#1. pol screaming every time he sees big

[snickerdoodlles]

📖 for kinnporsche the series? your ideas are just so good!

thank u nonny!! 😭❣

this one took me a while to type because it is my weird whacky fic child who i love very dearly but struggle to explain. so, uh.

✨ Necromancy AU ✨

Big dies in the warehouse. Porsche gets Arm to get his body out, gets Kinn to delay the cremation, and gets Chay to reanimate Big.

(because reanimating the dead is just something Chay can do, because he figured it'd be a good skill to learn and he's my most specialest boy.)

Kinn (who's at the morgue for Porsche) is flabbergasted, Khun (who's at the morgue by a miracle) is stunned silent, and Kim (who's here because Khun texted him but didn't say Chay would be here) is more shocked by Big than Chay's abilities.

(Kim is the only person other than Porsche to just accept necromancy as A Reasonable Thing For Chay To Know. this is why they're Chay's favorites.)

anyways so Big is now awake and surrounded by this family. this is hell. not just for him, his sudden undead status is causing a lot of problems:

Porsche just had Chay bring Big back, he didn't like...tell anyone what was happening or make a plan for what to do with him.

Kinn just figured out his new guard roster, and now he has to redo it to accommodate one very grumpy and very loyal Big who now doesn't need trivial things like sleep or food.

there's the looming specter of Khun's upcoming dry cleaning bill because he won't. stop. poking. Big.

Big is trying very, very, very hard to ignore that not only do people know he knew about Porsche and Kinn, but that he loves Kinn so much he died protecting Porsche.

speaking of, Porsche just thanked him for saving Chay and (in a quieter voice) for saving him.

Big is in hell.

despite all that, Big's plans for his new life are to just go back to being Kinn's perfect guard. he is ignoring the awkwardness, none of this is fine, none of this will be fine, but it will be NORMAL.

this is hampered by the fact that whoops, turns out the undead need to hang around their "masters" for at least a few hours every couple of days to "recharge" so to speak, as discovered by Pol when he screamed so loud he set a fire alarm off because he stumbled over Big's body face down in front of Kinn's door at 2am.

this is even further hampered by Korn, who will absolutely not stand for his preferred heir being guarded by someone who might be more loyal to someone other than him. Korn uses the "recharge" issue to force Big out by way of making him Chay's permanent guard.

so now Big, the perfect bodyguard who only got better at his job in death, is now stuck hanging around a high schooler who doesn't get into trouble and just wants to make music with his bitchy boyfriend.

(because oh yeah, mr. the untamed nerd Kim is obviously ridiculously into Chay being able to resurrect the dead and leaks feelings before he can run away and sabotages all future attempts to ghost Chay (insert necromancer joke here). Kim's fears of love and hurting those he loves will cause different problems.)

anyways, Big is suffering. not only is he stuck guarding Porsche's baby brother (who! he's realizing he likes as a person! will the horrors never cease!), Chay keeps being nice and thoughtful and looking out for him as a person and asking after his happiness and shit (the horrors!! are not ceasing!!!!). when Big finally has enough of all this Being Treated Like A Human Being business and asks Chay why he even cares, Chay blurts out "Big, do you even want to be alive?"

because this has been eating at Chay ever since he brought Big back at the morgue. because he never knew Big and never asked if he'd want to be alive again, Chay just did it for Porsche, who wasn't doing it for Big but for his own guilt. and then Big's old life was like an ill-fitting glove, because he and Porsche can't be bitches with Big's sacrifice hanging over them but don't know how to act when they aren't being bitches, Korn won't accept him back because he only sees his own paranoia and none of Big's loyalty, and Kinn might appreciate Big's loyalty but he won't fight for it either, not when he's trying to juggle the rest of Korn's messes coming to fruition. Big's been completely forced out of his old life and any ties he might've kept to the other guards (as few as they were) are ruined by the others' guilt and discomfort, because Big might not have died in the first place if literally anyone had listened to him during the Tawan debacle, which they could ignore when he was dead but can't when he's alive and there in front of them.

and the whole confession draws Big up short because no one's ever asked him what he wants before. Big was just the son of a mafia enforcer who got scooped up young by the main family as a personal guard for Kinn. Big's never even considered that what he wants could be an option. even when he first came back, his main considerations were on the ways he was a better guard for Kinn. Big's chosen more things for himself in his weeks with Chay than he has in his life, and he never stopped to think how he feels about that.

he does now. kinda. this is Big after all. but after both forty-three excruciating minutes and three days, Big finally answers Chay, "i never lived for me before. it's...nice." Chay, who's gotten quite good at reading between the lines after all the exposure from Kim and Big, beams and makes him help him pick his electives for his first semester of university, because Chay's determined to help Big find a hobby and he's overcome far tougher things than emotional constipation.

[[ ask me about fics im not writing ]]

Bonus

small scene snippet from shortly after Big's first brought back to life, right after Kim's walked into screaming, stolen Pol's gun, and shoved Chay behind him for protection, because i love themm

Kim opens and closes his mouth silently before sputtering, “But you— I heard— What…?!”

Chay worms his arms around Kim’s waist to get his attention and his head pops over Kim’s shoulder. “It’s okay, phi,” he says soothingly, “I brought him back.”

Big gets an eye full of Kim’s face flashing through four emotions he recognizes and thirty he doesn’t, which is thirty-four more emotions than Big can deal with. Kim twists around in Chay’s hold, just enough to squint at him from the corner of his eye without letting Big out of his gun’s sight line. 

