rliabl-narrator

[anothermonikan]

Those TikToks of people being like 'Deciding to be friends with the class outcast and then realising why no one hangs out with them :/' I just want to know what I did. What did I do wrong guys.

[meduseld]

I hope you never get tired of answering fear street questions cause I'm currently obsessed and I love your answers lol Anyway, do you think ziggy had any friends at all? I know most ppl like to headcanon that Nick had "friends" but was actually lonely and isolated (I agree) but I think Ziggy might have been an actual loner. Could the shadysiders also thought she was a bit of a weirdo? It almost seems like she only hung out with Nurse Lane while at camp. But, I mean, was she really into any weird stuff to begin with?

Aww thank you! I really enjoy answering them :)

I think neither of them really had friends, before, after or really ever. I mean Ziggy was a full on loner at camp, I think it's mentioned explicitly that she has no friends, but then again it's at camp where most if not all kids her age appear to be snobby Sunnyvalers. So possibly she had friends in Shadyside, but I'd be willing to bet they were more like acquaintances/people she loosely hung out with than real friends. Partially bc she was into "weird" stuff like King, as we know, and partially I think as a defense mechanism: we saw her having that abrasive "i don't need anybody" attitude and that's a way to keep emotionally safe by not letting people in/get close. Which, given what we know of her family makes sense. And definitely had no one after the massacre, that made her the super weirdo, probably meant she left school to heal and so forth and if she went back (but likely just got a GED or similar on her own time and moved on. Being the 80s or so, and her living on a settlement/insurance as I head canon since she clearly didn't have a job or leave the house much, she wouldn't really need one anyway) she'd be too old for her grade range. Making her feel like more of a freak, what with being with kids way younger and hearing them gossip about her. Not to mention, whoever she did know on friendly terms probably felt weird about it and had no idea what to say about what happened or to interact with her so they didn't and Ziggy likely wouldn't have let them in anyway. Which didn't contribute to her recovery or mental state because isolation is generally bad for people.

And Nick also had no friends but in a very different (seeming) way. He too lets no one in/keeps himself emotionally aloof, but in this case he's shielded them from his secret besides guarding his own heart. He's keeping the family code of silence, and it makes it really hard if not impossible to really connect to others. But, given how he's a Goode and so on, and we see people listen to him/want to be around him with Kurt and the Deputy, he also has a lot of shallow connections and acquaintances and people he like had lunch with in High School. So externally no one would call him a loser or weirdo, as that's not the perception and he seems to be hanging with the right crowd/going to the right events. But there's no closeness and no connection: no one knows him or his interests, no one goes to his house, no one dates him just like gets asked to Prom or whatever where he is polite but distant and has you home before curfew where your parents swoon over such a well-educated young man from a good family! while you know it's not gonna go anywhere because, and you'd never say this out loud because he's a Goode and it would be bad for you, social suicide really, but Nick is.... Weird. Everyone thinks it but doesn't say it and wants to be in his good graces because he has power and money and social standing.

Which is another reason they clicked so well. They're both lonely weirdos with similar interests who felt a deep and genuine connection to each other and never managed to replicate that with anybody else. In a way, they are kind of the perfect, symmetrical match.

[bleucolor]

Last time I tried to post a giyushino fanfic and since i navigate myself through Tumblr like a boomer, I accidentally deleted my story. I felt like a whole ass clown but I'm feeling hopeful and I'm back with another prompt using the moon. This takes place in a modern AU where both Giyuu and Shinobu are teenagers. A random drabble for Giyushino which was inspired by being quarantined at home. Hope y'all enjoy and please do send some love 🥺👉👈

Moonlight and Sunrise

Giyuu and Shinobu were friends, however this fact was quite shocking to others due to their Light and Day personas. Tomioka Giyuu was a loner, he had like maybe 2 solid friends being Sabito and Makomo and the others were at max labeled as acquaintances. Shinobu wasn't the most popular one at their highschool but she was well known. She would always be seen alongside her two best friends, Sanemi the oversized delinquent who'd actually bite your head clear off and Uzui the player; who'd get girls left and right. With attention at both sides of the bay it'd be obvious that Shinobu would be well known around their school, being head of the pharmaceutical research club and still being an avid member of the fishing club and the flower arranging club gave Kochou quite the recognition around Kimestu Academy.

