#*phoebe bridgers voice* i’m 27 and i don’t know who i am

[chthonicmoons]

today was “annual update age in bio” day :)

[tojivu]

PLEASE CALL ME [01]

a/n part 1 out of idk.. anyways this was so heavily inspired by phoebe bridger’s songs.. i’m so obsessed with her (=´∀｀) oh and also by a book i finished a long time ago but haven’t gotten over lol. i tried writing this in 3rd person pov but tbh it’s hard for me to display emotion in my writing if it’s 3rd person cus it’s like giving u instructions on how to feel 😭. I KNOW ITS 2023 OKAY I KNOW WE DONT LIKE 1ST PERSON ANYMORE BUT PLS LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT

warnings/tags barely proofread (i tried), if yall don’t like tis i’ll probably discontinue it LOL, childe x implied f!reader, sfw.

listen to chinese satellite by phoebe bridgers.

“Good morning.” Ajax is speaking to you, voice low. “It's a hot day.”

You were shivering, actually. Mornings were always cold no matter what the temperature was. Nevertheless, you nod and agree with him anyway. “Yup, isn’t it?”

You two were standing outside your house, waiting for the other to initiate the walking, to which you end up doing it. He follows behind, the path too narrow to fit the two of you—this was a familiar sound. Heavy footsteps you could only recognise to be Ajax’s only two metres behind you. You don’t need to turn around to know he’s staring at the back of your head.

Such a nostalgic feeling, you think. You and him have been passing by the same trees and the same brown-cream coloured houses for 5 years now.

“Can you believe that we’re graduating in two months?”

He doesn’t answer.

You repeat the question again and he finally responds. You turn around, curious as to what had gotten him so distracted; his phone is in his hand, he’s looking into it and it’s pointing at you—his bright yellow phone case pales in comparison to the smile he has on his face.

“Not even going to let me pose?”

“You don’t need to do that. Your morning face is enough.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You’re pretty when you wake up.”

It’s 6 in the morning. Ajax was never one to think before he speaks, especially when the sun had just risen 5 minutes prior. You ignore what he says, assuming he just couldn’t tell that isn’t something you say to friends.

“Sure.”

—

It’s 8:27 am. You’ve been sitting through an hour of English, and you swear you thought the subject couldn’t get any more boring than when it was in middle school. You’re spinning your blue MUJI 0.5 tip pen between your middle and index finger, ultimately failing after 5 seconds and letting it drop to the floor. It rolls away, farther than you could bend and reach for—a soft metal clinking sound is heard when you realise it’s hit someone’s chair.

The red and black coloured backpack on the floor next to the chair made it obvious where your pen had gone and who’s chair it hit.

You whisper-yell, “Hey, can you pick that up?”

Ajax turns around and looks at you and then the floor. You’re thankful as he picks up the pen, but then quickly confused as to why he just turns forward again—keeping your pen at his desk.

—

YOU: It feels as though the evening has been stretched, like time is in slow motion and not in a good way; because I’m looking at Ajax sitting across from me and we have not spoken. I have a cup of coffee in my right hand, much too sweet for my own taste; a cat drawn from the latte art I don’t remember requesting. I’m very sure I asked for a bunny. I’m very sure. I think I left my Math textbook in class. The trees look really lively or something like that, I don’t really know, I am making sure to look away from Ajax because I know he’s staring.

“What?”

“What what?” He acts like he wasn’t just staring at me for the past 5 minutes. “Is there a problem?”

“My problem is that you’re being weird today.”

His mouth is agape, too dramatic to be genuine. “That’s rude.”

I don’t know what to reply to him now, knowing that he’ll just continue acting stupid. My shoes squeak against the wooden flooring as I lean back in my chair, it’s evening now and I’m so exhausted. People from the high school three streets away from ours are filling the tiny place up, passing by our table and some stare at Ajax as they do. The oak tables that were empty just a half hour ago are now full of teenagers, this whole place is infested with us; behind, left and right.

