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dealersofatlanta · 6 years

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Part 1: Chapter 5 ( pt. 1 Ace and Jade)

2017: March 19th 2017

Jade: 25

“You keep me decked out the lastest, taking me to knew places, got me calling me friends like damn he’s the greatest, thought love was overrated, somebody lied im faded, and the way you make me feel you got me elevated, I don’t questions, you come round in that two seater, telling me that you ready to go. i dont ask question, go out telling me you got all this money to bloooow, run it up, run it up” I sang, driving round in my all black Jeep Wrangler. I had been out running errands with my bestfriend Mia, and My friend Myiesha, and I had just got home. Ace and I had moved to buckhead in the cut. Ace didn’t want to live in a neighboorhood. Our house was an all glass house, you could over see the city at night, it was beautiful. I never had to worry about working but I stacked any money Ace gave me, just in case we really needed it. I seen Ace was gone, so I just pulled into the garage. When I walked in the house, I got undressed and got myself situated, to start cooking dinner. I turned on my music as I started to get in the shower to wash my hair, and shit. “Alexa play Pull up by G-Herbo”. I walked into the bathroom. I sighed and seen Ace had been doing coke again. Lately he’s been doing more than smoking weed and dringing lean, he started popping pills, and snorting Cocaine. I quickly trashed the shit. “What the fuck Ace!” I cleaned off the table and throw whatever pills he had in the trash. I got in the shower and began washing up. I jumped at a sound that sounded like glass breaking. “Alexa pause the music” I said. I quietly and quickly got out the shower. I threw on my long sleeve romper, and put on my uggs. My hair was dripping down my back soaking my romper. “I know his bitch is here, I followed her” I heard a voice say. “She probably upstairs” I heard a deeper voice say. Shit like this never really happened but Ace prepared me for anything. I grabbed my book bag that carried Ace and I’s passports, spare property keys, a band, a bullet proof vest which I quickly put on and 3 guns, with extra bullets, and a safe phone. I grabbed the other gun under the bathroom counter, I tied the knife that was in the medicine cabinet to my arm. I heard them checking every room. The only way out was downstairs. I had my car keys downstairs, and I also had a spare key under my car. I quickly turned on my location tracker for Ace. I heard our room door bust open. I was hiding in the closet. My breathing was getting faster. “Check everywhere, shoot on sight” I heard the voice say. I clocked the gun back, and took the safty off. He opened the closet door and with out hesitation. I pulled the trigger, I shot him in the chest and he fell back, shooting back at me as I run off. The other dude, grabbed me by my hair. I grabbed the knife and stabbed his side. He instantly let go. I ran to the stairs,

I tripped down the last steps falling to the ground. “Shit!” I yelled out. The guy who grabbed me was big, he started shooting from upstairs. I ran to kitchen grabbing the tiny remote from the drawer closes to the garage, I opened the garage. “Fuck” I said to myself. I seen, it was another guy. He smirked. “Hey princess”. I backed up and walked into my house. “Damn it!” I yelled. I left the gun on the counter. I ran back in the house and locked the door to the garage. The big nigga was dragging the guy I shot down the stairs. He looked at me and pulled the trigger the bullet hit my arm “Uhhhh!” I felt my eyes water. Jade snap out of it, Jade! I thought to myself. I snatched the gun off the counter. and I ran out the back door, as he was shooting. I ran around the house till I got back to my car in the garage. The other guy was kicking at the garage door. I ducked down and grabbed my spare key off the bottom, I hit the unlock button and got in, he turned around and we made eye contact. I quickly turned my car on and put it in reverse. He pointed the gun at me, and started shooting. I sped backwards down my drive way, and pressed the button. Instantly the house blew up. I drove 5minutes down the road when I started to get light headed from losing blood in my arm. My steering wheel was bloody and I could feel myself going in and out, I tried to pull over but my body was weak. I felt my car hit a tree and I blacked out.

I woke up and heard a beeping noise. I was squinting because of the light in my eyes. I groaned at the headace I had. “What the fuck?” I said touching the stiches on my forehead. “Baby?” I heard. I looked and seen Ace in a chair near me. “Where am I, what happened?” I asked. He smiled at me. “You was dope baby, you got shot in your arm, I followed you on the Find My Friends app you sent me, you had a little crash into a tree, I got you out and brung you here to the underground hospital” He told me. He kissed on my face. “I love you soo much man, Im sorry for putting you in the situation, but you handled it like a G, thats my baby” He said. I softly smiled. “Am I okay?” I asked. A middle age women came into the room. “Hello Jade, I heard so much about you. How are you?” She asked me. I shrugged. “You tell me” I said. She looked between me and Ace. “Um your fine, we pulled the bullet out and sewed your wound back up, we would normally give you percocet but we have to give you something not as strong” She said. I looked at her crazy. “No offense when I say this but bitch this shit hurts” I said. She nodded with her hands in defense. “I can’t give you the pills because your pregnant Jade” She said. My eyes widened. “Huh?”. Ace shook his head. “Nah, she can’t be, Im not ready for no kid man, maybe you got it wrong” He said. She shook her head. “We ran your results Jade, you are pregnant, you need to go to a real doctor to get a second opinion but I read them twice, to make sure you had no infections from the wound” She said. I felt tears fall from my face. I was scared as fuck. I was not ready to be a mom, I didn’t even want kids, Ace and I we never used protection, I wasn’t on the pill, we just assumed I just was never going to get pregnant. Ace went through his pocket and started popping 3 pills of X. He looked at me. “What?” He asked. I shook my head still crying. We aint ready for no kid, Ace is a damn junkie, he put my life in danger. “We can go to the clinic to handle this, when we leave once we go to the doctors to see if this shit is true” He told me. I wiped my tears and turned over in the bed.

A week later:

I had scheduled an appointment with a doctor at the hospital near by. I was anxious and nervous I just wanted to know. “Jade Thomas?” The nurse called for me. I stood up. “You can follow me” She said. I followed her to the back. “You can go in the bathroom and pee in the cup and meet us back in here. Dr. Moss will be in with your results” She said before leaving. I peed in the cup and went back into the office. My leg was shaking, and my hands were sweaty, I was scrolling through IG for about 20minutes. “Okay Jade?, Hi Im Dr. Moss” Dr. Moss said. “Hi” I said. She closed the door and pulled up a chair. “So your lab results came in and you are pregnant, I will use the monitor to see how far long, so you can get undressed, and put on the gown. I will see you shortly” Dr. Moss said before leaving out. I started crying as she closed the door. I got up and got undressed and into the gown. “Okay, You ready? Are you okay?” Dr. Moss said looking at me with concern. I was still in tears. “Im just not ready for this” I told her. She nodded slowly. “Once you see your baby you will feel more ready. Lift your legs up on these step stoops for me. Im going to do a transvaginal ultrasound to see the egg” I nodded as I put my feet up and she put the monitor inside. I heard a intense beating sound. I looked at the doctor. “What is that?” I asked. She smiled. “Your babys heartbeat” She said. “Thats your baby, its like a little bean, but it seems you are 7 weeks pregnant” She said. I started to feel overwhelmed but in a good way. “My baby?” I asked. She smiled and nodded. “Yes, we can schedule you another appointment at 12 weeks okay?. And don’t be worried babys are a gift from above” She told me. I nodded. “Your little bean seems to be due around December. 9th this year” She told me. I smiled. “A winter baby, like me” I told her.

