#(yes as an autistic fan it actually DID hit me harder than some other people)

[beyblade-champion-coolatta]

to be honest i think i just might not engage with this fandom anymore.

[noddytheornithopod]

5 for the ask meme?

(From here)

5 - Favorite Episode(s)? Hmm, this is interesting. I have a few that come to mind as favourites for various reasons. I love so many of them, but here’s what I consider major standouts.

Alone Together: This is just such a sweet episode, not really much else to say on it. I’m major Connverse trash. :V

Open Book: I really admire this episode because it has a message that is only growing MORE relevant with time. People are defining their relationships too much by what they do and don’t like in regards to specific media (a major feeling I have right now because of Phineas and Ferb and Milo Murphy’s Law and the increasingly mixed reaction of their crossover lol). If your friendship really matters, you will know it’s okay to have different opinions on a book, movie, show, etc. I mean, it even feels like the Steven Universe fandom forgets this so much, I can tell you I’ve made my share of mistakes with this.

Sworn to the Sword: This is the episode that made me realise what the show could truly be capable of. It’s just so dark and sinister, and I really appreciate how the show isn’t afraid to use its own core characters like Pearl as episode antagonists. Of course, as you’ll see in a bit, this episode is now even darker. :V But I mean, in the end it’s about Steven and Connie’s relationship and how close they’ve become, and also really brought to my attention the idea of how self sacrifice can be detrimental. It’s just so good. I see some people take issue with the end and while I can see why, I’m still fine with it personally. It’s also just so well done from a technical standpoint too, like seriously Do it for Her has to be one of my favourite examples of lyrical dissonance I’ve ever seen, and the visual storytelling is brilliant.

Log Date 7 15 2: Look, I NEEDED a Peridot episode on this list, okay? XD I adore her, and this episode is so funny and great. It also helps add to Peridot’s character to the point it made me wish I got to see this before It Could’ve Been Great. XD It’s also cool because it really shows how much Steven can sometimes miss and as a result us because we’re limited to his perspective.

Mr Greg: Nuff said. Okay but seriously, Steven Universe musical episode? Yes please. Steven Universe musical episode that has major development for Greg and Pearl? Even bigger yes please. Honestly, you can really tell they went all out here, and the level of effort and passion really shows. It’s Over, Isn’t It is of course the big standout song, but they’re all enjoyable, and I really like Both of You both as a song and as the episode’s climax.

Mindful Education: Yeah, another really adored one. When I was first watching it, I have to admit I wasn’t quite sure where it was going. Steven Universe’s slower pace than most cartoons does that sometimes. XD But then the final act came, and it all clicked for me. Steven is really starting to struggle now and question who Rose Quartz really is, and it’s getting to him a lot. It’s also another great episode showing just how supportive Steven and Connie are of each other, seriously I adore them. Also, Here Comes a Thought is one of the best songs if not THE best song in the show hands down, it’s such a powerful piece of music and listening to it really is able to help with things like anxiety and stuff (and I mean as someone with OCD and also being an Autistic person prone to intense emotions, it really is something that helps).

Onion Gang: What?????? Some random townie episode??? Boring filler, get out!!!!!! Okay to be serious, this is actually my favourite of the Beach City citizen based episodes. I always was hoping for an episode that really helped to make Onion sympathetic because to me he’s VERY Autistic coded (in a different way to characters like Pearl and Peridot that is) and as a result a lot of the stuff people say about him rubs me the wrong way. This episode was just really touching, we got to see more of Onion than we ever had seen before and it helps make him more sympathetic to those who aren’t a fan of him. Also seriously, the part where he cries at the end because he’s now alone again always hits me hard.

I Am My Mom: Oh gosh, this episode. It might even be THE favourite depending on my mood. The previous episodes built up the threat of Aquamarine and Topaz really well and they really did have quite a scary presence. But this episode, damn. It just really hits so hard. It’s already beginning at a low point, but it just gets even harder. Just as when Steven seemed to think he might begin to heal over his issues, Aquamarine shows up with Topaz and they completely botch everything. Topaz is great as someone intimidating and will ultimately remain loyal to her duty even if we discover she’s secretly really struggling and sympathetic, but I love Aquamarine BECAUSE she’s such a little shit. I mean, I even get the impression she’s not even fully into her job and just wants what comes out of it for her. Steven’s guilt gets to the better of him to the point where he basically just gives up and sacrifices himself, quite possibly the lowest point for him so far. It’s a DEVASTATING scene, especially seeing how everyone is reacting. Connie’s scream at the end completely breaks my heart because now she risks being alone again, it’s so sad. The next two arcs are really great because this episode is such a wham. Speaking of which…