Giyuu happened to be in a different class than Sabito and Makomo to his demise thus forcing him to be the lonesome sheep he is. His classmates didn't bother much about him either and nor did he. To him, Kyojurou was too loud, Sanemi was too reckless and Iguro was too emo. He once even referred to Mitsuri as a horse girl to Sabito, but he later concluded that Kanroji was just a rare hybrid of a Taki girl or a hot cheeto girl and Himejima was that one person who believed in horoscopes too seriously, sometimes he'd do tarot readings for his other classmates which Giyuu honestly found quite cool. Whereas Shinobu was someone Giyuu would've honestly never associated in the first place and truthfully speaking their duo wouldn't even exist if Shinobu hadn't approached him first. Shinobu was more of a bully to Giyuu primarily but later Giyuu had opened up to her about how he thought of her as a close friend and that softened Shinobu's heart and strengthed their bond. Although Kyojurou was the smartest kid in the class; even securing his title as class president; Ubuyashiki sensei always made sure to pair up Shinobu and Giyuu together during class projects thus leading to frequent study sessions together. Towards the end of the year, Shinobu became the third person in the entirety of Kimetsu Academy to be close to Giyuu, the 1st and 2nd being Sabito and Makomo and 4th being a special freshman called Tanjiro.

Even though his classmates were rather annoying, Giyuu never did hate any of them. In fact it was hard for Giyuu to genuinely hate anybody in the first place but then there was this one person and that person was Shinobu's oh so charming boyfriend, Douma. Giyuu saw through his pretty boy personality when she first introduced him. He ranted about it to Sabito the very night, complaining about how he's all fake and it's all just a matter of time before that facade comes of. Sabito didn't miss a beat and told Giyuu to suggest a suitable partner for Shinobu instead, to which Giyuu had no answer to. And as per said prophecy it didn't take long for Shinobu to see Douma's true intentions and she decided a queen like her deserved better than this.

It was finally summer break and Giyuu and Shinobu had finally completed 12 painstaken years of schooling along with the others of course. Shinobu decided to host a little get together and hang out with the people she cared about one last time before they drifted apart into adulthood.

Giyuu reached the mall at about 8 pm and walked straight to the food court since Shinobu informed him that's where they would be. To his horror, Shinobu had invited a great deal of people, including those who didn't like him, example being his whole class. As always his presence was ignored by his classmates but thankfully amidst the groups of people, Giyuu noticed a particular red head named Sabito, aka his best friend. Sabito and Makomo were both invited too. Giyuu and Shinobu's friendship caused Shinobu to become good friends with Sabito as well, both of them developed a special bond while they both took turns into bullying poor Tomioka. Shinobu was sitting next to Kimetsu Academy's mascot boy, Inosuke, who looked way too soft for his harsh demeanor. Shinobu had a soft spot for this freshman. She had told Tomioka of how he filled the gap of her need of a younger brother. Unlike Tomioka, Shinobu had a lot of sisters; Kanae who was the eldest, Aoi was a year younger than Shinobu and then came Kanao who was 2 years younger than Shinobu, and lastly were the triplets, Naho, Sumi and Kiyo who were just middle schoolers. Inosuke was a bratty kid who'd frequently get into trouble for having a foul mouth but he was close to Tanjiro and weirdly Kochou's little sister, Kanao's best friend. The butterfly sisters loved having brutes as best friends for some reason, it didn't make sense but somehow worked out for them.

"Inosuke, promise you'll leave that nasty reputation behind."

"I ain't making any promises till you promise you'll send me 3 boxes of foreign chocolate every month." he crossed his arm and looked the other side.

Shinobu softly smiled at him, she was definitely going to miss this kid alot. "Alright Inosuke, I'll make sure to send you the latest ps4 games as well."

Inosuke's eyes lit up as he shook hands with Shinobu to confirm the deal. A subtle smile tugged at the corner of Giyuu's lips.