After my appointment, I got in my car, and drove home. After the explosion and my car crashing. Ace moved us to his second home in Austel, He got me another Jeep, all black matte. When I got home, I seen he was already there with other cars. “I can’t even roll in peace, everybody notice me, I can’t even go to sleep. Im rolling on a bean. They tried to me eight, got my knees like “Jesus Please” He don’t even believe in Jesus why he got a Jesus Piece” Kodak Black- “Roll In Peace” blasted from the surround sound speakers. “Ohhh give me that dub bitch!” I heard Ace friend Baby G yell. I walked around the living room and seen Ace friends playing poker at the poker table. Ace was snorting coke on a metal tray near the poker table. I sighed, he was turning into Davis. “Ace!” I yelled. He wiped his nose and smiled at me. “Hey babydoll” He said, he was high as hell. “I been calling you” I told him. “Oh man baby I been with my niggas!” He said pointing his friends. He dug into his pocket and lit a cigerette. “You had a great day with your fine ass in them leggings girl, you going to keep me some ass tonight baby. Ima eat you up” He said grabbing me and whispering in my ear. I lightly pushed him back. “Ace can we talk privately?” I asked. He smirked at me and bit his lip. “Aight pretty face” He sighed kissing on my cheek. I moved my face away and brought him in the kitchen. “I went to the doctor” I told him. He inhaled the cigerette. “Aight so what the say?” He asked. I inhaled my breath, and exhaled. “Im pregnant” I said. He nodded. “No prob, baby will just get that shit taken care of tomorrow” He said shrugging. “Im not getting an abortion Ace” I told him. He lightly laughed. “You trying to be like O and Naomi? Man J stop playing lets just go there tomorrow get rid of the shit and buy more plan b I guess. I aint pulling out and I ain’t putting on a condom fuck that shit. You mine, I like to feel my shit” He said. I palmed my face. “Ace I said Im not killing our baby. I heard his or hers heart today and I realized I created a life, I can be a better mother than my mom or aunt was to me. I can actually have a family, a family with a man I love” I said to him with tears in my eyes smiling. He shook his head. “Do that shit by yourself then J, Im not raising no kid nigga. You aint bout to complicate my life J, shit fuck that man”. My heart dropped. “So you going to leave me to raise our child by myself Ace?” I asked shocked at his reaction. He shrugged. “You know what fuck you Ace, fuck you all this money, all this shit! Fuck you! Im soooo done with you!” I screamed. All his friends looked at us. I ran upstairs to grab my some of my shit. “So you going to leave me?” He asked. “Are you going to step up and be a man, or choose them drugs and bitches over your family?” I asked him. He sucked his teeth and waved me off. “Man we should of just stayed bestfriends, Ima be good nigga, shit bye” He said. “Fuck you Ace, you just like Davis crackhead ass”.

Ace age 25:

2 months later:

“East8 bringing the war to our homes, I aint letting that shit fly, we need to kill them assp” O said. I nodded. “You right” I pulled out some lean and drank a little bit. He grabbed the bottle from me. He sighed, “So Mom asked about you” Omari said. We was at waffle house just kicking shit. “Oh okay cool” I said zoning out. He sighed looking at me. “Bruh man you wilding Ace, you aint talked to J in 2 months, checked on your baby none of that” He said. I shrugged my shoulders. “How is she?” I asked. Omari looked at me. “Shes doing good, you can tell shes hurt ya know but shes happy. I think” He said. Since Jade left, I been depressed just dealing with shit different, fucking hoes and doing drugs, handling business with my gang and shit. “You been thinking about getting clean?” Omari asked. I looked up from my phone. “I ain’t no junkie” I said. Omari kept looking at me, he grabbed my phone. “Aye yo chill” I snapped. He clenched his jaw. “What you gon do? Huh? Shoot me motherfucka?” He said. I balled up my fist. “I brought you here to talk Ace, you spiraling man, Dad would not be proud” He said. I sucked my teeth at him. “Man dad dead fuck you” I told him. Omari grabbed me by my shirt. “If you wasn’t my brother I’d fuck you up” He told me. I smirked, “And you be dead” I told him. He pushed me back down. I fixed my shirt. I heard heels clicking over to our table. I looked up and seen it was our mother Traci. I felt the rage in me grow. “The fuck you bring this bitch in here for!” I snapped. She glared at me. “Bitch, I am your mama” She snapped. “Psshhh man you sent me to jail and never came to see me or defend me! You turned me in, you aint my blood!” I yelled. I looked at Omari. “Fuck all yall” I said. “Sit down” Omari said through clenched teeth. “Yall got 5 minutes” I stated. “Im sorry Ace, I was not thinking clearly I realize now I was wrong, I abandoned both of yall and Im sorry” She said. I shook my head. “Aight thats it? I got a btich waiting for me” I said. “O says you ended up with that Jade girl and your about bout to be a daddy, Congradulations” She said softly smiling. I stood up and grabbed my phone. “Well Im not, Im out” I said, I walked off to my car. “Ace!” I heard O call out. I turned around looking at him. He swung his fist and started fighting me. He grabbed me and brought me up to my car. “You out of the game until you fix your shit! I can’t have you fucking up my shit, OUR shit! Fucking grow up, you aint my brother. I don’t know what monster you fucking created but you need to get your shit together. Im tired of cleaning up your mess Ace. Don’t come around, until you get some help nigga!” he yelled. I spit the blood from my mouth in his face. “Fuck you O” I said. He punched me in my stomach, and in my face before walking off. I spit the blood out on the street.

I got in my car and drove home. I with throw my liquor cabnet and chugged down some Hennessy.

“Looking like a trapper when I walked in the building, That mean I got something expensive. Know my frames, they’re killin’

All these hoes I’m killin’

Nigga came from dope dealing

Dirt bike, four wheeling (woo)

Come up in the street I’m peeling (skurr)

Come up in the street I’m peelin” I was rapping to Bankroll Fresh drunk as hell, and high as a kite. “Knock, Knock” I heard the door knock at the door. I grabbed my gun and looked through the peephole. I seen it was La-La she had been coming over lately. “Wassup bitch” I said to her. She rolled her eyes. “I heard you was down so I decided to bring in a friend her name is Diamond” She said. I smirked. “Oh you freaky freaky” I said. She nodded. “Anything for you Ace baby” She said kissing me. One thing lead to the next and I was messing with both girls, I was feeling the high, but shit started go left. I started seeing hallucinations everybody I killed. “Bruhh what the fuck!” I scrambled for my pants. “Ace you good?” La-La asked. I shook my head. My breathing intensified. I grabbed my cars keys and ran out the house. I grabbed my phone, and called X. “Wazzam Ace, you know O aint want us fucking with you”. “X man you got to help me I think Im spazzing off everything, Im seeing dead people” I said. He sighed. “Aight bruh where you at?” I grabbed my gun nervous as hell, paranoid like a motherfucker. “In my car man X hurry the hell up man” I said.

16 minutes later X showed up. He knocked on my window. “Ace, come on man” He said. I got out the car. “Man I’m tripping out man, Im losing my shit” I told him. He nodded. “Yeah you need help Ace, I know this place you can go to get help” He said. I sucked my teeth in. “I just need this shit to cope X thats it” I said. He sighed. “Man Ace look around everybody not fucking with you, J left you, O not dealing with it and soon ima be done too cause you fucking up fam” He told me. “I miss my girl, I aint gon hold you. I feel bad as hell man, I fucked up but im just cool out and get me some help for a minute. Ima be back” I told X. He nodded. “You need it, we got J. She gone be good” He assured me. He followed me back to my crib. The girls was gone. I looked at the coke on the table. “Aghhhhh” I yelled as I flipped the table over. I started punching holes in the walls and shit. X ran in after me. “Bruhh you wilding” He said. He shook his head. “Pack your shit I know a place you need to go to”.

7 Months Later: December 3rd, 2017

The past seven months, I been good. I went to rehab in L.A. took therapy. Ready to get back to bussiness. Ready to get back to my girl. Ready to be a Dad, an just make up for all the shit I did to J. My therapist told me it was going to be a long road to forgiveness from J. Also she asked me to forgive my mom, forgive my past and be a better version of me. When I dropped down in the Atl, the first thing I did was sale my property. Get me

A new crib, get a decorator to design me a gender nuetral nursery for J. She can add to it or recreate it if she likes. I turned in my Lambo and My Maserati for a Range Rover and an Escalade. I grew my hair out, and got it braided. I been back for a few weeks now, it was time to make my apology rounds. I showed up at Omari’s. “Ace! Hey little brother” Naomi said answering the door. “Uncle Acey!” Rain and Ocean yelled. They was right up underneath Mimi following her around in there little pajamas. “Hey my little niggas” I said. They each gave me a hug. “Yall keep growing man!” I said. “Im a big boy now, I get to go to pre-k” Rain said. Ocean nodded. “Yep me too!” I pretended to be shocked. “What?! No way” I said. “Go get daddy for me” Naomi told them. They ran off. “How are you?, you look good!” She said hugging me. I smiled. “I feel good, I been in L.A went to rehab and therapy” I told her. She nodded. “Hows J?” I asked. She smiled. “Good, she recently moved out, and into X and Heiress place for now, but she is getting her own place out in Alpharetta” She said. “Well I bought us a house, hopefully we can work shit out and be a family” I told Naomi. She kind of looked away. “Um Ace, Ima be honest with you. Jade is not going to just up and go with you. She’s 38 weeks pregnant. She’s been doing this by herself. You can’t up and decide now that you got the help you need that shit is all sweet well its not. You left when she needed you the most, she has no family relatives. That was fucked up, Im happy you got help so now you can be a father to your daughter, and maybe later Jade will forgive if she even lets you see your child” She straight up said. I looked at her. “A daughter?” i asked still tooken back by that reveal. I assumed I was going to have a son for the longest. Naomi nodded. “Ima work hard to get my family man. I just was dealing with alot of demons” I said. She nodded. “I get it Ace, this aint no easy way of living. I had to develop tough skin to even kill a man to protect my family but we do what we got to do to survive” She told me. “Daddy uncle Acey is right there!” The twins yelled in my brothers arms. He put the boys down. “Follow me in our basement” He simply said. I followed him down. “You can sit on the couch” He told me. He sat across from me looking down and then up at me. “You look good man, you look clean and healthy” He said. I smiled. “I got some help, got my shit together” I said. He smiled. “We missed you, I aint gon lie, niggas been ruthless without my number 1. Assasain, the gang been running cray, you know Jade just had her baby shower for her daughter, yall having a little girl” I nodded. “Yeah Mimi told me, Im scared as hell to have a little girl” I said honestly. He shrugged. “The toughest most ruthless ones always have the little girls, it softens them up” He said. “She been going through alot, just been crying most days. She misses you but wont admit cause you said some file shit to her. You got alot of work to do bro” He said. Naomi rushed down the steps. “Um Jade called, her water broke” She said. Omari nodded. I stood frozen. “Show time, lets see if you really about to change” He said. I followed him up. “We will meet yall later, just go to her Ace. Ima send you the address” I rushed out the house and to the hospital.

