#(also older jonas whose name i keep forgetting)

[bromcommie]

they’re gonna send me to “rewatching dark for the bazillionth time” jail. and also the horny one

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fic Rec - Angst

Here are SOME of the angsty fics i love. They range from light to heavy angst. Make sure you read the tags. Some of these deal with heavy themes. A few I haven't read but I want to. I sure I'm forgetting a bunch of angsty fics I love. I wish I could make a comprehensive list but that's just impossible. If you want to suggest fics, I'll be happy to check them out. For the anon from this ask. 

** Angst with happy ending ** No happy ending

***** With Happy Ending *****  

(2017) Where's my Love by suckmyboardbxtch (757 words) - Even is in a depressive episode. Kinda ambiguous ending. I love this one so much. It's very short but it moved me.

(2017) Not Always Soft by scritch (1k words) - Here is what they don't tell you about the sadness. What sadness is like for Even. Ends on a hopeful note.

(2017) Alone by waitineedaname (2k words) - Character death. Painful. Kinda happy ending.

(2017) Love (in all it's boring simplicity) by verlore_poplap (2.8k words) - Even breaks Isak's heart in this one. Break up au.

(2017) To Burn With Desire by photographer_of_thoughts (6k words) - Unrequited love though not really. kinda angsty.

(2020) a garden for your love by eggsntoast (9.3k words) - Light angst I think. Hanahaki au. Funny and angsty and sweet and beautiful.

(2019) Your presence still lingers here by nofeartina (11k words) - Even is immortal. Isak isn't. Can you already feel the angst from that description? Because let me tell ya, it starts out fluffy but you can just see the angst underlying it. And then the angst hits and it's a delicious pain. With every update Amy Lee's voice gets louder and louder in my head. (I didn't pick Rearranged because I think that's a popular one. But if you haven't read it, please do so. It has a lovely amount of angst.)

(2018) shrivelfig by towonderland72 (kittpurrson) (11k words) - Reuploaded in 2020. Delicious angst mixed with a Potter au? Sign me up. tender (is the night) is also one of the popular angsty fics.

(2018) Lighthouse by Laika_the_husband (12k words) - I've been wanting to start this fic. Seems like a good amount of angst.

(2018) in these deep solitudes and awful cells by hippopotamus (14k words) - Post break up au. This one hurt (I say that like the rest of this list don't hurt)

(2017) Sideways and Slantways by iriswests (17k words) - Isak gets stuck in an elevator with the one person he's vowed never to speak to again. Moderate angst, I think with fluff sprinkled all over. I did not pick TMTTS because that one is pretty popular.

(2019) The Glow of the Cities Below Lead Us Back by LavenderWater (22k words) - Character death but it has a happy ending. Exactly a year to the day after Isak and Jonas die in an apartment fire, Even meets a strange man outside of his grief group. This man asks Even an impossible question: Would he rather move on from the pain of losing Isak or, if he could, would he chose to go back to him knowing what he knows now? Beautiful fic

(2017) Hard Knocks by DiscoNight (25k words) - The angst in this made me angry at everybody, I wanted to fight someone. Isak gets very hurt emotionally and physically. Dom/sub dynamic between Isak and Even.

(2018) Just your average ordinary everyday Superhero by vorfm95 (34k words) - Angsty superhero soulmate au. Has character death but it's a happy ending.

(2017) What Death Doesn't Touch by smokeshop (41k words) - I love this fic! It's been a long time since I read it so I can't remember what level of angst this is. Maybe moderate to heavy? I do remember that it is really good. They meet in a psychiatric hospital and grow in ways they'd never intended, and decide early on that they don't have to take it all so seriously.

(2019) Supernova by hannakin (45K words) - Childhood friends who drifted apart. Isak is angry at the world. He is lonely but determined that he is better off alone. People tell Even to not bother. That Isak is not worth it. But how can he not? All he wants is to see Isak smile again. Arghh the angst!

