#*that its actually easy to juggle both responsibilities and still make time for exercise

[caestusvulpes]

i like to think hikari has one child after part 2. She didn't really expect to he a parent at any point in her life ( turns out she's actually pretty good at it ) and her wide emotional experiences lead to stevie being much better at regulating her emotions than her mother was at her age. to the point hikari gets a lil jealous.

[passionate-reply]

I love your album analyses, what inspired you to make them?

First of all, thank you! I am so glad there are people out there picking up what I’m putting down, as they say. I work pretty hard on these and put a lot of thought into them, so it means a lot to know they are being appreciated.

As for what inspired them…I mean, thinking through the sorts of stuff I talk about on here is pretty much something I do involuntarily, hahaha. My mind goes on tangents, connects things in funny ways, and I come to conclusions about stuff. I just naturally think about art and interpretation of art. When I was in high school, I took a course on (visual) art history and just fell in love with it because it was exactly what my brain was always good at. I ended up writing 20+ versions of the final paper assignment on every single suggested topic, because I had so many thoughts about all the art we looked at and wanted to get them all out there! So the actual “work” is in turning those ideas into verbal form (as a non-verbal thinker) and refining and clarifying what I’m thinking about into something that’s actually palatable and approachable for other people. I try to juggle making them accessible, by explaining background on things in reasonable detail, but also interesting to fairly enfranchised listeners by focusing on more obscure tracks. 

Really I’ve always been extremely interested in music…and beyond just “interested” in some kind of academic sense, it really just eats at my soul and communicates with me on this deeply personal, emotional level that nothing else really reaches for me. Listening to music makes me feel like I’m the real me, and what I’m experiencing is the real life, or that that experience is “the point” of it all. Some of my earliest memories from being a toddler are the first times I ever heard “Sweet Dreams” and “Tainted Love,” and just being completely blown away and shaken up by them. They filled me with this sense of pleasure, dread, and confusion…but also a bottomless longing for more where they came from. I saw them as constituting some “world” that I desperately wanted to enter and become a part of. It was very much like seeing a reflection of my innermost soul, something I started to very heavily “identify” with from my literal earliest memories.

For a long time I’ve kind of been ashamed of that, or hidden from it. Mostly, it stems from the fact that there were elements of my upbringing that weren’t that great. My parents got divorced when I was about three, and my mom has never been a huge part of my life–that’s not necessarily super concerning to me, though, as my dad is mostly a great parent and since I was so young, I kind of always internalized it as “normal,” and I never stressed much about it. But the real problem was when my dad started seeing someone when I was eleven, and she was particularly bad news for both of us. Of course, you never really know what makes someone abuse others, so I won’t try to diagnose her with narcissism or anything else. It suffices to say that she went out of her way to do me harm and keep me from just about anything that made me happy. Eventually, this got to the point of not having food or a bed…but physical torture, you’re able to get over more easily than emotional torture. So I put the weight back on in foster care, but being kept from music and constantly belittled and maligned over my tastes and my level of engagement with it, that sort of always stuck with me on some level. 

So since that time in my life, I’ve always been self-loathing about my love for music, because I internalized all of that pain, and all the times I was told I was being immature, my tastes would change and I’d find New Wave cringy someday, all of that. I was really afraid to dig deeper and spend more time listening and thinking about it, because I never let go of that fear that someone would take it away from me. Even though she also belittled me for my same-sex attraction and gender nonconformity, too, there’s a whole cultural narrative around that that made it easy for me to dismiss that and start living as queer and not giving a shit about it. Whereas with the music stuff, my experience was so strange and singular that it was, and is, hard for me to get past it sometimes. It’s still emotionally easier for me to talk about stuff like Kraftwerk and Ultravox that I wasn’t into yet during that time of my life, as opposed to the bands I really liked as a preteen, like Pet Shop Boys and Numan.

So, a big reason why I started writing Passionate Reply is that I wanted the ritual of putting myself out there on a daily basis, and letting myself get emotional over music and gush over what I really like. It’s healing for me because I’ve spent so much time not allowing myself to be myself, and on here I get to genuinely express my excitement and enthusiasm for music! It feels phenomenal. The only thing better than that feeling is knowing that other people are getting something out of my exercise, as well. 

I guess the other component that sort of inspired me, and why I started doing this in this particular moment, is that I managed to score that ticket to see Midge Ure this past Tuesday, roughly a month ago. Ever since I bought it, I’d been jumping up and down with excitement, wanting to grab people in the street and scream at them about Midge Ure! It really made me realize just how important music was and is to me, because truly nothing else had ever made me so excited in my whole life. There’s just nothing that matters so much to me, or makes me so happy, in the entire world! So that really put into perspective how much I was hurting myself by being self-deprecating about music and its place in my life. It really spurred me to take it more seriously and start doing this! And now that the concert came and went, and I had quite frankly one of, if not the, most powerful and meaningful experiences of my whole life, that’s made me even more galvanized to do this.

Thanks again for asking, sorry for the long and possibly TMI response, but that is how my blog came to be and why I do what I do. Glad you enjoy my work.

[emospritelet]

Okay prompt request for dark heart remix! 26) “How can I go forward when I don’t know which way I’m facing?“

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [Ch 3] [AO3]

Last time, Gold gave Belle a swanky apartment to move into and they agreed it was probably best they took a day to calm down before speaking again.

Please send me a prompt from this list or this list to fuel the angst and smut

x

Gold had booked a hotel suite for the week, but no matter how comfortable the bed was, or how dark the room, he was restless, and by four o’clock he had given up on the idea of sleeping, and got up to make some coffee. He drank it looking out on the darkened park, waiting for the sun to rise and listening to the news with half an ear. Rain was falling, lashing the windows in streaking trails limned in silver. He wondered if Belle was sleeping well. Whether she got enough rest. It didn’t look like it to him, and he hoped her stubbornness and righteous anger wouldn’t prevent her from accepting his help.

He was still angry over the fact that she had waited so long to tell him, still furious about the conditions she had chosen to live in rather than ask for his assistance. She and the baby could have burned to death in a fire and he would never have known. He focused on that anger rather than pick apart and study the desperate tangle of emotions that had burst into life in the deepest recesses of his brain upon learning that he was about to be a father again. There was too much fear and regret there for him to handle, and so he did what he had been doing for decades with unwanted thoughts and feelings, which was to shove them aside and ignore them.

The sun rose, a fact discernible only by the lightening of the sky. It was heavy with dark clouds, those at the horizon glowing red as embers. It seemed as though the rain would continue. Gold put on more coffee, and took a shower while he waited for it to brew. His usual morning routine of a wash and shave made him feel a little better, and he pulled a robe around himself and checked the time. Still reasonably early, but the city was coming to life, and so he poured the coffee and placed a call to his lawyer, Ella Deville.

