#*us — idk why that autocorrected at the end but I wrote too much to go back & retype

[ayoyoungg]

What’d you learn in school?

How to secretly eat snacks

[basuralindo]

Chapter 10 of You'll Have Me Rise, You'll Have Me Fall is up!!

You can read it right here:

And there's some commentary in the notes but I have so many more thoughts and am gonna go on about them under the cut. Please read the chapter before looking through my commentary, but you're all welcome to interact about it on here

Okay, so, in roughly chronological order:

-Idk if the Jamil and Kalim stuff is coming off shippy, but that's not the intention. What I'm tryna present is the fact that they have no concept of boundaries with each other. Jamil was basically instructed, as a child, to look after this whole ass other child with way too little actual adult supervision, and it didn't go well.

-Jamil has a Very loose understanding of free will as is, considering his situation, and Snake Whisper has always been kinda just another tool used to desperately try to get through situations. The idea that forcing someone to not have nightmares without their knowledge or consent might be fucked up doesn't really cross his mind, because he's been doing it since they were little and Kalim always seems happier than when he's left to just deal with his own bad dreams.

-People tend to get stuck with the aftereffects of an intense trigger for quite a while after, and Jamil's behavior is definitely gonna be influenced more heavily by ptsd in the next few chapters.

-Yes, Jamil really is out here basically poledancing on that broom. Why? Because athletes are literally the least self aware people when it comes to doing weird shit with their bodies and I know this from so much personal experience. I also imagine that the brooms operate a lot based on the rider's clarity of intention. So Jamil being already very comfortable with heights because of playing on the carpet with Kalim as kids, and having pretty good focus with multitasking in general, he has very little issues with getting the broom to do what he wants. Meanwhile, Azul would be able to fly just fine, but he's so scared of heights he loses all sense of intention once he gets a couple feet off the ground

-✨Guess who never learnt what dyslexia is because royalty aren't supposed to have learning disorders!✨ Just wait till those two find out about adhd. (Also, major headcanon that Kalim self medicates with caffeine)

-Anyway THE TEXTING!! This is the part that I had no plans to write until going "wait, they should exchange numbers because duh" Then wrote the actual scene and went "wait omfg the teins would totally find that!" Anyway I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun to write and finally breaks the ice between them all a little more. It ended up taking a lot longer than I'd expected to depict the sheer chaos of texting three people in the same room at the same time.

-I actually thought a lot about the texting patterns on this. Floyd writes in a hurry because his thoughts come and go so fast he just spits them out as they come, which results in spamming with a million short messages when he's actually in the mood to talk. He also canonly has this tendency to just say shit that makes sense in his head, where he has context, and doesn't get it when other people don't understand, so with texting that kinda comes out as not bothering with much punctuation to indicate tone because he knows what tone he's using and forgets that nobody else does. Azul on the other hand is suuuper neurotic about how he presents himself, and texting is no exception. Perfect diction, punctuation, etc. Uses autocorrect and then doublechecks the outocorrect. Jade figures Azul already put all the effort into establishing how to present himself flawlessly, and just imitates his style. (They're both wrong. Azul comes off like a car salesman, and Jade comes off like an alien impersonating a car salesman). I have a reason for this dynamic and I'm gonna go into it eventually in the fic. Jamil is just trying to spell things correctly and uses punctuation as normally as he can. He uses contractions and slangs even less over text because he's not confident in being able to spell less familiar words and doesn't wanna risk it. (He also uses contractions less in general around Azul because, while he tries to come off like he's mastered English around all his potentially hostile peers, Azul never mocks him for his speech so he's more comfortable about wording things awkwardly. Jamil hasn't noticed this consciously yet.)

-Jadeeeeee. This fic is slow burn in general, but it's definitely burning at different speeds for each of them, and Jamil/Jade is definitely the slowest. Neither of them are the kind to openly pursue someone without the other party initiating A Lot, and they're much more emotionally distant than Floyd or Azul. Also, Jade is territorial and Jamil is paranoid and it's gonna take a long time before they get anywhere near trusting each other. Despite that, they're finally starting to notice that they have some shit in common and actually enjoy talking to each other in all the convoluted mincy bullshit ways that nobody else wants to engage in.

-Yes, Jamil feels the need to conceal laughter and smiles even when he's alone in his room. No, he's not okay, but that's kind of the whole plot.