I rushed into the lobby. “Jade Thomas? Her water um it broke or something” I said breathing heavy. “Are you family? Or the father?” She asked. I nodded. “Yeah shes having my baby” I said proudly. She nodded. “Maternity ward, B25” She said. I quickly went to the elevator. When I got off I looked around for her room. I seen B25. I just busted in. I seen Jade looking very pregnant, and her best friend Mia. “Ace? Ace why are you here! You can go” She said fighting back tears. I shook my head. “Im here J, I um Mia can we talk please” I asked. She rolled her eyes. “Your 39 weeks too late Ace” She snapped. I pulled out a band. “Mia please give me like 10minutes damn!” I yelled. She looked at Jade who looked annoyed wiping her face. She just walked out. “J, baby. I was a fucking dumb ass for abandoning you. I know you needed me and I foolishly needed you. I left to get help. I went to Rehab and shit. Ima new nigga J” I stressed. She nodded. “I just need you to be here for our baby right now Ace. I can’t do us right now. I can’t allow myself to let someone else I love leave me again. That really fucked me up” She cried. I was a hard nigga with her being my soft spot so for me to cry with her, I really felt her pain. “I um, Ima do what I got to do to prove myself” I chocked trying to act cool. A nurse walked in. J was making a face. “Time for baby, your cervix is ready, Daddy put on your gear” She handed me my scrubs and went to put them on.

12 hours later:

“Hey Nova” Jade said smiling at our daughter. Nova Leigh Jones was born 6lbs and 12oz at 4:43 am December 4th 2017. I used to be crazy as fuck, hard as hell not caring ass nigga. Jade had my heart no lie but my daughter, my daughter got my whole world.