It’s not weird for people to stare at Ajax when we’re out together. It’s not like he’s a celebrity or anything, but somehow every girl I know has heard of him or has heard of him from someone who has heard of him. It’s a big chain of people I find impossible to keep track of. If you mentioned his name anywhere, someone would definitely go “you know him too?”.

I’m drinking my tea slowly and quietly. A group of girls are laughing so loud my eardrums could burst. Another group of girls walk in and the familiar bell sound of the café entrance rings, and it’s no surprise they know Ajax too; he smiles at them, I can’t tell if out of politeness, when they walk by. They’re giggling to themselves and I can’t help but feel a bit lost.

“What’s wrong with you today?” He’s asking me as if multiple things aren’t wrong with him. Suddenly, I’m the one with the problems.

I don’t bother anymore, I think about that moment minutes ago over and over again and I have no idea what to make of it. That giggle wasn’t a “what a coincidence” giggle, more like a teasing sort, the kind your friends do when your crush talks to you.

“Nothing is wrong with me.” I’m lying. “I’m gonna go home.”

He is so clueless, so oblivious to everything it is paining me. Oblivious to the amount of girls that are looking his way in this very establishment, at this very moment in time. It makes me almost angry, somewhat, that he doesn’t know.

—

AJAX: It is 7 P.M. and dark out. I think she’s angry but she’s just slouching over, but I get some sort of sensing that she will explode if I try to talk to her.

“Helllooo.” I’m next to her now, and she doesn’t want to reply to me; her eyes are on mine, eyebrows furrowed and clearly sending a message: Don’t even say anything.

I feel myself smiling because she looks very adorable. She is much shorter than I am. When she’s angry, I’m never able to take her seriously. I don’t think I ever have. Oftentimes in her fits of anger I am caught admiring her, smiling because I think she is so dramatic. When we were 15 she once yelled at me for using her charger, and apparently ‘making her phone charge slower’. She is one of the angriest and most short tempered people I know, yet I think she pulls off the frustrated pout and narrowed eyes very well. It doesn’t matter much to me.

“I’m not gonna ask what’s up with you because you got mad when I did.”

She looks forward again and we are still walking. Her house is still a few blocks down. I think she’s getting tired, too. I shouldn’t have dragged her to get milk tea with me. This path is too narrow to fit the two of us.

I walk in front of her and I can hear her tongue clicking out of annoyance. I bend down and stretch my arms, “Get on my back”.

I feel weight shifting onto my upper back, her long hair is tickling my neck but I don’t mind. Her arms are tired, slow in their movements as they wrap around me too, her head on my right shoulder and she does not say a word in all of it.

“Thank you.” she is whispering to me a few minutes later, and I think I am getting tired too. My legs want to give out. They don’t because I don’t let them.

It’s another 10 minutes and I’m at her front door, unlocking it using the key in her wallet; her parents are on the couch and watching TV and I start to wonder what this would look like to them.

“Ajax?” Her mother turns her head around and is surprised to see me, considering I wasn’t calling to say I was coming over. I haven’t done that in months.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s just tired, that’s all.” I tell her and I try my best not to speak too loud in case the girl on my back wakes up. I can feel her breaths on my back, slow and controlled. I bring her upstairs to her room and I lay her on her bed. Her room has changed quite a bit since I had last been in it, her desk is much more organised than it was a few months ago.

I found myself rejecting her invitations to hang out in her room over the summer break.

I think if I were to be alone in a room with her for too long I would end up blurting it out. I would tell her I’ve loved her since we started being friends, and she’d kick me out of her house and never talk to me again. But now she’s sleeping and I think I’m okay, so I pull her blankets over her and whisper; “Goodnight, I love you”.

—

YOU: I have no idea what day it is. I feel sticky. I look around and after a few seconds I sigh out of relief, realising this is my house, and these are my bedsheets. I don’t remember how I got here, though, my uniform is still on and the last thing I can recall is me on Ajax’s back.

