#(the ride being. self acceptance etc.) so i would buy clothes too small w the caveat that i would simply change to fit them. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

velocitic · 2 years

Text

sorry to be vulnerable on main. but i am thinking about how i used to buy clothes that were 2-4 sizes too small for me (bc of the Problems) and then when i got older i would always buy clothes that were 2-4 sizes too big on me (bc of the Problems in a different direction) and anyway. i have recently made the effort to buy clothes that are my size and fit me as i am and as they are intended to fit a person. and i'm hot now thank you and good night

#because for a long time (bc of the problems) i saw clothes as #a milestone marker or a challenge or a goal or a reward. you must lose X amount of weight to ride this ride #(the ride being. self acceptance etc.) so i would buy clothes too small w the caveat that i would simply change to fit them.#and Then when i was older and went through treatment. i started buying clothes way too big on me #bc of the problems but mostly bc i wanted to hide from the problems #& myself & other people & i felt i had somehow failed my years task of fitting smaller sizes #im almost 3x as heavy as i was when i thought i took up too much space to be loved #i still struggle with taking up space #but i buy clothes that are my size and i dont cringe away from it #or dwell on clothes i buy that i find out are too small #bc i still cannot deal w changing rooms. at all. and i simply do not buy things that make me feel bad anymore. and its as if suddenly #and without any warning. im actually very happy w my look. the issue was never with me #eating is still. hard a lot of the time. for a lot of reasons. but my clothes fit. and thats good. thats ok. they should do that #anyway i got a body harness with batwings on it and i got a lot of compliments on them and i had fun going out and i didnt #think not even once about how i looked the whole time i was around other people #i just existed! how lovely!#[you have mail!]#tbd #ed//

8 notes · View notes