“You know how to resurrect the dead?”

Chay drops his chin onto Kim’s shoulder with a huff. “Why do people keep asking me that? It seemed like a useful skill to know!”

“Obviously,” Kim scoffs, which is the first original response Big’s heard to that all day. “I meant you can do it? What, we’re you bored and just googled ‘how to make a zombie’ one day after school?!”

Chay rolls his eyes and pokes the undersides of Kim’s ribs. Shockingly, Kim pushes further into his hold, rather than away. “Don’t be silly. You have to be trained by a shaman to make a zombie.”

Kim actually turns to look at him dead on. His gun is still trained on Big. 

Chay cocks his head to the side. “What? I just googled ‘how to bring back the dead’ and went from there. It’s basically CPR!”

“That worked?”

Chay looks genuinely baffled. “Why wouldn’t it?”

Kim stares at him incredulously before suddenly going boneless in Chay’s hold, squishing him back against the wall. Chay does not protest being squished between Kim and a hard place. He actually looks delighted by it. Big would like to go throw up now. He doesn’t know if corpses can do that, but he’s willing to make an effort. 

“Of course it works, you’re you,” Kim grumbles. He knocks his head against Chay’s and rubs in a move so cute Big will throw up, death be damned. “If life worked for me like that...”

Chay beams and pats his stomach. “I’ll teach you!”

Turns out corpses can't throw up, but they can gag so hard they choke.

[tommyspeakycap]

Genuinely think your one of the best peaky blinders writers out there. Do you think you could write something about little toddler Shelby and Tommy. Maybe little Shelby is out in the rain jumping in puddles? Love your work!!!

Thank you!! That’s so kind of you x

Puddles

Polly shakes her head in something of dismay as she holds a cup of tea snugly in her hands, keeping them warm against the winter chill that whips in the open window in front of her. “Mind your sister, Finn!” She calls out it, waiting until she got a “Yes auntie Pol!” yelled back to her from the 11 year old who had become somewhat accustomed to keeping a watchful eye over his only younger sibling. His answer seemed satisfaction enough for his aunt to nod her head and pull that window closed to maintain some semblance of heat in the house, but not enough for her to move away from said window to keep her own eye on the youngest Shelby sibling.

She stands cautionary. She knows better than to trust that Finn will do much to prevent his very clumsy five year old little sister from wandering off and getting herself hurt. (y/n) is notoriously like Thomas is all sorts of ways. She’s always getting into things she shouldn’t, hearing things she shouldn’t, seeing things she shouldn’t. She seems to sit back and observe a lot of things. They’re trying to grow her out of it.

Polly attributes it to the majority of her life being spent in a country torn by war. She was only nearly two when her brothers left, so naturally she didn’t understand much of what was going on. Everything was up in the air and now the war was over, it seemed l to the youngster that a war’s not just over when the fighting ends. It has also become clear that Tommy is her favourite sibling, so her similarities to him can often be attributed to her spending the most time with that brother.

Alas, in all her likeness to Tommy, she is much softer in manner than he is himself. Little (y/n) is like Tommy was when he was her age, incredibly inquisitive. Except softer. She chatters away to herself as she does things and though it takes her time to warm up to people, once she starts talking it’s hard to get her to stop for anything. She’s so kind and so very loving too, she laughs just like Tommy once did and it makes Polly’s heart happy deep down when that little girl falls asleep each night with a sweet little smile.

“Alright Pol?” Tommy greets as he comes through the back of the house from the betting shop to see his aunt standing at the window still. Polly nods, “Just watching to see if that bloody brother of yours is watching your sister like i told him to not five minutes ago.” She sighs as she takes another sip of her tea. Sure enough, Finn had not noticed his younger sister wandering off up the street subtly without even noticing in herself that she was getting further and further from the relative safety in proximity of her home and the brother who was supposed to be watching her. It seemed as though the puddles that filled certain uneven surfaces of the Watery Lane streets were more interesting, and finding more deep ones had stolen her full attention away from her surroundings. Tommy stands next to his aunt, leaning over slightly to spot his youngest sister slowly going further and further away than she should.

“Bloody hell,” Polly curses, sitting her tea down on the table beside her and reaching her hand to the handle of the window, “Don’t bother Pol,” Tommy interrupts her from opening the window fully and yelling for Finn to run and bring you back. Polly looks at him like he’s grown a second head, wondering if he’s completely lost his mind. He would usually have been the one giving Finn a stern word about making sure his sister was safe at all times. He just offered her a smile and says “I’ll get her.” simply, brushing past and grabbing his coat on the way. Polly furrows her eyebrows and watches as Tommy does a slight jog up the street until he nears (y/n) and then stops by her.

Her heart is suddenly warmed when the pair don’t turn back around to head home, but Tommy extends his hand to the little girl and she takes it gleefully to lead him on to find as many more puddles as they could before it got too rainy, cold and dark. He’s been so busy lately it had been a while since she had seen Tommy just be the brother of the little girl he loved so much.

Tommy relishes the feeling of his sisters little hand in his as they walk towards their uncles scrap yard, jumping in puddles along the way. She soaks the bottom of his trousers in dirty puddle water, but his heart sings with her giggles. “Tommy look!” She squeals, jumping in excitement as she spots a huge one near the window of the Garrison. She’s off a few feet before he can do anything other than open his mouth to speak. “Come on Tom!” She calls to him, “you’re so slow!” The tease draws laughter from him that only she can cause. He stops only for a moment in some form of mock shock. “Me?” He gasps, “Slow? Alright then miss speedy pants, wait there and i’ll race you.”