“Alexander Gold,” she drawled, when he was put through. “It’s been too long, darling. How are you?”

“Fucking livid,” he said sourly. “I need some advice.”

“Whenever you need advice it makes me money, so do go on.”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help grinning.

“I presume everything’s going well on the Misthaven building deal?” she added.

“Very well,” he said. “Except for the top floor corner unit. Looks like I’m going to lose money on that one.”

“Why? It’s a perfect location, and the market’s in reasonable shape, all things considered.”

“Nothing to do with the property,” he said quickly. “It’s actually why I’m calling. I - I’m kind of letting someone stay there. Rent free.”

“You’re not usually known for your soft heart, darling,” she remarked. “It’s one of the things I admire about you. What’s caused this sudden crisis of conscience, and how is my excellent advice going to help?”

“This isn’t the usual real estate deal,” he said. “You may need to refer me to someone else. It’s a family matter.”

“Well, now I’m going to keep the case just to be nosy.”

Gold took a sip of his coffee, wincing at the heat of it on his tongue.

“It’s my - well, my ex, for want of a better word.”

“Your ex?” She whistled. “My my, this is a first. The reclusive Mr Gold lets slip hints at a social life. Tell Auntie Ella all the sordid details, you bad boy.”

“Certainly not,” he said dryly. “It was a bad break-up and I wasn’t expecting to see her again.”

“And now?”

He hesitated.

“She’s pregnant.”

There was a moment of silence at the other end of the line.

“Well,” said Ella. “That must have been quite a shock.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” he muttered.

“I suppose congratulations are in order,” she added. “I presume she says it’s yours?”

“Yes.”

“And you have doubts?”

“I - I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m not saying I think she’s lying, but - well, we hadn’t spoken since the break-up. I have no idea what she’s been up to.”

“Of course.” He could hear her scribbling. “She could be playing you, and we certainly can’t discount it. You’re a very rich man, after all, and that has to be a better prospect than whatever lumbering college boy caught her fancy one drunken night, hmm?“

Gold closed his eyes as he remembered what Belle’s boyfriend looked like. Was he the father? Had he abandoned Belle over the baby, leaving her no choice but to come to him? Would she really be that cruel, to make him responsible for another man’s child? To get his hopes up only to crush them? Could you blame her if she did? You did it to her after all. You led her on, then broke her heart, and destroyed the both of you in the process.

“Alexander?”

He blinked, clearing his throat.

“She must know it’s the sort of thing that can be tested,” he managed.

“Oh yes,” said Ella. “But desperate people do stupid things, I find.”

“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes, they do.”

“Well, I suggest a paternity test,” she said briskly. “Easy enough, and quick. A simple blood test should do it, and then you’ll know. One way or the other.”

Gold felt a momentary chill at the thought of the result being negative.

“Right,” he said. “Yes.”

“If the test is positive, we can talk about next steps,” she said. “Any initial thoughts on what you want to do?”

“I want to exercise my rights to the child, of course,” he said curtly.

“Yes, but there’s a myriad of options in that field,” she said. “If you think things are likely to get nasty, I may need to get one of my colleagues to handle the case. Ursula is a fantastic family lawyer, as well as being an excellent kisser.”

“I’ll rely on whatever you advise,” he said. “I - I hope we can come to an agreement without the need for that, but she’s stubborn.”

“I suppose it’s early days,” she said. “What are your initial thoughts on the ideal outcome?”

Gold ran a hand through his hair, short, damp strands licking against his fingers.

“I - I want to make sure she can’t take it from me,” he said. “I need to ensure that. I want to be named as its father, to be equally involved in raising it, to have equal say in any decisions about its life, education and welfare.”

“Hmm,” she said. “I see you’ve given this quite a bit of thought.”

“Well, it’s not like I spent the night sleeping, or anything,” he said sourly.

“Why don’t we make sure there’s a right there to be exercised, first,” she said. “Let’s do the test. We can worry about the complications afterwards. Is she seeing anyone?”

“I - I don’t know,” he said. “She lives alone.”

“I see. Well, once we get the results, you can start planning your future,” she said. “Should take about a week. When is the baby due?”

“May fifth.”

She made a strangled sort of noise.

“And you’re only calling me now?”

“I only just fucking found out!” he snapped. “Hence me saying I was livid!”

Ella tutted slowly.

“Just how much of a giant arsehole were you to make her not talk to you until she was seven months pregnant?”

His mouth twisted.

“I believe you can guess the answer to that.”

“Hmm. That bad?”

He winced.

“Probably worse.”

“Surprised she called you at all, in that case.”

“Can we leave the character assassination for another day?” he said shortly. “Will you arrange this test?”

“You’ll need her consent.”

“Oh, I’ll get that, I assure you,” he said grimly.

“Let me make a few enquiries, and I’ll get back to you.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I’m staying in Boston, by the way. Just call me on this number.”

He hung up, slipping the phone into his pocket and turning back to his coffee. Just under twelve hours before he could see Belle. Just under twelve hours that he had to fill to keep his mind from concentrating on the worst that his imagination could produce. At least she was unlikely to run away, in her current condition. At least there was that.

x

After Gold had gone, Belle went to run herself a bath, and explored the apartment properly. It really was beautiful, the furniture sleek and expensive, the rugs soft and thick beneath her feet. She looked in the kitchen cupboards, finding a multitude of cans and dried goods, and the fridge, which contained a wide variety of vegetables, fresh milk, cheese and butter, eggs and cream and fresh juice. There was a sliced loaf of bread on the kitchen counter, one of those artisan loaves with seeds in the crust. She was hungry, but exhausted, so she made herself a sandwich and ate it at the kitchen table, washed down with a glass of milk.

Taking a bath felt like true luxury, and she stayed there until the water was tepid, wrapping herself in a thick towel when she was done. The bed was king-size, ready made with heavy cotton sheets and a dark grey eiderdown, and Belle curled up in it, a cup of tea steaming on the nightstand. The apartment was beautiful, but a part of her worried that she had moved into a gilded cage, from which she would find it hard to escape. A cage where Gold could swoop in and take their baby if she ever displeased him.

She was anxious, and her sleep was restless because of it. Waking up to pouring rain didn’t help, but she made herself scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast and ate it at the kitchen table, looking out over the city as it started to come to life. She had a view of the park and tree-lined streets, and she had to admit that it was a much better start to the day than in her old apartment, where she would have been listening to the couple next door yelling at each other. She would have to make the best of losing some of her freedom, for the sake of the baby.

The rain had eased a little by the time she got to the university, and she headed straight for the coffee shop, where she found Emma juggling a pile of books in one arm and a large coffee and Danish in the other. Belle took the coffee from her before she could drop anything.