-Again, I just really enjoyed getting to write Jamil having a nice time?? Finally starting to think about the fact that he actually WANTS these guys in his life, for non-strategic purposes, just because they make him happier! I'm finally getting somewhere in this mess of my own making lmao

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk. I have a lot of feelings about these guys and I'm tempted to do more posts like this about previous chapters just so I can get myself to babble less in the fic notes

[necroangelz]

🪽

i love hearung people infodump about stuff wven its stufg idk pleasr peladeplelfeldmf dies

( the angel apologizes for the late response to uur ask . it's been more than a week .oops . it's okay though because this infodump is HELLA LONG. /SRS )

i adore ppl who listen to infodumps > < /p gen

�� 🪽 』

infodump about an oc

so, then, let me tell uu about the story of the half demon and the human she loved. (aka my demon Slayer ocs doomed Yuri )

this infodump is gonna require some prior knowledge to demon Slayer tbh > < I'm too lazy to explain details that are specific to the demon Slayer series Soz ... also my autocorrect might randomly capitalize Slayer so just ignore that

so let's introduce the characters !!

KAGUYA UBUYASHIKI

picrew

kaguya's name above links her playlist that i made a few yrs ago !! the playlist is quite old and i don't add new songs to it as much but i quite love it a lot > < i think the songs suit her well so there's no reason to change anything

at the start of the canon series (like lets say kaguya is in the story because thats how i wrote it lmao) Kaguya is 25 years old. as her surname "ubuyashiki" implies, she's an adopted member of the ubuyashiki clan. her mother was a pillar (a pillar of what, I'm not sure yet ahaha...) who disappeared before kaguyas birth, and left the infant Kaguya at the doorstep of the ubuyashikis. they decided to take her in and raise her alongside kagaya ubuyashiki, the head of the demon Slayer corps at the start of the series. Kaguya is 2 years older than kagaya. she is also his only surviving sibling as the rest of their siblings committed suicide years ago (canon fact i read just now lol)

she doesn't know much about her mother, and only knows her mother through the stories that others tell about her. unfortunately, due to their line of work, those who knew her mother end up dying until she's the only one carrying her mother's memory. there rumors though that her mother had an affair with a demon right before giving birth to kaguya

Kaguya hopes to find her father one day. how she will do it, what would she do (ask him why it had to be her mother, ask him about her mother, kill him, form a relationship with him, etc.); she doesn't know.

fun fact about her father: originally she was going to be the daughter of muzan kibutsuji. because this was a common trope i did before, i made ocs who were the daughters of villains. i didn't really regard the villains as parental figures because i was in love with them, but i suppose i enjoyed the family dynamic this trope would have. it was interesting to imagine the villain parent as being softer and kinder to their daughter (if they were on the same side [kaguya would not have been on the same side as muzan, obviously]), their daughter being spoiled, treated like royalty, and inheriting the same villainous traits from their parent(s)... i actually did have another oc who was muzan's daughter, although she didn't exist in the same "universe" as kaguya lolz

... looking back at my childhood and family history i can see why i was so in love with this trope

anyways. Kaguya harbors a secret that she doesn't hide well, so most people are aware of it, but out of respect no one accuses her of anything. Kaguya might just be a half demon half human (okay well take out the word "might" because she IS). she exhibits great inhuman strength and speed, she can heal quickly from any injury (it's not as fast as the regular demons' regeneration, but she can survive injuries that humans would usually die from. she recovers quickly from injuries and never gets sick. healers love her. literally. i used to ship her with shinobu.) she's also allergic to sunlight and wisteria. she gets severe rashes when she stands under the sun for too long and her body temperature rises quickly when she's outside. hence, she wears a wide brimmed hat to protect from the sun. i also think she would wear her universe's version of sunscreen. she also feels nauseous around wisteria. heaven knows what would happen if she ingested it.

she's sort of a prodigy when it comes to being a warrior/fighter. she began having rigorous training to fight demons since she was 8 and since then she has become a high profile demon Slayer. (that age might change... it used to be 6 but i thought 6 was too overkill lol. that's really young isn't it. she should be at the playground /ref)

I'm a bit undecided about what her breath style should be. it used to be breath of the Phoenix (based on the song the Phoenix by fall out boy) and i have a design of Kaguya with red robes which would fit that breath style more, but I've grown used to purple robes Kaguya! i know i could have Kaguya use breath of the Phoenix while wearing purple robes, but robes are often symbolic of a slayer's breath style, and purple robes just don't really give Phoenix vibes.