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mugler88 · 7 years

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Every Single Rupauls Drag Race Queen Ranked from 1 to 100 by David Mason You will notice as thece list goes it runs from HARSH to KIND being that we go from people who are wasting our time and perhaps not living an honest fantasy but trying to be something they FEEL they're SUPPOSED to be and talented artists who capture us as they reveal beautifully honest selves which bloom from their unconscious. The Top 25 are ICONIC GOLD and are identities who hold their own amongst all the queens. They are APEX PREDATORS and each could arguably be made number one depending on each persons values. This is MY list and therefore it reflects my values and needs. 100. Phi Phi O’Hara Shes actually the worst for being a horrible person who cant figure out why shes terrible and thats the worst part. I actually BOOED her in public when I saw her. Is it wrong to not like someone just because they were born??? I think it probably is BUT I dont like Phi-Phi because when they showed her mom her mom was like 26 and I just thought YUCK, unplanned pregnancy is just TACKY and I wouldnt have to deal with you if your mom just had the balls to own her own body and be responsible and kind to the Earth and abort you but apparently the apple doesnt fall far from the (say this in Goldie Hawn from Overboard voice) “short, fat, slut" and you come from a long line of short selfish inconsiderate people. Phi-phi is the best case as to why Planned Parenthood should be next to every McDonalds. 99. Kenya Michaels : Oh god Im disturbed by her. She was like that little doll from Trilogy of terror. I found her strong sexual identity so uncomfortable as it was just too obviously a defense mechanism from being a tiny rapeable person from a third world territory. Thats AWFUL to say but Im sorry its just what I saw. I didnt find it funny or sexy. I found it awful and cringy. Its NOT a reason to not like a person but it is a reason as to why I dont want to see her on my tv bending over and WAGGING HER TWAT at me. I dont want to celebrate her complex attempt at molestation management, Im sorry. Lets hope this is me just projecting. I know this is too much for the SECOND entry but Im just saying what I felt. I wish shed read a book instead of just GOING WITH THE SEX THING. 98. Kandy Ho: What gross name, what a skank not even a good skank like Samantha Fox, just a shitty skank. 97. Phoenix: Who? I really have to speed through this list I have to go to the gym. 96. Madame LaQueer: Id put her at 99 but I feel bad for her. Im a nice person. 95. Alisa Summers: i have no idea who this person is 94. Penny Tration: Oh fuck you for that stupid name. Get the fuck outta here. 93.Vivienne Pinay: Why did she think she was pretty or passable or fishy or WHAT? All I saw was “Hi, Can I get the lunch special? I’ll have tai Iced tea with Rad Prik Chicken and coconut soup. Thank you.” 92. Venus D-Lite: Venus is who I think of when I think of queens that dont matter. I didnt even say that to be mean. She just is. 91. Jaidynn Diore Fierce: ??? oh she was the one I think should be named PEANUT. 90. Naysha Lopez: What plane of consciousness thought this person needed to be seen? 89. Sasha Belle: Awkward entry! Rip off Mugler Chimera dress. HERES A TIP PEOPLE, dont try and copy the most amazing well made dress in the world that cost 300k to make and 900 years of 900 year old Parisian couturiers to make. I PROMISE YOUR VERSION WONT BE AS GOOD. If youre going to copy something also make sure said reference has a TEENSY bit of wiggly room for either styling OR improvement. The Mugler Chimeira dress does NOT. Stop looking at it, you cant have it. 88. Akashia: Maybe the first person to fall on the runway??? I dont know? I dont remember her exactly 87. Rebecca Glasscock: I went shopping with Ru once at Saks and a sales girl came up and said “Rebecca works here now!” Ru went from Cafe au lait to FISHBELLY faster than she could mutter... “Rebecca is here?…....now?” thank god the girl was like “Not today”… Cocoa pallor regenerated, shopping recommenced. Rebecca must have been INSANE. 86. Honey Mahogany: Who and Why and whatever…. 85. Derrick Barry: Nope. 84. Robbie Turner: I wish you were Tina Turner 83.Cynthia Lee Fontaine:The cowboy look was like a THANKSGIVING revelation that GRANPA IS A CROSS DRESSER?!?! 82. Darienne Lake: Dip into the cool water of Darienne Lake was the best thing about her and that was Rus doing so.. BYE and shes from like Rochester or some shit. YUCK mid/western New York is SKANK. 81. Ginger Minj: Just everything I don't appreciate. 80. BeBe Zahara Benet: She won season one and I think the prize was 10k and it shoulda gone to Nina. 79. Bob the Drag Queen: After the extraordinarily beautiful Violet won. The audience of sheep were put off by their inability to relate to her because they just arent as good as her so the next season they wrote the season about having a “peoples princess” win and that why we have SHITTY BOB the person who shouldnt have ever been invited. Whats WORSE and MORE ANNOYING is the LATENT worship of Violet after they realized JUST HOW GOOD SHE WAS ONCE THEY SAW BOB and Im sitting here with my fists clenched screaming YOU IDIOTS THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT?!?!?! Bobs season was the worst. 78. Delta Work: Shes the drag queens drag queen. Shes too bitter for tv though. Same reason as to why Jackie Beat isnt on tv, too sour for tv, but thats ok. There is certainly somethig to have the cache of being the type of queen you have to go out to see. When she botched the comedy challenge I felt for her. I could really relate. She has the comic ability and you could just hear the inner dialogue of self sabotage running in her mind. It sucked. Thats one of my challenges too. 77. Thorgy Thor: Funny smart queen that I like. Tv isnt a format that suits her. 76. Sahara Davenport : A sweet soul. 75. Yara Sofia: Ick… The best example of LEARN TO EDIT. Her styling is THE GOOP SHOW. You know how some people just have BAD VIBES? I just dont want her around me. I dont see her vibes swirling in a direction I wanna head towards. I kinda hate dreads, Id lie and not say it to sound cool but there just unsavory to me. Patchouli.. thats what I smell when I see them in my minds eye.They just make me ask.. Why do you deliberately choose to be kinda not so clean? Its some romantic notion I don't prescribe too. Im not earthy in that way. Im Earthy in a watermelons are fierce kinda way. 74. Kelly Mantle: This person is not Christine Baranski! Why are you telling me youre related to a baseball player like Im supposed to care? 73. Magnolia Crawford: ahahahahahahahahahah... that poor homosexual. He MIGHT be more disliked than phi-phi. THAT NOSE gets points.. it HAD to be a critique on nose contour right?! Does anyone ACTUALLY know her?! I feel like this might be some weird dare that a straight guy did and made it on the show. It was all so WEIRD?! 72. Jade. I really dont remember a damn thing but kinda thought she was a nice person maybe??? errr ummmm I just shrugged my shoulders to myself. 71. Lanaysha Sparks: She was quite lovely and even surprisingly talented on the craft contest but not knowing who Diana Ross is and your a drag queen is SATANISM. Poor bitch is from Puerto Rico, do you now Puerto Rico is twice as poor as the poorest state? That sucks. 70.Laila McQueen: Is this an OSBORNE CHILD?? Had she been on previous seasons she would have faired better. Seemed like a kid Id hire as an intern and could trust. 69. Serena ChaCha Oh my god Serena snook right by me?!?! AHAHAHAHAH Serena! Worst look of ALL TIME. how was SHE an art school student?! I cringed when she said that as Im an art school kiid and was like NO NO NOPE TAKE IT BACK CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! Serena was the victim of QUEEN ON QUEEN GANG BULLYING and what was worse is AMERICA BACKED THE GANG RAPE. It was like that scene in The Dark Crystal when the Skeksi looses the sword challenge and they all tear the clothes of him and banish him! Alyssa WENT IN on her….Coco even got a piece of Serena that day! Serena is lucky to be alive. 68. Jasmine Masters: Im disturbed by my own ability to impersonate Jasmine Masters. Its not THAT GOOD but its better than a 225lb Pollock should be able to do. Her Slinky worm routine makes me GIGGLE. She is ANGRY…...BLACK RAGE which I kinda appreciate in a way. I get it. I have gay rage so why cant she have BLACK RAGE?! 67. Tempest DuJour awww tempest.. We all like Tempest. Kinda funny shes a costume design teacher though no? She gave my husband a shirt and my husband wore it for her all day in Provincetown because my husband is like the sweetest person ever. I mean people were like “TEMPEST DU JOUR?!” they practically SPIT on him and he still wore it and he tagged her in the photo and she didnt even regram lolololol My poor husband, I love him so much. 66. The Princess: I made a comment about the Princess' look being shitty on Instagram once and all her fans went APESHIT. It was the two nastiest messages I ever deleted. 65. Monica Beverly Hillz I shoulda put her farther back. She was not so great. 64. Vivacious: Awwww the old battle axe of drag. I support her endaevor but her looks were so dated. I do however respect her respect for the art so… 63. Lashauwn Beyond: That name is so real. You can say she sucks but you can also say shes the spirit of drag taking you “up" so let her be. 62. Mrs. Kasha Davis: WOAH boy did she sneak by me?! She must have got here EARLY and just WAITED. She sucked so hard you kinda loved her for being honest. Kasha was like your olde gay neighbor whos taste level sucks but you respect her because she went through the AIDS crisis and is still smiling. Not even kidding. 61. BenDeLaCreme: I just did not like her. 60. Pandora Boxx: Oh god Pandora. Did you see that Unicorn video she made… bless this bitch. 