“Thanks,” said Emma, nodding to a free table. “How are you? You look kinda beat.”

“Yeah, didn’t sleep well,” said Belle, and hesitated. “Alex tracked me down.”

Emma’s eyes widened, and she shoved her books onto the table.

“Wait right there!” she ordered, wagging a finger before hurrying back to the counter. Belle took a seat, watching listlessly as Emma ordered a tea and another Danish and hurried back, shoving them across the table at her. She shrugged out of her heavy coat, pulling the woollen hat from her head.

“Right,” she said. “What happened?”

Belle launched into an explanation of everything that had happened between them the previous evening, and Emma listened, only interrupting to snort loudly or curse Gold out. By the time Belle had finished, though, she was looking thoughtful.

“He seriously said he’d take the baby if you didn’t do what he wanted?”

“Pretty much.”

“You think he was serious?”

“Oh yes,” said Belle dryly. “I think he meant every word.”

“What an asshole.”

“That’s one word for him.”

“Well, we just have to make sure he can’t follow through on the threat,” said Emma.

“So - do as he says?”

“If what he wants means the baby’s safe and you get to keep it, then yeah.”

“Ugh.” Belle sat back, pulling a face.

“Just saying.”

“I know,” sighed Belle. “I know it’s the sensible thing to do, I just - I hate that I don’t have options, you know?”

“I know, honey.”

“He just - he just waltzes back into my life with his perfect suit and his stupid perfect haircut and looks down his nose at me and I have to dance to his bloody tune!” groused Belle. “I was already well aware that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I didn’t need a reminder!”

“You’re doing fine!” said Emma soothingly, reaching for her hand and squeezing.

“I’m not, I’m - I’m a mess!” said Belle, feeling tears sting her eyes. “I have zero control over my life and I’m just - just winging it every bloody day! How can I get through life like that? How can I go forward when I don’t know which way I’m facing?”

“Honey…”

“You think I don’t know what he saw the moment I opened that door to him?” Belle went on, gesturing with a hand. “I’m pathetic!”

“Belle,” said Emma sternly. “Stop. Breathe. You’re one of the least pathetic people I’ve ever met. You’re just going through some pretty serious life events right now, okay? It’s enough to throw anyone off their game.”

Belle huffed air out in a long breath, slumping in her chair a little, but nodded. Emma squeezed her hand again, and reached for her coffee.

“How’s that paper going?” she asked. “You get all those resources you were looking for?”

“Most of them,” said Belle, tearing a piece off her Danish and popping it into her mouth. “Professor South gave me some good feedback on my last piece, so I’m hoping I can build on that. You?”

“I have about fifteen hundred words of my criminology paper, and most of that’s crap,” said Emma bluntly.

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Okay, maybe only thirteen hundred words is crap.”

Belle giggled.

“You want to get together for a study session this weekend?” she asked. “Turns out I suddenly have a lot of space to work in.”

“Sure. If you let Neal and Henry bring dinner over when they pick me up.”

“It’s a date.”

Belle reached for her tea, taking a sip, and Emma took a bite of her Danish. She watched Belle as she chewed and swallowed, reaching for her coffee again.

“So,” she said. “Baby daddy’s given you a new apartment?”

“He hasn’t given me anything, he’s letting me stay there,” said Belle morosely.

“Still.” Emma took another bite. “Gotta be better than the old place. I kept telling you it was a fire hazard.”

“Yeah, well, beggars can’t be choosers, right?” said Belle. “And now I’m dependent on him.”

“Not forever,” said Emma reasonably. “When you finish college you’ll be in a way better position. And at least it seems like he wants to help out, right?”

“I guess,” she said despondently. “I just - I hate feeling powerless.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Emma took a slurp of her coffee. “But you need to think about what’s best for the baby. And sometimes that means swallowing your pride. Believe me, I know.”

“Yeah.”

Belle picked up her Danish and took a bite, and Emma tilted her head.

“You said he’s coming over tonight,” she said. “You want some backup?”

Belle shook her head as she chewed and swallowed.

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “We need to talk about what we’re gonna do, I know that. I just hope we can do it without me wanting to strangle him with his own tie.”

“Try sleeping with him,” suggested Emma cheerfully. “I’m willing to bet you could bang your way to a better deal.”

Belle shot her a flat look.

“Okay, that’s a piece of advice I definitely won’t be taking.”

“Really.” Emma’s voice was flat. “How does he look?”

Belle groaned, slumping in her chair.

“He cut his hair,” she said gloomily.

“So?”

She sat forward again.

“He used to have this long hair,” she said. “It sort of came to his jaw and it was really soft and it used to brush my face when—” She pulled a face. "Well, you know.”

“And now?”

“He’s cut it all off.”

“So that’s good, then,” said Emma. “He looks like shit?”

“No! That’s the problem!”

Belle slumped forward, letting her head thump onto her folded arms.

“So, getting back to my sleeping with him idea,” said Emma, and she raised her head.

“I’m not doing that!”

Emma winked at her, popping the last piece of Danish into her mouth and licking crumbs from her fingers.

“We’ll see,” she said. “I give it a week.”

[garywonghc]

Real Happiness

by Sharon Salzberg

Meditation is essentially a way to train our attention so we can be more aware of both our inner workings and what’s happening around us. It’s straightforward and simple, but it isn’t easy.

People have been transforming their minds through meditation for thousands of years. Every major world religion includes some form of contemplative exercise, though today meditation is often practised apart from any belief system. Meditation may be done in silence and stillness, by using voice and sound, or by engaging the body in movement. All forms emphasise the training of attention.

“My experience is what I agree to attend to,” the pioneering psychologist William James wrote at the turn of the twentieth century. “Only those items I notice shape my mind.” At its most basic level, attention — what we allow ourselves to notice — literally determines how we experience and navigate the world. The ability to summon and sustain attention is what allows us to job hunt, juggle, learn math, make pancakes, aim a cue and pocket the eight ball, protect our kids, and perform surgery. It lets us be discerning in our dealings with the world, responsive in our intimate relationships, and honest when we examine our own feelings and motives. Attention determines our degree of intimacy with our ordinary experiences and contours our entire sense of connection to life.

The content and quality of our lives depend on our level of awareness — a fact we are often not aware of. There’s an old story, usually attributed to a Native American elder, that’s meant to illuminate the power of attention. A grandfather imparting a life lesson to his grandson tells him, “I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is vengeful, fearful, envious, resentful, deceitful. The other wolf is loving, compassionate, generous, truthful, and serene.” The grandson asks which wolf will win the fight. The grandfather answers, “The one I feed.”