Kaguya with red robes ! i use this design in an AU of kaguya's story. i won't go into the AU in this post but all one needs to know is: it's based on moon knight. because i just so happened to have a moon knight phase around the same time i was really obsessed with kaguya's story

another breath style Kaguya could use though is wisteria breathing. i just thought of this recently so it's a wip idea, but it could be interesting bc wisteria breathing is strong against demons but it will also hurt her. wisteria and all that. it feels symbolic of her as a character as well.. somehow

anyways, Kaguya is aloof, keeps her distance from others, acts invulnerable and cold, although she has moments of warmth and can still show kindness to others. she prefers that others do not get to know her on a personal level and keeps everything professional. her brother and her 1 or 2 friends encourage her to loosen up and they've tried everything to get her to socialize with others.

she's desensitized to her pain and others'. the corps often gives her the hardest jobs simply because she's one of their best fighters, so she's used to long battles (and winning). she's not cocky when it comes to fighting, but she certainly knows that she will eventually win. she rarely shows fear. she knows that a scared warrior is not what people need.

obviously she has a dash of trauma added to her character.

i realized Kaguya is extremely similar to mizu from blue eye samurai. i didnt intend fur that—kaguya was made AGES before BES was released, but i think that's really cool lol

RISA AKAGI

kaguyas childhood friend who died at 25. she was a demon Slayer of a high rank, just like her dear friend. came from a rich family with parents that loved her; sadly they never understood her deep down. they didn't understand her dreams to pursue creative arts like writing and music. instead they wanted her to marry so they can become more wealthy.

her parents did arrange a marriage for her, but they lost their wealth anyway. and soon enough, risa lost her husband and her family.

risa was used to dealing with expectations. her peers often viewed her as a perfect unattainable standard. someone to watch and be jealous of. someone to compare themselves to.

she was a practical person who kept calm often. a lot of people liked her and thought she was easy to get along with. she always knew what to do, how to behave, to get people to like her and do what she wanted them to do. many people in her circle liked to act as if they know her well/personally/deeply but she's a guarded person who knows how to keep people away, just like kaguya. the difference between them is that risa can fool people into believing they're closer than they actually are

i actually never thought of what risa's breath style would be. kaguya was her main mentor when she was in training so maybe she developed a breath style based on kaguyas? like early on she was using a common breath style but ended up developing one similar to kaguyas. I'll think about it further though.

that's all i can say about risa.

so what's their story anyway?

their first meeting was when they were children (eight and eleven, risa is 3 yrs older). it was a short meeting, almost unremarkable, although they kept thinking of their meeting bcz they wanted to meet each other again very badly. their wishes were granted and they meet again as teenagers (14, 17). this time theyre able to form a friendship and oh, how close they become. it's like a once in a lifetime bond. and speaking of lifetimes they feel like they know each other from a past life.

^ note I'm not tryna be weird about this, they didn't develop feelings for each other until they were both adults/chronologically 20-somethings. Kaguya physically matures faster due to being half demon so physically she looks about risa's age if not older. she doesn't act like a regular young person either due to her life experiences. i made their ages like this to emphasize how she is stronger in terms of physical power despite being younger.

they are inseparable... except for complications in their life that do separate them. one, as they grow up, risa's marriage to an older man is arranged. as a result she doesn't have as much freedom to do what wanted (ie, hang out with Kaguya) like before. they find their ways though, don't worry. a bit after their marriage, risa's family loses their wealth somehow and they're forced to move to a small very rural town

two, Kaguya obviously has to hide her true life from risa. keeping such a huge secret causes fights and other troubles between them but what else is she to do? she just can't tell a regular civilian about the demon Slayer corps and demons at all . she wants to keep risa safe too so she has to tell her Absolutely Nothing

all of that becomes for nothing though when a demon attacks risa's family, killing her parents (and siblings that live with them, if i decide to give her siblings. i should give her siblings), her husband, and her husband's family too probably. but basically a lot of people are dead. Kaguya arrives and kills the demon, but at that point only risa was the survivor. Kaguya tells her about demons and demon slayers, and risa chooses to enlist in the corps.

when risa enlists, she's 20 and chronologically Kaguya is 17. of course she hasn't really properly ENLISTED yet because she has to go through the final selection ! ( i kinda find it funny that they call it the "final selection" when there's no other selection process for demon slayers other than this, but it's also kind of a final thing in the way that many people Die from it ) so risa moves to kaguya's estate and trains for three years before entering the final selection. obviously she survives and passes with flying colors because she was trained only by the best (kaguya <3). she became friends with the people she saved/helped in the final selection too

so now at 23, risa is a demon slayer! things go quite well in her career. she goes on pair missions with kaguya at first so that risa's safety is ensured and she doesn't have a hard time. risa is worried she actually isn't that good of a demon slayer and at some point she hates relying on kaguya during pair missions, thinking that her success is only because of kaguya and not because she has any skill at all.

aside from that risa also tries to deal with the trauma of losing her family and the mental and physical strain that comes with training and fighting demons. she's terrified that she too will lose her life one day but when she fights alongside kaguya she feels safe, and when she goes home to kaguya after a successful solo mission, she's determined to do her best fighting demons for the rest of her life so that she's happy when she dies

but then she thinks, does she really want to do this for the rest of her life?