(y/n) does just that, waiting excitedly bouncing on the balls of her feet for Tommy to reach her, both standing still a good few meters away from the puddle near the pub. The streets are pretty empty given the weather conditions and Tommy’s reputation had gone out the window of his thoughts long ago. “Okay then,” (y/n) breathes, “3...2...1!”

The pair take off at a run, the little girl stealing the lead immediately as Tommy runs slower than he probably ever has to allow the five year old to scuttle ahead faster than him. She giggles, elated as she knows she’s in front of her brother. “‘M gonna beat you Tom!” She puffs out, little boots splashing through the barren street as he laughs from behind her. “Not if i catch you first!” He calls back, speeding up his run as he heard the little girl screech in shock at the sound of him getting closer. He can see her putting her all into running from him, looking behind her over and over, laughing only when she realises he’s far enough behind her or screaming again if he’s getting close.

Inside the Garrison, Grace hears a child’s scream and what sounds very much like Tommy Shelby shouting that he’ll get her. It makes her immediately peer out the window just in time to see what most people in Small Health never expect from the gangster.

He runs up behind his little sister quickly, scooping her into his arms with complete ease as she squirms, squeals and giggles loudly. “Faster than me ey?” He snarls playfully, fingers digging softly into her sides to tickle hysterical laughter out of the girl. “No Tommy! Never!” She shrieks, knowing well enough agreeing with her brother was enough to stop his tickles and it clearly is as he places her gently back down on her feet, a sheepish grin overtaking her little features as she looks up at him in adoration. It was widely clear how much she loved her big brother.

Grace moves to the doorstep of the pub, arms crossed over her chest to keep her warm against the chill. “Having fun, Thomas?”

He whips around at the sound of her voice, subconsciously letting go of his sisters hand in surprise, almost as if he was always ready to put up a fight and defend her with everything he had within a moments notice just as reflex. She knows better than to assume he wouldn’t cut anyone who came near that little girl. “Suppose so,” he shrugs when he realises it’s just the bartender he had become rather intrigued by. “Thought i would-“

The sound of loud, proud giggling and the feeling of water hitting the backs of his trousers immediately makes him whip around again, spotting his small little sister grinning up at him like a cheshire cat and his very own devilish glint in her little blue eyes as she stands in the middle of the puddle after having splashed water up at him. “Oh you little buggar. I’ll get you for that.” He threatens, taking a moment to get over his shock as (y/n) laughs at him again but is joined this time by the light giggle of the Irish bartender. That little girl only widens her cheeky grin, her innocence still leaking through her cheeky nature as she looks behind her, knowing her brother would have to run through the huge puddle to get her.

“Only if you catch me first.”

And just like that, the hardened Birmingham gangster bids a quick goodbye to his bartender and is off running through puddles with a five year old little girl who very coincidentally melts his heart of stone down to a puddle each and every single day.

[i-guess-im-writing-today]

Day 7 - Enchanted

Midterms be kicking me in the butt so that’s my excuse for it now becoming bidaily but I got an 89 on my pols test y’all! so yeah I'm feeling proud of myself and now I can write without feeling like I’ll fail my tests (I still got more to go but girl needs a break)

Day: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19,            On Ao3

Chapter 7: Enchanted

Marinette watched as he played with August and smiled when August wrapped his fingers around Adrien's finger. His face lit up immediately and Marinette could practically hear his squeal. He turned to her as if seeking approval and Marinette quickly wiped whatever slobber had been left on her face before flashing him a smile. He smiled wider and continued playing with August. Marinette laughed to herself, maybe he wasn't so bad.

 August held his arms up to Adrien chanting "Up, up," in his cute little voice.

Adrien looked up at the mother who smiled and nodded. Adrien grinned excitedly as she handed him over gently. His energy was practically radiating off of him despite him keeping perfectly still. He carried him in one arm using the other to coo and play peek-a-boo with the child. He seemed quite used to August though a fact that struck Marinette as odd. She would imagine he wouldn't have had a chance to interact with babies often and his enthusiasm over holding August. He was so happy and it occurred to Marinette that she'd never seen him smile that big. It was a shame because he looked endearing with that dorky animated expression when he uncovered his face for August. It was miles away from whatever he did as a model. She swore Adrien looked inhuman in some of the fashion magazines she used for inspiration. Either his model smile sucked, or they photoshopped him to the point of creepiness. But now he was kind of cute, laughing along with August she could almost see why he had so many crazed fans. Maybe she had a thing some dumb slimes because she knew Chat's face when interacting with kids was like that too and she fell more in love with it every day.

"I guess August isn't the only one enchanted by you," August's mother laughed "you two make a cute couple,"

"What?! We're - I-uhh I wasn't- we're not-," Marinette stammered.

Adrien laughed lightly and handed August back to his mother. 

He scratched the back of his head, and Marinette could've sworn he cheeks darkened "Thank you, but Marinette isn't dating me,"

August's mother looked at him for a few seconds before turning to look at Marinette, her curly blonde hair bouncing around. Marinette looked at Adrien desperately, mentally screaming help me. 

She smailed watching their silent exchange "If you say so,"

Marinette laughed awkwardly. What was she supposed to respond to that? She was glad that Adrien answered the first time did because she would've for sure would've said that she hated him up until today. Speaking of how Adrien responded, why did he say her name like that??? And why wasn't he saying anything now? And why does he have that dumb look on his face? She wanted to groan she liked it better when she hated him and didn't care.