But that’s only part of the picture. True, whatever gets our attention flourishes, so if we lavish attention on the negative and inconsequential, they can overwhelm the positive and the meaningful. But if we do the opposite, refusing to deal with or acknowledge what’s difficult and painful, pretending it doesn’t exist, then our world is out of whack. Whatever doesn’t get our attention withers — or retreats below conscious awareness, where it may still affect our lives. In a perverse way, ignoring the painful and the difficult is just another way of feeding the wolf. Meditation teaches us to open our attention to all of human experience and all parts of ourselves.

Meditation is pragmatic, the psychological and emotional equivalent of a physical training program: If you exercise regularly, you get certain results — stronger muscles, denser bones, increased stamina. If you meditate regularly, you also get certain results, including greater calm, and improved concentration and more connection to others. But there are other rewards.

You’ll begin to spot the unexamined assumptions that get in the way of happiness.

These assumptions we make about who we are and the way the world works — what we deserve, how much we can handle, where happiness is to be found, whether or not positive change is possible — all greatly influence how and to what we pay attention.

I was reminded of how assumptions can get in our way when I visited the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C., to view a work of art by a sculptor friend. Eagerly I checked every room, peered at every display case and pedestal — no sculpture. Finally I gave up. As I headed for the exit, I glanced up — and there was her beautiful piece. It was a bas-relief hanging on the wall, not the freestanding statue I’d expected; my assumptions had put blinders on me and almost robbed me of the experience of seeing what was really there — her amazing work. In the same way, our assumptions keep us from appreciating what’s right in front of us — a stranger who’s a potential friend, a perceived adversary who might actually be a source of help. Assumptions block direct experience and prevent us from gathering information that could bring us comfort and relief, or information that, though saddening and painful, will allow us to make better decisions.

Here are some familiar assumptions you might recognise: We have nothing in common. I won’t be able to do it. You can’t reason with a person like that. Tomorrow will be exactly like today. If I just try hard enough, I’ll manage to control him/her/it/them. Only big risks can make me feel alive. I’ve blown it; I should just give up. I know just what she’s going to say, so I don’t really need to listen to her. Happiness is for other people, not me. Statements like these are motivated by fear, desire, boredom, or ignorance. Assumptions bind us to the past, obscure the present, limit our sense of what’s possible, and elbow out joy. Until we detect and examine our assumptions, they short-circuit our ability to observe objectively; we think we already know what’s what.

You’ll stop limiting yourself. When we practice meditation, we often begin to recognise a specific sort of conditioned response — previously undetected restrictions we’ve imposed on our lives. We spot the ways we sabotage our own growth and success because we’ve been conditioned to be content with meagre results. Meditation allows us to see that these limits aren’t inherent or immutable; they were learned and they can be unlearned — but not until we recognise them. (Some common limiting ideas: She’s the smart one, you’re the pretty one. People like us don’t stand a chance. Kids from this neighbourhood don’t become doctors.) Training attention through meditation opens our eyes. Then we can assess these conditioned responses — and if parts of them contain some truth, we can see it clearly and put it to good use; if parts of them just don’t hold up under scrutiny, we can let them go.

You’ll weather hard times better. Meditation teaches us safe ways to open ourselves to the full range of experience — painful, pleasurable, and neutral — so we can learn how to be a friend to ourselves in good times and bad. During meditation sessions we practice being with difficult emotions and thoughts, even frightening or intense ones, in an open and accepting way, without adding self-criticism to something that already hurts. Especially in times of uncertainty or pain, meditation broadens our perspective and deepens our sense of courage and capacity for adventure. Here’s how you get braver: little by little. In small, manageable, bearable increments, we make friends with the feelings that once terrified us. Then we can say to ourselves, I’ve managed to sit down, face some of my most despairing thoughts and my most exuberantly hopeful ones without judging them. That took strength; what else can I tackle with that same strength? Meditation lets us see that we can accomplish things we didn’t think ourselves capable of.

You’ll rediscover a deeper sense of what’s really important to you. Once you look beneath distractions and conditioned reactions, you’ll have a clearer view of your deepest, most enduring dreams, goals, and values.

You’ll have a portable emergency resource. Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively. You’re likely to find yourself in situations — having a heated argument at work, say, or chauffeuring a crowd of rambunctious kids to a soccer game — when you can’t blow off steam by walking around the block, hitting the gym, or taking a time-out in the tub. But you can always follow your breath.

You’ll be in closer touch with the best parts of yourself. Meditation practice cultivates qualities such as kindness, trust, and wisdom that you may think are missing from your makeup but are actually undeveloped or obscured by stress and distractions. Meditation practice gives us the chance to locate these qualities so we can access them more easily and frequently.

You’ll recapture the energy you’ve been wasting trying to control the uncontrollable. I once led a retreat in California during a monsoon like rainstorm. It’s so soggy and unpleasant that people aren’t going to have a good retreat, I thought. I felt bad for the participants; in fact, I felt responsible. For a few days I wanted to apologise to everybody for the rain until a thought flickered: Wait a minute. I’m not even from California; I’m from Massachusetts. This isn’t my weather. This is their weather. Maybe they should apologise to me! And then the voice of deeper wisdom arose: Weather is weather. This is what happens.

We’ve all had weather moments — times when we’ve felt responsible for everyone’s good time or well-being. It’s our job, we think, to fix the temperature and humidity, or the people around us (if we could only get our partner to quit smoking, consult a map, stick to a diet). We even think we’re capable of totally controlling our own emotions — I shouldn’t ever feel envious, or resentful, or spiteful! That’s awful! I’m going to stop. You might as well say, “I’m never going to catch a cold again!” Though we can affect our physical and emotional experiences, we can’t ultimately determine them; we can’t decree what emotions will arise within us. But we can learn through meditation to change our responses to them. That way we’re spared a trip down a path of suffering we’ve travelled many times before. Recognising what we can’t control (the feelings that arise within us; other people; the weather) helps us have healthier boundaries at work and at home — no more trying to reform everyone all the time. It helps us to stop beating up on ourselves for having perfectly human emotions. It frees energy we expend on trying to control the uncontrollable.

You’ll understand how to relate to change better — to accept that it’s inevitable and believe that it’s possible. Most of us have a mixed, often paradoxical attitude toward change. Some of us don’t think change is possible at all; we believe we’re stuck forever doing things the way we’ve always done them. Some of us simultaneously hope for change and fear it. We want to believe that change is possible, because that means that our lives can get better. But we also have trouble accepting change, because we want to hold on permanently to what’s pleasurable and positive. We’d like difficulties to be fleeting and comfort to stick around.