The Wanted arc: It’s probably just because it’s fresher in my memory, but I love it all so much. Not only do we get major character growth for Lars (and he fucking dies… ouch), but we also have it made clear to us the known story about Pink Diamond doesn’t make sense. I am a little let down by Lars’ Head, which while still a good episode I did feel maybe wrapped things up a little too neatly since Steven had such a means to get home. I guess maybe I just feel they needed another revived being to help establish it more so that it felt less of a surprise and less convenient? Still though, the next arc makes it clear it’s not all so easy.

The Season 5 Connie/Steven arc: Another instance where every episode hits so brilliantly. For me the second half of the episodes are definitely the overall stronger ones, but seeing this fallout made sense even if it was still devastating. I guess it’s why I like Aquamarine so much: she was able to fuck so much up compared to previous antagonists. But yeah, not only is the Steven and Connie stuff really emotional and touching in the end, but I also love the Peridot stuff too. I was happy to see that they addressed the issues in her relationship with Lapis (something I think was discussed further on the SU podcast), but you still so bad for her. It also relit my interest in Amedot, Amethyst was just so caring even if she was rough at times. Also I really liked Sadie Killer, purely because it satisfied the anti-capitalist side of me (Working Dead is a pretty cool song too). Also… they even added depth to Kevin. FUCKING KEVIN. It was also amazing to see that Steven actually resorted to working with him to try and patch things up with Connie, but even that didn’t go as planned.

A Single Pale Rose: So not only did we get a creative way to learn more about, Pearl, we also get the biggest twist of the show so far. Like seriously, Rose being Pink Diamond is the best kind of twist. Not only was it heavily foreshadowed in the series and could be picked up by anyone willing to put the pieces together (I was a big fan of the theory myself because I felt it would fit into Rose’s character really well), but it’s also something that completely changes everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Everything is now so much more darker and complicated, and Rose is now only even more interesting as a character. And the best part is: apparently there’s even more we have to learn about Pink Diamond that will inform why Rose is such a complicated and tragic being.

Made of Honor: It’s fresh in my memory, but even so I still think this episode is worth mentioning. This Garnet arc is great, and Ruby and Sapphire marrrying is so sweet and satisfying and of course I mention this here because the wedding planning is a lot of fun, but I also loved how Bismuth was handled in this episode. Even if she only had one episode before this, she was still such a fully realised character, and I don’t blame people for feeling so passionate about her. Seeing her come to terms with everything was just really interesting to see.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

I really like hearing people's stories so (if you want to and it's totally okay if you don't) how did you and actuallylukedanes meet/get together/get married?

I’ve had this buried in my inbox for so long, Anon, I’m sorry! Since today is my wedding anniversary with @actuallylukedanes, it seems like the perfect day to tell this story. My memory isn’t the greatest, so my spouse might be able to challenge me on some of the details, but here’s my side of the story. :)

In 2004, I was home from my freshman year of college. It had been a total disaster, as I was a tiny (undiagnosed) bipolar/Autistic/anxious/ADHD hot mess of a human, and I ended up remaining at home after that instead of going back right away. So I was 19, recently addicted to the internet thanks to college web access, and a high school friend of mine told me about a site called Livejournal. Being a big fan of personal oversharing, I joined immediately. 

Being also a fan of writing, especially (at that time) songs and poetry, I searched for LJ communities about creative writing, and found one I liked. It was a group for queer writers, but I swear that at the time I missed the whole ‘queer’ side, as I was still firmly in the ‘me? liking girls? but i think literally every boy is someone i should have a crush on and have never heard of compulsory heteronormativity yet!’ camp. So I joined that group, despite identifying as straight and clueless, and went about writing and talking to other members.

One of those members and I hit it off right away. In what was literally our first conversation/comment thread, they suggested that we run away together to New York City (where I longed to go). They were that sure they liked me right away. Plot twist: we never made it to NYC, but I did kinda run off with them. :)

Anyhow, we became friends via Livejournal, and then eventually met in person. When I showed them around the area where I grew up, we crossed a giant bridge at one point and a rainbow bloomed overhead. Clearly it was fate. I’ve always been a giant romantic and believer in fate. But I was also (did I mention clueless) an Autistic kid who’d never dated anyone before, so while my now-spouse was falling in love with me and making their intentions known, I didn’t even understand how a person knows when they’re in love. (I was Rory Gilmore, basically. But with better taste in first romance.)

