s life! And not just any person, but his trainer, his mentor, the woman he’d been training with for years now! Over ten years! And now she was gone within the blink of an eye. How easily a life could be taken…

 It was a miracle that he was alive himself, and he’d managed to take a few men out, but when it came down to it, Kaaras didn’t really blame the enemy—especially when they knew no better than to see Saarebas as a savage oxwoman who would kill any man who crossed her path. She looked the part, yes, but she was like a second mother to him. She had been there for him when his father had died, when he could not look his mother in the eye after it all happened. She’d never just been a mentor to him, but family. And there was another one to add to the damn list! Another name on his fucking hands. This would have never have happened if he’d put his damn foot down harder! If he’d been calling the shots. If he’d stood up and made his point clearer. Of course… he turned to self blame. Kaaras always did.

 He warned them! He warned them that the mission was dangerous. And yet, to a mercenary, nothing was dangerous provided the coin was enough payment. And they’d been given such a large sum upfront that of course Taali wouldn’t deny it. Greedy. Fucking greedy! No coin, no riches, was ever worth someone’s life!

 Shaking, Kaaras panted as he marched his way back to the meeting point. The mission was done, they’d get their coin, but at what cost? If he knew that this would have been the outcome, he’d have never agreed to take the job. Alas… time was something he knew he could never turn back. It was too late, Saarebas was dead, and there was nothing he could do to bring her back.

 But there was something he could do to make damn sure that this would never happen again…

 Pushing the door open, the young mage moved over to their captain, and eyes were fiery red, not just because that’s the colour they were, but they were angry, burning, and perhaps even tear-stung. He’d not even been able to retrieve her body yet, not in the mix of everything.

 “Are you happy now?” he barked. “A valuable part of this team has been killed! That didn’t have to happen, and you all know damn well that it could have been prevented!” To say he was furious was a damn well understatement. The young qunari was deeply upset and disturbed by the outcome.

  Taali stood up, the woman taller than him—although it didn’t take much for any qunari to be taller than Kaaras. He was the runt of the littler, even if he was a good build and a strong mage.

 “Calm down, Adaar, you got your coin.” She shoved the little bag into his hands, and it was immediately tossed onto the floor, clinking with a heavy thud, just to signify the amount that was within. An easy job never got heavy coin.

 Kaaras seethed. “I don’t want your coin! I want Saarebas alive and well!” Which very well wasn’t going to happen, and he knew that. It didn’t stop the words from spewing out of his mouth, thick with daggers in her direction. Because, yes, it was her fault that this happened. Bad orders were made, and as the captain of this mercenary band, she had to take responsibility of the lives within.

 What was there of the group moved a little uneasily at the scuffle that was going on between the two. Taali’s eyes moved to the elf that had joined up with Kaaras, his adopted sister of sorts. But when she went to put a hand to his arm, he just threw it off. Temperamental mage, he was. He’d always been hot-headed, and she knew that the moment they started working together, but Kaaras’ heart had always been in the right place. In her eyes… that wasn’t always a good thing. It got in the way of their work. Such as now.

 She clicked her tongue in a scoff. “Look, Kaaras, you knew the risks of being a mercenary when you joined Saarebas and her company before coming here. I don’t know how they do things in Ferelden, but the Marches are different.  A lot more people here, too, and a lot more bad people. A lot more coin and a hellova lot more competition. We got the job done–,”

 “Is that all you care about? That you got some fucking coin!?” Kaaras’ voice was strained, disbelief cracking through. He couldn’t believe it. He knew that things were different up north, he also knew that mercenary life wasn’t always the most ethical in nature, but this was drawing a line.

 He drew a heavy breath, hands balling into fists as he tried to keep his temper down to a minimum. It was to no avail. He didn’t like being angry, in fact, he hated it. He feared his anger turned him into a monster, like so many people had said about him, even when calm. He was a qunari, he was a savage. He thought that the humans of Ferelden had just been cruel, but this… this made him worry that perhaps what they said about his kind was in fact true. And that shattered his heart.

 He’d worked so hard to not be that image, to be a kindhearted individual, giving and compassionate. And now, what stood before him was the opposite. She cared for nothing but her coin. Even her people were expendable. It didn’t matter so long as her pockets were heavy and her sword was strapped to her back. It made him sick to the stomach.

 “One of your people died today, Taali, and you… you can’t show at least a little bit of sympathy?” Why was he even bothering with it? He’d seen it before. People died in companies every day, just as bandits did. And honestly, he was starting to feel like that’s exactly what this company was. A group of thugs. The only difference was that they got paid, whereas bandits simply raided for the sake of it. Perhaps that was even worse.

 He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t stay… Not when it was clearly alright that people died so long as they got a little coin in their purse. That wasn’t what he stood for, and it never would be. Kaaras simply wasn’t the type. He became a mercenary to help his mother survive, so he and Aith could grow up and provide for themselves and they could keep a place they could call home. He knew it wasn’t easy work, and he knew it was dangerous, but he couldn’t work like this and feel proud of himself anymore. He felt no more than a common thug, and that went against everything he believed in.

  Taali shook her head and gruffly sighed. “What do you want me to do, Adaar? Sing a song for her? That’s not my thing, and it’s not gonna bring her back either. We move on and we do the next job. If you want a eulogy, then talk to Stenn.” She threw her thumb over her shoulder.

 “Hey, have some respect!” the small elf snapped from beside Kaaras. She could already tell that Kaaras was at breaking point, and Taali wasn’t making it any better with her quips. She wasn’t going to sit by and let her speak about Saarebas like that. That was her friend, too. She may deal with her grieving a little differently than Kaaras, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t upset that the woman had died.

 This was just getting tiring. “Stenn, I’m done, can you please deal with your boyfriend?” She gave a huff and sat herself back down, eyeing the coin that was on the floor from where Kaaras had thrown it, but Aith saw her and snatched it up, shoving it into her pocket. Smart girl. Kaaras, in his own tiff, probably would have just left it there. At least someone in the damn family knew how things were. Took an ex Dalish to as well. Balls, Kaaras could be so dumb sometimes.

  Stenn had been sitting at the table within the room they were all in. Currently, the older qunari male was nursing a tankard of ale. It was around about now that he’d usually be writing his next ballad after a job well done. Unfortunately, he didn’t like the outcome of this one, but he also had been on Taali’s side for this mission. Sometimes, people were lost, and there wasn’t much to be done about it.

 Alas, he cared deeply for Kaaras, and had for the last year. The young man had been… troublesome when he’d come to them, moody, drinking, guarded. Incredibly guarded. It took patience with Kaaras, patience that Stenn had, and he’d fallen for the young lad. Still, it was times like this that he was reminded that Kaaras absolutely wore his heart on his sleeve, and at times it was… irrational.

 Standing, he gestured for Kaaras to follow him, taking his hand carefully. “Come with me, we’ll take a walk outside, get some fresh air.” His smile was gentle, tender, and he saw Kaaras’ eyes flicker back to Taali. He knew that the Vashoth needed time away from the situation to settle.

 “C’mon.” It was a soft, encouraging order, and his hand moved to Kaaras’ back, quietly ushering him out of the door. When there was no argument from the blonde, the corners of his eyes creased in a smile, the warm, city air hitting his skin when they stepped outside.

 Kaaras took a deep breath, and there were tears in his eyes now, the shock of Saarebas’ death finally starting to settle in. He swallowed thickly, and desperately tried not to let the tears slip down his cheeks, looking away from his lover. If there was someone other than Aith, surely it was Stenn who would agree with him.

 “I’m sorry…” he murmured, putting a hand to his face and trying to wipe away the tears from his glazed eyes. They continued to come, though.

  Stenn shook his head, frowning. “Oh, Kaaras, don’t apologise.” He took the man’s hand and lowered it, only to see Kaaras lower his head and close his eyes, the tears being forced from his eyes. He pulled him into a careful embrace, and then he felt the smaller man’s sobs shake through his body.

 Losing someone was never easy. Taali didn’t have a lot of sympathy, no, and she could have dealt with the situation better. But Stenn had to agree that they got their coin and the job was done. It had its losses, yes, but… they all knew the risks—including Kaaras.

 Pulling him tight, Stenn moved his hands over Kaaras’ back, cooing to him softly. “I’m sorry, Kaaras. Taali should not be so rough, but you know her. She’s a ‘get the job done’ kind of woman. It’s nothing against you.”

 Kaaras’ eyes clenched shut against the warmth of the other man’s chest and he pressed his face into the crook of his neck before he withdrew, tear stained eyes looking at the older man. “Don’t… don’t stick up for her. She knows what she is doing. She just doesn’t care.”