Giyuu went over to the table Sabito and Makomo were seated at and took a seat opposite to Sabito. It didn't take long for Shinobu to note his presence and she went over to their table and took a seat next to Giyuu. "Aww Tomioka-san, look this is a good farewell party for you, all your friends are here right Infront of you." she snorted.

Giyuu sent her a painful expression. Must she do this even on the day when he supposedly bids her farewell? "Tanjiro's not here though."

"So Kochou, did you get your acceptance letter?" Sabito tried desperately to break the awkward silence.

"oh yes I did, luckily I got into the university I wanted to. I'll be shifting to Canada a few months from now."

"That's so cool. Congrats!" Sabito sent her a beaming smile.

Giyuu was quiet, he was silently studying Shinobu, maybe this was the last time he was going to see her. She was wearing a Yellow ruffle top that was paired up with skinny ripped jeans and her 5 pound white filas, her hair was tied into a half ponytail; she looked cute. Alot of people would've assumed Giyuu's sense of fashion was probably as bland as his personality but surprisingly the guy had drip. He wore a plain black shirt paired up with dark denim jeans and chains to accessorise. Giyuu was an eboy. His sense of fashion honestly made him look quite intimidating but it added a spice to his laid back bland persona, maybe that's why Shinobu had taken an interest to him in the first place.

And almost too soon the party had came to an end as the clock struck 11 PM. Shinobu was probably tired of getting squeezed everytime she got hugged goodbye. One by one, everyone started to leave and before they knew it, a very ominous pair was left behind, and that pair being Giyuu and Shinobu.

"Sabito-kun is a very nice lad. You have great friends Tomioka-san." Shinobu complimented.

"He's nice because he walked Makomo home at 11pm?"

"Well yes, that's rather a very gentlemanly behavior. Don't you think so?"

"You know I've been doing that to you in every single one of our study dates right?" Giyuu raised an eyebrow, right now he seemed like a puppy wagging his tail to receive pats from its master.

Shinobu's cheeks flushed a pale shade of pink when Giyuu had referred to their study session as study dates mistakenly. It was just a slip of a tongue that's all. "My Tomioka-san, are you waiting for me to compliment you?"

"It's nice to hear you say something good about me once in a while Kochou." he pouted like a child.

"If that's what you want...then alright. Walk me home one last time Tomioka san."

"No." he blurted almost too bluntly causing Shinobu to frown almost too evidently. "I'll take you home on my bike instead, this time."

Shinobu was quite taken aback to his sudden kind gesture. Her stomach swelled up with a weird feeling. A mix of happiness with sadness that this was the first and last time she'd get to ride behind his bike.

Giyuu had disappeared for a split second into the parking lot leaving a timid Shinobu pondering. He did mention he really liked bikes. Weirdly as a highschooler, Shinobu always wanted to cruise behind a boy's motorcycle at least once during her high school years and well this was her chance. In 3 minutes Giyuu showed up in a Ducati xdiavel Infront of Shinobu. He patted on the seat next to him gesturing her to come take a seat behind him and so she did after admiring Giyuu and his totally hot ride. Not gonna lie his attire went really well with his bike, she almost felt like she was starring in some music video as they cruised into the dark streets.

Shinobu shrieked almost losing her grip as Giyuu hit a speed bump.

"Kochou." he called out to her, getting her attention.

"Hm?"

"Hold onto me, or you'll fall." his words left Shinobu all flustered and hot but she was quick to oblige, she didn't want any broken bones right before her flight. She also silently thanked the gods that it was too dark for Giyuu to make out her flushed red cheeks.

"Tomioka-san? When did you get this sweet thing?"

"It was a gift from my dad."

"But what if you have to move away for uni? What will happen to it then?"

"I'll take it with me, I haven't gotten a number plate for it yet so I'll just ship it using a ferry or something."

Shinobu wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. She wondered if she was the first girl to sit on his bike. She also wondered about the other girls who would eventually later sit on his bike.

"Kochou, are you in a hurry to go home?" Giyuu suddenly asked.

"Not really, mom and dad are staying at my grandparents' place in the country side and Nee-san just wants me to spend my last few days as free spirited teenager."

"Spend this night with me." he suddenly blurted.