I was also completely lacking in self-esteem and firmly, legitimately believed I was unattractive and unlovable. People act like those who say/feel that way are being overdramatic, but I had never sincerely believed anything more in my life. After all, I made it to adulthood without being asked out on a date or even having anyone express interest in me romantically–my own mom wrote a teasing inscription in my16th birthday card asking if I’d been kissed yet. That could give anybody with mental disorders and an unusual body type a complex!

So though I knew immediately that they made me nervous and twitchy and distracted, it wasn’t until our first in-person meeting ended that I believed they were interested in me, and sorted through my feelings and realized I loved them back. My declaration of my feelings still exists out there in the Livejournal universe, for the world to see, because I have more than a dozen LJ blogs still up even though I stopped using them years ago. Yes, I told them via a blog post. You’d have to ask them whether that was super-romantic or just bizarre. I was both, so I do not know.

Once I caught up to them, feelings-wise, we proceeded to have a long-distance relationship for a couple of years, during which time I got my first job and they moved back home. I visited California for the first time for their birthday and met their family and decided I clearly belonged in California, land of fruit smoothies everywhere, rather than my homeland of rain and seasonal depression. I was too weird for their family, to be honest, though their twin liked me from the start, but I survived the visit and eventually my future spouse came to visit me again in Washington and stay for a week.

During that week, they found a job in my tiny town, changing the course of our future forever. Without really talking to my mom, who I was still sharing an apartment with (and who wasn’t the sort to put her foot down, ever), they went from ‘visiting’ to living in my room and helping get me to and from work and contributing to bills. In 2006, we moved into our own little ‘apartment’ (part of an old house) and having our own lives to pay for, I stopped handing my mom all my money for the first time. 

Despite being mostly supportive of my relationship even though I grew up in a religiously conservative family (still emotionally scarred, thank you for asking), it was the money that led to my mom disowning me and my estrangement from most of the rest of my blood kin. Because we were ‘a team’ when I was growing up and that was all I understood as a developmentally disabled kid, as an adult I never thought twice about giving her all the money I earned even when she spent it on wasteful things and we were left without groceries or electricity. So, in addition to saving me from the life of miserable straight marriage that was expected of me, my spouse rescued me from being taken advantage of, and is an actual hero.

Anyhow, our life together really started, therefore, in August 2006, when we got settled into our first home together, and so that’s the first anniversary we celebrate. The following year we moved from Washington to Utah, where we weren’t legally able to get married until the Supreme Court forced the state to let us, so our marriage in 2015 is the second date we celebrate. We wanted to get married on Halloween because it’s the best day ever, but Halloween was over a weekend that year so we had to settle for a day early. Aka today. :D

My best friend/sister-in-law @actuallyrorygilmore stood for me, and my spouse’s best friend came from California to join us and stand for them. The four of us attended the ceremony at a Salt Lake courthouse, then had bubbly beverages and bits of dessert back at home. I was dressed a little like a fancied-up pirate, as befits my personal style, and my spouse looked amazing. We exchanged simple white-gold wedding bands, and I wear mine with my engagement ring, which I got to pick out at an antique shop and still adore more than anything I’ve ever worn in my life. (The pictures of me with it on it after I was proposed to are the happiest, glowiest, I’ve ever looked in my life.)

As of today we’ve been married for two years, in addition to all the years of friendship and romance that came before, and I couldn’t be happier and more grateful to be with my Leander, who loves harder than anyone I know and is the best partner I could have wished for.

Over the course of the last 13 years, we have adopted/been forced to give up cats we loved like our own kids, lived in a car multiple times, struggled through poly relationship dynamics, donated plasma and shoplifted in order to survive, almost became parents and then had our chance taken away, and gone hungry, a lot. We’ve also spent amazing nights in fancy hotels, driven across the country blaring showtunes and singing along, made our own holiday decorations and splurged to buy each other the presents we always wanted as kids but never got, raised cats we have to this day who are still like our own kids…and I have never wished for any other life. 

It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I’m truly not, when I say that my life didn’t begin until we met. I can’t imagine where I would be without them. And I would never want to. 

♥♥   I love you, Leander. Happy two years married. ♥♥