 “That’s not true, Kaaras.” He put his hand to the man’s stubble-covered cheek, eyes caring and soft.

 “Bullshit. You saw her just as well as I did back there. She didn’t even bat an eye at knowing someone died.” Kaaras wiped his face down and pushed the tears back. Not here, not like this. He would mourn when he could, but he wasn’t about to bring Stenn down with it, too.

 “Maker’s breath, I… She’s still back there, Stenn. I… I have to get her body. I have to burn it.”

 The Ferelden tradition, Stenn knew. Burning the bodies so they did not catch the Taint of the Blight. “What Taali said back there… about me saying some words. I can if you wish, Kaaras, I don’t mind.”

 Kaaras shook his head, sniffing softly. “No… it’s… it’s alright.” He looked back up at the older man and offered him a sad smile. “It’s something Aith and I should do alone. Just… wait for me, please? I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” And he was still furious about Taali, but there was little he could do about that now. At least, she was out of his sight.

  Stenn nodded, and he planted a kiss on the mage’s forehead. “I will wait up for you.”

 With a soft sigh, Kaaras licked his lips and pulled his shoulders back, putting a brave face on. He needed to go and collect Aith, and then they’d travel back to where he’d moved Saarebas’ body. He should have carried it back with him, but it had been too risky. Now, the woman’s corpse sat alone, bloodied and gory. He’d at least do right by her, by saying a final goodbye and burning what remained.

*****

 It was late by the time Kaaras got back in, and the tavern they were staying in had all but died down. There were some common folk who were still drinking, and Kaaras could smell the alcohol in his nostrils. It took every ounce of his strength in such a state of mind to just continue walking up the stairs. He desperately wanted a drink, but all his hard work would be for nothing. He couldn’t lose that tonight, too.

 The smell of ash and burning was against his clothes. The scent of death, blood and gore. He needed a bath, urgently, and he wanted to be alone. He wanted to be back in Ferelden, home and away from this place. He wanted to be away from the Ralshokra and the city. Fuck, he hated the city so much! It was smoggy and reeked of plague illness and death, as well as drunkards. He missed the smell of hay and grass, the farm back home. But every day he was away from Ferelden was more coin he earned for his mother so she could still keep that farm.

 Tugging his collar undone, the Vashoth pushed the door open to see Stenn laying on the bed, quill and a pot of ink there. He was writing a tale, he assumed. But even right now, Kaaras couldn’t deal with listening to such sweet and symbolic words. He was tired, so tired, and his eyes stung from what felt like a fountain of never ending tears, the salt drying on his lashes.

 At the sight of his lover, Stenn leant up, putting his quill aside. “Did everything go alright?” he asked. “Do you wish to speak of it?”

 Kaaras just shook his head. “It’s done… that’s… that’s all that matters right now.” He made his way over to the small desk inside the tiny room, the boards beneath him creaking as he did so. It wasn’t quite over, though. Kaaras had had time to think when he and Aith were there with what remained of Saarebas. They did more than just think, too.  

 He couldn’t be here anymore. He couldn’t work with the Ralshokra anymore. It hadn’t been the first time his ethical conscious had prodded him and he’d felt uneasy doing a job. Things were different in Ferelden, with Saarebas leading them. The jobs they did still meant hard work, but they weren’t… like this. Breaking the law wasn’t something Kaaras enjoyed doing, even if it was for coin. And while not all jobs were like that, he knew, there was still enough to make him feel uneasy, and unhappy. He wanted to be proud of his work, and here, he simply couldn’t.

 Sensing the tension within the other man, Stenn pushed himself up from the bed and approached the younger qunari. “Kaaras, I know you’re going through the mourning stages, but–,”

 “I can’t do this anymore.”

  Stenn blinked, trying to analyse the look across his lover’s face as one of confusion spread across his own.

 “I… I can’t work with this company.” Kaaras swallowed thickly and folded his arms against his chest, his expression stern, but still hurting. The sound of his voice was more trying to convince himself than anyone else.

  Stenn felt his brows furrow. Because Saarebas had died? Was it all because of that? “Kaaras, you’re grieving–,”

 “No.” The Vashoth shook his head. “It’s not that, Stenn. It’s… it’s the way this company runs itself. Someone died today, someone close, and a part of this team, and Taali just shrugs it off like we mean nothing! Like life itself means nothing!”

 His hands slapped back down to his sides. “You’ve been here longer than I have. Don’t you see how that’s not alright? It wouldn’t have mattered if it were someone else, and it’s not just because Saarebas was my mentor,” although that was pretty serious, considering, “I am here to make a difference, to try and better this world. How am I doing that when people are dying?”

  Stenn shook his head, putting a hand to Kaaras’ shoulder. “Bad things happen, Kaaras, you can’t save everyone. You know this,” he explained. “You’re upset, and you are hurting, and I understand that, but please take a moment to listen to yourself. What you are saying. You’d give up your work here, because something bad happened? Because we lost one man.”

 One man? That woman was his family! And Stenn was…

 Kaaras’ brows arched as he watched the expression form across his lover’s visage. How did Stenn not understand, because what he was saying was simply that he was upset because someone died. That someone wasn’t just a someone to him! And that someone could have been any other man or woman in this company and he’d still feel the same! And they should be mourning! People weren’t just items that got slashed to pieces every damn day, they were people!. Real, living people!

 “And you’d stay? Knowing that your captain is a heartless, greedy, coin mongering bitch?” he asked.

 The expression on Stenn’s face hardened at the name calling. “Kaaras, that’s uncalled for.”

 “No, you sticking up for her is uncalled for!” He shook his head in disbelief. “Because that’s what she is. She doesn’t care for anything other than her coin! And perhaps it’s unfair for me to call her a bitch, but you stand there and tell me she isn’t. Because every mission we go on, she’s always been up her arse over it. She doesn’t listen, she doesn’t care who gets injured, so long as the job is done. I will not stand by when coin becomes more important than people’s wellbeing!”

 The older man’s frown didn’t disappear. “This is how we’ve always done it in the Ralshokra, Kaaras, and when you joined, you knew what was at stake. I am sorry that Saarebas didn’t make it, but you are acting like a child.”

 Kaaras’ ears pricked back and his jaw grew tight. So he was a child because he cared? Because he didn’t want to be part of a group that was fine with their members dying off so long as a job got done and coin went in their pockets?

 To say he was disappointed was quite the understatement. He was pissed off and hurt, and even more, he felt betrayed that Stenn could stand there and call him a child for his compassion. He knew that his temper could get the better of him at times; he also knew that his moods made him hard to be around. But he would never take back the fact that he cared about people more than the weight of his coin purse.

 Stubborn til the end, he stood his ground. “I have made my choice, Stenn. I’m leaving tonight. Aith and I, and a few others who have agreed with me.” Which was why he’d taken so long to get back tonight. He’d spoken to a few of the other members of the company, and they agreed that they could no longer take part in the group’s activity.

 A few others? Stenn’s expression turned to concern, but he was just as stubborn. Kaaras was still young, and highly emotional. He had gotten better now that he was off the hooch, but even then, the man was exceptionally emotional at times. He’d come back, surely. Once the morning came around, all of this would blow over. Kaaras, after all, needed the coin, despite his caring nature. He was also (usually) a reasonable man.

 “Kaaras, I can’t stop you from leaving, but please sleep on this. What you are saying is… unreasonable.” He chose his words carefully, not to stir the other up again. “Taali may not be the most tender of leaders, but you can’t deny that she does get the job done, and that that work has made you wealthy in your stay here. What do you expect? For her to beg for you and the others to come back? Begging is not in her nature.”

 “No,” Kaaras stated calmly, but still blunt in tone. “I don’t expect anything, Stenn. I already said I have made my decision. We are leaving come morn, and you are welcome to come with us.” Part of him wanted to beg that the older man would come with him. Was he foolish to expect his lover to follow him? Perhaps. But this was not his choice to make. He’d already made his, and he was leaving. If Stenn wanted to stay (and he hoped he did not), then there was little he could do.

 What was he saying? Stenn took a breath and tried to make sense of it all. Damnit, the man was stubborn! But he couldn’t just up and leave. Unlike Kaaras, this was his life, and it had been for years now. He couldn’t just stand there and give it all up because Kaaras was being stubborn and throwing a tantrum.

 Putting a hand to his forehead, he looked back at the ruby eyes. They were clearly waiting for an answer. Stenn had none. For once in his life, he didn’t know what to say. No poem or ballad could get him out of this.

 Kaaras saw it, though, and he felt his chest clench tight before his heart fell to his very bowels. “You don’t need to say it,” he commented, “your silence and hesitation is enough.” Stenn wanted to stay.