"What?" she choked on her words. Giyuu had become way to daring these days, saying whatever he wanted and bruising poor Shinobu's heart with his choice of words.

"Come on, I wanna show you something." he reassured her in a soothing tone.

"Alright Tomioka-san, as long as you don't get us into trouble I'm good."

He soon parked into a quiet neighborhood. Jesus, this placed seemed abandoned for God's sake, what did he have to show her here? the grudge or babadook?

"Tomioka-san are you sure about this place." Shinobu sent him a nervous look as she tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Giyuu looked into her eyes as he held his hand out to her,"Trust me Kochou." and so she did. They now walked into this dark neighborhood, her tiny hand still enclasped with his large ones. Giyuu knew Shinobu wasn't a big fan of places like these. Places that screamed paranormal activity but the fact the she obliged quite quickly did make him realize how much she trusted him and deep down it made Tomioka Giyuu happy.

"isn't this place restricted or anything? Are we allowed to come here?" Shinobu asked almost too loudly.

Giyuu quickly covered her mouth with his large hands and pulled her into a dark alleyway. Shinobu was quite confused at his sudden antics. She sent him a raised eyebrow as he pinned her against a stone wall, his hand still covering her mouth and almost immediately a Patrol guard walked right past them on the streets. He quickly let go of her and pressed his index finger against his lips gesturing her to stay quiet. "it's alright as long as you don't get caught." he whispered to which she rolled her eyes. He held her hand once again and walked to the biggest house in the area, the house was 4 stories high and Giyuu seemed to have a weird tactic of slipping by the backdoor without getting noticed every time.

"So Tomioka-san, you wanted to show me an abandoned house. Very funny."

"They're not abandoned, they're on sale." He replied walking towards the kitchen.

Shinobu followed him precautiously, "And you're treating it like you own it."

"Only for a while." he replied as he took out 2 bottles of flavored milk. He handed Shinobu the strawberry flavored one knowing that was her favorite and kept the melon flavored one for himself.

"Tomioka-san what's the meaning of this?" she asked one last time, quite getting tired of his shit, really.

Giyuu didn't reply but held her hand as walked upstairs, practically forcing her to follow behind him. They soon reached the attic.

Shinobu was a little taken aback seeing all the clutter of furnite up there. Giyuu pulled up the glass window revealing a beautiful full moon night, how come Shinobu didn't notice that before? And then Tomioka started doing something stupid, which was climbing out of the attic window. Shinobu quickly grabbed his arm as a result of an involuntary reflex, "Are you stupid, do you want to die?"

Giyu was now standing on the roof of a 4 story house with a nerve wrecked Shinobu holding his arm. "Trust me Kochou." he spoke holding out his hand to her.

She shifted her gaze from his moonlit eyes to his hand. Did she trust him with her life? Yes, yes she did. She placed her hand on his and he carefully helped her outside. "Tomioka-san I don't see any point in all of thi-" Shinobu was cut off with the picturesque view of the moon and its bright stars right Infront of her.

Giyuu took a seat next to her, observing the view alongside her. He slowly sipped his melon drink while Shinobu quietly enjoyed her strawberry drink. His gaze shifted from the scenic beauty Infront of him to the other scenic beauty next to him (im a little gay for Shinobu sorry) and there she was Kochou Shinobu, the stars reflected in her eyes as she absent-mindedly stared into the sky being lost in her own void and Giyuu just watched her, she looked even cuter now.

It didn't take long for Shinobu to catch him staring which almost made him choke his drink.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah." he replied after his coughing fits died down. He decided to lay down and enjoy the beauty the night had to offer and Shinobu copied him, laying down next to him. Giyuu had quickly slid his arm towards Shinobu, allowing her to rest her huge head on his arm.

"Tomioka-san." she called out to him making his gaze lock with hers.

"Hm?"

"Thank you. I needed this."

He sent her a soft smile as he tucked behind a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You're welcome."

"You know Tomioka-san, since you've been craving compliments I guess I'll finally give you one." Giyuu softly observed her, wondering what she'd say. "If i were to describe you to a person Tomioka-san. This scenery would suffice."