kaguya thinks of the same thing too, because before this she was fine being a simple weapon for the corps. a weapon with no friends, no connection to this world, and no real passion in life. she's so strong, obviously she's meant to be a demon slayer, right? but being with risa causes her to rethink everything and what she truly wants

the two of them discuss if they want to retire when they're a bit older. get a nice house in the countryside and live together, raise livestock, and live a calm life where they never think about their missions and they never have to raise a sword against a demon again

,,, well

one day, risa goes on a solo mission and doesn't come back. kaguya knows where she went so she searches the whole place for her, and searches even farther, but none. she tells corps workers stationed in nearby locations to keep an eye out for risa, she searches every week for her, but she doesn't see her nor hear from her for months. she doesn't even find a dead body

what she does find, a few months later, is risa turned into a demon. she would find out later too that demon!risa had already killed a few humans in their time apart. demon risa has no memory of her life as a human, so her first instinct upon seeing kaguya is to attack her. risa is quite strong as a demon. it hurts kaguya to see risa fight with a variant of the same techniques she used when she was still a human

kaguya wants to save her, she wishes there was an ending to this battle that didn't involve risa's death, but she's relentless in her attack. it was either risa died or kaguya died

so she's slain by kaguya. let me just copy paste this line from my notes:

"as her head gets chopped and falls off, one moment from her human life flashes before her eyes. a blurry memory of her and kaguya sitting in kaguya's estate, drinking tea and enjoying the afternoon sun. the memory constantly changes shape and briefly morphs into other memories that she can't process, and it feels like a scene playing from far away. like a memory that isn't hers. risa doesn't think this is from her memory at all, due to the blurriness and transience of it. she dies facing the sky and a single teardrop falls from her eye."

risa was 25 when she died. kaguya was chronologically 23

as one can guess, this whole ordeal traumatized kaguya even further than she is already traumatized. poor thing. all of this would have taken place 3yrs before the main story (so kaguya would be 25 too when the main story would roll around)

okay, so what really happened to risa on the night she disappeared during the mission anyway? how did she become a demon?

i don't have a LOT of details sorted out, but basically she was wounded and super duper hurt during the fight, the demon she's fighting offers to turn her into a demon (i'm guessing she should've been fighting a demon moon then... oohh what if she thought she was fighting a regular demon but then a demon moon shows up and offers to turn her??) obviously she declines the offer but in the end she gets forcefully turned into a demon. so yeah !

i would also like to note that in this story, the demon slayers are aged up just a little bit. i'm sure it makes sense to someone that a lot of demon slayers are young—because they die before they can grow old— but a part of me was unsatisfied with that! so a lot of the pillars are in their early to mid 20s, with the exception of muichiro who is 17, tengen who is 31 (this bitch is 23 originally wtf??, and gyomei who is 44 (HE IS 27 I THOUGHT HE WAS IN HIS 40S)

thats all i have to share i think. thank GOD its all over now /s if one has somehow made their way to the end and read everything in this ramble, comment uur fav video game or something .

aaaaaand thats the end of kaguya ubuyashiki and risa akagi's wonderful backstory and their happy ending.

[sweetaesuga]

in your heart | his fridays

pairing: jungkook x female reader

genre: fluff, angst(?), established relationship, fratboy jk, ex-fuckboy jk, bookworm reader!

warnings: language, implied drinking, these two are crackheads basically

word count: 1.1k 

synopsis: your fridays without jungkook.

timeline: takes place after the events of in your eyes. 

↳ masterlist

a/n: my posts aren’t showing up under the tags :(((( so sorry for posting this many times. i tried linking a card of current issues going but it’ll hide this🥺

Something doesn't feel right.

It's surely the empty seat besides you where your boyfriend would usually reside but not today. He decided to go to a party his fraternity was throwing. He deemed you would hate him if he was to go to one ever since you started dating which is why he hadn't gone to one in so long. Jungkook even took you out for dinner. 

The whole night consisted of him being sweet to you, way too sweet. Not a jokingly insult was hurled your way how you two normally act towards one another. He took the chance to ask you if he could attend the party. 

The question struck you a bit. You didn't want him asking you permission to go somewhere, you never wanted to be that couple. You didn't want to eventually become the girlfriend who hogged all of his attention. You just wished he wouldn't bail out on you all the time like he used to. You assured him that he didn't have to ask you permission to go to such places yet he still felt awkward. 

Jungkook💓: are u sure about this??

Jungkook💓: i can always not go u know

Jungkook💓: if ur not ok with it 

sugar mama🥺: I'm fine with it!!! 

sugar mama🥺: Go have fun just don't do anything stupid without me

Jungkook💓: ok i luv u

His response threw you off. You've only been dating for two months and none of you have ever told each other you love one another. You don't dwell too much on the topic, simply brushing it off as Jungkook just being excited and he didn't genuinely mean it.