Trying to avoid change is exhausting and stressful. Everything is impermanent: happiness, sorrow, a great meal, a powerful empire, what we’re feeling, the people around us, ourselves. Meditation helps us comprehend this fact — perhaps the basic truth of human existence, and the one we humans are most likely to balk at or be oblivious to, especially when it comes to the biggest change of all: Mortality happens, whether we like it or not. We grow old and die. (In the ancient Indian epic, the Mahabharata, a wise king is asked to name the most wondrous thing in the universe. “The most wondrous thing in the entire universe,” he says, “is that all around us people are dying and we don’t believe it will happen to us.”) Meditation is a tool for helping us accept the profound fact that everything changes all the time.

Meditating offers a chance to see change in microcosm. Following our breath while observing how thoughts continually ebb and flow can help us realise that all elements of our experience are in constant flux. During a meditation session, it’s natural to go through many ups and downs, to encounter both new delights and newly awakened conflicts that have bubbled up from the unconscious mind. Sometimes you tap into a wellspring of peace. Other times you might feel waves of sleepiness, boredom, anxiety, anger, or sadness. Snatches of old songs may play in your head; long-buried memories can surface. You may feel wonderful or awful. Daily meditation will remind us that if we look closely at a painful emotion or difficult situation, it’s bound to change; it’s not as solid and unmanageable as it might have seemed. The fear we feel in the morning may be gone by the afternoon. Hopelessness may be replaced by a glimmer of optimism. Even while a challenging situation is unfolding, it is shifting from moment to moment, varied, alive. What happens during meditation shows us that we’re not trapped, that we have options. Then, even if we’re afraid, we can find a way to go on, to keep trying.

This is not a Pollyanna sentiment that everything will be just fine, according to our wishes or our timetable. Rather it is an awakened understanding that gives us the courage to go into the unknown and the wisdom to remember that as long as we are alive, possibility is alive. We can’t control what thoughts and emotions arise within us, nor can we control the universal truth that everything changes. But we can learn to step back and rest in the awareness of what’s happening. That awareness can be our refuge.

[forgottenhunterblog]

Lone Wolf Alpha II Tree stand for Hunting Review

Which hunter hasn't thought about getting a tree stand? A tree stand can give you loads of advantages. See over the vegetation and bushes with ease and spot your target at further distances. If you really want to get a good tree stand, you can't overlook the brand Lone Wolf. Lone Wolf's tree stands are from high quality, silent and durable. The Lone Wolf Alpha Hang On II Tree stand has been the go-to tree stand for hunters for a long time now. But, the patent has expired and other companies can now use the same exact technology as Lone Wolf. So how does the Lone Wolf Alpha II tree stand hold up against the competition these days? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L34OciJ6n7o Please exercise safety when climbing trees. Always wear a safety harness and be sure to always have three points of contact with the tree at all time! Check Price of the Lone Wolf Alpha II Tree Stand on Amazon

Lone Wolf

Lone Wolf is the company that for a long time was at the forefront of the tree stand technologies. It is responsible for the invention of the cast aluminum platform for tree stand, enhancing the silent capability by a lot. By itself, this is a pretty big deal, but lone wolf doesn’t stop here, the lone wolf alpha II is loaded with features that make it a mobile bow hunter its best companion!

Features

Size Lone Wolf hang-on stands come in 2 sizes, the alpha II is the largest of the two with a platform measuring 30 inches long by 19.5 inches wide. The seat is the same on both models measuring 14 by 12 inches, seat height is set at 21 inches high measuring from the platform. The height of the seat is what I especially love from this stand. It makes a big difference on all day sit. I personally decided to buy the alpha II version since I intend on leaving the stand in place for a couple of hunts, but if you need to pack your stand in and out for every hunt, I would really recommend getting the lighter assault II. Leveling What makes this stand even more comfortable is that you can level the stand in 2 directions; from side to side and from top to bottom. The stand sits on the tree on the “offset bracket”. This allows you to level the entire stand from left to right if you find yourself climbing a non-perfect tree, and let’s be honest, perfect trees are a rare commodity. This bracket allows the placement of the trunk of the tree under one of the three half-circle. This is what allows the adjustment of the stand tilt from side to side. You can then use the “self-leveling system” that adjust the length of the cable holding the platform. This allows you to adjust the platform angle and also accommodate a tree leaning front to back. You can also finally adjust the seat angle, providing maximum adjustability, and thus, comfort. All of those features are really nice to have, when in the wood with my lone wolf I know I can climb virtually any tree providing that they are safe. Mobility The Lone Wolf system is designed with mobile hunting in mind. A lot of us are hunting public land, so a mobile set-up is among the best solutions. Lone Wolf uses and almost all aluminum construction, making this stand a portable solution. However, as I said earlier, if you do intend on moving a lot you would benefit from getting the smaller “assault II” version of the stand, that way you save yourself about 3 pounds of material to haul into the wood each time (14 vs 11 pounds). If you decide to buy the Lone Wolf climbing sticks to go with your stand, know that they are made to mate with the folded stand, making it easy to transport the entire system combined with the provided backpack straps. Versa button The Versa button is a feature that merits its own section to itself. The Versa button is a disk that comes off a post on the square aluminum tubing on your stand. A picture explains it better:

It is used to secure the strap by their end loop. This makes it WAY easier to attach when juggling with all of your stuff in the dark. The Lone Wolf straps have loop on both sides, simply loop the strap over the Versa button and then tighten it and you are done. No feeding, no ratcheting, just loop around and cinch the webbing. Lone Wolf uses them for their climbing sticks also. People go as far as buying some as part and retrofit them to other brand’s stand and climbing sticks. It’s how good they are.

Using the Lone Wolf Alpha II

Price and patent Although this stand has a great number of killer features, there is still some downside: namely the price. To get yourself into a Lone Wolf you will need to pay the price. Some might say that you could get a similar stand today that incorporates most if not all of the same features but at a better price. The patent on cast aluminum platform being expired, a couple of company now build stand using the same technology. This increase competition and bring the cost down. A Lone Wolf Alpha II MSRP is set at 259.99 USD, you can find them in Canada for about 339$. This doesn’t include any climbing stick so you’ll also need to consider a way to actually climb your tree. Silence treatment Being the quietest stand on the market right now doesn’t cut it for me. Don’t get me wrong, this stand is very quiet. It attaches rock solid to the tree and doesn’t make a whole lot of noise. But there is still some noise that the stand could do and alert animals nearby. For example, the stand can clunk when packing it in, you could make a noise with the strap buckle trying to tie them, or a recurrent problem; rubbing your boots on the cable make a strange squeaky sound for me. All of those problems are, thankfully, fixable. You will, however, need a little bit of elbow grease and time to remedies the situation. I would not waste time explaining here how to do it since there is already a perfect resource for that exact subject. Here is the link to the video that will solve all of your problems with a noisy stand. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_22dM-YGnY Video made by DIY Sportsman Packing in Packing in with the stand on your back is fairly easy. However, be aware that weight quickly adds up. Consider what to bring in your backpack and try to stay light. The normal way of attaching the climbing sticks to the stand is a little flawed since the sit down the middle of the stand on your back, leaving you almost no place to strap a backpack that is comfortable. I strap mine on one side, but this makes it awkward to travel long distances. Also, the backpack straps provided are not padded and quickly dig into your shoulder and are very uncomfortable. I would suggest three upgrades in that sense: Buy the padded backpack straps from Lone Wolf.Get a padded hip belt to better distribute the weight of the package when packing in.Buy an aftermarket way of transporting the climbing sticks. You can get the “stick quiver” from Lone Wolf themselves, or the “stick talons” from MobileHuntingGear, those would permit the middle of the stand to be free to strap your hunting backpack to it, making it more centered and thus more comfortable.