"Hm?" he raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

"It kinda matches with your personality you know, It's as quiet and mysterious as the night but nevertheless if you observe closely it has all this beauty to offer." she smiled at him, and this time it hurt him. It made him feel weird. It didn't take long for Giyuu's cheeks to be flushed red under the silver moonlight. Giyuu couldn't reply to this, heck he couldn't even force any words through his mouth. Shinobu smiled and gazed back at the stars once again. She was hit a wave of familiarity, this was her and Giyuu's relationship, it was a bit complicated but it was a bit too beautiful to lose. She started to feel her stomach coil in sadness realising this was the last possible memory she'd spend with Giyuu or maybe they could meet up during the holiday seasons and have remakes of adventurous nights like these.

"Tomioka-san, did you get your acceptance letter?"

"Yeah I did."

"Where are you going?" she wasn't facing him, she didn't want him to see her sad expression.

"Same place you are." Giyuu tried his best not to smile while he said that.

Shinobu quickly turned to him in surprise, "That's a horrible joke, Tomioka-san."

"I'm not." he said, pulling out his phone from his pocket and scrolling through his email to show her his proof. And to Shinobu's surprise there it was, and it was legit. Shinobu was quiet, this was what she wanted but in was a bit too much for her to take in all at once.

"Thank God, now I don't have to worry about you not having friends and getting left alone." she snapped back almost too quickly,

"Shut up."

The air was light and heavy at the same time, Shinobu was a bit too happy to be falling asleep but it didn't take her long to doze off in Giyuu's arms, or on Giyuu's arms. Ouch.

He mentally cursed himself for suddenly exhibiting simp behavior, but today was Shinobu's day and he just had to oblige even though he had to sacrifice his arm.

It didn't take long for Giyuu to doze off alongside Shinobu. Falling asleep under a star-filled sky did have a romantic touch to it.

Giyuu was the first to wake up as the sun slowly started to rise amongst the clouds, creating a magnificent hue of purple and orange. Thankfully Shinobu had shifted from laying on his arm to laying on his chest instead which was definitely more comfortable, but surely Shinobu wouldn't be able to sleep long against his chest with his heart pounding like that.

Giyuu took a moment to appreciate a sleepy Shinobu alongside the beautiful sunrise. Her sun-kissed face was just art in its own form. If Giyuu was anywhere as skilled as Sabito in art, he'd use this masterpiece lying beside him as a prompt and then that's when it hit him. Shinobu basked in the golden rays of sunlight, Shinobu was the golden sunrise in early mornings and if Giyuu were to describe her to someone he'd say something along the lines of; "Shinobu you're the morning sunrise. You're annoying but your presence brings warmth." he whispered softly patting her head. And as most cliché scenes this was no different, much to Giyuu's ill fate, Shinobu was seemingly awake the whole time, and she heard every bit of that.

"That's quite harsh Tomioka-san, but I'll take it." she replied causing a frantic Giyuu's heart rate to sky rocket.

With the sun out, Giyuu and Shinobu realised they better be getting home now since they both had guardians to explain their whereabouts to. It didn't take long for them to pack up and reach Shinobu's house. They shared a small hug on Shinobu's front porch along with Shinobu thanking him for giving her an unforgettable journey. This was a nice end to her highschool life. With a wide grin plastered over her face Shinobu walked into her house to 5 very amused and interested sisters.

[actuallyschizoid]

do you have any experience with paranoia of your past / do you know if spd can occur without past trauma? I don't remember any trauma in my past, but so many aspects of my life point towards some traumatic event... makes me paranoid that I've repressed something, and sometimes makes me feel like i'm faking my spd

I had similar thoughts, actually. 

It kinda is on a surface, isn’t it? Like… there’s so much wrong with you, brain. Come on… I know you’re hiding something from me. Spill it out already. There must be a good valid reason why you are this way. 

But the thing is… I guess sometimes there’s just no reason behind why you are this way? At least no singular point one. Or even any realistic quantity of multiple points. 

Szpd just happened to be this weird personality disorder that doesn’t require you to suffer a trauma, at least as far as I know. Sure, there seem to be some correlation with parents being abusive and such. But it can (or maybe even most likely to) just manifest due to the way things generally are for you. 