59. Shangela Laquifa Wadley: Shangela was just cheap. Shangela is like the same taste level as like Paula Abdul, Mad Tv, Khols, a Sketchers Sneaker… I just never like what she does. I dont need it. Its poor person humor. Just because you say something LOUDLY doesnt make it more funny. ( as I type in CAPS) 58. Roxxxy Andrews: This poor bitch dug a damn hole… You know shes not likeable because she was shadey but she was more talented then anticipated in the creative challeges, and I thought she had nice skin. My husband HATES HER. 57. Kim Chi: One note. Refrigerator being pushed down a runway. I actually dont like her for not having the courage to be out to her parents. Its insulting to the rest of us. Buck up bitch, your mom already knows, shes known since you were 2. The fact you think she doesnt know is INSANE. Your non outness renders any talent moot. 56. Adore Delano: Thanks but Ive been to Hot Topic, NEXT. 55: Acid Betty: I don't remember much about the 00S BUT I STILL REMEMBER THOSE WIGS. 54. Courtney Act: Ok sure, but wheres the interesting part???? Her finale dress that was like rainbow hologram acetate was cool and nobody even mentioned it. 53. Trixie Mattel: I tried so hard to be nice to her in Provincetown and she was a cunt. Why are you a cunt to someone being NICE to you? 52. Coco Montrese : I could say mean shit but I wont. shes worked long and hard and deserves a clap. Shes not even a cunt. shes out of touch but shes from another world. Respect your elders. 51. Dida Ritz: Talk about out of touch. Her weird self loathing “Im a white girl” routine turned me into Jasmine Masters?! Like EWWW NO, learn to love yourself BITCH. We all know she did one of the best lip synchs ever. 50. Stacy Layne Matthews: Wait shes NOT black?!??? She was from BACK SWAMP, that gets TREMENDOUS "SWAMP CRED" She was so fat her hormones were just like "WHATEVER.. theres simply "NOT ENOUGH of us to go around?! WE DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO.. What do you wanna be today??? When was the last time youve seen your genitals because are you SURE youre still a male?? We dont know and could use some DIRECTION?!” and I appreciate that. I like people who are just like IM WHATEVER. Not everyone has to be a male or a female you know. 49. Jade Jolie: Jade is surprisingly the fishiest queen in my opinion. I saw her at the premiere party before her season started and we honestly thought she might be BIOLOGICAL. This holds some cache in an art of trying to be a woman at least SOMEWHAT. She made the unfortunate mistake of becoming Alyssas ENEMY which at the time was ACTUALLY kinda necessary because if you remember when Alyssa first started she was not the Alyssa we know and love and was kinda of a cunt who needed to get CLOCKED. BACK ROLLS has now been mutters a million times by ME ALONE and lets be honest WERE ALL now VERY CONSCIOUS of our back rolls now. I even got COOL SCULPTING and yes it worked. It works if youre like semi normal with a slight love handle or backroll but not if you have a spare tire because then its just like removing a brick from a wall, and no it didnt hurt, but get it done in Florida because procedures are cheaper there. Florida is basically LAWLESS, they also gave me a VITAMIN DRIP as I did it. That is not legal in NYC. Jade had horrible style and made what looked like NAZI MATRIX PORN but dont imagine that in a good sorta Night Porter chic Nazi way. Imagine it as a black vinyl raincoat that that greasy haired kid in high school who wasnt allowed to be a faggot because you already had that role and did it better so he sorta segued into FETISH GOTH would have and now imagine him filming himself masturbating with a NON APPLE iPhone to a Marilyn Mason poster… That was her porn. 48. Sonique: Sonique is responsible for one of the wisest self realizations to ever surface on RPDR to me. After getting the chop she said something along the lines of “Well I guess theres more to life than being better than everyone.” YUP. Stop competing, life isnt a competition. You do you and thats your challenge, forget about everyone elses storyline. 47. Mystique Summers Madison: DANGEROUS PERSON but such good TV. To me it seems Mystique has the kind of tongue that can only tell lies, which is sad because that means she thinks whatever the truth is is so terrible she has to come up with an alternative. Thats unfortunate. That said I dont want her in my home. If she lies to herself and others this means she feels she doesnt have to play by the rules and probably steals. Did I just imagine her a thief? Yes, I did. I imagined her at a party at my house slipping one of my Versace candy dishes in her pocket WITH THE SOUR PATCH KIDS STILL IN IT. 46. Gia Gunn: Gia to me really is the sorta line between the queens you care about and the queens you take the opportunity to go get a drink while they come on stage. I took my two assistants on that Drag Cruise as a present and I cant remember what exactly happened but somebodies sneakers were TEMPORARILY ABDUCTED and Gia was UNNFUCKED and SURLY ABOUT IT. Gia on the show was half gross and half awesome. I feel shed LIKE to be nice but has so much DEFENSIVE ANGER she can't. Its a mistake as shed be much more successful if she got over that. She really feels herself despite having a wonky eye, really short legs, and likening herself to Talapia and aligning herself to TIM GUNN??? Your fashion references are from TV????!… OH GURL… NO!.… I like her though. Shes a talented performer. I feel like Gia is that friend you have thats sorta like a bad dog on leash. You have to be careful with them when around kind people but theyre also helpful because theyre more than eager to be the bad guy if someone is bugging you. We all have that friend and theyre kinda fierce. 45. Mariah. Mariah walked into the room first episode and I thought DAMN shes FIERCE... and then she never looked that good again. If I was just going by tv, which Im 98% going by shed be placed lower BUT I saw her on that drag cruise and her performance was PERFECT. It was CLASSIC DRAG but executed flawlessly and she was nice when we got stuck in the elevator with her. I feel like she thinks she has to be mean or fierce or whatever when shed actually be more well received if she was the person I saw on the cruise who was down to Earth and chill. 44. Milan: Milan is one of the few New York Queens that Ive ACTUALLY SEEN OUT. These other queens im always like NEW YORK? NEW YORK WHERE?!? Im a third generation new Yorker who has lived here 18 years on my own and Ive never seen most of these queens who claim to be from NYC. Milan is nice and a talented performer. I was never into her drag because shes real STAGE oriented and real JULIARD STYLE ( I dunno if she actually went there) and thats just not my interest but she at least TRIED. 43. Dax ExclamationPoint: I feel Dax sorta made a mistake pigeon holing herself as “Queen of the nerds”, as soon as someone claims identity of something on camera queens for some reason HATE IT. I imagine its some kind of projected self loathing as gays are trained to hate themselves. Like how dare YOU assert yourself as something, you CANT do that youre a faggot. I seriously think this is the unconscious voice in 98 percent of gay guys heads and its why so many are self sabotaging or drug addicts and why there is no such thing as a gay gay icon and even kinda why DRAG EXISTS AT ALL. We cant like ourselves because straight society taught us to hate ourselves so we put it all onto a fantastic woman. Dax seems like a nice person who doesnt have that insane person need to “win” and therefore really shouldnt have been on the show as she just got used as sacrifice for hungrier queens. 42. Kennedy Davenport: Wait did I already do Kennedy Davenport because I really didnt like her??? huh I guess I didnt. Well maybe my unconscious mind liked her more than my reptile ego did and she got placed higher than anticipated. How can you hate on a hard working talent who has a retarded sister she has to support?! Jesus christ give the bitch a tip and never do less than a FIVE when tipping queens people A DOLLAR IS THE SAME THING AS A QUARTER! 41. India Ferrah: Oh god I worry saying mean things about India because I dont want to hurt her feelings as worry that she TEETERS ON SANITY but she to me is what drag is WHEN I DONT LIKE DRAG. Her “combat contour” is brutalist to the point of being vulgar. To me her styling concept is PUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON NOW BECAUSE MAYBE WE NEED TO RUN OUT THE DOOR AFTERWARD. I mean its the 8 foot braid with a giant bow, and the top hat, and the body stocking, and the thigh high boot, and the breast plate, now a giant necklace to cover the edge of the fake boobs, now put a spider SUCKLING THE TIT of the breastplate, oh wait I have TWO BOOBS and I NEED ANOTHER SPIDER, now add a couple jewels to the eyes of the spider OH WAIT spiders have six eyes so add four more… now what about belts, I only have TWELVE…. 40. Mimi Imfurst: OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! She fucking CAPTURED India ferrah like some kind of MOUNTAIN TROLL?!?!? That was one of the most amazingly insane moments on TV ever! Then when Raven WENT IN on her in All Stars …omg I have that segment saved on my phone and just watch it when I need to feel “myself” again. Mimi on the cruise actually did the best read on the Michelle Visage roast. Shes smart but lets her inner voices get the best of her. We all have inner voices but I feel chubby people are chubby because the voices are louder. Im not even saying it to be a dick but it seems like with people who suffer from body issues LIKE ME the inner voices are so LOUD you can see them reacting to them on their face. Hang around me long enough and you'll totally see this. This is called being a function insane person! 39. Morgan McMichaels: Ahhh the Morgan McMonkey! Did you know shes actually Scottish, like from Scotland? That didnt come off on the show. Ok Morgan to me is interesting because as a person Morgan is just not my kinda person, she even has a SUPERMAN TATTOO and you know how much I hate Superman as to me he is the OPPOSITE OF CREATIVITY and a HERO TO SHEEP but that does NOT discount her talents. Ive seen her perform live and shes VERY good. Do I want to hang with her NO, is she a solid talent YES. I met her once and she tried to tell me she doesnt eat pork because PIGS DONT HAVE KIDNEYS. She said this while chain smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily… hmmmm. I dont even know how to organize the judgements I have. All this said I feel if Morgan was your friend you could trust her and shed definitely not be afraid of taking a hit to defend you. 38. April Carrion: She is the best example of being chopped too soon. Shes very talented and pretty and makes her own looks and I respect her abilities. She had more to offer as Ive seen other looks of hers and they were good. Too much of a shrinking violet to survive a comepetition. Shes quite lovely Im surprised she hasnt got some rich old benefactor. 37. Nicole Paige Brooks Oh my fuckin god Nicole Paige Brooks?!?!? Nicole is so important as she is SO MANY THINGS. Nicole is the ESSENCE OF REGIONAL TALENT. She is THE small town coke head faggot drag queen WE ALL KNOW. My mom would have had her on PROBATION. The spirit that has possessed Nicoles body is an ancient spirit which haunts every rural gay bar! Remember how she had the hots for Raven and also had FRECH TIP TOENAILS?!