I reach for my phone but realise it’s dead. A post-it note is next to my nightstand, ‘You’re welcome for the ride back. Call me when you wake up You owe me’, and on the bottom right corner there is an ugly and disproportionate cat drawn.

He didn’t even have the courtesy to remove my socks for me, but I guess that’s fair because I don’t think I’d go anywhere near his feet either.

I plug my phone into my charger and wait. I don’t know if he wants me to call him, but I think I should, I want to.

28 days later and i’m back with this shitty fic — 130423

[lookatmysons]

M a r i a n H a w k e

Fanmix

“Why is it always Hawke to the rescue?”

1. The Hand That Feeds - The Crane Wives

“My papa was a howling man, traded in his youths. Sold his dreams and all of his days for the great American ruse- and my dear papa gave me lessons in regret, said all that he’d done would be for nothing if I followed in his steps,”

2. Body - Mother Mother

“Take my hands, they’ll understand; take my heart, pull it apart, and take my brain, or what remains, and throw it all away, ‘cause I’ve grown tired of this body; a cumbersome and heavy body.”

3. Dread In My Heart - Mother Mother

“Oh, I wonder what it’s like to be the type who doesn’t burn. The kind who fights the good fight, not the kind you’ll find fisti-fuckin’-cuffin’ in the dirt.”

4. Ghosting - Mother Mother

“I’ve been ghosting, I’ve been ghosting along, ghost in your house, ghost in your arms. When you’re tossing, when you turn in your sleep, it’s because I’m ghosting your dreams.”

5. Cough Syrup - Young the Giant

“If I could find a way to see this straight, I’d run away, to some fortune that I should have found by now. I’m waiting for this cough syrup, to come down.”

6. Hard Times - Paramore

“Gonna wonder why you even try, hard times gonna knock you down and laugh when you cry. These lives, and I still don’t know how I even survive hard times-“

7. The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall Out Boy

“And with the black banners raised as the crooked smiles fade, former heroes who quit too late,”

8. Fake Happy - Paramore

“And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears, you think I’ll look alright with these mascara tears? See, I’m gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth, and if the lights are low, they’ll never see me frown.”

9. Sinister Kid - The Black Keyes

“And that’s me, that’s me, the boy with the broken halo. That’s me, that’s me, the Devil won’t let me be.”

10. Peach (Lobotomy) - Waterparks

“Pardon me, cutting sleep; I’ve taken up grinding teeth. You’re why I’m here.”

11. Weightless - All Time Low

“Manage me, I’m a mess. Turn a page, I’m a book half-unread. I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because. I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.”

12. Seven Devils - Florence + The Machine

“Seven devils all around me, seven devils in my house. See, they were there when I woke up this morning; I’ll be dead before the day is done.”

13. I’m Not Calling You A Liar - Florence + The Machine

“There’s a ghost in my lungs and it sighs in my sleep, wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks.”

14. Howl - Florence + The Machine

“Now there’s no holding back, I’m making to attack; my blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out.”

15. Smoke Signals - Phoebe Bridgers

“I buried a hatchet, it’s coming up lavender. The future’s unwritten, the past is a corridor. I’m at the exit, looking back through the hall, you are anonymous, I am a concete wall.”

16. Which Witch - Florence + The Machine

“Who’s a heretic now? Am I making sense? How can you make it stick?”

17. Way down We Go - KALEO

“Oh, father, tell me, do we get what we deserve?”

18. She’s the Prettiest Girl at the Party, and She Can Prove It with a Solid Right Hook - Frank Iero

“You’re on my mind, and the things that you say hurt me most of the time, but I’m sinking fast, it’s alright.”

19. Sedated - Hozier

“Something isn’t right, babe. I keep catching little words but the meaning’s thin- I’m somewhere outside my life.”

20. Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation

“One more word, and you won’t survive- and I’m not scared of your stolen power, I see right through you any hour.”

21. Some Nights - fun.

“But I still wake up, I still see your ghost, oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for.”

22. Kiss With A Fist - Florence + The Machine

“A kick to the teeth is good for some, a kiss with a fist is better than none.”

23. Half Hero - Oh Land

“Always in the middle of it, one foot forward, one to the left. What will I become from this? Half hero, half thief.”

24. I Am the Fire - Halestorm

“I promise to myself, me and no one else, I am more than this. I am the fire.”

25. Therefore I Am - Billie Eilish

“Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Get my pretty name out of your mouth; we are not the same, with or without. Don’t talk about me like how you might know how I feel.”

26. Champion - Fall Out Boy

“And I’m back with a madness, I’m a champion of the people who don’t believe in champions.”

27. Float On - Modest Mouse

“Don’t worry, even if things end up a bit too heavy, we’ll all float on alright.”

28. The Kids from Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

“This could be the last of all the rides we take, so hold on tight and don’t look back.”

29. Tell God and the Devil - Solas

“The Gods don’t venture down here, the Devil lost your name, your life hangs in the balance on this fragile human chain.”

30. Arsonist’s Lullabye - Hozier

“When I was a child, I heard voices; some would sing and some would scream. You soon learn you have few choices; I learned the voices died with me.”

31. Butttercup - Jack Stauber

“Fine, electrify mine, electrify my golden tooth. Can’t look at your eyes without sparking some.”

[asbcblog]

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.  

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina 

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.  

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty, 

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

[lexgotoutofbed-blog]

Why Don't I Calm Down a Little and Rank All the Covers of Teenage Dirtbag on Spotify?

The last few weeks have been a little crazy. If there hasn’t been a midterm, there’s been an essay. If there hasn’t been an essay, there’s been a stressful campus event. If there hasn’t been a stressful campus event, I probably haven’t checked my email. If anyone is trying to gauge how I’m doing based on the habits I’ve picked up recently, I wish them luck. As for me, I’m completely lost. The other day, I listened to The Veronicas 2007 album Hook Me Up four times while writing an essay on Catholic imagery. I binge-watched a spectacularly stupid (and I do mean spectacularly stupid) Italian show Friday night, all the while wishing I were sleeping. I’ve now taken several naps while blasting Kaia Kater. I opened up YouTube just now and the site decided what I wanted to see was all the musical numbers from the 1962 film version of The Music Man. This isn’t an incorrect assumption, but a strange one nevertheless.

Sometime last week, I decided to look up and see if Phoebe Bridgers’s cover of “Teenage Dirtbag” was on Spotify. It’s not, because some higher power hates me personally, but you know what are? A whole lotta other covers. Naturally, I spent the next two hours exploring. A couple of these covers are great. Most of them are subpar. Many make me feel violent. In any case, I’ve ranked them all for you here, because this is my blog and I can do what I want. I’ve tried to provide the YouTube video for as many versions as possible in order to be fun and accessible.

A disclaimer: “all” in this case means all except instrumental versions, kids/people without professional recording equipment, and possibly multiple versions that sounded too much like Wheatus for me to figure out that they were not, in fact, the original version. 

Here goes:

29. Kaiak 

Teenage Dirtbag is inherently obnoxiously whiny, and yet Kaiak (like many performers) decides to use a quiet, sensitive approach to the song. This is a bold move, to be sure, but the result is sounding like the guy who whips out a ukulele at a frat party while staring at his crush straight in the eye. Absolutely egregious. This feature combined with the horrible snapping puts this version in last place. Sorry, my dude. 

28. Mark and Kristian Band

Like, I understand the style is purposeful, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. I do believe they’re teenage dirtbags, so I guess that’s a plus?