Conclusion

I’ve had the chance to have been hunting in the stand for the entire last season, and I am overall very happy with the result. This stand is a great ally when getting into secluded or new spots. Although heavier than the Assault II variant, I still feel this stand is valuable when being mobile. The way I have used mine last season is by making short-term set, meaning I would set up and leave the stand until I had hunted the location for about two or three times, then I move the set to a new location depending on deer movement and the principle of “most recent information” Overall Lone Wolf is still synonyms of quality and is a loved and recognized brand when it comes to whitetail hunting. I think every serious bow hunter needs to have at least one mobile set up and the Lone Wolf is still the leader in that category in my opinion. As far as an evaluation, I would still give the Lone Wolf Alpha II a solid 9.5/10. The 0.5 was taken because I had to make some add-ons and modifications to make it truly as silent as possible. Also, note that all those modifications add up over time and make an already expensive product even more expensive. Otherwise, I would not add anything to an already proven and loved product. Also check our review of the Lone Wolf Climbing Sticks (click) that goes with the Lone Wolf Alpha II Tree Stand. Check Price of the Lone Wolf Alpha II Tree Stand on Amazon Read the full article

[tipsycad147]

4 Ways To Reconnect With Your Magic When Life Gets Crazy

Avery Hart

One of the biggest struggles for modern witches is maintaining that sense of connection to our craft. Life can be so busy, complicated, and demanding that most of us feel completely out of touch with our magic on a day to day basis. And I don’t think I have to tell you how much this state of disconnection sucks.

One day it feels like you’ve found that spiritual space that you’ve been searching for where you’re in your power, feel plugged into the pulse of the universe, and are spiritually attuned to the world around you and then BAM! life hits and suddenly you’re running around feeling about as un-magical as you possibly can. Maybe you notice the disconnect and vow to not let it happen again, you throw yourself back into the craft sometimes burning the candle at both ends to try and juggle all of your worldly responsibilities and your spiritual growth at the same time. Inevitably, you fall off the wagon again, life gets in the way of your magical practice and the cycle starts all over again.

It’s an infuriating loop and many of us spend years battling this tug of war between what we spiritually want and need and what we’re actually capable of maintaining within the contexts of our lives. The good news is, you’re not alone. Every single witch struggles with this at times. Even witches like me who were raised in the craft struggle to maintain consistent connection to magic. It’s normal to struggle with this! It doesn’t mean you’re a bad witch, it just means that you’re living a modern life in an age where more demands and distractions are pulling for your attention than ever before. Today, I’m going to give you a few ways to manage this back and forth swing and bring a little more spiritual connection into your daily life.

If you’re looking to build an even deeper connection with your craft, read all the way to the end of this post! I’ve included a brand new and totally FREE 7-day course on reconnecting with your craft that you definitely won’t want to miss out on.

Is Being Connected All The Time A Good Idea?

Now, one of the big things we have to take a look at before we dive too deep into to nuts and bolts of this subject is what are we actually trying to achieve? I know that for many people the idea of staying completely connected and tuned into magic 100% of the time sounds great but before we make that the goal we need to ask ourselves, is this a reasonable or even attainable goal? Would it actually serve my best interests to be in this state all the time?

It’s important to realise that there are situations in life when other things need to take precedent. Kids and pets need tending to, work needs doing, houses need cleaning, friends need to be given our love and attention, there’s a lot going on in our worlds! Sometimes a spiritual head-space isn’t the right mindset for you to be functioning from and that’s ok. In fact, having the ability to switch from witch mode to parent mode, to professional mode, and back again is a good thing. This is what makes you a well rounded, capable, badass person who takes on all of life's myriad challenges.

While bringing the spiritual into our everyday lives can lead us to be more empathetic, caring, and connected people, it can also lead to a feeling of disconnection from the people around us if they don’t share our spiritual leanings. It can drive us into a state of “hyper-control” where we’re trying to magically strong-arm everything in our lives into working the way we want. It can even stunt our spiritual growth by introducing an overwhelming level of spiritual information that we may not be prepared to deal with. It is ok to shift out of your witchy mindset and into a mundane head-space to avoid these kinds of junk food spirituality pitfalls. Being spiritual simply for the sake of being spiritual can absolutely backfire on you.

Don’t try to force yourself to be only one thing all the time. Being a witch is a wonderful thing but that’s not all you are! There’s so much more to you and you should embrace and support these other aspects of yourself just as much as you do your witchy self.

How To Connect Deeper With Your Witchcraft

Ok, now onto the hands-on part of this process. How do we actually connect more deeply with our craft?

1. Make time for the little things

It may seem trite to bring the focus down to the micro when you’re looking for deep, meaningful connection to the spiritual world but trust me, it helps. What sounds like it would build and maintain a connection better: Putting a little bit of work in every day and making sure you reach for that magical energy as often as possible even if only for a few moments OR only reaching for that magic when you have the time and space and wherewithal to do something BIG maybe once or twice a month?

As anyone who has ever taken an extended break from the gym will tell you, those little “easy” workouts make all the difference in maintaining the progress you’ve made so far. Focusing on the little things is absolutely worth your time.

So what sort of little things are we talking about? That depends on you and your craft and what makes you personally feel connected. For me, I like to do 5-10 minutes of breathing exercises followed by 1-2 minutes of grounding at least once a day. This gives me space to get in touch with myself and it also helps me to stabilise my energy and practice tapping into my visual, energy manipulating skills so that they stay fresh and strong all the time. You might find that a 2-minute candle ritual where you set intentions for your day works well. A kitchen witch might try to incorporate a little magic into at least one meal every day. Someone who finds connection in nature might take a 5-10 minute walk outside to get in touch with their magic. There are so many tiny ways to incorporate a magical mindset into our lives!

2. Create sacred space

Now, I’m not necessarily saying that you need to create a space to devote to a god if that’s not your thing. Secular sacred space can still have huge benefits to your craft. This space simply needs to be somewhere that is designated and designed for you to be in tune with your magical powers and the energy around you. This might be a small corner of your garden, a candle and journal on your bedside table, or a shelf that’s dedicated to things that evoke that witchy feeling in you. It could be a pocket altar or it might even be a full-sized altar that you leave up all the time!