"Well, we should get going, come on boy," August's mom called out to Axol.

The bear-sized dog stood back up and sauntered off to his mom.

"We should get going too," Adrien said and held out his hand for Marinette and it was then that she realized she'd spent the whole time on the floor. 

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Adrien froze and awkwardly began to draw back his hand when she was too caught up in her thoughts. Oh kwami, now she's a jerk. She quickly grabbed his hand before he could retract it further and let him pull her up. She got back up and waited for him to let go.

But he didn't. 

Marinette cleared her throat and he finally dropped their hands and looked at her like a deer in headlights. She laughed. She guessed it made sense considering how clingy Chloe acted with him but this boy really didn't know how to be normal huh? She'd have to get used to it she supposed.

Tagged: @mcheang , @edeniz001

If anyone else would like to get tagged let me know.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

the lorax, but everytime a character appears its bnha and every time u read it u want 2 die

summary: oh you know damn well whats coming, sweetie 

notes: its 2:35 am. i spent over an hour writing this. pls clap. 

*****************************************************************************************************

it was a suny day in thneedville and the sun was shining but it was COLD and DARk in dekus hart as he gazed sadly off intot he distance. “mommm wy doesnt todoroki senpai-san NOTICE me???”” he lameneted to his mom.

“maybe its ur ugly little pissbaby child face” inko suggested as she cooked up a spaghety for brekfast.

“how can i impress him??” deku questioned

“try lifting, cucklord” said his grandma recovery girl as she casually bench bressed 600 pounds of rocks.

“how bout i find him  a plant insted?” deku sugested thinking about the tre todoroki painted on his house. he had asked todoorki if he liked trees and he sed ‘ya sur i gues’. “bitches lov plants”

“yeeee i kno wat u mean giv him some *lettuce*” recovery gorl winked

“wat a bout a tree” “but TREEs are DEAD” inko exlciamed! she threw the spagheti on the floor for dramtic effect and cltuched dekus head in his hands. “Son do not SPEAK of such things or The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM wil BUST thru the ROOF and kill you! Now sit down and eat ur capitalism! Consumerism is god hallejeuluah amen!”

“tree” deku whisperd

the hose exploded and every1 died but they were okey. avaracious all-for-one’hare, a tiny liitle with a shiny bowlcut and tiny little man feet bitchslaped deku across the face. “NO TREES ALLOUD!!1!”  he shrieked. he bloo a kiss ot dekus mom “that plate of capitalism u have is cooking upped looks lovly mam”

inko blsuhed. “thanks”

“just make sure to keep the kiddo here away from any” all-for-one’hare, lowered his voice, which was hard bc he was already so short and low and close tothe flor. “trees”

inko gASPed! “of CORSE! i wil keep him away from the place where the trees once were by the Forbindden WAll u buildt with ur money to keep out the Bad COmmunist SentimentsTM”

recovery girl made shifty suspicious looks on her face “sure yea me too”

all-for-one’hare, was convinced. “I AM CONVINECED” he sed “by felicia!” he hopped on his hoverbord and hoverborded away.

inko cleaned the spaghety off the flor and recovery girl pulled deku by the leg into the backyard. “YO FUCKER U BETTER RUN UR ASS OVER THE COMMIE WALL AND GET A TREE SO U CAN START SLINGIN SOME MAD PUSS”

“but gramma im gay”

“then start slingin some nuts my d00d the POINT is get a TRE e” she scremed. “when i was, a yung boi, my ffather, took me over the wall, to see a bunch of trees, he sed son when, u grow up, dont kill them , the trees, and bring the nonbelievers, to come and plant new trees”

“k”

she siezed dekus sholders “GO FORTH CHILD BRING THE TREES SO WE CAN MAKE THEM GROW ANEW AS THE PROPHECY HAS FORETOLD, OUT BEYOND THE WALL LIVES A MYSTERIOUS MAN CALLED THE ONCE-FOR-ALLER, FIND HIM, HE WILL TELL YOU HIS TRAGIC TALE OF TREE AND BRING NEW LIFE TO THIS BARREN CAPITALIST HELLSCAPE, NOW GO”

“k” deku hopped on his totaly radicel scooter headed 2 the wall. a robot cat watched him forehsadowingly.

it was hella empty over the commie cuck wall with not even a bORger king in site!!!1! tree stumps covered the flor and clouds of smonk from a thousand vape pens darkened the sky. a ded bird lay deadly on the ground while its bird children cried over its bird corpse. it was sad. deku took a sad face selfie with the ded bird then did a sick ollie over the corpse and headed toward the mysterious shack in the distants.

the shack had  a bucket in front of the dor labeled “piss”. deku hopped on in the piss bucket “YO ONCE-FOR-ALLER U GOT KIK??” he cried. wind wistled past his ears and he coffed from the vape smoke but then the pis buckt got pulled up on a ROPE and deku found himself hOISted up to a wINdOW!!!! he stareed face to face at a pair of black eyes with blue spots in the middle like limpid tears and some long bony arms with glvovs and yaoi hands reached out to slap him.

“WHAT” he yelled “ARE YOU DOOING” he leaned closer “IN MY SWWAAAAAAMP!????”

deku wet his pants and criied. “i sutjj,,, i jstu  wann, t  a t;rree,,” he said sobbily. “i,m tr yiyng to get s enpai , t o noticnse me,, an ,n  and i  thgout,, i fi  got, hima   t,r,ree, he wo uld liek me”

“fucken millenials” snarled the once for aller “its always senpai this, thrussy that, my neck my back, my snapping-chat, wy wold i giv u a tre??”