…That BODY built EXCLUSIVELY by COCAINE. Ugh.. Ive never even seen Nicole but I know her sooo well. Nicole has that IVE BEEN TO PRISON and ALSO HAVE CHILDREN and ALSO HAVE A CLOSETED BLACK BOYFRIEND vibe that is SO PURE. Nicole is the queen who marches in the regional gay pride parade wearing flat sandals and a bikini and ACCEPTS TIPS while she does it! Nicole might also work at BEST BUY when “O.D” (out of drag). and when in drag theres also the worry that she might ACTUALLY O.D. Nicole is important. 36. Carmen Carrera: Ok Carmen is from Jersey where its NOT EASY to be a gay soul. Carmen once tried to tell me its ok that straight guys call you a faggot there because its not an isult its just what you are… EEEESSSSHKKK That is some HARDCORE Stockholm Syndrome. I could say more but its none of my damn business. Im not crazy about Carmen because I think shes made some choices based on where shes from but thats none of my damn business so I’ll shut the fuck up. To me Carmen is an example of an unfortunate situation. Ive had to deal with those hardened Jersey boys as a kid and as a tender gay boy its NOT A NICE THING and it would have been easier for me if I was just a girl too. Yes shes pretty, I wish her happiness. If I was raised where she was maybe I would have killed myself. In a way she sorta did I guess but also rebirthed herself.. maybe I need to give her more credit. Im going to add this. Most of us have to deal with being a "faggot" in a straight world and deal with it however we choose. I for example fetishisize it as for me its a safe place thats at least exciting as its FIERCE to have your hot husband call you a faggot as he bangs your puss hole out. At least that way youre dealing with the anxiety in a safe place and its HOT its also a lot easier than getting a sex change, pretending it never happened, and siding with your abusers in an effort to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe Ive made the wrong choice, see instead of siding with them and changing my sex I went punk and just write horrible things about them on St Patricks day and work out a lot so I can intimidate them on the street. SIDENOTE I have NEVER had someone make an anti gay comment to me when they're by themselves, have you ever noticed that? The comments are only made when youre out numbered... fuckin pussies. 35. Jiggly Caliente: Jiggly is real. 34. Victoria "Porkchop” Parker: Porkchop must be worshipped as she was sacrificed for all our sins. 32. Ivy Winters: Nobody ever put it together that Ivy Winters looks almost identical to Grace Jones AND Jean Kasem. That is POWERFUL MAGIC. Too bad she didnt know it either because if she channeled that spirit she could have won this thing so damn easy. 31. Pearl: 31. Tatiana: The day Tati steps away from low brow nineties references and learns to kick is the day Tati advances much farther. She NEVER uses her legs and her legs are AMAZING?! I wish she woulda had the self confidence to get tougher on Raven when Raven attacked her on her season because it was so clear that Raven was operating out of total jealousy being both have great beauty but for Tati it was effortless and for Raven its four hours of incredibly skilled painting. Tati was too green to have that wisdom. If she had it…ooooohhhhh it woulda been FUHEEEEIRCE! 30. Laganja Estranja: Oh god… I dont have the mental capacity at this point to go into the psyche of Laganja…Laganja is so important. Laganja is the litmus for bad faggotry because shes ACTUALLY TALENTED, shes got an amazing body, but OH GOD shes a nightmare. You can tell her parents felt guilty and coddled and spoiled their baby gay into a place where the only way she now knows how to operate is to be a needy indulged victim. Her comedy routine with the old people was a SURREALIST MASTER PIECE. Get off drugs laganja, they dont make you cool and needing the crutch of a vice does not a personality make. 29: Jinkx Monsoon: Does anyone else remember how bad she was at the beginning of her season??? She got the ONLY edit and they spun her into a storyline where theres was no way she could loose. Ive seen this storyline somewhere and it was called PRETTY IN PINK. They basically realized she both Molly Ringwalds character AND the Ducky character at the same time and spun a storyline for her to win because they hadnt a queen like her yet. She is talented, not my kinda talent but whatevs, to me shes the MACARONI ART of drag. She woulda been my friend first year of art school but then you have to change schools because you find out she has a crush thats a touch much on you and its weird because you thought you were just good friends. 28. Tyra Sanchez: In person I think Tyra might be the most beautiful of all the queens actually. You won't believe this but its true, she's a stunner. Too bad she just wants to be the best Beyonce, and not the best Tyra. Tyra, you be TYRA because Trinity K already does a waaaaaaaaay better Beyonce to be honest and youre actually so good on your own if you just owned YOURSELF youd be extraordinary. Its a shame she doesnt have the insight or desire to be HERSELF. Isnt that INSANE??? Its why nobody likes her, because SHE doesnt like her?! 27. Alexis Mateo: When you read her name do you also read it with a lisp? I do! Alexis is a sweet person whom I really appreciate and is also a victim of the pageant system. Pageant girls suffer from not fully grasping why the pageant system is bad. Ladies, we dont think YOU are bad, we think youre victims of a horrible oppressive system that wishes to put women into a structure of something like a DOG show. THIS IS DEGRADING NOT ONLY TO YOU BUT TO ALL FEMALES. It attempts to organize the female sex into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL based on the values of MEN and thats FUCKED UP. To organize females into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL is HORRIBLE and ROTTEN. It DEVALUES any ability that men might see as something THEY have to deal with and DENIES ABILITIES and STRENGTH to women creating an oppressive structure for females to operate in. Its GROSS, dont buy into it, its not cool! 26. Shannel: I know you dont agree but Shannel is important. Shannel wears VON DUTCH HATS. Shannels best friend is the WHISPERING FACE in the mirror that tells her to believe insane things. Shannel has THE BEST EYES of all contestants. Shannel belongs to a mentally ill race of people known as SHOW FOLK. Shannel thought JUGGLING while walking down the runway would be IMPRESSIVE. Shannel paid FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for that garment and Shannel paid TOO MUCH. Shannel WAS NOT ELIMINATED... SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE!….. Shannel is important. OK the TOP TWENTY FIVE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. These are the APEX PREDATORS!!! Have you noticed as the list has gone on the comments have gone from VENOMOUS and PUNISHING to RESPECTFUL ACCOLADE and thats because as the list goes the talent increases and Im grateful that these people are inspiring, not wasting my time, and are championing values that need to be championed! When I typed this I just got so excited I moved my ENTIRE BODY on top of my little clear desk chair and Im sitting here typing like a GARGOYLE! Every single one of these queens are a WINNER and I mean that. Im not just saying this shit, each one of these queens is a SOLID ARCHETYPE and depending on your own values you could place most of them in the top five and have a SOLID ARGUMENT. This list however is MY opinion and MY VALUES so this is much more about ME than THEM of course. Honestly every single queen on this entire list is a talent and deserves respect for making the effort!... yes even Phi-phi. To be in the top twenty five however means you can STAND YOUR GROUND AND OWN YOUR OWN CROWN. Remember this is MY list. Youll understand reading this list I value creativity and HEIGHT more than anything. Being fishy doesnt count for much to me and if youre dumb and dishonest it aint gonna work out…. Here are THE MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS OF RUPAULS DRAG RACE!!! 25. Jessica Wild: AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAH How the FUCK did Jessica Wild make the top list?! FUCK YES MISS JESSICA you MADE IT!! Ahahah this is WONDERFUl. I secretly admit I LOVE Jessica. Ill go so far to say shes almost like a KINDER EN ESPAñOL version of Alyssa! Jessica live is FUN and shes VERY KIND. I met her and she was a doll. Jessica is GOOD VIBES. I can totally hang with Jessy. Is she creative? NOPE. Is she Edgy? NOPE. Is she fierce… actually she kinda is???!. Shes a good person who you can tell HONESTLY LOVES DRAG and has fun doing it and THAT is why she made top 25! Shes a pure soul who enjoys what she does and that its the SPIRIT and HONESTY rarely found on EARTH! 24. Max: Max CLEARLY is really into Kristen Mcnemany. Max served us upper middle class white privilege. She was NOT bound by the oppressive low class moral standards of gender and sexuality! Max allowed herself to be flat chested and have GREY hair and this says IM WEALTHY AND EDUCATED ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE TO PLAY BY A MANS RULES AND BE A BIMBO YOU POOR PEOPLE?! Max was well read and Max is probably the most well travelled person in the semi mid west sorta shitty small to medium sized city in which I imagine she is from NEXT TO HER SISTER that was in THE PEACE CORPS (I imagine). I bet Max went to a college that was previously ONLY FOR GIRLS. Off the show Max really gave some fantastic editorial moments. I appreciated Max, she was refreshing. 23. Naomi Smalls: The Praying Mantis of drag! Naomis skeleton is the best of all the girls and thats why shes here. TALL and THIN is SO IMPORTANT. She actually was a nice person and very creative too. I don't like how people discounted her, she was far more creative than most of these people. 