You sat on your couch, searching through Hulu. You contemplated whether or not to watch Rick and Morty, the show you two watch together. Knowing your boyfriend, he would whine about you watching it without him. You exited and scrolled through Netflix. Your attention was divided, one on the movie you were watching and the other on Jungkook's text. In the end you selected a random movie, choosing to just have it as background noise to swallow the silence in the room that was normally filled with Jungkook and you. 

You explored through your Instagram. Reloading your page again, your heart stopped. Taehyung had uploaded a picture. He was taking up most of the picture but Jungkook is still seen in the edge, grinning like an idiot with a bottle of beer in his hand. The others are a blur. 

You felt guilty for going ease from the sight of no girl nearby. You were still insecure despite his comfort. 

You liked the picture, reading the caption before going on to the explore page. You find yourself looking at memes, sending the funniest ones to Jungkook. You didn't care that you sent him twenty-two messages and he'll probably respond the next morning as long as he sent you twenty-two texts back instead of a singular response. 

It's around one in the morning when you receive a thread of messages from your boyfriend coming all at once. You were half awake, body threatening to enter slumber. You frowned with squinted eyes when your phone screen shined. Tiredly, you unlocked your phone. 

Jungkook💓: hiiiiiiiii

Jungkook💓: i miss u i'm sorry for not being there with u

Jungkook💓: forgive me🥺🥺

Jungkook💓: i think i'm drunk but not really

Jungkook💓: thank fuck autocorrect gets me cuz i'm like typing the wrong shir rn

Jungkook💓: i'm in my bed rn :((((

Jungkook💓: n i miss u so much like

Jungkook💓: so so sos osos osos odiosos much

Jungkook💓: wtf my keyboard just wrote that

Jungkook💓: is that spanish???

sugar mama🥺: Idk 

sugar mama🥺: R u ok???

sugar mama🥺: How much did u have to drink?? 

Jungkook💓: idk they just kept common u know??

Jungkook💓: fuckhdn i meant comming*

Jungkook💓: wait but like did u mist me too🥺🦆🥺

sugar mama🥺: Ofc i did🙄

sugar mama🥺: Now go to bed ur gonna feel like shit in the morning

jungkook💓: bet 

jungkook💓: IMG_3725.JPG

jungkook💓: dont my toes look prettyyyyukjd

sugar mama🥺: Stop we said we weren't into this feet shit n go to mf bed

Jungkook💓: ooooooo someone's mad that i got prettyer feet than them😌

Before you can reply to him, his name flashed over your phone screen. You swiped across the screen, bringing your phone up to your ear. You regret doing so as Jungkook screamed into the phone that he has more beautiful feet than you which you can not deny. There's a hiccup before he continued. "I'm like so fucking drunk right now. I miss you so much, I wish you came," his speech is a little slurred but you don't mind. "But I know you hate being surrounded by a lot of people, claustrophobic bitch."

You laughed into the speaker. Jungkook enjoyed every second of it. "You know what? At least I'm not afraid of a microwave." 

You heard him gasp on the other line. "Microwaves have the potential to blow up and shit! Why the hell are you afraid of a spider that's not even half your size?" Jungkook shook his head, remembering how last week you forced him to kill a spider in the corner of the room. He tried to convince you to leave it alone but you weren't having it. 

"They're fucking spiders! Almost everyone in the world is afraid of them even your mom!" he stayed silent for a second. Right when he was ready to defend himself he suddenly realized his mother does have a fear of spiders. "Aww, cat got your tongue, bubba?" 

Jungkook giggled, laying out on his bed. An empty spot next to him where your body would occupy it. He doesn't say anything else, choosing to listen to your breathing. You call out his name, wondering if he dozed off. Jungkook hummed into the speaker. "I think I'm going to have to cut this short and go to bed. I love you," he smiled only to be met with silence. His cheeks burned in embarrassment and he was ready to open his mouth and drunkenly take everything back. 

"Goodnight, don't think you're going to remember in the morning but I love you too," your voice was quiet. It almost drove Jungkook to tears from how small you sounded, almost as if scared to confess to him. 

He hung up first, falling asleep quickly despite being disturbed by the void place besides him. You don't fall asleep right after. In fact, you don't sleep the whole night. Your mind too focused on your conversation. 

Jungkook💓: HOLY SHIT HOW MUCH DID I DRINK

[dumbass-mha-simp]

Hawks x Reader

This is very self indulgent tbh. Mostly gender neutral but does mention make up. Also the reader has mega family trauma cuz same.