“b-because i,, i brought u a SPAGHETTY” deku exxclaimed, pulling pounds of spagheetyi out of his pockets

the once for aller slorped up the spaghetti hongrily “ya ok i gues i can tel  u my storey now. its a dark and trageic tale of capitalism, like the star wors preqols” a tear ran down his bony old cheek. “but insted of jar jar binks thers only me, booboo the fool”

there was  a crossdissolve and suddenly they were in the once-for allers past where he was a big bara man with bara tiddies and twinky skinny geans no where near the size needed to accomodate for his phat dong. he rode along in a cariege puled by a single muel

“FASTER AIZAWA KUN” cried the once-for-aller hapily. “those proletariats arent gonna exploit themselves!”

aizawa the mule grunted sexily and plowed on, workin that tight little mule ass.

the once-for-aller started shredding out a sick nasty solo on an elextric guitar and it was RAD AS HELL as he blasted out the opening cords to jake pol’s magmnum opiss “its everyday bro”. “we gotta dab on those haters aizawa kun” said the once-for aller with  a very gay wink

aizawa the mule grunted in annoyance. he could not dab, for his sexy mule bodey had no arms.

they fond a metric shitload of trees and there were like wildlifes and shit running around. bears (like endeovor) froclikced int he woods with their hairy bara nippels exposed 2 the world, tsuyu and her frog pals swam in the woter, and tokoyami the borb boy  floo in the sky wich was pure and clean without a single trace of vape smoke. the tres looked fuckable so the once for aller busted a nut against one trunk then wipped out a glock and started shootin them down “YEHAW fuCKERS iTS HIGH NOON” he screamed in texan, his native language, as he mowed downt he trees the way present mics sexy voice mows down the pussey.

sudenly DANY DEVITO IN A FURSOOT APEARED. he was tiny and magestic and orange and so fucken valid. also he was grand toledo. “CUNT” he yelled kicking the once for aller in th e kneecaps. “THIS IS THE ENVIROMENT!!!!1! YOU CANT JUST START WEED WACKIN THES TREES WITH YOUR YANKEE DONGLE DANDY AND SHOOTING THEM WITH GUNS!1! THAT IS BAD AND WRONG! CAPTIN PLANET DIED FOR OUR SINS”

the once for aller looked down at the tiny orange man then down at his own big bulgin bara tiddes “i cold crush u 2 deth with my tiddys, maybe u shuld stay out of my way dude’

dany deveto gasped angrely. “how DARE!!1!” he screamed, punching the once-for-allers big toe. “BUDDY I WILL PERSONALLY FUCK YOUR GRAVE WITH MY OWN TWO ASSCHEEKS IF YOU SAY ONE MORE FUCKING WORD, I DEFY U TO TALK SHIT, COME AT ME SCRUBLORD IM RIPT”

“try me gardfielf” the once for aller laffed “iv ben drinkign plenty of nut milk so my boneses are helthy and Stronk”

daney devito pulled out his 20 inch thunderdong and beat the once for aller in the head with it until he was past oout on the ground. the woodland crreatures danced hapily around the bodey but then he woke up

“u kno wat” he moaned “mabye capitalism isnt so good, lets al liv together in communism and friendship, and i wont cut and/or fucc any of the trees”

danny deveto was mostly appeased. “ya ok, but if u try anymore fuckin shit ill go back in time and cuck ur grandparents.”

dannneie dievoto tried to hav the once-for aller killed on at least 10 separate occasions and the once for aller did slip in some clandestine tree fuckage now and agein, but other than that the communism and friendship was good. but everything changed went he fire nation atteacked, they defeeted endevor esily but then the once for allers slutty, sluty family showed up to REEK HAVICK :0 !!!1!

the once for allers ugley mom, sir nighteye, stepped out of their cheap car and did the anime glasses thing “toshi u commie thot” he said with distaste “stop being poor”

“but MOM” the once for aller wined “i HAV to be por! its good for the envorionemnt and my new animal frends and if i dont dany devito will beat me over the head with his massive meaty man-canoe!”

“dont b lil bitch, do a capitalism.”

the once for allers loud cosin hizashy jumped out of the wagon. “YAINT” he shrieked at 1000000 decibels, killing 90% of life on erth. “ARE WE GON FUCK SOME TREES OR WHAT”

the once for aller looked at his disproving mom, then at his loud cosin, then at the very fuckable trees. his eyes lingered on a sexy sap hole. “yea we are” he said, pulling out his gitar sexily. “how bad could it posbiley be??”

the answer was prety fucken bad as it turned out. a metric fuckton of people paid to watch the once for aller and his family fuck trees to deth by throwing moneey at them like they were stripers, but then al the tres were fucked ded!!11! the bears starved into ity bity twinks, unable to maintain the THicc, tsuyu and the frogs choked and coffed up water ful of human piss as they peed in the water while laughing in delite at the once for allers antics, and tokoyami and the birbs coffed out their organs from the clouds of vape smoke filing the sky.

soon ther was no one left. the once for allers familey left with al the money, aizawa the fuckable mule was ded, and it was just the once for aller allone in the rouns of his former capitalistc glory with only the bright yellow banana suit on his back to remind him of those days.

dani devioto looked at the once for aller with sad eyes before kciking his own ass so hard he got sent rocketing thru the stratusphere, leaving behind an imapct crater with a single word

“cunt” deku whispered softly in the present as he gazed into the crator.

the once for aller sighed sadley. “iv wondered for years and yeers wat he ment by that, but i think i understand now. unless some1 like u stops being a cunt, then nothign is gona get better, u nut”

“shit fam thats deeep” sed deku

the once for aller looked at dekus pissbaby child face. “i lost evrything to capitalism, my friends, nature, my family” teers rolled down his cheks “i even sold my organs to buy cocane and strippers so now i hav a total of 2 orgens in my hole bodey.”