22. Milk: Milk is kinda like Max but not as annoying as a person and more “boy aware". Like I imagine sitting on train with Max might be tedious as her affectations are what got her chopped, and Milk though shes a touch WASPY for my tastes is actually cool and smart and you could share and laugh with her. Milk was MY club name in the 90s so thats interesting as were both tall white people I guess that name just gets handed to you. Milk is sorta the Sandra Bernhardt of RPDR to me but maybe its just the STRONG NOSE. I liked Milks Pinnochio A LOT but if I remember correctly she used the same wig or a pair of shoes a few times and that DOES get a deduction. She was REAL "I have a mom who went to college and shes tall and for my birthday she bought me an AFGHAN (the dog)." . SMART WHITE PEOPLE LIFE… basically everyone I went to college with. 21. Joslyn Fox: Jossy Fox is not trying to be anything she isnt and that is her refreshing appeal. Jossy shops at Tj Maxx and has lunch at Panera because she used to work there and still gets a discount because her fag hag never left despite making a lot of lateral moves that took her nowhere. If I had kids Id hire Jossy to babysit them. Jossy asked to have my husband visit her at her dining table on the drag cruise, BUT NOT ME. 20. Willam: I really should have put Willam at a higher ranking place simply because shes a class act and one of the only queens whos never asked for a discount and buys my clothes. She is the one queen who decided to play by her own rules which sorta bit her in the ass ALMOST, but shes also one of the only queens who has her own career outside of RPDR. I like Willam, shes distant and calculating, but so am I. 19. Ongina: Ongina is important because shes the first one to show that to be successful on the show its not about your elaborately constructed artifice that you might THINK is what makes people like you, but about the REAL YOU you fear to show others that is what makes people like you and this TEENY BEING had the balls to do it. Ongina is all about the live performance as shes a total charmer. She can dance in the palm of your hand and sleeps in a walnut shell at night. Her charm is her human connection that you dont get from most performers and you can't really get from TV. 18. Manila Luzon: Manilla gives the best costumes in drag styling. Her puppet faces are great, but ONE TIME USE, so shes a little for the kiddies and straight people who only see her once and dont follow drag so thats why she isnt higher for me. Remember if youre top 25 youre iconic! Im just organizing MY VALUES here so its not about these queens abilities but more about MY PERSONAL AGENDA and how I would ORGANIZE WORLD VALUES should I be given the chance…. (echoing Skeletor laugh) 17. Latrice Royale: Latrice is the spirit of America. If you dont like Latrice YOU ARE ISIS. Watch her performance at the season finale where Violet wins, its sooo darn good. Id love to put her farther up but I cant because she only wears THE SAME PAIR OF SHOES with every look. Lady… lay out some coins stop “living poor”. The moment you spend the dough to move yourself forward YOU ACTUALLY MOVE FORWARD. Stop living in a world where you cant afford shoes, break out of that mindset where youre worried to spend a little cash because you might not have it. LIVE RICHLY…YOU CAN AFFORD SHOES. That said remember CREDIT IS NOT CASH BITCH, do NOT use a credit card pretend you have the fantasy of the security of wealth, but I KNOW you at least have 49.99 for a plus size pair of PLEASERS! 16. Katya. The first time I saw Katya I thought TOTAL FORMER COKE HEAD... and I was right. Thats not a read its just the vibes. I think shes very smart and funny and her finale “read ya” was the best of al of them BUT she got a TOTAL SWEETHEART EDIT BECAUSE ALASKA WAS SLAUGHTERING EVERYONE so they needed to make it seem at least a LITTLE like a competition (though detox was like on another level) but I REALLY dont like that FORCED self deprecation and FAKE NICE LAUGH she gives people ESPECIALLY Trixie.. Stop GIFTING her that reaction, we all see right through it! It comes off like less of a laugh and more of an APOLOGY for existing and you dont need to do it youre fierce, just stop. Before you get too big a head though I have to be a good person and let you know your finale look on All Stars was the THIRD worst look ever to go down the runway behind Serena and Cynthia. Don't believe me???.. check out the hemline. 15 Jujubee: Out of all the queens I think if I had to spend an extended period of time with them Id choose Juju. Shes smart and funny and hopefully that would give me the opportunity to teach her about STYLING because she needs some help. Damn your looks are CHEAP woman. They sell Vogue at the GROCERY STORE!? Im not even asking for the far superior Italian Vogue, Im just saying SHITTY COMMERCIAL GROCERY STORE FASHION MAGAZINE VOGUE. Pick it up and then look at your clothes and figure out the difference. I actually think Juju might be the funniest queen even over Bianca. Shes certainly one of the smartest, and dont forget her library reading was really good. 14. Trinity K. Bonet: I imagine youre suprised at Trinity ranking so high up. Trinity is something I respect.. QUIET CONFIDENCE. Trinity was too damn well mannered to get as far as she should have in the competition and the reason why is Trinity K is the personality type I really respect who is someone who is QUIET and TALENTED. She lets her talents do the talking and unfortunately for good tv you cant just sit there and wait to slay on the runway, you have to have provide soundbytes and dramtic facial gestures for gifs etc. Trinity respectfully minded her own damn business and let her abilities do the talking and I REALLY like that. I went on that nightmarish drag cruise and hands down the best performance was Trinity it was about a ten minute Beyonce number and it was BETTER than Beyonce. It was FANTASTIC and im not even a Beyonce fan. I also think shes very beautiful and has a total Angela Basset quality to her which Im charmed by. Trinity was well mannered and polite and I kinda wanted to be her friend because someone like that benefits from someone like me who isnt afraid to maybe NOT be so polite should the rare occasion call for it. I guess Bianca kinda saw that too. I kinda think for some weird reason Im sweet on her because Tina Turner was my first concert at 8 years old, which I won the tickets to answering Tina Turner Triva on the radio, and that remeinds me of my mom who I went to the concert with and so therefor I want to protect this “good woman”. 13. Nina Flowers: Speaking of good women the next is Nina Flowers. I have NEVER heard ONE person say ONE bad thing about Nina and the multiple times Ive met her she is KIND AND LOVELY. Nina endured that entire CONFLAMA of SEASON 1 and DIDNT EVEN GET THE PALTRY 10k she deserved?! THEN Nina got CURSED with being paired with RAVING MAD WOMAN TAMMIE BROWN and ROLLED WITH IT without complaint. In fact if you watch All Stars 1 instead of complaining Nina handles her like a loving mother who has a RETARDED CHILD who YELLS A LOT. Speaking of YELLING RETARDED PEOPLE one time my husband and I were in Miami and we bought BAD PILLS (is there any other kind in Miami) and were TWACKED OUT ASSHOLES and ran into her and we COULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP and she was SO TOLERANT, AND SO NICE, AND SO UNBOTHERED that we almost wondered if we PASSED FOR SANE. Looking back WE DID NOT, Nina was just really nice. Nina is also a great Dj who really gets that CUNT FACTOR and makes for a great night out. 12 Miss Fame: Drag being an art form that relies so heavily on the magic of transformation being the best make up artist of all the queens certainly gets you TOP THREE placement. Too bad Miss Fame is the SECOND BEST MAKE UP ARTIST of Rupauls drag race. If this was a BIOLOGICAL female make-up challenge Fame would be the best, but DRAG MAKE UP is a VERY different art form. Fame had fantastic looks and a greatly appreciate her. I just wish the brains matched the visuals because theyre SO sharp. She really is the Linda of RPDR. Linda was my SECOND choice of the Supermodels, my first was Nadja so you can see where Im coming from. To me alien proportions and snowgress fantasies trump “classic fashion perfection”. 11. Chi Chi DeVayne : Chi Chi Devayne is THE SPIRIT OF DRAG. Chi chi is POOR AS FUCK and still managed to teach herself how to do BACKFLIPS IN HEELS. THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL OF US NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME BUT WE CANNOT! She is THE DRAG ASSASSIN. I respect her SO much. Imagine if she was given the same opportunities any of us in the North East of the United States were given?! When I was a little kid I wasnt rich either but I feel in North Eastern America you can receive a great education and you dont have to be wealthy at all. A good education is just kind of built into the psyche just like our PURITANICAL JUDGEMENT. I mean as a kid I grew up in a tiny single parent home next to a pond and it certainly wasnt GLAMOROUS but if I felt like it my 8 year old self could wander over to the neighbors house which was basically THE ADDAMS FAMILY MANSION to me which belonged to the professor who established the local community college and Id just sit there in his living room while he and his wife watched JULIA CHILD Id point at the random objects hed collected from around the world and ask “Whats that?!” and hed reply “That is a TURKISH BULLWHIP!” FIERCE?! ..with that information alone not only did I learn of exotic locations I never heard of I knew I TOO wanted to go there AND had the ability too. Something tells me being from Louisianna Chi Chi didnt have the opportunity to learn how to cook LONDON BROIL (I still remember Julia saying “Ooh this roast is SPITTING at me) while sitting in the dark at a baby grand piano while a Grandfather clock gonged in the background like these people did. It would be VERY EASY to be an angry bitter person coming from her situation and instead Chi Chi took it upon herself to excel to the best of her abilities and BOY HAS SHE. I feel Chi Chi was THE BEST when it came to Lipsynch for your life. All she needs is 12 months, a handful of those McDonalds gift certificates you got at Halloween, a stack of VHS tapes of STYLE with ELSA KLENSCH, 6 National Geographic magazines, and everyone dies. Chi Chi is FIERCE. 10 Chad Michaels: Being the number one Cher impersonator in the world gets you top ten placement forever. Its not debatable its DRAG LAW. 9.Tammie Brown: Tammie Brown is an UNCONTROLLABLE FORCE OF NATURE. Tammy is the SWIRLING POWER OF CHAOS. GRAVITY DECIDES TO LEAVE WHEN TAMMIE IS AROUND! Tammies superpower is that she holds no power unto her own but EVERYONE ELSES POWERS ARE RENDERED USELESS WHEN SHE WALKS IN THE ROOM. NO QUEEN has any power over Tammie and for THAT ALONE she gets top ten placement. Have you ever seen those crazy cat videos of cats reacting to people who throw a cucumber on the ground? If you havent, check them out, but in a nut shell cats are for some reason TOTALLY FREAKED OUT by a cucumber sitting on the ground. They go from acting relatively sane to COMPLETELY BIZARRE at the toss of a cucumber... well TAMMY IS THAT CUCUMBER. 