(2018) four movements on a first wedding by chevythunder (47k words) - Isak's spent years keeping his distance to Even, worried that any kind of closeness could trigger feelings he won't be able to suppress. Waking up married to Even after a blurry night in Las Vegas throws a slight wrench in those plans. Angsty. Theres's a cat. I loved the minor characters.

(2017) Don't Fuss Over Me by everything_else (53k words) - I love this fic so much! Involves an abusive relationship. A lot of angst and a lot of healing.

(2019) The first star you see may not be a star by Laika_the_husband (53k words) - I LOVE Laika's fics. He has a bunch of fics with heavy themes and this angsty one really cut deep for me. Isak is a sex worker who specializes in services of not traditionally sexual nature. Even, his new client has a request that is not the most bizarre, but the most disturbing one Isak has ever received. The fic ends on a hopeful note. And there is a short sequel that is fluffier.

(2017) Legitimate Expectations by champagneleftie (57k words) - Listen. The angst is quite heavy with this one. Involves infidelity. Such a good fic.

(2017) That's Not My Name by cuteandtwisted (61k words) - No angst list would be complete without Wiss but I think fics like BFYT have been mentioned a lot so I've picked an older fic to rec. One night stand that does not stay a one night stand.

(2019/2020) I Can Hardly Breathe by Flatfootmonster (82k words) - This is mostly moderate angst I think. There's a lot of fluff too. But there is a particular scene but that is straight up heavy angst. I love Bec's writing. If you get a chance to read their other stuff, you'll not regret it.

(2017) Don't Let Me Go by unfancyandy (86k words) - This one is in my to read. It seems like a very angsty fic going by the comments. And everybody has a lot of praise for it. Has the major character death tag. I'm not sure who died but I believe this has a happy ending.

(2018) Next to you, is where I call home by LostInAdmiration (101k words) - Childhood best friend au so you know there is pining. Inspired by the movie Jongens. They are in a track team.

(2017) The Oceans Shall Freeze by DiscoNight, realityiwanted (121k words) - The viking fic. yeah.gif

(2017) All Stories Are Echoes by sebastianL (123k words) - There is no way I can make a list that fit this fic and not put it on there. It's ASAE. It's sad, and beautiful and just everything. It's in first person pov which I usually have problems with and yet this is one of the best things I've read. It just works.

(WIP) (2017) Crash Into Me by endlessandinfinite (155k words) - I haven't read this yet but @isaksforelsket highly recommends it so I wanted to put this on here. I can't wait to start this fic!

(2017) Cleansing my Soul by imissedyourskin (217k words) - This is an incredible fic. Even fights for equal rights and is openly pansexual. Isak is a quiet admirer unsure of his sexuality. But there is always more than meets the eye...

***** No Happy Ending *****  

70% of these are character death fics. Just ask if you want clarity on which ones they are

(2018) fade by hippopotamus (568 words) - Even fades away in a hospital, and Isak fades away with him

(2018) I will be the one to make you crawl by Tuii (1k words) - Not happy ending ish? A look into what it's like to be bipolar

(2017) you've got the light to fight the shadows by orphan_account (1k words) - Isak's thoughts after Even introduced Sonja.

(2020) Freedom by Hibiskisss (1.3k words) - Sad and beautiful. You decide whose pov it is.

(2017) We're the Masters of Our Own Fate by obscurial (1.8k words) I read this in bits and pieces because it is so good but so painful. I will come back and read the whole thing. My dearest Isak. Before you continue reading, I want you to know that this is not your fault. Isak returns to the hotel room, but this time, he is alone.

(2018) so lucky that you were mine by empty_venom (2k words) - Not a happy ending but kinda ends on a slightly comforting note. Very slightly, though. It's still heartbreaking.

(2018) Four Hours by bri_ness (2.2k words) - It's not heavy angst but it feels like heavy angst. Throat hurting because you're trying not to cry kinda pain. A fleeting moment of connection that was not allowed to go further.

(2019) ghosts that we knew by thekardemomme (2.5k words) - I cried so hard.

(2019) I'm Gonna See Some Friends by Wrappedbubble (4k words) - Oh this was painful. 