Warnings: mentions of food, alcohol, reader is drunk but keigo is vv respectful & doesn't try anything, reader doesn't talk to their family, past family abuse, reader is kinda mean to him at first

I wrote this at like 4am and my phone is wonky and keeps autocorrecting "you" to "he" for no reason but i did like one quick pass through before posting so hopefully it's good enough, this is probably one of the first times I've actually published my fanfiction so hopefully it ain't shit,

----------------------------------

For the last couple months you've been teasing him. Practically any other girl in your position would swoon in your position. But where's the fun in letting him get what he wants so quick?

Pro Hero Hawks, had seemingly everyone wrapped around his finger. With eyes pierced in deep gold and, blazing, ruby red wings, it's hard for anyone to not be attracted to him.

You stood in the back corner of a "special hero party," trying to discern if you should sneak out and do anything more interesting than standing with a bunch of other heros.

"Hello there, beautiful." A thick and sweet voice called as you turned your head to them. "Looking lonely all alone back here, let me join?" Hawks, the number two hero was offering to stand with you. Staying it is I suppose.

"I admire your work, you're really dedicated kid. I like watching your stuff." He says taking a slow sip of his drink.

"You? You watch me?" The disbelief of it rung through in sarcasm. How were you to expect someone like him watched your work. You continued sipping from your drink, even if it was a boring party there was free fancy alcohol and that's all a hero could ever need.

"I wanna see more of you, and not just on the screen or anything. I want to get to know you, you know, maybe take you out a bit, hottie." He uses his middle finger to gently lift your chin up.

"And why do you think I'd immediately just accept some date from a guy I've never even talked to?" You dryly laugh out taking another sip.

"C'mon pretty thing, you know me. Your friendly neighborhood Hawks. The hottest, and most loved person you'll ever meet."

"Ah that's what you are, the hot, amazing, charming, hero to any and all." You scoffed

"The one and only."

You spent the rest of the night either playing hard to get, or annoyed at him. You couldn't exactly tell.

This carried on for months, every event you attended, he was right there on your heels like an abandoned, clingy puppy. He's even started patrolling with you.

"Say when are you gonna quit and just accept a date dollie?" He charmed up behind you.

"I'm at work, Hawks." Your boots cracked on the wet pavement as the last bits of rain desperately clung to the air.

"Why do you play so hard to get?" He questioned in a more serious tone. He was genuinely curious about you. "Most people would kill to have me begging for them, let alone after giving me to cold shoulder so many times." You could hear the upturn in his lips as he spoke.

"Why do you happen to find me the one person worth going for?" You retorted back.

"You interest me. There's very few people I'm genuinely curious about, but one of them's you, kid." He looked up into your eyes from the street. Something you'd never thought you'd see in Hawks' eyes was sincerity over such a topic. He genuinely wanted to know you.

".........Let's just say letting people in isn't my forte." You say quickly but with a slight hint of pain. You begin to walk off again and he doesn't question. He doesn't push you to tell him why. But you could see the way he processes your words on his face.

A bar, on a Thursday night, alone. How pathetic of you. Luckily you had no work tomorrow, a big mission the week before let them cut a couple weekends longer. As you downed your refill you questioned how many you've had.

"How long have I been here?" You whispered slightly to yourself before bringing it to your lips.

The warm rush reflow through your body as you let yourself fall to it. The bartender looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'm cutting you off for the night." He looks earnestly at you.

"Now that's not very nice there." You laugh back at him.

You pull out your phone and attempt to call some friends but lucky enough for you, you chose a night they were all at work to recklessly get drunk in the middle of the city. The only other contact you could think of was Hawks.

There's no way he'll pick up. He's gotta be busy. I could find literally anyone else to do it. You mutter in your brain as you go into his contact and start a call.

It rings twice before his voice calls out to you. "Hey this is hawks. ... (Y/h/n), are you there?"

Okay act cool and sober. "Heeeeyyy bird." Shit.

You could practically feel his shit eating grin across the phone. "You in need of a hero babe?"

"Can you please pick me up?" A whine took over your voice. You hated being drunk in front of people like him. That soft affectionate side seems to burst its way out when the alcohol takes control.

"Tell me where you are birdie." He said as you heard some ruffling. "(Bar name idk)." You rough out tiredly.

"Be right there angel." He called before hanging up.

You put the phone down on the counter and groaned. Why him? You try so hard to make sure you don't fall for people. They always end up like the last. You feel like they stop caring once they really meet you. Like they don't want the cake after the first bite.

Used, alone, and forgotten. It's a stabbing feeling that your used to. A feeling of burning heaviness in your stomach.

You sit slumped down onto the bar contemplating your feelings for the winged hero for awhile. Why can't emotions just be controlled?

"Hey-o!" You heard a voice from behind you break through the thoughts corrupting your mind. Hawks smiled and thanked the bartender before reaching his arms around you and helping you off the stool.