27. The Exboyfriends

To be fair, acapella groups naturally trigger my fight-or-flight response. I tried not to let this influence my opinion too much. Why oh why, though, would you choose to add derogatory terms to the chorus? The song is literally called “Teenage Dirtbag,” we don’t need more. The group also decided to take an extra whiny, nasally approach to the song, which would be okay if this wasn’t, you know, acapella. As my eternally patient roommate said upon hearing it, “Yeah, this one is pretty bad.”

26. Togun

I do think he’s a good singer. His vocals during the chorus were impressive. FOr acapella, though? Again, feels bad, Scoob.

25. Hullabahoos

I like how I say I tried not to let the fact that it’s acapella influence my opinion when clearly I absolutely did let the fact that it’s acapella influence my opinion.

24. UNC Achordants - Teenage Dirtbag

The harmonies are nice, at least.

23. Scott Chapman

It’s not actually that bad, but the idea of a “candlelight version” of this song horrifies me beyond belief.

22. Little John & the Cadillacs

Look, I really wanted to like this one. Stylistically, it’s great. But the lead singer is so pitchy, dude. I can’t forgive.

21. Brentwood Duo

Barely made it on the list because of low production value. It’s not terrible, I just don’t feel anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

20. Jacob Fox

It’s like a worse version of the original.

19. LLC

See above. Also, I feel nothing.

18. Frank Hamilton

Teenage Dirtbag was not made for White Boy Indie, I’m afraid.

17. Liquidsound

16. Scala & Kolacny Brothers

They’re a good choir. I just don’t think this song is a...good choice.

15. Earl Okin

It’s aight.

14. Catarina Walker

She switched the pronouns around, leading to conflicting feelings. On one hand, I’m a big proponent of letting women be as awful as men. On the other hand, “his girlfriend’s a bitch” makes me feel...hm. Anyway. Needs to be cleaned up a little.

13. The Nannys

It’s fun! Kinda takes away the point of the song, but it’s fun!

12. Avid All Stars

See 21. 

11. Tania Sena

She’s not the strongest singer, but I like her approach. She’s soft enough that the song feels angsty and generally emotionally raw, but not so whiny as to make the acoustics out-of-place.

10. Alyssa Reid

She’s good, but am I really supposed to believe this pop queen is a Teenage Dirtbag? Also, no emotion. I should feel like a thirteen-year-old lying on my bedroom floor.

9. Dizzy Dudes

I get the feeling that these are dads, not teenagers. However, you gotta support your local dad rockers.

8. Send Request 

In a way, it’s better than the original. Unfortunately, I don’t like the original all that much.

7. Walk Off the Earth

Good, but just sounds like a couple on YouTube. Which I guess they technically are.

6. Flight of Voices

I really like this. Beautiful vocals, beautiful instrumentals. It’s just not angsty enough. We are talking about teenage dirtbags, after all.

5. Fraser James

Okay, sure. I can see a stupid, problematic young man in a coming-of-age film skateboarding to this.

4. Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox

Alright, clearly she’s a fantastic vocalist. Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox always delivers musically. For a Janis Joplin-style cover, however, it sure is without much feeling.

3. The Gentlemen of St. John’s 

I take back everything I’ve ever said about acapella. This is beautiful. I want these men to follow me around and sing elevator music as I walk around town. Love.

2. Young Lungs

Here we go! We’re getting there! We just need a little more vulnerability. 

1. Amy Shark 

YEAH, BABY! She starts off angsty, then soon enough we’re all singing along in the bathroom mirror! We’re using our brushes as microphones! Amy Shark Gets It! She delivered us! We ARE the Teenage Dirtbag! WOOHOO.

There ya have it, folks! Let’s do a final tally, shall we?

Number of covers: 29

Number of tracks I listened to: probably at least 100

Number of tracks that turned out to just be the original version of the song: too many

Number of tracks that were called “Teenage Dirtbag” but were not the song I was looking for: I actually forgot to count, but I’ll say about 5, with numerous tracks of the same song existing

My headache: monumental

Good: night