 When Kaaras turned to grab his things, Stenn pulled his arm back. “Wait, Kaaras, please reconsider.”

 “There is nothing to reconsider. It’s done… We’re… we’re done.” And it burned to say it, and his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces as the words escaped his mouth. The anger from his expression was gone, morphed into something else. But he couldn’t stay here, and if Stenn couldn’t come then that was it. The both of them were simply too hung in their ways.

 “Don’t do this, Kaaras. We can work something out. Let me talk to Taali for you, she might listen to me, I’ve known her longer,” he tried to explain. Damnit, the man didn’t have to leave! And yet, it seemed that this had been something Kaaras had been considering for quite some time. Maybe this was just the thing that pushed him off the precipice.

 “And what? Have her ignore you, or worse, lie to you? Nothing will change, Stenn. You said it yourself, you’ve known her longer. Look me in the eyes and tell me that it will change, that she will change.” When the other man said nothing, Kaaras just nodded. That was his answer once more, Stenn couldn’t tell him anything else, nor could he convince him that things would be different. He needed out.

 “Taali and I are too different, and that—that’s fine. I’m not asking for her to roll over, and I’m not about to mutiny against her. This is her company, Stenn. Not mine. But I can no longer work for her, and that is my choice. Just as it is yours to stay here.”

 There was silence between them for a moment, and Stenn tried to think of something he could say that would make Kaaras change his mind. Nothing came, though…    

 “I’ll write to you… We can meet up, catch up with one another.”

 That only stung more. Kaaras couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it to himself and he couldn’t do it to Stenn. If he’d not cried all the tears his body was capable of producing when they burned Saarebas, then he’d be crying this second. But he also didn’t want to, he didn’t want to make Stenn feel guilty, he didn’t want to manipulate him, he didn’t want any of this! But he had to do something.

 Closing his trunk, he stood back up and turned to the man he’d almost said he loved on so many occasions, and the words still lingered there at the tip of his very tongue. They wanted to come out so badly, he wanted to tell the man that he loved him. If he said it now, though… that was only cruel. Cruel to the both of them.

 “Thank you,” he said instead, his eyes raw and tired, but honest. “For everything you ever did for me, Stenn. You helped me more than anyone in this world has, and I will never forget that.” Before he broke down there and then, he opened the door and made his way out of the room as quickly as he could. If Stenn tried to stop him, he didn’t know what he’d do, and he couldn’t afford it right now.

 He was wrong, there were still tears there, and they were quick to blur his vision as he made his way down the stairs. When he got outside, he pressed his back to the wooden wall and sunk to the floor in a crouch, his hands covering his face. Why’d he do it? Why’d he say goodbye? Fuck, he didn’t even say goodbye! But he couldn’t stay here anymore, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t work like this, and it wasn’t just him either. He had to look after his sister. If Taali ended up putting her on a mission and she got herself killed… He’d never forgive himself. The only reason Aith was here was because of him.

 This was the right choice. He knew it, Aith knew it, and the others who agreed knew it, too. Taali was restless, brash in thinking and eventually she’d get everyone killed, including herself! And as much as it hurt to do what he just did, he could no longer stay. And it was clear that Stenn couldn’t go with him.

 Drawing his scarf up around his face, he wiped his eyes with it, the scent of the other man still clinging to it from their time shared together. There was nothing he could do now, though, but move forward.

 Taking a deep and controlled breath, he pushed himself back up, swallowing and wiping his face. He’d not forget the nights spent of passion with him, the soft words and even softer kisses. He’d not forget the nightmares and shakes he suffered, sweating while detoxing from alcohol and feeling utterly useless while Stenn encouraged and supported him every step of the way.

 He had become a better man because of Stenn, and he would never, ever stop thanking him for that. But he also had to keep being that better person, and staying here… he could not achieve that. It didn’t matter how much his heart ached right now, from two losses this night, he had a family to protect, to care for and look after, and that included himself.  

 Gathering himself, he took his trunk and headed towards the meeting spot they’d previously spoken of. It would be empty now, but he couldn’t return to the tavern. He’d wait for morning to come, and a new day would dawn. A new life for him also. It hurt now, but in due time, Kaaras knew that the pain would make him stronger, and that it was time to run his own life.

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [972]

“Are you okay? What did he say? Can I kill him?”

Mahanon shoves Carver to the side, jabbing backwards with his elbow, and taking his place in front of Ellana as they huddle on the terrace. Mahanon doesn’t say anything, but he does give her a very judgmental look.

“It’s not going to be Aedan Cousland.” She can’t tell if he’s reminding her or confirming if that statement is still true.

“Of course it’s not going to be fuckin’ Cousland.” Carver grumbles, looming over Mahanon’s shoulder to look at her.

Aedan had gone back into the party without her after a good half hour of them walking aimlessly through the garden and chattering about Ellana’s future marriage prospects. He had a startling amount of insight into everyone — even Carver — that Ellana finds herself grateful for. And she feels so much more relaxed. Though with the way Carver and Mahanon are acting she’s starting to feel her previous anxiety work up again.

“It’s not going to be Aedan,” Ellana confirms to the both of them. “But I think Aedan and I are going to be friends now.”

Mahanon sneers and Carver covers his face with one of his broad hands.

“God he’s so shitty though,” Carver whines, “Do you have to be friends with literally everyone you talk to?”

“If I were friends with everyone I’ve ever spoken to I don’t think gang wars would be a thing anymore. Did the Iron Bull show up? What did I miss?”

“You missed everyone talking about how you and Aedan absconded from your party for almost an hour. I think Solas was going to puke if you took even a second longer.”

“Damn. Maybe I should’ve stayed out longer.”

“It’s not funny, the entire party was about to collapse in on itself out of outraged confusion.” Mahanon points at Carver. “Starting with the entire Hawke family.”

“The Iron Bull finally showed up,” Carver says. “He’s mingling with the Cadash and Trevelyans. Prior working history, I guess.”

“Should I say hello?” Ellana asks.

Carver and Mahanon immediately trap her between them, Mahanon on her left and Carver on her right.

“Wow, it’s like I’ve got two annoying brothers. One older and one younger,” Ellana deadpans as they practically march her back into the ballroom. “Am I a prisoner?”

“If you disappear with Aedan Cousland again, we might as well sign the marriage certificate now,” Mahanon replies to her. “Everyone is about to call it quits.”

“We were just talking. You could see us from the terrace. It’s not like we went off to — to make out or something.”

“What are you a teenager? Make out?”

“Well, how else do you want me to say it, Mahanon? Suck face? Play tonsil hockey?”

“Aedan doesn’t have tonsils,” Carver says.

Mahanon and Ellana both turn to stare at him.

Carver grimaces. “Don’t look at me like that. He got his tonsils out ages back and I guess he wouldn’t shut up about it for a whole year. It’s all he would talk about and Garrett and Marian wouldn’t stop mocking it every chance they got.”

Ellana scans the crowd for either Max or the Iron Bull and comes up empty. She’d know Max anywhere in a crowd, she’s so used to having to go pick him out for his own safety or her own. The Iron Bull, she figures, she should be able to pick out because of the physical descriptions she’s been given. And the few pictures.

“They must have ducked out for a smoke or something,” Carver says. “I don’t see Edric, either.”

“Well. I trust you. You’re taller and all,” Ellana says, leaning a little against his arm. “Alright. I guess it’s you and me for a while then, Carver. Where’s Bethany? I haven’t talked to her in ages. Let’s go. Come on Mahanon. It’s time to have twin bonding time.”

“Garrett and Marian excluded?” Mahanon asks.

“I trust in their ability to sense a good time being had and to come and crash it within moments,” Ellana replies, “Let’s go.”

- “You’re late,” Max says as Bull surveys the crowd that eyes him back just as sharply. “Not a good first impression.”

“I’m not really trying, Trevelyan,” Bull points out. “And I don’t think me being late is making this crowd so agitated. What happened?”

Edric gestures towards the open glass doors to the side of the large room. “Aedan Cousland and Ellana Lavellan went off by themselves about fifteen minutes ago.”

Bull’s eyebrows raise. “Fifteen minutes? Is she dead?”

Max rolls his eyes. “Cute. No. They’re walking around the garden. They actually look like they’re getting along which is a shocker.”

“You know Ellana best out of the three of us, is it a shocker?” Edric asks.

“Well.” Max pauses. “Ellana can get along with anyone, really. But then again, Aedan can get on the nerves of a literal saint. Maybe it cancels out.”

“So can I go home?” Bull asks. “She’s getting on with Cousland; Edric’s fifteen years older than her so there’s no way in fuck she’s picking him; you’re practically a squatter in her back yard so there’s no point in her marrying you; Carver Hawke is one of her best friends and is in a committed relationship with Merrill Sabrae; I threw my name in because everyone else was and I didn’t think I’d get this far. She’s picking Cousland, I’m going home.”