The important thing is that this space is set up to facilitate your connection to the craft and that it’s set aside for only this purpose so that you always have somewhere to go when all you have the time for is sitting for a minute by yourself.

3. Take care of yourself first

Sometimes, it’s not possible to handle your job, your kids, family, friends, other responsibilities, AND your craft all at once. When your life is reaching critical mass, trying to force yourself to expend energy on magic can be about the worst thing you could do. You’re already drained, where are you trying to get that energy from?!

When this happens, it’s best to focus on rebuilding yourself and giving yourself the space to rest and recover. The craft is meant to add to your life, to bring you happiness and allow you the power to change your life in the ways that suit you. It is NOT supposed to be another stressful obligation that you pile on top of all of the other obligations already taking up space in your life! Giving back to yourself is a way to renew your energy and foster your ability to work magic without further draining yourself. Take a bath, journal, have a hot cup of tea with a book, go get a massage, spend some time with someone who makes you feel good, whatever it is that makes you feel happy and whole as a person will help to restore your energy. After you spend some time taking care of yourself, you may find that your connection to the craft springs back to life on its own!

4. Use music that makes you feel witchy

Music can have a huge impact on our mood and state of mind. If you’re really struggling to feel that connection that you’re looking for, sometimes it can help to just play music that gets you in that magical mindset. Now, some people will enjoy traditionally “witchy” music. Celtic music, chanting, and pagan specific songs can all be great ways to bring that vibe into your life. Not everyone will be into this kind of music though and if you’re not, you don’t have to grin and bear it just to try and connect with your craft. Choose music that makes you feel witchy! I personally love swampy sounding rock music, indie pop, and rap music when I’m working magic. It doesn’t matter what kind of music you pick, as long as it makes you feel that magical energy!

I like to simply play this kind of music in the background of my life. If I’m cooking, driving, cleansing the house, or just winding down for the night having the right kind of music in the background can raise my energetic awareness and make every moment a little more attuned to my magical practice. Even if I can’t practice at all this allows me to maintain that mindset of connectivity that so many of us are looking for.

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2018/8/26/4-ways-to-reconnect-with-your-magic-when-life-gets-crazy

[alfstop50]

Game #1

January 31st, 2014.

It was a precarious time in my life: I had transferred universities halfway into my third year in college, settling back in with my parents after two and a half years studying in another part of the state. I had just purchased a used PlayStation 3 three weeks ago, both to take advantage of an online order being cancelled and to celebrate getting my driver’s license. My new school was still taking some getting used to (particularly the mountain of catching up I had to do in Japanese), but I was cautiously optimistic, and having a new system to play new games on was one way to help me through these times.

There was one game in particular that had caught my interest at that very moment. It was a game dearly beloved by a large group of friends I frequently hung around (and still do to this day). It was a game that, while not as beloved as its successor, was still held in high regard by these friends. It was a game that had been poured over countless times by these friends in the past, for research in forum games or just because they really liked the characters and story.

I was somewhat familiar with this game, having watched someone from this group streaming it a number of times back in 2013. I knew about how it handled every day life through school and forming connections with people, while blending it near seamlessly with darker fantasy elements. I was even intensely aware of how this game’s successor had a gigantic impact on someone from this group of friends, to the point where it had saved their soul and improved them as a human being just from playing it. But it wasn’t just him; the series from which this game and its successor came from was directly responsible for a number of people that I happened to know finding the will to better themselves, due to the messages imparted to them from these experiences. And now that I had the means to dive into that game and that series to see what all the fuss was about, it was an opportunity that I couldn’t say no to.

This is the story of what happened after that. This is the story of my yearlong experience with that game from the moment I downloaded it onto my PS3. This is the story of how, over the course of the experience, I grew to understand what made that game and the game after it so beloved by my friends. This is the story of how I came to discover how much the game actually meant to me years later, and how it became my favorite video game of all time.

This is the story of my experience with Persona 3.

The reason why it had taken so long for me to finish Persona 3 in the first place was due to a variety of reasons. The first such reason was that school was especially trying during this period, often giving me 4-5 classes to juggle per semester and keeping me away from video games most of the time. Secondly, my job situation had gone from me working roughly two days a week at my mom’s place to getting a full-time job at a Kroger immediately after school was out for the summer (which of course then became part-time work on the weekends during my next semester at school). Add to that many other things like new games coming out, my own ongoing projects, obligations with other friends, and general life mishaps and it was a miracle that I managed to even beat Persona 3 before the year was over.

But every time I did play it, it would suck me right in. I would learn so much about the characters and the setting, what time to catch people for Social Links, what to say to them to bond closer to them, what to do to avoid getting on their bad side, and how I could form more connections with more people. Even within a month or two after playing the game, I could feel the effect it was having on me as I conversed with people outside of the game; even if I never finished it, its sub-goal of getting me to interact with other people more was already working as intended.

Then came the dungeon crawling itself; going through them was usually a slog, but battles were really strong. Prior to playing it, my only experience with the Shin Megami Tensei series was playing SMTIV on the 3DS, so I was well prepared for a brutal “kill or be killed” style of turn-based combat. But I actually found the combat in Persona to be a lot more fun; the protagonist was endlessly customizable with various weapons and Personas to obtain, and the All-Out Attack mechanic was a brilliant way to reward going straight for weaknesses and knocking all the enemies down. At its worst, this would usually turn each encounter into a game of weakness sniping and make the novelty wear off fast. But in some of the more creative fights (usually bosses), it challenged you to work around specific gimmicks until you were in a good position to go all-out. Still kinda wish you had control over your party members, but that represents a part of the game that I’ll get to in a bit.

During the entire year that I played through Persona 3, I would continually make new discoveries about myself and other people. I discovered the deep connections some of my friends had with some of the other characters in the game (one friend in particular could relate really well to Kaz’s S. Link). I pursued the options that many had considered to be among the best in the game while making my own discoveries along the way. I learned, I grew, I was with the friends I had made through the good times and the bad, and especially when everything seemed its bleakest. I made as many people as I could happy, and it was through these bonds that I was able to overcome the unbearable darkness.

And once I had finally finished the game on December 17th, 2014, after all the work I put into it and all the time I had spent with the game... I hadn’t immediately recognized the worth of the game. I thought it was an exceptionally well-made game and I could see why people loved it so much, but for some reason at that moment, I couldn’t think much else of it beyond that. Funny how that just tends to happen sometimes.