(2018) pieces by tusktooth (4k words) - Painful! Isak wakes up in a hospital the day after Eva's party. The doctor tells him that he was in a coma. 

(2018) I'll be right beside you by hannakin (20k words) - I haven't read this one but I skimmed the ending because that's what I do when there's character death mentioned and this looks like the kind of fic that would crack my heart open so I had to add it on here.

[stressedoutteenager]

The awkwardness is overshadowed by the happiness

I combined the following three prompts for this. Let me know what you think!

(...) writing one where the girls squad and the balloon squad know each other for a long time like growing up together or something and the girls notice that Sana likes Yousef and yousef likes Sana and keep teasing her and him about it ? But both are to shy to admit or to believe that the other really likes them

I would love to see Sana and Yousef being protective of each other in one of your fic (I know we've seen Yousef protecting Sana, but I would love to see Sana being protective of him)

"It's the beginning of season 4 and the balloon squad and the girls squad go to a party together, there they find the boys squad and one of them starts talking to Sana (it could be Jonas or Mahdi). Yousef gets really jealous when he sees this guy having a great time with Sana and..."

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"Since when are we going partying with the girls?", Yousef asks while they walk down the road with the girls walking in front of them, whispering about something.

"Why? Does it bother you?", Adam asks back, a very distinctive undertone to the sentence.

Yousef shrugs and shakes his head. It doesn't, actually. But Sana's friends and the Balloon squad have known each other for a really long time and they hang out all the time but they never went partying together. Ever. So why would that change so suddenly?

Elias answers: "Vilde invited us because she thought Noora needs a distraction from some stuff that's going on in her life and the more the merrier."

"And it's a lot of fun when we all hang out together!", Mutta says and looks at the girls, who are walking a few metres in front of the boys. 

That's true. Since the first day Sana brought Noora, Eva, Vilde and Chris over to her house the boys and they were friends and spending quite a lot of time together. For years now. Seeing as Adam, Mutta, Mikael and Yousef basically live at the Bakkoush house.

At the same time Noora questions why they suddenly go to a pregame with Adam, Mutta, Mikael, Elias and Yousef. As much as they hang out, partying was never a thing they did together. When Vilde just gives Noora a big grin, she turns to Sana who just shrugs. Sana doesn't really know either. Sure, Vilde wants Noora to forget William for a while and have a good time, and that she thinks that Noora and Sana's brother would be a cute couple also played into this plan. But Sana is a bit uncomfortable with this. Hanging out in her backyard, all of them together is one thing, hanging out at a party with people Sana's age that will be drunk out of their minds is a whole other story.

"Sana, I thought you'd be more excited. You know, spending time with Yousef.", Chris teases Sana with a nudge to her shoulder.

"With Yousef and Mutta and Adam and Mikael and Elias.", Sana says and purposefully acts like she doesn't know what Chris means.

"Oh come on! We all know for years now that you have a crush on him! Don't even try to hide it, you're bad at it!"

Sana doesn't know whose house they came to. All these parties they go to look the same to Sana. Drunk people making out on the porch, the smell of beer filling her nose and loud music bumping through the rooms.

It's not long until all 10 of them spread around the party. Eva and Vilde got themselves drinks and immediately ran to the makeshift dancefloor. Noora and Elias started talking and are standing at the far corner of the room. Mutta, Adam and Chris are dancing and trying to rap along to the song that is blasting through the speakers. Mikael and Yousef are talking to three third-year guys Sana has seen around school. It's not like she keeps looking for Yousef and quickly looking away when he looks up at her.

When Jonas and Mahdi walk into the room, followed by Isak, they immediately see Sana and walk over to her. Isak just quickly says Hi before going over to some other friends. Mahdi and Jonas stay with Sana, though, and start talking. 

One moment they talk about their politics teacher and in the next moment Mahdi watches as Jonas and Sana are in a heated discussion about capitalism and how our current society exploits anything they can and why that is a huge problem because we are part of that society and don't have as much to say as those who ruin the market for us later.

Mahdi shakes his head smilingly at his friends. Why can't he have normal friends that don't discuss capitalism at a party? He decides to just leave them to discuss as much as they want to and goes to search for something to drink.