Edric and Maxwell both grab him before he can turn around and leave.

“She’s not going to pick Cousland,” Edric says.

“You sound unsure.”

“She’s not going to pick Cousland.” The three of them startle, turning around to see Vivienne de Fer nursing a glass of wine. She gives each of them a deeply disappointed look. “Ellana Lavellan knows better than to pick Aedan Cousland, Aedan Cousland knows better than to think she’s going to pick him, and now they’re playing that against the rest of you. Get your heads in the game, boys. This is a song and dance at least one of you should be able to figure out.”

She shoots Bull a very pointed look that jabs somewhere fleshy and vulnerable.

“I don’t think she’s going to pick me,” Bull says. “I really don’t know how I got this far into the selection. I heard the Adaars put in an effort.”

“Kaaras would keel over if he got to this point,” Max replies. “Dead on the ground before the two of them could even so much as exchange a hello. Besides. She could pick you. Stranger things have happened. I mean. She’s having a good time with Aedan Cousland. Literally anything can happen.”

[bigfan-fanfic]

Inquisitor Fact Share - Tash

Tagging @ironbullsmissingeye who I got this from.

I thought maybe any Dragon Age fans might want to hear about my Inquisitors, and maybe they’d be encouraged to request. I don’t think this fandom’s over yet! Feel free to ask about my Inquisitors!

Ataashi “Tash” Adaar, Freyja Cadash, Emmeryn Lavellan, Medea Lavellan, Ezraen Trevelyan, Owain Trevelyan - others to come.

A pictures or description of your Inquisitor(hair colour, eye colour, skin tone, scars ect):

The first thing noticeable about Tash is his ever-present smile (Varric nicknames him Dimples). He’s got horns that curl up and back, although they are small due to his young age. He’s slightly shorter than an average female elf, and he has grayish skin slightly darker than the Iron Bull’s. He has long brown hair that he ties into a small knot at the nape of his neck. Unusually, Tash also has golden eyes, similar to Morrigan’s. He basically looks like a giant little kid.

Any info about your Inquisitor(age, gender, sexuality, religion ect):

Tash is a child - about twelve to thirteen. He’s not quite sexually awakened yet, but he had a big crush on Blackwall for a long time. Tash is marginally Andrastian - he says a prayer every now and then, and it brings him comfort to think that his family is at the Maker’s side. 

What race is your Inquisitor?: 

Tash is a Qunari, although he insists on calling himself Vashoth.

1 cute fact about your Inquisitor:

Tash enjoys Cole’s company, and uses him as a human teddy bear on occasion - “Can’t sleep, but he reminds me of my brother, safe and warm next to me, making me feel like nothing can hurt me...”

A picture or description of your Inquisitor’s favourite location:

Tash likes to be in Cullen’s office. It reminds him somehow of his old home in Markham. He’s read every book on the shelves and tries to help the Commander with his paperwork.

Who your Inquisitor romanced/would like to romance(can be a picture or description):

Tash is a child, so he didn’t romance anyone, but upon learning he was basically homeless and family-less, Varric adopted him and took him to Kirkwall.

Something creative of your Inquisitor(Fic, Art, picture, or another fact):

Tash has a flair for design, or at least Vivienne says he does. He personally designed the Inquisition banners around Skyhold, as well as the throne.

Info about your Inquisitor’s childhood(was it happy/sad?):

As a baby, Tash’s mother Saarebas attempted to take Tash to Par Vollen after he developed magic. Tash’s father Kaaras chased after them, and was able to rescue Tash. Saarebas was killed by a group of Ben-Hassrath. Tash had a good upbringing apart from that, as Kaaras met and married a Markham baker by the name of Colm, and Colm’s son Arno took Tash to the Grand Tourney every year.

1 random fact about your Inquisitor:

Tash hates the smell of alcohol. It’s enough to keep him from entering the Herald’s Rest unless he needs to speak to someone.

Your Inquisitors usual companions:

Tash: Varric, Blackwall, and Cole

Are they a rogue, mage or warrior? What’s their class?:

Tash is a mage, and became a Knight-Enchanter because he was fascinated with the tales of mage-knights doing good with glowing swords.

Who did your Inquisitor chose to rule Orlais?:

Tash chose the public truce outcome - mostly because he didn’t want anyone to die. For now, this has worked, with each of the three clamoring to earn the favor of the beloved Child of Andraste.

Who did they leave in the Fade and why?

Tash left the Warden in the Fade. He couldn’t bear to disappoint Varric by leaving Hawke.

Favourite advisor?:

Tash absolutely worships the ground Josephine walks on. He loves her like a big sister. It helps that she shares the chocolates she imports from Tevinter with him.

1 happy fact about your Inquisitor?:

Tash adopted an injured fennec in the Hinterlands. He named it Harold so that he could jokingly ask it questions whenever someone referred to him as the Herald of Andraste. Harold tends to rest on Tash’s shoulders.

Did they save The Chargers?:

Tash saved the Chargers without hesitation. He wasn’t thrilled about working with Qunari anyway, and saw through the guise of an alliance almost immediately.

Did they chose the Mages or Templars?:

Tash sided with the Mages, although he was horrified to think that all the Templars were infected with Red Lyrium.

Did the disband the Inquisition or not?:

Tash disbanded the Inquisition. He didn’t want to have anything more to do with it, having been traumatized by the loss of his arm. Thankfully he had a home waiting for him with Varric and Hawke in Kirkwall.

1 sad fact about your Inquisitor?:

Tash’s entire pre-Inquisition family are dead. His stepfather and father were killed by a Ben-Hassrath ambush while he and Arno were at the Tourney one year. Arno and he traveled with the Valo-Kas after that, with Arno earning their keep, until he was killed during a mission. Shokrakar sent him to the Conclave to cheer him up, never dreaming what would happen.

Opinion of the Qun?:

Tash has a very low opinion of the Qun. But since Josephine has told him it is better to be ambiguous about negative things, that’s all he’ll say on the matter.

Opinion of the Dalish?:

Tash is fascinated by the Dalish, particularly their mythology. He’ll often pester Solas for information about the Dalish and their gods - the one subject Solas doesn’t like talking about - until Solas is practically begging “Ask about something else, child!”

Opinion of The Chantry?:

Tash is no stranger to Chantry abuse, despite being Andrastian. He believes that no one can truly claim to know the Maker’s will, and tries to find meaning in the Chant on his own.

1 headcanon for your Inquisitor:

Tash loves to read and write - before the Conclave, his greatest ambition was to be a court scribe.

Any other information you want to share:

Tash was given the moniker “Child of Andraste,” which made him uncomfortable. He was also the first to figure out Solas’s identity. He likes Vivienne because she can be mean and polite at the same time, and he was initially afraid Dorian would hate him because of his horns. 

[ramblinganthropologist]

Dragon Age 100 - 1 (beginning)

Summary: Everyone’s gotta leave home sometime. For Kaaras Adaar, it’s that day. He might be nervous, but luckily his family is there to see him off as he seeks to prove himself ready.  (Set 4 years before DA:I)

---

“Well... today's the day da'len. You ready?”

Kaaras had never been less ready in his entire life as he stepped out from the aravel he shared with his parents. It wasn't quite dawn yet, but his clan mates were already starting their day. None of them particularly paid him any mind, but a few nodded as he passed.

In front of him, his uncle Bori – Borelas, but nobody ever called him that – was leading him towards the edge of the camp. His mismatched step foretold a bad leg produced by an even worse explosion. Sometimes he showed the gnarled, scarred flesh that ended in a wooden foot as a reminder of why you always needed to check before you blew things up. It was a lesson young Kaaras kept in his mind whenever he got to work.

“Can't believe you're 20 already. The last few years just flew by. Seems like just yesterday I was teaching you the different ways to set a bomb up.” Bori was surprisingly talkative for the morning. “Don't forget any of them, you hear? Otherwise we might get you back in pieces.”

Kaaras managed a stiff “I won't, Uncle Bori.”

Stiff was the perfect way to describe him. He was walking as though he was made of wood as he followed behind his uncle to the clearing. For weeks he would know this day was coming – they had planned it down to the detail. He had thought he would be calmer... but as it turned out, he was as bad as ever.

At least he was starting in familiar territory before he plunged into the unfamiliar lands beyond where his family could find him.

Really, this was a tad unusual for Clan Lavellan. Normally apprentices didn't just go off before their training had finished and their vallaslin given. Kaaras had neither to his name at that point of time, even at his age. Instead, he was taking part in what his uncle jokingly called the sapper's legacy – taking his skills beyond the clan to hone them in the hopes he would find his way back one day with the same number of pieces he had left with. Last time someone had gone out like that, they'd come back with his mother.