Maybe it’s because the defining characteristic of szpd being withdrawal from the society (in any form). I.e. willingness to stay away from people — which is not the same thing as for antisocial folks who feel like harming society instead of just being asocial loners. 

So what can cause that? Well, for me it probably wasn’t any trauma per se. I can think of a few minor-ish traumatic events of my past, but honestly none of them left me with this “that’s it, I’m done with this shit” kind of feel. 

Instead this was a rather slow, gradual process of creating a massive mountain of shit. It kept piling up through my early life — but very slowly, by a tiny shit bit at a time. 

I didn’t even notice it at first. Then by the early teen years it was like a natural part of my world. It was just like the truth of the Universe to me: there is a slowly growing pile of shit on your backyard. Nothing to do about it, it’s just there, it’ll always be there and there’s no world without it. (edit: ok, re-reading this made me think of the Oatmeal comic style... that wasn’t intended, but I guess it kinda fits the mood here)

But still for awhile it was tolerable. I could try to ignore it and attempt to fit in as if there’s no pile of shit to stop me from it. Of course it was still there, whether I ignored it or not, so fitting in didn’t really ever work. And that very fact made this pile grow even faster, speeding up to like a shovel per second rate. 

Soon enough it was pretty obvious where it comes from — which is the other people. Or, more specifically, any sort of communication with them. As long as there is none of it, the pile doesn’t grow. 

Or even better: it slowly degrades, and the more time I spend away from people, the easier it gets to breath on my backyard. Actually that was something I figured out pretty early in my life, and ever since early childhood tended to spend most of my time alone. 

But by the time I was well into adult years and was finally able to think for myself more or less, it was like… ok, that’s enough of this shit. This society doesn’t really worth my time if it keeps generating all this mess for me. There’s just one solution left to stop this pile from growing: stay the fuck away from those who produce it. 

So it doesn’t really have to be THE trauma, I think. It can be a countless multitude of tiny little “traumas” ranging from random people staring at you like some dangerous freak to actual abuse. 

But still that possibility of my own mind hiding some important information from me is fascinating in itself. Too bad that’s really unlikely. 

Thing is, I know myself pretty well. It is a known fact that schizoids tend to be ones of the most aware of their own inner stuff among all other people. And I’m probably well into the top 20% of most aware even among my kind. 

The massive amount of time I spend just thinking over my own personality is really unhealthy. There’s very little left which is still beyond my perception or recognition. I know how things work, I know why it is this way, I intentionally learn psychology just to understand myself better. 

The idea that I could forget something massive like being raped as a kid or being lost in the woods or whatever else… I can’t exclude that, of course. More then that, I know there’s a lot about my past that I can’t remember well. But then again, I’d be really surprised if I would forget something like that. 

Because unfortunately I’m not the kind of person to forget the bad stuff and remember the good. Most of what I forget is just… boring. And yes, being bored was a real leitmotif of my past… yeah, I don’t remember all that much. Somehow the only things I remember are the things that really stand out from general boredom.

To think of it, just about everything I still remember is on the negative scale of things. Sure, there is a bunch of brighter events. But, honestly, it was so hard to make me un-bored that all those things most people consider a good memory, — like traveling somewhere, spending time with parents or friends, etc, — I just tossed to trash as completely flat of positiveness. At best they were boring, at worst I remember them because of negativeness that my schizoid self finds in things like spending time with other people.

And nothing of what I remember as negative is really any serious. Those are all minor things any kid (at least around my country) would encounter through their childhood and teen years. For the most part I’d say it’s actually way, way better than average around here. My parents never were the abusive kind, they are nice and caring (they have their issues, though, but being toxic parents isn’t one). 

I know that over the half of my peers would actually be punished by beating at least on a weekly basis, while I wasn’t hit with all seriousness even once. Yet somehow they survive it without developing any PDs (or at least not szpd), and here I am hiding from the world under my blanket for past 10 years. 

Yeah, sorry about random wall of text out of nowhere, I’m not sure how that happened. >.> Anyone’s feeling like talking a bit about your past within this trauma vs general consistent nastiness of the environment subject, please reblog/reply/send asks, anon or not.