Yousef keeps finding himself looking at Sana every few minutes. The guys Mikael and him just met rave about their Russe buss and how great it is but Yousef couldn't care less. He was on a busse with his friends and a few others, as well, but only because Elias convinced him too. It's not really his thing. He had fun, though. Right now, he just can't be bothered to listen to that. All he can concentrate on is Sana, talking to one of her friends from school. Yousef forgot his name but he definitely has seen that boy with curly hair before. 

Sana and the curly haired boy are sitting on the couch on the other end of the room and are talking very animated, waving their hands around but they also laugh a lot. Yousef watches how the curly-haired boy says something and Sana throws back her head laughing.

Yousef clenches his jaw and tries not to get mad. He doesn't have a right to. Sana can talk, even flirt, with whoever she wants. It's not his place to say anything about that. But that doesn't make him feel less jealous. He knows that Sana is amazing and that everyone would be glad to get to talk to her, even for a few minutes.

Yousef gets jabbed in his ribs lightly which makes him turn away from looking at Sana and towards Mikael.

"What?", Yousef asks. It's only now that he notices that those three guys are gone. 

"Dude, if you're jealous all you need to do is go over there and join the conversation.", Mikael says and nods in the direction of Sana and the curly-haired boy. 

Yousef acts like he doesn't know what Mikael means. He shrugs and says he doesn't know who he would be jealous of and why. Mikael just rolls his eyes at his friends and feels like hitting him over the head. Why is he making this harder for himself than necessary?

"Yousef, nothing's going to happen if you don't do anything.", Mikael says right when Eva and Vilde join them. 

"Who is doing what?", Eva asks, obviously already a little tipsy. She holds onto Vilde's arm and looks at the two older boys. 

Yousef doesn't react but Mikael, with a joyful smile, is glad to repeat what he just said. "Yousef is jealous of Sana talking to Jonas over there but won't do anything about it."

Eva and Vilde turn around and look into the direction Mikael is pointing. Once they see Sana and Jonas sitting there, discussing something probably very intelligent, turn to look at each other and burst out laughing. 

Yousef furrows his eyebrows at them because he doesn't understand. He still feels the need to object: "I'm not jealous of anyone!"

Vilde pats his arm in an attempted loving manner: "Boy, we know you for too long for you to lie at us now. Everyone knows you're crushing on Sana. And everyone knows Sana is crushing on you!"

The smallest glimmer of hope bursts in Yousef's chest. Can it be that his feelings are not one-sided? But why would Sana like him the way he likes her? He is pretty sure she just sees him as her older brother's best friend. But if Vilde says so, and Mikael too. And Vilde is drunk. Drunk people usually don't lie, their filter is missing. Biting his lip he decides to just go over there. Sana and him are friends, at least. It wouldn't be weird to join a conversation. And a voice in the back of his head tells him he'd be able to see or rather hear what they are talking about so he doesn't have to theorize from afar. This irrational anger at that curly-haired boy makes him shake his head. It's fine, they are just talking. They better be just talking.

Mikael, who notices his friend making a move to go over to his crush, pats him on the shoulder and pushes him lightly. Everyone, really everyone, knows that these two are crushing on each other since they all were younger but they just can't get their act together and do something about their crushes. 

Yousef walks through the masses of people and get really excited. Just talking to Sana makes him so happy, it's ridiculous. Involuntarily he starts smiling but when he gets to the couch Sana is nowhere to be seen. The curly-haired boy, Jonas, is joined by Mahdi and they're looking around the room. Yousef says Hi but doesn't stay for longer. He finally had a little bit of courage and exactly then Sana decides to stand up and go wherever. He looks around the room but can't see her. With a sigh he decides to go outside to take a fresh breath of air.

When he steps outside he looks around at first. Seeing some people hook up on the porch was not exactly what he wanted to see but he just walks past them. Yousef sits down on the last, or rather first step, and takes out his phone. Parties are fun, he loves to dance at parties, but there is this uneasy feeling in his stomach. If only he had been faster with his decision to go over to Sana.