So... it had a great track record for qunari retention.

“Relax, da'len. You're going to be just fine. After all, I trained you.” Bori gave him a bright grin as he thumped his nephew on the shoulder. “You remember where you have to go, right?”

Kaaras nodded as he recited the old directions. “Eagle-Eyed Strikers, near the Ferelden border, look for the elven man with grey hair and an eye patch that looks like he needs to take a shit.”

His uncle barked out a laugh as he slapped the young man on his back. “That a boy. You'll be just fine. Old' shit face has been dying for some new blood. He won't say no to you.”

Boy, he hoped so – otherwise he'd be coming back to the clan empty handed. That was worse than anything else Kaaras could imagine as he gripped his pack tighter between his shaking hands. He knew how the rest of the clan thought of him. In the end, he was the boy who had failed at nearly every type of training. There was really nothing left for him should he flunk out of this one. He had never seen an adult member of the People without their vallaslin, and the sinking suspicion that he could be the first had kept him up at night for weeks. Now it was time to prove himself in a do or die last ditch effort to show he was worth something.

No pressure, right?

“Oh, they beat us here. Must've been up all night.”

Bori's words made Kaaras pick up his head. At first all he saw was blobs, but as they grew closer features came into view. A small group of people were waiting for them, four elves and two qunari. The youngest two should have been fast asleep, but they were the most electric of all as he approached behind his uncle.

Damn, the whole family was up.

“Hope you didn't think you could just leave and not say goodbye, you asshole.” Jackel, his cousin, was perched on his brother Akri's shoulder. She leaned forward to thump him lightly on the arm. “No way we were missing your send off.”

Below her, his brother nodded so hard she nearly fell off. “You can't shake us that easily, Kaas.”

Kaaras found himself smiling as he rubbed his arm. “I just didn't expect you to be up so early is all. Especially you, Akri. Don't you have training today?”

Unlike him, his brother had a place in the clan. Soon he would take on the roles of first's apprentice in the hopes of becoming the clan's leader one day. It was a big responsibility, but his broadening shoulders were more than capable. By the time Kaaras returned, he would probably be well on his way and marked for one of their gods. Which one, he wasn't sure – hopefully not Elgar'nan. Ouch.

“I'll keep him up, don't change the subject.” Jackel was herself, even in the morning. Smaller than any of them, what she lacked in stature she made up with in skill. One day soon she'd probably be ready to take on her clan role as well. It was hard to picture it as the light reflected on her sleepy face, but it would happen. He would just have to hope he got there first. If he got there at all.

Together, the two gave him a brief squeeze that could only come from two exhausted adolescents trying to stay away. Their warmth brought tears to Kaaras' eyes as he squeezed the back twice as hard, carving the feeling into his memory. On long nights, he could come back to this and the thought someone was waiting for him back home. It would keep him going.

Behind the three, someone cleared their throat. Revas, his aunt and the clan's leader, stepped forward with her first and second. Samahl was his uncle, his wife's double, and he nodded. Emerion, on the other hand, looked torn between pride and parental fear. In the end, it was his first son leaving home. How could he not be emotional?

“We should get started. Kaaras has a long way to go to reach the border.”

“He's got long legs, lethallin.” His mother's voice boomed from the side. She too was proud, and the sight of it bolstered his spirits. If one of the clan's best crafters had faith in him, than maybe he would be ok. Then again... Herah was his mother. That did include bias.

Her off the cuff remark caused Emerion to chuckle. “Not as long as yours, but a good point regardless.”

Revas nodded, but then it was back to business. She turned to face Kaaras once again, and from her pocket produced a length of cord. On it was hung a clan amulet, much like the one everyone in the clan wore to mark they were part of the family. This she slipped over his head, careful to avoid his curving ram-like horns. Clearly, she must have practiced this move the night before.

“We are here to witness one of our own taking off as so many others have. He seeks to hone his skills and knowledge to benefit the clan. With luck and by the will of the Creators, he will return.” Her eyes glistened. “And we will welcome him when he does.”

Kaaras' heart thudded under his new amulet. “I'll make you proud, hahren.”

“You better. We have a track record to hold up.” Revas' looked back to his parents. “You two should get your goodbyes in before he goes. It's going to be a hot one today if he doesn't get started.”

Emerion's composure broke with his posture – he barely managed to wrap his thin arms around his son's larger frame as he attempted to hug the life out of him. Kaaras' shoulder was wet, and it wasn't from the morning dew. The feeling made his own eyes well up as he hugged back, careful not to break his father in half. That would be... bad to say the least.

Herah, never really a hugger, squeezed him on the shoulder. “Watch so you don't hit your head, imekari.”

She rarely dipped into her native Qunlat some days, but that word was always special to him. A new lump formed in Kaaras' throat as he nodded. Soon his composure broke, and he was hugging his mother as hard as he could. She didn't tense this time, and instead returned the gesture. Her hugs were rare too, but he always treasured it.

Time was growing short though as the sun rose higher and the fog burned away. When he backed away from his parents, Kaaras could just see its glow. He swallowed back whatever was blocking his throat as he grippe his pack tighter, straightening. For once he would be strong.

“I promise I'll come back and surprise you all.”

Bori chuckled from behind him. “Well, you heard him. Have a little faith, I trained him.”

“That's exactly why we worry, Bori.” Revas' voice held a teasing note that made the young man chuckle. The anxiety slowly melted away, replaced by a rare anticipation for the journey ahead. Maybe he would be ok. “Well... I think we've said what we need to. It's on you now, Kaaras.”

Time to go. Kaaras nodded and stepped away from his family. In front of him stretched the barely there path that would take him away from clan Lavellan and everything he had known. Soon he would be in human lands, with all the mess that entailed.

But for once, he felt ok. They thought he could do it.

With one final deep breath, he pushed off and started to walk. Behind him, Jackel and Akri called out their wishes of luck and reminding him to stab a few Templars for them. He thought he heard a choked back sob from his father as he held Herah close, but he didn't look back to check. Soon, the sounds died out and he was on his own.

His final training had at last begun. Where it would take him, even he didn't know. But he was ready. And with luck and some good sense for explosives, he would return one day with the stories and techniques he had learned.

But first... Ferelden. He had to find an elf who looked like he needed to go to the bathroom.

[pelle-lavellan-a]

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE. repost with the information of your muse, including headcanons, etc. if you fail to achieve some of the facts, add some others of your own! when you’re done, tag 15 other people to do the same!

NAME: Pelledir Sibil Lavellan

NICKNAME: Dandelion (Aela), Peaches (Varric)

AGE: 23

SPECIES: Dalish Elf

GENDER: Male

ORIENTATION: Pansexual (with a very strong preference to men)

INTERESTS: Reading, Magic, Tea, Cats, Dorian, Natural Lore, Constellations, Elvhen History, Cooking

PROFESSION: Inquisitor, Keeper, doctor

BODY TYPE:  Pelle has a rather petite body type. At first glance he almost appears to be fragile thanks to rather slender shoulders, and a flat undefined chest (there’s not much to speak for in terms of muscles here). The only part of his body that might be considered slightly less fragile would be his thighs. While they’re not exactly beefy like a qunari but his days wandering the countryside back home has given his legs some small definition. 

EYES: Pelle’s eyes are much like many elves, they are a bit on the large side and round in shape. While his eyes are naturally brown, his magic gives them an amber hue. His vallaslin frames his eyes both with the small dots as well as inked eyeliner. 

HAIR:  Hip length strawberry blond hair. His hair is thick and soft to the touch, an while it is pleasant to run one’s hands through it, he usually keeps it tied up in braid wrapped in twine. When it’s let down, the consistency of his hair is curly and certainly has a mind of it’s own. It’s not uncommon to see it bouncing around if he makes any quick movements. 

SKIN: Pelle’s skin has a natural pink flush to it. The complexion of his skin is a tricky one because while he almost always looks like he is blushing a little, his skin is literally covered in freckles that are also reddish in hue. The freckles dominate his face, neck, and even his ears. Underneath his clothes the freckles continue throughout his body save for the back on his arms and of course anything between the legs. He also has a birthmark adjacent to his left eye right on his cheekbone. 

He has a few scars, the most noticeable one is of course the scar on his right side which he got from Aela. The others are not nearly as dramatic. He has two scars in a jagged line up by his shoulder from the fall when Haven was attacked. He has another minor scar on his right hand from being stabbed with a knife by a bandit, and the last came from a thorn in a bush back home, it’s on his lip. 