“kinky”

“but we can change that!” cried the once for aller passionetely. “i am going 2 giv u a tree to plant in thneedvil so communism can return and bring back the life stole from this world with my big stick diplomacy. go now, young midorieya-shonen my boy, GO FORTH IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM AND UN-CUNT THIS MISEREBLE WORLD!!1!”

ther was an epic radicel chase seen wher deku had to fite the The All For One’HAre Corporation Copyright TM and his grandma recovery girl did sik triks on her moped and deku almost but not quite got to kis todorki senpai but they made it to the town square.

deku held todorokis hands and tenderly put the baby tre in it “here” he sed “take my seed”

todoroky noded solemly. “i hav never wanted anything more than to be given ur seed midoreya” he was about 2 plant the seed in the ground when all for one’hare appered! “NOT SO FAST FUCKHOLES” he yelled capitalistically. “this TRee is COMMuNISM!!1!” he cried to the townspeople. “do u RELLY want to be FILTHY COMMIES???”

“Commies hate micdonaleds!!1” screamed one impassoned townsperson.

“LETS BOIL THEM IN OIL” some one else agred.

“but guys wait!!!” deku cried “dont u want like, nature n shit?”

“CAPITALISTS WANT TO REPLACE EVERY REMOTELY FUCKABLE PERSON WITH A TREE” all for one’hare screamed

teh twonspoeple gasps, thens tarted chanting for deku todo and grandma to get boiled in oil

deku sweated nervosly “um but,, treees,, r good?”

“OIL OIL OIL”

“BACK IN MY DAY WE FUCKED TREES AND WE LIKED IT” recovery girl rored!

that was acomeplling argument. the boil in ooil chanting slowed

all for one turned to his henchperson stain “STAIN” he yelled “TEL THESE HIPPY DIPPY COMMIE TREE FUCKERS WHAT WE REALLY THINK OF THIS CAPTEN PLANET B-ROLL BULLSHIT”

stain cleered his throt and burst into magnificent song “let it gro let it gro, so we can have trees to bone” he sang. he was The Ultimate ChadTM so every1 agreed with him imediately. they throow all for one’hare into a pit of spiders where eh was eten and killed and planted the seed in the fertile butthole of the earth wher it could blosom and gro.

in the folowing yeers trees started groiwng beyond the wals and the once for aller crawled out of his shame sahck to water them with his nut as an act of penanc.e

slowly, magesticsally, danny devito in a fursewt flew down from the sky. “ya done good cunt” he grunted, tenderly slapping the once for allers boney ass with his furry orange old man boner. “ya done good.”

they both floated up to gay heaven by their ass skins wher the once for allers big bara past self greeted them with open arms. “all of ur trubles are ogre” he whispered tenderly in their tidditlyated ears. 

the once for aller caressed his past self “oh oncey” he whispered sweetly “are u shure we should do this?? can u even,,, oh, how can u love me in this broken down form??” 

past once for aller smiled and did the kabedon thing with his future self who whimpered arousedly and blushed carnelian. “its not who we are on the outside” he shoved his entire arm up his entire ass“its who we are inside” 

danney devito cheered the once for allers on as they fucked together for all of eterneity and it was very communiest teh end 

[peakyxshelby]

Love you but I’m leaving

Part 1

Michael Gray x reader

Request: A micheal gray x reader where he absolutely adores her (his wife) but polly doesn't like her and tries to break them up until she realises how happy the reader makes michael?xx

Note: I got so carried away it will be in two parts now!! 

You are woken up by the sun burning through your window creating a frame of light over your fiance. His strong jaw line clenched and unclenched as he dreamed. You traced his chest with your fingers, his soft skin comforting to touch. You watched him as his eyes flickered open adjusting to his settings, smiling when he saw you staring at him.

“What are you looking at?” he smirked, pulling you closer and turning around to face you. You leaned forward pushing your lips against his as he ran his hands down your back and through your hair. You pulled away slightly as your face rested into a more serious expression.

“Don’t tease me,” he moaned, frustrated that you weren’t still kissing him.

“We have an hour until we have to be at lunch,” you start to say as you swing your legs over the side of the bed and pull yourself out.

“Can you please not worry about it, it will be fine.”

“Not really fine considering your mother actually hates me,” You scoff at him.

“OK well that is a small problem but everyone else loves you.”

“No body else matters.”

“I matter, and I love you,” he swooned as he pulled you back onto the bed placing kisses on your neck.

“I am not getting the blame for making her son late, hurry up and get dressed.” You swat him off you rushing into the bathroom.

You and Michael sat down at the large table beside each other, with John on the other side of you and Ada across from you, you felt slightly more comfortable. Polly was sat opposite michael however which making you tense. You were all gathered to celebrate some business victory as well as little Finn’s 18th birthday.

“How is your new house then, you liking it?” John asked you.

“Love it, more than I could ask for.” You and John continued speaking, catching up because you hadn’t seen her for a while when you overheard another conversation happening.

“Nice house isn’t it Michael?” Ada asked him.

“We love it,” he replied.

“Of course the grubby whore does Michael, she’s only with you for your money.” You stopped your conversation with John who you presumed also heard as his face dropped.