Yousef doesn't know how that is even possible but just then, after looking around for a few minutes, he sees Sana walking up and down on the far right side of the front yard. She has her phone raised to her ear and seems to be listening to the person on the other end of the line. Usually Sana is the first person to catch his eye, in any situation. He thinks about standing up and walking over to her but it doesn't seem like a good idea. He would only be interrupting her phone call. That doesn't mean that he won't wait for her to finish the phone call, though.

Sana taps the end call button and sighs. Out of all the times her eldest brother could call her, it's now. Very bad timing. All he wanted to know was if Elias and Sana would go to his house the next morning for breakfast which they had planned before and it was sure that they would. Still, it was nice talking to him. She misses him since he doesn't live with them anymore. 

She turns around to go back inside and as soon as she does her eyes catch Yousef. He's sitting on the stairs of the porch. However, he's not alone. A pretty girl with curly hair sits next to him. Pretty close, actually. Her hand on his shoulder, leaning forward to him while speaking. Sana's stomach sinks. She bites her lip to not frown too obviously. Of course, Yousef can talk to whoever he wants. The pleasant smile playing on his lips shows Sana that he's enjoying himself. Sana starts walking towards the house, slowly. Trying to think. Should she just walk past them or should she somehow stop and say Hi or something. No, that would be weird. 

While walking towards the house Sana can't take her eyes off of the girl's hand on his shoulder and her leaning in close to him. Very close. She shouldn't look. It only makes her feel worse. Sana suspected that this would happen. Yousef being hit on at parties. Maybe that is the reason Sana wasn't too keen on taking the boys with them. She knew that this would happen; Yousef with his stupid, cute smile and his stupid, wavy hair and his stupid good manners. Of course, Yousef wouldn't be left alone at a party. 

So why is it so hard to just walk past him and the pretty girl then? Why does Sana stop in front of these two people, turning her phone in her hands?

Yousef immediately looks up to Sana and shows her a big smile which also seems a little bit relieved. Or does she imagine that?

"Sana!", he says a bit more loudly than necessary and stands up, having to lean away from the girl's grip fast for her to let go. He smiles at her, his stupidly cute smile. He doesn't make it easy for Sana, he really doesn't. But he probably doesn't know how she feels and he most definitely only sees her as his best friend's sister.

Yousef and Sana stand there for a few seconds, awkwardly, until the girl that is still sitting on the stairs is saying: "Yousef, I didn't finish the story.", she slurs a little.

He doesn't react to her, though. He just widens his eyes at Sana and lightly shakes his head. Sana furrows her eyebrows in confusion to which Yousef nods lightly in the direction of the curly-haired girl. For Sana, who is usually very quick to understand what he tries to tell her without words, she is pretty slow in that moment. But then it clicks. He wants her to make up an excuse to leave. 

"Hey, I'm sorry but we need to get back inside.", Sana says looking at the girl, now almost lying on the stairs. She seems fine, though. The curly-haired girl raises her eyebrows and nods and stands up too fast and gets dizzy. Both Yousef and Sana go to help her and once she stands steadily, Yousef walks to Sana's side, stands so close that their arms are touching.

The curly-haired girl tilts her head. "And who are you? I was having a ... great conversation with that hot boy here."

Sana raises her eyebrows at her and answers before thinking: "That hot boy here has to go inside now.", while saying that she looks at the girl and wraps her hand around Yousef's upper arm. Exactly in that moment she realizes what she said and freezes for a second. Same as Yousef. But he is more amused than anything because he didn't think he'd ever hear something like that about him from Sana. He would be lying if he said that his heart didn't start beating a little faster when she put her hand on his arm and leaned on him just slightly. Just enough to show the other girl that she is with him.

Yousef looks down at Sana, waits for her to look up but he doesn't know that she can't. If she did she would blush so hard that she would put tomatoes to shame. Training her eyes on the girl is a good way for Sana to contain herself.

"But I didn't finish my story!", the girl whines and stumbles a bit when she tries to get closer to Yousef again. Instinctively Sana steps a bit in front of Yousef and looks around.