While it isn’t obvious at first glance, Pelle also has small bouts of pale blond hair on his forearms and legs. The hair is thin and feels like nothing more intense than the fuzz of a peach. Most do not notice it exists at all unless they were to physically take their hand and rub his arm or his leg (Which let’s be honest isn’t something that really happens too often)

Most of his skin, such as the skin on his face of torso feels delicate to the touch, but his hands and feet feel a bit rougher both of them bearing a few calluses. On his hands he has a callus on his left ring finger from writing, the other couple on his palms came from just general pitching in for work in the clan. His feet are a completely different story, there are hard on the bottom and generally protect him from the common discomfort of stepping on pebbles and sticks, this is a large part of the reason that he does not feel the need to wear shoes unless he is going somewhere where there will be heavy amounts of snow or he’s traveling to a bog. 

HEIGHT: 5′4″

COMPANIONS: Aside from the Inner Circle, Pelle had the entire clan of Lavellan to back him up, However, after their passing he has a few lingering family members from home as well as his best friend Talwinne.  

ANTAGONISTS: Corypheus(obviously) and any other canon in game enemies. Other than that...Pelle is not usually one to make too many enemies and when he does--he’s keen on making sure they never learn his name. 

COLOURS: Green, Blue, Amber, Pink. 

SMELLS: Elfroot, earth (as in soil), burning wood, sweet syrups, old books. 

FRUITS: Apples, Blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, peaches.

DRINKS: Water, Tea

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?: Red Wine, Honey Mead

SMOKES?: Occassionally

DRUGS?: Nope

DRIVER’S LICENSE: Yes (modern AU)

TAGGED BY: @kaaras-adaar thanks!!

TAGGING: @always-the-fall-guy @secretsandhushedwhispers @sakurabunnie @spycopoth @nighttimefriend

[shannaraisles]

Seek, And Ye Shall ...

For @owlpocalypse, who requested an epilogue of sorts for Cassandra and Kaaras after the events of Set In Darkness. I hope it lives up to expectations!

9:42 Dragon

"How is he? Will he ..."

"He'll live."

A deep sigh of heartfelt relief. "And ... his arm?"

"Gone. Whatever Solas did, it cauterized and healed the amputation point. He'll wear the scars from the Anchor for the rest of his life, but the magic is gone."

"I see. Is he in pain?"

"Not physically. But you know better than me what this will do to him. Losing an arm is traumatic for anyone, but for a warrior, it could unsettle his mind."

"He is strong. He will endure this."

"He needs you beside him. The Inquisition doesn't exist anymore, not the way we've known it. The Valo-Kas likely won't take a one-armed man back into their ranks. He needs you, Cassandra. He didn't say it aloud, but he's afraid you won't love him anymore, because of this."

"Not ... That is absurd! He is no less a man for this loss!"

"Then you need to tell him that, make him believe it."

A pause. Then ...

"I will never let him think otherwise."

9:43 Dragon

"... fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six ..."

"Papa!"

Kaaras looked up from his one-handed press-ups, a wry grin on his face for the cry of welcome that erupted from the small girl lying on his back. Cullen chuckled as he approached, reaching down to lift Alys off his Qunari friend's back to allow Kaaras to rise without impediment. It had been a full year since the Exalted Council, since the end of the Inquisition, yet those who had formed close bonds in that time had not long been parted from each other. How could they be, when the commander's wife insisted on being the one to assist the First Lady Seeker through the struggles of childbirth?

"Papa, he goes up and down and I go up and down and I don't fall off!" Alys declared happily as she settled on her father's hip, grinning her sweetest grin for Kaaras.

She had long since stopped screaming when she saw him, proof positive that it was elvhen magic - Solas' magic - that unnerved her so. The little girl's first act when the Inquisitor had lost his arm had been to kiss the smooth remains, and clamber up to embrace him where he lay on the bed. Just for that, Kaaras knew he would always be fond of the commander's daughter, chuckling as he rose to his feet with only a little awkwardness.

The big Qunari still had moments when his lack of a left hand caused problems, but he has adjusted remarkably well, throwing himself into training his right hand to wield a bastard sword, rather than a full two-handed blade, working on strengthening his right arm and shoulder to bear the strain, re-learning the almost forgotten skills of sword and shield with the help of his fierce Nevarran wife. Cassandra had been the one to demand that Dagna come up with a means to strap a shield securely onto Kaaras' left arm; had bullied him up and out of bed when it was done, refusing to be ignored. She had single-handedly reminded him that there was more to being a warrior and a good man than having two hands to wield a blade.

No one had been surprised when, six months ago, she had dragged him in front of Divine Victoria and demanded to be married. Leliana's grin had apparently been wide enough to endanger her own nose throughout the ceremony. What had surprised a few people was the summons sent to the Rutherfords on their new farm in Ferelden, with a demand for their company, since Cassandra Adaar was reasonably close to giving birth. No wonder she had been so insistent on the marriage at last, after years of gently putting off making that decision.

"Cassandra would like it known that if you come near her again, she will break your other horn off," Cullen dutifully passed on, flashing a warmer grin at the surprised look on Kaaras' face. "But I am reasonably confident she doesn't mean a word of it. Rory informs me that when women start making threats, it means the birth is not far away."

A vague look of panic crossed Kaaras' expression for a moment. "So ... she's almost there?"

"It would seem so," Cullen assured him, hoisting Alys a little higher on his hip just to make the toddler giggle and clutch at his mantle. "I have orders to make sure you eat something, as well, so ... this way, Inquisitor."

"Not Inquisitor anymore, Cullen," Kaaras reminded him with a flicker of his boyish smile. Pain and care had robbed him of his perpetual look of innocence, but what remained was still youthful beneath his horns. "Just Kaaras."

"Jus' Kaskas," Alys agreed solemnly, opening her arms to the Qunari.

Cullen chuckled, letting his daughter swarm over into Kaaras' grip, and up further, to sit on his shoulders, clinging to the big man's horn and a half to stay in place. "Just Kaaras or not, my wife will punish me if I don't feed the pair of you," he pointed out mildly. "So in we go."

It wasn't what you might call a pleasant meal, being very basic and eaten to the accompaniment of Cassandra giving vent to every thought that came into her mind in the room above, but finally, after a long day of waiting, Kaaras heard the unmistakable sound of newborn lungs giving voice to discontent. Nothing could have kept him from Cassandra's side when Rory finally called down to tell him he was allowed up, pausing very briefly to hug the redhead on his way past as he ducked his head to lurch into the bedroom and fall to his knees beside the bed. His large hand found Cassandra's fingers, raising her knuckles to his lips as he greedily devoured the sight of her. Her smile was weary and wry at his obvious concern, tilting easily into the kiss he offered her lips.

"You should greet your son," she told him as he nuzzled to her, laughing when he cut off what else she tried to say with another kiss.

"Our son doesn't care that you've been wrestling with him all day," Kaaras reminded her. "I do."

"I am not a wilting flower," Cassandra objected, but her husband was having none of it.

"Today, you are," he informed her firmly. "You lie there and wilt, and let me love you without arguing for once, would you?"

"I don't argue all the time," she began, breaking off with another laugh at the expression on his face. "Fine, I will lie here and wilt. Go and greet your son before he starts screaming again."

"Did you give him a name yet?"

"I was under the impression that fathers name their sons," Cassandra said mildly, watching as Kaaras lifted himself onto his feet and rounded the bed to look into the wooden crib.

A robust little person blinked back up at him, no larger than a human child, but possessed of two tiny soft nubs of horn at his brow, and his skin a warm shade of gray. Bald, of course, but that was no guarantee that there wouldn't be hair in the future. Just because Kaaras had never grown hair didn't mean his half-human son wouldn't, and secretly he hoped that hair would be black, like his mother's. He reached down into the crib, careful to wriggle his arm entirely beneath the little body before lifting his son up and into the crook of his one elbow.

"You're sure you want me to name him?" Kaaras asked, settling himself on the edge of the bed as Cassandra peered over at the baby.

She rolled her eyes. "Have you no thoughts for him at all?"

"I have one," he offered defensively. "I'm just not sure you won't hit me for suggesting it."

"I am in no condition to hit you at this moment," she pointed out wryly.

"No, but you might save it up and hit me when I'm least expecting it," he countered, grinning at her as she made a very familiar sound in the back of her throat. "All right, all right ... I'd like to call him Anthony, after your brother."

Cassandra stilled, suspicious wetness suddenly pooling in her eyes as she looked up at her Qunari husband in something close to disbelief. "I ... I had thought you would wish for a name like your own."

Kaaras' boyish smiled softened, the remains of his left arm rising to tuck about her shoulders as best he could. "Why should I pull a name that means nothing from the air, when there is a name that means everything always in your heart, kadan?"