The following year, when I started playing through Persona 4, I couldn’t help but think back on my time with Persona 3. It wasn’t that Persona 4 was a bad game or anything - far from it, in fact - but I slowly started to realize what made Persona 3 so special. I thought about the themes of the game, what it was going for, and how it stuck the landing on all of it nearly perfectly. I thought about one character in particular that I identified so strongly with that they became my all-time favorite video game character (that was back in February of 2015). It was enough for me to put the game in my list of all-time favorite video games, though it was still at #3 just below Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Kid Icarus: Uprising.

So now, what happened to bring this game to this position? What conclusion could I have reached to declare this game my absolute favorite game? What answer have I found that explains what this game is about and why I love it so much all in one sentence?

After extensively mulling over my thoughts on Persona 3 after finishing it and while struggling to complete this project, the answer I have found is this:

Persona 3 is a game about life.

People will often tell you that you’re in control of your own destiny, but for some of us, it isn’t like that. Life is crazy, turbulent, unpredictable, and seemingly random at times, forcing you to bear the brunt of whatever it brings you. You go through events and circumstances that you weren’t even prepared for, misfortunes that you couldn’t have seen coming, and tragedies that seemed designed to make your life miserable. And the absolute worst feeling is when you feel like you have no control over how these events occur or what you can do to avoid a crisis; sometimes you’re just expected to take these incidents on the chin and move on with your own existence. It sucks and it’s incredibly unfair. But that’s life.

Dealing with other people is its own exercise in frustration. Some human beings out there don’t want to listen to what you have to say, being so stuck in their own way of thinking that they block out all other reason. There are those who hate others just for being different, and will gladly take the chance to ruin their reputation just for their own satisfaction. Attempting to understand and connect with someone you do know can fluctuate wildly from “easy” to “nearly impossible,” because we are all so different from each other, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t possibly understand absolutely everything about anyone. And the reality is that no matter how much you say you don’t want to be around people, being completely alone in the world is the worst situation to be in by far. It’s a sobering thing to know. But that’s life.

There always things in life that we don’t want to do. At best, it’s just a tedious slog; at worst, it’s something that you don’t think you’ll ever make it through. Whenever you do something you’re not looking forward to, be it work, or school, or a hangout you begrudgingly accepted an invitation to, all you can do is act naturally and hope that it all passes soon. It doesn’t help when outside sources of stress come in to make the situation worse than it needs to be, like people being uncooperative, or a bug making you feel sick, or a situation from a while back rearing its ugly head to haunt you at every turn. It’s ugly and stressful having to do the things we don’t want to do day in and day out. But that’s life.

And yet, the biggest paradox to the ugliness and futility of life is how beautiful it is. Even if you’re not ultimately in control of where you end up, having a goal to work towards keeps you motivated and looking forward to the next big thing, all while you’re improving yourself as time passes. Even if some people can be aggravating to deal with, it’s the people that you stick with the most that end up becoming your most long-lasting friends; the kind that you laugh with, cry with, and bear the burdens of life together with to make everything more worthwhile. Even if you don’t want to do things like work or school, going through with them may give you the needs to survive, and learning from these experiences will better prepare you for the future.

It’s still not a perfect solution and it’s not guaranteed to work out for everyone, but the joy of life comes from continually improving yourself and your relationship with others, helping one another through the trials and tribulations of life, and sharing experiences that will last a lifetime. In that sense, I can consider Persona 3 the ultimate celebration of life itself.

But Persona 3 is also a game about death.

No matter who you are, or what you’ve done in life, death is inevitable to everything and everyone. It can happen when you’re old and frail, dying of natural causes when your body finally gives out. It can happen when you’re young and a horrible accident takes you before your time. It can happen from a disease, either when you’re in your senior years or from a horrible disease destroying you when you’re not even an adult. It can happen when an individual willingly murders another human being and forever taints their soul with their victim’s blood. It can even happen when an individual sees no point in living anymore, throwing their life away by committing suicide.

For many people, death is a horrible thing to think about. Whenever someone dies, that death is felt by someone out there; whether it’s just one person who cares or the entire world that cares, everyone mourns the loss of life. Desires and regrets bubble to the surface, making people wish they had spent one more day with them or had attempted to rebuild bridges that had been burnt down. The worst aspect about death is the painful loneliness that comes with never being able to see the dead again, no matter how much you miss them. And the fact that there is not one unified idea in all of human history on what happens to us after death is far too terrifying to even think about.

And the absolute scariest part about death is that no one knows when it comes or who it comes to. It could happen to you or someone you know, it could be decades down the line or within this very year, but no matter what, there is no escaping it. All that awaits us is the cold grip of death.

So why speak about death when there’s no joy in discussing it? Why talk about something so horrible that it seems like there’s nothing to be gained from talking about it?

Because death is part of life.

We live our lives because we want to make the most of them before we die. We want to take those precious few moments that we have on this earth to fulfill ourselves in any way we can before our time is up. We earnestly want to make a difference in the lives of others, whether it’s by supporting them in their time of need, or making things that speak to people and draw them together. We want to do whatever we can to make life better, for either a few people or a lot of people, and most importantly, for ourselves as well. Life itself is harsh and unforgiving with only death awaiting us, but if we can make the most of it through the things we do and the people we connect with, then we may be able to pass on with no regrets.

This is the ultimate lesson of Persona 3, and the one that stuck out to me the most. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many long nights and endless work hours led me to this conclusion, but after everything I’ve learned about myself through this project, it was the answer that made the most sense to me. Persona 3 was a game that taught me about the joy of life and encouraged me to take a more active role in connecting with other people. It taught me about the nature of death, how to best cope with it, and how to support those who were grieving over losing someone to death or how to deal with the looming specter of death.

And, perhaps most importantly, it allowed me to come to terms with myself. It’s helped me to acknowledge my own fears and worries over the future and my own life. It’s helped me to realize my own problems with anxiety, and what I can do to help fix that. It’s helped me to recognize that no one man is an island, how everyone has their own set of worries and anxieties, and how being with friends and encouraging them allows us to bring out the best in them. And it’s helped me realize the importance of just... living out my own life.

And for that reason alone, for everything it has taught me and how much of an effect it’s had on me, it’s only right for me to say that my favorite video game of all time is...

Game #1: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 “Death is not a hunter unbeknownst to its prey. One is always aware that it lies in wait. Though life is merely a journey to the grave, it must not be undertaken without hope. Only then will a traveler's story live on, cherished by those who bid him farewell.”

Released: July 13th, 2006 Synopsis: A young, teenaged orphan transfers to Gekkoukan High School for the start of a new year only to discover the Dark Hour, a period of time between one day and the next, where malicious Shadows roam. When they awaken to a newly discovered ability called Persona, they join other students with the same abilities in exploring Tartarus, a mysterious tower that appears in place of their high school during the Dark Hour. Chosen Music: Memories of You