I didn't know he could be so gentle..

He walked you out the door and held your arms softly, but supportedly as he looked you in the face. "I'm gonna fly us okay? Don't wriggle to much." With that he picks you up and starts beating his wings.

"Hawks?" You call slurred and quiet.

"Yeah, kid?" He glances down at you with a light smile.

"What's your real name?"

"Well why would I tell you that when you refuse to tell me yours so often?" He chuckled.

"(Y/n) (y/l/n)"

"W..what?"

"My name. It's (Y/n) (y/l/n)." You replied back.

You could see the confusion of your open demeanor. But there was something else in his eyes. Something you couldn't put your finger on.

"Soooooooo....." you trailed off with a smile.

"Keigo Takami." He chortled at your ridiculous smile.

"That's a lot prettier than I thought it would be." You stared into his face. How could anyone not find him attractive. The perfect mix of facial hair, jawline, that dumb grin that was insanely attractive, those eyes that were the perfect gold.

"You're gorgeous, Keigo." You whisper more to yourself than him.

"And you apparently drank a lot more than I suspected." He tried to brush off but you could feel a bit more heat from his face.

"Here it is." He lands gingerly and places you down on the ground, wrapping his arm under your shoulder and holding onto the small of your back. "Let's get you in bed."

"Have you eaten today?" He calls after setting you on the couch and going to the kitchen to get you some water. You shake your head and he looks a little concerned but doesn't push it. He hasn't either so late take out it is.

"What do you want?" He looks to you above the old paper menu he has saved from a place not to far from here. "Cuddles." You pout looking through your phone.

"I meant for dinner (y/n)." He laughs at you. "Oooh that makes sense." You laugh too, "anything with noodles and shrimp, I reaaaaally like shrimp." You smile at him wholesomely as he looks at you with the same missing thing as earlier in his eyes.

He orders for the both of you then takes you to the bathroom and sits you on the counter with your bag. "Makeup remover?" He asked placing your bag on your lap. You pull out some individual wipes as he gentle pulls them from your fingers and moves the bag to the side.

He softly wipes at your face as you close your eyes and focus on the feeling of his hands. After wiping the makeup off he wipes down your face with water to make sure there's no remover left either.

"Beautiful. Now do you want to go watch something while we wait for the food?"

His eyes gleamed at you and it filled you with that feeling of admiration. He was being so considerate and kind. Nothing like you imagined. You were safe. Safe here with him by your side.

You placed a kiss to his cheek.

"(Y/nn)," he closed his eyes softly taking in the tingle of where your lips pressed. "You're drunk off your ass, baby. Lets get you fed and in bed, dear." You nod tiredly as he pulls you down from the counter.

You sit back down on his couch as he answers the door and takes the food. "Someone order shrimp?"

"Oooo!" You clap your hands rapidly and look to him excitedly. He giggles at you and hands you the food.

You sit and eat together. Talking about whatever comes to mind first and building on from wherever it wandered.

"So, what's your family like?" He asked innocently enough. "Eh." You brushed off. A subject you never liked was family.

"I get that." He tried to laugh but it seemed forced. "I was born with two parents and couldn't get a single one to even care about me." You laughed to him.

"Do you talk to them?" He looks like he wants your answer. Like he cares about what you say.

"I try not to. I cut them off when I was a teen, everyone blamed it on me being a dumb rebellious kid. No one ever tried to see what happened in those walls." You trailed off.

"Were you hurt?" He tilts his head as concern covers his features. "That's an understatement." You force a smile back at him and take a bite.

"I...I think I kinda understand what you feel in a way." You meet his eyes as they lazily traveled to the floor. His thoughts stiring from behind his pupils.

"No parent buddies?" You put out your hand for a fist bump. He laughs and fist bumps you, "Yeah, no parent buddies."

You lean a bit closer to him. "I'm sorry you were hurt. They didn't deserve the control they had over you." You went a bit more serious as you draw your eyes up to him.

"Im sorry for you too." He breathed out to you. "Now let's get you in bed." A smile took over as he moved your empty food package onto the table and picked you up.

"PUT ME DOWN KEIGO!" You laugh and softly hit your hands against him. He laughs with you then throws you onto the bed.

"Why am I on the bed?" You frown. "Why wouldn't you be?" He looks as he places your water on the night stand next to you.

"It's your bed."

"And I get to choose who sleeps in it."

He places a feather-light kiss on your temples then goes to the door.

"Keigo-" he turns, "cuddle me?"

"I'll clean up and be back here soon okay?" He smiles at you. "Okay"

After twenty minutes of struggling to keep yourself up you feel a weight press into the mattress, keeping some distance.