It was so rare to see Cassandra unguarded and deeply moved, yet there it was, all the emotion he had evoked in her with a single request stark on her face as she looked at the infant in his grasp. Her fingers rose, tracing over the soft horns, the little button of a nose, the full lips that smacked hopefully at her touch. A tiny, tender smile lifted her lips as she nodded, forcing herself to form words in answer.

"Anthony," she agreed, her voice rich with longing and hope. "Yes."

Her smile relaxed as Kaaras kissed her temple, inching closer to hold both his wife and son in his arms. It was a scene he'd never thought was possible, yet here it was. Whatever Solas had planned, he would find it a difficult fight. When their agents in Tevinter identified what was going on and how to end it, Kaaras would be there to see his former friend defeated. And he would defeat him. A world with his son in it was a world worth fighting for.

9:45 Dragon

"Seeker ... you sure about this?"

Cassandra raised her head from her son, who was whining as she gently rubbed balm into the crowning nubs of his true horns. Two years old, and the joy of teething was over only to be replaced with the joy of crowning. Anthony was a good boy, generally, but the incessant whining about the ache in his temples was wearing on her last nerve. And yet here she was, agreeing to something that was going to make her home life that much more chaotic.

"I would not have said it if I did not feel sure about it, Bull," she reminded their friend, a former Ben-Hassrath who knew her well enough not to argue. "Besides, where else can they go? The Qun is under attack; if we do not take them, they will either be sent back to a place under siege from all sides, or they will be raised somewhere they will be made an example of for being different, as Kaaras was when he was a child. I will not have that. We have the space and the means."

Iron Bull chuckled, reaching down to tweak the nose of the toddler who was staring up at him in wonder. "And a little experience," he added, crouching down so Anthony could get a good look at this other person who was just like his poppa only bigger and scarier. "You're going to go from one to many in a single afternoon," Bull warned.

Cassandra smiled faintly, shaking her head. "That is not such a bad thing," she said quietly. "A family should be full, yet I cannot give Kaaras that large gathering we both long for. I am a warrior; I am too old to safely bear any more children."

"Still the sexiest thing behind a shield I've ever seen, Seeker," Bull complimented her, rewarded with a rare smile.

"When do you expect to meet up with the Valo-Kas?" she asked abruptly, bending to lift her toddler son up onto her hip.

Bull rose to his feet, thoughtful for a moment. "They've been tracking the elves a few days now," he told her. "Me and the Chargers'll meet them on the Storm Coast, probably in a week. It's time Solas got a little reminder that we're still out here."

Cassandra nodded, meeting the mercenary's single eye with a look that promised weight behind her words. "If you let Kaaras die, I will hunt you down and kill you myself."

Iron Bull inclined his head with an easy smile, understanding the threat and promise for what it was. "Noted, ma'am."

9:46 Dragon

The crash of two small bodies slamming into the kitchen table was what caught Kaaras' attention. He looked up from the book he was reading aloud, moving his head with a little difficulty, given that there were two toddlers clinging to his horns, each one astride his shoulders. The twins were locked, horns to horns, ostensibly wrestling with one another, but in actual fact, he thought they were probably stuck. On the floor at his feet, the eldest was busily banging the crap out of a thin piece of sheet iron with the wooden mallet his father had given him. It was one big happy, chaotic scene. And Cassandra was due back any moment.

One year ago, they'd had a simple, calm family life. Then Iron Bull had caught wind of an elven raid on a children's training camp in Par Vollen, of Tamassrans slaughtered and Qunari children stolen away by agents of Fen'Harel. The Valo-Kas had been contacted; Kaaras had gone, with Cassandra's blessing, to help rescue some of those children if they possibly could. The fight had been bloody, but successful, one elf remaining to carry the news back to Solas that the Inquisitor knew what he had allowed to be done and was extremely pissed off about it. It had been something of a surprise when Bull had passed on the message that Cassandra had sent with him - that if there were children in that group who needed a home, she and Kaaras would take them in. Chances were she hadn't been expecting her husband to come home with four of them, but the First Lady Seeker had simply opened her heart to the little gaggle of children, happy to be a mother to more than little Anthony, who reveled in having siblings. After just one year out of the Qun, secure in the affection and protection of parents who could love and discipline with equal warmth, the Adaar brood were certainly a handful.

There was Ataas, now seven years old, who had resisted Cassandra's efforts to mother him for the longest time of them all. Yet she had won him over simply by offering him somewhere quiet to rest himself - Kaaras gave his wife space and quiet to read her guilty pleasures every day, and Ataas had found himself drawn to the gentle quiet that was Cassandra absorbed in whichever book Varric had sent her that month. These days, reading time belonged to Cassandra and Ataas, both of them curled together, reading two separate books, while Kaaras attempted to corral the other four. Next down from Ataas in age were Sokraam and Danel, twin boys rising five, who were decidedly more rough and tumble than the original furniture in the Adaar house could handle. There was absolutely no doubt in Kaaras' mind that they would both be warriors when they grew, both of them so ready to tap into their primal side. It was becoming a regular thing to hear a low roar from one side of the room, and not turn in time to prevent Danel from charging at his twin with his horns lowered. Thankfully Sokraam always saw him coming. Cassandra had given up worrying about injuries; the twins seemed indestructible. The final pair were made up of Anthony, who they knew for certain was three years old, and little Dorea, who was possibly a shy two, and the only girl in their brood. She was attached to Anthony at the hip, the two of them rarely apart, instant friends from the moment they met. Dorea would do anything Anthony suggested; Anthony would drop everything to soothe his new sister if her crowning horns were hurting her, or if she felt left out of the boys' games.

Five children in one house should have seemed a handful, but Kaaras loved it. They didn't see him as missing anything; indeed, they barely seemed aware that he had only one arm to hug them with. He was their walking mountain to scale, their shield to hide behind when strangers came, the grin they referred to if Mama was busy with her armored visitors. Mama had been away for three days this time, settling her affairs with the newly-reinstated Seekers of Truth, and they were all missing her. But the sound of hoofbeats a few minutes ago had not gone unnoticed by Papa, at least. He was content to let the twins wrestle now, knowing that they would forget whatever the disagreement had been the moment Cassandra walked in through the door. Everything stopped when Mama came home, after all.

Setting the book on his lap, he reached up to untangle Anthony from his half-horn, lifting the giggling toddler down onto his knee with a grin. He just barely had time to let go of the small boy before Dorea dropped like a stone from his other shoulder, catching her before her little horns planted themselves into an area of his anatomy he'd rather not have gored, even by small nubs like that. Ataas looked up from his busy attempts to be a blacksmith, grinning at the upside down giggle he got back from his little sister.

Then the door opened, and all hell broke loose.

"MAMA!"

9:65 Dragon

The whiplash of magic cracked across the intervening space, a blazing maelstrom of death meant to envelop the Inquisitor and his ever-faithful Seeker of Truth. They were both aged now, silver in Cassandra's hair, yet both still bore their weapons with strength and pride. They knelt together, tucked behind their shields, praying the distraction was working as they held each other's gaze. They'd had twenty years; far longer than they had thought Solas would allow them, time enough to raise a family and set at least a little of the world to rights again. But now he had sent his people to remove them, at last aware of their remote interference through agents of their own.

Kaaras growled, taking a firmer grip on his sword, feeling the heavy weight of magic blast against the shield strapped to the remains of his left arm. Beside him, Cassandra was tensed. Neither of them were as young as they were; neither had expected to be attacked at their own home. But if this was the end, they would go out together, and watch from the Void as all the powers they called friends fell upon Solas and his cruel plans.

Yet the final blast, the one that would sweep them away into nothingness ... did not come.

Instead, they were suddenly surrounded in a cocoon of silence, the rush and push of magic that enveloped them held back by the familiar sensation of a templar's Dispelling. Footsteps rushed toward them from behind; they heard the twang of arrows leaving bows, the snarl of familiar voices racing to their defense. Kaaras grinned over at his wife, seeing the same wild snarl on her face that told him she knew what he did.

All unexpected, the cavalry had arrived.

They felt the stroking blanket of a magical barrier before they saw those who had brought help, each rising to their feet as suddenly they were no longer two, but seven, facing the elves that had come to end their lives with reinforcements Solas could not have foreseen. For all his wisdom, all his power, he still did not understand the power of family.