“Pol,” Ada said sternly. You turned around in your chair smiling sweetly at the table, putting your hand on Michaels.

“I think I’m going to head home. I don’t feel too great,” You say quietly to him excusing yourself from your table.

“Good,” Polly spat watching you get yourself together.

“(Y/N) wait…” Michael tried to stop you but by this point you had practically ran out the door and made your way home.

“Now what the fuck was all that about Pol?” Tommy asked harshly slamming his hand down on the table.

You were sat in the middle of your bed hugging the duvet and blankets around you as you rested your head on the headboard. It had been a couple hours and your crying had become less consistent like you had no tears left. You almost felt numb. You had tried and tried to make things work, for Polly to like you but nothing was changing her opinion. Polly and your mother used to be best friends many years ago until they had a big fight. No one really knows what happened and honestly I think it’s safer that way. Your mother pretty much disowned you when she found out you were set to marry Michael Gray but when she finally met him, she swooned over him for days. Telling your entire family how lovely he was and how you were marrying the kindest man in birmingham. You didn’t quite get that same reaction when you properly met Michael’s mother though.

“(Y/N)! You here?” Michael called up the stairs, snapping you out of your thoughts. He slowly opened the door of your room and sat down beside you, pulling your head into his chest to comfort you. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s OK,” you sniffle wiping away a couple tears that had accidentally let slip.

“It’s not, though,” he said back his voice cracking.

“Not your fault.”

“I love you, a lot. I don’t know how you’re putting up with all this but thank you,” His voice was softer now as he kissed you gently on the forehead.

Michael and his cousins had gone on a two-day trip down to London for business, which left you alone in the house. You didn’t like staying by yourself especially now you pretty much had a target on your back, that’s what you get for associating with a blinder. You were cleaning the kitchen the afternoon the boys had left when the door flew open and the beautifully harrowing figure walked in.

“Michael went away with the boys Pol, he’ll be back in two days.”

“You think don’t know where my own son is?” She barked at you. You stayed silent eyes locked to the floor. “I came to speak with you.”

“Oh, I see, Tea or Coffee?”

“No I don’t have time for that. Sit.” She ordered taking a seat herself at the table. You followed her direction and did the same. “I don’t like you and you aren’t the women for Michael. You know as well as I do that I don’t want you around him, you are poison. (Y/N), you and your mother are exactly the same, selfish bitches. You might be sitting here thinking that none of what I say matters but honey it does. Michael will always choose me first, over anyone. He chose me, the mother he didn’t know, over the family who raised him for near enough 15 years. He will put me first, and I am going to make him choose. He will have to choose you or this family. You can let him break your heart or you can run, but one or the other will be happening.”

“Pol..” You whispered, voice cracking as you tried to speak. You cleared your throat hard but it wasn’t helping. “Why… Why do you hate me so much?”

“You won’t steal him from me,” she spat. In a second she was up and out the door, letting it slam behind her. The ghost of her presence still lingered in the room her words stinging your skin. She was right though, he would always put his family first. You couldn’t have him now Polly had made up her mind. You let your head fall against the table, your body crumbling as you sobbed and cried into the table.

It took you a couple of hours to peel yourself off of the table and make your way to the bedroom. You pulled the big suitcase down from on top of your shared wardrobe throwing it on top of your bed. You start to empty your drawers into the case, then the content of your wardrobe. Your head was filled with emotion you slammed your fist against the wall hard, not even noticing the skin by your knuckles splitting and beads of blood roll down your fingers. You muffle your screams by holding your shirt to your mouth. You move to your bathroom collecting your toothbrush and towels. You went to throw the items into the case when you saw one of Michaels white shirts, the softer one that looked a bit scabby but was your favourite to wear, poking out among the pile of clothes you had dumped in the case. You collapsed on the bed pulling the shirt out and holding it to your face, taking in his warm musky smell once more. This broke you. You felt as if your world was crashing down around you. Taking a deep breath you zipped up the case grabbed your coat and headed to the door. You placed your key on the kitchen table taking a good look around once more at the life you almost had.

It had been three days since you packed up and moved back in with your mum. When you told her what had happened she almost marched around to Polly’s house to give her ‘a piece of her mind’. You swear they only fell out because they’re so bloody similar, both stubborn and put their family above all else. You begged her not to go and after a couple hours of pleading with her, she dropped the tough mum act. She sat down with you letting you cry, even shedding a few tears of her own. Not a second that went past your mind wasn’t thinking of Michael, you wondered why he hadn’t come and found you yet he had been home for a day. You don’t know if it was some weird sort of coincidence but as the thoughts were running through your head, a faint knock on the door came from down stairs.

“Where is she?” His voice was broken it sounded so strained.

“Michael…” you say running down the stairs, it took everything in you not to run and jump into his arms.

“I’ll give you two some space,” your mum said grabbing her jacket and heading out the door.

“(Y/N) what’s going on?” Michael looked as broken as he sounded, his hair a mess, bags under his eyes and he looked tired. Seeing his bloodshot eyes broke your heart all over again. You leant your head against his chest trying to stop the blubbering that was going to inevitably come. He rested his chin on top of your head as he wrapped his arms around you, sighing heavily. You could feel all the tension he had been holding up slipping away as he held you.

“I’m so sorry Michael,” your words barely audible.

“We’re getting married though? What about all our plans?” You pull away as tears start to running taking both his hands in yours.

“You are perfect, but I’m not perfect for you. You’ll find someone that fits in, into your life, your family and your heart,” You sobbed hard tripping over every word. “I love you more than I can describe in words, so much that I have to let you go. It’s best for you.”