You roll up next to him and wrap yourself around him.

"Sweet dreams Keigo."

"Goodnight, (y/n)."

And there he was when you woke up. Right beside you. After awhile you got used to seeing his face when you woke up. Always being able to see the look in his eyes you tried so hard to put your finger on. The lovestruck stupid he was for you.

[exquisiteagony]

20 writer questions

thanks for the tag, @yours-eternally-ao3 and @vanilla-hate !

1: how many works do you have on ao3?

85!

2: what my total ao3 wordcount?

245,383

3: how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

(un)lucky 13!

blind channel, dope, eurovision, emilie autumn, finnish music rpf (hilarious that it’s a general fandom tag for some reason), frankenstein drag queens, måneskin, murderdolls, santa cruz, slipknot, stone sour, vampire love dolls, wednesday 13

4: what are my top five fics by kudos?

‘sink into me’

‘i got your heart in my hands…’

‘the devil gets the best of me’

‘throw me to the fire…’

‘alone against all’

5: do i respond to comments, why or why not?

yes! i try to respond to every one

6: what’s the fic i’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably ‘i’ll tear you apart’. or ‘digging your grave’, but that one is currently so short idk if it hits properly. i could probably put some other whumptober entries in here too

7: what’s the fic i’ve written with the happiest ending?

idk probably ‘interstate love song’ or ‘putting more makeup on…’. or ‘lipgloss smiles’

8: do i write crossovers? if so, what’s the craziest thing i’ve written?

‘play it cool’. but idk how wacky it is considering they’re gonna play a show together

9: have i ever received hate on a fic?

no, shockingly. i thought that ‘i’ll tear you apart’ would get hate from some circles of the fandom it was for, especially given some of the more recent events in that fandom, but the only comments i got were all positive!

10: do i write smut? if so, what kind?

yes, and idk what it means by ‘kind’. i mostly write m/m because the bands i write for are all male, but i have written a few m/f and one was a gender swap. i’m always open to writing more

11: have i ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as i know

12: have i ever had a fic translated?

i’ve had a couple requests for a couple fics to be translated into russian

13: have i ever co-write a fic?

no. i’ve bounced ideas back and forth in the dms with people (edit: autocorrect fuck all the way off) but never actively co-written

14: what’s my all time favourite ship?

idk probably joel/aleksi. i do like acey/wednesday though.

15: what’s a wip i want to finish but don’t think i ever will?

currently the iowa trilogy, which is a shame because i adore that idea with all my heart. but as i started writing it i realised that the first fic would have to be so much longer than i was prepared for if i wanted it to hit properly, and i couldn’t decide on whether to make it corey/joey or not, or whether to gender swap joey or not. then i started writing for the bc fandom, and joey died, so picking up the fic again feels wrong at the moment.

also given that ‘sink into me’ is pretty much being made up as i go, there will probably come a day when i abandon it. joel/damiano just isn’t a ship i’m especially into anymore, though i do really want to continue it. i like the story and they’re not the only couple in the fic

16: what’s my writing strengths?

idk but probably either the angst i write (the comfort is something i’m still awkward with lmao) but i do get a lot of compliments on my descriptions of things too, so maybe that.

17: what’s my writing weakness?

writing comfort and declarations of love. they’re just so awkward. and keeping up steam for multi chapter fics (hence why i have carefully plotted out the stupid vampire fic for when i sit down to properly write it)

18: what’s my thought on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

it depends how it’s done. and when it’s little one word things like terms of affection it’s cute. not something brave enough to try though.

19: what was the first fandom i wrote for?

the first ever was probably like. st trinians or something when i was like thirteen. or for the book ‘the thirteen curses’ because i used to love that book. both are unpublished because i wasn’t online at the time. the first rpf i wrote was mcr (also never published), for ao3 was slipknot on another acc, and the first on this acc was murderdolls

20: what’s my favourite fic i’ve written:

i cant pick one.

‘i contemplated your lips…’ holds a special place in my heart as the first fic i posted here, and whilst there are things i would have written differently, i still love it.

‘i’ll tear you apart’ wasn’t the first dark fic i wrote but it was the darkest (perhaps still now even with murder channel) and i still love it when i read back over it.

‘sick devotion’ was super fun to write, even if it’s my least read fic

‘timebomb’ is another one i’m super proud of

‘blood stained valentine’ was so much fun to write, and reading back over it is another joy

the three hanahaki fics i wrote i still love

tagging @mondscheinprinzessin @lay-a-finger-on-my-friend @drippinlou @ao3user-decompdoll (hope that’s the right one) @dysphorie @skin--slave (again i hope i pinged the right blog) @halosandseeds and whoever hasn’t been tagged yet cuz lord knows i’m behind on these