With perfect timing Jonas comes walking through the door. She waves him over to them and tells the girl: "Look, Jonas is coming over here. He'll gladly listen to your story." 

The girl looks his way and nods. He would do, too. Jonas looks at Sana confused but Sana just mouths a quick 'Sorry' to him and pulls Yousef with her into the house again.

Once they are inside, they both turn to look at each other for the first time in the last minutes. As soon as their eyes meet they start laughing. That was weird, and awkward but funny at the same time. 

"Well, thank you for saving me from that conversation.", Yousef says and leans on the wall in the hallway. Here the music is a little dimmed and they can talk without having to shout. Sana leans on the opposite wall. 

"Did I? You seemed to have fun?", Sana says and tries not to sound bitter about it. She has no clue if she succeeded.

Yousef shakes his head very quickly: "Nope, just tried to be nice. She was telling me about her Ex-boyfriend." He notices Sana start to smile lightly and continues: "Now, tell me. Do I look like a human form of a diary? I swear, every party we go to someone finds me and starts telling me their life-story."

Yousef laughs and Sana joins him. Sana can really imagine him standing somewhere at a party and people starting to complain about their lives to him. He really is a very trustworthy person and apparently also looks like that to strangers. 

"Then remind me to never come to you when I want to tell someone my whole life-story.", Sana jokes. 

Yousef shakes his head: "No, I'll gladly listen to you." That cute smile of his is directed at Sana and she seems to forget how to properly breathe. So she just smiles back.

Seeing her smile at him with her dimples showing makes him want to take those two steps and go stand next to her. He doesn't even feel like he needs to touch her in any way; he just wants to be close.

And when the music actually gets louder, he walks those two steps and leans on the wall next to her. Sana looks at him, then quickly averts her eyes. Yousef looks at her, then quickly averts his eyes.

"So, now your friend has to deal with the Ex-boyfriend story.", Yousef comments. That Sana sent Jonas over to that girl has to mean that she is not interested in him, right? Why else would she send him to her while saving Yousef from the same conversation?

Sana just laughs and nods. "He'll be alright.“ and all they do after that is smiling at each other. Yousef leaning on the wall with his left shoulder, Sana with her right shoulder.

 "You've been gone for almost an hour!", Noora shouts over the music and interrupts Sana and Yousef who didn't move from their spot in the past 50 minutes. All they had done was slide down the wall, and talk sitting there in the hallway.

Noora interrupted them as they were laughing so hard that they both had tears of laughter in their eyes. She looks at them once and decides to leave them immediately so that they can enjoy their time alone. It's the closest and most talkative with each other Noora has seen these two together in ... forever. And she knows the boy almost as long as she knows Sana.

Noora decides to leave in the same moment as Eva and Adam come to stand next to her, in front of the still laughing two sitting on the ground. Why they are laughing Noora doesn't know but what she knows is that neither of them can stop.

"Oooh, did you finally admit your crushes on each other?", Adam shouts over the loud music.

That makes Sana and Yousef stop laughing. They stare at Adam at first, then at each other.

They really are made for each other, Noora thinks, as Sana and Yousef raise their eyebrows at the same time and look at each other in the same surprised, oblivious way.

"You are so cuuuuute!", Eva shouts, leaning on Adam. "Now, Sana doesn't have to hide her crush anymore!"

Sana's head snaps up and she stares at Eva in horror. While Yousef chuckles at that, Sana's face grows red.

"And Yousef can stop admiring Sana from afar now!", Adam says, knowing exactly what he's doing.

Now it's Yousef's turn to look at his friend in horror and widen his eyes. Do their friends love to see them suffer? Apparently they do.

Sana and Yousef look at each other, both with a shy smile but happy that it is out in the open now. They didn't, in fact, confess to each other. They only had a good time together. But it doesn't hurt that their feelings for each other were made clear, even if it's done by their friends.

Sana wonders if it was the wisest decision to have introduced her friends to the friends of her brother years ago. Sometimes it makes things a lot more awkward than they need to be but in moments like this, the awkwardness is overshadowed by the happiness.