Sokraam came into sight first, the armor of the New Templar Order shining in the flicker and flame of magic from Danel's fingers, twin brothers set on different paths yet always bound together, mage and templar, the perfect example of what their disparate orders should have been. Ataas and Anthony, each bearing the two-handed weapons that were their choice, each armored as Seekers of Cassandra's new Order of Truth, flanked their parents in the wake of the twins' advance, bolstering Sokraam's dispelling with Silences of their own, negating the magical advantage of Fen'Harel's elves. And Dorea, the last of them, a junior Red Jenny in her own right, found her place between her parents, her bow singing as she took aim at those attackers who sought to end the influence of the Seeker and the Inquisitor. Seven stood together, horned and armored, the fury in their blood demanding recompense for a cowardly attack on beloved parents who had not raised their weapons in anger for more than a decade.

There were others with them, friends they had gathered in the last twenty years, a small army willing to fight and die to protect Kaaras and Cassandra Adaar. To the left was the flash of gold and red hair that announced the arrival of the Rutherford children, armed and armored and loyal to the last. To the right were the stocky shoulders of Rylen and Evy's son, and the slight form of his elven wife. From behind came the roar of the Chargers. They might be a little later than they had expected to be, but they were here.

Kaaras grinned his wild grin again, raising his sword with a roar, hearing Cassandra spit insults into the teeth of the elves now facing far more than they had bargained for. Death might well be coming for them, but it would not be today. With family all around him - his wife, his children, his friends and their children, too - Kaaras would fight against the forces of Fen'Harel once more, and they would win.

The Dread Wolf would not be taking anyone today.

[aylenlavellan]

"You make me feel like my heart is on fire, every time I look at you. The smallest smiles causes a ripple in my chest, and I suddenly know what it's like to have wings. I feel a home in you I have never felt before, a belonging, a trust and family. You make me feel welcome, you make me feel accepted, and like I can be myself without anyone's judgement. Mostly, you make me feel happy. A true happiness that I may have never known if I'd never met you. You make my heart feel safe." ~Kaaras

Tell my muse how they make your muse feel.

Aylen couldn’t hold back the smile that lit up her face, making all of her features brighter with joy. Creators, he was so... poetic and romantic and every word made her heart flutter in her chest. She didn’t give it a second thought, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly, happy laughter bubbling in her chest.

“Mythal ma halani, I love you so much. I love you.”

@kaaras-adaar

[ravusnightblossom]

He's going to make it a birthday ritual. But there's strawberry cake waiting for Ravus when he returns from his daily duties. As well as a candlelit bath, topped with rose petals and scented oils. Kaaras is ready to spoil him.

Birthday deliveries | @kaaras-adaar 

His tasks for the day were tedious, as always, yet Ravus no longer simply ‘endured’ them as he once had. Before, his obligations had been simply that obligations. However, with a brighter light now in his life, there was less animosity in Ravus’ existence. Kaaras granted him a new sense of being, whether or not either of them had even realized it. 

The cake was spotted first and Ravus smiled. It was impossible not to steal a small taste of the frosting with his fingertip-- delicious. Kaaras had remembered his birthday... Touching. He had never been one to celebrate the day before he’d had something to look forward to in such heartfelt manners. 

As he strode to his chambers to bathe and unwind from the day’s duties, his brows rose, the drawn bath stilling him momentarily. “Oh-” His cheeked warmed. “Well, then... I do hope you intend to share this bath with me,” Ravus said, making way to Kaaras to take his hand. “Thank you,” he said softly, placing a kiss upon his lips. He certainly wasn’t used to being spoiled in any way, but, he was unexpectedly looking forward to it.  

[ravusnightblossom]

Beside Ravus' bed, in the early hours of morning, Kaaras had left a single rose with a card sitting beside it. Inside, the ink was neat and stylish, reading:

Dear Ravus,

Words cannot describe the way you have made me feel over the last few months. I have learned so much of you and your world, and you have given up so much to be with me. I only hope that my world can be worthy of you, and that I can be worthy of your love also.

I hope this day treats you well, and I will be sure to spend what I can with you once work is done.

Yours truly, Kaaras.

P.S Check the table, I know you like strawberry cake as much as I do. xox

On the table, there was a freshly baked cake, with cream and strawberries sitting on top.

⋞⁘♔⁘⋟      Waking up alone was never a pleasant sensation, but it was quickly alleviated by the knowledge of who he now had the joy of falling asleep next to, every night. He was slow waking on that morning, simply allowing himself to stir at an almost lazy pace. Eventually, the sweet scent of something touched his senses. Floral...? 

His eyes opened and immediately focused on what had been left beside the bed. Within a few moments, he had shifted over to read the card, holding the rose as he did so. It was impossible not to smile, his heart giving a slight flutter. 

So heartfelt... It was reciprocated on levels Ravus couldn’t even describe... 

Wait. Cake-? Finally crawling from beneath the blankets, Ravus made way to the table, admiring the cake. It was tempting to indulge in it, to partake in a large piece of cake for breakfast. He would resist, though. He would wait to share it with Kaaras once his obligations of the day were over.    

[ravusnightblossom]

Kaaras sitting back with a chortle as Ravus is kissed by every Orlesian noblewoman and covered in their lipstick.

Unprompted ask || always accepting || @kaaras-adaar 

Ravus grimaced as the women fussed over him-- though, only inwardly. He dared not do so in any manner that might be visible, lest he offend the ladies and do something that might impair Kaaras’ influence in Orlais. 

Still... why? 

He squirmed and forced a pained smile, nodding and giving subtle acknowledgements where needed, though all he truly wanted was to escape. They were like a flock of peacocks, centered in on him, bathed in floral perfumes that made his nose tickle and bold lipsticks that left rouge blemishes on his pale cheeks. 

Looking over at Kaaras, Ravus huffed as he saw the look on his face. He was enjoying this, wasn’t he?! Whereas Ravus nearly whimpered, casting the Inquisitor a pleading look. 

Save him, Kaaras...!   

[ravusnightblossom]

Cooking and dancing

Ask My Muse How Good They Are At: no longer accepting | @kaaras-adaar 

“Cooking...?”  Oh no. 

Ravus grimaced, slightly, his eyebrows knitting as his gaze averted with a touch of shame. This was always an embarrassing topic to discuss. “I can bake quite exceptionally. I find it calming and therapeutic, in a sense. Cooking, however...” His head shook as he grinned, somewhat wryly. 

“I cannot cook well. In fact, I have ruined many pots and pans while attempting to prepare even the simplest of items.” He doubted his sister would ever let him forget the incident where he somehow burned a saucepan while boiling water for pasta. 

The next inquiry was a much more confident one, however. “As for dancing, that is a whole other story. I was brought up to know numerous variants of ballroom routines and I enjoy them quite a bit.” 

Stepping forward, he took ahold of Kaaras’ hand, giving him a proper bow and a smile while he laid a kiss on the back of it. “Would you allow me to show you, personally?”    

[ravusnightblossom]

What will you do if Corypheus wins and Kaaras falls?

...... Now there was a thought that Ravus absolutely would never want to consider a possibility... The very idea made his gut clench in a nauseating way. If that happened... 

No... 

He would not lose someone else so dear to him. Not again... 

“He won’t. No matter what, that is not an option!” 

Ravus would sooner perish before he allowed something to happen to that man. Kaaras would succeed, and he would assist, no matter the cost. 

[ravusnightblossom]

💕 (because I can FINALLY send you shippy memes!)

Send 💕 to just grab my muse & kiss them || @kaaras-adaar || accepting

⋞⁘♔⁘⋟    It was going to take Ravus a while to get used to the emergence of sudden acts of affection in his life, as it was something he’d never truly been exposed to before. Because of this, he uttered a surprised little noise when Kaaras leaned over without a word and began kissing him. 

The book in his hands was forgotten after a moment of so, and it tumbled onto the bed beside them without even giving him a chance to mark what page he’d been reading. That was the last thing on his mind, however. 

The next noise he let out into the kiss was much more pleasant, his arms sliding around the others broad shoulders to hold him closer still. Realistically, Ravus had a fairly good idea as to where this was about to lead, and he was beyond thrilled at the prospect of it. Their time together was limited, so making the best of every moment they shared together was a worthy intent in his eyes.  

When there came a brief pause given for both of them to catch their quickened breaths, Ravus stole the opportunity to just gaze at Kaaras, a smile warming on his face. “Beautiful,” he whispered with sincerity, then leaned back in to continue where they had left off.  

[ravusnightblossom]

ooc;  tag dump  

[ravusnightblossom]

⁇⁇ @Kaaras-Adaar

Send ⁇⁇ and my muse will blurt out any and all questions they’ve always wanted to ask yours

⋞⁘♔⁘⋟   “How are you so kind? Would it be peculiar to thank you for having trust in me? What would you say if I told you I never truly wanted to leave you? Would you let me stay? Do you think about me as I do toward you? ... Could you ever have loved me?”             _________________@kaaras-adaar