“Why are you saying all this? What’s changed your mind for fuck sake please don’t do this.” He was crying as much as you know pleading with you as he gripped onto your hands. Gripping so tight that if he let go you would be pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.” You breathed heavily and he pulled his eyes away from yours.

“I don’t understand. I don’t fucking understand!” You let go of his arms opening the door for him. He stared at you not believing what he was seeing, it took him a minute before he walked out. Seeing him walk away from you was soul destroying.

“Goodbye Michael Gray,” You whispered just loud enough for him to hear. He stopped in his tracks as they ran began to pour, he didn’t have it in him to look back, so he didn’t.

[peakyxshelby]

Love you but I’m leaving

Part 1 (Here) Part 2

Note: So much fluff and soppiness I LOVE IT.

Polly hadn’t really seen her son in about a week, she knew why. John and Arthur had run into her while walking out of the garrison.

“Either of you seen Michael?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if he was lying in a ditch somewhere,” John laughed. This earned him a scowl from Polly that suggested he shouldn’t try to joke again.

“Pardon?”

“He’s not been in a good way Pol, drunk every time we’ve seen him whether it be 10 am or 10 pm. Causing a fight in the garrison for a boy looking at him the wrong way,” Arthur told Polly.

“Fuck,” She whispered under her breath.

“What did you say to the girl Pol?” John asked her being straight to the point. “They were in love, not a chance she just changed her mind without some force.”

“He’s better off without her.”

“No, he isn’t, he’s not gonna find another one like her. What was the problem any way you spoke to her like a piece of shit, worse than the way you talked to me when I broke your favorite vase or whatever when I was 17.” Polly stayed quiet not saying a word, a lump in her throat formed hearing how upset her son had been. She didn’t bother answering, she just spun around marching off.

“Michael you in?” She called as she entered his house. A smash came from the kitchen. She ran in to see a glass shattered across the floor and the shell of her son looking down at it. She gasped seeing his face, he looked awful a state she never thought she would see her son in. He collapsed to his knees and slumped his head down.

“She’s gone,” he slurred. “She’s all I ever wanted and she left me.” Polly saw the bruises on his knuckles, the countless empty whiskey bottles left beside the sink and his stained clothes she assumed he hadn’t changed in days.

“I’m so sorry love,” Polly said getting down beside Michael.

“I don’t know what I did, she just left me.”

“Listen, Michael, I need to tell you something.” She swallowed hard as Michaels sad eyes looked up at her.

“It’s my fault she left, I told her I'd make you choose.”

“What are you on about?”

“I said that I would make you chose between you and her, I scared her off and told her you’d always choose me.” Michael stood up quickly finding his balance. His fists were clenched and his body was tense like he was about to scream.

“You fucking bitch… You ruined this, I choose her.” He stormed out the door slamming it behind him. Leaving Polly in the mess she had created.

He slammed his fist hard against your mum's door. One. Two. Three.

“Michael? Are you alright?” Your mum asked a little surprised at him pretty much falling into your house.

“Where is she?”

“You’re drunk I don’t know if this…”

“Where is she?”

“Michael…” You say, surprised at the sight of him. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I choose you.”

“What?”

“I choose you. Over everyone, over Polly, over the boys it’s you.” He stumbled in towards you wrapping his arms around your waist as you snaked your arms around his neck planting a kiss on his lips. You couldn’t help but smile into it even though he tasted like whiskey and cigarettes.

“You stink,” you laugh pretty much holding you up.

“Alright, good to see you too would have been nice.”

“I love you,” You say kissing his cheek. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You drew him a bath and helped him strip off his dirty clothes. He lay back in it, resting his head against the wall as you washed his body and hair. When you were done cleaning him up you lay your head on the side of the bath as you traced over his torso with your hand.

“(Y/N)?” he asked snapping you out of your daydream.

“Mhm.”

“Please never leave me again. Just promise me that?”

“I promise.”

“Let’s get married.”

“We are getting married.”

“No like let’s do it, two weeks today we’ll get married.” he pulls himself up out of the bath wrapping a towel around his waist. Sitting down on the toilet and pulling you up onto his lap.

“But your mum,” you say quietly. He lifts your chin up to look at him.

“I love you, I don’t care about anyone else. Not right now anyway.”

Two weeks had come around in no time and as you walked down the aisle, there was hardly a dry eye in the house. Polly even had a tear in her eye as you and Michael said I do. The reception was a wild night too, drinks flowing and music playing loud. Your family and Michaels were gathered around a big table at the back of the room.

“To the bride and groom!” John toasted to the two of you, as everyone held up their drinks before downing them. Everyone except you. Arthur noticed you hadn’t been drinking all night so he decided to push you.

“(Y/N) have some of this fine wine, shipped in especially for the occasion.” You smiled sweetly as he filled up your glass. “Go on try it.” All eyes were on you know everyone wondering why you weren’t throwing it back like you normally would.

“I.. I can’t,” You say as your voice shakes slightly.

“Why not?” Michael asked clearly concerned.

“Well… I mean I planned a different way of telling you, but, Michael I’m pregnant.” The whole table erupted with cheers and whoops at the news. Everyone hugging each other and celebrating the anticipation for baby Gray.

“I’m going to be a dad?” Michael asked ecstatically standing up and pulling you with him. You nodded at him as you mimicked his smile. He lifted you up and spun you around in absolute joy. “I love you (Y/N) Gray and you little Gray.”