8. Bianca Del Rio: Bianca is a hard working professional and a talent and Im glad we have her on “our” side as I cant think of any straight comedian who could beat her in a "read off". She doesnt particularly check any of my boxes as what she is Im not super into but you cant deny her abilities. Shes the sharpest tack. My friend Bradford hired her for a dinner and it was fine and fun and all and as she was walking out the door my NUMB NUT husband brings up “but what about the movie youre making?” this of course lead her to go on about how shes raising money etc so then BRADFORD THE ASSHOLE makes everyone say how much theyre going to donate to her film putting me on the spot to donate 500 dollars to the fucking crappy movie?! It was well shot but UGH LADY wheres the funny? I paid FIVE HUNDRED GOD DAMN DOLLARS FOR THAT MOVIE?!?! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS….. FUCK.... thats TWO tickets to see CHER?!?!?!? 7.Sharon Needles: When Sharon first came out I BOUGHT IT, literally, I bought the t shirt which was secrelty packed as a GLITTER BOMB.. FUCKING CUNT…She really gave us hope and spoke to so many and was a creative and funny star. Shes a great talent who has done some amazing looks. Unfortunately shes become super sour and nasty and nobody wants to work with her and former fans are made uncomfortable to be around her. Sharon Needles is THE BEST DRAG QUEEN nobody wants to be around. 6. Violet Chachki: Im pretty sure Violet was trained by a SITH LORD or something. Shes CURIOUSLY YOUNG to be so professional and SO on point and just soooo good. God I hated the idiot RPDR fan base who talked shit about her simply because they couldnt relate to her because she was confident in her abilities. A wolf does NOT consult the sheep as to what to have for dinner!?! Im sorry but thats NOT something to make apologies for and its CERTAINLY not something you need to change. Nobody should have to dumb themselves down for the masses and Violet has not. She consistently DOMINATES THEM with her BITCH GODDESS self and Im SOOOO THANKFUL FOR THAT. This icy goddess holds the title for the number one AND number two AND number three best gowns on RPDR history. Dont go against Violet you WILL loose. 5. Alaska: Alaska broke all the rules by being HER OWN CREATURE. You cant pin down Alaska as one specific thing. Shes is an entity unto her own and that is so important to recognize. Shes also maybe the smartest queen of all of them. Her drag is a critique of drag itself which makes her a more evolved creature compared to “lesser” queens. Like all these top five shes really carved out PERSONALITY in her drag persona. Shes maybe made me laugh more than any other queen.The only “negative” I can think of is I dont like her interest in nails, seems like something India Ferra would be into. Its sorta weird that she named herself Alaska when the biggest gay icon in Spain and many other Spanish speaking nations is Alaska but shes from Pittsburg, not Madrid. 4. Alyssa Edwards: Oh fuck is Alyssa Edwards important! The DON KNOTSS of Drag Alyssa is sorta just like Texas from which she hails… BIG AND WEIRD THINKING AND despite being the essence of AMERICA its also ITS OWN ENTITY and by its own design is flawless and also VERY FLAWED! Remember when ALyssa first started and she was mean and people did not like her?! This is important to recognize because Alyssa HOOKED US with a very special chemistry of herself as a real person and this SWIRLY KOOKOO TOWN that her psyche exists in where shes the MAYOR, THE RICHEST LADY, THE NOSEY NEIGHBOR, AND THE BEAUTY QUEEN! Shes all those things and we get to see them all exist in every gesture. The gif of her negotiating a sip on an extra long straw was just as responsible for us falling in love with her as was her UNSELFAWARNESS (is that a word?) upon the HARD REVEAL of her BACKROLLS. Those lips and eyes are insanely MAGNETIC but all of it would be only half as magnetic if we didnt know what a LOOSEY GOOSEY she is?! You KNOW that Alyssa PERFORMS FOR NOBODY when shes by herself…. OFTEN. Alyssa I think is the only queen Ive ever hired and she got out of a cab by herself in FULL DRAG wearing like a TEDDY and a SHEER DRESSING GOWN and walked down the street in broad daylight asking my assistant if the MEXICAN RESTAURANT ON THE CORNER was where she was PERFORMING?!?! Alyssas personal styling is: “Dress, not particularly expensive shoe, AND PIECE OF THING ON HER HEAD- but NOT a complete thing on her head just a PART of something on her head! Its the VAGUE ALLUSION that this is part of MAYBE SOMETHING GREATER, or maybe shes been to SPAIN, or maybe she shoplifts at CLAIRES BOUTIQUE?! Alyssa is an America treasure! 3. Raven: Raven is JEALOUS BEAUTY. RAVEN IS EVERY FIERCE VILLAINESS THAT EVER EXISTED. Raven VERY EASILY could be my number one BUT IM LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF and Im not going to SIT HERE and WAIT to be loved by someone I adore as they DENY MY EXISTENCE simply because THEY THEMSELVES are incapable of being loved. I already DID THAT SHOW its called ME AND MY DAD and thanks but over a lifetime as a child I sat there on the couch waiting for him to show up, which he often DID NOT, as I hoped that MAGICALLY ONE DAY this person you adore is suddenly going to take interest in you. GUESS WHAT… IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!! I might love Raven but RAVEN CANT LOVE BACK and instead of being MAD (like I was for a lifetime with my own dad) Im going to recognize that I dont hate this person at all, in fact this VILLAIN is a HERO to me and though I wish theyd be capable of liking me back theyre NOT and THATS OK. Im not the bad guy for that, and neither is Raven, and neither is my dad. Its something they cant do and MAYBE someday they will and if so THATS GREAT but until then Im gonna love myself and put interest in people who reciprocate my feelings.This all may sound like I had some kind of ACTUAL relationsship with Raven WHICH I HAVE NOT but Ravens entire DRAG CONCEPT HER VERY DRAG BEING is that story line to me. The even more twisted part is we love Raven BECAUSE shes cruel?!?! I think shes TREMENDOUS! Raven is THE EVIL QUEEN from Snow White, shes Alexis from Dynasty, shes Katra from She-ra. Raven IS jealous beauty. Raven is a cruel and powerful goddess and I LIVE for her. We have tried SO MANY times to hire her and it falls on dead ears. Shes cannot be bothered. She needs to GET BOTHERED because the reason why shes not an All Star is because she cant be. I mean I think its really because shes had a couple DUIs and theres no way a liquor company was gonna give 100k to a person who has 2 DUIS but you know what I mean.... Raven is also THE BEST DRAG MAKEUP ARTIST. All these future queens stand on Ravens trompe l’oeil bone structure. Ravens one word comments on fashion photo Ruview make me HOWL. Ravens astute observations are as sharp as her nose contour. Raven has the teeniest room for evolution spiritually I think JUST A TEENY BIT, like DONT CHANGE, but MAYBE get a LITTLE kind and Raven will be my number one and OH GOD I want her to be number one SO BAD. 2. Raja. Ok, now Im back to sitting on my tiny clear desk chair like a Gargoyle because its THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS?!!?!? VERY SIMPLY without Raja Rupauls Drag Race would be MEXICAN TELEVISION! The show would be an FAR less elevated and be a GOOPEY SUNDAE of WIGS AND BOOBS AND WELL WORN DRESSES THAT SMELL LIKE B.O and ANGEL! Raja brings in references that lift the entire competition UP. Alyssa is Cosmopolitan but Raja is ITALIAN VOGUE AND NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. Shes still the best runway walker of all the queens which is like MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING. In her single season she gave us gold robot, amazon tribes person, Marie Antoinette, and when she walked in first episode it was the most obvious time someone was CLEARLY the winner from MINUTE ONE. Raja is the PUBLIC TELEVISION OF DRAG RACE! A FUNDAMENTAL NECESSITY to the CLASS LEVEL of Rupauls Drag Race and without her the floor would drop out. LETS IMAGINE AN AFRICAN WATERING HOLE with baboons squeeling, zebras making their weirdo sounds that you would never expect to come from a horse, hippos eating, hyenas laughing and all of a sudden the GIRAFFE enters the scene and everyone SHUTS UP AND STARES… Well RAJA IS THAT GIRAFFE... and yes Shangela and Yarra Sofia are the babbons. We need LESS BABOONS and MORE GIRAFFES. If I HAD to make a negative critque Id say Id just like to see LESS POT and WINE references on her facebook page because when I read that I think she might be mildly depressed and I dont want that from this creative talent whom I adore! 1. Detox. DETOX IS CHARISMA. Detox IS the MUGLER woman. Thierry Mugler is what saved me in college. Mugler is clearly what has saved Detox as well. The first time I saw Thierry Muglers work was at a newsstand in VALENCIA CALIFORNIA at CalArts and his robot suit was on the cover of STERN magazine and I grabbed it, and some suburban TWAT MOM shot me side eye because the robot suit shows nipple and of course she disapproved that because she was JUDGEY UNTRAVELED TRASH. I looked inside at his work and I thought I WANT TO BE WHERE THESE PEOPLE EXIST?!?!? I actually brought the magazine to my mentor and said "I NEED TO BE HERE." Well Detox takes me to that place! I can relate to Detox. Were really similar in many ways, both of us have tried to manefest that Mugler construct as best as possible and through ANY means necessary. If Raven is the Evil Queen from Disneys Snow White, Detox is Maleficent! Both are SO MAJOR how do you pick?! Well I will tell you how! Remember how in my Raven rant I was saying I was going to learn to love myself well putting Detox first is learning to love myself! Why?! Because Detox is the EVIL QUEEN who MAKES GOOD. When Alvaro offered to pay both Detox and Raven to send me a little happy 40th birthday message Raven didnt respond, and DETOX DID and REFUSED TO TAKE MONEY. You know when Skeletor feels the spirit of Christmas in the Heman Christmas special?? Well SKELETOR DETOX. Shes the VILLAIN we all love with A HEART thats open to be loved. Detox is the DAD WHO SHOWS UP. Detox takes great measures to embody the values that mean so much to me. Its actually HARD to be this GOOD. She is SOFT AS NAILS but you still wanna FUCK HER?! She had TREMENDOUS sex appeal without being soft, amazing style without being trend driven, and shes a bitch goddess without being bitter. Detox is number one, Detox is the good mommy.

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