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justashadetalkative · 2 years

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IC Musings: Diamond

“Parents are... complicated, for me. Even under the best of circumstances, I am rarely what any parent would expect, and from my own end... well.

Among a great number of reasons why experiencing life as a child and being born to new families is a conflicting experience for me, it’s... I’ve essentially killed whoever their child would or could have been. Which. Even when I don’t choose to reveal my history to the people around me, it still weighs on my mind.

It isn’t an insurmountable barrier to a positive relationship, but it’s... difficult.”

#Diamond #ic musings: Diamond #ic musings #(I AM NOT SAYING THAT DIAMOND'S FEELINGS ON THIS TOPIC ARE CORRECT)#(with regards to 'I've killed what could have been')#(*especially* not if you wander off and try to make analogies out of this)#(instead of the rather literal 'this immortal being has gained another timespan of life by being reborn')#(because there definitely *are* analogies that *could* be drawn and they are. complicated. and weighty.)#(and numerous?)#(queerness and disability and life choices and--)#(literally just all of the perfectly human scenarios in which a child is Not Who the Parents Expected)#(and they grieve the loss of that fantasy--in healthy ways or not)#(and this is not that discussion. this is just Diamond being his depressed self and viewing it from the least favorable angle sldkfjgh)#(anyway yes I read 'don't mourn for us' by jim sinclair at a formative age and it Changed Me don't @ me)#(go read that if you want meaningful discussion of IRL parallels this is just IC unreliable narrator shit)#musings

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